• TABLE OF CONTENTS
HIDE
 Front Cover
 Front Matter
 Frontispiece
 Title Page
 Dedication
 Table of Contents
 List of Illustrations
 Preface
 Part I: Out of the ark
 Part II: In the ark
 Back Cover
 Spine






Title: Tommy Toddles
CITATION THUMBNAILS PAGE TURNER PAGE IMAGE ZOOMABLE
Full Citation
STANDARD VIEW MARC VIEW
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00084071/00001
 Material Information
Title: Tommy Toddles
Physical Description: viii, 1, 192 p., 26 leaves of plates : ill. ; 20 cm.
Language: English
Creator: Lee, Albert, 1868-1946
Newell, Peter, 1862-1924 ( Illustrator )
Harper & Brothers ( Publisher )
Publisher: Harper & Brothers
Place of Publication: New York
Publication Date: 1896
 Subjects
Subject: Amusements -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Play -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Imagination -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Animals -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Pirates -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Wit and humor, Juvenile -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Fantasy literature -- 1896   ( rbgenr )
Bldn -- 1896
Genre: Fantasy literature   ( rbgenr )
novel   ( marcgt )
Spatial Coverage: United States -- New York -- New York
 Notes
Summary: Tommy's Noah's Ark animals come alive and he follows them out the gate to adventure.
Statement of Responsibility: by Albert Lee ; with illustrations by Peter S. Newell.
General Note: Bound in blue cloth; stamped in red, white, grey, black, tan, blue, and gold.
 Record Information
Bibliographic ID: UF00084071
Volume ID: VID00001
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: aleph - 002232855
notis - ALH3252
oclc - 05097791

Table of Contents
    Front Cover
        Front Cover 1
        Front Cover 2
    Front Matter
        Front Matter
    Frontispiece
        Page i
    Title Page
        Page ii
        Page iii
    Dedication
        Page iv
    Table of Contents
        Page v
        Page vi
    List of Illustrations
        Page vii
        Page viii
    Preface
        Page ix
    Part I: Out of the ark
        Page 1
        Page 2
        Departure of the animals
            Page 3
            Page 4
            Page 5
            Page 6
            Page 7
            Page 8
            Page 9
            Page 10
        Tommy makes a new acquaintance
            Page 11
            Page 12
            Page 13
            Page 14
            Page 15
            Page 16
            Page 17
        No information from the loon
            Page 18
            Page 19
            Page 20
            Page 21
            Page 22
            Page 23
            Page 24
            Page 25
        Concerning the reformed burglar
            Page 26
            Page 27
            Page 28
            Page 29
            Page 30
            Page 31
            Page 32
            Page 33
            Page 34
        An interrupted lecture
            Page 35
            Page 36
            Page 37
            Page 38
            Page 39
            Page 40
            Page 41
        The Welsh-Rabbit's visit
            Page 42
            Page 43
            Page 44
            Page 45
            Page 46
            Page 47
            Page 48
        The Guinea-Pig school
            Page 49
            Page 50
            Page 51
            Page 52
            Page 53
            Page 54
            Page 55
            Page 56
        Luncheon on the hill-top
            Page 57
            Page 58
            Page 59
            Page 60
            Page 61
            Page 62
            Page 63
            Page 64
            Page 65
        The erratic Thingumbob
            Page 66
            Page 67
            Page 68
            Page 69
            Page 70
            Page 71
            Page 72
            Page 73
        Unpleasant for the clams
            Page 74
            Page 75
            Page 76
            Page 77
            Page 78
            Page 79
            Page 80
            Page 81
            Page 82
        The penguin's house
            Page 83
            Page 84
            Page 85
            Page 86
            Page 87
            Page 88
            Page 89
            Page 90
        Story of the fight
            Page 91
            Page 92
            Page 93
            Page 94
            Page 95
            Page 96
            Page 97
            Page 98
            Page 99
            Page 100
    Part II: In the ark
        Page 101
        Page 102
        Through the halls of time
            Page 103
            Page 104
            Page 105
            Page 106
            Page 107
            Page 108
            Page 109
            Page 110
            Page 111
            Page 112
        A pair of unfortunate turtles
            Page 113
            Page 114
            Page 115
            Page 116
            Page 117
            Page 118
            Page 119
            Page 120
            Page 121
            Page 122
            Page 123
            Page 124
        Tommy and the ex-pirate get into the ark
            Page 125
            Page 126
            Page 127
            Page 128
            Page 129
            Page 130
            Page 131
        The animals come aboard
            Page 132
            Page 133
            Page 134
            Page 135
            Page 136
            Page 137
            Page 138
            Page 139
        A far-reaching accident
            Page 140
            Page 141
            Page 142
            Page 143
            Page 144
            Page 145
            Page 146
            Page 147
        The banquet begins
            Page 148
            Page 149
            Page 150
            Page 151
            Page 152
            Page 153
            Page 154
        Tommy exchanges ideas with the Gopher
            Page 155
            Page 156
            Page 157
            Page 158
            Page 159
            Page 160
            Page 161
        A portion of the ex-pirate's autobiography
            Page 162
            Page 163
            Page 164
            Page 165
            Page 166
            Page 167
            Page 168
            Page 169
            Page 170
            Page 171
            Page 172
            Page 173
            Page 174
        A game of bumpolump
            Page 175
            Page 176
            Page 177
            Page 178
            Page 179
            Page 180
            Page 181
            Page 182
        The lion's displeasure
            Page 183
            Page 184
            Page 185
            Page 186
            Page 187
            Page 188
            Page 189
            Page 190
            Page 191
            Page 192
    Back Cover
        Back Cover 1
        Back Cover 2
    Spine
        Spine
Full Text








* ie


4wi































































" MAY ALL THE CUCKOOS THAT EVER LIVE I!E COMPELLED TO TELL THE TIME'"
[See page 123.]


4,













TOMMY TODDLES






BY

ALBERT LEE


WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY

PETER S. NEWELL


NEW YORK
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
1896



































































Copyright, 1896, by HARPER & BROTHERS.

.All rights resetred.






























TO

B. C. L.


















CONTENTS



IDart I

OUT OF THE ARK
CHAPTER PAGE
I. DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS . . .. 3
II. TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE. ... .. II
III. No INFORMATION FROM THE LOON .. ... 18
IV. CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR. . .. .26
V. AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE .. . 35
VI. THE WELSH-RABBIT'S VISIT. .... ... 42
VII. THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL. . .. . 49
VIII. LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP ... .. 57
IX. THE ERRATIC TIHIMGUMBOB. . .. . .66
X. UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS . .......74
XI. THE PENGUIN'S HOUSE . . . 83
XII. STORY OF THE FIGHT . ......... 9


Part 11

IN THE ARK

XIII. THROUGH THE HALIS OF TIME . . .103
XIV. A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES. . 113
XV. TOMMY AND THE EX-PIRATE GET INTO THE ARK . I25









vi CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE
XVI. THE ANIMALS COME ABOARD . .. .. .132
XVII. A FAR-REACHING ACCIDENT. .. ... 140
XVIII. THE BANQUET BEGINS. ... .. .. .. 148
XIX. TOMMY EXCHANGES IDEAS WITH THE GOPHER .. 155
XX. A PORTION OF THE EX-PIRATE'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY .... .. 162
XXI. A GAME OF BUMPOLUMP ... .. .. 175
XXII. THE LION'S DISPLEASURE . . .183






















ILLUSTRATIONS



PAGE
" MAY ALL TIE CUCKOOS THAT EVER LIVE BE COMPELLED TO TELL
THE TIME" ..... ... .......... .. Frontispiece
"WELL, THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFULEST THING I EVER SAW! 7
THE SHEEP RETURNED, WALKING ON HIS HIND-LEGS . .. 15
"HE IS CRAZY," SAID TOMMY. .... .. .. ... 21
"THIS MUST BE THE EX-PIRATE," THOUGHT TOMMY . 27
"I LOOKED ABOUT, AND FAR AWAY I SAW A LITTLE SPECK" . 39
THE WELSH-RABBIT LAUGHED UNTII. THE CHEESE OF HIS BACK FAIRLY
BUBBLED . . . . . 45
THE SPOTTED GUINEA-PIG SAT OUT IN FRONT AND BEAT TIME WITH
HIS FORE-PAWS ................ .53
THE DUMB-WAITER BROUGHT THE CAKE UP THE HILL ON ROLLER-
SKATES ... .................. .63
"WHAT IS THAT AWFUL PERSON DOING?" ASKED TOMMY . 69
" HORSE-RADISH ALWAYS GOES WITH CLAMS, YOU KNOW," SAID THE
EX-PIRATE . . . .... 75
EDITORIAL-ROOM OF THE TIDAL WVAVE ... . .. 87
THE GARGOYLE TELLS THE STORY OF THE FIGHT . .. 93
FATHER TIME WAS VIGOROUSLY WORKING HIS WINGS. .... 10C9
"WHY, THAT ARK IS JUST LIKE MINE!" EXCLAIMED TOMMY 117











viii ILLUSTRATIONS
PAGE
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE? WHY AREN'T YOU OUTSIDE?" .. 129
HE THRUST HIS LONG SNOUT IN SUDDENLY .. ... .137
"LET'S ORGANIZE. WHAT'S LIFE WITHOUT ORGANIZATION?" . 145
" THEY WON'T LET HIM PLAY BECAUSE HE'S A CHEETAH" ... .151
THE LION CALLED THE ASSEMBLED MULTITUDE TO ORDER .157
THE ANIMALS ROARED WITH LAUGHTER AT THE GOPHER'S JOKE 163

"SHE LOOKS TO ME AS THOUGH SHE MIGHT-MIGHT BE A PRIVATEER" 167

THE GUNNER'S MATE AVERRED IT WAS HIGH TIME TO START THE

GAME . . ....... .... 170

BUT ALL THE SAILORS ... LEANED UPON THE STARBOARD RAIL 171

"MY LIFE IS ONE LONG PURSUIT OF THE UNATTAINABLE" .. 177
THE EX-PIRATE JUMPED UPON THE TABLE AND FIRED. ... .189


























A LITTLE boy climbed on my knee:
"Oh, tell me a story," pleaded he-
"A tale of animals and boys,
With guns and fights and lots of noise;
Have a pirate and a bear,
And lay the scene 'most anywhere."
And so it was this little tale
Of Tommy Toddles on the trail
Of toys that wandered from the fold
Ever happened to be told.



















