Machen me crazy
 America's sweetheart
 CLAS superlatives


CLAS notes
Full Citation
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00073682/00201
 Material Information
Title: CLAS notes the monthly news publication of the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences
Physical Description: v. : ill. ; 28 cm.
Language: English
Creator: University of Florida -- College of Arts and Sciences
Publisher: College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, University of Florida
Place of Publication: Gainesville Fla
Creation Date: April 2004
Frequency: monthly
Subjects / Keywords: Education, humanistic -- Periodicals -- Florida   ( lcsh )
Genre: government publication (state, provincial, terriorial, dependent)   ( marcgt )
periodical   ( marcgt )
serial   ( sobekcm )
General Note: Subtitle varies; some numbers issued without subtitle.
General Note: Description based on: Vol. 2, no. 11 (Nov. 1988); title from caption.
 Record Information
Source Institution: University of Florida
Holding Location: George A. Smathers Libraries, University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved, Board of Trustees of the University of Florida
Resource Identifier: aleph - 001806880
oclc - 28575488
notis - AJN0714
lccn - sn 93026902
System ID: UF00073682:00201
 Related Items
Preceded by: College bulletin board


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Table of Contents
    Machen me crazy
        Page 1
    America's sweetheart
        Page 2
    CLAS superlatives
        Page 3
Full Text

The University of Florida
College of Liberal Arts and Sciences


CRAZY Bernie recently required all vice presidents and deans to attend
continued Bike Week at Daytona Beach and is planning a summer retreat
for the UF administration at the Annual Harley Davidson Con-
vention. CLAS Dean Neil Sullivan was slightly injured during Bike Week when the moped he
was driving (because he fell off a real motorcycle multiple times) crashed. Sullivan was trying to
avoid hitting a sea turtle nest and a European tourist in a yellow Speedo. He sustained minor
injuries but still plans to explain the physics of motorcycle riding to a group of undergraduates
this week on campus. Bernie had to transport Neil to a local medical center in his sidecar.
While some of the administrators appear to be enjoying this new wheeling adventure, others
aren't sure that riding motorcycles fits in their job description. "When I found out I was going
to have to ride a motorcycle and wear one of those ugly helmets that would mess up my hair, I
decided to resign as provost," says David Colburn. "I'm just too young to deal with this."

Personnel Coordinator Volunteers
for Frivolous Cenetics Dps arch

MaryAnne Morgan, CLAS personnel coordinator,
just completed a six-month study with the UF
Genetics Institute, in which her DNA was spliced
with that of broccoli, in an attempt to
determine whether the flowery
green vegetable, which can
last for months in the

Sherrel Brockington, a painfully shy program assistant in the Aca-
demic Advising Center, recently auditioned for the hit Fox televi-
sion series, American Idol, in an attempt to overcome her para-
lyzing fear of speaking in front of an audience. The would-be
diva-decked out in a pink mini-dress, stiletto heels and a
Tina Turner wig-knocked the judges' socks off with her
rendition ofThe Weather Girl's 1980s pop hit, It' Raining
Men. She was a favorite among the judges but was disquali-
fied when a rigorous background check proved that the tal-
ented songstress did not meet the 16-24 age requirement. "I
really didn't care what they thought," she says. "I just
wanted to prove to myself that I could shed this
timid, wallflower persona of mine once and
for all." Brockington has adopted the stage
name "Hot Chocolate" and can be found at
any area sports club on Karaoke night.

UF Foundation and
Physical Plant
Division Launch
Naming Campaign
In order to keep those foundation
accounts full of cash, the Foundation
eopleSoft is and Physical Plant have teamed up to
Save promote a new fundraising campaign
Com g this week to name various items on
Your Money Now! campus after individuals who
All UF employees are strongly donate money. Now, you can
encourage to set aside extra money have a shrub named after
during June since PeopleSoft Systems will be you for $100, a trash can
implemented on July 1, and there is no guarantee for $500, and for a
it will work perfectly. While everyone is expected to be donation of $1,000, a
paid on time, there might be a few glitches since UF is physical plant vehicle
switching to a brand new financial system. In the will be named in your
event this happens, Project Director Fred honor.
Cantrell says he will buy those affect-
ed a smoothie, and UF will not a f
require them to work on D t- 0- o
July 4. c b .

C1RS SaPeR ai1S 2s
The College Assembly recently voted to award superlatives to the following faculty mem-
bers. President pro-tempore Carol Murphy sug- gested
the superlatives as a good way to recognize facul in yet
another meaningless way. b

SMost likely to kiss a turtle-Karen Bjorndal
Most likely to miss a deadline-John Leavey
Most likely to wear red socks-Jack Sabin
Most likely notto wear socks-Lou Guillette
Best Legs--Lou Guillette
Best Dressed-Lou Guillette
Best Dressed in the 1970s and best hair-Harry Shaw
Most likely to change hair color-Jane Douglas
Most likely to become a soap opera star and best hair-Alex Piquero
Most likely to run for Congress-David Hedge
Most likely to be mistaken for Santa Claus-Bob Hatch
Most likely to audition for The Last Samurai-Yumiko Hulvey
Most likely to baptize a fellow faculty member-Ron Akers
Most likely to wear a cute bowtie-Albert Matheny
Most likely to wear an ugly botie-Marty Heesacker
College Clown-Marty Heesacker
Biggest Flirts and Life of the Party-Jim Mueller and Mary Ann Eaverly
Most likely to write another book on Florida history-Kevin McCarthy
Most likely to go off on a tangent about something related to physics dur-
ing a meeting-Neil Sullivan
Most likely to become the fourth member of The Supremes-
Marilyn Thomas-Houston

(Submitted by Krishna Alladi)
Q:What kind of tree does a math professor climb?
. UA: A Geometry!