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NONSENSE BOTANY, AND
"THE BOOK OF NONSENSE" ETC. ETC.
FREDERICK WARNE & CO.
AND NEW YORK
[All Rights Reserved]
NONSENSE GAZETTE FOR AUGUST 1870.
UR readers will be interested in the
following communications from our
valued and learned contributor, Pro-
fessor BosH, whose labours in the
fields of Botanical Science are so well
known to all the world. We are
happy to be able, through Dr. Bosh's kindness, to
present our readers with illustrations of his discoveries.
All the new Flowers are found: in the Valley of
Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on the
summit of the Hill Orfeltugg."
THREE RECEIPTS FOR
TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.
AKE 4 pounds (say 41 pounds) of fresh
Amblongusses, and put them in a small
Cover them with water and boil them
for 8 hours incessantly, after which add
2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil
for 4 hours more.
When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses
are quite soft, take them out and place them in a wide
pan, taking care to shake them well previously.
Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them
NONSENSE COOKER Y.
carefully with powdered gingerbread, curry powder, and
a sufficient quantity of cayenne pepper.
Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on
the floor. Bring it back again, -and let it simmer for
three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan violently till
all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple
Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole
carefully, adding at the same time a small pigeon,
2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number of
Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and
add a pinch of salt from time to time.
Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out
of the window as fast as possible.
NONSENSE COOKER Y
TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.
SROCURE some strips of beef, and having
cut them into the smallest possible
slices, proceed to cut them still smaller,
eight or perhaps nine times.
When the whole is thus minced,
brush it up hastily with a new clothes-
brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a
salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.
Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to
a sunny place, say the roof of the house if free
from sparrows or other birds, -and leave it there for
about a week.
At the end of that time add a little lavender,
some oil of almonds, and a few herring bones; and
then cover the whole with 4 gallons of clarified
crumbobblious sauce, when it will be ready for use.
Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve
up in a clean tablecloth or dinner-napkin.
NONSENSE COOKER Y
TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.
AKE a Pig, three or four years of age,
and tie him by the off hind leg to a
post. Place 5 pounds of currants, 3
of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast
chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of
turnips, within his reach ; if he eates
these, constantly provide him with more.
Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire
cheese, four quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of
black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and spread
it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.
When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before,
proceed to beat the Pig violently, with the handle of
a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.
Visit the paste and beat the Pig alternately for
some days, and ascertain if at the end of that period
the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties.
If it does not then, it never will; and in that
case the Pig may be let loose, and the whole process
may be considered as finished.
SIX NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
The Absolutely Abstemious Ass,
who resided in a Barrel, and only lived on
Soda Water and Pickled Cucumbers.
The Bountiful Beetle,
who always carried a Green Umbrella when it didn't rain,
and left it at home when it did.
The Comfortable Confidential Cow,
who sate in her Red Morocco Arm Chair and
toasted her own Bread at the Parlour Fire.
The Dolomphious Duck,
who caught Spotted Frogs for her dinner
with a Runcible Spoon.
The Enthusiastic Elephant,
who ferried himself across the water with the
Kitchen Poker and a New Pair of Ear-rings.
The Fizzgiggious Fish,
who always walked about upon Stilts,
because he had no Legs.
The Goodnatured Grey Gull,
who carried the Old Owl, and his Crimson Carpet-bag,
across the river, because he could not swim.
The Hasty Higgledipiggledy Hen,
who went to Market in a Blue Bonnet and Shawl,
and bought a Fish for her Supper.
The Inventive Indian,
who caught a Remarkable Rabbit in a
Stupendous Silver Spoon.
The Judicious Jubilant Jay,
who did up her Back Hair every morning with a Wreath of Roses,
Three Feathers, and a Gold Pin.
The Kicking Kangaroo,
who wore a Pale Pink Muslin Dress
with Blue Spots.
The Lively Learned Lobster,
who mended his own Clothes with
a Needle and Thread.
The Melodious Meritorious Mouse,
who played a Merry Minuet on the
The Nutritious Newt,
who purchased a Round Pluni-pudding
for his Grand-daughter.
The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich,
who wore Boots to keep his
Feet quite dry.
The Perpendicular Purple Polly,
who read the Newspaper and ate Parsnip Pie
with his Spectacles.
