• TABLE OF CONTENTS
HIDE
 Front Cover
 Front Matter
 Half Title
 Frontispiece
 Title Page
 The comic almanack for 1851
 Back Matter
 Back Cover














Group Title: The Comic Almanack : an ephemeris in jest and earnest, containing merry tales, humorous poetry, quips, and oddities.
Title: The Comic almanack
ALL VOLUMES CITATION THUMBNAILS PAGE IMAGE ZOOMABLE
Full Citation
STANDARD VIEW MARC VIEW
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00078634/00017
 Material Information
Title: The Comic almanack
Physical Description: 2 v. : fronts. (1 fold.) illus., plates (part fold.) ; 20 cm.
Language: English
Creator: Cruikshank, George, 1792-1878 ( illus )
Thackeray, William Makepeace, 1811-1863
Smith, Albert, 1816-1860
Beckett, Gilbert Abbott, 1811-1856
Mayhew, Horace, 1816-1872
Mayhew, Henry, 1812-1887
Hotten, John Camden, 1832-1873
Publisher: J. C. Hotten
Place of Publication: London
Publication Date: [1870-71]
 Subjects
Subject: Almanacs, English   ( lcsh )
Genre: non-fiction   ( marcgt )
 Record Information
Bibliographic ID: UF00078634
Volume ID: VID00017
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: aleph - 000632441
notis - ADG2054
lccn - 31004883

Table of Contents
    Front Cover
        Front Cover
    Front Matter
        Front Matter 1
        Front Matter 2
        Front Matter 3
        Front Matter 4
        Front Matter 5
    Half Title
        Half Title
    Frontispiece
        Image : Probable effects over female emigration
    Title Page
        Title Page
    The comic almanack for 1851
        Unnumbered ( 10 )
        Female emigration
            Page 330
            Page 331
            Page 332
        Invitation to the zoological gardens
            Image
            Page 333
        Invitation to the zoological gardens
            Census of 1851
                Page 334
                Image
                Page 335
        Lion hunters museum
            Page 336
            Image
        A leaf out of Ledru Rollin's book
            Page 336
            Page 337
        Travelling for the million : a song of the panoramas
            Page 338
            Page 339
        Alarming sacrifice
            Page 340
            Image
            Page 341
            Page 342
            Image
            Page 343
        To the editor of the Comic Almanack
            Page 343
        Over population : a malthusian lamentation
            Page 344
            Image
            Page 345
            Page 346
        Our pet thief
            Page 347
            Page 348
            Page 349
            Page 350
    Back Matter
        Back Matter 1
        Back Matter 2
    Back Cover
        Back Cover
Full Text
















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NOTICE.


The FIRST SERIES of THE COMIC ALMANACK"
from 1835 to 1843, a nine years' gathering of the BEST
HUMOUR, the WITTIEST SAYINGS, the Drollest Quips, and the
Best Things of THACKERAY, HOOD, MAYHEW, ALBERT SMITH,
A'BECKETT, ROBERT BROUGH, with nearly one thousand Wood-
cuts and Steel Engravings by the inimitable CRUIKSHANK, HINE,
LANDELLS-

may now be had of the Publisher, crown 8vo, 600 pp.,
price 7s. 6d.

SThe First Series and the present (or Second Series) comprise
THE COMPLETE WORK, extendingfrom 1835 to 1853.






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THE


COMIC ALMANAC

AN EPHEMERIS IN JEST AND EARNEST, CONTAINING

MERRY TALES, HUMOROUS POETRY,
QUIPS, AND ODDITIES.

BY
THACKERAY, ALBERT SMITH, GILBERT A BECKETT,
T-HE BROTHERS MAYHEW.



:tI T'


"THE APPROACH OF BLUCHER.-INTREPID ADVANCE OF THE 1ST FOOT."

igity mang unbnkb llastrations
4B Y GEORGE CRUIKSHANK.
AND OTHER ARTISTS.

SECOND SERIES, 1844-1853.

LONDON:
JOHN CAMDAN HOTTEN, 74 & 75, PICCADILLY.
'NEW YOK : SCRIBNER. WELFORD AND CO.
















THE


COMIC ALMANACK

FOR 1851.







330 THE COMIC ALMANAC. [185 1.

"FEMALE EMIGRATION."











MR. SIDNEY HERBERT has forced upon us a great
C ':- n fact-an uncomfortably great fact-it is thrust into
"' .t our brain like a fat thirteenth into an omnibus-we
are alarmingly overstocked with lovely women;
I "'"x Ithere is a perfect glut of angel purity. Our drawing-
rooms, we are told, are choked up with book-muslins;
and who would not weep to behold the despairing
virgins forced to polk," waltz," and "quadrille"
together. Glance down the longest of our very long
drapers' shops-is it not dreadful to contemplate
the two endless rows of bonnets? Even the few
hats that you do see in such places belongto swains
that have been dragged there with smiles and
coaxings-lambs led by garlands to the sacrificial
counter.
.And what is the consequence? Our youths are
pursued by clever mammas, and hemmed in by
desperate daughters. Embroidered braces, worked
cigar-cases, and beaded pen-wipers are showered
down upon them. Still all the ladies cannot be
married Bountiful nature has provided two and
a half wives for each Briton; but selfish Parliament
d enies them more than one; and no Englishman-
however sanguine-can expect to be a widower
more than twice.
But great times produce great men, and at this
sad crisis Mr. Sidney Herbert steps forward to

I .








