• TABLE OF CONTENTS
HIDE
 Front Cover
 Frontispiece
 Title Page
 Table of Contents
 The children's nonsense book
 Back Cover
 Spine






Group Title: The children's nonsense book : tales and rhymes of fun, nonsense, and absurdity
Title: The children's nonsense book
CITATION THUMBNAILS PAGE TURNER PAGE IMAGE ZOOMABLE
Full Citation
STANDARD VIEW MARC VIEW
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00083212/00001
 Material Information
Title: The children's nonsense book tales and rhymes of fun, nonsense, and absurdity
Alternate Title: Nonsense book
Physical Description: 364 p. : ill. ; 19 cm.
Language: English
Creator: Lothrop Publishing Company ( Publisher )
Rockwell and Churchill ( Printer )
Publisher: Lothrop Publishing Company
Place of Publication: Boston
Manufacturer: Rockwell and Churchill
Publication Date: 1895
 Subjects
Subject: Children's poetry, English   ( lcsh )
Nursery rhymes   ( lcsh )
Children's stories   ( lcsh )
Children's stories -- 1895   ( lcsh )
Children's poetry -- 1895   ( lcsh )
Nonsense verse -- 1895   ( rbgenr )
Genre: Children's stories
Children's poetry
Nonsense verse   ( rbgenr )
Spatial Coverage: United States -- Massachusetts -- Boston
 Notes
Statement of Responsibility: by favorite fun-makers.
 Record Information
Bibliographic ID: UF00083212
Volume ID: VID00001
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: aleph - 002224044
notis - ALG4303
oclc - 19486155

Table of Contents
    Front Cover
        Front Cover 1
        Front Cover 2
    Frontispiece
        Page 1
        Page 2
    Title Page
        Page 3
        Page 4
    Table of Contents
        Page 5
        Page 6
        Page 7
        Page 8
    The children's nonsense book
        Page 9
        Page 10
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    Back Cover
        Back Cover 1
        Back Cover 2
    Spine
        Spine
Full Text











































The BIdJAn Library
mE3of
FrZid.I
------ ,







































* r *Sti~


WEETHE GREEN $TARS RISE IN THE CAMBIRIC SHIES."


'4-


< *.
'/' *






The Children's


Nonsense


Book


Tales and Rhymes of Fun, Nonsense,
and Absurdity

BY
FAVORITE FUN-MAKERS


BOSTON
LOTHROP PUBLISHING COMPANY
1895

































Copyright, 1895,
I Y
LOTHROP PUBLISHING COMPANY.

All rights reserved.

CHILDREN'S WONDER BOOK.


oreiLfrbtI unO Cthrrbll,
BOSTON.














TABLE OF CONTENTS.


BENEATH THE CAMBRIC SKTES
]'.l., I- .- S. Brooks.


WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE .
Agnes Blackwell.
THE \,,'.' I; AND THE CAMEL .
THE 1'i i -....M. . ....
Cora Stuart Wheeler.
THE LAND] WHERE THIE LAZYBTID FLAPS
Katherine Pyle.
JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE . ..
Katherine B. Foot.
THE LITTLE ROUND-SHOULDERED GIRLS
E. C.
THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE ..


S. 12


31
. 32


. . 3,3


. 36


. . 55

. 57
. 5


Contributed to by L. J. Canby, Ethel Farnsworthl, Janet
Ashley, Daisy M. Dill, Maggie L. Lee, Margaret C. Hastings.
THE ELF'S SURPRISE PARTY . . .
Lilian Crawford True.
THE BARLEY CANDY BOY . . .
Mary E. Wilkins.
VERY MARVELLOUS . .
THE REWARDS OF INDUSTRY .
Dr. Garnett.


9









TABLE OF CONTENTS,


TID-BITS . .
THE GoRY GORILLA . .
M. E. B.
THE GINGER-POP COMPANY .
James B. Marshall.


DREAMING ............. .
0. Herford.
A TALE OF THE CRESCENT . .
L. L. Robinson.
ANOTHER NONSENSE ENAGERIE . . .
Contributed to by A. Coe Spencer, Mary Gorning, Margaret
Wood, Sidney A. Merriam, Bertha M. Luney, Alcinda Tim-
berlake, Tom S. Paulding, Edith A. Hall, Edna Hill.


A MISTAKE . .
Mrs. J. T. Greenleaf.
THE LITTLE RED LIZARD .
THL QUEEN OF TOLOO .
Clara J. Denton.
A- PICNIC . .
T. S. C.
IN SEARCH OF NO-WoRK LAND
Frances A. Humphrey.
MI-YAN AND THE PELICAN
From the German, by S. S.
THE LOST BROTHER .
Harriet Power.
THE FLAG ON TOP .
G. Adams.
EFFECTIVE DECORATION .
L. J. Bridgman.


. . 136
136

. 136
. . 139


. 140


. .. 144


. 140


. . . 150


.a . .. 155


. a a. . 180


. 106


. so








TABLE OF CONTENTS.


A SAVAGE BEAST . . 183

A RACE .. .... ....... 184
Ida Warner Van der Voort.
IN A !iii:-,,- .i i. ..i. :. . . . 187
Robert Beverly adle.
CAPTIVATED. ...... . 203
L. J. Bridgman.
THE COMET .. ........... .. 204
Mary E. Stone.
Anrs FROM ARCADY . . . .. .206
Mary E. Stone.
LOST: A TEMPER I ... . . 208
Josephine Balestier.
JOHNNY AND LITTLE: GRAY HEN . . .. .209
Margaret Eytinge.
THE JOLLY DUGONG .. . . . .216
Nora A. Smith.
"CHOLLEMYISSES JOHNSING'S" AFFLICTED HOLIDAY. 222
Sarah Pratt McLean Greene.
-Too LONG. .. ... . . 243
Mrs. T. J. Greenleaf.
J-ACKETY, PINCH, AND I . . .. 244

-WHAT MARY SAID AT OUR ENTERTAINMENT . .. .246
Henrietta L. Jamison.
THE CRUISE OF THE DOLPHINS . . .. 249
M. E. B.
"UPPER NINE" .. .. . . 258
Alexander Black.








8 TABLE OF CONTENTS.

HIGH TEA AT Low TIDE . . .. 282
Lilian Crawford True.
-THE TWENTY-Two BOLD HOLLANDERS .. 283
M. Helen Lovett.
-WHAT THE CIRCUS DID . . . 287
M. E. B.
THE BABY'S MASQUERADE . . 293
Louise Stockton.
THE JOLLY BEGGAR . . . 315
A MUSICALE . . .. . 316
M. E. B.
THE ROLLICKING MASTODON . . . 321
Arthur Macy.
THE WOODPECKE . . . 324
Mary E. Stone.
A PIECE OF NEWS .............. 326
Margaret Sidney.
THE CRICKET AND THE QUAIL . . .. 338
Elbridge S. Brooks.
.A W rzARD . .. . . 342
James Pennypacker.
DILL . . . . 344
Mary E. Wilkins.
-THE SNAIL .... ..... .. .. .. .. 364
Mary E. Stone.












THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


BENEATH THE CAMBRIC SKIES.

W HERE the green stars rise in the cambric skies,
And the June-bug carolleth low,
I went for a walk,
I went for a talk,
With the pig (in a v i-.)
And a thing-a-ma-jig,
And a calf and a half
And a bumble-bee big-
Now how did I come for to go?

CHonus: O, 0, 0!
How did he come for to go
With a pig (in a wig,)
9







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


And a thing-a-ma-jig,
And a calf and a half
And a bumble-bee big?
Now hWow did he come for to go?


Not for gain nor gold did I walk so bold,
Though my funds were fearfully low;
Not for frolic fair,
Nor to take the air
With the pig (in a wig,)
And a thing-a-ma-jig,
And a calf and a half
And a bumble-bee big-
Then how did I come for to go?

CHORUS: O, 0, 0!
How did he come for to go
With a pig (in a wig,)
etc., etc.

O, list to my lay, or I fear you may
Not fathom my riddle-me-ro;






BENEATH THE CAMBRIC SKIES.


'Twas my day to walk,
And my day to talk
With the pig (in a wig,)
And a thing-a-ma-jig,
And a calf and a half
And a bumble-bee big.
And that's how I came for to go.

CHORs : 0, 0, 0!
'That's how he came for to go
With a pig (in a wig,)
And a thing-a-ma-jig,
And a calf and a half
And a bumble-bee big.
And that's how he came for to go.











WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


.I ---- -. NE day Willie was walking
--through the woods when he
V came to a great hollow tree. He
:: i peeped through the hole, and
S"thought he would crawl in and see
"I what a hollow tree was like.
Inside he found a ladder, very
narrow and very steep, but up
Land up he climbed till he came to a
little window. Through the glass
he saw a funny little man, with
T E three eyes, sitting at a round
' THROUGH THE GLASS HE SAW A
FUNNY LITTLE MAN." table eating his lunch. There was a
great brown pie before him, and Willie was very fond of pie.
Then he noticed a little door at the top of the lad-
der, so he knocked very gently: rap-tap-tap-tap!
"Come in!" called the funny little man, and Willie
opened the door and stepped into a little room.
"Who are you?" said the little man.
12







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


"I'm Willie, and I came up the ladder. Do you live
here ?"
"Yes; I am a Treedeedle, and this tree is my house.
Won't you have some lunch?"
"Oh, yes!" said Willie, looking at the big brown pie
and a cake full of little black things, and a big glass
pitcher of lemonade.
"I always have an
extra place for a visi- -
tor," said the Tree-
deedle. "Sit down,"
and he motioned L ,
toward the v acant ( A..
chair. "Will you have ,
some pie ?"
"Yes, please," said
Willie, taking the..-
c DON'T YOU HAVE SOME LUNCH "
empty chair.
So the Treedeedle cut a huge piece of pie and handed
it to Willie. Willie took up his fork and cut into his
pie, and found it was full of empty spools.
Oh! my mamma doesn't make pie out of spools. I







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


don't like spool pie; I'm afraid I can't eat it," said
Willie.
"Not eat spool pie!" said the Treedeedle, who was
just finishing his third slice. Why, it is delicious. But
perhaps you'd like some cake?"
Oh, yes; very much," said Willie, his eyes growing
bright with pleasure.
So the Treedeedle passed him a large slice of cake,
and Willie broke off a piece and was just going to eat
it, when he saw the little black things were not raisins
but tacks carpet-tacks !
"Oh! he said, "my mamma doesn't put tacks into her
cake; no; I can't eat tacks."
"Not eat tacks cried the Treedeedle, munching his
cake with delight. "Why, they are so spicy, and sharp,
and good; and these are particularly large ones. Perhaps
you'd like some lemonade ?"
Yes," said Willie; I think I should."
So the Treedeedle poured out a glass of lemonade, and
handed it to Willie with such a polite little bow that Willie
thought he must be polite, too, and not find so much fault
with the Treedeedle's lunch.







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


But as he lifted the glass to his lips, he smelled kerosene,
and set the glass down very quickly.
Oh! my mamma doesn't make lemonade out of kero-
sene," said he. I can't drink it."
Not make lemonade out of kerosene cried the Tree-
deedle. "Why, yes; one lemon peel to one quart of
kerosene is my recipe. I assure you it is very nice. But
perhaps you would like an egg; I'll ring for one."
The Treedeedle picked up a little silver bell and rang:
ding-a-ling, a-ling-a-ling. In came a little man-servant in a
green jacket.
"Hard or soft?" said the Treedeedle, looking at
Willie.
"Hard," said Willie.
Number-thirty-four, bring us some hard eggs," said the
Treedeedle.
The man-servant in the green jacket went out.
"Why do you call him 'Number-thirty-four'?" asked
Willie.
Because that is his name," said the Treedeedle.
Pretty soon Number-thirty-four came back with a dish
of eggs, and Willie took one. The shell seemed to have







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


been taken off, so he bit right into it, and found that it
was lard, -a ball of lard.
Oh! my mamma doesn't have eggs made of lard.
Your cooking isn't like my mamma's. I don't think I'm
very hungry, and I think I will go home now; but if
you will come to breakfast with me
some time I will show you what kind
Sof things my mamma cooks. Bread
and milk, and strawberries, and but-
i tered toast, arid chicken, and things
2-- like that, you know."
'- ----" "Oh, yes! I know," said the Tree-
SNUBdeedle. "I often have them, too; and
NUMBER-THIRTY-FOUR. P
door-knob stew, and pincushion pud-
ding, and needle tarts, and ice-cream made out of broken
glass and lemons. I should like to take breakfast with
you, though. Perhaps I will go to-morrow; and the next
time you come to see me, I will take you to call on my
friend the Owl, who lives in the next tree. Come soon."
"I should like to go to see the Owl," said Willie, climb-
ing down the ladder.
"Then let's go and call on him now," said the Treedeedle.







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


"All right. I've got on my clean dress, so I can go,"
said Willie.
When they reached the tree where the Owl lived, the
Treedeedle gave a shrill whistle, and down from the tree
came a basket on a rope.
Willie and the Treedeedle got into the basket, and were
drawn up to a great limb. There they saw a little door
standing open. Inside, they found the Owl
sitting at a little desk writing a letter.
"What are you writing?
asked the Treedeedle looking
over the Owl's shoulder.
"I'm writing a letter to -a
the Man in the Moon; he
sent me an invitation to
dinner. Is this your friend Willie?"
"Yes; let m? introduce you to the Owl, ", THEY SAW THE OWL
Willie." ITIN A LETTER."
The Owl shook Willie's hand with one of his claws, and
said, "Perhaps you and the Treedeedle would like to go
with me to the Man in the Moon's to dinner. I'll send the
letter after I get there."







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


"Of course we'll go," cried the Treedeedle. Willie is
all dressed, and I can dress in a jiffy, if you will lend me a
wash-basin. I forgot to put my wash-basin in my pocket
when I came away."
"All right," said the Owl; "you can go behind that
screen, and I will go behind this screen, and we will dress."
So Willie sat down on a little stool and waited while the
Treedeedle and the Owl splashed and scrubbed behind their
screens.
They washed so violently that they dashed the water over
the screens and sprinkled the whole room. Then the Owl
curled all his feathers with a curling-iron in the latest style.
"Now for the paper collars! cried the Owl. We can't
be dressed without paper collars. I'll lend you and Willie
each one."
Willie didn't think he needed a paper collar, but he did
not want to hurt the Owl's feelings, so he let the Treedeedle
and the Owl put on his collar for him, and it came way up
around his ears.
"How are we going to get to the moon?" asked Willie.
"Oh! I have a comet tied to my back fence," said the
Owl, "and he will take us there."







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


Willie had never seen a comet; so he followed the Owl
and the Treedeedle out into the Owl's back yard with a
good deal of curiosity.
The comet looked like a big star switching a long fiery
tail. They all got on the comet's back; first the Owl, then
the Treedeedle, and then Willie.
"Now hold on tight," said the Owl, untying the comet
from the fence; and away they went like the wind, straight
for the moon. Willie held
-on to the Treedeedle's coat-
". ." -."'."1, ^'] t ail~- and they went so fast
it most took his breath
S. -"-- '. away.
-.-' .- When
they reached
"'TnEY GOT ON TIIE COMET'S BACK, AND AWAY THEY WENT LIKE the m o o
THE WIND."
the comet
stopped, and they got off his back and walked up a lit-
tle yellow path to a yellow house, and knocked on the
little yellow door: rap-tap-tap-tap.
A little yellow man, with a great many brass buttons on
his clothes, opened the door and asked them to walk
upstairs.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


The Man in the Moon was waiting for them on the roof
of the house, which was flat like a veranda. He was a
very round little man, with a round, shining face like a
full moon. The dinner-table was all ready, set with gold
plates, and gold spoons, and gold cups, and gold knives and
forks.
"I'm delighted to see you; delighted! Sit down and
have some oysters," cried the Man in the Moon.
Willie looked at his plate, but did not see any oysters;
nothing but some little pieces of green cheese.
After they had eaten their cheese, the Man in the Moon
called to the little man in buttons to bring the soup. So
the plates were all changed, and in came the soup.
Willie looked into his plate, but all he saw was a little
green cheese in the bottom of the soup plate.
"Well, that's funny," thought Willie; but he saw the
Treedeedle and the Owl were eating their cheese, so he
ate his.
"Now we'll have some chicken," said the Man in the
Moon.
"That is nice; I like chicken," said the Owl. But when
the plates were brought in, Willie saw that each one had a
square piece of green cheese and nothing else.







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


"Any way, this is better than the Treedeedle's lunch,"
said Willie to himself; but I wish they would have some-
thing different."


"THEY CAUGHT ALL KINDS OF STRANGE THINGS."


But though the Man in the Moon spoke of the salads, and
strawberries and cream, and ice-cream, and plum-cake,







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


and candy, and nuts, and raisins, and all kinds of good
things, Willie saw that they were only pieces of green
cheese of different sizes.
"Let's go fi,'li.-." said the Man in the Moon, after din-
ner was over.
"How jolly! said the Owl. Where shall we go?"
"To the Milky Way," cried the Man in the Moon.
So off they started, with long fishing-rods over their
shoulders till they came to the Milky Way; it was tum-
bling along like a river of milk.
The Man in the Moon had a little raft, and he rowed
them all out into the middle of the stream to fish.
They caught all kinds of strange things. First the Owl
caught a pair of rubber boots, then the Treedeedle caught
a pair of boxing-gloves, then the Man in the Moon caught
an umbrella, and then Willie caught a diamond crown,
which sparkled and glittered like a row of stars.
"Oh, how beautiful!" cried the Treedeedle; "you
must be a king. Let's all put on the things we have
caught."
So the Treedeedle put on his boxing-gloves, and the Owl
put on his rubber boots, and the Man in the Moon put up his








WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


umbrella, and Willie put the diamond crown on his curls,
and they started for the house of the Man in the Moon.
"I must go home quickly, for I am going to a ball at the
Mud Turtle's to-night," said the Owl.





q






THEY STARTED FOR THE HOUSE OF THE MAN IN THE MOON."

