Front Cover
 Front Matter
 Half Title
 Title Page
 Table of Contents
 List of Illustrations
 Children four
 Towards Fairyland
 Houpla, the Herald
 The princesses' journey
 The Red Cross Knight
 Brassiface the son of Bulger
 The witch's hot pot
 At the court of King Puck
 The dragon
 The election
 The trial of Tomakin
 Home again
 Back Cover

Title: Butterscotia, or, A cheap trip to fairy land
Full Citation
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00084077/00001
 Material Information
Title: Butterscotia, or, A cheap trip to fairy land
Alternate Title: Cheap trip to fairy land
Physical Description: 169, 1, 12 p., 6 leaves of plates : ill., map. (fold.), music ; 21 cm.
Language: English
Creator: Parry, Edward Abbott, 1863-1943
MacGregor, Archie ( Illustrator )
Nutt, David ( Publisher )
Naumann, W. P ( Engraver )
Ballantyne, Hanson and Co ( Printer )
Publisher: David Nutt
Place of Publication: London
Manufacturer: Ballantyne, Hanson & Co.
Publication Date: 1896
Subject: Children -- Conduct of life -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Conduct of life -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Brothers and sisters -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Fairyland (Imaginary place) -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Storytelling -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Seashore -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Voyages and travels -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Children's poetry   ( lcsh )
Fairy tales   ( lcsh )
Children's poetry -- 1896   ( lcsh )
Fantasy literature -- 1896   ( rbgenr )
Publishers' catalogues -- 1896   ( rbgenr )
Bldn -- 1896
Genre: Children's poetry
Fantasy literature   ( rbgenr )
Publishers' catalogues   ( rbgenr )
novel   ( marcgt )
Spatial Coverage: England -- London
Scotland -- Edinburgh
Statement of Responsibility: by Edward Abbott Parry ; illustrated by Archie MacGregor.
General Note: Illustrations engraved by W.P. Naumann.
General Note: Publisher's catalogue follows text.
 Record Information
Bibliographic ID: UF00084077
Volume ID: VID00001
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: aleph - 002235750
notis - ALH6213
oclc - 06691512

Table of Contents
    Front Cover
        Front Cover 1
        Front Cover 2
    Front Matter
        Front Matter
    Half Title
        Half Title
    Title Page
        Title Page 1
        Title Page 2
    Table of Contents
        Table of Contents
    List of Illustrations
        List of Illustrations
        Page 1
        Page 1a
    Children four
        Page 2
        Page 3
        Page 4
        Page 5
        Page 6
        Page 7
        Page 8
        Page 9
        Page 10
        Page 11
        Page 12
        Page 13
        Page 14
        Page 15
        Page 16
        Page 17
        Page 18
    Towards Fairyland
        Page 19
        Page 20
        Page 21
        Page 22
        Page 23
        Page 24
        Page 25
        Page 26
        Page 27
        Page 28
        Page 29
        Page 30
        Page 31
        Page 32
    Houpla, the Herald
        Page 33
        Page 34
        Page 35
        Page 36
        Page 37
        Page 38
        Page 39
        Page 40
        Page 41
        Page 42
        Page 43
        Page 44
        Page 45
        Page 46
        Page 47
        Page 48
    The princesses' journey
        Page 49
        Page 50
        Page 51
        Page 52
        Page 53
        Page 54
        Page 55
        Page 56
        Page 57
        Page 58
        Page 59
        Page 60
    The Red Cross Knight
        Page 61
        Page 62
        Page 63
        Page 64
        Page 64a
        Page 65
        Page 66
        Page 67
        Page 68
        Page 69
        Page 70
        Page 71
        Page 72
    Brassiface the son of Bulger
        Page 73
        Page 74
        Page 75
        Page 76
        Page 77
        Page 78
        Page 79
        Page 80
        Page 81
        Page 82
        Page 82a
        Page 83
        Page 84
        Page 85
    The witch's hot pot
        Page 86
        Page 87
        Page 88
        Page 88a
        Page 89
        Page 90
        Page 91
        Page 92
        Page 93
        Page 94
        Page 95
        Page 96
        Page 96a
        Page 96b
        Page 97
        Page 98
    At the court of King Puck
        Page 99
        Page 100
        Page 101
        Page 102
        Page 103
        Page 104
        Page 105
        Page 106
        Page 107
        Page 108
        Page 109
        Page 110
        Page 111
        Page 112
        Page 113
    The dragon
        Page 114
        Page 115
        Page 116
        Page 117
        Page 118
        Page 119
        Page 120
        Page 121
        Page 122
        Page 123
        Page 124
        Page 125
        Page 126
        Page 126a
        Page 127
    The election
        Page 128
        Page 129
        Page 130
        Page 131
        Page 132
        Page 133
        Page 134
        Page 135
        Page 136
        Page 137
        Page 138
        Page 139
        Page 140
        Page 141
    The trial of Tomakin
        Page 142
        Page 143
        Page 144
        Page 145
        Page 146
        Page 147
        Page 148
        Page 149
        Page 150
        Page 151
        Page 152
        Page 153
        Page 154
        Page 155
        Page 156
        Page 157
        Page 158
    Home again
        Page 159
        Page 160
        Page 161
        Page 162
        Page 163
        Page 164
        Page 165
        Page 166
        Page 167
        Page 168
        Page 169
        Page 170
        Page 171
        Page 172
        Page 173
        Page 174
        Page 175
        Page 176
        Page 177
        Page 178
        Page 179
        Page 180
        Page 181
        Page 182
        Page 183
        Page 184
    Back Cover
        Back Cover 1
        Back Cover 2
Full Text

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The Swan Borne Boat
Title Page
Map of Butter-Scotia
The Discontented Pig
The Cause of Happiness in Others
Krab Exhibits his Show-card .
The Banks of Treacle River .
The Bar Sheep
Carriopeia .
Houpla, the Herald
Fashion Plate from the Dahlia News"
Sir Olga's Arms .
Birch Rod preceding the Princesses
The Great Seal blesses the Princesses
Mother Slipper Slopper's Cottage
The Mysterious Magpie Minstrel
Big Baby Bafy .
McKrab the Caddie
Bafy to Play .
The Witch's Incantation.
Mother Chattox
The Ballad of Our Cat.
Further Consideration
The Blue Toad
The Raven Schoolmistress
The Dragon is Physicked
The Fight with the Dragon
The T' '* of the Niblick
The Cabinet Council
Obadiah Ostrich, Esq.
Mrs. Ostrich's Song
Mr. Ferret at Work
The Raven Cross-examined
The Sisters Primrose
Herr Krab the Ringmaster
The illustrations are from process blocks
prepared by W. P. NAUMANN


to follow page viii

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S 75
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Though 01 ga is a

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learnedchild,and fond ofFrenchand La tin, She condescends to dressing up if the


gowns are silk or sa-tin; But while she reads and writes so well and knows how to re-

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Though Olga is a learned child and fond of French and
She condescends to dressing up if the gowns are silk and
But while she reads and writes so well, and knows how -to
I should not mind if she could not read, if all she did was

Oh Molly's hair is yellow still, it's frizzled once a week,
And when her wig is peppered up she is too proud to speak;
Her eyes are blue, she has but two, her squeal is rather
You would take her for a pretty child if you met her in .a


When Kate is really good and kind, she is a charming child,
But with the Katawampus she would make a beaver wild,
She sulks a bit at bread and milk; but oh 1 she is so sweet,
When you give her buns or birthday cake or anything nice
to eat.

Oh, Tomakin's a nobleman, he is his mother's joy;
In all the world, there never was such a splendid little boy,
He plays with mother half the day, and tries to help her
Without our little Tomakin whatever should we do ?
PATER'S Book of Rhymes.

D O you remember a story about three little girls
and a laddie boy ? It was called "Katawam-
pus," and was all about Olga, Molly, Kate, and
Tomakin. Ah that was a story. But this
one shall be a better story, if you like it better, not otherwise.
It begins in this way.
Once upon a time Pater and Mother had taken Olga, Molly,
Kate, and Tomakin to the seaside, to a place called Fleetwood.
Olga was quite grown-up now and ten years old. She could
say, If you please," in French, though she still sometimes
forgot it in English; and as for Latin, she could tell you
in that language how "the Queen gave presents to the
good girls," and how the "renowned orators praised the bad
King." Indeed, if she had gone to live with the Romans, she
would have been quite at home among them, as long as they
kept to the first three declensions, and only used a few easy
verbs. Molly was eight years old, and as big a romp as
ever. Kate, too, was a year older, and was now seven,

Children Four

and had left the Kindergarten and gone into the "upper"
school. So you see she, also, was quite a grown-up young
As for Tomakin, he was several inches taller,, and talked
more plainly every day. Pater said it was time he turned
out to the Kindergarten, but Mother would not hear of it.
Indeed, what Mother and the servants would have done all
the morning without Tomakin to play with, Pater could never
make out, though it made Mother quite angry if any one
said that he was kept at home for her sake. He was growing
up to be a regular "pickle," working off his spare energy and
intelligence by inquiring into the ways of water-taps, and
studying the destructive properties of fire, and his pockets
were already far too small for the collection of odds and
ends he wanted to keep in them.
I daresay you have never heard of Fleetwood. The people
who live there say it is the finest place in the world. And,
indeed, if you had lived there all your life, you might well
believe it. There is an asphalt parade to whip tops on, with
a row of houses behind it facing the sea. There are sands
to dig in, a sea to bathe in, big timber groins to jump over
and to keep the sea from washing the sand away, lots of
boats to sail in, and then, on a wet day, you can watch the
big ships coming up the channel to the dock, or see the
fishing fleet go out.
Well, the children had been there for a week or two, and
were living in a house on the parade close to the shore.
One fine hot summer's afternoon they were all four playing
on the sands and talking about their grievances. Like
many children who have a real good time, and pretty much
all their own way, they fancied they were rather badly treated.


Each little girl had dug for herself a sand mansion, while
Tomakin amused himself by jumping first into one house and
then into another, and, when he was thrust out, going off to
dabble in pools, from which he had to be brought back
forcibly. The tide was still a long way off their houses, but
the children were getting tired of digging, and were now
all lying about on the sand watching the approach of the
There's nothing to do here," said Olga, as she turned a
pudding out of her pail to make an ornamental gate-post for
her sand-house.
"There are no mountains like those in Ireland," said
"And no blackberries," sighed Kate.
"And Pater won't take us fishing as he promised," con-
tinued Olga.
If it would only rain we might go indoors and have
'dressing up,'" suggested Kate.
"Tell us a story, do !" said Molly.
"I don't know any stories," replied Olga, gloomily.
Try the Discontented Pig,'" said a voice from behind
the groin.
It's Pater," shouted Molly at the top of her voice. "Let's
make him tell us a story." But it was not Pater at all, for,
as the children started up, a little figure jumped over the
timber groin into their midst, and they saw that it was
their old friend Krab, the cave-man. Yes, there he was
in his old blue and yellow suit and long-pointed shoes,
with his feather and cap, and kind smiling face, just as
they had met him a year ago on the mountain-side in

Children Four

"Try the Discontented Pig,' he repeated, as he squeezed
himself into Kate's sand-house and sat down beside her.
"I don't know it," said Olga.
"Well, then, I'll tell it you," said Krab.
All the children settled down close beside him, and he

Once upon a time there was a little pink and white pig
who lived in a field, and the kind farmer to whom he belonged
fed him on turnips. But he grunted and grumbled and said
he was not happy. So the farmer bought him some barley-
meal, and mixed it with skim milk. But he only turned up
his nose at this, and went on grunting and grumbling and
saying he was not happy. Then the farmer, who was a


tender-hearted man, built. him a new sty with a slate roof
.and brick sides, and put a big new trough in it, and filled the
trough with potato-peelings and cream. But the little pig
only grunted and grumbled and said he was not happy. This
filled the kind farmer with despair. Still, he said to himself:
" It is my duty to make this poor little pig happy." So he
had him brought into his own kitchen and set him on the
hearthrug, and gave him warm buttermilk out of a silver
spoon. But the little pig only grunted and grumbled and
said he was not happy. This might have been going
on yet had not the kind farmer met his friend the wise
butcher on the road, and said to him: Friend butcher,
I desire to consult you about a great sorrow. I have a
little pig at home, who grunts and grumbles and says he
is not happy."
Give him turnips," said the wise butcher.
That I have done already."
Give him barley-meal and milk."
That I have done."
"Build him a new sty then, and give him potato-peelings
and cream."
"That, too, I have done."
Then bring him into your own kitchen, and give him warm
buttermilk in a silver spoon."
I have done that also," replied the farmer, yet he grunts
and grumbles and says he is not happy."
Then send him to me," said the wise butcher, and I will
do my best for him."
So the kind farmer sent the little pig to his friend the
butcher, with a string tied to the little pig's leg and a
boy to guide him on his way, and as he went along the

Children Four

road the little pig grunted and grumbled and said he was
not happy.
A few days afterwards the farmer met his friend the
butcher and said to him, "How is my little pink and
white pig? Does he still grunt and grumble and say he is
not happy? "
He has not grunted or grumbled for three days," replied
the butcher, shaking his head.

