• TABLE OF CONTENTS
HIDE
 Front Cover
 Front Matter
 Frontispiece
 Title Page
 Preface
 Table of Contents
 Introduction
 Value of etiquette
 Home manners
 A few words to the children
 In the street
 Salutations
 Washington etiquette
 Introductions
 Going into society
 Parties, balls, and like enter...
 Traveling manners
 Conversation an art
 Wedding customs
 In the dining-room
 Table manners
 Gentlemen's calls
 Ladies' calls
 The timid, the awkward and shy
 The guest chamber
 Letter writing
 Taste and harmony in dress
 The boys and girls at home
 Etiquette of visiting
 A short chapter on business
 Parents and children
 Miscellaneous rules of etiquet...
 Home courtesies
 Toilet recipes
 Cycling
 Back Cover
 Spine






Group Title: Youth's educator for home and society : being a manual of correct deportment for boys and girls as well as older ones who have been denied the privileges and benefits arising from social intercourse, with choice chapters upon kindred topics
Title: Youth's educator for home and society
CITATION THUMBNAILS PAGE TURNER PAGE IMAGE ZOOMABLE
Full Citation
STANDARD VIEW MARC VIEW
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00085414/00001
 Material Information
Title: Youth's educator for home and society being a manual of correct deportment for boys and girls as well as older ones who have been denied the privileges and benefits arising from social intercourse, with choice chapters upon kindred topics
Physical Description: 350 p., 12 leaves of plates : ill. (some col.) ; 25 cm.
Language: English
Creator: White, Anna R ( Author, Primary )
Monarch Book Company ( Publisher )
Publisher: Monarch Book Company
Place of Publication: Chicago
Philadelphia
Oakland, Cal
Publication Date: c1896
 Subjects
Subject: Children -- Conduct of life -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Youth -- Conduct of life -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Conduct of life -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Etiquette for children and teenagers   ( lcsh )
Youth -- Life skills guides -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Bldn -- 1896
Genre: non-fiction   ( marcgt )
Spatial Coverage: United States -- Illinois -- Chicago
United States -- Pennsylvania -- Philadelphia
United States -- California -- Oakland
 Notes
Statement of Responsibility: by Mrs. Anna R. White.
General Note: Text is within an elaborate colored border.
 Record Information
Bibliographic ID: UF00085414
Volume ID: VID00001
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: aleph - 002225241
notis - ALG5513
oclc - 123191215

Table of Contents
    Front Cover
        Front Cover 1
        Front Cover 2
    Front Matter
        Front Matter
    Frontispiece
        Frontispiece
    Title Page
        Title Page 1
        Title Page 2
    Preface
        Page 1
    Table of Contents
        Page 2
        Page 3
    Introduction
        Page 4
        Page 5
        Page 6
    Value of etiquette
        Page 9
        Page 10
        Page 11
        Page 12
        Page 13
        Page 14
        Page 14a
        Page 14b
        Page 15
        Page 16
    Home manners
        Page 17
        Page 18
        Page 19
        Page 20
        Page 21
        Page 22
        Page 23
        Page 24
    A few words to the children
        Page 25
        Page 26
        Page 27
        Page 28
        Page 29
        Page 30
        Page 30a
        Page 31
        Page 32
        Page 33
    In the street
        Page 34
        Page 35
        Page 36
        Page 37
        Page 38
        Page 39
        Page 40
        Page 41
        Page 42
        Page 43
        Page 44
        Page 45
        Page 46
    Salutations
        Page 47
        Page 48
        Page 49
        Page 50
        Page 51
        Page 52
        Page 53
        Page 54
        Page 55
    Washington etiquette
        Page 56
        Page 57
        Page 58
        Page 59
        Page 60
        Page 61
        Page 62
        Page 62a
        Page 63
        Page 64
        Page 65
        Page 66
    Introductions
        Page 67
        Page 68
        Page 69
        Page 70
        Page 71
        Page 72
        Page 73
        Page 74
        Page 75
        Page 76
        Page 77
        Page 78
        Page 78a
        Page 78b
        Page 79
    Going into society
        Page 80
        Page 81
        Page 82
        Page 83
        Page 84
        Page 85
        Page 86
        Page 87
        Page 88
        Page 89
        Page 90
        Page 91
    Parties, balls, and like entertainments
        Page 92
        Page 93
        Page 94
        Page 94a
        Page 94b
        Page 95
        Page 96
        Page 97
        Page 98
        Page 99
        Page 100
        Page 101
        Page 102
        Page 103
        Page 104
        Page 105
    Traveling manners
        Page 106
        Page 107
        Page 108
        Page 109
        Page 110
        Page 110a
        Page 111
        Page 112
        Page 113
        Page 114
        Page 115
        Page 116
        Page 117
    Conversation an art
        Page 118
        Page 119
        Page 120
        Page 121
        Page 122
        Page 123
        Page 124
        Page 125
        Page 126
        Page 126a
        Page 126b
        Page 127
        Page 128
        Page 129
        Page 130
        Page 131
        Page 132
        Page 133
    Wedding customs
        Page 134
        Page 135
        Page 136
        Page 137
        Page 138
        Page 139
        Page 140
        Page 141
        Page 142
        Page 142a
        Page 143
        Page 144
        Page 145
        Page 146
        Page 147
        Page 148
        Page 149
        Page 150
        Page 151
        Page 152
    In the dining-room
        Page 153
        Page 154
        Page 155
        Page 156
        Page 157
        Page 158
        Page 159
        Page 160
        Page 161
        Page 162
        Page 163
        Page 164
        Page 165
        Page 166
        Page 167
        Page 168
        Page 169
        Page 170
        Page 171
    Table manners
        Page 172
        Page 173
        Page 174
        Page 174a
        Page 174b
        Page 175
        Page 176
        Page 177
        Page 178
        Page 179
        Page 180
        Page 181
        Page 182
        Page 183
        Page 184
    Gentlemen's calls
        Page 185
        Page 186
        Page 187
        Page 188
        Page 189
        Page 190
        Page 191
        Page 192
        Page 193
        Page 194
        Page 195
        Page 196
        Page 197
        Page 198
    Ladies' calls
        Page 199
        Page 200
        Page 201
        Page 202
        Page 203
        Page 204
        Page 205
        Page 206
        Page 206a
        Page 207
        Page 208
        Page 209
        Page 210
        Page 211
    The timid, the awkward and shy
        Page 212
        Page 213
        Page 214
        Page 215
        Page 216
        Page 217
        Page 218
        Page 219
        Page 220
        Page 221
        Page 222
        Page 223
        Page 224
    The guest chamber
        Page 225
        Page 226
        Page 227
        Page 228
        Page 229
        Page 230
        Page 231
        Page 232
        Page 233
        Page 234
        Page 235
    Letter writing
        Page 236
        Page 237
        Page 238
        Page 238a
        Page 238b
        Page 239
        Page 240
        Page 241
        Page 242
        Page 243
        Page 244
        Page 245
        Page 246
        Page 247
        Page 248
        Page 249
        Page 250
        Page 251
    Taste and harmony in dress
        Page 252
        Page 253
        Page 254
        Page 255
        Page 256
        Page 257
        Page 258
        Page 259
        Page 260
        Page 261
        Page 262
        Page 263
        Page 264
        Page 265
        Page 266
        Page 267
    The boys and girls at home
        Page 268
        Page 269
        Page 270
        Page 270a
        Page 271
        Page 272
        Page 273
        Page 274
        Page 275
    Etiquette of visiting
        Page 276
        Page 277
        Page 278
        Page 279
        Page 280
        Page 281
        Page 282
        Page 283
        Page 284
        Page 285
        Page 286
        Page 286a
        Page 286b
        Page 287
    A short chapter on business
        Page 288
        Page 289
        Page 290
        Page 291
        Page 292
        Page 293
        Page 294
    Parents and children
        Page 295
        Page 296
        Page 297
        Page 298
        Page 299
        Page 300
        Page 301
        Page 302
        Page 303
        Page 304
    Miscellaneous rules of etiquette
        Page 305
        Page 306
        Page 307
        Page 308
        Page 309
        Page 310
        Page 311
        Page 312
        Page 313
        Page 314
        Page 315
    Home courtesies
        Page 316
        Page 317
        Page 318
        Page 318a
        Page 319
        Page 320
        Page 321
    Toilet recipes
        Page 322
        Page 323
        Page 324
        Page 325
        Page 326
        Page 327
        Page 328
        Page 329
        Page 330
        Page 331
        Page 332
        Page 333
        Page 334
        Page 334a
        Page 334b
        Page 335
        Page 336
        Page 337
        Page 338
        Page 339
        Page 340
        Page 341
        Page 342
    Cycling
        Page 343
        Page 344
        Page 345
        Page 346
        Page 347
        Page 348
        Page 349
        Page 350
    Back Cover
        Back Cover 1
        Back Cover 2
    Spine
        Spine
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--- --- ------------ --








YOITH'S EDUCATOR

FOR


HOME AND SOCIETY,


Being a Manual of Correct Deportment for Boys and Girls
as well as for Older Ones Who Have Been Denied
the Privileges and Benefits Arising from Social
Intercourse, with Choice Chapters upon
Kindred Topics.



'TRUE POLITENESS is perfect ease and freedom. It simply consists in treating
others just as you love to be treated yourself."
-CHESTERFIELD.



By MRS. ANNA R. WHITE,
FORMERLY EDITOR "YOUNG FOLKS' MONTHLY," ASSOCIATE EDITOR "WESTERN
RURAL," ETC., ETC.



PUBLISHED ONLY BY

MONAfROGM BOOK OOMPfNY
Formerly L. P. MILLER & CO.
CHICAGO. PHILADELPHIA. OAKLAND, CAL.
















































COPVRIGHTED BY
I., W. wALTJEMR
189&.















PREFACE.

This book, "YOUTH'S EDUCATOR FOR HOME AND SO-
CIETY," is designed as a manual of correct deportment, not
only for young people just entering society, but for the many
older ones who have so often felt the want of proper infor-
mation upon this subject. Our aim has been to make it
simple, practical and reliable, omitting the technique of eti-
quette and confining ourselves to the forms and usages of
true gentlemen and ladies.
Its'classification is such that any subject treated in its pages
can be readily found. Not only have we embraced the forms
current in good society (except among those who make
society their all), but we have treated kindred topics as fully
and as clearly as our limited space would allow. We have
tried not to forget that good sense is always good form, in
the parlor.as well as in the counting room, and have avoided
all that savors of affectation.
With the conviction that we have prepared a complete and
valuable work for the every day use of young and old we
send this volume forth upon the great sea of public opinion,
there to battle for the simple grace, the manly bearing, the
kindly spirit and the true politeness which we hope may be
the inheritance of the rising generation. Should it meet a
kindly reception our labors shall not have been in vain
THE PUBLISHERS.










-- _









'IC








CONTENTS.


CHAPTER I. PAGE.
Value of Etiquette............................................ 9
v =CHAPTER II.
Home Manners.................................................. 17
CHAPTER III.
A Few Words to the Children.......................... 25
CHAPTER IV.
In the Street.............................................. 34
SaCHAPTER V.
1 Salutations....................................................... 47
CHAPTER VI.
Washington Etiquette.......................................... 56
CHAPTER VII.
Introductions................... ............................ 67
CHAPTER VIII.
Going into Society............................................. 80
CHAPTER IX.
Parties, Balls, and Like Entertainments.............. 92
CHAPTER X.
Traveling Manners............................................. o6
CHAPTER XI.
Conversation an Art........................................ 8
CHAPTER XII.
Wedding Customs...................... ..................... 134
CHAPTER XIII.
In the Dining Room........... ............................. 153













CONTENTS.

CHAPTER XIV.
Table Manners................................................. 172
CHAPTER XV.
Gentlemen's Calls............................................. 185
CHAPTER XVI. '.
Ladies' Calls................................ ............. .. 99
CHAPTER XVII.
The Timid, the Awkward and Shy....................... 212
CHAPTER XVIII.
The Guest Chamber.......................................... 225
CHAPTER XIX.
Letter Writing................................................. 236
CHAPTER XX.
Taste and Harmony in Dress............................... 252
CHAPTER XXI.
The Boys and Girls at Home............................ 268
CHAPTER XXII.
Etiquette of Visiting......................................... 276
CHAPTER XXIII.
A Short Chapter on Business.............................. 288
CHAPTER XXIV.
Parents and Children......................................... 295
CHAPTER XXV.
Miscellaneous Rules of Etiquette........................ 305
CHAPTER XXVI.
Home Courtesies.............................. ............... 316
CHAPTER XXVII.
i Toilet Recipes.............................................. 322
CHAPTER XXVIII.
The Etiquette of Cycling................................... 343






-^5\ ---



















INTRODUCTORY.

