Citation
Nonsense songs, stories, botany, and alphabets

Material Information

Title:
Nonsense songs, stories, botany, and alphabets
Creator:
Lear, Edward, 1812-1888
Lear, Edward, 1812-1888 ( Illustrator )
James R. Osgood and Company ( Publisher )
Rand, Avery, & Frye
Place of Publication:
Boston
Publisher:
James R. Osgood and Company
Manufacturer:
Stereotyped and Printed by Rand, Avery, & Frye
Publication Date:
Language:
English
Physical Description:
1 v. (unpaged) : ill. ; 22 cm.

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
Wit and Humor, Juvenile ( lcsh )
English wit and humor ( lcsh )
Animals -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Children's stories ( lcsh )
Nonsense verses, English ( lcsh )
Children's stories ( lcsh )
Children's poetry ( lcsh )
Children's stories -- 1871 ( lcsh )
Children's poetry -- 1871 ( lcsh )
Nonsense verse -- 1871 ( rbgenr )
Alphabet rhymes -- 1871 ( rbgenr )
Bldn -- 1871
Genre:
Children's stories ( lcsh )
Children's poetry ( lcsh )
Nonsense verse ( fast )
Alphabet rhymes ( lcgft )
Spatial Coverage:
United States -- Massachusetts -- Boston
Target Audience:
juvenile ( marctarget )

Notes

General Note:
Contains prose and verse.
Funding:
Preservation and Access for American and British Children's Literature, 1870-1889 (NEH PA-50860-00).
Statement of Responsibility:
by Edward Lear ; with one hundred and fifty illustrations.

Record Information

Source Institution:
University of Florida
Holding Location:
Baldwin Library of Historical Children's Literature in the Department of Special Collections and Area Studies, George A. Smathers Libraries, University of Florida
Rights Management:
This item is presumed to be in the public domain. The University of Florida George A. Smathers Libraries respect the intellectual property rights of others and do not claim any copyright interest in this item. Users of this work have responsibility for determining copyright status prior to reusing, publishing or reproducing this item for purposes other than what is allowed by fair use or other copyright exemptions. Any reuse of this item in excess of fair use or other copyright exemptions may require permission of the copyright holder. The Smathers Libraries would like to learn more about this item and invite individuals or organizations to contact The Department of Special and Area Studies Collections (special@uflib.ufl.edu) with any additional information they can provide.
Resource Identifier:
002232833 ( ALEPH )
ALH3230 ( NOTIS )
06703912 ( OCLC )
11026521 ( LCCN )

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|

ST CT TO ne ene











NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY,
AND ALPHABETS.



BY

EDWARD LEAR.





WITH ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY ILLUSTRATIONS.



BOSTON: |
JAMES R. OSGOOD AND COMPANY,

(Late Ticxnor & Fierps, anp Fieips, Oscoop, & Co.)

1871,

















Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1871,
By JAMES R. OSGOOD & CO.,

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.

Boston:
Stereotyped and Printed by Rand, Avery, & Frye.



CONTENTS.



NONSENSE SONGS.
THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.
THE JUMBLIES.
THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.
CALICO PIE. °
MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.
THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS,
THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

NONSENSE STORIES.

THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT
ROUND THE WORLD.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THE LAKE PIPPLE-
POPPLE.

NONSENSE COOKERY.
NONSENSE BOTANY.
NONSENSE ALPHABETS, No. 1.
No. 2.
” . No. 3.



NONSENSE SONGS,





THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.



I.

WAT LED
i NeHE Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea

In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
“O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!”





THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

IL.

Pussy said to the Owl, “ You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing!
Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?”
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows;
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,

With a ring at the end of his nose.



iil.

“Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?” Said the Piggy, “I will.”

So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.



THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

They dinéd on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon ;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the hght of the moon,

The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.









THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.




> AID the Duck to the Kangaroo,
S45

As if you never would stop!

“ Good gracious! how you hop
Over the fields, and the water too,

My life is a bore in this nasty pond;

And I long to go out in the world beyond:
I wish I could hop like you,”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

Il.

“ Please give me a ride on your back,”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo;



THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

“T would sit quite still, and say nothing but ‘Quack’
The whole of the long day through;

And we'd go to the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,

Over the land, and over the sea:

Please take me a ride! oh, do!”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.



II.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
“ This requires some little reflection.
Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck:
And there seems but one objection ;
Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo-
Matiz,” said the Kangaroo.



THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

Iv.

Said the Duck, “ As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely ;
And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
Which fit my web-feet neatly ;
And, to keep out the cold, I’ve bought a cloak ;
And every day a cigar I'll smoke;
All to follow my own dear true

Love of a Kangaroo.”

Vv.

Said the Kangaroo, “ I’m ready,
All in the moonlight pale ;
But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,

And quite at the end of my tail.”





Page 8
Missing
From

Original



THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

And played an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.

Il.
Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
To Mr. Floppy Fly,
“Why do you never come to court?
I wish you’d tell me why.
All gold and shine, in dress so fine,
You'd quite delight the court.
Why do you never go at all?
I really think you oughd.
And, if you went, you'd see such sights!
Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!
And, more than all, the king and queen, —

One in red, and one in green.”

Wl.

“OQ Mr. Daddy Long-legs!”
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,

“Tt’s true I never go to court;
And I will tell you why.

If I had six long legs like yours,
At once I'd go to court;

But, oh! I can’t, because my legs
Are so extremely short.

And I'm afraid the king and queen

(One in red, and one in green)

2



THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

Would say aloud, ‘You are not fit,
You Fly, to come to court a bit!’

Iv.

“O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!”
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
“T wish you'd sing one little song,
One mumbian melody.
You used to sing so awful well
In former days gone by ;
But now you never sing at all:
I wish you'd tell me why:
For, if you would, the silvery sound
Would please the shrimps and cockles round,
And all the crabs would gladly come
To hear you sing, ‘Ah, Hum di Hum!’”

Vv.

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
“T can never sing again ;
And, if you wish, [ll tell you why,
Although it gives me pain.
For years I cannot hum a bit,
Or sing the smallest song ;
And this the dreadful reason is, —
My legs are grown too long!



THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

My six long legs, all here and there,
Oppress my bosom with despair;

And, if I stand or lie or sit,
I cannot sing one single bit

{>

VI.

So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly
Sat down in silence by the sea,
And gazed upon the sky.
They said, “ This is a dreadful thing!
The world has all gone wrong,
Since one has legs too short by half,
The other much too long.
One never more can go to court,
Because his legs have grown too short;
The other cannot sing a song,
Because his legs have grown too long!”

VI.

Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly

Rushed downward to the foamy sea
With one sponge-taneous cry:

And there they found a little boat,
Whose sails were pink and gray;
And off they sailed among the waves,

Far and far away:



THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

They sailed across the silent main,

And reached the great Gromboolian Plain ;
And there they play forevermore

At battlecock and shuttledore.







THE JUMBLIES.



I,

“Kt NeHEY went to sea in a sieve, they did;
ae In a sieve they went to sea:

“ In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter’s morn, on a stormy day,

In a sieve they went to sea.
And when the sieve turned round and round,
And every one cried, “You'll all be drowned !”
They called aloud, “ Our sieve ain’t big:
But we don’t care a button; we don’t care a fig: |

In a sieve we'll go to sea!”

Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:



THE FUMBLIES.

Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve,

II.

They sailed away in a sieve, they did,
' In a sieve they sailed so fast,
With only a beautiful pea-green veil
Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail,
To a small tobacco-pipe mast.
And every one said who saw them go,
“Oh! won’t they be soon upset, you know:
For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long;
And, happen what may, it’s extremely wrong
In a sieve to sail so fast.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve. _

Iii.

The water it soon came in, it did;

The water it soon came in:
So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet
In a pinky paper all folded neat;

And they fastened it down with a pin.
And they passed the night in a crockery-jar ;
And each of them said, “ How wise we are!



THE FUMBLIES.

Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,
Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,
While round in our sieve we spin.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

IV.

And all night long they sailed away ;
And, when the sun went down,
They whistled and warbled a moony song
To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
In the shade of the mountains brown.
“O Timballoo! How happy we are
When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar!
And all night long, in the moonlight pale,
We sail away with a pea-green sail
In the shade of the mountains brown.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

Vv.

They sailed to the Western Sea, they did, —
To a land all covered with trees: .



THE FUMBLIES.

And they bought an owl, and a useful cart,
And a pound of rice, and a cranberry-tart,
And a hive of silvery bees;
And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
And a lovely monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree,
And no end of Stilton cheese.
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
‘Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

VI.

And in twenty years they all came back, —
In twenty years or more;
And every one said, “ How tall they've grown !
For they’ve been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
And the hills of the Chankly Bore.”
And they drank their health, and gave them a feast
Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast;
And every one said, “If we only live,
We, too, will go to sea in a sieve,
To the hills of the Chankly Bore.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve,





THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS



I.

= peHE Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table;





The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side;
And the Nutcrackers said, “Don’t you wish we were able
Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride?
Must we drag on this stupid existence forever,
So idle and weary, so full of remorse,
While every one else takes his pleasure, and never
Seems happy unless he is riding a horse?

Il.

“Don’t you think we could ride without being instructed?
Without any saddle or bridle or spur?

Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed,
Ym sure that an accident could not occur.



THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table,
And hustle down stairs, and each jump on a horse!
Shall we try? Shall we go? Do you think we are able?”
The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, “Of course!” |

II.

So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute;
The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said “ Crack!”
The stable was open; the horses were in it:
Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back.
The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway ;
The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay;
The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from Norway,
Screamed out, “ They are taking the horses away!”

IV.

The whole of the household was filled with amazement:
The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about;

The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement;
The Saltcellar stood on his head with a shout;

The Spoons, with a clatter, looked out of the lattice;
The Mustard-pot climbed up the gooseberry-pies ;

The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties,
And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.



THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

Vv.

The Frying-pan said, “It’s an awful delusion!”
The Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face;
And they all rushed down stairs in the wildest confusion
To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race.
And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter,
(Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with brown,)
The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after,
Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town.

4

Vi.

They rode through the street, and they rode by the station ;
They galloped away to the beautiful shore ;
In silence they rode, and “made no observation,”
Save this: “ We will never go back any more!”
And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing,
The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say “ Crack!”
Till, far in the distance their forms disappearing,
They faded away; and they never came back!



CALICO PIE,





SALICO pie,
The little birds fly
Down to the calico-tree:

Their wings were blue, <
And they sang “ Tilly-loo!” jis
Till away they flew; i

And they never came back to me!
They never came back,
They never came back,

They never came back to me!





CALICO PIE.

IL
Calico jam,
The little Fish swam

Over the Syllabub Sea.
He took off his hat
To the Sole and the Sprat,
And the Willeby-wat:



But he never came back to me;
He never came back,
He never came back,

He never came back to me.

II.
Calico ban,
The little Mice ran

To be ready in time for tea;
Flippity flup,
They drank it all up,
And danced in the cup:



CALICO PIE.

But they never came back to me; »
They never came back, .
They never came back,

They never came back to me.



Calico drum,
The Grasshoppers come,

The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,
Over the ground, .
Around and round,

With a hop and a bound;



But they never came back,

They never came back,
They never came back,
They never came back to me. .





I.

ZENU,N a little piece of wood

NY fo
a

Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood:



" Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,
A-making of an insect-pie
For her little children five,
In the nest and all alive;
Singing with a cheerful smile,
To amuse them all the while,
“ Twikky wikky wikky wee,
Wikky bikky twikky tee,
Spikky bikky bee!”

II.

Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said,
“Spikky, darling! in my head
Many thoughts of trouble come,
Like to flies upon a plum.



MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

All last night, among the trees,
I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;
And thought I, ‘It’s come to that
Because he does not wear a hat!’
Chippy wippy sikky tee,
Bikky wikky tikky mee,
Spikky chippy wee !

Iii.