They looked all about for the comet to take them home,
but as the Owl had forgotten to fasten it to the Man in the
Moon's hitching-post, it had gone off.
How shall we get home ?" cried the Treedeedle.
"Let's fly," said the Owl; and he flapped his wings and
flew off toward home.
Oh! I can't fly," cried Willie.
You will have to jump," said the Man in the Moon.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


"All right; good-by! Come, Willie, take my hand," said
the Treedeedle.
So Willie took the Treedeedle's hand, and together they
jumped.
Willie looked down and saw something sailing below
them, and when they got nearer they saw that it was a
balloon, and as it was directly beneath them they tumbled
into it.
The balloon was manned by a big black pussy cat with
green eyes.
"What do you mean by jumping into my balloon ? asked
the Black Pussy Cat, as Willie and the Treedeedle came
tumbling into the basket.
"We did not mean to," said the Treedeedle; "but you
were in our way, so we had to fall in. Won't you take us
home in your balloon?"
"I haven't time," said the Black Pussy Cat. "I'm on
my way to the Mud Turtle's ball; you can go with me if
you like, and I will take you home after the ball is over."
"Let's go," said the Treedeedle to Willie.
"All right," said Willie; and away they sailed with the
Black Pussy Cat.







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


The Mud Turtle lived by a pond, under a willow-tree, and
as it was getting rather dark, the bushes, and grass, and
trees were all lighted up with fireflies, that snapped and
sparkled like electric lights, and made the place as bright
as day.
The guests were sitting about on stones. There was the
Owl in his rubber boots, and he winked one big eye at Willie
when he saw him come in with the Black Pussy Cat and the
Treedeedle.
Then there was a big grasshopper, and a robin, and a
field-mouse, and a bull-frog, and a blue butterfly, and ever
so many others.
The Mud Turtle was in the centre, shaking hands and
talking with everybody.
Then the music struck up.
Ch.....- your partners for a hopity-kick waltz shouted
the Mud Turtle.
Willie looked up to see where the musicians were, and
saw them sitting on the branches: two thousand mosquitoes,
humming and buzzing a waltz as loud as they could sing.
Then the Bull-frog came and asked Willie to dance.
Willie saw the Black Pussy Cat dancing with the Mud







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Turtle, and the Grasshopper waltzing with the Field-mouse,
and they seemed to be having such a gay time that he
thought he would dance too.
The Bull-frog
hopped and leaped
about so fast that
Willie had hard
(, work to keep up
with him.
The one who
dances the long-
est wins the
prize," shouted
the Mud Turtle.
First the Mud
Turtle got tired
out and stopped,
then the Field-
Smiouse and the
Rabbit, then the
THE TREEDEEDLE THREW OFF HIS BOXING-GLOVES AND ad
UNUTTONED HIS COAT." Robin, and then
the Blue Butter-







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


fly, and all the others, one by one, till only the Grass-
hopper and the Treedeedle were left.
They danced and danced, and hopped and twirled, till
the room fairly seemed to Willie to whirl too.
Then the Treedeedle threw off his boxing-gloves and


"THREE CHEERS FOR THE TREEDEEDLE!"


unbuttoned his coat, and danced faster all the time, till
at last the Grasshopper fell down in a faint, and they
had to bring him to by rubbing him down with a clothes-
brush.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


By that time everybody was shouting: "Hurrah for
the Treedeedle!" "Three cheers for the Treedeedle! "
"The Treedeedle has won the prize!"
The Owl and the Black Pussy Cat hoisted him on to
a board, and carried him round the room.
Then the Mud Turtle brought in the prize, which was
a hand-organ, and then they all cheered again, and the
Treedeedle played them a tune on his organ.
"Now for the refreshments," cried the Mud Turtle;
and they brought in a great wash-boiler full of molasses
candy, and each one took a big spoon and dipped it into
the boiler and began to eat.
Presently Willie noticed the Blue Butterfly sitting on
the fence, eating his lunch all by himself out of a little
tin dinner-pail.
"Why don't you come and eat with us?" asked Willie.
"I don't like molasses candy, so I always bring my
own lunch," said the Blue Butterfly.
Willie looked to see what the Butterfly had for lunch,
and saw that he had brought five sausages all on a string.
After they had finished the molasses candy, and scraped
the boiler nice and clean, the Treedeedle said it was time







WILLIE AND THE TREEDEEDLE.


to go home; so they all shook hands with the Mud
Turtle and told him what a good time they had had.
"I'm coming to see you, Willie," said the Mud Turtle.
"That will be nice," said Willie. I will show you
my playhouse.':
"Oh! I'll come too," said the Owl.
"And I," said the Black Pussy Cat.
"Can't I come too?" cried the Blue Butterfly.
"And I?" asked the Grasshopper.
"I am C( 'in_-." said the Robin.
"I'm coming too," croaked the Bull-frog.
"All right," said Willie; "perhaps my mamma will let
me have a birthday party and invite you all."
"Hurrah! hurrah! We are all going to Willie's birth-
day party!" cried everybody.
Then the Black Pussy Cat and the Treedeedle climbed
into the balloon and pulled Willie in after them, and
very soon they stopped at Willie's front gate and let
him out.
"Good-by? I've had a beautiful time," said Willie,
and now I'm going in to tell my mamma all about it."


























































I.,I ...~J4
ii ~ IO

ri.Iro


-~n
-------
----












THE MONKEY AND THE CAMEL.


ONCE upon a time, so the fable runs, the Beasts
of the forest gave an entertainment at which
the Monkey stood up and danced. Having vastly de-
lighted the assembly, he sat down amidst universal
applause. The Lion cried "Encore, encore!" the Hippo-
potamus showed every tusk he had, in delight. But the
Camel, envious of the praises bestowed upon the Monkey,
and desirous to divert to himself the favor of the guests,
proposed to stand up in his turn and dance for their
amusement. He moved about in so utterly ridiculous a
manner, that the Beasts in a fit of indignation set upon
him with clubs and drove him out of the assembly.











THE PEDLER-MAN.


BIG Ira Bran
Was a pedler-man,
Who cabbages cried,
From Beersheba to Dan.
"Cabbages crisp, and curled and green!"
He cried at the kitchen door of the Queen.


The Queen came out,
For she liked sauer kraut,
To find what the noise
Was all about.
The Queen came out, and she tossed her head;
'Tis lettuce you have," at last she said,
" And you yourself are the 'cabbage-head'! "


Big Ira Bran
Was a sorrowful man,
As he went to Beersheba
Back from Dan.
32
















THE LAND WHERE THE LAZY- -.k
BIRD FLAPS. L

S AID John to Peter one day: "I -'
hear
There's a land in the West, and it .-
lies quite near,
Where hot tarts grow on the tartlet- -
tree,
And roasts are as tame as they can
be.
"There's a golden mist on every-
thing; -,
The No-works play in the sand and (John and Peter pluck the
hot tarts from the tartlet-
sing; tree and watch the No-
The grass is green and the sun shines works on the golden
bright, sand in the landwhere
the ladybird flaps.)
And there's never a storm by day
or night;


~















" For the lazy
all day,
And blows th
rain away.
Oh! come, let
beautiful la
Where the N
the golden


So they set
they bore a
Till they can
where the
To the beauti:
in the West
To the land
bird builds


bird flaps above

Le tempests and

us sail to that
nd
o-works play on
sand."

their sails and
bway
ie to the spot
island lay -
ful island down

where the lazy-
its nest.


~1


(John and Peter are pursued by the
duty-beast.)


I


Xii~







THE LAND WHERE THE LAZYBIRD FLAPS.


In that beautiful land where the skies are clear,
Did John and Peter live for a year;
And they feasted on feasts that were fit for a king,
While they learned the song that the No-works sing.

But John and Peter one morning awoke,
And cold and stormy the dawning broke;
The wind was shrill and the skies were gray,
For the lazybird -it had flown away.

And while they stared, from the windy East
Came gnashing and growling the Duty-beast!
A most terrible beast he was to see,
And he caught them both by the wild-tart-tree.

He bore them away to his grewsome den-
Ah! they'll never escape from those rocks again;
From those rocks where only at night, poor things,
Can they dream of the song that the No-work sings.









JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


JERMICKY lived in the little house by the gate, and a
long, wide, smooth road with a good many turns in it
and great trees on either side led to Sam's house, which was
a very big house with a beautiful green lawn all round it,
and with a great many bright flower-beds dotted about in it.
Jermicky's name was really James Hickey, shortened to
Jim Hickey and finally into Jermicky by Sam Floyd. He
and Jermicky were exactly the same age to a day, and they
were five years old apiece. They were the best of friends,
although they did quarrel occasionally; and all summer
long, and in good weather in winter, Sam and Jermicky
were either together or not very far apart on the broad road
that led from one house to the other; or else in Sam's play-
room, where there was everything to play with; or in
Jermicky's woodhouse, where there was nothing meant for
them to play with, but which they much preferred.
On the very hot summer day when Jermicky made his
great sacrifice, both boys were busy building a stone wall
round a small tree near the woodshed. The men on the
place were busy building a wall round the lower garden,
36







JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


and as the boys always did just what the men did so far
as they could -they at once began a very fine wall which
was to go round the little tree, leaving a good space inside
for Jermicky's bull-pups to live in.
These bull-pups were two just as delightful little baby
dogs as one could find anywhere. The man who gave
them to Jermicky had brought them and their three
brothers in a carpet bag. They were six weeks old,












HOW THE PUPS CAME TO JERMICKY.

with little heads that were almost round, and little twink-
ling eyes, and very sprawling and unwieldy paws that
looked a great deal too big for them and that never seemed
to help them to walk in exactly the way they wanted to go.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Mrs. Hickey tried to keep them in a box in the corner of
the woodshed, but they would tumble out and scramble up
the two steps into the kitchen, and Mrs. Hickey was always
tumbling over them, and they were very soft and squashy to
step on and they yelped awfully whenever they were
stepped on, and then Mrs. Hickey always squealed, and
Jimmy roared because he didn't want the puppies hurt, and
all that noise was sure to wake the baby and then she
"yowled" too. That was what Jermicky said: "She
yowls 'cause she's a gurrul, -boys holler and gurruls yowl."
Well, certainly all this was enough to make Mrs. Hickey
declare that the little dogs must be put outside somewhere,
and that was the reason the boys wanted to make the pen
round the tree.
They each had an express wagon, and they drew them
down to the road where the men were working, and picked
up little stones that were chipped off the big ones that were
used in the wall, and took them back to their little tree;
but Jermicky's stones rattled out after he put them in,
because his wagon had no tail-board. It did once have one,
but it never was as good as Sam's: it wouldn't go out and
in with the pins like a real tail-board; the cart didn't







JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


tip up either, and Sam's did. Jermicky looked with envious
eyes at Sam, who had a good load at the end of every trip;
and when he pulled the pins from the tail-board and took
the tail-board out, and took out the pin on the handle, and
tipped up his wagon and shot out his load just as if it
had been a real cart then Jermicky felt that he couldn't
bear it any longer.
"Say, lem'me have your cart, will you ? he said.
"No," said Sam, marching sturdily off for another load,
"I want it myself."
I want it too," said Jermicky.
"Well, you can't have it," said Sam; "it's mine."
Just at that minute Mrs. Floyd came driving down the
avenue on her way to the village. She stopped a minute.
"What-not quarrelling, I hope," she said; "what's
the trouble?"
"He wants my cart, mamma, 'cause it's got a tail-board
and his hasn't, and I want it too."
"Ah, well," said Mrs. Floyd, "you must be kind and
make a sacrifice. Come; you take Jermicky's cart, and let
him use yours sometimes. You know you play in Jer-
micky's woodshed and he lets you."







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Sam looked at his mother a minute and then said
solemnly:
I don't want to saccerfize, it don't take two men to
run a wagon, and Jermicky's woodshed holds me and him
and the pups."
"Never mind," said Mrs. Floyd, smiling. "You know
Jermicky needn't let you in there to play with him and the
pups if he don't want to."
"Well," said Sam, with a long sigh, "I s'pose if he's
determined to, he can take hold the other side o' the handle
and help pull."
"No," said Jermicky, decidedly; "I want to take out the
tail-board and tip the loads my own self."
Now be a kind boy, Sam, and lend it to him," said his
mother.
And Sam said, "Well once he may drag it once -
and I'll get in and drive the horse down to the gate."
"All right," said his mother, and Sam climbed up the
low step and in beside her.
Just then Mrs. Hickey came to the door with the baby in
her arms.
Good-morning, ma'am," she said, it's only a little tiff
they've been havin' they're mostly good friends."







JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


How's the baby?"
"Splendid, ma'am-see," and Mrs. Hickey stepped to
the side of the carriage.
"Isn't she big!" said Mrs. Floyd, admiringly; "why,
she's much larger than my boy, and he's two weeks older."
"Is she then?" said Mrs. Hickey, with great satisfaction.
"Perhaps we'd better change," said Mrs. Floyd, as
I've six boys and you've five girls and only one boy," and
she gave Jimmy a little tap with the whip she held in her
hand.
Could you spare the baby, Jimmy ?"
"I dun'no," he said, thoughtfully.
Ours is a boy, you know," said Mrs. Floyd, and then
you'd have him to play with by and by."
But ours is the biggest," said Jermicky.
I don't think he wants to let her go, Mrs. Hickey," said
Sam's mother. "I don't think we can exchange to-day,"
and she gathered up her reins.
"I like girls best," said Sam; "there's too many boys
at our house."
"That's what Mr. Floyd says," said his mother; and
then they drove off.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Sam was gone a good while, for he concluded to go
down to the village with his mother, and Jermicky hauled
several loads of stones, and when Sam came back and
wanted his own cart it seemed very hard to give it up,
and beside, he had a fine plan in his head.
"Sam," he said, "now I'm goin' to tell you something .
How wud yer like my baby for your baby, an' you
gimme your cart for my cart?"
Jermicky stood opposite Sam, his hat pushed back on
his head, a very determined expression on his freckled
face, and a fist on each hip, and his feet stretched widely
apart.
"My cracky!" said Sam, staring at him, "I don'no!"
"Yer see," said Jermicky, "me mother likes byes best,
an' yer mother likes gurruls best and moine's the
biggest uv thim two, an' so I'd orter have the best cart
when I give yer the best baby -yer see ?"
Sam still stared at him.
"Well," he said slowly, after a while, "I'd like -the
girl--but girls, you know"-and he put his head on
one side and looked meditative -" well, there ain't any
girl as good as boys, an' our baby's a -well, he's a



















































-44


















-R- - -A- __ART -LINGFROFSAL







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


boy. No, I don't think I'd give you the cart for her.
I might," he said, leaning his cheek on his hand, with
his elbow on his knee as he sat with his back against
a tree,- "I might, you see, if the cart didn't have a
tail-board; an' it tips up, too."
Jermicky looked utterly disconsolate. Presently he had
a happy thought.
"Does your baby yell nights?" he asked.
You just better believe he does," said Sam; "he
wakes me up."
"All right," said Jermicky, artfully; "our gurrul, she
don't yell, an' so yer see yer's be qui'ter like, nights."
That's so," said Sam; "an' my father likes girls,
too--yes, he does," he said; and Sam lifted his head
and looked Jermicky in the eye. "He said if I'd been
a girl he'd give me a pony- but I wouldn't, Jermicky
--I really wouldn't. I'm just too crazy to wear breeches
on my legs."
"Well," said Jermicky, decidedly, "yer know if yer
don't have a gurrul in your house some time p'raps
you'll have to be one."
This awful prospect was almost too much for Sam, but







JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


he still shook his head. "I couldn't do it," he said.
Then he got up and took hold of the handle of his wagon.
Jermicky despaired he resolved instantly, and with-
out thinking of it before, to make his great sacrifice.
"Say, hold on!" he said; "I'll tell yer what I'll do,
Sam. I'll give yer the littlest bull-pup!"
Sam dropped the handle. "Will yer, honest?"
"Yes -see me turn black if I don't! said Jermicky.
The bull-pups were sound asleep in the box in the
wood-house, cuddled close together, and they gave sharp
yelps of dismay when they were suddenly hauled out
and held up in the air, their poor, sleepy little heads
rolling round in a very aimless way.
I'll have this one," said Sam.
"I guess!" said Jermicky, indignantly; "he's the
biggest."
"Oh, is he?" said Sam. "Well, gimme the other,
then." And he put down the one he held.
Jermicky put the puppy in his arms, and Sam hugged
it tenderly, and the puppy whined and struggled.
Oh! said Sam, he's as slippery as as anything.
Say, you take the puppy an' I'll take the baby."