A subject which has been handled in many ways, and by
many minds, always presents difficulties to one who attempts
to set it forth in a new light. And yet the theme of our
book is susceptible of many new thoughts, and many
changes of old thoughts which are of value to the reader.
The etiquette of polite society changes so materially in
some phases, and with such marked contrast among differ-
ent peoples and periods, that it is almost a hopeless task to
formulate rules that shall absolutely govern with the same
unchangeability that stamped the laws of the Medes and
the Persians.
The nearest approach to such a task is to give to the in-
quirer those usages and forms which prevail in good soci-
ety, and which, with slight modifications, are adapted to
any part of the habitable globe. And while these rules are,
in their general contour, applicable to any position in life,
the good sense and knowledge of fitness of things, will
help to a comprehension of those exceptional occasions,
when even the etiquette which obtains everywhere, can be
changed in a slight degree, without marring the force of
the custom as usually accepted. The fact that the rules of
good behavior are current everywhere, is based on their be-
ing the outgrowth of something more substantial than mere
forms. They are grounded in that kindness of heart, that
unselfish desire to make one'self agreeable and attractive,
which must have a place with all, ere they can lay claim to
being truly polite.
4


kPIZ














INTRODUCTORY. 5
Life brings a discipline to all; a discipline which bears
directly upon every human being, making it his duty to be
acceptable to his fellow-creatures. And unless certain
tenets of good behavior are acknowledged and indorsed
by society, how is the novice to know when he has trespassed
upon good manners?
The deepest thinkers all unite in pronouncing human
nature essentially selfish. But, by studying the rules laid
down by good society for guidance, and practicing them
continually, they become second nature, and selfishness is
kept in the background. Politeness becomes easy, if habit-
ual, and performs its mission in bringing its followers up
from the plane of self-love to a higher moral one, where
thoughtless self-gratification is subdued, and time and at-
tention are devoted to looking after the comfort and wel-
fare of others.
Much remains to be said upon the value of good manners.
They should be the outgrowth of character; a character
built up in youth. Character is more than reputation. The
young should learn its value, and early acquire it. The
world may misunderstand-it generally does misconstrue
human actions. But a clear conscience, a kindly nature,
and fine manners, can conquer all things.
But even though certain customs may change, the princi-
pies which underlie social laws ever remain the same. Re-
garding etiquette then, from a higher standpoint than the
mere following of certain set forms, we have added to those
forms truths that lie deeper than outward observances.
Mere politeness, unaccompanied by a desire to make it a
nature of daily life, is very empty and unsatisfying. The
moral nature must be developed at the same time, and the
innate -tendency to prefer self, must be kept in abeyance.
" '' y















6 INTRODUCTORY.
S The life will then grow beautiful, the expressions of good
will-to all become spontaneous, and a broader culture, which
is an aid to success in the world, will result. Good manners
are pivots upon which a man's fortunes may be said to turn.
Who is so unwelcome as the person destitute of them ? No
one likes to transact business with such a one, no pleasure
is afforded by his society.
It is the aim of this work to impress upon all the im-
portance of acquiring them; not alone- for the pleasure
which they afford, but because they are links in the chain
which binds human beings to each other, and to a Higher
Power.
Indifference to the comfort of others betokens a selfish,
coarse nature, and repels those whose sympathies are active,
and to whom civility is the natural expression of gentle def-
erence, ever seeking to confer pleasure upon others. To
all our readers is this volume especially addressed, with the
sincere desire that profit and instruction may be gathered
from its pages. And we feel certain that it will help the
novice or the timid one, to know just what to do under all
circumstances, assisting all to avoid those mortifying mis-
takes which are so distressing to a proud and sensitive
nature. Every line has been penned with the hope that
our treatment of the important subject of etiquette will
make the duties of social life more clear, and awaken a
desire for that culture which raises the soul to a more lofty '
ideal of the life we live here.
THE AUTHOR.














-I















St h


{^ 'CHAPTER I. ]

VALUE OF ETIQUETTE-SNEERING AT ETIQUETTE.

nT is the practice with certain people to sneer at
the word "etiquette," and to claim that it merely
means a foolish pandering to frivolous customs which
in themselves have no meaning or use. This is ai
Smisapprehension which a little thoughtful considera-
tion will remove.
FCertain rules for the government of social, busi-
ness and political life have been current for genera-
tions, and have been handed down with almost unva-
rying exactitude, in all civilized lands. Such customs
or laws, are grounded in good taste, a sense of the
fitness of things, kindly feelings, and a mutual desire
S to smooth away the asperities and roughness which*
S.would. prevail among so many persons of varying
tastes and ideas, without a certain set of rules to help
S to this end.
St e A POLITE PERSON ADMIRED.

SWho is not attracted toward a polite, well-bred
person? Who does not carry with them, perhaps




(- \

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10 VALUE OF ETIQUETTE.

through life, the remembrance of some real gentle-
man or lady with whom they came in contact, at
perhaps, an early period of their life? The pleasant
memory such a person has left, and the agreeable
impression, may unconsciously have had some influ-
ence upon their own life, and served as a model
-for their own behavior when launched into the society
which they wish. to adorn.
To understand and cultivate the tenets laid down
by good society, is not to assume airs, or does not
prevent the recognition of the "rough diamond" that
sometimes shines out from among those whose early
advantages have not been many. Rather it adds a
higher polish to that gem, and gives it a higher luster.
CERTAIN RULES.
Rules of etiquette have their allotted place among
the forces of life, and must be acknowledged as moral
agents in refining and making more agreeable our
daily intercourse with each other. They are agents
for good. They teach us to be more lenient with'the
various elements which compose society. Life is
a sort of a partnership in which each human being
has an interest; and the laws of etiquette, well
enforced, oblige us to make concessions to the
many tastes, prejudices and habits of those we meet
in the social circle, at public entertainments, in
business relations, or when traveling.




k;.___-














VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 11 (

If the value of good breeding is in danger of being
depreciated, it is only necessary to compare the
impression which a gentle, pleasant demeanor leaves
upon you, with the gruff, abrupt or indifferent car-
riage of those who affect to despise good manners.
If two applicants for a position are equally capable,
it is safe-to assert that in every case, the agreeable
and courteous seeker will obtain it in preference to
the other, who is his equal in all respects, save that
he is deficient in that suave dignity that charms all.
We are all susceptible to the charm of good man
ners. Indeed, society could not be maintained save
for the usages of etiquette. But true etiquette must
spring from a sincere desire to make every one around
us feel at ease; a determination to exercise a thought-
ful regard for the feelings of others. It is this patient
forbearance with the eccentricities of all, which stamps
the true lady or gentleman. It is a duty which each
one owes to himself, to acquire certain rules for
guidance, which shall make him a welcome guest in
any circle.
WHAT ETIQUETTE IS.

Etiquette is not a servile yielding up of one's
individuality, or cold formality. It is rather the
beautiful'frame which is placed around a valuable
picture to prevent its being marred or defaced.
\\-

;16










7



13 VALUE OF ETIQUETTE.

Etiquette throws a protection around the well-
bred, keeping the coarse and disagreeable at a
distance, and punishing those who violate her dic-
tates, with banishment from the social circle.
MANNERS NECESSARY TO GOOD STANDING.

Manners are obligatory upon a man, and even
more than that upon a woman. A man who is
gentle, defers to others, listens respectfully to the
aged, or to those who are inferior to him in position or
intelligence, is liked by every one. His presence is
a protection to women, his conversation is a wealth
of pleasure, and all feel bettered by sharing his
society. To be all this, he must be, as a well-
known author says:
"The ideal gentleman is a clean man, body and
soul. He acts kindly from the impulse of a kind
heart. He is brave because with a conscience void
of offense, he has nothing to fear. He is never
embarrassed, for he respects himself and is profoundly '
conscious of right intentions. To preserve his self-
respect he keeps his honor unstained, and to retain
the good opinion of others he neglects no civility.
He respects even the prejudices of honest men;
opposes without bitterness, and yields without
admitting defeat. He is never arrogant, and never
weak. He bears himself with dignity, but never


-,a









\' .K-\ ^ I





VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 13

haughtily. Too wise to despise trifles, he is too
noble to be mastered by them. To superiors he is
respectful without servility; to equals courteous; to
inferiors so kind that they forget their inferiority.
He carries himself with grace in all places, is easy
but never familiar, genteel without affectation. His
V quick perceptions tell 'him what to do under all cir-
cumstances, and he approaches a king with as much
ease as he would display in addressing a beggar. He
unites gentleness of manner with firmness of mind;
commands with mild authority, and asks favors with
persistent grace and assurance. Always well-informed
and observant of events, but never pedantic, he wins
his way to the head through the heart, by the short-
est route, and keeps good opinions once won, because
he deserves them."
But if a gentleman should be all .this, how much
more essential are good manners to a woman! A
rude, loud-spoken, uncultured woman is a positive blot
upon nature, and repels, by her lack of breeding,
those who would not be slow to acknowledge the real
worth and talent she possessed, and which would
come to the surface, were she clothed in the beautiful
garments of modesty, gentle speech and ease of man-
ner. A lady should be quiet in her manners, natural
and unassuming in her language, careful to wound no
one's feelings, but giving generously and freely from


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14 VALUE OF ETIQUETTE.

the treasures of her pure mind to her friends. Scorn-
, ing no one openly, but having a gentle pity for the
unfortunate, the inferior and the ignorant, at the same
time carrying herself with an innocence and single-
heartedness which disarms ill nature, and wins respect
and love from all. Such an one is a model for her sex;
the "bright particular star" on which men look with
reverence. The influence of such a woman, is a power
for good which cannot be over-estimated.
Every young girl can become such a lady. Men
strive to please and honor such women. Through
them must come those refinements of manner and
speech so necessary in society.
BEAUTY WORTHLESS WITHOUT BREEDING.

A woman may be gifted with great beauty, and may
still be very unprepossessing, if she does not cultivate
that knowledge of the laws of etiquette which will
enable her to conduct herself so that she will not
,attract attention by her awkwardness and ignorance
of forms. This fact is emphasized by the experience
of every observer. It is a common saying that many
a woman who has no personal charms to boast of, is
much more fascinating than her more beautiful sisters,
some of whom have depended entirely upon their
looks to please, forgetting that "Beauty is only skin-
deep," and that the flower without perfume is not



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VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 15

admired, as is the less showy but fragrant blossom.
Fine manners are -the outward manifestations of an
inward beauty that the world is quick to discern.
Society is held together, so to speak, by certain '
unchangeable laws, which bind its different members
in one harmonious whole. When these laws are not '
observed through ignorance or indifference, how mor-
tifying are the experiences of those who have com-
mitted a sin against good breeding. How earnestly V
they wish that they had known better!
COMPEL RESPECT.
To be mannerly and respectful, to know how to
accept the amenities of social life and to return them
in kind, is to compel respect and command an entrance
into good society. And this can be attained by any
one, rich or poor, in this broad land of ours, where
the narrow distinctions of caste have not as yet
secured a foothold, and where every man is as good
as a king. Thus good manners become a practical
lever with which to raise one in his daily life. Wealth "'
needs their aid to give character and tone to their 1..
surroundings. The poor man needs them to assist
him in finding a higher position, which shall be more
independent.
Believing, then, in the intrinsic value of etiquette,
we would say, in the words of another:



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VALUE OF ETIQUETTE.


"The finest nature and the most generous impulses,
cannot make graceful habits. It is only by acquaint-
S ance with the accepted customs of the most refined
S society, that the pain and humiliation of embarrass-
ment is avoided. He who knows society at its best is
easily master of himself in any lower level. Those
have been bred in an atmosphere of intelligent refine-
ment, and know no way but the right way, are happy,
/ because mistakes to them are well nigh impossible,
but the thousands in whose busy lives there has been
time for little else than useful and honorable work,
but whose ambition prompts them to self-culture,
need not despair of mastering all necessary social
-) forms, and acquiring the gentle courtesy which is the
,, winning secret of the gently bred."


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CHAPTER II.

HOME MANNERS-HOME THE BIRTHPLACE OF GOOD
i )/ MANNERS.