-- -ause Happiness

Ah! cried the farmer joyfully, "then he must be happy
"I do not know if he is happy, but without doubt he is
sausages and has been sausages for these three days," replied
the butcher.
"And is a little pig happy when he is sausages?" inquired
the kind farmer.
"I do not know," said the butcher, "if he is happy himself,
but he is certainly the cause of happiness in others, and that,
you know, is far better."
It is. it is!" sighed the farmer, gratefully shaking his
friend's hand. "How can I thank you enough? "


"Say nothing about it," replied the wise butcher; "I
have only done my duty to our little pink and white friend."
Then the kind farmer returned home, wondering at the
butcher's wisdom and glad to think that his little pig no
longer grunted and grumbled and said he was not happy.
"Poor little pig! said Molly and Kate as Krab finished.
"It sounds to me like a tale with a moral to it," said Olga
It has two morals," said Krab, but you must find them
out for yourself. And now what do you think I have come
to tell you ?"
The children shook their heads and could not guess.
"Well," said Krab, "to-morrow at midnight there is
a cheap trip to Butter-Scotia, in Fairyland, and I thought if
Mother and Pater would let you go I would take you."
"How lovely !" said all the children, clapping their hands;
and Tomakin joined in the shouting and jumping though he
did not really know what it was about.
"You see," continued Krab, "children are not allowed to
travel in Butter-Scotia, and there would be a terrible row if
the King found out you were only children. So you will
have to dress up."
"Hip hip, hurrah shouted Molly. "Dressing up !
I'll be a Princess "
"And I11 be a Princess too," shouted Kate, throwing her
cap in the air.
"And I'll be a Red Cross Knight, and have adventures,"
shouted Olga, her eyes sparkling at the thought. "What
about Tomakin, though ?"
"I aren't going to dress up. I hate dressing up," said
Tomakin. And indeed well he might hate it, for after Olga

Children Four

and Molly and Kate had finished, there was very little for him
to dress up in, and the little girls generally put him off with
one scarf, or tried to persuade him to be a doggie and
go on all-fours and bark. So Tomakin had a poor opinion
of acting and dressing up, though his sisters delighted in it.
Krab took out his note-book and put down :

2 Princesses.
I Red Cross Knight.

"We must see about Tomakin later on," he said.
He'll have to come if we go, you know," said Olga.
"All right," said Krab, "I'll see to it."
I aren't going to dress up," said Tomakin, "and I won't
be a doggie."
"You shan't be a doggie; certainly not," said Krab,
patting his head. "By-the-bye, I must go and see Pater at
once; where shall I find him ?"
"On the garden seat, reading the Law Times," said Olga.
"What is that ?" said Krab.
"I don't know," said Olga. It's a paper Pater has every
week. There are no pictures in it."
"There should be pictures," said Krab, shaking his head
gravely as he walked away up the sands to talk to Pater.
"There certainly should be pictures. Plenty of them."
Pater was sitting in the little garden in front of the house
reading a paper. Mother was knitting a sock by his side.
Krab opened the gate and walked up the steps round the
circular flower-bed and got right opposite Mother and Pater
before they saw him.
"Eh cried Pater, dropping his paper with a start, no


niggers wanted here. Out you go. Outside the gate with
you at once."
"Nonsense," said Krab, "who's a nigger ? That comes
of reading papers without any pictures in them. I'm Krab.
Krab's cheap trips to Fairyland. You have
heard of them, I suppose? Look here,
Madam!" and turning to Mother he shot
out a long roll of paper covered
with advertisements that read like
this :- /7


On August ioth, at Midnight, Krab's Barge will leave
Weather and other circumstances permitting,
for a week's trip to

Butter=Scotia in Fairyland,
The Royal and Industrial Exhibition of
Children of All Natures,
Is now being held.

Professor Krab purposes shortly taking a

This will sail to
At either of which places Naughty Children
may be left till called for,

For further particulars and Fares see ..'..',


I suppose your children will join the first trip," said Krab
to Mother, who was reading the advertisements.
"What's all this nonsense about," said Pater crossly;
"where is Butter-Scotia ?"
Krab laughed. "Any Board School child could tell you
that. It's all in the geography book."
"Is it on the map ? asked Mother doubtfully.
"It's not exactly on the map, perhaps," said Krab thought-
fully, but you can see it on a good big globe, if you have
one, and this is the way to do it. You place the globe in the
sun and stand some distance off like this (Krab here stood
on one leg, put his head on one side, and screwed up his little
squinney eyes until you would have thought he could not see
at all). Then you get two kiddies to twirl the globe round
and round as fast as ever they can, and soon you see a bright
yellow patch, on the right-hand top corner of the globe. That
is Butter-Scotia. It is near the North Pole and not far from
the Equator, in longitude IooI and any amount of latitude."
Mother could not help laughing at this description, and even
Pater smiled a bit.
I thought every one had heard of the Butter-Scotchmen,"
continued Krab, putting his hands behind his back as though
he were saying a lesson, of whom Herodotus, the historian,
says that 'they were in early times a dull sticky yellow race,
often sold into slavery dressed in silver paper and bound
together in packets of one dozen, or cut up by savage children
and bartered at school for postage-stamps.' Those days are
over, of course. Now the Butter-Scotch are a powerful and
well-behaved race of goblins."
"I've certainly heard of Butter-Scotch," said Pater
musingly, but I never heard of Butter-Scotia."

Children Four

"You've forgotten your geography, that is all. It's all in
the book. Don't you remember Butter-Scotia, chief town
Sugar-borough on the River Treacle. Butter-Scotia is
bounded on the north by the Gulf of Funland, on the west by
Cocoa Nut Iceland, on the south by the Caramel Mountains,
and on the east by the A B Sea or Sea of Troubles. Chief
imports-none. Chief exports-crackers and goodies." Krab
rattled it off so quickly that he was quite out of breath at the
"I certainly remember some of those names," said Mother.
"Some of them, perhaps," said Pater, nodding his head.
"Well, the question is, are your kiddies joining the trip ?"
asked Krab. "I cannot wait much longer."
What do you say, Mother ?" asked Pater.
Oh, it's for you to decide."
"Well, I think the Slapland tour would do them most
good,' said Pater.
"It's more expensive, you know," said Krab.
"Then let them go to Butter-Scotia," replied Pater
Let us decide that they may go if they are very good
all day," said Mother, which was the way in which she
usually said "Yes," when the children came to ask for a
The children now came rushing up from the sands. May
we go, Mother ?" they all shouted.
"Ask Pater."
"You may go," said Pater, "if you are very good all day
and can tell me how much four times two and threepence is."
Molly and Kate looked anxiously at Olga, who shouted out,
" Nine shillings! "


"Right you are," said Pater, and he tossed Krab the
Hurrah !" shouted all the children. "Three cheers for
Krab had counted the money and put it in his pocket, and
was now dancing round the little circular bed in the garden,
throwing his head from side to side, singing the following

Oh the land of Butter-Scotia where the Butter-Scotch
reside I
Its rugged coast of buttered toast and sugar mountain
Where the smiling Finnan haddock dances o'er the swirling
And the kipper, silly nipper, never thinks before he

Yes, it's there that I would be,
Oh Butter-Scotiah !
A half return is two and three,
Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
How I'm longing to embrace,
All that silver-papered race,
Kiss each sticky yellow face,
Oh! Butter-Scotiah!

Oh! the land of Butter-Scotia where the Butter-Scotch
reside I
A blessed smell of caramel pervades that sacred spot;
And lazy goblins sit and watch the River Treacle glide,
Sucking candy when it's handy and their fingers when it's

Children Four

I'- --

Yes, it's there that I would be,
Oh Butter-Scotiah !
A half return is two and three,
Oh Butter-Scotiah !
How I'm longing to embrace,
All that silver-papered race,
Kiss each sticky yellow face,
Oh! Butter-Scotiah !

B-ut ter-Scotia

.When he got to the end of his chorus he clapped his hands
and shouted Chorus again!" Mother threw down her
knitting, Pater chucked the Law Times into the next garden,
and all the children dropped their spades and pails. Then
they danced round in the following order-Krab first, then
Mother, then Pater, then Olga, Molly and Kate, and lastly
little Tomakin, all singing the chorus and shouting out "Oh!
Butter-Scotiah !" as loud as they could.
A solicitor who lived two doors off was passing up the
parade going home to dinner. He stopped to look at this
extraordinary sight. "Now really," he said half aloud, that
is the very strangest family that ever came to stay at Fleet-
wood. Just look at them."



In Fairyland we sport with butterflies,
Or dance with merry mermaids hand in hand,
And all is wonderment to willing eyes,
In Fairyland.

Would that like children we could still command,
Force of pure fancy for a wild surprise,
Across the borders of that magic land;

To leave this tired world where laughter dies,
Upon the brink of other worlds to stand,
Rousing the dragon's roar and eagle's cries,
In Fairyland.
PATER'S Book of Rhymes.

T was a calm evening. The little ferry steamer had
made its last journey for the night, and having tucked
itself up in a big tarpaulin and moored itself in the
river, had gone to sleep tired out with a good day's
work. The tide, all pearly grey in the summer twilight,
whirled and eddied along past the quays, and away up the
river towards the old silk warehouses, where you go boating
picnics and get Wardley's toffee, at the little cottage by the
river beach. Olga and Tomakin liked the black toffees best,
but Molly and Kate liked the white ones, and so did Mother.


Cousin Susan liked both kinds best; she was terrible fond
of sweeties was Cousin Susan. As for Pater, he always
smoked a pipe on the beach and threw stones in the water
and paid for the toffees, but he would not eat them.
The moon was rising at the back of the great railway
sheds, throwing such deep black shadows that you could not
see the big Belfast steamer lying under the quay. But you
could hear the cranes clanking and rattling as they got the
luggage on board. There was no one upon the parade as
Olga, Molly, Kate and Tomakin came out of their house, the
two eldest girls carrying the mail-cart down the steps, and
Tomakin and Kate lugging and pushing Pater's Gladstone
bag, which was so full that it would not lock.
Have you got all the dressing-up things ? asked Olga,
and she began to call over the list. "Cousin Susan's skirt,
Mother's dressing jacket, two blue speckled dust-sheets, the
old lace curtains for trains, Pater's Norfolk jacket, and the
"I've got the jacket," said Kate, "but Mother would not
let us have the knickerbockers."
How stupid cried Olga impatiently. "How can I be
a Red Cross Knight without knickerbockers ?" She stamped
her foot angrily and looked quite sad.
"Never mind," said Molly, "you can have one of the
paper cocked hats and Tomakin's sword and the drum."
"The sticks are in the bag," said Kate, "but the drum
wouldn't go in. Tomakin has to carry the drum."
"I shan't," said Tomakin decidedly. "I aren't going to
dress up at all."
"A drum isn't dressing up, you know, dear," explained
Kate persuasively.

