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^ %  %  ^ % %  THE TRIBUNE BUDGET D EAR friend and reader do not fear To read what we have printed here, It does not tell the Late War news Nor preach Hard Times to give the blues Nor does it get your peace invade With rot about the Tourist Trode We come with merry thought and cheer About the things of yester year A little sauce to go along With 1914*8 right and wrong. And as you read do not forget No Carners Fund is [started yet And that we trust on you to make A start, just for the New Years sake. THE TELEPHONE QIRL SONG MYRNA TO HANSA. If you want an education In the way to be polite Just hold a conversation With a maiden out of sight. For if your manners are unruly And your adjectives will whirl You will learn to be polite Through the telephone girl. When you rouse her from her slumbers It's the gallant thing to do Not to mention the wrong numbers That she telephoned to you. But to ask in polished accents If she, "please" will set vou right For its only on the wires You will learn to be polite. When she answers you so sweetly "Wont you wait a moment please I'm occupied completely "Oh my fellow's such a tease." And you hear a consultation About a diamond or a pearl Don't you get exasperated With the telephone girl. Or if she's engaged in reading Of the Marquis and the Cook It shows a lack of breeding To take the lady from her book. You must wait until Miss Bridget Is affianced to the Earl For you've got to learn politeness From the telephone girl. "Hello girls" s'an institution That is much misunderstood For its circumlocution Is intended for your good. Not for business, or for pleasure But to educate you right In the critical accomplishment Of how to be polite. ACT III From the "Magician" A LAWYER'S OFFICE. Enter Lawyers in Wigs and Gowns. Chorus of Lawyers. We need not tell you who we are, Our wigs and gownsproclaim us A costume so consimilar Has made our union famous. For our craft is syndicated We are a most exclusive set Very widely celebrated For professional etiquette. For we're the most gentlemanly gang that ever you met, When it comes to professional etiquette. We hold to ancient languages We're strong on predesccssion And though folks jeer grimgibberish Its great in our profession Of precedental practices There's one as strong as a parapet And that to be exact Professional etiquett For we're the most Courteop crowd that ever you met When it comes to profession* al etiquette. To ease our brothers misery There's nothing we will leave undone And though we claim a trifling tee Our work's a philanthropic one 'Tis not of course for selfish gain That we our small retainers get We only charge them to maintain Professional etiquette. For we're the most courtliest company that ever you met When it comes to professional etiquette. You wonder why we break the law, If we've used our wits to make it, Remember there's a professional saw, "If there's a will there's a way" to break it. We are men of versatility And often turn a summerset But of course that does not disagree With professional etiquette. We're the politest people that ever you met When it comes to professional etiquette. Dat Chilian Gown. I doan unerstan' dis ting at tall I bring money fer buy won worsted shawl Won pair number nine low shoe A cose trousis an' won gown fer Lilly Sue. 1 had nine roun' half er dollar an won roun'six cent An' it all gone an' I ain see were it went I pay sixshillin'for ders-hawl an den • I pay two an haf fer low shoe —wot I spen ? 1 ain had lai in —1+ M UTJLA