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Take the baby said Jermicky; "you bring yours
first."
Hey! said Sam. What's the use ? Then I'll have
to walk up to the house twice and back. There's your
baby out in the wagon now. We'll roll her up an' take
her out, an' put ours in up there, an' you'll roll it
home."
"All right," said Jermicky. "An' we'll leave the cart
here."
"Yes," said Sam;, "we'll leave both carts, and I can
get mine to-morrow."
Jermicky looked puzzled. "You mean mine my cart
without any tail-board- don't you, Sam?" he asked,
anxiously.
"Yes, of course," said Sam. "Come on, now; I'll
push the baby."
So he reached up to the handle, and gently pushed
the baby-wagon off the little grassy place where it stood,
into the roadway.
It gave just a little jar to the carriage, and Miss
Maggie Hickey woke up. She was a very nice, round,
good-natured baby, between four and five months old,







JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


and, as Mrs. Hickey said, "It's always good-natured that
she wakes up." So Jermicky, trotting along beside her,
saw her blue eyes open at first with a sleepy look, but
in the next second a bright smile came all over her face,
as she saw the little brother she knew so well leaning
over her.
"Nice, good baby," said Jermicky. "Want to take a
ride now?"
The baby threw up her arms, and gurgled away, half
to herself and half to Jermicky, and Sam pushed the
carriage steadily on. Little gleams and flickers of sun-
shine came filtering down between the leaves and boughs
of the trees above them, and made bright, ever-changing
patches of light on the blue blanket over baby. A
gentle little breeze just lifted the rings of reddish hair
over her forehead, for her cap was very much pushed
back on her head; and a prettier, happier-looking baby
it would have been hard to find anywhere.
Just then M -. Hickey looked out of the door.
"Where're ye goin'?" she said. "If yer're goin' to ride
the baby out, be careful and not go fast, an' don't go
out o' sight."







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Then she went in; for she was busy, and she was
only too glad to have the boys roll the baby-carriage up
and down under the trees, for they had often done it
before. They went on until they turned the first curve
in the road.
Jermicky," said Sam, won't she be s'prised when
you bring back our baby?"
At this speech, for the first time a dreadful doubt
entered Jermicky's head; he wondered if his mother
would like another baby quite as well as this one.
"I dun'no," he said. "Does your baby know you
when you talk ? "
"I guess!" said Sam; "just as well as anything."
"As well as this?" said Jermicky; and he held the
puppy hugged fast to his neck with one hand while he
put the other over the baby. She at once grabbed one
of his fingers with a fat little hand. See!" he said,
with pride, "ain't she just cunnin'?"
Just then the puppy began a series of short, ear-split-
ting yelps; and the baby, frightened out of all propriety,
burst into a private wail of her own.
Oh, my cracky! said Sam, "are they both going







JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


to yell like that -both together? 'cause that'll give my
mother a headache." And a dreadful doubt also came
into Sam's head-but he looked lovingly at the puppy.
"Now, there -there -now, don't cry! said Jer-
micky, soothingly, to the baby. "Now- now be a nice
baby. Stop, you puppy!--Stop!" and he hugged and
squeezed the puppy tighter, which, made him yelp all
the more.
Oh, dear dear said Jermicky; and real, big tears
ran down his cheeks. "P'raps -p'raps she's homesick."
Sam dropped the handle, and came round and looked
into the carriage with grave concern. "Do you s'pose
so? Say, baby, here! Hi, now, hi!"
But the baby cried on; and who could blame her!
She was scared half to death, poor little thing!
Sam," sobbed Jermicky, I'll- I'll make a saccerfis
- and you can keep your old 'spress-cart, and I'll keep
the baby, an' the pup too."
Oh!" screamed Sam, in dismay; "you ain't goin'
back on the pup, are you? Gimme the pup, an' I don't
care for the baby. I'll keep my own baby."
But Jermicky was firm. I couldn't do it," he said.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Sam stamped his foot. Fellers never break off bar-
gains," he said.
"I'm a-goin' home," said Jermicky; and, with the
puppy in one arm, he tried with the other hand to turn
the wagon about.
Sam made a plunge for the puppy, and for a minute
the usually quiet road was the scene of a very noisy
combat. The puppy yelped; the baby screamed; Sam
and Jermicky roared as they pommelled one another;
the dust flew; and how it would have ended no one
can tell, for just at that minute Sam's brothers, Will
and Ned, appeared round a turn in the road.
See 'em at it! cried Will; and he and Ned ran to
separate them.
"What's the matter?" they both inquired as each
held a ramping, yelling boy fast by the shoulders. The
puppy was dropped in the struggle, and ran home as
fast as it could, yelping all the way, while Sam and Jer-
micky explained the situation both together and at the
top of their voices.
"I wanted his his old 'spress cart," said Jermicky.
"An'- an' he wanted our baby, an' he said yes, he







JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


did too -he said he'd gimme his baby an' a bull-pup, an'
I said I would we've got too many boys -you know
papa said so an' then I went an' got his old baby
way up here an' he says 'cause she hollers she's home-
sick an' now he won't won't gimme the bull-pup."
"Oh, Christopher Columbus!" said Will, doubling over
with laughter, "they've been swapping the babies, with a
bull-pup to boot."
"An' a 'spress cart my 'spress cart," said Sam eagerly;
"it's got a tail-board an' our baby you know, Will,
he's a boy baby- he's better'n this -she's only a girl.
Now," he said, turning to Jermicky, "now you can take
your old baby home. I won't do it either!"
"Oh! just hear him," said Will. "Anybody would
think he owned our baby."
"So I do," said Sam, nodding his head and his curls
so that the brim of his broad hat waved up and down,
-"sso I do--but I shan't change him now. I was
going to make a saccerif -'cause mamma said I ought
to, but I won't now." And he turned on his heel and
marched home as fast as he could go.
Will and Ned wheeled the baby back to her proper







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


home, and Jermicky ran before them, crying as loud as
he could. He burst into the kitchen and flung himself
at his mother, who happened to be making bread at the
kitchen table. He clasped her round the knees and
sobbed and roared.
"What in the world's the matter, Jimmy?" she asked.
"I brought her all back--I didn't sell her," he
sobbed.
"Who- what -the baby?" said Mrs. Hickey, trying
to get the dough off her hands. "Where is she?"
Just then she saw the baby all safe in her carriage -
by that time quite smiling and happy, and Will and Ned
behind her, laughing very hard. They told her the story
as far as they knew it, and then Mrs. Hickey laughed
till she cried.
But all that was nothing to the sensation Sam created
when he tore into the nursery at home, banged both the
doors and tried to shoot the bolts, and then threw him-
self on the bed where the baby was placidly taking a
morning nap, screaming, "I'm awful sorry I was goin'
to sell him -an' I don't like bull-pups at all."
The baby woke up and cried-the nurse scolded Sam








JERMICKY'S SACRIFICE.


and shut him up
till he was tired,
boys came home,
what the trouble


in the next room, and there he roared
for his mother was out; and until the
breathless and laughing, no one knew
was. Then Sam was called out and


YOU SEE, WE LIKE GIRLS BEST," SAID SAM'S FATIIER.
comforted and made quite sure that no one was going to
hold him to his bargain, and as he found Will had
brought home his cart tail-board and all he was soon







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


happy again. But he left the cart at home when he next
went to play with Jermicky.
Sam sat in his father's lap that night and told the
story and kept his head down all the time, which was
very lucky for Mr. Floyd, for he couldn't help laughing
a little then; and afterwards when he sat on the piazza
with Mrs. Floyd after Sam had gone to bed he laughed
very much; but all he had said to Sam was: "Well, you
see we like girls best if they come to our house first; but
if they don't, why, we like the boys best that we have
right here," and he gave Sam a good hug.
"Did you want the bull-pup very much, Sam?" he
asked.
"I wanted him most awfully much," said Sam.
But a week after Sam ceased to long for a bull-pup,
for one day a Scotch terrier came in a box to their
house, and his name was Pepper.
Pepper and the bull-pups grew up in peace-possibly
it was because they lived in different houses and saw
but little of one another; and Sam and Jermicky grew
up in peace, although they saw a great deal of one
another, but neither of them will ever forget the day
when they each made a great "saccerfize."






















THE LITTLE ROUND-SHOULDERED GIRLS.


IN San Rafael,
As I've heard tell,
From early until late,
Three maids are there,
Who, sweet and fair,
Will yet not sit up straight.

'Twould. make you weep,
Aye, lose your sleep,
To watch those children three;
E'en strangers i-2h-
In passing by
Such shoulders round to see.







56 THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.

Teachers severe
Go wild, my dear,
To make them sit upright;
In vain they storm,
For each small form
Remains a perfect fright!
This is the way,
Some future day,
These children will appear;
Crooked and old,
And each a scold--
Thus they will look, my dear!

p -- l ,^^ p",-










THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE.


T HE marvellous animals in this Nonsense Menagerie
were collected by children in the jungles of fancy
and the forests of imagination. The descriptions, which
out-Barnum Bailey in wealth of language, were written
by children, and the drawings were also made by them.
This entire menagerie is, indeed, "a unique aggrega-
tion of juvenile invention," which would do justice to
Edward Lear, who made the first collection of Nonsense
animals, and would be welcomed by Alice in Wonderland,
as worthy successors to the Jabberwock and blood rela-
tions to the Snark.