TOMMY TODDLES

PART I

OUT OF THE ARK

















TOMMY TODDLES




CHAPTER I

DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS

IT was early in the afternoon of a bright autumn day
that Tommy Toddles sat by the window in the big play-
room at the top of the house, looking wistfully out over the
swaying trees toward the distant hills. He was beginning to
feel lonely, for he had been left to himself almost an hour
since luncheon, and everything in the house was so quiet that
it seemed as if every one had gone to sleep. Not even the
memory of two large pieces of plum-pudding was sufficient
to occupy Tommy's mind for so long as an hour, and the toys
which lay about the floor appeared uninteresting. He had
been playing with the curiously colored wooden animals of
his Noah's Ark until they no longer offered any attraction, and
then he had climbed up on the window-seat, and had pressed
his little nose against the window-pane for what seemed to
him a very long period of time. How he wished that his








TOMMY TODDLES


Uncle Dick were there to take him out for a wild romp across
the fields! How they would climb fences and jump ditches,
and pick up queer-shaped stones and fallen birds'-nests! But
Uncle Dick was not there, and there was no use hoping for
him, because he had gone away, and would not be back
again from the distant city for at least a week. And in the
meanwhile no one else would ever think of taking Tommy
for a tramp in the woods. He could play in the big garden
as much as he wished to, but he must not go beyond the
gate; and as he looked out at the hills and the fields and
caught a glimpse of the blue ocean far off in the distance, he
sighed at the thought of the barrier gate.
"But I suppose there is no use wishing for things," he
thought, almost out loud.. The only thing to do is to wait,
and I do get so tired of waiting. I wish I had asked Uncle
Dick to send me the sheep instead of waiting to bring it with
him. And I do hope it will be a nice, white, woolly sheep,
as big as a real one, and strong'enough for me to ride on."
This woolly sheep that Tommy was thinking about had
been the subject of a long discussion between him and his
Uncle Dick just before the latter's departure. Uncle Dick
had promised to bring back from the city anything that
Tommy might ask -for, and the little boy had promptly de-
manded a goat-a live billy goat! He thought it would be
nice to have it on the lawn in front of the big house, and to
hitch it to his express-wagon and drive it about. But, unfort-
unately, when Tommy's mother heard of this plan, she firmly
objected to his having a live goat. She said she would not al-








DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS 5

low any such animal about the house. Tommy then suggested
a sheep-a little woolly sheep, that could have a blue ribbon
around its neck with a bell hanging from it. But his moth-
er objected to the sheep, too, and so, after a long talk with
Uncle Dick, the little boy compromised on a stuffed sheep
which should be very white and very woolly, and should
have some sort of interior mechanism that would make it
bleat.
Consequently, as Tommy gazed out of the window, he kept
picturing to himself what glorious times he would have when
his uncle got back with the woolly sheep; but at the thought
of all these future joys he. grew very drowsy. He turned
from the window and wondered what he could do to pass
away the long afternoon. There stood the Noah's Ark on the
floor just as he had left it, with the animals walking down the
gang-plank, two by two, in the order of their sizes-the giraffes
first and the guinea-pigs last. How often he had arranged
them that way Sometimes they seemed to walk up the
gang-plank and sometimes they seemed to walk down, but as
a matter of fact they always stood still.
If they could only be alive," mused Tommy, and really
walk. If they could go in and out like real animals, and have
pens and houses and eat things."
And as he thought of the wonderful outcome of such a pos-
sibility, it suddenly seemed to him that the animals actually
did begin to move. He looked again, and became sure that
they were moving! The long line of wooden animals was
actually wobbling along down the gang-plank! And how








TOMMY TODDLES


funny they looked with their stiff wooden legs and their awk-
ward wooden bodies!
Tommy Toddles was so surprised at the behavior of his
toys that he just sat stock-still and stared at them. They
seemed to be paying no attention whatever to him. They
were moving on down the gang-plank and across the floor,
the two giraffes leading the way, and all the other animals fol-
lowing in perfect order, just as he had arranged them. They
.'':_;'..--.-:d slowly toward the open door which led to the
hallway, but every now and then the procession was delayed
by the last guLin i-ipig, which kept getting its toes caught in
the threads of the carpet. They passed through the door-
way and marched out into the hall, and then actually began
going down the stairs. Tommy got up from the window-
seat and followed them.
"This is very queer," thought he. "If Uncle Dick could
only see them now !" And then he started down-stairs in the
wake of the guinea-pigs. I do hope we won't meet the
cook," he continued, mentally, as the procession reached the
first landing; "she is so near-sighted she might not see them,
and she would be sure to step on those in front and break
their legs. Then they would not be able to walk any more."
By this time the animals had reached the ground-floor, for
they were moving along quite rapidly, and the head of the
column, led by the giraffes, started straight for the front door.
The toys now appeared to Tommy as if they were very much
larger than usual. It seemed to him as if they had grown
during the trip down the stairs; but in spite of this sudden





\
^M3t
-^fiB


' WELL, THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFULEST THING I EVER SAW "








DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS


and unnatural growth none of them was anywhere near tall
enough to reach the door-knob, and the little boy wondered
how they were going to get out into the garden, for it was
evidently their intention to go there. He sat down on the
steps to watch.
The procession moved steadily onward, and when the giraffes
reached the door they marched right through it as if there had
not been any door there at all. The other animals did the
same thing. Tommy could see them approach the door and
gradually fade away into it, and then he thought he could
hear them treading on the gravel path outside.
Well, that is the most wonderfulest thing I ever saw!"
he gasped, quite regardless of grammar. I have heard of
people seeing through a door, and hearing through a door,
and smelling through a door "-and here Tommy recollect-
ed vividly the odor of pancakes coming through the closed
kitchen door-" but I never saw anything go through a door
before. These animals must all be like sounds or smells or
sights," concluded the little boy, for that was the only rational
explanation he could make to himself for their odd behavior.
" But I wonder where they are going?" and he got up from
his seat on the steps and ran down to the front door. He
did not stop to take his cap or to tell his mother he was going
out, as he usually did, but he opened the front door and stood
on'the porch watching the procession, which by this time had
gotten quite a distance down the broad driveway.
The animals passed out through the open gate, and as they
got farther and farther away down the road they seemed to







10 TOMMY TODDLES

grow larger and larger instead of becoming smaller, as, accord-
ing to all optical laws, they should have done. They still
maintained their relative positions in line, with the little
guinea-pigs toddling along in the rear, almost running in their
breathless endeavors to keep up with the others; but by the
time the latter had reached the gate they appeared to be life-
size, and as the little boy glanced over the shrubbery which
screened the garden from the public highway, he could plainly
see the tall heads and long necks of the giraffes moving away
in the distance.















CHAPTER II


TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE

WHEN the last of the animals had disappeared, Tommy
Toddles looked about him to see if any other things were go-
ing to happen. He almost expected to see the animals turn
around and come back. But they did not. The tramp, tramp,
tramp of their feet grew less and less distinct, until it gradually
died away entirely, and there was no other sound but the rus-
tling of the wind in the tree-tops.
Tommy reflected for a few moments, and then started for
the gate. He knew he was not allowed to go beyond it, but
he felt as if he ought certainly to go that far to see, if possible,
what became of his animals. Perhaps he might even be for-
given for going farther, if he explained later fo his mother ex-
actly what had happened, for surely this must be a sufficient
excuse, as no one ever before had heard of wooden toys com-
ing to life and growing up and deliberately walking away!
And so Tommy went to the gate and looked along the road,
which stretched away for a short distance down the hill and
then disappeared into the woods.
The animals were not in sight. They had had time to reach
the woods, and only a light cloud of dust showed that they








TOMMY TODDLES


had passed that way. Tommy looked back at the big house,
but no one was visible, and most of the window-shutters were
closed so as to keep out the sunlight.
"I know I ought not to," thought Tommy, "but I'll just
run down the road a little way to see where they went. They
may get lost, and that, of course, would never do."
And so saying, he gave one more glance toward the house
behind him and started off. He ran as far as the bend in the
road, and then looked ahead into the woods, but, alas! there
was not the sign of an animal anywhere. The little boy was
very much perplexed. He was entirely at a loss as to what
he should do under the circumstances, and for lack of inspira-
tion he sat down on a big stone by the way-side to think the
matter over. He was still debating whether he should follow
after the animals and wander off into the woods, or whether
he should give them up as lost and return to the play-room,
when he heard a rustling sound in the bushes near by.
He turned around, and there, standing not ten feet away
from him, he saw the prettiest, whitest, woolliest sheep that
his eyes had ever rested upon. The sheep had great blue
eyes, that turned toward the little boy in an inquisitive sort
of a way, and presently it stepped entirely out of the bushes
and nodded in a most friendly manner.
Hello, Sheepy!" said Tommy, getting up and holding out
his hand.
Hello !" answered the woolly Sheep, as he trotted up and
placed one of his fore-feet in Tommy's proffered hand.
Now our little boy had been surprised, to say the least of








TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE


it, at the conduct of the Noah's Ark animals; but this sur-
prise was nothing compared to the amazement which almost
overpowered him when the woolly Sheep not only shook him
by the hand, but actually spoke to him.
You look disturbed," said the Sheep.
I am," stammered the little boy-and that was all he could
say for the moment.
"You should not be disturbed or surprised at anything,"
continued the woolly Sheep in the most natural way in the
world. I got over being surprised at things years and years
ago."
Nevertheless, Tommy was surprised and very much dis-
turbed in his little mind, and for some minutes he said not a
word, but merely stared at the Sheep. The latter returned
the stare complacently with his large blue eyes, and when at
last the silence began to be embarrassing, he said,
"What are you doing here?"
I am looking for my animals," replied Tommy, as natu-
rally as he could, for he had not quite gotten used to the situ-
ation yet. Have you seen them pass this way ?"
Oh yes," answered the Sheep; "they all went down the
road some time ago. Were those your animals?"
"Yes, and I am afraid they will get lost."
"Why don't you go after them ?" asked the Sheep.
I don't know where to go," said Tommy, mournfully.
"Neither do I; but if you like, I will go with you."
The little boy wondered how the Sheep could go to a place
without knowing where that place was, but as long as he had