PAGE 1

January 1st, 1915. An' wot I gin say ter Titie bout dat gown fer lilly Sue. How I spen dat money ? now lissen ter me good I buy pair low shoe, am yer unnerstood I pay two-n-haf fer dem-den I buy one shawl Six shillin' 1 pay fer dat, dat make tree n quarter n all Das lebe one dollar enty? der six cents das fer gin Wen man wukin' sun to sun little liker ain no sin Dat gal' well, wot 1 gin her et would'n hurt her er flea Ver mu-.se tink 1 fool ter get Nassau gal on spree. Ride in kerridge! wen yer see me bribin bout Do doan liar on me now-yer dunno Titie mout Doan say I bin in kerridge cos I ain had no time Dough if I drink little I sure dat ain no crime. Rut what I frettin 'bout, sir, ain how de money spen Dis town das cruel place ef yer ain got no fren' I doan mine der trousis, but wen I get ter Nickels Town Wot I goin' say ter Titie bout dat chillun gown. Though she had learned a lot at school Her memory's very rotten, But her knowledge is displayed to us By the things she has for'gotten. OVERHEARD THE AFTER. DAY "The two hundred were all ready for the strife, with bated breath and glittering blades they waited for the order to fall to. The leader gave the signal and the rattling of steel and the dinging of weapons answered his order. The battle had begun : The havoc was dreadful, flesh was slashed and bones were broken, and yet the distruction continued. Not until the enemy had been annihilated did a fainting warrior raise a white "Hag,' you say? Oh no I "napkin to his lips.'* Battle? Who's talking about a battle? I was reading a description of the banquet at the F. MHall." "Haw Fwed, did you know that the P. S., lias an athlete ?" "Naw who ?" "Why! StfongC —jumped from the P. C. into the S. C." "WhoRaet" The cynic wonders if I"'. L. M's objection to strong drink is for fear of the proverb In Vono Veritas. PUZZLING. What Smith had on Nassau we dont know, but he cer tainly hated to leave it behind. If Patty's son is a nut. Is King a nutter ? If the retired Registrar were to get a certain tailor to make up his latest style for him would it be called Fording the Brook ? Surely Would Bruce Y appreciate being wished a nice New QUASHEE INTREPETS. Our friend Howard complains of having been docked of his shekels." All berry good I Quashee remarks. Could you call the Big Pour Xmas tree a Boot tree I FOOLISHTNSWERS. "No, not because C. S. is often cross should you refer to him as an X ray. Nor should you say because it takes so long to catch the Karlsrhuc that it is a dillittary business. No, my good fellow, not because Bob said John was only half a man should you refer to him as a demijohn. my child I would not %  I 3.C.S. a moss grown Von because it has M.on its back. Yes, my son, the Kaiser is strong, but it was not because H. E. M. was compared to the Kaiser that he thought that he had a Strong case. Decidely not E.d. does not stand for easy dough, what ever made you think of such a thing. No sonny, the members of the Executive, are not called executioners. HERES A HOBBLE A hobble skirt you must agree Is very much like poetry For they have this common Feature Both keep very close to nature. Oh! a sight that's captivating is a red moracco shoe Tiptoeing in a hobble skirt upon the avenue, Hut it's far more interesting if the peach that is abov e Is very well acquainted with'the pretty ways of love. But its very well to talk about a red marroco shoe, A hobble and a fairy prancing on the avenue, But there is another spectacle that does m'y' fancy tickle And that is ahobble skirt, a riding, a bycycle. LOCAL ARMY WAR BULLETIN. Received on Xmas Eye nig 1 6. p.m. Patriotic 9. " Philanthropic ia. " Idiotic 3. a. m. Chaotic Royalty has been visiting us these war times. The King came first and the Queen after him. A Literary Departure. The Tribune leaving Market Street. Near deaf. Why do the "Guardian" news boys cry Ladies War News ? Komick. "That easy, the editor is a woman." TJLA T£D



PAGE 1

I THE TRIBUNE BUDGET D EAR friend and reader do not fear To read what we have printed here, It does not tell the Late War news Nor preach Hard Times to Rive the blues Nor does it get your peace invade With rot about the Tourist Trode We come with merry thought and cheer About the things of yester year A little sauce to go along With 1914's right and wrong. And as you rend do not forget No Carriers Fund is 'started yet And that we trust on you to make A start, just for the New Years sake. THE TELEPHONE QIRL SONG MYRNA TO HANSA. If you want an education In the way to be polite Just hold a conversation With a maiden out of sight. For if your manners are unruly And your adjectives will whirl You will learn to be polite Through the telephone girl. 2 When you rouse her from her slumbere It's the gallant thing to do Not to mention the wrong numbers That she telephoned to you. But to ask in polished accents If she "please" will set vou right For its only on the wires Yon will learn to be polite. When she answers you so sweetly "Wont you wait a moment 11 lease I'm occupied completely "Oh my fellow's such a tease." And you hear a consultation About a diamond or a pearl Don't you get exasperated With the telephone girl. Or if she's engaged in reading Of the Marquis and the Cook It shows a lack of breeding To take the lady from her book. You must wait until Miss Bridget Is affianced to the Earl For you've got to learn politeness From the telephone girl. "Hello girls" s' an institution That is much misunderstood For its circumlocution Is intended for your good. Not for business, or for pleasure But to educate you right In the critical accomplishment Of how to be polite. ACT III From the "Magician" A LAWYER'S OFFICE. Enter Lawyers in Wigs and Gowns. Chorus of Lawyers. We need not tell you who we are, Our wigs and gowns proclaim us A costume so consimilar Has made our union famous. For our craft is syndicated We are a most exclusive set Very widely celebrated For professional etiquette. For we're the most gentle* manly gang that ever you met, I When it comes to professional etiquette. ; We hold to ancient languages We're strong on predescession And though folks jeer grimgibberish j Its great in our profession I Of precedents] practices There's one as strong as a par" pet And that to be exact Professional etiuuett. For we're the most v.ourteo*M crowd that ever you met When it comes to professional etiquette. To ease our brothers misery There's nothing we will leave undone And though we claim a trifling fee Our work's a philanthropic one 'Tis not of course for selfish gain That we our small retainers get We only charge them to maintain Professional etiquette. For we're the most courtliest company that ever you met When it comes to professional etiquette. You wonder why we break the law, If we've used our wits to make it, Remember there's a professional saw, "If there's a will there's a way" to break it. We are men of versatility And often turn a summerset But of course that does not disagree With professional etiquette. We're the politest people that ever you met When it conies to professional etiquette. Dat Chilian Gown. I doan unerstan' dis ting at tall I bring money fer buy won worsted lhawl Won pair number nine low shoe A cose trousis an' won gown fer Lilly Sue. 1 had nine roun'half er dollar an won roun' six cent An' it all gone an* I ain see were it went I pay six shillin' f or der shawl an den • I pay two an haf fer low shoe —wot I spen ? I ain had bi £



