KnLpe~ auo1iMn~ Ac~of CongressAD i3G4b Offir-so' Ulhe is txitCoar for fe Soiktbacn~ifsLr1iL of N.Y
NOT THEE-not THEE, Castalian Spinster's lord I
By dog'rel worried, and by dullness bored ;
By whose dread beams pestiferous ravings rise,
And blund'ring numbsculls fumble for the skies-
Beotian croakers wildly would invoke
Thy fav'ring grin, and dodge the vengeful stroke :
To thee, in prayer, for rays fructiferous whine,
And dream the honors of thy pate divine.
Not thee for This-not thee, Parnassian lord!
Bepraised, bespattered, badgered, bayed and bored.
What! shall no incense swell thy ribs of gold?
Nor colt Pegasian be, immortal, foaled ?-
Shall crows nor bullocks feed the sacred flame ?
Nor Chase's paper fee the Delphic dame ?
Not Thee, for This-not Thee-the god we woo
Is whimsic NONSENSE and his snickering crew!
Come, great Aflatus Sovereign Wagster-Come I
And drive Triphonius to his murky home ;
Convulse with agony the sculptured guest,
And stir rank Dullness to a grim unrest.
He comes I-he comes-the incantation works,
And Delphic Folly feels precursive jerks.
See-where in caracoles he nimbly limps,
And plays the piper to his capering Imps I-
In clouds arrayed, in feathers, turbans, flags,-
In skins of bats, masks, garlands, velvets, rags.
With various phiz and figure-lanky, fat,
Bulbous, akimbo, squinting, gibbous, flat-
Shuffling, chuckling, leaping, crowing,
Hopping, squeaking, creeping, blowing;
While clash the pipers, ever on the jump,
And playful Sambos patter while they thump,
In festive prancing capering to the Moon,
While husky measure drones the gay bassoon.
Ho I for the EDEN of the whimsic god,
That conscious grins, and chuckles at his nod.
Ifark I to the chaunting Cuckoos in the trees,
While varying Echos babble in the breeze;
Where the Naxander peals Iberian fruit,
And choral Pigmies pick th' Orphean lute,
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Where Cycldp chirp in wild, barbaric runes.
And steer their doxies through the dry lagoons.
Here Sprites grotesque-there Gomaes a gnarled
There shifting Protes changing shape and hue.
There gentle Pkeniz whistles to the breeze,
And pensive Apoe philander 'mid the trees.
Here Foly jingling with her cap and bells-
There Demons clang on gongs terrific knells :
Here imps and urchins grappling by the hair-
There shoots a headless goblin through the air:
Here grim Chi eras battle with a Sphinx.
There sage Minerva's warbler hoots and blinks:
While soft aa wtic quaver in the stone,
And muriatic smoneys hold their own!
,ist I-Clarions, cymbals, dulcimers and flutes.
And smoUel chor hummed by marching mates!
While, whispering, sighing, murmuring, floating by,
See six sweet Sires singing Lullaby;
Poor Troglodytes heeds the caanonet,
And hobbling falls within the silv'ry net.
A big black beetle with an asses head,
Hope stumbling onward by a Aarpl led;
Upon his back a little Devil sits,
Whose lantern eye a crimson glare emits.
Are you of him of lengthy tail and hoof?
Or are you little devil of the proof,
That with your pricking pens and inky lotion
Keeps us all cuffing in a wild commotion?-
But who is this his pike at us that aims ?
By Georgel-the "Solitary traeler"--by James!
The sun is setting, just at break of day,
And night's dark shadows light his devious way;
The rising moon has just gone down-but see I
A little star-sllh twinkles on the sea.
Although alone, the taller of the two
Is clad in crimson jerkin of light le;
His camlet tabard's made of wieveeen
And slashed his doublet by hard blows, I ween,"
His shaven beard in devious crinkles flows,
While falling ruffs her silvery gorge disclose:
On either chin two roseate dimples sit-
While round her neck her violet trousers fit.
His other hands an omberele maintain
To crush the foe-or be on hand-for rain.
An arquebuss is slung across his brow-
But, stop he tarts- what sees the Warrior now ?
Is it the crow that ccem from yonder stamp ?
Or other cause that makes the hero jump ?-
Quick to his cheek his catapult he brings,
And flies the cat !-as shot from patent springs.
One brawny arm now taps his claret nose,
And winks his orb, as if some thought arose.
One lovely eye is out-the other--has no hue-
Although when gently blown on is light blew!
Armed with this blue-light then he scours the plain,
And-yet no soap to help th' Augean pain.