Towards Fairyland

"Don't care!" said Tomakin, who was biting his hand-
"Oh, I'll get the drum," said Molly, and she went back
indoors to fetch it.
Tomakin looked as though he was going to interfere, and
muttered something about "nobody playing on his drum."
Then a bright thought struck him: If Molly has my drum,
may I push the mail-cart?" He was always making
bargains of that kind. The three little girls agreed to this;
and Molly arriving with the drum, the Gladstone bag was
hoisted on to the back seat of the mail-cart, end up. Then
Tomakin got hold of the shafts and they moved down the
parade to the little pier near the ferry slip where the boats
started from.
When they got to the end of the parade they found Krab
strolling about and waiting for them. He had on a peaked
blue yachting cap with a little yellow flag embroidered in
front, a thick fluffy blue pea-jacket decorated with big gold
buttons ornamented with anchors, and blue serge trousers
very wide and flappy at the bottom. He was walking up
and down on the pier whistling, with his hands in his
pockets, and a long brass telescope under one arm. Every
now and then he took the telescope from under his arm and
gazed up the river as though he were looking for something.
The church clock struck eleven.
Hold on, children," he called out as they came up. Got
all the things for dressing up ?"
"Everything we could," said Olga; Mother wouldn't let
us have the knickerbockers though."
Never mind," said Krab. We will see what we can do
later on. Do you want to take the mail-cart ?"


"Well, nurse said that if there was much walking to do in
Fairyland, I must take it for Tomakin. I can walk ten miles,
you know," said Olga.
"So can I," added Molly.
"And I walked six miles when I was five years old," said
"I can walk to the docks," said Tomakin, not to be
outdone. The others laughed, for the docks were close by.
"Well, never mind the mail-cart," said Krab. I'll find
him something to ride when we get there;" and holding
Tomakin by one hand and taking the Gladstone bag in
his other, he walked along the pier to where the tide was
gently lapping over it, and jumping and splashing through
the boards.
"Here she comes !" he cried, and looking across the river
to the other shore, the children saw a strange and beautiful
Twelve milk-white swans, harnessed together with red and
green ribbons in three rows, four abreast, were swimming
buoyantly across the river, drawing a magnificent golden
barge gaily lighted with electric light and Chinese lanterns.
As it came nearer to them they could see that the swans on
the right-hand side had huge green lanterns hung round their
necks, and those on the left-hand side red lanterns, while the
harness ribbons, green and red, were divided right and left in
the same way. The barge was built somewhat like a Noah's
Ark, but it had a flat roof with a light iron railing round it, on
which you could move about quite safely. In front of the
barge, as though on the box-seat of a coach, sat a goblin in
a three-cornered hat, a large driving coat with big mother-of-
pearl buttons, top-boots, gaiters, and a white periwig carefully

Towards Fairyland

powdered, holding a whip and reins in one hand, with the
other on the brake which was worked by a big wheel at his
right-hand side. Below the top deck you could see, through
the spacious windows of the well-lighted cabin, a table
sparkling with glass and silver, and round the sides of, the
cabin little berths fitted with white pillows and cream silk
counterpanes with little yellow tassels.
As this marvellous ship approached the pier, you could hear
the silvery voices of the twelve swans singing a lullaby to
the music of a tinkling barrel organ which one of the goblin
sailors was grinding lazily in the stern of the vessel. The
rest of the crew of goblins were dancing hand-in-hand round
the mainmast, which was decorated with flowers like a may-
pole and seemed to have no sails belonging to it. They too
were singing every now and then, or dancing to the music of
the swans.
The swans' song was wafted gently across the water and
you could catch the words:

Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to, ourlullaby,
Lulla;, lulla, lullaby.
Singing as we glide along,
Baby Bunting's bye-bye song,
Lulla, lulla, lullaby.
Every note shall make you dream
Of macaroons and lemon cream,
Big Bath buns and birthday cake,
Feasts for fairies, till you wake.
Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullabye,
Lulla, lulla, lullaby.


Then the swans ceased and you could hear the little goblin
sailors singing as they danced around:

The swans that sail our boat,
They cannot sing a note.
Their song sublime
Is out of time
And husky in the throat.
But we can sing Yo ho Yo ho I
The sailors' songs we know, Yo ho!
Four crotchets on the sandy bars,
Eight quavers in the silent stars,
Two minims soft and low,
Shall find us music for our song,
While the battle rages loud and long,
And the stormy winds do blow,
My boys I
And the stormy winds do blow.

The goblins laughed aloud as they finished their song;
but it did not seem to annoy the swans at all, who moved
slowly towards the pier singing another verse of their
Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullaby,
Lulla, lulla, lullaby.
Sleep, my dears, and while you sleep
Dance with mermaids o'er the deep,
Sport with fairies 'mid the flowers,
Till the early morning hours
Chase the pretty dreams away,
To rouse you for another day.
Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullaby,
Lulla, lulla, lullaby.

Towards Fairyland

The music became slower and softer until, as the first
swan came alongside the pier, it ceased'altogether and the
driver wound up his brake as hard as he could, bringing
the barge to a standstill close to where the children were
"What a lovely boat! cried Molly and Kate together.
"May I drive when we go on board?" asked Tomakin,
jumping with delight.
"I thought," said Olga, who had a notion that the chief
object of knowledge was to show it off when you got a real
good opportunity, I thought that swans only sang when
they were going to die."
"Yes," said Krab; "and these swans are going to die, but
not if they can help it.. However, they have to sing, when
they are approaching a pier, by the Harbour Master's Rules,
article 468 : 'All vessels propelled by means of ducks, geese,
swans, or other birds, to approach any pier or jetty to slow
music, such music not to'exceed eight knots an hour.' That
is why they sing a lullaby, you see. Comic songs wouldn't
do at all: they are too fast. You have to obey the rules or
you get into trouble."
The children now clambered up on to the deck, where they
stood with Krab- by the side of the goblin coachman, Tomakin
helping him to hold the reins as they floated gently out to
sea. Away they went past the steep breast, leaving the gas
buoy on their right, and then close to the bell buoy, which
tolled out farewell! farewell! as they sailed by, and at
length round the lighthouse into the Lune Deeps and out
to sea.
A little while afterwards they heard a sheep bleating in the
darkness, and soon passed close to a little boat in which a


black ewe sat holding a lighted bedroom candle and crying
out regularly every fifteen seconds, "Baa,! Baa! at the top
of her voice. It sounded very mournful out there upon the
silent sea.

"What is the sheep doing?" asked Kate, for she had
been out here with Pater and had never seen the sheep
"It is the light sheep," said Krab gravely, "and that is the

Towards Fairyland

Harbour Baa; four Baas to the minute. Now we know we
are safely out to sea."
He had scarcely finished speaking when the Belfast boat
came thundering up behind them at a splendid rate, and they
heard the look-out chant to the man at the wheel: "Krab's
barge on the port bow and the Captain called out: "Port
your helm! and the man at the wheel answered back: Port
it is. Ay! ay! sir."
Keep her away a bit! cried Krab to the coachman as the
steamer came up. "Luff! luff! Pull the starboard rein and
give the port swans their heads, you duffer "
The coachman grumbled something about the near swan
always jibbing at steamers, but did as he was told, and a
moment afterwards the huge steamer passed them in safety.
The Captain on the bridge, who knew the children very well,
shouted out to wish them a good voyage, and many of the
passengers who were not yet in bed did the same. The
wash of the steamer rocked them gently up and down and
Krab proposed they should go in for some supper, so they
went downstairs.
They found sponge-cakes and cocoa set out'on the little
table in the middle of the cabin, and they all made an excel-
lent meal.
"What time shall we reach Fairyland ? asked Olga.
"About 12 o'clock by our time, but we are a thousand
years 364 days II hours and 59 minutes behind Fairyland
time, so it will be about a minute before that if we are
punctual. We should be leaving the sea now," continued
Krab. "Steward, ask the coachman when we leave the
The steward, who was a good-looking, dapper little goblin,


darted up the gangway on to the deck, and popped back
again in a moment.
"Just under the Pole Star now, sir," he said to Krab,
touching his hat as he spoke. "The coachman is sending
the look-out along the bowsprit to give the swans their dog-
biscuits and to know if they are ready."
At that moment there was a great bustle on deck. The
coachman and the crew were heard calling out, "Make all
taut Ship your skulls out of the light! Haul in the stern
braces! Take a reef in the rudder! Heaveho! Yoho!
Blow out the starboard lamps and let go the brake Steady
with her helm Steady she is !"
Krab now took Tomakin on to his lap, and told the girls
to hang tight to the seats. The lights in the cabin were
turned out, but the moon made it as clear as day. Through
the skylights and the fore-cabin windows the children could
see what was going on. The coachman gathered his reins
together and flourished his whip in the air; the barge sped
through the water at a rushing pace, leaving a broad track of
white-crested waves behind her. At first the swans seemed
to be swimming, but one by one they unfurled their wings
and fluttered along the water, and at length all of them were
flying helter-skelter along the sea, just touching the tops of
the waves with their feet. Then standing up in his seat,
unwinding tbe brake to its full extent, and flinging the
reins loose on the backs of the flying swans, the coachman
shouted out, Yoicks yoicks Lift her! Tally-ho !" And
with one accord all the crew, from their different posts on
board the barge, echoed the cry, Lift her! lift her! and
the children in the cabin below took up the shout and cried,
"Lift her! lift her!" clapping their hands in wild excite-

Towards Fairyland

ment. Then with a mighty effort the swans raised the huge
barge bodily off the sea, and they soared away in rapid flight
with their strange burden behind them, high over the light-
houses and ships, across Snaefell and the Donegal Mountains,
far away from sea and earth, until they reached the clouds, and
passed away through these to the stars and planets beyond.
Would you like to step on deck and look at the stars ?"
asked Krab, when they had got used to the movement of the
barge in the air.
The children were delighted and hurried up the ladder,
followed by Krab.
They stood together hand-in-hand on the edge of the
deck, wondering at the beauty of these new worlds as they
passed the different stars one after the other. .When they
came near to a group of stars they could often see their
owners standing on the side of them to watch the barge as
it flew by. Castor and Pollux were among these, two great
honest lads, their arms laid lovingly over each other's shoul-
ders. The coachman threw up his long whip to greet Castor,
who shouted out, Good luck to you! and eyed the team
of swans with the air of one who knew something about it,
for he was a good whip himself in his day. Close by, too,
was the beautiful Cassiopeia, seated on a bright star, lazily
brushing her long dark hair, which flowed plenteously over
her shoulders. She was gazing at her lovely face reflected
in the silver noon, wondering, perhaps, if there was any
truth in that silly story, that the Nereids were more beautiful
than she was. Tomakin kissed his hand to the pretty lady.
She was like the white Aunty," as he used to call the little
statue of the Venus de Milo on Mother's drawing-room
mantelpiece. Cassiopeia looked down upon him and smiled


graciously, and Tomakin thought he would like to stop and
play with her, and kissed his hand to her again; at which
her four men-at-arms, who live in the stars just below, woke

up and shook themselves, and frowned angrily at Tomakin,
who wondered why.
They were now passing the Great Bear, and he growled at
them quite grumpily and shook his tail.
There is the Little Bear, too," said Olga, who knew some-
thing about stars.

