Citation
Imaginotions

Material Information

Title:
Imaginotions truthless tales
Creator:
Jenks, Tudor, 1857-1922
Century Company ( Publisher )
De Vinne Press ( Printer )
Place of Publication:
New York
Publisher:
Century Co.
Manufacturer:
De Vinne Press
Publication Date:
Language:
English
Physical Description:
xiii, [1], 230 p. : ill. ; 22 cm.

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
Photography -- Juvenile fiction ( lcsh )
Magic -- Juvenile fiction ( lcsh )
Wizards -- Juvenile fiction ( lcsh )
Dragons -- Juvenile fiction ( lcsh )
Wit and humor, Juvenile -- Juvenile fiction ( lcsh )
Children's stories ( lcsh )
Children's stories -- 1894 ( lcsh )
Fantasy literature -- 1894 ( rbgenr )
Bldn -- 1894
Genre:
Children's stories
Fantasy literature ( rbgenr )
novel ( marcgt )
Spatial Coverage:
United States -- New York -- New York
Target Audience:
juvenile ( marctarget )

Notes

Statement of Responsibility:
by Tudor Jenks.

Record Information

Source Institution:
University of Florida
Holding Location:
University of Florida
Rights Management:
This item is presumed to be in the public domain. The University of Florida George A. Smathers Libraries respect the intellectual property rights of others and do not claim any copyright interest in this item. Users of this work have responsibility for determining copyright status prior to reusing, publishing or reproducing this item for purposes other than what is allowed by fair use or other copyright exemptions. Any reuse of this item in excess of fair use or other copyright exemptions may require permission of the copyright holder. The Smathers Libraries would like to learn more about this item and invite individuals or organizations to contact The Department of Special and Area Studies Collections (special@uflib.ufl.edu) with any additional information they can provide.
Resource Identifier:
026635205 ( ALEPH )
ALG4232 ( NOTIS )
00832914 ( OCLC )
44030303 ( LCCN )

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IMAGINOTIONS

















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We



Th ee ay

Hutt ‘A tte Uy : SW as
TT Se is oR TTA





“Ui coe Me a LE
AMUSO
Pe





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ied Bs SE
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SSCL YE nee

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LET Lo Mh 5 viva a Fae eee
Zs a,
af ;

THE COUNCILORS RETURN TO THE PALACE WITH THEIR REPORTS. (SEE PAGE 148.)



IMAGINOTIONS

TRUTHLESS TALES

BY

TUDOR JENKS



NEW YORK
THE CENTURY CO.
1894



Copyright, 1883, 1886, 1888, 1889, 1890,
1891, 1892, 1893, 1894, by TuE CENTURY Co.

THE De VINNE PRESS



CHAP.

II.
III.
IV.

VI.
VII.
VIII.
xe
x
pal
px
Sxl
xa,
xe,
XVI.

Saya
OVI,
XODS,

CONTENTS

PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY .
THe ToncaLoo TOURNAMENT .
THE DRAGON’S STORY

A Due. IN a DESERT .



THE SEQUEL

A Lost OPpporTUNITY .

Tur ASTROLOGER’s NIECE

Tue ASTROLOGER’S NigecE MARRIES .

THE WINNING OF VANELLA .

THE PROFESSOR AND THE PATAGONIAN GIANT
THE PRINCE’S COUNCILLORS .

TEDDY AND THE WOLF. .

LitTtLe PLUNKETT’s CousIN



PROFESSOR CHIPMUNK’S SURPRISING ADVENTURE
THE SATCHEL .

Goop NEIGHBORS .

ANTHONY AND THE ANCIENTS... -..

A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S ....

GENE STVAURUE occas fs te

PAGE

III
125
134.
149







EIS Or MEGS Tie TIONS,

PAGE
The Councilors return to the Palace with their Reports . . . FRONTISPIECE

«The Wizard said: ‘I caught you well. I think it will come out good.’” 7
(Ulaalap aN TRAE EWG uk a on a
Ce DOMMOOn Mh eLbabemcricd pe lo te Witkard eo ee 12

“* Taking the shate very gingerly in his left hand, he spun the little wheels
OLD HISMIDODT ee re

‘A fish out of water was nothing to the antics of that unfortunate Savage” 23

“«I do not think the Chief was ever more amused in his life than when he
SU ROLLESUONNONMIVE TOUCTS i ee a iu UA

** As soon as the crowd had gained a good lead on us we cut off our skates

Gia) SUI OUP SO? We WAH) 5 BY

‘« There was no doubt of the result” . . . . . : Se aS
The Indolent Wizard on the magic camel meets the be Meee in the

desert ee ee ee

WRC GUn a EGeNatSCS: ARGU We

SO ROLUNGIANTNCLIAUCSE LOMCH ANSICC te yc ee 40

The Magician and the Wizard go home . . » » « « « «© « «© 50

06 [Baar G) SOs ISO We DUH WOR 5 5 5 OH

WibceS ha viice Of UA OVOyIe

‘© * What does the Celestial Orb require?’ said the Grand Vigir” . . . 59

xi



xil LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

PAGE
“<* And where are my adherents ?’ I shouted. ‘Here!’ said Dorema” . . 63
“« After an examination, he declared it was neither Animal, Vegétable, nor
Mancha ean tre ire Mee! GRE NR ae NOES Ua Manet unio rae Or)
sake pone (Dowou meni to cal tneeuge 2 Ape ee ee ee CO
SOT MGA LID: (HAI 0) HAG HOUR 5 8 3 hg gg oo 8 oS)
“« «1 admire the bindings,’ said the little fellow, as he paced to and fro along
the shelf” Pe Ree cs : ON te erate ARLE rave era Coen)
“* He was caught beneath the cover i DE DOO Tia eee ere alate aes eet
HOE BRAD HO) II OG ae eo Be eee os 6) 0, 6) OM
Oe YOUN CAI OO DAC WDEnCVOU CUIne {OM Ware) ae hae gre eee iO?
My Niece’s Experiment in Magic Cee en ese ee are eee UES O)
Aniioalop tbe commencial Magician i.) aig 7 cuit ee) et eS
The Magician began a powerful invocation . . . . . « « » + + 90
The Sluggard, considering ... .« . . . Sica Ee Ma re aie OIE
“We came to a gate guarded by two Ethiopians in ae GCS ee ee OS
«© * Does anybody know anything about anything in particular ?’ asked the
TENCE a een cd ee Se sae eee Gnibren ete faa OO)
The Royal Guards surround the Ve SWN GCC pen a er ae ee are OLS
“¢« This is preposterous!’ said the Duck, in a rage” HD ies oie ie oe a mehr)
“<« Fare thee well, gentle dame,’ I replied” Fe Sn iee seer es eoeue aml ins
‘“« He called me to bim, and presented me to the Princess” . . . . « «INT
‘“‘ Taking the goblet from the sideboard, he handedittome’” . . . . . 121
‘ see AND OIC LICH. OLE VON Gee eaten sie ten ep ite tee eee a gee TEC)
The Giant and the Professor settle it amicably .. . . 1. 1 ww ee 131

»

“« His Majesty courageously jumped overboard and waded ashore”. . . . 137



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS Xl

PAGE
Oeonibe Councilors ee 8
The Page and the Maid of Honor heep a Candy-store . . » + + + + IA]
Tipe 165
Prof. Chipmunk relating bis Adventure. . «6 + + + ee ee TU
The Professor on bis Travels in the ‘‘ Trap” =» « «© « + + + 5 6 I75

“« The little Man held bis lantern near my face and said: ‘I think I must
ieee ee ee NG ieee TiO)
‘«« Perhaps,’ said the little Man, ‘ having lived on centuries, I may be old

have made a mistake’

enough to advise a young man of twenty-thr Cee . 183
“« Before I could interfere they were fighting for their lives”’ Se Seo
«<< That must be the footprint of Mr. Megalopod,’ said the Agent” se OO
«| pulled his shoe-string, to attract his attention a a Sa lole
Visercauh wpormbe MCR GIOpOdS Aye a ee 198
MincaBuilchanccwonuberDaOy) we Oe
GrodeiyMOnnenVicna@lOPOGS a 0 203
“I turned, and saw a gigantic elk coming toward me LEU eas a eae al heen OO
VA IHONYNINGRESINE CANAIG Mee a ea 211
“© She’s the model image of the Speedy Susan,’ said Satlor Ben Ceo er ee)
“© They surrounded us, and we hauled down our flags without firin’ a gun
De TEM Oe Ad IAT ey
“<< Tt’sago!’ I says, takin’ him up right OA cas oem ie 2
‘« Round and round, round and round” =. 6 6 + 6 ee ees 224

SEO A LO OMCNICI Ma LESCTC SEOUL 2 tee eck eel a . 226



IMAGINOTIONS





PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY

N old manuscript recently discovered by a German professor
seems to indicate a very early origin for the photographic
camera.

The original text is in Sanskrit, and the translation is faithful in
all respects. The preamble, as usual, recites the titles of the poten-
tate who figures in the story, and I omit most of it. The first sen-
tence, however, helps us to fix the date.

It ran thus: ‘In the period of rulers from the land over the sea,
when the ice-bridge existed, in the times of the forefathers of the an-
cestors of the forerunners; in the reign of the great, wise, strongest-
in-battle and swiftest-in-retreat, the outrunner-of-the-chariots-of-the-
five-toed-horses, in the thirteenth period after the slaying of the
next-to-last toothed bird”— and so on.

The references to the glacial period, to the original form of the
present horse, and to the pterodactyl will convince any student of

I
I



2 IMAGINOTIONS

geology that this document is perhaps the oldest in existence. In-
deed, the university has conferred upon the professor a purple ribbon
to wear on Sundays in recognition of this remarkable discovery. I
will add only that the old papyrus which contained the story was
found with others in a stone chest upheaved during an earthquake in
Asia Minor.

Thus runs the story:

Came rumors and sayings tothe sharp ear of the ruler, who
gave orders to the swordbearer and bowmen to betake them to the
cave of the image-maker, and, having laid hands upon him, to walk
him quickly to the ruler’s house.

But he of the sword did shake in his sandal-straps, and his hair
did point skyward, while his teeth tapped together; for the image-
maker was known to be a wizard and talker with the winds. Before
then no one had dared so much as to throw a rock at the cave-
dweller.

The ruler turned his eye upon the swordbearer and saw his
fright. Yet the ruler said no word, for he loved his people, and
knew that the wizard must be taken. Rather would he have sent
his whole army one by one to come out no more from the dark-
ness of the dread cave than that harm should come to himself or to
his people, for he had the heart of a dinosaurus, one of the green
kind. .[Note: The professor insists this is right, but I think the ad-
jective plainly refers to the apteryx, which was of a dusky emerald
color when enraged. ]

The swordbearer, having taken a damp farewell, gathered the
bowmen and went toward the rising sun; but his heart was cold.
When the fourth pinkness of dawning dyed the sky, came black fig-
ures against the blue at the ending of the earth where rises the
world-lighter, and before the gong for the morning meal had thrice



PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 3

been rung to waken the sleep-loving-in-the-morning ruler, the sword-
pearer came bringing the wicked wizard.

The wizard carried a chest or coffer, black, and covered close
with hide, but having a dull eye at one end, and knobs and round
trimmings, wrought curiously and of strange magic and witchery.
[Nore: Evidently the primitive camera, with the usual buttons. |

When the day was strong, arose the ruler, and ate half a zebra
with trilobite sauce. ;

Then did I, his scribe, tell him humbly that the wizard awaited
him.

«Where is my spear and my sword?” quoth the ruler.

«“ Here,” said the scribe, my poor self.

“Put on my leather coat, bronze hat, and leggings of scarlet
leather, the finest in the kingdom,” quoth he, “that the wizard and
the warriors and the maidens may see me in all my beauty, the
strong war-ruler.”

It was done, and never finer appeared the man of muscle who
carries the heaviest club. ©

«Bring in the wizard,” said Batta,—‘ who is there that is
afraid?”

Then did my one knee exchange greetings with its fellow, as
I the scribe went forth. For I was sore in terror, but Batta was
not scared, though he was pale from his long sleep.

Forth went I to the swordbearer, gave greeting, and bade him
bring in him-who-makes-images. :

So the wizard was brought into the light of the presence of
Batta, our ruler, who spoke thus:

«Well done, Swordbearer. You have caught him, the bat who
flies in darkness. Did he scratch you?”

“Not at all,” answered he of the sword. “I bade him vow by
the sun that he would do me no injury. And he said he would



4 IMAGINOTIONS

vow me by the sun, the moon, the stars, or by whatsoever, ifonly again
I would not poke him with my sword. So came he most quietly.”

“Tt was well done,” quoth Batta. ‘There is yet some zebra.
Regale yourself. The sauce, too, is good.”

Then my ruler and I were left with the wizard. +

“Tt has come to my ear,” spake Batta, “that you live in a dark-
some cave beneath the hill that is before the sun, and work witch-
craft, catching away my people’s souls with thy black box. What say
you, O Wizard?”

The wizard smiled, but his lips were of the color of sand.

“© Batta,” thus spake he, “I am but a poor man. I gather
simples, herbs in the woods. I do cook them over the burning of
sticks and of the black-stone-which-burns-long. Thus do I extract
their strength, and therewith do that which to common men seems
strange.” .

“« But,” said Batta, “all this is naught. What of the box —the
soul-catcher?”

“Tt is but a picture-box,” said the wizard. “It is curiously
wrought, and will do in a winking of your royal eyelid more than a
cunning worker in paint can do from dawn to dark.”

« But,” again spoke Batta, “that is witchcraft.”

«Nay, great ruler,” replied the wizard, “ it is no witchcraft, and
it harms no one.”

“] fear me,” said the ruler, making as he spoke a sniffing with
his nose, “that there is the smell of enchantment about thee.”

«“ Pardon, wise ruler,” replied he of the box; “ that is but the
odor of herb-extracts I use in making images.”

« And the stains upon thy hands?” asked the keen-eyed, the
wise Batta.

“ The same extracts,” replied the wizard. “I can hardly remove
them, though I wash me until I am weary with washing.”



PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 5

«You have a glib tongue,” was the saying of the ruler, “but I
fear me it is of two ends.”

«Not so,” answered the wizard; “there is nothing of the black
Proinmmes it isa simple thing, Ido sce——* and he raised the box.

«Point it not at me!” spake Batta, rapidly. “Try it on yon
scribe, for if harm should befall him there are more among my
people.”

Then would I have fled, but my legs sank beneath me.

« Have no fear,” said the wizard; “I have but to touch this little
piece, and all is done, without harm to any.”

“T know nothing of your box,” said Batta, and did lay chin upon
his hand, like a counselor; “but mayhap | had better drop thee
and. thy box into the sea that rests not.”

Then the wizard set down the magic chest, and smote his
breast. At last he spoke:

“ Great ruler,” said he, ‘if you will give me a few more risings
and settings of the sun, and will send to my cave your scribe, |
will show to him all my art, so that he may make the picture-flats,
likewise. You know that he is no evil-worker, and he can tell you
all my art. If not, you will know that I am speaking with a false
tongue, and can throw me from the cliff down where the waves roll
white.”

“T js little risk,” replied my ruler; “a scribe more or a scribe
less does not count in the roll of the fighting-men. Take him, and
work thy wicked will upon him until the moon is a round shield.
Come then again, and thou shalt be released or thrown into the sea
which eats boats.”

Then went I on my knees to the great Batta, trying with my
tears to melt his heart. But as the drops from the wide-foot bird's
back, so rolled my tears from the heart of Batta, who cared only for
the good of his people.



6 IMAGINOTIONS

So went I with the wizard to the cave to learn of the picture-
flats.

Midnight moonless was bright day to the lightless gloom of that
cavern. But there was a fire in front which gleamed like the fire-
flashing fly of the swamps in the early of the year. And we ate of
divers strange things. There were two-shelled soft fish that he
did fry until they were toothsome. [Note: Perhaps a form of the
fried oyster.] And there were also the thin-shelled sea-pinchers
who go sidewise as doth a maiden seeing a gnawer of grain.

Wearied by the walk, I slept till the birds sang, and then rose
to the meal of dawn.

Soon after, the wizard brought out his box, and though I shrank
in terror from it, he did smile and encourage me till I put a finger
upon it. It bit me not, and I felt braver. But a scribe is not a war-
rior. His blood is but ink.

The wizard said:

“O Scribe, fear not. ’T is a box such as holds thy styluses and
reed-pens. But it has curious bits of bronze and of rock-you-can-
see-through, whereby it makes pictures. Come, and I will give you
the knowing of it.” ;

Then he did open it; and it was black inside as a burnt stick,
and had an eye in the fore part. He clicked at it with the fore-
finger, and did put in a flat piece like gray flint, and behold! a pic-
ture thereon, like unto the clear of view of midday, but smaller than
the face ina baby’s eye. It was most marvelous! He did also twist
a bit of bronze around and brought a fog upon the little picture,
which, however, presently cleared away as he did twist more.

[Note: Apparently the “wizard” was trying the focus upon
what answered for the ground glass. ]

Thus did he several times, and behold I grew ate ane did the

same under his direction!



ogee

Pabedizaed.

Gne-whe-~
Wakes — images.







“THE WIZARD SAID: ‘I CAUGHT YOU WELL. I THINK IT WILL COME OUT GooD.’”



8 IMAGINOTIONS

Then went we forth under the sky, and the wizard asked if I
would throw up my hood and catch it again. In wonder at his silli-
ness, I nevertheless did that folly. And just then I heard the click-
ing of the box, and the wizard said:

“JT caught you well. I think it will come out good.” Thereat
was I sore afraid lest my foolish play with my hood had wrought
witchery upon me. I waited to see what would “come
out.” But naught came forth, nor did I see that he had
me caught, for I had full freedom of limbs as before.
He went into the cave,
and I followed his
footsteps. It was
dark therein ; but
when he told
methatI must
come, I went,
though I
Ld shook yet a
“little. “‘ For,”
said I to my-
7 self, “even
if I escape the wizard by
running forth, he, the mighty
and swift-footed Batta, will
have me sure by the tunic.”

Solwent. There was a little light burning there, but the wizard
did forthwith blow it out with the breath of his mouth, and did with
a flint enkindle another light—a horrible light, the color of the crim-
son at sunset. Even yet with eyes shut I can see that witch-glow.

There in the redness did he open his box, draw forth a strange
contrivance from which came a flat, light-colored shell, four-cornered,










UNDER THE RED LIGHT.



PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 9

and thin like scraped horn. This was dropped into an earthen dish
which held some most ill-smelling compound. And he rocked the
dish, to and fro, smiling a ghastly smile,—such as is the grin of the
long shark in the water of the deep. But behold, the dark and the
light took shape and became an image! And if all the prophets and -
if all the counselors of the tribe were to prophesy till the hair of all
was gray upon their shoulders, they could not have divined what was
the image which came forth to mock me!

It was my soul. For as I leaped in the air to catch my. hood,
the wizard had caught my soul from me and fixed it there within
the awful black-box-which-has-an-eye! But I was changed so that
my own dear mother would not have known me. My face, paler
than that of the sunburned warriors, was black like those of the
men of the far south whose hair twists. My dark tunic was like
the snow that flies in the sky when men walk upon rivers and the
flowers die. All was like nothing I ever saw.

Then did the wizard wash the flat piece in a spring that came
from the rock near at hand, and he did wash and wash again, until
even the weariness of the rocking was not so long. Then did he
soak the piece in another liquor in yet another dish, while I was
faint with the long darkness.

Gladly I saw the sunlight again, and heard the birds chirp as
if black caves were not.

“ More washing?” I asked; for it seemed that there would never
be an end of the plashing of water.

“ Only a little,” said the wizard. He did fix the flat piece next in
a four-sided frame, and cooked it in the sunshine, while I wondered
if he would desire me to eat my soul, baked in the sun, for dinner!

But after he had baked the frame, he did break it open, and
then came more washing. I thought that the wizard would wear
out his fingers with much plashing in the water.



IO IMAGINOTIONS

| think that my eyelids must have shut me to sleep for a while,
but when I opened them there stood the wizard, and in his hand
he did hold a picture wherein I was shown to leap like a horse in
fresh pasture, bounding after my hood in the air with the fool-play
I have told.

Thus saw I first the making of pictures, and that day was like
many that followed. Nay, I did even make pictures myself with the
wizard to stand by and say, “Do thou this,” ““Do thou so”; but of
the witchcraft of it little did I know. I was but as his hand or foot
in doing his bidding. ;

In all that we did the wizard feared the light. For he said that
the sun would steal away the pictures—which seemed strange enough
to me.

Meanwhile grew the moon, till it came round like a shield, and
we were to go to the ruler. The last day I was with the wizard, |
did make two pictures by myself, and he did praise me and gave me
one wherein I did look too sweet, like unto the coo-bird, and brave
as the roarer is brave before the bleater. This received I gladly, for
I knew not before how comely I was.

At sunrise did we set forth for the dwelling of Batta, the saga-_
cious-in-combat. The wizard carried the wonder-box. I did carry
earthenware jars filled with liquids and compounds, very heavy, and I
did also carry many of the flat pieces, each closed cunningly in a case
like a quiver.

When we came unto the town, Batta sat upon his throne be-
neath a sun-shield.

«Aha! Wizard,” he cried, “then you have not eaten our scribe ?
’T is as well, mayhap. Now, has he learned your art?”

“In sooth, that has he,” said the wizard, cheerfully. «Will not
you try him?”

“That I will,” spake Batta. ‘Go thou to work, Scribe, and take



PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY Il

three trials. Paint me the picture of Batta— Batta who puts foes
to flight! Three trials shall be thine, and then —”

So ceased Batta. But when the wizard tried to go with me
to the hut, Batta forbade him.

Then did I as I saw the wizard do ere he took the box for
making a picture, and forth I sallied to do my best.

As I came forth, I pointed the box at the great Batta, and I
pushed upon the magic piece, and hurried back to the hut, which had
been made dark save for the crimson light which we brought from
the cave. Here went I through the washing. But no picture came!

Then strode I forth in sadness.

The wizard pointed an accusing finger at the box, as I came
out from the darkness of the hut, and then knew I what I had done!
I had not uncovered the eye of the box!

Again I essayed, and fled into the hut, but with careless hand
did put the flat into the wrong dish. And behold again no pic-
ture came!

Then came I forth in sadness.

The wizard’s face was like a dull day when the leaves are fall-
ing. But when I again pointed the magic-box, and opened its eye,
and set in the proper pieces with all due caution, he smiled again.

With backward step, I betook myself for the last time to the
dark hut, and rocked and washed and soaked and washed till I
was weary like unto the slaves that row the galley of Batta.

And this time the picture came forth like sunshine after a rain;
and it was Batta— Batta upon his throne, and dressed as for war.
Then rushed I forth rejoicing with my prize, and the wizard made
merry.

Into the warm sun did I set the picture to cook, and when I
took it forth it was so like to Batta that I renee it would speak ;
and I showed it to him proudly.














Wie

5

lh, yy
i Wa
MT



Yi

cae
fi













““po I LOOK LIKE THAT?’



CRIED HE TO THE WIZARD.”



PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 13

But, as the cloud comes over the face of the sun, so descended
wrath upon the black brows of the great ruler as he gazed.

‘Do I look like ¢hat?” cried he to the wizard.

“Tt is your very image!” spoke up one of the younger warriors.

“ You are banished for life!” roared the just and great ruler of
his people. And it was so from that day forth. ‘Do I look like
that?” he asked again, with the voice of a thunder-peal, this time
turning to the white-haired counselor, he-who-speaks-little-but-
wisely.

“‘T would not be so foolish as to say it was like you, great Batta!”
answered the counselor; and the rest who stood about said that his
words were wise. .

“ Your art is no art!” then said the great Batta; and, calling the
swordbearer, he ordered that the wizard’s box should be thrown into
the sea, together with his vile compounds, his dishes, the liquids, and
his flat pieces and the baleful red-fire maker.

And it was done upon that instant.

“Tt were best to send thee with thy tools!” said Batta; and in a
moment the wizard was hurried to the brink of the cliff which hangs
over the playground of the waves —

‘Here the manuscript is torn, and it is impossible to decipher it
further. But I am sure that the reader will agree with me in decid-
ing that it contains an early account of photography, and also that
the conclusion, imperfect as it is, would lead one to suppose that the
art was somewhat discouraged.

Those who desire to verify the translation will find the original
document among the archives of the Grand Lama’s Museum in
Tibet. You will find it at the back of the top shelf on the left-hand
side.



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT

HEN I was a young man, about thirty years of age, I came

\ | \ to the city to make my fortune. I had no profession and

was ready to do anything honorable that promised me

fair wages. To save my thoney, I boarded with another young

fellow who was also looking for work. He was hardly more than a
boy, about fifteen, I think, but he may have been younger.

His name was Marmaduke Ferron, and I think he must have
been French, he was always so gay and confident. Nothing made
him blue. Even when we had spent all but enough to pay one
week’s board he would not be discouraged. He went every day to
answer advertisements or to ask for work.

I was older, came of Scotch stock, and was more easily dis-
heartened.

One day, after a long tramp about the city without finding any-
thing except an agency to sell very poor chromos, | came in, and
settled down by our little cylinder stove, entirely hopeless. I had
about made up my mind to go back to my country home, when
Marmaduke came in. He seemed very jolly, and for the first mo-
ment I thought he must have found work. Then I remembered
that he always did come back in a happy frame of mind, and I
became gloomy again.

This time, however, Marmaduke had found something — though
I was inclined to sneer when he told me what it was.

14



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 15

“Well, our luck has turned at last!” said he, brightly. “I knew
it would.”

“Have you found a place?” I inquired, with but little interest.

“Yes,” he answered. ‘And what is better, I have found a place
for you, too.”

«What is it?” I asked, with some little hope.

“I went to answer an advertisement calling for agents willing to
travel abroad,” said Marmaduke, “and I found a firm of dealers in
notions who wanted two young men to go to Corea and sell a mis-
cellaneous cargo.”

“Corea? Where ’s Corea?” I asked, for I had only a vague
notion of the country.

‘Don’t know, I’m sure,” said Marmaduke, as if impatient of the
interruption ; “but the old man I saw was quite confidential with me.
He told me that his firm had bought a large number of roller-skates
and did n’t quite know what to do with them.”

“Why don’t they sell them?”

“They can’t. These are the old-fashioned kind. They fasten
with straps,” Marmaduke explained, “and all the new roller-skates
fasten with clamps. So there is no market for them in this country.”

“And why do they think they will sell in Corea?” I asked, but
with little interest, for the whole scheme seemed to me very absurd.
‘“ How did the firm come to buy them?”

“There ’s a queer story about that,” said Marmaduke earnestly.
“They told me about it in confidence; but I can tell you, because
we are going into this enterprise together.”

“ You ’re sure of that?” I asked, smiling in spite of myself.

“It ’s a splendid chance!” said Marmaduke. “The way they
came to buy them was this: the senior partner of the firm is getting
old and is a little shaky in his intellect, but he loves to buy things;
and as his partners are his sons, they don’t like to interfere with his



16 IMAGINOTIONS

pleasure. Usually he buys only trifles, but somehow he had an idea
that these skates were a great investment and he has bought hun-
dreds of them. He expects to ‘realize,’ as they say, a large profit.”

« How ridiculous!” I broke in.

“T don’t think so,” said Marmaduke. ‘I think the old man has
a very level head. Do you remember Lord Timothy Dexter and
the warming-pans?”

“No, I don’t,” I answered, and he was too impatient to tell me
about it. He was full of the Corean enterprise.

“ Corea,” he said, ‘‘is, they tell me, a new country. That is, it
has n't long been open to commerce. I believe the natives will jump
at the skates!”

As I was tired and sleepy I refused to hear anything more about
so foolish a venture, and went to bed. Marmaduke tried in vain to
talk to me as I was undressing. I shut my bedroom door and put
out the light.

Next morning, however, there was a very strong argument in
favor of the plan. That was my lack of cash. I must do something,
and as this firm offered to pay all our expenses and give us a com-
mission besides, both on the present lot of skates and*on all for which
we might make a market, I could n't see that we risked anything.
Then, too, I was fond of the boy, was glad to be with him, and
had n’t the heart to disappoint him by refusing. In short, I con-
sented, though I was sure we were going on a fool's errand.

So we set sail. Marmaduke was full of hope, and J, though
expecting nothing, was glad of the sea-voyage and of the rest. The
_ first part of our journey was by steamer, and the latter part was by
a sailing-vessel. The voyage was without anything to compare in
interest with our adventures on land, so I will pass on to the time
when we were put ashore near a native village which looked about as
dreary and melancholy as any place could look. There was nt a



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 17

thing in sight except the low mud houses thatched with a sort of
rushes.

We found out afterward that we had made a serious mistake.
The place to which our cargo was consigned was something like
a city —as nearly as such things exist in Corea. But, by a mistake
in the name, we were landed upon an island where no white man
had preceded us.

Consequently, the natives had fled in terror when the ship
landed us and unloaded our boxes of skates and then sailed away as
rapidly as possible. The captain, to judge by his hasty departure,
knew the character of the natives and was glad to put a few leagues
between his ship and these savages. For savages they were, as we
soon found out. No sooner was the ship out of sight than the bushes
round about the beach began to blossom-with heads. Then the na-
tives came out one by one, and before we fairly understood our posi-
tion we were seized, bound hand and foot, hoisted upon the shoulders
of some outlandish warriors, and borne away in triumph, followed by
a long file of natives, carrying each a box of roller-skates. -

We were entirely unarmed, and could have made no resistance
even if there had been time.

“This is a pleasant beginning!” I said, with some bitterness.

“There ’s nothing very unpleasant so far,” said Marmaduke
cheerfully. “You know I was afraid we might have trouble with the
custom-house, or that the freight charges might eat up our profits.”

“There does n't seem to be any trouble about getting into the
country, I must admit,” I answered frankly. ‘But I am afraid there
may be some question about who owns the goods when we get
plenenss

“I don’t believe in going to seek trouble,” said Marmaduke.
“They evidently want our company, and seem to have no objection
to carrying our baggage.”

2



18 IMAGINOTIONS

Meanwhile, the Coreans made no remarks, but kept up a steady
jog-trot which soon brought them to the center of the village, where
they halted before a hut larger than any we had seen.

Here they untied us, and made signs that we should enter the hut.

“ Probably the custom-house!” I said dryly.

« The principal hotel, I think,” said Marmaduke, stretching his legs
and arms.

The building contained only one room, and at the further end of
this sat the chief — at least we judged so because he was the crossest-
looking man in the room; and we subsequently discovered that we
were right.

Then began our trial. Though, of course, we could not under-
stand a word that was said, it was very easy to follow the general
line of the talk.

First, the man who commanded the procession which brought us
in told his story. He described the ship, our landing, the ship’s hasty
departure, the capture of ourselves, and, concluding, pointed to the
boxes.

Then the chief commanded one of the boxes to be opened. It
was forced open with a small hatchet-like weapon, and one of the
skates was handed to the chief. He was completely puzzled. He
blew on it, rubbed it over his head, weighed it, tried to spin it, and
then turned to us, saying something like:

« Walla ella ing-kang-cho?”

Thereupon Marmaduke replied sweetly:

“Yes, most noble panjandrum. You have hit it exactly. It’sa
simple roller-skate. I see you don’t understand it at all, and I’m not
surprised. You don’t seem over-intelligent.” :

The chief shook his head impatiently and growled. Winer Ine
picked up an ivory baton lying by his side, and struck a sweet-toned

gong.



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT I9

“TI hope that ’s dinner,” said Marmaduke, and I agreed with him,
providing we were to be guests only, and not the choicest dainties on
the bill of fare.

But we were wrong. As the gong tones were dying away a
curious figure entered the hut and made its way toward the dais
where the chief was sitting. It was that of an old man with a scanty



“TAKING THE SKATE VERY GINGERLY IN HIS LEFT HAND, HE SPUN THE LITTLE WHEELS
WITH HIS RIGHT.”

snow-white beard. He carried a carved rattle in his hand and shook
it as he walked.
“Well, Old Rattle-box,” said Marmaduke, “I hope you will help
us out of this fix. Maybe he’s an interpreter.”
“More likely to be the head cook,” was my suggestion.
The new-comer conferred for a few moments with the chief, and
then bent all his energies to the mystery of the roller-skate. Need-



20 IMAGINOTIONS

less to say, it was too mpch for him, But he seemed clever enough
to pretend he knew all about it. So, taking the skate very gingerly
in his left hand, he spun the little wheels with his right. Then
he dropped it as if it was a very hot potato, and turning to the chief
began to chatter away in a tone which showed he was bringing some
frightful accusation against our innocent merchandise.

The chief, as the old man spoke, drew himself away from the
skate, which had fallen near his foot, and regarded the harmless
wheels and straps with an expression of dread and distrust.

“T see the old fellow’s game,” sdid Marmaduke. “He does n't ©
know at all what it is, any more than his superb highness the igno-
ramus on the bench. And so he has told them it’s witchcraft, or
bugaboo, or taboo, or something of the kind. They ‘Il be for slaying
us outright in a moment, you 'Il see.”

And indeed in a minute the chief gave a hasty order, and
the soldiers advanced upon us.

“« Good-by, Marmaduke, my lad,” said I, in a sorrowful tone.
“Life is short at best, dear friend, and —”

« Don’t be a whiner yet,” said Marmaduke. ‘You have n't heard
the counsel for the defense yet. I “ll move the whole court-room to
tears in a moment.”

« You are a brave boy,” said I, smiling sadly at him. “ Good-by !
I should not have led you into this trouble.”

“You just keep quiet, and you I] see me lead you out of it,” said
Marmaduke. Then, while the chief was giving some too plain direc-
tions to the guards, ending up by drawing his hand eloquently across
his throat, Marmaduke arose to his feet.

“ Fellow-citizens!” he said. All the natives turned toward him,
for his voice was as ‘commanding as that of a foot-ball captain. “You
are making idiots of yourselves. As for Old Rattle-box there, he
does n’t know beans. If there were any sense in his noddle, he



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 21

would have guessed what the roller-skate was for in a jiffy. Just
see here.” Then Marmaduke took a pencil from his pocket, and
seizing a piece of the pine box, began to draw a picture.

‘Now Marmaduke was a natural artist, and consequently spoke
a universal language. The natives bent over to see what he was
doing, and even the chief elbowed his way to the front, after push-
ing over several of the other selfish spectators.

Marmaduke made a picture of himself on roller-skates, gliding
gracefully over the ground, and drew a native running at full speed
beside him. In vain did “Old Rattle-box” stand outside shaking
his head and muttering his disapproval. Marmaduke’s picture had
excited the natives’ curiosity, and when he leaned over and took a
pair of skates from the box, seated himself, and proceeded to put
them on, only one hand was raised to prevent him. Rattle-box tried
to take the skates from his hand, and was soundly cuffed by the
deeply interested chief. Then we knew that the tide had turned.

In a moment Marmaduke strapped on the skates and arose
to his feet. Luckily, the floor was of hard beaten earth and made
an excellent rink. As he glided gently along the floor the chief
caught him by the arm, pointed to the door, smiled very signifi-
cantly, and shook his head.

“That ’s all right, old man,” said Marmaduke cordially. “I ’m
not going away. At least, not till I ve sold out my skates. Put
a guard at the door!” and he pointed to a soldier and then at the
doorway. The chief was a quick-witted old warrior, and he saw
the point at once. The guard was posted. Then Marmaduke, who
was an excellent skater, motioned the crowd back, and cut pigeon-
wings to the admiration of his spectators.

They laughed and shouted and clapped their hands with de-
light. At last Marmaduke said to me, “Don’t you think that ’s
enough for the present?”

2*



22 IMAGINOTIONS

“Yes,” I replied, smiling in spite of myself. ‘But I don’t see
what good it is going to do.”

“Well, you shall see,” said Marmaduke. So then he glided
gracefully on the ‘outside edge ” over to the chief, and made signs
that he was hungry.

The chief, now in the best of humor, nodded, laughed, and gave
sotne orders to an attendant. In a few minutes some hot rice and
other food (chickens, I think) was brought, and we sat down to our
frst meal in Corea. But previously Marmaduke made signs to the
chief to send the crowd away, by pointing to the door and push-
ing at the crowd. :

The chief smiled again, cleared the room, and contented himself
with posting two strong spearmen at the door.

As we ate our meal Marmaduke conversed with the chief, and by
patient endeavors at last made him understand that he, the chief,
could also learn this wonderful art. Then the joy of the old bar-
barian was unbounded, and he wished.to begin at once. But Mar-
maduke pointed to the dinner, looked imploringly at the chief, and
thus obtained a postponement until the meal was done.

But no sooner was the table — or mat — cleared, than the chief
held out his feet for the skates.

« He will break his royal neck, sure !” T said nervously, thinking
what our fate would be in case of such a happening.

«Oh, I think not,” said Marmaduke cheerfully; “but we have
to take some risks in every business. This is a sort of speculation.”

«But his feet will go out from under him at the first step,” I
insisted.

« We must support him,” said Marmaduke. ‘“ Put on your skates,
and remember that if ‘ Jack falls down and breaks his crown, — we ’re
ruined !”



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 23

We put on our skates; we strapped the royal feet firmly to the
treacherous rollers, and helped him up.

A fish out of water was nothing to the antics of that unfortunate
savage. One guard at the door tried in vain to restrain his mirth.
When the king went scooting over the floor, as we supported his
limp frame with its two awkward legs projecting aimlessly forward,
the guard burst into a loud guffaw. The chief, or king, heard that



“A FISH OUT OF WATER WAS NOTHING TO THE ANTICS OF THAT UNFORTUNATE SAVAGE.”

unhappy man’s laugh, and, struggling wildly to his feet, roared an
order to the other guards. The unfortunate soldier was at once
hurried away to prison, or something worse. Thereafter there was
no outward levity.

We toiled with His Royal Highness for several hours. He was
plucky, and gave up only when completely tired out. Then we took
a recess until the following morning.



24 IMAGINOTIONS

For the next day or two we were in high favor at court and
fared sumptuously ; and when the king found that he could really skate
alone he was perfectly happy. Of course he had a fall or two, but
the craze for roller-skating was upon him, and Marmaduke’s first ex-
hibition had shown him that there was still much to learn. Con-
sequently he was anxious to keep our favor, at least until he acquired
the art, and did not mind a bump or two.



“I DO NOT THINK THE CHIEF WAS EVER MORE AMUSED IN HIS LIFE THAN WHEN HE
SAW RATTLE-BOX ON THE ROLLERS.”

At first the chief was unwilling to allow any one else to learn;
but Marmaduke, who had even learned a few words of the language,
persuaded the old man that it would be great fun to see Rattle-
box learn to skate; and at last the chief consented.

When the old medicine-man came in he was horrified to see
the ruler of his nation gliding about the floor with considerable
ease, and listened with terror to the chief's command that he, too,



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 25

must acquire this art. But he did not dare refuse; and, besides,
the clever old man foresaw that skating would be the fashion as
soon as the knowledge that the chief had patronized it should be-
come general.

1 do not think the chief was ever more amused in his life than
when he watched Rattle-box take his first instruction on the rollers.
He laughed till he cried, and even permitted the guards to laugh
too. But the medicine-man was an apt pupil, and before long there
was a quartet of fairly skilful performers on the floor.

_ Then we threw open the doors to the public, and gave a grand
exhibition. It would no doubt have run (or skated) a hundred nights
or more. ‘The success of the art was assured, and the next month
was one long term of skating-school. We had plenty of skates,
and the chief caused a large floor to be laid and roofed over for
the sport. Soon the craze was so general that the chief had to make
penalties for those who skated except at certain legal hours.

Marmaduke could by this time readily make himself understood
in simple sentences, though he was not far enough advanced to
comprehend much that was said; and one day he announced that
he was ready to return to New York.

“But they ‘ll never let us go in the world,” I said, somewhat
out of temper. For, to tell the truth, I was not at all pleased
with Marmaduke’s apparent interest in this barbarous people.

«Oh, yes, they will,” said he. ‘“ You will see. We ’ll just get
into a boat and row away.”

“And be a target for all the bowmen in the island!” I said.
“Vou ’ve had wonderful luck so far, I admit; but I don’t care to
run a skating-rink for Corean savages all my life.”

“Nor do I,” said Marmaduke. “I’m going to give a grand
tournament with prizes, and then give up the business and leave
Tongaloo forever.”



26 IMAGINOTIONS

«And be eaten at the conclusion of the tournament!”

“T think not,” he said, and turned again to his work. He was
painting a large poster, with native dyes, representing a grand
skating-race. Over the top he had printed in large letters:

Tur ToncaLtoo TourNAMENT !

“There!” said he, as he finished. ‘Now you must do all you
can to make the thing a success!”

So I did. I went about all day among the skaters, saying:
“Bonga Tongaloo tournament! Vanga goo Tongaloo tourna-
ment!” and other such phrases as Marmaduke taught me. ‘These
words meant, he said, that it was all the rage, and ¢he correct
thing.

At last the great day arrived. The chief had furnished the
minor prizes; but the great event of all was to be the final, straight-
away race open to all comers, and for this the first prize was to
be Marmaduke’s gold watch, and the second my stylographic pen.

The course was laid out along the best native road, which
Marmaduke had taught them to macadamize for the occasion. ple
distance was to be a mile out and then back again to the starting-
point.

Every able-bodied islander was entered, and Marmaduke and
I put on our skates with the rest.

Amid tremendous excitement the signal was given, and away
they went— clatter, clatter, clatter, clatter !— down the road.

Gradually, Marmaduke and I, though apparently making un-
usual exertions, fell behind, and as soon as the crowd had gained
a good lead on us, we sat down, cut off our skates, and struck
out across country for the beach.

One or two of the nearest skaters stared after us, and then



THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 27

tried to pursue; but as they forgot to remove their skates, so soon
as they reached rough ground they went over upon their noses, like
ninepins, and in a few minutes we were far ahead.







——

“AS SOON AS THE CROWD HAD GAINED A GOOD LEAD ON US WE CUT OFF OUR SKATES
AND STRUCK OUT FOR THE BEACH.”

We gained the beach just as the foremost pursuers began to
push their way through the bushes, and, climbing into a boat, away
we shot toward a neighboring island which was occupied by a more
civilized race.

Well, we escaped without being hit by a single arrow, and sailed
for New York shortly afterward.













Dreger Na 5
: @) (ory. . Bs

Guaranteed strictly untrue)

“Children, do be less noisy!” said their father, the

Honorable Samuel P. Dragon. He had slain a knight

that very evening and was perhaps a little irritable. Young drag-

ons should be thoughtful, and should never disturb their parents
after the night’s fighting is over.

‘Hush, children!” said Mrs. Dragon. ‘Your father has to
fight hard all night, and in the day he needs his rest. I will tell
you one nice story, if you will promise to go quietly to bed after-
ward.”

The youngsters coiled down into comfortable hollows in the
rock, and Mrs. Dragon prepared to begin her story.

“T suppose you would prefer a man-story?”

“Please, Mama. We are so tired of ‘When I was a little

28

Ms please tell us a story!” cried all the young dragons.



THE DRAGON’S STORY 29

dragon.’ Tell us a real man-story; but be sure not to have the
dragon hurt. We like it to end happily, Mama.”

“Very well. Listen quietly, now. Don’t rustle your wings nor
flop your tails. Sammy! stop blowing flames into your sister's face,
this moment !—or not a word shall you hear.

«There was once a most delightful land, full of bogs and moist-
smelling marshes, of dark rocky caves, all damp and cold. The lakes
were covered with
beautiful green
mold, no flowers
grew in the fields
—nothing butcool
rushes, ferns, and
mosses. In short,
it was a land in
which any dragon
might be glad to
crawl: nosunshine
to shrink the scales
or dry the wings,
no bright glaring
meadows to dazzle

one’s poor eyes.
Why, even at mid-
day one could slide
comfortably about on the slippery, slimy banks and never catch a
blink of a sunbeam on the water.”

“Oh, how nice! Really and truly, Mama?” asked the small
dragons, laughing with so much delight that the flames from their
pretty scarlet throats lighted up the cave until Mr. Dragon stirred
uneasily in his dreams; for he had fallen asleep.





30 IMAGINOTIONS

‘Really and truly,” their mother went on, in a lower tone. “ In
this charming country, your father and I began our cave-keeping.
We were very happy for a time, for not too far from us was your
father’s estate—a fertile valley well stocked with plump and well-fla-
vored inhabitants. You have never seen any whole men, have you?”

“No,” they replied eagerly. ‘What are they like?”

“Oh, so ugly. To begin with, they have no scales, no wings,
no claws—”

“No wings and no claws? How frightful they must be!” ex-
claimed young Samuel Dragon, Jr., proudly expanding his green
pinions.

“Not a wing!” replied Mrs. Dragon. ‘And they walk, when
mature, exclusively on their hind legs.” :

“Why is that?” asked the children.

“T cannot tell. It does seem absurd. When young they go on
all-fours like sensible animals, but the elders pull and persuade,
teach and coax, until the poor little things rear up on their hind
legs, and then the foolish old ones seem satisfied. Men are very
queer. When they first came on this earth,—this earth where
‘dragons dwell,—they lived, properly enough, in caves like the rest
of the world. But they are a stupid and restless kind of creatures,
and soon began to tear pieces out of the world to make caves to suit
themselves. Now they slaughter trees, slice and split them, fasten
the pieces together, and stalk in and out of queer little holes called
‘doors.’ But I cannot spare time to tell you any more about their
curious instincts—you must read it for yourselves some day in the
‘Dragon’s Economical Cave-keeper,’ the marketing manual. Look
in the index under ‘ Animal Foods: Apes, Men, and various Bipeds.’
You will find it interesting—and useful too.

_“AsT said, we were happy for a time. We used to stroll out
quietly in the evening, and often managed to secure a nice chubby



THE DRAGON’S STORY ai

man or two in an hour’ flight. But at length came an age when
those mean creatures decided to revolt. That is, they kept in their
little caves at night, and compelled us to go out so frequently in
the unhealthful, glaring daylight, that our scales were hardly fit to
be seen. Even with all this exposure, we would succeed in catch-
ing only some of the little ones; indeed, during a whole month |
caught nothing but two thin miserable specimens. Think how your
poor mother suffered! I was almost starved. 1 became so thin
that I rattled!”

Mrs. Dragon looked at the young audience, and saw that the
eyes of the two smallest were really shedding sparks.
She was touched by their sympathy, but, fearing the
story was becoming too sad, hastened to brighten it. ~

“Well, dears, it did not last long. Your father
was young, rash, and brave, in those nights. One
dawn he said, ‘ Really, Scalena, this will not do. I _
can stand this foolishness no longer!’ I asked what ™
he intended, but he waved his tail in a threatening
way, and smiled knowingly as he whetted his claws on a new piece
of sandstone. The next night, bidding me not to be anxious, he left
me. I looked after him as long as I could see the flames in the
sky, and then returned wearily to our cave to pick the last bone.

“The next morning, just at dawn, he returned with a delicious
marketing,—he said it was a dz¢cher, | think, though it may have
been a judge, the flavor is much the same. Then, when we had
retired into the darkest, dampest, coziest corner of the cave, he told
me very modestly the story of his great achievement.

“Your brave father, children, had been down to where the whole
swarm of men lived, and actually had beaten to pieces one of the
wooden caves! He made light of his exploit, and only rejoiced in
it because, as he said, he had no fear now of famine or even of





32 IMAGINOTIONS

scarcity. We sat up late that happy morning, enjoyed a delicious
supper, and slept soundly until nightfall.

“We arose with the moon, and after a hasty but effective toilet
on his new sandstone, your father advanced glidingly toward the
mouth of the cave, when suddenly there presented itself a dark ob-
ject with a shiny coat, much like that of a dragon. Indeed, we
thought for a moment it was gome neighbor who had dropped in to
breakfast. But in a few seconds -we saw that it was what is called
a knight. A knight, children, is an animal which, though edible, is
noxious, and sometimes dangerous to young or careless dragons.
I have heard of such being even killed by this spiteful little pest.
They are found among men—in fact, they are a species of men that
has a hard shell. You know there are hard-shell crabs and soft-
shell crabs, and so, likewise, there are hard- and soft-shelled men.
Our visitor was a hard-shell who had, while prowling about, found
our cave either by accident or wilfully.

“T do not deny that I was a trifle anxious; but your father was
merely angry. Giving a great roar, he blew out a mass of dark
smoke and scarlet flames at the unfortunate little knight.

“But, though small, the knight was plucky and showed fight.
As your father carelessly leaped toward him, the knight scratched
dear Papa slightly with a long, hard stick, on the end of which
was a bit of very hard shell. Then the knight rode out—for he
had enslaved an unfortunate horse, as these cruel men do, my pets,
and by means of a contrivance in its mouth, he made it carry him
about wherever he chose.

“Your father eagerly followed, though I sought in vain to re-
strain him. ‘No, Scalena,’ said he. ‘This is a question of prin-
ciple! As a true dragon and your loving mate, it is my duty to
destroy this dangerous little fellow. Do not be foolish; I will bring



THE DRAGON'S STORY 33

you the body of the fierce creature. They are excellent eating.
But you must sharpen your claws, my dear, for the shells are
exceedingly hard to remove and most difficult of digestion.

“T obeyed him, for your father is always right, and out he
flew with a rush of smoke and flame.”

“Oh, Mother!—and was Father killed?” asked one of the
youngest — little Tommy Dragon.

“Of course not!” replied his elder brother, scornfully. ‘ Don’t
you see him sleeping over there, all safe and sound? Don't be
so silly!”

“You must not speak so sharply to your little brother,” said
Mrs. Dragon, “or I shall end the story at once!”

“Oh, please go on,” exclaimed all the young dragons; ‘‘it is
just the most interesting part!”

Pleased with their eagerness, she resumed:

“T did not see the hunt, but your father has often described it
to me. The knight came wickedly at him, hoping to scratch him
with the sharp stick; but with one whisk of his long green tail,
your father broke the thing into small pieces! So you see, Sam,”
said this thoughtful parent, turning slyly to her eldest son, “it is
most important to practise your tail-whisking—and I hope you
will not forget it when you go to your next lesson.”

Sammy Dragon turned saffron with confusion, but it was evi-
dent that he resolved to profit by the little moral so ingeniously
woven, by careful Mrs. Dragon, into a mere man-story.

« After the stick was broken,” she went on, ‘“‘the vicious little
knight snatched out another, made entirely of the hard shell with
which the first was only tipped. With this he tried his worst to
break sdme of your father’s lovely scales. Think what a ferocious
animal this knight must have been! I cannot see what they are



34 IMAGINOTIONS

made for. But, then, it is instinct, perhaps; we must not judge
him too harshly.