TOMMY TODDLES


so generously offered to do so Tommy did not exactly like to
suggest this difficulty, and, besides, he thought it would be
more polite to accept. So he said,
"Where shall we go ?"
I don't know," answered the Sheep.
Neither do I," added Tommy.
"Then we must ask."
"But whom can we ask ?" inquired the little boy, looking
about.
We can ask any one we meet," said the Sheep. If we
start into the woods we will surely meet some one. We
won't meet any one if we stay here."
This struck Tommy as being a sensible view to take of the.
situation, and he told the Sheep he would be glad to have him
go along with him to aid in the search.
"Very well," pursued the latter. "Wait until I get my
things."
The Sheep trotted off into the bushes again, and soon re-
turned wearing a jaunty hat on the top of his head and car-
rying a cane which was neatly decorated with a gilded ram's
horn for a handle. He was now walking on his hind-legs,
too, instead of on all-fours, as he had been when Tommy first
saw him. In this attitude he was almost as tall as the little
boy.
Before they started, Tommy again hesitated somewhat as
to whether he ought to go with the Sheep in search of his
animals, or whether it would not be better to turn back to
the house, but everything had been so queer that afternoon









































t7' rI


" THE SHEEP RETURNED, WALKING ON HIS HIND-LEGS"


^"-
, f .' *
.*t,^ ^


"I*~9'f








TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE 17

that he thought his mother would accept the queer excuses he
would have to make when he got home.
They followed the road into the woods, and as they went
Tommy looked about him to see if he could recognize any
old landmarks, for he had frequently gone that way with his
Uncle Dick. But for some reason the trees did not appear to
'be the same trees that had stood by the way-side only a few
days since, and the road seemed to take twists and turns that
Tommy had never known it to take before. Yet, somehow,
these things did not bother Tommy much at the time. Pres-
ently the Sheep said,
"You have forgotten your hat."
"Yes; I was in such a hurry, you know," answered the lit-
tle boy. But I don't think I will catch cold; do you ?"
Oh no," continued the Sheep, patronizingly; "if you do,
just give it to me." But Tommy didn't comprehend exactly
what he meant.
"I wonder if my animals can talk, too?" thought he, as
they went along. I hope we will catch up with them soon,
so that I can find out. And how I do wish I could keep this
woolly Sheep instead of having the one Uncle Dick is going
to bring me! I don't think mamma would object to a live
Sheep like this one-a white, woolly Sheep that wears a little
hat and can talk."
















CHAPTER III


NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON

TOMMY TODDLES and his companion had advanced but a
short distance into the woods when the little boy thought
he heard some one laughing very loud and heartily, appar-
ently at no great distance from them. He paused a mo-
ment to listen, and when the sounds of laughter were re-
peated he touched the Sheep on the shoulder and they both
stopped.
Did you hear that ?" said Tommy.
"Yes."
"Some one is laughing; let us go and ask about the ani-
mals."
Don't ask him," exclaimed the Sheep, in a tone of deep
scorn; "ke wouldn't know."
"Why, who is it?" asked the little boy.
"That's the Loon. He's crazy," and the Sheep started on
down the road again.
But he might have seen the animals, even if he is crazy,"
persisted Tommy. Let us go and ask him, anyway."
The Sheep asserted that this would be an utterly useless
proceeding and an absolute waste of time ; but Tommy final-








NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON


ly persuaded him to make the attempt at least, and so they
turned off from the main road and plunged into a thicket out
of which the sounds of laughter appeared to come. As they
broke their way through the bushes the noise of the Loon's
laughter grew plainer and plainer. Presently the thick growth
of underbrush opened up into a sort of clearing surrounded
by tall trees, and reaching down on the farther side to the
edge of a lake. Near the shore stood the Loon, and when
Tommy first caught sight of him he thought this was the
most solemn-looking bird he had ever seen. He was stand-
ing beside a tree trunk which looked very much like a butch-
er's block, and every few minutes he placed some imaginary
or invisible object on the top of the trunk, and then struck
it vigorously with a large hammer which he held. After
every blow the Loon lifted up his head and laughed as if
there had never been anything so funny.
"You see, he's crazy," said the Sheep, deprecatingly.
What is he doing?" asked Tommy.
I'm sure I don't know; he's just crazy."
Well, you ask him if he has seen the animals," for by
this time the two had approached quite close to the Loon,
who, however, seemed to be entirely unconscious of their
presence.
Ba-ah !" said the Sheep.
Quack !" said the Loon.
How d'ye do?" said Tommy.
And then the Loon brought his hammer down hard on
the block and laughed as though his sides would split.








TOMMY TODDLES


Have you seen the animals?" asked the Sheep.
No," answered the Loon, briefly, and then he pounded
the block again.
After the laughter had subsided, Tommy spoke. Have
not you seen my animals go by here, Mr. Loon ?"
"Not an animal," responded the bird. "I have been too
busy."
"What are you doing ?"asked Tommy.
Can't you see what I'm doing?" snapped the Loon; I'm
cracking jokes," and he brought the hammer down once
more with a vigorous blow.
Cracking jokes ?" repeated Tommy, in a tone of surprise.
Yes-cracking jokes."
"But where are the jokes?"
"The jokes are on the block," replied the Loon.
I don't see any jokes," and Tommy looked closely at the
beaten top of the tree trunk.
I did not suppose you could," retorted the Loon. "You
are as stupid as all the rest. No one ever sees my jokes."
Whereupon he rapped the block again and fairly shrieked
with merriment.
He is crazy," said Tommy, turning to the Sheep.
I told you so," answered the latter, triumphantly. Let
us leave him alone with his jokes, and go up to the head of
the lake. They'll know up there."
They did not even say good-bye to the Loon as they made
their way out of the clearing, for the bird was not paying any
attention to them. They turned into a narrow path that led

















K


Skw

HE I CRAZ, SADY)M


I"T*L" `'
F.I..N~V.~P~







NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON


off in the direction of the lake and then followed along the
shore. It was a very pretty lake, with trees growing down
close to the water, and Tommy wondered that he and his
Uncle Dick had never discovered it before. As they trudged
along, jumping over fallen logs now and then, they could
hear the Loon's laughs growing fainter and fainter in the dis-
tance.
Presently they came to a low point of land that jutted out
into the water, and when they had walked out to the end of
it Tommy noticed a queer-looking building standing in an
open space about a quarter of a mile away at the head of the
lake. It was a two-storied house with a shingled roof, and
any quantity of windows in the sides. The most peculiar
thing, however, was that the side of the house fronting the
lake was painted white, and one end of the building was
painted blue, and the other end was painted red. The little
boy, of course, could not see the fourth side, and he wondered
what color that was. He looked at the strange building as
they advanced, and in a few moments said to the Sheep,
What is that house?"
"The Poorhouse," answered the Sheep.
I never knew of a Poorhouse around here," said Tommy,
as he gazed at the queer structure. Is there anyone in it?"
Only two poor people," answered his companion, but
they are both very poor."
Who are they?"
One is an ex-Pirate, and the other is a Reformed Burg-
lar ?"








TOMMY TODDLES


"A Pirate and a Burglar!" exclaimed Tommy. "I did not
know there were any more pirates."
"There aren't," replied the Sheep, testily. I said an ex-
Pirate. He was driven out of the business."
Tommy was a little abashed by the Sheep's tone, but after
a brief pause he resumed,
Is he a real Pirate ?"
He was," answered the Sheep.
"And what does he do now?" continued the little boy.
He is very poor now."
I thought all pirates got rich," persisted Tommy.
"They did. Some got rich and some got killed. This
Pirate got rich."
"But you just said he was poor," objected the little boy.
He is now," answered the Sheep. You see, when things
got into such a state that the pirate business was no longer
profitable, this one sold his ship and all his hidden gold and
retired. Then he started in to write poetry, and now he's in
the Poorhouse."
Tommy could not quite follow this explanation, but he
thought it must be all right, and as they walked along he
tried, although without any very gratifying success, to think
it out. After a while he said,
Does the ex-Pirate still write poetry ?"
"Yes," answered the Sheep, but he's so poor now that it
does not make any difference."
"And the Burglar?" asked Tommy.
Oh, he's very good now; he has reformed entirely."








NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON 25

"Does not he steal any more?"
"No. And, besides, there is nothing to steal at the Poor-
house."
"What does he do, then ?"
"He does not do anything but paint the Poorhouse. Since
his reform he has become a good man and a patriotic citizen,
and so he paints the house red, white, and blue. He paints
one side every day, so that every fourth day the sides have a
different color."
"He must use an awful lot of paint," thought Tommy.
But by this time the two had gotten almost up to the house,
and the little boy could see the Reformed Burglar in a pair
of overalls, with a pot of red paint in his hand, painting one
end of the house.















CHAPTER IV


CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR

As the two approached the Reformed Burglar caught
sight of them, and turned around to see who his visitors
were. Then he stuck his head in through an open window
and shouted,
Hi there, below! All hands on deck to repel boarders!"
Does he think we are coming here to live?" asked Tom-
my of his companion.
"I guess not," answered the Sheep. "Why?"
He said something about boarders."
Oh, that's only an idiom of the piratic vocabulary," re-
plied the Sheep, learnedly-so learnedly, in fact, that Tom-
my was just as much in the dark as he was before he put the
question.
When he looked up at the house again a wild-eyed individ-
ual with long hair and a fierce mustache, holding a knife in
his teeth and a pistol in each hand, burst out of the door and
stood beside the Reformed Burglar.
This must be the ex-Pirate," thought Tommy, as he cau-
tiously got behind the Sheep. I wonder if he'll shoot?"
But the ex-Pirate was not that kind of a man at all. When
























-I


" 'THIS MUST BE THE EX-PIRATE,' THOUGHT TOMMY"


~~-~E~ -
:",
1

.,


r3


7w M,


::
if
---;


K i


1
r(








CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR


he saw that there were strangers present he put his pistols
back into his belt, and came up to the visitors with a genial
smile, and shook hands with the Sheep and then with
Tommy.
"Welcome to the Poorhouse," he said. "There is noth-
ing here, and so you will find nobody any richer than your-
selves."
"But we have not come to stay," murmured Tommy.
Nothing comes to stay," replied the ex-Pirate, with a sigh.
" Everything that comes, goes."
During this conversation the Reformed Burglar, who had
put down his paint-pot, approached the group. Tommy no-
ticed that he had only one eye, and that he wore a blind over
the other. He wanted to ask him what was the matter with
this other eye, but he thought the Reformed Burglar might
feel offended at such a question, so he merely said,
How do you do, sir?"
"To-day I do it in red," answered the Reformed Burglar,
with a bow.
But I did not ask you that," said Tommy.
"You should have," said the other; it is important."
"I don't like red," interrupted the ex Pirate. "I prefer
black. I wanted him to paint the house black."
But that would have looked so sad," remarked the little
boy.
"No matter; black is the Pirate's color, and I like it."
The ex-Pirate was getting somewhat excited.
Black is a beastly color !" shouted the Reformed Burglar.