(Illilikfa ,

,f I ij,4"

Towards Fairyland
'"Where is the Middle-sized Bear? asked Tomakin.
Oh, he is away down by the South Pole," said Krab;
"they have never lived together since Silverlocks upset the
household so. It led to Katawampus and quarrels. A sad
story !" and Krab shook his head mournfully.
How is the Earth going on ? shouted the Great Bear as
they came near him.
Well, much as usual," replied Krab; having an all-
round good time. .A bit flat at the poles, perhaps."
It always was," said the Great Bear.
"Any fun going on up.here? asked Krab.
Not much," replied the Bear. "Two or three fellows
have a shooting-party to-night. I think it's the Bull and the
Lion; but I never join them now; those shooting stars are
too gay for me. I'm getting a bit old, and some one must
stay about here to point out the Pole Star, though there aren't
so many people after him as there used to be."
Come, come," said Krab kindly, "you mustn't talk about
growing old. There's life in the old Bear yet."
The aged Bear shook his head and smiled. It was my
billionth birthday yesterday," he said, and sighed deeply.
Many happy returns of the day! shouted all the children.
The Great Bear smiled and thanked them. Good-night,
my dears," he continued. "Be as good as you can. Good-
night, Krab, old man. Look me up on the down journey
next week. Keep clear of Fishes and the Dragon; they
have got Katawampus; and don't try a short cut along the
Milky Way; they say it's. full of curds just now, and the
swans won't be able to fly in it. I guess it's the thunder
we've had lately. Good-night I "
Good-night! shouted all on deck.


"Why can't the swans fly in the Milky Way if the curds
are there ? asked Kate.
Because they are in the way," replied Krab gravely.
The Bear knows what he is talking about," muttered the
coachman, "swans can't fly in curds and whey; at least
these swans can't;" and he fell asleep with his head on
the brake, while the barge sped on into the night, among
hundreds of other stars and planets.
Now, children," said Krab, pointing to the coachman, "it
is time we all followed his example."
They went down into the cabin, and in a few minutes
were undressed, and quietly sucking a Katawampus choco-
late, tucked up in the snug little berths, under the
yellow silk counterpanes. Krab kissed them all round and
went on deck; and as they were falling asleep they could
hear the swans singing the Lullaby again, and the beat of
their wings as they rushed steadily through the wind.
"They must be coming to another pier," said Kate,
Then it will soon be time to get up," said Molly, turning
round and diving into her soft pillow.
After this they all fell asleep immediately, and dreamed
about Mother and Pater.



Oh the trumpet and the kettledrum and castanets are
Poor Pater he is fast asleep and snoring in his chair,
So we'll tickle up the tissue of his tender tympanum,
With the tootle of the trumpet and the rattle of the drum.

When we get outside the study door he'll wake up in a
And chase us all around the house to every one's delight,
Shouting, Coming I coming! come I tarantara! taran-
tarum "
And take away the trumpet and confiscate the drum.

We are not afraid of Pater though, and every kiddy longs
To be chivied up the staircase by Pater and the tongs,
So we'll tickle up the tissue of his tender tympanum,
With the tootle of the trumpet and the rattle of the drum.
PATER'S Book of Rhymes.

sun was high in the heavens. The barge had
stopped, and as soon as they were ready dressed,
the children went on deck, and found that she
was lying at moorings, close to the shores of what seemed to
be the end of a long inland lake. Krab was sitting on
deck, quietly feeding the swans, who had been unhar-
nessed, and were now floating gracefully in the calm


water all around the barge, looking none the worse for
the night's journey. The coachman was still fast asleep in
the bows of the barge, snoring loudly. The goblin sailors
were bathing off the stern of the barge, taking headers into
the water, diving and splashing about among the swans, and
enjoying themselves hugely.
The children looked round them. It was a glorious sight.
The shores of the lake were fringed with tall green reeds,
waving in the breeze; beyond were luxuriant fields, golden
with daffodils and jonquils; and away across the fields were
woods and forests, out of which rose strange broken crags
and the high peaks of blue mountains, some bare of trees,
others clothed almost to their tops with bright green larches
and purple fir-trees. Far away at the other end of the lake
were little islands covered with willows and poplar-trees,
and close to where they were moored was a handsome pier,
built of ivory and gold and decorated with precious stones.
All this was exactly mirrored in the blue lake on which the
barge was floating.
"And is this Fairyland ? asked Olga, as she gazed round
in wonderment and ecstasy at all she saw.
"This is part of Fairyland," said Krab; "it is called
"Who does it belong to ? asked Molly.
"Well," said Krab, all Fairyland belongs to Oberon
and Titania, but this kingdom was given to Puck when he
grew too old to work any more. He had been very useful
to the king, you remember, in the matter of the changeling
boy; but Titania never liked him. So, as he was growing
a bit past work, Oberon made him King of Butter-Scotia,
and he has reigned here 4565 years or thereabouts."

Houpla, the Herald

"Does he still go wandering about at nights, turning into
all sorts of things and teasing the old women ? asked Olga
laughing. "There's a lot about Puck in our poetry book."
Hush, hush," said Krab, they never mention those old
stories here, and they should not be in poetry books either.
He is quite another sort of person now, and a very wise king."
Is he called Puck the First ? asked Olga.
"Yes," said Krab; "you will see his name on all the pro-
clamations. There, for instance," he pointed to a board on
the quay, on which was printed:

By Order PUCK I. REX.

"That means king, you know," said Olga to Molly and
Kate, genitivee Regis."
At this -moment there was heard in the distance the sound
of a horn. Tarantara tarantara It came nearer and nearer,
and seemed to be approaching the quay.
"What.is that noise ? asked Olga.
"Tarantara, nominative plural of tarantarum. I know
some Latin, myself," said Krab, laughing at Olga and
winking at Molly and Kate, as he spoke.
Olga was doubtful about it, but said nothing.
"Who is it though ? asked Molly.
"I expect it is Houpla, the Herald, with the passports,"
replied Krab, looking at his watch. "Late as usual."
"What are passports for ?" asked Molly.
"You must have them," said Krab, "to travel over the
island, otherwise you will be prosecuted as trespassers."


At this moment there came out of the wood a strange
figure; a little man with a light moustache, flaxen hair, and
a pink complexion, about four feet high, dressed entirely in

newspapers. He wore a cocked hat with a newspaper tassel
on it, a long coat reaching to his ankles, made out of a whole
copy of the Times, and frills of newspapers round his arms.
In one hand he carried a red carpet-bag marked in black letters

Houpla, the Herald

"On His Majesty's Service," in the other a long trumpet
with a white banneret hanging from it on which the letter
" H" was beautifully worked in red silk. Arriving on the
quay he put down his trumpet and bag, and sat down by
the side of them, gazing at the barge with his mouth wide
"What a funny herald," said Olga, and the children
"Hush! said Krab quickly; "you must not make fun of
him. He is the King's Family Herald."
"Why do they call him the Family Herald?" asked
"Well, for one thing," replied Krab, he has been in the
family a long time, but the real reason was that the Court
goblins were always cramming him and making him an April
The children looked at him and laughed again. Krab
shook his head and continued:
Hardly a week passed but he got taken in by some one,
so the King issued a proclamation: 'Whereas our own
particular Herald is taken in weekly by all the Court goblins,
let him be known henceforth to all men as the Family
Herald.' Some people said it was the Great Seal's idea.
Holloa! he's gone to sleep."
The children looked up and saw that Houpla had put
his head on the carpet bag and gone off as fast as a
"We must wake him up and get the passports," said
Krab; "it is time you got away."
So saying he took a biscuit and aimed it at the Herald,
but it missed him. All the. goblin sailors, seeing what was


up, rushed downstairs and brought a big biscuit-box out of
the cabin, and they and the children pelted away at the
sleeping Herald until at length a long shot from Tomakin
caught him crack on the nose, and he woke up, shook
himself, and sat smiling at the barge again with his mouth
I hit him," cried Tomakin delighted.
"A very good shot too," said Krab, and he gave Tomakin
a chocolate cream out of a box marked Katawampus
Now then, old man," shouted Krab from the barge, any
passports in the bag ?"
"Any princesses on board ?" asked the Herald.
Two," replied Krab, pointing to Molly and Kate.
"Those are children," replied the Herald, shaking his head
wisely. I know a child from a princess any day. Children
cannot land unless they are packed in crates and entered for
the Grand Exhibition."
"Well, just wait a bit then," said Krab, winking at Molly
and Kate; I've got two princesses down in the cabin."
"Who are they?" asked the Herald.
"The Princess Molly of Grumpiland and Countess
Katherine of Arrogance."
"Those are right," said the Herald, looking at a parch-
ment roll which he took out of the bag. I'll just read the
proclamation and you can fetch them out." Houpla now
stood up on the end of the quay and blew a loud blast on his
trumpet, which echoed and re-echoed "Tarantara! Taran-
tara! in the hills across the lake. Then he read out from
the parchment:
Oyez Oyez Know all men by these presents- "

Houpla, the Herald

"Where are the presents, man ?" cried Krab.
They ought to have been in the bag. There was a canary
for the Princess and a pug dog for the Countess, but they
will get them at the palace. I am sorry I forgot them, very
sorry." He looked so sad that Molly and Kate felt more
sorry for him than for themselves. Houpla continued the
proclamation :
Know all men by these presents, that their Royal and
Imperial Highnesses the Princess Molly of Grumpiland and
Countess Katherine of Arrogance, daughters of that most
Puissant Monarch our well-beloved cousin Pater the Prim,
are hereby invited to attend our Royal Palace at our Castle
of Indolence at our city of Sugarborough in this our own
kingdom of Butter-Scotia."
To which Krab, standing on tip-toe on the deck of the
barge: replied through a speaking trumpet:
"To his Most Royal and Imperial Highness King Puck I.,
Viceroy of Fairyland and Monarch of this kingdom of
Butter-Scotia, greeting. On behalf of these most noble
ladies I desire humbly to accept the royal invitation."
"All right," said the Family Herald. "Fetch them out.
Carriages at ten, you know, and it's half-past nine already."
Aid supper, what time is that ? asked Krab.
"There is no supper," said the Herald.
The children looked disappointed.
"Never mind," said Krab. Let us get ready as quickly
as we can. There may be high tea, you know, if there is no
They all went down into the cabin, which the goblins had
arranged as a dressing-room with large mirrors from the roof
to the floor all round, so that you could see yourself reflected


a dozen times at once. On the cabin table was a big
pincushion full of safety pins and a roll of tape.
"Nothing like safety pins and tape for dressing up," said
The goblin steward fetched out the Gladstone bag; it
seemed even more full than when they had started. What
was their surprise to find when it was opened, that, instead of
being filled with the things they had packed in it, there were
beautiful robes of red, yellow, and green silks and satins,
handsome lace and ribands, magnificent large hats with huge
ostrich feathers, and leather cases full of the most lovely
"This is something like dressing up!" said Molly and
Kate as they tried on one thing after another and swept
round the cabin with their trains after them, gazing at them-
selves in the mirrors.
"I wish I had decided to be a princess," sighed Olga, as
she tried on a huge hat and tied the ribands under her
chin. You can't dress up much as a Red Cross Knight,
can you ? "
"Well, my dear," said Krab, "you chose that because of
the adventures, you know. You cannot change now."
"Yes," said Olga, "you will have to sit awfully still
in all those clothes or they will get crumpled and spoiled.'
This remark seemed for a moment to damp their joy, but
they soon forgot all about it in the pleasure of putting on the
new things.
Tomakin was quite heedless of the others. He was
sitting under the cabin table arranging the different pieces
of jewellery in the wrong boxes and trying to make them
shut by hammering them on the floor as hard as he could.

Houpla, the Herald

Now all the little girls who read this book-and perhaps
their mothers too-will want to know what the two prin-
cesses wore, and I fear I should not have been able to tell
you about it correctly had not Olga brought home with her
a copy of the Dahlia News, which you know is now the chief
paper in Fairyland.
When they were all dressed up, a little goblin came in
with a note-book in one hand and a pencil in the other and
took notes of all the children had put on. It took several
What is he doing it for ?" asked Molly.
"He is a reporter from the Dahlia News," said Krab,
introducing him.
"We call it the Daily News, at home," said Olga.
"The Daily News only comes out in the morning, this
paper comes out morning and evening, so you see it's
"There ought to be a dailiest news as well," cried Kate,
who had just begun to learn grammar.
"There was one," said the reporter. "I knew the goblin
who was the editor. He brought out a new edition every
minute, but always the same stuff in it, so the Butter-Scotch-
men gave up buying it. It ruined the editor and he lost all
his money. Now he goes about selling copies of our paper
in the street."
"Poor fellow! said Olga.
"Not a bit of it," replied the reporter. "When he was an
editor he used to have to wear a black frock-coat and a top-
hat, and now he has not any shoes and stockings and can
turn head.over heels in the mud whenever he likes."
"How lovely!" said Molly and Kate.