“This new weapon met the fate of the other. It was crunched
up by your father’s strong teeth, and then he descended upon the
little hard-shell man with a great swoop—and that decided the
battle! Your father is a modest dragon, but he was really proud
of the swiftness with which he ended that conflict. After he once
had a fair opportunity to use his newly sharpened claws, there was
no doubt of the result!

“We ate the knight.at our next meal. I was glad to welcome
your father; but he said, ‘Pooh! nonsense!’ and made light of the
whole matter!”

The young dragons were delighted, and even thought of ask-
ing for another story; but their mother, for the first time, noticed
that it was almost broad daylight.

“But goodness, children, I hear the horrid little birds singing!”
said she. ‘Run away to bed with you. Wrap yourselves up tight
in your moist wings, and be sure to sleep on damp rocks in a
draught where you will keep good and cold.”

The youngsters crawled away to rest, while Mrs. Dragon went
to rouse the Honorable Samuel P. Dragon. To her surprise she
saw his great green eyes glowing with a sulphurous satisfaction.

“There are no times like the old times!” said he, drowsily.
“That was really a splendid hunt!”

“Yes, dear,” replied his mate, with a proud and happy cauley
“but I had no idea you were listening to my foolish stories. We
must now go to rest, or you won't be up till midnight—and then
there won't be a single man about. Remember, ‘It is the late
dragon that catches the knight.’”

The Honorable Samuel P. Dragon rubbed his claws gently to-
gether as he selected a nice cozy place for the day. He was hum- |









“THERE WAS NO DOUBT OF THE RESULT.”



36 IMAGINOTIONS

ming to himself, and faithful Mrs. Dragon smiled fondly as she
recognized the tune. It was:

“T fear no foe in shining armor!”

“Ah!” said she to herself, ‘the old people like man-stories as
well as the little ones!”







LAZY magician, tired of work, left Damascus and went into
a sandy desert, seeking quiet and solitude. Finding a lonely
place not yet divided into building-lots, he filled his pipe,
and, after smoking it out, fell fast asleep. .

An indolent wizard, looking for rest, came riding across the
desert upon a magic camel, which he had made out of an old rug
that morning, and, not seeing the sleeping magician, ran over him.

Now, magical creations cannot touch magicians without van-
ishing. So the wizard’s camel vanished, the wizard fell plump
down on top of the magician, and the baggage which the camel
carried was scattered on the sand.

The wizard was the first to collect his senses, and asked, in a
‘fierce voice: ‘“ Where is my camel?”

The magician replied, with some anger: ‘Don’t you think
you ’d better ask some one who was awake while your camel was
getting away?”

38 37



38 IMAGINOTIONS

“You are the only man I have met in this desert,” replied the
wizard.

“Perhaps,” resumed the magician, “your camel may have
climbed one of the trees with which you see the tesert is covered;
if you think I’ve got him, you can search me.”

















































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































THE INDOLENT WIZARD ON THE MAGIC CAMEL MEETS THE LAZY MAGICIAN IN THE DESERT.

“I made that camel only this morning,” said the wizard, com-
plainingly..

“You are then a magician?” asked the other.

“No; I’m only a wizard,” replied the first.

“Well, 7 ’ma magician, and I should think you would know
better than to drive your camel up against me.”



A DUEL IN A DESERT 39

“Tt was careless, I admit,” replied the wizard, ‘But let that
go; I can make another. I hope I did n’t hurt you?”

“Oh! not at all; I was lying down there on purpose; that is
why I came to the desert, where there are so many passing,” re-
marked the magician, rubbing his side.

“T cannot regret an accident which brings me so agreeable a
companion,” replied the wizard, with a low bow. )

“JT ’m sorry to have lost my temper,” said the magician, more
good naturedly ; “but, since I came to this desert looking for quiet
and solitude, I was zot glad to see you.”

“J, also, was sorry to meet any one, even yourself, for I was
equally anxious to be alone,” rejoined the wizard, frankly.

“Well,” said the magician, thoughtfully, “since you are a wiz-
ard and I a magician, and each of us wishes solitude, the matter is
easily remedied. Nothing is easier than to put twenty leagues
between us. I have only to wish it.”

“ Allow me,” asked the wizard, politely, “to join you in the wish.”

“Certainly,” said the magician; “we can save our feelings by
making the parting mutual. We will wish together.”

« Agreed,” said the wizard, eagerly. ‘Are you ready?”

“Quite!” returned the magician, delighted.

So they raised their wands, shook hands, and said together:
“JT wish myself twenty leagues away!”

They were powerful enchanters, and the wish was at once ac-_
complished. In an instant they stood together in a place twenty
leagues away.

“Tam afraid,” said the magician, after a moment’s silence,— “I am
afraid that this cannot be called a success. We have traveled some dis-
tance, but solitude seems as far off as ever. Perhaps we forgot to take
it with us. We must wish again; this time, each for himself!” The wiz-
ard agreed that this was the best plan. So, saying, ‘‘ Excuse my back,”



40 IMAGINOTIONS

he turned from the magician and wished himself back again where he
was at first. Instantly he was there, among his pieces of baggage.

“Ah,” said he, smiling, “it was not a bad adventure, but I am
glad to be alone again!”

« Ahem!” exclaimed a voice behind him. ‘I beg pardon, I ’m
sure; but I fear there has been another mistake. 1 am sorry to see
we both happened to find this spot so attractive!”

The wizard turned and saw the magician standing behind him,
looking very foolish.

“So you ’re there, are you? Well, it was a natural mistake!
We must have no mistake this time. I ll give the word, and let us
each wish ourselves forty leagues away in opposite directions—you
to the east, I to the west.”

The word was given, the wands waved, and, presto !—nothing
at all! Each stood where he was before, for each expected the
other to wish himself away.

“Tt seems to me,” said the wizard, after a slight pause, “that it
is hardly fair to expect me to leave all my baggage lying around
here on the sand!”

“But I was here first,” said the magician.

“Yes, to sleep. It strikes me as rather a spacious bedroom!”

“T like a large bedroom,” replied the magician. ‘“ But we wan-
der from the subject. It is, of course, useless for us to wish again.
We have had our three chances, and must now make the best of it.
Sit down and have a smoke.”

In a moment they were puffing out blue clouds of smoke, sit-
ting cross-legged opposite each other.

“May I ask,” said the wizard, presently, “how long you have
been practising your profession ?”

“Only since Merlin’s time—say about a thousand years. I was
a pupil of Merlin, and a very good teacher he was.”



A DUEL IN A DESERT 41

“Indeed!” said the wizard, with more respect; “that is a long
time. I cannot claim more than five centuries. I am but a be-
-ginner beside you.”

“By hard work you might have learned much in that time.”

«J fear I have been lazy,” said the wizard, regretfully.

“Perhaps, being, as Shakspere will soon say, ‘an older soldier,
not a better,’ I might be able to give you a useful hint or two. We
have still some daylight before us. Suppose we have a lesson?”

“T fear I will only bore you,” said the wizard, rather nettled by
the patronage of the other.

“J have nothing else to do, and should enjoy teaching so promis-
ing a pupil,” said the magician, rather pompously.

This was a little too much, for the wizard had graduated with
the degree of F. W. (Full Wizard) some three centuries before.
He attempted to make excuses, saying: “J am really out of prac-
tice; my wand is dusty from disuse.”

“Oh, bother your excuses! I can see your true rank at once.
Go ahead!” said the magician.

Not seeing how to refuse without being rude, the wizard, after
a minute’s hesitation, rose and, walking a little apart, drew a circle
in the sand. Standing here, he waved his wand slowly in the air
and repeated a mystic incantation. The magician, who had only
received the degree of P. M. (Passable Magician) when Ze grad-
uated, looked on very critically.

At the most impressive part of the charm, the wizard suddenly
and violently sneezed, in spite of all he could do. Much ashamed,
he turned to excuse himself.

“Oh, that ’s nothing,” said the magician, with a condescending
smile. “It is a little awkwardness natural to a beginner. No
more than I expected! Throwing your arms about creates a draft
—makes you chilly; you sneeze, naturally enough. Go on; we
won’t count this time.”



42 IMAGINOTIONS

The wizard was much vexed, but kept his temper and resumed
the charm. Soon, a mist poured from the tip of his wand, like the
smoke from a cigar, and formed a cloud above his head, which
slowly revolved and wound itself up into a ball until, as the chant
ended, an enormous figure appeared. The wizard turned proudly
to the magician, who said nothing. At length the wizard, seeing
no sign of movement in his rival, asked confidently: ‘ How’s that?”

“Well,” said the other, crossing his legs as he filled his pipe,
“it is n't bad—not very bad. It is really fair work, of a certain
kind. But it is n't the way / was taught. However, | ’m afraid
of hurting your feelings.”

‘Not at all,” said the wizard. ‘I am delighted to be criticized.
Speak freely, I beg!”

The old magician, with a bland smile and half-shut eyes, went
on: ‘Well, it seems to me too long—much too long. If you
were in a hurry,— suppose a rhinoceros was stamping his feet on
your door-mat,— you would n’t have time to do all that. That
cloud is no use; it only spoils the effect; it is out of style. And
-your spirit looks rather stupid and under-bred—an ugly wretch!”

A terrific howl was heard as the spirit dashed down upon the
magician, seeking to tear him to pieces. The magician gently
raised his wand, and the spirit melted as snow does into the ocean,
and the magician went on quietly: ‘That shows you what a fool
he is—no discretion and no stamina.”

The wizard was rather cast down, and said sullenly: ‘ Perhaps
you will show me how you would do it?”

The magician smiled, and rising, took a handful of dust and
threw it over the wizard’s head.

“When are you to begin?” asked the wizard.

“Look around,” said the magician.

The wizard turned, and saw a little winged figure, looking like
a fairy.



A DUEL IN A DESERT



























































































































































































































































































































































- ‘
THE WIZARD RAISES AHAB.

43

“That is my
spirit,” said the
magician.

“Tt’s too small
to be of any use,”
remarked the wiz-
ard, scornfully.

“T think youwill
find it quite large
enough for all prac-
tical purposes.”

“Why, my spi-
rit,” said the wiz-
ard, “could roll
yours up like a dry
leaf and put it in
his pocket!”

“Well,” saidthe
magician, good-
naturedly, “I have
no objection to
that; let him try.”

The wizard
pronounced the in-
cantationandsum-
moned his spirit.

« Ahab,” cried
the wizard, calling
the spirit by name,
“fetch me that
small imp!”



44 IMAGINOTIONS

«“ Master, I obey!” shouted the spirit in a voice of thunder, and
then suddenly dashed down upon the little fairy.

If the fairy had remained still it might have been hurt; but,
just as Ahab came rushing down, the fairy darted away like a
humming-bird, too Gules vor tke Gye Wo cs the motion. Ahab
made a clutch, but caught nothing but sand. Again he tried, but
with no better success. A third and fourth trial so exhausted the
huge monster that he sat down upon the sand completely tired out.

The wizard danced around in a perfect rage; and when Ahab
gave it up, raising his wand he waved it thrice, and commanded
the fairy to stand still. The fairy bowed, and stood quiet.

“Now, Ahab,” said the wizard, triumphantly “bring her to me 1

Ahab arose, and walking heavily to the fairy, took her by the
arm. The arm came off in his grasp; but Ahab, not noticing this,
brought it to the wizard.

«You dunce!” commenced the wizard; but the absurdity of the
situation overcame him, and he laughed, saying : «Well, bring me
the rest of her!”

On the next trip, Ahab brought the head.

“Very good,” said the wizard; “ perseverance will bring her.
Go on.”

In a few more journeys the pieces of the fairy lay at the
wizard’s feet.

“There!” said the wizard, in triumph ; “JT think that ends your
spirit!”

«Not at all,” said the magician, pointing his wand at the heap
of arms, wings, body, and head. In an instant the pieces flew to-
gether, and the fairy stood before them as well as ever.

«Come now,” said the wizard, angrily, “that’s not fair!”

“You had to help your spirit, why should n’t I help mine?”

«J only kept your spirit still!”



A DUEL IN A DESERT 45

“TJ only put mine together!”

The wizard had to admit the justice of the magician’s claim;
but, completely losing his temper, he said angrily: “1 don’t believe
you are any sort of a magician, with all your airs! You may have
a friend among the fairies, but I ’d like to see what you can do
by yourself. Send your spirit away, and we ‘Il see who is the
better man!”

The spirits were dismissed, and the magician, never losing his
temper, said, with a smile: “I can’t afford to show my magic for
nothing! If you will insist on seeing what I can do in the way
of real old Egyptian magic, I will show you, on one condition.”

‘What is that?”

“That he who shows the best magic shall take the wand and
power of the other. Do you agree?”

The wizard, although startled, was too angry to be prudent,
and replied boldly: “I agree!” d

‘Let us lose no time, then,” said the magician, with a crafty
smile. ‘Are you ready?”

“Quite ready,” said the wizard.

“Find that, then!” And, as he spoke, the magician threw his
wand high into the air. An immense bird that was flying overhead
clutched the wand, and flew off with lightning speed.

“A baby’s trick!” said the wizard, laughing. “TI learned that
with the alphabet. The idea of playing magical hide-and-seek with
me!” and breaking his wand into nine short pieces, he stuck them
up in the sand, forming a circle around him. Out from each sud-
denly sprang a wire and stretched itself along above the sand, like
a serpent, only a thousand times faster; and down from this wire
fell poles and stuck up in the sand. In the middle of the ring of
sticks sat the wizard, with a telegraph instrument, ticking away for
dear life. In a moment he stopped and listened. An answering



46 IMAGINOTIONS

tick was soon heard; and the wizard, smiling, said: “We shall
have a despatch very soon! Wonderful thing, the telegraph —
wonderful !”
A speck was seen in the distance coming quickly toward them.

It soon resolved itself into a small boy, running as fast as he could.

“Well, my boy?” said the wizard, rubbing his hands, as the
messenger arrived.

‘Please, sir, here ’s a package and a letter for you, sir,” replied
the boy, puffing a little from his run. ‘‘ Please sign my receipt.”

“Certainly, certainly,” said the wizard, scarcely hearing what
was said; and handing the package to the magician, he opened his
letter. It read as follows: °

Borneo, July rath.
Your message received. Inclosed find wand as requested. Had to shoot bird.
Sorry. Will have it stuffed. Yours,

AHAB.
The magician opened the package, and there was the wand.

“You are a little behind the age,” said the wizard. ‘I should
think you would know better than to race with electricity!”

“You really did it very well, very well, indeed,” said the magi-
cian, a little vexed; ‘but, as you say, it was a baby’s trick; I was
foolish to try it.”

“Well,” said the wizard, “let us not waste any more time. . Do
your very best this time, and let us get through with it !”

‘Please, sir,” said the telegraph messenger, “sign my receipt;
I’m in a hurry.”

“Get out! I can’t bother with you now!” said the wizard, im-
patiently. ‘The idea,” he went on, to the magician, “of stopping
me now for such a trifle as signing a receipt!”

The boy laughed softly to himself, but no one noticed him, so
he stood and watched what was going on.



A DUEL IN A DESERT SAG

Meanwhile, the magician was thinking over his very best tricks.
At last he said, solemnly: ‘This time I ‘ll show you something
worth seeing!”

Then he wiped his wand in the skirt of his robe, and pro-
nounced a long incantation, while the wizard pretended to be very
tired of it. As the incantation proceeded, a crystal ball formed it-
self out of the air and floated before them.

“What ’s that for?” asked the boy, apparently much interested.
«That ’s the biggest marble I ever saw!”

“That,” said the magician with great impressiveness, not noti-
cing who spoke, ‘is the magician-tester. Merlin invented it for the
express purpose of putting down conceited magicians. Such is its
peculiar construction that only the greatest and most powerful
magician can get inside of it.”

‘Get into that marble!” said the boy. ‘‘I don’t see what for.”

“ Probably not,” said the magician, much amused.

“Now see here, Johnny,” said the wizard, impatiently, “don’t
you think you ’d better run home?”

- “T must have my receipt signed,” said the boy, positively; ‘“be-
sides, it ’s fun to see this game.”

“Never mind him,” said the magician. ‘Now, what I propose
is this: You and I stand about twenty paces from the tester; then
let the boy count three (for, while you pay for his time, we may as
well use him). Whoever first appears in the tester shall be the
winner.”

“Am I in this?” asked the boy, much delighted.

“ Certainly,” said the magician, smiling graciously.

“Tet ’s see if I know the game,” said the boy, eagerly. “You
two fellows stand a little way off, then I count three, and you two
cut as fast as you can for the marble; ‘and then whoever of us three
gets into it first wins?”



48 IMAGINOTIONS

The magician was much amused to see that the boy included
himself in the “game,” and replied: “Well, yes; that’s the game.
There can be no harm in your trying.”

‘What ’s the use of talking nonsense to the boy?” asked the

wizard.
“Oh, it amuses him and does n’t hurt us,” replied the magician,
good-naturedly.

“Get your places!” called the boy, who seemed to enjoy the
game very much.

They retired in opposite directions, while the boy also went
back some distance.

“All ready?” cried the magician.

“Hold on,” said the boy, suddenly; “I’m not*half so big as you
two—lI ought to have a start!”

The wizard was much provoked at the delay, but the magician
said, laughing: “All right, my boy; take any start you like, but
hurry.”

The boy took a few steps, carefully compared the distances,
and took a step or two more. He seemed very much excited.

“Ts that about right?” he asked.

“Yes, yes; do hurry up!” said the wizard.

“Are you ready?” said the boy.

“Yes!” they replied.

“One — two — three!” shouted the boy, and off he went as fast
as his short legs could carry him. The wizard and magician, start-
ing at the same instant, ran with very great speed, and reached the

‘tester on opposite sides at about the same time. Both did their
best to get inside; but it was no use. Each turned away, thinking
himself defeated. In turning from the tester, they met.

“Hallo!” cried the magician, “I thought you were inside the
testers a

te



A DUEL IN A DESERT 49

«And I thought you were!” said the wizard, equally surprised.

«Well, what does this mean?” asked the magician.

“T can’t tell,” replied the wizard; “I did n’t make the tester;
there must have been some mistake.”

“Oh, no; it’s all right,” said the magician ; “we must try again.

Where ’s the boy?”

















































































“BOTH DID THEIR BEST TO GET INSIDE.”

“Here I am!” said the boy's voice.
“Where?” they asked, not able to see him.
“In the marble,” said the boy. “I’ve won!”
There was no mistake. They both could see him, coiled up in
the tester and grinning with delight.
“This is too ridiculous!” said the magician. ‘‘ Come out of that,

you little monkey !”
4



50 IMAGINOTIONS

“[ sha’n’t,” said the boy, clapping his hands ud seals, MIL ue
won, and I’m to have the prize!” |
“You sha’n’t have anything but a good thrashing!” said the
wizard, and, catching up his wand, he rushed toward the tester.
But at that moment, a crack was heard. The tester broke like
a bubble, and forth from it came the majestic figure of the enchanter

Merlin.



UFduwed

6 Ta a

THE MAGICIAN AND THE WIZARD GO HOME.

The wizard and magician fell upon their knees. a

“Tt is Merlin!” they cried.
“Ves,” replied the enchanter, gravely, “it is Merlin. When a
wizard and magician spend their mighty powers in juggling tricks
fit only to amuse fools, those powers must be taken from them.



A DUEL IN A DESERT 51

You have made the agreement, and must abide by it. Drop your
wands |”

The wands fell upon the sand. |

““Go home, and work!”

They went home and worked, and neither of them married a
princess or lived. happily ever after.

Merlin laughed softly to himself, and remarking, “There ’s a
couple of dunces!” changed himself back into a messenger-boy,
signed his receipt himself, and walked away over the desert. Soon
he disappeared over the horizon, and all was still.



THE SEQUEL

Y rudeness, as usual, was entirely unintentional; I meant to
have given him my undivided attention. But the long roll
of the steamer, the soft ocean breeze, and the flapping wings

of the sea-gulls must have overpowered me. At all events, I slept,
and heard only the sequel. °

The steamer ran between Calcutta and Liverpool, and was on
her return voyage. Among the passengers was Mr. Chubaiboy
Mudjahoy, supposed to be an East Indian gentleman from the in-
terior. Attracted by his quiet and intellectual face, I had become
well acquainted with him, and our acquaintance had grown, during
the long voyage, almost to intimacy. Upon the day of which I am
speaking we had been much together. He grew communicative,
and at last proposed to tell me the story of his life.

To my surprise, he said that the impression that he was an
East Indian was without foundation in fact ; that he came from Tibet,
from an unknown district of that unexplored region.

If | remember correctly, he related a marvelous story of having
entered into competition for the hand of a neighboring princess.
This part, so far as I recall it, was quite in the old-fashioned fairy-
tale style; and the tests required of the candidates were certainly
astounding. One I remember vaguely was to bring the favorite
uncut pigeon’s-blood ruby from the Rajah of Camaraputta, a cruel
Indian magnate.

Here it was, however, that the sea began to gently roll, the _

52



THE SEQUEL oo

breeze to soothingly blow, and the sea-gulls to drowsily flap their
limber wings. I slept some time, for when, thoroughly refreshed, I
blinked lazily to waking, all I heard was:

«“ And so I married the Princess!”

I was sorry to have lost the story, for it was, no doubt, just
the sort I like. But I did not dare to confess my doze, so I said
as brightly as I could:

“And lived happily ever after

Mudjahoy moved uneasily, and replied:

“Well, hardly. Of course I expected to; but then, you know
that real life is often different from what the kindly story-tellers
would have it. No; I can’t say we lived happily ever after. Nor
was it Doréma’s fault. I have met a number of princesses, and I
really cannot see that my Dorema has any superiors.”

« How then do you explain it?” I asked. (Of course I had to be
a little cautious in my questions, for fear of bringing up references to
points I had missed during my nap.)

“Tl tell you the story, if you have not heard too much already?”

“Oh, no!” I replied. “Not at all too much. Pray go on.”

So Mudjahoy told me the second part. I have always regretted
that I heard only this sequel. I tell it in his words:

(ee

You can see that after having accomplished such a series of
tasks I was sure to be respected and envied at court. We passed
the honeymoon in the mountains, and as we took but a small retinue,
several thousands, Dorema often spoke of the strange solitude as a
delicious rest after the bustle and turmoil of court life.

For my part, even in my happiness with Dorema,—she was
really charming !—I found the retinue something of a bore. At
home, I had never been attended by more than three or four ser-

vants, while here 1 had to find employment and use for a hundred
4*



&

54 IMAGINOTIONS

times as many. It was really one of the minor nuisances of my
new dignity.

If the old king had not abdicated, it would have been easier ;
but now all his servants were added to the new ones purchased or
given as wedding-presents to me.

It was like this:

If I wished to shave in the morning in the old days, I would



“ENTER A SMALL BOY IN WHITE LINEN.”

heat some water, strop my razor and whip up some lather, and
shave away; but as a king it was very different. Asa king, I had
first to clap my hands. Enter a small boy in white linen. To him
I intimated my desire to see one of the high officials. High official
arrives, and I say: “We wish to shave our effulgent self.” High
official says: “Oh, very good, Most Particularly Noble Cousin of



THE SEQUEL 59

the Dog-star,” and so on. Then he disappears and sends the
Chamberlain to tell the Seneschal to tell the Chief Barber that his
Imperial Master wishes to be shaved. Not to weary you, after
some more, many more, wholly unnecessary and irritating cere-
monies, behold me ready to be shaved!

I am extended at length in a chair, being lathered by the First
Latherer in Waiting, while the Bowl-holder or one of his assistants
stands by with the lathering mug, and is supported by the Brush-



1
4
|
4







THE SHAVING OF MUDJAHOY.

Receiver. The Chief Barber sits in state, fanned by two slaves,
while the Razor-Stropper Extraordinary (a very powerful and much
courted personage, as expert ones are rare) is getting the razor to
an edge. He also is fanned by a fan-bearer or two. The Lord-
High-Wielder of the Towel, and the Bay-Rum Custodian, also with
attendants, are near, and in the anteroom I hear a confused mur-
mur of voices, showing that the Court Surgeon and Court-Plaster-
Bearer are, with their retinues, within call.

It was not so much the crowd of people that annoyed’ me, but



56 IMAGINOTIONS

then it took so long to be shaved. We would begin at, say, ten
o’clock,—they would n’t hear of my getting up earlier !—and fre-
quently when the last bit of lather was removed from my royal ear,
it would be half-past one in the afternoon! ;

I give this only as a sample part of my day. It is vividly
recalled because it was one of the earliest of the inconveniences
attaching to my newly acquired royalty. Of course it is only
a specimen brick—there were dozens of a similar clay.

It was only after I returned to the capital and took up my
residence in the palace, that I felt sufficiently at home to make
an objection.

One memorable day, a-Thursday, I betook myself to my dress-
ing-room and clapped my hands thrice. The linen-wrapper boy
entered. I hated the sight of him already.

« Bring us a new turban,” I said shortly.

«Q Brother-in-Law of the Pleiades—” said the boy in a trem-
bling tone.

“Speak up, copper-colored child,” I answered a little impatiently,
«What are you afraid of ?”

“© your Imperial Highestness of the Solar System, your rays
need clipping!” replied the boy violently making salaams.

“] was shaved yesterday,” I said.

“ But—” began the boy.

“By the royal Palanquin!” I broke out, “send in the Master
of Ceremonies!” The boy vanished, and soon with a sound of
bugles, shawms, and tubas (several out of tune, too), the Master of —
Ceremonies, and his retinue, came in. This took about half an
hour. When they were all settled I said:

“QO Master of Ceremonies and—and such things” (I forgot the
proper titles for a moment), “we would hold converse with thee
apart, as it were.”



THE SEQUEL ou

Again the wind instruments were wound, the brass band and
retinue took its devious course along the corridors, and the music and
marching gradually died away. This took about twenty minutes.

“Now that we are alone,” said I to the Master of Ceremonies,
“Jet ’s have a reasonable talk.”

«© Nephew of —!” he began.

“Never mind the astronomy,” I broke in, “but proceed to
business.”

“Yes, Sire,” he answered in a terrible fright, no doubt expecting
the bowstring.

“Don’t be a fool!” said I. ‘I’m not going to hurt you. Stand
up and have some style about you!”

So he did, somewhat reassured.

“Now,” I said, “I’m tired of all this fuss. Bring me a razor, and
I ll shave myself.”

“But, your Serene Imperialness —”

“See here!” I-said positively; “there ’s not a hearer around.
Just drop the titles and call me Mudjahoy or I Il have you beheaded!”

“Well, Mudjahoy,” said the Master of Ceremonies, easily, “I’m
afraid that it can’t be done!”

“Can't be done? Am I the Emperor of this place, or— what
aie

“Why, of course, Mudjahoy, you ‘re Emperor, and all that,” he
answered, with an ease of manner that surprised me; “but then
there are a great many things to be considered.”

“Well, go on,” said 1; “but I'd like to have this thing settled
one way or the other. Speak freely.”

“Tt ’s just this way,” said the Master of Ceremonies; ‘what
would you do with the Chief Barber?”

“Do with the Chief Barber? Why, nothing. He could do with

himself.”



58 IMAGINOTIONS

“But his salary is enormous.”

“Cut it down.”

«But he is a very influential man; he has dependent upon him,
directly or indirectly, about twenty thousand men, and these men,
with their families, are a powerful faction. Then, too, the officials
whose duties are similar —such as the First Turban-Twister, the
Sandal-Strapper and his understrappers, and so on— would make |
common cause with him. You see?”

“Yes, I see,” I said thoughtfully; “but in the same way you
could justify any foolishness whatever. You would prevent all
reforms.”

“Oh, no!” said the Master of Ceremonies; ‘oh, no, Mudjahoy.
Not reforms, but revolutions. You can very easily institute reforms;
but you must go slowly.”

‘But, | objected, “you as the official in charge of ceremonies
may well be prejudiced. Let us have the Grand Vizir summoned.”

“That will take an hour, at least,” answered the Master of Cere-
monies, who really seemed a very nice fellow when you knew him
well.

«Well, you slip out and get him on the sly,” I answered with an
unofficial wink.

“All right, Mudjahoy,” he said, and out he went whistling a
popular air.

While he was gone it occurred to me that 1 was now a married
man, and that Dorema was certainly entitled to know of the step
which I was contemplating. So, by the aid of four or five assis-
tants, I caused her to be summoned.

She arrived a moment before the Grand Vizir made his
appearance.

“T have called you, my dear Mrs. Mudjahoy—” I began, but she
interrupted me.



THE SEQUEL 59

“You must n’t call me that!” she said, looking shocked.

“Why not?” I asked.

“You must say, ‘my Imperial Consort,
seat upon a divan.’

“Oh, no. Mrs. Mudjahoy is a pet name,” I explained. She
was pacified, and I proceeded: “I have called you, Mrs. Mudjahoy,
to be present at the beginning of a Great Reform. I am about to
make our life simpler, more enjoyable, and less burdensome in
every way.” P

‘Do you find it burdensome so soon?” she asked reproachfully,
turning away her lovely head and trying to coax out a sob.

I saw I had made a mistake. ‘Not at all,” I answered hur-
riedly; ‘“‘but—here comes
the Grand Vizir; you listen
attentively, and you will
soon understand it all.”

The Grand Vizir en-
tered. He seemed ill at
ease, and I saw that he had
a simitar under his caftan.

“What does the Celes-
tial Orb require of the
humblest of his slaves?”
said the Grand Vizir, pros-
trating himself.

299

she replied, taking a



“Oh, get up!” I said “WHAT DOES THE CELESTIAL ORB REQUIRE?’
wearily. Then I asked SAID THE GRAND VIZIR.”
the Master of Ceremonies to explain how the interview was to be
conducted. So while Dorema and I exchanged a few tender nothings
about the weather, the Master of Ceremonies explained to the Grand
Vizir the nature of the conversation I had held with him that morn-



60 IMAGINOTIONS

ing. The Grand Vizir seemed much impressed. I saw him tap his
forehead inquisitively and feel for his simitar. But the Master of
Ceremonies soon reassured him. Then they turned to me.

«See here, Mudjahoy, old man —” began the Vizir, with a re-
freshing absence of conventionality. Dorema looked horrified.
She was about to clap her hands, undoubtedly to order the Vizir's
instant execution, but I restrained her.

“Vizir,” I said, “I do not care for ceremony, but civility is a
“sine qué non. (That staggered him; he was weak on Latin.)
“So drop the titles, but proceed carefully. Now go on.”

He went on: “Mudjahoy, sire, I have been told of your con-
templated reforms, and I am bound to tell you, as an honest ad-
viser, that they will not work. You propose to dismiss the Chief
Barber?”

«J do,” said I firmly.

« And, I suppose, the Turban-Twister, and so on ra

teNICS.e

« And to live in a simple and businesslike way!

“T do,” I replied.

“Well,” said he, spinning his turban upon his forefinger and
looking at it with one eye closed, “it will never do in the world—
never! There was formerly an autocrat who tried to run this gov-
ernment on business principles, and—” he paused and sighed.

«Where is he?” I asked.

“The Garahoogly contains all that is mortal of him,—in a sack!”
said the Grand Vizir meaningly.

Dorema clung to me and looked at my face imploringly.

“No matter,” 1 said determinedly; “I shall carry out these
reforms.”

“You will fail,” said the Master of Ceremonies, and the Grand
Vizir nodded solemnly.

”



THE SEQUEL 61

“So be it!” I said. “Kismet. I shall therefore request you,
Grand Vizir, to give public notice of the abolition of all useless
offices, of which I will give you a list after dinner.”

“But consider!” said Dorema, in a low, frightened tone.

“Would you rather be the Imperial Consort Dorema, Queen
and Empress of King Chubaiboy the First,” I asked her proudly,
“and have to be at the beck and call of all these palace nuisances,—
or would you rather be my own Mrs. Mudjahoy, free to do as you
please ?”

For a moment she hesitated, and I trembled. But, brightening
up, she asked: “And travel zxcog.?”

“Certainly,” I answered; ‘nay, more: live incog. wherever we
choose!”

“T’m for Reform and Mrs. Mudjahoy,” replied my lovely bride.

The Vizir and Master of Ceremonies remained respectfully
silent during our interview. Then the Vizir asked me: “Do you
intend to abolish the Royal White Elephant?”

« Precisely,” I answered. “That albino sinecure will be the first
to go on the list.”

“Ts your life insured?” asked the Master of Ceremonies politely
but impressively.

“No,” I said. Dorema sighed. “But,” said I, “you will see
that the whole people will hail me as their deliverer.”

“We shall see,” said the Vizir; but I did n’t like the inflections
he chose.

Declaring the interview at an end, I dismissed my ministers,
said farewell to my brave queen, and gave the rest of the day to the
preparation of the List. It was comprehensive and complete.

“There!” said I, as I laid down my reed pen and corked the ink-
horn. “To-morrow will look upon an enfranchised people Non

But the Grand Vizir was a man of considerable wisdom. We



62 IMAGINOTIONS

were awakened the next morning by a confused sound of murmuring
beneath the palace windows. I rose and threw open the flowered
damask curtains.

The whole courtyard was filled with a tumultuous mob armed
with an assortment of well-chosen weapons. They carried banners,
hastily made but effective, upon which I read at a glance a few sen-
tences like these:

“ Down with the Destroyer of our Homes!”

“‘Chubaiboy to the Garahoogly !”

«We must have our White Elephant!”

“The Chief Barber or Death!”

“Turban-Twister Terrors!” and so on. Before I could read
more, I saw the Chief Barber on the back of the White Elephant at .
the head of the mob. He was a Moor.

“© Chubaiboy!” said he, wielding a bright razor so that he re-
flected the rays of the morning sun into my eyes. “Will you ae
cate, or shall it be the sack and the gently flowing Garahoogly ?”

«Where is the Grand Vizir?” I said, after a moment’s hesitation.

“Here, your Majesty,” answered that official. I saw he was in
command of the right wing of the mob. He looked very well, too.

« And the Master of Ceremonies ?”

“Here, your Highness,” was the answer. He apparently led the
left wing.

a ed are you both against me?” I asked. |

“We are!” they answered respectfully, but with considerable
decision.

« And where are my adherents?” I shouted.

“Here!” said a sweet voice at my side. It was Dorema.

“Here!” said another soft voice. It was the boy in starched
linen. I almost liked him at that moment.

“Any others?”



THE SEQUEL 63

Then there followed a silence so vast that I could hear a fly
buzzing derisively on the window-pane above me.
“ And you are not in harmony with the Administration?” I asked
the mob.
“No!” It was unanimous.
“Very well,” I said. ‘‘Then I resign, of course. Let me thank
you, my late subjects, for your prompt and decisive interest in public



“AND WHERE ARE MY ADHERENTS?’ I SHOUTED. ‘HERE!’ SAID DOREMA.”

affairs. I had meant to carry out some much-needed reforms, and
I had some thoughts that they would fill a long-felt want. Thank-
ing you for this early serenade, and with the highest respects for
you all and for all your families, from myself and from Mrs. Mudja-
hoy, I abdicate. Good-by !”

There were some cheers, I think from Dorema and the linen-



64 IMAGINOTIONS

coated boy. Then the mob cheered for the Chief Barber, and | saw
that my successor was already chosen.

We left that afternoon, and purely as a matter of humanity took
the linen-coated boy with us; for I felt sure that he would not be
popular nor long-lived if he should remain at home. He is a little
afraid of me, but is useful. :

We made our way to Calcutta, and took the steamer for
Liverpool.

At this moment Mr. Mudjahoy was interrupted. His graceful
wife came to his chair and touched him on the shoulder.
“Come,” she said. ‘“‘It is chilly on deck.”
“Certainly,” answered Mudjahoy, rising; “but let me first pre-
sent my friend to you.”
I was presented, and soon after said:
“Mr. Mudjahoy disbelieves the fairy tales.”
“| do not understand?” said Mrs. Mudjahoy.
“He thinks that the hero and princess are not always ‘happy
ever after,” I said.
«Why,— but they ave/” said Mrs. Mudjahoy. “Are n’t they,
Chubaiboy ?”
«On reflection, I think they are!” said he.
Then they bade me good-night.





PAT Ost OPE ORM WN Tky,

Y BIOGRAPHER, if I should ever have any, would say in
his first chapter: “From boyhood he evinced an aptitude for
) the Natural Sciences. He was seldom without a magni-
fying-glass in his pocket, and put it to most excellent use in famil-
iarizing himself with those exquisite details of Mother Nature’s
handiwork which are sure to escape the mere casual observer.”
And in a later part of the same future rival to ‘“Boswell’s Johnson”
will probably be seen these words: “In later life we see the traits
of his boyhood deepened and broadened. The magnifying-glass
of his school-boy days has become the large and costly binocular
-microscope surrounded by all the apparatus which the cunning
5 65



66 IMAGINOTIONS

workers in metals know so well how to produce in limitless profu-
sion for the ruin of the scientific amateur.”
If such statements should be made, they will be based upon
facts.
There are, however, other facts which no biographer will dare
to tell, and which, therefore, I must write for myself. The follow- .
ing experience is one of them. Whether to my credit or to my
discredit, I shall tell the plain story and leave it, with all its im-
probability, to your fair judgment.
Already knowing my taste for the use of the microscope, you
can understand the following letter without further introduction :

AmacansEtt, L. I., August 5th.

Dear Puiiip: I suppose the thermometers in the city are the only scientific in-
struments now studied with any interest. Being cool enough here to be reasonably
unselfish, I am willing to divert your mind from the thermometer to the microscope.

I inclose what seems to my prosaic mind a pebble. It was picked up on the
beach and playfully thrown by me at our “ Professor.” He, of course accidentally,
caught it. After an examination, he declared that it differed from anything he had
ever seen: that it was neither animal, vegetable, nor mineral. In short, he knows that
he does n’t know what it is, and therefore says (speaking in true scientific vein) —
“Although of indeterminate nature, certain fusiform bosses, in conjunction with a gen-
eral spheroidal tendency, seem strong @ priori indications of aérolitic flight through our
own atmosphere, or other gaseous medium of similar density”! I make no comments.
So bring out your microscope and let us know what it is. If you should‘come and
join us you would find little but sand and salt-water; but then there is plenty of each.

Sincerely yours, CARROLL MATHERS.

He inclosed a small rounded object wrapped in tissue-paper.
It was light blue in color and a trifle smaller than a hazel-nut.
The surface seemed, as the Professor hinted, to have been some-
what melted. It certainly had claims to be considered a curiosity.
That evening, after dinner, I took out my microscope, and after
carefully cleaning the pebble, I examined the surface under a strong





















MY

ee



















































“AFTER AN EXAMINATION, HE DECLARED IT WAS NEITHER ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, NOR MINERAL.”



68 IMAGINOTIONS

condenser, but thereby simply magnified the irregularities. “I
shall have to cut it in two,” I said to myself. It was very hard,
- and I succeeded only after some effort. I cut it through a little away
from the center, and so divided it almost into halves. Examining the
flat surfaces, I found a small dark spot in the center of one of them.

“T thought so!” I exclaimed triumphantly; “I will now cut off
a section and shall undoubtedly find a petrified insect— perhaps
of an extinct species!”

I sawed away the rounded side, and when I could see that the
dark spot was nearer the surface, polished the section down with
oil and emery-paper until I had obtained a thin disk with a dark
spot in the middle.

It was now ready for the microscope. The focus was carefully
found by slowly turning the fine-adjustment screw. The spot gradu-
ally defined itself and seemed about to assume the appearance of an
insect — when, just at the point where I had expected it to be plainly
visible, it suddenly disappeared, leaving a hole in the disk through
which the light streamed! I was perplexed, and gazed stupidly. The
light seemed suddenly to flicker, and then was shut off altogether.

I inspected the instrument carefully, but all seemed to be in
perfect order.

I picked up the disk. There certainly was a hole through it.

‘Perhaps there is something in the tube,” I said, and unscrewed
the eye-piece. Just as the eye-piece came loose something jumped
from the tube, knocking the glass from my fingers.

I thought it was a moth or bug — but how did it come there?

«Well, that ’s very strange,” said I, aloud.

«Most extraordinary,” a voice replied; a very small voice, but
the words were clearly audible. I looked around the room.
“Don't trouble yourself to search. Iam not afraid. I’m right
here on the table!”



A LOST OPPORTUNITY 69

I faced the table again and discovered that what I had supposed
to be a bug was, apparently, a man; and a very commonplace, quiet,
and gentlemanly man, not at all remarkable, except for the fact that
he was only about three inches tall. When I saw him he was



“¢KEEP OFF! DO YOU MEAN TO EAT ME?’”

straightening out his odd little hat, which had in some way become
slightly’ crushed. .

My eyes at times deceive me somewhat, as my microscope work
has made them sensitive; so I stooped to take a closer view of my i
visitor.

He appeared to be startled, and cried:
Se



70 IMAGINOTIONS

“Keep off! Do you mean to eat me? Beware! Giant though
you be, I can defend myself!”

Cals aciny Ou eal answered, laughing. “Iam not a cannibal, even
on a very small scale! And I have just dined. It was but curiosity.
What in the world are you?”

“ Curiosity, indeed!” he replied. ‘ What in the world are you?”
And he mimicked my tone to perfection.

I saw that he stood upon his dignity, and thought it best to
humor him. .

“You must pardon me,” I began, “if my surprise on seeing a
gentleman of your small presence caused me for the moment to
forget the respect due to a stranger. But you yourself will not
deny that the sight of such a mere atomy—a lusus nature, if |
may be allowed the expression — would tend to excite curiosity
rather than to remind one of the demands of courtesy.”

This seemed to mollify him, for he replied, with a smile, ‘It
is a strange sensation to hear one’s self styled a lusus nature,
but I cannot in justice complain, as I was about to apply the same
term to yourself; and you certainly are colossally enormous — pro-
digious! I trust, however, that 7 have controlled my curiosity, and
have accorded you such treatment as is due a gentleman — even
on the very largest scale!”

He paused and gazed upon me with undisguised amazement. —
“How did you get here?” I asked, after a moment's silence.
“T should be delighted to know,” he answered, with evident sin-

cerity. ‘“It may be I can tell you, when you are good enough to
begin by letting me know where I am.” :

“Nothing easier,” I said. “This is my room.”

«A valuable piece of information,” he said, with some sarcasm,
“and the apartment appears to be comfortable and rather well
arranged —with exceptions. I see you cling to antiquated styles.”



A LOST OPPORTUNITY 71

“Indeed! I was not aware of it.”

“Why,” he said, seeing I did not understand, “you light the .
room with coal-gas, as the ancients did. You still use the mechant-
cal clock instead of the vocable chronophotometer; your furniture
is, I see, of wood instead of coherent alcyite, while—but I do not
object to the effect —it is delightfully archaic in tone!”

“T really don’t follow you,” I replied, somewhat piqued, “but you
might remember that, archaic or not, this room is my own, and your
criticism upon it is as gratuitous as your presence in it!”

I admit that this was not precisely courteous, but his manner
was very supercilious and provoked me.

“Why did you bring me here? Iam sure I did n’t request it,”
he angrily retorted.

“My atomic friend,” I said impressively, ‘“who or what you are,
I neither know nor care. But kindly bear in mind this fact: I did
not bring you here. I don’t ask you to stay here; whenever you
wish to go, I can bear your departure without a pang. Neverthe-
less, so long as you remain I shall expect you to behave in a gen-
tlemanly manner!” Here I thumped upon the table, and he fell
over. He recovered nimbly, and, drawing himself up to his full
three inches, replied with the greatest dignity:

“My colossal acquaintance, there is one fact you must kindly
bear in your mind: Who. or what you are is of little or no impor-
tance to me. How I came here, I know no more than yourself.
Suffice it to say, I did n’t come of my own accord; and, from my
experience so far,’—here he paused and glanced scornfully about
him,— “I have no desire to prolong my stay. But while I do stay
' I shall insist upon all proper courtesy and all due respect!”

His dignity was so absurdly out of keeping with his size that I
could not refrain from a burst of laughter, and I became better-
natured at once.



72 IMAGINOTIONS

“Well,” I replied, when I had recovered my composure, “ now
that we have come to an understanding, tell me quietly, in a friendly
way, as one gentleman to another, something about yourself. If
you will allow me the question, where do you live? Were you born
a dwarf, or —”

“Born a dwarf!” he broke in angrily, “born a dwarf! You
great, coarse, overgrown giant—what do you mean, sir?”

“What doI mean?” It was too absurd. ‘You ridiculous dia-
mond-edition of humanity, what do you suppose I mean? I have
always heard that dwarfs were sensitive; but, really, when one is
only about half the size of a respectable jack-knife—”

«And I,” he broke in again, “have always heard that giants
were invariably thick-witted and rude; but I ad suppose that any
human being, even if he were as tall as the tallest trees and hada
voice like a clap of thunder (which is far from agreeable to your
hearers, by the way), might be sensible enough to—”

“So. you think,” said I, interrupting him, “that I am as large
as the tallest trees?”

“Certainly,” he said, with perfect Seriousness.

I thought it worth while to convince him of his error, and there-
fore invited him to step to the window, against which the table
stood. He did so, and, upon looking out, threw up his arms in
sheer amazement.

“It is a land of giants!” he said, slowly and in an awe-struck
tone.

“Ah!” I remarked quietly, pleased with my little object lesson,
“you now see how much smaller you are than ordinary men.”

“Ordinary men,” he repeated very slowly and with an absent
expression. ‘What then can he think me?”

He stood in silence, with his hands clasped behind him, and
appeared to be deep in thought. When he spoke again it was
with an entire change of manner.



A LOST OPPORTUNITY 73

“Am I to understand you, sir, that all the men, women, and
children known to you are proportionately as large as yourself, and
that everything is on the same gigantic scale?”

“Tt is exactly so,” I replied seriously.

“ And may I ask you to believe that I have never seen anything
or anybody except upon the smaller scale which you can see ex-
emplified in me? Did you never see any one of my size before,
nor hear of us?”

“Never! except in fairy stories,” I said frankly, for now. he
seemed to be really a very sensible little man.

“This is not a question of fairy tales, nor of joking!” he said,
with great solemnity. ‘We are in the very midst of some great
mystery. I must belong to a different race of beings—for I never
heard, read, or dreamed of such enormous people. Where I live,
all are like myself!”

This seemed incredible, but finally I asked, “And where do
you live?”

“J live,” he answered, “in the twenty-first range of precinct
forty, Telmer Municipal, Waver, Forolaria; and by profession I am
an Official Arranger.”

“You are very exact,” I said, with mock admiration.

« And where do you live?” he inquired,

“This is my home,” I said; “the Alfresco, Madison street, New
Work City:

«Thank you,” said he, with sarcastic gratitude. ‘I am as wise
as before!”

“You know as much of my residence as I of yours!” I answered
sharply.

“You cannot be ignorant of Telmer?” he asked, raising’ his
eyebrows in surprise at my ignorance.

“You surely know New York City?” I rejoined in the same
manner. “The largest city in the United States!”



74 IMAGINOTIONS

“United States,” he repeated, “and what are those—who
united them?”

“Perhaps a history would give you the clearest information,” I
suggested.

“] think it might, if I had the time,” he replied soberly, as he
drew from his pocket what I supposed to be a watch; but it was
too small to be clearly distinguishable. He pressed it in his hand,
and I heard a sound or voice clearly enunciating: ‘‘ Thirty-four
degrees after the eighteenth.” Before I could say a word he re-
sumed, “It is too late to-night; perhaps you will save my time by
telling me the substance of it?”

“Flattered, I’m sure.” I felt as if I was again in school ; but
after a moment’s reflection I cleared my throat and began:

“The Kingdom of England—”

“The what?” he asked, with a puzzled look.

“The Kingdom of England—where the English live—”

«What are the English?”

“Oh, come,” said I, laughing, “you are talking English! We
are both talking English!”

“Well, well,” he said; “I was thinking a while ago how it could
be that you were able to speak good Forolarian”; and he burst out
laughing. Then suddenly-ceasing he went on, “ But if we begin on
the mysteries we shall never get to the invited states. Pray go on.”

“These English, you see, colonized a portion of America—”

“A portion of America—that is the name of a place?”

“Oh, what is the use!” I broke off angrily. «Tf T define every
word I use, I shall never reach a conclusion. If you would like to
pursue the subject further, my library is at your service.”

“Thank you,” he replied, with dignity; “perhaps I could glean
some information from ¢ha¢ source.” I made no reply.

Presently, seeing that he wandered about the table in rather
an aimless way, I asked, “Can I be of service?”



A LOST OPPORTUNITY 75

“Tf you could suggest some method of reaching the floor—”
I offered him the ruler. He seated himself cautiously upon it,
and I lowered him gently to the floor.
“Quite a walk to the book-case!” was his next observation. I
had n’t thought of it, but proffered my services once more.



“J LOWERED HIM GENTLY TO THE FLOOR.”

“Which shelf would you prefer?” I asked, as respectfully as
possible, for certainly it was not an ordinary question.

“A matter of indifference to me, sir,” he replied with a mite of
a bow.

“Equally one to me,” I replied, with a bow in return. I was
resolved that he should do some thinking for himself.

“Let us say the lowest, then”; and he glanced at the upper
shelves, perhaps calculating the possible result of a misstep.

I left him on the lowest shelf, returning to the table to put

away the microscope. A slight cough drew my attention to the
book-case.























> SAID THE LITTLE FELLOW, AS HE PACED TO AND FRO

“£17 ADMIRE THE BINDINGS,

ALONG THE SHELF.”



A LOST OPPORTUNITY ha

“J admire the bindings,” said the little fellow, as he paced to
and fro along the shelf.

“T am gratified by your approval,” was my indifferent reply.

“Particularly this one,” he went on. “ Let me see,” he leaned
far backward, and with much difficulty read the title: ‘The Works
of Sha-kés-peare.’ I should like to read them.”

“Very well,” I answered politely.

“Much obliged,” said he fiercely. ‘‘ Please lend me an electric
derrick !”

“Pardon my stupidity—let me take it down for you.” I stepped
to the book-case, laid the book upon the floor, and returned to my
work. A silence then ensued, which lasted so long that I looked
up to see how he was progressing.

He was sitting on the shelf with his tiny legs hanging despair-
ingly over a gulf of some six inches between himself and the floor.
He was afraid to jump and ashamed to ask help. Catching my eye,
he laughed and said:

“Tam rather out of training just now, and not fond of jumping!”