“ Not that you are growing old;
But the nights are growing cold.
No one stays out all night long
Without a hat: Pm sure it’s wrong!”
Mr. Spikky said, “ How kind,
Dear, you are, to speak your mind!
All your life I wish you luck!

You are, you are, a lovely duck!
Witchy witchy witchy wee,
Twitchy witchy witchy bee,

Tikky tikky tee!

Iv.

“T was also sad, and thinking,
When one day I saw you winking,
And: I heard you sniffle-snuffle,
And I saw your feathers ruffle:



MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

To myself I sadly said,
‘She’s neuralgia in her head!
That dear head has nothing on it!
Ought she not to wear a bonnet?’
Witchy kitchy kitchy wee,
Spikky wikky mikky bee,
Chippy wippy chee!

Vv.

“Let us both fly up to town:

There I'll buy you such a gown!

Which, completely in the fashion,

You shall tie a sky-blue sash on ;

And a pair of slippers neat

To fit your darling little feet,

So that you will look and feel

Quite galloobious and genteel.
Jikky wikky bikky see,
Chicky bikky wikky bee,

Twicky witchy wee!”

VI.

So they both to London went,
Alighting on the Monument;
Whence they flew down swiftly — pop!

Into Moses’ wholesale shop:
3



MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

There they bought a hat and bonnet,
And a gown with spots upon it,
A satin sash of Cloxam.blue,
And a pair of slippers too.
Zikky wikky mikky bee,
Witchy witchy mitchy kee,
Sikky tikky wee!

VII.

Then, when so completely dressed,
Back they flew, and reached their nest.
Their children cried, “O ma and pa!
How truly beautiful you are!”

Said they, ‘“ We trust that cold or pain

We shall never feel again ;

While, perched on tree or house or steeple,

We now shall look like other people.

Witchy witchy witchy wee,
Twikky mikky bikky bee,
Zikky sikky tee!”







THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER,
AND THE TONGS.



I.

an Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,
(Oy | They all took a drive in the Park;
° And they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong !
Before they went back in the dark.
Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach ;
Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash ;
Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch);
“Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash).
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong !

And they all sang a song.

Il.

“© Shovely so lovely!” the Poker he sang,
“You have perfectly conquered my heart.



THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER,

Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! If you’re pleased with my song,
I will feed you with cold apple-tart.
When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,
You enrapture my life with delight,
Your nose is so shiny, your head is so round,
And your shape is so slender and bright!
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
Ain’t you pleased with my song?”

II.

“ Alas! Mrs. Broom,” sighed the Tongs in his song,
“ Oh! is it because I’m so thin,
And my legs are so long, — ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong ! —
That you don’t care about me a pin?
Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room,
Ah! why don’t you heed my complaint?
Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,
Because you are covered with paint?
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
You are certainly wrong.”

IV.

Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang,
“What nonsense you're singing to-day!”

Said the Shovel, “I'll certainly hit you a bang!”
Said the Broom, “ And I'll sweep you away!”



AND THE TONGS.

So the coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,
Perceiving their anger with pain;
But they put on the kettle, and little by little
They all became happy again.
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!

There’s an end of my song,







THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.



IT

: 8 AID the Table to the Chair,
Ps “You can hardly be aware



“How I suffer from the heat
And from chilblains on my feet.

If we took a little walk,

We might have a little talk ;

Pray let us take the air,”

Said the Table to the Chair.

II.
Said the Chair unto the Table,
“ Now, you £zow we are not able:
How foolishly you talk,
When you know we cannot walk!”
' Said the Table with a sigh,
“Tt can do no harm to try.
I’ve as many legs as you:
Why can’t we walk on two?”



THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

III,

So they both went slowly down,
And walked about the town
With a cheerful bumpy sound
As they toddled round and round; ’
And everybody cried,

As they hastened to their side,
“See! the Table and the Chair

”
!

Have come out to take the air

IV.

But in going down an alley,
To a castle in a valley,

They completely lost their way,
And wandered all the day;
Till, to see them safely back,

They paid a Ducky-quack,
And a Beetle, and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.





THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

Vv.

Then they whispered to each other,
“O delightful little brother,

What a lovely walk we’ve taken !
Let us dine on beans and bacon.”
So the Ducky and the leetle
Browny-Mousy and the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads
Till they toddled to their beds.





NONSENSE STORIES.



THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN
WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD.






NCE upon a time, a long while ago, there were four
Y; little people whose names were



VIOLET, — SLINGSBY, GUY, and LIONEL;

and they all thought they should like to see the world.
So they bought a large boat to sail quite round the world by
sea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land.
The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was
yellow with red stripes: and, when they set off, they only took
a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

Quangle-Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make the
tea; for which purposes they took a large kettle.



For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found
plenty to eat, as there were lots of fish; and they had only to
take them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the Quangle-
Wangle instantly cooked them; and the Pussy-Cat was fed
with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased, on the
whole: so that all the party were very happy.





THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

During the day-time, Violet chiefly occupied herself in
putting salt water into a churn; while her three brothers
churned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter,
which it seldom if ever did; and in the evening they all retired
into the tea-kettle, where they all managed to sleep very com-
fortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed the
boat.







After a time, they saw some land at a distance; and, when
they came to it, they found it was an island made of water
quite surrounded by earth. Besides that, it was bordered by
evanescent isthmuses, with a great gulfstream running about
all over it; so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only
a single tree, 503 feet high.

When they had landed, they walked about, but found, to
their great surprise, that the island was quite full of véal-cutlets
and chocolate-drops, and nothing else. So they ail climbed up
the single high tree to discover, if possible, if there were



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

any people; but having remained
on the top of the tree for a week,
and not seeing anybody, they nat-
urally concluded that there were
no inhabitants: and accordingly,
when they came down, they loaded



the boat with two thousand veal-
cutlets and a million of chocolate-drops;
and these afforded them sustenance for
more than a month, during which time
they pursued their voyage with the utmost
delight and apathy.

After this they came to a shore where
there were no less than sixty-five great
red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail
all of a row, and all fast asleep. And I
am sorry to say that the Pussy-Cat and the
Quangle-Wangle crept softly, and bit off
the tail-feathers of all the sixty-five par-
rots; for which Violet reproved them both
severely. ,

Notwithstanding which, she proceeded
to insert all the feathers — two hundred and
sixty in number—in her bonnet; thereby
causing it to have a lovely and glittering
appearance, highly prepossessing and effi-
cacious.



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.



The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow
part of the sea, which was so entirely full of fishes, that the boat



could go on no farther: so they remained there about six
weeks, till they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were
soles, and all ready-cooked, and covered with shrimp-sauce, so
that there was no trouble whatever. And as the few fishes who
remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of the
extreme noise made by the arctic bears and the tropical
turnspits, which frequented the neighborhood in great num-
bers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock for



several of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opium-
drops to them; through which kindness they became quite’
warm, and slept soundly.

Then they came to a country which was wholly covered
with immense orange-trees of a vast size, and quite full of
fruit. So they all landed, taking with them the tea-kettle,
intending to gather some of the oranges, and place them in it.
But, while they were busy about this, a most dreadfully high
wind rose, and blew out most of the parrot-tail feathers from
Violet's bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared with
the calamity of the oranges falling down on their heads by



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumped
and thumped them all so seriously, that they were obliged to
run as hard as they could for their lives; besides that the sound
of the oranges rattling on the tea-kettle was of the most

fearful and amazing nature.



Nevertheless, they got safely to the boat, although con-
siderably vexed and hurt; and the Quangle-Wangle’s right





THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

foot was so knocked about, that he had to sit with his head in
his slipper for at least a week.

This event made them all for a time rather melancholy:
and perhaps they might never have become less so, had not
Lionel, with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance,
continued to stand on one leg, and whistle to them in a loud



and lively manner; which diverted the whole party so extremely,
that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed, that,
whenever they should reach home, they would subscribe
- towards a testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of gingerbread
and raspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and
grateful infection.

After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came
to another country, where they were much pleased and _ sur-



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

prised to see a countless multitude of white Mice with red
eyes, all sitting in a great circle, slowly eating custard-pudding
with the most satisfactory and polite demeanor.

And as the four travellers were rather hungry, being tired
of eating nothing but soles and oranges for so long a period,
they held a council as to the propriety of asking the Mice for
some of their pudding in a humble and affecting manner, by
which they could hardly be otherwise than gratified. It was
agreed, therefore, that Guy should go and ask the Mice, which
he immediately did; and the result was, that they gave a wal-
nut-shell only half full of custard diluted with water. Now, :
this displeased Guy, who said, “ Out of such a lot of pudding
as you have got, I must say, you might have spared a somewhat
larger quantity.” But no sooner had he finished speaking
than the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in



an appalling and vindictive manner (and it is impossible to

imagine a more scroobious and unpleasant sound than that
caused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angry
Mice); so that Guy rushed back to the boat, having first shied
his cap into the middle of the custard-pudding, by which means
he completely spoiled the Mice’s dinner. .



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

By and by the four children came to a country where there
were no houses, but only an incredibly innumerable number
of large bottles without corks, and of a dazzling and sweetly
susceptible blue color. Each of these blue bottles contained a
Blue-Bottle-Fly ; and all these interesting animals live con-
tinually together in the most copious and rural harmony: nor
perhaps in many parts of the world is such perfect and abject
happiness to be found. Violet and Slingsby and Guy and
Lionel were greatly struck with this singular and instructive
settlement; and, having previously asked permission of the
Blue-Bottle-Flies (which was most courteously granted), the
boat was drawn up to the shore, and they proceeded to make



tea in front of the bottles: but, as’ they had no tea-leaves, they
merely placed some pebbles in the hot water; and: the Quangle-
Wangle played some tunes over it on an accordion, by which,
of course, tea was made directly, and of the very best quality.
The four children then entered into conversation with the
Blue-Bottle-Flies, who discoursed in a placid and genteel man-



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

ner, though with a slightly buzzing accent, chiefly owing to the
fact that they each held a small clothes-brush between their
teeth, which naturally occasioned a fizzy, extraneous utterance.

“Why,” said Violet, “would you kindly inform us, do you
reside in bottles? and, if in bottles at all, why not, rather, in
green or purple, or, indeed, in yellow bottles ?”

To which questions a very aged Blue-Bottle-Fly answered,
“We found the bottles here all ready to live in; that is to say,
our great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers did: so we occu-
pied them at once. And, when the winter comes on, we turn
the bottles upside down, and consequently rarely feel the cold
at all; and you know very well that this could not be the case
with bottles of any other color than blue.”

“ Of course it could not,” said Slingsby. “ But, if we may
take the liberty of inquiring, on what do you chiefly subsist?”

“ Mainly on oyster-patties,” said the Blue-Bottle-Fly; “and,
when these are scarce, on raspberry vinegar and Russian
leather boiled down to a jelly.”

“ How delicious!” said Guy.

To which Lionel added, “ Huzz!” And all the Blue-
Bottle-Flies said, “ Buzz!”

At this time, an elderly Fly said it was the hour for the
evening-song to be sung; and, on a signal being given, all the
- Blue-Bottle-Flies began to buzz at once in a sumptuous and
sonorous manner, the melodious and mucilaginous sounds
echoing all over the waters, and resounding ccross the tumult-
uous tops of the transitory titmice upon the intervening and



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

verdant mountains with a serene and sickly suavity only known
to the truly virtuous. The Moon was shining slobaciously from
the star-bespangled sky, while her light irrigated the smooth
and shiny sides and wings and backs of the Blue-Bottle-Flies
with a peculiar and trivial splendor; while all Nature cheerfully
responded to the cerulean and conspicuous.circumstances.

In many long-after years, the four little travellers looked
back to that evening as one of the happiest in all their lives;
and it was already past midnight when —the sail of the boat
having been set up by the Quangle-Wangle, the tea-kettle and
churn placed in their respective positions, and the Pussy-Cat
stationed at the helm—the children each took a last and
affectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked down
in a body to the water’s edge to see the travellers embark.