TOMMY TODDLES


"It's better than red!" retorted the ex-Pirate, hotly, and
then there followed a lively dispute between the two inmates
of the Poorhouse as to the relative merits of red and black
for mural decoration.
Well, I'm doing the painting, anyhow," sniffed the Re-
formed Burglar, finally, and he went back to his pot and
brushes.
He's that way," said the ex-Pirate, turning to Tommy in
an apologetic way. But won't you sit down? We have no
chairs, but there is a bench. I painted the bench. You see,
it's black."
Tommy felt grateful for this invitation, for he was begin-
ning to feel a little tired after his walk. There was a rude
table in front of the bench, and they all sat down and leaned
back against it.
"I write here sometimes," said the ex-Pirate, as he sat
down between his two guests.
Tommy didn't know exactly what kind of a reply this
statement called for, so he said, "Is that so ?"
Of course it's so," replied the ex-Pirate, facing the little
boy. If you don't believe it, ask the Reformed Burglar."
I do believe it," answered Tommy, somewhat timidly, for
he feared he had offended the ex-Pirate. What I meant to
say was 'Indeed,' or something of that sort."
"That's all right," continued the ex-Pirate, cordially. I
thought perhaps you doubted me. Some people doubt
pirates, you know, and although I am not a pirate now, I
was once, and my reputation clings to me. If you would








CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR


like to see how I do it, just to be convinced, I will write some
poetry now."
Oh no, don't," said the Sheep, impulsively.
But, if you prefer, I will recite some of my own composi-
tions," continued the ex-Pirate, heedless of the Sheep's protest.
"I can recite something I wrote here. Would you like to hear it ?"
Certainly," said Tommy, politely; is it about pirates?"
"No; it's about the Reformed Burglar. Would not you
like to hear about him? I can recite something about pi-
rates afterward, if you would like me to."
"Never mind. Let us hear about the Reformed Burglar,"
said the Sheep, wearily.
The ex-Pirate appeared to be pleased at receiving even this
slight encouragement. He climbed up on to the top of the
black table, and Tommy and the sheep turned around so as
to face him. He bowed very politely and elaborately in all
directions, just as if there had been a large audience present,
and then began. His manner of speaking was very melo-
dramatic, and Tommy suspected once or twice that he saw
the Sheep hiding a smile. But the little boy was very much
interested, because he had wanted all along to know more
about the Burglar, and this piece of poetry told him a good
deal.
THE RIME OF THE REFORMED BURGLAR

"There was a bold, bad burglar
Whose name was ONE-EYED BILL,
He used to burgle shops and banks,
And also tap the till.









32 TOMMY TODDLES

"Now in the street where WILLIAM lived
There dwelt a little maid;
Her face was very pretty, and
Her name was ADELAIDE.

"Alas, she was an orphan, for
Her parents both were dead,
And her father's brother cared for her
Now in her mother's stead.

"Her uncle was a constable
Upon the town police,
And he used to keep a watchful eye
Upon his pretty niece.

"But ADELAIDE, as maidens will
Nine cases out of ten,
Would sit upon the front-door step,
And smile upon the men.

"It happened thus that ONE-EYED BILL
Came walking down that way,
And seeing pretty ADELAIDE,
He wished her a good-day.

"And ADDIE said : 'Good-morrow, sir,
How is the world with you ?
Would you sit down here beside me
If I should ask you to?'

So WILLIAM went right up the steps,
And sat upon her left








CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR


(For, if you will remember, of
One eye he was bereft).

"He sat there all the afternoon
With pretty ADELAIDE,
And when he went back home again
He loved the gentle maid.

"Said he unto himself: 'Ha! ha!
True unto my profession,
I'll burgle this young woman's heart
And make it my possession.'

"But this was his last burglary;
For when he won her heart,
She made him swear that he and his
Profession then should part.

So ONE-EYED BILL and ADELAIDE
Were married very soon,
And sailed away to foreign lands
To spend their honeymoon."

When the ex -Pirate had finished speaking he clambered
down from the top of the table, and bowed again to Tommy
and to the Sheep.
"Did the burglar really get married?" asked the little boy.
"Certainly," answered the ex-Pirate; "he married Ade-
laide."
"Well, where is she now ? Is not she poor too ?"
I don't know," said the ex-Pirate, with an air of embar-








34 TOMMY TODDLES
rassment, as he glanced stealthily toward One-eyed Bill, who
was still zealously painting the side of the Poorhouse.
Don't ask so many questions," whispered the Sheep, se-
verely. It is very embarrassing sometimes. When in doubt,
always change the subject."
Tommy did not like to be talked to in this fashion, espe-
cially by a sheep, although he knew down in the bottom of
his heart that it was a little inquisitive to ask questions about
the private affairs even of a Reformed Burglar. But it was
evident to him that the ex-Pirate felt slightly disturbed over
the matter, and so he tried to change the subject as the
Sheep had suggested.

















CHAPTER V


AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE

TOMMY could not think of anything to say, but the ex-
Pirate soon broke the silence himself by remarking,
"Iwrote it."
Oh yes!" exclaimed Tommy, seizing the opportunity to
say something pleasant at last. The poetry was very nice.
It sounded like some of the funny things Uncle Dick learned
at college. But you said you would recite something about
pirates too."
"I will," answered the ex-Pirate with alacrity, and he
climbed up on top of the table again. I'll read you a selec-
tion from my autobiography. I was just writing it as you
came," and he pulled a large roll of manuscript out of his
inner pocket. "This is Chapter XVII. If you prefer, I will
go and get the preceding sixteen chapters, the introduction,
and the preface, and read them to you too."
Oh no," interposed the Sheep. Chapter XVII. will do.
We have not time to hear any more."
Very well," replied the ex-Pirate, clearing his throat; I
will only read Chapter XVII.:








36 TOMMY TODDLES

"'The following day the sun rose up as usual from the East,
The sea was calm, the sky was clear, the stormy winds had ceased;
The Black Avenger sped along before a gentle breeze,
And the starboard watch loafed on the deck in true piratic ease-'


What is it?" asked the ex-Pirate, interrupting his lecture and
turning toward Tommy, who looked as if he wanted to ask
a question.
I was wondering what the Black Avenger was," said the
little boy.
I supposed so," replied the poet, reproachfully-" I sup-
posed so. The Black Avenger was the name of my pirate
ship, and if you had let me read the first sixteen chapters of
the autobiography you would have known all about the ship
by this time. I think I had better go and get the other
chapters," and he started to step down from the table.
Oh no," put in the Sheep. We know what the Black
Avenger is now. It's your ship."
"Yes," said the ex- Pirate, dramatically; she was a low,
trim craft, with tall, rakish masts-"
Just like all pirate ships," interrupted the Sheep.
"Not a bit of it!" shouted the ex-Pirate, vehemently.
"She was not like any other ship afloat, you mutton-head."
"Don't you call me a mutton-head !" retorted the Sheep,
hotly, rising from his seat on the bench. You may think
that because-"
"But-" began the ex-Pirate.
"-because you are up there on that table-"








AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE


But-" began the ex-Pirate again.
"Oh, don't tell him to butt!" cried Tommy, who was begin-
ning to fear there might be a fight.
I didn't," said the ex-Pirate, turning to the little boy.
"Well, both of you stop quarrelling," continued Tommy, as-
serting himself. I think it's very rude of each one of you."
The ex-Pirate looked at the little boy as though he did not
quite understand, and the Sheep moved off to the far end of
the bench and began to sulk. Tommy was surprised to see
this, for, until then, he had entertained a very favorable opin-
ion of his new friend. He was surprised to see the Sheep
sulk, because it was something he never did himself, as he had
been told that it was unmanly.
"Perhaps it is not unsheeply," thought Tommy, who was
willing to make every excuse possible for the Sheep.
"Shall I go on ?" said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, as he
glanced at the Sheep.
Certainly," replied the little boy; "he is very ill-behaved.
He ought to be ashamed of himself."
"I guess he is," remarked the ex-Pirate; "he certainly
looks sheepish;" and although this did not strike Tommy as
being odd at the time, he wondered afterwards how a sheep
could look otherwise.
The little man on the table glanced over his manuscript,
and, having found the place where he left off, read again:
"' I took my breakfast down below, and when I came on deck
I looked about, and far away I saw a little speck
Upon the blue horizon, and I knew it was a-'








TOMMY TODDLES


I guess I'll have to stop here," said the ex-Pirate, suddenly,
putting his papers into his pocket and looking around un-
easily.
"Why, what's the matter?" asked Tommy, noticing his ev-
ident nervousness. The Sheep, too, had straightened up and
was looking about.
Don't'you smell anything?" asked the ex-Pirate.
"No; what is it?" inquired Tommy, sniffing and looking
about like the rest of them. But before the ex-Pirate could
answer, the little boy heard a sort of shuffling noise coming
from the direction of the woods, and presently he saw a most
peculiar-looking animal, such as he had never seen or heard
of before, waddle out into the open, grassy space in front of
the Poorhouse. The strange beast seemed to be about the
size of a hippopotamus, yet, he resembled a rabbit. And he
was yellow. As he came nearer his body looked as if it were
made of cheese, and his long ears resembled pieces of toast.
A sort of white vapor floated off the creature's back, and, as
the breeze wafted it toward the group at the table, Tommy
noticed that it had a fragrant and appetizing odor.
"What is that thing?" he asked, somewhat tremulously.
"That's the Welsh-Rabbit," whispered the Sheep.
Oh," said Tommy. Uncle Dick eats one every night."
"'Sh-h-h !" said the ex-Pirate. Don't talk like that. He
might hear you." The Sheep was frowning severely, and
Tommy feared that he had said something indiscreet. In a
few moments he was sure he had.
"Never talk of eating things," said the Sheep. It is a

































































I LO1 LOOKlD ABOUT', AND FAR A\WAY I SAW A IITI I.TE SP'ECK'








AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE 41

tender subject with some people. How would you like to
have a lion come along here now and look at you and ask me
if you were good to eat?"
This question, with its suggested possibilities, made Tommy
feel uncomfortable, and he moved nearer to the ex-Pirate.
"Are there any lions hereabouts?" he asked.
"There might be," replied the Sheep; but they are all
well-bred lions, and they don't talk about things to eat."
This statement reassured the little boy, but it made him
again eager to change the subject of the conversation.