1851.] FEMALE EMIGRATION." 33I

call the attention of the British public to Australia-to Australia, the land
of the wifeless !
[An interval of four months is supposed to elapse.
Already have a few shipments been made on speculation, and they have
answered beyond all hopes. We give the advices received of the last cargo.
"Per the 'Orange Wreath,' 400 tons. Lovit, Commander.
"Seventy cwt. of serviceable spinsters averaging twelve stone, warranted
affectionate and good mothers.
"One ton and a half neat widows, fond of children, and small eaters."
[An interval of twelve months is supposed to elapse.
The news received (we are happy to say) is very cheering. "Ringlets to
the waist are in great demand. Black eyes (very superior jet) are freely dis-
posed of; and red hair, well oiled, at prices slightly in advance of the raw
material."
An emigration mania has seized upon the ladies. Every spinster in and
out of her teens is sighing for the land where husbands are to be as numerous
as dead flies in a grocer's window. Paris bonnets are being soldered down in
tin cases, and low necked dresses are "run up" in a night-like mushrooms.
Wedding-rings are bought up for fear of accidents, and the marriage service
is rehearsed every evening before going to bed..
[An interval of six months is supposed to elapse.
If the desire for emigration among females is not stopped, England will
soon be like a bee-hive, with only one female in it, and that-the Queen.
Only wait a year-a little year-and then do not be startled to find The
Bridesmaid" leaving early in January so full of virgins as to be obliged to
"let out her stays" before she can take her wind" properly. Every month
hundreds of our daughters (of course we speak figuratively) are hurrying to
the Australian shores to get settlers for life. Before age shall have made our
whiskers bushy, London will be womanless. Let us grow prophetic and show
what will happen.
[An interval of two years is supposed to elapse.
Half the linendrapers' shops are closed; Waterloo House is "to let;"
Sewell and Cross' has become a cigar divan. Oh this female emigration
mania! We'll give the committee another ten years, and then let our un-
darned socks be upon their heads. When at last we have become a nation of
shopkeeping monks, Government will have to take the matter in hand.
Ladies will have to be imported to supply the place of the exported; our fleets
will be obliged to scour the seas, touching at every island, till their cargo of
lovely virgins and charming widows be made up, and then-back again to
shirt-buttonless England.
No doubt a duty will be levied upon the blooming freight. The love-sick
bachelor, armed with a tasting order," will hurry to the docks to try the
sweetness of the charming Negresses before taking them out of bond. We
can imagine the diary that will be kept some years hence.
[An interval of thirty years is supposed to elapse.
"This morning up early and went, as usual, to hoot under old Sidney
Herbert's window. I smashed the only sound pane of glass in the dining-
room. He hasn't had a knocker these three months. Was delighted to hear
that the Albany had, for the seventy-fifth time, challenged him to a man;
he has again refused!








332 THE COMIC ALMANACK. [85r.

Heavens I what a state we are in. Before 1 could go out, I had to gum
up the holes in my socks, as usual, and sent for the saddler to sew a fresh
buckle and strap on my false collar.
"Had a long talk with a poor policeman, who was positively starving. He
told me of the good old days of the cooks, when a gallant officer was always
sure of his six good suppers. Poor fellow! he is not worse off than the army.
Many of our bold troops have not smoked for months; they miss the maid.
servants' wages sadly.
"I groaned as I walked down Regent Street. All the shops closed. The
crowd round the wax female bust at Rossi's was fearful. Heavens what a
lovely head and shoulders it has!
S"Dined at Ned Franklin's yesterday, and had a small piece of pickled
gooseberry pie that his sister had sent him from Australia. He tells me the
subscription among the Mahomedan countries goes on well. The Grand
Turk was moved to tears at our situation, and subscribed twenty of his wives
on the spot. Bless him! Bless him!
Fluffy has been obliged to lock his wife up in the cellar. His door was
broken open yesterday ten times by the adoring multitude. All over his
walls has been chalked, 'No MONOPOLY!'
We are on the point of despair Is it not kind of the Queen to allow her
lady's-maid to be on view every Saturday? The angel is sadly small-pocked,
but still valued at 4000 guineas.
Last week the daughter of the late Miss Biffin was wheeled to the altar,
and gave her foot in marriage to the Honourable James Jessamy. Here's a
state of things !"
[An interval of ten years is supposed to elapse.
"Glorious news. glorious news! The prayers that have been read in
church for the last six months are answered. The Lover's Hope,' A 1, has
been spoken with off Deal. She has a splendid cargo of fine healthy angels.
Three marriage offers were made off Ramsgate through speaking-trumpets.
Gravesend.-Met all my old companions, like myself, with wedding-rings
and wedding-cakes under their arms. As many of the pets have dark com-
plexions-most of them, indeed, are quite black-some of the fellows brought
glass beads, nails, and old knives with them.
Hurrah! we have struck our bargains and paid the duty. This morning
twq hundred of us were married, ten at a time. The clergyman fainted. My
dear angelic wile is of a beautiful japan black. I clothed her before intro-
ducing her to my friends. The dear affectionate creature presented me, after
the ceremony, with a joint of her little finger, neatly done up in a piece of
her red shawl. It is a custom of their country. I had to buy her, for her
wedding trousseau, six bright tin saucepans and a set of polished fire-ironp
that she took a fancy to on her way to church."
[A short interval is supposed to elapse.
"Three quarters of a year of unexampled bliss have fled quickly by: I am
the father of two raisin-coloured little heirs. I wish I could persuade my wife
not to wear the kitchen poker suspended from her neck."
[An interval often years is finally supposed to elapse.
"Despair Despair! Why did not the 'Matchmaker' arrive a few years
sooner ? She is laden with the loveliest cream-coloured Circassians.
DEATHH OR BIGAMY !









gq-g,








F~sn`C~ w R ~All
~ELI;W S, ~' TIE ZOLO~lCN ~ SAll WY








85i.] 33'3


AN INVITATION TO THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS.
(BY A GENTLEMAN WITH A SLIGHT IMPEDIMENT IN HIS SPEECH.)