THE home is the foundation of all good things.
SThe manners that win respect muse be taught in
the home circle. A child who has pleasant, courteous
S^"': parents, who seek to inculcate simple maxims of good
behavior is fortunate, and starts out in life at an
advantage over the one who is not so instructed. )
There are many well-bred people who would not
for the world transgress a rule of politeness, but who
neglect laying down any rules for the guidance of
their children, thinking possibly, that when they are
older, they will naturally acquire that ease of manner
which is essential to success in the world. They may
possibly do so, particularly if the little folks are of
-, / good dispositions, and are imitative. But that does
S.' not relieve the parents of their duty in the matter.
They owe it to their children and to society, to in-
struct them how to be gentle, courteous, and above
all, self-denying.
Sa17

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18 HOME MANNERS.
SBICKERINGS.

How often strangers are shocked and repelled by
witnessing the little bickerings going on in the family
circle between brothers and sisters. These discour-
teous expressions must be curbed by continual over-
sight on the part of parents or guardians, and by firm
and wise government.

COURTESY SHOULD BE PRACTICED AT ALL TIMES.

If the elder members of a family practice courtesy
toward each other, in the seclusion of the home, the
young will catch the same spirit, and it will be far
easier for the young man and young woman when
their turn comes to enter life's busy arena, to know
what is expected of them. They have a capital to
\ begin on, as it were-and that capital is refined man-
ners.
iA MOTHER'S DUTY.
I Many children will acquire bad qualities through the
carelessness of those who have them in their care-
such as malice, greediness, lack of personal neatness,
t >and rough indifference to the comfort of others. All
~,I these faults it is the mother's duty to eradicate. Her
first care must be to teach them self-respect; and one
of the first evidences of this feeling, is good manners.
All children have an inborn sense of justice, and
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HOME MANNERS.


should never be reproved before strangers for any
remissness. A rebellious spirit is aroused, which
often breaks out in open defiance or sullen resentment.
Children can be trained to reciprocate courtesies, and
to behave politely everywhere, without making prim
little martinets of them. Teach them to respect each
other's rights-to enjoy their merry romp and innocent
fun without hurting each other's feelings, or playing
upon some weakness. Games and romps should be
encouraged at home; but let the stronger children
guard the weaker, nor forget that even fun may
become rough and wearisome.

GIVE CHILDREN PETS.

A fine plan to draw out the better nature of children
is to let them have pets. It teaches them to be gentle
and protecting, and makes them self-reliant.
Choose their companions, or rather show them how
to select those for intimates who will not lower their
moral tone. We do not refer to their social position.
Many a poor boy is an innate gentleman. Teach
your children so that they will shrink from contact
with the coarse and impure, and will not choose their
companions for the money their parents possess, but
for their true worth and agreeable manners. Chil-
dren must be taught never to be ashamed of a poor
friend, but to blush if they have a loud, rude associate,


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HOME MANNERS.


even though he may be the possessor of wealth
untold.

COMMENCE LIFE IN A HOME OF YOUR OWN.


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As the home is the school of good manners, the
young couple in starting out to build a home, should
S first secure a home, not a boarding-place. Once
established in this home, preserve its affairs inviolate.
Do not betray the secrets of your married life to even
your most intimate friends. In fact you should
have no friends save mutual ones, and those should
never be made confidantes of. A man or woman
who will speak slightingly of a life-companion,
has outraged. the first principles of happiness
in the marriage relations-respect and politeness,
and is not fit to be trusted. No well-bred person
will betray the faults or shortcomings of another.

ECONOMY NECESSARY.

In money matters the wife should be economical
and careful. Often women incur bills without the
husband's knowledge. Such a course is disastrous to
' a man who is struggling to attain a position in the
world. On the other hand, many men make the mis-
take of concealing their financial condition from a
wife. Some don't wish to annoy her with their busi-
ness worries, while others think their money-matters


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HOME MANNERS. 21

do not concern her. Both views are wrong. Few
women would spend foolishly if they knew their hus-
bands could not afford it, but would take pride in
regulating their expenses to keep pace with their hus-
band's income.
A house should be made as cheerful and light as
possible, that the husband may look forward with
delight to his return at night, after a hard day's work.
A WORD TO THE WIFE.

)To the wife. we would say,-Be as careful about
your dress and appearance after marriage as you were
before. You cannot do otherwise without losing some
portion of your husband's regard. To dress well in soci-
ety and to appear careless and even slovenly at home,
is equivalent to saying that you care more to make
.:! a favorable impression upon strangers than upon your
i husband. This course will naturally offend him, and
possibly he will cease to show you that politeness
which you expect to receive, and thus will be laid the
foundation of those careless manners we too often see
Sin the family circle, and which are such bad examples
for the young.

TREAT YOUR HUSBAND'S GUESTS KINDLY.

S ,, Be polite to the guest your husband brings home.
*-' If he surprises you with a business acquaintance whom



"K T -. Y -














22 HOME MANNERS.

he has invited without notifying you, do not appear
disconcerted. Meet him with that graceful courtesy
which warms the heart of a stranger, and make no
apology for your table. If it is set neatly, and the
food is cooked properly, you can make the guest for-
get the lack of profusion of rich viands by the cor-
diality of your manner.

HUSBANDS, BE POLITE.
"The husband should be as studiously polite when
at home as when in society. In fact, no man can be
a true gentleman without being habitually polite and
considerate at home. A chivalrous regard for a wife,
and a deference to her wishes and comfort, is a sure
indication of refinement, and will go far toward hold-
ing her love and allegiance. His own personal tastes
should be cheerfully sacrificed to her happiness. He
should take her to social gatherings when he attends
himself, and be at all times considerate of those
things which will give her pleasure. His evenings
should be spent at home and in her society."
"The tongue is a little member, but it should be
jealously guarded. Harsh and cutting things should
not be said after marriage, any more than before. In
.- cases of difference of opinion, charity and tolerance
should be shown, within the family as much as with-
out. Coarse and unrefined conversation can never be






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HOME MANNERS. 23

indulged in without a loss of respect which involves
a loss of influence and power. Fits of temper and
hysterics should be controlled and conquered, as they'
are destructive to the peace of the family. Any
deception of one by the other will destroy all faith
and render a perfect union impossible."

EXAMPLE OF A FATHER.

A father should never utter an immoral thought or
a profane word in the home circle. The respect hi.;
professes for his wife should check such ill-breeding
Children are quick to notice, and example is more
powerful than words. They cannot respect a parent
who is coarse and uncouth in his manners, or who
uses too much freedom. As a writer has said, in
speaking of the careless way in which fathers speak to
their children, and the loss of self-respect which it '
begets:
"One great reason for the absence of this feeling in ,*
children is, that parents and grown people do not show
to them that respect which they deserve. When you
hear a father speaking to his children, calling them
'chap,' 'kids,' or 'young 'uns,' you may be sure there
will be a lack of self-respect on the part of the chil-
dren. Call children by their right names, speak to
them in an affectionate way, make them feel that you
are counting on them for something, and they will-




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24 HOME MANNERS.

then think something of themselves. Self-respect is
one of the necessary conditions of a true womanhood
and manhood. It saves children from engaging in
', '. the thousand little dishonorable things that defile
the character and blast the reputation. The mother
having once made her dear ones conscious that they "
are somebody-the objects of a mother's love and a,
S mother's prayers-it will serve as a shield to them in
a thousand temptations."

A GOOD INHERITANCE.

There is no better inheritance to leave children
than the memory of kind and gentle-mannered par- ,
ents, whose influence for good will go with them
through life. And there is no better discipline, or
one which will better prepare them for the hard bat-
ties of life, than to teach them to yield their own wills
to others, to remember that they must respect the
tastes and wishes of others, and that to make the cares
of this life endurable, they should be cheerfully obe-
dient and self-sacrificing.









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CHAPTER III.

A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN-SELF-APPROBATION
NATURAL.

VERY right-minded boy or girl is anxious to be
\ .well thought of. The first step toward the
Attainment of this desire, is to cultivate courtesy. Be
Sdeferent to those who are your superiors in age and
position. "Young America" has the idea that it is a
proof of independence and manliness to speak flip-
pantly and sneeringly of parents or guardians, referring
to them as "the governor," "the old lady," or "the
old party." There is no greater mistake made, and
*;' the listeners who may smile at your "wit" will just as
surely censure you in their hearts for your coarseness
and disrespect. The boy who permits himself to adopt
this style of address cannot become a gentleman. The
young person who does not respect himself, will not
respect his elders.
Do not imitate the vices of men, imagining that it
o will make you a man also. Smoking and chewing are
S deadly foes to the healthful growth. Do not use
i tobacco. There is something unwholesome about a
Si25





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2-6 A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN.

boy of twelve or fourteen who uses tobacco in any
,T form. He loses his manliness and vigor, his sense of
;' right and wrong becomes perverted, and his ambition
leaves him. Never touch tobacco or liquors, if you
desire to be a clean, manly man.

We cannot all be heroes
And thrill a hemisphere
With some great daring venture,
Some deed that mocks at fear;
But we can fill a lifetime
With kindly acts and true,
There's always noble service
For noble souls to do.
"We cannot all be preachers,
And sway with voice and pen,
As strong winds sway the forest,
The minds and hearts of men;
But we can be evangels
To souls within our reach,
There's always love's own gospel
For loving hearts to preach."

-" NOT ALL CAN BECOME FAMOUS.

Sk It is not given to all children to become famous.
> But it is in the power of every boy and girl to be
truthful, honest, outspoken, and fearless; to hate a
lie,.and to check every evil thought. It is easy to be
a real lady or gentleman. Practice politeness-make
it the rule of your everyday life, at home, at school,
or on the play-ground. -



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The big boy can see that the little one is not
imposed upon. The big girl can take the part of
another girl whose home surroundings are not so pleas-
ant as her own.
Never sneer at any one who is deformed or lame,
or whose clothes are shabby.
Care for your dumb pets in a kind way, feeding them,
and sheltering them. Neither torment them your-
selves, nor allow others.to.
In play, be fair. Do not cheat. This may be a
hard lesson to learn, but it is one of the grandest, to
understand that you must accord perfect justice to
others in your transactions with them. It will serve
you well in after life.
Do not rush into the house like a whirlwind, forget-
ting to cleanse your feet upon the mat. Shut doors
quietly. There are people whose nerves are so sensi-
tive that doors slammed to, will almost make them ill.
Don't entertain your parents at the table with com-
plaints of your brothers and sisters.
Obey readily, even though you can't see why you
should or should not.


BE COURTEOUS TO ALL.

Speak pleasantly to your playmates. Never pre-
\ i sent yourself at table, with soiled face and hands, or
uncombed hair. Do not interrupt conversation. It is


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28 A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN.

delightful to hear a bright, sensible boy or girl talk,
but they should wait until they are addressed, and tell
,.-, what interests them in a simple manner, without
I affectation, or feeling that they are heroes.
/ Boys, do not tease your sisters, or try to dictate to
them. A manly boy protects his.sisters, and looks
after their comfort. ,
Do not stare at people, nor turn and look after
them in the street. If you observe a peculiar looking,
or lame person approaching, appear not to notice
them; pass them without a glance, and make no com-
ment until they are out of hearing.