“Say no more!” I lifted him to the floor, and turned away;
but only to be recalled by a faint ejaculation. His mishaps were
truly ingenious. He was caught beneath the cover of the book.

“My foot slipped,” he explained with some confusion; ‘but if it
had n't, I believe I could have opened the book all by myself!”

“J will not leave you, now, until everything is in proper order,”
I replied; for it occurred to me that to have any accident happen
to him might be a very perplexing thing. Opening the book, I
picked him up gingerly between my fingers, first asking pardon
for the liberty, and deposited him softly upon the first page of
aiivemlenpestam

“Are you all right now?” I inquired, to make sure.

“J believe so,” said he, as he began to read—running to and



78 IMAGINOTIONS

fro upon the page. However, I sat down near by and watched him,
fearing ‘some new difficulty. He read with much interest, and
seemed to enjoy it thoroughly, except when he came to the turn-
ing of a page. That was a nuisance indeed, as he had to turn
up one edge, crawl over it, and then lift the page over.

“Have n't you a smaller edition of this fellow’s writings?” he



“HE WAS CAUGHT BENEATH THE COVER OF THE BOOK.”

asked, somewhat exhausted by his efforts. “This is like reading
sign-boards !”

“No,” I replied shortly, “but if it tires you, you can read some-
thing else.”

“But,” said he, with some enthusiasm, “this is really quite good.
It’s equal to some of Wacoth’s earlier and cruder work! It shows
a talent that would well repay cultivation!”

“Yes, it zs very fair,” I replied, quietly; ‘““Shakspere certainly
has produced some creditable plays—at least, we think so.”

“T should like to have known him,” went on my undisturbed



A LOST OPPORTUNITY 79

visitor. “I think we would have been congenial. Don’t you
think so?”

I paid no attention to this. What could I say?

“We consider him one of the best writers in the language,” I
said finally.

“T would like to hear about them,” he said.

I pretended not to understand this hint; but he waited very
patiently, and returned my gaze with quiet expectation.

“Now, look here,” said I, calmly weighing my words, “I have,
at present, other occupations which, I regret to say,”— this was sar-
castic, — prevent me from undertaking to give you a really thorough
course in English literature. I might be more inclined to do so
if 1 had something to begin on. Have you ever heard of Homer?”

“Yes,” he answered eagerly; “my father has a cousin of that
name — Homer Woggs!”

“T cannot believe it is the same man,” said I, soberly. He
seemed much disappointed. ‘At all events,” I went on, “you can-
not fail to see the folly of expecting me to explain to you all the events
which have taken place since the world began. I finished school some
years ago, and have no desire to review the whole curriculum.”

I turned resolutely away and left him to his own devices. I
worked quietly for a few moments, only to be interrupted by a
Renewals ;

«What ’s the matter now?” I asked, irritably.

“JT ’m tired of lugging over these pages !”

“Well, don’t do it. Sit down. Repose.”

“But I’m interested in the play!”

“I’m not going to turn the pages for you.”

“ Could n’t you read it aloud to me ?” he asked, with cool assurance.

“T could, but I won't,” I replied, rudely enough; but I was pro-
voked at his impudence.



80 IMAGINOTIONS

«You are very obliging,” he said, sneeringly.

I made no reply. After a pause he made a suggestion.

« Although determined not to aid me to an occupation, perhaps you
will not object to my sitting by and seeing what you are doing ?”

I could not refuse so reasonable a request. I raised him to the
table and gave him a paper-weight to sit upon.

He quietly watched me until I began to unscrew the glasses
from my microscope, when he said carelessly: ‘I myself am a
microscopic amateur!”

“Tt is an interesting subject,” I replied.

“Yes, My success with the Mincroft glass was remarkable.”

“The Mincroft glass,—I do not know it,—what is its nature?”
I asked, with some natural curiosity.

“Why, the composite lens invented by Mincroft, which enables
one to see the whole of a large object at once, all parts being equally
magnified —but I bore you?” He pretended to yawn.

“On the contrary,” I said, eagerly, “it has been my keenest
desire to invent such an instrument. Pray describe it!”

“But it is so simple; any school-boy can explain it to you,” he
said, with feigned indifference.

“But how can such a marvel be accomplished?” I insisted, car-
ried away by curiosity.

“Do you really mean to say you never heard of it?” he inquired
in a drawling tone, designed, I thought, to annoy me.

“Never! And I would give anything to understand it!”

He seemed amused by my eagerness, and, smiling indulgently,
continued in the same tone: “Why, that is a trifle—a mere toy
compared with the wonderful Angertort Tube. Now, that is what 7
should call an zzvention /”

“What! Another discovery of which I have never heard? The
Angertort Tube, did you say? When were these inventions made ?”



A LOST OPPORTUNITY 81

“T believe it was during the third century, before the second
gréat Migration, but for exactness I shall have to refer you to the
school-books. I never was good at dates. However, it does n't
matter; these were but the first-fruits of the revival of science —
when chemismication first superseded steam and electricity.”



“HE PRETENDED TO YAWN.”

This was too much. “Steam and electricity superseded? They
are yet in their infancy with us!”

“Oh,” he replied, laughing, “you are far behind the times. We
disused both as soon as we learned to control dynamic atomicity.”

“You must be ages in advance of us. I beg you to explain some
of these marvels to me.”

,

‘“‘T have other occupations,’

said he, roguishly, “and, to my great
6



82 IMAGINOTIONS

regret, they will prevent my tutoring you in the A B C’s of science.
You must think me very obliging!” and he arose, put his hands in













i)

{Kh

“¢yoU CAN GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM!’”

his trousers-pockets, and sauntered away across the table, whistling
softly to himself.
I lost my temper.
“You cantankerous little midget, you will answer my questions
or I Il send you back where you came from!”



A LOST OPPORTUNITY 83

He turned sharply upon me, and exclaimed:

“You great hulking booby, do you expect me to bore myself
by giving lessons in primary science to a cross-grained, disobliging
fellow who will not take the trouble to tell me who excited the states,
who Shakespeare is, or to read me even one of his plays? No, sir!
You KEEP YOUR SECRETS AND I LL KEEP MINE. As to going back
where I came from, I would be glad to rid you of my presence in-
stantly —if only I knew how.”

“T ll try it, anyhow!” I cried, so angry that I hardly knew what
I said. ‘You came out of my microscope, and into it you shall
go again!” I caught him up, dropped him into the tube, screwed
on the top, and was pleased to see the little black spot reappear in
the disk. Opening the window, I threw out the disk, and was amazed
to see that, instead of falling, it floated away through the motionless
air like a piece of thistle-down before a summer breeze. It soon left
the area of light coming from my window, and was lost to view.

“Aha!” I said, with deep satisfaction. “Now you can go back
where you came from!”

I sat down beside my table, and, as my anger cooled, began to
think it all over. At first I felt great relief to be rid of the little
pest, who fretted me by his pertinacity and piqued my self-esteem by
his air of superiority.

But gradually my temper: cooled, and as I recovered my sane
judgment I began to reflect that ordinary civility to the little mani-
kin might have induced him to tell me enough to have secured me
fame and fortune, or even to have made me a benefactor to my
whole race; and I felt bitter shame that my ill humor and foolish
pride had caused me pettishly to throw away an opportunity greater
than had ever been granted to any human being.

Still, he was so provoking and so altogether irritating that I am
inclined to think you yourself would have done very much the same.





THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE

AM not sorry that I became an astrologer. The work is monoto-

nous but not wearing, and the hours are short. As an appren-

tice I was a hard student, and frequently consulted the stars;
but now, without conceit, I think I speak within bounds in saying
that I know all there is to know about planets, stars, asteroids,
comets, nebulz, and horoscopes, and twice as much as any other
astrologer of my weight; so I seldom refresh my memory by going,
through my telescope, directly to nature.

I admit it is inconvenient to be obliged to wear a thick woolen
robe on warm days. I also admit that a shorter beard would be

84



THE ASTROLOGERS NIECE 85

less in my way, and that I might shave if my customers did not
object. I do not deny that my raven, a second-hand bird which once
belonged to Zadkiel, is a nuisance, because of his continually stealing
my spectacles. As I have only one pair, it is very hard to find them
when I have no spectacles to find them with. The bird is not
sympathetic, and enjoys my annoyance over the search; croaking
derisively as I go stumbling around among dusty old books and
brittle glass crucibles. This irritates me; and I put him on bread
and water, which irritates him.

My calculations are a bore; and I am very apt to pinch my
fingers or entangle my beard in the celestial globe. My customers
are greedy, and insist upon being kings, duchesses, pirates, and so
on, ignoring the indications which plainly show them to be intended
for hurdy-gurdy players, scissors-grinders, or poets. The planets
are all right; I have no particular fault to find with the fixed stars;
but those vagabonds, the comets, will often act in the most unfriendly
way,— spoiling my very best combinations. It makes customers
ill-natured, and they hold me responsible, just as though I arranged
the comets to suit myself! Perhaps it is not strange that lam a
trifle touchy; I feel sure astrologers will agree that I am no more
nervous than is excusable under the trials of the profession. Still,
I repeat, I am satisfied with my vocation. I did hesitate between
star-gazing and saw-filing; but I think my choice was not unwise;
for, as an astrologer, 1 became more or less familiar with magic,—
a pleasant recreation if pursued with proper discretion, but not fit
for children. While I lived alone, I had no trouble with it; for
although I made mistakes, I was indulgent enough to overlook
them.

But when my only sister unfortunately died and left a lovely
little daughter alone in the world, whom nobody else could be

persuaded to adopt, I foolishly consented to bring up that child.
6*



86 ’ IMAGINOTIONS

It was an amiable, even admirable, weakness — but, my stars! what
curious things a child can do!

I had had no kindergarten experience. I was never in an or-
phan asylum, so far as I know, and I was an only son. I knew no-
thing of children, except such superficial acquaintance as enabled me
to foretell their futures and to advise parents about bringing them
up; and yet in my old age I was thus, by an accident, forced to take
full charge of a small girl of very decided traits—born with Jupiter
in the ascendant, and Mercury not far off! What bothered me most
was her goodness. A bad child can be coaxed and punished; but
an affectionate, mischievous, obedi-
ent, and innocent girl—what caz be
done with her?

I never thought of locking up
my books of magic—and she must
have read them, I suppose; for, be-
fore I knew it, that youngster was
working spells and charms, fixing
up enchantments, and making trans-
formations which required more time
to disentangle than I could readily
spare from my business hours.

The first disagreeable experi-
ence resulted from her having read
about some old flying horse in Greece,
Turkey, or elsewhere, and she took to
wandering about the fields keeping a |
bright lookout for him! I suspect she became discouraged, and re-
solved to make one for herself, since she caught a little colt, fixed a pair
of wings by some spell or other upon the colt’s shoulders, and attempted
to harness him with flowers; whereupon he flew away! It could n't



MY NIECE’S EXPERIMENT IN MAGIC.



Full Text





IMAGINOTIONS











; yyy

We



Th ee ay

Hutt ‘A tte Uy : SW as
TT Se is oR TTA





“Ui coe Me a LE
AMUSO
Pe





S Wom
ictttnneatcnenec ca MATA
cin M\: Oe







——




a Fi oF
z sae
ied Bs SE
=== Sera MUM ar 5 =



SSCL YE nee

SE I ne

LET Lo Mh 5 viva a Fae eee
Zs a,
af ;

THE COUNCILORS RETURN TO THE PALACE WITH THEIR REPORTS. (SEE PAGE 148.)
IMAGINOTIONS

TRUTHLESS TALES

BY

TUDOR JENKS



NEW YORK
THE CENTURY CO.
1894
Copyright, 1883, 1886, 1888, 1889, 1890,
1891, 1892, 1893, 1894, by TuE CENTURY Co.

THE De VINNE PRESS
CHAP.

II.
III.
IV.

VI.
VII.
VIII.
xe
x
pal
px
Sxl
xa,
xe,
XVI.

Saya
OVI,
XODS,

CONTENTS

PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY .
THe ToncaLoo TOURNAMENT .
THE DRAGON’S STORY

A Due. IN a DESERT .



THE SEQUEL

A Lost OPpporTUNITY .

Tur ASTROLOGER’s NIECE

Tue ASTROLOGER’S NigecE MARRIES .

THE WINNING OF VANELLA .

THE PROFESSOR AND THE PATAGONIAN GIANT
THE PRINCE’S COUNCILLORS .

TEDDY AND THE WOLF. .

LitTtLe PLUNKETT’s CousIN



PROFESSOR CHIPMUNK’S SURPRISING ADVENTURE
THE SATCHEL .

Goop NEIGHBORS .

ANTHONY AND THE ANCIENTS... -..

A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S ....

GENE STVAURUE occas fs te

PAGE

III
125
134.
149

EIS Or MEGS Tie TIONS,

PAGE
The Councilors return to the Palace with their Reports . . . FRONTISPIECE

«The Wizard said: ‘I caught you well. I think it will come out good.’” 7
(Ulaalap aN TRAE EWG uk a on a
Ce DOMMOOn Mh eLbabemcricd pe lo te Witkard eo ee 12

“* Taking the shate very gingerly in his left hand, he spun the little wheels
OLD HISMIDODT ee re

‘A fish out of water was nothing to the antics of that unfortunate Savage” 23

“«I do not think the Chief was ever more amused in his life than when he
SU ROLLESUONNONMIVE TOUCTS i ee a iu UA

** As soon as the crowd had gained a good lead on us we cut off our skates

Gia) SUI OUP SO? We WAH) 5 BY

‘« There was no doubt of the result” . . . . . : Se aS
The Indolent Wizard on the magic camel meets the be Meee in the

desert ee ee ee

WRC GUn a EGeNatSCS: ARGU We

SO ROLUNGIANTNCLIAUCSE LOMCH ANSICC te yc ee 40

The Magician and the Wizard go home . . » » « « « «© « «© 50

06 [Baar G) SOs ISO We DUH WOR 5 5 5 OH

WibceS ha viice Of UA OVOyIe

‘© * What does the Celestial Orb require?’ said the Grand Vigir” . . . 59

xi
xil LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

PAGE
“<* And where are my adherents ?’ I shouted. ‘Here!’ said Dorema” . . 63
“« After an examination, he declared it was neither Animal, Vegétable, nor
Mancha ean tre ire Mee! GRE NR ae NOES Ua Manet unio rae Or)
sake pone (Dowou meni to cal tneeuge 2 Ape ee ee ee CO
SOT MGA LID: (HAI 0) HAG HOUR 5 8 3 hg gg oo 8 oS)
“« «1 admire the bindings,’ said the little fellow, as he paced to and fro along
the shelf” Pe Ree cs : ON te erate ARLE rave era Coen)
“* He was caught beneath the cover i DE DOO Tia eee ere alate aes eet
HOE BRAD HO) II OG ae eo Be eee os 6) 0, 6) OM
Oe YOUN CAI OO DAC WDEnCVOU CUIne {OM Ware) ae hae gre eee iO?
My Niece’s Experiment in Magic Cee en ese ee are eee UES O)
Aniioalop tbe commencial Magician i.) aig 7 cuit ee) et eS
The Magician began a powerful invocation . . . . . « « » + + 90
The Sluggard, considering ... .« . . . Sica Ee Ma re aie OIE
“We came to a gate guarded by two Ethiopians in ae GCS ee ee OS
«© * Does anybody know anything about anything in particular ?’ asked the
TENCE a een cd ee Se sae eee Gnibren ete faa OO)
The Royal Guards surround the Ve SWN GCC pen a er ae ee are OLS
“¢« This is preposterous!’ said the Duck, in a rage” HD ies oie ie oe a mehr)
“<« Fare thee well, gentle dame,’ I replied” Fe Sn iee seer es eoeue aml ins
‘“« He called me to bim, and presented me to the Princess” . . . . « «INT
‘“‘ Taking the goblet from the sideboard, he handedittome’” . . . . . 121
‘ see AND OIC LICH. OLE VON Gee eaten sie ten ep ite tee eee a gee TEC)
The Giant and the Professor settle it amicably .. . . 1. 1 ww ee 131

»

“« His Majesty courageously jumped overboard and waded ashore”. . . . 137
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS Xl

PAGE
Oeonibe Councilors ee 8
The Page and the Maid of Honor heep a Candy-store . . » + + + + IA]
Tipe 165
Prof. Chipmunk relating bis Adventure. . «6 + + + ee ee TU
The Professor on bis Travels in the ‘‘ Trap” =» « «© « + + + 5 6 I75

“« The little Man held bis lantern near my face and said: ‘I think I must
ieee ee ee NG ieee TiO)
‘«« Perhaps,’ said the little Man, ‘ having lived on centuries, I may be old

have made a mistake’

enough to advise a young man of twenty-thr Cee . 183
“« Before I could interfere they were fighting for their lives”’ Se Seo
«<< That must be the footprint of Mr. Megalopod,’ said the Agent” se OO
«| pulled his shoe-string, to attract his attention a a Sa lole
Visercauh wpormbe MCR GIOpOdS Aye a ee 198
MincaBuilchanccwonuberDaOy) we Oe
GrodeiyMOnnenVicna@lOPOGS a 0 203
“I turned, and saw a gigantic elk coming toward me LEU eas a eae al heen OO
VA IHONYNINGRESINE CANAIG Mee a ea 211
“© She’s the model image of the Speedy Susan,’ said Satlor Ben Ceo er ee)
“© They surrounded us, and we hauled down our flags without firin’ a gun
De TEM Oe Ad IAT ey
“<< Tt’sago!’ I says, takin’ him up right OA cas oem ie 2
‘« Round and round, round and round” =. 6 6 + 6 ee ees 224

SEO A LO OMCNICI Ma LESCTC SEOUL 2 tee eck eel a . 226
IMAGINOTIONS


PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY

N old manuscript recently discovered by a German professor
seems to indicate a very early origin for the photographic
camera.

The original text is in Sanskrit, and the translation is faithful in
all respects. The preamble, as usual, recites the titles of the poten-
tate who figures in the story, and I omit most of it. The first sen-
tence, however, helps us to fix the date.

It ran thus: ‘In the period of rulers from the land over the sea,
when the ice-bridge existed, in the times of the forefathers of the an-
cestors of the forerunners; in the reign of the great, wise, strongest-
in-battle and swiftest-in-retreat, the outrunner-of-the-chariots-of-the-
five-toed-horses, in the thirteenth period after the slaying of the
next-to-last toothed bird”— and so on.

The references to the glacial period, to the original form of the
present horse, and to the pterodactyl will convince any student of

I
I
2 IMAGINOTIONS

geology that this document is perhaps the oldest in existence. In-
deed, the university has conferred upon the professor a purple ribbon
to wear on Sundays in recognition of this remarkable discovery. I
will add only that the old papyrus which contained the story was
found with others in a stone chest upheaved during an earthquake in
Asia Minor.

Thus runs the story:

Came rumors and sayings tothe sharp ear of the ruler, who
gave orders to the swordbearer and bowmen to betake them to the
cave of the image-maker, and, having laid hands upon him, to walk
him quickly to the ruler’s house.

But he of the sword did shake in his sandal-straps, and his hair
did point skyward, while his teeth tapped together; for the image-
maker was known to be a wizard and talker with the winds. Before
then no one had dared so much as to throw a rock at the cave-
dweller.

The ruler turned his eye upon the swordbearer and saw his
fright. Yet the ruler said no word, for he loved his people, and
knew that the wizard must be taken. Rather would he have sent
his whole army one by one to come out no more from the dark-
ness of the dread cave than that harm should come to himself or to
his people, for he had the heart of a dinosaurus, one of the green
kind. .[Note: The professor insists this is right, but I think the ad-
jective plainly refers to the apteryx, which was of a dusky emerald
color when enraged. ]

The swordbearer, having taken a damp farewell, gathered the
bowmen and went toward the rising sun; but his heart was cold.
When the fourth pinkness of dawning dyed the sky, came black fig-
ures against the blue at the ending of the earth where rises the
world-lighter, and before the gong for the morning meal had thrice
PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 3

been rung to waken the sleep-loving-in-the-morning ruler, the sword-
pearer came bringing the wicked wizard.

The wizard carried a chest or coffer, black, and covered close
with hide, but having a dull eye at one end, and knobs and round
trimmings, wrought curiously and of strange magic and witchery.
[Nore: Evidently the primitive camera, with the usual buttons. |

When the day was strong, arose the ruler, and ate half a zebra
with trilobite sauce. ;

Then did I, his scribe, tell him humbly that the wizard awaited
him.

«Where is my spear and my sword?” quoth the ruler.

«“ Here,” said the scribe, my poor self.

“Put on my leather coat, bronze hat, and leggings of scarlet
leather, the finest in the kingdom,” quoth he, “that the wizard and
the warriors and the maidens may see me in all my beauty, the
strong war-ruler.”

It was done, and never finer appeared the man of muscle who
carries the heaviest club. ©

«Bring in the wizard,” said Batta,—‘ who is there that is
afraid?”

Then did my one knee exchange greetings with its fellow, as
I the scribe went forth. For I was sore in terror, but Batta was
not scared, though he was pale from his long sleep.

Forth went I to the swordbearer, gave greeting, and bade him
bring in him-who-makes-images. :

So the wizard was brought into the light of the presence of
Batta, our ruler, who spoke thus:

«Well done, Swordbearer. You have caught him, the bat who
flies in darkness. Did he scratch you?”

“Not at all,” answered he of the sword. “I bade him vow by
the sun that he would do me no injury. And he said he would
4 IMAGINOTIONS

vow me by the sun, the moon, the stars, or by whatsoever, ifonly again
I would not poke him with my sword. So came he most quietly.”

“Tt was well done,” quoth Batta. ‘There is yet some zebra.
Regale yourself. The sauce, too, is good.”

Then my ruler and I were left with the wizard. +

“Tt has come to my ear,” spake Batta, “that you live in a dark-
some cave beneath the hill that is before the sun, and work witch-
craft, catching away my people’s souls with thy black box. What say
you, O Wizard?”

The wizard smiled, but his lips were of the color of sand.

“© Batta,” thus spake he, “I am but a poor man. I gather
simples, herbs in the woods. I do cook them over the burning of
sticks and of the black-stone-which-burns-long. Thus do I extract
their strength, and therewith do that which to common men seems
strange.” .

“« But,” said Batta, “all this is naught. What of the box —the
soul-catcher?”

“Tt is but a picture-box,” said the wizard. “It is curiously
wrought, and will do in a winking of your royal eyelid more than a
cunning worker in paint can do from dawn to dark.”

« But,” again spoke Batta, “that is witchcraft.”

«Nay, great ruler,” replied the wizard, “ it is no witchcraft, and
it harms no one.”

“] fear me,” said the ruler, making as he spoke a sniffing with
his nose, “that there is the smell of enchantment about thee.”

«“ Pardon, wise ruler,” replied he of the box; “ that is but the
odor of herb-extracts I use in making images.”

« And the stains upon thy hands?” asked the keen-eyed, the
wise Batta.

“ The same extracts,” replied the wizard. “I can hardly remove
them, though I wash me until I am weary with washing.”
PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 5

«You have a glib tongue,” was the saying of the ruler, “but I
fear me it is of two ends.”

«Not so,” answered the wizard; “there is nothing of the black
Proinmmes it isa simple thing, Ido sce——* and he raised the box.

«Point it not at me!” spake Batta, rapidly. “Try it on yon
scribe, for if harm should befall him there are more among my
people.”

Then would I have fled, but my legs sank beneath me.

« Have no fear,” said the wizard; “I have but to touch this little
piece, and all is done, without harm to any.”

“T know nothing of your box,” said Batta, and did lay chin upon
his hand, like a counselor; “but mayhap | had better drop thee
and. thy box into the sea that rests not.”

Then the wizard set down the magic chest, and smote his
breast. At last he spoke:

“ Great ruler,” said he, ‘if you will give me a few more risings
and settings of the sun, and will send to my cave your scribe, |
will show to him all my art, so that he may make the picture-flats,
likewise. You know that he is no evil-worker, and he can tell you
all my art. If not, you will know that I am speaking with a false
tongue, and can throw me from the cliff down where the waves roll
white.”

“T js little risk,” replied my ruler; “a scribe more or a scribe
less does not count in the roll of the fighting-men. Take him, and
work thy wicked will upon him until the moon is a round shield.
Come then again, and thou shalt be released or thrown into the sea
which eats boats.”

Then went I on my knees to the great Batta, trying with my
tears to melt his heart. But as the drops from the wide-foot bird's
back, so rolled my tears from the heart of Batta, who cared only for
the good of his people.
6 IMAGINOTIONS

So went I with the wizard to the cave to learn of the picture-
flats.

Midnight moonless was bright day to the lightless gloom of that
cavern. But there was a fire in front which gleamed like the fire-
flashing fly of the swamps in the early of the year. And we ate of
divers strange things. There were two-shelled soft fish that he
did fry until they were toothsome. [Note: Perhaps a form of the
fried oyster.] And there were also the thin-shelled sea-pinchers
who go sidewise as doth a maiden seeing a gnawer of grain.

Wearied by the walk, I slept till the birds sang, and then rose
to the meal of dawn.

Soon after, the wizard brought out his box, and though I shrank
in terror from it, he did smile and encourage me till I put a finger
upon it. It bit me not, and I felt braver. But a scribe is not a war-
rior. His blood is but ink.

The wizard said:

“O Scribe, fear not. ’T is a box such as holds thy styluses and
reed-pens. But it has curious bits of bronze and of rock-you-can-
see-through, whereby it makes pictures. Come, and I will give you
the knowing of it.” ;

Then he did open it; and it was black inside as a burnt stick,
and had an eye in the fore part. He clicked at it with the fore-
finger, and did put in a flat piece like gray flint, and behold! a pic-
ture thereon, like unto the clear of view of midday, but smaller than
the face ina baby’s eye. It was most marvelous! He did also twist
a bit of bronze around and brought a fog upon the little picture,
which, however, presently cleared away as he did twist more.

[Note: Apparently the “wizard” was trying the focus upon
what answered for the ground glass. ]

Thus did he several times, and behold I grew ate ane did the

same under his direction!
ogee

Pabedizaed.

Gne-whe-~
Wakes — images.







“THE WIZARD SAID: ‘I CAUGHT YOU WELL. I THINK IT WILL COME OUT GooD.’”
8 IMAGINOTIONS

Then went we forth under the sky, and the wizard asked if I
would throw up my hood and catch it again. In wonder at his silli-
ness, I nevertheless did that folly. And just then I heard the click-
ing of the box, and the wizard said:

“JT caught you well. I think it will come out good.” Thereat
was I sore afraid lest my foolish play with my hood had wrought
witchery upon me. I waited to see what would “come
out.” But naught came forth, nor did I see that he had
me caught, for I had full freedom of limbs as before.
He went into the cave,
and I followed his
footsteps. It was
dark therein ; but
when he told
methatI must
come, I went,
though I
Ld shook yet a
“little. “‘ For,”
said I to my-
7 self, “even
if I escape the wizard by
running forth, he, the mighty
and swift-footed Batta, will
have me sure by the tunic.”

Solwent. There was a little light burning there, but the wizard
did forthwith blow it out with the breath of his mouth, and did with
a flint enkindle another light—a horrible light, the color of the crim-
son at sunset. Even yet with eyes shut I can see that witch-glow.

There in the redness did he open his box, draw forth a strange
contrivance from which came a flat, light-colored shell, four-cornered,










UNDER THE RED LIGHT.
PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 9

and thin like scraped horn. This was dropped into an earthen dish
which held some most ill-smelling compound. And he rocked the
dish, to and fro, smiling a ghastly smile,—such as is the grin of the
long shark in the water of the deep. But behold, the dark and the
light took shape and became an image! And if all the prophets and -
if all the counselors of the tribe were to prophesy till the hair of all
was gray upon their shoulders, they could not have divined what was
the image which came forth to mock me!

It was my soul. For as I leaped in the air to catch my. hood,
the wizard had caught my soul from me and fixed it there within
the awful black-box-which-has-an-eye! But I was changed so that
my own dear mother would not have known me. My face, paler
than that of the sunburned warriors, was black like those of the
men of the far south whose hair twists. My dark tunic was like
the snow that flies in the sky when men walk upon rivers and the
flowers die. All was like nothing I ever saw.

Then did the wizard wash the flat piece in a spring that came
from the rock near at hand, and he did wash and wash again, until
even the weariness of the rocking was not so long. Then did he
soak the piece in another liquor in yet another dish, while I was
faint with the long darkness.

Gladly I saw the sunlight again, and heard the birds chirp as
if black caves were not.

“ More washing?” I asked; for it seemed that there would never
be an end of the plashing of water.

“ Only a little,” said the wizard. He did fix the flat piece next in
a four-sided frame, and cooked it in the sunshine, while I wondered
if he would desire me to eat my soul, baked in the sun, for dinner!

But after he had baked the frame, he did break it open, and
then came more washing. I thought that the wizard would wear
out his fingers with much plashing in the water.
IO IMAGINOTIONS

| think that my eyelids must have shut me to sleep for a while,
but when I opened them there stood the wizard, and in his hand
he did hold a picture wherein I was shown to leap like a horse in
fresh pasture, bounding after my hood in the air with the fool-play
I have told.

Thus saw I first the making of pictures, and that day was like
many that followed. Nay, I did even make pictures myself with the
wizard to stand by and say, “Do thou this,” ““Do thou so”; but of
the witchcraft of it little did I know. I was but as his hand or foot
in doing his bidding. ;

In all that we did the wizard feared the light. For he said that
the sun would steal away the pictures—which seemed strange enough
to me.

Meanwhile grew the moon, till it came round like a shield, and
we were to go to the ruler. The last day I was with the wizard, |
did make two pictures by myself, and he did praise me and gave me
one wherein I did look too sweet, like unto the coo-bird, and brave
as the roarer is brave before the bleater. This received I gladly, for
I knew not before how comely I was.

At sunrise did we set forth for the dwelling of Batta, the saga-_
cious-in-combat. The wizard carried the wonder-box. I did carry
earthenware jars filled with liquids and compounds, very heavy, and I
did also carry many of the flat pieces, each closed cunningly in a case
like a quiver.

When we came unto the town, Batta sat upon his throne be-
neath a sun-shield.

«Aha! Wizard,” he cried, “then you have not eaten our scribe ?
’T is as well, mayhap. Now, has he learned your art?”

“In sooth, that has he,” said the wizard, cheerfully. «Will not
you try him?”

“That I will,” spake Batta. ‘Go thou to work, Scribe, and take
PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY Il

three trials. Paint me the picture of Batta— Batta who puts foes
to flight! Three trials shall be thine, and then —”

So ceased Batta. But when the wizard tried to go with me
to the hut, Batta forbade him.

Then did I as I saw the wizard do ere he took the box for
making a picture, and forth I sallied to do my best.

As I came forth, I pointed the box at the great Batta, and I
pushed upon the magic piece, and hurried back to the hut, which had
been made dark save for the crimson light which we brought from
the cave. Here went I through the washing. But no picture came!

Then strode I forth in sadness.

The wizard pointed an accusing finger at the box, as I came
out from the darkness of the hut, and then knew I what I had done!
I had not uncovered the eye of the box!

Again I essayed, and fled into the hut, but with careless hand
did put the flat into the wrong dish. And behold again no pic-
ture came!

Then came I forth in sadness.

The wizard’s face was like a dull day when the leaves are fall-
ing. But when I again pointed the magic-box, and opened its eye,
and set in the proper pieces with all due caution, he smiled again.

With backward step, I betook myself for the last time to the
dark hut, and rocked and washed and soaked and washed till I
was weary like unto the slaves that row the galley of Batta.

And this time the picture came forth like sunshine after a rain;
and it was Batta— Batta upon his throne, and dressed as for war.
Then rushed I forth rejoicing with my prize, and the wizard made
merry.

Into the warm sun did I set the picture to cook, and when I
took it forth it was so like to Batta that I renee it would speak ;
and I showed it to him proudly.











Wie

5

lh, yy
i Wa
MT



Yi

cae
fi













““po I LOOK LIKE THAT?’



CRIED HE TO THE WIZARD.”
PREHISTORIC PHOTOGRAPHY 13

But, as the cloud comes over the face of the sun, so descended
wrath upon the black brows of the great ruler as he gazed.

‘Do I look like ¢hat?” cried he to the wizard.

“Tt is your very image!” spoke up one of the younger warriors.

“ You are banished for life!” roared the just and great ruler of
his people. And it was so from that day forth. ‘Do I look like
that?” he asked again, with the voice of a thunder-peal, this time
turning to the white-haired counselor, he-who-speaks-little-but-
wisely.

“‘T would not be so foolish as to say it was like you, great Batta!”
answered the counselor; and the rest who stood about said that his
words were wise. .

“ Your art is no art!” then said the great Batta; and, calling the
swordbearer, he ordered that the wizard’s box should be thrown into
the sea, together with his vile compounds, his dishes, the liquids, and
his flat pieces and the baleful red-fire maker.

And it was done upon that instant.

“Tt were best to send thee with thy tools!” said Batta; and in a
moment the wizard was hurried to the brink of the cliff which hangs
over the playground of the waves —

‘Here the manuscript is torn, and it is impossible to decipher it
further. But I am sure that the reader will agree with me in decid-
ing that it contains an early account of photography, and also that
the conclusion, imperfect as it is, would lead one to suppose that the
art was somewhat discouraged.

Those who desire to verify the translation will find the original
document among the archives of the Grand Lama’s Museum in
Tibet. You will find it at the back of the top shelf on the left-hand
side.
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT

HEN I was a young man, about thirty years of age, I came

\ | \ to the city to make my fortune. I had no profession and

was ready to do anything honorable that promised me

fair wages. To save my thoney, I boarded with another young

fellow who was also looking for work. He was hardly more than a
boy, about fifteen, I think, but he may have been younger.

His name was Marmaduke Ferron, and I think he must have
been French, he was always so gay and confident. Nothing made
him blue. Even when we had spent all but enough to pay one
week’s board he would not be discouraged. He went every day to
answer advertisements or to ask for work.

I was older, came of Scotch stock, and was more easily dis-
heartened.

One day, after a long tramp about the city without finding any-
thing except an agency to sell very poor chromos, | came in, and
settled down by our little cylinder stove, entirely hopeless. I had
about made up my mind to go back to my country home, when
Marmaduke came in. He seemed very jolly, and for the first mo-
ment I thought he must have found work. Then I remembered
that he always did come back in a happy frame of mind, and I
became gloomy again.

This time, however, Marmaduke had found something — though
I was inclined to sneer when he told me what it was.

14
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 15

“Well, our luck has turned at last!” said he, brightly. “I knew
it would.”

“Have you found a place?” I inquired, with but little interest.

“Yes,” he answered. ‘And what is better, I have found a place
for you, too.”

«What is it?” I asked, with some little hope.

“I went to answer an advertisement calling for agents willing to
travel abroad,” said Marmaduke, “and I found a firm of dealers in
notions who wanted two young men to go to Corea and sell a mis-
cellaneous cargo.”

“Corea? Where ’s Corea?” I asked, for I had only a vague
notion of the country.

‘Don’t know, I’m sure,” said Marmaduke, as if impatient of the
interruption ; “but the old man I saw was quite confidential with me.
He told me that his firm had bought a large number of roller-skates
and did n’t quite know what to do with them.”

“Why don’t they sell them?”

“They can’t. These are the old-fashioned kind. They fasten
with straps,” Marmaduke explained, “and all the new roller-skates
fasten with clamps. So there is no market for them in this country.”

“And why do they think they will sell in Corea?” I asked, but
with little interest, for the whole scheme seemed to me very absurd.
‘“ How did the firm come to buy them?”

“There ’s a queer story about that,” said Marmaduke earnestly.
“They told me about it in confidence; but I can tell you, because
we are going into this enterprise together.”

“ You ’re sure of that?” I asked, smiling in spite of myself.

“It ’s a splendid chance!” said Marmaduke. “The way they
came to buy them was this: the senior partner of the firm is getting
old and is a little shaky in his intellect, but he loves to buy things;
and as his partners are his sons, they don’t like to interfere with his
16 IMAGINOTIONS

pleasure. Usually he buys only trifles, but somehow he had an idea
that these skates were a great investment and he has bought hun-
dreds of them. He expects to ‘realize,’ as they say, a large profit.”

« How ridiculous!” I broke in.

“T don’t think so,” said Marmaduke. ‘I think the old man has
a very level head. Do you remember Lord Timothy Dexter and
the warming-pans?”

“No, I don’t,” I answered, and he was too impatient to tell me
about it. He was full of the Corean enterprise.

“ Corea,” he said, ‘‘is, they tell me, a new country. That is, it
has n't long been open to commerce. I believe the natives will jump
at the skates!”

As I was tired and sleepy I refused to hear anything more about
so foolish a venture, and went to bed. Marmaduke tried in vain to
talk to me as I was undressing. I shut my bedroom door and put
out the light.

Next morning, however, there was a very strong argument in
favor of the plan. That was my lack of cash. I must do something,
and as this firm offered to pay all our expenses and give us a com-
mission besides, both on the present lot of skates and*on all for which
we might make a market, I could n't see that we risked anything.
Then, too, I was fond of the boy, was glad to be with him, and
had n’t the heart to disappoint him by refusing. In short, I con-
sented, though I was sure we were going on a fool's errand.

So we set sail. Marmaduke was full of hope, and J, though
expecting nothing, was glad of the sea-voyage and of the rest. The
_ first part of our journey was by steamer, and the latter part was by
a sailing-vessel. The voyage was without anything to compare in
interest with our adventures on land, so I will pass on to the time
when we were put ashore near a native village which looked about as
dreary and melancholy as any place could look. There was nt a
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 17

thing in sight except the low mud houses thatched with a sort of
rushes.

We found out afterward that we had made a serious mistake.
The place to which our cargo was consigned was something like
a city —as nearly as such things exist in Corea. But, by a mistake
in the name, we were landed upon an island where no white man
had preceded us.

Consequently, the natives had fled in terror when the ship
landed us and unloaded our boxes of skates and then sailed away as
rapidly as possible. The captain, to judge by his hasty departure,
knew the character of the natives and was glad to put a few leagues
between his ship and these savages. For savages they were, as we
soon found out. No sooner was the ship out of sight than the bushes
round about the beach began to blossom-with heads. Then the na-
tives came out one by one, and before we fairly understood our posi-
tion we were seized, bound hand and foot, hoisted upon the shoulders
of some outlandish warriors, and borne away in triumph, followed by
a long file of natives, carrying each a box of roller-skates. -

We were entirely unarmed, and could have made no resistance
even if there had been time.

“This is a pleasant beginning!” I said, with some bitterness.

“There ’s nothing very unpleasant so far,” said Marmaduke
cheerfully. “You know I was afraid we might have trouble with the
custom-house, or that the freight charges might eat up our profits.”

“There does n't seem to be any trouble about getting into the
country, I must admit,” I answered frankly. ‘But I am afraid there
may be some question about who owns the goods when we get
plenenss

“I don’t believe in going to seek trouble,” said Marmaduke.
“They evidently want our company, and seem to have no objection
to carrying our baggage.”

2
18 IMAGINOTIONS

Meanwhile, the Coreans made no remarks, but kept up a steady
jog-trot which soon brought them to the center of the village, where
they halted before a hut larger than any we had seen.

Here they untied us, and made signs that we should enter the hut.

“ Probably the custom-house!” I said dryly.

« The principal hotel, I think,” said Marmaduke, stretching his legs
and arms.

The building contained only one room, and at the further end of
this sat the chief — at least we judged so because he was the crossest-
looking man in the room; and we subsequently discovered that we
were right.

Then began our trial. Though, of course, we could not under-
stand a word that was said, it was very easy to follow the general
line of the talk.

First, the man who commanded the procession which brought us
in told his story. He described the ship, our landing, the ship’s hasty
departure, the capture of ourselves, and, concluding, pointed to the
boxes.

Then the chief commanded one of the boxes to be opened. It
was forced open with a small hatchet-like weapon, and one of the
skates was handed to the chief. He was completely puzzled. He
blew on it, rubbed it over his head, weighed it, tried to spin it, and
then turned to us, saying something like:

« Walla ella ing-kang-cho?”

Thereupon Marmaduke replied sweetly:

“Yes, most noble panjandrum. You have hit it exactly. It’sa
simple roller-skate. I see you don’t understand it at all, and I’m not
surprised. You don’t seem over-intelligent.” :

The chief shook his head impatiently and growled. Winer Ine
picked up an ivory baton lying by his side, and struck a sweet-toned

gong.
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT I9

“TI hope that ’s dinner,” said Marmaduke, and I agreed with him,
providing we were to be guests only, and not the choicest dainties on
the bill of fare.

But we were wrong. As the gong tones were dying away a
curious figure entered the hut and made its way toward the dais
where the chief was sitting. It was that of an old man with a scanty



“TAKING THE SKATE VERY GINGERLY IN HIS LEFT HAND, HE SPUN THE LITTLE WHEELS
WITH HIS RIGHT.”

snow-white beard. He carried a carved rattle in his hand and shook
it as he walked.
“Well, Old Rattle-box,” said Marmaduke, “I hope you will help
us out of this fix. Maybe he’s an interpreter.”
“More likely to be the head cook,” was my suggestion.
The new-comer conferred for a few moments with the chief, and
then bent all his energies to the mystery of the roller-skate. Need-
20 IMAGINOTIONS

less to say, it was too mpch for him, But he seemed clever enough
to pretend he knew all about it. So, taking the skate very gingerly
in his left hand, he spun the little wheels with his right. Then
he dropped it as if it was a very hot potato, and turning to the chief
began to chatter away in a tone which showed he was bringing some
frightful accusation against our innocent merchandise.

The chief, as the old man spoke, drew himself away from the
skate, which had fallen near his foot, and regarded the harmless
wheels and straps with an expression of dread and distrust.

“T see the old fellow’s game,” sdid Marmaduke. “He does n't ©
know at all what it is, any more than his superb highness the igno-
ramus on the bench. And so he has told them it’s witchcraft, or
bugaboo, or taboo, or something of the kind. They ‘Il be for slaying
us outright in a moment, you 'Il see.”

And indeed in a minute the chief gave a hasty order, and
the soldiers advanced upon us.

“« Good-by, Marmaduke, my lad,” said I, in a sorrowful tone.
“Life is short at best, dear friend, and —”

« Don’t be a whiner yet,” said Marmaduke. ‘You have n't heard
the counsel for the defense yet. I “ll move the whole court-room to
tears in a moment.”

« You are a brave boy,” said I, smiling sadly at him. “ Good-by !
I should not have led you into this trouble.”

“You just keep quiet, and you I] see me lead you out of it,” said
Marmaduke. Then, while the chief was giving some too plain direc-
tions to the guards, ending up by drawing his hand eloquently across
his throat, Marmaduke arose to his feet.

“ Fellow-citizens!” he said. All the natives turned toward him,
for his voice was as ‘commanding as that of a foot-ball captain. “You
are making idiots of yourselves. As for Old Rattle-box there, he
does n’t know beans. If there were any sense in his noddle, he
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 21

would have guessed what the roller-skate was for in a jiffy. Just
see here.” Then Marmaduke took a pencil from his pocket, and
seizing a piece of the pine box, began to draw a picture.

‘Now Marmaduke was a natural artist, and consequently spoke
a universal language. The natives bent over to see what he was
doing, and even the chief elbowed his way to the front, after push-
ing over several of the other selfish spectators.

Marmaduke made a picture of himself on roller-skates, gliding
gracefully over the ground, and drew a native running at full speed
beside him. In vain did “Old Rattle-box” stand outside shaking
his head and muttering his disapproval. Marmaduke’s picture had
excited the natives’ curiosity, and when he leaned over and took a
pair of skates from the box, seated himself, and proceeded to put
them on, only one hand was raised to prevent him. Rattle-box tried
to take the skates from his hand, and was soundly cuffed by the
deeply interested chief. Then we knew that the tide had turned.

In a moment Marmaduke strapped on the skates and arose
to his feet. Luckily, the floor was of hard beaten earth and made
an excellent rink. As he glided gently along the floor the chief
caught him by the arm, pointed to the door, smiled very signifi-
cantly, and shook his head.

“That ’s all right, old man,” said Marmaduke cordially. “I ’m
not going away. At least, not till I ve sold out my skates. Put
a guard at the door!” and he pointed to a soldier and then at the
doorway. The chief was a quick-witted old warrior, and he saw
the point at once. The guard was posted. Then Marmaduke, who
was an excellent skater, motioned the crowd back, and cut pigeon-
wings to the admiration of his spectators.

They laughed and shouted and clapped their hands with de-
light. At last Marmaduke said to me, “Don’t you think that ’s
enough for the present?”

2*
22 IMAGINOTIONS

“Yes,” I replied, smiling in spite of myself. ‘But I don’t see
what good it is going to do.”

“Well, you shall see,” said Marmaduke. So then he glided
gracefully on the ‘outside edge ” over to the chief, and made signs
that he was hungry.

The chief, now in the best of humor, nodded, laughed, and gave
sotne orders to an attendant. In a few minutes some hot rice and
other food (chickens, I think) was brought, and we sat down to our
frst meal in Corea. But previously Marmaduke made signs to the
chief to send the crowd away, by pointing to the door and push-
ing at the crowd. :

The chief smiled again, cleared the room, and contented himself
with posting two strong spearmen at the door.

As we ate our meal Marmaduke conversed with the chief, and by
patient endeavors at last made him understand that he, the chief,
could also learn this wonderful art. Then the joy of the old bar-
barian was unbounded, and he wished.to begin at once. But Mar-
maduke pointed to the dinner, looked imploringly at the chief, and
thus obtained a postponement until the meal was done.

But no sooner was the table — or mat — cleared, than the chief
held out his feet for the skates.

« He will break his royal neck, sure !” T said nervously, thinking
what our fate would be in case of such a happening.

«Oh, I think not,” said Marmaduke cheerfully; “but we have
to take some risks in every business. This is a sort of speculation.”

«But his feet will go out from under him at the first step,” I
insisted.

« We must support him,” said Marmaduke. ‘“ Put on your skates,
and remember that if ‘ Jack falls down and breaks his crown, — we ’re
ruined !”
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 23

We put on our skates; we strapped the royal feet firmly to the
treacherous rollers, and helped him up.

A fish out of water was nothing to the antics of that unfortunate
savage. One guard at the door tried in vain to restrain his mirth.
When the king went scooting over the floor, as we supported his
limp frame with its two awkward legs projecting aimlessly forward,
the guard burst into a loud guffaw. The chief, or king, heard that



“A FISH OUT OF WATER WAS NOTHING TO THE ANTICS OF THAT UNFORTUNATE SAVAGE.”

unhappy man’s laugh, and, struggling wildly to his feet, roared an
order to the other guards. The unfortunate soldier was at once
hurried away to prison, or something worse. Thereafter there was
no outward levity.

We toiled with His Royal Highness for several hours. He was
plucky, and gave up only when completely tired out. Then we took
a recess until the following morning.
24 IMAGINOTIONS

For the next day or two we were in high favor at court and
fared sumptuously ; and when the king found that he could really skate
alone he was perfectly happy. Of course he had a fall or two, but
the craze for roller-skating was upon him, and Marmaduke’s first ex-
hibition had shown him that there was still much to learn. Con-
sequently he was anxious to keep our favor, at least until he acquired
the art, and did not mind a bump or two.



“I DO NOT THINK THE CHIEF WAS EVER MORE AMUSED IN HIS LIFE THAN WHEN HE
SAW RATTLE-BOX ON THE ROLLERS.”

At first the chief was unwilling to allow any one else to learn;
but Marmaduke, who had even learned a few words of the language,
persuaded the old man that it would be great fun to see Rattle-
box learn to skate; and at last the chief consented.

When the old medicine-man came in he was horrified to see
the ruler of his nation gliding about the floor with considerable
ease, and listened with terror to the chief's command that he, too,
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 25

must acquire this art. But he did not dare refuse; and, besides,
the clever old man foresaw that skating would be the fashion as
soon as the knowledge that the chief had patronized it should be-
come general.

1 do not think the chief was ever more amused in his life than
when he watched Rattle-box take his first instruction on the rollers.
He laughed till he cried, and even permitted the guards to laugh
too. But the medicine-man was an apt pupil, and before long there
was a quartet of fairly skilful performers on the floor.

_ Then we threw open the doors to the public, and gave a grand
exhibition. It would no doubt have run (or skated) a hundred nights
or more. ‘The success of the art was assured, and the next month
was one long term of skating-school. We had plenty of skates,
and the chief caused a large floor to be laid and roofed over for
the sport. Soon the craze was so general that the chief had to make
penalties for those who skated except at certain legal hours.

Marmaduke could by this time readily make himself understood
in simple sentences, though he was not far enough advanced to
comprehend much that was said; and one day he announced that
he was ready to return to New York.

“But they ‘ll never let us go in the world,” I said, somewhat
out of temper. For, to tell the truth, I was not at all pleased
with Marmaduke’s apparent interest in this barbarous people.

«Oh, yes, they will,” said he. ‘“ You will see. We ’ll just get
into a boat and row away.”

“And be a target for all the bowmen in the island!” I said.
“Vou ’ve had wonderful luck so far, I admit; but I don’t care to
run a skating-rink for Corean savages all my life.”

“Nor do I,” said Marmaduke. “I’m going to give a grand
tournament with prizes, and then give up the business and leave
Tongaloo forever.”
26 IMAGINOTIONS

«And be eaten at the conclusion of the tournament!”

“T think not,” he said, and turned again to his work. He was
painting a large poster, with native dyes, representing a grand
skating-race. Over the top he had printed in large letters:

Tur ToncaLtoo TourNAMENT !

“There!” said he, as he finished. ‘Now you must do all you
can to make the thing a success!”

So I did. I went about all day among the skaters, saying:
“Bonga Tongaloo tournament! Vanga goo Tongaloo tourna-
ment!” and other such phrases as Marmaduke taught me. ‘These
words meant, he said, that it was all the rage, and ¢he correct
thing.

At last the great day arrived. The chief had furnished the
minor prizes; but the great event of all was to be the final, straight-
away race open to all comers, and for this the first prize was to
be Marmaduke’s gold watch, and the second my stylographic pen.

The course was laid out along the best native road, which
Marmaduke had taught them to macadamize for the occasion. ple
distance was to be a mile out and then back again to the starting-
point.

Every able-bodied islander was entered, and Marmaduke and
I put on our skates with the rest.

