GI Joe Glover
 Beach blanket bingo
 CLAS horoscopes


CLAS notes
Full Citation
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00073682/00199
 Material Information
Title: CLAS notes the monthly news publication of the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences
Physical Description: v. : ill. ; 28 cm.
Language: English
Creator: University of Florida -- College of Arts and Sciences
Publisher: College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, University of Florida
Place of Publication: Gainesville Fla
Creation Date: April 2002
Frequency: monthly
Subjects / Keywords: Education, humanistic -- Periodicals -- Florida   ( lcsh )
Genre: government publication (state, provincial, terriorial, dependent)   ( marcgt )
periodical   ( marcgt )
serial   ( sobekcm )
General Note: Subtitle varies; some numbers issued without subtitle.
General Note: Description based on: Vol. 2, no. 11 (Nov. 1988); title from caption.
 Record Information
Source Institution: University of Florida
Holding Location: George A. Smathers Libraries, University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved, Board of Trustees of the University of Florida
Resource Identifier: aleph - 001806880
oclc - 28575488
notis - AJN0714
lccn - sn 93026902
System ID: UF00073682:00199
 Related Items
Preceded by: College bulletin board


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Table of Contents
    GI Joe Glover
        Page 1
    Beach blanket bingo
        Page 2
        Page 3
    CLAS horoscopes
        Page 4
Full Text

The University of Florida
College of Liberal Arts and Sciences

GI*Joe Glover
Joins the Ranks of American Heroes

UF Presidential Task Force Commander "G.I."
Joe Glover is determined to turn the University
of Florida into a "truly great" university-at any
cost. "The Task Force will recommend how to
consolidate the university's rank and file resources
to invest in the future, how to structure programs
to ensure a high quality educational experience
and a meaningful degre ts, and how the
university may contin~4 Athe needs of the
state and nation," GI i0 t action will
also be taken again nsq 'diaolical Destro and the
rest of the nefariousang at Cobra Heauarters."
Glover, upon re-reading the edict esi-
dent Chuck Young that describes his Ju
determined that he has the ability to use
means necessary" t eve his mission. '
end, the Tcommend arei
should olidted,
reconstiu, he
College of dl
ith afew
To.is. ThevViIIIII

characteristics and strengths of
the university's programs will be
compared with significant opportuni-
ties and challenges awaiting society a
higher education in the next two de
We will march these changes thro
state legislature and anyone else
our way," he says "I'm also requ
all college deans report at 070,
Saturday to the Austin Carey
Forest for survival traiinng
only way to see whom the
and the strong are. We'll
spend the weekend th
and determine who
h 1i earn my tru
d respect." A


The one-man "Action Team"
himself, GI Joe Glover.

. 4. 4




SBeach Blanket

The entire sociology depart-
ment will be traveling to
Bermuda this summer for a
joint research project on the
age demographics of tan lines.
"We hope to discover which
age group has more visible
tan lines, and why. The results
will have direct implications
on the bathing suit industry,"
says John Henretta, chair of the
department. Even though one
member of the department
could have easily conducted
the study, the group decided to
participate so they could spend
the summer together. "We'll
all be staying at one house on
the island. We're just one big
happy family," says Henretta.

Bow Ties Filched
University Police were called to the Aca-
demic Advising Center last week when
director Albert Matheny reported his
entire bow tie collection had been stolen.
Matheny had several hundred bow ties in
his 30-year-old collection, including rare
items worn by Donald Duck, Abraham
Lincoln and Frank Sinatra. Police say the
Prime suspect in the case is psychology
chair Marty Heesacker. Heesacker was
seen late Monday night backing a truck up
to Matheny's office and loading boxes into
it. When questioned, Heesacker denied
Poor Matheny only has the one bow the allegations, saying it was a case of
tie left. He vows not to remove it until mistaken identity. Matheny, still too dis
the missing ones are found. taught over his loss to come to work, says
Heesacker definitely has a motive for the
theft. "Marty has always admired my collection, and he was upset that I have
more polka-dotted bow ties than he does. Plus, he was mad because I just beat
him in the election for president of the International Bow Tie Club."
page 2

