UPPER BOLIVAR ST.
COLON, R. De P.
Central Hardware Store
In front of the Cable Office
Established since 1881
Building Material of every
kind, Arms and Ammuni-
tion, Plumbing and Elec-
J. D. D. MacNeil & Co.
Prince Albert Suits
$60 U. S. C.
Full dress Suits
$55 U. S. C.
$45 U. S. C.
The best to be had south of New York City.
First-class workmanship, silk lined through-
out with rolled silk collars.
P. O. B.
I---- ------- ~ -----
How much does appearance count in your life?
Shakespeare said: "The Apparel oft proclaims the
man," Be sure the proclamation issued by your
clothes is a pleasant one
Kahn- Tailored- Clothes
$25 to $45
are measured, cut and tailored to each individual figure
There are no duplicates. In these clothes you are
yourself and not the twin of any other man in town
Think this over
The American Tailors Co.
C. D. MARTIN, Manager
- Phone 118, Colon Local
10th St. off Front -
THE NEW ROUTE TO INDIA
SFRANK A. GAUSE, Superintendent Canal Zone Public" Schools
d CHARLES CARL CARR, Principal Canal Zone Public High School
S PROFUSELY ILLUSTRATED
An authoritative, vivid, and complete account of
Panama from Columbus until the present day
Pages of Illustrations The Best Book on
The result of two and one half years careful work
Or 0n Sale at all Dealers
Central American Construction
Engineers and Contractors
Colon, P. R. R. Building llth St.
Panama No. 9 Central Ave.
Panama's Oldest Hardware Store
(Established in 1868)
Special attention given at all times to
orders by mail from the Canal Zone
78, 80, and 340 Central Avenue
Cutlery, Plated, Enameled and Aluminum
Ware, Tea Pots, Coffee Percolators, Electric
Irons, Ice Cream Freezers, Blue Flame Stoves,
(New Perfection) Portable Ovens, Safety and
Ordinary Razors, Automatic Razor Strops,
Shaving Sets, Rifles, Shot-guns, Pistols, Tools
for all Trades, Paints, Oils, Varnishes, Stains,
Brushes, Germ-Proof Filters, Lampware, etc.,
VOL. IV CANAL ZONE HIGH SCHOOL, FEBRUARY 15, 1913 No. 1
THE STAFF CLASS EDITORS
EMMA STUBNER '13................. ..................EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ancon.-BLOSSOM COMPTON '15; EMMA METTKE, '16.
EVA SWINEHART '14.......................------.......ASSOCIATE EDITOR Empire.-PAUL WARNER, '15; FRANCIS HOLLERAN, '16.
FRED BARBER '13-....-........................-...BUSINESS MANAGER Gatun.-FRANKLIN CUMMINGS, '15; KATHARINE HARDING, '16.
JOHN LOULAN (Gatun) '15..............CIRCULATION MANAGER
THE GOLDEN WATCH FOB.
By EMMANUEL PERRY, '13.
I first met Monsieur Mielac at a large hacienda,
of which he is the owner, up in Chiriqui. He is one
of those old French gentlemen that one occasion-
ally meets in this country, who, having adventured
for the best part of their lives, finally settle down
in some unexpected corner of the earth where they
are content to spend the rest of their existence.
Mielac and I were sitting one afternoon in the
shade of a large aguacate tree which grew close to
the house, when I happened to notice the strange
fob which he wore and, in answer to my question of
its origin, he told me the story of how he had ac-
"I came to the Isthmus with the first French
Company in 1883 and served with them for a year
and a half, whereupon, having saved a considerable
sum of money and the general routine of my work
having lost its charm because of the death of most
Sof my friends (fever you know-you'd wake up in
the morning and find your next-door neighbor dead)
I decided to try a little prospecting.
"I had heard stories of gold in the headwaters
of the Chagres and so decided to go there.
"Because of heavy rains, it took our party nearly
two weeks to get up into the Pelucca. We had two
large cayucas and our dunnage and provisions
weighed about fifteen' hundred pounds so. it was
(as you Americans say) a mighty hard job. After
a fortnight of poling we reached the Pelucca where
I had decided to begin work.
"Several locations were prospected, all of which
showed color but the gold didn't come in paying
quantities. On an average the amount of gold
washed would not quite pay for the upkeep of the
expedition. After several weeks, during which hard
luck seemed prevalent and the food supply had
begun to run short, one of my men struck a large
pocket of coarse ore and nuggets.
"You know how we Frenchmen are. When I
saw that gold I was all enthusiasm and Iwanted to
continue the work. In order to do so it was neces-
sary to have supplies. There were a lot of wild
bananas growing in a small stretch of lowland a few
miles below, which would keep us supplied if we
could only obtain meat, and as several herds of wild
pigs had been seen, I sent a couple of my men for
"One of the hunters foolishly shot the leader of
a herd, an act which is virtually suicide. The
blood lust was aroused in the others and they
rushed the men. One of them escaped to a tree but
the other was torn to pieces.
"We at the camp didn't know what had become
of them and so instituted a search party. When we
arrived at the scene of the tragedy, Miguel (that
was the name of the man who escaped) was crouch-
ing up in the tree which he had climbed and the
drove of pigs encamped about him in a circle.
You know they've been known to tree a wild cat
in this manner and by going for food in relays,
starve him out. They scattered when they saw
us and disappeared into the jungle. There was
nothing left of the dead man but his skeleton andwe
"I tried every way I could think of to get the men
to stay and continue operations, but it was useless
and so, perforce, the camp was broken and the
trip down the river commenced.
"The river was swollen by a succession of heavy
rains and while shooting one of the worst rapids,
the cayuca containing what few provisions we had
left, capsized. By some freak of chance all of the
men were saved and although the food was lost,
we managed to recover the boat.
"Then followed three days without food. The
men became sullen and seemed to regard me re-
sponsible for their plight.
"It was about noon of the third day that one of
them, half delirious with hunger and exposure, tried
to assassinate me, but luckily I turned in time to
dodge the machette and had little difficulty in
overcoming my weakened assailant.
"It was growing dusk when we reached a small
group of huts, late in the afternoon of the same day.
Here we obtained enough rice and venison to last
until we should reach San Juan, which we did soon
"But," I asked after having heard his story,
"where does the watch fob come in."
"Well," he said, "when, after having paid off the
men I found that I had several thousand dollars
left (for that pay streak yielded a rich profit) I had
the biggest nugget made into the fob which you see
here. The ranch represents the rest."
Catherine Francis, '12, was married to Luke
Farmer on December 26. Mr. and Mrs. Farmer
are living in Empire, Canal Zone.
Ruth Hackenburg, '12, is attending the con-
servatory of music at Oberlin, Ohio.
Myrtle Lindersmith, '12, has been attending the
Toledo Normal School at Toledo, Ohio. She will
accompany her parents to California, where they
will move in the near future.
Helen Michaels, '12, is spending the winter with
her sister, Mrs. Thorpe, of Empire.
Edith Stevens, '12, has returned to Gorgona
after a vacation in the States.
Marguerite Stevens, '11, is attending business
college in Baltimore, Md,
DESCRIPTION ALTzE SCHOL/E
By FRANKLIN CUMMINGS, Gatun '15.
(Apologies to Julius Caesar.)
All of the Canal Zone High is divided into three
parts; in one of these assemble the Anconites; in
another, the Empirites; and in the third, the Gatun-
ites, who, in the language of their teacher, are called
the "No Nothings." These all differ in numbers,
behavior, and mentality. A section of the Panama
Railroad divides the Gatunites from the Ancon-
ites, likewise from the Empirites. The boldest of
these are the Gatunites, because they are farthest
away from the discipline and torture of the Division
of Schools; and, most of. all, because a certain
people, called the Cristobalites, make frequent
journeys back and forth to them and bring in that
which strengthens the spirit; they are the best
acquainted with the teachers, who live in the house
of Learning, and with them they wage verbal war
continuously. For this reason, the Cristobalites
also surpass in courage the rest of the High School-
ites; because they contend almost daily in argu-
ments with the teachers, when they either defend
themselves against long lessons or purposely dis-
turb the peaceful atmosphere by their maledictions.