PAGE 1

*—— January 1st, 1915. An' wot I gin say ter Titie bout dat gown fer lilly Sue. How I spen dat money ? now lissen ter me good buy pair low shoe, am yer unnerstood I pay two-n-haf fcr dem-den I buy one shawl Six shillin' 1 pay fer dat, dat make tree n quarter n all Das lebe one dollar enty? der six cents das fer gin Wen man wukin' sun to sun little liker ain no sin Dat gal' well, wot I gin her et would'n hurt her er flea Yer musse tink 1 fool ter get Nassau gal on spree. Ride in kerridge! wen yer see me bribin bout Do doan liar on me now-yer dunno Titie mout Doan say I bin in kerridge cos I ain had no time Dough if I drink little I sure dat ain no crime. But what I frettin 'bout, sir, ain how de money spen Dis town das cruel place ef yer ain got no fren' 1 doan mine der trousi3, but wen I get ter Nickels Town Wot I goin* say ter Titie bout dat chillun gown. Though she had learnd a lot at school Her memory's very rotten, But her knowledge is displayed to us By the things she has for"gotten. OVERHEARD THE AFTER. DAY "Haw Fwed, did you know that the P. S., lias an athlete ?" "Naw I who ?" "Whv! Stronge—jumped from the P. C. into the S. C." "Who Rael" The cynic uonders if l'\ L. M's objection to strong drink is for fear of the proverb In Vono Veritas. Yes, my son, the Kaiser is strong, but it was not because H. E. M. was compared to the Kaiser that he thought that he had a Strong case. Decidely not E.d. does not stand for easy dough, whatever made you think of such a thing. No sonny, the members of the Executive, are not called executioners. HERES A HOBBLE A hobble skirt you must agree Is very much like poetry For they have this common Feature Both keep very close to nature. Oh no 1 "napkin to Ins lips.' Battle ? Who's talking about a battle ? I was reading a description of the banquet at the F. M. Hall." If Patty's son is a nut. Is King a nutter ? If the retired Registrar were to get a certain tailor to make up his latest style for him would it be called Fording the Brook ? Surely Would Bruce Y appreciate being wished a nice New "The two hundred were all ready for the strife, with bated breath and glittering blades they waited for the order to fall to. The leader gave the signal and the rattling of steel and theclnnging of weapons answered bis order. The battle had begun : The havoc was dreadful, flesh was slashed and bones were broken, and yet the distruction continued. Not until the enemy had been annihilated did a fainting warrior i Oh! a sight that's captivating raise a white "flag,' you say? is a red moracco shoe Tiptoeing in a hobble skirt upon the avenue, But it's far more interesting if the peach that is above Is very well acquainted with'the pretty ways of love. But its very well to talk about a red marrocoshoe, A hobble and a fairy prancing on the avenue, Put there is another spectacle that does my 1 fancy tickle And that is a hobble skirt, a riding, a bycycle. LOCAL ARMY WAR BULLETIN. Received on Xmas Eve night 6. p.m. Patriotic 9. " Philanthropic 12. %  Idiotic 3. a. m. Chaotic Royalty has been visiting us these war times. The King came first and the Queen after him. A Literary Departure. The Tribune leaving Market Street. Near deaf. Why do the PUZZLING. What Smith had on Nassau we dont know, but he cer tainly hated to leave it behind. QUASHEE INTREPETS. Our friend Howard complains of having been docked of his shekels." All berry good I Quashee remarks. Could you call the Big Four Xmas tree a Boot tree FOOLISH ANSWERS. "No, not because C. S. is often cross should you refer to him as an X ray. Nor should you say because it takes so long to catch the Karlsrhue that it is a diUit* tary business. No, my good fellow, not because Bob said John was only half a man should you refer to him as a demijohn. my child I would not D. C. S. a moss grown on because it has ( ) on its back. "Guardian Ladies War news News boys cry Komick. "That easy, the editpr is a woman." VTJLATBD