The math department has a received a $0.000001
million grant to determine how many American flags
can be suction-cupped, glued or taped to a minivan.
The grant, which is funded by the National Humani-
ties Council's Americans for Patriotism Fund, repre-
sents the first time a scientific discipline has received a
humanities-related grant. The award, one of the larg-
est grants ever awarded by the National Humanities
Council, also sets the record for the smallest grant ever
received by any math department.

Thiele's Office Designated

as Official CLAS Closet
After years of enduring complaints from CLAS faculty
and staff about not knowing what type of clothing to
wear during the spring, Associate Dean Lisa McEl-
wee-White is converting Political Science Chair Les
Thiele's office into a dressing room and closet.
With March temperatures sitting in the 30s to
50s in the mornings and heating up to the 70s and
80s by afternoon, many are left baffled by what duds
to don.
McElwee-White organized a game of "rock paper
scissors" that involved more than 150 faculty and staff
whose offices qualified as "efficient closet space." The
outcome was determined when Thiele attempted to
deploy a forbidden "paper wraps scissors" maneuver.
Thiele will be relocated to an unused broom
closet on the fifth floor ofAnderson Hall but will
still have limited access to the shower he had installed
when Anderson underwent renovations last year. "I
guess this means I don't get that hot tub I was want-
ing to put in next to the shower." Thiele said.

CLASnotes April 1, 2002






Because of campus con-
struction projects, UF
Transportation and Park-
ing Services advises that
on Thursday, April 11
there will only be one
available parking space
for faculty and staff proj-
ects. There is no alter-
nate parking available at
this time, so everyone
is encouraged to arrive
extra early. For questions,
comments or suggestions,
please call 392-WALK.

Seeking to foster a spirit of unity and
teamwork between CLAS associate
deans, department chairs and directors,
CLAS Dean Neil Sullivan organized a
retreat at Paynes Prairie last weekend.
"I feel that we need this time to
relax, rejuvenate and get in touch with
our inner self," says Sullivan.
Upon arriving at the mandatory
retreat, Geological Sciences Chair
Paul Mueller commented that he had
better things to do than sit around
and talk about his feelings. However,
a quick game of hide and seek in the
prairie grass, which Associate Dean
Carol Murphy won, broke the ice,
and everyone was soon in a playful


Due to recent budget
cuts, CLAS Minister of
Finance John Watson
has announced that the
Keene Faculty Center
will be turned into a
casino hall on nights and
weekends to make extra
money for CLAS. Yearly
cost-of-living raises are
now available in your
choice of orange or blue
poker chips.

Dean's Office

Evelyn Butler has
resigned from her posi-
tion as executive secre-
tary in the dean's office
to pursue a career as a
monkey trainer. "I've
decided to work with
actual monkeys because
I think they'll listen to
me better than the ones I
work with now."

Other exercises offered the group
physical activity and fun, but also
challenged them to look at the ways
they view themselves and their peers.
"I was really scared to lean back and
fall into Angel's arms during one of
the trust-building exercises," Krishna
Alladi said. "But when I finally worked
up the nerve to jump off that big rock,
and she caught me, I realized I'd just
been saved from physical harm by this
woman. She is my hero."
Another exercise involved everyone
sitting in a circle while holding hands
and then saying one nice thing about
the person next to them. Ken Wald
(Center for Jewish Studies) remarked to
Dean Sullivan, "I've always loved your
accent. I wish I could speak like that."
Sullivan returned the compliment with,
"I like your glasses."
The retreat appears to be a suc-
cess and has brought everyone closer

Mushrooms Always
Grow in Wet Places
(Because They
Are Tiny /
Umbrellas)/ 0

together "Ever since the retreat, I send
e-mail cards to each of the chairs and
deans every morning telling them how
much I value their friendship," Mueller
says. "I never dreamed my life could be
this full."