His age is that of any younger son,
His fighting weight, I judge-about twelve stone.
How nobly pricks his steed !-that steed hirsute,
You know him well, the old accustomed brute.
Now, by my halidame!"-a noble knight !
And yet, Gad-zooks the sun shines pretty bright!
But what-oh! say, WHAT skims the lurid sky ?
IFARK !--'tis the gore of Infant melody !-
" Oh, stop your Nonsense," cries some critic Beauty,
Nonsense-quotha-why what else do they do t'ye ?-
NONSENSE we talk-we read-so act-so live-
And this a tribute that we all receive.
Ah drink, in turn, from his Protean spring,
Though varying shape to each the waters bring.
While giant Error half the world misguides,
And giant Humbug all the rest bestrides,
Let pigmy Nonsense also cut a caper,
And, if he choose, like others, stain some paper.
No guile in him-he wears no cheating mask,
But acts his name, and gives you what you ask.
Shall whales alone go spouting o'er the deep,
And flying fish not take a sportive leap?
While Jews and Sicilians at old Wayside inns,"
With Yankee poets drink and toast their shins;
Spin out stale yarns and twaddle, after Chaucer,
Like Mrs. Harris o'er her cup and saucer--
Talk Jarl" and jargon and then-disagree,
'Till "Norway" wakes, and scrapes his fiddle-de-dee
While Barnum swings his gay cartoons o'erhead,
And fills Grace Church to see his pigmies wed;
While Natty Willis writes about his chickens,
And every dabster tries to play the Dickens,"
While Dobbell sighs "the wold, the wold, the wold!"
And Maud's young man howls shivering in the cold-
While Father Bryant drones about those apples,
Or with poor Pope for nod Homerian grapples,
While gaunt Bohemia vents its surplus bile
In maudlin ravings got by gin- and while
"Atlantic" scribblers praise each other's stuff.
'Till even "Athens" sick'ning cries-" enough !"
While puff and strain the mechanician daubers,
Who Spio tart-then end as Sunday jobbers,
While even Wall Street, caught by flying cinder,
Supports a Bay, and owns her Peter Pindar,
Who ardent still blows up his smouldering tinder:
While mawkish fietions every taste engage,
And blood and Bedlam stories are "the rage"-
Shall we not rave like all the other rhymers?
Va power b Foldel-and the Folly chimers!
Shall we not clack like any modish poet,
With genies native-or stirred up by Mdet ?
But let's not groan like those morbific jokers,
Away with dhnwmhy !-and other pokers.
Says old Heraelitu, "to lamh nso sial"
And if we hit, well do it with a grin.
Yet on is meant,--so galle yeo mstdI/ed,
Though oft a gnss makes a species squeal.
There, lively Mis, you've reason for our folly,
Let's cut the critics, and for once be jolly.
Nouaee-ay, marry, and get some day the vwpors,
From which,perhaps, well cure you with our capers.
And ,M ye aol-Off with your cares and troubles I
Sict is I ar Apips- ep i s. bo our Bvmmn I
In Gotham they hold a great FAIR-
Said the World and his wife--" We'll go there ;
" There'll be wisdom enough-
* Let them give us staff
' That will make us all grin at the Fair."
A young lady in Madison Square
Wore two birds and three rats in her hair;
'Till the cats laid in wait,
And pounced on her pate,
And made a good dinner up there.
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There was a young man quite unlucky I
Who lived on a fence, in Kentucky,
With a ditch on both sides,
A sharp rail he still rides,
In the dubious State of Kentucky.
To a very black.man from Ethiopia, Old Abe said-"Pray go to Utopia-
"The bears will be nice. And there 'il be plenty of ico,
You troublesome man of Ethiopia."
There was a musician named Verdi, And for fear he should n't be heard, he
Went for pokers and tongs, And cymbals and gongs,
This son of a hurdy-gurdy!
There was a discreet Brigadier, Very fond of four thousand a-year;
Who, when he heard the guns rattle; Fiercely cried-" Ha L-the battle!"-
Then complacently slid to the rear.
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There was a gay damsel of Lynn, Whose waist was so charmingly thin,
Her dress-maker needed-a microscope-she did.
To fit this slim person of Lynn.
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There was an old cracked Virtuoso, Who said the old Masters were so-so;
His only delight was pre-Baphaelite, And those who had learned how to do so.
There was a Washington chap fond of chaffing, Who with joking kept all the world laughing,
He looked grave as a nun, But he still had his fun,
And fiddled to keep up the drafting.