Amid tremendous excitement the signal was given, and away
they went— clatter, clatter, clatter, clatter !— down the road.

Gradually, Marmaduke and I, though apparently making un-
usual exertions, fell behind, and as soon as the crowd had gained
a good lead on us, we sat down, cut off our skates, and struck
out across country for the beach.

One or two of the nearest skaters stared after us, and then
THE TONGALOO TOURNAMENT 27

tried to pursue; but as they forgot to remove their skates, so soon
as they reached rough ground they went over upon their noses, like
ninepins, and in a few minutes we were far ahead.







——

“AS SOON AS THE CROWD HAD GAINED A GOOD LEAD ON US WE CUT OFF OUR SKATES
AND STRUCK OUT FOR THE BEACH.”

We gained the beach just as the foremost pursuers began to
push their way through the bushes, and, climbing into a boat, away
we shot toward a neighboring island which was occupied by a more
civilized race.

Well, we escaped without being hit by a single arrow, and sailed
for New York shortly afterward.










Dreger Na 5
: @) (ory. . Bs

Guaranteed strictly untrue)

“Children, do be less noisy!” said their father, the

Honorable Samuel P. Dragon. He had slain a knight

that very evening and was perhaps a little irritable. Young drag-

ons should be thoughtful, and should never disturb their parents
after the night’s fighting is over.

‘Hush, children!” said Mrs. Dragon. ‘Your father has to
fight hard all night, and in the day he needs his rest. I will tell
you one nice story, if you will promise to go quietly to bed after-
ward.”

The youngsters coiled down into comfortable hollows in the
rock, and Mrs. Dragon prepared to begin her story.

“T suppose you would prefer a man-story?”

“Please, Mama. We are so tired of ‘When I was a little

28

Ms please tell us a story!” cried all the young dragons.
THE DRAGON’S STORY 29

dragon.’ Tell us a real man-story; but be sure not to have the
dragon hurt. We like it to end happily, Mama.”

“Very well. Listen quietly, now. Don’t rustle your wings nor
flop your tails. Sammy! stop blowing flames into your sister's face,
this moment !—or not a word shall you hear.

«There was once a most delightful land, full of bogs and moist-
smelling marshes, of dark rocky caves, all damp and cold. The lakes
were covered with
beautiful green
mold, no flowers
grew in the fields
—nothing butcool
rushes, ferns, and
mosses. In short,
it was a land in
which any dragon
might be glad to
crawl: nosunshine
to shrink the scales
or dry the wings,
no bright glaring
meadows to dazzle

one’s poor eyes.
Why, even at mid-
day one could slide
comfortably about on the slippery, slimy banks and never catch a
blink of a sunbeam on the water.”

“Oh, how nice! Really and truly, Mama?” asked the small
dragons, laughing with so much delight that the flames from their
pretty scarlet throats lighted up the cave until Mr. Dragon stirred
uneasily in his dreams; for he had fallen asleep.


30 IMAGINOTIONS

‘Really and truly,” their mother went on, in a lower tone. “ In
this charming country, your father and I began our cave-keeping.
We were very happy for a time, for not too far from us was your
father’s estate—a fertile valley well stocked with plump and well-fla-
vored inhabitants. You have never seen any whole men, have you?”

“No,” they replied eagerly. ‘What are they like?”

“Oh, so ugly. To begin with, they have no scales, no wings,
no claws—”

“No wings and no claws? How frightful they must be!” ex-
claimed young Samuel Dragon, Jr., proudly expanding his green
pinions.

“Not a wing!” replied Mrs. Dragon. ‘And they walk, when
mature, exclusively on their hind legs.” :

“Why is that?” asked the children.

“T cannot tell. It does seem absurd. When young they go on
all-fours like sensible animals, but the elders pull and persuade,
teach and coax, until the poor little things rear up on their hind
legs, and then the foolish old ones seem satisfied. Men are very
queer. When they first came on this earth,—this earth where
‘dragons dwell,—they lived, properly enough, in caves like the rest
of the world. But they are a stupid and restless kind of creatures,
and soon began to tear pieces out of the world to make caves to suit
themselves. Now they slaughter trees, slice and split them, fasten
the pieces together, and stalk in and out of queer little holes called
‘doors.’ But I cannot spare time to tell you any more about their
curious instincts—you must read it for yourselves some day in the
‘Dragon’s Economical Cave-keeper,’ the marketing manual. Look
in the index under ‘ Animal Foods: Apes, Men, and various Bipeds.’
You will find it interesting—and useful too.

_“AsT said, we were happy for a time. We used to stroll out
quietly in the evening, and often managed to secure a nice chubby
THE DRAGON’S STORY ai

man or two in an hour’ flight. But at length came an age when
those mean creatures decided to revolt. That is, they kept in their
little caves at night, and compelled us to go out so frequently in
the unhealthful, glaring daylight, that our scales were hardly fit to
be seen. Even with all this exposure, we would succeed in catch-
ing only some of the little ones; indeed, during a whole month |
caught nothing but two thin miserable specimens. Think how your
poor mother suffered! I was almost starved. 1 became so thin
that I rattled!”

Mrs. Dragon looked at the young audience, and saw that the
eyes of the two smallest were really shedding sparks.
She was touched by their sympathy, but, fearing the
story was becoming too sad, hastened to brighten it. ~

“Well, dears, it did not last long. Your father
was young, rash, and brave, in those nights. One
dawn he said, ‘ Really, Scalena, this will not do. I _
can stand this foolishness no longer!’ I asked what ™
he intended, but he waved his tail in a threatening
way, and smiled knowingly as he whetted his claws on a new piece
of sandstone. The next night, bidding me not to be anxious, he left
me. I looked after him as long as I could see the flames in the
sky, and then returned wearily to our cave to pick the last bone.

“The next morning, just at dawn, he returned with a delicious
marketing,—he said it was a dz¢cher, | think, though it may have
been a judge, the flavor is much the same. Then, when we had
retired into the darkest, dampest, coziest corner of the cave, he told
me very modestly the story of his great achievement.

“Your brave father, children, had been down to where the whole
swarm of men lived, and actually had beaten to pieces one of the
wooden caves! He made light of his exploit, and only rejoiced in
it because, as he said, he had no fear now of famine or even of


32 IMAGINOTIONS

scarcity. We sat up late that happy morning, enjoyed a delicious
supper, and slept soundly until nightfall.

“We arose with the moon, and after a hasty but effective toilet
on his new sandstone, your father advanced glidingly toward the
mouth of the cave, when suddenly there presented itself a dark ob-
ject with a shiny coat, much like that of a dragon. Indeed, we
thought for a moment it was gome neighbor who had dropped in to
breakfast. But in a few seconds -we saw that it was what is called
a knight. A knight, children, is an animal which, though edible, is
noxious, and sometimes dangerous to young or careless dragons.
I have heard of such being even killed by this spiteful little pest.
They are found among men—in fact, they are a species of men that
has a hard shell. You know there are hard-shell crabs and soft-
shell crabs, and so, likewise, there are hard- and soft-shelled men.
Our visitor was a hard-shell who had, while prowling about, found
our cave either by accident or wilfully.

“T do not deny that I was a trifle anxious; but your father was
merely angry. Giving a great roar, he blew out a mass of dark
smoke and scarlet flames at the unfortunate little knight.

“But, though small, the knight was plucky and showed fight.
As your father carelessly leaped toward him, the knight scratched
dear Papa slightly with a long, hard stick, on the end of which
was a bit of very hard shell. Then the knight rode out—for he
had enslaved an unfortunate horse, as these cruel men do, my pets,
and by means of a contrivance in its mouth, he made it carry him
about wherever he chose.

“Your father eagerly followed, though I sought in vain to re-
strain him. ‘No, Scalena,’ said he. ‘This is a question of prin-
ciple! As a true dragon and your loving mate, it is my duty to
destroy this dangerous little fellow. Do not be foolish; I will bring
THE DRAGON'S STORY 33

you the body of the fierce creature. They are excellent eating.
But you must sharpen your claws, my dear, for the shells are
exceedingly hard to remove and most difficult of digestion.

“T obeyed him, for your father is always right, and out he
flew with a rush of smoke and flame.”

“Oh, Mother!—and was Father killed?” asked one of the
youngest — little Tommy Dragon.

“Of course not!” replied his elder brother, scornfully. ‘ Don’t
you see him sleeping over there, all safe and sound? Don't be
so silly!”

“You must not speak so sharply to your little brother,” said
Mrs. Dragon, “or I shall end the story at once!”

“Oh, please go on,” exclaimed all the young dragons; ‘‘it is
just the most interesting part!”

Pleased with their eagerness, she resumed:

“T did not see the hunt, but your father has often described it
to me. The knight came wickedly at him, hoping to scratch him
with the sharp stick; but with one whisk of his long green tail,
your father broke the thing into small pieces! So you see, Sam,”
said this thoughtful parent, turning slyly to her eldest son, “it is
most important to practise your tail-whisking—and I hope you
will not forget it when you go to your next lesson.”

Sammy Dragon turned saffron with confusion, but it was evi-
dent that he resolved to profit by the little moral so ingeniously
woven, by careful Mrs. Dragon, into a mere man-story.

« After the stick was broken,” she went on, ‘“‘the vicious little
knight snatched out another, made entirely of the hard shell with
which the first was only tipped. With this he tried his worst to
break sdme of your father’s lovely scales. Think what a ferocious
animal this knight must have been! I cannot see what they are
34 IMAGINOTIONS

made for. But, then, it is instinct, perhaps; we must not judge
him too harshly.

“This new weapon met the fate of the other. It was crunched
up by your father’s strong teeth, and then he descended upon the
little hard-shell man with a great swoop—and that decided the
battle! Your father is a modest dragon, but he was really proud
of the swiftness with which he ended that conflict. After he once
had a fair opportunity to use his newly sharpened claws, there was
no doubt of the result!

“We ate the knight.at our next meal. I was glad to welcome
your father; but he said, ‘Pooh! nonsense!’ and made light of the
whole matter!”

The young dragons were delighted, and even thought of ask-
ing for another story; but their mother, for the first time, noticed
that it was almost broad daylight.

“But goodness, children, I hear the horrid little birds singing!”
said she. ‘Run away to bed with you. Wrap yourselves up tight
in your moist wings, and be sure to sleep on damp rocks in a
draught where you will keep good and cold.”

The youngsters crawled away to rest, while Mrs. Dragon went
to rouse the Honorable Samuel P. Dragon. To her surprise she
saw his great green eyes glowing with a sulphurous satisfaction.

“There are no times like the old times!” said he, drowsily.
“That was really a splendid hunt!”

“Yes, dear,” replied his mate, with a proud and happy cauley
“but I had no idea you were listening to my foolish stories. We
must now go to rest, or you won't be up till midnight—and then
there won't be a single man about. Remember, ‘It is the late
dragon that catches the knight.’”

The Honorable Samuel P. Dragon rubbed his claws gently to-
gether as he selected a nice cozy place for the day. He was hum- |






“THERE WAS NO DOUBT OF THE RESULT.”
36 IMAGINOTIONS

ming to himself, and faithful Mrs. Dragon smiled fondly as she
recognized the tune. It was:

“T fear no foe in shining armor!”

“Ah!” said she to herself, ‘the old people like man-stories as
well as the little ones!”




LAZY magician, tired of work, left Damascus and went into
a sandy desert, seeking quiet and solitude. Finding a lonely
place not yet divided into building-lots, he filled his pipe,
and, after smoking it out, fell fast asleep. .

An indolent wizard, looking for rest, came riding across the
desert upon a magic camel, which he had made out of an old rug
that morning, and, not seeing the sleeping magician, ran over him.

Now, magical creations cannot touch magicians without van-
ishing. So the wizard’s camel vanished, the wizard fell plump
down on top of the magician, and the baggage which the camel
carried was scattered on the sand.

The wizard was the first to collect his senses, and asked, in a
‘fierce voice: ‘“ Where is my camel?”

The magician replied, with some anger: ‘Don’t you think
you ’d better ask some one who was awake while your camel was
getting away?”

38 37
38 IMAGINOTIONS

“You are the only man I have met in this desert,” replied the
wizard.

“Perhaps,” resumed the magician, “your camel may have
climbed one of the trees with which you see the tesert is covered;
if you think I’ve got him, you can search me.”

















































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































THE INDOLENT WIZARD ON THE MAGIC CAMEL MEETS THE LAZY MAGICIAN IN THE DESERT.

“I made that camel only this morning,” said the wizard, com-
plainingly..

“You are then a magician?” asked the other.

“No; I’m only a wizard,” replied the first.

“Well, 7 ’ma magician, and I should think you would know
better than to drive your camel up against me.”
A DUEL IN A DESERT 39

“Tt was careless, I admit,” replied the wizard, ‘But let that
go; I can make another. I hope I did n’t hurt you?”

“Oh! not at all; I was lying down there on purpose; that is
why I came to the desert, where there are so many passing,” re-
marked the magician, rubbing his side.

“T cannot regret an accident which brings me so agreeable a
companion,” replied the wizard, with a low bow. )

“JT ’m sorry to have lost my temper,” said the magician, more
good naturedly ; “but, since I came to this desert looking for quiet
and solitude, I was zot glad to see you.”

“J, also, was sorry to meet any one, even yourself, for I was
equally anxious to be alone,” rejoined the wizard, frankly.

“Well,” said the magician, thoughtfully, “since you are a wiz-
ard and I a magician, and each of us wishes solitude, the matter is
easily remedied. Nothing is easier than to put twenty leagues
between us. I have only to wish it.”

“ Allow me,” asked the wizard, politely, “to join you in the wish.”

“Certainly,” said the magician; “we can save our feelings by
making the parting mutual. We will wish together.”

« Agreed,” said the wizard, eagerly. ‘Are you ready?”

“Quite!” returned the magician, delighted.

So they raised their wands, shook hands, and said together:
“JT wish myself twenty leagues away!”

They were powerful enchanters, and the wish was at once ac-_
complished. In an instant they stood together in a place twenty
leagues away.

“Tam afraid,” said the magician, after a moment’s silence,— “I am
afraid that this cannot be called a success. We have traveled some dis-
tance, but solitude seems as far off as ever. Perhaps we forgot to take
it with us. We must wish again; this time, each for himself!” The wiz-
ard agreed that this was the best plan. So, saying, ‘‘ Excuse my back,”
40 IMAGINOTIONS

he turned from the magician and wished himself back again where he
was at first. Instantly he was there, among his pieces of baggage.

“Ah,” said he, smiling, “it was not a bad adventure, but I am
glad to be alone again!”

« Ahem!” exclaimed a voice behind him. ‘I beg pardon, I ’m
sure; but I fear there has been another mistake. 1 am sorry to see
we both happened to find this spot so attractive!”

The wizard turned and saw the magician standing behind him,
looking very foolish.

“So you ’re there, are you? Well, it was a natural mistake!
We must have no mistake this time. I ll give the word, and let us
each wish ourselves forty leagues away in opposite directions—you
to the east, I to the west.”

The word was given, the wands waved, and, presto !—nothing
at all! Each stood where he was before, for each expected the
other to wish himself away.

“Tt seems to me,” said the wizard, after a slight pause, “that it
is hardly fair to expect me to leave all my baggage lying around
here on the sand!”

“But I was here first,” said the magician.

“Yes, to sleep. It strikes me as rather a spacious bedroom!”

“T like a large bedroom,” replied the magician. ‘“ But we wan-
der from the subject. It is, of course, useless for us to wish again.
We have had our three chances, and must now make the best of it.
Sit down and have a smoke.”

In a moment they were puffing out blue clouds of smoke, sit-
ting cross-legged opposite each other.

“May I ask,” said the wizard, presently, “how long you have
been practising your profession ?”

“Only since Merlin’s time—say about a thousand years. I was
a pupil of Merlin, and a very good teacher he was.”
A DUEL IN A DESERT 41

“Indeed!” said the wizard, with more respect; “that is a long
time. I cannot claim more than five centuries. I am but a be-
-ginner beside you.”

“By hard work you might have learned much in that time.”

«J fear I have been lazy,” said the wizard, regretfully.

“Perhaps, being, as Shakspere will soon say, ‘an older soldier,
not a better,’ I might be able to give you a useful hint or two. We
have still some daylight before us. Suppose we have a lesson?”

“T fear I will only bore you,” said the wizard, rather nettled by
the patronage of the other.

“J have nothing else to do, and should enjoy teaching so promis-
ing a pupil,” said the magician, rather pompously.

This was a little too much, for the wizard had graduated with
the degree of F. W. (Full Wizard) some three centuries before.
He attempted to make excuses, saying: “J am really out of prac-
tice; my wand is dusty from disuse.”

“Oh, bother your excuses! I can see your true rank at once.
Go ahead!” said the magician.

Not seeing how to refuse without being rude, the wizard, after
a minute’s hesitation, rose and, walking a little apart, drew a circle
in the sand. Standing here, he waved his wand slowly in the air
and repeated a mystic incantation. The magician, who had only
received the degree of P. M. (Passable Magician) when Ze grad-
uated, looked on very critically.

At the most impressive part of the charm, the wizard suddenly
and violently sneezed, in spite of all he could do. Much ashamed,
he turned to excuse himself.

“Oh, that ’s nothing,” said the magician, with a condescending
smile. “It is a little awkwardness natural to a beginner. No
more than I expected! Throwing your arms about creates a draft
—makes you chilly; you sneeze, naturally enough. Go on; we
won’t count this time.”
42 IMAGINOTIONS

The wizard was much vexed, but kept his temper and resumed
the charm. Soon, a mist poured from the tip of his wand, like the
smoke from a cigar, and formed a cloud above his head, which
slowly revolved and wound itself up into a ball until, as the chant
ended, an enormous figure appeared. The wizard turned proudly
to the magician, who said nothing. At length the wizard, seeing
no sign of movement in his rival, asked confidently: ‘ How’s that?”

“Well,” said the other, crossing his legs as he filled his pipe,
“it is n't bad—not very bad. It is really fair work, of a certain
kind. But it is n't the way / was taught. However, | ’m afraid
of hurting your feelings.”

‘Not at all,” said the wizard. ‘I am delighted to be criticized.
Speak freely, I beg!”

The old magician, with a bland smile and half-shut eyes, went
on: ‘Well, it seems to me too long—much too long. If you
were in a hurry,— suppose a rhinoceros was stamping his feet on
your door-mat,— you would n’t have time to do all that. That
cloud is no use; it only spoils the effect; it is out of style. And
-your spirit looks rather stupid and under-bred—an ugly wretch!”

A terrific howl was heard as the spirit dashed down upon the
magician, seeking to tear him to pieces. The magician gently
raised his wand, and the spirit melted as snow does into the ocean,
and the magician went on quietly: ‘That shows you what a fool
he is—no discretion and no stamina.”

The wizard was rather cast down, and said sullenly: ‘ Perhaps
you will show me how you would do it?”

The magician smiled, and rising, took a handful of dust and
threw it over the wizard’s head.

“When are you to begin?” asked the wizard.

“Look around,” said the magician.

The wizard turned, and saw a little winged figure, looking like
a fairy.
A DUEL IN A DESERT



























































































































































































































































































































































- ‘
THE WIZARD RAISES AHAB.

43

“That is my
spirit,” said the
magician.

“Tt’s too small
to be of any use,”
remarked the wiz-
ard, scornfully.

“T think youwill
find it quite large
enough for all prac-
tical purposes.”

“Why, my spi-
rit,” said the wiz-
ard, “could roll
yours up like a dry
leaf and put it in
his pocket!”

“Well,” saidthe
magician, good-
naturedly, “I have
no objection to
that; let him try.”

The wizard
pronounced the in-
cantationandsum-
moned his spirit.

« Ahab,” cried
the wizard, calling
the spirit by name,
“fetch me that
small imp!”
44 IMAGINOTIONS

«“ Master, I obey!” shouted the spirit in a voice of thunder, and
then suddenly dashed down upon the little fairy.

If the fairy had remained still it might have been hurt; but,
just as Ahab came rushing down, the fairy darted away like a
humming-bird, too Gules vor tke Gye Wo cs the motion. Ahab
made a clutch, but caught nothing but sand. Again he tried, but
with no better success. A third and fourth trial so exhausted the
huge monster that he sat down upon the sand completely tired out.

The wizard danced around in a perfect rage; and when Ahab
gave it up, raising his wand he waved it thrice, and commanded
the fairy to stand still. The fairy bowed, and stood quiet.

“Now, Ahab,” said the wizard, triumphantly “bring her to me 1

Ahab arose, and walking heavily to the fairy, took her by the
arm. The arm came off in his grasp; but Ahab, not noticing this,
brought it to the wizard.

«You dunce!” commenced the wizard; but the absurdity of the
situation overcame him, and he laughed, saying : «Well, bring me
the rest of her!”

On the next trip, Ahab brought the head.

“Very good,” said the wizard; “ perseverance will bring her.
Go on.”

In a few more journeys the pieces of the fairy lay at the
wizard’s feet.

“There!” said the wizard, in triumph ; “JT think that ends your
spirit!”

«Not at all,” said the magician, pointing his wand at the heap
of arms, wings, body, and head. In an instant the pieces flew to-
gether, and the fairy stood before them as well as ever.

«Come now,” said the wizard, angrily, “that’s not fair!”

“You had to help your spirit, why should n’t I help mine?”

«J only kept your spirit still!”
A DUEL IN A DESERT 45

“TJ only put mine together!”

The wizard had to admit the justice of the magician’s claim;
but, completely losing his temper, he said angrily: “1 don’t believe
you are any sort of a magician, with all your airs! You may have
a friend among the fairies, but I ’d like to see what you can do
by yourself. Send your spirit away, and we ‘Il see who is the
better man!”

The spirits were dismissed, and the magician, never losing his
temper, said, with a smile: “I can’t afford to show my magic for
nothing! If you will insist on seeing what I can do in the way
of real old Egyptian magic, I will show you, on one condition.”

‘What is that?”

“That he who shows the best magic shall take the wand and
power of the other. Do you agree?”

The wizard, although startled, was too angry to be prudent,
and replied boldly: “I agree!” d

‘Let us lose no time, then,” said the magician, with a crafty
smile. ‘Are you ready?”

“Quite ready,” said the wizard.

“Find that, then!” And, as he spoke, the magician threw his
wand high into the air. An immense bird that was flying overhead
clutched the wand, and flew off with lightning speed.

“A baby’s trick!” said the wizard, laughing. “TI learned that
with the alphabet. The idea of playing magical hide-and-seek with
me!” and breaking his wand into nine short pieces, he stuck them
up in the sand, forming a circle around him. Out from each sud-
denly sprang a wire and stretched itself along above the sand, like
a serpent, only a thousand times faster; and down from this wire
fell poles and stuck up in the sand. In the middle of the ring of
sticks sat the wizard, with a telegraph instrument, ticking away for
dear life. In a moment he stopped and listened. An answering
46 IMAGINOTIONS

tick was soon heard; and the wizard, smiling, said: “We shall
have a despatch very soon! Wonderful thing, the telegraph —
wonderful !”
A speck was seen in the distance coming quickly toward them.

It soon resolved itself into a small boy, running as fast as he could.

“Well, my boy?” said the wizard, rubbing his hands, as the
messenger arrived.

‘Please, sir, here ’s a package and a letter for you, sir,” replied
the boy, puffing a little from his run. ‘‘ Please sign my receipt.”

“Certainly, certainly,” said the wizard, scarcely hearing what
was said; and handing the package to the magician, he opened his
letter. It read as follows: °

Borneo, July rath.
Your message received. Inclosed find wand as requested. Had to shoot bird.
Sorry. Will have it stuffed. Yours,

AHAB.
The magician opened the package, and there was the wand.

“You are a little behind the age,” said the wizard. ‘I should
think you would know better than to race with electricity!”

“You really did it very well, very well, indeed,” said the magi-
cian, a little vexed; ‘but, as you say, it was a baby’s trick; I was
foolish to try it.”

“Well,” said the wizard, “let us not waste any more time. . Do
your very best this time, and let us get through with it !”

‘Please, sir,” said the telegraph messenger, “sign my receipt;
I’m in a hurry.”

“Get out! I can’t bother with you now!” said the wizard, im-
patiently. ‘The idea,” he went on, to the magician, “of stopping
me now for such a trifle as signing a receipt!”

The boy laughed softly to himself, but no one noticed him, so
he stood and watched what was going on.
A DUEL IN A DESERT SAG

Meanwhile, the magician was thinking over his very best tricks.
At last he said, solemnly: ‘This time I ‘ll show you something
worth seeing!”

Then he wiped his wand in the skirt of his robe, and pro-
nounced a long incantation, while the wizard pretended to be very
tired of it. As the incantation proceeded, a crystal ball formed it-
self out of the air and floated before them.

“What ’s that for?” asked the boy, apparently much interested.
«That ’s the biggest marble I ever saw!”

“That,” said the magician with great impressiveness, not noti-
cing who spoke, ‘is the magician-tester. Merlin invented it for the
express purpose of putting down conceited magicians. Such is its
peculiar construction that only the greatest and most powerful
magician can get inside of it.”

‘Get into that marble!” said the boy. ‘‘I don’t see what for.”

“ Probably not,” said the magician, much amused.

“Now see here, Johnny,” said the wizard, impatiently, “don’t
you think you ’d better run home?”

- “T must have my receipt signed,” said the boy, positively; ‘“be-
sides, it ’s fun to see this game.”

“Never mind him,” said the magician. ‘Now, what I propose
is this: You and I stand about twenty paces from the tester; then
let the boy count three (for, while you pay for his time, we may as
well use him). Whoever first appears in the tester shall be the
winner.”

“Am I in this?” asked the boy, much delighted.

“ Certainly,” said the magician, smiling graciously.

“Tet ’s see if I know the game,” said the boy, eagerly. “You
two fellows stand a little way off, then I count three, and you two
cut as fast as you can for the marble; ‘and then whoever of us three
gets into it first wins?”
48 IMAGINOTIONS

The magician was much amused to see that the boy included
himself in the “game,” and replied: “Well, yes; that’s the game.
There can be no harm in your trying.”

‘What ’s the use of talking nonsense to the boy?” asked the

wizard.
“Oh, it amuses him and does n’t hurt us,” replied the magician,
good-naturedly.

“Get your places!” called the boy, who seemed to enjoy the
game very much.

They retired in opposite directions, while the boy also went
back some distance.

“All ready?” cried the magician.

“Hold on,” said the boy, suddenly; “I’m not*half so big as you
two—lI ought to have a start!”

The wizard was much provoked at the delay, but the magician
said, laughing: “All right, my boy; take any start you like, but
hurry.”

The boy took a few steps, carefully compared the distances,
and took a step or two more. He seemed very much excited.

“Ts that about right?” he asked.

“Yes, yes; do hurry up!” said the wizard.

“Are you ready?” said the boy.

“Yes!” they replied.

“One — two — three!” shouted the boy, and off he went as fast
as his short legs could carry him. The wizard and magician, start-
ing at the same instant, ran with very great speed, and reached the

‘tester on opposite sides at about the same time. Both did their
best to get inside; but it was no use. Each turned away, thinking
himself defeated. In turning from the tester, they met.

“Hallo!” cried the magician, “I thought you were inside the
testers a

te
A DUEL IN A DESERT 49

«And I thought you were!” said the wizard, equally surprised.

«Well, what does this mean?” asked the magician.

“T can’t tell,” replied the wizard; “I did n’t make the tester;
there must have been some mistake.”

“Oh, no; it’s all right,” said the magician ; “we must try again.

Where ’s the boy?”

















































































“BOTH DID THEIR BEST TO GET INSIDE.”

“Here I am!” said the boy's voice.
“Where?” they asked, not able to see him.
“In the marble,” said the boy. “I’ve won!”
There was no mistake. They both could see him, coiled up in
the tester and grinning with delight.
“This is too ridiculous!” said the magician. ‘‘ Come out of that,

you little monkey !”
4
50 IMAGINOTIONS

“[ sha’n’t,” said the boy, clapping his hands ud seals, MIL ue
won, and I’m to have the prize!” |
“You sha’n’t have anything but a good thrashing!” said the
wizard, and, catching up his wand, he rushed toward the tester.
But at that moment, a crack was heard. The tester broke like
a bubble, and forth from it came the majestic figure of the enchanter

Merlin.



UFduwed

6 Ta a

THE MAGICIAN AND THE WIZARD GO HOME.

The wizard and magician fell upon their knees. a

“Tt is Merlin!” they cried.
“Ves,” replied the enchanter, gravely, “it is Merlin. When a
wizard and magician spend their mighty powers in juggling tricks
fit only to amuse fools, those powers must be taken from them.
A DUEL IN A DESERT 51

You have made the agreement, and must abide by it. Drop your
wands |”

The wands fell upon the sand. |

““Go home, and work!”

They went home and worked, and neither of them married a
princess or lived. happily ever after.

Merlin laughed softly to himself, and remarking, “There ’s a
couple of dunces!” changed himself back into a messenger-boy,
signed his receipt himself, and walked away over the desert. Soon
he disappeared over the horizon, and all was still.
THE SEQUEL

Y rudeness, as usual, was entirely unintentional; I meant to
have given him my undivided attention. But the long roll
of the steamer, the soft ocean breeze, and the flapping wings

of the sea-gulls must have overpowered me. At all events, I slept,
and heard only the sequel. °

The steamer ran between Calcutta and Liverpool, and was on
her return voyage. Among the passengers was Mr. Chubaiboy
Mudjahoy, supposed to be an East Indian gentleman from the in-
terior. Attracted by his quiet and intellectual face, I had become
well acquainted with him, and our acquaintance had grown, during
the long voyage, almost to intimacy. Upon the day of which I am
speaking we had been much together. He grew communicative,
and at last proposed to tell me the story of his life.

To my surprise, he said that the impression that he was an
East Indian was without foundation in fact ; that he came from Tibet,
from an unknown district of that unexplored region.

If | remember correctly, he related a marvelous story of having
entered into competition for the hand of a neighboring princess.
This part, so far as I recall it, was quite in the old-fashioned fairy-
tale style; and the tests required of the candidates were certainly
astounding. One I remember vaguely was to bring the favorite
uncut pigeon’s-blood ruby from the Rajah of Camaraputta, a cruel
Indian magnate.

Here it was, however, that the sea began to gently roll, the _

52
THE SEQUEL oo

breeze to soothingly blow, and the sea-gulls to drowsily flap their
limber wings. I slept some time, for when, thoroughly refreshed, I
blinked lazily to waking, all I heard was:

«“ And so I married the Princess!”

I was sorry to have lost the story, for it was, no doubt, just
the sort I like. But I did not dare to confess my doze, so I said
as brightly as I could:

“And lived happily ever after

Mudjahoy moved uneasily, and replied:

“Well, hardly. Of course I expected to; but then, you know
that real life is often different from what the kindly story-tellers
would have it. No; I can’t say we lived happily ever after. Nor
was it Doréma’s fault. I have met a number of princesses, and I
really cannot see that my Dorema has any superiors.”

« How then do you explain it?” I asked. (Of course I had to be
a little cautious in my questions, for fear of bringing up references to
points I had missed during my nap.)

“Tl tell you the story, if you have not heard too much already?”

“Oh, no!” I replied. “Not at all too much. Pray go on.”

So Mudjahoy told me the second part. I have always regretted
that I heard only this sequel. I tell it in his words:

(ee

You can see that after having accomplished such a series of
tasks I was sure to be respected and envied at court. We passed
the honeymoon in the mountains, and as we took but a small retinue,
several thousands, Dorema often spoke of the strange solitude as a
delicious rest after the bustle and turmoil of court life.

For my part, even in my happiness with Dorema,—she was
really charming !—I found the retinue something of a bore. At
home, I had never been attended by more than three or four ser-

vants, while here 1 had to find employment and use for a hundred
4*
&

54 IMAGINOTIONS

times as many. It was really one of the minor nuisances of my
new dignity.

If the old king had not abdicated, it would have been easier ;
but now all his servants were added to the new ones purchased or
given as wedding-presents to me.

It was like this:

If I wished to shave in the morning in the old days, I would



“ENTER A SMALL BOY IN WHITE LINEN.”

heat some water, strop my razor and whip up some lather, and
shave away; but as a king it was very different. Asa king, I had
first to clap my hands. Enter a small boy in white linen. To him
I intimated my desire to see one of the high officials. High official
arrives, and I say: “We wish to shave our effulgent self.” High
official says: “Oh, very good, Most Particularly Noble Cousin of
THE SEQUEL 59

the Dog-star,” and so on. Then he disappears and sends the
Chamberlain to tell the Seneschal to tell the Chief Barber that his
Imperial Master wishes to be shaved. Not to weary you, after
some more, many more, wholly unnecessary and irritating cere-
monies, behold me ready to be shaved!

I am extended at length in a chair, being lathered by the First
Latherer in Waiting, while the Bowl-holder or one of his assistants
stands by with the lathering mug, and is supported by the Brush-



1
4
|
4







THE SHAVING OF MUDJAHOY.

Receiver. The Chief Barber sits in state, fanned by two slaves,
while the Razor-Stropper Extraordinary (a very powerful and much
courted personage, as expert ones are rare) is getting the razor to
an edge. He also is fanned by a fan-bearer or two. The Lord-
High-Wielder of the Towel, and the Bay-Rum Custodian, also with
attendants, are near, and in the anteroom I hear a confused mur-
mur of voices, showing that the Court Surgeon and Court-Plaster-
Bearer are, with their retinues, within call.

It was not so much the crowd of people that annoyed’ me, but
56 IMAGINOTIONS

then it took so long to be shaved. We would begin at, say, ten
o’clock,—they would n’t hear of my getting up earlier !—and fre-
quently when the last bit of lather was removed from my royal ear,
it would be half-past one in the afternoon! ;

I give this only as a sample part of my day. It is vividly
recalled because it was one of the earliest of the inconveniences
attaching to my newly acquired royalty. Of course it is only
a specimen brick—there were dozens of a similar clay.

It was only after I returned to the capital and took up my
residence in the palace, that I felt sufficiently at home to make
an objection.

One memorable day, a-Thursday, I betook myself to my dress-
ing-room and clapped my hands thrice. The linen-wrapper boy
entered. I hated the sight of him already.

« Bring us a new turban,” I said shortly.

«Q Brother-in-Law of the Pleiades—” said the boy in a trem-
bling tone.

“Speak up, copper-colored child,” I answered a little impatiently,
«What are you afraid of ?”

“© your Imperial Highestness of the Solar System, your rays
need clipping!” replied the boy violently making salaams.

“] was shaved yesterday,” I said.

“ But—” began the boy.

“By the royal Palanquin!” I broke out, “send in the Master
of Ceremonies!” The boy vanished, and soon with a sound of
bugles, shawms, and tubas (several out of tune, too), the Master of —
Ceremonies, and his retinue, came in. This took about half an
hour. When they were all settled I said:

“QO Master of Ceremonies and—and such things” (I forgot the
proper titles for a moment), “we would hold converse with thee
apart, as it were.”
THE SEQUEL ou

Again the wind instruments were wound, the brass band and
retinue took its devious course along the corridors, and the music and
marching gradually died away. This took about twenty minutes.

“Now that we are alone,” said I to the Master of Ceremonies,
“Jet ’s have a reasonable talk.”

«© Nephew of —!” he began.

“Never mind the astronomy,” I broke in, “but proceed to
business.”

“Yes, Sire,” he answered in a terrible fright, no doubt expecting
the bowstring.

“Don’t be a fool!” said I. ‘I’m not going to hurt you. Stand
up and have some style about you!”

So he did, somewhat reassured.

“Now,” I said, “I’m tired of all this fuss. Bring me a razor, and
I ll shave myself.”

“But, your Serene Imperialness —”

“See here!” I-said positively; “there ’s not a hearer around.
Just drop the titles and call me Mudjahoy or I Il have you beheaded!”

“Well, Mudjahoy,” said the Master of Ceremonies, easily, “I’m
afraid that it can’t be done!”

“Can't be done? Am I the Emperor of this place, or— what
aie

“Why, of course, Mudjahoy, you ‘re Emperor, and all that,” he
answered, with an ease of manner that surprised me; “but then
there are a great many things to be considered.”

“Well, go on,” said 1; “but I'd like to have this thing settled
one way or the other. Speak freely.”

“Tt ’s just this way,” said the Master of Ceremonies; ‘what
would you do with the Chief Barber?”

“Do with the Chief Barber? Why, nothing. He could do with

himself.”
58 IMAGINOTIONS

“But his salary is enormous.”

“Cut it down.”

«But he is a very influential man; he has dependent upon him,
directly or indirectly, about twenty thousand men, and these men,
with their families, are a powerful faction. Then, too, the officials
whose duties are similar —such as the First Turban-Twister, the
Sandal-Strapper and his understrappers, and so on— would make |
common cause with him. You see?”

“Yes, I see,” I said thoughtfully; “but in the same way you
could justify any foolishness whatever. You would prevent all
reforms.”

“Oh, no!” said the Master of Ceremonies; ‘oh, no, Mudjahoy.
Not reforms, but revolutions. You can very easily institute reforms;
but you must go slowly.”

‘But, | objected, “you as the official in charge of ceremonies
may well be prejudiced. Let us have the Grand Vizir summoned.”

“That will take an hour, at least,” answered the Master of Cere-
monies, who really seemed a very nice fellow when you knew him
well.

«Well, you slip out and get him on the sly,” I answered with an
unofficial wink.

“All right, Mudjahoy,” he said, and out he went whistling a
popular air.

While he was gone it occurred to me that 1 was now a married
man, and that Dorema was certainly entitled to know of the step
which I was contemplating. So, by the aid of four or five assis-
tants, I caused her to be summoned.

She arrived a moment before the Grand Vizir made his
appearance.

“T have called you, my dear Mrs. Mudjahoy—” I began, but she
interrupted me.
THE SEQUEL 59

“You must n’t call me that!” she said, looking shocked.

“Why not?” I asked.

“You must say, ‘my Imperial Consort,
seat upon a divan.’

“Oh, no. Mrs. Mudjahoy is a pet name,” I explained. She
was pacified, and I proceeded: “I have called you, Mrs. Mudjahoy,
to be present at the beginning of a Great Reform. I am about to
make our life simpler, more enjoyable, and less burdensome in
every way.” P

‘Do you find it burdensome so soon?” she asked reproachfully,
turning away her lovely head and trying to coax out a sob.

I saw I had made a mistake. ‘Not at all,” I answered hur-
riedly; ‘“‘but—here comes
the Grand Vizir; you listen
attentively, and you will
soon understand it all.”

The Grand Vizir en-
tered. He seemed ill at
ease, and I saw that he had
a simitar under his caftan.

“What does the Celes-
tial Orb require of the
humblest of his slaves?”
said the Grand Vizir, pros-
trating himself.

299

she replied, taking a



“Oh, get up!” I said “WHAT DOES THE CELESTIAL ORB REQUIRE?’
wearily. Then I asked SAID THE GRAND VIZIR.”
the Master of Ceremonies to explain how the interview was to be
conducted. So while Dorema and I exchanged a few tender nothings
about the weather, the Master of Ceremonies explained to the Grand
Vizir the nature of the conversation I had held with him that morn-
60 IMAGINOTIONS

ing. The Grand Vizir seemed much impressed. I saw him tap his
forehead inquisitively and feel for his simitar. But the Master of
Ceremonies soon reassured him. Then they turned to me.

«See here, Mudjahoy, old man —” began the Vizir, with a re-
freshing absence of conventionality. Dorema looked horrified.
She was about to clap her hands, undoubtedly to order the Vizir's
instant execution, but I restrained her.

“Vizir,” I said, “I do not care for ceremony, but civility is a
“sine qué non. (That staggered him; he was weak on Latin.)
“So drop the titles, but proceed carefully. Now go on.”

He went on: “Mudjahoy, sire, I have been told of your con-
templated reforms, and I am bound to tell you, as an honest ad-
viser, that they will not work. You propose to dismiss the Chief
Barber?”

«J do,” said I firmly.

« And, I suppose, the Turban-Twister, and so on ra

teNICS.e

« And to live in a simple and businesslike way!

“T do,” I replied.

“Well,” said he, spinning his turban upon his forefinger and
looking at it with one eye closed, “it will never do in the world—
never! There was formerly an autocrat who tried to run this gov-
ernment on business principles, and—” he paused and sighed.

«Where is he?” I asked.

“The Garahoogly contains all that is mortal of him,—in a sack!”
said the Grand Vizir meaningly.

Dorema clung to me and looked at my face imploringly.

“No matter,” 1 said determinedly; “I shall carry out these
reforms.”

“You will fail,” said the Master of Ceremonies, and the Grand
Vizir nodded solemnly.

”
THE SEQUEL 61

“So be it!” I said. “Kismet. I shall therefore request you,
Grand Vizir, to give public notice of the abolition of all useless
offices, of which I will give you a list after dinner.”

“But consider!” said Dorema, in a low, frightened tone.

“Would you rather be the Imperial Consort Dorema, Queen
and Empress of King Chubaiboy the First,” I asked her proudly,
“and have to be at the beck and call of all these palace nuisances,—
or would you rather be my own Mrs. Mudjahoy, free to do as you
please ?”

For a moment she hesitated, and I trembled. But, brightening
up, she asked: “And travel zxcog.?”

“Certainly,” I answered; ‘nay, more: live incog. wherever we
choose!”

“T’m for Reform and Mrs. Mudjahoy,” replied my lovely bride.

The Vizir and Master of Ceremonies remained respectfully
silent during our interview. Then the Vizir asked me: “Do you
intend to abolish the Royal White Elephant?”

« Precisely,” I answered. “That albino sinecure will be the first
to go on the list.”

“Ts your life insured?” asked the Master of Ceremonies politely
but impressively.

“No,” I said. Dorema sighed. “But,” said I, “you will see
that the whole people will hail me as their deliverer.”

“We shall see,” said the Vizir; but I did n’t like the inflections
he chose.

Declaring the interview at an end, I dismissed my ministers,
said farewell to my brave queen, and gave the rest of the day to the
preparation of the List. It was comprehensive and complete.

“There!” said I, as I laid down my reed pen and corked the ink-
horn. “To-morrow will look upon an enfranchised people Non

But the Grand Vizir was a man of considerable wisdom. We
62 IMAGINOTIONS

were awakened the next morning by a confused sound of murmuring
beneath the palace windows. I rose and threw open the flowered
damask curtains.

The whole courtyard was filled with a tumultuous mob armed
with an assortment of well-chosen weapons. They carried banners,
hastily made but effective, upon which I read at a glance a few sen-
tences like these:

“ Down with the Destroyer of our Homes!”

“‘Chubaiboy to the Garahoogly !”

«We must have our White Elephant!”

“The Chief Barber or Death!”

“Turban-Twister Terrors!” and so on. Before I could read
more, I saw the Chief Barber on the back of the White Elephant at .
the head of the mob. He was a Moor.

“© Chubaiboy!” said he, wielding a bright razor so that he re-
flected the rays of the morning sun into my eyes. “Will you ae
cate, or shall it be the sack and the gently flowing Garahoogly ?”

«Where is the Grand Vizir?” I said, after a moment’s hesitation.

“Here, your Majesty,” answered that official. I saw he was in
command of the right wing of the mob. He looked very well, too.

« And the Master of Ceremonies ?”

“Here, your Highness,” was the answer. He apparently led the
left wing.

a ed are you both against me?” I asked. |

“We are!” they answered respectfully, but with considerable
decision.

« And where are my adherents?” I shouted.

“Here!” said a sweet voice at my side. It was Dorema.

“Here!” said another soft voice. It was the boy in starched
linen. I almost liked him at that moment.

“Any others?”
THE SEQUEL 63

Then there followed a silence so vast that I could hear a fly
buzzing derisively on the window-pane above me.
“ And you are not in harmony with the Administration?” I asked
the mob.
“No!” It was unanimous.
“Very well,” I said. ‘‘Then I resign, of course. Let me thank
you, my late subjects, for your prompt and decisive interest in public



“AND WHERE ARE MY ADHERENTS?’ I SHOUTED. ‘HERE!’ SAID DOREMA.”

affairs. I had meant to carry out some much-needed reforms, and
I had some thoughts that they would fill a long-felt want. Thank-
ing you for this early serenade, and with the highest respects for
you all and for all your families, from myself and from Mrs. Mudja-
hoy, I abdicate. Good-by !”

There were some cheers, I think from Dorema and the linen-
64 IMAGINOTIONS

coated boy. Then the mob cheered for the Chief Barber, and | saw
that my successor was already chosen.

We left that afternoon, and purely as a matter of humanity took
the linen-coated boy with us; for I felt sure that he would not be
popular nor long-lived if he should remain at home. He is a little
afraid of me, but is useful. :

We made our way to Calcutta, and took the steamer for
Liverpool.

At this moment Mr. Mudjahoy was interrupted. His graceful
wife came to his chair and touched him on the shoulder.
“Come,” she said. ‘“‘It is chilly on deck.”
“Certainly,” answered Mudjahoy, rising; “but let me first pre-
sent my friend to you.”
I was presented, and soon after said:
“Mr. Mudjahoy disbelieves the fairy tales.”
“| do not understand?” said Mrs. Mudjahoy.
“He thinks that the hero and princess are not always ‘happy
ever after,” I said.
«Why,— but they ave/” said Mrs. Mudjahoy. “Are n’t they,
Chubaiboy ?”
«On reflection, I think they are!” said he.
Then they bade me good-night.


PAT Ost OPE ORM WN Tky,

Y BIOGRAPHER, if I should ever have any, would say in
his first chapter: “From boyhood he evinced an aptitude for
) the Natural Sciences. He was seldom without a magni-
fying-glass in his pocket, and put it to most excellent use in famil-
iarizing himself with those exquisite details of Mother Nature’s
handiwork which are sure to escape the mere casual observer.”
And in a later part of the same future rival to ‘“Boswell’s Johnson”
will probably be seen these words: “In later life we see the traits
of his boyhood deepened and broadened. The magnifying-glass
of his school-boy days has become the large and costly binocular
-microscope surrounded by all the apparatus which the cunning
5 65
66 IMAGINOTIONS

workers in metals know so well how to produce in limitless profu-
sion for the ruin of the scientific amateur.”
If such statements should be made, they will be based upon
facts.
There are, however, other facts which no biographer will dare
to tell, and which, therefore, I must write for myself. The follow- .
ing experience is one of them. Whether to my credit or to my
discredit, I shall tell the plain story and leave it, with all its im-
probability, to your fair judgment.
Already knowing my taste for the use of the microscope, you
can understand the following letter without further introduction :

AmacansEtt, L. I., August 5th.

Dear Puiiip: I suppose the thermometers in the city are the only scientific in-
struments now studied with any interest. Being cool enough here to be reasonably
unselfish, I am willing to divert your mind from the thermometer to the microscope.

I inclose what seems to my prosaic mind a pebble. It was picked up on the
beach and playfully thrown by me at our “ Professor.” He, of course accidentally,
caught it. After an examination, he declared that it differed from anything he had
ever seen: that it was neither animal, vegetable, nor mineral. In short, he knows that
he does n’t know what it is, and therefore says (speaking in true scientific vein) —
“Although of indeterminate nature, certain fusiform bosses, in conjunction with a gen-
eral spheroidal tendency, seem strong @ priori indications of aérolitic flight through our
own atmosphere, or other gaseous medium of similar density”! I make no comments.
So bring out your microscope and let us know what it is. If you should‘come and
join us you would find little but sand and salt-water; but then there is plenty of each.

Sincerely yours, CARROLL MATHERS.

He inclosed a small rounded object wrapped in tissue-paper.
It was light blue in color and a trifle smaller than a hazel-nut.
The surface seemed, as the Professor hinted, to have been some-
what melted. It certainly had claims to be considered a curiosity.
That evening, after dinner, I took out my microscope, and after
carefully cleaning the pebble, I examined the surface under a strong


















MY

ee



















































“AFTER AN EXAMINATION, HE DECLARED IT WAS NEITHER ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, NOR MINERAL.”
68 IMAGINOTIONS

condenser, but thereby simply magnified the irregularities. “I
shall have to cut it in two,” I said to myself. It was very hard,
- and I succeeded only after some effort. I cut it through a little away
from the center, and so divided it almost into halves. Examining the
flat surfaces, I found a small dark spot in the center of one of them.

“T thought so!” I exclaimed triumphantly; “I will now cut off
a section and shall undoubtedly find a petrified insect— perhaps
of an extinct species!”

I sawed away the rounded side, and when I could see that the
dark spot was nearer the surface, polished the section down with
oil and emery-paper until I had obtained a thin disk with a dark
spot in the middle.

It was now ready for the microscope. The focus was carefully
found by slowly turning the fine-adjustment screw. The spot gradu-
ally defined itself and seemed about to assume the appearance of an
insect — when, just at the point where I had expected it to be plainly
visible, it suddenly disappeared, leaving a hole in the disk through
which the light streamed! I was perplexed, and gazed stupidly. The
light seemed suddenly to flicker, and then was shut off altogether.

I inspected the instrument carefully, but all seemed to be in
perfect order.

I picked up the disk. There certainly was a hole through it.

‘Perhaps there is something in the tube,” I said, and unscrewed
the eye-piece. Just as the eye-piece came loose something jumped
from the tube, knocking the glass from my fingers.

I thought it was a moth or bug — but how did it come there?

«Well, that ’s very strange,” said I, aloud.

«Most extraordinary,” a voice replied; a very small voice, but
the words were clearly audible. I looked around the room.
“Don't trouble yourself to search. Iam not afraid. I’m right
here on the table!”
A LOST OPPORTUNITY 69

I faced the table again and discovered that what I had supposed
to be a bug was, apparently, a man; and a very commonplace, quiet,
and gentlemanly man, not at all remarkable, except for the fact that
he was only about three inches tall. When I saw him he was



“¢KEEP OFF! DO YOU MEAN TO EAT ME?’”

straightening out his odd little hat, which had in some way become
slightly’ crushed. .

My eyes at times deceive me somewhat, as my microscope work
has made them sensitive; so I stooped to take a closer view of my i
visitor.

He appeared to be startled, and cried:
Se
70 IMAGINOTIONS

“Keep off! Do you mean to eat me? Beware! Giant though
you be, I can defend myself!”

Cals aciny Ou eal answered, laughing. “Iam not a cannibal, even
on a very small scale! And I have just dined. It was but curiosity.
What in the world are you?”

“ Curiosity, indeed!” he replied. ‘ What in the world are you?”
And he mimicked my tone to perfection.

I saw that he stood upon his dignity, and thought it best to
humor him. .