"Rather," said the reporter. "Now I must be off, and
write up my article. I'll send you a copy."
The reporter goblin was as good as his word and sent

A~ rice

Krab a copy of the Sugarborough Dahlia News, with a long
article in it which Krab afterwards gave to Olga. It began
like this:

Houpla, the Herald

It will be a matter of congratulation to the people of Sugar-
borough to learn of the arrival of those gifted and beautiful ladies,
H.R.H. the Princess Molly of Grumpiland, and H.R.H. the
Countess of Arrogance, upon the hospitable shores of Butter-Scotia.
Upon leaving the steamer we observed that the Princess Molly
appeared in a white silk skirt with a band of pea-green plush round
the edge, a wide waistband of scarlet satin with a yoke to match,
and large balloon sleeves of sky-blue cashmere with green velvet
cuffs big enough to cover the arms to the wrists. On these were
sewn big pearl buttons and jet trimming. This gown was lined with
white satin, but worn with a dark blue silk petticoat kept up by
safety pins, and a white straw hat trimmed with large heliotrope and
shot silk bows and bunches of spiky thistles. Thistles are just now
greatly in fashion, but should not be worn on the sands or on
Hampstead Heath for fear of donkeys. She wore a necklace and
five bracelets, the family diamonds of Grumpiland. Her Royal
Highness looked very well, but her hair wanted brushing.
She was accompanied by her sister, the Countess of Arrogance,
who wore a similar costume, somewhat more varied in colouring.
Her ornaments were few and simple; three topaz necklaces and
four diamond rings, but no bracelets, and we understand that unfor-
tunate family differences have arisen between their Royal High-
nesses about the division of the Grumpiland jewels. Both the
Royal ladies looked very well as they landed upon the quay, but
were noticed to giggle frequently and tread upon each other's trains
whenever they could. This, we understand, is quite usual in Court

When they went on deck and the Family Herald saw
the two little girls dressed up like that he was quite
"Those are something like princesses," he cried, and blew
a long blast on the trumpet. At the same moment out of the
wood there came six white mice drawing a pumpkin, on top


of which sat a water-rat with a straw in his claw and behind
it ran six lizards.
"Why, there is Cinderella's coach," cried Kate, as it
trundled on to the quay and drew up opposite the barge.
I believe it is for us," said Molly, with a little shriek of
At this moment Houpla played the first two bars of "Three
Blind Mice "; and though the children could never tell me
how it was done, there before their very eyes the mice
became splendid white steeds pawing the ground, the rat
turned into a handsome coachman in an orange and gold
livery, the lizards became footmen, and the pumpkin itself
a large glass coach in a gilded framework swinging comfort-
ably on wide leather springs, and lined inside with cream
"Now this is Fairyland cried all the children at once;
and indeed it was.
Molly and Kate lost no time in crossing the plank from
the barge to the quay, on to the red carpet laid by the
footmen to the carriage doors. The Family Herald greeted
them with smiles. The footmen bowed them to the carriage
door, and closed it gently after they had tucked their trains
inside. Houpla now played a few notes of "Off to Phila-
delphia," and then got up outside the coach and sat on the
roof with his carpet-bag beside him, rather spoiling the effect
of the cavalcade, which passed slowly off the quay into the
wood again, and made its way towards the Castle of Indo-
"And now," said Krab, turning to Olga as the last footman
Passed out of sight, I must look after you. Let me see, you
wanted to be a Red Cross Knight, didn't you ? "

Houpla, the Herald

"Like Kenneth in the 'Talisman,' said Olga, her eyes
sparkling with delight. Only I promised Mother to take
care of Tomakin, and he won't dress up at all. Do be a page-
boy, or a squire, or a doggie or something ? said Olga plead-
ingly to her little brother.
Tomakin shook his head at each suggestion. I aren't going
to dress up at all," he said.
"Would you like to ride on a donkey?" asked Krab.
"All by my own self? asked Tomakin.
"No one holding me on, you know."
No one near you."
"Yes," he cried, beaming all over. "And may I have a
stick to beat him with, if I don't use it ?"
If you promise not to use it," said Krab.
Tomakin nodded and the bargain was made.
"You see," continued Krab to Olga, "you can call him
your Squire."
"What, on a donkey? "
Yes, like Sancho Panza, Don Quixote's Squire."
"Was Don Quixote a knight, then ?" asked Olga, who did
not know quite everything.
He was the noblest knight of them all," replied Krab
"Very well, then," said Olga; "he shall ride a donkey
and be my Squire. I shall call him Sancho."
Olga and Krab went down into the cabin again, and the
steward goblin dragged out the Gladstone bag once more. It
was heavier and more full than before, and they pulled out of
it coats of linked mail, brass collars, barred helmets of steel,
silver gauntlets, gilded spurs, a magnificent hauberk or gold


shirt made of small pieces of chain, and a pair of electro-
plated shoes. "There," said Krab, as he helped Olga
fasten on these strange garments one by one, "now you are
a regular Red Cross Knight."

"I must have a surcoat with a ,red cross on it, you
Right," said Krab, here it is ;" and he put it over her
"And a shield," said Olga.
Of course I nearly forgot that; and going to the bag


Houpla, the Herald

he pulled out a large triangular silver shield, which he hung
round her neck. On it was emblazoned a red bantam
chicken dancing a barn dance. As he gave it her he said :
"Remember, your title in Fairyland will be Sir Olga the
Fitful, Knight of the Festive Fowl."
"Now," he continued, girding on a long broad-edged
double falchion and a stout poniard, "you must not fight
with these. They are only Birmingham ones, and have
not been sharpened. If you have any battles use your
lance. I don't think Mother would like you to use the
But I have a penknife at home," pleaded Olga.
"Never mind," said Krab; "the swords look nice enough,
and the lance will do lots of knocking down. If you come
across the Golf Giant you might win the Silver Niblick from
him. That will knock down anything."
They now rejoined Tomakin on deck, who danced round
Olga in delight. She looked quite terrible and magnificent
as she clanked up and down on the deck, but she had to
move slowly, for she was very uncomfortable. On the quay
stood a black-and-white piebald palfrey with flowing mane
and tail; near by was a grey donkey. Both were saddled
and bridled.
"Dapple and Neddy," said Krab, as they crossed the
plank to the shore. "Before you do anything important
always ask Neddy's advice. Whisper in his left ear. He
knows most things."
Krab gave Tomakin the promised stick, and helped both
the children to mount. Sir Olga raised her shield in front
of her and held her lance high in the air. As she had not
another hand for the reins they dropped on to Dapple's


neck. She could not remember having read how the
knights used to hold their reins. Perhaps they had none.
Tomakin whisked his stick in the air, and, much to Sir
Olga's disgust, cried Gee up !" at the top of his voice. Krab
wished them plenty of adventures and a jolly time, and
turned back to the barge, while Dapple and Neddy trotted
quietly off, and were soon lost to sight in the green gloom of
the wood.



You may talk of the wild excitement
Of toboganning down a slide,
Or the dreamy demure delightment
Of a twopenny elephant ride,
You may tell me the latest fashion,
Is a bicycle made for two;
But you must confess
For a real Princess
Not one of these things will do,

For she must be drawn in splendour
By six steeds whiter than snow,
With footmen fine to attend her
In a coach from the Lord Mayor's Show.
She may long for a rattling mail-cart,
Especially one with a spring;
But you must confess
For a real Princess
It would not be quite the thing.
PATER'S Book of Rhymes.

slowlyalong a wide road through pleasant cornfields.
and pasture lands. The sun was shining brightly.
Every now and then groups of Butter-Scotchmen.
came to the roadside to watch them pass. They were yellow


dusky fellows, and wore straw hats and kilts of silver paper.
They did not seem to be at work, but were playing rounders,
cricket, and other games, which they stopped for a moment
when the coach came up, and waved their hats to Molly
and Kate, shouting Hurrah "
Molly was looking out of the window at one of these
groups when the coach came to a corner in the road and
stopped. "Why, I declare," she cried to Kate, "there's Puss
in Boots and another cat."
Kate put her head out of the window and saw Puss in Boots,
a handsome tabby cat with long fur and spreading whiskers,
wearing his well-known big leather top-boots, a gorgeous
laced coat and a wide soft felt hat with a long drooping
feather in it. He was standing arm-in-arm with a dusky
grey cat of meek appearance. When he saw the ladies he
took off his hat and made a low bow.
"Can we ride to the town with you?" asked Puss in Boots
of the coachman.
"Ask him," replied the coachman, jerking his thumb over
his shoulder, towards Houpla who was asleep on the roof.
Puss in Boots nudged the meek cat with his elbow and
said, "You go, old fellow! "
The meek cat leaped up on the roof. Presently the
children heard a scuffle and the meek cat leaped on to the
ground again followed by Houpla, whose face was bleeding,
and who proceeded to chase him round the coach. After two
or three rounds the meek cat seemed tired and turned round
and cried out "Pax!"
The Herald came up panting and looked glad to leave
off. "You shouldn't have scratched my face," he said

The Princesses' Journey

"No," said Puss in Boots, "that wasn't right."
"You told me to wake him up," muttered the meek cat
"The question is," said Puss in Boots, "can we ride with
you to town ?"
"The answer is No !" said the Herald promptly.
"We are going to the Screameries' by the King's invita-
tion, you know."
"You mean the Royal and Industrial Exhibition of
Children of all Natures," interrupted Houpla.
"They call it 'the Screameries' in town," said Puss in
Boots; "and," he continued, "we are invited to the Royal
"In that case," said Houpla thoughtfully, "we might ask
the ladies."
The Herald approached the door of the carriage, which
was opened by one of the footmen, and making a low bow
nearly to the ground, said to Molly and Kate, Most noble
Princesses, here are two wayfarers, the Right Honourable
Puss in Boots, confidential adviser to the Most Noble the
Marquis of Carabas, and his friend Stanley, the Whittington
Cat, a well-known traveller, both journeying to the Castle of
Indolence at the King's invitation to see the Great Exhibition.
They desire to know if they may ride in your Highnesses'
carriage ?"
"Certainly," said Molly and Kate, who had been leaning
out of the window listening to the conversation; and without
more ado the two cats leaped through the window and settled
down opposite the children. Houpla got on the roof again
and the coach continued the journey.
The Whittington Cat, almost as soon as he was settled in


the carriage, fell asleep and purred quietly, but Puss in Boots
seemed inclined to talk.
"Staying with the King ? he asked Molly.
"Yes, I believe so," she replied.
"Then we shall meet," he said, "at the Grand Banquet.
to-night. A pity Birch Rod is not here, then we could be
introduced and arrange to dance together at the Ball after-
"Who is Birch Rod?" asked Kate timidly.
"He is Court Chamberlain. Walks backwards before the
King and introduces people at the dances. Gets Io,ooo a
year for that, you know, and his coals and gas. A nice place,
is it not ? "
Why is he called Birch Rod ?" asked Molly.
"He always carries one about with him," replied Puss in
Boots; "but," he added quickly, seeing the children look
anxious, it is only for show. He is not allowed to use it, of
course. Seen the Exhibition yet ?"
"We only arrived to-day," said Molly. "What is the
Exhibition ?"
"I'm told," said Puss in Boots, "that it is the best thing
the King has ever done. Of course I've seen lots of children
shows. But this is the biggest collection of children ever
got together. That's why it's called 'the Screameries.'
Then there are Manners matches, Temper contests, and all
sorts of athletic sports, and a new race called a Silence race.
They say that is splendid."
"What is a Silence race ?" inquired Kate.
"Well, they have it in the grounds, and they put six
children in a ring. You all stand round and some one calls
out Go.' Every one standing round may make faces at the