There's. a lady quite fond of a lark,
Who drives Phaeton and pair in the Park;
She makes the folks stare
As she calls out-" Hey--there I"-
To the quiet.old gents in the Park.
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There was a lady of Washingtonr Place,
Who had such a soft pew at Grace,"
That when the music was o'er
She indulged in a snore
That very drowsy old party at Grace."
There was a young school-girl of Dedham, All the books in the world she had read 'em ;
And reporters ten deep- Took her talk in her sleep-
This prodigious young woman of Dedham --
There was a young,lady of Miltoti, Who was highly disgusted with "Stilton,"
When offered a bite, she said, not a mite," That suggestive young lady of Milton.
There was a young lady of Boston, To the fair she determined to post on ,
It is almo,.t as fineAs ours, I opine, Said this complacent young lady of Boston.
Said Sprigs, as he led out Miss Billion- "A fig for your chaps with a million I
"I can't chatter or talk. But I'm 'cock of the walk,'
For I lead the great German Cotillion!'
There was a young lady of Gramercy Park, Who was afraid to walk out in the dark.
So she got her a beau, The moon frightened her so,
Whe she walked out alone in that Park.
There was a young lady of Gramercy Park, Who was afraid to walk out in the dark.
So she got her a beau, The moon frightened her so,
When she walked out alone in that Park.
There was an Old Boy, who said : How-shall I settle these politics now?
I will sit on this fence, and consider from thence
The probable'end of the row."
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There was a young lady of Rye, Who got a yomug man in her eye;
So she went to a Doctor, But he only mocked her,
And said-" To the Parson apply."
Said a saving young Miss of Nantucket, As she put all her coin in a bucket,
"You lie there perdu- While Greenbacks will do,
A rag is as good a a ducat."
There was a young man of the North- Who flattered the girls, and so forth,
'Till he got all their rings From the poor little things;-
This beguiling young man from the North.
Said a Miss to her Beau in West Chazy, Whose habits were stolid and lazy,
"Let us see the sun rise !" Said he, No!--for your eyes
Would make the old buffer look hazy I"
In Fifth Avenue dwelt a fair entity, Very gay. very thlin, and just twentity
She lived on her toes, Anl had so many beaus,
That she died in a state of ferinentity.
There was an old girl in Broadway, Who always would have her own way;
So she borrowed a gun From a chap that had none,
And shot a buck that was passing that way.
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There was an old man named Smith; Who, dying without kin or kith,
Left his fortune for those,' (For he was very jocose,)
Who bore the strange nowne) of Smith I-
There was a young lady of Boston,
Who ate wedding cake with the frost on,
But though clever was she,
It di'lut agree
With this strong-minded party from Boston.
A. young lady who lived at Cape Cod, Strung her lovers all up on a rod;
Says she-" How are you ?"- They replied, JIather blue;"
This treatment indeed is quite odd."
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A fond youth gave his sweetheart from Shongo. A little ape that he sent for from Congo.
Said she-" How sweetly you woo, T' was indeed kind in you
To send for your portrait from Congo"
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Miss Sally is like Phaeton, And would like to have a run
With Phoebus' steeds, if he'd ensure She'd run off with a Sun.;
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in the sweet town of C'aujohlarie, )Dw elt n maiden more sohd than airy,
She was a five hundred pounder, And if you tried to get 'round her.
You find her. though jfiir yet no fairy.
There was a sly Miss of Batavia, Who was amazed at her lover's behaviour;
When lie gave her a kiss, She said, What is this ?"-
We're unused to such things at Batavia."
There was an old Bull y'clept John,
Who had such a smart Yankee son,
That, when he grew higher,
He tossed up his sire-
That respectable person called John.
Old Miss X-, in a strong minded humour, When fate an old maid seemed to doom her,
Said, while putting on specs, And changing her- sex,
If I can't bloom, I'm bound to be Bloomer!
Said a funny lawyer, Lord Coke, Corporations have no souls"
We'd agree the mot to revoke, If they'd fill up Fifth Avenue's holes!
Thi~iro was anl old girl of Oriskany, Who never was known of to frisk any,
But eloped with a sailor, Though she liked best a tailor,
Saying, It's too late for me now to take 'risk" any.
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In Wall street lived a big beaj, That su: g to a gull in the air
A ditty so sweet, That he fell in the street
And became, not a uidll, but quite b(c)are.
Mr. Soft liked his hair in the middle to part, And adjusted the line with a marvellous art;
Then sallying forth for a stroll in the street, RaisLsd his beaver Mi.ss Velveteen Solddy to greet;
A Deutcher M. P. saw his hair with surprise, And arrested the youth as a maid in disguise.