“You must pardon me,” I began, “if my surprise on seeing a
gentleman of your small presence caused me for the moment to
forget the respect due to a stranger. But you yourself will not
deny that the sight of such a mere atomy—a lusus nature, if |
may be allowed the expression — would tend to excite curiosity
rather than to remind one of the demands of courtesy.”

This seemed to mollify him, for he replied, with a smile, ‘It
is a strange sensation to hear one’s self styled a lusus nature,
but I cannot in justice complain, as I was about to apply the same
term to yourself; and you certainly are colossally enormous — pro-
digious! I trust, however, that 7 have controlled my curiosity, and
have accorded you such treatment as is due a gentleman — even
on the very largest scale!”

He paused and gazed upon me with undisguised amazement. —
“How did you get here?” I asked, after a moment's silence.
“T should be delighted to know,” he answered, with evident sin-

cerity. ‘“It may be I can tell you, when you are good enough to
begin by letting me know where I am.” :

“Nothing easier,” I said. “This is my room.”

«A valuable piece of information,” he said, with some sarcasm,
“and the apartment appears to be comfortable and rather well
arranged —with exceptions. I see you cling to antiquated styles.”
A LOST OPPORTUNITY 71

“Indeed! I was not aware of it.”

“Why,” he said, seeing I did not understand, “you light the .
room with coal-gas, as the ancients did. You still use the mechant-
cal clock instead of the vocable chronophotometer; your furniture
is, I see, of wood instead of coherent alcyite, while—but I do not
object to the effect —it is delightfully archaic in tone!”

“T really don’t follow you,” I replied, somewhat piqued, “but you
might remember that, archaic or not, this room is my own, and your
criticism upon it is as gratuitous as your presence in it!”

I admit that this was not precisely courteous, but his manner
was very supercilious and provoked me.

“Why did you bring me here? Iam sure I did n’t request it,”
he angrily retorted.

“My atomic friend,” I said impressively, ‘“who or what you are,
I neither know nor care. But kindly bear in mind this fact: I did
not bring you here. I don’t ask you to stay here; whenever you
wish to go, I can bear your departure without a pang. Neverthe-
less, so long as you remain I shall expect you to behave in a gen-
tlemanly manner!” Here I thumped upon the table, and he fell
over. He recovered nimbly, and, drawing himself up to his full
three inches, replied with the greatest dignity:

“My colossal acquaintance, there is one fact you must kindly
bear in your mind: Who. or what you are is of little or no impor-
tance to me. How I came here, I know no more than yourself.
Suffice it to say, I did n’t come of my own accord; and, from my
experience so far,’—here he paused and glanced scornfully about
him,— “I have no desire to prolong my stay. But while I do stay
' I shall insist upon all proper courtesy and all due respect!”

His dignity was so absurdly out of keeping with his size that I
could not refrain from a burst of laughter, and I became better-
natured at once.
72 IMAGINOTIONS

“Well,” I replied, when I had recovered my composure, “ now
that we have come to an understanding, tell me quietly, in a friendly
way, as one gentleman to another, something about yourself. If
you will allow me the question, where do you live? Were you born
a dwarf, or —”

“Born a dwarf!” he broke in angrily, “born a dwarf! You
great, coarse, overgrown giant—what do you mean, sir?”

“What doI mean?” It was too absurd. ‘You ridiculous dia-
mond-edition of humanity, what do you suppose I mean? I have
always heard that dwarfs were sensitive; but, really, when one is
only about half the size of a respectable jack-knife—”

«And I,” he broke in again, “have always heard that giants
were invariably thick-witted and rude; but I ad suppose that any
human being, even if he were as tall as the tallest trees and hada
voice like a clap of thunder (which is far from agreeable to your
hearers, by the way), might be sensible enough to—”

“So. you think,” said I, interrupting him, “that I am as large
as the tallest trees?”

“Certainly,” he said, with perfect Seriousness.

I thought it worth while to convince him of his error, and there-
fore invited him to step to the window, against which the table
stood. He did so, and, upon looking out, threw up his arms in
sheer amazement.

“It is a land of giants!” he said, slowly and in an awe-struck
tone.

“Ah!” I remarked quietly, pleased with my little object lesson,
“you now see how much smaller you are than ordinary men.”

“Ordinary men,” he repeated very slowly and with an absent
expression. ‘What then can he think me?”

He stood in silence, with his hands clasped behind him, and
appeared to be deep in thought. When he spoke again it was
with an entire change of manner.
A LOST OPPORTUNITY 73

“Am I to understand you, sir, that all the men, women, and
children known to you are proportionately as large as yourself, and
that everything is on the same gigantic scale?”

“Tt is exactly so,” I replied seriously.

“ And may I ask you to believe that I have never seen anything
or anybody except upon the smaller scale which you can see ex-
emplified in me? Did you never see any one of my size before,
nor hear of us?”

“Never! except in fairy stories,” I said frankly, for now. he
seemed to be really a very sensible little man.

“This is not a question of fairy tales, nor of joking!” he said,
with great solemnity. ‘We are in the very midst of some great
mystery. I must belong to a different race of beings—for I never
heard, read, or dreamed of such enormous people. Where I live,
all are like myself!”

This seemed incredible, but finally I asked, “And where do
you live?”

“J live,” he answered, “in the twenty-first range of precinct
forty, Telmer Municipal, Waver, Forolaria; and by profession I am
an Official Arranger.”

“You are very exact,” I said, with mock admiration.

« And where do you live?” he inquired,

“This is my home,” I said; “the Alfresco, Madison street, New
Work City:

«Thank you,” said he, with sarcastic gratitude. ‘I am as wise
as before!”

“You know as much of my residence as I of yours!” I answered
sharply.

“You cannot be ignorant of Telmer?” he asked, raising’ his
eyebrows in surprise at my ignorance.

“You surely know New York City?” I rejoined in the same
manner. “The largest city in the United States!”
74 IMAGINOTIONS

“United States,” he repeated, “and what are those—who
united them?”

“Perhaps a history would give you the clearest information,” I
suggested.

“] think it might, if I had the time,” he replied soberly, as he
drew from his pocket what I supposed to be a watch; but it was
too small to be clearly distinguishable. He pressed it in his hand,
and I heard a sound or voice clearly enunciating: ‘‘ Thirty-four
degrees after the eighteenth.” Before I could say a word he re-
sumed, “It is too late to-night; perhaps you will save my time by
telling me the substance of it?”

“Flattered, I’m sure.” I felt as if I was again in school ; but
after a moment’s reflection I cleared my throat and began:

“The Kingdom of England—”

“The what?” he asked, with a puzzled look.

“The Kingdom of England—where the English live—”

«What are the English?”

“Oh, come,” said I, laughing, “you are talking English! We
are both talking English!”

“Well, well,” he said; “I was thinking a while ago how it could
be that you were able to speak good Forolarian”; and he burst out
laughing. Then suddenly-ceasing he went on, “ But if we begin on
the mysteries we shall never get to the invited states. Pray go on.”

“These English, you see, colonized a portion of America—”

“A portion of America—that is the name of a place?”

“Oh, what is the use!” I broke off angrily. «Tf T define every
word I use, I shall never reach a conclusion. If you would like to
pursue the subject further, my library is at your service.”

“Thank you,” he replied, with dignity; “perhaps I could glean
some information from ¢ha¢ source.” I made no reply.

Presently, seeing that he wandered about the table in rather
an aimless way, I asked, “Can I be of service?”
A LOST OPPORTUNITY 75

“Tf you could suggest some method of reaching the floor—”
I offered him the ruler. He seated himself cautiously upon it,
and I lowered him gently to the floor.
“Quite a walk to the book-case!” was his next observation. I
had n’t thought of it, but proffered my services once more.



“J LOWERED HIM GENTLY TO THE FLOOR.”

“Which shelf would you prefer?” I asked, as respectfully as
possible, for certainly it was not an ordinary question.

“A matter of indifference to me, sir,” he replied with a mite of
a bow.

“Equally one to me,” I replied, with a bow in return. I was
resolved that he should do some thinking for himself.

“Let us say the lowest, then”; and he glanced at the upper
shelves, perhaps calculating the possible result of a misstep.

I left him on the lowest shelf, returning to the table to put

away the microscope. A slight cough drew my attention to the
book-case.




















> SAID THE LITTLE FELLOW, AS HE PACED TO AND FRO

“£17 ADMIRE THE BINDINGS,

ALONG THE SHELF.”
A LOST OPPORTUNITY ha

“J admire the bindings,” said the little fellow, as he paced to
and fro along the shelf.

“T am gratified by your approval,” was my indifferent reply.

“Particularly this one,” he went on. “ Let me see,” he leaned
far backward, and with much difficulty read the title: ‘The Works
of Sha-kés-peare.’ I should like to read them.”

“Very well,” I answered politely.

“Much obliged,” said he fiercely. ‘‘ Please lend me an electric
derrick !”

“Pardon my stupidity—let me take it down for you.” I stepped
to the book-case, laid the book upon the floor, and returned to my
work. A silence then ensued, which lasted so long that I looked
up to see how he was progressing.

He was sitting on the shelf with his tiny legs hanging despair-
ingly over a gulf of some six inches between himself and the floor.
He was afraid to jump and ashamed to ask help. Catching my eye,
he laughed and said:

“Tam rather out of training just now, and not fond of jumping!”

“Say no more!” I lifted him to the floor, and turned away;
but only to be recalled by a faint ejaculation. His mishaps were
truly ingenious. He was caught beneath the cover of the book.

“My foot slipped,” he explained with some confusion; ‘but if it
had n't, I believe I could have opened the book all by myself!”

“J will not leave you, now, until everything is in proper order,”
I replied; for it occurred to me that to have any accident happen
to him might be a very perplexing thing. Opening the book, I
picked him up gingerly between my fingers, first asking pardon
for the liberty, and deposited him softly upon the first page of
aiivemlenpestam

“Are you all right now?” I inquired, to make sure.

“J believe so,” said he, as he began to read—running to and
78 IMAGINOTIONS

fro upon the page. However, I sat down near by and watched him,
fearing ‘some new difficulty. He read with much interest, and
seemed to enjoy it thoroughly, except when he came to the turn-
ing of a page. That was a nuisance indeed, as he had to turn
up one edge, crawl over it, and then lift the page over.

“Have n't you a smaller edition of this fellow’s writings?” he



“HE WAS CAUGHT BENEATH THE COVER OF THE BOOK.”

asked, somewhat exhausted by his efforts. “This is like reading
sign-boards !”

“No,” I replied shortly, “but if it tires you, you can read some-
thing else.”

“But,” said he, with some enthusiasm, “this is really quite good.
It’s equal to some of Wacoth’s earlier and cruder work! It shows
a talent that would well repay cultivation!”

“Yes, it zs very fair,” I replied, quietly; ‘““Shakspere certainly
has produced some creditable plays—at least, we think so.”

“T should like to have known him,” went on my undisturbed
A LOST OPPORTUNITY 79

visitor. “I think we would have been congenial. Don’t you
think so?”

I paid no attention to this. What could I say?

“We consider him one of the best writers in the language,” I
said finally.

“T would like to hear about them,” he said.

I pretended not to understand this hint; but he waited very
patiently, and returned my gaze with quiet expectation.

“Now, look here,” said I, calmly weighing my words, “I have,
at present, other occupations which, I regret to say,”— this was sar-
castic, — prevent me from undertaking to give you a really thorough
course in English literature. I might be more inclined to do so
if 1 had something to begin on. Have you ever heard of Homer?”

“Yes,” he answered eagerly; “my father has a cousin of that
name — Homer Woggs!”

“T cannot believe it is the same man,” said I, soberly. He
seemed much disappointed. ‘At all events,” I went on, “you can-
not fail to see the folly of expecting me to explain to you all the events
which have taken place since the world began. I finished school some
years ago, and have no desire to review the whole curriculum.”

I turned resolutely away and left him to his own devices. I
worked quietly for a few moments, only to be interrupted by a
Renewals ;

«What ’s the matter now?” I asked, irritably.

“JT ’m tired of lugging over these pages !”

“Well, don’t do it. Sit down. Repose.”

“But I’m interested in the play!”

“I’m not going to turn the pages for you.”

“ Could n’t you read it aloud to me ?” he asked, with cool assurance.

“T could, but I won't,” I replied, rudely enough; but I was pro-
voked at his impudence.
80 IMAGINOTIONS

«You are very obliging,” he said, sneeringly.

I made no reply. After a pause he made a suggestion.

« Although determined not to aid me to an occupation, perhaps you
will not object to my sitting by and seeing what you are doing ?”

I could not refuse so reasonable a request. I raised him to the
table and gave him a paper-weight to sit upon.

He quietly watched me until I began to unscrew the glasses
from my microscope, when he said carelessly: ‘I myself am a
microscopic amateur!”

“Tt is an interesting subject,” I replied.

“Yes, My success with the Mincroft glass was remarkable.”

“The Mincroft glass,—I do not know it,—what is its nature?”
I asked, with some natural curiosity.

“Why, the composite lens invented by Mincroft, which enables
one to see the whole of a large object at once, all parts being equally
magnified —but I bore you?” He pretended to yawn.

“On the contrary,” I said, eagerly, “it has been my keenest
desire to invent such an instrument. Pray describe it!”

“But it is so simple; any school-boy can explain it to you,” he
said, with feigned indifference.

“But how can such a marvel be accomplished?” I insisted, car-
ried away by curiosity.

“Do you really mean to say you never heard of it?” he inquired
in a drawling tone, designed, I thought, to annoy me.

“Never! And I would give anything to understand it!”

He seemed amused by my eagerness, and, smiling indulgently,
continued in the same tone: “Why, that is a trifle—a mere toy
compared with the wonderful Angertort Tube. Now, that is what 7
should call an zzvention /”

“What! Another discovery of which I have never heard? The
Angertort Tube, did you say? When were these inventions made ?”
A LOST OPPORTUNITY 81

“T believe it was during the third century, before the second
gréat Migration, but for exactness I shall have to refer you to the
school-books. I never was good at dates. However, it does n't
matter; these were but the first-fruits of the revival of science —
when chemismication first superseded steam and electricity.”



“HE PRETENDED TO YAWN.”

This was too much. “Steam and electricity superseded? They
are yet in their infancy with us!”

“Oh,” he replied, laughing, “you are far behind the times. We
disused both as soon as we learned to control dynamic atomicity.”

“You must be ages in advance of us. I beg you to explain some
of these marvels to me.”

,

‘“‘T have other occupations,’

said he, roguishly, “and, to my great
6
82 IMAGINOTIONS

regret, they will prevent my tutoring you in the A B C’s of science.
You must think me very obliging!” and he arose, put his hands in













i)

{Kh

“¢yoU CAN GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM!’”

his trousers-pockets, and sauntered away across the table, whistling
softly to himself.
I lost my temper.
“You cantankerous little midget, you will answer my questions
or I Il send you back where you came from!”
A LOST OPPORTUNITY 83

He turned sharply upon me, and exclaimed:

“You great hulking booby, do you expect me to bore myself
by giving lessons in primary science to a cross-grained, disobliging
fellow who will not take the trouble to tell me who excited the states,
who Shakespeare is, or to read me even one of his plays? No, sir!
You KEEP YOUR SECRETS AND I LL KEEP MINE. As to going back
where I came from, I would be glad to rid you of my presence in-
stantly —if only I knew how.”

“T ll try it, anyhow!” I cried, so angry that I hardly knew what
I said. ‘You came out of my microscope, and into it you shall
go again!” I caught him up, dropped him into the tube, screwed
on the top, and was pleased to see the little black spot reappear in
the disk. Opening the window, I threw out the disk, and was amazed
to see that, instead of falling, it floated away through the motionless
air like a piece of thistle-down before a summer breeze. It soon left
the area of light coming from my window, and was lost to view.

“Aha!” I said, with deep satisfaction. “Now you can go back
where you came from!”

I sat down beside my table, and, as my anger cooled, began to
think it all over. At first I felt great relief to be rid of the little
pest, who fretted me by his pertinacity and piqued my self-esteem by
his air of superiority.

But gradually my temper: cooled, and as I recovered my sane
judgment I began to reflect that ordinary civility to the little mani-
kin might have induced him to tell me enough to have secured me
fame and fortune, or even to have made me a benefactor to my
whole race; and I felt bitter shame that my ill humor and foolish
pride had caused me pettishly to throw away an opportunity greater
than had ever been granted to any human being.

Still, he was so provoking and so altogether irritating that I am
inclined to think you yourself would have done very much the same.


THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE

AM not sorry that I became an astrologer. The work is monoto-

nous but not wearing, and the hours are short. As an appren-

tice I was a hard student, and frequently consulted the stars;
but now, without conceit, I think I speak within bounds in saying
that I know all there is to know about planets, stars, asteroids,
comets, nebulz, and horoscopes, and twice as much as any other
astrologer of my weight; so I seldom refresh my memory by going,
through my telescope, directly to nature.

I admit it is inconvenient to be obliged to wear a thick woolen
robe on warm days. I also admit that a shorter beard would be

84
THE ASTROLOGERS NIECE 85

less in my way, and that I might shave if my customers did not
object. I do not deny that my raven, a second-hand bird which once
belonged to Zadkiel, is a nuisance, because of his continually stealing
my spectacles. As I have only one pair, it is very hard to find them
when I have no spectacles to find them with. The bird is not
sympathetic, and enjoys my annoyance over the search; croaking
derisively as I go stumbling around among dusty old books and
brittle glass crucibles. This irritates me; and I put him on bread
and water, which irritates him.

My calculations are a bore; and I am very apt to pinch my
fingers or entangle my beard in the celestial globe. My customers
are greedy, and insist upon being kings, duchesses, pirates, and so
on, ignoring the indications which plainly show them to be intended
for hurdy-gurdy players, scissors-grinders, or poets. The planets
are all right; I have no particular fault to find with the fixed stars;
but those vagabonds, the comets, will often act in the most unfriendly
way,— spoiling my very best combinations. It makes customers
ill-natured, and they hold me responsible, just as though I arranged
the comets to suit myself! Perhaps it is not strange that lam a
trifle touchy; I feel sure astrologers will agree that I am no more
nervous than is excusable under the trials of the profession. Still,
I repeat, I am satisfied with my vocation. I did hesitate between
star-gazing and saw-filing; but I think my choice was not unwise;
for, as an astrologer, 1 became more or less familiar with magic,—
a pleasant recreation if pursued with proper discretion, but not fit
for children. While I lived alone, I had no trouble with it; for
although I made mistakes, I was indulgent enough to overlook
them.

But when my only sister unfortunately died and left a lovely
little daughter alone in the world, whom nobody else could be

persuaded to adopt, I foolishly consented to bring up that child.
6*
86 ’ IMAGINOTIONS

It was an amiable, even admirable, weakness — but, my stars! what
curious things a child can do!

I had had no kindergarten experience. I was never in an or-
phan asylum, so far as I know, and I was an only son. I knew no-
thing of children, except such superficial acquaintance as enabled me
to foretell their futures and to advise parents about bringing them
up; and yet in my old age I was thus, by an accident, forced to take
full charge of a small girl of very decided traits—born with Jupiter
in the ascendant, and Mercury not far off! What bothered me most
was her goodness. A bad child can be coaxed and punished; but
an affectionate, mischievous, obedi-
ent, and innocent girl—what caz be
done with her?

I never thought of locking up
my books of magic—and she must
have read them, I suppose; for, be-
fore I knew it, that youngster was
working spells and charms, fixing
up enchantments, and making trans-
formations which required more time
to disentangle than I could readily
spare from my business hours.

The first disagreeable experi-
ence resulted from her having read
about some old flying horse in Greece,
Turkey, or elsewhere, and she took to
wandering about the fields keeping a |
bright lookout for him! I suspect she became discouraged, and re-
solved to make one for herself, since she caught a little colt, fixed a pair
of wings by some spell or other upon the colt’s shoulders, and attempted
to harness him with flowers; whereupon he flew away! It could n't



MY NIECE’S EXPERIMENT IN MAGIC.
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE 87

have displeased the colt, for he was not at all sedate in character.
But the farmer who owned him did not think of that. He came
to see me about it, thoughtlessly bringing his pitchfork with
him; so I found it best to promise to remove the wings. Luckily,
she had left the book open at the very charm that had been used,
and I was able to undo it; though there was some delay, caused
by the necessity of using a lock of hair from the head of the
Sultan, who was kind enough to grow one for me as soon as he
could.

Now that child did n’t mean any harm; she could n't see why
a horse should n’t fly,—the little goose !—nor could I explain it to
her very clearly. She promised, however, not to do so again, and
of course we said no more about it.

The week after, coming home one day, I found my room filled
to the brim, so to speak, with an enormous green dragon, who blew
smoke from his nostrils so. profusely that it gave me some trouble to
convince the villagers that there was no fire and that they were
nuisances, with their buckets and ladders !

Of course my magic-books were inaccessible, and we took
lodgings with a neighbor until the dragon was starved out. The
dragon’s skin made an excellent rug, but the experience was not
enjoyable. I could not reprove my niece for this, because she ex-
plained very frankly that she had made the dragon larger nea eve
intended; it was only a misfit.

You may think me absent-minded; but it never occurred to me
to forbid these practices, although, had I done so, she would have
obeyed me. I forgot about it, except when some new prank
brought the matter to my mind, and then I became absorbed in
remedying the difficulty caused by her experiment. Once I tried to
divert her mind by inducing her to adopt a doll which the raven
had cleverly secured from somebody; but her care of it was so
88 IMAGINOTIONS

evidently due to a desire to please me that whenever she held it I
was uneasy. When the raven took the doll away again (let us
hope, to return it), we were both relieved.

For a time after the dragon incident, my niece was shy of using
the magic-books, and I enjoyed this quiet interval very much. I
was occupied in manufacturing a horoscope for the innkeeper, who
was quite well-to-do. He
had promised me a round
sum for a favorable sketch
of his future, and I was
anxious to give satisfac-
tion and to collect my bill.
But the stars indicated
that only the strictest
economy would tide him
over a coming financial
crisisin his affairs — which
made me fear there might
be someuncertainty about
my fee. Absorbed in this
perplexity, I may have
neglected my niece; at
all events, she got into
the habit of spending her
time with the innkeeper’s
family.

A commercial magi-
cian from Lapland, of



ARRIVAL OF THE COMMERCIAL MAGICIAN.

great dignity and little importance, chanced to arrive at the inn while
my niece was there. Overhearing his negotiation with the landlord,
she learned, through the foolish talkativeness of the magician, that
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE 89

the long and imposing train of mules and other companions ac-
companying him were not, in reality, what they appeared to be, but
were simply his performing company of manufactured hallucinations
disguised in their traveling shapes. Imagine the effect upon the
curious and ingenuous mind of my playful niece! The heedless
magician, with equal carelessness, left his wand upon the table in
the front hall, where anybody could reach it. You can foresee
the result. f

It must have been merely by chance that she succeeded in
counteracting the spell by which these creatures were confined to
their every-day forms. However that may be, you may imagine
what happened while the magician was at dinner that afternoon.
The inquiring spirit of childhood led my niece to make trial of the
wand, when, of course, the mules and attendants returned to their
original shapes and flew off, a buzzing swarm of bees! I was walk-
ing in the village, and as soon as I saw the swarm I understood
what had happened, and must admit I was amused.

When I arrived at the inn, the magician was discontented. He
failed to appreciate the child’s ingenuity and enterprise, and really
seemed inclined to speak hastily to the poor girl, who stood look-
ing on with an innocent pleasure in: her success, which I found
charming. But, since I was there, he only stared helplessly about
and seemed anxious to say more than he could wait to pronounce,
till I told him that he must have patience and fortitude. As he
came to his senses, he showed signs of knowing what to do. He
sent for the pepper-casters and vinegar-cruets, neatly changed them
into divining-boxes, which straightway poured forth the proper
necromantic fumes, and then—remembered that he needed _ his
wand! A long search resulted in finding it up the kitchen chimney,
after which a careful and laborious cleansing brought it into a suit-
able condition to be handled. All this my niece greatly enjoyed.
gO IMAGINOTIONS

By that time, the magician was very much irritated and began a
powerful invocation to a muscular spirit who would, perhaps, have
brought the whole party back, in a jiffy!—but I interfered, and ex-
plained to him, at some length, that
the whole episode was nothing more
than a piece of girlish curiosity, not
calling for any harsh methods or
severe measures. I offered my
assistance, which he declined,—
without thanks. I shrugged my
shoulders and was strolling indif-
ferently away when he began to
make an answer. I saw that he
had not an easy command of lan-
guage.
«What nonsense !—such a fix
I ’m in!— Girlish curiosity ?—
De Reet eee a entra eae Where do you think that pack of
irresponsible insects has gone ?—
I hope they will—Please get away!” I withdrew. It was not my
affair, but they told me that my niece, inadvertently I am sure, had
injured the wand so that it failed to work, and that the magician
made futile attempts to use it, until the boys laughed at him, when
he desisted. Having lost all his attendants, materials, and supplies,
and his wand being useless, the magician was almost distracted.
He was unable to leave the village, and the landlord would n't
have him at the inn, so I took him to board on credit, at a reason-
able charge.
When the magician took up his abode with me, my niece was
somewhat fond of questioning him, but apparently found that it was
not worth her time, for she seemed to lose interest in this very


THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE QI

soon. In fact, she forgot all about him, and about me as well, and
became entirely absorbed in an attempt to teach the raven to play
jack-stones — for which recreation he showed very little talent. As
there was, necessarily, considerable noise in her course of instruction,
I requested her to hold the sessions out of doors, and she kindly
adopted the suggestion.

In order to occupy the magician’s mind, I gave him some copy-
ing, but he was n’t interested in his work. He was restless, and
wandered out into the country searching high and low for the curious
crowd of nondescripts which my careless niece had liberated in a
‘praiseworthy attempt to gain knowledge. I called his attention to
this view of the subject, and asked whether he did not see it in the
same light, but I must say he was quite unreasonable and prejudiced.
He left the room abruptly, forgetting his hat, leaving the door wide
open, and his quill-pen behind his ear. He was gone for some time.
In the afternoon he came back radiant, crying aloud: ‘I have found
them —I have found them!” and dancing with joy. His dancing
was very good, but I was busy and
paid no attention to him. If he had
been a man of any tact, he would
have felt my indifference; but some
people cannot take a hint, and he
went on as eagerly as though I had
shown some interest in the perform-
ance.

‘As I was walking in the mea-
dows,” he shouted, “I nearly tripped
over the body of a peasant lying flat
upon the ground, studying an ant-hill with a magnifying-glass. I
asked him what he was doing, and he told me that he was The
Sluggard, and that he had been advised to go to the ants and



THE SLUGGARD, CONSIDERING.
92 IMAGINOTIONS

consider their ways and be wise. I inquired how he was getting
on; he said he was getting on very well, that he had learned to
gather all he could, to store it up where it would be safe, and to
- keep in out of the wet.” .
This bored me extremely, and I coughed significantly, but the
magician continued rambling:
“T asked if I might look through the lens. He said I might,
and I did. Now what do you suppose I saw through that lens?”
I had not recovered my good humor. I confess that I am sensi-
tive and that my feelings are easily hurt. This foolish attempt to
ask me rhetorical conundrums displeased me, and I made no reply.
But that man was not discouraged. He repeated the question.
Turning toward him, I spoke in a way he could not misunderstand.
“Upon applying your eye to the glass,” I remarked, “you were
astonished to perceive that the small creatures which you had
supposed to be common black ants were in reality a colony of bees,
who seemed, for some strange reason of their own, to have chosen an
abandoned ant-hill for a hive! This anomaly seems not to have
attracted your notice; but, if I had been with you, I could have
informed you that you might have concluded from so very significant
a fact that this was the swarm which you are so anxious to find.
Does not reflection incline you to agree with me?”
He was disappointed. He had foolishly hoped to surprise

me—such puerility! “You are right,” he replied, in a muffled
sort of voice.
« Very well,” said I. “ Now, in my turn, I will propose a ques-

tion. Your wand being out of order, how are you to get those wan-
derers back?” I enjoyed his discomfiture. His face was a study,
and I studied it until I learned that he had no suggestion to make.
His face wore no expression whatever.

Then, in a kindly spirit, I said to him: “Bring me your little
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE 93

wand. Sit down like a magician, and don’t dance about like a der-
vish, and I "Il fix it for you.” He was visibly moved by my kindness,
and agreed to all I proposed. He brought the wand, and, after a
keen examination, I found a screw loose, and with my pen-knife |
tightened it. A sickly smile flitted over his face. ‘You are doing
me a good turn,” he murmured. I gave him a searching glance;
but the smile was so’ faint, and faded so quickly, that I decided he
did not mean to be humorous. It was lucky for him, for astrologers
are sworn foes to humorists; and I should have broken his wand
into several fragments if I had detected the slightest levity. He
said no more. Having mended the wand, I handed it to him, saying:
‘Go, recover your chattels!” He retired with briskness, and it
gives me pleasure to record the fact that I have never seen him
since.

My niece told me, casually, that she was glad that the magician
was gone. I offered to tell her about his departure, but she assured
me she took no interest in the subject. She did not say any more
about it, and, since I do not believe in encouraging childish prattle,
I made no more allusions to our boarder.

I have lately asked her whether she would prefer to qualify her-
self to study astrology, with magic as an extra, or would be better
satisfied to learn saw-filing under some well-known virtuoso. She
replied with much discretion, that she thought a quiet life was the
happiest after all. So, although she has not yet expressed herself
more definitely, I feel sure she is giving the subject mature consid-
eration. I admire her greatly, and predict that she will do well
if carefully neglected.

As time passes, I notice that I grow older; and, although I
cannot repent having chosen the career of an astrologer, if my niece
chooses the saw-filing business, I may perhaps take up some similar
musical pursuit, so that we may not be separated. Meanwhile, my
94 IMAGINOTIONS

niece is attending a very excellent school, and makes good progress
in her studies. In fact her progress was so rapid at first, that she
came near graduating in about two weeks; but, as I then persuaded
her to give up the use of the magic-books, she is now making slower
and more satisfactory progress, being quite backward.

The dust lies thick on the magic-books. Magic is amusing,
but it sometimes makes trouble.
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES

niece would be glad to stay quietly at home with me for a

year or two at least. But she was of a restless disposition,
and soon tired of the monotony of our quiet village life. I did my
best to entertain her, and was even ingenious, I thought, in providing
her with amusements. For instance, when a traveling circus came
to a neighboring city, by the use of the well-known spell (Magic-
Book VIII, chap. ii, §32) I caused the advance-agent to believe our
village a populous city full of those persons of limited means who
usually patronize the theater and the fine arts generally. Asa result
of my well-meant deception, he gave performances for a week to an
audience consisting only of me, my niece, the innkeeper’s family, and
the innkeeper.

The performers, especially the ring-master, were furious, and
thought the advance-agent was crazy. We did n’t mind that, as he
insisted upon completing the performances; but my niece found no
pleasure in the show except as a means of amusing herself at the ex-
pense of those who took part in the ring. When one of the acrobats
would leap into the air and begin to turn a somersault, she would
secretly use some form of enchantment — for she had never forgotten
the knowledge of the science picked up in her youth—and cause the
poor fellow to remain hanging in the air upside down. This seriously
interfered with the show, but the circus-people did not mind it very
much until she carried her skylarking beyond all reason. But when

95

() course, when she had finished her education, I thought my
96 IMAGINOTIONS

she made the trick-mule suddenly become as gentle as a lamb, and
rode him around the ring, she sitting as placidly upon him as Queen
Elizabeth upon a palfrey, and the trick-mule carrying her with a
proudly angelic smile, and when she claimed the large reward the
ring-master had offered — it was really too much.

With tears in his eyes the ring-master said it would ruin the circus
to pay her, and so she let the reward go unpaid, on condition that they
left at once. I concluded that she had lost interest in the hippodrome.

I tell this only as an instance of my unremitting efforts to supply
her with pastimes of a really elevating character, and to show that it
was not lack of diversion, but a restless disposition, which caused her
to say she would go to seek her fortune.

I had no wish to leave home. My cook was an artist, and my
house had a southern exposure and an astrological cupola of the most
modern construction. So I told her flatly that I would not go under
any consideration whatever.

We started the next morning. I suggested a sea route, as I
was very susceptible to seasickness and desired above all things to
go by land. She acquiesced at once, and we set sail early in a lug-
rigged barker, or a bark-rigged lugger, one or the other, and as I
went below I heard the captain order ne crew to luff.

I cannot say what luffing is, because, when I came on. deck
again, we had been out for three days. It seemed longer, and I do
not at all care for marine life—it interferes sadly with accuracy in
astrological observations and with regularity of meals, both of which
are hobbies of mine.

On the morning of the fifth day, one of the sailors said out loud,
“Land hoe!” and I concluded he was an agriculturist, but had n’t
time to verify this conclusion because my niece insisted upon being
rowed ashore at once. I was not ready to go ashore, but she
preferred not to go alone, and so we went together.
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES 97

As we rowed into a beautiful bay surrounded by the customary
palm-trees, a sentinel on shore said, “ Boat ahoy |”

I answered pleasantly, ‘ Boat ahoy.”

“What boat is that?” he inquired.

“Tt ’s just an ordinary boat,” I answered.

“ What boat is it?” he asked again.

“T’m sure I don’t know,” said I. “What do you want to know
for?”

“Tf you don’t answer the hail, I'll fire on you!” he said sternly.

“JT ’m answering as fast as I can,” I replied good-naturedly.
‘“What do you expect me to say?”

At this he raised his crossbow and leveled it (I think that is
the technical term employed by military men) at the boat,— in fact,
at me.

‘““Come ashore!” he cried in a peremptory tone.

“We are coming,” I answered. He seemed very obtuse and un-
reasonable, but I make it a point never to quarrel with soldiers on
duty. We landed at a little neat quay, and were received by the
comrades of the conversationalist with the crossbow.

They surrounded us in a very attentive way and said, “ Forward,
march !”

We started. I was a trifle uneasy about our destination, and
ventured to inquire of my niece where she thought we were going.
She admitted that she did n’t know, and added languidly that she
. did n’t feel like talking. So on we went in silence for about half an
hour. Then I asked the captain of the guard,— I knew he was the
captain because he would n’t keep step,—and he told me we were
going to the Palace. I asked whether it was far. He said it was
about as far as any place he ever saw, and suggested that I should
keep my breath for walking. I despise useless taciturnity, but fol-

lowed his advice under protest. We walked on for another half-hour,
7
98 IMAGINOTIONS

and then just as I had concluded to refuse further pedestrianism, we
saw in the distance several minarets from the top of which pennants
were rippling in the breeze.

“That ’s the Palace,” said the captain.



2 ae enn aes

“WE CAME TO A GATE GUARDED BY -TWO ETHIOPIANS IN FANCY DRESS.”

In a few minutes we came to a lofty wall, and a gate guarded
by two Ethiopians in fancy dress, each carrying a curved sword.
“Your sword is bent, my friend,” I said to one of them.
He scowled and looked uneasily at it.
x

THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES 99

“Why don’t you have a straight one ? — it would reach farther,” I
went on, “and it is really curious why so many of the Eastern na-
tions prefer —”

I was interrupted. He tried to cut my head off, and if he had
used a straight sword would have succeeded. I dodged him, re-
marking, without loss of dignity, “You see, now, that illustrates
what —”

My niece here pulled me by my robe, and I dropped the subject.
They rolled up the gate, a kind of portcullis, and we entered. I
should like to describe the courtyard in detail, but as I had left my
spectacles at home, having forgotten them in our hasty embarkation,
I could not see anything but a confused blur of colors.

Going up some very tiresome stairways, we were led into a vast
audience-room and brought before a kind of king or something —
one of those men who sit on fancy chairs and order people around.

‘Whom have you brought before us?” asked this very conse-
quential individual.

“ Lord of —” began the captain in a second-tenor voice.

“Tut, tut!” said the King. “Who are they?”

‘Royal and Imperial —” said the captain.
eG SOn 1Ortin ys rejoined the monarch; “thanks! Who are
bey at

‘“T don’t know,” said the captain.

‘Where from?” said the King.

“T don’t know,” said the captain.

“What do they want?” asked the King.

“I don’t know,” answered the officer.

“Enough,” said the King, hastily; “we are satisfied that your
specialty is honest ignorance. We appoint you Court Historian.”

The captain bowed low.
‘Return to your post for the present; and forget as much as you

/
100 IMAGINOTIONS

can until you are called upon to assume your new duties.” The
captain withdrew.

“Now,” said the King to me, “who are you?”

_“ An astrologer, your Highness,” I answered with some natural

pride.

‘A star-gazer, eh?” he said pleasantly. ‘Well, what did you
come here for?”

«“T don’t know,” I answered after a moment’s reflection.

The King seemed vexed.
“ Does anybody know anything about anything in particular?” he



“DOES ANYBODY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?’ ASKED THE KING.”

asked with fine sarcasm. It made me shake in my sandals, especially
as the headsman, who was standing beside the King, here tightened
his belt and took a large and shiny ax from a page at his left.

But, as usual, my niece came to the rescue, and said, in her
quiet and unpretending way, that she knew considerable about


THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES IOI

several things. The headsman looked at her very keenly, handed
the ax back to the page, and said in a low tone that he was going
out to luncheon. He went.

“Well, well,” said the King. “Suppose you tell us about this?”

To my surprise my niece said that she had come to his kingdom
to marry the prince.

Naturally the King was a little put out. It seemed sudden to
him, no doubt. I am sure it did tome. He was lost in thought for
a few moments, and then said absently :

“Oh!—yes. Well, where ’s — the — the headsman?”

‘Gone to luncheon, your Majestic Majesty,” answered the page.

“Very inconvenient,” said the King, looking annoyed. “He ’s
never here when he’s needed. No matter. This amuses us. We
find this novel and — yes — amusing in a way. We must get sport
from this. Young woman,” said he to my niece, “if you can sit
down for a few moments, the executioner will be back, and he will
attend to you first. The astrologer can afford to give you prece-
dence. He won’t have long to wait. The audience is over. Ill be
at the executions this afternoon.”

“Long live the King!” cried the crowd.

Then a brass band struck up ‘Pop Goes the Weasel,” and
the audience-room was emptied. Soon we were alone with the
guards. They had no captain, and seemed at a loss to know what
to do next. My niece sat in a very comfortable chair playing a
curious game which she invented herself. It was a round box with
little partitions in it, and four or five marbles rolling around be-
tween them. She would try to make the marbles roll into a little
box in the center. She seemed much amused by it. It appeared
stupid to me. I wondered how long we should have to wait there.
The noise of the marbles made me nervous.

At this moment the captain, or rather the Court Historian,

came in.
Gks
Io2 IMAGINOTIONS

“Shoulder arms!” he said sharply. The men obeyed. ‘“Con-
duct the prisoners to the donjon!” he went on.

‘This is all right,” I said. ‘I suppose you know your own busi-
ness. But it seems to me that you are acting queerly for a Court
Historian |”

“Tt is all right,” he said. ‘I have forgotten all about that. So
has the King. Forward march!”

We were escorted to the donjon.

Don’t ever go to a donjon if you can help it. We stayed there
the rest of the day. I was looking through the bars, and my niece
said nothing until late in the afternoon. Then she told me she had
got them all in.

“You have got us all in,” I said, with bitter meaning. She
laughed.

After a while the guards came and told us to prepare for in-
stant execution. I pointed out the illogical absurdity of “ pre-
paring for zzstant execution,” but they could n’t see it, and, as
it only annoyed them and set them to talking about some ‘old
crank,” I saw they cared more for mechanics than for logic, and said
nothing further. What a number of dull people there are in foreign
climes ! ;

We followed them along some very damp corridors which
needed whitewashing, and soon came to a large plaza. I could not
see very well, but I heard many voices saying, ‘“ Here they come!”
“Bring them out!” “See the old fogy!”—by which they must have
meant the captain, I suppose.

It suddenly occurred to me that possibly they meant to exe-
cute me and my niece. My mind sometimes will grasp an idea with
breathless celerity. It was an annoying experience, and I resolved
to avoid the scaffold, if it were possible to do so > without loss of dig-
nity or the family prestige.
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES 103

“My dear child,” said I to my niece, “has it occurred to you that
they have invited us out to an afternoon execution, and that they
mean to chop our heads off?”

She admitted that they seemed to think they were, but begged
me to give myself no uneasiness, promising to see that no harm
came of our little pleasure-excursion. Young girls are so rash!—
but my niece always takes me with her.

“ But what is this absurdity about a prince?” I asked.

She said it was no absurdity at all. That she had come to
marry the prince, and would marry the prince—if she liked his
looks,

“Have n’t you seen him?” I asked in some surprise.

She shook her head, and then assured me again that I need not
be uneasy—that the whole journey was her own plan, and she felt
sure of its ultimate success. It is not profitable to argue with a
person who pays no attention to what you say, and who never on
any account does anything you think it best to do, so I said no more.

Amid renewed jeers, we climbed the steps to the scaffold.

The headsman was waiting for us. His ax looked very large to
me, but he seemed strong enough to handle it. The King was there,
and was plainly in a hurry to get away, for he said with some at-
tempt at pleasantry: .

‘Now, then, Headsman, here ’s the young lady who wishes to
marry the prince. Off she goes,—and then for the old star-gazer!”

I thought his remarks were not in the best of taste. They put
my niece’s head upon the block, the headsman raised his ax, and
the ax-head immediately flew off in the form of a black crow, say-
ing, “Caw!”

The headsman looked after it with much interest.

“Never,” said he with emphasis, “in the whole course of my pro-
fessional experience, did I ever see anything like that.”
104 IMAGINOTIONS

“ My niece,” I said, “is certainly not an ordinary girl. You'll all
admit that, I am sure, when you have known her as long as I have.”
The headsman sent the page for another ax. The people
waited in silence, hardly knowing what had taken place. The King
seemed to enjoy the experience. It was something new, and kings
(at least all the kings I know) are terribly bored, and fond of 1 nov-
elty. He clapped his hands and called out, ‘“ Brava!”

The crowd separated at one point and the page arrived with
the spare ax. The headsman handled it with the caressing hand
of an artist, poised it lightly in the air, and brought it down with a
swish upon my niece’s swanlike neck. I had a swanlike neck
when younger.

“ Huzza!” cried the hireling crowd. But they had shouted too
soon. As the keen edge neared her golden ringlets, the ax-head
left the handle and becoming a garland of flowers encircled her neck
in a really effective manner. I could not but admire the esthetic
value of the colors against her fair skin. Old men are somewhat
forgetful, and I do not distinctly recall whether I have mentioned
my niece’s beauty. It is a family characteristic, and in my young
days I was universally admitted to be the handsomest astrologer in
our parish.

Dine King had by this time lost his temper. ‘He had come
out,” as he remarked in high dudgeon, “to see an execution — not
to witness an exhibition of ee eee !” (His choice of language
was always excellent, by the way.) So now he rose to his feet, and
ordered the guards to seize the prisoners.

The guards were arranged in a hollow square around the
scaffold, and at the word of command they pointed some very
jagged halberds and other painful poking instruments in our direc-
tion. I looked at my niece with some misgiving, but apparently she
was quite able to take care of herself. She stood up also, and pro-
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES 105

nounced some magical words. I do not really know just what they
were. In fact, she had rather gone ahead of me in the text-books,
and could do a number of things which I should not like to attempt.
Probably, if I had been in her situation, I should have disappeared
from view, or changed myself into a humming-bird or a dragon-



THE ROYAL GUARDS SURROUND THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE.

1

fly,—something with wings, you know,—and soared gently away
into the blue ether. But she was not satisfied with ordinary magical
charms. She took most of hers from the Appendix in the back of
the book, and usually aimed at the more picturesque methods.
106 IMAGINOTIONS

This time I heard her silvery laugh, and I looked with curiosity
at the advancing guards. When they began their short march they
were veterans. After a few steps they became recruits. A few steps
more, and they were cadets, and so it went on. They became boys
and then toddlers; and finally, when they reached the foot of the
platform, they were babies, creeping on all fours and crying and
cooing.

Those babes in uniform were very ridiculous. After a great shout
of laughter, some of the women in the crowd picked up the helpless
infants and bore them away in their arms. I afterward learned that
the foundling asylum was much overcrowded that night.

This last ene seemed to open the King’s eyes to the
peculiarities of my niece’s disposition. He realized that she must be
coaxed rather than driven. I do not mean to say he told me so, for
in all the course of our acquaintance we did not exchange a dozen
words. He called me the “star-gazer,” and seemed to think me
rather a fussy old fellow. Perhaps he was right,—my horoscope
indicated something of the kind.

The populace had now run away, and the King and a few cour-
tiers came to the foot of the platform and invited us to come to the
Palace and make ourselves at home. The King offered his arm to
my niece, and she took it with an ease of manner which she inher-
ited from her grandfather. My father was a sorcerer, and of the
very best school. All his house-work was done by familiars, and
genii did the farm-work and ran errands.

When the King had escorted my niece and her uncle to the
private audience-room, we sat down to a very well-served table, and
then the King and my niece came to an understanding. I heard only
the last part of the conversation.

“You cannot marry my son!” said the King, decidedly. “It’s
against all precedent.”
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES 107

My niece said in her winning way that she did n’t care a button
for precedent, and that several great men had called attention to the
fact that there could n’t be a precedent for anything the first time it
was done.

“I won't argue,” said the King; “but I will only say, I forbid it.”

Then, to my secret amusement, my niece said very sweetly, as



““THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS!’ SAID THE DUCK IN A RAGE.”

she toyed with a sprig of celery, that she was not fond of argument
herself, and therefore would only say that she would then and there
turn the king into a canvasback duck, unless he consented to the
wedding.

“I defy you!” said the King.

* My niece clapped her hands, and he became a canvasback duck.
108 IMAGINOTIONS

«This is preposterous!” said the duck in a rage.

My niece giggled.

“Tt is monstrous!” said the duck, walking bow-legged around
the table.

I joined in the mirth. ‘Star-gazer,” indeed!

“Tt is high treason!” insisted the royal fowl.

My niece rose from the table. The duck looked at her in per-
plexity. Then he said:

“T give in. Please fix me straight again.”

She clapped her hands, and he regained his shape.

“Now,” said he uneasily, “I am a man — of my word. Send for
my son.” De

Several admirals, dukes, and footmen started for the door, but
the seneschal had a good lead, and soon returned, ushering in a
young man whose physical perfections were not noticed only because
of his graceful bearing and exquisite air of high breeding and royal
intelligence. When I saw him I had a curious remembrance of
having seen him before. But it was a mistake. I was thinking of a
certain beautiful miniature of myself, which my father had given me
on my twenty-first birthday.

“Come in,” said the King pleasantly. “This, my son, is your
promised bride. She is the niece of this old gentleman. He is a
star-gazer. Bow to your uncle-in-law. The wedding will take
place to-morrow. Good evening, young people. Good evening,
‘star-gazer.”

He retired through the cloth-of-gold portiére, and the prince,
by his courtly bearing, soon put us all at our ease. At first his
manner, while with my niece, was just a trifle constrained; but at
12.45 A. M., when I went to bed, they had eaten twelve philopenas
and had ordered the yawning butler to bring more almonds.

Next morning a grand procession set forth for the cathedral.
THE ASTROLOGER’S NIECE MARRIES 109

I, however, with her permission, remained at home and watched
the event through my second-best magic telescope, with which one
can look around two corners and through a thin stone wall.

I will briefly describe what took place. The King must have
spent the night in plotting mischief, for he had gathered together a
large army, and secured the services of several witches, enchanters,
exorcists, and so on. Just as the ceremony was to be performed,
these myrmidons surrounded the bridal party and attempted to
seize my niece. I was not alarmed, for I had much confidence in
her presence of mind and her readiness of resource in emergencies.

Just as they gathered around her, she began to grow larger.
Soon she increased so enormously that she took the prince up in
one hand, put him under her arm, and walked in a leisurely way
down the aisle. He did not seem to object. In fact, he had pre-
viously done his best to protect her, and had knocked down one
witch with her own broomstick early in the proceedings.

Still my niece continued to grow. She rose to the top of the
cathedral, put her golden ringlets through the roof, and the slates
began to tumble upon the people below. How they scattered!

At this moment the King begged for pardon, and promised
reformation and acquiescence—at least I judged so from his atti-
tude. Upon the disappearance of the rabble, my niece regained
her proper size; and after the wedding-party was brought together
again, she became a lovely bride, shrinking and tender.

When the bridal couple came down the aisle, they were beau-
tiful. I threw down the glass and hastened to meet them at the
palace gate.

The prince seemed very happy, and so did the princess—my
niece. I felt that I was safe in leaving her to her husband's care,
and I set sail the next day for home.

I have received a letter from her since. It told many particu-
IIO IMAGINOTIONS

lars of her new life, and described her husband’s flawless character
and disposition at some length. This was the postscript:

P. S.—Jack says (John is my husband’s name—one of them) that magic is be-
neath the dignity of a married woman. I think so, too, and have promised to give
it up, maybe. The King is an old duck—not a canvasback, you know. He sends
his love to the “ star-gazer.”

I feel lonely without her. One could not be long dull in her
company. Astrology, too, is not what it once was—there is too
much cutting of rates and competition.

May my dear niece be happy, for certainly she married the
man of her choice!
THE WINNING OF VANELLA

he would give me enough to insure me a fair start in life.
Consequently, after the celebration of my twenty-first
birthday, I was not surprised when he told me that he wished to
hold a serious conversation with me in his study. I found him sit-
ting upon his favorite green silk divan.
He motioned to me to be seated.

‘My son,” he began, “it is time you chose your career.”

‘Most true, Parent revered,” was my answer.

“ Unfortunately,” he went on, “the pirates have lately captured
six of my largest galleys loaded with emeralds, topazes, and notions,
and I shall be unable to provide for you as I wished to do. But the
money, which it seems was fated to be lost, would have been only a
disappointment, and you can now show me what you are capable of
doing by your unaided efforts.”

“Tt is an excellent opportunity,” I agreed.

“Your brothers, as you know, have already attempted to cope
with the world.”

“T know,” I assented.

“ But hitherto I have not told you of their fortunes. The King
of a neighboring country seeks a husband for his only daughter,
and promises to abdicate as soon as he has found a suitable son-in-
law for the place.”

“What sort of a son-in-law does his Majesty desire?”

Tir

Me father was a rich merchant, and I naturally expected that
II2 IMAGINOTIONS

“He does n’t say. Both of your excellent brothers have re-
turned to me for enough to make a new start in life, after having
failed to win the hand of this princess.”