The Princesses' Journey

children and talk to them to tease them-you must not touch
them, of course-and the child that goes longest without
speaking, wins. They have the American Champion there,
a little girl of eight. Her record is three minutes, thirty-five
seconds. Fancy a child being silent for all that time!
Stupendous, isn't it ? "
At this moment the coach stopped again. Puss in Boots
popped his head out of window. "Why, I declare we
are at the gate already. I must get down. Now then,
Stanley," he said, punching the Whittington Cat in the ribs,
"wake up! I always call him Stanley, you know, because
he really did discover Africa."
The grey cat woke up, and both of them jumped out of the
window and disappeared. The Family Herald had got down
again and was standing at the door of the carriage, which
had stopped at an old gateway between two huge round
towers. Through the gateway you could see the old gables
of houses on each side of a wide street, and away beyond was
a winding road leading up to a high terraced hill, on the
summit of which was an immense glass mansion with a
hundred lofty towers to it. This was the Castle of Indolence,
and they were now at the gates of the city of Sugar-
"The Lord Mayor!" shouted the Family Herald, and he
played a few bars of the Roast Beef of Old England" on
his trumpet. An old goblin with a beard and a bald head, in
a brown robe lined with red and trimmed with fur, and a
gold chain round his neck, approached the carriage. Another
goblin in a full-bottomed wig and a black gown followed him,
and there were several others in similar dress to the first, but
without gold chains. They all came towards Molly and Kate,


who had left the carriage, and one by one kneeled before
them and kissed their hands.
"The Recorder will read an address," said the Mayor, as
though he had learned the words by heart. The goblin in
the wig came forward and read a long address, to which
nobody listened and which the children did not understand.
He then handed a gold box to Molly, and the Family Herald
blew a blast on his trumpet.
Key inside! the Mayor said to Molly as he shook hands
with her and also with Kate.
"Key of what ? asked Molly.
"Key of the City," explained the Mayor; only for show,
you know, the gates are never locked. It's made of choco-
"Oh, is it ? replied Molly, who began to be more inter-
They got back into the carriage, which moved through
the gateway, down the wide street, and then up the hill
towards the Castle.
The Family Herald had got inside with them. He showed
them how to open the box. There was a large chocolate key
inside. He broke it into three pieces. "Dear me! dear
me! he said, when he had done it, "and there are only two
of you. I beg your pardon."
Perhaps you would like a piece ?" said Kate politely.
"Not at all, not for worlds," said the Herald, at the same
time taking the biggest piece and putting it into his mouth.
The children laughed and took the other two pieces, for
fear the Herald should eat those too.
I shall keep the gold box," said Molly.
"No, I shall," said Kate.

The Princesses' Journey

"I take that," said Houpla, putting it under his arm.
"The Mayor wants it back for next time, you see. I wish
he would keep better chocolate. I must complain to the
Great Seal about it."
"Who is the Great Seal ?" asked Molly. He seems to
be a very important person."
So he is," said Houpla, "nothing can be done without
the consent of the Great Seal. He is the King's confidential
adviser. When an Act of Parliament is passed, or a procla-
mation sent out, the King signs it, and then it is taken to the
Great Seal, who places his left fin upon it, and says, 'I
deliver this as my act and deed.' Then it becomes law.
You often see it in history books, 'Given under our hand
and seal.' That is what it means."
I always thought it meant a seal made of wax, sealing-wax,
you know," said Molly.
"Never heard of such a thing," replied Houpla. ." On the
contrary, the Great Seal is a very good fellow. He gets into
a bit of a sealing-wax now and then when his whitings are
not fresh, but as a rule he is quiet enough."
They had now arrived at the main entrance of the glass
Castle, and a splendid sight greeted their eyes. Hundreds
of soldiers in gay uniforms lined the terraces and slopes on
which the Castle was built. Flags and streamers waved in
the wind. Sparkling fountains seemed to leap up to the
skies at every corner. A carpet of gold stretched from the
door of the carriage to the entrance-hall of the Castle. A
magnificent brass band of ioo performers was playing I
love little Pussy," under a handsome bandstand in the
gardens, round which were many well-dressed animals,
listening to the music or strolling about talking to each other-


Puss in Boots was among them, looking more'noble than
ever. He was walking arm-in-arm with a Lion, and each
animal saluted the children with a gracious bow and a smile,
while the children kissed their hands to them in return.
When the footmen had opened the door of the coach, a
little goblin, dressed in a tight-fitting suit of black satin with
knee-breeches, a dress-coat, handsome frilled shirt, and shoes
with silver buckles, trotted down the carpet towards the
carriage, holding a birch rod in his right hand.
The Herald stood at the carriage door and blew a blast
on his trumpet. The band stopped.
Her Royal Highness Princess Molly of Grumpiland "
he shouted, as Molly stepped out of the carriage. The
crowd cheered loudly.
"Her Royal Highness the Countess Katherine of Arro-
gance shouted the Herald again, as Kate appeared. There
was more cheering.
Birch Rod, the little goblin in black, now approached, and
with a low bow to each of them, said, "His Majesty desires
you to be presented." Then he moved upstairs backwards,
skipping and whistling and hopping and dancing as he went,
but never looking behind him, and every now and again he
dusted the gold carpet in front of him with the birch rod, as
he passed along before the two Princesses.
Molly and Kate could hardly help laughing at the strange
little figure, but they tried to remember they were Princesses,
and catching hold of their dresses behind, as they had seen
Mother do on a muddy day, followed the little man upstairs
through the big hall, down several long corridors thronged
with Butter-Scotchmen and other Court goblins, until they
arrived at the State Drawing-Room itself. This was a

The Princesses' Journey
splendid room, ten times as big as their large schoolroom,

T O- 4-1ll.ii

and was decorated with crystal mirrors in golden frames


reaching from the ceiling to the floor, so that it seemed
bigger than it really was. At one end of it, on a high throne
of silver and ivory sparkling with rubies, sat a little old man
with a white beard. He wore a heavy gold lace robe
trimmed with ermine and embroidered with the royal crest-
a small pansy which the fairies call Love-in-Idleness. His
little shrunken legs were covered with yellow silk stockings,
he wore purple shoes buckled with diamonds, and his
feet rested on a cushion of orange velvet. A large golden
crown adorned his head, and he held in his hand a
handsome sceptre. This was Puck I., King of Butter-
Scotia. His dried-up wizen little face looked somewhat
weary, but he seemed to brighten up as the children
entered the room. On his right-hand side sat a huge fat
Seal, fanning himself with one fin and smoking a cigarette.
The steps of the throne were crowded with goblin
Birch Rod stopped dancing, and turned round and bowed
to the King. Then he stepped to one side, waving his rod
towards the children.
Houpla now came forward and announced the Princesses
by name.
"Ah !" said the King, extending his hand to the children,
who each kissed it; daughters of our well-beloved Cousin,
Pater the Prim. How fares our Cousin ?"
Quite well, thank you," said Molly, who wished Olga was
here to do the talking.
"And. his well-beloved consort, Mother the Mindful, how
fares she ?"
Quite well, thank you; and how are you, Sir ?" added
Molly, wishing to be very polite.

The Princesses' Journey

"What think you, Uncle Seal ?" asked the King, turning
to the Seal. "How are we ?"

"Much the same-much the same," replied the Seal


Give them your blessing, then," said the King, "and let
them go and rest after their journey. The blue bedroom,
remember, Number 464, Fifth Floor," and he gave them a
ticket with the number on.
The two children kneeled down, and the Seal rose slowly.
With great dignity he placed a damp fin on each of their
heads, saying as he did so, with sobs in his voice, "Bless
you, my children "
Then the two children left the royal presence, curtseying
and walking backwards, and knocking down several goblins
as they retired.
When they got outside Molly gave a shout of delight.
" Isn't it grand, Kate, being real Princesses ?"
"They won't believe it at school, when we tell them about
it," said Kate; "they will think it was all make-up;" and
they climbed up the big staircase of the Castle to look for
Number 464.



A bold knight comes a-riding,
Across the shield,
That he did wield,
Emblazoned red on an azure field,
A bantam chick was striding,
was striding.
A bold knight comes a-riding,
He recks no rede,
In search of bleed,
Or dreadful daring doughty deed
To giants woe betiding,

A bold knight comes a-riding,
And should he meet,
Some rascal cheat,
He'll trample him down beneath his feet,
And give the scamp a hiding,
a hiding.
PATER'S Book of Rhymes.

T HEN they left the shore, Sir Olga and his
Squire rode through the wood for a long
time, Tomakin having some difficulty in
keeping his promise to Krab, not to hit


Neddy with his stick. At length they came to an open stream,
by the side of which stood a small whitewashed cottage, with
a thatched roof. It had a little garden round it, full of paper
flowers. When you got nearer to it, you could see that the

cottage was not whitewashed after all, but built entirely of
cake sugared over, and here and there patches of the sugar
had broken off, and you could see the currants and raisins in
the cake. The thatch was made of cheese straws, and the
fence round the garden was formed of sticks of sugar-candy

The Red Cross Knight

driven into the ground. There was a little path of pear-drops
leading up to the door, and over the door was a notice:

Tea and Shrimps. Hot Water for Picnic Parties.
Hot Pots Made Here.

Before Olga could say anything, Tomakin had slipped off
Neddy's back, and was sitting on the pear-drop path, cramming
his pockets and his mouth with them at the same time.
Olga reined in Dapple, and in doing so dropped her shield.
She doubted, if she got off to get it, whether she could mount
again; so she shouted in a tone of command: Sancho, my
faithful Squire, replace thy master's shield."
"I aren't Sancho," said Tomakin, with his mouth full of
pear-drops, "and I aren't going to play with you at all."
"Oh, do! there's a good boy."
Shan't," replied Tomakin decisively, breaking off a bit of
the cottage as he spoke.
"I shall tell Mother, then, when we get home," said the
Red Cross Knight.
Don't care," replied Tomakin, for he felt that Mother was
a long way off, and he did not intend to go home till the
cottage was finished, which would be a day or two yet, he
"Hoity! Toity! what naughty words are these ? said a
shrill voice, and the next moment a little old woman, with a
face the colour of a russet apple, came bustling out of the
cottage door, and picked up Tomakin off the path and gave
him a kiss. She was a pleasant, cheery little woman, in a
clean white cap and apron, and she broke half a candy stick


off the fence and gave it to Tomakin, saying at the same time
to Olga: "How did the Katawampus begin ? "
He won't play at being Sancho," said Olga, in a voice full
of tears, "and I promised Mother to look after him."
"Where are you going to ?" said the old woman, picking
up the shield.
"I am a Red Cross Knight, you see," said Olga, "going
in search of giants, and Tomakin promised Krab to be
"I didn't," shouted Tomakin from the garden.
"You did, you naughty boy, if he let you have Neddy;
you know you did," shouted Olga angrily.
Never mind, darling," said the old lady, soothingly, to
Olga; and then, turning to Tomakin, she continued: "Will
you stay and have tea with Mother Slipper Slopper, then,
like a good boy, while sister goes and plays at giants."
Are there any more sweeties inside ? inquired Tomakin,
who was getting tired of pear-drops and candy.
"It's all sweeties, my dear, or cake; there's nothing else
about here."
"All right, then," said Tomakin.
"I don't think Mother could mind," thought Olga, "she
seems such a kind old lady." Then she added aloud: "Well,
don't let him sit on the grass. And he mustn't have real
tea," she whispered to Mrs. Slipper Slopper, "just 'make
believe' in the milk, you know. And not more than one
shrimp; you must undo it for him yourself, or he will eat
the shell. Will you keep Neddy, too ?" she asked.
"No, not Neddy, I can't do with him; he'll follow Dapple
all right. I'll take care of the boy as long as you like; I'm
very fond of children. If you really want to meet a giant,

jlIi -'j, cc


'II- \


The Red Cross Knight

there is the golf ogre up the road. Brassiface the son of
Bulger, the son of Baffy the Spoon, they call him. The
second turning to the right takes you to his castle."
Olga was delighted to get rid of Tomakin. She found a
little leather purse hanging to her saddle-bow. It was full of
gold pieces, and she took three out, which she threw to the
old lady, saying as she did so: "Farewell! my good woman,
I leave my trusty Squire in safe hands."
The old lady curtseyed two or three times, and Sir Olga
trotted away up the hill, followed by Neddy, who was shaking
his head mournfully. For if Olga had remembered Krab's
advice, and whispered in Neddy's left ear, he would have
told her that Mrs. Slipper Slopper was really a horrid witch,
and that her hot-pots were always made of fresh child.
The road up the hill skirted the side of a forest. When
Olga had turned the corner at the top of the hill, she came
suddenly upon a strange sight. A man, with a mask over
the upper half of his face, a hat over his eyes, and a great-
coat with the collar up, sat at the roadside playing a
harmonium. He looked a little like Krab, Olga thought.
There were two handles to the harmonium, which stood on
wheels, and on the front of it, facing the road, hung a paper,
on which was printed:


The Minstrel only seemed to know two chords, and he
struck these one after the other again and again. By his
side was a big mastiff. The dog got up and shook himself
65 E


when he saw Sir Olga, and came to where Dapple was
standing. Attached to his collar was a money-box which he
rattled violently. Olga got out a gold piece, and put it in
the dog's money-box, and the mastiff went back to his
master. The Minstrel took the gold piece, bit it to see if it
was good, and put it in his pocket. Then he rose and bowed
to Olga, and shouted out, as though there was quite a large
audience, "By request, 'The Lion and the Merchant.'" Then
he commenced to play the two chords again, chanting in a
thin mournful voice the following song:

I knew a scraggy merchant man,
Very skinny and lean was he;
And he traded, I think,
In Indian Ink,
And the juice of the wild gum-tree.

There is one big lake of Indian Ink
Called Koolishvat, as I've heard say,
And it drives them mad
In Allahabad,
To know it is near Bombay.

The gum-trees cluster near this lake,
By the north south western shore,
You may take it from me
There are fifty-three,
And neither less nor more.

And in this sticky forest wild,
Both bears and lions roam;
They quarrel and play
The livelong day,
As children do at home.

The Red Cross Knight

The merchant went to Koolishvat
For gum and Indian Ink;
With a well-filled flask,
A nine-gallon cask,
And a pail that was painted pink.

As he stood by the edge of the dark black lake,
He heard a gruesome growl;
The scrunch of a paw,
The snap of a jaw,
And the hiss of an angry scowl.

'Twas the King of the Forest, a lion immense,
The merchant flung himself down
On his bended knees,
Saying, If you please,
Will you dine with me in town ?"

" I'm skinny and lean, not half a meal,
But if you will come with me,
I know a hotel
Where they do you well,
And the lions are fed at three.

"Yes, every day when the clock strikes three
Comes a barrow of fresh red meat;
Both bullock and horse,
As a matter of course,
As much as a lion can eat.

" For Sunday supper at half-past eight,
You have youngsters pickled in brine,
With haricot beans
And curly greens
And a glass of red port-wine."


" Enough, enough the lion cried,
And he licked his chops and smiled,
A tiger might eat
Your bones and meat,
But I'm terrible fond of child."

So the lion arrived with the merchant man
At the close of a summer day,
In a four-wheeled chaise
With a pair of greys,
In the suburbs of Bombay;

Where they bought the lion a new top-hat
And a pair of brown kid boots,
A collar and tie,
And a glass for his eye,
And the tweediest of suits.

They sailed from there in the Saucy Sall,"'
The lion looked quite the swell,
And he was adored
By all on board,
Because he behaved so well.

He sat on the bowsprit and sang them songs,.
Or played on the soft bassoon;
His manners were nice,
For he ate ground rice
With a fork, instead of a spoon.

The merchant was bound for Manchester,
So they towed the Saucy Sail,"
Through Eastham Lock
To Pomona Dock,
On the Manchester Ship Canal.

The Red Cross Knight

And when they stepped on to England's shore,
They were met by our own Lord Mayor,
Who read an address,
Which I must confess,
Was neither here nor there.

And then they hired a four-wheeled cab
To drive them to Belle Vue,
Where, the merchant said,
They would find a bed,
And supper laid for two.

The lion leaned back and fell fast asleep.
Which the merchant was glad to see;
He was soon undressed,
And taking his rest
In a cage, under lock and key.

They put him into a lovely cage
From a lion's point of view;
He could roll and roar
On his drawing-room floor,
And they gave him a bedroom too.

And there he lived for many a year,
In that famous wild beast show:
He was rather wild
When he saw a child,
But he was not inclined to go.

Though when he thought of his former life,
In the forest of Koolishvat,
He could not dispute,
The merchant was cute,
While he was a foolish flat.


When it was over, Olga clapped her mailed glove against
the shield, Dapple neighed aloud, and Neddy brayed approval.
The Minstrel got up and took his mask off. It was no other
than Kral himself.
"What's become of Sancho ? he said.
"Well, he wouldn't play properly, so I left him with Mrs.
Slipper Slopper to have tea," said Olga.
"What!" cried Krab angrily; "who is a foolish flat
now ? Mrs. Slipper Slopper is a witch "
"Oh, not really!" cried Olga, bursting into tears,.
which poured down her breastplate, and left long streaks
of rust behind them. Poor little Tomakin! What will
Mother say. I'll go directly and fight her, and fetch him
"That's no good," said Krab. "There's nothing for it
now but to get the Silver Niblick. A Niblick will get you
out of any difficulty, when you know how to use it. Can
you play golf?"
I can play a little," said Olga sobbing.
"Well, cheer up, then. If you can beat the golf ogre you
will be the champion, and he will have to give up the Silver
Niblick. One blow with the Silver Niblick will kill anything
or anybody."
"But she may have eaten poor little Tomakin before-
then," sobbed Olga.
Not a bit of it, if you hurry up. Slipper Slopper always
sends word to Mother Chattox when she gets a fresh boy in,.
and they have him for supper in a hot-pot. There will be
the potatoes and the onions to get, and supper is at nine,.
usually; so they won't put him on before half-past five, or
six. It's just two now, so, you see, if the ogre is in, we

The Red Cross Knight

shall have lots of time; if he is not, you walk over and take
the Niblick, and there is an end of it."
Oh, dear! Oh, dear!" cried Olga, who felt very sorry
for what she had done; but I don't paly golf really well,
and I'm sure I can't play in armour."
"No," said Krab, "of course you can't. Now, don't cry.
You see if you had only asked Neddy, it would have been
all right. But we shall win the Niblick, never fear. Brassi-
face does not play very well. He has never driven a ball
more than a mile and a half, though he says he has."
So saying, Krab helped Olga to dismount, got her armour
off, and dried her tears. Then he opened the lid at the top
of the harmonium, dived in among the notes, and fetched out
first a scarlet plush coat with gold buttons, then a pair of
black and white check knickerbockers, then a pair of yellow
and green plaid stockings, then some doeskin gaiters, a cap
to match the stockings, and a bundle of golf clubs in a red
leather bag, marked in black letters, Sir O. of the F. F."
Olga got into the clothes as quickly as she could, and
really looked quite pretty in them. Krab bundled the
armour into the harmonium anyhow, shut the lid with a
bang, and then helped Olga to mount Dapple again, swing-
ing the clubs on to Neddy's back. He whispered something
into the donkey's left ear, and Neddy nodded gravely.
He says the giant is sure to be in," said Krab; "so you
will have to play. The giant will ask you which Caddie you
will have, and you will say 'the McKrab!' Remember,
"McKrab 1" repeated Olga.
"That's it. Now, off you go, straight on, and the second
to the right. Neddy knows the way. You will see the


Castle in a hundred yards or so. It's a sand castle on the
top of a bunker. You can't miss it." Then Krab took the
handles of the harmonium, and wheeled it off into the
wood, while Olga, followed by the faithful Neddy, trotted up
the road to look for the Golf ogre.



She took her Pater's driving club,
And swung it round, and round, and round,
Then whacked its little head upon
The hard and unrelenting ground.
And Pater said,
When he saw that head,
For ever I'11 rue that day,
When cricket was off
And she took to golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew's toff
Our Olga tried to play."

She smote a ball from off the lawn,
Mortal eye ne'er saw it again;
It passed to the land of the Great Unknown
Through a drawing-room window pane.
And Mother said,
With a shake of her head,
For ever I'll rue that day,
When cricket was off,
And she took to golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew's toff
Our Olga tried to play."


They sent her to her little cot,
And put the golf clubs all away,
At half-past three, without her tea,
To finish off that mournful day.
And Olga said,
As she went to bed,
"For ever I'll rue that day,
When cricket was off
And I took to golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew's toft
And tried that game to play."
PATER'S Book of Rhymes.

NOW the beginnings of the great game of golf
were these. On the steppes of Russia-I think
it was on the top steppe but one-lived an ogre
named Baffy. Baffy the Spoon, they called him,
because, when he played croquet on the great plain
of Europe, he did not hit his ball fairly through the hoops
but "spooned" it through, which is cheating. Now at last
nobody would play at croquet with Baffy any more, which
served him quite right, and there he sat all alone upon the
top steppe but one, with his head in his hand, crying and
grumbling, because, like. the discontented pig, "he was not
At that time there came to him our good friend Krab, who
happened to be travelling in Russia, and asked him what he
was crying about.
And that great big baby Baffy-he was ten feet high-
sobbed, and howled, and said croquet was a stupid game, and
he would not play any more.
"Then," said Krab, "if you will stop your noise and be
good, I will teach you a new game altogether."

Brassiface the Son of Bulger

Baffy sniffed and looked a bit happier, and said "What is
it called ?"
"It is called Golf," said Krab. "But if you learn Golf,



you must know that you, and your son, and your grandson,
will have to go on playing it for ever and ever, and you will
play it worse and worse, until at last one of you will be


beaten by a little child, and then he may go and bury
"Ha! ha !" laughed Baffy, "all that I will risk. Show
us your new game and tell us all about it."
Then straightway Krab produced two sets of golf clubs,
and half a dozen balls-little white gutta-percha balls, the
size of huge marbles-and then and there, upon the steppes
of Russia, they made the first Golf Links the world ever
Now as there may still be a few children south of the
Tweed who go to a school where they do not teach Golf, I
will tell you as near as I can what Krab told Baffy the
First of all he showed him the clubs, which were sticks
with various shaped heads to them, some like skate blades
and others like wooden sea-urchins, but all so formed that you
must be a very clever person to hit the ball with them. And
Baffy tried to hit a ball with some of them, but all he did was
to hit his own big, toe and break a club or two; at which
Krab laughed aloud and Baffy looked foolish. Then Krab
stood on a large boulder rock, and Baffy sat on the ground
beneath him, with his hands clasped round his knees, gazing
up at Krab, who put one hand behind him and waved the
other in the air, while he began to explain to Baffy all about
the game of Golf, just as if he was giving a lecture.
Golf," said Krab, is played at the seaside where there
are plenty of sandhills and stretches of smooth grass between
them. The first thing to do is to find a little boy-without
shoes and stockings on, if possible-to carry your bag of golf
"Why a little boy ? interrupted Baffy.