Said a sage to Jack Snap at the Century," All make speeches to me complimentary-
'" Well-I believe I surpass-" "'Yes,"' says Jack, "you're an as-
Tonlishing man at the Centurv.
Said a Judge, "manus tua Capienda," To an heiress he asked to surrender,
Quoth lie, Evermore, Let. my love be thy law -
"And let thine be to me 'legal tender.'"
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There was an old man at the South, Who wa.; very nmuc-h down in the mouth,
So he borrowed a hat, And dined upov thtat-
Which did'nt please that old man of the South.
There was a young lady who said, "A rich man I never will wed-
"All I ask for in marriage Is a fine house and carriage,
If the man that I love I can wed."
There was a young lady of eighteen, Who thought there was no a~k in wutting;
But she was mistaken, For at forty forsaken,
Was this difficult lady of eighteen..
There was an ambitious young woman, named Harris', Who married a Vicompte from Paris;
But ho left very soon, With every spoon
And fork in the house marked arris.'
There was an old girl in the Bowery, Had a sewing-machine for her dowery;
To her, said her beau, Though you're only sew-sew.
You'll be useful if not very flowery.
There was a poor girl of Fort Lee Who, having a Piano For-ie (a)
The keys could'nt digest. For they locked up her chest,
Which disturbed this poor girl of Fort Lee.
Said a man to his friend catching flies, This life at a club stupefies.
"I think I will marry," Says the other-" No, tarry,
Angels ever look best in the skies !"
There was a young lady of Bath, Whose figure was thin as a lath;
If you stuck up a pin You'd swear it was twin,
To this vertical lady of Bath.
There was an old man, it is said, Who stood day and night on his head,
One day, with a cough, He shook his head off,
And then bought a new one of lead.
There were certain wise men of the East, Who from stirring things up never ceased,
Thev'd a sauce made of Sambo," Arcades Ambo,
Which they served with each dish at their feast.
There came a young man from Bombay, Who had been such a long time away,
They thought he was dead, So they cut off his head,
Which displeased that young man of Bombay.
There's a lively old girl from Arkansas, Who dotes upon dancing "the Lancers ;"
She will collar a man, Whenever she can,
To join her in dancing "the Lancers."-
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Had the Cyv who railed night and day," Said Jones, after dinner,quite gay,
A 'Havana' like this, With its visions of bliss,
SHe'd have smoked the blue devils away."
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There was an old pig wrote a sonnet, About putting his head in a bonnet;
Said he, for a joke, "I'll be pig in a poke,
If ever I've courage to don it."
Nine girls mourned a galliant Zouave, Whom the enemy cut into halg
He wa mine".-" No he's mine," Bawled out the whole nine,
As they fought for a piece of Zouave.
Said a youth to a maiden from Fonda, As they skated about on a pond-" Ah I
Shall I break up the ice ?" Says she-" Yes-'t will be nice,
For I'm tired of living at Fonda."
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There went from New York a great man, Who said to the folks at Japan,
Come, old boys, civilize, Open ports and your eyes"--
Which disturbed those old boys at Japan.
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There was an old fashioned girl in New Haven, Who had in a cage a black raven;
She said in her fright, I must needs paint him white,
For all blacks must be white in New Haven.
A. lonely old man who'd a daughter, That passed half her time in the water;
Cried, as she dipped in the brine, I must now take to u' h,'v .
"As she takes so unkindly to water."
There was an airy young man played the flute, Whose attractions were very hirsute;
Some thought him blind to all he saw. Most when they saw him cried, E-saul"
Which disturbed this young man with the flute.
There was an old girl fond of beaus. Who had ; queer rush of blood to the nose,
So she cried with a sigh, Well!-I suppose I must die--
"I must dye the tip end of my nose."
There was a young lady of Wroxeter, Went out in a field and an ox eat her;
With fear he did quake, When he found his mistake,
But he made tender steak for all Wroxeter.
There was an old person named Lee, Who came to the North to take Tea;
But they offered him Mead(e), And as that disagreed,
He concluded to try Tennessee.-
\\:s ,: young lady whose gown, Kept clean a great part of the town,
Say she I don't care, For the soil and the wear,
l1 must have this fine sweep to my gown,"
An old man went up to the moon, To see if it was a lampoon;
He found a boy there, Feeding up the Great Bear,
With Milky Whey dipped out with a spoon.
Scribimus iundoctefaceteque- Our rhymes are all rather squeaky,
Sans malice prepense- Without any sense-
Risum teneatis amici /