“Did they tell you of their experiences?” I inquired with natu-
ral curiosity.

“Only in the most general terms,” my father answered, smiling
grimly at his own thoughts. “They told me that each candidate
had certain tasks to perform, and agreed to leave the country for-
ever if unsuccessful.”

‘And my brothers failed?”

“At the first task,” said my father.

“Which was, perhaps, difficult ?”

“ Difficult, you may well say. It was to bring from the Heredi-
tary Khan of Bijoutery, a proud and warlike chieftain, his most
cherished bit of bric-A-brac, a goblet containing three priceless
amethysts, given to him by a descendant of Haroun Alraschid.
The Princess thinks she would like to have the jewels set in her
bonbonntére.”

“Pardon me, Papa,” said I, “but I do not know that Frankish
Cetitien

“Tt is an outlandish name for a candy-box,” said my father, who
was simplicity itself.

“Could not my brothers obtain this little favor for the gentle
Princess?” was my comment.

“They escaped with their lives only by the merest accident,” said
he. ‘The eldest made a midnight visit to the Khan’s jewel-room,
was discovered and leaped into the moat, some fifty parasangs
below, if my memory be what it was; and then he swam four
leagues, according to his own estimate, before rising to the surface
for air.”

“And the second?”
THE WINNING OF VANELLA 113

“Formed an alliance with a Cossack leader, and made war upon
the Khan. But the Khan defeated them in seven pitched battles,
‘and that discouraged your brother so that he returned home.”

“Hearty commiserations for my brothers’ misfortunes!” I said,
after a few moments spent in reflection. ‘And the Princess—is she
beautiful, that she inspires such courage and resolution?”

“The Princess Vanella is an exceedingly nice girl,” said my father.
“She is graceful, respectful to her elders, plays upon the lute like a
true daughter of the desert, makes excellent muffins, and has the
happiest disposition (next to that of your lamented mother) I have
ever known. She is worthy of your highest ambition. To win her
hand would be happiness, even should you thereafter lose the king-
dom that goes with her. And those realms, my son,” added my
father, with a sigh, “are always slipping through one’s fingers!”

In silence I waited my father’s recovery from his emotion. My
loved parent had lost several kingdoms already—not by his fault,
but through misfortune. From our earliest days my mother taught
us never to remind Papa of the thrones that were once his. She was
always considerate.

“Why should I not undertake this adventure in my turn?” I
asked soon after.

“So I asked your brothers; but they were inclined to ridicule
the idea.”

“ «Ultimate ridicule is most satisfactory,” I suggested, quoting a
proverb of my native land.

“No doubt,” my father agreed, nodding his great white turban.
“Really, your chances are excellent. The fairy stories are all in
your favor. You are the third son, and I have nothing to give you;
your elder brothers have failed, and scorn your desire to attempt the
tasks. You will, when you go, have only your father’s blessing —

which I will furnish. All seems favorable. But are you stupid
8
Tit < IMAGINOTIONS

enough? There I cannot help you. The true stupidity is natural,
not acquired.” ..

“J will be as stupid as I can,” said I, with proud humility. “The
lovely Princess Vanella shall be mine. I am enchanted with her al-
ready. She shall be mine.”

“Enough!” said my father; and I withdrew.

In a few days I started, with my father’s blessing, carrying all
my possessions in a silk handkerchief slung from a stout staff. Upon
my way I kept a sharp lookout for old men with bundles of fagots
too heavy for their strength, aged women asking alms, and, in fact,
for all unattractive wayfarers; for 1 knew that fairies were likely to
take such forms. ;

And my vigilance was rewarded. At the first cross-roads I saw
an ancient beggar crone hurling stones at a tree with more earnest-
ness than aim.

«What seekst thou, honest dame?” I inquired in an anxious
tone, as a rock avoided the tree and came most marvelously close
to my right ear.

«Alas! my best bonnet has flown on the zephyr’s wing, and
roosts in yon tree,” she replied, poising another boulder.

Resolved to stop the bombardment at any cost, I spoke hastily :

“Nay, pelt not the shrub! Care thou for my burden, and I will
scale the branches and rescue the errant triumph of the milliner’s art !”

My language was romantic in those days, perhaps too romantic,
for she failed to catch my meaning, and waved the stone uneasily.

“Hold on!” I said. ‘Drop the rock, and I ’ll get the bonnet.
If you hit it, you might smash all the style out of it.”

My praise of her bonnet was not unpleasant to her, for when |
brought it she said gratefully :

“You area noble youth. I have little with which to reward you;
but give me the pen and inkhorn that dangles from your belt, and a


THE WINNING OF VANELLA T15

bit of parchment. I can write you a line that may aid you in time
of need.”

Convinced that she was a fairy, | obeyed. She wrote a few
words in a crabbed hand, and advised me to read them when I was
in need of counsel.

“Give you good day, fair youth,” said she, courteously.



““FARE THEE WELL, GENTLE ‘DAME,’ I REPLIED.”

“Fare thee well, gentle dame,” | replied, removing my left
slipper, which is a token of respect in my native land.

I met with but one other adventure on my way to the Khan’s
palace. I rescued an emerald-green parrot from a cat, and seeing
no dwelling near carried the pretty creature with me.

On the eighth day after leaving my father’s house, I was ushered,
by two gorgeous guards into the courtyard of the palace where the
beautiful Vanella dwelt. My heart beat rapturously, and I felt so
I16 IMAGINOTIONS

young, so brave, and so strong that I feared neither the King nor
his people.

I happened to arrive just when the King was holding audience,
and he was graciously pleased to see me without more than three or
four hours’ delay in the anteroom.

When the curtained doorway was oT I advanced into the
audience-hall and saw — Vanella!

For seventeen minutes I saw nothing but the Princess! ‘In fact,
the guards had just been ordered to show me out as a dumb and
senseless wanderer, when I came to myself, and began to catch sight
of the King dimly through the edges of the glory which in my eyes
surrounded the Princess.

“ Pardon, father of Vanella the peerless,” said I, “the stupefaction
of one who indeed knew your daughter to be beautiful, but had no
idea what a pretty girl she was. I never saw any princess who can
hold a rushlight to her; and it was very sudden. I am better now.”

“We are glad you are better,” said the King, ‘‘and hope you will
soon be well enough to tell us what you wish.”

“T have come to marry Her Effulgent Beiccuness the Princess
Vanella!”

“Yes?” said the King, with a slightly sarcastic air.

“‘ Provided I can win her,” I added. “And that we shall soon see.”

‘I think the old man liked my courage. At all events, he called
me to him, and presented me to the Princess. For he was a very
sensible ruler and an indulgent father; and he had no idea of marry-
ing his daughter to any man she did n’t think worthy of her. So in
all cases, permission had to be given by the Princess before the can-
didate could begin the ordeal. But-so beautiful was Vanella, and so
eager were the young nobility to win her hand, that they all looked
handsome and daring when in her presence. I think I must have
been attractive in those days, for Vanella says now that she never
THE WINNING OF VANELLA 117

admired me more than when I was first presented to her. It was
love at first sight on both sides. In fact, after we had conversed a
few minutes, the Princess told me that she was ‘““sorry the tests were
so awfully difficult, and she did n’t care so very much about the
goblet after all, though, of course she would Ze it, if it was n’t Loo
much trouble to get it.” :

“No trouble at all,”’said I. “I would get it for you, even if you
did n’t want it at all.”



“HE CALLED ME TO HIM, AND PRESENTED ME TO THE PRINCESS.”

She looked pleased and then frowned.
- “I mean,” I added hastily, “1d get it if you wanted it, even if
you did n’t care whether I got it or not.” .
She seemed to understand me perfectly.

* T shall start after luncheon,” I said. “ And, before I go, is there
ge


118 IMAGINOTIONS

anything else of the Khan’s that you ’d like? It’s no bother to me
to get you the whole treasury if you ’d care for it.”

“The goblet will do,” she said, blushing charmingly, and looking
at her father to see whether he was listening. He was n't.

“Papa,” said Vanella, ‘it ’s all right.”

“Eh? What’s all right?”

“He’s going, after luncheon.”

“Who is?”

“This young gentleman.”

“Oh, yes,” said the King. “Very well. I suppose he will get the
goblet first. Yes? Well, then, good-by, my young friend. Good-by.”

«Au revoir,” I answered, in the Frankish mode.

“Can you not leave the parrot?” suggested Vanella. ‘I adore
green parrots — of that particular shade of green, I mean!”

«With pleasure,” I answered with a grateful glance. ‘‘ May I ask
you to allow it to remind you of me?”

“The color will help,” said the King, a little maliciously, I
thought. So I hurried away without further delay.

As there were no modern systems of rapid transit, I traveled
speedily but comfortably toward Bijoutery, thinking so constantly —
of the Princess that I never reflected upon how I was to obtain pos-
session of the goblet until I found myself upon the frontier. Then
I was stopped by an outpost of the Khan’s army.

‘““Who goes there?” he inquired, as he drew his bow and ad-
justed an arrow to the string.

‘Goes where?” I asked, waking up from a brown study, for I was
a little abstracted.

‘Wherever you are going,” he explained, lowering his bow.

“Why, I do, I suppose,” I answered, a little annoyed by the
question, which was absurd on the face of it.

“Well, what do you want?” he asked.


THE WINNING OF VANELLA 119

“I want to marry the Princess Vanella,” I said, absent-mindedly.

“Why don’t you, then?” the soldier inquired, smiling indulgently.

“She has sent me to get the Khan’s goblet,” I said, for I had no
wish to go about the enterprise in any underhand manner.

‘I did n’t know he was going to send it to her,” said the sentinel.

“Perhaps he won't after all,” I said frankly.

‘Maybe not,” answered the soldier; “he thinks a great deal of
it. But I suppose she would n’t have sent you unless she thought
he would let you have it. Would she, now?” he asked. He seemed
to. be proud of his cleverness.

“Well, she might,” I said, cautiously, “But if he does n’t care
to give it to me, he can say so.”
“So he can,” said the soldier. “I wish you good luck.”

Thanking him for his kindness, I went on my way. It did n’t
occur to me until afterward that the soldier thought I was a mere
messenger sent by the Princess according to some arrangement be-
tween the Khan and herself.

Once within the frontier, I had no further difficulty until I
reached the Khan’s castle. I attributed my good fortune thus far to
the fact that I had minded my own business. It is so much easier
to go into a foreign country by yourself than it is to get in at the
head of an army. My brother expected to be stopped, and he was
stopped. I took it for granted that I could go in, and they let me
in. It was very simple indeed.

Now another problem confronted me. Here was a strong cas-
tle built on a rocky promontory surrounded on three sides by the
sea, and on the fourth defended by a lofty wall of hewn stone.

I went to the drawbridge gate and blew the trumpet.

“Hello! Who’s there?” said a gruff voice.
“It’s a gentleman to see the Khan,” I said.
“ Where is he?” asked the voice, through an iron lattice.
120 IMAGINOTIONS

“Tam the gentleman,” I replied.

“Go away, boy!” said the voice, and the latticed window was shut.

This was discouraging.

“What would the Princess say if she saw me now?” I thought,
and then I returned to the gate and again winded the trumpet. No
answer. I kept on winding the trumpet, but without result. At last,
having blown so hard that I broke it, I was in despair.

I sat me down on the bank of the moat and threw stones into
the water, with a strong desire to throw myself in after them.

Then I remembered the bit of parchment which the old woman
had given me, and concluded it was time to use it. At first I hesi-
tated, because I thought I should perhaps need the charm when
I came to the other tasks which the King would set me. However,
reasoning that I should never come to the second task until the first
was performed, I drew out the bit of writing and read:

“IF YOU DON'T SEE WHAT YOU WANT, ASK FOR IT.”

That was all it said. Bitterly disappointed, I flung it after the
stones into the moat. But I could n't forget it. And as I began to
think it over, I found the advice good.

“What is it I want to do?” I asked myself. ‘Why, to get at
the Khan and his goblet.” Now, the thing that stopped me was
simply a stone wall and a locked gate; and I was n’t anxious to get
into the castle. I wanted to communicate with the gentleman of
the house. }

Nothing could be simpler. I still had my writing-materials, and
in a few moments I had written a note and tossed it over the wall. It
was as follows:

Most NopLE Kuan or BryouTERy. Str: I have broken the trumpet at the
gate, and can’t get an answer. I come directly from the Princess Vanella, who wishes
the great goblet which is decorated with amethysts. What are you afraid of ? I am only
THE WINNING OF VANELLA 121

a single young man without weapons, and promise not to hurt you. I await your
answer. But if I do not receive some proper recognition within a reasonable time, I
shall report your discourtesy to Princess Vanella and her royal father.

Kapa BEN EPHRAF.

This letter was of course handed to the Khan as soon as it was
picked up, and I was admitted at once to his presence.
He demanded an explanation of my letter, and I told him just
how the matter stood.
“JT did n’t believe you would allow a paltry bit of glassware and
jewelry to stand between a yotng man and happiness — especially
when a lady had asked for it.
In my own country we never
refuse any reasonable request
a lady makes; and, in spite of
reports to the contrary, I knew
you to be too brave and great a
man to depend upon the posses-
sion of a few gems for your
renown. So, instead of bring-
ing an army,— which, of course,
you could easily defeat, thus
causing much trouble and dis-
tress,— I thought I would see
what you wished to do about it.”
The Khan said not a word
during my explanation. Thén
taking the crystal goblet from
EN mat O om tamlaicae tcl loach aime marmite Resid) cere Uma one ee ramenaaa
handed it to me, saying:
“Young man, you have my best wishes. You have acted like a
gentleman in the whole matter. I believe your name is Kaba ben
Ephraf, is n’t it?”


122 IMAGINOTIONS

I nodded.

“Well, was n’t there a ben Ephraf whom I defeated a few months
ago?”

“My brother,” I explained.

“Yes, yes!” said the old gentleman. “He sent me a demand for
the goblet, but as he did n’t explain what he wished it for, of course
I considered the message impertinent and refused it. It is n’t the
gems I care for; but I do insist upon being approached in a proper
spirit. I am fond of romance myself, and if you and the Princess
care to visit me some time, I ‘Il show you my jewels. I have barrels
of them. Iam tired of them —so tired of them that I prefer paste
for personal use.”

I looked uneasily at the goblet in my hand.

“ Oh, that is all genuine,” he said. “You are quite welcome to it.
But,” he added, after a pause, ‘when you come to the throne, there’s
alittle province that abuts on my dominions, and if you could see the
way to transfer it to me—why, favors between friends, you know—”

I begged him to receive the assurances of my wish to oblige
him in any reasonable request, and we parted in the best of humor.

“ By the way,” said he, as he pressed my hand in parting, “ that
gatekeeper who called you ‘ boy’—”

“ Oh, let it go,” I said.

“He has already been beheaded, or something,” said the Khan.
“T ’m sorry, if you would mae preferred to ores him.”

‘It is of no consequence,” I said.

“ None whatevet,” said the Khan good-humoredly. « Good-by.”

I returned to the frontier in the Khan’s private carriage, and
had a pleasant trip back to the palace. Like many other distin-
guished people, the Khan had been misunderstood.

My meeting with Vanella was joyful, and she received the goblet
with exclamations of admiration and gratitude.
THE WINNING OF VANELLA 123

The King invited me to stay to supper, informally; and we had
the most delicious muffins I ever ate. The Princess has never been
able to make them taste quite so good again. She says that they
were then flavored with our first happiness; but I insist that it was
simply a larger portion of sugar.

Next morning, bright and early, I announced to the King that
I was ready for the second test.

“Tt is a sweet little puzzle,” said the King. ‘My daughter has
another name than Vanella, known only to herself and to me. We
have vowed never to tell the name to any human being. You must
find out by to-morrow morning what that name is.”

I was much discouraged, and did not see how it was possible
for me to perform this task. I returned to my own room in the
palace and racked my brains in vain all day. There seemed no pos-
sible clue to the mystery, and the longer I thought of the difficulty
of the task, the bluer I became. Just at nightfall there came a light
footstep at my door and then a soft knock. °

“Come in,” I said in a hollow voice.

It was one of the Princess’s attendants.

‘The Princess Vanella’s compliments,” said the maiden, ‘and
she says this parrot chatters so that she cannot sleep at night.
She requests you to take charge of him yourself” She bowed and
retired.

‘She cares no longer for me or my presents!” said I, bitterly.

Then I put upon a table the golden cage in which the parrot
was confined, and threw myself upon the divan without undressing.

‘“ Alas!” I said bitterly, “I have deceived the Khan! I shall never
be able to learn the name —and I can never give him the province
he desires. Unhappy ben Ephraf!”

“Mrs. ben Ephraf!” said the parrot.

“Hush!” I said ill-naturedly.
124 IMAGINOTIONS

“Vanella, Vanella; Strawberria, Strawberria!” repeated the
parrot slowly and impressively.

It did not require a remarkably keen intellect to comprehend
the Princess’s kindly hint. I went cheerfully to sleep, slept soundly
till morning, and awoke ready to resume the tests.

But when I had guessed the name “ Strawberria,” much to the
King’s surprise, Vanella objected to putting me through any further
trials, and as there was no reason for delay we were married within
a few weeks. :

We invited the Khan to the wedding, and he proved an ex-
cellent dancer and a most agreeable conversationalist.

Vanella was delighted with him, and he sent her fourteen mule-
loads of jewels as a wedding present. My father also came to the
wedding and gave me his hearty congratulations.

“You have won a prize, my son,” he said.

And so it proved.

NorE.— Any one who will give a green parrot a good home and kind treatment
may have one free by applying to Mrs. ben Ephraf at the palace, any week-day between
eleven and three o’clock.
THE PROFESSOR
AND THE PATAGONIAN GIANT

ARLY one morning during my third visit to Patagonia, as I

was strolling upon the banks of the River Chico, keeping a

sharp lookout for a choice specimen of the Rutabaga Tremen-

dosa, | saw what, at the time, I supposed to be a large and isolated

cliff, It looked blue, and consequently I supposed it to be at some

distance. Resuming my search for the beautiful saffron blossom

which I have already named, my attention was for some moments

abstracted. After pulling the plant up by the roots, however, I

happened to cast my eyes again toward the supposed cliff, and you

can conceive my extreme mortification and regret when I saw that

it was not a cliff at all, but a giant, and, so far as I could see, one of
the most virulent species.

He was advancing at a run, and, although not exerting himself
overmuch, seemed to be going at a rate of some five kilometers a
minute. Much annoyed at the interruption to my researches, I paused
only long enough to deposit the Rutabaga securely in my botany box
and then broke into an accelerated trot. Do me the justice to acquit
me of any intention of entering into a contest of speed with the pur-
suing monster. I am not so conceited as to imagine I can cover five
or even three kilometers a minute. No; I relied, rather, on the
well-established scientific probability that the giant was stupid. I
expected, therefore, that my head would have an opportunity to save
my heels. »

125
126 IMAGINOTIONS

It was not long before I saw the need of taking immediate steps
to save my specimens from destruction and myself from being eaten.
He was certainly gaining upon me. As he foolishly ran with his
mouth open, I noticed that his canine teeth were very well developed





















“J SAW THE NEED OF TAKING IMMEDIATE STEPS TO SAVE MY SPECIMENS.”

—nhot a proof, but strong evidence that he was a cannibal. I re-
doubled my speed, keeping an eager eye upon the topography in the
hope that I might find some cave or crevice into which I could creep
and thus obtain time enough to elaborate a plan of escape. I had
not run more than six or eight kilometers, I think (for distances are
deceitful in that part of Patagonia—or were, when I was there),
when I saw a most convenient cretaceous cave.

To ensconce myself within its mineral recesses was the work of
but a moment, and it was fortunate for me that it took no longer.
Indeed, as I rolled myself deftly beneath a shelving rock, the giant
was so near that he pulled off one of my boots.

He sat down at the entrance and breathed with astonishing force
and rapidity. it
THE PROFESSOR AND THE PATAGONIAN GIANT 127

“ Now, if he is as stupid as one of his race normally should be,”
I said to myself, “he will stay there for several hours, and I shall
lose a great part of this beautiful day.” The thought made me rest-
less, and I looked about to see whether my surroundings would hint
a solution of the situation.

I was rewarded by discovering an outlet far above me. I could
see through a cleft in the rocks portions of a cirro-cumulus cloud.
Fixing my hat more firmly upon my head, I began the ascent. It
did not take long. Indeed, my progress was, if anything, rather
accelerated by the efforts of the attentive giant, who had secured a
long and flexible switch,—a young India-rubber tree, I think, though
I did not notice its foliage closely,— and was poking it with consid-
erable violence into the cave. In fact, he lifted me some decameters
at every thrust.

It may easily be understood, therefore, that I was not long upon
the way. When I emerged, I was much pleased with the situation.
Speaking as a military expert, it was perfect. Standing upon a
commodious ledge, which seemed to have been made for the purpose,
my head and shoulders projected from an opening in the cliff, which
was just conveniently out of the giant’s reach. As my head rose
over the edge of the opening, the giant spoke:

“Aha, you ’re there, are you?”

“T won't deny it,” I answered.

“ You think you ’re safe, don’t you?” he went on tauntingly.

“I know I am safe,” I answered, with an easy confidence which
was calculated to please. .

“Well,” he replied, “to-night I hope to eat you for supper!”

‘“What, then,” I asked, with some curiosity, “are you going to
do for dinner?”

“Oh, if that troubles you,” said he, “all you have to do is to
come out at dinner-time and I will eat you then.”


128 IMAGINOTIONS

Evidently the giant was not a witling. His answers were apt. ~
After a moment’s reflection I concluded it was worth the effort to
make an appeal to his better nature — his over-soul,

“Don’t you know that it is wrong to eat your fellow-beings?” I -
asked, with a happy mingling of austere reproach and sympathetic
pain.

‘Do you mean to come out soon?” asked the giant, seating him-
self upon an adjacent cliff, after tearing off such of the taller and
stiffer trees as were in his way.

“It depends somewhat upon whether you remain where you are,”
I answered. .

“Oh, I shall stay,” said the giant, pleasantly. ‘Game is rare,
and I have n’t eaten a white man for two weeks.”

This remark brought me back to my appeal to his higher
being. “Then I shall remain here, too, for the present,” I answered,
“though I should like to get away before sunset. It’s likely to be
humid here after the sun sets. But, to return to my question, have
you never thought that it was immoral and selfish to eat your fellow- _
creatures?” |

“Why, certainly,” said the giant, with a hearty frankness that was
truly refreshing. “That is why,” he went on, “I asked you whether
you were coming out soon. If not, I would be glad to while the
time away by explaining to you exactly how I feel about these
matters. Of course I could smoke you out” (here he showed me
an enormous boulder of flint and a long steel rod, the latter evidently
a bit of machinery from some wrecked ocean-steamer), “but I make
it a rule seldom to eat a fellow-mortal until he is fully convinced
that, all things considered, I am justified in so doing.”

The reference to the smoking-out process had convinced me
that this was no hulking ignoramus of a giant, and for a moment I
began to fear that my Rutabaga Tremendosa was lost to the world
forever. But the latter part of his speech reassured me.










“AHA, YOU ’RE THERE, ARE You?’”
130 IMAGINOTIONS

“Tf you can convince me that I ought to be eaten,” I said, willing
to be reasonable, ‘I shall certainly offer no objection. But I confess
I have little fear that you will succeed.”

“T first discovered that I was a giant,” he said, absently chewing
the stem of the India-rubber tree, “‘at a very early age. I could not
get enough to eat. I then lived in New York City, for I am an
American, like yourself.”

We bowed with mutual pleasure.

“T tried various sorts of work, but found I could not earn enough
at any of them to pay my board-bills. I even exhibited myself in a
museum, but found there the same trouble.

“T consulted my grandfather, who was a man of matured judg-
ment and excellent sense. His advice was to leave the city and try
for work in the country. I did so, and after some little trouble found
employment upon a farm. I stayed there three days. Then I was
told that it cost more to keep me than I was worth; which was true.
So I left. Then I went to work on a railroad. There I-did as much
as twenty men. The result was a strike, and I was discharged.”

“Ts there much more autobiography?” I asked as politely as I
could, for I was not at all interested in this unscientific memoir.

“Very little,” he answered. “I can sum it up in a few words.
Wherever I tried to get work, I was discharged, because my board
was too expensive. If I tried to do more work to make up for it,
the other men were dissatisfied, because it took the bread out of
their mouths. Now, I put it to you, what was I to do?”

“Evidently, you were forced out of civilization,” I answered,
“and compelled to rely upon nature for your sustenance. That is,”
I went on, to forestall another question, “you had to become a
hunter, trapper, or fisherman,—for of course, in your case, agricul-
ture was out of the question, as you could n’t easily get down to the
ground, and would crush with your feet more crops than you could
raise with your hands.”






THE GIANT AND THE PROFESSOR SETTLE IT AMICABLY.
132 IMAGINOTIONS

His eyes sparkled with joy at being so thoroughly understood.
“Exactly,” he said. ‘But the same trouble followed me there.
Wherever I settled, the inhabitants complained that what I ate
would support hundreds of other people.”

“Very true,” I answered; ‘but, excuse me, could you hand me
a small rock to sit upon ?—it is tiresome to stand here.”

“Come out,” he said. ‘You have my word of honor, as a com-
patriot of George :

“Say no more!” I broke in hastily.

; I came out, and was soon, by his kind aid, mertied upon the
branch of a tree conveniently near.

“This argument,” he said, sighing, ‘met me at every turn; and
after much cogitation I could see no solution of the difficulty. No
matter how far from the ‘busy haunts of men’ I proceeded, it was
only to find that food grew scarcer as men were less numerous. At
last I reached Patagonia, and after a few years I have eaten it al-
most bare. Now, to what conclusion am I driven?”

I thought it over. At last I said:

““T see the extremities to which you are reduced. But upon what
principle do you proceed to the next step—cannibalism ?”

“The greatest good to the greatest number,” said he. ‘ When-
ever I eat an animal, I diminish the stock of food which supports
mankind, but whenever I eat a man, I diminish the number to be
supported. As all the wise men agree that it is the subsistence
which is short, my course of action tends ultimately to the greater
happiness of the race.”

This seemed very reasonable and for a moment I was stag-
gered. Then a happy thought came to me, and I suggested Mee
if he should allow himself to die of starvation the donaan for sub-
sistence would be still more reduced.

He shook his head sadly. “I used to hope so myself. But


THE PROFESSOR. AND THE PATAGONIAN GIANT 133

the experience of some years, tabulated and reduced to most accu-
rate statistics, has convinced me beyond a doubt that I can catch and
eat enough men, in a year, to more than make up for what would be
saved if I should allow my own organism to cease its active exertions
in the cause of humanity.”
I thought very carefully over these arguments and was unable
to pick a flaw in them.
“As a man of science,” I said, after a pause, “I could wish that
this interview might be reported to the world.”
“Give yourself no uneasiness. It shall be done,” said the giant.
“And I should also be glad to have the kutabaga Tremendosa
forwarded very soon to the Museum,” I said thoughtfully.
“With pleasure,” said the giant.
There was no excuse for further delay.
“ And are you convinced ?” asked the giant, speaking with much
kindly consideration.
“ Perfectly,” I said, and kicked off the other boot.

[Note, by the giant.—In accordance with Professor Muddlehed’s last wishes, I
have reported our full conversation verbatim. In fact, much of the foregoing account
was revised by the Professor himself, before supper. He would have been glad, I have
no doubt, to have gone over the paper again, but the bell rang and he was too con-
siderate to keep the table waiting. He had many excellent tastes, and there was a
flavor of originality about the man—a flavor I like, I enjoyed meeting him very much,
and regret that my principles were such as-to preclude a longer and less intimate ac-
quaintance. I forwarded the specimen to the museum as directed, and received in
return an invitation to visit the building in New Vork. Though I cannot accept the
kind invitation, I should find it gratifying to have the trustees at my own table. ]






S the Prince and
game of tennis,
“ Extra —— ex-
Ter’ble los’ life!”
“Boy!” called the
“Extra?” asked the
“Yes, please,” answered

a Page were coming from a
a newsboy ran along crying:
tra-a! Here y’ are; extra-a!

Prince, in a truly royal voice.
boy, running up to them.
the Prince condescendingly,
- taking the paper arid draw- ing a gold coin from his purse.

“TI can’t change that,” said the boy.

“Never mind the change,” said the Prince. The boy’s eyes
sparkled. He hastily handed over two papers, and ran off with the
coin, shouting as before, while heads popped from windows and people
tried to find out the news without paying for it.

Meanwhile the Prince and the Page read their papers.

EXTRA.

Tue Princess Paracon!
Possipty Prrisurnc !!
ALONE AND Aprirt!!

Rovatty to THE Rescur!!!

134
THE PRINCE’S COUNCILORS 135

By this time both had dropped the rackets and were reading
rapidly down the big print so as to get at the facts. The finer print
told the story in simple words.

The position of the Princess Paragon — at present entirely unknown — is for that
very reason most alarming. With her Royal Father she this morning went sailing in
their private yacht. In spite of His Majesty’s well-known skill with tiller and tackle, he
lost control for an instant of the stanch little vessel, and, fearing the worst, courageously
jumped overboard and waded ashore, intending to bring assistance to Her Royal High-
ness, the unfortunate Princess. Having lost one of his shoes in the wet sand, His
Majesty was so delayed by his efforts to find it that the yacht had drifted beyond reach
of those on shore before the fishermen sent by the intrepid King could reach the beach.

Distracted by his loss, the King now most generously offers his daughter’s hand and
a princely dowry, also half his Kingdom (subject to a first and second mortgage), to the
noble youth who shall restore to him his daughter and the valuable necklace of diamonds
she wears.

We commend the quest to the young Prince and the brave youths of his court.

Further particulars in the regular edition this afternoon. The boat, we learn, was fully
insured.

“There!” said the Page, throwing aside the paper. sodl iia eas
just what I’m looking for!”

“What is that?” asked the Prince, as he folded his paper and put
it in his pocket.

“ An opportunity to distinguish myself — to become renowned!”
said the Page, proudly.

“ You shall have it,” answered the Prince, graciously. ‘ You have
always served me well, and you play tennis nearly as well as I do.”
(The score that afternoon was six sets love in favor of the Page.)

“Then you are willing I should try this adventure?” asked the
Page, in surprise.

“Certainly,” replied the Prince. ‘I shall take you with me, of
course.”

“Oh!” said the Page, in quite a different tone. He had been
136 IMAGINOTIONS

surprised at the Prince’s generosity, but now he understood it better.
Then he turned to:the Prince and said, “When shall you start?”

“In a few days, I think,” said the Prince, as he stooped to pick up
his racket. “It depends on how long it will take to decide upon the
best plan, to get things ready, and to pack up my robes, and put my
fleet in order.”

“Indeed!” said the Page. Then he added, “As I’m quite willing
to go alone, because I’m in a hurry, I think I won't wait. In fact,
I'll start now.”

Then, coolly turning on his heel, he walked off down the street,
leaving his racket where it had fallen, and the Prince where he stood.

“ His last week’s wages are n't paid, either,” said the Prince to
himself; ‘and I.don’t believe he ’ll ever come back for that racket
of his. Reckless boy!”

The Prince picked up the racket and went leisurely home to
the palace, where he was received by two long lines of footmen, who
bowed low as he entered.

There were quail on toast for supper, and the Prince was so
fond of these little birds that he ate seven of them, and was so busied
over it that he could not find time to say a word until he was quite
done. The Queen was telling the King all about a new gown; and
the King was thinking how he could persuade the treasurer that
there was a little too much money instead of much too little; and
the Jester was wondering what chance he might have to make a liv-
ing as a farmer; and the nobles were trying to attract the King’s
attention; so there was hardly a word spoken at the table until the
Prince was quite through with his seven small birds. Then said
the Prince:

“Oh, by the way, Papa, I almost forgot to ask you something.
Will you please tell the treasurer to give me three or four bags of
gold to-morrow? I’m going to take a little journey.”






Be

Dim. (Beare



“HIS MAJESTY COURAGEOUSLY JUMPED OVERBOARD AND WADED ASHORE.”


138 IMAGINOTIONS

But the King at first paid no attention.

“What did you say?” he asked, at length.

“ You tell him,” suggested the Prince to the Jester.

So the Jester gave the King a hasty outline of the news in the
paper, and told him that the Prince thought of going in search of
the Princess. The King took little interest in the story until there
was mention of the three or four bags of gold. Then he awoke to
animation.

“To be sure,” he cried. “It is an excellent plan. I will give
you an order on the treasurer for six bags of gold, and I
will keep the rest so as to send out a search ex-
pedition for you when you get lost.”

The King knew the treasurer would not dare
refuse the money for so worthy an object as the
rescue of a princess adrift. Even if the treasurer
did not want to give up the money, the people
» would never support an economy that would keep
the Prince from so worthy an expedition. In-
deed, the King’s order was at once obeyed,
and the Prince began his preparations.

First the Prince called a council of
the wisest of the court.
“I suppose you have all













SOME OF THE COUNCILORS.
THE PRINCE'S COUNCILORS 139

read the news about the Princess?” he asked, when his councilors
had assembled.

“Yes,” they answered.

“T am desirous of not making a blunder at the outset, and so
have resolved to secure the assistance of the wisest men of the king-
dom. What, then, would you advise?”

“Tt seems to me,” said the Chief Secretary, who was so venerable
that his hair and beard seemed turned to cotton-batting, ‘that we
ought first to ascertain whether the report is confirmed.”

A low murmur of assent arose from them all; and the Prince,
accepting the suggestion, said: “Let us then appoint a committee
of investigation. Who knows how to go about the appointing of a
committee?”

After a brief pause for consideration, another old courtier arose
and said that he had a neighbor who was skilled in such matters,
and if they would take an adjournment for a day or two he would
ascertain just how to go about it.

The Prince thought the request was very reasonable, and an-
nounced that the council would meet again in two days. So they
separated, and the Prince betook himself to the tennis-courts again,
this time, however, with another page. The Prince found during
the games that the former page’s racket was a very good one; and
this reminded him that the owner of it had started to seek the lost
Princess.

Suddenly stopping the game, he said to one of his attendants:

“On second thought, I think I ought not to have sent after the
man who knows how to appoint a committee. Suppose you go after
the man who went after him, and tell him to come back.”

Away went the attendant, and the Prince returned to the palace,
resolved to prosecute the search with vigor. The council was again
called together, and the Prince told them that without waiting to

4
140 IMAGINOTIONS

verify the report of the loss of the Princess, he meant to seek her at
once. .

‘“ But in which direction will you go?” asked the Court Geographer.

“Oh, in any direction!” said the Prince, indifferently. ‘There is
no telling where a boat may drift to.”

“In that case,” said the Court Mathematician, smiling, ‘the
chances are about one in three hundred and sixty that you will hit
upon the right way. Let me show you.”

So the Court Mathematician sent a page to the kitchen for some
beans. Away ran the boy; only to return in a few moments with the
report that the cook wished to know whether he wanted “a pint, or
a quart, or how many?”

‘“T want three hundred and sixty white ones, and one black one,”
said the Mathematician.

This time the page was gone a long while. When he returned,
he explained that it took the cook longer to count the beans than one
would think. That they had disagreed, and had counted them twice,
to make sure; and then had to send to the grocer’s for a black
bean, since there was none in the palace.

“There was no need of that,” said the Mathematician, impatiently.
“IT can mark one of the white ones, and it will do quite as well.”

So the page ran to overtake the messenger who had started for
the grocer’s and meanwhile the Mathematician made an ink mark on
one of the white beans, put them all into a hat, and shook them well.
““ Now draw one,” he said, offering the hat to the Prince.

The Prince drew one. It was the marked bean.

“ Well,” he said, “what does that prove?”

“It really does n’t prove anything,” said the Mathematician, a
little out of temper. “Try again.” So the Prince returned the
marked white bean to the hat, and after they were well shaken, drew
again. This time he drew a plain bean.
THE PRINCE'S COUNCILORS IAI

“You see,” said the Mathematician, triumphantly.

«What do I see?” asked the Prince.

“You did n’t get the right one.”

“But I did the first time,” argued the Prince. “All your ex-
periment proves is that I may hit it right the first time, and miss it
the second, if I should try again. But if I hit it right the first time,
I sha’n’t have to try over again; so your rule does n't apply. Is n’t
that so?”

“Tt does sound reasonable,” answered the Mathematician, who
was honest though scientific.

“Perhaps you 'd like to go home and try the experiment for your-
self?” said the Prince, kindly.

The Mathematician borrowed the beans, and went home, promis-
ing to send a written report of his trials after a few days.

“Now that we have settled the mathematical side of the ques-
tion,” said the Court Meteorologist, “we can go at the problem
scientifically. Here, if you will allow me, is the way it appears to
me, your Royal Highness.”

Then the Meteorologist unrolled a map and pinned it on
the wall.

“The present position of the lost Princess,” said he, “depends
upon the joint action of the winds and tides. The Gulf Stream has
little or nothing to do with the problem, as the boat was abandoned
beyond the sphere of its influence. The trade-winds for a similar
reason may perhaps be disregarded. There is no question here of
simoom or sirocco, and —”

‘“Maybe it would be as well to leave out the things that have
nothing to do with it,” suggested the Prince, a little impatiently.

‘But how shall we know what to leave out unless we go over
them to see?” asked the lecturer.

“True,” said the Prince; “but as that will take some time, you
142 IMAGINOTIONS

might run over the list at home and report to me, say, the day after
to-morrow.”

“| will do so,” replied the Meteorologist, rolling up his map and
_ departing with an air of great importance.

“TI don’t see, ee the Prince, uneasily, “that we are making
real progress.”

“There has been nothing but nonsense, so far,” said a bluff old
Admiral. “ What / say is to take a boat and go after the young lady
in shipshape style!”

The Prince was so much encouraged by this direct way of put-
ting the matter that he let the undignified mention of the Princess
pass without reproof.

« And what would you advise?” he asked the Admiral.

«Take the fastest brigantine you can find —” began the officer ;
but he was interrupted.

“In a case of less importance,” broke in the voice of a portly
Commodore, ‘I should not venture to interrupt my superior officer.
But here the matter admits of no false hesitation because of etiquette.”

“What suggestion have you to make?” inquired the Prince.

“A brigantine,” the Commodore said impressively, “is an unre-
liable craft at best. I say, take a frigate, at once.”

“ Pshaw!” broke in the Admiral explosively.

“Gentlemen,” said the perplexed Prince, “I cannot presume to
decide between you. Iam a novice in these matters. Suppose you
discuss the question fully, and report in writing?”

When the naval officers had departed, there were left only a
few small fry who asked that they might have 4 day or two to think
the whole matter over before committing themselves to a decided
opinion. Upon their withdrawal, the Prince found only the Jester.

“Perhaps,” said the Prince, a little sarcastically, “you have some
advice to give?”
THE PRINCE'S COUNCILORS © 143

“Perhaps,” replied the Jester; “but first I have a plan to sug-
gest.” :

“What is that?”

“You might take a small army and go after the page who started
out to seek the Princess. By the time you have come up with him,
he will perhaps have found her. Then you can sail in and take her
away from him, and bring her home yourself. That ’s the way kings

_and princes often do.”

“But that seems hardly fair,” said the Prince, after a few mo-
ments’ reflection.

‘SOircoursenit is nt iia said the Jester: “but it s your only,
chance. I have no doubt he has found the Princess long ago.”

“Do you think so?” asked the Prince.

‘No doubt of it,” said the Jester. ‘You see, he did n’t wait for
any advice, but started off at once.”

‘““Ts n't advice a good thing?”

“Ves,” said the Jester, ‘for lawyers and councilors. They make
their living by it. Advice is good when it ’s good; but the best
qualities are hard to find, and the time it takes to find them is some-
times worth more than the advice when found.”

“Then you would n’t advise me to take advice?” said the Prince,
thoughtfully.

‘My advice is,” said the Jester, “don’t take mine, or anybody’s.”

“Ts n’t that rather a difficult course to follow?” asked the Prince,
after a moment’s reflection.

“Very,” the Jester agreed.

“T think,” the Prince went on, “that I shall start now, and take
my chances.”

“T ll go with you,” replied his companion.

So they started toward the palace gate; but just as they reached
it and had called for the gate-keeper, there came a summons from
144 IMAGINOTIONS

without. When the gate was opened there was the Page. He
seemed weary, and his shoes showed that he had traveled a long
way on foot.

“Did you find the Princess?” asked the Prince, eagerly.

“Yes,” said the Page, very calmly. “I found her.”

‘Fortunate boy!” said the Prince, a little enviously.

“T don’t know about that,” said the Page. ‘She was as cross
as two sticks about having been left to go adrift. It rained, you
know; and when I rowed out to the yacht, I found that everything
on board was soaking wet, and she had n’t had anything to eat
for two days, and—-my goodness!—she was hopping mad!”

“What did she say?” asked the Jester.

“She said she ’d like to box my ears,” said the Page, earnestly.
“Then I told her if she was n’t more polite I would n’t rescue her.
That quieted her, quick! So then she did n’t say anything, but she
looked about as pleasant as cold gravy. As soon as I towed the boat
ashore, she gave me some money and told me to get along home.
So I did, and I was glad to be away. I did n’t tell her who I was,
and I don’t think she will ever find me. You won't tell, will you?”
pleaded the Page, as he finished.

“No”, said the Prince, laughing. “I won't tell. But perhaps
you did n’t treat the Princess with proper courtesy. No wonder
she was out of humor, after being adrift so long.”

“JT Il tell you,”. said the Page, suddenly, “what we ‘ll do. I
found the Princess, and I suppose I ’m entitled to the reward.
Now, can’t you arrange it that you ll marry the Princess? I think
she ‘Il just suit you. She is a fine-looking Princess, and I don’t be-
lieve she meant to be cross. Do you think you can arrange it? It
would be a splendid thing for the kingdom, you know. It would
unite the two kingdoms, and there ’d be all sorts of advantages.
You can say that I went with your permission, you know, and that _
THE PRINCE’S COUNCILORS 145

I’m engaged to be married, and would n't presume to aspire to a
princess’s hand.”

“It’s a good suggestion,” said the Jester; “ for otherwise there ’Il
be war, of course. The other king will be bound to know why this
young man won’t accept his daughter’s hand, and then there ’Il be a
lot of diplomatic correspondence, ultimatums, protocols, and all sorts
of goings-on. If you don’t mind, I think you would do well to marry
this Princess.”

“JT don’t mind at all,” answered the Prince; “ and 1 think I'll
write a letter to her this very day. But how,” he went on, turning to
the Page, “did you come to be engaged? I did n't know anything
about it?” :

“The fact is,” said the Page, “I’m not quite engaged; but there’s
one of the maids of honor who will have me, I1’m sure. She told
me the other day that she wished it was leap-year every day; and I
think that ’s a distinct encouragement, don’t you?”

His friend agreed that it was a marked observation.

“Vou ’ll be safe for a day or two,” remarked the Jester to the
Page; “and meanwhile you can be getting your clothes brushed and
your shoes mended. The Prince will write to-day.”

Early on the following morning, as the Prince came down to
breakfast, he was told that a deputation was awaiting him in the
Council-Room. ‘Who are they?” he asked.

“The Councilors with their reports,” answered the messenger.

‘“But,” said the Prince, “they are too—” .

“ Hush!” said the Jester; “let us not lose their words of wisdom.”

“Very well,” the Prince agreed, smiling.

So the Prince, the Jester, and the Page entered the room where
the Council were assembled. - All bowed profoundly.

“ Your Royal Highness,” began the Secretary, “ in order to verify
the report of the loss of the Princess, I sent an inquiry to a friend of

Io
146 IMAGINOTIONS

mine who stands very high in favor at her father’s ‘court. It was
thus worded: ‘Is the Royal Princess absent from the Court?’ And
I have his sealed reply: ‘She is not.’ That I consider conclusive. Is
Teno ta

“Yes,” said the Jester; ‘it is not.” .

“I have no doubt,” said the Prince, “that your information is
correct; and I thank you for your diligence.”

The Secretary bowed and was seated.

“I,” began the Meteorologist, “have prepared a list of the things
that may be disregarded in the search. It contains $72 items, with
two appendices and voluminous notes. I will read it.”

‘Never mind,” said the Prince, very graciously. “I will order
it filed in the Royal Archives. We will now listen to the Mathe-
matician.” .

“TI have tried the bean-experiment several hundreds of times,”
said the Mathematician, “and have not yet succeeded in drawing the
marked bean. The formula of chances I have worked out. I find
that ‘If Henry puts 360 white beans into a hat, and John draws a
good many times, no one can tell whether he will draw the marked
bean the first time, or not at all.’ I consider that an exact statement
of the matter.”

‘“‘T am not prepared to dispute you,” said the Prince, “and I will
ask leave therefore to express my indebtedness to you.”

“ We,” said the Admiral, speaking for himself and the Commodore,
“T regret to say, have as yet arrived at nothing more advanced than
acompromise. We have agreed to recommend a squadron composed
of equal numbers of brigantines and frigates. Thus you will secure
the advantages of both forms of craft.”

‘A wise conclusion,” said the Prince; “and I gladly offer to you
both my fervent gratitude.” .

A few of the smaller fry of Councilors yet remained to be heard,














THE PAGE AND THE MAID OF HONOR KEEP A CANDY-STORE,
148 IMAGINOTIONS

but the Prince announced that he had bestowed upon each councilor
The Order of the Brazen Owl. As he was about to leave the room,
the Councilors, after a moment's consultation, begged permission to
ask a question. It was granted.

“We should like to know what use Your Highness wished to
make of the information we have furnished ?”

“To find the Princess who was lost,” answered the Prince.

‘Oh, yes,” said the Councilors’ spokesman. “We had forgotten
what it was all about. But it’s of no consequence now.”

“No,” said the Prince; ‘she is rescued.”

“Indeed?” said the Councilors, with polite interest. Then they
put on their cloaks and went their several ways, all reading their
reports to one another, and none listening.

The Prince and Princess were married soon after, and the Page
and the Maid of Honor were best man and bridesmaid.

The Prince pensioned the Councilors and sent them to America.
They all sailed in one ship. The vessel is several days overdue, but
undoubtedly will arrive in safety after the Admiral and the Commo-
dore have settled a little difference of opinion as to where they had
better land.

The Page and the Maid of Honor are married, and keep a
candy-store where they sell a dollar's worth of candy for five cents.
They sent me the address, but you ’Il be sorry to learn that I have
mislaid it.
TEDDY AND THE WOLF

you. Unless you get away from the city, and stay away, |
will not answer for the consequences |”

Of course there could be no hesitation after that, and Mr. Row-
land, Mrs. Rowland, and Teddy packed up their little keepsakes, sold
everything else, and transferred themselves to Bartonville.

Here the breadwinner of the family bought a slender stock of
goods and opened a small store.

“You will see how I shall prosper,” he said to his wife. “My
city experience will give me a great advantage over the other trades-
men. I shall be more businesslike, and if you and little Teddy will
only thrive as well as I shall make my trade thrive, we will not regret
the stifling city.”

[ie Doctor had said, “ Now, Mr. Rowland, I will be frank with

So far as Mrs. Rowland was concerned, there was nothing to
complain about. After two months in the new home, she had grown
rosy and bright—as rosy and pretty as Teddy himself; and he was
by far the finest five-year-old in town —even his father admitted it.

But, alas! for the thriving trade. Mr. Rowland had put all his
money into the hoes and rakes, axes and brooms, which stood look-
ing so clean and trim before the door. They stood bravely to their
posts, and equally faithful were the rolls of cloth and barrels and
boxes on duty indoors. But hardly a strange foot crossed the
threshold to mar the freshly sanded floor; only a few villagers from
curiosity strayed aimlessly in and out again, to make their purchases

ro* 149
150 IMAGINOTIONS

elsewhere. Many, in welcoming the new-comer, had reminded him
that “competition was the life of trade,” but he was beginning to
think, sadly enough, that it was also the death of trade, in some
cases at least. The rent, the butcher, the baker, and candlestick-
maker, had taken the few dollars saved “to get a good start.” Mrs. .
Rowland had darned and crisscrossed Teddy’s red stockings into
_ ridges and lumps; she had turned and “fixed” her few dresses until
she felt that her worried little brain needed turning and darning, too.
But their money was gone, and the thriving trade had not begun.

Mr. Rowland tried to be hopeful, but his set lips grew into a
grim hardness; and he talked less and less of his prospects as the
future became more uncertain.

Teddy found no fault. He admired his well-mended stockings,
and pitied those who lacked the picturesque variety of contrasted
patches. Soon after the sun was well above the hills, Teddy’s bread
and milk made its daily visit to his bowl, and Teddy never thought
of asking awkward questions in the case of either mystery.

One morning the discouraged store-keeper went to the bank to
draw out his last small balance.

“Going to close your account?” asked Mr. Prentice, the presi-
dent, who always was particular to speak to his customers.

“For a time only, I hope!” replied Mr. Rowland bravely, count-
ing the few small bits of paper, with thoughts far away from any con-
sideration of arithmetic.

“You must not withdraw your patronage,” said the smiling
president, as he turned and walked back into his cozy office.

Mr. Rowland was unusually silent during the evening, and even
forgot to tell Teddy his regular story before putting him to bed.
The little boy noticed his father’s depression, and kept very quiet.
When his mother began to look meaningly at the clock, Teddy came
and said good-night, and went to bed without a word of objection.
TEDDY AND THE WOLF I51

“Poor boy! He must be tired out,” said Mrs. Rowland, when
she returned to the room. Then she sat down to her stocking-basket.
But Teddy was not tired; he was thinking. He was wonder-
ing what troubled his father. Teddy did not mean to lie awake,
much less to listen to the conversation between his father and
mother. The door was ajar, and he could not help. noticing that
the usual reading-aloud was omitted; nor could he fail to hear a
word or two, now and then. What he heard convinced him that
he was right in thinking his father out of sorts and worried, and
also made him sure that he knew what was the trouble. He heard
his father saying:
‘So you see, Anna, there ’’s no need for me to go to the store.
I might just as well be here with you; at least I could be at work in
the garden, and then there would be something done toward keeping
the wolf from the door!”

Teddy heard no more, for he fell fast asleep. But when he
awoke next morning his mind was made up, and soon after his plans
were matured.

“Are you going to the store?” he asked his father with some
surprise, when the good-by kiss was given.

“Yes, Teddy; somebody may come in, and I must be there,” re-
plied the father, as he trudged slowly down the gravel walk.