BE ORDERLY.
Have certain places for your clothes, your toys,
tools, and books, and when you are done using
them, put them in their place. Cultivate this ;
habit, and you will grow into neat, orderly ladies and
gentlemen, the pride of your mothers, and will be
welcome in every home which you visit.
DO NOT MEDDLE.
Never meddle with other people's property. As a
rule, it is very offensive to have one's cherished arti- I
cles handled indiscriminately. Many boys seize things
which are shown them in a rough manner, and pull
i them to pieces. Their fond parents excuse this destruc-






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A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 29

tive tendency as the act of an "inquiring mind," that
"must know the ins and outs of everything," but we
would prefer a boy to be a little less inquisitive, and
I a little more of a gentleman.
/ Girls, much of the advice given to the boys, is
applicable to you.
Be neat and cleanly, both in mind and body. Take
scrupulous care of your teeth and finger nails. Your I'
clothes may not be of the richest material, but if
they are made neatly and are kept in perfect repair,
that is all that is necessary. ,
Your every-day toilet is part of.your character. A girl
that looks like a "fury" or slovenn" in the morning,
is not to be trusted, however finely she may look in
the evening. No matter how humble your room may
be, there are eight things it should contain, namely:
A mirror, washstand, soap, towel, comb, hair, nail
and tooth brushes. These are just as essential as your -
breakfast, before which you should make good use of
Them. Parents who fail to provide their children with I
such appliances, not only make a great mistake, but
commit a sin of omission. Look tidy in the morning,
and after dinner work is over, improve your toilet.
Make it a rule of your daily life to "dress up" for the
afternoon. Your dress may, or need not, be anything
better than calico; but with a ribbon or flower, or
some bit of ornament, you can have an air of self-
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80 A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN.

respect and satisfaction that invariably comes with
being well-dressed. A girl with fine sensibilities can-
2 not help feeling embarrassed and awkward in a ragged
and dirty dress, with her hair unkempt, should a neigh-
bor come in. Moreover, your self-respect should
demand the decent appareling of .your body. You
should make it a point to lcok as well as you can,
P// even if you know nobody will see you but yourself.
Be frank, easy and cordial in your manners. Do
not fear to show that you have a heart. Do not hesi-
tate to say a kind word to this one, or perform a tri-
fling act of courtesy for that one, for fear you may be
thought "queer;" give a cheery word to the aged one
whose journey is almost over. Speak the timely
word to the sad-faced man or woman whose loneliness
your well-meant effort will cheer.
Do not be afraid to let the sunshine of your happy
souls flow out and permeate all you meet. Be cheer-
ful, frank, natural; and give royally of the rich treas-
ures of your generous souls, and blessings shall fol-
low you.
HABITS TO AVOID,

f j It is very rude to ask direct questions, such as
"Where are you going?" "What have you got in that
package?" In fact, do not show curiosity about other
people's affairs.







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A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 31

Do not look over another's shoulder, when they
are reading, nor read their letters, even if they are
left carelessly lying around. You have no right to
pry into the business of any one.
Many children form habits which are not nice, such
as spitting on the floor, scratching the head, stretch-
ing themselves out upon a chair, yawning, etc. All
such habits are exceedingly low-bred, and are avoided
by the child who aims to acquire good manners.
TRAINING OF CHILDREN.

Every child should receive some training which will
fit it for some useful occupation in life. Riches are
transitory, and laziness is the parent of many sins. If
you are never compelled to earn your own living, such
training will discipline and develop a self-reliance and
energy. As a writer pertinently says, on this point:
"Men like Franklin, and Lincoln, and Grant, and
women like Harriet Martineau and Harriet Beecher
Stowe, and scores of others who have left their imprint
on their nation or their age, were disciplined and
developed by labor. Would you see the strong and
honored men and women of to-morrow? They can
" be found in the field and factory and office of to-day,
gaining that patience and toughness of mental and
physical fiber which does noble deeds and conquers
S success. Labor is not only a duty, it is a necessity















82 A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN.

of our nature, and in the end it ministers to our spir-
Situal growth. Let no parent, then, encourage a child
to look forward to a life of idleness. Life is a school,
and he who lives an idle life misses its most valuable
lesson."
S' A question often comes up, not so easily answered,
-What shall I do with my hands? Some ladies always
carry a fan. But you cannot always have one in
your hands, so it is better to practice keeping the
arms pressed lightly against the sides in walking or
sitting. This position for the hands, although a little
stiff at first, will soon become easy and graceful.
It is almost impossible for a girl to learn the value
of time. If you have occasion to enter a place of
business, state what you want and then retire as
quickly as possible. You have no right to encroach
upon the time of a man of business.

USE MONEY SENSIBLY.

When your parents give you money, or you earn it
for yourself, learn to spend it judiciously. Keep your
accounts accurately. Bookkeeping is a very impor-
tant part of a woman's education. The women of
high rank in England are careful accountants and
keep a strict account of all their expenditures. French
women are taught the most rigid economy. It is well
to provide against future needs, and to have a balance
that you may bestow in charity.




9)----














i, FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 33

And above all, do not affect a "loud" or "fast"
demeanor. Guard well your fair name. The first
duty which every young person owes to himself or
herself, is to establish a good character. This is easy.
With the instructions that every inmate of a good
home receives, with the aid of kindly counsel and pure
example, and an innate love for things that are good, it
is impossible that you should not build up a character
that shall be as impregnable as the rock of Gibraltar.
Every boy and girl desires a good name. Then
earn it, by truthful lips and heart, by scorning deceit
or base actions, by living upright, fearless lives, which
are proudly open to the inspection of all the world.
In youth the foundation is laid for good or evil
name. While there are many cases on record where
bad boys and girls have outgrown their ill-flavored
deeds and become good men and women, still the
weight of testimony proves such cases rare. The
beautiful seeds that blossom into grand deeds are
planted in early youth. As a young person grows up,
so will he generally be found when mingling with the
active duties of real life.
You owe the winning of a good name to yourselves,
and to the parents and friends whose peace of mind
is to be made perfect, or rudely crushed, by your con-
duct. Then strive for a good name; cherish it care-
fully, and remember that immortal text, "A good name
is rather to be chosen than much riches."





----





















CHAPTER IV.

IN THE STREET.

N no country are women so highly respected, or
treated so courteously as in America. A lady can
travel anywhere, without an escort, and hear no dis-
respectful language, or sneers, and she can feel assured
that, should an emergency arise, she would be
accorded the amplest protection.

PRIVILEGES OF WOMEN.

Women do not know how great are their privileges.
Abroad a lady would not find it safe or proper to walk
out alone. Here two or three ladies may, if they
so desire, attend places of amusement, ride in the
cars, or promenade unaccompanied by a gentleman.
This fact amazes strangers from other lands. It
arises from two causes-the natural inborn chivalry of
American gentlemen, and the independent, unaffected
natures of American women.

YOUNG GIRLS.

It is understood, however, that very young girls














IN THE STREET.' 35

are never seen anywhere without some older person
as an escort.' Too great freedom engenders a coarse,
loud manner which is distasteful.
There is no place where one's manners are more
plainly discernible, or where the natural selfishness
inherent in all will exhibit itself more conspicuously,
than on the street or in crowded places. And one is
apt to be judged very harshly sometimes by their
deportment on the public promenade.
A LADY'S DRESS.

A true lady always dresses simply and quietly when
in street costume. She does not adopt gay and showy
colors and load herself down with jewelry, which is
entirely out of place, and conveys a very great anxiety
to "show off." Custom sanctions more brilliant col-
ors in dress goods than formerly, but they should be
selected with modifications for outdoor wear. Quiet,
subdued shades give an air of refinement, and never
subject their wearer to unfavorable criticisms.
French ladies, who are noted for their exquisite
taste in matters of dress, always have everything
harmonize-the dress, hat, wrap, gloves, and even
their shoes all match in color, forming a complete
unison which is very agreeable to the eye.






7.
o













86 IN THE STREET.

CULTIVATE AN EASY GAIT.
A lady should always walk in an easy, unassuming
manner, neither looking to the right or to the left.
If anything in a store window attracts her notice she
can stop and examine it with propriety, and then
resume her walk. She never should hear a rude
remark, or see an impertinent glance, but should be
incapable of appearing to think it possible that they
could be intended for her.
GIGGLING DETESTABLE.
A lady who desires a reputation for elegant manners
does not giggle or whisper in a meaning way on the
cars or in theaters or lecture rooms. She reserves all
those disagreeable fashions for a more private place.
Neither do ladies commence to laugh as soon as the
door has closed upon a retiring guest. They may be
laughing about something entirely foreign to the pres-
ent, but it is not in human nature to help imagining
the laugh is aimed at the one who has just left the cir-
cle, and they will feel uncomfortable in consequence.
Remain perfectly quiet until you are sure your friend is
out of hearing, ere you resume your conversation.
I Loud talking is inexcusable at all times, and gives
a very vulgar tone to what you say. A lady does not
call to her friends across the street, or inquire after
their health in a boisterous fashion.




0-,
CTTYYY~~~~8














IN THE STREET. 37

NEVER FLIRT.

SNo lady ever flirts on the street, or allows a stranger
to make her acquaintance. She may consider it only
a bit of "fun," but she will surely not win the respect
of that stranger, and also lose her own.
If a lady is on her way to fulfill an engagement, and
meets a friend, she can, after the first greetings,
excuse herself from a long talk, by stating the fac\
Sand offer a polite regret that she cannot remain longer.

DO NOT "CUT" ANY ONE.

Never "cut" people in public. If there are reasons
why you desire to discontinue an acquaintance, either
turn your head before meeting that person, or convey
to him in some delicate hint, your feelings. But do
not expose any one to the mortification of a cold,
rude stare, or refuse to return the salutation made
before the eyes of others.
In bowing on the street, a lady- must merely incline
her head gracefully, and not her body. But she
should always smile pleasantly. It lights up the feat-
ures, and adds a refreshing warmth to the greeting.
On meeting her friends in public, a lady does not
effusively greet them by their first names, and air
her own affairs in a loud, high key, acquainting pass-
S ers-by with matters that concern her alone.
SShe should not stare at other ladies, and whisper




2
\\'
1 j ----_s


-' /"














8 SIN THE STREET.

and laugh in a pointed manner, or comment upon
their personal appearance.
She should never permit one of the opposite sex to
address her in a slangy fashion, touch her on the
shoulder, call her by her first name before strangers.
All such little familiarities, although intended inno-
cently enough, will give others the impression that
she is not held in the highest esteem.
We are happy to say that young ladies are very court-
eous to elderly ones as a rule, giving them up their
seats, and answering their questions with gentle polite-
ness. This is as it should be, and reflects credit upon
any young person of either sex.
ACCEPTING ATTENTIONS.
A lady may accept the assistance of a strange gen-
tleman in getting on or off a car, or in crossing a muddy
or crowded street. Such attentions should be accept-
ed in the spirit in which they are offered, and acknowl-
edged with thanks.
In passing people on the walk, turn to the right.
Do not join forces with three or four others, and
take up the entire pathway, compelling every one to
turn out for you. Walk in couples, when there are
several friends in your party.
Ladies do not chew gum on the streets, or rush up
to each other and kiss effusively.




d"-I~---- -------













IN 7HE STREET. 39

N|, dJo they hold up the peculiarities of absent
frienrE to ridicule, or discuss them uncharitably.
Gossip and slander are very near friends. Never
indulge in either.
POLITENESS TO CLERKS.

When a lady goes shopping, she treats the attend-
ants of either sex with politeness. Often these clerks
are tired, and overworked, and a lady does not take
it as a personal affront because they do not know
intuitively just what she wants.
Do not seize hold of a piece of goods which another
customer is examining, but wait until she has either
made her purchase or passed it by.

BUY WHAT YOU NEED ONLY.

Never be persuaded into buying an article which '
does not suit both your taste and your purse. Make f
your wants known plainly, and if you cannot be suited,
thank the salesman for having endeavored to please
you. Remember, he has myriads of demands upon
his time and patience, and a polite word lightens the
tediousness of their positions.
If you meet a friend while shopping, do not visit
with them, while the saleswoman is awaiting your
orders. You have no right to take up their time, and LI
keep them from waiting upon other customers. V



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' ^~ '^~ ^^^*j














0a IN THE STREET.

If you do n'ot fancy the goods shown you, do not
depreciate them to the one serving you, but merely
S say in an agreeable manner, "It is not just what I
I want," and pass on.
Do not handle the goods yourself, except to feel
their texture or weight, but allow the salesman to place
them to the best advantage for showing their good
qualities to you. If you cannot decide at once
between several pieces of goods, say so, and give the
salesman permission to attend to some other custom-
er, while you are making up your mind.
WHAT A GENTLEMAN SHOULD DO.

A gentleman never swaggers along the street,
shouting and laughing with his companions, his hat
on one side, a cigar between his fingers, or switching
a cane to the danger or discomfort of passers-by.
But if he is smoking and passes a lady quite near,
he removes the cigar from his mouth.
A gentleman when walking with a lady in the day-
time, does not offer her his arm, unless she is old, or
ill, or he does so for the purpose of protecting her in
a large crowd.
He should not monopolize the umbrella when with
two ladies in a rain-storm, but should take the outside,
\ holding it over both.





Cc 'e -" '-7







,I






IN THE STREET. 41

j .OFFERING THE ARM.

If attending a lady in the evening, it is customary
to offer her the arm. If he has the care of two ladies,
he should give his arm to but one, and they should
both walk on the same side of him. It is a very
amusing sight to see a gentleman walking between two
ladies, a sort of a thorn-between-two-roses affair.
A gentleman removes his hat when entering a room
where there are ladies. When he meets a lady friend,
he should raise his hat gracefully, and if she is with
another lady, he should include her in the salutation
even though he is unacquainted with her.