As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a
courtesy quite down to the ground, and stuck one of her few



remaining parrot-tail feathers into the Back hair of the most
pleasing of the Blue-Bottle-Flies; while Slingsby, Guy, and



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

Lionel off2red them three small boxes, containing, respectively,
black pins, dried figs, and Epsom salts; and thus they left
that happy shore forever.

Overcome by their feelings, the four little travellers
instantly jumped into the tea-kettle, and fell fast asleep. But
all along the shore, for many hours, there was distinctly heard a
sound of severely-suppressed sobs, and of a vague multitude of
living creatures using their pocket-handkerchiefs in a subdued
simultaneous snuffle, lingering sadly along the walloping
waves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from the
Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.

Nothing particular occurred for some days after these
events, except that, as the travellers were passing a low tract
of sand, they perceived an unusual and gratifying spectacle;
namely, a large number of Crabs and Crawfish — perhaps six
or seven hundred—sitting by the water-side, and endeavoring
to disentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which they
moistened at intervals with a fluid composed of lavender-
water and white-wine negus.

“Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies?”
said the four children.

“Thank you kindly,” said the Crabs consecutively. “We
are trying to make some worsted mittens, but do not know
how.” .

On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the
art of mitten-making, said to the Crabs, “Do your claws

unscrew? or are they fixtures?”



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

“They are all made to unscrew,” said the Crabs; and
forthwith they deposited a great pile of claws close to the
boat, with which Violet uncombed all the pale pink worsted,
and then made the loveliest mittens with it you can imagine.
These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on their claws,
placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly
on their hind-legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and ina
minor key.

After this, the four little people sailed on again till they
came to a vast and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, on
which nothing whatever could be discovered at first; but, as the
travellers walked onward, there appeared in the extreme and
dim distance a single object, which on a nearer approach, and
on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody
in a large white wig, sitting on an arm-chair made of sponge-
cakes and oyster-shells. “It does not quite look like a human
being,” said Violet doubtfully; nor could they make out what
it really was, till the Quangle -Wangle (wlio had previously been -
round the world) exclaimed softly in a loud voice, “ It is the
co-operative Cauliflower!”



: Oy), ‘\
— (
2

Ce KS





THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

And so, in truth, it was: and they soon found that what they
had taken for an immense wig was in reality the top of the
Cauliflower; and that he had no feet at all, being able to walk
tolerably well with a fluctuating and graceful movement on a
single cabbage-stalk, — an accomplishment which naturally
saved him the expense of stockings and shoes,

Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing
at him with mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose,
and, in a somewhat plumdomphious manner, hurried off towards
the setting sun,—his steps supported by two superincumbent








SSS SS we

oz



confidential Cucumbers, and a large number of Waterwagtails
proceeding in advance of him by three and three in a row, —
till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a
crystal cloud of sudorific sand.

So remarkable a sight, of course, impressed the four
children very deeply; and they returned immediately to their
boat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a great.
appetite. . .

Shortly after this, the travellers were obliged to sail direct-
ly below some -high overhanging rocks, from the top of one’



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

of which a particularly odious little boy, dressed in rose.
colored knickerbockers, and with a pewter plate upon his head,

threw an enormous pumpkin at the boat, by which it was
instantly upset. .



But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the
party knew how to swim very well: and, in fact, they preferred
swimming about till after the moon rose; when, the water
growing chilly, they sponge-taneously entered the boat.
Meanwhile the Quangle-Wangle threw back the -pumpkin
with immense force, so that it hit the rocks where the malicious
little boy in rose-colored knickerbockers was sitting; when,
being quite full of lucifer-matches, the pumpkin exploded
surreptitiously into a thousand bits; whereon the rocks instantly
took fire, and the odious little boy became unpleasantly hotter
and hotter and hotter, till his knickerbockers were turned quite
green, and his nose was burnt off.



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

Two or three days after this had happened, they came to
another place, where they found nothing at all except some
wide and deep pits full of mulberry-jam. This is the property
of the tiny, yellow-nosed Apes who abound in these districts,
and who store up the mulberry-jam for their food in winter,
when they mix it with pellucid pale periwinkle-soup, and serve
it out in wedgewood china-bowls, which grow freely all over
that part of the country. Only one of the yellow-nosed Apes
was on the spot, and he was fast asleep; yet the four travellers
and the Quangle-Wangle and Pussy were so terrified by the
violence and sanguinary sound of his snoring, that they merely
took a small cupful of the jam, and returned to re-embark in
their boat without delay. ,

What was their horror on seeing the boat (including the
churn and the tea-kettle) in the mouth of an enormous Seeze
Pyder, an aquatic and ferocious creature truly dreadful to be.
hold, and, happily, only met with in those excessive longitudes!
In a moment, the beautiful boat was bitten into fifty-five



‘thousand million hundred billion bits; and it instantly became



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

quite clear that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could: no
longer preliminate their voyage by sea.

The four travellers were therefore obliged to resolve on
pursuing their wanderings by land: and, very fortunately, there
happened to pass by at that moment an elderly Rhinoceros, on
which they seized; and, all four mounting on his back, — the

3 Die



Quangle-Wangle sitting on his horn, and holding on by his
ears, and the Pussy-Cat swinging at the end of his tail, —they
set off, having only four small beans and three pounds of
mashed potatoes to last through their whole journey..

They were, however, able to catch numbers of the chickens
and turkeys and other birds who incessantly alighted on the
head of the Rhinoceros for the purpose of gathering the seeds
of the rhododendron-plants which grew there; and these crea-
tures they cooked in the most translucent and _ satisfactory
manner by means of a fire lighted on the end of the Rhinoceros’s



THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

back. A crowd of Kangaroos and gigantic Cranes accom-
panied them, from feelings of curiosity and complacency; so
that they were never at a loss for company, and went onward,
as it were, in a sort of profuse and triumphant procession.

Thus, in less than eighteen weeks, they all arrived safely
at home, where they were received by their admiring relatives
with joy tempered with contempt, and where they finally
resolved to carry out the rest of their travelling-plans at some
more favorable opportunity.

As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adher-
ence, they had him killed and stuffed directly, and then set him
up outside the door of their father’s house as a diaphanous

doorscraper.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF
THE LAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE.

CHAPTER I

INTRODUCTORY,

te former days, — that is to say, once upon a time, — there
re ! lived in the Land of Gramblamble seven families.
They lived by the side of the great Lake Pipple-Popple
(one of the seven families, indeed, lived zz the lake), and
on the outskirts of the city of Tosh, which, excepting when
it was quite dark, they could see plainly. The names of all
these places you have probably heard of; and you have only
not to look in your geography-books to find out all about
them.
Now, the seven families who: lived on the borders of
the great Lake Pipple-Popple were as follows in the next
chapter.



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER II.

THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

young Parrots.

SAO

in NHHERE was a family of two old Parrots and seven
aby

S

wero



There was a family of two old Storks and seven young
Storks.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

There was a family of two old Geese and seven young
Geese. ;



There was a family of two old Owls and seven young
Owls.



There was a family of two old Guinea Pigs and seven
young Guinea Pigs.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

There was a family of two old Cats and seven young
Cats.



And there was a family of two old Fishes and seven
young Fishes.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER III.

THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

EPID

NeHE Parrots lived upon the Soffsky-Poffsky trees,

. which were beautiful to behold, and covered with





blue leaves; and they fed upon fruit, artichokes, and
striped beetles.

The Storks walked in and out of the Lake Pipple-Popple,
and ate frogs for breakfast, and buttered toast for tea; but, on
account of the extreme length of their legs, they could not sit
down, and so they walked about continually.

The Geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities of
flies, which they ate for dinner.

The Owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caught,
and made into sago-puddings.

The Guinea Pigs toddled about the gardens, and ate
lettuces and Cheshire cheese.

The Cats sate still in the sunshine, and fed upon sponge
biscuits.

The Fishes lived in the lake, and fed chiefly on boiled
periwinkles. . :

And all these seven families lived together in the utmost
fun and felicity.



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER IV.

THE CHILDREN OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY.

Voy.

(©) of the seven families agreed that they would send

their children out to see the world.



NE day, all the seven fathers and the seven mothers

So they called them all together, and gave them each

eight shillings and some good advice, some chocolate-drops,

and a small green morocco pocket-book to set down their

expenses in.

They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel;

and all the parents sent off their children with a parting in-

junction.

“Tf,” said the old Parrots, “you find a cherry, do not fight

about who should have it.”

| “ And,” said the old Storks, “if you find a frog, divide it
| carefully into seven bits, but on no account quarrel about it.”

And the old Geese said to the seven young Geese,

“Whatever you do, be sure you do not touch a plum-pudding

flea.”

And the old Owls said, “If you find a mouse, tear him
up into seven slices, and eat him cheerfully, but without

quarrelling.”

eee



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

And the old Guinea Pigs said, “Have a care that
you eat your lettuces, should you find any, not greedily, but
calmly.”

And the old Cats said, “Be particularly careful not to
meddle with a clangle-wangle if you should see one.”

And the old Fishes said, “ Above all things, avoid eating a
blue boss-woss; for they do not agree with fishes, and give
them a pain in their toes.”

So all the children of each family thanked their parents;
and, making in all forty-nine polite bows, they went into the
wide world.



CHAPTER V.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS.




GNARL
Fa NeHE seven young Parrots had not gone far, when they



3) saw a tree with a single cherry on it, which the oldest
* Parrot picked instantly; but the other six, being ex-
tremely hungry, tried to get it also. On which all the seven
began to fight; and they scuffled,
and huffled,
and ruffled,
and shuffled,
_and puffled,
and muffled,



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

and buffled,
and duffled,
and fluffled,
and guffled,
and bruffled, and

screamed, and shrieked, and squealed, and squeaked, and
clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, and
dumped, and flumped each other, till they were all torn into
little bits; and at last there was nothing left to record this
painful incident except the cherry and seven small green
feathers.

And that was the vicious and voluble end of the seven
young Parrots.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER VI.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS.



WEP HEN the seven young Storks set out, they walked

@NAYSE or flew for fourteen weeks in a straight line, and for

six weeks more in a crooked one; and after that

they ran as hard as they could for one hundred and eight

miles; and after that they stood still, and made a himmeltanious

chatter-clatter-blattery noise with their bills.

About the same time they perceived a large frog, spotted
with green, and with a sky-blue stripe under each ear.

So, being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and were
going to divide him into ‘seven pieces, when they began to
quarrel as to which of his legs should be taken off first. One
said this, and another said that; and, while they were all quar-
relling, the frog hopped away. And, when they saw that he
was gone, they began to chatter-clatter,

blatter-platter,
patter-blatter,
matter-clatter,
_ flatter-quatter, more violently
than ever; and, after they had fought for a week, they pecked



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

each other all to little pieces, so that at last nothing was left of
any of them except their bills.
And that was the end of the seven young Storks.





CHAPTER VIL.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE,

WWE HEN the seven young Geese began to travel, they
went over a large plain, on which there was but one
tree, and that was a very bad one.

So four of them went up to the top of it, and looked about
them; while the other three waddled up and down, and repeated
poetry, and their last six lessons in arithmetic, geography, and
cookery. - .



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of the
most interesting and obese appearance, having a perfectly
round body exactly resembling a boiled plum-pudding, with
two little wings, and a beak, and three feathers growing out of
his head, and only one leg. .

So, after a time, all the seven young Geese said to each
other, “ Beyond all doubt, this beast must be a Plum-pudding
Flea!”

On which they incautiously began to sing aloud,

“ Plum-pudding Flea,

Plum-pudding Flea,

Wherever you be,

Oh! come to our tree,

And listen, oh! listen, oh! listen to me.”

And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-pudding
Flea began to hop and skip on his one leg with the most
dreadful velocity, and came straight to the tree, where he
stopped, and looked about him in a vacant and voluminous
manner.