TO THE 0Il I TO THE
HIfPOF OTANUS3 HIPPO OTAN I







I HAVE found out a gig-gig-gift for my fuf-fuf--fair,
I have found where the rattle-snakes hub-bub- breed.
Won't you c-c-c-come, and I'll show you the hub-bub- bear,
And the lions and tit-tit-- tigers at fuf-fuf-fuf-- feed.
I know where the c-c-c-co--cocKatoo s song
Makes mum-mum-mum- melody through the sweet vale;
Where the m- monkeys gig-gig- grin all the day long,
Or gracefully swing by the tit-tit-tit-tit- tail.
You shall pip-pip- play, dear, some did-did-- delicate joke,
With the hub-hub- bear on the tit-tit--top of his pip-pip-
pip- pole;
But observe. 'tis for-for-for--bidden to pip-pip-poke
At the bub-bu--bear with your pip-pip- pink pip-pip-pip-
pip- parasol.
You shall see the huge elephant pip-pip-pip-play;
You shall gig-gig-gaze on the stit-tit- ately racoon,
And then did-did-dear together we'll stray,
To the cage of the bub-bub---blue fuf-fuf-fac'd bab-babb-ab- boon.
You wish'd (I r-r-r-remember it well,
And I 1-1-1-lov'd you the m-m-more for the wish)
To witness the bub-bub-bub- beautiful pip-pip pel-
-ican swallow the l-1-live I-1-l-little fuf-fuf- fish.
Then c-c-come, did-did-dearest, n-n-n-never say "nun-nun-nun-nun-
nay;"
I'll tit-tit-treat you, my love, to a bub-bub-ub--buss,"
'Tis but thrup-pip-pip-pip--pence a pip-pip-piece all the way,
To see the hip-pip-pip-(I beg your pardon)-
To see the hip-pip-pip-pip-(ahem!)
The hip-pip-pip-pip- pop-pop-pop-pop--( mean)
The hip-po-po-po-(dear me, love, you know)
The hippo-pot-pot-pat-('pon my word I'm quite ashamed of my-
self).
The hip-pip-pop- the hip-po-pot.
To see the Hippop-potamus.








THE COMIC ALMANACK.


THE CENSUS OF 1851.
THE earnest care of the Government to know the exact number of people
that the parish of Clumpley-cum-Bogglesmere contained on an especial night
-how many folks slept in 43, Parson's Court, Upper Bloater Street,
Chandler's Market, on the same occasion: who populated the police-cells;
who put up at hotels; who dozed the night away in cabs and coffee-shops-on
billiard-tables and heaps of cabbages-anywhere, everywhere, and nowhere-
this great investigation of those who cannot believe their Census any longer,
is about to come off again, and again to furnish its utterly false returns.
We say utterly false, for the means taken to insure correctness, as to the
number of persons who slept in a particular place on a particular night, are
contemptibly inefficient. With the smallest foresight, we can furnish a
number of tables proving its inaccuracy; and from the mass of evidence taken
by the Census Committee of Inquiry after the last return (which evidence
has never been made public) we can also bring forward conclusive facts. To
show the futility of expecting a correct return from houses we subjoin the
following information, taken quite at random, from different individuals.
CAsE 1.-Mr. Mark Lane.-I am a single man, and on the Corn Exchange.


I never slept anywhere on the
night in question. I went to
dine at the Divan, and then I
went to the play, and then I
went to the Albion, and then
I went to the Cyder Cellars, and
then I went about, and then I
went to a coffee-house, and then
I went to Westminster Bridge
to see the sun rise, and then I
went to my office and then I


went to bed on the counting-house table, and upset the
inkstand into the wafers; and then I went to sleep till
the clerk came.
CASE 2.-Joseph Badger.-I'm a cabman. I didn't
sleep not in no house on that night: I haven't done for
years. I took a party from Doory Lane, Julynn's, to


'II-






IC III







w/dy, no, i,.t t Sitj A a .e S4. nC t ra s /mlr tljC leor e k sw&, Aa-rse ,
lOb on e 0bMk 3 D t TIH d H k S ilb fr td^w/orc L6t /r Sitinm
tho li1 yek S n UAanvi&.Sl V &YO Crd1 .7toUfeS Af alkerkw MU e iu Yi/e %at, a dr
(h.--'-ft ^wAvu Cb cnl W b cousin Arse~a, k Couwwn q i akn-ck 8waia
ra-<^ ^^s ^D Y t^.y^^a^-^s t^^^^ (rL16LK
i&'^ ^L.wtiT-i,. ; msci

TAXING TH] E CEiTSO S .







1851.] THE CENSUS OF 1851. 333

Pentonwill; and afterwards nodded on my box a bit, just a wink, cos no cabs
as never no call there. Then I took a cent as was a little overcome, and








thought he was at Paddington, as far as the Edg'er Road, by St. Paul's
and the Regency Circus; and then I went to the Great West'un, and dozed a
bit again, inside, and set on my whip and broke it, just like anything, as
you might say. Next fare I got was a up-passenger from Exeter, and took
him to the Piazzy Hotel, and then I got another wink in Bedford Street, and
there I was till morning.
CAsE 3.-Mr. Gregory Barne.-I am a surgeon and chemist in Seven
Dials. I certainly never slept in any house on that evening. I was rung
up at eleven o'clock to an obstetric case in Endell Street; and sent from
there at two, to an Irishman who'd got his skull fractured in St. Giles's,
by a quart pot; and was obliged to leave him to cut down a tipsy tailor,
who had just hung himself in Crown Street, and was two hours coming
round; and then I had his wife in hysterics for the same time; and then
it was morning, and I was obliged to go off to
the Old Bailey on a trial of manslaughter.
But these examples might be multiplied to the
ages of Sinclair, Widdicombe, Braham, and any
other "veterans," as they are termed, combined.
The people unnumbered in the Census compose
waiters, tramps, stokers, carriers, gamblers, piemen,
breakfast-stall-keepers, steamboat stewards, mail-
train passengers, moon-shooters, show-folks, Vaux- C
hall lamp-men, and renowned individuals of all
sorts, whose night's repose is doubtful; such as
Mr. Braidwood; the toll-keepers at the bridges,
the beadles of the arcades, Mr. Green, if on a night <
ascent; the editor of the Times; and, on certain .s
debates, Mr. Chisholm Anstey.
We are told that population doubles in a certain
number of years. If so, when it doubles itself
again, what the dickens will the crowd do in
Cheapside at four o'clock in the afternoon; or the
people on the roof of the Cremorne omnibuses
homeward-bound; in the pit of the Adelphi; the
Derby-day cheap trains; the Blackwall whitebait
houses on fine Sundays; or the Watermen steamers ALARMING INCe A op
from Greenwich Fair? HBE POPULrTION.








THE COMIC ALMANAC.