CHAPTER VI


THE WELSH-RABBIT'S VISIT

IT was an easy matter to change the subject this time,
because the Welsh-Rabbit was there to talk about. Tommy
looked at the strange creature and said,
"Is he poor too ?"
The ex-Pirate laughed out loud. No," he replied; "he's
very rich. He is one of the richest things I know."
"Then he does not live here ?" continued Tommy, pointing
toward the Poorhouse.
No, indeed. He has a stock-farm down the road, where
he raises all sorts of queer animals. He comes here occasion-
ally to give us things."
"What does he give you?"
He usually gives me a night-mare," answered the ex-Pirate.
"A night-mare ?"
"Yes; he raises them on his stock-farm."
Tommy was about to ask what sort of an animal a night-
mare was, but the Welsh-Rabbit had come so close to them
by this time that his two companions turned toward the vis-
itor and wished him good-day most cordially.
Good-night," replied the Welsh-Rabbit, bluntly.








THE WELSH-RABBIT'S VISIT


But it is not night," said Tommy; whereupon the Sheep
pulled his coat-sleeve abruptly, and whispered :
Don't talk like that. The Welsh-Rabbit wants to be po-
lite. He does not often wish one 'good-night.' Say some-
thing nice to him now."
Tommy couldn't think of anything particularly polite to
say right on the spur of the moment, so he naturally spoke of
what was uppermost in his mind:
Have you seen my animals, Mr. Welsh-Rabbit ?"
No, I have not," answered the Welsh-Rabbit. Have
you seen mine ?"
No ; have you lost yours ?"
"No, indeed !" and the Welsh-Rabbit laughed until the
cheese of his back fairly bubbled over with mirth. "Would
you like to see my animals ?"
I don't know," replied Tommy, for the Sheep was tug-
ging at his coat-sleeve again. What are they like ?"
I can show you all kinds," answered the Welsh-Rabbit,
patronizingly. There are green monkeys with pink tails,
yellow rats with purple eyes, cerulean dragons with crimson
claws, and blue elephants with five legs and lavender tails."
Oh my !" gasped Tommy; but I never heard of any such
animals as those. I don't think I want to see them, but you
are very kind to offer to show them to me."
Don't mention it," replied the Welsh-Rabbit, waving his
toast ears lazily; I will show them to you some other day,
whether you want to see them or not."
Tommy did not quite understand how this could happen,
3








TOMMY TODDLES


but he said nothing, because the Sheep was persistently pull-
ing at his coat-sleeve. Both he and the ex-Pirate seemed to
be very much in awe of the Welsh-Rabbit, who appeared to
Tommy like such a mild and good-natured creature.
The Reformed Burglar had now almost finished painting
the side of the Poorhouse, and he came up and joined the
others.
How do you like that color?" he asked of the Welsh-
Rabbit.
"What color ?"
"The color of this side of the house."
"It reminds me of tomato catsup," said the Welsh-Rabbit,
after having glanced at the red side of the Poorhouse, and
you know I don't like tomato catsup."
"I think you will agree with me when I say that the house
should have been painted black," put in the ex-Pirate.
No, indeed," said the Welsh-Rabbit; "I disagree with you."
"You always do," retorted the ex-Pirate, with unexpected
asperity.
Especially at night," added the Reformed Burglar, and
then it began to look as if something serious were going to
happen. But fortunately the Welsh-Rabbit merely waved
his toast ears a bit, and then waddled off down the road with-
out saying a word of farewell to any of them.
He's that way," said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, in the same
apologetic tone he had formerly used with regard to the Re-
formed Burglar. Sometimes he's right agreeable, and some-
times he's right disagreeable. He's mostly disagreeable."


















i ,_














HE WELSH-RABBIT LAUGHED UNTIL THE CHEESE OF HIS BACK FAILY BUBBLED
"T~- ES-RBI AGE UTLTECESEO I AKFARYBBLD








THE WELSH-RABBIT'S VISIT


Tommy watched the Welsh-Rabbit as he ambled off tow-
ard the shore of the lake, like a huge yellow ball, leaving a
savory odor of cheese behind him. When the queer creature
finally disappeared among the trees, the little boy turned
to the others:
"What peculiar animals he must have !" he said.
"Very peculiar sometimes," remarked the Reformed Burg-
lar.
Where does he keep them ?"
"On his farm," said the ex-Pirate.
I'd like to see them," ventured Tommy.
"You will some day."
I never heard of a blue elephant with five legs and a lav-
ender tail," continued the little boy. Has he got many of
those ?"
No; most of his animals are bugbears. But he has a lot
of night-mares, and he gives them to lots of people."
Would he give me a night-mare ?" asked Tommy.
I reckon he would," said the Reformed Burglar, with a
broad smile, for he seemed to be enjoying the little boy's
questions immensely. "But I don't think you would like it."
I don't think you would either," added the Sheep.
Perhaps I wouldn't," said Tommy, thoughtfully; "but I
would like to have my own animals. Have you seen them
pass this way, Mr. Pirate ?"
No animals have passed this way to-day," answered the
ex-Pirate-; but we can go up on the hill and look around, and
from there perhaps we can see where they are."








TOMMY TODDLES


"That's so!" exclaimed the Sheep; "I never thought of
that. Let's go up on the hill."
I would like very much to go with you," said the ex-
Pirate, meekly.
"All right, come along," answered Tommy. "And won't
you come too, Mr. Bill ?" he added, turning to the Reformed
Burglar.
"No; I can't. I must paint. But I think I can guess
where your animals went to."
"Where ?" asked Tommy, eagerly.
"I guess they went to the fight. All the other animals
went. That's why you don't see any about here."
But we saw the Loon and the Welsh-Rabbit," objected
Tommy.
Oh, they don't count," put in the ex-Pirate. The Loon
is crazy and don't know what is going on, and the Welsh-
Rabbit never attends fights. He's too soft."
I did not know the fight was to be to-day," remarked the
Sheep, in a tone of surprise.
Certainly, it's to be to-day," asserted the Reformed Burg-
lar. But it's probably all over with by this time."
"Well, let's go to the hill anyway," said the ex-Pirate.
"From the summit we can see as far as the beach, and we
can easily tell if there are any animals there."
So they bade good-bye to the Reformed Burglar, who re-
turned to his pot and brushes, and Tommy, the ex-Pirate,
and the Sheep started off on the road which led to the hill.
















CHAPTER VII


THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL

TOMMY was most curious to know what this fight was that
his new acquaintances had been talking about, and after they
had walked along in silence for a few moments he asked the
ex-Pirate to tell him about it. The latter expressed some
surprise that Tommy should be so ignorant in this matter,
and asked him if his animals had not told him of it.
Why, they never tell me anything," answered Tommy.
"They're wooden."
"They wouldn't?" said the ex-Pirate; but before Tommy
could explain the misunderstanding his companion began tell-
ing him about the fight. It seems that the Penguin lived in
a house near the sea-shore, and was the editor of a newspaper
which he called The Tidal Wave. In it he chronicled the
events of the animal world, and frequently said pretty sharp
things about the beasts, the birds, and the fishes.
"You see, the Penguin is half bird and half fish," explained
the ex-Pirate," and as he lives on land he counts as a beast."
Well, it seems that this editorial Penguin had made some
sarcastic remarks in his paper about the Sword-Fish, who was
a captain of Sub-Marines; and the Sword-Fish, being a very








TOMMY TODDLES


haughty personage, had taken offence, and had challenged
him to fight a duel. The Penguin, although he was, so to
speak, a man of peace, accepted; and all the beasts and birds
and fishes were invited to witness the contest and to decide
which was the mightier of the two.
"And I suppose the fight took place to-day," said the ex-
Pirate, in conclusion.
"Who won ?" asked Tommy, eagerly.
I don't know; we'll find out when we get to the beach."
By this time they were nearing the foot of the hill. The
road ran alongside of a stone-wall that was just about as high
as Tommy's head, and it seemed to the little boy that he
could hear, now and then, strange sounds, like squeals, com-
ing from the other side of it. He asked the Sheep what the
sounds were.
That's the Guinea-Pig School in there," said the latter.
"It must be recess," remarked the ex-Pirate. I can hear
them playing."
Are there Guinea-Pigs on the other side of that wall?"
inquired Tommy, with much interest.
Hundreds of them," said the ex-Pirate.
Can't we climb up and look at them?"
Of course we can." And in less time than it takes to tell
about it all three had clambered to the top of the wall, and
were looking down into the Guinea-Pig school-yard.
"Where is the school-house?" asked the little boy, as he
gazed at the hundreds of funny little animals clambering over
one another, playing tag and leap-frog, and every now and








THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL


then giving vent to little squeaks of delight. They did not
even notice the three on-lookers sitting on the wall, so busy
were they in having a good time.
Did you know," said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, that
if you pick up a Guinea-Pig by the tail his eyes will fall
out?"
"Uncle Dick told me so once, but I did not believe
him."
Well, I'll show you," said the ex-Pirate, jumping down
into the play-ground. He approached a Guinea-Pig who was
not looking, and picked him up by the tail. Sure enough,
his eyes fell out, and rolled around on the ground with a most
terrified expression. Then the ex-Pirate put the little beast
down again, and he groped about until he found his eyes,
and put them back where they belonged. He looked quickly
about to see who had played the trick on him, and, seeing the
ex-Pirate laughing, he stuck out his tongue at him, and ran
away to join a group that was playing blind-man's-buff.
Does not that hurt the Guinea-Pig?" asked Tommy.
"Certainly not," replied the ex-Pirate; "they like it. It
tickles the eyes to roll about like that. Don't you see them
playing blind-man's-buff over there ?"
"Yes," assented Tommy.
Well, Guinea-Pigs don't carry handkerchiefs, so they have
to do the best they can without them. The way they get
around this is to take the one who is It, hold him up by the
tail, and let his eyes fall out. Then he's just as blind as if he
had his eyes bandaged with a handkerchief."