Of all these, one division, in which it has been said
that the Gatunites exist, is ruled by two women;
is attended by Sophomores and Freshmen, and
visited by the Principal of all the High Schools;
it is also domineered over by the Superintendent
and his Assistant; it lies.to the north. The Ancon-
ites are arisen from every limit of the Zone; they
are governed by two men and several women; and
they.are the nearest to the Division of Schools;
they assemble in the south. The Empirites are
composed of Sophomores and Freshmen from
several neighboring towns and villages, and are
ruled by the same force that is in command of the
Anconites; this division is in the central part.
SWe have a gay lad named Perry
Whose manners are light and airy,
His lessons, they say
He has every day,
Unless he finds them contrary.
THE LONE CHINAMAN IN THE EMPIRE
By MABEL BYRAM, Empire, '15.
On the road between Empire and Culebra there
is a Spanish and Negro cemetery, the most inter-
esting feature of which is the lone Chinaman, who,
in the corrugated-iron hut, ekes out a solitary ex-
istence in the city of the dead.. Among the head-
stones in the lonely cemetery, one comes unex-
pectedly upon this hut, made by the simple ex-
pedient of piling slabes of corrugated sheet iron
about some slender wooden posts. Three of these
slabs inclose the hut on as many sides, while the
fourth side has been made into a rude entrance-way
with two more of the iron sheets. A roughly con-
structed roof of the'
same material ".
serves as protection I'sA'
from the tropical
rain and sun. The
interior is scarcely
less primitive than
the outside. The
single article of
furniture, the bed,
attention. It is
made of two hard
boards raised about
a foot off the
ground. A piece
of wood equally as THE CHINAM
hard is the pillow.
This rude bed serves also as a chair and table. On
the opposite side of the room is a rough stone fire-
place over which hangs the kettle, supported by
sticks. A few blackened buckets and pans com-
plete the furnishings of the room.
From an inspection of this rude home one after-
noon we came out into the glare of the tropical sun
to find the hermit before us. If we had expected
to see an unkempt, slovenly creature.we were agree-
ably surprised. Before us was a man, tall for a
Chinaman, though slight of. build and somewhat
stooped. He appeared to be about 45 years old
and in good health. His clothes were old and ap-
parently those discarded by railroad employees,
but they were carefully mended and clean. He
was not sociable but he did not seem to reseit our
visit to his home. When we attempted to. talk
to him he looked at us mutely and convinced us
by his actions that he was dumb.
Report tell us that his life is very simple. Hi
arises at 3 o'clock in the morning t6 visit a spigot:
on a water pipe along the Panama Railroad Where
he takes his daily bath. The remainder of the day
he spends in the cemetery puttering about his
home or sitting moodily on the rude bed within or
perhaps doing the little sewing and patching that
his simple wardrobe requires. He lives on fruit
that he can gather near his hut or, it is said, on
the more substantial things which other Chinamen
leave on the ground for him.
Many tales, passed on from French days on the
Isthmus, are told
to explain his soli-
tary life. One of
these picture him
as a business man
in Empire in part-
nership with one of
The story goes that
the two men quar-
reled and this one
killed his partner.
it best to leave the
murderer to the
N AT HOME Chinese colony in
Empire and to
allow them to mete out whatever punishment they
thought best. According to their law and custom
he should build a housein front of his partner and
reside there the remainder of his life without
speaking to anyone, sleeping on a hard bed, and
eating only what he found himself in his imme-
Latin is as dead as it can be,
It killed all the Romans,
And now its killing me.-Ex.
4 THE ZONIAN
ANOTHER STORY OF THE OLD
By JOE UDRY, '14.
Another story places the beginning of the China-
man's tragedy in the gambling den in Panama in
olden days when the city suffered under an insuffi-
cient and corrupt police system. It is said that
the police were partners of gamblers in the
business, and that, without interfering, they often
saw men of all characters and nationalities jostle
with each other to win or lose a fortune, as fate
One night during a game of roulette, two French-
men planned to steal the money from the table.
When everyone in the game had made his bet
and was intensely interested, one of the Frenchmen
who was standing in the corner of the room, pulled
his revolver and shot at an imaginary coral snake.
While all the players had their attention momen-
tarily drawn toward the man who had done the
shooting, the other Frenchman grabbed all the
money. Everybody accused everybody else and
pandemonium reigned in the gambling den.
The real thief was accustomed to tricks of this
sort. He calmly accused an innocent looking China-
man who was standing near by.: As he spoke, the
gambler drew his revolver and leveled it at the
Chinaman to enforce his accusation. Then, seeing
the hostile look in the Chinaman's eyes, he pulled
the trigger. The Chinaman dodged the bullet and
retaliated by plugging a knife into the gambler's
The murderer's father, a wealthy'and prominent
merchant of the city, disowned him as he did not
wish a blemish attached to the family name. The
son, a fugitive from justice, planned to go to an
inland town under an assumed name. Before
leaving he went to a teacher of Confucianism and
told his story. The teacher said he would be for-
given if he did penance. The punishment imposed
was that he must live in the cemetery where his
victim was buried, for twenty years, wearing only
the clothing and eating only the food that people
gave him; and that he must not speak to a living
soul during the whole twenty years.
The grave in front of him gives the date of
February 1, 1899. The United States Government
moved his hut to a prettier spot some time ago, but
he tore it down and put it back in its former pos-
ition in front of the grave. The authorities also
took him to Ancon Hospital, but he refused to stay.
Since then he has been allowed to remain in the
cemetery and everything possible has been done
for his convenience. This odd character seems re-
signed to his fate, whatever it is. Whether his
tongue was cut out as part of the punishment meted
out to him, as some say, or whether he is fulfilling
the vow to speak to no one and is really not dumb,
is a matter of conjecture. Truly, the ways of
Chinamen are mysterious!
"YE WEEKLY THEME."
KATHARINE HARDING, '16.
(With apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge.)
It is a teacher stern and bold
And she stoppeth one of three:
"Because of thy unwritten theme,
Thou must remain with me."
"Oh, teacher, no; oh, teacher, please,
I can not do that-work."
"Oh, yes, thou canst," the teacher says,
"This theme thou must not shirk."
Alone, alone, all, all alpne,
Alone in a great bare room;
And never a one took pity on
This child in misery.
The shrieking whistle now she hears,
The pupils glad have fled,
"Thou must remain until thou'rt through,"
The tired teacher said.
The teacher's guest here beat her breast,
Shq heard the train pass by-,
"Pick up thy pencil and begin"-
She did. so with a sigh.
THE ZONIAN 5
Subjects, subjects everywhere,
But not a one would stick,
Subjects, subjects everywhere,
Nor any one to pick.
She in despair began to write,
And wrote and wrote and wrote,
'Till on the desk before her lay
A theme I shall not quote.
"I'll not receive that kind of work,
Do well thou canst, I'm sure.
It must an outline have, you know,
The title, too, is poor."
"Now sit thee down and do it right,
Be sure to punctuate,
Thy name must in this corner be,
Be quick It is quite late."
VOLUME IV, No. 1.
The first issue of the Zonian for 1912-1913 finds
the Canal Zone High School in its usual flourishing
condition despite the change in location and organ-
ization which has been effective since October 1.
Instead of a main high school at Gatun with
a freshman-sophomore, branch at Anconr, we now
have the four-year course at Ancon, with branches
for freshman and sophomore work at Empire and
Gatun. The change was made to reduce the amount
of train travel for underclassmen. A high school
whose students are scattered along 50 miles of
railroad must necessarily work under difficulties,
the chief of which, in former years, has been the
long daily trip on the train to reach- the main high
school or its branch. Under the present system,
only -a few of the seniors and juniors have long
The noisy 'bus had rattled by,
And it was later yet,
When just before the teacher stern,
She did the paper set.