WHISTLING IN PUBLIC.

On entering a public hallway, or an elevator, where
ladies are waiting, he does not treat them to an exhi-
bition of his skill in whistling. It is exceedingly
impertinent, and is a virtual ignoring of their presence
which no gentleman is ever guilty of.
In passing through a door, the gentleman holds it
open for the lady, even though he never saw her
before. He also precedes the lady in ascending stairs,
S and allows her to precede him in descending.
When a gentleman meets a lady friend with whom
he wishes to converse, he does not make her stand
in the street, but walks with her a short distance until

;I 1 \














42 IN THE STREET.

he has said what he desired to, and then leaves her
with a courteous bow.

I I ANSWERING STRANGERS.

Whenever a question is asked by a stranger, he
freely answers it. If he cannot direct such an one,
he states his inability to do so, with civility.
No gentleman will stare rudely at ladies, or make
Sslighting remarks concerning them.
REMOVING THE GLOVE.

It is not obligatory upon a gentleman to remove his
glove when shaking hands with a lady. If he chooses,
he can say "Excuse my glove," or he can observe a
silence concerning it.
He should always carry the packages which a lady
has; and in this connection permit us to say, that a
husband should always carry the baby.

SMOKING WHEN IN A LADY'S SOCIETY.

A gentleman should never smoke while walking with
a lady, not even if she politely fibs by saying it is not
offensive to her. In fact, he should not smoke where
ladies are, under any circumstances.
If a gentleman escorts a lady to her home, and is
not going into the house, he should wait until the door
is opened, and he sees her safely inside, especially
after dark.



IN














IN THE STREET. 43

He should never "cut" a lady. He can have no
possible excuse for thus treating one who dressed and
acted like a lady. If he is actuated by a foolish dis-
like, he can avoid her, but he must never cease to be
courteous.
SWEET BREATHS.

Both ladies and gentlemen will be very careful to
keep their breaths sweet and pure. We wish there
were some law to prevent people from polluting their
breaths with onions and tobacco when they are going
into a mixed company. No one has a right to make
himself in any manner offensive to others. All the
laws of good breeding forbid it.
In crossing a muddy street, the gentleman should
give a lady the cleanest spots, and may assist a strange
lady to cross if she is in need of such help.
A gentleman should not thrust his feet out into a car
aisle, or crook his elbows so as to strike his neighbor
in the side, or expectorate at random. Nor should
he spread open his paper to its full size, and exclude
the light and view from others.

ASSIST LADIES FROM A CARRIAGE.

In assisting a lady to alight from a carriage,, he
should step out first, and then turn and offer her
both hands, particularly if the vehicle be some dis-
tance from the ground.




(-














44 IN THE STREET.
He should pass up the fare of a lady in a car or
bus, and should get off the steps of a car when it is
crowded, to permit her to enter it. He should never
push his way in, and leave her standing upon the plat-
form.
HELPING A LADY TO MOUNT A HORSE.
It is quite an art to help a lady to mount horseback.
She should place her left foot in one of his hands,
with her left hand upon his shoulder, and her right
hand on the pommel of the saddle. Then at a given
word, she springs up, the gentleman at the same time
raising his hand so that he assists her into the saddle.
In riding, he should aways keep on her right side.
Don't shake a lady's hand so violently as to annoy
/ her, nor press it with such force that you will hurt her
fingers.
A gentleman should not inquire into any one's busi-
ness, nor presume upon a chance introduction he has
had, to walk with her when he meets her again, or
to call at her house.
PHYSICAL TRAINING.
S A gentleman should pay great regard to physical
training. The more manly arts he masters, such as
rowing, boxing, swimming, skating, etc., the greater
will be his development, and the more graceful will
he become. It will add to his strength, and better fit
/'1

'" V)














-*- IN THE STREET. 45

him to defend himself against insult, and to protect
women from ungentlemanly conduct upon the part of
others. To these accomplishments he should add
dancing, which lends a grace and ease of manner that
is pleasing in all society. It teaches him how to avoid
being awkward in his attitudes. -I
When a gentleman makes an engagement, he should
be punctual in keeping it, whether of a business
nature, or simply pleasure.
OFFERING A SEAT TO A LADY.
It has long been a moot question whether it is the
duty of a gentleman to rise in a street-car and offer
his seat to a lady. While it may be asserted that a
man is weary after a hard day's work in office or
Store, and again, that many ladies take such courtesies
in an unthankful spirit, or as if it were their just due,
still we think that the essence of genuine civility will
lead a gentleman to rise and offer his seat to a lady
who is standing.
We think Lord Chesterfield, "the most elegant gen-
tleman in all Europe," has summed it up in a few
concise words, when he declared that, "Civility is
particularly due to all women; and remember that no
provocation whatever can justify any man in not
being civil to every woman; and the greatest man
would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil





S-,.














40 IN THE STREET.

to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is
the only protection they have against the superior
strength of ours." To which we would add, that no
gentleman will speak a word against any woman at
any time, or mention a woman's name in any com-
pany where it should not be spoken.





















CHAPTER V.

SALUTATIONS.

T HE manner in which a salutation is given, marks
the lady or gentleman. It seems natural to all
to make an outward acknowledgment of the presence
of others, and to express the pleasure felt at the
meeting, in some way that will be tangible.
In rude stages of society the salutation became an
act of worship, and those forms crystallized, as civil-
ization advanced, into something more elegant, and
thus have become the common property of modern
nations.
SALUTING IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.

Each country has its own peculiar forms, and all
evince a warm, spontaneous interest in the welfare of
those around.
Oriental peoples are very punctilious in their greet-
ings. The Bedouin's salutation has all the tender
grace of a blessing, as he places his right hand upon
his breast, and bowing low, says: "If God wills it,
you are well." The grave and stately Spaniard greets
S47





F:-^L^ -- --------------------------------- ^ ^ i
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.- -- .


S48' SALUTATIONS.

you with, "God be with you." The gentleman in
Poland as he leaves you, touches his lips to your
shoulder, and bids you to "Be ever well." Men of i
distinction in Japan wear over their shoulder a scarf,
the length of which determines their rank. When
twd gentlemen meet, they bow until the ends of the
S' scarf which each one wears, touches the ground. Of
'- course the one with the shortest scarf has to bow the
lowest. A Monbotto of Africa when he meets a friend,
holds out the right hand, and cracks the joints of the
middle fingers. Eskimos salute by rubbing noses
together. But probably the most startling mode of
salutation is that of the Moors, who greet a stranger -
by dashing toward him at full speed as if to unhorse
I' him, and when near, suddenly firing a pistol over his
head. One must be blessed with considerable pres-
.I ence of mind not to be alarmed at such an effusive
greeting.
\ None of these methods, however proper in their
own place, obtain here in America, where there are
but three salutations-the bow, the kiss, and the
verbal greeting.
I ..'While our own American gentleman lifts his hat as
a token of recognition, foreigners content themselves
with merely bowing.



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SALUTATIONS. 49

A FRENCH ESTIMATE ON COURTESY.

It is stated by some author that while a Frenchman
will forgive a debt, or a wrong, he will never overlook
<'i :a lack of courtesy; also that he demands that the
most profound outward respect shall be shown toward
the ladies of his household, else possibly a duel may
be precipitated.

THE BOW THE USUAL GREETING.

The bow is one of the simplest observances in
/-^ society, but it is so universally practiced that it
becomes a test of good manners, according to the
ease and grace given to it. i ,.
We bow to the old, the your.e, the rich, the poor,
)" to our friends and to those to whom we are indiffer-
ent, and each one of these salutes can be shaded so
nicely, that to an observant eye, they have a distinct
significance of their own.
The mere act of bowing does not suppose an inti-
mate acquaintance. It is simply an outward expres-
sion of the politeness current in good society.

RETURN A GREETING IN KIND.

,,i YYLoi should always return a bow, even though you
do not recognize the person bowing to you. It is prob-
able that you have been mistaken for another person,
and it is; il-bred not to acknowledge the: salute. If it




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5-0 SALUTATIONS.

Should prove that he does know you, by not bow-
ing in answer to him, it is an admission that he has
S passed from your mind, which is inexcusable neglect.
The French have a custom of uncovering their '
heads, when a funeral procession is passing-a very
generous tribute of respect to the mourning friends.

COUNTRY CUSTOMS.

In the country, and in small towns, also, a very
pleasant custom prevails, of bowing to all whom you
meet. It makes a stranger fell almost "at home."

"WHO SHALL BOW FIRST?"

There are innumerable opinions with reference to
the proper answer to the question-"Who shall bow
first; the lady or the gentleman?" A writer says on
this point:
"The bow as a rule means recognition, and not
simply deference and respect, and in America,
between merely formal acquaintances, it is the privi-
lege of the lady to offer the recognition and the duty
of the gentleman to accept it. In France and on the
Continent generally, this is reversed, and no lady
) e will acknowledge the acquaintance of a gentleman
unless he first bows his recognition.
"In England, the lady is expected to bow first, a
custom doubtless growing out of the fact that intro-



7-I 2














SALUTATIONS. 51

ductions, given in the ball-room for the purposes of
the dance, are not titles to recognition afterward,
while on the Continent they do constitute acquaint-
anceship. Here, no merely formal acquaintances
have the right to change the recognition rule,
but between intimate friends it is not material which
bows first, the gentleman or the lady; indeed with well-
S bred people the recognition is oftenest simultaneous,
the quick recognition of the eye preceding the for- J
mal salute. If the acquaintance is formal, the lady may
be reserved or cordial in her salutation, and the gen-
tleman must be responsive to her manner, claiming
only as much as she offers. No lady will be capri-
cious in her recognition, now cool and now cordial,
- "nor will she be demonstrative in her public greetings.
She may refuse to recognize, for sufficient reasons,
but 'a recognition offered must be fully polite. A
conspicuously frigid salutation is an insult in the pres-
ence of strangers, which she has no right to inflict.
A formal bow and faint smile, reserved but not dis-
courteous, is all that a refined lady is permitted to
offer on the promenade, the street, or in any public
place, even to the most intimate friend, and the well-
i bred gentleman never criticises the dignity of her
Demeanor, because he knows she reserves her more F,
cordial and friendly greetings for occasions where
they may meet in the greater privacy of her own



~ > f7~







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,' -- ,--

j,_,, ) /c, "{ r-s -_ _



52 SALUTATIONS.

home, or at social gatherings at the invitation of
common friends." j
S' We think this covers the ground, conclusively show-
ing that the lady may, and indeed should be the first
Sto recognize the gentleman.
In riding or driving on a public promenade, you
should bow ceremoniously the first time you meet
friends, but content yourself with a smile or a slight
nod after that.
SNo gentleman is guilty of smoking when walking
or riding with a lady. It leaves the impression with i
'j others that she is of secondary 'importance to his
/t I cigar.
A gentleman who is smoking upon the street
removes his cigar before bowing to a lady, and is very
careful not to puff cigar smoke in the face of any
passer-by.
In saluting a lady or an elderly gentleman, the hat
S-". must be lifted. With friends of his own sex, a bow,
S and a friendly word in passing, are sufficient on the
part of a gentleman. But a smile should accompany
Sc'\\ .every bow. The cold nod and unsmiling countenance
', are barely civil.
i, ,i i, OFFERING THE HAND. i.:
\ Another form of salutation is offering the hand.
There are as many ways of shaking hands as there





. . .. .. . .. . .. . -c















SALUTATIONS. 53

are people. No two touch the hands alike. One
person puts a cold, clammy hand into yours, and the
listless, indifferent manner chills you. The hand of
another will glide into yours in such an insinuating
fashion that you instinctively distrust its possessor.
And still another offers you their hand in such a frank,
open way that at once they inspire confidence. Such
;, v a person does not seize your hand as in a vise, or \
crush your fingers in his rude grasp, but cordially
presses it, and then lets go your hand in a respectful
manner. This is the hand-shake of a gentleman.
There is another sort of people who treat you to the .
j "pump-handle" shake, up and down, which would be
laughable, were it not so intensely disagreeable.
The hand should never be extended to those who
are not intimate friends, and no young lady will offer
her-hand with the same freedom as does a married
or an elderly lady.
Ball-room introductions do not call for this mode
of recognition.
The mistress of the house should shake hands with
her invited guests, or with a gentleman who is pre-
sented to her by an intimate friend.
Gentlemen wait for a lady to extend the hand first,
and a younger person for the older one to make the
first advances.
A lady or gentleman should always rise from their
seat when offered the hand by anyone.