THE LION HUNTER'S MUSEUM.
MRS. LEO HUNTER has passed fifteen years of her fashionable life in the
pursuit of lions. The following is a faithful enumeration of the various
trophies which she carried off at different times in the ardour of the chase.
They have been collected into a museum, which will be shortly thrown open
to the public, on a plan somewhat similar to Mr. Gordon Cumming's South
African Exhibition:-
1. The autograph of Miss Biffin, written with her toes.
2. The leg of a fowl which Bernard Kavanagh, the living skeleton, de-
voured at supper. Unique.
3. The rolling-pin of the "Victim of Unmerited Seduction" of the Royal
Victoria Theatre.
4. The washing bill of the Bosjemen for the delightful fortnight they
honoured my country villa at Islington with their refreshing presence.
5. The cheval-glass in which Tom Thumb admired himself the memorable
day he dined with me.
6. The head-dress of one of the Ojibbeways.
7. The long-bow which the celebrated African traveller, Gordon Cum-
ming-it-too-strong, pulled after dinner whilst the muffins were being handed
round.
8. Ten door-knockers, of the lion's head pattern, sent me by the spirited
young Marquis of Hungerford after the night of my evening party, one
of them being my own, and the other ones belonging to Nos. 1 to 9 in-
clusive. Capital.
9. The clay pipe smoked by the celebrated German poet Kramm, after
he had recited his master-piece, in ten books, of the Oneness of Germany."
10. The false calves of Adolphe Petard, premier danseur de 1' Op6ra et
de monde.
11. A turnpike-ticket (belonging to the Westminster Road toll) of Mr.
N. T. Hicks, the 79th night he played Mazeppa.



A LEAF OUT OF LEDRU ROLLIN'S BOOK.
"IN my celebrated book (which, I regret to. say, has already proved the
ruin of my French publisher) I have left out many examples of the Decline
of England,' which I now hasten to supply.
With what examples of thy perfidy, 0 Albion shall I begin ? Indeed,
they are so numerous that I would as soon essay to reckon the grains of sand
in one of thy tubs of sugar, as count them.
Hast thou any Coffee? No! it is all Chicory, thou art too poor to drink
coffee as the brave Parisians drink it, and though the doctors say chicory is
good for the health, I hold that it is one of the causes of thy 'Decline.'
"Thou art so poor, too, that lately thou hast been obliged to cut off, the
skirts of thy officers' jackets, to make trousers, I suppose, for thy miserable
soldiers.
"The same symptoms of 'Decline' run through all the bodies of England;
legislative, judicial, theatrical, and even royal. Is it not true that thou art
reducing the salaries of all her ministers, and it is a great question whether
Prince Albert himself will not be put on board wages ? Is it not true that
the admission at Vauxhall has been reduced to one shilling, because England's


I185r .













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THEl ]S$~ICII< li-l1I IISHi JON AWf ) III V IHNCII )UACA MON V F;








THE COMIC ALMANAC.


THE LION HUNTER'S MUSEUM.
MRS. LEO HUNTER has passed fifteen years of her fashionable life in the
pursuit of lions. The following is a faithful enumeration of the various
trophies which she carried off at different times in the ardour of the chase.
They have been collected into a museum, which will be shortly thrown open
to the public, on a plan somewhat similar to Mr. Gordon Cumming's South
African Exhibition:-
1. The autograph of Miss Biffin, written with her toes.
2. The leg of a fowl which Bernard Kavanagh, the living skeleton, de-
voured at supper. Unique.
3. The rolling-pin of the "Victim of Unmerited Seduction" of the Royal
Victoria Theatre.
4. The washing bill of the Bosjemen for the delightful fortnight they
honoured my country villa at Islington with their refreshing presence.
5. The cheval-glass in which Tom Thumb admired himself the memorable
day he dined with me.
6. The head-dress of one of the Ojibbeways.
7. The long-bow which the celebrated African traveller, Gordon Cum-
ming-it-too-strong, pulled after dinner whilst the muffins were being handed
round.
8. Ten door-knockers, of the lion's head pattern, sent me by the spirited
young Marquis of Hungerford after the night of my evening party, one
of them being my own, and the other ones belonging to Nos. 1 to 9 in-
clusive. Capital.
9. The clay pipe smoked by the celebrated German poet Kramm, after
he had recited his master-piece, in ten books, of the Oneness of Germany."
10. The false calves of Adolphe Petard, premier danseur de 1' Op6ra et
de monde.
11. A turnpike-ticket (belonging to the Westminster Road toll) of Mr.
N. T. Hicks, the 79th night he played Mazeppa.



A LEAF OUT OF LEDRU ROLLIN'S BOOK.
"IN my celebrated book (which, I regret to. say, has already proved the
ruin of my French publisher) I have left out many examples of the Decline
of England,' which I now hasten to supply.
With what examples of thy perfidy, 0 Albion shall I begin ? Indeed,
they are so numerous that I would as soon essay to reckon the grains of sand
in one of thy tubs of sugar, as count them.
Hast thou any Coffee? No! it is all Chicory, thou art too poor to drink
coffee as the brave Parisians drink it, and though the doctors say chicory is
good for the health, I hold that it is one of the causes of thy 'Decline.'
"Thou art so poor, too, that lately thou hast been obliged to cut off, the
skirts of thy officers' jackets, to make trousers, I suppose, for thy miserable
soldiers.
"The same symptoms of 'Decline' run through all the bodies of England;
legislative, judicial, theatrical, and even royal. Is it not true that thou art
reducing the salaries of all her ministers, and it is a great question whether
Prince Albert himself will not be put on board wages ? Is it not true that
the admission at Vauxhall has been reduced to one shilling, because England's


I185r .