The Tribune.
ALL ISSUES CITATION THUMBNAILS DOWNLOADS ZOOMABLE PAGE IMAGE
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Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00084249/02307
 Material Information
Title: The Tribune.
Uniform Title: Tribune. (Nassau, Bahamas).
Alternate Title: Nassau tribune
Physical Description: v. : ill. ; 58 cm.
Language: English
Publisher: Tribune
Publication Date: Friday, January 01, 1915
 Subjects
Genre: newspaper   ( sobekcm )
Spatial Coverage: Bahamas
 Notes
General Note: Description based on: Vol. 79, no. 210 (Aug. 3, 1983); title from caption.
 Record Information
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: oclc - 09994850
oclc - 9994850
System ID: UF00084249:02307

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Full Text
*
*
January 1st, 1915.
An' wot I gin say ter Titie
bout dat gown fer lilly
Sue.
How I spen dat money ?
now lissen ter me good
! buy pair low shoe, am yer
unnerstood
I pay two-n-haf fcr dem-den
I buy one shawl
Six shillin' 1 pay fer dat, dat
make tree n quarter n all
Das lebe one dollar enty? der
six cents das fer gin
Wen man wukin' sun to sun
little liker ain no sin
Dat gal' well, wot I gin her
et would'n hurt her er
flea
Yer musse tink 1 fool ter get
Nassau gal on spree.
Ride in kerridge! wen yer see
me bribin bout
Do doan liar on me now-yer
dunno Titie mout
Doan say I bin in kerridge
cos I ain had no time
Dough if I drink little I sure
dat ain no crime.
But what I frettin 'bout, sir,
ain how de money spen
Dis town das cruel place ef
yer ain got no fren'
1 doan mine der trousi3, but
wen I get ter Nickels
Town
Wot I goin* say ter Titie bout
dat chillun gown.
Though she had learnd a lot
at school
Her memory's very rotten,
But her knowledge is display-
ed to us
By the things she has for-
"gotten.
OVERHEARD THE
AFTER.
DAY
"Haw Fwed, did you know
that the P. S., lias an athlete ?"
"Naw I who ?"
"Whv! Strongejumped from
the P. C. into the S. C."
"Who Rael"
The cynic uonders if l'\ L.
M's objection to strong drink is
for fear of the proverb In Vono
Veritas.
Yes, my son, the Kaiser is
strong, but it was not because
H. E. M. was compared to the
Kaiser that he thought that
he had a Strong case.
Decidely not E.d. does not
stand for easy dough, what-
ever made you think of such
a thing.
No sonny, the members of
the Executive, are not called
executioners.
HERES A HOBBLE
A hobble skirt you must
agree
Is very much like poetry
For they have this common
Feature
Both keep very close to
nature.
Oh no 1 "napkin to Ins lips.'
Battle ? Who's talking about
a battle ? I was reading a
description of the banquet at
the F. M. Hall."
If Patty's son is a nut. Is
King a nutter ?
If the retired Registrar were
to get a certain tailor to make
up his latest style for him
would it be called Fording
the Brook ?
Surely
Would Bruce Y appreciate
being wished a nice New
"The two hundred were all
ready for the strife, with bat-
ed breath and glittering
blades they waited for the or-
der to fall to. The leader
gave the signal and the ratt-
ling of steel and theclnnging
of weapons answered bis or-
der. The battle had begun :
The havoc was dreadful,
flesh was slashed and bones
were broken, and yet the dis-
truction continued. Not until
the enemy had been annihi-
lated did a fainting warrior i Oh! a sight that's captivating
raise a white "flag,' you say? is a red moracco shoe
Tiptoeing in a hobble skirt
upon the avenue,
But it's far more interesting
if the peach that is above
Is very well acquainted
with'the pretty ways of
love.
But its very well to talk about
a red marrocoshoe,
A hobble and a fairy pran-
cing on the avenue,
Put there is another spectacle
that does my1 fancy tickle
And that is a hobble skirt,
a riding, a bycycle.
LOCAL ARMY WAR
BULLETIN.
Received on Xmas Eve night
6. p.m. Patriotic
9. " Philanthropic
12. Idiotic
3. a. m. Chaotic
Royalty has been visiting
us these war times. The King
came first and the Queen after
him.
A Literary Departure. The
Tribune leaving Market
Street.
Near deaf. Why do the
PUZZLING.
What Smith had on Nassau
we dont know, but he cer
tainly hated to leave it be-
hind.
QUASHEE INTREPETS.
Our friend Howard com-
plains of having been docked
of his shekels." All berry
good I Quashee remarks.
Could you call the Big
Four Xmas tree a Boot tree !
FOOLISH ANSWERS.
"No, not because C. S. is of-
ten cross should you refer to
him as an X ray.
Nor should you say because
it takes so long to catch the
Karlsrhue that it is a diUit*
tary business.
No, my good fellow, not be-
cause Bob said John was only
half a man should you refer
to him as a demijohn.
my child I would not
D. C. S. a moss grown
on because it has
(
) on its back.
"Guardian
Ladies War
news
News
boys cry
Komick. "That easy, the
editpr is a woman."
VTJLATBD