Teddy watched him anxiously, and then turned briskly toward
the house. The first thing to do was to get his bow-gun. He did
not remember where he had put it, but that did not disquiet him—
he would ask his mother.

‘Mama, where is my-gun?” asked Teddy in perfect confidence.

‘“Where did you leave it?” asked his mother, a little absent-
mindedly. Teddy leaned up against the kitchen-table with one
small finger in his mouth and tried to think. But he had n’t an
idea. At length Mrs. Rowland said:
Tes IMAGINOTIONS

“You were playing African hunter yesterday, and borrowed your
father’s big boots. Go and find the boots, and perhaps you may find
the gun, too.”

Teddy climbed the attic stairs, two. steps to each stair, found the
gun stowed away in one of the boots, and was so impressed by his
mother’s suggestion that he almost resolved to consult so helpful a
mother about the terrible wolf.

But Teddy was accustomed to rely upon himself, and had been
so often told to try his own powers before seeking help, that he con-
cluded to keep his own counsel. Now that he had the gun, he
sought the next thing needed for his plan. This was something
which had not occurred to him until just as he was parting his hair
that morning, on the third trial, for Teddy liked “the little paf to
the top of my head” very straight indeed.

“Mama, can I go and get something from Papa’s workshop?”
he asked, when he came back to the kitchen. “I won’t hurt myself
a bit; and I don’t want to tell you what it is!”

“Yes, Teddy,” said Mrs. Rowland, hardly noticing the strange
request,—she was thinking of the wolf, too!

. Away went the sturdy, small cross-bowman through the thick
grass, taking the shortest cut. Presently he returned, carrying with
him a steel-trap. After scouting a little, Teddy satisfied himself that
the coast was clear, and dragged the trap around to the front door.
He felt sure that this must be the door his father meant, for it was
almost always closed and bolted. He placed the trap cleverly
enough before the door, but by a trifling oversight forgot, or else did
not know enough, to set it. Then Teddy retired to an ambush behind
a thick evergreen, strung his cross-bow with a care which would not
have been discreditable to Denys himself, and awaited all comers.

About half an hour afterward, Mr. Prentice, walking leisurely
down to the bank, like a man who could afford to take his time,
TEDDY AND THE WOLF 153

caught sight of a curly, golden head in Mr. Rowland’s front yard.
He stopped, for he was fond of Teddy and often paused to say a
word to him. Teddy thought Mr. Prentice the gréatest man in the
world—next to his own father. So, when the banker rubbed the
little curls with his gold-headed stick and said, “Hello, Curly-
head! Are you too proud to pass the time of day with a friend
this morning?” Teddy rose from behind the tree, tip-toed close to the
fence, and replied almost in a whisper, ‘‘ Dood-morning, Mr. Prentice.
Please teep twiet, and go away, please, as twick as you can!”

Somewhat surprised and alarmed, the banker asked, “Is your
mother’ sick, Teddy ?”

“No, sir. She ’s well; but she ’s afraid!”

“Afraid? Afraid of what? Where is your father? Anything
wrong?” Mr. Prentice was seriously troubled. He had little chil-
dren of his own, and wild visions of contagious diseases, accidents,
and disasters were jumbled in his brain.

“Papa ’s gone to the store. I dess he was afraid, too,” said
Teddy, sagaciously.

“What is it, Teddy?” said the banker sternly.

“Tt ’s a wolf,” replied Teddy in a mere whisper, looking uneasily
around and wishing, for the first time, that Mr. Prentice would stop
talking to him and not interfere with his plans.

“A wolf!” said Mr. Prentice, first looking blank and then laugh-
ing heartily. “‘Why, Teddy, you ’re a goose! There are no wolves
for hundreds of miles around. Somebody has been making fun
of you.”

“Yes, there are! There ’s one wolf, anyway,” said the boy, with
a nod of wisdom.

“What makes you think so?” asked Mr. Prentice, for he was one
of those who think it not unwise to find out what children mean be-
fore laughing at them.
154 -IMAGINOTIONS

Teddy was pleased by the respectful tone, and felt a wish to be
polite in return. So, trusting that the enemy would be kind enough
to defer the attack for a few moments, he told his grown-up friend
how he had heard “ Papa tell Mama that he did n't know how he
was going to teep that wolf from coming in that door!”

« And,” continued Medayawcul got the wolf out of my Noah’s
Ark, so that I could tell him when he came, and I got the twap out
for him, and my gun. Papa’s got to be down at the store, so’s if
anybody. should come there. And Mama can’t fight, ’cause she ’s
a girl, and there ’s nobody home but me—unless you 'Il stay?”
Teddy glanced at the kindly face above him, as if even his brave
heart would not disdain a companion in arms. “My gun hurts,
too!” he went on, with pride (for the banker had not said a word
in reply). “Want to see?” and he offered to demonstrate its effec-
tiveness against his friend’s leg.

_ Mr. Prentice looked toward the door of the house. There lay
the trap half hidden under a spray of evergreen. Then he picked
up the brave little huntsman and gave him a kiss, put him down
softly, and walked away without a word. His hands were clasped
behind him and he was thinking something about “—and thy
neighbor as thyself.”

Teddy went back to his post, but he was puzzled and his sin-
gleness of purpose was gone.

During the day, Mr. Prentice spoke to Mr. Dustan, one of the
directors of the bank.

‘Seen what a nice new store it is, that Mr. Rowland has? He’s

a new-comer. You ought to give him a little of your custom now

and then; he’s one of our depositors, you know, and one good turn

deserves another! Really, Dustan, he ’s got a nice family, and

you 'd oblige me if you could favor him with an order now and then.”
TEDDY AND THE WOLF 155

Mr. Dustan said he would—of course, he would. Time he
changed, anyway; the other tradesmen were becoming careless, com-
petition was a good thing! Then they talked of banking matters.

Mr. Prentice managed to say another word to another friend
that same afternoon; and to yet another the next morning, and he

did not forget to take care that his suggestions should bear fruit.

The result was very bad for the wolf. Teddy did n’t see him.
In fact, after dinner Teddy forgot all about the animal, for one of
the older boys came along and took the hunter out fishing.

Mr. Rowland was at first much surprised at the sudden tide of
custom and prosperity. Many came, and, finding “the new man”
civil and obliging, accurate and punctual, they came again.

Some weeks later Mr. Rowland said to his wife, with an air of
some profundity :

‘Anna, my dear, patience is sure to tell in the long run! I came
very near to giving up in despair; but, you see the darkest hour was
just before the dawn. There is nothing like a bold front to scare
the wolf from the door!”

Mrs. Rowland looked lovingly at her husband and thought him
a very clever man.

But Teddy was sleeping the sleep of the just, and as for Mr.
Prentice, he never told the story of their little wolf-hunt.


F it is better to be “first in a village than last in Rome,”

Ralph McGregor should have been content. For there

“was no doubt that he was the first among the village

boys in all those pursuits which they most valued. Not only was he

thus preéminent, but he was blessed with competitors some of whom
were able to threaten his possession of the title of champion.

Ralph, therefore, never failed to realize the sweetness of power
— continual attempts to displace him having thus far only resulted in
lengthening the list of his victories.

One Saturday afternoon the boys started for their swimming-
beach, which was on a lake not far from the village where they lived.
With and without permission, the little group had come, in twos and
threes, along the hot and dusty road which led past the village store,
between fields and meadows, over the rises and hollows, to the lake
shore. .

On the way down there had been a race; and, after an exciting

156
LITTLE PLUNKETT’S ‘COUSIN ”’ 157

struggle, Ralph had won it. He was in high spirits over the victory,
and this made him a little boisterous.

When they entered the water, Ralph had “ducked” one of the
smaller boys, who had made little resistance or remonstrance at the
moment, but bided his time and retaliated, as Ralph discovered when
he left the water and began to dress.

Ralph examined his shirt just long enough to discover that
knots had been tied in the sleeves and then, hastily drawing on his
trousers and throwing his jacket around his shoulders, he started to
run along the road after the retreating figure of the sly small boy,
who had left the water some little time before.

In spite of the long start secured, Ralph overtook his fleeing
prey and grasped him firmly by the nape of the neck. Then, with-
out checking his speed, Ralph turned a long curve, driving his un-
happy captive before him, and the two were soon at the swimming-
beach again.

“ Now,” said Ralph, ‘you can just untie those knots, youngster,
and be quick, too!”

“What for?” asked the younger boy, whose name was Plunkett,
feigning a bland innocence which was really absurd under the cir-
cumstances.

Disdaining other answer, Ralph tightened his grasp upon Plun-
kett’s neck in a most convincing way. Plunkett seemed satisfied
with this proof of his crime, and began a reluctant struggle with the
knots, regretting perhaps that he had so firmly constructed them.

A few of the older boys had meanwhile come to the conclusion
that there was something to be said on the other side of this case
which Ralph was deciding so summarily.

“See here, Ralph,” said Tom Cromwell, one of the most ambitious
of the champion’s rivals, “just suppose you let Plunkett go. He’s
all right. You ducked him first!”
158 IMAGINOTIONS

“What ’s that to you, anyway?” asked Ralph, never relaxing his
grip upon the stooping Plunkett.

“Oh, nothing much,” said Tom; “ only you ought to be fair.”

“So Tam fair,” Ralph replied. “I only ducked him for a joke.”

“And I only tied your clothes for a joke,” responded the smaller
boy, with some spirit.

“Well, it’s a different thing,” said Ralph, ‘and you know it.”
This last clause he added as a clincher, for he was conscious that the
distinction between the two acts was far from clear to himself, and
was unwilling to argue.

No further remonstrance was made by Cromwell, and little
Plunkett soon finished the task imposed upon him, so the subject
was dropped, and the boys loitered homeward. *

Some flung stones at trees or posts which offered themselves as
fair tests of marksmanship, while others plodded along in the rear-
guard, making constant efforts to thoroughly dry their hair,—a
matter to which they seemed to attach much importance.

In throwing stones, as in other boyish accomplishments, Ralph
easily proved his supremacy, and was foolish enough even to taunt
his companions with their lack of skill.

“You can’t throw any better than a lot of girls!” he said, con-
temptuously. ‘“ Look, here is the way you throw!” and he gave a
wildly farcical fling of the arm.

The boys laughed, for it was comical, but they did not take any
pleasure in being reminded of their inferiority, nor did os chagrin
fail to bear fruit.

When they came to Main Street,—which, of course, was the
street made by the church, the village store, and the town hall,—
Ralph’s path diverged from the course of the rest, and he turned
away, saying Fesorah “So long, boys!” and went whistling home-
ward.
LITTLE PLUNKETT’S ‘“‘ COUSIN” 159

The others walked on for a few paces in silence. All felt some-
what ashamed of their subservience to the village bully, and each
was too proud to say so, or to become bolder immediately upon his
departure. Indeed, they would not have called Ralph a “ bully,”
for to them the word meant only one who fought and thrashed smaller
boys, and Ralph was neither quarrelsome nor pugilistic. Yet he was
a bully, for he took for ‘himself liberties which he denied to others,
and did so by force. He did not fight, it is true: but that was
merely because the boys were of a higher grade than those whose
fists are their sole arbiters of right and wrong.

Now, Ralph went home entirely unconscious of the impression
his conduct had made upon his comrades, and no doubt would have
said that they had enjoyed the afternoon quite as much as he had.
But not long after his swaying figure was concealed by a turn in
the road, young Plunkett said to the rest:

“Fellows, why did n’t you stand by me? I had just as much right
to fix his shirt as he had to duck me, had n’t I?”
“Well, I said so,” replied Tom Cromwell, but in a half-hearted
way.
«Oh, yes! You sazd so,” answered little Plunkett, “but a lot of
good that did me! I had to untie the knots, all the same.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” asked Tom, a little sulkily,
for he was far from being thoroughly pleased with his own conduct.
‘Do you want me to pound him over the head, and then to get licked
by him? You know he can do it, and there’s no use saying he can’t.
What good would it do you for me to get rolled in the mud? I ’ll do
it, if you say it’s the correct style,” added Tom, dryly; “ but first
I’d like to see the good of it all.”

Young Plunkett was one of those big-headed boys who are
born to make plans. It was not the first time he had considered the
problem of Ralph McGregor, and he had a general idea of what
160 IMAGINOTIONS

ought to be done; but he was not entirely satisfied with the details
of his project. He was glad of this opportunity to foment a con-
spiracy, and promptly took advantage of it. :

“Tt’s no fun having you rolled around in the mud, Tom,” he
answered, smiling; “and, as you say, it ’s precious little use. But
I ’ve got a notion—” Here the boys all chuckled, for Plunkett’s
“notions” were a staple joke among them. But he merely paused long
enough for the laughter to ebb away, and then continued undisturbed :
“I’ve a notion how we can fix this up all straight.” They were just
then passing the school-house yard, so he said: “Come in here and
sit down for a while, and I ‘ll explain it to you.”

The old gate swung open, the boys filed in, it slammed together
again; and for an hour or so a group of gleeful conspirators concen-
tered around the intellect of Plunkett, the boy with “a notion how
LO maim itn

They parted at dusk in the best of humor, each distributing
giggles along his homeward path.

During the next week, only a very keen observer would have
remarked the fact that the thoughtful brow of Ethan Plunkett was
upon two special afternoons missed from its accustomed place in the
school-room. The schoolmaster noted the circumstance in his little
book, but attached no importance to the absences beyond a mental
recognition of the warm interest some of the other scholars seemed
to take in this lad, who was one of the younger boys. Indeed, the
master thought he observed that looks of inquiry were directed to-
ward the youngster upon his second return to the school, and even
that the boy nodded an assent to the questions thus mutely ex-
pressed. Still, as a small boy was at that moment endeavoring to
convince the teacher, by a positive manner and reiterated asser-
tions, that Kamtchatka was an empire in South America, the mas-
ter’s mind was diverted, and never recurred to the subject.
-LITTLE PLUNKETT’S ‘“ COUSIN” 161

A week having passed, it easily follows that another Saturday
afternoon was entitled to arrive. The season being summer, it also
follows that the boys were early on the road to the swimming-beach.
In fact, there seemed some concert in their meeting, for quite a squad
of the boys—the same who had met at the school-house—came
along together. There was also a stranger with them. He was
a quiet lad, dressed in a shabby suit and a little derby hat which
seemed rather old for him, and he held his head down as he walked.
Close beside him walked Ethan Plunkett, and it was noticeable that
the stranger was treated with much consideration by Ethan, and in-
deed by all the boys.

This squad walked quietly to the swimming-beach, and, strangely
enough, plunged into the river without delay, as if they had come
only for a bath, instead of for a frolic as usual. They seemed to be
expectant, for they watched the stranger keenly.

The look of relief which was plainly visible when Ralph Mc-
Gregor appeared upon the shore would indicate that his presence
was at least one of the factors necessary to gratify their expectations.

“Hello, fellows,” said Ralph, as he threw off his coat, “why
did n’t you wait for me?”

“Oh, we knew you ’d be along; and Plunkett wanted to take his
visitor down to show him the beach,” answered Tom Cromwell, who
with careless ease was treading water not far from shore.

“That ’s all right,” said Ralph, good-naturedly.

“Well, I’m glad you ’re not displeased with us,” said Plunkett, in
rather a mocking tone. Ralph, however, was not thin-skinned, and
repeated, “Oh, no; it’s all right!” Then, taking a short run, he
plunged into the water, diving under and coming up, with a snort
and shake of the head, not far from the new boy.

“You ’re Ralph McGregor?” asked the new-comer.

“Yes,” replied Ralph, rather shortly, for he was not entirely

Ir
62 IMAGINOTIONS

pleased to be addressed with so much assurance by a “new” boy.
“What ’s your name?” he asked, in turn.

“Signor Alberto,” replied the youngster as quietly as if he had
‘said Thomas Brown.

‘“ What?” said Ralph, in his surprise.

“ Signor Alberto,” replied the boy, in the same matter-of-fact tone.

“What are you? French?” asked Ralph.

“No. Are you Scotch?” inquired the other boy.

MIN, Wine”

“Because your name is McGregor,” and the boy turned and
swam, somewhat awkwardly, away.

Ralph struck out in his wake, and soon overtook him; Ralph’s
curiosity was excited, and he wanted to ask a few more questions,
But just as he came abreast of the other swimmer, the stranger
dived, and came up several feet further away. Ralph again swam to
him, and the diving was repeated. When he came up Ralph called:
“See here, Alberto, or whatever your name is, I want to talk to you.”

“Well,” replied the other, “what of it?”

“You keep swimming away,” replied Ralph.

“Can’t you swim?” asked Alberto, in a dry tone which made the
other boys grin.

“Course I can, but I want to talk now.”

“Well, talk,—and I ‘Il swim,” replied the cool stranger. The
boys chuckled, and Ralph’s temper was a little ruffled,

“Come here!” said he, somewhat imperiously.

“T have n’t time,” replied Alberto; “and I’m afraid I shall wet
my feet.” The last part of’ the reply admitted of but one construc-
tion. This irreverant stranger was evidently poking fun at the
‘proud McGregor.

“If you don’t come, I ll come there and duck you,” said Ralph;
at the same time pretending to laugh as if he were only joking.
LITTLE PLUNKETT’S “COUSIN” 163

But Alberto seemed to have forgotten Ralph’s existence, and
was swimming, still with apparent awkwardness, near Ethan Plun-
kett, and conversing quietly with him. This entire ignoring of his
threat provoked Ralph more than any reply could have cone.

“Do you hear me?” he shouted angrily.

“T do,” replied Alberto; “but your voice is powerful weak. You
need a tonic.” Ralph wasted no more words, but plunged into the
water and swam with all his might toward this irritating fellow.
At the same time the boy called Signor Alberto seemed to be mak-
ing tremendous efforts to get away; but Ralph gained upon him
and was soon so near that he could almost reach the boy’s heels.
Almost, but not quite. Ralph sedoubled his efforts, making frantic
plunges, and puffing out water like a Chinese laundryman, but,
somehow, there was still just an inch or two between his hand and
Alberto’s heels.

The other boys roared with laughter, and it soon became clear,
even to Ralph, that he was not going to catch the boy — much less
duck him. It was humiliating, but Ralph’s breath gave out, and
he had to stop.

“You ’re a pretty fair swimmer,” he said, trying to put a good
face on the matter. ‘Where did you learn to swim?”

“Tn the Desert of Sahara,” replied Alberto, “with the Eskimos.”

“Oh, see here, stop fooling!” said Ralph. “Who are you, any-
way?”

“You can call me an Italian cousin of Ethan Plunkett’s,” replied
the boy, and he swam further out.

Ralph made up his mind that there was not much to be made
out of so odd a fish, and swam away. Soon after he waded ashore,
and, dressing, waited for the rest to come out. Ralph was some-
what silent, and, indeed, was for the first time conscious that he had
lost rank in the eyes of his companions. He knew no other way
164 IMAGINOTIONS

to recover what he had lost than by some feat of strength or skill.
Since he had been beaten in swimming (for the new-comer had
easily outdone Ralph’s best efforts in the water), he thought that
perhaps his strength might stand him in good stead where his .
skill had failed. So, when the others were dressed, Ralph proposed
that they should stay a while by the lake and “have some fun.”
The other boys well knew what, this meant, and little Plunkett, who
had hitherto kept strangely in the background, said: ‘“ What ’ll we
do, Ralph?”

ete sapullwonmarstic

This was Ralph’s favorite amusement; he even preferred it to
‘“‘snap-the-whip,” though that, too, was a favorite.

So they found a stout stick, and two of the boys sat on the
ground, put the soles of their feet together, and, holding the stick
near the middle, pulled until one or the other was drawn to his
feet or pulled over. Several of the boys declined the game —
among them Alberto. But after Cromwell had with much difficulty
conquered all but Ralph, the latter sat down with a confident smile,
and after a short struggle pulled Cromwell over. Indeed, it seemed
to him he had never conquered Tom so easily. .

As he sat upon the ground, beaming with pride, and with his
good humor entirely restored, little Plunkett stepped up and said
modestly: ‘My friend Alberto thinks he would like that game —
and he ’s willing to try with you, if you ’ll show him how.”

“All right,” replied Ralph, very graciously.

So Alberto sat down, and after a little teaching said he thought
he understood it.

“Oh, it takes some practice,” said Ralph, in a patronizing tone;

“T ll pull against you with one hand, at first.” So he did; but,
strange to say, Alberto pulled hard enough to make Ralph lose
his hold upon the stick, and it slipped from his hand.
LITTLE PLUNKETT’S ‘ COUSIN” 165

“You ’d better take two hands, perhaps,” said Alberto, politely.
“Tt pulls more evenly that way.”

So Ralph took both hands, braced himself, smiled to think how
the little foreigner would come flying through the air, exerted all his
strength, and, to his intense surprise, arose gracefully, but most
unwillingly, to his feet. He was beaten; and the little foreigner
was actually chuckling at him.

aN

Ho ly, ys a
~ ys he

iy



THE TUG OF WAR.

“You ’re too heavy to be very strong,” remarked Alberto,
critically.

“Well, I guess you ’d find me all you ’d want to tackle!” said
Ralph, testily, for he was unused to this style of criticism, and found
it too frank to be agreeable.

“How do you mean?” asked the other.

ri*
“e

166 IMAGINOTIONS

“Wrestling.”

“What kind?” asked Alberto.

“Any kind,” said Ralph, recklessly. ‘Come on, and I ll show
you whether I ’m too fat or not.”

“Tt’s all good-natured, you know?” said Alberto, in a question-
ing tone.

“Any way you like,” said Ralph. Alberto threw off his coat and
advanced toward Ralph. “Are you ready?” he asked. “ Ready,”
said Ralph.

When Ralph got up he looked around him in a dazed way, and
then asked curiously, “How did you do that?”

“That ’s what they call the Greco-Roman style,” replied Al-
berto, who did not seem to have moved at all, so far as Ralph
could remember.

“Are your other styles like that ?”

“Something like that,” replied his cool antagonist.

“Then I don’t care to see any more,” replied Ralph very frankly,
and with much more good-nature than most boys would have shown
after having been thrown to the ground like an empty sack. The
boys around laughed, and Tom Cromwell said: ‘That ’s a smart
cousin of yours, Plunkett!”

“Yes, he ’s pretty quick,” replied Plunkett, very soberly, and
with more modesty than was entirely natural under the circum-
stances,

“Are you Plunkett’s cousin?” asked Ralph, suspiciously.

“I have always called myself so ever since I first knew him,”
replied Signor Alberto, turning away. Plunkett laughed; he could
not help it.

Ralph was much chagrined, but even yet did not completely
realize his downfall or have sensé enough to stop where he was.
LITTLE PLUNKETT’S ‘ COUSIN” 167

He was restless, and proposed a race to the village store. Away
they went; little Plunkett first, at the start, for he was great on
short distances; Tom Cromwell. was next; then Ralph, saving
himself for the final spurt; after him, two or three other boys, and,
strangely enough, Plunkett’s “cousin” was running lightly, the last
of all.

Cromwell soon took the lead, but only to lose it to Ralph, and
Ralph was just beginning to congratulate himself that he would be
the winner when something volled by him. Ralph drew up short.

It was Plunkett's “‘ cousin ”"— turning handsprings f

That was too much. Ralph turned and fled home. He went
to his room, sat down in a big arm-chair, and thought it all over.
He did not go to church next day. He said he did not feel just
right. He reappeared next day, and things thereafter went just
about as usual—but with a difference. It was a very different
‘Ralph McGregor who came to school on Monday—and a much
better fellow the new McGregor was.

Now and then some of Ralph’s old traits would show them-
selves for a moment, but when this happened there was likely to be
a sudden interest in Plunkett’s “‘cousin” among the boys, and solici-
tous inquiries about his health, and Ralph never failed to quiet
down. Plunkett was reticent; but freely admitted that he did not
expect another visit from Signor Alberto for some time to come.

A month or two passed, and Ralph went to the circus, which
was at the county-seat near his native village. Among the per-
formers he was surprised to recognize Plunkett’s visitor! After
seeing Alberto perform some wonderful feats of bareback riding,
tumbling, jumping, and conjuring, Ralph said wisely to himself:

“Well, a fellow ought to follow his bent. It is n't long since he
was here. It shows the youngster was cut out for the business or
he never could have learned all that in so short a time!”
168 IMAGINOTIONS

He told Plunkett so, when he returned home, and Plunkett
said only: “Ho! ho! ho!”

But Ralph did n’t see that there was anything to laugh at.

As to the conspirators, they held one more meeting than the
two mentioned. It was just before the departure of Plunkett’s
“cousin,” and resulted in the prompt collection of five dollars. This
was handed to Plunkett’s “cousin,” and he thanked the boys and
said as he turned away: “I don't like to take money from you,
boys, but, after all, you made it a matter of business.”

All the boys assured him that they were well satisfied.
PROFESSOR CHIPMUNK’S SURPRISING
ADVENTURE

adapted to the purpose, being deep in the woods, shady, and
yet not so thickly leaved as to obstruct the audience’s view
of the sky, in case of hawks or other unruly members of society.
Professor A. Chipmunk, though a little dingy in coloring and
somewhat thin, as indeed was natural considering his experiences,
appeared to be fully conscious of the importance of the occasion and
ready to do his best.
Precisely at noon he climbed to his place on one of the smaller
branches, took a dainty sip of rain-water from an acorn-cup, waved
his tail gracefully to the audience, and began:

[os oak-tree selected by the committee was excellently

QuaDRUPEDS AND BiPEDs:

Your committee has told me that there is much curiosity
among you in regard to my experiences during my recent captivity
in the hands of that grasping and selfish race which converts our
happy woodlands into desolate farms, and prefers to the sprightly
and interesting dwellers of the woods the overfed and stupid slaves
of the farm-yard. For the benefit of my younger hearers, I will
say plainly that I refer to the ordinary Homo, commonly known
as Man. [Applause.] :

Most of you know that it was my misfortune to fall into the

169
170 IMAGINOTIONS

clutches of these strange animals, and my good fortune to return
again to my bereaved family, and to you, my neighbors. And I
am sure I can find no more fitting occasion’ than the present to
thank you all for having supplied my wife and children with acorns
and walnuts during my absence. But for the sake of the few who
may not know how it was that I became the prisoner of the slow-
moving animals to which I have already referred, I will explain
that I entered, in the interests of science, a sort of inclosure or
artificial burrow known in their tongue as a “¢vap.” My purpose
in entering the inclosure was to ascertain whether it was a safe
place for a squirrel to reside, and I am quite convinced by my ex-
perience that it is zof. The trap is commodious, dark, and well
sheltered; but it has the serious defect that the entrance does not
always remain open. Indeed, in the case of the one I examined, no
sooner had I entered it than something fell over the end, shutting
out the light. As it fell I heard a peculiar sound from a bush near
by, sounding like “ Zgothim.”

Some of you may ask why I did not push aside the obstruc-
tion and escape. The same thought occurred to me; but, no matter
how hard I pushed, it would not move. I then began to gnaw my
way out, when a remarkable thing occurred. You have many of
you been upon a branch when it was violently swayed by the wind.
In the same way did this trap behave. It seemed to be raised from
the ground and to be shaken violently; so violently, in fact, that
I had to cease my attempts at gnawing my way out. .

This continued for quite a time, and when it ceased the cover
was opened. Glad to escape, I sprang through the opening. But,
to my surprise, I found I was not free. I found myself in another
inclosure made of thin, straight twigs, without bark, and harder
than any wood. I think I may say without presumption that my
teeth are as good as those of any rodent who may be present, but
é

7 NSO
ayn WE

ee We





PROFESSOR CHIPMUNK RELATING HIS ADVENTURE.
172 IMAGINOTIONS

try as I might, I could make no impression upon even the smallest
of those cold gray twigs.

[At this moment two blue-jays in one of the upper branches,
who had already been chattering in rather an audible tone, burst into
a peal of mocking laughter. A king-bird flew at them, and gave
them a good pecking, whereupon they flew away toward the swamp,
and the indignant audience settled down again and begged the
professor to go on.]

As I picked up a few words of their language, I can inform
you that this contrivance was called a “cage,” and seemed to have
been made for the purpose of retaining such wood-dwellers as might
fall into these creatures’ power.

Several of the young animals gathered around it and examined
me closely, apparently to determine whether I was good to eat.
Indeed, the youngest of them—what they call a “ Polly”—tried
to seize a piece of my tail, but was prevented by the older and
greedier ones.

They seemed to think that I was not fat enough to be eaten, for
they furnished me a variety of food. Among the things offered were
bits of apple, a kind of sweet stone they called “sugar,” which was
like very clean ice or hard snow, a dusty sort of dry stuff known
to them as “crackers,” and a few very poor walnuts. Of course I
did not feel like eating; but they would not leave me alone. They
poked me with bits of stick until, seeing a good opportunity, I bit
the young animal called a Polly on the end of one of her soft claws.
Then she wanted to hurt me; but a larger one of the animals,
known as a “Papa,” interfered, and tied a soft white leaf around
her claw, probably so that she might not scratch me.

By this time I heard a curious jingling sound, and I was soon
left alone.

This jingling sound was evidently of much importance to these
PROFESSOR CHIPMUNK’S SURPRISING ADVENTURE 173

curious creatures. I heard it always in the morning, at about mid-
day, and after dark; and whenever it was heard, the animals, big
and little, would leave me for a time long enough to eat perhaps
a dozen hickory nuts.

Every part of the cage was comfortable and me except one.
That was a movable place into which I could crawl; but as soon as
I was in it, it would slide from under my feet. But no sooner did I
slide from one part than I found another beheath my feet. It was
very curious. They called it a “ wheel.”

Except the continued staring and poking, nothing was done to
me the first day. The queer creatures did not do any work, but rested
most of the time on strange contrivances that seemed made of dead
branches of trees. They chattered together now and then, but spent
longer periods in gazing upon bundles of white leaves, which they
turned over, examining each leaf carefully. I made up my mind they
were looking for some small insect among these leaves.

I wondered whether they liked to stay shut up in their hollow
homes, for they could get out into the woods if they chose. Their
homes are not unpleasant in the daytime. But, at night, there was
a great slamming and banging, the lights were suddenly taken away,
just as the moonlight ends when a black cloud goes over ‘the moon,
and the whole place in which they lived became dark.

Then how I suffered! The. air became very heavy and close. I
could not sleep. The hole in which these queer animals sleep was ter-
ribly warm and oppressive, and I longed to be in the woods again.

When the light returned, the jingling sound was repeated, the
Papa and the Polly and the rest entered the big hollow where I
was, and repeated a form of words until I was able to remember it.
They said, ‘Good morning, Papa,” “Good morning, Polly,” and
then went out of the hollow.

After another long time, a: third one of them came in and
174 IMAGINOTIONS

looked very pleasantly at me. The Polly and the Papa came and
stood looking in, too. Then the larger one said some words to the
others, and repeated something like, “Lethimgo.”

The Polly said, “ Whymama /”

The other said again, “Lethimgo.”

Then the cage was picked up and carried out of the hollow
and into the field where they lived. Next the Polly worked over
one side of the cage until she had made an opening in it.

_ Strange to say, none of them seemed to notice this opening,
and of course I did not call their attention to the oversight.
[Laughter. ]

I waited until the Polly had run away to where the other crea-
ture stood, and then I made a quick jump through the opening, and
away I went!

It did not take me long, I promise you, to make my way back
to the woods, and since my return I have lived among you as usual.

My observations while in captivity may be summed up as
follows: ;

I should advise you to avoid entering any of those peculiar
square, hollow logs known as « traps,” as it is much easier to enter
them than to escape from them. I am sure few would be clever
enough to escape as I did.

If you should be so unfortunate as to find yourself in a
“cage,’— which, you remember, is made of hard gray twigs,—bite
the soft claws of the creatures who poke you.

Do not eat the strange foods known as “crackers” or “candy,”
as they do not agree with any but men.

Large men are known as the « Papa” or “ Oh-Papa,” and the
smaller ones as “Polly” or « Bobby.” The worst kind, I believe,
is the “ Bobby,” and the best and kindest seems to be the “Why-
~ mama.”

These curious creatures all have a means of putting out the
PROFESSOR CHIPMUNK’S SURPRISING ADVENTURE 175

stars and moon at night, and prefer to sleep in very hot and bad
air. They also run away somewhere whenever they hear a jingle,
which happens three times a day.

I thank you for your attention, and hope to be in my usual
health soon.

After a vote of thanks the meeting adjourned, much impressed
by the boldness and learning of Professor Chipmunk.



THE PROFESSOR ON HIS TRAVELS IN THE “TRAP.”


TES (S WGEE Ie

WAS just graduated from college, when I received
a letter from my uncle Ralph, which surprised me
very much, as I had never known him except by
name. I had always been told by my mother that
he was very eccentric, and certainly the letter was
queer ; for it read:

Nephew Dick (if that ’s your name): I want an assistant
in my laboratory. I will pay you well. Answer at once,
UncLE RaLpu.

I was puzzled what to say in reply. I had
no profession in view, and did n’t like to throw
away what might be a good chance. I talked it
over with my mother, and she said she thought
it would be worth trying and could certainly do

no harm. So, not to be outdone in brevity, I answered:

Dear Uncle Ralph: If terms suit, I ll try.

Your nephew, Dicx.

I think he was pleased with the answer, for he received me very
cordially, though he did n’t say much. My salary was quickly and
satisfactorily settled, and I took a room near my uncle’s house and

began my work.

176
THE SATCHEL 177

At first I had so much to learn that I could n’t have earned
my salt; but before very long I began to see my way clearly, and
I really think I made myself useful — still I could not be sure.

Strangely enough, I never could tell what my uncle was trying
to accomplish, I made many mixtures of chemicals, prepared all
sorts of apparatus, but was never allowed to see what my uncle
was about. Whenever I had prepared any materials, he would
carry them off into a little private room of which he always kept
the key upon his watch-chain. No one was allowed to enter this
room, and I soon learned that it was wisest to say nothing concern-
ing it. Not being inquisitive, I did not pry into the mystery, but
did whatever I was told to do, without asking any questions.

As time went on, I could see that my uncle was becoming very
nervous and irritable over his work. Always a silent man, he now
seldom spoke a word.

One day he sent me to buy some chemicals, giving me a list
which he had written out for me. Upon examining the list I found
that the articles would make a large package, so I picked up my
little traveling-bag and started out.

Some of the substances required were rare, and I was obliged
to ask at a number of places before I succeeded in finding them;
and it was dusk when I reached the house.

I heard my uncle calling me as I came in, and found him very
impatient.

“Did you get them all?” he asked, as soon as he saw me.
“Yes; after some trouble,” I replied.

“Where are they?” he inquired.

“Here,” I said, and I handed him the bag.

He took it without a word, and meiner retired into ae
private room.

During his absence, I busied myself in the laboratory in put-

I2
178 IMAGINOTIONS .

ting everything in order. I worked away for a long while — how
long I cannot exactly tell— when suddenly I heard an explosion
in my uncle’s little room, followed by a cry.

I rushed to the door and knocked.

“What is it?” he growled.

“What is the matter?” I cried.

“Nothing! Don’t be foolish!” said my uncle. “Nothing can
hurt me!”

I went back to the laboratory, and, having nothing further to
do, sat down to wait for his coming.

Again came the explosion, followed by the same cry.

I started up, and, before I thought, I cried aloud, Your re not
hurt, are you?”

The door opened oe and my uncle came out, looking
very much excited.

“Dick,” said he, “go home. Here is your bag. I sha’n’t need
your help to-night.”

I took what I thought was my bag, and went home to my room.

When I lighted my student-lamp I saw that, instead of my
traveling-bag, my uncle had given me an old, dusty, wrinkled, and
battered leather satchel, which looked as though it might be a
century old.

I laughed, and tried to open it. It was locked. After puzzling
over the lock until I was tired, I opened my closet door and flung
the satchel upon the highest shelf.

“To-morrow,” said I, “I "ll exchange it for my own bag.”

I am afraid Uncle Ralph’s treatment was beginning to affect
my temper. I did n't like the way he had treated me that night.
Then he had n’t paid me my salary for a long time, and my bills
were coming in faster than I could pay them.

It is very discouraging to do other men’s work, especially when
THE SATCHEL 179

you are not allowed to see the results of your labor; and I had
worked some months without a single hint of what I was about. I
began to believe I had made a mistake. What good would it do
me to work away in the dark, learning little or nothing, and with-
out hope of doing better? My uncle would tell me pene and
was provoked by being even questioned.

I became very much discouraged over my prospects, and won-
dered whether I ought not to confess I had made a mistake, and to
begin the study of some regular profession.

How long I sat thinking, I cannot tell; but I was aroused by
the faint flicker of my lamp as it went out, leaving me in perfect
darkness.

As I groped about my room, ee for matches, I heard a
rustling which seemed to come from the other side of the room.
Then came tiny knockings, irregularly, and muffled shouting, as
though far away.

_ By listening more intently I heard the sounds plainly enough
to distinguish the squeaking of mice and—could I be mistaken ?>—
a scream ; very faint, it is true, but still a scream of fright.

“Ah!” said I to myself, “there must be mice in the closet!
But what can the scream be?”

I went to the closet, and, opening the door, was amazed to see
that the upper part was faintly lighted, as though by a big firefly.
Puzzled at this, I brought a chair, and, climbing upon it, saw —a
grand battle. Upon one end of the shelf was a flying host of mice.
How they scurried away! Some jumped to the floor; some seemed .
to merely vanish, and they were gone!

While smiling at their panic, what was my surprise to hear
from the other end of the shelf some one addressing me in a piping,
little voice. .

“Eh?” TI exclaimed, ‘““—did any one speak ?”
180 IMAGINOTIONS

‘“‘T had the honor!” the voice replied.

Turning, I saw upon the shelf a diminutive figure carrying a
little lantern in one hand, and something like a needle in the other.

Before I could recover from my astonishment, and not before I
had been asked sarcastically whether I should know him the next
time we met, the little man went on:

“This is a pretty way to treat me,— is n’t it: Be

‘What in the world — what does this mean?” I blundered out.

“Well! I like that,” replied the pygmy in a scornful tone; “ask-
ing what this means,— after having kept me shut up in that old
leather satchel for over two thousand years! Why, I should have
been starved before long; my provisions were almost gone, I can
tell you! Perhaps you think I’m not hungry now? Oh, no! of
course not!—and you want to know what this means?”

Here he burst out laughing so loudly that I plainly heard it

“J should be glad to do anything in my power to aid you,” |
began, wishing to do my best to pacify the little fellow; “but as
for having kept you shut up for twenty centuries, why, my dear
fellow, that’s simply absurd, for | am only twenty-three years old
now !”

“Oh, see here,” he answered scornfully, “that ’s a little more
than I can stand! You ’ve played the innocent game long enough;
you can’t fool me that way again. Why, I suppose you will deny
that your name is Trancastro, next?” and he hopped up and down
in a rage.

“Tran—which? Tran—what?” I began.

«That ’s right, that ’s right!” cried the little imp in a perfect
fury. ‘‘ Go on—deny everything !”

“See here!” I cried, now out of patience with his to) yaaa
don’t know anything about you or your Tran-what-you-may-call-
‘him, and if you had n’t kicked up such a racket in my closet I
THE SATCHEL I8I

never would have come near you! I wish I had n't, and then the
mice would have finished you—and a good riddance!”

As I paused for breath the little man held his lantern as near
my face as possible, and after a
long, earnest look, said with great
gravity and deliberation:

“T think I must have made a
mistake!”

Then, turning suddenly, he
gave a great skip and shouted
out, “And then—JI am free!.”

“Certainly you are, so far as
I am concerned,” I replied care-
lessly ; “but I can’t imagine what
all this fuss is about. .So long
as you are pleased, I suppose I
must be satisfied.”

Meanwhile he had continued
to jump and whirl about, until
he dropped his lantern and it











































‘ : “THE LITTLE MAN HELD HIS LANTERN NEAR
went out, leaving us in the dark. MY FACE AND SAID: ‘I THINK I MUST

Then he calmed down enough to EE NEE an

say, “What can you know about it? You— only twenty-three years
old!” He chuckled as though this were a great joke at my ex-
pense, and went on, “If you will offer me a chair and something
to eat, I ‘Il tell you the whole story.”

So I stepped down from the chair, lighted my student-lamp, and
offered my little guest my hand. Into it he climbed, and I deposited
him upon the table under the light, where I could see him plainly.

He was about six inches in height, and dressed in what seemed
to be mouse-skin. He wore a little belt, and a helmet the size.

r2*
182 IMAGINOTIONS

of a thimble. His face was unwrinkled, but intelligent enough for
any age.

Seeing he was unwilling to be stared at, I broke the silence
by saying, “I am sorry I cannot offer you a chair—but mine are
too large, I am afraid.” I thought he might be hurt by the hint,

“Not at all!” he replied politely, now that he had convinced
himself I was not that awful Tran-somebody. ‘See here!”

He beckoned to my favorite easy-chair. At once it rose gently
into the air, and, dwindling down to a size suitable for the little
wretch, dropped softly down upon the table beside him.

Ignoring my exclamations, he seated himself comfortably with-
in it, and, looking up at me, said, as though nothing had happened,
“T said I would tell you all about it, did n’t 1?”

“Yes,” I answered, leaning eagerly forward.

“Well, Ill not!” said he, bluntly.

“You ‘ll not?—and why not?” I asked.

“Oh,” said he, calmly crossing his little legs, “you could n't
understand it.”

“Perhaps I could,” I replied, smiling indulgently. “Just try me.”

“Do you know what dzax is?” he asked, apparently hoping
that I might.

“No, I can’t say I do—exactly,” I confessed unwillingly.

“Then of course you could n’t understand it—for that ’s the
very beginning of it! But no matter. Let’s change the subject.
Is there anything I can do for you in return for your hospitality
to a hungry guest?”

“I beg your pardon! I quite forgot.” And I rang the bell.

When the servant came, I ordered supper for two. This
strange order caused the servant to gaze in silent astonishment.
I repeated the order, however, and she hurried away without ask-
ing any questions. Returning, she placed the supper upon the table,
THE SATCHEL 183

without seeing the frantic retreat of the little man as she ap-
proached the table with the heavy tray.

“What.an awkward blockhead!” exclaimed the angry little fel-
low. I made no answer, being puzzled over the proper way to ask
my small friend to eat with a knife and fork larger than himself.

But, as I hesitated, the mysterious beckoning process again
took place, and one half of the contents of the tray diminished to a
size convenient for his use. He ate almost greedily, like a starving
man. I watched him in silent
wonder until he seemed to be
satisfied.

Then, pushing back his chair,
he said gratefully: “A very nice
supper! I should like to return
your kindness insomeway. You
little know what a service you
have done me in releasing me
from that cruel Trancast —”

Here he broke off suddenly
and remained in a brown study.
He seemed so melancholy that
I interrupted his thoughts by
asking:

«And what could you do for
me?” He brightened up again























































































































































































































































































































































































































































































as I spoke and answered: “PERHAPS, SAID THE LITTLE MAN, ‘HAVING
4 LIVED FORTY CENTURIES, I MAY BE OLD
“Who can tell? What are ENOUGH TO ADVISE A YOUNG MAN

OF TWENTY-THREE.’ ”
your troubles?”

“Well,” said I thoughtfully, “I have n’t many. But I should
like the advice of some one older and wiser than I am.”
“T shall not say how wzse I may be,” said the little man soberly ;
184 IMAGINOTIONS

“but perhaps, having lived forty centuries, | may be old enough to
advise a young man of twenty-three.”

I looked up, expecting to see him smiling, but he was as sober
as a judge. So I told him all about my uncle and my work, and
concluded by asking him what he thought I ought to do. He
seemed intensely interested, and remained silent some moments
after I had finished. I waited more anxiously for his opinion than
I should have liked to admit.

At length he said solemnly, “ Bring your uncle to me!”

“Bring —” I repeated, in amazement, “ bring my —”

“Bring your uncle to me!” he repeated firmly, and so solemnly
that I never thought of resisting.

“Oh, very well,” I said hastily ; ‘but how in the world am I to
dont @

“Easily enough!” he explained; “write him a note!”

“But what shall I say?” I asked helplessly.

‘“You said he was interested in chemistry?” asked the strange
little fellow.

‘‘T believe he cares for nothing else,” I replied.

“Very well. Now write this: ‘I have made a discovery to-
night such as you never dreamed of. Come at once!’ That will
bring him,” said my guest.

Why I was so easily bullied by the manikin I cannot tell; but
I wrote the note and sent it at once.

‘“ Now,” resumed my little guest, “what else can I do for you?”

“ Nothing,” I replied, laughing; “unless you will pay my bills
for me!”

“With pleasure,” he answered gravely; “let me see them.”

I brought the bills, and he went over them very carefully.

“Hm—hm—very good!” he said, when he had finished his
examination. ‘You have not been very extravagant. I ’ll reduce
them for you!”
THE SATCHEL 185

He began beckoning, as he had beckoned to the chair and the
tea-tray, and I smiled, expecting to see the papers grow smaller
and smaller. But when he stopped I could see no change, although
he seated himself as though well satisfied. As he said nothing, I>
finally ventured to say:

ciel:
“Well,” he replied; “look at your bills!”

I picked them up and was astonished to see that the amounts
had dwindled from dollars to cents, until each bill was for only a
hundredth part of what it had been.

“But that is nonsense!” I said, looking up angrily. “I’m not
a baby! What good will that do?”

“You ’re only twenty-three,” he said doubtfully; and, smiling as
a knock was heard at the door, he made me a sign to open it.

I did so, and there stood my tailor, Mr. Mewlett. I frowned,
for I owed him more than a hundred dollars. But he smiled politely,
saying, “Could you oblige me with that dollar or two you owe me?
I need a little change to-night.”

I stared at him in wonder; but, thinking it wise to ask no
questions, I took his bill from the pile on the table and handed it
to him.

He read it aloud: ‘One dollar and fourteen cents.”

I counted out the money. He receipted the bill and left me,
seeming perfectly contented.

I dropped into a chair, too much puzzled to say a word.

Just then the door banged open wide, and in came my uncle,
puffing and blowing with the exertion of climbing the stairs.

“Well, on what fool’s errand have you brought me here—” he
began; but suddenly I heard a shriek from the pygmy on the table.
As I turned, he began beckoning — beckoning —beckoning, as if he
were frantic.

I turned to look at my uncle. He was gone.
186 IMAGINOTIONS

Then I turned again to the little man on the table. What a
sight met my eyes!

There stood upon the table the miniature image of my uncle,
staring with wide-open eyes at the little figure of my guest. For
a moment they glared at each
other — and then, before I could
interfere, they were fighting for
their lives. It was over in a
second. My uncle was too old
and feeble to be a match for the
wiry little warrior in leather. As
they separated, my uncle seemed
to be wounded, for he staggered
an instant, and then fell back-
ward, staining the cloth like an
overturned bottle of red ink.

“You scoundrel!” I cried,
starting forward in anger; “what
have you done?”

For a moment the little fel-
low had no breath to answer.
He panted helplessly, and at
length gasped out:

“Tt is—but—justice! It is Trancastro!”

“Traficastro?” I exclaimed—‘that was my uncle! Explain.
I cannot understand!”

“Do you know what dzax is?” he asked, as he wiped his sword
on a napkin.

“No!” IT shouted.

“Then you could wt understand,” he said, mournfully pane
his head.



















“BEFORE I COULD INTERFERE THEY WERE
FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES.”
THE SATCHEL 187

Enraged by his answer, I rushed for the table; but, before I
could reach them, my uncle struggled to his feet and resumed the
conflict, using his umbrella most valiantly. I paused a moment,
hoping he might yet conquer, but the fight was too unequal. By
a skilful twist of his opponent’s wrist my uncle’s umbrella was sent
flying out of his hand. Being disarmed, he sank upon one knee
and begged for mercy.

“Trancastro !” cried the victor, ‘‘ you deserve no better fate than
the cruel death you meant for me!”

“Oh, have mercy!” cried my uncle.

“Mercy?” repeated the manikin, in a cruel tone; “and did you
have mercy, Trancastro, when I hung for so many weary years in your
cage-dungeon beneath the floating Castle of Volitana? Did you have
mercy, I say, when the black cat broke through the ice-wall, and the
witch changed me to a frozen mastodon? No! And where is the
Princess of the Rosy Flame? Where is the Emerald of Golconda?”

My uncle hung his head and attempted no reply.

“Come,” repeated the stranger; “I have waited for this meet-
ing for centuries. Draw and defend yourself!”

“T have only an umbrella,” my uncle objected.

“Then draw your umbrella!” was the relentless reply. As the
little fellow advanced with sword on guard, I recovered from my
feeling that this incident was a mere puppet-show. My uncle was
about to be slain before my eyes.

I could not stand this. The honor of the family forbade me
to remain neutral. I rushed to the table, crying, “Here! here |—
this has gone quite far enough!”

Again the beckoning. I became in a moment a third pygmy
upon my own table.

“Now,” exclaimed the triumphant warrior, ““we are upon equal
terms! Come on!”
188 | IMAGINOTIONS

I had no weapon. I dared not interfere. While I stood hesi-
tating, the little tyrant made a slip-knot from one of my curtain-
cords, threw the noose over my uncle’s neck, and rose into the
air, dragging his victim after him. I heard a breaking of glass,
and, regaining my natural size in a moment, rushed to the window
only to see them flying away!

All that remained to convince me that I could not be mistaken
was the stain upon the cloth, the little arm-chair, and the miniature
supper. I searched the room, but found nothing.

Until now I have never told the story — for who would have
credited it? But any one who believes my story, and would like
to see what remains of Trancastro and his victim, has only to open
the battered little satchel, and there can still be seen the little chair,
the little knife and fork, and all the relics left by my guest. No
unbeliever shall ever see them.


































































































































































GOOD NEIGHBORS

\ A JE once hada family of giants for neighbors. Not museum
giants, I mean veal giants. I never asked just how big
they were, but you can judge for yourself after I have

told you about them.

Perhaps I would n’t have taken the house if I had known that
the giants lived so near by, for I did n’t know much about such
people then; but I did n’t discover that their house was next ours
until I had made the bargain with the agent. I had asked him all
about everything I could think of—all about stationary wash-tubs,
malaria, mosquitos, the milk-man, the ice-man, the letter-man, and
all the other kinds of men—but I never thought to ask about
giants. No man, however prudent, can think of everything. But
as I was shutting the front gate, after I had said I would take the
house for a year, I saw a footprint in the road. The footprint that
Robinson Crusoe saw surprised him, but even Crusoe did n’t see
such a footprint as this, for it was nearly as big as a boat.