A LEAF OUT OF LEDRU ROLLIN'S BOOK.


haughty nobility can no longer afford to pay four ? Is it not true that the Queen
has been obliged to pull down a beautiful marble arch in front of her palace
in Buckingham, merely to make Carrara water
out of it? Is it not true that England's l0,.
favourite authors, Charles Bulwer, Albert
Dickens, and Sir Edward Lytton Smith, have = tf
been compelled, by the iron pressure of the
times, to publish their works in penny edi-
tions, because the public could no longer
afford to give 11. 11s. 6d. for them? Is it not
also true that the Omnibuses-
those running barometers of the
social weather have .brought
down their prices to threepence
instead of half-a-crown? Is it
not likewise true that the market
for wives has been so overstocked
lately that the City authorities :
are obliged to enlarge Smithfield;
that ices are selling in the streets
for one penny, and pineapples
are being hawked about at two-
pence apiece, because they cannot
be sold at any price in the shops ; --
and is it not likewise the truth --
that Englishmen are B""a" WnLaNSG a. ]L ENT.
now too poor to give a penny to be shaved, and
that several shops in the New Cut, and the Seven
Vials, are writing up in their windows-I have
It AMI seen it myself-' A CLEAN SHAVE FOR ONE HALF-
IN A PENNY.'
DEEP "These are solemn, rueful, ugly truths, which
E11tN show too plainly where lie the seeds of England's
decline.
"One more little proof, and I have finished with
this distressing subject, though it has yielded me a
certain malicious pleasure in the investigation of
it. I have just been told that there is not a Stilton
/j4 cheese in all London but what is thoroughly
*- decayed. The fact is as clear as .a cup of
.Z .---. (French) coffee. The people- have no money
JOHN BULL ON ~s S ST LaES, to buy these cheeses, and they have been kept
so long on the shelves of the shops that they
have all gone bad. I point, therefore, with exulting scorn to a Stilton cheese,
and say 'Libellers behold' la decadence of mity Angleterre. I shall tell my
publisher (Mr. John Bull) to give a morsel of Stilton cheese with every copy
he sells of my book.
"LEDRU ROLLIN."








THE COMIC ALMANAC.


TRAVELLING FOR THE MILLION.
A SONG OF THE PANORAMAS.
BY A CLERK WHO HAS READ MACAULAY.
LEAVE to the middle classes
The joys of Camden Town,
Let unambitious asses
To Islington come down.
Let Clapham grow uproarious,
On mild domestic wines,
And Kennington luxurious
On cheap West India pines.
No ruins kept in neat repair,
No new antiques" for me;
No arbours where the earwigs fall
Into the strangers' tea !
I love not the last omnibus"-
Dark vehicle of fate-
That always when 'tis sought at nine,
Has left at half-past eight!
My home is on the raging seas,
Or some far distant shore,
Though in my office I am pent
Each day from ten till four.
Vast Egypt's parched and burning sands
No strangers are to me;
Though I must be at home at ten,
And have not a latch-key!
Each night-or mayhap morning-
Should leisure on me smile,
My heart rebounds beholding
The wonders of the Nile;
The Sphynx's solemn majesty,
That Kinglake could appal,
I solve for just a shilling
At the Egyptian Hall.
Or led by golden longings
(I'm also fond of "change"),
My gaze on California
Delightedly will range,


[185I.








1851.] TRAVELLING FOE THE MILLION. 339

Beholding Nature's grandest gifts,
With blackguardism blent,
All open to the public at
The same establishment!

To India's burning shores I go,
Across the ocean grand,
Or patronize the other route--
The famous overland;"
With Stocqueler's companionship, '
Along the sands sublime,
From Regent Street the journey's made
'Tween lunch and dinner time.

While slaves at Verray's, cabin'd cribb'd,"
* Walk into plates of ice,
I range the entire Polar seas,
And pay but the same price.
Of blubber and harpoons, my friends,
I know, believe, each tale,
For oft I hear some one compare
My stories to a whale.

Beer from the homely pewter,
To gents" I leave with scorn,
And quench my roving thirst from out
The famous Golden Horn;
Oh! what are chimney-pots to me
Who minarets have seen P
Ask one who's been in Whitecross
Street,
What 'tis to quarantine!

Yet must I soon my rambles end,
Till spring shall soothe my sight;
The Mississippi moves me not,
I've Paris seen by night;-
But let me pause, too soon I blame
My melancholy fate,
A Hansom to Australia!
I swear I'll emigrate!








THE COMIC ALMANAC.


/ HE modern draper's guide to wealth h T
S is a wonderful short cut. Perseverance, honesty,
integrity, and such twaddle have got to be drugs
,' in the market. To get on the highway of for-
R'uin, continue straight on till you come to the
S Insolvent Court, and-there you are. Let busi-
3 ness grow dull, and capital object-like a fat
turtle-to be turned over and over, and the haber-
dashers have still the safe expedient left them of
being ruined before taking in their spring goods.
About six "fearful bankruptcies" will make an
enterprising tradesman comfortable for life. There
is nothing like a dreadful failure" for insuring complete success, and
selling off at the most frightful loss" is the cleverest way of getting the
very handsomest profits. As for a shopkeeper writing up over his door
" established these hundred years," it's sheer madness. He might as well
say at once that be didn't intend selling off at 60 per cent. under prime cost.
His father might have put up such a sign, but the nation has grown wiser.
A clever linendraper, who wishes to succeed in business, should look
cautiously at the splendid establishments of his neighbours, and then try to
eclipse them all. If his rival's shop front reaches to the second floor, let
his touch the third. Double the size of the plate-glass, have fifty times
more brass, and a hundred times more gas, and he will take all their
business away from them as easily as a watch in a crowd. Never mind
the goods, but for heaven's sake look to the French polish! Remember
this-A crust on silver is known to be better than venis in on crockeryware.
The "extensive alteration of premises," if well advertised, will fill the
house like the first night of a new theatre; velvets with cotton backs, silks
thin as tracing paper, calicoes half plaster of Paris, will fetch prices higher
than a murderess's -inglets.
As soon as this novelty has
II I died away, an enterprising
1 1 p/ tradesman should have a "dis-
al astrous fire," by way of a jolly
.- ( house-warming. Hang up a few
5 scorched blankets outside the
i hop, with a placard stating that
20,000 are for sale, and down
will. rush the ladies like spar-
rows to a pea-sowing. Dresses
soiled a little in one corner-so as not to show-by the water from the


[1851.






IBASI~r Pf


~-p~$bi:~-;~~;~~'u~l
;89`$~d~~py:
Ye~


Si Ot o eAw* m sTtLme7n ci-e
I rvnenc OLl a t. W L nfW iw fi.


AliARXM t G SAuRIFICE.