^
^

The tribune budget
d
EAR friend and reader do not
fear
To read what we have printed
here,
It does not tell the Late War
news
Nor preach Hard Times to
give the blues
Nor does it get your peace in-
vade
With rot about the Tourist
Trode
We come with merry thought
and cheer
About the things of yester
year
A little sauce to go along
With 1914*8 right and wrong.
And as you read do not forget
No Carners Fund is [started
yet
And that we trust on you to
make
A start, just for the New
Years sake.
THE TELEPHONE QIRL
SONG
MYRNA TO HANSA.
If you want an education
In the way to be polite
Just hold a conversation
With a maiden out of sight.
For if your manners are un-
ruly
And your adjectives will
whirl
You will learn to be polite
Through the telephone girl.
When you rouse her from her
slumbers
It's the gallant thing to do
Not to mention the wrong
numbers
That she telephoned to you.
But to ask in polished accents
If she, "please" will set vou
right
For its only on the wires
You will learn to be polite.
When she answers you so
sweetly
"Wont you wait a moment
please
I'm occupied completely
"Oh my fellow's such
a tease."
And you hear a consultation
About a diamond or a pearl
Don't you get exasperated
With the telephone girl.
Or if she's engaged in read-
ing
Of the Marquis and the
Cook
It shows a lack of breeding
To take the lady from her
book.
You must wait until Miss
Bridget
Is affianced to the Earl
For you've got to learn po-
liteness
From the telephone girl.
"Hello girls" s'an institution
That is much misunder-
stood
For its circumlocution
Is intended for your good.
Not for business, or for plea-
sure
But to educate you right
In the critical accomplish-
ment
Of how to be polite.
ACT III
From the "Magician"
A LAWYER'S OFFICE.
Enter Lawyers in Wigs and
Gowns.
Chorus of Lawyers.
We need not tell you who we
are,
Our wigs and gownsproclaim
us
A costume so consimilar
Has made our union famous.
For our craft is syndicated
We are a most exclusive set
Very widely celebrated
For professional etiquette.
For we're the most gentle-
manly gang that ever
you met,
When it comes to professional
etiquette.
We hold to ancient languages
We're strong on predesccs-
sion
And though folks jeer grim-
gibberish
Its great in our profession
Of precedental practices
There's one as strong as a
parapet
And that to be exact
Professional etiquett
For we're the most Courteop
crowd that ever you met
When it comes to profession*
al etiquette.
To ease our brothers misery
There's nothing we will leave
undone
And though we claim a tri-
fling tee
Our work's a philanthropic
one
'Tis not of course for selfish
gain
That we our small retainers
get
We only charge them to
maintain
Professional etiquette.
For we're the most courtliest
company that ever you
met
When it comes to profession-
al etiquette.
You wonder why we break
the law,
If we've used our wits to
make it,
Remember there's a profes-
sional saw,
"If there's a will there's a
way" to break it.
We are men of versatility
And often turn a summerset
But of course that does not
disagree
With professional etiquette.
We're the politest people that
ever you met
When it comes to profession-
al etiquette.
Dat Chilian Gown.
I doan unerstan' dis ting at
tall
I bring money fer buy won
worsted shawl
Won pair number nine low
shoe
A cose trousis an' won gown
fer Lilly Sue.
1 had nine roun' half er dol-
lar an won roun'six cent
An' it all gone an' I ain see
were it went
I pay sixshillin'for ders-hawl
an den
I pay two an haf fer low shoe
wot I spen ?
1 ain had
lai
in