"Oh good for thee," the teacher said,
"And now I'll let thee go.
But first one word I wish to say
Before thou doth depart,"
"He's marked best, who doeth best
All themes both great and small.
For the teacher stern who never rests,
She seeks to aid each one."
She went like onethat had been stunned,
As if of sense forlorn;
A sadder and a wiser girl
She rose the morrow morn.
trips as the students of the first two years find
high schools within easy range of their homes.
With the exception of the principal and one
other teacher, we have a new faculty this year.
At the Ancon end of the line we have a privilege
for which we are truly grateful, namely, the bus
service. A brake meets the train each day and,
although it is crowded to overflowing, we prefer
the ride to the hot, up-hill walk which would other-
wise be our lot each noontime. The Gatun branch
has a session from 11 a. m. until 3.30 p. m., the
Empire branch from 8 a. m. until 11 a. m., and the
Ancon school holds forth all afternoon from 1 p.m.
until 5 p. m. The Ancon building is situated in a
quiet, pleasant spot similar to the situation of the
With what advantages we have we feel that we
are not so badly off as some of our friends in the
States might imagine. But, did we not have these
advantages and were 'we surrounded by difficulties
such as might have prevailed here a number of
years ago, still we should be proud of and loyal
6 THE ZONIAN
to the C. Z. H. S. Without any hesitation we
venture to say that it is the only high school of its
kind in the world. It is operated by the Govern-
ment for the children of employees and it has
in its enrollment pupils who have been trained in
the elementary schools from Maine to California.
This gives it a cosmopolitan make-up which alone
makes it distinctive. To' say that it is unique may
express the idea of the situation itself, but we
also feel that the careful administration, one result
of which is our school spirit, has aided much to
elevate our Canal Zone High School to its present
FACULTY TAKE NOTICE !
A school man from the United States who was
a recent visitor to the high school, remarked that
it was the best-disciplined institution he had ever
visited. Now, we don't want the faculty to .take
all the credit to themselves and become unduly
puffed up. Please, dear teachers, remember the
good little boys and girls who are "constantly"
striving to earn.exemptions from monthly exams;
please keep this in mind the next time you make
our deportment marks.
The editor-in-chief, on behalf of the stiudefits of
C. Z. H. S., extends a greeting to the new teachers
of the high school, with whom we have already en-
joyed a semester's work.
THE MISSION-OF THE ZONIAN.
THE ZONIAN, our Canal Zone High School paper,
has been produced for the past three years with the
aims in view that actuate the publishing of most
school papers, namely: To give expression to our
individual opinions on subjects already known, to
furnish an outlet for our literary ambitions, and to
give expression to our school spirit. In addition to
.these reasons, THE ZONIAN has had some other
missions which are worth enumerating.
It has been the only medium ot communication
between our coworkers in the States and our own
small band of seekers after a secondary education.
That this feature has met with a ready response in
the States is proved by our large exchange list of
high-school papers from all over the country. An-
other important object of THE ZONIAN is to instruct
and entertain our readers with material, the source
of which is in Panama. While such matter interests
outside readers, we have furnished enough local
news to delight our own contributors. The little
that we may have been able to "write up" may
have corrected a mistaken idea on the part of some
citizen in the United States and that is what we
want to do; to be able to inform and still not allow
our material to verge on uninter-sting facts.
Our number has been small throughout the
existence of the Canal Zone High Schoot and, there-
fore, the publication of a school paper"i s been
rather difficult from the standpoint of quantiy .of
good material. Nevertheless, if we have -made our
paper a means to express our opinions, develop our
talents, reflect our school spirit, and at the same
time please our readers, what more is there to wish?
By the EDITOR-IN-CHIEF.
Recently I have noticed articles both in school
magazines .and other periodicals, regarding "bluff-
ing." This term needsno explanation to the readers
of a high-school paper. Some of these readers may
have even exulted, in times past, over schoolmates
who have secured by hard study what the bluffer
thought might be gained without half the effort.
An article in one magazine sums up the situation
very well: "A girl tried to bluff at her examination.
-The. teacher stopped her work and said to the girl:
'Please don't/try to bluff. Do me the courtesy to
believe that I know my subject well enough to know
at once whea you are not familiar with your work.
Do yourself the justice of being honest with your-
self; for, after all, it is far more important to the
world that you should be honest than that -you
should know my branch.' "
When students learn that they are not "getting
ahead" of the teacher by trying to bluff and that the it
only injury done is that which they inflict upon
their own characters, they will give. up bluffing as
an unprofitable business.
THE ZONIAN 7
The Canal Zone High School affords more than
the usual opportunity to the language student, four
years of Latin and two each of French, Spanish, and
most high schools. Collar and Daniell's Beginning
Latin Book is used in the first year. The first four
books of Casar's Gallic Wars are read in the second
year, Cicero's Orations against Cataline and Oration
for Archias in the third year, and six books of
THE HIGH SCHOOL
German. Furthermore, with the small classes which
are possible in the school, the student receives indi-
vidual attention that is not always given him in"
larger classes in the States.
The prescribed Latin course is similar to that in
Virgil's Aeneid in the fourth year. Prose work is
based on D'Ooge's Composition.
The class in German, second year students, have
read "Hoher als die Kirche," "Fritz auf Ferein"
and are now working on "Die Nonna." During
8 THE ZONIAN
the second semester they will read "Wilhelm Tell."
The elementary Spanish class is studying Mon-
santo's Grammar in combination with Worman's
First Spanish Reader, which in itself is most help-
ful for training the ear of the student to the foreign
sound of the language. The advanced Spanish
students who have studied Monsanto thoroughly,
The course of study in English for the Canal Zone
is not at all unlike the courses in the high schools
of the States. It consists of the study of certain
classics for classwork and the reading of others out-
side of school for written reports and general dis-
are taking a special course in translation, composi-
tion, and conversation on every practical subject,
so as to enable them to speak the language quite
fluently. These advanced scholars are not allowed
to talk anything but Spanish during the class hour.
The elementary French class is following a regular
course in Chardenal's Grammar and will soon start
reading "La Tache du Petit Pierre."
cussion.in classes; and the study of technical rhetoric
with practice in oral and written composition.
There is no handicap, as might be expected, in the
quantity of material for English study. The supply
of books is so generous and varied that even a public
library seems dispensable. The supply of material
for original composition work is inexhaustible, not
only for the scientific mind, in, the work of building
THE ZONIAN 9
the Canal, but for lovers of adventure, in the jungle
and the unsettled and half-civilized regions border-
ing the Zone, and for lovers of fancy, history, and
legend, in which the whole country abounds. Com-
position work is occasionally based on the material
of the literature studied, but the field for the
original is so wide and so much more interesting
to the writers themselves that little of the unoriginal
The Freshman began the new semester with a
review of highest common factor ard least common
multiple in algebra in preparation for fractions and
simple fractional equations which will occupy their
attention for some time to come. The Sophomores
have just completed the algebra course and are be-
ginning the new semester with Wentworth's Plane
Geometry in which text three books are to be finished
this year. Juniors also take up a new mathe-
matics course at this time; they are elitering into
the mysteries of solid geometry. The trigonometry
course which is elective for Seniors has three mem-
bers this year-three boys who are preparing foi
The Sophomores are well into their year's work
on ancient history. They have completed a study
of the ancient civilizations preceding Greece and
have begun to amplify their study of Greek history
by a month's work on Greek culture-the art
literature, and architecture of the Greeks. Some
good reference books and a number of pictures are
making this work very interesting. The third year
is using HIarding's Essentials of Medieval History
as a basis for the year's work. The course, how-
ever, includes much outside reference work in
secondary and source books. Montgomery's Eng-
lish History forms the outline for a thorough course
in that subject which the Seniors are taking.