THE BATTERFLY.
The poor Batterflies are a family who seem to get noth-
ing but knocks. They are always blundering around,
bumping against trees, tearing their wings, getting terrified
at the Bugbear, and having their dinner of baseballs
snatched away just when they are hungriest. One poor
Batterfly had a tale to tell that outdid all the sad stories of
57







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


the others. One day after an unusually hard time he had
furled his wings, drawn in his head, and gone to sleep under
a hedge. Along came a
little boy who pounced sud-
denly upon him. Three
cheers! shouted the boy;
"Tom, I've found my
bat !" That poor Batterfly
was picked up and played
baseball with for two hours.
For weeks he couldn't un-
fold his wings at all. He
never got over it, but to
this day flops mournfully
around, relating, over and
over again, his tale of woe.

THE WELSH RABBIT.
The Welsh Rabbit is wild and shy. Its head is composed
of a lump of butter, its body of bits of cheese, and its legs
of stout crusts. Its shoes are hobnailed and thick, and it
uses them to a dire effect. At twelve o'clock it creeps out,







THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE.


and flapping its great ears,
the heads of those who have
been indulging too freely in
a late supper. It lives on
bits of cake and candy which
people carry up to their rooms
at night. It is said to be ex-
ceedingly partial to school-
girls.


begins a wild dance on


THE LEM--ME BEE.
The Lem-me bee is of the
whining genus. She is con-
tinually thumping her play-A -
fellows and drawling,
"Lem-me bee with such a i!
whine that they put their
fingers in their ears and flee.
She eats a great deal, living
entirely on punches. She,
also, is a connection of the Hum Bug, and these two have
pitched battles whenever they meet. One would think






THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


that if "the king who never smiled again" could see one
of their quarrels he would
Snot only smile, but laugh
1 outright. Miss Bee ad-
vances and thumps the
Hum Bug so stoutly on
S j) the nose that he weeps,







with little oily tears. He, clumsy .
fellow, tries to curl his tail around'
her and flaps fiercely with his
wings, striking her first forward,
then back. But he is always
defeated, for his nose is his tender
point.
THE CATERPILLAR.
This animal is the most curious of all the strange animals







THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE.


of Australia, where it is found. It laughs beautifully and
speaks ten languages. The natives of Australia like to
hear it laugh so much that they frequently offer to
buy it new stockings, if it will laugh them to sleep
nights. A Caterpillar was found some years ago in
New Jersey, but it was a very inferior one, and could
not laugh.


THE COCK-HORSE.
This animal lives in the nur-
sery. It barks shins. It feeds
on tin soldiers and dolls' eyes.


THE BUG-BEAR.


This is a Bug-bear. If
you eat too much plum-
cake you will see it some
night,







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


nP.
THE MONKBACO.
-i The Monkbaco lives on
S the Equator. Its distin-
S guishing feature is its
Curled neck, of which it
is very vain. The male
only is permitted to wear
two coils in it. The bird
is very wise and can sing
ravishingly. The Jenny
S \ Lind of the Equator is a
Monkbaco.

THE LOCOMUE.
Beware of this ani-
mal, whose terrific
speed and tough hide
enable it to smash
every engine it collides
with. There are three
in existence, and they
always travel by rail.








THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE.


4;.


THE GRASSHOPPER.
The Grasshopper
travels very swiftly,
with long flying leaps.
It is always found near
the seashore, and is sup-
posed to live upon sea-
weed. Its habits are
not very well known to
naturalists, we are sorry
to say.


-%
S------ --- o /-/





THE WIND-BIRD.
The Wind-Bird-
has been found
Sin every explored
part of the world,
on both land and
water, with the
exception of the
zone of calms.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


The bird is invisible excepting when examined through
the strongest imaginascope. Its invisibility is not due to
its size, as it is sometimes found as large as an elephant,
- though some varieties are no larger than the common
honey-bee, -but to the fact that its only food is air,
which renders it very airy. Although the birds cannot
be seen by the naked eye, their presence can always be
detected. You can feel them driving the air against you;
where they are present in sufficient quantities inanimate
things appear to gain life; and their wings produce a
whistling sound.
The Wind-Bird never sings, the noise of its beating the
air being the only sound it makes.
When a large number of Wind-Birds travel together,
they often do great damage to anything that may be in
their path. They can tear buildings to pieces, uproot trees,
uplift the debris, people, and animals into their midst,
carrying them until the flock disperses, when the law of
gravitation asserts itself and they drop to the ground.
There are domesticated varieties of the bird which are
of inestimable use to man. They are trained to draw
water, drive ships through the seas, and do many kinds
of labor.







THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE.


THE DOOD-ROOSTER.

This animal inhabits the unexplored portion of Africa.
It is about seven feet high. It appears unexpectedly
before exploration
parties and terrifies
them by its singular .
a ct i on s, screaming
meanwhile with a
voice which resembles
a disordered hand- ""i",''
organ. The only way '2iA.
it can be driven is by .-
throwing hats at it,
whereupon it disap- < /--
pears, but returns .
afterwards and carries
the hats to its den and stacks them up inside. Its
food is principally sardine cans and ginger-beer bottles;
but it is not particular, and will eat anything which has
contained food or drink. It is said that not one of these
animals has ever been captured.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


THE SKELETONAVIS.
This remarkable bird is found only in Arctic regions.
But one specimen has been found, though naturalists
agree in saying that there
-.- -is no doubt of their ex-
......-- istence in large numbers
_.-:. ';., ,. m in the immediate vicinity
of the North Pole. Its
S.. food is snow and ice.
S .'. '/ : It is extremely shy,
;''' i and were it not for the
"' '. f I I'. tuft of brilliant scarlet
Feathers which adorn the
Back of its head, it
Could not be seen, for its
bones are a dazzling
White, and do not show
-- even when it is within
ten feet of its pursuer.
THE BOOM-KANG--ERANG.
This beautiful little animal is a native of Central Aus-
tralia. It is very rare, and is believed to be nearly







THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE.


extinct. When attacked it becomes dangerous, as it can
throw its shoes a long distance, after which they turn
around and come back.
The natives hunt this' .-
animal for the sake of its
feathers, which are worn
as an emblem of royalty 'i,,'''
by the chiefs of their "- '
tribes. Its voice is not "-
musical, but serves to in-
form the natives of its
whereabouts. '

THE PRIDE-FOWL. t
The Pride-Fowl is a
beautiful bird, which
sometimes resembles the
pea-fowl. It is more -- ^
gorgeous than the Bird
of Paradise. It is very rare, and is found only in the
Eastern and Western Hemispheres. It has very little
brain. Its only food is flattery. It sings sweetly when







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


fed abundantly.
in one hand, and


This bird often carries a hand mirror
when closely occupied looking at its own
image is liable to fall
from the limb of the
tree or whatever it
S / ? may be perched on.
/ This fact suggested the
old saying, Pride goeth
before a fall."


THE HOMO-PIG.
The Homo-Pig is a
native of America, Eng-
land, Mexico and all
other countries. Its
color may be either
white, black, yellow, brown, or copper-colored. Its head
resembles a porker pig's, while its body is like that of a
human being. It is sometimes intelligent, and may be
taught many things. It is a herbivorous and carnivorous
animal, and will eat almost anything else. Its chief char-
acteristic is its prodigious appetite and its disposition to







THE NONSENSE MENAGERIE.


have the most and best of everything, regardless of the
rights of others. We were told the other day of a
young Homo-Pig not more than four feet high that can
consume as, much as
the hired man at each
feed,- besides eating
almost continually be-
tween meals of apples,
.nuts, turnips, candies,
slippery-elm and cin-
/ Tnamon barks, and
I other odds and ends.

THE GARDEN SNAKE.
This is a curious rep-
tile of Brazil, famous for
its growth of flowers, of
which it takes extreme
care. It bites if an attempt
is made to pluck one. It
stands in one spot for -
twenty years, at the ex-







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


piration of which time it
disappears, but the box
framework and the legs are
left.

THE PEN-PECKER.
This bird is sometimes
found in lawyers' shops, and
lives on gnashed teeth and
lemon drops.

THE SWALLOWALL.



The amount of food this dis- ji
agreeable bird devours throughout
the day is unknown. It is all
mouth, and is constantly asking for -=. -
more.





















































THE nI/ONSLAT ELF~i;- AN- -------IS ~,TTPSEAH



























THE: DfS(',OSOLATE ELF AND HIS SUTRPRrSB PARTY.












THE ELF'S SURPRISE PARTY.


T HE little brown elf, from his favorite shelf,
Sighed as he watched the sea,
And softly cried to the lapsing tide:
"My friends have deserted me.