1-
+
M UTJLA


January 1st, 1915.
An' wot I gin say ter Titie
bout dat gown fer lilly
Sue.
How I spen dat money ?
now lissen ter me good
I buy pair low shoe, am yer
unnerstood
I pay two-n-haf fer dem-den
I buy one shawl
Six shillin' 1 pay fer dat, dat
make tree n quarter n all
Das lebe one dollar enty? der
six cents das fer gin
Wen man wukin' sun to sun
little liker ain no sin
Dat gal' well, wot 1 gin her
et would'n hurt her er
flea
Ver mu-.se tink 1 fool ter get
Nassau gal on spree.
Ride in kerridge! wen yer see
me bribin bout
Do doan liar on me now-yer
dunno Titie mout
Doan say I bin in kerridge
cos I ain had no time
Dough if I drink little I sure
dat ain no crime.
Rut what I frettin 'bout, sir,
ain how de money spen
Dis town das cruel place ef
yer ain got no fren'
I doan mine der trousis, but
wen I get ter Nickels
Town
Wot I goin' say ter Titie bout
dat chillun gown.
Though she had learned a lot
at school
Her memory's very rotten,
But her knowledge is display-
ed to us
By the things she has for-
'gotten.
OVERHEARD THE
AFTER.
DAY
"The two hundred were all
ready for the strife, with bat-
ed breath and glittering
blades they waited for the or-
der to fall to. The leader
gave the signal and the ratt-
ling of steel and the dinging
of weapons answered his or-
der. The battle had begun :
The havoc was dreadful,
flesh was slashed and bones
were broken, and yet the dis-
truction continued. Not until
the enemy had been annihi-
lated did a fainting warrior
raise a white "Hag,' you say?
Oh no I "napkin to his lips.'*
Battle? Who's talking about
a battle? I was reading a
description of the banquet at
the F. M- Hall."
"Haw Fwed, did you know
that the P. S., lias an athlete ?"
"Naw who ?"
"Why! StfongC jumped from
the P. C. into the S. C."
"WhoRaet"
The cynic wonders if I"'. L.
M's objection to strong drink is
for fear of the proverb In Vono
Veritas.
PUZZLING.
What Smith had on Nassau
we dont know, but he cer
tainly hated to leave it be-
hind.
If Patty's son is a nut. Is
King a nutter ?
If the retired Registrar were
to get a certain tailor to make
up his latest style for him
would it be called Fording
the Brook ? _____
Surely
Would Bruce Y appreciate
being wished a nice New
QUASHEE INTREPETS.
Our friend Howard com-
plains of having been docked
of his shekels." All berry
good I Quashee remarks.
Could you call the Big
Pour Xmas tree a Boot tree I
foolishTnswers.
"No, not because C. S. is of-
ten cross should you refer to
him as an X ray.
Nor should you say because
it takes so long to catch the
Karlsrhuc that it is a dillit-
tary business.
No, my good fellow, not be-
cause Bob said John was only
half a man should you refer
to him as a demijohn.
my child I would not
I3.C.S. a moss grown
Von because it has
M.on its back.
Yes, my son, the Kaiser is
strong, but it was not because
H. E. M. was compared to the
Kaiser that he thought that
he had a Strong case.
Decidely not E.d. does not
stand for easy dough, what
ever made you think of such
a thing.
No sonny, the members of
the Executive, are not called
executioners.
HERES A HOBBLE
A hobble skirt you must
agree
Is very much like poetry
For they have this common
Feature
Both keep very close to
nature.
Oh! a sight that's captivating
is a red moracco shoe
Tiptoeing in a hobble skirt
upon the avenue,
Hut it's far more interesting
if the peach that is abov e
Is very well acquainted
with'the pretty ways of
love.
But its very well to talk about
a red marroco shoe,
A hobble and a fairy pran-
cing on the avenue,
But there is another spectacle
that does m'y' fancy tickle
And that is ahobble skirt,
a riding, a bycycle.
LOCAL ARMY WAR
BULLETIN.
Received on Xmas Eye nig1 '
6. p.m. Patriotic
9. " Philanthropic
ia. " Idiotic
3. a. m. Chaotic
Royalty has been visiting
us these war times. The King
came first and the Queen after
him.
A Literary Departure. The
Tribune leaving Market
Street.
Near deaf. Why do the
"Guardian" news boys cry
Ladies War News ?
Komick. "That easy, the
editor is a woman."
TJLA TD