On which the seven young Geese were greatly alarmed,
and all of a tremble-bemble: so one of them put out his long
neck, and just touched him with the tip of his bill; but no
sooner had he done this than the Plum-pudding Flea skipped
and hopped about more and more, and higher and higher; after
which he opened his mouth, and, to the great surprise and
indignation of the seven Geese, began to bark so loudly and
furiously and terribly, that they were totally unable to bear the



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

noise; and, by degrees, every one of them suddenly tumbled
down quite dead.
- So that was the end of the seven young Geese.





CHAPTER VIII.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS.

HEN the seven young Owls set out, they sate every
now and then on the branches of old trees, and never



went far at one time.

And one night, when it was quite dark, they thought they
heard a mouse; but, as the gas-lamps were not lighted, they
could not see him.

So they called out, “Is that a mouse?”

On which a mouse answered, “ Squeaky-peeky-weeky! yes,
it is!”

And immediately all the young Owls threw themselves



THE HISTORY OF THE.SEVEN FAMILIES.

off the tree, meaning to alight on the ground; but they did not
perceive that there was a large well below them, into which
they all fell superficially, and were every one of them drowned
in less than half a minute.

So that was the end of the seven young Owls.





CHAPTER IX,

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS.

\ of gooseberry-bushes and tiggory-trees, under one
of which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they
saw a large lettuce, which had grown out of the ground while
they had been sleeping, and which had an immense number of
green leaves. At which they all exclaimed, —





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

“Lettuce! O lettuce!
Let us, O let us,
O lettuce-leaves,
O let us leave this tree, and eat
Lettuce, O let us, lettuce-leaves |.”

And instantly the seven young Guinea Pigs rushed with
such extreme force against the lettuce-plant, and hit their heads
so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion brought on
directly an incipient transitional inflammation of their noses,
which grew worse and worse and worse and worse, till it in-
cidentally killed them all seven. .

And that was the end of the seven young Guinea Pigs.



CHAPTER X,

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more properly written,
Clangel-Wangel); and, in spite of the warning they had had,
they ran straight up to it.

(Now, the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delu-
sive beast, and by no means commonly to be met with. They
live in the water as well as on land, using their long tail asa sail
when in the formerelement. Their speed is extreme; but their
habits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their general
demeanor pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings, they
may sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-popple;
standing on their heads, and humming their national melodies.
They subsist entirely on vegetables, excepting when they eat
veal or mutton or pork or beef or fish or saltpetre.)

The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the seven young
Cats approach, he ran away; and as he ran straight on for four
months, and the Cats, though they continued to run, could
never overtake him, they all gradually died of fatigue and ex-
haustion, and never afterwards recovered.

And this was the end of the seven young Cats.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER XI.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.

SASL
2 SHE seven young Fishes swam across the Lake Pipple-





popple, and into the river, and into the ocean; where,
most unhappily for them, they saw, on the fifteenth
day of their travels, a bright-blue Boss-Woss, and instantly
swam after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a
perpendicular,
spicular,
orbicular,
quadrangular,
circular depth of soft mud;

where, in fact, his house was.

And the seven young Fishes, swimming with great and
uncomfortable velocity, plunged also into the mud quite against
their will, and, not being accustomed to it, were all suffocated
in a very short period. __

‘And that was the end of the seven young Fishes.





THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER XII.
OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY.

MALS FTER it was known that the
cS seven young Parrots,
a and the seven young Storks,
and the seven young Geese,
and the seven young Owls,
and the seven young Guinea Pigs,
and the seven young Cats,
and the seven young Fishes,
were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, and

the Mouse, and the Clangle-Wangle, and the Blue Boss-Woss,



all met together to rejoice over their good fortune. And they



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

collected the seven feathers of the seven young Parrots, and
the seven bills of the seven young Storks, and the lettuce,
and the cherry; and having placed the latter on the lettuce,
and the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base,
they danced a hornpipe round all these memorials until they
were quite tired; after which they gave a tea-party, and a
garden-party, and a ball, and a concert, and then returned to
their respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy, satis-
faction, and disgust.



CHAPTER XIII.

OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.



ES ;UT when the two old Parrots,
and the two old Storks,
and the two old Geese,
and the two old Owls,
and the two old Guinea Pigs,
and the two old Cats,

- and the two old Fishes,
became aware, by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous
- extinction of the whole of their families, they refused all further
sustenance; and, sending out to various shops, they pur-
chased great quantities of Cayenne pepper and brandy and
vinegar and blue sealing-wax, besides seven immense glass



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

bottles with air-tight stoppers.- And, having done this, they ate
a light supper of brown-bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and
took an affecting and formal leave of the whole of their
acquaintance, which was very numerous and distinguished and
select and responsible and ridiculous.



CHAPTER XIV.
CONCLUSION.

\ ) ND, after this, they filled the bottles with the ingre-
> dients for pickling, and each couple jumped into a
“ separate bottle; by which effort, of course, they all died



immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes ;
having previously made their wills (by the assistance of the
most eminent lawyers of the district), in which they left strict —
orders that the stoppers of the seven bottles should be care- |
fully sealed up with the blue sealing-wax they had purchased ;
and that they themselves, in the bottles, should be presented to
the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be labelled with
parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to
be placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily
inspection and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit, of
the pusillanimous public.

And if ever you happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and
visit that museum in the city of Tosh, look for them on the



THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

ninety-eighth table in the four hundred and twenty-seventh
room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing of the central
quadrangle of that magnificent building; for, if you do not,
you certainly will not see them.





NONSENSE COOKERY.



Extract from “ The Nonsense Gazette” for August, 1870.

“ 3s / ~ UR readers will be interested in the following com-

mC) munications from our valued and learned contrib-
wey utor, Prof. Bosh, whose labors in the fields of
culinary and botanical science are so well known to all the

world, The first three articles richly merit to be added to the
domestic cookery of every family: those which follow claim






the attention of all botanists; and we are happy to be able,
through Dr. Bosh’s kindness, to present our readers with illus-
trations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are found in
the Valley of Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on
the summit of the Hill Orfeltugg.”

THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.

TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE,

iE MAKE 4 pounds (say 44 pounds) of fresh Amblon-
gusses, and put them in a small pipkin.
Cover them with water, and boil them for 8 hours
incessantly; after which add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed
to boil for 4 hours more.



NONSENSE COOKERY.

When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are
quite soft, take them out, and place them in a wide pan, taking
care to shake them well previously.

Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them care-
fully with powdered gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient
quantity of Cayenne pepper.

Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the
floor. Bring it back again, and let it simmer for three-quarters
of an hour. Shake the pan violently till all the Amblongusses
have become of a pale purple color.

Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully ;
adding at the same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4
cauliflowers, and any number of oysters.

Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a
pinch of salt from time to time.

Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of win-

dow as fast as possible.

TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.

ROCURE some strips of beef, and, having cut them
into the smallest possible slices, proceed to cut them



still smaller, — eight, or perhaps nine times.

When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a
new clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with _
a salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.



NONSENSE COOKERY.

Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny
place,—say the roof of the house, if free from sparrows or
other birds, — and leave it there for about a week.

At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil of
almonds, and a few herring-bones; and then cover the whole
with 4 gallons of clarified Crumbobblious sauce, when it will be
ready for use.

Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in a
clean tablecloth or dinner-napkin.

TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.

YsAKE a pig three or four years of age, and tie him by



the off hind-leg to a post. Place 5 pounds of currants,
3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast chestnuts, a can-
dle, and 6 bushels of turnips, within his reach: if he eats these,
constantly provide him with more. .

Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese,
4 quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins.
Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on a
sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.

When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to
beat the pig violently with the handle of a large broom. If he
squeals, beat him again.

Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days,



NONSENSE COOKERY.

and ascertain if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to
turn into Gosky Patties. —

If it does not then, it never will; and, in that case, the pig
may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as
finished.



NONSENSE BOTANY.









Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.





Cockatooca Superba.





Fishia Marina.





Guittara Pensilis.





Manypeeplia Upsidownia.





Phattfacia Stupenda.
7









Plumbunnia Nutritiosa.





Pollybirdia Singularis.



NONSENSE ALPHABETS.



A was an ant

Who seldom stood still,
And who made a nice house
In the side of a hill,

a

Nice little ant!



B was a book

With a binding of blue,

And pictures and stories

For me and for you.

b

Nice little book !





C was a cat

Who ran after a rat;
But his courage did fail

When she seized on his tail.

Cc

Crafty old cat!







D was a duck

With spots on his back,
Who lived in the water,

And always said “Quack!”

d

Dear little duck!



E was an elephant,

Stately and wise:
He had tusks and a trunk,

And two queer little eyes.

eC

Oh, what funny small eyes!





ig was a fish

Who was caught in a net; ~

But he got out again,

And is quite alive yet.

f

Lively young fish!



ern



G was a goat

Who was spotted with brown:

When he did not lie still
He walked up and down.

Co
oO

Good little goat!



H was a hat

Which was all on one side;

Its crown was too high,

And its brim was too wide.

h

Oh, what a hat!





I was some ice
So white and so nice,
But which nobody tasted ;

And so it was wasted.

1

All that good ice!



J was a jackdaw
Who hopped up and down

In the principal street
Of a neighboring town.

9

J

All through the town !





K was a kite

Which flew out of sight,

Above houses so high,




Quite into the sky.

k

Fly away, kite!






L was a light

Which burned all the night,
And lighted the gloom
Of a very dark room.

I

Useful nice light!



Full Text
:
|

ST CT TO ne ene





NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY,
AND ALPHABETS.



BY

EDWARD LEAR.





WITH ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY ILLUSTRATIONS.



BOSTON: |
JAMES R. OSGOOD AND COMPANY,

(Late Ticxnor & Fierps, anp Fieips, Oscoop, & Co.)

1871,














Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1871,
By JAMES R. OSGOOD & CO.,

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.

Boston:
Stereotyped and Printed by Rand, Avery, & Frye.
CONTENTS.



NONSENSE SONGS.
THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.
THE JUMBLIES.
THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.
CALICO PIE. °
MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.
THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS,
THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

NONSENSE STORIES.

THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT
ROUND THE WORLD.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THE LAKE PIPPLE-
POPPLE.

NONSENSE COOKERY.
NONSENSE BOTANY.
NONSENSE ALPHABETS, No. 1.
No. 2.
” . No. 3.
NONSENSE SONGS,


THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.



I.

WAT LED
i NeHE Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea

In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
“O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!”


THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

IL.

Pussy said to the Owl, “ You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing!
Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?”
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows;
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,

With a ring at the end of his nose.



iil.

“Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?” Said the Piggy, “I will.”

So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

They dinéd on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon ;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the hght of the moon,

The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.






THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.




> AID the Duck to the Kangaroo,
S45

As if you never would stop!

“ Good gracious! how you hop
Over the fields, and the water too,

My life is a bore in this nasty pond;

And I long to go out in the world beyond:
I wish I could hop like you,”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

Il.

“ Please give me a ride on your back,”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo;
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

“T would sit quite still, and say nothing but ‘Quack’
The whole of the long day through;

And we'd go to the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,

Over the land, and over the sea:

Please take me a ride! oh, do!”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.



II.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
“ This requires some little reflection.
Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck:
And there seems but one objection ;
Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo-
Matiz,” said the Kangaroo.
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

Iv.

Said the Duck, “ As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely ;
And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
Which fit my web-feet neatly ;
And, to keep out the cold, I’ve bought a cloak ;
And every day a cigar I'll smoke;
All to follow my own dear true

Love of a Kangaroo.”

Vv.

Said the Kangaroo, “ I’m ready,
All in the moonlight pale ;
But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,

And quite at the end of my tail.”


Page 8
Missing
From

Original
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

And played an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.

Il.
Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
To Mr. Floppy Fly,
“Why do you never come to court?
I wish you’d tell me why.
All gold and shine, in dress so fine,
You'd quite delight the court.
Why do you never go at all?
I really think you oughd.
And, if you went, you'd see such sights!
Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!
And, more than all, the king and queen, —

One in red, and one in green.”

Wl.

“OQ Mr. Daddy Long-legs!”
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,

“Tt’s true I never go to court;
And I will tell you why.