GROS DE
NI APLES
1500 PToad
SoP''tti
cf iN~e
Ilk Nnie







1851.] AN ALARMING SACRIFICE. 341

engines in the back scullery-will look dirt cheap at twice their original
price.
But the grand coup-the end and aim of a real downright spirited man
of business-is his own ruin. For decency's sake he must defer this until
he has been in business six months at least. With the first-rate poster of
" Frightful Bankruptcy !" up come the ladies, each one with the week's
housekeeping money, to pick up something from the most distressing wreck.
The idea of such a vast concern going to pieces draws down the beauteous
wreckers like an Indiaman on a rock. To keep up the excitement, issue
every Monday morning a notice that the stock must be. sold in a week,"
and go on every month increasing the amount of loss from fifty until it
reaches two hundred per cent. under prime cost If the tickets to each
article are well scratched through and marked anew, and marked again in
red ink, the success is certain. Three ruins, and a spirited salesman may
change his name, take a Clapham villa, and keep his nag like a gentleman.
It is a cruel thing, but such is the spirit of competition abroad, that defy
it as you will, it is not to be intimidated. Like
goose for dinner, there is no keeping it down.
If Smith and Co. challenge Europe in shirt-
ings, Jones and Co. challenge the world in sheet-
ings. Get a good idea and all your rivals in-
stantly seize upon it; it's positively disgusting.
The other day a genius in -the silk trade hit
upon so excellent a plan, that it is a positive
disgrace to the nation he is not allowed to
patent it. He was in the ruin line (his six-
teenth), and wishing to go to the dogs in style,
advertised in all the papers that, previous to the '
doors being opened, a grand scramble of bonnets
would take place. Thirty thousand Dunstables
would be positively thrown away into the gutter from the first floor. Of
course the attendance was terrific. A band was engaged, and at night the
shop was illuminated, and
the word ruin," in blood .
red lamps, appearing over o
the shop door. With the I
first shower of bonnets the
scene was exciting in the
extreme, the music playing
" Hurrah for the bonnets so
new."
A most shameful piracy /
of this touch of mercantile V Z
genius has already taken
place. The firm of Smith
and Co. have advertised a
grandscrambleof left-handed
gloves on Monday, and the right-handed ones on Tuesday. The house of
Green and Co. have announced that, previous to their annual ruin, they
intend to give a grand raffle for three hundred silk gowns, with leg-of-
mutton sleeves and trimmings. Doubtless some firms will shortly imitate
the plan of gambling-houses, and hand round wine and cakes to the customers,
and by this manceuvre perhaps a lady might see double, and take six yards-.
instead of twelve.

___ ___, __ \







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


Moreover, why allow the ruin principle to rest with the mere announce-
ment of the fact, why not act a little melodrama or so to make the
destruction more real and palatable. Thus the enterprising tradesman might
take a hint from the plague of London, and when a carriage rolled by, or a
crowd collected at his shop front, he might throw up his window, wring his
hands, and scream, instead of
"death death !"-as of old
-" ruin! ruin despair !"
and then disappear suddenly.
Or why not, when the shop
was crowded, let the shop-
walker (who might be a
leading tragedian engaged for
the express purpose) sud-
denly rush down the middle,
with his shirt collar open,
followed by six despairing clerks, and holding an empty pistol to his fore-
head. which, after a desperate struggle, he might allow them to wrest from












UTTER RUI NIII

him. This would (rAT RtdRAIN certainly succeed.
Again, what a l U I grand effect would
be produced by let- o ting an advertising
cart perambulate ne streets, sur-
mounted by a ta- bleau vivant of the
luckless linen- draper, having his
bed taken from -2 under him by the
sheriffs' officers. his wife and six
interesting chil- dren weeping over
him, and the whole surmounted by flags of posters announcing that the
effects were selling off at desperate prices. In the evening there must be
a transparency of "Despair seizing the till," and a grand display of fireworks
from the attics on closing the shop at midnight previous.
After all, perhaps, the linendrapers are not more to blame than lovely
woman. She drives them to the despair they glory in. Let the fond mother
see her Tommy want shirts, and she will, like a prudent body, wait for the
next bankruptcy rather than visit some house where honest prices prevent
clap-trap trickery. But no there is a moment's vain-glory to be had, a few
words of praise to be earned, when, untying the brown paper parcel before


[i851.


















KT%'


p


MODERII BALOONIT Gr .
OB.'THE NEWEST PHASF (.F PITL..L .


'I







1851.] TO THE EDITOR OF "~THE COMIC ALMANACK" 343

the wondering husband, she can hold up the bargains that could "never
have been made for the money."
Let us hope, however, we shall grow wiser, and that in a few years no
housewife will believe in a draper's failure-that alarming sacrifices will
sink down to the level of the Waterloo bullets; and a mercer's ruin, like
the stucco ones at the Colosseum, be called a very good imitation that will
not bear looking into too closely.





TO THE EDITOR OF "THE COMIC ALMANACK."

SIn,-I reside near a place of popular amusement al fresco." I am of a
cheerful though quiet disposition, and should be perfectly happy but for one
circumstance. During the entire summer season I am in a continual state
of terror from Balloons.
It was into my front garden that the Ourang-outang descended in a parachute,
in 1836. I then said nothing of the annoyance caused by the mob rushing
into my lawn and scrambling for fragments of the machine, of the destruction
effected among my crockery by the animal attempting to escape through my
scullery, nor of the alarm which his sudden appearance in the dining-room
excited in the bosoms of myself and family.
I thought the Balloon mania had reached its highest pitch-no such thing,
sir. After that, came the Nassau Balloon, which used to take a dozen people
up at once exactly over my house, about once a week; till a terrible dream
haunted me of seeing the whole party discharged into my premises.
Then, Balloons with Fireworks, waking me up every other night, and
gazing at one of which, out of window, I received a severe blow in the eye
from a firework-case, descending fifteen hundred feet perpendicularly.
My next alarm was occasioned by a hamper of champagne, which, during
a "perilous descent," when a valve gave way, some intrepid aeronaut pitched
through my roof at midnight.
Now, folks go up on horseback. Can I walk at ease in my garden, and
know that the veteran Green is three miles above me, performing equestrian
feats in the air? Pray, sir, exert your influence in my behalf, or we shall
shortly hear of a Terrific Ascent in a Cab," to be eclipsed by "First Ascent
of the Monster Balloon, taking up the Pimlico Omnibus."