TOMMY TODDLES


"And it's cheaper, too," added the Sheep, as he fanned
himself with his hat.
Tommy, of course, was much surprised at all the ex-Pirate
had told him, but he said to himself philosophically that so
many things had been surprising that afternoon that there
was no reason why he should waste any emotion on the
Guinea-Pigs.
"Did you ever hear them sing?" asked the ex-Pirate.
Can they sing?" asked the little boy, gleefully.
They can sing," answered the ex-Pirate, but they usually
sing only just before vacation."
And-"
"And now it's just after vacation."
I wish they would sing," said Tommy, looking up at the
ex-Pirate pleadingly.
Perhaps I can persuade them to," said the latter, good-
naturedly, for he understood that this was what Tommy
wanted him to do. He walked over towards the group that
was playing blind-man's-buff. As soon as they saw him ap-
proaching they scurried off in every direction, until they con-
sidered themselves out of his reach, and then they sat up on
their haunches and stuck out their tongues, which was very
ill-bred of the Guinea-Pigs, thought Tommy.
I'm not going to hurt you !" shouted the ex-Pirate.
Honest?" squeaked a little spotted Guinea-Pig, as he put
his fore-paws up to his eyes to make sure they were there.
"Really I'm not. I want you to sing."
It is not time to sing yet," said another Guinea-Pig, who





















































"THE SPOTTED GUINEA-PIG SAT OUT IN FRONT AND BEAT TIME WITH HIS FORE-PAWS"








THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL


looked very wise, and winked at his companions as if he had
discovered some ruse on the part of their visitor.
"No matter about that," urged the ex-Pirate. Sing your
song, and make believe you are practising for vacation."
The suggestion apparently struck the Guinea-Pigs favora-
bly, for at heart they really enjoyed their singing very much.
They all huddled together and held an excited debate, during
which there were no end of squeaks and squeals, and they
finally decided that they would sing-just once, for prac-
tice."
So the ex-Pirate returned and sat down on the top of the
stone-wall next to Tommy and the Sheep, and the Guinea-
Pigs approached in a very dignified way, and arranged them-
selves in a semicircle in front of their audience. The spotted
Guinea-Pig sat out in front, facing the others, and beat time
with his fore-paws, while the others sang in chorus:

"Oh, let us away
To the land of Kathay,
Where the peppermint candy grows;
Where all the streets
Are paved with sweets,
And the lemonade river flows.

"We'll revel in quince,
And slices of mince,
And dine on chocolate-creams;
And visions of tarts
Shall please our hearts,
And fill our peaceful dreams.








TOMMY TODDLES


"Oh, let us away
To fair Kathay-
The summer days are coming.
For now we know
It's time to go;
The bumblebees are humming."

Of course the bumblebees aren't humming," said the
spotted Guinea-Pig, turning around. "This is only a practice
song, you know."
The ex-Pirate thanked the little fellows for their cour-
tesy. Thereupon they ran away again, and lifted one of
their number up by the tail and resumed their game of blind-
man's-buff.
Where is the land of Kathay ?" asked Tommy, as soon as
the Guinea-Pigs had gone.
Oh, it's miles and miles away," said the Sheep, and then
he jumped down from the top of the wall, and told his com-
panions to hurry along, for they had been wasting time in
their journey to the top of the hill.
















CHAPTER VIII


LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP

IT was a steep climb to the top of the hill, and when they
reached the summit Tommy was quite out of breath and very
warm. He looked about for some place to rest, but there
was not any. The top of the hill was bare except for a few
stubby alder-bushes and half a dozen white birches, which
trembled in the breeze that was blowing in from the sea.
"This is the place," said the Sheep, presently.
I don't see any other place around here," retorted the ex-
Pirate, so I suppose this must be the place."
What place?" asked Tommy.
"Don't you see?" queried the ex-Pirate.
Don't I see what ?"
Everything. This is the place where you see everything."
And the ex-Pirate waved his hands out toward the horizon.
In fact, it seemed as if what he had said were true. Tom-
my thought he really could have seen everything if his eyes
had only been strong enough. The view appeared to have
no bounds. The hill was not so very high, yet it seemed to
the little boy as if he were up in a balloon, and was looking
down upon the whole world. Not far distant was the sea,








TOMMY TODDLES


with the waves breaking on the broad, sandy beach, and the
deep, blue water stretching off immeasurably toward the sky.
In the other direction were hills and valleys and green fields;
and far away were peaceful towns and villages with church-
spires sticking up out of a tangle of roofs and chimneys.
Tommy felt very much impressed, and wondered again how
it was that he and his Uncle Dick had never discovered this
beautiful spot. How nice it would be to have a house up
here !" mused the little boy, and then he suddenly bethought
himself of his own house that he had run away from so unex-
pectedly. He looked over in the direction where he thought
the big house ought to be, but he could not locate it any-
where in the landscape, and he did not quite like to ask the
Sheep or the ex-Pirate to show it to him. It must be an
awful long way off," he concluded, mentally, "if I can't see
it from here." And then he sighed, and wondered how he
was ever going to get back.
Well, I don't see them !" exclaimed the Sheep, who had
been standing on top of a bowlder, and peering intently in
the direction of the ocean.
You don't see who?" asked Tommy, coming out of his
reverie.
The animals."
"Perhaps they are behind that knoll yonder," suggested
the ex-Pirate. "The Penguin lives there, and they may be
calling at his house."
They may be," said the Sheep. We'll go there." And
he jumped to the ground.








LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP


But can't we rest a little while first ?" pleaded Tommy.
"Certainly," said the ex-Pirate. That's an excellent idea.
Let us rest. We might as well have some luncheon, too.
Do you ever eat luncheon?" This to Tommy, who opened
his eyes very wide and stared.
Do I ever eat luncheon ? Indeed I do. Don't you?"
"Always," answered the ex-Pirate. But, you know, some
do and some don't; and at the Poorhouse we are sometimes
irregular about our meals. But won't you kindly ring the
bluebells ?"
Tommy had taken a seat on the grass near one of the
birches, but he had not noticed that there was a beautiful
spray of bluebells growing almost at his elbow. When the
ex-Pirate called his attention to them he leaned over and
touched the flowers, and as he did so they tinkled merrily
and loudly, just like his mother's tea-bell at home.
That's right," said the Sheep, quite heedless of Tommy's
surprised look. "That will bring the Dumb-Waiter. Indeed,
there he comes now."
All three looked down toward the foot of the hill, in the
direction pointed out by the Sheep, and they saw some one
coming rapidly up toward them. As he approached, Tom-
my perceived that the new comer was an undersized man
with a bald head and side whiskers. He wore a short black
coat and a long white apron that hung down to his toes, just
like the waiters Tommy had seen in the city restaurants.
That's the Dumb-Waiter," said the ex-Pirate to the little
boy. What do you want to eat?"







TOMMY TODDLES


"I don't know; what can I have ?"
"Anything."
I think I'd like something sweet."
"You can have a sweet-potato," said the ex-Pirate; and
then, turning to the Sheep, What will you have ?"
Can you spare a grass ?" asked the Sheep.
Do you like asparagus?" broke in Tommy; but before
the Sheep could answer the ex-Pirate turned on the little boy
sharply and said, "Keep quiet until your next turn comes.
You have ordered once !"
And so Tommy leaned up against the birch and said noth-
ing more, but just gazed at the Dumb-Waiter, who stood
near by in silence, bowing his head respectfully as each order
that was given to him by the ex-Pirate.
"Well, what will you have ?"
I guess I'll take some Hayberry Long-cake," replied the
Sheep.
"Very well. Hayberry Long-cake for him," said the ex-
Pirate, and you may bring me some soft-boiled egg-plants
and some watermelon on toast."
"And what shall we have to drink?" asked the Sheep.
Real pain, I guess," suggested the ex-Pirate.
Real pain ?" said Tommy. "What's that ?"
Oh, it's very good," explained the ex- Pirate, "and thor-
oughly harmless. You take a bunch of grapes and put them
in a glass, and bruise and hurt them with a spoon until you
get real pain. This yellow, fuzzy, foamy sort of stuff that
comes in big bottles from France is only sham pain."







LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP


Then, turning to the Dumb-Waiter, the ex-Pirate said:
Make it real pain !"
The Dumb-Waiter bowed again, and began making his
preparations for serving the luncheon. All his dishes and
knives and forks seemed to be at the foot of the hill, and
he kept running up and down for some time to collect them.
He never seemed to bring up more than one or two things
at a time, and seldom the thing that was wanted. The ex-Pi-
rate kept finding fault with him and scolding him, and at last
he turned to Tommy and said:
"That's always the way with these Dumb-Waiters. They
never bring up what you want."
And at each word of reproof the Dumb-Waiter would ex-
claim, Oh my, but I do get so tired of running up and down!"
And then he would disappear down the hill again and bring up
what was wanted.
"I thought you said he was a dumb waiter?" remarked
Tommy, after he had heard the servant speak several times.
He is a Dumb-Waiter," replied the Sheep.
"But I thought a dumb waiter meant one who could not
talk," continued the little boy.
Oh no," laughed the Sheep. We call him a Dumb-Waiter
because he runs up and down. All Dumb-Waiters run up and
down, you know." And as Tommy had never seen any dumb-
waiters that did not run up and down (except when they were
out of order), he was forced to be contented with this pecu-
liar and rather unsatisfactory explanation.
When the Dumb-Waiter had brought up all that was neces-







TOMMY TODDLES


sary for the meal, the ex-Pirate got down on his hands and
knees and wanted the servant to set the table on his back.
"What for?" asked the Sheep.
"Why, I want this luncheon to be on me, you know," ex-
plained the ex-Pirate, genially; but the Sheep would not agree
to this, and wanted it to be on him. A wrangle ensued, in
which Tommy wisely decided to take no part, and the two
disputants finally compromised on allowing the ex-Pirate to
sit down and hold the dishes on his lap instead of having them
served on his back.
I am glad you like sweet things," he remarked to Tom-
my, as the little boy began to eat his sweet-potato.
I can't say that I care much for sweet-potatoes, though,"
ventured Tommy, who was forcing himself to eat so as not to
be impolite to his host.
Oh, no matter," answered the ex-Pirate, pleasantly; try
something else." (But Tommy noticed that there was noth-
ing else to try.) "All sweet things are sweet, you know," he
continued; even things that apparently have no taste. Now
love-letters, for instance, are sweet."
"Yes, indeed," put in the Sheep. "The Monkey's love-
letter must have been sweet. But then he wrote it in
jam."
"Did you ever hear about that ?" asked the ex-Pirate, turn-
ing to Tommy, and upsetting several dishes into the grass
as he did so. "It is a classic-one of my classics." And
without waiting for the little boy to answer, he began to
recite:


































































'THE DUMB-WAITER BROUGHT THE CAKE UP THE HILL ON
ROLLER-SKATES "







LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP


"Said the MONKEY to the TAPIR,
One Sunday afternoon,
'Won't you let me have some paper,
With some jelly and a spoon ?