If I had six long legs like yours,
At once I'd go to court;

But, oh! I can’t, because my legs
Are so extremely short.

And I'm afraid the king and queen

(One in red, and one in green)

2
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

Would say aloud, ‘You are not fit,
You Fly, to come to court a bit!’

Iv.

“O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!”
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
“T wish you'd sing one little song,
One mumbian melody.
You used to sing so awful well
In former days gone by ;
But now you never sing at all:
I wish you'd tell me why:
For, if you would, the silvery sound
Would please the shrimps and cockles round,
And all the crabs would gladly come
To hear you sing, ‘Ah, Hum di Hum!’”

Vv.

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
“T can never sing again ;
And, if you wish, [ll tell you why,
Although it gives me pain.
For years I cannot hum a bit,
Or sing the smallest song ;
And this the dreadful reason is, —
My legs are grown too long!
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

My six long legs, all here and there,
Oppress my bosom with despair;

And, if I stand or lie or sit,
I cannot sing one single bit

{>

VI.

So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly
Sat down in silence by the sea,
And gazed upon the sky.
They said, “ This is a dreadful thing!
The world has all gone wrong,
Since one has legs too short by half,
The other much too long.
One never more can go to court,
Because his legs have grown too short;
The other cannot sing a song,
Because his legs have grown too long!”

VI.

Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly

Rushed downward to the foamy sea
With one sponge-taneous cry:

And there they found a little boat,
Whose sails were pink and gray;
And off they sailed among the waves,

Far and far away:
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

They sailed across the silent main,

And reached the great Gromboolian Plain ;
And there they play forevermore

At battlecock and shuttledore.




THE JUMBLIES.



I,

“Kt NeHEY went to sea in a sieve, they did;
ae In a sieve they went to sea:

“ In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter’s morn, on a stormy day,

In a sieve they went to sea.
And when the sieve turned round and round,
And every one cried, “You'll all be drowned !”
They called aloud, “ Our sieve ain’t big:
But we don’t care a button; we don’t care a fig: |

In a sieve we'll go to sea!”

Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
THE FUMBLIES.

Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve,

II.

They sailed away in a sieve, they did,
' In a sieve they sailed so fast,
With only a beautiful pea-green veil
Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail,
To a small tobacco-pipe mast.
And every one said who saw them go,
“Oh! won’t they be soon upset, you know:
For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long;
And, happen what may, it’s extremely wrong
In a sieve to sail so fast.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve. _

Iii.

The water it soon came in, it did;

The water it soon came in:
So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet
In a pinky paper all folded neat;

And they fastened it down with a pin.
And they passed the night in a crockery-jar ;
And each of them said, “ How wise we are!
THE FUMBLIES.

Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,
Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,
While round in our sieve we spin.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

IV.

And all night long they sailed away ;
And, when the sun went down,
They whistled and warbled a moony song
To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
In the shade of the mountains brown.
“O Timballoo! How happy we are
When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar!
And all night long, in the moonlight pale,
We sail away with a pea-green sail
In the shade of the mountains brown.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

Vv.

They sailed to the Western Sea, they did, —
To a land all covered with trees: .
THE FUMBLIES.

And they bought an owl, and a useful cart,
And a pound of rice, and a cranberry-tart,
And a hive of silvery bees;
And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
And a lovely monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree,
And no end of Stilton cheese.
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
‘Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

VI.

And in twenty years they all came back, —
In twenty years or more;
And every one said, “ How tall they've grown !
For they’ve been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
And the hills of the Chankly Bore.”
And they drank their health, and gave them a feast
Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast;
And every one said, “If we only live,
We, too, will go to sea in a sieve,
To the hills of the Chankly Bore.”
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve,


THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS



I.

= peHE Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table;





The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side;
And the Nutcrackers said, “Don’t you wish we were able
Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride?
Must we drag on this stupid existence forever,
So idle and weary, so full of remorse,
While every one else takes his pleasure, and never
Seems happy unless he is riding a horse?

Il.

“Don’t you think we could ride without being instructed?
Without any saddle or bridle or spur?

Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed,
Ym sure that an accident could not occur.
THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table,
And hustle down stairs, and each jump on a horse!
Shall we try? Shall we go? Do you think we are able?”
The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, “Of course!” |

II.

So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute;
The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said “ Crack!”
The stable was open; the horses were in it:
Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back.
The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway ;
The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay;
The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from Norway,
Screamed out, “ They are taking the horses away!”

IV.

The whole of the household was filled with amazement:
The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about;

The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement;
The Saltcellar stood on his head with a shout;

The Spoons, with a clatter, looked out of the lattice;
The Mustard-pot climbed up the gooseberry-pies ;

The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties,
And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.
THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

Vv.

The Frying-pan said, “It’s an awful delusion!”
The Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face;
And they all rushed down stairs in the wildest confusion
To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race.
And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter,
(Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with brown,)
The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after,
Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town.

4

Vi.

They rode through the street, and they rode by the station ;
They galloped away to the beautiful shore ;
In silence they rode, and “made no observation,”
Save this: “ We will never go back any more!”
And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing,
The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say “ Crack!”
Till, far in the distance their forms disappearing,
They faded away; and they never came back!
CALICO PIE,





SALICO pie,
The little birds fly
Down to the calico-tree:

Their wings were blue, <
And they sang “ Tilly-loo!” jis
Till away they flew; i

And they never came back to me!
They never came back,
They never came back,

They never came back to me!


CALICO PIE.

IL
Calico jam,
The little Fish swam

Over the Syllabub Sea.
He took off his hat
To the Sole and the Sprat,
And the Willeby-wat:



But he never came back to me;
He never came back,
He never came back,

He never came back to me.

II.
Calico ban,
The little Mice ran

To be ready in time for tea;
Flippity flup,
They drank it all up,
And danced in the cup:
CALICO PIE.

But they never came back to me; »
They never came back, .
They never came back,

They never came back to me.



Calico drum,
The Grasshoppers come,

The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,
Over the ground, .
Around and round,

With a hop and a bound;



But they never came back,

They never came back,
They never came back,
They never came back to me. .


I.

ZENU,N a little piece of wood

NY fo
a

Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood:



" Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,
A-making of an insect-pie
For her little children five,
In the nest and all alive;
Singing with a cheerful smile,
To amuse them all the while,
“ Twikky wikky wikky wee,
Wikky bikky twikky tee,
Spikky bikky bee!”

II.

Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said,
“Spikky, darling! in my head
Many thoughts of trouble come,
Like to flies upon a plum.
MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

All last night, among the trees,
I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;
And thought I, ‘It’s come to that
Because he does not wear a hat!’
Chippy wippy sikky tee,
Bikky wikky tikky mee,
Spikky chippy wee !

Iii.

“ Not that you are growing old;
But the nights are growing cold.
No one stays out all night long
Without a hat: Pm sure it’s wrong!”
Mr. Spikky said, “ How kind,
Dear, you are, to speak your mind!
All your life I wish you luck!

You are, you are, a lovely duck!
Witchy witchy witchy wee,
Twitchy witchy witchy bee,

Tikky tikky tee!

Iv.

“T was also sad, and thinking,
When one day I saw you winking,
And: I heard you sniffle-snuffle,
And I saw your feathers ruffle:
MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

To myself I sadly said,
‘She’s neuralgia in her head!
That dear head has nothing on it!
Ought she not to wear a bonnet?’
Witchy kitchy kitchy wee,
Spikky wikky mikky bee,
Chippy wippy chee!

Vv.

“Let us both fly up to town:

There I'll buy you such a gown!

Which, completely in the fashion,

You shall tie a sky-blue sash on ;

And a pair of slippers neat

To fit your darling little feet,

So that you will look and feel

Quite galloobious and genteel.
Jikky wikky bikky see,
Chicky bikky wikky bee,

Twicky witchy wee!”

VI.

So they both to London went,
Alighting on the Monument;
Whence they flew down swiftly — pop!

Into Moses’ wholesale shop:
3
MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

There they bought a hat and bonnet,
And a gown with spots upon it,
A satin sash of Cloxam.blue,
And a pair of slippers too.
Zikky wikky mikky bee,
Witchy witchy mitchy kee,
Sikky tikky wee!

VII.

Then, when so completely dressed,
Back they flew, and reached their nest.
Their children cried, “O ma and pa!
How truly beautiful you are!”

Said they, ‘“ We trust that cold or pain

We shall never feel again ;

While, perched on tree or house or steeple,

We now shall look like other people.

Witchy witchy witchy wee,
Twikky mikky bikky bee,
Zikky sikky tee!”




THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER,
AND THE TONGS.



I.

an Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,
(Oy | They all took a drive in the Park;
° And they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong !
Before they went back in the dark.
Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach ;
Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash ;
Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch);
“Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash).
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong !

And they all sang a song.

Il.

“© Shovely so lovely!” the Poker he sang,
“You have perfectly conquered my heart.
THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER,

Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! If you’re pleased with my song,
I will feed you with cold apple-tart.
When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,
You enrapture my life with delight,
Your nose is so shiny, your head is so round,
And your shape is so slender and bright!
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
Ain’t you pleased with my song?”

II.

“ Alas! Mrs. Broom,” sighed the Tongs in his song,
“ Oh! is it because I’m so thin,
And my legs are so long, — ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong ! —
That you don’t care about me a pin?
Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room,
Ah! why don’t you heed my complaint?
Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,
Because you are covered with paint?
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
You are certainly wrong.”

IV.

Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang,
“What nonsense you're singing to-day!”

Said the Shovel, “I'll certainly hit you a bang!”
Said the Broom, “ And I'll sweep you away!”
AND THE TONGS.

So the coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,
Perceiving their anger with pain;
But they put on the kettle, and little by little
They all became happy again.
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!

There’s an end of my song,




THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.



IT

: 8 AID the Table to the Chair,
Ps “You can hardly be aware



“How I suffer from the heat
And from chilblains on my feet.

If we took a little walk,

We might have a little talk ;

Pray let us take the air,”

Said the Table to the Chair.

II.
Said the Chair unto the Table,
“ Now, you £zow we are not able:
How foolishly you talk,
When you know we cannot walk!”
' Said the Table with a sigh,
“Tt can do no harm to try.
I’ve as many legs as you:
Why can’t we walk on two?”
THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

III,

So they both went slowly down,
And walked about the town
With a cheerful bumpy sound
As they toddled round and round; ’
And everybody cried,

As they hastened to their side,
“See! the Table and the Chair

”
!

Have come out to take the air

IV.

But in going down an alley,
To a castle in a valley,

They completely lost their way,
And wandered all the day;
Till, to see them safely back,

They paid a Ducky-quack,
And a Beetle, and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.


THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

Vv.

Then they whispered to each other,
“O delightful little brother,

What a lovely walk we’ve taken !
Let us dine on beans and bacon.”
So the Ducky and the leetle
Browny-Mousy and the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads
Till they toddled to their beds.


NONSENSE STORIES.
THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN
WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD.






NCE upon a time, a long while ago, there were four
Y; little people whose names were



VIOLET, — SLINGSBY, GUY, and LIONEL;

and they all thought they should like to see the world.
So they bought a large boat to sail quite round the world by
sea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land.
The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was
yellow with red stripes: and, when they set off, they only took
a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

Quangle-Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make the
tea; for which purposes they took a large kettle.



For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found
plenty to eat, as there were lots of fish; and they had only to
take them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the Quangle-
Wangle instantly cooked them; and the Pussy-Cat was fed
with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased, on the
whole: so that all the party were very happy.


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

During the day-time, Violet chiefly occupied herself in
putting salt water into a churn; while her three brothers
churned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter,
which it seldom if ever did; and in the evening they all retired
into the tea-kettle, where they all managed to sleep very com-
fortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed the
boat.







After a time, they saw some land at a distance; and, when
they came to it, they found it was an island made of water
quite surrounded by earth. Besides that, it was bordered by
evanescent isthmuses, with a great gulfstream running about
all over it; so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only
a single tree, 503 feet high.