Source and secondary reference books are used
extensively. The Seniors are spending apart of their
time in working out the great general movements
which began in the Middle Ages and have developed
into an integral part of the English constitution as
it is to-day.
The course in civil government which runs
through the second semester for the Freshmen is
always very interesting in the Canal Zone-because
the members of the classes are from every section
of the United States. It is interesting to compare
the different forms of local government which pre-
vail in the sections from which different members
come. A thorough study of the New England town
meeting is made and reports of actual town meet-
ings are received each year from Maine. These
reports form the basis for a town meeting which is
organized in the civil government classes. Labor-
atory work in the form of elections, trials, and
legislative sessions add zest to the work during the
latter part of the course.
Botany and Physics students in the high school
are able to supplement their work by much outside
field experience in the Canal Zone. The great
principles of physics are constantly applied in canal
construction and the flora of tropical Panama
presents a fascinating outside laboratory to the
botany class. The Seniors are finding that their
textbook and laboratory work in physics is made
doubly interesting by visits to the locks and dams,
the Culebra Cut, the electric power plants, the
water reservoirs, and similar places. The Juniors
are taking field trips to study the botanical forma-
tions in the Zone and in the Republic of Panama.
The Freshman classes in Physical Geography
have found -that Panama presents a wonderful
laboratory for outdoor study. The rocks, the
volcanic formation of the Isthmus, the Chagres
river, the tides of Colon and Panama, the wet and
Sdry seasons, and scores of other interesting things
have occupied their attention during the course.
A number of specimens of sedimentary, igneous,
and metamorphic rocks were collected. The
SPhysical Geography pupils have decided that
Panama presents almost every form of phenom ena
except glacial erosion.
S THE TEMPERATURE IN PANAMA.
An Experiment Performed by the Freshman
Physical Geography Classes.
"How hot does it get in Panama, anyway? It
must be frightful down there most of the time!
Why, how on earth do you stand the heat? I'll
bet its a hundred in the shade most every day!" *
10 THE ZONIAN
Just such questions as these which we always
hear every time we take a vacation in the States
caused us Freshmen to enter with much spirit into
a little test which Mr. Carr wished us to make in
connection with our physical geography work. He
asked us to take temperature readings at our re-
spective homes for three days in January-the 24th,
25th, and 26th. The readings were to be taken at
7 a. m., 9 a. m., 12 noon, 3 p. m., and 6 p m. Then
we were to make a temperature curve representing
the results of our work.
While our readings may not be accurate, they
give a fair idea of how hot, or rather how cool, it is
in Panama. We give the results for January 25 and
SJanu- 7 9 12 3 6
ary. a. m. a. m. a.m. p.m. p. m.
25 82 83 84 84 83
Colon .................- 26 80 82 84 85 83
25 76 78 81 82 79
Gatun._-........... 26 77 79 82 83 79
25 75 77 83 82 81
Empire ..-...---. 26 76 77 84 86 80
25 74 82 86 86 84
Culebra-----............... 26 69 78 85 88 80
25 74 82 89 93 83
Miraflores...---... 26 77 79 86 88 85
25 77 79 83 88 82
Corozal-..... 26 78 81 86 89 82
25 74 82 88 93 82
Balboa .. ---.........- 26 84 91 94 97 80
While the outcome was not surprising to most
of us, it may interest our skeptical friends in the
States to know that thehottest temperature recorded
by any of us was 97 degrees at Balboa on January
26 at 3 p.m.; and this was probably a mistake as the
government report for January,gives 930 at An4
con on January 11 as the hottest weather recorded
during the month. But listen to this, if you wish
to be still mote surprised. During these three days
it did not get hotter than 85" in Colon, more than
83" in Gatun, more than 88' in Culebra nor more
than 89' in Corozal.
Residents of each of the Canal Zone villages are
wont to claim that the climate in their respective
towns is just about the best on the Isthmus. Be-
cause of this constant rivalry there was much in-
terest in the class when the reports of temperature
readings came in. Perhaps these particular readings
were not a fair test, but the pupils from the Atlantic
end were inclined to say "I told you so," when the
r figures showed that Colon and Gatun were cooler
than places at the Pacific side of the Isthmus.
"Just wait until the rainy season," retorted the
pupils from the Ancon side. "Colon will be hot,
rainy, and nuggy enough for you then!" The-
Pacific side supporters admitted that it might be
hotter on their side during the daytime but that it
was cooler at night. The Atlantic champions de-
clared that their climate was always more equable
on account of the sea breezes which blow steadily
during the dry season and are present even dur-
ing the rainy weather.
TO THE SCHOOL BUS.
ARTHUR HOWARD, '13,
Thou, too, whirl on, O Bus of School!
Whirl on, O Vehicle, bright and cool!
Students with all their fears,
With all. the hopes of future years,
Are riding, breathless, at your fate!
We know for what purpose turns thy wheel,
What students within, they shade do feel,
Who assigns our Latin, French, and "All."
What voices ring, what teachers sweet
In that little book so very neat,
Let, in perhaps haste purpose fall!
Fear not each sudden jolt and shock,
'Tis of the road and not the knock.
'Tis not a sound to turn one pale
And make one tremble till he fail!
In spite of all the awful roar,
In spite of good books on the floor,
Whirl on-but take us to the sea-
Our hearts, our hopes, are all with thee,
Our hearts, our hopes, our books, our fears, -
Our knowledge-far above our seers-
Are all with thee, are"all with thee!
THE ZONIAN 11
THE GATUN SPILLWAY.
By JAMES P. JERVEY, JR., Gatun '15.
One of the chief features of the construction work
at Gatun'is the Spillway. This great piece of work
is situated near the center of the Gatun Dam and
will be used to carry off the overflow of the large
The Spillway extends through the Dam, and is
800 feet wide at the top and narrows at the bottom.
The sides, which are 60 feet in height, are protected
from water erosion by concrete walls. The floor
is likewise protected by a thlickness of concrete.
At the end nearest the lake, a large concrete dam
is being built to hold the water at an elevation of
85 feet above sea-level. In this dam are four tem-
porary gates by which the lake level can be held at
When this dam is complete, the water will flow
through 14 large gates at the top, making falls from
70 to'75 feet high. Anyone who has seen the sight
produced by the water running over the unfinished
dam at 50.feet, can get an idea of the size of the com-
pleted dam. The water power generated at the
Spillway will run the permanent power house at
Gatun, which will supply electricity to the
machinery of the Gatun Locks.
As the Water flows over the edge, it falls in a
roaring torrent against great blocks of concrete,
just below the dam. It strikes the piers with great
force, hurling the spray many feet into the air.
Now and then a floating island, composed of vege-
tation frotn Gatun Lake, is hurled over. the brink
and carried out to sea.
SAlthough the Spillway is somewhat overshadowed
by the Dam and the Locks, it's great neighbors, it is
nevertheless a very imposing sight; and the
tourist who goes over the work at Gatun without
seeing the Spillway misses a very important and
interesting part of the Canal work.
WHAT GATUN SOPHOMORES THINK
FRANKE REISNER.-"School is a series of lec-
tures given by Miss Daniels and seconded by Miss
SMIRIAM STEVENS.-"Lessons, lessons, every-
where and not a moment to think. For knowledge
we'll ne'er be thirsty, for we get too much to drink."
JAMES JERVEY.-"I love school; in fact I think
I would rather be in school than anywhere else--
except out of school."
ANDREW FRASER, (giggling)-"It's so funny."
JOHN LOULAN.-"Ah! 'tis no place for an artist."
FRANKLIN CUMMINGS.-"A routine of study."