-4--







1851.] TO THE EDITOR OF "~THE COMIC ALMANACK" 343

the wondering husband, she can hold up the bargains that could "never
have been made for the money."
Let us hope, however, we shall grow wiser, and that in a few years no
housewife will believe in a draper's failure-that alarming sacrifices will
sink down to the level of the Waterloo bullets; and a mercer's ruin, like
the stucco ones at the Colosseum, be called a very good imitation that will
not bear looking into too closely.





TO THE EDITOR OF "THE COMIC ALMANACK."

SIn,-I reside near a place of popular amusement al fresco." I am of a
cheerful though quiet disposition, and should be perfectly happy but for one
circumstance. During the entire summer season I am in a continual state
of terror from Balloons.
It was into my front garden that the Ourang-outang descended in a parachute,
in 1836. I then said nothing of the annoyance caused by the mob rushing
into my lawn and scrambling for fragments of the machine, of the destruction
effected among my crockery by the animal attempting to escape through my
scullery, nor of the alarm which his sudden appearance in the dining-room
excited in the bosoms of myself and family.
I thought the Balloon mania had reached its highest pitch-no such thing,
sir. After that, came the Nassau Balloon, which used to take a dozen people
up at once exactly over my house, about once a week; till a terrible dream
haunted me of seeing the whole party discharged into my premises.
Then, Balloons with Fireworks, waking me up every other night, and
gazing at one of which, out of window, I received a severe blow in the eye
from a firework-case, descending fifteen hundred feet perpendicularly.
My next alarm was occasioned by a hamper of champagne, which, during
a "perilous descent," when a valve gave way, some intrepid aeronaut pitched
through my roof at midnight.
Now, folks go up on horseback. Can I walk at ease in my garden, and
know that the veteran Green is three miles above me, performing equestrian
feats in the air? Pray, sir, exert your influence in my behalf, or we shall
shortly hear of a Terrific Ascent in a Cab," to be eclipsed by "First Ascent
of the Monster Balloon, taking up the Pimlico Omnibus."


-4--







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


OVER-POPULATION:
A MALTHUSIAN LAMENTATION.
OH what a sight for those who cook
Affairs of state in clover,
To see, whichever way they look,
Our country boiling over!
So many heads, and hands, and hearts,
(Unless the blue-book mis-count)
Of nature's very finest parts,
At such a dreadful discount!
Though Malthus cries, Celibacy,"
McCulloch, Emigration,"
Folks stay at home and wed, we see,
Then swell the Population !
The Army numbers here at home"
Of thousands double twenty;
But many not at home" are found,
When creditors are plenty;
And more than those-by thousands five-
On shore" there are of seamen,
But some of them are all abroad,"
And shock tee-total tea-men!
We need a million Malthuses,
'Tis plain, to save the nation;
And myriads of McCullochs scarce
Can check the Population!
We've full a million Servants, and
To make their fortune harder,
They've fifteen thousand P'licemen" brave
To furnish from the larder;
Yet should this number as too great
By statists be rejected,
We've fourteen thousand Lawyers, so
Our purse must be protected!
McCulloch well may advocate
His schemes of Emigration:"
Fourteen thousand Lawyers sure
Must harm our Population!
Of Authors we have thirty score,
Besides the present Writer;
And forty thousand Butchers, to
Employ when things look brighter;
We've fifteen hundred Actors, who
Our patience try most sadly;
Besides the nation's Ministers,
And they act just as badly!


D[85i


































































OYER POPULATION.







OVER-POPULATION.


In such a case, Malthusian plans
Must meet with approbation:
Of Actors we have certainly
An over-Population.
Four thousand Artists, most of whom,
When seen in fullest feather,
Wear beards, or whiskers, or moustache,
Or else all three together;
But let the bearded youths beware,
Nor, too self-trusting, slumber-
Their native foes, the Barbers, like
Themselves, four thousand number !
Unless in wearing beards we soon
Observe an alteration,
The Barbers they must clearly be
An over-Population!
Distillers-we have hundreds seven,
To make our men unsteady,
And full three thousand Auctioneers
To knock them down all ready;
We've ninety thousand Blacksmiths, and,
Of one the work's a wonder-
He forges chains at Gretna Green
Which none can break asunder !
The last, indeed, may well excite
Malthusian consternation-
This Blacksmith's work by no means
checks
The over-Population.
We've houses where for half-a-crown
One gets a shilling dinner;
We've sixty thousand Publicans,
And not a single Sinner!
At least we can't believe there is,
Until we see some new book,
For certainly there's no return
Contained within the blue book.
But tho' the book of Sinners makes
As yet no revelation,
'Tis said by some, of these there is
An over-Population!
But while these Publicans abound,
(Young gentleman, take warning!)
But twelve men Soda-water make
To sober you next morning !
And as for Sinners-bills are done"
In public by twice twenty-







THE COMIC ALMANACK.


The number's small-but if correct,
E'en then we've more than plenty!
So Malthus and Macculloch both,
Pray rise and save the nation!
Of bill discounters sure we have
An over-Population!
Of Tailors we in thousands count
Six score and something over-
Of these some drive a roaring trade,
And live, 'tis said, in clover;
But some, I fear, are victimized,
And paid upon a plan, sir,
As if nine tailors really were
But equal to a man, sir!
'Tis hoped, indeed, their present
state
Is but one of probation,
For, surely, of the under paid-
There's over-Population!
But naming every class that throng
Our country and our cities,
Would occupy, I fear, too long,
And need a dozen ditties.
So many Bootmakers-and yet
So many people bootless!
So many Clergymen-and yet
So many sermons fruitless!
I fear, indeed, however we laud
The grandeur of the nation,
Of poverty and crime we have
An over-Population!
The Independent" are returned,
But nothing said of toadies-
And there appears an item which
A very heavy load is;
We've twenty thousand (rather more)
Of Doctors, all in action-
And surely we should view this as
A common benefaction;
For more than eighteen millions now
Survive within the nation,
And without doctors think how great
Would be the Population.


-4-


[1851.