When they had landed, they walked about, but found, to
their great surprise, that the island was quite full of véal-cutlets
and chocolate-drops, and nothing else. So they ail climbed up
the single high tree to discover, if possible, if there were
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

any people; but having remained
on the top of the tree for a week,
and not seeing anybody, they nat-
urally concluded that there were
no inhabitants: and accordingly,
when they came down, they loaded



the boat with two thousand veal-
cutlets and a million of chocolate-drops;
and these afforded them sustenance for
more than a month, during which time
they pursued their voyage with the utmost
delight and apathy.

After this they came to a shore where
there were no less than sixty-five great
red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail
all of a row, and all fast asleep. And I
am sorry to say that the Pussy-Cat and the
Quangle-Wangle crept softly, and bit off
the tail-feathers of all the sixty-five par-
rots; for which Violet reproved them both
severely. ,

Notwithstanding which, she proceeded
to insert all the feathers — two hundred and
sixty in number—in her bonnet; thereby
causing it to have a lovely and glittering
appearance, highly prepossessing and effi-
cacious.
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.



The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow
part of the sea, which was so entirely full of fishes, that the boat



could go on no farther: so they remained there about six
weeks, till they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were
soles, and all ready-cooked, and covered with shrimp-sauce, so
that there was no trouble whatever. And as the few fishes who
remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of the
extreme noise made by the arctic bears and the tropical
turnspits, which frequented the neighborhood in great num-
bers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock for



several of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opium-
drops to them; through which kindness they became quite’
warm, and slept soundly.

Then they came to a country which was wholly covered
with immense orange-trees of a vast size, and quite full of
fruit. So they all landed, taking with them the tea-kettle,
intending to gather some of the oranges, and place them in it.
But, while they were busy about this, a most dreadfully high
wind rose, and blew out most of the parrot-tail feathers from
Violet's bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared with
the calamity of the oranges falling down on their heads by
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumped
and thumped them all so seriously, that they were obliged to
run as hard as they could for their lives; besides that the sound
of the oranges rattling on the tea-kettle was of the most

fearful and amazing nature.



Nevertheless, they got safely to the boat, although con-
siderably vexed and hurt; and the Quangle-Wangle’s right


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

foot was so knocked about, that he had to sit with his head in
his slipper for at least a week.

This event made them all for a time rather melancholy:
and perhaps they might never have become less so, had not
Lionel, with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance,
continued to stand on one leg, and whistle to them in a loud



and lively manner; which diverted the whole party so extremely,
that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed, that,
whenever they should reach home, they would subscribe
- towards a testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of gingerbread
and raspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and
grateful infection.

After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came
to another country, where they were much pleased and _ sur-
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

prised to see a countless multitude of white Mice with red
eyes, all sitting in a great circle, slowly eating custard-pudding
with the most satisfactory and polite demeanor.

And as the four travellers were rather hungry, being tired
of eating nothing but soles and oranges for so long a period,
they held a council as to the propriety of asking the Mice for
some of their pudding in a humble and affecting manner, by
which they could hardly be otherwise than gratified. It was
agreed, therefore, that Guy should go and ask the Mice, which
he immediately did; and the result was, that they gave a wal-
nut-shell only half full of custard diluted with water. Now, :
this displeased Guy, who said, “ Out of such a lot of pudding
as you have got, I must say, you might have spared a somewhat
larger quantity.” But no sooner had he finished speaking
than the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in



an appalling and vindictive manner (and it is impossible to

imagine a more scroobious and unpleasant sound than that
caused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angry
Mice); so that Guy rushed back to the boat, having first shied
his cap into the middle of the custard-pudding, by which means
he completely spoiled the Mice’s dinner. .
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

By and by the four children came to a country where there
were no houses, but only an incredibly innumerable number
of large bottles without corks, and of a dazzling and sweetly
susceptible blue color. Each of these blue bottles contained a
Blue-Bottle-Fly ; and all these interesting animals live con-
tinually together in the most copious and rural harmony: nor
perhaps in many parts of the world is such perfect and abject
happiness to be found. Violet and Slingsby and Guy and
Lionel were greatly struck with this singular and instructive
settlement; and, having previously asked permission of the
Blue-Bottle-Flies (which was most courteously granted), the
boat was drawn up to the shore, and they proceeded to make



tea in front of the bottles: but, as’ they had no tea-leaves, they
merely placed some pebbles in the hot water; and: the Quangle-
Wangle played some tunes over it on an accordion, by which,
of course, tea was made directly, and of the very best quality.
The four children then entered into conversation with the
Blue-Bottle-Flies, who discoursed in a placid and genteel man-
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

ner, though with a slightly buzzing accent, chiefly owing to the
fact that they each held a small clothes-brush between their
teeth, which naturally occasioned a fizzy, extraneous utterance.

“Why,” said Violet, “would you kindly inform us, do you
reside in bottles? and, if in bottles at all, why not, rather, in
green or purple, or, indeed, in yellow bottles ?”

To which questions a very aged Blue-Bottle-Fly answered,
“We found the bottles here all ready to live in; that is to say,
our great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers did: so we occu-
pied them at once. And, when the winter comes on, we turn
the bottles upside down, and consequently rarely feel the cold
at all; and you know very well that this could not be the case
with bottles of any other color than blue.”

“ Of course it could not,” said Slingsby. “ But, if we may
take the liberty of inquiring, on what do you chiefly subsist?”

“ Mainly on oyster-patties,” said the Blue-Bottle-Fly; “and,
when these are scarce, on raspberry vinegar and Russian
leather boiled down to a jelly.”

“ How delicious!” said Guy.

To which Lionel added, “ Huzz!” And all the Blue-
Bottle-Flies said, “ Buzz!”

At this time, an elderly Fly said it was the hour for the
evening-song to be sung; and, on a signal being given, all the
- Blue-Bottle-Flies began to buzz at once in a sumptuous and
sonorous manner, the melodious and mucilaginous sounds
echoing all over the waters, and resounding ccross the tumult-
uous tops of the transitory titmice upon the intervening and
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

verdant mountains with a serene and sickly suavity only known
to the truly virtuous. The Moon was shining slobaciously from
the star-bespangled sky, while her light irrigated the smooth
and shiny sides and wings and backs of the Blue-Bottle-Flies
with a peculiar and trivial splendor; while all Nature cheerfully
responded to the cerulean and conspicuous.circumstances.

In many long-after years, the four little travellers looked
back to that evening as one of the happiest in all their lives;
and it was already past midnight when —the sail of the boat
having been set up by the Quangle-Wangle, the tea-kettle and
churn placed in their respective positions, and the Pussy-Cat
stationed at the helm—the children each took a last and
affectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked down
in a body to the water’s edge to see the travellers embark.

As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a
courtesy quite down to the ground, and stuck one of her few



remaining parrot-tail feathers into the Back hair of the most
pleasing of the Blue-Bottle-Flies; while Slingsby, Guy, and
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

Lionel off2red them three small boxes, containing, respectively,
black pins, dried figs, and Epsom salts; and thus they left
that happy shore forever.

Overcome by their feelings, the four little travellers
instantly jumped into the tea-kettle, and fell fast asleep. But
all along the shore, for many hours, there was distinctly heard a
sound of severely-suppressed sobs, and of a vague multitude of
living creatures using their pocket-handkerchiefs in a subdued
simultaneous snuffle, lingering sadly along the walloping
waves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from the
Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.

Nothing particular occurred for some days after these
events, except that, as the travellers were passing a low tract
of sand, they perceived an unusual and gratifying spectacle;
namely, a large number of Crabs and Crawfish — perhaps six
or seven hundred—sitting by the water-side, and endeavoring
to disentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which they
moistened at intervals with a fluid composed of lavender-
water and white-wine negus.

“Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies?”
said the four children.

“Thank you kindly,” said the Crabs consecutively. “We
are trying to make some worsted mittens, but do not know
how.” .

On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the
art of mitten-making, said to the Crabs, “Do your claws

unscrew? or are they fixtures?”
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

“They are all made to unscrew,” said the Crabs; and
forthwith they deposited a great pile of claws close to the
boat, with which Violet uncombed all the pale pink worsted,
and then made the loveliest mittens with it you can imagine.
These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on their claws,
placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly
on their hind-legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and ina
minor key.

After this, the four little people sailed on again till they
came to a vast and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, on
which nothing whatever could be discovered at first; but, as the
travellers walked onward, there appeared in the extreme and
dim distance a single object, which on a nearer approach, and
on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody
in a large white wig, sitting on an arm-chair made of sponge-
cakes and oyster-shells. “It does not quite look like a human
being,” said Violet doubtfully; nor could they make out what
it really was, till the Quangle -Wangle (wlio had previously been -
round the world) exclaimed softly in a loud voice, “ It is the
co-operative Cauliflower!”



: Oy), ‘\
— (
2

Ce KS


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

And so, in truth, it was: and they soon found that what they
had taken for an immense wig was in reality the top of the
Cauliflower; and that he had no feet at all, being able to walk
tolerably well with a fluctuating and graceful movement on a
single cabbage-stalk, — an accomplishment which naturally
saved him the expense of stockings and shoes,

Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing
at him with mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose,
and, in a somewhat plumdomphious manner, hurried off towards
the setting sun,—his steps supported by two superincumbent








SSS SS we

oz



confidential Cucumbers, and a large number of Waterwagtails
proceeding in advance of him by three and three in a row, —
till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a
crystal cloud of sudorific sand.

So remarkable a sight, of course, impressed the four
children very deeply; and they returned immediately to their
boat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a great.
appetite. . .

Shortly after this, the travellers were obliged to sail direct-
ly below some -high overhanging rocks, from the top of one’
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

of which a particularly odious little boy, dressed in rose.
colored knickerbockers, and with a pewter plate upon his head,

threw an enormous pumpkin at the boat, by which it was
instantly upset. .



But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the
party knew how to swim very well: and, in fact, they preferred
swimming about till after the moon rose; when, the water
growing chilly, they sponge-taneously entered the boat.
Meanwhile the Quangle-Wangle threw back the -pumpkin
with immense force, so that it hit the rocks where the malicious
little boy in rose-colored knickerbockers was sitting; when,
being quite full of lucifer-matches, the pumpkin exploded
surreptitiously into a thousand bits; whereon the rocks instantly
took fire, and the odious little boy became unpleasantly hotter
and hotter and hotter, till his knickerbockers were turned quite
green, and his nose was burnt off.
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

Two or three days after this had happened, they came to
another place, where they found nothing at all except some
wide and deep pits full of mulberry-jam. This is the property
of the tiny, yellow-nosed Apes who abound in these districts,
and who store up the mulberry-jam for their food in winter,
when they mix it with pellucid pale periwinkle-soup, and serve
it out in wedgewood china-bowls, which grow freely all over
that part of the country. Only one of the yellow-nosed Apes
was on the spot, and he was fast asleep; yet the four travellers
and the Quangle-Wangle and Pussy were so terrified by the
violence and sanguinary sound of his snoring, that they merely
took a small cupful of the jam, and returned to re-embark in
their boat without delay. ,

What was their horror on seeing the boat (including the
churn and the tea-kettle) in the mouth of an enormous Seeze
Pyder, an aquatic and ferocious creature truly dreadful to be.
hold, and, happily, only met with in those excessive longitudes!
In a moment, the beautiful boat was bitten into fifty-five



‘thousand million hundred billion bits; and it instantly became
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

quite clear that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could: no
longer preliminate their voyage by sea.

The four travellers were therefore obliged to resolve on
pursuing their wanderings by land: and, very fortunately, there
happened to pass by at that moment an elderly Rhinoceros, on
which they seized; and, all four mounting on his back, — the

3 Die



Quangle-Wangle sitting on his horn, and holding on by his
ears, and the Pussy-Cat swinging at the end of his tail, —they
set off, having only four small beans and three pounds of
mashed potatoes to last through their whole journey..