LORIMER WHITEHEAD.-"A difficult place to
Judging from the large number of exchanges we
receive from the different high schools all over the
United States, the ZONIAN is a welcome visitor on
its semi-annual appearance at the exchange editor's
desk. Part of the interest in us comes, no doubt,
from the face that we are located in an interesting
place; but we are vain enough to feel that the
ZONIAN has many admirers for its intrinsic value as
a school paper. Exchanges addressed to William
Fraser, Cristobal, will receive proper attention and
will be placed in the files of our school-paper organi-
zation. The following papers have been among
those received this fall and we acknowledge them
The Review, John Marshall high school, Chicago.
The Magpie, De Witt Clinton high school, New
The H. S. Recorder, Saratoga Springs, N. Y.
The Radiator, New Haven, Conn.
The Lens, Portland, Oreg.
The Academy, Milwaukee, Wis.
The Increscent, Beloit, Wis.
The Oracle, Jamaica, N. Y.
The Student, Covington, Ky.
The Occident, Rochester, N. Y.
The Tiger, Little Rock, Ark.
: The Caldron, Fort Wayne, Ind.
The Review, Shamokin, Pa.
The Pennant, Lebanon, Ind.
The Student, Richmond, Ky.
12 THE ZONIAN
The Caldron, Fort Wayne, Ind.-Your paper
is very good but a few' headings and cuts would im-
prove it greatly.
The Tiger, Little Rock.-Your paper is extra good.
You have some fine stories and the numerous de-
partments are well developed.
The Occident, Rochester, N. Y.-Good stories,
clever jokes, and attractive cover.
The Student, Covington, Ky.-Your stories are
The Increscent, Beloit, Wis.-Your paper is good
as a whole. Why not have an exchange column?
A TROPICAL DAY-DREAM.
MIRIAM STEVENS, Gatun '15.
It was a warm day even for the tropics; but in
the quiet wards of Colon Hospital a refreshing breeze
danced like a good fairy to cool the fever-touched
brows of the patients, and frosty drinks were fur-
nished by the watchful nurses to those able to
partake of them. In the white men's fever ward a
young doctor was making his rounds, pausing here
and there to give a word of advice or a cheery prom-
ise. He stopped beside one of the beds and regarded
with puzzled expression the moaning boy who lay
"This is a most curious case," said he, turning to
the nurse. "This boy has me completely at sea.
He has no fever and his appetite is good, yet he is
delirious a good deal of the time and complains of
"He seems to be a nervous wreck," answered the
nurse. "Probably overworked at school."
"In that case," was the emphatic reply, "a week
at Taboga will do him good. We'll send him as
soon as the delirium leaves."
As they continued their way through the ward,
Lorimer, the subject of this converstaion, sat bolt
upright in bed. Then, to the astonishment of his
neighbors, he hugged his pillow elatedly.
"Oh joy!" he exclaimed. 'Lazy Lorimer' has
put one over this time! It was worth being a
Lunatic for a day to get rid of those beastly exams.
Ugh, but that quinine !"
He sank back on his pillow with ashudder. Then,
being very lazy indeed, he lay day-dreaming:
"Why, what's this? he cried in surprise, for the
cozy bed hadvanished and he found himself shiver-
ing with cold on the banks of a narrow, muddy
stream. On inspection he sighted rather vaguely
a large barren-looking house. He immediately ran
up the hedged path that twisted toward the building,
but at the steps a sharp, cold wind drove him in so
hastily, that he saw little of the exterior. He paused
on the threshold with an exclamation of awe at the
scene which greeted his astonished eyes. He had
entered a 'small hall and found, facing him, four
doors exactly alike. The hall had no windows but
it was illuminated by radiance cast from the starry
robe of a silken-draped girl who stood in the center
of the room.
"I am Iris, daughter of the Rainbow," said the
girl, "and you must follow me."
Willingly Lorimer obeyed, as Iris with a. golden
key opened the first door. They found themselves
in a long, narrow room that might have been a
hospital for midgets. Tiny beds were placed in
precise rows down each side and the windows were
darkened with soft curtains to insure peace.
Lorimer and his fair guide were enabled to pass un-
perceived over the thick velvet carpets to the side
of the .first bed. There lay a fragile little form
bruised and broken. Each of the beds held one of
these spirit-like creatures and each wee being was
wounded and ill.
"You must see these," whispered Iris. "They
are broken promises. Look!" She lifted the card
on one of the beds and read, 'John's promise to
learn his. history.' Ill kept and badly strained"
was her comment on it.
The boy turned quickly away from the wistful
dark eyes that gazed at him with oceans of pain
in their depths, and covered his ears to shut out the
moans that escaped from the parched lips.
"Don't show me any more!" he said hastily-
"I can ndt bear to look."
"A promise if well kept is the most beautiful thing
in the world," said Iris softly. "Look again.'"
She drew aside the curtains of a near-by window and
showed Lorimer a sunny courtyard in which rosy
little people romped and frolicked. One of the
sprites fluttered to the window, piping in a Voice..
THE ZONIAN 13
like the ripple of bells, "See me! I am James Paul
Jervey's promise to write his Latin lesson."
As they opened the door a dreadful clamor
greeted them. Confusion reigned within. The air
was thick with bugs, beetles, bats, and all kinds of
loathsome creatures. Over the dirty floor were
strewn papers, pencils, chalk, and fragments of
torn books. Everything went in pairs, each article
linked to something-else. A tall gaunt man, labeled
"A Bursting Headache," had a phonograph
strapped to his back and from the instrument came
the familiar tune of "Casey Jones." A sheet of paper
covered with algebraic signs and figures ran about
crying "I am lost!" but a dime novel fluttered along
beside it. There were scores of ugly creatures,
tagged "No time," but these were all firmly fastened
to horses, books, bicycles-all the usual distractions
of pupils. At the far end of the room huge, red-
eyed monsters blinked hate at the newcomers.
"I don't understand," said Lmrimer feebly.
"These" exclaimed Iris, "are False Excuses and
everyone is linked to the true reason for the negli-
gence. Those algebra problems reported lost were
never worked, for the boy was reading 'Dick Dal-
ton's Reward.' The boy who said he had a head-
ache spent his time playing the phonograph at the
Y. M. C.A. 'I had no time' is a misshapen monster.
Those horrible creatures down there are Excuses that
are nearly ready to go into the room with the Lies.
The worst Lie that has been here is just now at the
door of that room. We call it 'Lorimer's excuse for
not taking his exams,' and it left a slimy-
"Please hush," cried Lorimer. "It won't be there
any more. I am going back. I can have fun with
Miss Pratt and-- "
"Your fun with the teachers," Iris interrupted,
"goes into the fourth room which contains Wasted
Wit and Impudence. All your clever sayings do
harm when used against yoir teachers or fellows.
We are not going in there; but now I am going to
make an Excuse of you and tie you to that 'green,
cornononitinsium with yellow scales and great
"No! No! No!" yelled Lorimer in terror as he
backed away from Iris who had grown to look some-
what like Miss Daniels and somewhat like a police-
man in lavender. "I am goin' back to take those
examinations right away! Oh-h-h-h!"
A frightened boy struggled in the firm grasp of
the nurse who was shaking him back into conscious-
ness. He stared wide-eyed for a second, then
announced, "I want my clothes, I'm going home
"Quietly, now; you have been ill," purred the
nurse. "You seem better, though, and it won't
be too long before you can go." .
"Right now, I'm goin' declared Lorimer. "I'm
not sick, never was-just bluffing. But I'm through
I want to go home! Mamma! Miss Daniels!"
A SPANISH PRIEST.
By WILLIAM FRASER, '14.
A prominent character in the towns of Colon and
Cristobal is an old Spanish priest. At any time
you meet him he has a smile on his broad brown face.
He is a very kind old man and a very hard-working
priest. There is a legend in connection within him,
and every time you see him you think what a
strong character and will-power he must have had
in his earlier years. The story connected with this
priest is that he built a large reinforced concrete
church with the aid of two prisoners who had both
served a long term in Chiriqui prison and had de-
cided that they would start over in the world,
forgetting all that had happened in the past and
only think of things which they nad made up their
minds to do.