The Queer Querulous Quail,
who smoked a Pipe of Tobacco on the top of
a Tin Tea-kettle.
The Rural Runcible Raven,
who wore a White Wig and flew away
with the Carpet Broom.
The Scroobious Snake,
who always wore a Hat on his Head, for
fear he should bite anybody,
The Tumultuous Tom-tommy Tortoise,
who beat a Drum all day long in the
middle of the wilderness.
The Umbrageous Umbrella-maker,
whose Face nobody ever saw, because it was
always covered by his Umbrella.
The Visibly Vicious Vulture,
who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a
Volume bound in Vellum.
The Worrying Whizzing Wasp,
who stood on a Table, and played sweetly on a
Flute with a Morning Cap.
The Excellent Double-extra XX
imbibing King Xerxes, who lived a
long while ago.
whose Head was ever so much bigger than his
Body, and whose Hat was rather small.
The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,
who carried five Monkeys on his back all
the way to Jellibolee.
A was once an Apple-pie,
B was once a little Bear,
Swas once a little Cake,
Dwas once a little Doll,
E was once a little Eel,
Swas once a little Fish,
In a Dishy
G was once a little Goose,
H was once a little Hen,
I was once a Bottle of Ink,
Bottle of Ink!
J was once a Jar of Jam,
Jar of Jam!
K was once a little Kite,
Out of Sighty-
L was once a little Lark,
In the Parky,
M was once a little Mouse,
In the Housy
N was once a little Needle,
0 was once a little Owl,
P was once a little Pump,
Swas once a little Quail,
Little Quail I
R was once a little Rose,
S was once a little Shrimp,
Twas once a little Thrush,
U was once a little Urn,
V was once a little Vine,
W was once a Whale,
X was once a great King Xerxes,
Great King Xerxes!
Y was once a little Yew,
Z was once a piece of Zinc,
Piece of Zinc!
A was an Ape,
Who stole some white Tape,
And tied up his Toes
In four beautiful Bows.
Funny old Ape!
B was a Bat,
Who slept all the Day,
And fluttered about,
When the Sun went away.
Brown little Bat!
C was a Camel,
You rode on his Hump,
And if you fell off,
You come down such a Bump
D was a Dove
Who lived in a Wood,
With such pretty soft Wings,
And so gentle and good.
What a high Camel I
Dear little Dove!
E was an Eagle
Who sate on the Rocks,
And looked down on the Fields
And the far-away Flocks.
Fwas a Fan
Made of beautiful Stuff,
And when it was used
Nice little Fan.
Swas a Gooseberry,
To be made into Jam
And eaten with Bread.
H was a Heron
Who stood in a Stream,
The length of his Neck
And his Legs was extremely
Gooseberry Red I
I was an Inkstand
Which stood on a Table
With a nice Pen to write with,
When we are able!
Neat little Inkstand!
J was a Jug,
So pretty and white,
With fresh Water in it
At Morning and Night.
Nice little Jug!
K was a Kingfisher,
Quickly he flew,
So bright and so pretty
Green, Purple, and Blue.
L was a Lily
So white and so sweet,
To see it and smell it
Was quite a nice treat!
M was a Man
Who walked round and round,
And he wore a long Coat
That came down to the Ground.
N was a Nut
So smooth and so brown,
And when it was ripe
It fell tumble-dum-down.
Funny old Man!
Nice little Nut!
0 was an Oyster
Who lived in his Shell,
If you let him alone
He felt perfectly well.
P was a Polly
All red, blue, and green,
The most beautiful Polly
That ever was seen.
Poor little Pollyl
Swas a Quill
Made into a Pen,
But I do not know where
And I cannot say when.
R was a Rattlesnake
Rolled up so tight,
Those who saw him ran quickly
For fear he should bite.
Nice little Quill!
S was a Screw
To screw down a box,
And then it was fastened
Without any locks.
T was a Thimble
Of silver so bright,
When placed on the finger
It fitted so tight!
Nice little Thimble!
U was an Upper-coat
Woolly and warm,
To wear over all
In the snow or the storm.
Vwas a Veil
With a border upon it,
And a riband to tie it
All round a pink bonnet.
What a nice Upper-coat!
Pretty green Veil !