_.. -. I' :- N -j
. -____. __, .. ... .--__-_:._ -_ _,_ .," *; : "3 "~^ .















54 SALUTATIONS.

It is hospitable to shake hands with the parting
guest, and invite them cordially to come again.

RECOGNIZE A SERVANT.

A gentleman may shake hands with a valued serv-
ant when he or she is about to quit their employ,
without any lowering of their dignity.

SHAKING HANDS WITH GENTLEMEN.

Gentlemen should shake hands with each other,
when introduced. An old gentleman may offer his
hand to any lady. The glove need not be removed
from a gentleman's hand, when greeting a lady. It
was formerly usual to do so, but both custom and
convenience sanction its retention. It is not good
form to make an apology for the omission.
The most common forms of verbal salutation are
"Good morning," "Good evening," "How are you?"
"Are you quite well?" All these and many more
may be used, varied to suit the occasion, but what-
ever form is adopted, it should be accompanied by a
respectful manner. Undue familiarity is evidence of
coarseness. Nicknames should not be used in public.
SShow others respect, and you will receive it in return.

S' KISSING PROMISCUOUSLY.

b A greeting much in vogue in American and English




/y^^y\ ---J---


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SALUTATIONS. 55

families, is kissing. This is a reprehensible custom,
and should not be tolerated in good society.
The kiss is the seal of pure and earnest love, and
should never be exchanged save between nearest and
dearest friends and relatives. Indeed, public senti-
ment and good taste decree that even among lovers it
should not be so often indulged in as to cause any
regret on the part of the lady should an engagement
chance to be broken off.
KISSING GUESTS.
We have seen a family of children compelled to pass
the ordeal of kissing every guest in a room when it was
the hour for retiring. It is a senseless custom, and
means nothing. If often creates disgust on both sides.
Children do not like to kiss every one, and many adults
are not fond of saluting the little ones in this manner.
LADIES KISSING EACH OTHER.
It is a foolish practice for ladies to kiss each other
every time they meet, particularly on the street. It
is positively vulgar, and a refined woman shrinks from
any act which makes her conspicuous. It belongs
rather to the period of "gush" natural to very young
girls, and should be discouraged on physiological
grounds, if no other. Many times a contagious J
disease has been conveyed in a kiss. Let promiscu-
ous kissing then, be consigned to the tomb of oblivion.
, ^ A ^ -- ---_____ -_________--_____________~ ______^ S










-


CHAPTER VI.

WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.-LIFE AT THE CAPITAL.

SOCIAL life in Washington differs from that of all
* other cities. The lady or gentleman who is accus-
tomed to the usages of society will find an entirely
new experience on visiting the nation's capital.
Society here takes its tone from official life. It is
composed of official personages from other lands as
well as our own, who represent government, and who
necessarily have a dignity to maintain. Consequently
the rules governing here, do not apply to any other
section of our country.

WHO ARE THE LEADERS.

The men there have precedence through the offices
which they hold. Women rule by virtue of their hus-
bands' official position. It is true that in a republic
all men are equal before the law. But that does not
excuse them from honoring the office to which they
have been called by the people, and they should
demand the privileges and respect which their position
confers upon them.
56




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WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 57

A writer of authority on etiquette at Washington, i :;
says:
i -',', "We do object to that hybrid term 'Republican
court,' of which we so often hear. It is senseless
and an anomaly; or, if it have a meaning, it is still
more to be deprecated, as incompatible with the
spirit of the framers of our excellent Constitution. ,
We have no 'court circles,' nor do we expect to
remain a republic and at the same time ape 'court'
S manners. We have a social as well as a political
autonomy. Let us preserve these with an equally
jealous care and dignity. Our official etiquette is not
intended as a personal compliment, but addresses n. /
itself to the office borne, so that it remains strictly in
harmony with our republican sentiments. When the '/
incumbent loses office, he becomes again simply a
private citizen, whom the republic has honored. This
is such a very beautiful provision of our legal Consti-
tution, that we should never lose sight of its bearing
on social life and manners. It is the counteracting
and saving element, as opposed to all hereditary
Distinction, and holds each man and woman intact in
the exercise of their talent, by which he or she may
regulate the individual destiny. The very words 'Re-
,, publican court,' have a fatal sound of Caesarism; and,
as we have already remarked, words become facts- ":'
they are the expression of the soul's aspirations. We





--- -















58 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.

should prove to the world that republican manners
are the very acme of true elegance in their unaffected
simplicity."
THE FIRST GENTLEMAN IN THE LAND.

The first gentleman in the land is the President.
He leads social as well as official life. He is always
alluded to as "the President," even by his wife. He
can be approached by any one as the privilege of call-
ing upon him is accorded to all, but he need never
return a visit.
He may stretch a point, and call upon a friend, but
this concession is not expected of him. The same
rule applies to the wife of the President.

CALLING ON THE PRESIDENT.

When a private call is made upon the President,
the visitor is shown into the Secretaries' room, pre-
sents his card, and awaits the result. A .business
caller has the preference over one who merely makes
a formal call.
If a person has an object in seeking an interview
with the President, it will aid him greatly to secure an
introduction through some official, or a friend of thr
Executive.
\ RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

SReceptions are given at the White House at stated





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WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 59

times, which all are at liberty to attend. As the caller
enters he gives his name to an usher, and is announced.
He then approaches the President, and is introduced
to him by some official to whom this duty has been
assigned. A word may be exchanged with the Presi-
dent; sometimes when the crowd is very great, a bow
is all that is possible. The guest can then pass
through the rooms, or can retire from the scene, as
his taste decides.

INVITATIONS FROM THE PRESIDENT.

An invitation from the President to a state dinner
must not be disregarded. It is even expected that
you will decline another engagement in favor of the
more important one, and your excuse that you have
received an invitation from the President, is sufficient.

NEW YEAR RECEPTION.

The President with his family holds a New Year
reception, which is a very brilliant affair. Ladies
and gentlemen attend it alike, and all the officials,
diplomats, etc., are to be found there. The foreign
legation appear in full court dress. The guests are all
in holiday costume, but the ladies do not remove their
hats, save the members of the President's family,
who receive in reception toilettes, without hats.









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WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.


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ORDER OF OFFICIALS.

Next in order comes the Chief Justice. His office
being for life, he seems to have precedence over the
cabinet and senate. He is addressed as "Mr. Chief
Justice." The Vice-President follows him in rank,
with the Speaker of the House, the General of the
Army and the Admiral of the Navy. Members of the
House of Representatives call first on all these officials.
The duties of the ladies of the Cabinet are very bur-
densome. They are expected to give a reception every
Wednesday, at which anyone who chooses can pre-
sent themselves. They return all the first calls of their
lady guests, and leave the card of the cabinet officer,
and an invitation to an evening reception. When it
is taken into consideration that they stand for hours
receiving, and have two or three hundred calls to
make after one of their receptions, we think any fash-
ionable lady will declare the demands made upon her
own time, easy by comparison.

WRITING TO THE PRESIDENT.

In writing to the President, he.should be addressed
as "The President-Sir." In speaking to him he is
designated as "Mr. President." All other officials are
addressed as "Mr. Vice-President," "Mr. Speaker,"
"Mr. Senator," "Mr. Secretary," while a member of
the House would be plain "Mister," unless he had


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WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 61

another title. In introducing the latter he would
be called "The Honorable Mr. of naming
the State he represented.
"Among the duties of the cabinet officers is that of
entertaining Senators, Representatives, Justices of
t 7 ~ the Supreme Court, members of the diplomatic corps, '- '
'- ': and the distinguished people who gather at the capi,
tal. Ladies of the families of these officials are include.
I< ed in the invitations. The season for dinners lasts
during the session of Congress. All other officials,
except the President and cabinet, entertain or not, a
i'': they choose. The official position imposes no particu- i
lar social obligations, and circumstances, health, and
all the reasons and motives that influence men and
women in private life to entertain or not to entertain,
are taken into consideration in Washington life, and
the question is decided accordingly.
''^ "The visiting hours in Washington are from two
'/' \ until half-past five. As is true in many other cities, /;'
many of the very fashionable ladies prefer to walk in
making calls in fine weather, and many of the richest
visiting costumes are made up as short suits."

DAYS FOR RECEIVING.
There are certain days allowed for certain classes
of society to receive. Thus the families of justices
of the Supreme Court are at home on Monday. The





_-' ':_^__ _' i- _,,














S 62 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.

Speaker of the House ot Representatives, as also other
members, and the General of the Army keep open
house on Tuesday. Wednesday is called Cabinet day,
and the wife of each Secretary is expected to be at
home on the afternoon of that day. Thursday is set
apart for calling upon the families of the Vice-Presi-
dent and Senators, while Friday is the great calling
day for all who hold no official rank. Saturday is thus
left as reception day at the White House. Guests
always hand their cards to the usher at all receptions.
These-receptions are designed to answer in lieu of
calling upon strangers who go to Washington. As in
theory every citizen has helped elect an official, and is
entitled to some recognition, at their hands, and as
it would be manifestly impossible for the families of
public officials to call first on the many strangers who
visit our capital, it has grown into a custom for our
officials to throw open their houses, on certain days,
thus affording all a chance to be present at these -(
informal receptions. From the time of Washington
until the administration of Jackson, strict rules of
etiquette were observed, and life at the White House
was as ceremonious as at any Old World court, but
"Old Hickory" broke down the barriers, and inaugu-
rated these public receptions, whether with advantage
to social life or not we leave our readers to judge..



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WASHINGTON AND HIS MOTHER.


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,WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 8

ABUSING PRIVILEGES.

It is a fact that the privilege which is thus afforded
transient visitors is sadly abused, and people will
intrude upon those with whom they have nothing in
common, and to whose social circle they could never
under any other circumstances, gain admission. It
argues a lack of delicacy of feeling, and is a rudeness
which will not be perpetrated by refined ladies or gen-
tlemen. We do not refer now to the receptions.
Those are given in a hospitable spirit, which extends
its favors to all; but to that class of sight-seers that
will call upon private citizens with whom they have
not even a common acquaintance. The only redress
that can be had, is not to return such visits, else would
every private individual be completely at the mercy
of every one who went to Washington. As an instance
of this abuse of good manners, we quote from Miss
Hall, who says:
"It would seem as if common-sense ought to teach
people that to a card reception (that is, where the
guests are all invited by card) no one save those spe-
cially invited would have a right to go; but the Wash-
ington tourist is very unreflecting. Where he sees a
number of carriages standing before the door of a man-
sion, he immediately enters threat; and whether he
is one, or whether he is two hundred, makes abso-
lutely no difference in his view of the situation. The





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64 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.

result of his theories is naturally disastrous. No pri-
vate house can hold an unlimited number of people;
Sand where the uninvited throng in such numbers, the
invited guests are unable to gain admission. A Wash-
ington lady received cards for a reception given by an
official person. It was a little late when she started,
and upon her arrival in --Avenue she found a surging
throng of people in and around the door of the house
where the reception was to be held. After striving
with the crowd for an hour or more, and reaching only
the vestibule of the mansion, she and her escort gave
up the attempt to gain further admittance, and went
home without+ having been to the party at all! It
transpired afterward that an excursion of two hundred
people had arrived in Washington on that day, and
had attended Mr. 's reception en masse!"
WHO NEED NOT ENTERTAIN.

Senators, Representatives, and other officials, need
not entertain unless they wish to. The President and
Cabinet officers are compelled to, by the laws of
Washington etiquette.
One peculiar feature of life at Washington will
strike the visitor, who is at all observant, and that is,
the retirement in which young people are kept. They
attend the receptions with their elders, but they do
not lead or rather tyrannize over society, as they too



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often try to do in some cities not nearly so cosmopoli-
tan as Washington. A young lady would not think
of taking a seat until her mother or the married ladies
of the party were provided for. Young ladies are not
invited either to state or formal dinners, but all the
simpler forms of gayety are left for their participation.
At morning receptions, a cup of chocolate is usually
tendered the guest-some add other drinks, with
tempting confections. The simplest refreshments
are the most proper, however.

LEAVING CARDS.