"Were I pea-green, or a sky-blue pink,
Or a sunlight golden to make them wink,
Or the beautiful hue of a lobster's shell
That has swung in that curious, coppery bell
By the fisherman's hut in the neighboring dell-
I think they'd remember me!"

So he kept his eyes on
The far horizon -
This elf whom his friends played a great surprise on
72









THE BARLEY CANDY BOY.

O THE Barley Candy Boy! 0 the Barley Candy Boy!
Who lived in the toy-man's window, 'tis little he
had of joy!
For he could not eat a bit of sweet, nor any sugar at all,
Unless he ran a fearful risk of being a cannibal.


{








'**f .- 'e-o- f owNTe
,e 'ro' 4 5.. .
=V4










VERY MARVELLOUS.


SUCH wondrous sight was never seen,
Great Hodge, the jester, cries,
"And I can bring the thing I mean
Before your very eyes.
Last week I saw it in the lake,
A fish it seemed to be;
To-day, the thing my head I'll stake -
Had legs like you and me."

"0 Hodge!" the little .maiden cried,
"You tell a foolish tale."
"Come see it, then," her friend replied,
"Before you jeer and rail."
Through dust and heat he led her where
A frog sat on a log.
"Last week," cried Hodge, "that creature there
Was just a pollywog."



74










J.
e_ ,. 5 .-,)' / :







t I~
"-- "'19 4 i
~ ~ ~ ~ -_ .... _._:,..-








'14. N B
-L '\ *.







'
Jil
,i L $









1/.
:il~J iPJill,
I I ,





'I


THE JESTER*
0 HODGE!" THE LITTLE MAIDEN CRIED, YOU TELL A FOOLISH TALE."
,,,,,,..} ,, ..1 ,, .. I-.]
I ~Ii',IJ, l,;, .. ,:":, :,

I, ,, ,, -
,,,, it ,,,
;v,"' i ....
,/, ", ,i: ,u ~ rr~ I ,Ii I 1 ''I~ i 1 i
1 11 ,) l l: I ,
', l i,,
T-qE JE STEI:L
O HODBE TEE LITTLE [AII)ENq DRIEU, YOU TELL A FOOLISa TALE."











THE REWARDS OF INDUSTRY.


N China, under the Tang dynasty, early in the seventh
century of the Christian era, lived a learned and
virtuous but poor mandarin who had three sons, Fu-su,
Tu-sin, and Wang-li. Fu-su and Tu-sin were young men
of active minds, always laboring to find out something
new and useful. Wang-li was clever too, but only
in games of skill, in which he attained great profi-
ciency.
Fu-su and Tu-sin continually talked to each other of
the wonderful inventions they would make when they
arrived at man's estate, and of the wealth and renown
they promised themselves thereby. Their conversation
seldom reached the ears of Wang-li, for he rarely lifted
his eyes from the chess-board on which he solved his
problems. But their father was more attentive, and
one day he said:
"I fear, my sons, that among your multifarious pur-
suits and studies you must have omitted to include that
of the laws of your country, or you would have learned
76







THE REWARDS OF INDUSTRY.


that fortune is not to be acquired by the means which
you have proposed to yourselves."
"How so, father?" they asked.
"It hath been justly deemed by our ancestors," said
the old man, "that the reverence due to the great men
who are worshipped in our temples, by reason of our
indebtedness to them for the arts of life, could not
but become impaired if their posterity were suffered to
eclipse their fame by new discoveries, or presumptuously
amend what might appear imperfect in their productions.
It is, therefore, by an edict of the Emperor Suen, for-
bidden to invent anything; and by a statute of the
Emperor Wu-chi it is further provided that nothing
hitherto invented shall be improved. My predecessor in
the small office I hold was deprived of it for saying
that in his judgment money ought to be made round
instead of square, and I have myself run risk of my life
for seeking to combine a small file with a pair of
tweezers."
"If this is the case," said the young men, "our father-
land is not the place for us." And they embraced their
father, and departed.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


Of their brother Wang-li they took no farewell, inas-
much as he was absorbed in a chess problem. Before
separating, they agreed to meet on the same spot after
thirty years, with the treasure which they doubted not
to have acquired by the exercise of their inventive facul-
ties in foreign lands. They further covenanted that if
either had missed his reward the other should share his
possessions with him.
Fu-su repaired to the artists who cut out characters
in blocks of hard wood, to the end that books may be
printed from the same. When he had fathomed their
mystery he betook himself to a brass-founder, and learned
how to cast in metal. He then sought a learned man
who had travelled much, and made himself acquainted
with the Greek,. Persian, and Arabic languages. Then
he cast a number of Greek characters in type, and put-
ting them into a bag and providing himself with some
wooden tablets of his own carving, he departed to seek
his fortune. After innumerable hardships and perils he
arrived in the land of Persia, and inquired for the great
king.
"The great king is dead," they told- him, "and his




































































WANG-LI AND IIS CIIESS-EOARD.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


head is entirely separated from his body. There is now
no king in Persia, great or small."
"Where shall I find another great king ?" demanded
he..
"In the city of Alexandria," replied they, "where the
commander of the faithful is busy introducing the re-
ligion' of the prophet."
SFu-su passed to Alexandria, carrying his types and
tablets. As he entered the gates he remarked an enor-
mous cloud of smoke, which, seemed to darken the whole
of fTi,- city.- Before he could inquire the reason, the
guard arrested him as a stranger, and conducted him to
the presence of the Caliph Omar.
Know, O Caliph," said Fu-su, that my countrymen
are at once the wisest of mankind and the stupidest.
They have invented an art for the preservation of letters
and the diffusion of knowledge, which the sages of Greece
and India never knew, but they have not learned to take,
and they refuse to be taught how to take, the one little
step further necessary to render it generally profitable to
mankind."
And producing his tablets and types, he explained







































































FU-SU AND THE COURT PHYSICIAN.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


to the Caliph the entire mystery of the art of print-
ing.
"Thou seemest to be ignorant," said Omar, "that we
have but yesterday condemned and excommunicated all
books, and banished the same from the face of the earth,
seeing that they contain either that which is contrary to
the Koran, in which case they are impious, or that which
is agreeable to the Koran, in which case they are super-
fluous. Thou art further unaware, as it would seem,
that the smoke which shrouds the city proceeds from the
library of the unbelievers, consumed by our orders. It
will be meet to burn thee along with it."
Oh, commander of the faithful," said an officer, "of
a surety the last scroll of the accursed ceased to flame
even as this infidel entered the city."
"If it be so," said Omar, "we will not burn him,
seeing that we have taken away from him the occasion
to sin. Yet shall he swallow these little brass amulets
of his, at the rate of one a day, and then be banished
from the country."
The sentence was executed, and Fu-su was happy that
the court physician condescended to accept his little prop-
erty in exchange for emetics.







THE REWARDS OF INDUSTRY.


He begged his way, slowly and painfully, back to
China, and arrived at the covenanted spot at the expi-
ration of the thirtieth year.
His father's modest dwelling had disappeared, and in


THE BROTHERS EMBRACED.


its place stood a magnificent mansion, around which
stretched a park, with pavilions, canals, willow-trees,
golden pheasants, and little bridges.
"Tu-sin has surely made his fortune," thought he,







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


"and he will not refuse to share it with me agreeably
to our covenant."
As he thus reflected he heard a voice at his elbow,
and turning round perceived that one in a more wretched
plight than himself was asking alms of him. It was
Tu-sin.
The brothers embraced with many tears, and after Tu-
sin had learned Fu-su's history, he proceeded to recount
his own.
"I repaired," said he, "to those who know the secrets
of the grains termed fire-dust, which Suen has not been
able to prevent us from inventing, but of which Wu-chi
has taken care that we shall make no use, save only for
*fireworks. Having learned this mystery, I deposited a
certain portion of this fire-dust in hollow tubes which I
had constructed of iron and brass, and upon it I further
laid leaden balls of a size corresponding to the hollow
of the tubes. I then found that by applying a light to
the fire-dust at one end of the tube, I could send the
ball out at the other with such force that it penetrated
the cuirasses of three warriors at once. I filled a barrel
with the dust, and concealing it and the tubes under







THE REWARDS OF INDUSTRY.


carpets which I laid upon the backs of oxen, I set out
to the city of Constantinople. I will not at present
relate my adventures on the journey.
"Suffice it that I arrived, at last, half dead from
fatigue and hardship, and destitute of everything except
my merchandise. By bribing an officer with my carpets
I was admitted to have speech with the Emperor. I
found him busily studying a problem in chess.
"I told him that I had discovered a secret which
would make him the master of. the world, and in par-
ticular would help him to drive away the Saracens, who
threatened his empire with destruction.
"' Thou must perceive,' he said, 'that I cannot pos-
sibly attend to thee until I have solved this problem.
Yet, lest any should say that the Emperor neglects his
duties, absorbed in idle amusement, I will refer thy in-
vention to the chief armorers of my capital.' And he
gave me a letter to the armorers, and returned to his
problem. And as I quitted the palace bearing the mis-
sive, I came upon a great procession. Horsemen: and
running footmen, musicians, heralds, and banner-bearers
surrounded a Chinaman who sat in the attitude of Fo







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


under a golden umbrella upon a richly caparisoned ele-
phant, his pigtail plaited with yellow roses. And the
musicians blew and clashed, and the standard-bearers
waved their ensigns, and the heralds proclaimed, 'Thus
shall it be done to the man whom the Emperor delights
to honor.' And unless I was very greatly mistaken, the
face of the Chinaman was the face of our brother
Wang-li.
"At another time I would have striven to find what
this might mean, but my impatience was great, as also
my need and hunger. I sought the chief armorers and
with great trouble brought them all together to give me
audience. I produced my tube and fire-dust, and sent
my balls with ease through the best armor they could
set before me.
"'Who will want breastplates now?' cried the chief
breastplate maker.
"' Or helmets?' exclaimed one who made armor for
the head.
'CI would not have taken fifty bezants for that
shield, and what good is it now?' said the head of the
shield trade.



























































TU-SIN DEPARTS FROM CONBTANTINOPLE.