“What ’s that?” I asked the agent.

“What? Where?” he asked, as uneasily as if I had discovered
water in the cellar, or a leak in the roof.

«That— there!” I answered, pointing to the footprint.

“Oh, ¢hat/” he answered. “That must be the footprint of

Mr.. Megalopod.”

‘“‘It seems to cover considerable space,” I suggested.
“Yes,” he admitted. Even an agent could n’t deny that. “He’s

189
190 IMAGINOTIONS

a giant. Did n't I mention that you would have a giant for a
neighbor? I thought I spoke of it.”
“No,” I said; “you did n’t speak of it. You said that it was
a pleasant neighborhood. Perhaps
that is what you had in mind.”
“Possibly,” he answered. ‘“ You
have no objection to giants, have
you?”
I paused a moment before I









““THAT MUST BE THE FOOTPRINT OF MR. MEGALOPOD,’ SAID THE AGENT.”

replied. It depended on the kind of giant. If it was one of the
Blunderbore kind, even a foot-ball player might have been forgiven
a slight preference for ordinary-sized neighbors.
GOOD NEIGHBORS 1gI

“Well,” I said at last, “I don’t profess to be a ‘Hop-o’-my-
Thumb,’ or ‘Jack the Giant-killer.” What sort of a giant is Mr.
Megalopod?”

“The very best!” the agent said. ‘We did think of asking more
rent for this house, because of the entertainment children would find
in seeing a giant or two every day. But we decided we would n’t
charge for it, after all. Mr. Megalopod is a thorough gentleman —
and so are the rest of the family. Mrs. Megalopod and the chil-
dren are charming in every way. You will be glad to know them,
I’m sure! Good day!”

The agent left me gazing at the footprint. He had other busi-
ness in the town, and I had to take an early train for the city.

I thought that my wife and children would be uneasy about the
giants, but I was greatly mistaken. They were eager to see the
family, and could hardly wait to be properly moved. My son and
daughter began to.put on airs over their playfellows, and to promise
their best friends that they might have the first chance to come
out and see the giant family.

When we first moved, the Megalopods were absent from their
house, and it was several days before they returned. -They lived in
the suburbs on purpose to avoid observation, and usually went about
their journeys by night so as to attract as little attention as possible.

The first time I saw Mr. Megalopod was on a Monday morning.
I don’t know why it is, but Iam more likely to be late on Monday
morning than on any other day of the week, and I was late that
morning. In fact, I should have missed my train for the city if it
had not been for Mr. Megalopod.

My way to the station passed near to his enormous house. I
walked just as fast as I could, and if I had been a few years younger
I would have run. Just as I came opposite to the giant’s gateway
I took out my watch; I found I had just seven minutes in which
192 IMAGINOTIONS

to catch the train. Now, although the advertisement said our house
was only three minutes’ walk from the station, it did n’t occur to
me until afterward that the agent probably meant it was three
minutes’ walk for Mr. Megalopod. It certainly was a good ten
minutes’ scramble for me. So, as I looked at my watch, I said aloud:
“Too late! Ihave lost the train! Iwould n’t have missed it
for a hundred dollars!”
“Excuse me!” I heard a tremendous voice apparently coming
from the clouds; “if you will allow me, I will put you on the train!”
Before I could say a word, I was picked up and raised some
thirty or forty feet into the air, and held safely and comfortably in
the giant’s great hand. Then Mr. Megalopod started: for the station.
“You are Mr. Megalopod, I presume,” I said.
“What?” he said. “You see, I can’t hear you. Here is a
speaking-trumpet.”
So saying, he took a great fireman’s-trumpet from his vest-
pocket, and offered it to me with his other hand. I repeated my
remark through the trumpet, at the top of my lungs.

“Ves,” he said. “You are our new neighbor, no doubt.”
“T am,” I shouted; “and I ’m very glad to make your ac-
quaintance.”

“You ’re not afraid of me?” he asked with a smile.

“Not at all,” I yelled back.

“That ’s pleasant,” he said with much satisfaction. “The last
people moved away because they were afraid I might step on their
children. It’s absurd; I never step on children. I would n’t do
such a thing!”

“Of course not!” I shouted.

“No. It would be an accident if I stepped on anything. You
yourself might step on an ant or a beetle, you know. But I am
very careful. Well, here you are at the station, ”and he put me
GOOD NEIGHBORS 193

gently on the platform. ‘I seldom go to the city, myself; and when
I do I walk. Good day.”

‘“‘Good-by,” I said; ‘and I’m much obliged to you for the little
vite

“Don’t mention it,” he said. “I like to be neighborly. Any
time you ’re in a hurry, let me know.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “TI ’ll do as much for you—in some

other way. Good-by.”

‘Pardon me,” said Mr. Megalopod, “but— could you give me
back the trumpet? You won't need it in the city, unless you are
a fireman, of course.”

“Tt was mete absence of mind,” I called through the trumpet;
and then I gave it back to him, and watched him take the two or
three steps that brought him to the turn in the road.

‘““A big fellow, is n't he?” I said to the station agent.

“Yes,” he said; “he ’s a fortune to the express company.
Every time he has a pair of boots sent home, it takes nearly a
freight car.”

The arrival of the train ended our conversation.

I did n’t see the Megalopods again for several days. My
family did, and told me many interesting things about them. They
seemed to be very pleasant neighbors. Their children met ours
once or twice, while playing, and they became excellent friends.

Before long they came to call upon us. We used to sit on the
lawn —on chairs, of course— Saturday afternoon and during the
summer evenings. They came on Saturday. We received them
cordially, but hardly knew how to ask them to sit down. They
talked pleasantly about the neighborhood, and spoke especially of
the beautiful view.

“You surprise me,” I said. “It seems to me that we are too
much shut in here by the trees.”

13
194 IMAGINOTIONS

“TI forgot,” said Mrs. Megalopod, laughing. “We can see over
the trees.”

“That is a great advantage,” answered my wife, through Mrs.
Megalopod’s trumpet; for both giants were thoughtful enough to
carry these aids to conversation.

“Oh, yes,” replied the giantess; “size has advantages. But,
on the other hand, it brings inconveniences. You can hardly ima-
gine. Now, take such a thing as next Monday’s washing, for in-
stance. I have to do all our washing. Even if we could afford to
pay a laundress, she would n’t be able to manage our clothes, not
to speak of our table-cloths and other larger pieces. Then, for a
clothes-line, nothing will serve us but a ship’s cable. Then, too,
everything we have must be made to order. It is hard to get along
with so large a family. Sometimes I ’m tempted to let John go
into a museum; but so far we have succeeded in keeping the mu-
seum manager from the door.”

‘What is your business?” I shouted to Mr. Megalopod.

“Suspension bridges,” he replied. “It pays well whenever I
can get work; but they don’t build bridges every day in the week —
I wish they would!” and he laughed till the windows rattled in the
house near by.

“Careful, John,” said Mrs. Megalopod, warningly. Then turn-
ing to my wife she remarked, “John forgets sometimes that his
laughing is dangerous. He was in an office building one day —
in the great lower story, one of the few buildings that has a door
large enough to let him in. Some one told a funny story, and he
began to laugh. It cost him several hundred dollars to repair the
windows. So I have to remind Rim to be cautious when he hears a
really good joke.”

Here my son Harry asked me to lend him the trumpet for a
minute.
GOOD NEIGHBORS 195

“Mr. Megalopod,” he called, ‘would you mind doing me a great
favor?” .

“Not at all—if it is large enough,” Mr. Megalopod replied very
politely.

“Then will you get my ball for me? It went up on the roof
the other day, and it is in the gutter now.”

“Quick! give me the trumpet,” I said to Harry, as Mr. Megal-
opod rose. Then I shouted, “I beg you won't put yourself out for
such a trifle—!” but he was out of hearing before I had finished.

He soon returned with the ball, and gave it to Harry.

“Lend me the trumpet, Papa,” said Harry. “I’m much obliged
to you,” he shouted.

“Don’t mention it,” said the giant, seating himself. I forgot to
mention that while we were deciding what to give them to sit upon
—we had thought of their sitting upon the top of the piazza, but
were afraid it would break down with them— Mr. Megalopod had
opened out a sort of a walking-stick he carried, and made it into a
very comfortable stool, while his wife had a similar portable chair.
They were always thoughtful and considerate, as, indeed, I might
have known from their speaking-trumpets. Do you suppose, if you
were a giant, you would remember to carry a speaking-trumpet for
the use of other people? It is such little traits as these that endear
giants to their friends. , It is not hard to carry a speaking-trumpet
in your vest-pocket, but it is the remembering to do so that shows
the big-hearted giant.

Soon after they had made their call upon us, my wife told me
one morning, while I was shaving, that we ought to return the
call soon.

“Of course,” I said, stropping my razor slowly and thoughtfully.
“Of course. I mean to go very soon. Very soon. I had meant
to go several days ago.”
196 IMAGINOTIONS

“Yes; I know,” said my wife. “But when shall we gor To-
morrow?”

“Well,” I said, between strokes of the razor, “you see to-morrow
—is— Saturday. And, as—it is—,” here I stopped the razor,

“the only holiday I have during the week, I hardly like to give it
up to make a call.”
“Yes, dear,” she re-
plied, “but it is the only
time we have when we
can go together.”
“Well, married men
are not required to make
calls,” I said.
‘‘Tsuppose I canleave
our cards,” she said.
“Ves,” I answered j
eagerly, “that will do é aa | Wee,
perfectly well.” /
My wifedidnotseem
pleased, but she said no
more then, and I finished
my shaving.
I was n’t cut
but once.
So my
wife left our
cards,
When
I next met
Mr. Megalopod it was about two weeks later. He did not return
my bow, and apparently did not see me. I went and pulled his















“IT PULLED HIS SHOE-STRING TO ATTRACT HIS ATTENTION,”
GOOD NEIGHBORS 197

shoe-string to attract his attention. He was pruning the top of a
great chestnut-tree that stood in his front yard.

He handed me the trumpet, but did not show in any other way
that he had noticed my presence.

“Mr. Megalopod,” I said, “is there any trouble at your house?”

“Qh, no,” he answered shortly and stiffly.

“You did n’t return my bow,” I said, in what I meant to be a
tone of reproach; but it is very hard to put reproachful inflections
into your voice when you are trying to shout loud enough to im-
press a giant.

' “No,” he said slowly; “I did n’t know that you cared to keep
up our acquaintance. If you did n't, I preferred not to force my-
self upon you.”
“Why, you must be laboring under a mistake,” I called back.
“What have we done to offend you?” I was anxious to know,
for I did n’t like to think of there being any unpleasantness between
ourselves and the giants.
“TJ usually overlook trifles,” said Mr. Megalopod; ‘but when you
did n’t return our call, I] thought you meant that you did n’t care
to continue the acquaintance!”
“My dear sir,” I said hastily, “my wife left cards.”
“Oh, did she?” said the giant, pleasantly. “Then I suppose
Mrs. Megalopod did n't notice them. They were put into the card-
tray, no doubt, and she must have failed to see them.”
‘No doubt that ’s it,” I said. ‘They were only the usual size.
I hope you will believe that it was only an accident.”
“Certainly,” he said; “I had forgotten that you are not used to
our ways. Our friends usually have cards written for them by
sign-painters on sheets of bristol-board. We are so apt to lose the
little cards.”

ialesec a leneplicas

13*
198 IMAGINOTIONS

Shortly afterward my wife and I went to call on the Megal-
opods. I cannot pretend to describe all the curious things in their
house. When we rang the bell,—the lower bell, for there was
one for ordinary-sized people,—we nearly fell down the steps.
There came the peal of an enormous gong as big as those you
find in great terminal railroad stations. When the door opened, it



WE CALL UPON THE MEGALOPODS.

seemed as if the side of a house had suddenly given way. The
pattern on the hall carpet showed roses four or five feet wide, and
the hat-stand was so high that we never saw it at all. We walked
under a hall chair, and thought its legs were pillars.

Just as we entered the reception-room we heard a terrible
shout, “Oh, look out!” and a great worsted ball, some four feet
GOOD NEIGHBORS 199

in diameter, almost rolled over us. The Megalopod baby had
thrown it to one of his brothers. It was a narrow escape. The
brother picked up the baby to carry him away.

“Oh, don’t take the sweet little thing —” my wife began; but
she stopped there, for “the sweet little thing” was as large as two
or three ordinary men.

“Excuse me, ma'am,” said the boy, “but we can’t trust baby
with visitors. He puts everything into his mouth, and—”

My wife cheerfully consented that the Megalopod baby should
be taken to the nursery during our call.

Mrs. Megalopod offered us two tiny chairs. They were evi-
dently part of the children’s playthings. “If you would rather sit
in one of our chairs,” she suggested, “I shall be glad to assist you
to one, but I would rather not. To tell the truth,” she added, with
some confusion, “one of our visitors once fell from a foot-stool, and
broke his leg. Since then I have preferred they should take thesé.”

We took the small chairs. As it was dusk, Mrs. Megalopod
struck a match to light the gas. It was a giant's parlor-match, and
the noise and burst of flame was like an explosion. My wife
clutched my arm in terror for a-moment, while Mrs. Megalopod
begged our pardon and blamed herself for her thoughtlessness.

We had a very pleasant call, and the good relations between
the families were entirely restored. In fact, as we were leaving,
Mrs. Megalopod promised to send my wife a cake made by herself.
It came later, and was brought by the Megalopod boy. By cutting
it into quarters, we got it through the front door without breaking
off more than five or six lumps of a pound or two each. As it was
a plum-cake, it kept well. I think there is nearly a barrelful of it
left yet; but we reserve it for visitors, as we got tired of plum-
cake after a year or So.

The Megalopods were always kind neighbors. Once they did
us a great service.
200 IMAGINOTIONS

There was a farmer who lived in the valley near us, and he
owned a very cross bull. One day the bull broke his chain, and.
came charging up the road just as my little boy was on his way
to school. I don’t know what would have been the result if*the
Megalopod baby (then a well-grown child of about twenty-five
feet) had not come toddling down the road. The bull was pursu-
ing my boy, who was running for his life. The baby giant had
on red stockings, and these attracted the bull’s attention. He
charged on the baby, and tried
to toss his shoes. This amused
the child considerably, and he
laughed at the bull’s antics as
an ordinary baby might laugh
at the snarling and bitings of
a toothless puppy.

“T take oo home,” he said,
and picking up the angry bull,
he toddled off down the road.

My boy came home much
frightened, but almost as much
amused. I learned afterward
that Mr. Megalopod carried the
bull back tothe farmerand gave
the man a severe talking to.

But we felt grateful, and
so we decided to ask Mr. and
Mrs. Megalopod to dinner. It
meant a great deal, as you will
see; but as we had just come
into a large legacy from an estate that had been in litigation for many
years, we took pleasure in showing our gratitude and our good-will



THE BULL CHARGED ON THE BABY.
GOOD NEIGHBORS 201

toward the family. First we had a large and elegant teething-ring
made to order for the baby. It was a foot through and several feet
in diameter. The baby enjoyed it very much, and was somewhat con-
soled for the loss of the bull, which he had wished to keep as a pet.
I hired the sign-painter in a village not far away to write out
the invitation for us upon the largest sheet of cardboard I could
get in the city. It was ten feet by fifteen in size, and when in-
scribed looked truly hospitable. It read as usual— requesting the
presence of Mr. and Mrs. Megalopod at dinner on the 20th. We
had to send it by express. The expressman wanted us to roll it;’
but I did n’t think it would be just the thing. So it was sent flat
in an envelop made specially for it. They sent an acceptance nearly
as large, and were kind enough to send later an informal note saying
that they would bring their own plates, knives and forks, and so on.
‘How thoughtful of them!” said my wife, who had been some-
what puzzled about how to set the table.
I had told the butcher and other tradesmen about the dinner,
and they were to furnish ample provision. I had expected that they
would be delighted to get the large orders; but one of them ex-

plained to me that after all it made no great difference. “For,”
said he, “if they had stayed at home, they would have ordered
the same things nearly, anyway.” But it was different with the

confectioner. I ordered forty gallons of ice-cream, two thousand
macaroons, and eighty pounds of the best mixed candies.

“Tt’s for a large picnic?” he suggested.

“The largest kind,” I replied, for we were of course to dine in
the open air. In order to provide against rain, I hired a second-
hand circus-tent, and had it set up in our front yard, where the
table had already been constructed by a force of carpenters.

By stooping as they came in, and seating themselves near the
center, our guests were not uncomfortable in the tent.
202 iid IMAGINOTIONS

My wife and I had a smaller table and chairs set upon the
large table, and though we did not feel altogether comfortable sitting
with our feet on the table-cloth, we did not quite see how to
avoid it.

The first course was much enjoyed, except that Mr. Megalopod
was so unlucky as to upset his soup (served in a silver-plated metal
plate), and run the risk of drowning us. Mrs. Megalopod, however,
was adroit enough to catch us up before the inundation overwhelmed
us. The giant apologized profusely, and we insisted that it was of
no consequence.

When we came to the turkeys (which Mrs. Megalopod said
were dainty little birds), I was afraid Mr. Megalopod was not hun-
gry, for he could not finish the two dozen; but he explained that
he seldom ate birds, as he preferred oxen. In the next course IL
found that Mr. Megalopod was looking for the salt. I handed him
the salt-cellar, but it was too small for him to hold.

‘Have you any rock-salt?” he asked with frankness. “I can
never taste the fine salt.”

Luckily we had bought a large quantity of the coarsest salt for
making ice-cream, and I had several boxes brought, and sent up
from the ground on an elevator.

The waiter, frightened half out of his wits, set the boxes as
close to the giant as he dared, and tried hard not to run when
moving away.

Strangely enough, the only thing that ran short was the water.
It would n’t run fast enough to give the giant a full drink of water.
He was very polite about it, but the rock-salt had made him thirsty.
At last I sent down to the Megalopods’ house, and hired the giant’s
boy to bring a pail (one of their pails —it was about eight feet
high) full of spring water. So that little difficulty was pleasantly
arranged.
GOOD NEIGHBORS 203

After the dinner was over, the giants went home, saying that
they had never passed a pleasanter afternoon.

We were equally pleased, and my wife said that the most agree-
able neighbors we had ever known were certainly Mr. and Mrs.
Megalopod.



GOOD-BY TO THE MEGALOPODS,

“There is nothing small about them,” I said, warmly, “and they
certainly take wide views of everything.”

“Yes,” she agreed, ‘even with our simple little dinner they
seemed immensely delighted.”


He said: I might write about it, but did n’t care to have his

real name given. So I have given him another name. Per.
haps he dreamed it, but as I dislike stories that are only dreams, I
won't say he did. It probably is n’t a literal fact, but you can per-
haps make it useful if you will seek for a sort of lesson in it. If you
don’t see any lesson in it, then the story does n’t apply to you.
Here is the way he told it to me, as nearly as I can write it down.

NEON told me the story, after he came to know me well.

I went to the museum and after looking at other departments,
came late in the afternoon to the place where they had ancient
pottery. I was looking at a case of old lamps, when one of the
attendants opened the cabinet door to put in a specimen. I knew
him by sight, and he bowed. Then I spoke to him:

“TI wish I knew how those lamps were used.”
“Come to my room and I ’ll show you,” he answered pleasantly.

So I went into his working-room, and he took an ancient lamp
from a shelf. He filled it with lard-oil, I think, put a wick into the

204


ANTHONY AND THE ANCIENTS 205

spout—he made a rude wick from a piece of twisted linen rag—
and lighted it.

The lamp gave a dim and flickering light.

“‘T wish I could see it in the dark,” I said, after a minute. “All
right,” he said; ‘‘just take it into that store-room,” and he pointed to
one of the doors, ‘‘shut the door, and you will find it as dark as
Egypt.”

I took the lamp, shielded it from the air with my hand, went
into the store-room, and shut the door. It certainly was very dark
in there, and the lamp gave hardly any light. As I sat in the gloom,
I began to wish that I had lived in the days of the ancients. I
thought to myself how wonderful it would be if I could be trans-
ported back into the ages before any of the marvelous inventions of
our day were known. How much I could tell them!

«JT wish,” I said to myself, ‘that I could live in those times for a
little while.”

As I spoke I was gently rubbing the edge of the lamp.

A blue flame sprang up from the wick, there was a muffled ex-
plosion, and the room seemed filled with a violet vapor. Then a
voice seemed to come from the wreaths of vapor, and it said:

‘Master of the lamp, I am here. You shall at once be obeyed.”

Before I could answer, the door opened, the vapor cleared away,
and, half dazed, I walked out into the light.

For a few moments I could not make out any of the objects
around me. Gradually my sight cleared, and I saw that I was out
in the open air and standing upon high ground overlooking a wooded
valley through which wound a river. As I looked down wonderingly,
I heard a rustling behind me at some distance. I turned, and saw a
gigantic elk coming toward me, brandishing a pair of horns that
seemed ten feet wide from tip to tip.

Then I knew that my wish had been granted, for I remembered






















oor

Ir
wi

MW Af
1

NW
j day ( i
my wil





“I TURNED, AND SAW A GIGANTIC ELK COMING TOWARD ME.”’
ANTHONY AND THE ANCIENTS 207

to have read of the ancient Irish elk. I knew I was in the British
isles, years before historic times. As I was coming to this conclusion,
I was also making rapid progress toward the valley. I found that I
was dressed in a short tunic of a dark blue color, and that my legs
were covered by loose trousers bound tight with small twisted bands
of cloth. Upon my feet were rough shoes of hide. My head was
bare and my hair was very long. I carried a club in one hand, and »
saw that it had a head of sharp stone. 5

“Why, I’m a regular savage!” I said to myself, laughingly.
The elk had not pursued me far and I soon dropped into a walk, and
leisurely made my way into the valley.

I came upon a settlement. It was a collection of huts, made, as
I could see from an unfinished one, of willow rods covered with mud
and turf. I looked curiously at them, and yet the scene was not un-
familiar to me. All through the time I was there I seemed somehow
to be both an ancient and a modern.

Upon entering the road that ran near the groups of huts, I met
a man dressed not unlike myself.

«Ah, Anton,” he said without the least surprise, ‘you are back
from the hill. Did you see the elk?”

“Yes,” I answered. “He came after me. If I had had my gun
with me, I would have shot him.”

He seemed puzzled by my answer, but only asked, “ Where was
the elk?”

‘Upon the eastern hill,” I replied.
“We will go and hunt him,” said the man.

We walked together toward one of the largest huts, and entered
it. There was a fire upon a block of stone in the middle of the floor,
and the smoke drifted out through a hole in the center of the domed
roof. Around the fire sat the members of the chief’s household: his
wife and several children.
208 IMAGINOTIONS

The chief sat by the fire fitting a spear-head of stone to a long
pole. The wife was making a cord out of some soft bark. The
children were playing with sticks and stones, and one of the girls
had a rude doll. We did not talk English, of course, but I under-
stood them and they understood me. What language we used |
don’t know. ;

The chief questioned me about the elk, and I told him all I
knew.

“Come!” he said, and strode out of the hut, calling upon several
other men to take part in the hunt. I went with them, out of curiosity.

To my surprise, they had no other weapons than rude clubs
with stone heads, and sharp sticks the ends of which had been
hardened by charring in fire. They surrounded the elk and killed it,
but not without a fierce struggle. Several of them were severely
hurt by the sharp horns.

On my way back to the village, I walked beside the chief. We
fell into conversation and I explained to him my astonishment at
their rude clubs and spears.

“Tf you had a rifle,” I said, “you could shoot the elk without
needing to go near him.”

‘A rifle?” he inquired. ‘What is that? I have heard of a queer
weapon made of a stick and a cord, and I believe that it can kill
from a distance. But I do not know how it is made.”

“You mean a bow and arrow,” I said, laughing. ‘Why, they are
nothing to a rifle. If I had a rifle, I could stand off further than a
bow can send, and yet reach a man with ease.”

“This sounds like magic,” the chief said, cautiously drawing a
little away from me.

“Tt-is not magic,” I answered; ‘it is only that I know more than
your people.”

“But your beard is not yet to be seen,” answered the chief,
smiling indulgently as one might at a foolish child.
ANTHONY AND THE ANCIENTS 209

I saw that sooner or later I must explain how I knew more than
the men of his time, and so I told him as much of my story as I
thought he could understand.

“So you see,” I said, in conclusion, ‘I am really one of your re-
mote descendants.”

“You tell a marvelous story,” the chief declared; “and if it be
also a true one, you may be a great help to my people. Come to
my hut and I will talk with you of the things that should be done.
If you can advise me well you shall be my chief counselor — even
before your beard grows.”

After we had eaten some of the meat of the elk, I went into
the chief’s hut and he bade me sit down near the fire. The smoke
was very thick.

“This is all wrong,” I said. ‘You should have a chimney.”
Then I explained to him how the hot air was light and would carry
off the smoke through a chimney.

“Tt would be good,” he replied, “‘to have less smoke. But we
could not take time to build such a contrivance as you speak of.
Game so soon becomes scarce that we have to move our houses to
a new place very often. ‘We could not build those stone chimneys
so often. Besides, if there was no hole in the roof, the hut would
be dark.”

“You must cut a hole in the side of the hut.”

“It would be too cold at night,” he answered.

“But we do not leave the hole open. We fill it with something
hard and like ice. We call it ‘glass.’”

« And how can it be had?”

“Tt is made,” I said, “of sand and of — of soda, I think.”

«Sand I know,” said the chief; ‘but what is soda?”

“Maybe it’s potash,” I suggested.

“T never heard of that either,” said the chief, with a smile I

did n’t like. “But what is it?”
14
210 IMAGINOTIONS

“Well,” I said at last, rather shamefacedly, “I ’m not a glass-
worker. I don’t know how to make it. I ’m sorry.”

The chief said nothing, but looked at me with a faint smile. ]
thought it best to change the subject.

“Talking of guns —rifles,” I said, “it would be splendid if
you had one. They are made of steel, which is hardened iron,
you know, and then loaded with powder. A lead bullet is put over
the powder and then when the powder explodes, the bullet, or round
piece of lead, is driven — oh, ever so far —a thousand paces!”

‘But I do not know these things,” said the chief; and I noticed
that he spoke soothingly, as one might to a child whose mind was
disordered. “You speak of iron, Of steel, of lead, and of powder.
What are they?”

“Tt is hard for me to explain,” I said, “because you know so
little. Iron is a hard substance melted out of certain rocks. When
that is treated in some way it becomes steel. Lead is another
substance of the same kind, but much softer.”

“Can you show us how to find or to make these things?” the
old chief asked. “We may be very ignorant, but we can learn.”

I was silent for a few moments. I had never seen any iron ore
and I had not the least idea how to get iron out of the rock, even if I
had the ore. As for steel, I knew it had carbon i in it, but how it was
put in or left in I did n’t know.

“To tell the truth,” I replied, “I don’t know much about them
myself. And as for gunpowder, I think it is made of charcoal.”

“Good!” broke in the chief, “I know charcoal.”

“And —and saltpeter, I believe, and something else,” I went on
weakly. ‘But I don’t know what saltpeter is, I’m sure.”

“I don’t see how we can do anything with the little you know,”
said the chief, kindly. ‘You tell me strange stories, but there seems
to be nothing practical about your knowledge.”


















NDLE

ANTHONY MAKES THE CA
DD IMAGINOTIONS

I could not deny that he was right. I began to think over
some of our modern improvements, and luckily thought of a candle.
So I explained to him how candles were made of tallow, by dipping
a string into the melted tallow. Nothing would satisfy him but an
immediate trial To my great triumph I succeeded in making a
tolerable candle out of some animal fat. The chief was delighted. —

“That,” said he, “is a great invention. You indeed are fortu-
nate people. We have only torches.”

‘But we don’t use candles,” I said; ‘“we have gas, and kerosene-
lamps, and the electric light. But I can’t make any of those for you.
I don’t know where to find coal or oil, or how to make electricity, or
an electric light.”

“No matter,” he said cheerfully; “this is quite enough. I see
there is some truth in your story. Tell me more of your marvels.”

“Well,” I said, “we use the steam-engine for traveling. We
heat water over the fire, and a vapor or steam comes from it, and we
let the steam go into a box, and it pushes a wheel around, and that
pushes other wheels. That ’s the way we travel.”

“Can you make a steam-engine?”

“No-o,” I said. ‘I’m afraid I don’t quite understand it.”

“Well, what else?” the chief asked patiently.

‘How do you tell time?” I inquired.

‘By the sun,” he replied. ‘‘ Have you a better way?”

‘““We have machines to tell time for us.”

“Indeed!” he said wonderingly.

“Yes,” I said. ‘There is a piece of metal coiled up, and that
pushes around some wheels, and they push other wheels that move
two flat pieces and make them point to marks that mean the hours.”

“Do you know how they work?”

‘Not exactly,” I said; “though I have a general idea.”

“We might find these hard substances you call metals,” said the
ANTHONY AND THE ANCIENTS 213

chief thoughtfully; ‘for I have seen bits of hard substance come
from the rocks of our fireplaces. But I fear you could not teach us
to make these wonderful machines.” ‘i

“T’m afraid I could n’t,” I replied, regretfully.

“There ’s one thing I want to ask you,” the chief said eagerly ;
“and that is about the tides. Sometimes the water is high and then
it is low. Do you know what makes the tides?”

Now that was a question I ought to have been able to answer.
I knew it had something to do with the moon, and faint memories of
the words perigee and apogee came into my mind. But so vague
were my ideas that I could n’t make it clear to myself, and so |
thought it wise to tell the plain truth. I said I did n’t know.

«At times the sun turns black,” said the chief. “Why is that?”

“The moon gets in front of it,” I answered, glad of an opportunity
to make any kind of a reply.

«But the moon is n’t black,” he said.

“No, but it looks so,” I said. ‘The moon has no light of her
own. She looks bright only because the sun lights her.”

«We know that,” he said, “for the light on the edge of the moon
is always toward the sun. But how often does the sun turn black?”

“TJ don’t know,” I was forced to confess.

«Why does n’t it happen oftener ?”

This was worse than a school examination. I made up my
mind to end it. :

“Chief,” I said, “if I have not shown learning, at least I have
learned my own ignorance. I am going to go back to my own
time, if I can (and I think I can, for my wish was only to stay a
while), and when I do get back there I’m going to know some of
those things you asked me about. I ’m going to know them all
through. Then, if I can, 1’m going to come back and teach you
many things.”

14”
214 IMAGINOTIONS

“IT wish you good fortune,” said the chief “for this candle you
have made is a great thing —a great invention.”
“ Farewell,” I said.

Then I turned and climbed the eastern hil, where I had seen the
elk. Just as I came to the crest of the hill a stone gave way be-
neath my feet, and I went tumbling — tumbling — tumbling — down
into the store-room.of the museum, where I woke up.

“I forgot all about you!” said the voice of the museum attendant.
“You must have been asleep.”

“T think so. I had a strange dream,” I said. Then I looked at
the lamp. It was broken. “I have broken the lamp,” I added.

‘No matter,” he replied. “It is only one of a common kind. If it
was Aladdin’s lamp,now,” | y he smilingly suggested,
“it would be a matter LO. | i of some importance.”
« True enough,” [| YY figs | answered.










painting a toy boat. He ran a red stripe around the hull.
“That brightens her a bit,” remarked Sailor Ben. ‘I hopes
the little lad will like her. Anyhow, she ’s wuth the half-dollar —
every cent.”

le the blue shadow of the Life-Saving Station sat Sailor Ben

“That ’s gay!” said a small boy in a sailor-suit, who just then
came down the board walk from the hotel. ‘She ’Il scoot along,
won't she?”

« Sure-ly,” answered Sailor Ben, solemnly; “she can’t help her-
self She’s the model image of the ‘Speedy Susan,’ and that was
the slickest little brig I ever see point forefoot toward blue water.”

“Was she wrecked?” asked the boy.

“©’ course she were,” answered the old sailor. ‘She were
bound to be—always sailing smack up ag’in’ all the coral reefs
she could find. She was tradin’ in the South Pacific, and she had

amy
216 IMAGINOTIONS

a fancy for coral reefs. She could n’t keep clear of ’em. We hauled
her off a matter of a dozen times, but it was n't no sort o’ use.
She ’d made up her mind to be wrecked — and wrecked she were,

on the Tapioca Islands.”



























































“¢swE ’S THE MODEL IMAGE OF THE SPEEDY SUSAN,’.SAID SAILOR BEN.”
“Tapioca?” the boy asked, smiling doubtfully.

“Tapioca is what we called’em. It may ’a been Tappy-appy-
oca or Tapioca-oca, but it don’t signify. That ain’t the point. The
A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S BAG

point is here: How did the Cook and the Bo’sn —that was me —
get away from the cannibal savages?” asked Sailor Ben, very im-
pressively. ‘You might read your ‘Swiss Family Crusoe’ forty
times without comin’ within forty fathom of guessin’ that little
riddle.”

“Tell me about it,” said the boy eagerly.

“Are you sure you can lie by while I’m tellin’ it? I don't like
to have you signaled for just as I get all sail drawin’.”

“T can wait for half an hour,” the boy answered. ‘They ’ve all
gone in bathing.”

“Then, put a stopper on that little chatterbox, open both your
hearin’-ports, and — don’t believe all an old sailor tells you when
he’s spinnin’ yarns to a little landlubber,” said Sailor Ben, with a
good-natured chuckle. ‘Here ’s the way ite goes 5»

As I remarked in the start, the Speedy Susan wrecked herself
off the Tappy-appy-oca Islands in the South Pacific. I was a green
youngster then, but with the makin’s of a sailor about me. After
the brig bumped coral and filled, she thought she ’d make a call on
Mr. Davy Jones. Not havin’ been invited, 1 made up my mind to
stay above water as long as I could.

“Come,” says I to the Cook, “you and me ain't captains o’ this
ungrateful craft. Our betters may go down in glory with the ship,
but bo’s’ns and cooks can’t be spared like officers, and swimmin’
ashore is all we ‘re good for.”

The Cook was a level-headed kind of a darky,— he made the
best plum-duff I ever see,— and he says: “All right, sah.” So
over we went like a couple o’ flying-fish, and come up like two por-
poises. But it was a powerful stretch to swim, bein’ a matter QO
forty mile or so; and I mistrust whether we might n’t ’a’ joined Mr.
D. Jones's party down below if it had n’t been for the Bo’s’n (me).

&
218 IMAGINOTIONS

When I heard Snowball (the Cook, you mind) puffing grampus-
fashion, I says to him, says I:

“Snowball, you sunburnt sea-cook, float on-your back and qi Ah
tow you a bit.” So he did, and I grappled his wool and towed him
as easy as if he were the Lord Mayor o’ London in his kerridge..
When I began to puff like a steam-tug, Snowball played horse for
me while I lay baskin’ like a lazy whale o’ Sunday. So we went —
Bo’s’n tugging Cook, and Cook repayin’ the compliment till we got
in soundin’s.

I ’m not a-goin’ to describe the Tappy-appy Islands. You ’ve
got your Jography, and you can read about ’em any tyme. The
only thing that ’s pecooliar about the islands you ’ll see as I get
along with my facts.

We come ashore in good shape, water-logged, but sound in
every timber, and chipper as marines in a ca’m. We had nothin’
but our togs to look after, and we set there makin’ observations on
the weather and the good qualities of our late shipmates, till we had
drained off some. Then we begun to talk of explorin’ a bit.

We had n’t fixed on a plan when somethin’ happened that
knocked our plans into a cocked hat. Up came a lot of natives
rigged out in feathers and things, jabberin’ seventeen to the dozen,
and maybe more. They surrounded us, and we hauled down our
flags without firin’ a gun—which we had n’t any. They fitted us
out with grass-rope bracelets, tied us into two shipshape bits o’ cargo,
shouldered us, and set sail inland, singin’ songs o’ triump’.

“Cook,” says I, “we ’re a-goin’ int’ the interior.”

“I’m afeared we be,” he pipes up sorrowful enough, thinkin’ I
meant they was cannibals.

“Avast!” says I. ‘Men don’t sing when they ’re hungry.”

And I was right. When they got us up to their town, they
cast us loose, and gave us free board and fair lodgin’s, considerin.—
A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S 219

for you would n’t be wantin’ electric-bells and bills-o’-fare in such
outlandish regions.
Skippin’ the months when we was just gettin’ acquainted with





“THEY SURROUNDED US, AND WE HAULED DOWN OUR FLAGS WITHOUT FIRIN’ A GUN—
WHICH WE HAD N’T ANY.”

their ways, I ‘Il get on to the adventure part. I ‘Il say no more
than that we lived in clover, till Cook he begun to be homesick. I
did n’t mind it myself.
220 IMAGINOTIONS

“Cook,” says I, “it ’s a kind of copper-colored vacation when
you look at it right—reg’lar rations and nothin’ to do.”

“Tt ain't like New Bediord ” was all he ’d oe and the same I
could n’t deny.

But I ’d picked up their lingo till I could convairse fair al ike
like a genteel Tappyappyocan, passin’ the time o’ day with the best
of ’em. But the Cook was diffrent; he had a wife and little kids at
home, and there was n’t any way of hearin’ from them. He had been
the darkest darky on the islands, but he faded to the shade of a chap-
lain’s every-day coat at the end of a long cruise. I felt sorry for him.

So one day, though I had an invitation to play texny-tenny hop-
hop —which, queerly enough, was n’t unlike tennis and hop-scotch
mixed up together —TI politely begged off, and piloted the Cook
down to the “‘sad sea waves” (as I once heard a sweet-singin’ young
woman remark).

“ Cooky,” says I, “you are most shockin’ pale, and unstiddy upon
your pins. Are you land-sick?”

“Ter tell de trufe, sah,” says he, pipin’ his eye, “I am wantin’
powerful to git back ter ole New Bedford; and I don’t see dat
dese oncivilized colored pussons are goin’ ter let us go.”

“Well, cheer up,” says I; “for I ’ve calculated a course that
ought ’er fetch us clear.”

I made out a chart of my idee, and the black Cook he “yah-
yahed” till he reminded me of a fancy hyena what I once seen in
a cirkis. But it was no wonder.

The way of it was this: the chief of the Tappyappyocans was
goin’ to give a big blow-out —a regular plum-duff and soft-Tommy
spread: plenty o’ the best, and’ charge it to the steward; and ke
set great store by makin’ a show for reasons that I happen to know.
That ’s what made me think of my Plan, and that ’s why the Cook
grinned.
A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S 221

So back we went to find the chief— Tiffin, I called him,— and
I hailed him till he came out from his hut where he ’d been palaverin’
with his chief cook.

“Tiffin,” says I, “great Chief of the Tappyappies” (for these
benighted heathen likes titles, and has no idee of the glorious off-
hand ways of a republic like ours), ‘you ’re goin’ to give a noble
eatin’-match ?”

“True, Moonface,” says he; for that ’s the name I went by,
though I was more like a beet in the face than like the moon.

“T spose you want things to go off in tip-top style?” I went on
as easy as you please.

“You know well, Moonface,” says he, his complexion gettin’ a
shade darker, “that my brother, the chief of the — er — er — Succo-
tash Islands” (that ’s where my memory ’s not what it should be —
I don’t rightly remember the Jography name) “‘is to dine with me,
and he has far and away the champion cook o’ these parts. Three
wars have we fit over that there cook.”

“JT don’t recall mentionin’ the fact previously,” I remarks, “ but
Snowball here —e ’s the boss medicine-man over a galley-stove
that I ever saw” (that ’s the sense of what I said) —‘‘in fact, he’s
the chief cook and first-chop bottle-washer of your pale brothers!”

“Well, well!” says the chief, after a spell, and lookin’ at Snow-
ball with int’rest. “You do surprise me.”

“Yes, sirree!” I went on, slapping the cook on the shoulder,
and ’most keelin’ him over. “But to tell you the plain facts o’
the case, his heart pants for the land of his people.” (These
savages delight in poitry talk, and I had picked it up along with
their lingo.) “His neck is stretched with gazin’ to-wards the land
o’ the free and the home o’ the brave!”

O’ course he never knew the words was a quotation from a
popular ballad, and it moved him— jit came so sudden. Still, he
Doe IMAGINOTIONS

did n’t give right in. He saw where I was a-steerin’, but did n’t
choose to let on. So at last I purtended to be a little hurt and
huffy.

‘All correct,” I says; “if Cook and me can’t go home to my
country ’t is of thee, you sha’n’t serve up to your dusky friend the



““IT ’S A GO!’ I SAYS, TAKIN’? HIM UP RIGHT OFF.”

great tood of the pale brothers!” And I whistled “Yankee Doodle”
slow and solemn, like a hymn tune.

That was too much for him.
“If I might have plenty of this great puddin’, I maybe would
A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S 223

let you go,” he says, after a long think. “But I ’d like to taste
a sample fust.”

“It’s a go!” I says, takin’ him up right off.

Now, the queer point about these islands was the fact that a
humpin’ big mount’in rose right in the middle o’ the largest one.
It was a played-out volcano, and the top of its peak was covered
with real snow. That’s what put the notion into my mind first off.

That afternoon me and the Cook climbed that peak and fetched
down baskets full of snow and chunks of ice. Then we cut two
sections of bamboo — one as big as a water-butt and the other not
quite so big. There was plenty of salt along shore, and we toted
some to the grove.

The Cook he loaded the littler bamboo nearly to the muzzle
with goat’s milk, and dumped in a couple o’ dozen o’ turtle-eggs,
and sweetened the mess to taste with sugar-cane juice— and then
we fixed on a long bamboo pole to the small cask inside, and round
I went as if it was a capstan-bar. Round and vownd, round and
vound! And round, some more —till my back was breakin’ with it.

But it froze stiff; and when we fished it out, it was a kind of
oncivilized ice-cream. The Cook he tasted it, in the way o’ duty;
but he looked worser than when he was homesickest.

“No, thanky,” says I, when he offered me a dose; ‘but don’t
look blue, Cooky. It ’ll go down with these heathens— you see if
it don’t.”

It did. You orter ’ve seen the chief smile when he got some
—why, his grin lit up the landscape.

“Moonface Medicine-man,” says he, as he scraped the sides 0
the bamboo bowl we gave him, “your chill-puddin’ is the finest
thing I ever saw! Prepare a hundred calabashes for the Chief of
the Succotash Islands, and you shall go free. I will make him
knock his head to the dust!”
224 IMAGINOTIONS

22

“Tt ’s a bargain, great Chief!” says I, and he marched back to
his hut as proud as a new commodore on Sunday. You see, we
were careful to give the chief a safe dose, and we fired the rest into
the bushes. .













ei yl



HY onan
a fees Ne
ly ve i

Mig

Lipper Ae Wt
a = Gs . S7
Zieh a - 4S ’ by S

ean: “ul “Re PE
ee i es vat ir

“ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND.”

Well, just before the great day we set a gang of natives to
totin’ down snow and ice, cuttin’ bamboo for freezers, crushin’ sugar-
cane, and gatherin’ turtle-eggs. We made enough o’ the awful
A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S 225

stuff to sink an Indiaman, and left it packed in snow in a cool place
in the woods.

The. day of the grand barbecue came.

First our chief he put on a poor face, and trotted out regular
old played-out native dishes— bong-bong, and maboo-taboo fried
cush-cush — common dishes as a third-rate chief might have ‘most
any day. I see the other chief’s lip curlin’ up till it most hid his
snub-nose — with scorn, and with pride in his own cook. But our
chief was just a-leadin’ old Succotash on —foolin’ him, you see.

Then come dessert. Our chief he remarks careless and easy:

“T have a new dish, royal brother, if you will try it?”

“Don't care if I do,” says the other, as if not carin’ particular
about it.

Our chief he whacked a gong, and in came a string of mahog-
any slaves proudly supportin’ fancy calabashes loaded with that
outlandish ice-cream.

«What, may I ask, is this?” asks the royal guest, a trifle oneasy,
mistrustin’ the other royal humbug was a-savin’ his trumps for the
last trick.

“Moonface chill-puddin’!” says our chief, impressive and grand.-

It was set out, and at the word o’ command every noble guest
dipped into his calabash. Words o’ mine can’t describe it. Id have
to talk French to do it. It was like the finish of a tub-race. When
I saw them all a-eatin’ fast when they could, and a-tryin’ to warm
their froze noses when they could n’t, I nudged Snowball on the sly.

-« Cook,” I whispers, “we ’Il start now, I guess. Those fellers .
don’t mean to stop as long as they can lift a spoon —and I’m afraid
they ‘ll overdo this thing. If we waits till dyspepsy sets in, we ‘Il
never see Hail Columbia any more.”

He saw the sense o’ my remark, and we got out and scooted.

I hoped they would n’t eat more than human natur’ would stand —
15
226 IMAGINOTIONS

but when I thought o’ that mixture, my heart kind of rose in my

throat.
We did n't get away too early. Our dugout had a start, but

soon we made out a war-canoe putting after us.











































































































































































































































































“*aDOO, CHIEF!’ I SINGS OUT.”

“Can they overhaul us?” I asks the Cook.
‘No, sah!” he says, positive-like, and with a grin. ‘ You jest
wait till that p’ison git a far chance!”
And by the time they got within hailin’ distance, most o’ the
paddlers had keeled over, one by one, into the hold o’ their canoe.
A YARN OF SAILOR BEN’S 227

Then she came to a dead halt. It was just in time, too, for the
chief he stood up near the idol they had for a bow, waving his club,
and his voice came faint over the water:

“Tf I catch you, you have to eat your own chill-puddin’! All my
people are tumbled over with bad magic!”

“Adoo, Chief!” I sings out. ‘We was afraid you ’d eat too
much!”

He bowled a war-club at us, but he was n't feelin’ strong, and

then he keeled over; and that was the last of the Tappy-appy-ocas.

“Now, here ’s your boat,” said Sailor Ben, as he finished his
story. ‘Let her get good and dry, or you ’ll be gettin’ your clothes
mussed up with it.”

“Thank you ever so much for the boat, and for the story, too,”
said the little boy, as he took the new boat daintily by the mast-
head.

“T hope,” said Sailor Ben, looking after his little friend, and picking
up his paint and brushes, “that the little landlubber did n’t believe
all that nonsense. He seemed rather serious and solemn over it.”
Tee STATUS

TRAVELER came to a certain great city, and as he entered
through one of its wide gates a passer-by spoke to him.
‘Welcome, sir,” said the citizen. ‘I saw by your dress
that you were a stranger, and make bold to accost you.”

“Your welcome is most courteous,” answered the traveler, “and
I thank you for it.”

“You must not fail to see the statue in our market-place,” said
the citizen. ‘We take great pride in it, and for my part I con-
sider. myself fortunate in being one of the community that owns
so fine a work of art and so grand a memorial.”

‘ “J shall certainly take pains to see it,” answered the traveler,
bowing to the citizen as he passed on.

So when the traveler had made his way into the city, he paused
fora moment, wondering in which direction the market-place lay.
As he stood in doubt, another citizen presented himself, hat in hand.

“You seem unfamiliar with our city,” said the new-comer, politely.
“Tf you are seeking the market-place I can easily direct you to it.”

“You are right in your supposition,” said the traveler.

“Naturally,” said the citizen, smiling. ‘All the world comes
to see our great statue; and I have pointed out the way to many.
It would be strange if I did not know it, for it was I who proposed
the setting up of the statue in the market-place. I am fortunate
enough to be one of the town council.”

‘“My respects to you,” said the traveler, saluting him.

228
THE STATUE 229

“Follow this straight course,” said the councilman, pointing,
“and ask again when you come to the open park.”

Bidding the citizen good day, the traveler proceeded upon his
way; nor did he pause until he had come to the park. Then, as
he had been instructed to do, he made further inquiry at the door
of a little shop.

«Yes, indeed, I can tell you,” said the woman who came to the
door, “for it was my husband who designed the pedestal for it.
John !— another, stranger to see the statue.” :

“Tn a moment,” said her husband, from the back of the shop.
“How do you do, sir?” he asked, as he greeted the traveler.
“Your face seems to me.a familiar one. Where have I seen you?
Never been here before? Ah, I must have been mistaken. A
chance resemblance, no doubt! Turn to the right, and follow this
wall, and you will soon reach the statue, for which I designed the
pedestal, as the good people of this town will tell you.”

The traveler withdrew, and walked leisurely along by the wall.
At the first corner he met a workingman who was carving a bit
of stonework on a fence-post.

“A stranger, sir?” inquired the workman, as the traveler ap-
proached. “To see the statue, no doubt?”

“Ves,” said the traveler.

“A good bit of work, and well worth your time. Many ’s the
long day I have worked over it. I carved the block, and never did
pactien bitiof wore hur to the leit but, waltlg) biere sce
man who can show you the way. Henry!”

As he spoke a man who was driving a heavy wagon drew up
near the sidewalk.

“Can you show this gentleman the way to the statue?”

“Can 1?when you know well enough that I drew the statue
to its place with this very horse and wagon. Come, my friend,
230 IMAGINOTIONS

follow me. Or, better still, get up on my wagon and I'll take you
there. You ’re lighter than that hewed stone, I warrant!”

So the traveler mounted upon the wagon, and was soon at
the market-place, and stood before the statue itself. .

As he gazed up at it, another citizen addressed him:

‘“Admiring the statue, eh? Well, it ’s a noble bit of art, and
a credit to the place. Every stranger says so.”

“It seems well done and well kept,” replied the traveler, quietly.

“Well kept? To be sure it is well kept! Would the council
of the town have me here if I did n't attend to my duty? Perhaps
you don’t know that I’m the custodian of this work of art? No?
Well, I am. Yes, you see before you the statue-keeper. It ’s a:
great responsibility; but there, there!—the townspeople don’t com-
plain, so I suppose my work is not so badly done.”

‘Who is it?” asked the traveler.

“Oh, I forget,” said the man, unconcernedly. “Maybe I ’ve
heard the name; but I ’ve forgotten it long since.”

The traveler thanked the fellow and gave him a silver coin.
Then he departed from out the city. But as he went through the
gate in the city wall, there was a boy playing marbles near by,
for now the school-hours were over. And as the traveler passed
him, the boy looked to see whose shadow fell upon the wall; and
then the boy sprang to his feet, and said:

“See! see! ’T is he—the man whose statue stands in the market-
place!”

And so it was; but none else in the city knew anything beyond
their stone image of the man.

‘““You were asleep and dreaming in the sun!” the people said,
when the boy told his story. And as the traveler never came again,
even the boy himself began as he grew older to think it was a
dream, so real seemed the statue compared to his faint memory of
the great one in whose honor it stood aloft.


WY

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