On making visits, it is the custom among all well-
bred persons to send in or leave a card. When the
person called upon is not at home, turn down the
right-hand upper corner of the card to show that you
came in person. When you go away from the city,
leave or send a card in which "P. P. C." is written
on one of the lower corners, "P. P. C." meaning
Pour Prendre Conge-to take leave. When a lady
leaves Washington with the intention of returning at
some future time, she sends these cards by mail to
such of her friends as she desires to continue the
acquaintance with, and when she has come back
friends may call upon her as soon as they learn of the
event, or she can send them cards with an "at home"
day specified upon them.


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66 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.

The usual hours for calling are from 2 to 5 P. M.
An evening visit presupposes a degree of social
acquaintance, and should never be made as a first call.
LADIES ASSUMING TITLES.

A custom which is growing in favor is to address
the wives of dignitaries by the titles which indicate
the honors of their husbands, as "Mrs. Senator Dur-
borow," "Mrs. General Dickerson," "Mrs. Secretary
Bell." Most of such customs, although at first rather
out of keeping with our simple republican tastes,
become familiar to us by usage.



















CHAPTER VIT.

INTRODUCTIONS.-WHAT AN INTRODUCTION SIGNIFIES.

SN introduction is virtually an assurance that the
Parties thus presented to each other are equals
in point of desirability and reputation,and should on
this account, be very sparingly given, for no one can
foresee what the result of any acquaintance will be.
It is very annoying, after you have thus made two
people acquainted, to learn that one has "cut" the
other in some public manner. It is a reflection upon
your judgment and good intentions. It may prove,
however, that one or the other learns something derog-
atory of which you were ignorant, thus still further
adding to your mortification and dismay.
On this account we think there is a responsibility
attached to the giving of introductions, which should
not be assumed at random. It is better to err upon
the side of being too careful, than not careful enough.
PERSONS MET AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE USUALLY PROPER.
At the same time it is always to be assumed that
such persons as you meet'at a friend's house, are
87[







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68 INTRODUCTIONS.

proper persons to be introduced to you. It is not,


however, obligatory upon you to continue the acquaint-
ance, unless you really wish to. There are cases
where, by frequently meeting the same persons, and
finding them very agreeable, and correct in their
deportment, a friendship has sprung up which has
proven mutually beneficial.


LADIES BECOMING ACQUAINTED.


Two ladies
they chance t
duction. Th
charming, we
It is always
proves undesi


INTROD

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quite the thin
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can with propriety, converse, wherever
o meet, without the formality of an intro-
is free-masonry among women is very
think.
s easy to drop any acquaintance that
rable.

UCTIONS NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY.

, among the higher social circles, it is
g to address people you meet at friends'
oductions are often dispensed with. In
where society is more mixed, it is con-
st etiquette for the hostess to introduce
each other. If, through any inadvert-
n is omitted, persons of fine breeding
te to accept each other's polite advances.
Ilse of any courtesy offered is a direct
friends under whose roof you are.





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INTRODUCTIONS. 69

y true that "A disagreeable woman can
reasons enough for being chilling and form-
empered woman can always find reasons
being agreeable."
ild always acknowledge an introduction,
h you receive one to your greatest enemy,
host has unwittingly presented to you,
lough once outside the door you resume
islike; still, while he is the guest of your
should treat him politely, nor disturb the
which should prevail.
incy because a lady or gentleman does not
ou the next time you meet, that it is their
Signore you. One who is much in society,
ly people that it is impossible to remember
es, and many others are preoccupied and
dly neglectful.

A "CUT" DIRECT.


:ut is seldom excusable. Never cut any
you have grave reasons for wishing to dis-
eir acquaintance. Some ladies shrink from
a poorly-dressed acquaintance, or one
I position is not as good as their own.
borders on snobbishness. At any rate it
standard of right and wrong, and shows
e deficient in Christian kindness.


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70 INTRODUCTIONS.

A gentleman never refuses to bow respectfully to
his servants on the street, and a lady should do the
same. Her social standing must be far from firm, if
she fears that she will compromise herself by such civili-
ties. There is no reason why a lady should bow first.
The best way is for the one who sees the other first
to bow, whether it be the lady or the gentleman

HOW A GENTLEMAN SALUTES.

When two ladies are walking together, and are met
by a gentleman known to one of the ladies, he should
raise his hat politely to both. Or if a lady is'met by
two gentlemen, one of whom she knows, it is usual
for both gentlemen to bow to her.
When introductions take place, the name should
be very distinctly pronounced. If you do not hear it
plainly, it is well to say, "I beg pardon, but I did not
quite catch the name." It prevents awkward mistakes
afterward.

A WIFE INTRODUCING HER HUSBAND.

A wife should introduce her husband in the follow-
ing manner: "This is my husband, Mr. Weston,"
and not "This is my husband." If he has a title she
should add that, as "This is my husband, Judge Os-
wald." Some ladies feel delicate about this matter, but
it is proper, as he thus acquires his correct status with





\\1







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INTRODUCTIONS. 71

strangers. A lady can always introduce the immedi-
ate members of her family, without asking permission
to do so. She pays strangers a compliment by this
attention.
In introducing any relative, the full name should be
given, as "This is my cousin, Miss Mamie Morton,"
not "my cousin Mamie."
PRESENTING THE YOUNGER TO THE ELDER.
When there is a marked difference ;n age, the
younger lady should be presented to the elder lady,
unless a superiority exists in position, when the private
and unknown lady should be presented to the famous
one. A gentleman is introduced to a lady. But as
we have said elsewhere, it is unwise to be too ready
to give introductions. It would be all right could
one be sure that such acquaintance would only lead to
pleasant results.
MENTION THE TITLE.
Give a man his title. A clergyman should be
addressed as the Rev. Mr. Blagden; a doctor of
divinity, as "the Rev. Dr. Mather;"a member of Con-
gress as "Honorable."
The usual form of introduction between equals in
age or position, is "Miss Kay, this is Miss Patterson."
"Mr. Nagel, Mr. Beth."


C--- r ------, r
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72 INTRODUCTIONS.

DO NOT "SCRAPE ACQUAINTANCE."

No young lady of refinement will "scrape acquaint-
ance," with one of the opposite sex. We cannot imag-
ine an occasion where it is permissible. The origin
of this term "scraping acquaintance" is not of a char-
acter calculated to inspire one with admiration, but it
is as lofty as the act itself. This old proverb is
handed down to us from the times of a very illustri-
ous personage-the Roman Emperor, Adrian. Of
course we do not vouch for it. It is related of him
that he was at the public baths one day when he saw
one of his veteran soldiers scraping his body with a
tile. The emperor ordered that his old comrade in
field and fray, should be supplied with better clean-
ing materials, and money.
But his goodness seemed likely to be abused, for on
another occasion he found a score of old soldiers who
had fought under him standing in the water, while
each was currying himself with a tile and wincing at'
the pain inflicted.
The emperor perfectly understood the meaning of
the sight; so he said to them-
"Ah, my fine fellows, you had better scrape one
another; for," he added, "you certainly shall not
scrape acquaintance with me!"









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"^/.-~--~-- --------- ---------___




7- INTRODUCTIONS. 73

YOUNG LADIES NEED NOT SHAKE HANDS.

A young lady should not shake hands on being in-
produced. A modest bow is sufficient acknowledg-
Sment. This custom of hand-shaking, like many of
our modern forms, is borrowed from the French.
The impulsive warmth of their nature makes it nat-
U ural, for them to bestow a more hearty greeting than a
mere nod, but Americans and English show more
reserve with strangers.
SAt a second meeting two ladies may offer their
hands, but ladies seldom extend their hands to gentle-
men, save to their most intimate friends. A lady is at
her best when she exhibits a modest and retiring
manner.
On entering a parlor, if you are not recognized by
the lady of the house at once, recall yourself to her
by mentioning your name.
The friend who is visiting at your house must be
--" -introduced to all callers, and they will in return, court-
eously inclined, pay all the attention in their power,
such as inviting your guests to their house, planning
little receptions, etc., during the period of their stay.
It is also part of your duty as a hostess, to make a
party in their honor, either when they first arrive, so
as to give them introductions to your friends, or on
the evening previous to their departure, as a kindly
farewell.


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74 INTRODUCTIONS.

INTRODUCING IN THE STREET.

When friends meet in the street, and pause for a
moment's conversation, it is unnecessary to introduce
a companion you may have. But if you feel that you
should, you can introduce them. Still, introductions
of this nature do not compel either party to pursue
the acquaintance, and a well-bred gentleman will not
presume upon the opportunity thus given him by
chance.
INTRODUCING VISITORS. .

If several visitors call upon a lady at the same time,
she does not present them to each other, but seeks
to divide her time and attention equally among them,
thus putting them at their ease; in return she ex-
pects that they will assist her by conversing with each
other in a friendly way.
At afternoon teas, kettle-drums, and like gatherings,
the hostess does not introduce at all, unless gentle-
men are present.
All introductions given at a croquet or lawn-tennis
party, or on a yachting excursion are merely for con-
venience, and do not involve after recognition, but to
bow on meeting again, is only polite.

REQUESTING INTRODUCTIONS.

A gentlemen may with propriety request an intro-







k 41














INTRODUCTIONS. 75

duction to a lady, at a party or ball, and should pay
her some attention, but the acquaintance need go no
farther, unless it is mutually desired.
It is very impertinent for a gentleman to join a lady
in the street when she is walking with another gentle-
man; and it would lay him open to the charge of hav-
ing some motive (most likely an interested one) in
thus forcing himself upon another man.
t r. "It is clearly the duty of a hostess, at a ball or dan-
cing-party, to endeavor to provide her guests with
partners, and for that purpose she must either make
introductions herself or through the help of others.
She must always ask permission before presenting a
gentleman to a lady-permission which should never
be refused unless the lady has very good and strong rea-
sons for declining to make the gentleman's acquaint-
Sance. Young men often present each other to young
ladies, and it is entirely proper that they should do
so if they have first asked leave. A gentleman may
also ask a lady, if he knows her well, to introduce him
to another lady when a proper opportunity shall occur.
Of course he could neither wish nor expect his friend
to cross a crowded room with him to make the intro-
duction; because she would then be left to make a bad
third, or else to retrace her wai alone; an awkward
situation, except for one of the ladies of the house."




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S 76 INTRODUCTIONS.

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.
These should always be left unsealed. It is not
1'i expected that their bearers will examine their con-
tents, still it is understood that they are known to
them, and unless they are carefully worded. they
would not be accepted.
A business letter of introduction is expressed in set
terms, as-

Mr.-

Dear Sir-I have the pleasure of introducing to
you Mr.- of --- Any favors you may
extend to him will be appreciated by
Yours very truly,


Letters of introduction of a social nature should be
written very carefully, and on the best of note paper, of
a neat size, and with an envelope to match. A letter
.of this sort, commending the person introduced,
should give his full name, the place of his resi-
dence, and should say as little as possible concerning
the person introduced, and add that the acquaint-
ance thus formed, would you are sure, be product-
1_ ive of mutual pleasure.

USE JUDGMENT IN GIVING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.
Great discrimination should be exercised in giving


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INTRODUCTIONS. 77

letters of introduction. You become responsible for
the good behavior of the one whom you introduce.
You should never take the liberty of furnishing a let-
ter of introduction only to a friend of long standing.
Another thing to be considered in a social letter of
introduction is whether the parties thus made
acquainted, will prove congenial. If they do not,
they may both end by blaming you.
( } INTRODUCING BY CARD.
Introductions may be made by card as well as by
letter. The gentleman introducing the other writes
upon the upper left hand corner of his own card the
words "Introducing Mr. ," and incloses it with
the card of the gentleman so named in an envelope of
good quality, and of the fashionable style and size.
The gentleman who receives a business letter of intro-
duction is not bound to extend any courtesies of a
social nature. The acquaintance is of a purely busi-
ness sort, and may end in the store or office, unless he
chooses it to be otherwise.
Etiquette declares that these rules shall be observed
with unvarying exactness. Should the person intro-
duced be a lady, she follows the same method of inclos-
/' } ing her card with that of the one introducing her, and
sends it by mail or a messenger. The lady receiving
these must call in person, or some member of her




Ijg ~--














78 INTRODUCTIONS.

. family must represent her. If she fails in this, she
must send a special messenger explaining her reason.
Three days are the limit allowed for a call to be made,
and if not made by the expiration of that time, such
an omission is an act of rudeness to the introducing
party.
ATTENDING TO LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.