"' For I want to write a letter
To a pretty PERROQUEET,
And I really think I'd better
Make the message rather sweet.'"

It was raspberry jelly," commented the Sheep.
"What!" exclaimed Tommy. "Did the Monkey use a
spoon for a pen and raspberry jelly for ink ?"
"That's what he did," said the ex-Pirate. It was a red-
letter day for the Perroqueet, I tell you !"
Further conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the
Hayberry Long-cake. This was a new dish to Tommy. It
was a sort of cake, apparently stuffed with hay or straw, and
was fully three yards long. The Dumb-Waiter brought the
cake up the hill on roller-skates. One skate was fastened to
each end of the cake, so that it looked like an eight-wheeled
toy wagon. The Sheep ate several yards of the odd delicacy,
and the ex-Pirate likewise took a number of slices, and when
they had eaten as much as they could, they called the Dumb-
Waiter and made him eat some of it, because, as they ex-
plained afterwards to Tommy, they always feed the waiter.
Then they all three arose and started down the hill toward
the sea-shore.
4















CHAPTER IX


THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB

THE path to the sea led first down the hill, then across
some fields, and finally through a little stretch of woods.
These were dark and spooky, and as Tommy tramped along
under the trees between the Sheep and the ex-Pirate he
imagined several times that he heard strange noises in the
underbrush. These noises sounded like distant roars and
growls-very faint, indistinct roars and growls, to be sure, but
roars and growls, nevertheless-and the little boy could not
help recalling what the Sheep had said about lions at the
time of the Welsh-Rabbit's visit to the Poorhouse. He
tried not to display any timidity, but he asked:
"Are-are there any lions around here?"
"Oh yes," answered the Sheep, in the same careless tone
he would have used if Tommy had said "trees" instead of
"lions"; but when he noticed that the little boy looked
frightened, he added, They are not dangerous lions, though;
they are only Dandelions."
Whereupon Tommy felt much relieved, and skipped along
merrily until he saw an ordinary mud-turtle spread a pair of
wings from under his shell and fly up into the air and rest on








THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB


the limb of a maple-tree. This was too much even for a
little boy who had seen nothing but impossible things all the
afternoon. He stopped right short in the middle of the road
and gazed up at this new wonder.
"Now don't stand there and stare at that Turtle-Dove,"
said the ex-Pirate, somewhat impatiently; "we have not time
to stand around and study unnatural history. If we don't
hurry we won't reach the Penguin's till dark."
This was a very strong argument with the little boy, so
he gave one last glance at the Turtle-Dove, and ran along
until he caught up with his two companions. In a few mo-
ments they broke out at the edge of the wood, and found
themselves only a short distance from the sea-shore. The
breakers were making a great noise on the sand, and back of
them the calm blue sea stretched away unspotted by any
smoke or sail. Purely out of habit the ex-Pirate put his
hand up over his eyes and looked around from north to
south the entire length of the sky-line. Then he shook his
head sadly and sighed:
I'm no good at scanning the horizon any more. This
business of scanning hexameters and pentameters and Alex-
andrines spoils a man utterly for a good, all-around, every-
day, smooth horizon."
Tommy did not even try to understand what he was talk-
ing about, but trudged right along in silence beside the
Sheep.
They had not gone very far before they caught sight of
two figures in the distance.








TOMMY TODDLES


"I'll bet that's Thingumbob," said the Sheep, calling the
ex-Pirate's attention to them.
"That's just who it is, and I wonder what he is doing?"
He certainly was doing something-this figure whom they
called Thingumbob. As they drew nearer to him Tommy
thought he must be making a speech, for he could see that
he was waving his arms and shaking his fists at his compan-
ion, who appeared to-be very much affected by what was
being said. The second figure Tommy soon made out to be
a Seal. He was a rather large Seal, and was sitting on a
rock, while Thingumbob stood on the sand in front of him.
Tommy tried later to describe Thingumbob to his Uncle
Dick, but he found himself unequal to the task. At times
the queer creature resembled everybody Tommy had ever
known, and yet again he looked like nobody in particular.
He was a nondescript sort of being, entirely indescribable.
As they came nearer they could hear him using the most
dreadful kind of language; he was scolding the Seal, and call-
ing him names in a most outrageous manner. He was so en-
grossed in pouring out this vituperation that he did not notice
the approach of Tommy Toddles and his companions. The
Seal was apparently greatly distressed over what Thingumbob
was saying, for he held his fins up to his eyes, and wept bit-
terly. Neither the ex-Pirate nor the Sheep seemed in the
least affected by the scene.
What is that awful person doing ?" asked Tommy, as they
came quite close to him.
"Who? Thingumbob?" said the Sheep. "Oh, that's all





































- .*. "' .




-.* ._-* a M -B ~ B~T _

''WHAT IS TH'IAT AWFUL PERSON DOING?' ASKED TOMMY"








THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB


right! But I suppose you don't understand. Look at him
now." Thingumbob was holding a dipper in front of the
Seal's face, and wascatching the poor beast's tears while he
scolded him in the most dreadful manner.
"Thingumbob always does that," the Sheep went on to
say. "Whenever he meets a Seal he scolds him and black-
guards him until the poor thing begins to cry. Then he
catches the tears in his dipper, because Seals weep sealing-
wax, you know." Tommy did not know it, but he nodded
his head and looked to the Sheep for more information.
"Thingumbob is a great collector of sealing-wax. He has
lots of it at home. All colors, you know. Most of it is red,
though. Young Seals weep red sealing-wax, and it is easier
to make them cry. If you just pinch a young Seal, or say
'Booh!' at him, he'll cry. The middle-aged Seals weep
yellow and blue and brown and black sealing-wax. The old
fellows shed golden tears, but it's pretty hard to make them
cry."
This one is crying in blue," said Tommy, for they had
now gotten close enough to Thingumbob and the Seal to be
able to see the contents of the dipper. It was almost full of
blue sealing-wax.
"Hello !" said Thingumbob, when he saw the three; and,
turning toward them, he waved his dipper in a friendly sort
of way.
May I go now?" whimpered the Seal, seizing the oppor-
tunity to escape.
Yes, you may go," shouted Thingumbob, fiercely; and







TOMMY TODDLES


don't you let me catch you at it again !" The Seal hobbled off
the rock toward the surf, shedding blue tears on the sand as he
went (which Thingumbob carefully picked up as he followed
along behind), and then jumped into the waves and disap-
peared.
"That's pretty good for ten minutes' talk, isn't it?" remarked
Thingumbob, holding out his dipper for the others to inspect.
How did you get it?" asked the ex-Pirate.
"Oh, I scared him half to death. I told him he had been
putting the Sea-Fox up to stealing my Chicken-Lobsters, and
that I'd have him arrested and put up in an Eagle's nest on
top of a mountain."
The Sheep and the ex-Pirate seemed to think what Thing-
umbob said was very funny, for they laughed and asked him
a lot of questions. Tommy, in the meanwhile, was more in-
terested in Thingumbob's personal appearance than in what
he said. He was certainly the queerest-looking creature the
little boy had ever encountered. He never looked twice
alike. When they had first come up Tommy thought Thing-
umbob had gray side whiskers, but as he looked now he
had no whiskers at all. His pockets were stuffed and fairly
bulging with all sorts of odds and ends, among which Tom-
my could see bits of string, pieces of spangled cloth, an old
clock, a broken saw, a tin horn, a match-box, shells, ribbons,
picture cards, and all sorts of trash. The ex-Pirate was evi-
dently as much amused as Tommy at the sight of this odd
collection of useless material sticking out of Thingumbob's
pockets, for he presently asked:








THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB


"What are you carrying all that stuff around for ?"
"Oh, I always do," replied Thingumbob.
"But it's nothing but a lot of trash-a lot of trumpery,"
said Tommy.
I know it," continued Thingumbob, calmly; but don't
you know that you can always tell a man by the trumpery
he keeps?" And having thus spoken, he sat down on a rock
and began to brush his hair, using the bottom of his tin dipper
for a mirror. It was a very old brush that he used, and it
was very full of hairs, and as Thingumbob proceeded with
his toilet he frequently paused to look at it. Finally he said
to the Sheep, "I don't know how it is about wool, but a hair
on the head is worth two in the brush."
So they say," replied the Sheep; "but we have not time
to stay here and discuss that. We want to find out about
the fight."
It's all over," said Thingumbob.
"Who won?"
I forget," he added. Either the Sword-Fish or the Pen-
guin won. I don't remember which. But here come some
Clams; perhaps they know."
Just then, as Thingumbob had said, half a dozen Clams
stepped out of the breakers, and strolled over to where
Tommy and his friends were conversing.















CHAPTER X


UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS

WITH the Clams was a strange creature that looked to be
half horse and half vegetable. It had four hoofs, and all the
rest was leaves.
"What in the world is that with the Clams?" asked the
little boy.
"That's the Horse-Radish," answered the Sheep.
"Horse-Radish always goes with Clams, you know," said the
ex-Pirate, condescendingly.
"Of course; I ought to have thought of that," said Tommy.
"And with Oysters, also."
But the Oysters are away now," said one of the Clams.
'They've gone away for the summer. They never stay
about in May, June, July, and August."
"Awfully high-toned mollusks, those Oysters," sniffed a
Little Neck Clam.
"Yes; just think of having four months' vacation every
year," said another.
I was talking with a little Oyster in his bed the other
day," continued the first Clam, "and he said four months
wasn't half enough."



























.- IIORSE-RADISH ALWAYS GOES WITH CLAS, YO. SAID THE EX-.
"IIORSE-RADISHI ALWAYS GOES WITIII CLAMS, YOU KNOW,' SAID THE EX-I'IRATE"


3


I)
4


m.








UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS


He must have been a very young one," ventured the
Horse-Radish.
"That's the way with those young ones," commented
Thingumbob. "You give them an Inch-Worm and they
want an Elephant."
"I notice the old Oysters are glad enough to get a rest
of four months," continued the Horse-Radish.
"I suppose they think half a loaf is better than no va-
cation at all."
How odd of them !" put in Tommy.
"Odd?" queried the ex-Pirate. "Don't you like the
Oysters? Or do you prefer the society of the Clams ?"
"Oh, I like Oysters, and I like Clams too."
"Clam stew!" shrieked the Little Neck Clam, in great dis-
may.
"Too," said Tommy, who noticed that the Clams were be-
coming very much alarmed.
"Two?" repeated Thingumbob, with woful lack of tact;
"why, I've seen chowders where there was only one Clam."
But this line of conversation had become so distasteful to the
Clams that they were rapidly sinking into the sand. Thing-
umbob noticed this, and branched off on another subject. I
know why the Oysters go away in the summer," he said;
"it's because they don't like the Flies. The Flies go away
in the winter, you know."
So do we," said the Clam, now somewhat reassured.
"Where do the Flies go to?" asked Tommy. "I've al-
ways wondered where they went in the winter-time."