These prisoners went to the old priest one'day
while he was working on the foundation of the
church. They'told the generous old man their
story and he put them to work at once helping him
to build the church. These men worked diligently
under the leadership of the old priest. Day after
day passed and they worked hard on their never-
tiresome task. Years passed and yet you could
see the friendly trio working hard on the church.
The old priest, old enough to be the prisoners'
father, would give the orders and under his super-
vision the other menworked willingly. Theyworked
on until they turned out the finished product in the
form of an old Spanish Cathedral, typical of Cen- .
tral and South American countries. The church
14 THE ZONIAN
still stands and will stand for many years in the
The church is not very large, but it was made
strong and substantial so that it might stand the
weathering of many years. It has large dome which
is inlaid with large glittering shells and when the
sun strikes them they sparkle like huge diamonds.
In this dome there is a large bell which the
priest rings every hour. The church is visited by
many tourists who go to see the old priest. They
always find the old man walking back and forth
on a small walk at the side of the church. He ap-
pears different when you see him on the street with
his broad-brimmed black hat and the cheerful
smile on his wrinkled face. He is very kind to the
children and often stops to talk to them.' This old
Spanish priest is seldom seen in the street but more
often on the little walk at the side of the church.
When you go to see him the thought comes to you,
as it does to everybody else, how such an old man
could build such a large church.
SOME RECENT BOOKS.
"Which One?"-Gladys Mergandollar.
"The Delights of Childhood."-Esther Francis.
Essay on Versatility."-Eleanor Comber.
"The Art of Making Spanish a Bug-bear."-
"New Standard Dictionary."-Fred Whiston.
"Experiences of a Traveler on the P. R. R."-
"A Treatise on Cicero."-Helen Decker.
THE EIGHTH GRADE.
The Eighth Grade (as a whole). Miss Pratt, please
don't give us such a long grammar lesson. There's
a moving picture show to-night.
The Teacher. I'm not sure that that is a good
reason. We all have to miss things sometimes.
Now, I'd like to go to-night, but I have to-
A Pupil. Yes, Miss Pratt, but I bet you went
when you were young. It's our turn now.
This is what Mr. Flory might say if he were
the French Count the boys reported he was going
to be: "Ze algebra! It is not a sing to play wiz.
Eet eez to study. Voila!" (All of which, being
translated means "Get busy.")
What would happen if-
Fred Barber should forget to look around the
Charles should learn the vocativee nomina-
Dorothea should discover that the verb "to be"
never takes an object.
William should forget to be quiet in school.
SEmma Stubner should have to take an "exam."
Marion Blake should not be called on in Latin.
Phoebe Jordan should come to school two days
Gladys Mergandoller missed a dance.
Lewis Moore should get a "case."
Esther Francis should fail to be sweet,
Eleanor Comber should understand an algebra
Arthur Howard should get mad.
James Loulan shouldn't "'spruce up."
Blessed are the teachers that give short lessons
for they shall not be "cursed."
Blessed are those who do not have to take
"exams," for they shall be envied.
Blessed are the Freshmen who do not learn
their lessons, for they shall dwell in the Canal
Zone High School forever.
Blessed is our "piano player," for his voice.
shall not be injured by singing.
Blessed are the Seniors for they liveth in glory.
Blessed is the day when the brake is retarded,
and we kf'oweth not biur lessons, for the periods
shall be shortened.
HEARD AMONG THE SENIORS.
FIRST S.: "It doesn't seem to me as though you
were working for a higher education," -
SECOND S.: "I'm not; I'm working for. a
THE ZONIAN .15
Heard.in theEmpire Freshman Class at 7:40 a. m.
"I have a darling new one just like-- "
"The Algebra for to-morrow -- "
"Oh, it's perfectly swell,.as I said "
"On the train this morning --"
S"Where that everlasting answer to --"
'.Who told you that she knew- "
"The time, place, and--"
"He told me who the girl--"
"And how are you going to have it so that- "
"She got my ring- "
"Where Mr. Carr got the papers- "
"The Latin for to-morrow--
"When you told me how crazy- "
"Miss Hine said the Latin was- "
"Rouge on her- "
"Like the cube root of- "
"Miss MacLaren was just- "
"Was she exempt in Eng- "
"Yes, Mr, Carr got the H, S. pin and he said- "
"That will be grand -"
"And where's the book, could you- "
"Go to the office and-"
"Right in the neck, I am going to make- "
"Here comes Mr. Flory."
Upon the entrance of Mr. Flory accompanied by
a great snapping of the fingers, the room becomes
calm at last.
A FRESHMAN'S IDEA OF THE WORLD
AS LEARNED IN THE PHYSICAL
"The world is composed of two sides, the outside
and the inside. Mr. Carr tells us we have to be on
the inside to get along on the outside.
.16 THE ZONIAN
"The Atlantic Ocean is on one side, the Pacific
on the other. In fact, there is water found on every
part of the earth, except Indiana.
"The world travels ten million miles an hour.
This is considerably faster than the speed of some
Freshman brains on examination.
"No, the Panama Canal and the alimentary canal
are not the same. Otto Warner says he thinks the
latter is somewhere in the northern part of Ohio.
"The Alps are in Switzerland. They were built
so that Napoleon would have something to cross.
Mountains are swollen hills; that is why the Alps
look so swell.
"The world has axes on both ends and that is
why the sea is so choppy.
"The poles are only imaginary; so was the
discovery of one of them."
THE STORY OF A FORTY-NINER.
ADELINE BABBITT, '13.
One warm afternoon I was comfortably sitting
on the cool, shady porch of the Hotel Tivoli, resting
after a strenuous day in Panama City. For the past
half hour I had been dividing my time between
languidly watching the peaceful midafternoon scene
in Panama Bay below me,.and curiously inspecting
a venerable tourist, who sat next to me apparently
wrapped in contented thought. My neighbor was a
well-groomed old gentlemen whose white hairs and
stooped shoulders proclaimed an age unusual in a
tourist; in fact he was one of the oldest visitors
to the Isthmus I had ever seen and this, perhaps,
drew my attention particularly. I determined to
engage him in conversation.
In the patronizing manner which we sometimes
unconsciously assume toward tourists, I remarked:
"Panama is a lovely place, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is," he replied, and turned toward me a
keen, shrewd face which proclaimed him a Connecti-
cut Yankee if his nasal twang had not already told
that fact. "Have you been here long?" he con-
"Five years," I answered proudly, and then
added "I suppose you are seeing the Isthmus for the
"Well, not exactly," he answered with a reminis-
cent smile. "You see I was here some sixty-five
years ago; passed through on my way to Cali-
fornia, you know."
"Oh, tell me about it," I cried. My own superior
attitude dropped from me at once and I was anxious
to sit at the feet of this old man who had seen
Panama long before the Canal had even become a
possibility. He was willing to answer my eager
questions and was soon launched into a graphic
description of the Isthmus as it appeared to those
brave travelers in 1849.
"Colon in those days," he mused, "was com-
posed of a few buildings belonging to the railroad
then being constructed across the Isthmus. The
town, other than this, was only a collection of native
'shacks' and the necessary buildings of a railroad
construction camp. Gatun, to which the railroad
had then been completed, was a good-sized native
village and occupied the valley which is now a part
of the great Gatun Lake. It nestled on the banks
of the Chagres river and was about 7 miles from
Colon, as nearly as I remember. Since we could
travel no farther on the railroad, we embarked in
cayucas at Gatun and were paddled up the Chagres
in these native dugouts as far as Cruces. Here
we took a trail which led us to Panama City. I
shall never forget that trip up the river with its
treacherous rapids and shoals or the subsequent
two days' journey by mule back to Panama.