87







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


"'My swords will be of less account,' said a sword-
smith.
"'My arrows of none,' lamented an arrow-maker.
"''Tis villany,' cried one.
"' 'Tis magic,' shouted another.
"'Tis illusion, as I'm an honest tradesman,' roared a
third, and put his integrity to the proof by thrusting a
hot iron bar into my barrel. All present rose up in
company with the roof of the building, and all perished
except myself, who escaped with the loss of my hair and
skin. A fire broke out on the spot, and consumed one-
third of the city of Constantinople.
"'Twas lying on a prison-bed some time afterwards,
partly recovered of my hurts, dolefully listening to a
dispute between two of my guards as to whether I ought
to be burned or buried alive, when the Imperial order
for my disposal came down. The jailers received it
with humility, and read, 'Kick him out of the city.'
Marvelling at the mildness of the punishment, they nev-
ertheless executed it with so much zeal that I flew into
the middle of the Bosphorus, where I was picked up by
a fishing-vessel, and landed on the Asiatic coast, whence







THE REWARDS OF INDUSTRY.


I have I,,.-,,1 my way home. I now propose that we
appeal to the pity of the owner of this splendid man-
sion, who may compassionate us on hearing that we
were reared in the cottage which has been pulled down
to make room for his palace."
They entered the gates, walked timidly up to the
house, and prepared to fall at the feet of the master,
but did not, for ere they could do so they recognized
their brother Wang-li.
It took Wang-li some time to recognize them, but when
at length he knew them he hastened to provide for their
every want. When they had well eaten and drunk, and
had been clad in robes of honor, they imparted their his-
tories and asked for his.
"My brothers," said Wang-li, "the whole game of
chess, which was happily invented long before the time
of the Emperor Suen, was followed by me solely for its
pleasure, and I dreamed not of acquiring wealth by its
pursuit until I casually heard one day that it was en-
tirely unknown to the people of the West. Even then
I thought not of making money, but conceived so deep
a compassion for those forlorn barbarians that I felt I







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


could know no rest until I should have enlightened
them.
"I accordingly proceeded to the city of Constanti-
nople, and was received as a messenger from Heaven.


I -. .^..L M -. __
,, ,^ ... ... -


% I
4,' -^





THE NEW PALACE.

those distinguished honors upon


"To such effect did
I labor that ere long
the Emperor and his
officers of state
thought of nothing
else but playing chess
all day and night,
and the empire fell
into entire confusion,
and the Saracens
mightily prevailed. In
consideration of these
services the Emperor
was pleased to bestow
me which thou didst


witness at his palace gate, dear brother.
"After, however, the fire which was occasioned through
thy instrumentality, though in no respect by thy fault, the







THE REWARDS OF INDUSTRY.


people murmured and taxed the Emperor with seeking to
destroy his capital in league with a foreign sorcerer, mean-


ing thee. Ere long the chief
the Emperor's apartment,
purposing to dethrone
him, but he declared that
he would in no wise ab-
dicate until he had fin-
ished the game of chess
he was then playing with
me. They looked on,
grew interested, began to
dispute with one another res


officers conspired, and entered






1.J :-. 11e

^--'HiC"---'^^
"THE FORTY CORN SHIPS."

pecting the moves, and while


they wrangled loyal officers entered and made them all
captive. This greatly augmented my credit with the
Emperor, which was even increased when shortly after-
wards I played with the Saracen admiral Saaud, who
was blockading the Hellespont, and won of him forty corn-
ships, which turned the dearth of the city into plenty.
The Emperor bade me choose any favor I would, but
I said his liberality had left me nothing to ask for except
the life of a poor countryman of mine who I had heard







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


was in prison for burning the city. The Emperor bade
me write his sentence with my own hand. Had I known
that it was thou, Tu-sin, believe me I had shown more
consideration for thy person. At length
I departed for my native land,
a t loaded with wealth, and
travelling most comfort-
ably by relays of swift drome-
daries.
"I returned hither, bought
our father's cottage, and on its
site erected this palace, where I
7L dwell meditating on the problems of
chess-players and the precepts of the
sages, and persuaded that a little thing which the world
is willing to receive is better than a great thing which
it hath not yet learned to value aright. For the world
is a big child, and chooses amusement before instruction."
"Call you chess an amusement?" asked his brothers.










TID-BITS.


THERE once was a bird called a Bustard,
So furiously fond of a custard,
That he'd beat up the eggs
With his feather-edged legs,
And eat 'em with pepper and mustard!






THERE was an old man of Toulouse,
Who lived on cold cranberry juice;
But he ate it so raw,
That it twisted his jaw -
So they pickled that man of Toulouse.











THE GORY GORILLA.


A STORY OF THE DARK CONTINENT.


(The African Complainant.)


0 the north of the River Zambesi,
To the west of the brook of Cham-
besi,
Where the big lake Nyanza
Flows down by Mutanza,
As if playing a game of Parchesi-
To the east of Ujiji and Karo,
In the province of Tanganymaro
(Where the crocodile ambles
While taking his rambles),
There rises Mount Kilima-Njaro.


Here lived a tremendous gorilla;
A monster quite able to kill a
Hyena at least;
And the skin of the beast
94







THE GORY GORILLA.


Was like dried orange peel from Manilla!
'Twas tough; and so wrinkled and yellow,
That the very first sight of the fellow
Would set you a-quaking,
And trembling and shak-
ino _-
Before he was able to bellow. .

He had come from the coun- .
ty of Congo,
Where a hunter while draw-
ing a long bow
Had killed off his l ,
mother,
His father and brother, -
On the beautiful banks of the
Quango; ,' "'"'"
Whence, vowing a vengeance ( Mr. G. Gorilla shoutelt dcjiance.)
terrific,
In language most choice and specific,
Like a blizzard on-rushing
He was killing and cr-i,-l.;,
In a style the reverse of pacific.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


He everywhere forcibly stated
That anything human he hated;
And whatever it
Smay be,
A man or a
baby,
7 So soon as he saw
it, was fated.
For he was so
awfully clever
That a blow from his fist like a lever,
Crushed heads to a bubble
T Without any trouble,
S And the victim would breathe again
never!

African Nations

I could write in this manner for ages,
And fill up a hundred odd pages
With the harrowing story
Most tragic and gory
Of the tantrums he cut in his rages;


(The








THE GORY GORILLA.


But I'd rather just group them together;
For, if you were tougher than leather,
The numbers -
(] QpT'yp !,^^^'"B ^ /,Z .. .. 1'- --...
he'd serve I,
so,
Would shake ,
your poor
nerve so,
That they might knock you down with J
a feather.


At last, just in self preservation,
The whole of the African nation, o.)
V Yow vengeance.)
From sands of Sahara
To plains of Bambarra,
Whatever their rank or their station-
From lordly Dahomeys of Guinea,
To Hottentots woolly and skinny,
Each vowed he would kill a
Great gory gorilla,
Or be branded at once as a ninny.







THE CHILDREN'S NONSENSE BOOK.


They gathered together like sparrows;
They fought him with spears and with arrows;
With shouts and with groaning,
With sticks and with stoning,
With everything pointed that harrows;
With backbones of whales and of gudgeons;
With slings, and with knives, and with bludgeons;
With stone-headed hammers,
And flint-pointed rammers -
But he laughed at them all as curmudgeons.

He openly scoffed and defied them;
He'd laugh, and he'd chaff, and deride them;
Then he snatched up gigantic
Great stones with mad antic,
And into the midst of 'em shied them;
He'd drop on their heads from the edges
Of steep and precipitous ledges,
And with a wild yell he
Would crush them to jelly,
Then spring out of sight in the hedges.

He might have gone on with these gory
Manoeuvres until he was hoary,




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