Recent Publications
From CLAS Faculty
We're Normal and Everyone Else is Skewed,
George Casella, Statistics; Mushrooms Always
Grow in Wet Places Because They Are Tiny
Umbrellas, Alice Harmon, Botany; Abbreviated- A
Long Word, Diana Boxer, Linguistics; If it Wasn't
for Thomas Edison, We'dAll Be Watching Televi-
sion in the Dark, Neil Sullivan, Physics; Using
Square Roots Effectively: How to Keep a Square
from Moving, Gerard Emch, Math; Never Reach
for the Stars: They Are Hot Balls of Gas and Will
Give You Bad Burns, Charlie Telesco, Astronomy.

Barking Success

of One Florida A

Oblio, a chihuahua, was admitted
to UF for the summer session as a
result of Governor Jeb Bush's One
Florida plan. The plan, put into
effect in 1999, eliminated race
and ethnicity as factors in uni-
versity admissions. Appar-
ently, since the question
"Are you a member of the
human race?" was not on
the admission application,
Oblio slipped through the
cracks, according to a spokes-
person for the university reg-
istrar's office. "We don't really
have an explanation, but we're
willing to try it. At least it
shows how diverse UF really
is." Governor Bush could not
be reached for comment, but
his spokesperson did confirm
that he likes dogs.

4 .

CLAbnotes April I, 2UU2

page 3

If April 1 is yur irthdnay:E The next few

(1SMI I IKTff^Ttjlrair11 Wiwfi~m^
days and/or weeks will be full of rosesl
and win or 0.ain an swn.Itshr

to0tell. You are generally a goo pe

sensitivecaring, itelligent ignorant
anry an derssd May 0 ue 0Jul.0

ber and December wll b mmral
mo^^nths for you thlis year. lot wil
^* 0T t'B^i* 0f *T30 ? I- HTin~i3~T

happlen in ifBregards fto yor fnanciaTl situ
ation, 0emp -loyme 60nt 0and pers ife.

You;Trt luEcky n~umbers are 7 K3,?p 34 5,467,
235 04,35 02,5679 and Ti 0o'r

own, bu~wift thatmigh't noti be ~theiwcase

SAries Leo Sagittarius
(March 21- (July 23- (November 22-
April 19) August 22) December 21)
You will discover Today is a good A mad squirrel
that you can twitch one ear day to surprise your boss. will attempt to steal your
but not the other. This will Pretend you actually enjoy lunch today.
aggravate you, and you'll your job.
spend the majority of the
day in front of the bathroom Capricorn
mirror trying to correct the Virgo (December 22-
situation. (August 23-- January 19)
September 22) Do not ask
You should have strangers in an elevator for
Taurus stayed in bed today. You are advice today. They will only
(April 20- missing a really good episode try to flirt with you, and they
May 20) of Jerry Springer. won't be your type.
You are about
to have a great idea. Try to
remain calm. Libra Aquarius
(September 23- (January 20-
October 22) February 18)
Gemini You need to feel Remember, only
(May 21- appreciated at the office. YOU can prevent forest fires!
June 20) Tell your co-workers to clap
Today is a good their hands and cheer if they
day to clean out your belly believe in you. Pisces
button. A Q-tip works best. (February 19-
March 20)
S Scorpio Now is the per-
* Cancer (October 23- fect time to stop relying on
(June 21- November 21) horoscopes to discover what
July 22) Today your nose the future holds for you. Try
When deciding will itch, and this will be a fortune cookies instead.
what to eat today, choose sign of company coming.
pretzels, but don't choke!



College of Liberal Arts and Sciences
News and Publications
2008 Turlington Hall
PO Box 117300
Gainesville FL 32611-7300

@C Printed on
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CLASnotes April 1, 2002

page 4