TOMMY TODDLES


"That's what the pink-eyed Gosling asked," said Thing-
umbob.
"What?"
"He asked where the Flies went."
"And it's a classic, too. Another one of my classics," put
in the ex-Pirate. "Would you like to hear it?"
Go ahead! Go ahead !" said Thingumbob, pounding on
the rock with his dipper. Go ahead, whether he wants to
hear it or not. We'll hold him."
And so the ex-Pirate bowed to all, and began to recite, in
his usual melodramatic manner:


"'Where do the FLIES go in winter-time?'
The pink-eyed GOSLING asked.
'They go to a balmy, distant clime,
Where the sun is never masked;
To a land where clouds are still unknown,
Where the cold north wind has never blown,
And the seeds of sin are yet unsown,
Where all is true and good.'


"'And do the little FLIES remain
All winter in this land,
Or do they find the constant strain
Too great for them to stand?
For, even with the little FLIES,
It seems occasion must arise
To weary of the cloudless skies,
Where all is true and good.'








UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS


"The GANDER knit his furrowed brow,
And frowned upon his child,
And said, "Tis plain to see that thou
Art yet both young and wild;
But harken to the old who preach,
And listen to the wise who teach,
Or else that land thou'lt never reach
Where all is true and good.'"

No one had apparently noticed it, but while the ex-Pirate
was reciting the six Clams had sunk into the sand until they
were wholly out of sight, and the Horse-Radish had entirely
withered away. Thingumbob sighed when it was all over,
and began brushing his hair again. He also brushed his
whiskers, for they had grown out anew. Presently he said,
Since you are speaking poetry, how do you like this:

"Quoth the CODFISH to the PELICAN:
'Can you swim as well as I?
If you do not know how well I can,
I'll let you see me try.'"

Is that all?" asked Tommy, after a pause.
"That's all."
"And what happened ?"
Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens," added Thing-
umbob, rather peevishly. For instance:

"The ZEBRA and the CROCODILE,
The QUAGGA and the GNU,
All started out one afternoon
To see what they could do.








TOMMY TODDLES


"They wandered quite a long way off,
And had such loads of fun,
That when they came back home again
None knew what they had done.

And so, you see, practically, or as far as the outside world
was concerned, nothing happened."
The ex-Pirate pulled Tommy away a little to one side and
whispered in his ear: He's that way. You see, he's been
talking too much. Let us leave him alone and go on our way."
But Tommy suspected that the real reason why the ex-Pi-
rate wanted to leave was because he was becoming jealous of
Thingumbob. Nevertheless, as the Sheep was also inclined to
proceed, they bade farewell to the queer creature and contin-
ued along the beach. Tommy noticed, as they walked on, that
the beach gradually became, harder and harder to the step,
and that the sand no longer gave way beneath his feet as
softly as well-regulated sand should. He would not have
minded such a thing, probably, if he had not been somewhat
fatigued by his long walk; but he was a tired little boy by
this time, and did not much care to have his progress made
any more difficult. He looked down at the sand to see what
the trouble was, and discovered that there was no longer any
sand there at all. He was now walking along on shingles.
He looked about him, and it seemed as if he and his com-
panions were travelling on the roofs of houses that had been
built so closely together that there was no room for streets
in between them. And the rocks, too, that had been scat-
tered along the shore had in some unaccountable manner dis-








UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS


appeared to give place to chimneys, out of some of which thin
clouds of smoke coiled skyward.
Where are we now?" asked the little boy, when he had
completely taken in the transformation of his surroundings.
"Where are we ?" echoed the Sheep, as if he did not quite
understand the question.
"Yes; what are we walking on ?"
"Oh, I see. Why, this is the shingle beach. There aren't
many like this. Isn't it queer? But we will be off of it in a
minute," and, sure enough, a few rods farther on the shingles
melted into sand again, and the rocks ceased to be chimneys,
and the landscape became as perfectly natural as it had been
before.
"There it is !" shouted the ex-Pirate, just after they had
'left the shingle beach behind them. "There's the Penguin's
house," and he directed Tommy's attention to a queer-look-
ing structure about two hundred yards ahead of them, shel-
tered by a low cliff and well set back from the sea.
Is that where the Penguin lives ?"
"That's the place. That's his office, too. Don't you see
THE TIDAL WAVE written over the door ?"
Tommy Toddles had made up his mind not to be aston-
ished any more at anything he might see that day, or he doubt-
less would have been much more impressed than he was with
the Penguin's mansion, and later with the Penguin himself
and with his queer establishment. The house was built of
oyster and clam shells, and had four columns in front of it.
These columns were profusely decorated with lobster claws








82 TOMMY TODDLES

and crabs and starfish, and supported a sort of triangular
pediment, along the base of which was written in shiny peb-
bles the name of the Penguin's newspaper, and on the apex
of which roosted a large stone Gargoyle-that is, he looked
to be of stone, for he was gray of color and sat perfectly still;
but as the three came nearer, Tommy could plainly see that
the thing had red eyes, and that the red eyes were firmly fixed
on him. The house was fairly large, and had a wide front
door and several windows, through which, even from a dis-
tance, you could see into the interior of the rooms, where the
Penguin appeared to be very busy at his work.
On the steps outside were a crowd of little Crabs that were
all talking at once, and pitching pennies and squabbling with
one another, just like a pack of very badly behaved young
crustaceans that they were.















CHAPTER XI


THE PENGUIN'S HOUSE

THE Sheep stepped up to the house and knocked on the
door with his gold-headed cane, and when the Penguin came
in person to see what was wanted he introduced Tommy and
the ex-Pirate.
We have come," began the Sheep, to-"
But the Penguin interrupted him, and said, in a nervous,
jerky manner: "I hope you will excuse me, but I am very
busy just at present. If you will come in and sit down I
shall be through with my work in a short while, and will then
be able to spare you a few moments of my very valuable
time."
So saying, he nodded his head to each one of them and
hurried back into his office, where he climbed on a high stool,
leaned over his desk, and began to write assiduously. He
wrote so fast that every few minutes his pens gave out from
sheer friction; but the editor had a Porcupine tied to his
stool, and every time a pen broke he leaned over and pulled
a quill out of the captive at his feet. The only fun the Por-
cupine seemed to get out of life was to roll over and jab the
office Catfish in the ribs every time he got a chance, a pro-







TOMMY TODDLES


ceeding which was not only exceedingly distasteful to the
office Catfish, but it likewise greatly annoyed and disturbed
the Penguin. The only other living being in the editorial-
room was the printer's Devil-Fish, who seemed to be compos-
itor, pressman, proof-reader, and everything else all rolled into
one. He was the busiest creature Tommy had seen since he
bade good-bye to the Reformed Burglar. Occasionally, when
the Crabs made so much of a racket outside that the Penguin
could no longer hear the wheels turning in his head, the
printer's Devil-Fish would leave his work and spare a minute
to jump up on the window-sill and shout:
See here, you newsboys out there If you don't make
less noise I'll have you all deviled."
What does he mean by that ?" asked Tommy.
Haven't you ever heard of deviled Crabs?" said the ex-
Pirate.
"Yes; but how can the printer's Devil-Fish devil Crabs ?"
"You ought to hear him sometimes," remarked the Sheep.
Then, reflectively, Those newsboys are a bad lot."
"Are the Crabs the newsboys?" queried the little boy.
Surely. They have to be. They are the only ones who
can run around as easily on land as under water. They dis-
tribute the extras along the shore, and they also skim .along
the bottom of the sea and up the rivers, and sell the papers
to the fishes. I guess the Penguin is getting out an extra
now. That's why he's so busy."
"We forgot to ask him who won," put in the ex-Pirate.
Well, let's go out and ask the Gargoyle about it."








THE PENGUIN'S HOUSE


Do you think we can get him to come off the roof?"
"I guess so. He must be in good-humor to-day; the sun
is out."
Is not he good-humored unless the sun is out?" asked
Tommy.
No, indeed. The Gargoyle is greatly influenced and af-
fected by the weather. On cloudy days he is glum and mo-
rose and disagreeable, and won't speak to any one; and on
rainy days he becomes very sad and weeps."
Whereupon, without warning, the ex-Pirate began:

"IEbe rargopa loosts fantasticallp
@nt the ruling eabes,
i beab'v thrust out IboibafitcaIly:
All things be perctibes.

")ig tonp rFirn start berp steatilp
St rberpt)ting belong,
ant nbhen it railnu thep rbey realilp
bet quarts of tears or so.

"Ibutt, Wirapt in moisture ant obattritp,
lie lonelp luatch he Iteepo,
atb at the tboun t of grim ftturitt
fij luee rps-
10e tneeps,-
PCe weep#."

"I had never noticed that about Gargoyles," remarked
Tommy, but I suppose it must be true."







TOMMY TODDLES


Of course it's true," exclaimed the ex-Pirate, who was in-
clined to take Tommy's half-implied doubt as a personal in-
jury. If you don't believe it, ask the Gargoyle."
They all three stepped out in front of the house, and the
Sheep, bowing politely to the Gargoyle up above him, asked
him if he would not come off the roof.
I will, with the greatest of pain," replied the Gargoyle,
blinking,his red eyes at the Sheep. Then he began to move
along down the edge of the pediment, slowly and awkwardly.
He's got the rheumatism badly," said the ex-Pirate.
"What can you expect?" retorted the Sheep. He stays
out all night. No wonder he has the rheumatism."
And he is all covered with moss," remarked Tommy.
Oh, that's nothing," said the Sheep. "That's merely a
sign of his green old age."
The Gargoyle slipped carefully down one of the pillars, and
hobbled stiffly over to where Tommy and his friends were
seated in the sand on the opposite side of the house from
where the Crabs were making so much noise, and with a se-
ries of grunts and moans he sat down himself.
It's all right," he began, "as soon as I get fixed; but it's
no fun getting fixed."
Tommy got near enough to the Gargoyle to feel of him, and
he found that he was as hard and as cold as a stone. The
little boy, of course, had marvelled at hearing the animals
converse, but words from a stone image filled his cup of
amazement to the brim. This brief interval of wonderment
and reflection drew his mind back to the point he had started








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