"The dense tropical foliage came down to the
water's edge along either bank of the river and the
impenetrable jungle was filled with the screams of
wild birds and with many other sounds new and
strange to me. The jungle seemed repulsive to me
and I shuddered to think of the fate of anyone who
would attempt to penetrate it. Indeed, I began to
wonder if we would have to travel through such a
wilderness after we took the trail at Cruces. The
heat was terrific and we sweltered in the boiling
sunshine that poured down upon us as our oarsmen
toiled laboriously up the river. From Crtces to
Panama we found a well-worn trail, but the ever-
present jungle pressed down upon either side of us
and at times seemed to engulf us as we struggled
along toward the Pacific port.
"On arriving in Panama city we found a town
larger than we had expected to see. It contained a
number of dignified-looking churches and many
intricate winding streets; but the whole place Was
indescribably dirty and the streets were almost
impassable in some sections. I was very anxious to
leave, so I immediately produced my sailing ticket
and presented it to a steamship company. They
refused to recognize it. After showing it to the re-
maining companies, who also refused to accept it,
I found that I had met with my first fraud; the
ticket which I had purchased in New York with
the understanding that it would carry me to San
Francisco, was useless.
"Being a. young man on the way to seek his
fortune,:I had naturally put most of my wealth into
the ticket which I had bought in New York. Con-
sequently I found myself in Panama almost penni-
less. A small sailing vessel laden with lumber which
was to leave the next day offered me my only
chance, so I took passage on it as assistant cook.
Although not a good cook, I had worked in a bakery
where I had acquired the knack of making dough-
nuts, so I won tolerance with the crew. We had
remarkable weather for four days, but at the end of
that time we ran into a dead calm which lasted for
twelve days. Then, just asa little breeze began to
blow and we were once more following our course
toward the coveted land, a severe gale struck us out
of the northeast. We were entirely in its control
and were blown hundreds of miles out of our way.
Finally, about ten days later, the storm abated so
that by taking observations we could find our
location. We were so far away that we did not reach
San Francisco for thirty days. Meanwhile, pro-
visions being short, small rations were given each
and we were half-starved when we finally reached
"My first act was to invest my remaining 15
cents in a cup of coffee and a roll. As I ate this
meager repast I tried to make plans for the im-
mediate future. Gold mining, for the time being,
was out of the question; I could not become even
a lone prospector without some sort of a grubstake.
Suddenly I remembered my one accomplishment
-my ability to make old-fashioned doughnuts.
If the sailors had liked them, perhaps the miners
would. At least I could try. Accordingly, I ac-
quired a small capital to make my first batch of
doughnuts. My business started in a market
basket but it- grew into a famous establishment
known all over the Pacific coast. I had found my
gold mine. Through it I became wealthy without
even knowing the feel of pick and shovel."
As the old man finished his recital I realized that
I, too, had found a gold mine of romance and
adventure, where I had least expected it, in the
history of the tourist.
THE DREAM: A SKETCH.
DAVID ASH, EMPIRE, '16.
One day, after wearily reading Irving's "Muta-
bility of Literature," being required by my English
teacher to analyze it and be able to give the
mechanical plan and in other ways dissect and pull
apart the sketch mentioned, I commenced thinking
of the use of reverie made by Irving. I considered
the important parts of the reveries of Ichabod
Crane, Rip Van Winkle, and others in their res-
"Why," thought I, gazing idly at the blue cover
of the alternately hated and loved Sketch Book,
"Every story of Irving's with hardly an exception,
depends upon reverie. Merry, idle, lovable old Rip's
reverie in the Katskill's is but the forerunner of the
mysterious dwarfs, the solemn game of ninepins,
the stupefying flagon, and the rest of the delightful
narrative. And 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'-
would not the tale be flat without Ichabod Crane's
soliloquy and his whistling to keep up his spirits?
Without this, would his fear of the 'Galloping Hes-
sian' be as ludicrous? And his reverie when passing
the fields and viewing the stock of old Baltus Van
Tassel-does it not add zest to this wholesomely
In this idle strain I continued, my brain laden
with Irving and his old stand-by-Reverie. As I
half dozed over these idle thoughts, it seemed that
the doorbell rang. I rose in a dreamy manner, and
went to the door. To my amazement, I saw hitched
outside the most bony, flee-bitten, bespavined steed
it had ever been my misfortune to view.
It's rider, a tall lank individual, stood before me.
His immense splay feetwere encased in leather shoes
adorned with tarnished silver buckles. His thin
shanks were clad in gray knit stockings, and he wore
rusty black smallclothes. Above his thin shoulders
18 -THE ZONIAN
was perched a very small head, with a long, sharp,
red nose and big green eyes that stared glassily at
me. "Ichabod Crane!" I gasped.
Yes," came from a wide slit above his re-
ceding chin, "I am Ichabod Crane." He stopped
and coughed, swallowed his Adam's-apple, and
continued in a thin, reedy voice, "I came to pay
you school children here in Panama a visit. I
heard that you weren't getting your lessons, and
I came to look into it."
His larynx performed a Spanish fandango, but
was again quelled, and he continued, "You're
studying Irving,. who's responsible for me. Now
he's a fine author, or he wouldn't have made
me." His thin chest heaved and his glassy eyes
flashed. "A man that can make characters as good
as Irving made me should be studied."
Cowed by his glassy green optics, I sank weakly
against the screen door which I held open in mute
welcome, and the gangling pedagogue of Sleepy
Hollow entered. I motioned him to a seat, and
picked up my Irving from where I had nearly fallen
asleep over it. Suddenly, from behind a Japanese
screen stepped out "Abraham Van Brunt," known
in the sketch as "Bromn Bones."
Abraham's curly black pate was surmounted by a
coon-skin cap. His hair, which was barely long
enough to queue, hung in an eelskin. He wore a
green coat of the style of 1760, which was adorned
with large brass buttons. His breeches were of rough
twill, and his muscular legs were sheathed in leather
leggings. He laughed in a sneering way at Ichabod,
who cowered in his wicker rocker, and peremptorily
addressed me, "In class yesterday you failed to
describe me. I'm the main character, and I con-
sider it an insult. I'll let you have a good look at
me." He sat down in front of me, and commenced
to whistle. As I glanced anxiously around me, I
heard a "clump, clump," and in came a ragged indi-
vidual in shoes too big for him; though tall and
handsome in a sleepy Dutch-sort-of-way, he looked
unaccustomed to labor.
His tattered smallclothes were held on with a
strap, and his fluttering coat was minus a tail.
On his shoulder he carried a great, long-barreled
antique fowling piece, and at his heels was a fierce,
shaggy, burry dog. "Rip!" I gasped. He chuckled.
"My friend, my only refuge is in hunting. My
wife-." His deep Dutch tones stopped as in came
an old Swiss in velvet, followed by a fat inn-keeper
with several mugs foaming over with ale. "Ah,"
said the Swiss, as he seated himself on the couch,
and was served, "This is fine." He turned to me.
"You did not give 'The Spectre Bridegroom' cor-
rectly, and no wonder. I am the only one to tell
that properly." He took a deep draught of ale.
"Van Brunt" had drained his mug, and was glower-
ing at "Ichabod."
As the Swiss started his tale, I heard a great
screaming flow of language, and into the room rushed
several men in partly Dutch costume, .followed by
"Dame Van Winkle." "Rip" leaped to his feet, and
dived for the couch. The Swiss got under the table,
and "Wolf" commenced barking. As the dame
started for me, "Van Brunt" hurled his mug,
striking "Ichabod" on his snipe nose. As I laughed,
the shrewish dame grappled with me. I clutched
her by the neck, and pressed and pressed. She was
kicking and hugging me, and the crowd stood
around me jabbering in Dutch. As she choked, the
crowd seemed dimmer and dimmer, and suddenly
I awoke. The phonograph across the street was
grinding out "Casey Jones," and rain pattering on
the roof supplied the chattering Dutch I had been
hearing. In my hands I firmly clutched a table leg!
Old Wood to Burn.
Old Friends to Trust.
Old Wine to Drink."
Old Authors to Read."