I
THE TRIBUNE BUDGET
D
EAR friend and reader do not
fear
To read what we have printed
here,
It does not tell the Late War
news
Nor preach Hard Times to
Rive the blues
Nor does it get your peace in-
vade
With rot about the Tourist
Trode
We come with merry thought
and cheer
About the things of yester
year
A little sauce to go along
With 1914's right and wrong.
And as you rend do not forget
No Carriers Fund is 'started
yet
And that we trust on you to
make
A start, just for the New
Years sake.
THE TELEPHONE QIRL
SONG
MYRNA TO HANSA.
If you want an education
In the way to be polite
Just hold a conversation
With a maiden out of sight.
For if your manners are un-
ruly
And your adjectives will
whirl
You will learn to be polite
Through the telephone girl.
2
When you rouse her from her
slumbere
It's the gallant thing to do
Not to mention the wrong
numbers
That she telephoned to you.
But to ask in polished accents
If she "please" will set vou
right
For its only on the wires
Yon will learn to be polite.
When she answers you so
sweetly
"Wont you wait a moment
11 lease
I'm occupied completely
"Oh my fellow's such
a tease."
And you hear a consultation
About a diamond or a pearl
Don't you get exasperated
With the telephone girl.
Or if she's engaged in read-
ing
Of the Marquis and the
Cook
It shows a lack of breeding
To take the lady from her
book.
You must wait until Miss
Bridget
Is affianced to the Earl
For you've got to learn po-
liteness
From the telephone girl.
"Hello girls" s' an institution
That is much misunder-
stood
For its circumlocution
Is intended for your good.
Not for business, or for plea-
sure
But to educate you right
In the critical accomplish-
ment
Of how to be polite.
ACT III
From the "Magician"
A LAWYER'S OFFICE.
Enter Lawyers in Wigs and
Gowns.
Chorus of Lawyers.
We need not tell you who we
are,
Our wigs and gowns proclaim
us
A costume so consimilar
Has made our union famous.
For our craft is syndicated
We are a most exclusive set
Very widely celebrated
For professional etiquette.
For we're the most gentle*
manly gang that ever
you met,
I When it comes to professional
etiquette.
; We hold to ancient languages
We're strong on predesces-
sion
And though folks jeer grim-
gibberish
j Its great in our profession
I Of precedents] practices
There's one as strong as a
par" pet
And that to be exact
Professional etiuuett.
For we're the most v.ourteo*M
crowd that ever you met
When it comes to profession-
al etiquette.
To ease our brothers misery
There's nothing we will leave
undone
And though we claim a tri-
fling fee
Our work's a philanthropic
one
'Tis not of course for selfish
gain
That we our small retainers
get
We only charge them to
maintain
Professional etiquette.
For we're the most courtliest
company that ever you
met
When it comes to profession-
al etiquette.
You wonder why we break
the law,
If we've used our wits to
make it,
Remember there's a profes-
sional saw,
"If there's a will there's a
way" to break it.
We are men of versatility
And often turn a summerset
But of course that does not
disagree
With professional etiquette.
We're the politest people that
ever you met
When it conies to profession-
al etiquette.
' -
Dat Chilian Gown.
I doan unerstan' dis ting at
tall
I bring money fer buy won
worsted lhawl
Won pair number nine low
shoe
A cose trousis an' won gown
fer Lilly Sue.
1 had nine roun'half er dol-
lar an won roun' six cent
An' it all gone an* I ain see
were it went
I pay six shillin'for der shawl
an den
I pay two an haf fer low shoe
wot I spen ?
I ain had bi




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