Brassiface the Son of Bulger

"Because sometimes you hit the ball into a furze bush and
lose it. Then you lose your temper too. Then the little boy
goes and looks for them, and if he can't find them, you can
pitch into the little boy and punch his head. If it were a big
boy, with shoes and stockings on, he might punch yours back
again, and that wouldn't do."
"Certainly not," said Baffy, "go .on."
"The little boy is called a Caddie. The clubs I have
shown to you, and you have tried to use them (Baffy
shuddered). The balls cost one shilling each."
My word," said Baffy, "what a price "
"When you have played half an hour with one of them, it
may be worth twopence-halfpenny-that is if you are a very
good player and do not knock chunks out of it."
Baffy groaned. His pocket-money was only a shilling a
"Two players play together," continued Krab. "They go
in search of a lawn with a little hole in it. Whoever finds
the hole and knocks his ball into it in the fewest strokes,
wins. There are eighteen holes altogether. When you
have finished these, whoever has won the most of them has
won the match. Then you go home and tell your friends
what bad luck you have had, and what wonderful strokes you
would have made if it had not been for the wind. If your
friends do not play Golf, they do not listen to you at all, for
they think you are quite mad; but if they play too, they do
not believe you, for they have told just those stories them-
selves, and nobody ever believed them."
So saying, Krab leaped off the boulder, and he and Baffy
played the first European Championship Game at Golf, a full
account of which is to be found in the second volume of the


Book of Krab; and Krab won. And though Baffy played
very badly, still he made up his mind to learn to play better,
and from that day until the day of his death, a thousand
and one years later, he played two or three games of Golf
every day, and improved a little.
Now Baffy the Spoon married the beautiful Mashie,
daughter of Gutti of Perchaland, and they had a little son
called Bulger, who grew up and played Golf better than his
father. He was called Bulger the Bragger, because he made
such wonderful shots when nobody was there to see, and
came home and bragged about them.
And he travelled in Arabia, and Africa, and Spain, where
they say he won the Silver Niblick. There it is certain he
met with Lofta the Proud, daughter of Ion the Invincible,
with whom he fell deeply in love; and they were married
and had a little giant son with one eye. And when he was
born he looked so impudent, and rolled his one eye so
roguishly, that they called him Brassiface.
Lofta taught him to play Golf when he was only two years
old, but he soon beat his mother, and then he learned to
play better than his father, and beat him.
So old Bulger gave him the Silver Niblick and he went
away, and after many travels settled in Butter-Scotia, where
he had Links of his own. There he played all comers and
beat them, and took their scalps, and was known to the
world as Brassiface the son of Bulger, the son of Baffy
the Spoon.
But to return to Olga and our story. When she came to
the side of the wood, she saw the giant's castle much as
Krab had described it. It was a sand castle such as children
build on the shore. It had no roof, and the rooms were

Brassiface the Son of Bulger

hollowed out of a large stretch of sand. It had a wall round
it, made of sand piled up and decorated with huge sand
puddings, and there were several gaps for doorways.
Brassiface himself was lying in the centre of the sand
castle fast asleep. He was a hideous-looking ogre, about
ten feet high, and had only one eye in the centre of his
forehead. It was this indeed which made him such a
good player, for having only one eye, he was able to keep it
on his ball, and by so doing he often managed to hit it.
He was dressed in grey knickerbockers, an old stained
dirty red flannel coat, and a peaked cap. By his side was a
large bag containing his golf clubs. These were some six
feet in length, and several golf balls about the size of cricket
balls were lying in one of the rooms in the sand castle.
As Olga came up to the castle she saw she was close to
the sea-shore. A sandy bay stretched along beneath a series
of lofty sandhills, and between them you could see wide
plains of green close-cut grass. These were the ogre's Golf
They stopped at the gate of the giant's castle, and Neddy
brayed aloud three times in succession. Brassiface woke up
with a start and rubbed his one eye.
What's up, kiddy ? he shouted, gazing at Olga.
I am no kiddy, sirrah ? replied Olga, drawing herself
up to her full height, "but Sir Olga the Fitful, Knight
of the Festive Fowl, here to challenge you to play for the
Silver Niblick."
The Ogre threw himself back on the sand castle shouting
with laughter, and rolled out of his dining-room into his
drawing-room, destroying the party wall as he did so.
"You play for the Silver Niblick, you !" he cried, while


tears of laughter ran out of his single eye. Can you play
golf, my dearie ? "
"I play at home sometimes," said Olga bravely, "and
I'm going to try, anyhow."
"Well said," replied the Ogre, who seemed a kindly fellow
after all. "Why shouldn't you try? Though, seeing the
links are twenty miles round, I shouldn't think a little chap
like you would have much chance. Have you got a Caddie,
though ?"
"No, I haven't," replied Olga.
"Who will you have? asked the Ogre politely.
"I don't see any about," said Olga.
"There are not any, so you have your choice, and that
is why I asked you."
Well then," said Olga, remembering what Krab had said,
" I will have the McKrab."
The Ogre turned pale and whistled loud and long. "By
Jove," he muttered, the kiddy knows something about the
game. The McKrab knows these links better than I do.
They say he taught my grandfather Baffy how to play.
Well! he continued aloud, "you must have him I suppose,
and I must have Neddy. He's a stupid Caddie is Neddy,
but he is better than none." So saying, he threw his bag
round Neddy's neck and standing up called out in a voice of
thunder, "McKrab! McKrab! You're wanted."
Before the echo had ceased, there was heard over the
sandhills by the shore the sound of bagpipes, and in a
moment or two the McKrab appeared, bagpipes under his
arm, skreeling away "Auld Lang Syne and dancing over
the sand as he came. He wore a full Highland costume,
sporran and kilt of the Stuart plaid, and looked as fierce as

Brassiface the Son of Bulger

if he had come to fight for the Pretender; but Olga knew it
was dear old Krab himself, and felt sure, now, that somehow
she would win.
As soon as the McKrab arrived, they started off for the

first tee, as the place is called from which they were to drive
the ball. Olga dismounted from Dapple, and gave the
McKrab her bag of clubs to carry. He put the bagpipes
among the clubs and slung the bag over his shoulder.
Now," said Brassiface, taking a huge club out of the bag
which Neddy was dragging after him, "the first drive is




across the bay to the lighthouse. It's about two miles across,
is it not ?"
"Twa mile or mair," said the McKrab.
The Ogre took one of his large golf balls and placed it on
the tee. Olga could not help thinking it would be very lucky
if he got it as far as the sea. He placed his feet down very
carefully and waggled the club backwards and forwards,
while he fixed his one eye sternly on the ball. The club
went slowly back, high round his head until it nearly touched
his left heel, and he would, I believe, have driven the ball to
the lighthouse, had not Neddy suddenly lifted up his head and
brayed out Heeaw! haw! Hee haw ah Heeh at the top
of his voice, completely putting the Ogre off his shot. Down
came the club with a terrific smash on the ground, half
missing the ball, which soared into the air and fell about a
hundred yards out to sea, splodge into the water. The Ogre
used such naughty words over this, that I know Mr. Nutt
would not print them, even if I knew how to spell them.
Poor Neddy looked, or pretended to look, ashamed of himself,
and McKrab said warningly to him: Hoots awa, mon!
silence on the tee silence on the tee shocking! "
I knew how it would be, taking out that duffer Neddy,"
complained the Ogre. "Well, it can't be helped, it's your
turn now, little one; peg away."
Sir Olga thus addressed, took the club that McKrab
handed to her, whispering as she did so, I can't do it, you
Give it gyp !" replied McKrab, and Olga, not knowing a
bit what he meant, resolved to do so. The ball was put on
the tee by Krab and she hit it as hard as she was able.
Away it soared, over the first sandhill, straight towards the






Brassiface the Son of Bulger

lighthouse; but it was not hit hard enough, and it would
have fallen into the sea about a mile from the shore, had not
a gull swooped down and caught it. Olga and McKrab
watched him eagerly as he sailed across the waves, until he
came to the lighthouse, when he poised himself in mid-air
over the green and dropped the ball.
"Wonderful! cried the Ogre, "but what luck you have.
That will be on the green."
"Dead," cried McKrab with delight.
"As mutton," muttered the Ogre sulkily.
Olga tried to look as though it was the sort of thing that
generally happened when she played golf.
The Ogre now drove another ball, as he was entitled to do.
This time he sent it right across the bay past the lighthouse
and then grumbled out "Too far! too far! Yards too far! "
Away they all went round the beach after their balls. The
Ogre striding in front, Olga cantering near to him on Dapple,
McKrab and Neddy, with the clubs, bringing up the rear.
When they reached the green, Olga's ball was close to the
flag which stands in the hole, but Brassiface spent some time
looking for his, and at last found it on the beach beyond the
green. It took him three shots to get on to the green, and
he was playing six more when he made his first putt at the
hole. This was a magnificent straight shot that seemed to
Olga certain to go in, but what was her surprise to see that,
just as it got up, a little goblin jumped out of the hole and
thrust it aside with all his might.
"No luck," sighed the Ogre, "none." He evidently had
not seen the little goblin.
It was now Olga's turn to putt, and she was laughing so
much at the Ogre's disappointment that she made a very


crooked shot. However, the same little goblin stretched his
arm out of the hole, and just managed to guide her ball in.
As it fell in, the Ogre called out, Hole in two! well played,
little chap; but you must admit that you had some luck with
that seagull."
"Well, it was a bit fortunate, perhaps," said Olga.
"Better luck for me at the next hole, I hope," said
Brassiface. It's a short one, only a mile and a half long."
This time Olga had no seagull to help her, but there
seemed to be goblins all along the course, and they threw
the ball from one to the other until it lighted in the hole.
"Another record.!" shouted the astonished Ogre. "The
second hole in one! Stupendous It's worth being beaten
by play like this. Well, you are a good 'un for a little 'un."
It was evident the Ogre had not seen the goblins. Olga did
not quite like taking advantage of him in this way, especially
as he was so good-natured about it; but she must get the
Silver Niblick, and she consoled herself by thinking that she
had nothing to do with arranging it, though she had an idea
it was all Krab's work.
Hole after hole Olga won in record scores. Once when
the giant got ahead and Olga made a bad shot, the Ogre lost
his ball. They all hunted for it except that lazy Neddy, who
was browsing upon thistles by the side of a road. When
they had been five minutes looking for it, McKrab claimed
the hole for Sir Olga, according to the rules of the game, and
the Ogre had to give it up. As they moved off to the next
hole, it was discovered that all the time Neddy had been
standing on the Ogre's ball. Olga wanted him to go on
playing the hole, but Brassiface would not. He contented
himself by calling Neddy the Son of a Sea Cook and a lot

Brassiface the Son of Bulger

of other names; all of which seemed to soothe Brassiface,
and not to annoy Neddy in the least. Several more holes
were won, until at the tenth, Olga having won Io up and
there being only 8 to play, was declared the Champion of
Fairyland, and entitled to hold the Silver Niblick until some
one challenged and beat her.
They went back to Brassiface's castle, where Olga was
presented with the Silver Niblick. Then, mounting Dapple
and shaking hands with the Ogre, who wished the "little
'un," as he called her, "good luck," she rode away to rescue
poor little Tomakin. Krab marched in front with the bag-
pipes, playing "See the Conquering Hero Comes," and the
trusty Neddy trotted close behind her.



Hot Pot! Hot Pot!
In a brown and lordly dish,
Hot Pot! Hot Pot
Could my hunger have its wish,
Every day at half-past one,
Steaming hot, not underdone,
I would have you, were I able,
Placed upon my luncheon table,
Ready I to sit and eat
Sliced potatoes, mutton meat,
Onions, one by one.
PATER'S Book of Rhymes.

WE 'must now return to Tomakin, who had
been left with Mother Slipper Slopper at
Cake Cottage. There she lived alone with
her black cat, Smut, and was, to all
appearances, as kind and harmless an old lady as you
could meet in a summer day's journey. But, in truth,
she was a horrid witch, and had kept Tomakin for
the purpose of having a feast, though, at the same time,
it is only fair to her to tell you that she was not one of
those witches who are unkind to little children before it
is time to cook and eat them. As she said, if you make
a child cry, it spoils the flavour altogether, the tears get

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