They were, however, able to catch numbers of the chickens
and turkeys and other birds who incessantly alighted on the
head of the Rhinoceros for the purpose of gathering the seeds
of the rhododendron-plants which grew there; and these crea-
tures they cooked in the most translucent and _ satisfactory
manner by means of a fire lighted on the end of the Rhinoceros’s
THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.

back. A crowd of Kangaroos and gigantic Cranes accom-
panied them, from feelings of curiosity and complacency; so
that they were never at a loss for company, and went onward,
as it were, in a sort of profuse and triumphant procession.

Thus, in less than eighteen weeks, they all arrived safely
at home, where they were received by their admiring relatives
with joy tempered with contempt, and where they finally
resolved to carry out the rest of their travelling-plans at some
more favorable opportunity.

As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adher-
ence, they had him killed and stuffed directly, and then set him
up outside the door of their father’s house as a diaphanous

doorscraper.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF
THE LAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE.

CHAPTER I

INTRODUCTORY,

te former days, — that is to say, once upon a time, — there
re ! lived in the Land of Gramblamble seven families.
They lived by the side of the great Lake Pipple-Popple
(one of the seven families, indeed, lived zz the lake), and
on the outskirts of the city of Tosh, which, excepting when
it was quite dark, they could see plainly. The names of all
these places you have probably heard of; and you have only
not to look in your geography-books to find out all about
them.
Now, the seven families who: lived on the borders of
the great Lake Pipple-Popple were as follows in the next
chapter.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER II.

THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

young Parrots.

SAO

in NHHERE was a family of two old Parrots and seven
aby

S

wero



There was a family of two old Storks and seven young
Storks.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

There was a family of two old Geese and seven young
Geese. ;



There was a family of two old Owls and seven young
Owls.



There was a family of two old Guinea Pigs and seven
young Guinea Pigs.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

There was a family of two old Cats and seven young
Cats.



And there was a family of two old Fishes and seven
young Fishes.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER III.

THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

EPID

NeHE Parrots lived upon the Soffsky-Poffsky trees,

. which were beautiful to behold, and covered with





blue leaves; and they fed upon fruit, artichokes, and
striped beetles.

The Storks walked in and out of the Lake Pipple-Popple,
and ate frogs for breakfast, and buttered toast for tea; but, on
account of the extreme length of their legs, they could not sit
down, and so they walked about continually.

The Geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities of
flies, which they ate for dinner.

The Owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caught,
and made into sago-puddings.

The Guinea Pigs toddled about the gardens, and ate
lettuces and Cheshire cheese.

The Cats sate still in the sunshine, and fed upon sponge
biscuits.

The Fishes lived in the lake, and fed chiefly on boiled
periwinkles. . :

And all these seven families lived together in the utmost
fun and felicity.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER IV.

THE CHILDREN OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY.

Voy.

(©) of the seven families agreed that they would send

their children out to see the world.



NE day, all the seven fathers and the seven mothers

So they called them all together, and gave them each

eight shillings and some good advice, some chocolate-drops,

and a small green morocco pocket-book to set down their

expenses in.

They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel;

and all the parents sent off their children with a parting in-

junction.

“Tf,” said the old Parrots, “you find a cherry, do not fight

about who should have it.”

| “ And,” said the old Storks, “if you find a frog, divide it
| carefully into seven bits, but on no account quarrel about it.”

And the old Geese said to the seven young Geese,

“Whatever you do, be sure you do not touch a plum-pudding

flea.”

And the old Owls said, “If you find a mouse, tear him
up into seven slices, and eat him cheerfully, but without

quarrelling.”

eee
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

And the old Guinea Pigs said, “Have a care that
you eat your lettuces, should you find any, not greedily, but
calmly.”

And the old Cats said, “Be particularly careful not to
meddle with a clangle-wangle if you should see one.”

And the old Fishes said, “ Above all things, avoid eating a
blue boss-woss; for they do not agree with fishes, and give
them a pain in their toes.”

So all the children of each family thanked their parents;
and, making in all forty-nine polite bows, they went into the
wide world.



CHAPTER V.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS.




GNARL
Fa NeHE seven young Parrots had not gone far, when they



3) saw a tree with a single cherry on it, which the oldest
* Parrot picked instantly; but the other six, being ex-
tremely hungry, tried to get it also. On which all the seven
began to fight; and they scuffled,
and huffled,
and ruffled,
and shuffled,
_and puffled,
and muffled,
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

and buffled,
and duffled,
and fluffled,
and guffled,
and bruffled, and

screamed, and shrieked, and squealed, and squeaked, and
clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, and
dumped, and flumped each other, till they were all torn into
little bits; and at last there was nothing left to record this
painful incident except the cherry and seven small green
feathers.

And that was the vicious and voluble end of the seven
young Parrots.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER VI.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS.



WEP HEN the seven young Storks set out, they walked

@NAYSE or flew for fourteen weeks in a straight line, and for

six weeks more in a crooked one; and after that

they ran as hard as they could for one hundred and eight

miles; and after that they stood still, and made a himmeltanious

chatter-clatter-blattery noise with their bills.

About the same time they perceived a large frog, spotted
with green, and with a sky-blue stripe under each ear.

So, being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and were
going to divide him into ‘seven pieces, when they began to
quarrel as to which of his legs should be taken off first. One
said this, and another said that; and, while they were all quar-
relling, the frog hopped away. And, when they saw that he
was gone, they began to chatter-clatter,

blatter-platter,
patter-blatter,
matter-clatter,
_ flatter-quatter, more violently
than ever; and, after they had fought for a week, they pecked
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

each other all to little pieces, so that at last nothing was left of
any of them except their bills.
And that was the end of the seven young Storks.





CHAPTER VIL.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE,

WWE HEN the seven young Geese began to travel, they
went over a large plain, on which there was but one
tree, and that was a very bad one.

So four of them went up to the top of it, and looked about
them; while the other three waddled up and down, and repeated
poetry, and their last six lessons in arithmetic, geography, and
cookery. - .
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of the
most interesting and obese appearance, having a perfectly
round body exactly resembling a boiled plum-pudding, with
two little wings, and a beak, and three feathers growing out of
his head, and only one leg. .

So, after a time, all the seven young Geese said to each
other, “ Beyond all doubt, this beast must be a Plum-pudding
Flea!”

On which they incautiously began to sing aloud,

“ Plum-pudding Flea,

Plum-pudding Flea,

Wherever you be,

Oh! come to our tree,

And listen, oh! listen, oh! listen to me.”

And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-pudding
Flea began to hop and skip on his one leg with the most
dreadful velocity, and came straight to the tree, where he
stopped, and looked about him in a vacant and voluminous
manner.

On which the seven young Geese were greatly alarmed,
and all of a tremble-bemble: so one of them put out his long
neck, and just touched him with the tip of his bill; but no
sooner had he done this than the Plum-pudding Flea skipped
and hopped about more and more, and higher and higher; after
which he opened his mouth, and, to the great surprise and
indignation of the seven Geese, began to bark so loudly and
furiously and terribly, that they were totally unable to bear the
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

noise; and, by degrees, every one of them suddenly tumbled
down quite dead.
- So that was the end of the seven young Geese.





CHAPTER VIII.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS.

HEN the seven young Owls set out, they sate every
now and then on the branches of old trees, and never



went far at one time.

And one night, when it was quite dark, they thought they
heard a mouse; but, as the gas-lamps were not lighted, they
could not see him.

So they called out, “Is that a mouse?”

On which a mouse answered, “ Squeaky-peeky-weeky! yes,
it is!”

And immediately all the young Owls threw themselves
THE HISTORY OF THE.SEVEN FAMILIES.

off the tree, meaning to alight on the ground; but they did not
perceive that there was a large well below them, into which
they all fell superficially, and were every one of them drowned
in less than half a minute.

So that was the end of the seven young Owls.





CHAPTER IX,

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS.

\ of gooseberry-bushes and tiggory-trees, under one
of which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they
saw a large lettuce, which had grown out of the ground while
they had been sleeping, and which had an immense number of
green leaves. At which they all exclaimed, —


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

“Lettuce! O lettuce!
Let us, O let us,
O lettuce-leaves,
O let us leave this tree, and eat
Lettuce, O let us, lettuce-leaves |.”

And instantly the seven young Guinea Pigs rushed with
such extreme force against the lettuce-plant, and hit their heads
so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion brought on
directly an incipient transitional inflammation of their noses,
which grew worse and worse and worse and worse, till it in-
cidentally killed them all seven. .

And that was the end of the seven young Guinea Pigs.



CHAPTER X,

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more properly written,
Clangel-Wangel); and, in spite of the warning they had had,
they ran straight up to it.

(Now, the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delu-
sive beast, and by no means commonly to be met with. They
live in the water as well as on land, using their long tail asa sail
when in the formerelement. Their speed is extreme; but their
habits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their general
demeanor pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings, they
may sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-popple;
standing on their heads, and humming their national melodies.
They subsist entirely on vegetables, excepting when they eat
veal or mutton or pork or beef or fish or saltpetre.)

The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the seven young
Cats approach, he ran away; and as he ran straight on for four
months, and the Cats, though they continued to run, could
never overtake him, they all gradually died of fatigue and ex-
haustion, and never afterwards recovered.

And this was the end of the seven young Cats.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER XI.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.

SASL
2 SHE seven young Fishes swam across the Lake Pipple-





popple, and into the river, and into the ocean; where,
most unhappily for them, they saw, on the fifteenth
day of their travels, a bright-blue Boss-Woss, and instantly
swam after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a
perpendicular,
spicular,
orbicular,
quadrangular,
circular depth of soft mud;

where, in fact, his house was.

And the seven young Fishes, swimming with great and
uncomfortable velocity, plunged also into the mud quite against
their will, and, not being accustomed to it, were all suffocated
in a very short period. __

‘And that was the end of the seven young Fishes.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

CHAPTER XII.
OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY.

MALS FTER it was known that the
cS seven young Parrots,
a and the seven young Storks,
and the seven young Geese,
and the seven young Owls,
and the seven young Guinea Pigs,
and the seven young Cats,
and the seven young Fishes,
were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, and

the Mouse, and the Clangle-Wangle, and the Blue Boss-Woss,



all met together to rejoice over their good fortune. And they
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

collected the seven feathers of the seven young Parrots, and
the seven bills of the seven young Storks, and the lettuce,
and the cherry; and having placed the latter on the lettuce,
and the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base,
they danced a hornpipe round all these memorials until they
were quite tired; after which they gave a tea-party, and a
garden-party, and a ball, and a concert, and then returned to
their respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy, satis-
faction, and disgust.



CHAPTER XIII.

OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.



ES ;UT when the two old Parrots,
and the two old Storks,
and the two old Geese,
and the two old Owls,
and the two old Guinea Pigs,
and the two old Cats,

- and the two old Fishes,
became aware, by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous
- extinction of the whole of their families, they refused all further
sustenance; and, sending out to various shops, they pur-
chased great quantities of Cayenne pepper and brandy and
vinegar and blue sealing-wax, besides seven immense glass
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

bottles with air-tight stoppers.- And, having done this, they ate
a light supper of brown-bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and
took an affecting and formal leave of the whole of their
acquaintance, which was very numerous and distinguished and
select and responsible and ridiculous.



CHAPTER XIV.
CONCLUSION.

\ ) ND, after this, they filled the bottles with the ingre-
> dients for pickling, and each couple jumped into a
“ separate bottle; by which effort, of course, they all died



immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes ;
having previously made their wills (by the assistance of the
most eminent lawyers of the district), in which they left strict —
orders that the stoppers of the seven bottles should be care- |
fully sealed up with the blue sealing-wax they had purchased ;
and that they themselves, in the bottles, should be presented to
the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be labelled with
parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to
be placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily
inspection and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit, of
the pusillanimous public.

And if ever you happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and
visit that museum in the city of Tosh, look for them on the
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

ninety-eighth table in the four hundred and twenty-seventh
room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing of the central
quadrangle of that magnificent building; for, if you do not,
you certainly will not see them.