ARTHUR.-"My only books were women's looks,
And folly's all they've taught me."-Moore.
GABRIELLE.-"There's a gude time coming."-
LESLIE.-"I was not always a man of woe."
ESTHER.-"Red as a rose is she."-Coleridge.
RUSSEL.-"Thou say'st an undisputed thing.
in such a solemn way."-Holmes.
MARION.-Story! God bless you! I've none to tell."
MARIE.-"Speech is silvern, Silence is golden."
KATHERINE.-"Not if I know myself at all."
SARA.-"Joy rises in me like a summer morn."
SwIFT.-"Lost to sight, to memory dear."
PAUL.-"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you
BLANCHE.-"Her very frowns are fairer far than
smiles of other maidens are."
Miss DANIELS.-"Cause me no causes."
Miss PRATT.-"Petition me no petitions."
Miss Pratt. Lorimer, what is Greece?
Lorimer. A' slippery country.
If Sambo is a Swift Carpenter, is Gabrielle a
Franklin. My tongue is twisted.
James. It's long enough to tie in a knot and sharp
enough to cut itself loose.
Blanche. I hear Mr. Carr talks in his sleep.
Miriam. Yes, that is the only time he has a
Miss Pratt. Jim and John are the worst boys
in the Sophomore class. Yes, all the rest are girls.
Jim Jerpey (In Latin class). Inter exercitus iacet
lacus. He threw the army into the lake.
A VISION OF FRESHMAN ENGLISH.
BLANCHE LARCOM, '16.
Miss Pratt. Arthur, please read your theme on
"How I spent the fourth of November."
Arthur (rising). I went to the Y. M. C. A.,
bought some ice cream and ate and ate and ate
Miss Pratt. Sit down, Arthur, I won't listen to
that. Gabrielle, please read yours.
Gabrielte. On the fourth of November, I went to
the swimming pool, and swam and swam and
Miss Pratt. Why Gabrielle, I'm astonished!
Marie, please read yours.
Marie (solemnly). I went to the Chink shop,
bought some gum, and chewed and chewed and
Miss Pratt. Oh Marie, can't you do any better
Marie (in undertone). No'm, not with a piece
of chewing gum.
SMiss Pratt. Why class, what does this mean?
Arthur. I know, Miss Pratt.
Blanche. Hush Arthur, I'm Class President. It's
my place to tell.
Leslie. Both of youse shut up, I'll tell myself.
Katharine. I know, Miss Pratt.
Miss Pratt. Marion, you may tell me.
Marion (slowly rising). It was this way a--
Esther (abruptly). Wasn't neither, Miss Pratt.
It was this way--
Russell. Oh Miss Pratt, it was like this-
Miss Pratt. Hush, Class, I will not listen to that.
You shall be punished by a themeon Rowena. Hand
it in to-morrow.
Katharine. Oh Miss Pratt, that's impossible.
MJarie. I can't do that, Miss Pratt.
Miss Pratt. Why not, Marie? You wrote about
Marie (mournfully). Chewing gum is interesting
and Rowena isn't.
Just then someone poured cold water one me and
I woke with a start to find I was not in the school-
room at all.
THE GATUN SOPHOMORE CLASS-
By FRANKLIN CUMMINGS, '15.
Franke Reisner...............................The Suffragette
Mariam Stevens..................................The Comedian
Jam es Jervey... ...................................Class President
John Loulan...................................... The Artist
Lorimer Whitehead........................The Dandy
Franklin Cummings........................Class Secretary
Andrew Fraser..................................The Clown
"Everybody's Doing It-Doing What? Worry-
ing the Teacher."
"Face alteros antiquam faciunt te."
("Do others before they do you.")
Blue and Gold.
(If you think these jokes are old,
And should be on the shelf,
Just come around, a few of you,
And hand some in yourself.--Ex
Mrs. Carr (in physical geography class). "Where
is the island of Martinique?"
Freshman. "I don't know."
Mrs. Carr (with emphasis). "Well, its strange
that you don't; its in the Mediterranean sea of
Mr. Carr, after much explaining, made it clear
to the Freshmen that if only one in the class is under
fourteen, the rest are fourteen or over.
Think twice, then recite on the essay of silence.
Paul Warner (making a recitation on Greek
history). "The Greeks honored their Gods by
gathering up the armor from the field of Marathon
and welding it into a statue of the Goddess Athena;
then they took a huge girder from Xerxes's Hel-
lespontine bridge and placed it inside the statue of
Mr. Carr (much aroused). "What's that, Paul?
Where did you get that idea?"
Paul. "Why, in my book it says that they took
this girder and placed it in the sanctuary of the
From a Sophomore history paper-"Buddha was
a goddess and the Chinese and Hindoos worshipped
at her shrine."
Miss Reid. "Francis, how would you draw a
picture of a bookworm?"
Francis. "Draw a picture of a book and a worm."
Miss Reid says that only ignorant people are
superstitious and Miss Hine says that Miss Reid
is very superstitious.
Miss Hine says that "constantia" is a first-class
noun, yet Miss Reid tells us never to use slang.
David Ash has just performed a great experi-
ment in the interest of science. He has discovered
that gunpowder will go off.
The way it should have been translated: "Mar-
cus lies sick at home."
The way it was translated: "Active Marcus
lies on the ground."
Ask James Loulan for a mirror and comb. He
can always supply you.
Summary of Adeline's recitation on Milton's
1. Married three times.
2. Used his eyes too much.
3. Became blind.
No, it was Thomas Jefferson!
You can't grow them in Panama!
Yes. You can, in the uplands!
The Dam is 10 miles long!
No, it's only 10 feet!
The Treaty says not!
Show me the treaty!
And so the argument. could go on indefinitely; neither one knowing the facts
The Panama Guide
and find out ALL OF THE FACTS. It is
Exhaustive = Authoritative = Interesting
by JOHN O. COLLINS
Ancon, C. Z.
ON SALE EVERYWHERE
[I. de Sola & Co.
A la Ville de Paris = Panama
CLOTHING unequalled in styles and
material, and for the unrivalled
& M arx
A complete assortment of
WARNER'S Rust-proof Corsets always on hand
- CLOTH $1.25.
Colon Beach, - Colon, R. de Panama.
This Hotel, which will be opened for the gen-
eral traveling public about the 1st of March,
1913, is conducted by the Department of
Hotels and Bachelor's Quarters, of the Panama
Rail Road Company on strictly firstclass lines.
Rooms single or en suite with bath
Meals table de hote or a la carte
The Cuisine and Service are Unexcelled.
There is one Jewelry Store in Colon where you. get a
"Square Deal" and that is at the store of
JOHN VAUCHER & CO.
541 FRONT STREET.
A fine stock of solid gold, sterling silver, and filled goods
always on hand.
Our Watch Repair Department is the best on the Isthmus.
Our prices are moderate and our prices to tourists are no
higher than to our regular patrons
Our aim is to please. If we don't have what you want
in the jewelry line tell us your wants and we will see that they
Get our prices before buying elsewhere.
Remember the place
541 Front Street Colon.
Regular sailings twice monthly to
New Orleans or other Gulf Ports
$32.50 Rate to Isthmian Canal
Commission and Panama Railroad Employees
For sailing dates see Canal
Record and Star and Herald
For passage apply to W. Andrews & Co., Colon
B es for Agate and Jasper of All Kinds and
uyes Colors and Other Semi-Precious Cut
and Polished Unmounted Canal Stones.
Bright Boys to Sell Unmounted Hard Stones
for Uncounted Easy Money. The
Tourist Season Is On. ARE YOU?
Orders for Unmounted and Mounted Work,
Order with Your own Rough Material, if De-
sired. Stone Work Done by One of the Best States'
BOX 72 CRISTOBAL, C. Z.
BBSTIPlN BROS. CO.
Engraved Invitations and
Class and Fraternity Pins
194 Bastian Builiing ROCHESTER, N. Y.
Subscribe to the Zonian
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