"A letter of introduction, received through the post,
stating that an individual or family which the writer
highly esteems, is about to locate near you, and ask-
ing your kindly attentions, must be answered immedi-
ately, with expressions of anxiety to be of service to
the strangers so recommended. The person or family
thus introduced should be called upon at the first oppor-
tunity. Such a request to call upon a stranger admits
of no delay, and no after attentions can make amends
for neglect."
The custom in Europe is for the person having the
letter of introduction to make the first call. This is
repugnant to our independent spirit, as it puts the
bearer in the position of begging an acquaintance.
We consider it in far better taste to send it by an-
other source, and await its acceptance.
PAPER TO BE USED.
t It may appear a trifling matter and not worthy of




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INTRODUCTIONS.


consideration whether a letter of introduction is writ-
ten upon fine paper, well expressed, and neatly
inclosed. Or whether its receipt is acknowledged
promptly. But these details are of importance and
their observance will determine your reputation as a
lady or a gentleman, and give you the opportunity ol
conferring the happiness upon others.


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CHAPTER VIII.

GOING INTO SOCIETY.

Vi ERY young lady and young gentleman if blessed
With a.warm social nature, look forward eagerly
to the period of entering society. By entering society
they acquire polish, friends, and exchange of thoughts,
Sand enlarge their sphere of usefulness.

SCHOOL-GIRLS SHOULD NOT ENTER SOCIETY.

^; i No girl should make her debut while she is attend-
ing school. It is impossible for her to do justice to
herself, with a divided heart. She cannot keep her
mind upon those studies which require her entire atten-
tion, and attend to the demands of the social circle,
S i which are exceedingly exacting. Another injury is
| done to society itself, which thus receives a class of
immature and half-trained girls whose ideas are crude,
and their manners are apt to be free; they are thus
anything but ornaments of that society which they
i have entered.

WHAT AGE TO MAKE A DEBUT.

The proper age for a young girl to be presented to
80

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GOING INTO SOCIETY.


,,,,


society is when she has left school, and when her mind
is in a measure prepared for the ordeal. This age is
from eighteen to twenty. It is made known by the
mother, who announces to the social world the fact
that her daughter is a new candidate for social honors,
by calling with her elder and unmarried daughter (if
there be one in the family), upon all whom she de-
sires to present her daughter to; or she leaves their
own and the father's and mother's cards with those
whom they design inviting.
Up to this time the intended debutante has never
appeared at any gatherings outside her father's house,
nor at any but informal ones there, such as birthdays,
christenings, etc.
Invitations to the event are issued about ten days
before it is to take place, and are in the following
form:
MR. AND MRS. WELLINGTON
request the pleasure of presenting
their eldest (or second, or third) daughter
Miss MABEL
to Mr. and Mrs. David Prentice
on Wednesday evening, at eight o'clock.
No. 20 Honore St.
Dancing at ten.

The party receiving the invitation should at once
accept or decline.
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8z GOING INTO SOCIETY.

If there are several young ladies in a family, they re-
ceive an invitation addressed to "The Misses---" but
each young gentleman receives a separate invitation.

SENDING FLOWERS.

It is in good taste for near friends who choose, to
send flowers to the house on the morning of the party
day; but it is not absolutely required, and you can
omit this compliment, without giving offense.

HOW THE DEBUTANTE SHOULD DRESS.

The dress of the young debutante must be simple
and tasteful. For the first time in her life she wears
a dress with a train. It should be of white tulle or
plain white silk, and fresh flowers should be her only
ornaments.
SHE MAY DANCE.

On this particular occasion she is privileged to
dance, even though others are slighted. She can
give herself up to the fullest enjoyment, for she
stands in the position of the favored guest, for this
one evening, and her claims are paramount.
During the reception, she stands at the left of her
mother. Gentlemen are presented to her, but she is
presented to her elders and to ladies. The exchange
of courtesies may be brief, thus giving an.opportunity
for each guest to congratulate her.


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GOING INTO SOCIETY.

WHO ESCORTS HER TO SUPPER.


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When supper is announced, a brother escorts the
debutante to the table, the father follows with the
most distinguished lady of the party, and the young
daughter is seated upon the right of her father. If
she has no brother, the father accompanies her to the
supper-room, while the mother follows with the most
honored of the gentlemen present.
On the night of her entree into society, the gentle-
man who has the honor of the first dance with her, is
selected by the mother, and is usually a relative or
intimate friend.
During her first season she does not attend parties
without a chaperone, or make any calls unaccompanied
by her mother.

THE DUTIES DEVOLVING UPON THE DEBUTANTE.

Having fairly been launched upon society, it is the
duty of the young lady to make the most of her oppor-
tunities. Society is not a conglomeration of frivolous
people with neither solidity nor sense, but it is a com-
munion of minds, a gathering together of the bright,
the witty, the intellectual, as well as the trifling. Of
these various factors, the polish and culture which
results from attrition, leads to a blending of the whole,
brightening daily life.
Once out upon this current, there is much to be


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84 GOING INTO SOCIETY.

avoided, and much to be cultivated. First, then,
-' remember, that merely fashionable life, showy gather-
ings, gay company, where the heart is left out of the
S catalogue, and hollow professions take its place, is
not good society. We would say to the young girl,
you are in good society when your companions of
either sex are pure, true, natural; when the young
gentlemen you know are manly, frank, trustworthy; '
S) when there is no miserable pretense of goodness, but
a fresh, wholesome, honest nature, unsullied by vices
the young man of the period thinks necessary to
affect; when the girls you choose for friends are true-"
hearted and simple; who are not vain and silly; who
have an idea in their head beyond flirting and gay
Stress. Do not accept as a friend a girl who does not
trust and honor her parents. Such an one can never
be true in any relation of life whichshe assumes.
CALLING AFTER THE PARTY.
The ceremonious calls which follow the party include
i the young lady, but during her first season she has
no card of her own, does not call alone, nor does she
receive gentlemen without her mother's presence or a
'~i' chaperonn. -
Avoid dressing flashily. It is desirable to be known
as a lady who never offends good taste by glaring
I""' .colors or ill-fitting garments. .






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GOING INTO SOCIETY. 85 :

A young girl's conversation should be free from
gossip and envy. And she should never sanction dis-'
paraging remarks about an absent friend.

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

A respectful demeanor toward the aged is a pecul-
iar charm in a young lady. Never call attention to
any peculiarities others may possess. Do not make
jokes at their expense, for the purpose of establishing
a reputation for cheap wit. A young girl should
guard her language well. Sharp sayings and sarcas-
tic repartee come with very disagreeable effect from
her lips.
A true lady will always repulse familiarity or
rudeness, either of speech or manner.

THE ADVENT IN SOCIETY OF THE ELDEST SON.

In England the eldest son first enters society on the
day he attains his majority, and much prominence is
given to the event, But in this country very little
formality is observed. His first steps in this direc-
tion are taken by escorting his mother and sisters to
parties, balls and visits. He thus becomes, through
observation, fitted to assume all the obligations which
society imposes upon him. In England, on the con-
trary, the eldest son enters society only upon attaining
his majority, and great rejoicing is had over the event.








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56 GOING INTO SOCIETY.

BE OBLIGING.


When a young lady is asked to sing or play in com-
pany, she should never be in too great haste to do so,
nor should she "be urged a long time. In the first
place, she will be thought too anxious to display her
accomplishments, and in the second people grow so
weary of importuning that they do not enjoy her
attempt. There is a happy medium between the two.
Respond pleasantly, and do not sing or play but one
air at a time. If your auditors really enjoy your
efforts, you will soon be convinced of that fact.

THE CARDS USED.

The first season of the young lady, it is proper that
her name should appear on her cards as "Miss Ford,"
if she is the eldest unmarried daughter. But if she
have older sisters at home, she is "Miss Maude A.
Ford." After her first season, she has a separate
card, and is fairly entitled to all the privileges of the
fascinating world of society.
Never be the last to- leave a party if you can possi-
bly avoid it. You should always thank your hostess
for the pleasure the evening has afforded you.

EDUCATION A GREAT 'HELP.


./ Many accomplishments are necessary
plete success of a young lady .ix society.





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;' GOING INTO SOCIETY. 87

Ii : rA nof o corse C haov the rout.ndVTV, t ki T Af dl dr513i1 nUl LAitVJi4


g wor o a goo e uca on.
If she knows some French and German, so much the
better. She should be able to play some musical
instrument, although she need not be a "star" per-
former. She should use correct language, have a
pleasant manner, sit and walk gracefully, and dance
well. She should have a general knowledge of the
rules governing polite society, and have a sufficient
amount of self-control to enable her to conceal or
repress herlikes and dislikes. And above all, she should
be neat and sensible in her dress, being something of
an artist at the toilet.

DUTIES OF A YOUNG SOCIETY MAN.

The young man in society can, by many little atten-
tions to others, place himself on record as an exponent
of a true gentleman. He will never indulge in slang
or pointed jokes, even though he is well acquainted
with every member of the company in which he is.
He also shows a gentle deference for all, and seeks
their comfort and convenience on all occasions.

MAKE YOURSELF AGREEABLE TO WOMEN.

We would remind the young man entering society
that he should make it his constant endeavor to win
the approbation of women. Their good opinion is
absolutely necessary; and he will find that many a


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GOING INTO SOCIETY.


hint and many a word of encouragement will come
from them unsolicited, if he will show himself quick
to receive them.
Nearly all men, particularly the novice in society,
are greatly at fault when it comes to the nice little
shades of propriety, and they can best learn what is
the correct thing to do, in many cases, from the gen-
tler sex-'perhaps from those who are to be regarded as
wall-flowers. They will take interest in a bright,
agreeable young man, and will help train him in the
matter of etiquette.

LEARN OF OLDER PEOPLE.

When a young man has learned how to converse
easily and unaffectedly with the old, he is sure of
their good-will. There are many attentions which it
is in their power to bestow, which cost them nothing,
only the opportunity to put them in practice. The
cheerful offer of a more eligible seat, a casual inquiry
after their health, an interest shown in a subject that
pleases them-all these are but trifles, and yet are
productive of much good.

DO NOT SLIGHT ANYONE.

A gentleman in society is always ready to offer his
services to ladies-he is especially attentive to those
who are not gifted with much beauty or are not young.


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GOING INTO SOCIETY. 89

It may seem almost incredible, in this fast and rush- -j,
i ing age, but there are old and middle-aged people
. ,'whom it is a delight to talk to. It seems strange to
young people, who very naturally prefer the
friends near their own age, that any one who has
outlived the "heyday of youth" can charm. From
their conversation rich stores can be gathered. And
it should be totally superfluous to remind young men
and women of this fact were it not unfortunately true
that so many are thoughtless and impolite to the
elders.
COMPLIMENTS SUPERFLUOUS. I .I


A young gentleman should not offer frivolous com-
pliments. They have no meaning, and their insin-
cerity is soon detected by ,the recipients. Honest
praise is always agreeable, but not the fulsome flat-
tery whose thin mask is so transparent.
EASE OF MANNER.
A young man should acquire an ease of manner,
which will fit him for any station. This can be ob-
tained by close observation, and the tact to adapt
one's self to the occasion. Books will aid some in
this direction, but contact with society will help far
more. He should not confound civility with forward-
ness, a natural ease with an affected and stilted
demeanor, and should not in his desire to be witty
and genial, border on the familiar and coarse.



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00 GOING INTO SOCIETY.

CHOOSE GOOD COMPANIONS.

I ( A choice of good companions should be made early.
It is the easiest thing in the world to copy uncon-
sciously, and therefore a young man's intimate friends
should be men of superior minds, who will, by their
S li', niif, i example, become models worthy of his imi-
tation. Elegant manners are a means of refinement
that are of great benefit to any one, and to a young
man who expects to win his way in life, whether in
a profession, or out of it, they are of the greatest con-
sequence.
A word from an author whose judgment is unques-
tioned, is that "A man who does not solidly establish,
-;, and really deserve a character for truth, probity, good
manners, and good morals, at his first setting out in
S' the world, may deceive and shine like a meteor for a
very short time, but will soon vanish and be extin-
\ guished with contempt."
DRESS TASTILY.

/.' One thing we would impress upon the young man.
Sin society. Let your dress be as neat and tasty as is :
consistent with your means. But do not adopt loud
and flashy colors. Wear nothing, that is not paid for.
In spending money, do not show a grudging, sordid
spirit, but practice a proper economy. No one will
i blame you for that. Often young men are betrayed





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