NONSENSE COOKERY.
Extract from “ The Nonsense Gazette” for August, 1870.

“ 3s / ~ UR readers will be interested in the following com-

mC) munications from our valued and learned contrib-
wey utor, Prof. Bosh, whose labors in the fields of
culinary and botanical science are so well known to all the

world, The first three articles richly merit to be added to the
domestic cookery of every family: those which follow claim






the attention of all botanists; and we are happy to be able,
through Dr. Bosh’s kindness, to present our readers with illus-
trations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are found in
the Valley of Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on
the summit of the Hill Orfeltugg.”

THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.

TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE,

iE MAKE 4 pounds (say 44 pounds) of fresh Amblon-
gusses, and put them in a small pipkin.
Cover them with water, and boil them for 8 hours
incessantly; after which add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed
to boil for 4 hours more.
NONSENSE COOKERY.

When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are
quite soft, take them out, and place them in a wide pan, taking
care to shake them well previously.

Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them care-
fully with powdered gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient
quantity of Cayenne pepper.

Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the
floor. Bring it back again, and let it simmer for three-quarters
of an hour. Shake the pan violently till all the Amblongusses
have become of a pale purple color.

Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully ;
adding at the same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4
cauliflowers, and any number of oysters.

Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a
pinch of salt from time to time.

Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of win-

dow as fast as possible.

TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.

ROCURE some strips of beef, and, having cut them
into the smallest possible slices, proceed to cut them



still smaller, — eight, or perhaps nine times.

When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a
new clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with _
a salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.
NONSENSE COOKERY.

Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny
place,—say the roof of the house, if free from sparrows or
other birds, — and leave it there for about a week.

At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil of
almonds, and a few herring-bones; and then cover the whole
with 4 gallons of clarified Crumbobblious sauce, when it will be
ready for use.

Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in a
clean tablecloth or dinner-napkin.

TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.

YsAKE a pig three or four years of age, and tie him by



the off hind-leg to a post. Place 5 pounds of currants,
3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast chestnuts, a can-
dle, and 6 bushels of turnips, within his reach: if he eats these,
constantly provide him with more. .

Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese,
4 quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins.
Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on a
sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.

When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to
beat the pig violently with the handle of a large broom. If he
squeals, beat him again.

Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days,
NONSENSE COOKERY.

and ascertain if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to
turn into Gosky Patties. —

If it does not then, it never will; and, in that case, the pig
may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as
finished.
NONSENSE BOTANY.



Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.


Cockatooca Superba.


Fishia Marina.


Guittara Pensilis.


Manypeeplia Upsidownia.


Phattfacia Stupenda.
7



Plumbunnia Nutritiosa.


Pollybirdia Singularis.
NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
A was an ant

Who seldom stood still,
And who made a nice house
In the side of a hill,

a

Nice little ant!



B was a book

With a binding of blue,

And pictures and stories

For me and for you.

b

Nice little book !


C was a cat

Who ran after a rat;
But his courage did fail

When she seized on his tail.

Cc

Crafty old cat!







D was a duck

With spots on his back,
Who lived in the water,

And always said “Quack!”

d

Dear little duck!
E was an elephant,

Stately and wise:
He had tusks and a trunk,

And two queer little eyes.

eC

Oh, what funny small eyes!





ig was a fish

Who was caught in a net; ~

But he got out again,

And is quite alive yet.

f

Lively young fish!
ern



G was a goat

Who was spotted with brown:

When he did not lie still
He walked up and down.

Co
oO

Good little goat!



H was a hat

Which was all on one side;

Its crown was too high,

And its brim was too wide.

h

Oh, what a hat!


I was some ice
So white and so nice,
But which nobody tasted ;

And so it was wasted.

1

All that good ice!



J was a jackdaw
Who hopped up and down

In the principal street
Of a neighboring town.

9

J

All through the town !


K was a kite

Which flew out of sight,

Above houses so high,




Quite into the sky.

k

Fly away, kite!






L was a light

Which burned all the night,
And lighted the gloom
Of a very dark room.

I

Useful nice light!


was a net

N

M was a mill

Which was thrown in the sea

Which stood on a hill,

To catch fish for dinner

And turned round and round

nN

Nice little net!

For you and for me.

With a loud hummy sound.

Useful old mill!




O was an orange

So yellow and round:
When it fell off the tree,

It fell down to the ground.

O

Down to the ground!

P was a pig,

Who was not very big;

But his tail was too curly,

And that made him surly.

Pp

Cross little pig!
O was a quail,

With a very short tail ;

And he fed upon corn

In the evening and morn.

q

Quaint little quail!



R was a rabbit,

Who had a bad habit

Of eating the flowers
In gardens and bowers.

r

Naughty fat rabbit!
S was the sugar-tongs,

Nippity-nee,
To take up the sugar

To put in our tea.

S

Nippity-nee !



[ was a tortoise,

All yellow and black:
He walked slowly away,

And he never came back.

t

Torty never came back!


U was an urn

All polished and bright,
And full of hot water

At noon and at night.

U

Useful old urn!

\ was a villa

Which stood on a hill,

By the side of a river,

And close to a mill.

Vv

Nice little villa!


\ \ was a whale

With a very long tail,
Whose movements were frantic
Across the Atlantic.

Ww

Monstrous old whale!

< 7 »)



xX was King Xerxes,

Who, more than all Turks, is

Renowned for his fashion

Of fury and passion.

x

Angry old Xerxes!
Y was a yew,

Which flourished and grew

By a quiet abode

Near the side of a road.

y

Dark little yew!



V4 was some zinc,

So shiny and bright,
Which caused you to wink

In the sun’s merry light.

LZ

Beautiful zinc!


A was once an apple-pie,
Pidy,
Widy,
Tidy,
Pidy,
Nice insidy,

Apple-pie !

B was once a little bear,
Beary,
Wary,
Hairy,
Beary,
Taky cary,
Little bear!


OC was once a little cake, D was once a little doll,

Caky, Dolly,
Baky, Molly,
Maky, ; Polly,
Caky, @ Nolly,
Taky caky, Nursy dolly,

Little cake! Oo Little doll!


E was once a little eel, F was once a little fish,
Eely, Fishy,
Weely, Wishy,
Peely, ‘Squishy,
Eely, . Fishy,
Twirly, tweely, Ina dishy,

Little eel! Little fish !


G was once a little goose, H was once a little hen,

Goosy, Henny,
Moosy, Chenny,
Boosey, Tenny,
Goosey, Henny.
Waddly-woosy, Eggsy-any,

Little goose! Little hen?


)
°

I was once a bottle of ink, J was once a jar of jam,
Inky, Jammy,
Dinky, Mammy,
Thinky, ” Clammy,
Inky, . Jammy,
Blacky minky, Sweety, swammy,

Bottle of ink! Jar of jam!



K was once a little kite, L was once a little lark,

Kity, Larky,
Whity, Marky,
Flighty, Harky,
Kity, Larky,
Out of sighty, In the parky,

Little kite! Little lark!


M was once a little mouse,

Mousy,

Bousy,
Sousy,
Mousy,
In the housy,
Little mouse!

Nn

N was once a little needle,

Needly,
Tweedly,
Threedly,
Needly,
Wisky, wheedly,
Little needle!


O was once a little owl, P,. once a little pump,

Owly, Pumpy,
Prowly, . Slumpy,
Howly, Flumpy,
Owly, Pumpy,
Browny fowly, Dumpy, thumpy,

Little owl! Little pump!


O was once a little quail, R was once a little rose,

Quaily, Rosy,

Faily, Posy,

Daily, Nosy,

Quaily, Rosy,
Stumpy-taily, Blows-y, grows-y,

Little quail! Little rose!


S was once a little shrimp, T was once a little thrush,

Shrimpy, Thrushy,
Nimpy, Hushy,
Flimpy, Bushy,
Shrimpy, Thrusliy,
Jumpy, jimpy, Flitty, flushy,

Little shrimp! Little thrush !
LU was once a little urn,

Urny,

Burny,
Turny,
Urny,
Bubbly, burny,
Little urn!



\ was once a little vine,

Viny,
Winy,
Twiny,
Viny,
Twisty-twiny,
Little vine!


\ \ was once a whale, xX was once a great king Xerxes,

Whaly, Xerxy,
Scaly, Perxy,
Shaly, Turxy,
Whaly, Xerxy,
Tumbly-taily, Linxy, lurxy,

Mighty whale! Great King Xerxes!


Y was once a little yew, Z was once a piece of zinc,

Yewdy, Tinky,
Fewdy, | Winky,
Crudy, Blinky,
Yewdy, Tinky,
Growdy, grewdy, Tinkly minky,

Little yew! Piece of zinc!
A was an ape,

Who stole some white tape,
And tied up his toes
In four beautiful bows.

a

Funny old ape!



B was a bat,

Who slept all the day,
And fluttered about
When the sun went away.

b

Brown little bat!
CO was acamel:

You rode on his hump;
And, if you fell off,

You came down such a bump!

Cc

What a high camel!



D was a dove,

Who lived in a wood,
With such pretty soft wings,.
And so gentle and good!

d

Dear little dove!


EK was.an eagle, |

Who sat on the rocks,
And looked down on the fields

And the far-away flocks.

‘S

Beautiful eagle!



I was a fan

Made of beautiful stuff;

And, when it was used,

It went puffy-pufft-puff |

f

Nice little fan!


G was a gooseberry,

Perfectly red ;
To be made into jam,
And eaten with bread.

S

Gooseberry red!

- ee Aten
H was a heron,



Who stood in a stream:
The length of his neck

And his legs was extreme.

h

Long-legged heron!


I was an inkstand,

Which stood on a table,
With a nice pen to write with
When we are able.

1

Neat little inkstand!

J was a jug,

So pretty and white,
With fresh water in it -

At morning and night.

oe

J

Nice little jug!
K was a kingfisher:

Quickly he flew,

So bright and so pretty! —

Green, purple, and blue.

k

Kingfisher blue!



L was a lily,

So white and so sweet!
To see it and smell it

Was quite a nice treat.

I

Beautiful lily!


M was a man,

Who walked round and round :

And he wore a long coat

That came down to the ground,

mm

Funny old man!



N was a nut

So smooth and so brown!
And, when it was ripe,
It fell tumble-dum-down.

Nn

Nice little nut !


O was an oyster, P was a polly,

Who lived in‘his shell: All red, blue, and green, —

If you let him alone, The most beautiful polly

He felt perfectly well. That ever was seen.

O P

Open-mouthed oyster ! , Poor little polly!


1

O was a quill

Made into a pen;
But I do not know where,
_ And I cannot say when.

q

Nice little quill!



if WLAN We
WTA fr AGO _ bids AR
Ree Hp



CC






R was a rattlesnake,

Rolled up so tight,

Those who saw him ran quickly,
For fear he should bite.

r

Rattlesnake bite! .




S Was a SCrew

To screw down a box;
And then it was fastened

Without any locks,

S

Valuable screw!



I was a thimble,

Of silver so bright!

When placed on the finger,

It fitted so tight!

t

Nice little thimble!
U was an upper-coat,

Woolly and warm,
To wear over all

In the snow or the storm.

u

What a nice upper-coat!



\ was a veil

With a border upon it,
And a ribbon to tie it

All round a pink bonnet.

Vv

Pretty green veil!


\ \ was a watch,

Where, in letters of gold,
The hour of the day

You might always behold.’

Ww

Beautiful watch !



xX was King Xerxes,
Who wore on his head

A mighty large turban,

Green, yellow, and red.

xX

Look at King Xerxes!
Y was a yak,

From the land of Thibet:
Except his white tail,

He was all black as jet.

y

Look .at the yak!



7) was a zebra, .

All striped white and black;

And, if he were tame,

You might ride on his back.

LZ,

Pretty striped zebra!
i

a

ee

oa

aS

4
ar


IN THE PRESS,

By the same author, a Second Series of

aor E

COMPRISING

NEW COMICAL STUDIES.

124, TREMON'T SPREE LE;

BOSTON.