OUR PET THIEF.
IN making some inquiries relativeto the state of the criminal popu
lation, my husband found it necessary to visit a low lodging-house,
Sthe abode of thieves and pickpockets. He there became acquainted
with "Dan," and (from his returning some money that was given
him to change) took such a fancy to him, that he determined to try
whether the lad, who had resisted the temptation (for he could have
gone off with the money with great ease), could not-if taken from
his wretched and demoralizing associates-be induced to withstand
all other temptations.
The boy (for he was but fourteen years of age), on being ques-
tioned, expressed a wish to change his mode of living, and he was
brought home to me. When my husband told me what motives he
had in taking charge of the lad, I must confess that in the impulse
of the moment I thought it a worthy thing to do; for in my inno-
cence.I imagined that all thieves merely wanted some one to take
them by the hand to put them in the way of getting an honest
living.
In the evening we talked over a variety of plans for the boy's
reformation. He was to be sent to school and well educated. There
were many good men to be found, we were convinced, that would
feel proud to take charge of him; and when he left school we were
to put him to some trade or other. I really believe, in our own
minds, we imagined that we should live to see him a great man !
Who knew but that he might one day be Lord Mayor of London;
stranger things than that, we both agreed, had occurred to poor
boys. That he would ever return to his evil practices appeared to
us impossible, if we would but look upon him as the good member
of society that we wished him to become.
Little, alas! did we then know of the annoyance and trouble our
"Pet Thief" would cause us!
The appearance of the poor shoeless creature was anything but
prepossessing. His cheek-bones were high; his hair was out close on
the top, with a fringe of locks, as it were, left hanging in front;
and he wore an old plaid shooting-jacket, that was black and shining
with grease, and fastened together with pieces of string.
The first thing to be done was to make him take a bath. He had
a great horror of washing, and seemed to look upon it as quite a
barbarism. Some clothes were got together by subscription among
the members of the family-one contributing a coat, another a pair
of boots, and so on; but he looked, I think, worse in our things







348 THE COMIC ALMANAC. [1851.
than he did in his own. The coat reached his heels, and was so
large (my husband being corpulent) that the boy had difficulty in
keeping in it.
We arranged that he should sleep out of the house, so we hired a
bedroom for him at a coffee-shop in the neighbourhood. I thought
I could find him work in the house by day, and so keep him
employed under our own eyes, and prevent his returning to his old
practices and companions until we could get him into some school.
He was so eager to begin learning, however, that I offered to teach
him myself while we were seeking a proper master for him.
For a day or two he was quite a pattern boy;" but he soon got
tired of his lessons with me, and was anxious to be placed at school.
Anything for change: his disposition and previous mode of life
forbade his remaining in one place, or at the same occupation, for
any length of time.
The third morning after his coming to as, while we were at break-
fast, "Dan" entered the room, and requested, in a most mysterious
manner, to speak with my husband. He was told that he was quite
at liberty to communicate what he had to say before the family;
but he pointed to me, and replied, "I don't want to speak afore
her," so I quitted the apartment. As soon as I had gone, the boy
told my husband that he must get him to buy him a small-tooth
comb; his head was in such a dreadful state, he said, that he
thought he had better have one directly. When my husband
informed me of the object of the mysterious visit, I felt cold all over;
for I remembered how close I had sat to him during his lessons the
previous day. Then I thought of the children, and began to repent
of ever having admitted such a person into the house.
But this was only the beginning of my annoyances with the boy.
My husband thought it would be a good "moral lesson" for our
children to let them know that Dan" had been a thief, and that
he had been in prison a great many times ; but that he had resolved
to become a good boy, and that was our reason for having him with
us. This, however, instead of having the effect intended, made the
children look upon Dan" as an object of great interest, so much
so, indeed, that they were always wanting, whenever they saw him,
to ask him something about the prison, "whether the policeman
had really taken him away, and whether it was true he had only
bread and water in gaol P"
One morning, on going downstairs, I discovered (to my great
horror) our little boy, with his mouth wide open, seated on Dan's"
knee, listening most attentively to some story. Upon questioning








OUR PET THIEF.


the child I found that our "pet pickpocket" had been telling
the little fellow of the fun it was to go sawney hunting," which
I afterwards learnt was stealing pieces of bacon from shop
doors.
The Sunday evening after this the cook, who was naturally timid,
had been left at home with Dan alone, it being the other maid's
" Sunday out." They were both sitting very comfortably talking
by the fire-light (for it was winter time) when Master Dan thought
fit to tell the girl all about his previous life. He gave her some
very vivid illustrations of housebreaking, and informed her that
Sunday night, when the family had gone to church, was their best
time. He also told her of the many times that he had been in
Newgate, and that once he had been taken up on "suspicion" of
highway robbery; it was an old woman he helped to rob, and he
told of the "lark" they had with her, and of how they had left her
with her hands and feet tied together in a ditch.
All these stories so terrified the poor girl that she felt convinced
that the boy meant to take advantage of the tranquillity of that
Sunday evening, their best time," to serve her as he had done the
" old woman;" so she rushed to the street door in her fright, and
there we found her on our return home, crying and in a dreadful
state of excitement. She vowed that she would quit the house the
very next morning, and she wondered how we could leave her with
a common pickpocket." I tried to quiet her (for she was a very
good girl, and I did not wish to part with her), by telling her that
we wished to reform the lad; but nothing would pacify her save
his leaving the house; so I told my husband that he must really find
a school for the boy, or we should be left without servants.
He accordingly went in search of a school. It was wonderful to
see how anxious the masters were to have the youth, until my
husband informed them (for it was considered but right to do so),
that the boy he wished to introduce to them as a pupil had lately
been an inmate of Newgate. On hearing this they invariably
assured him that there was a school "just up the street" that was
the very thing he wanted. Upon visiting the establishment "just
up the street," however, he found the master was astonished that
the "head" of such a school as the previous one should refer my
husband to him, for he was sure that Mr. -'s school was the
very place for such boys-nevertheless, as Mr. had refused to
take the lad, there was an academy a short distance from that
establishment that, he was sure, would not shut their doors against
him. But upon going there it was the old story over again, and








350 THE COMIC ALMANACK. [1851;

we soon discovered that it was impossible to find any respectable
establishment willing to take charge of our young thief.
We were at last obliged to give up all idea of getting him into
any school, so we thought the best thing to be done was to try and
find him a situation. In the meantime he got tired of the work he
was directed to do, and would sit all day long looking at the fire
without taking the least notice of any one; and if told that he
should occupy himself in some way or other, he would turn sullen,
and mutter something between his teeth about his being promised
to be put to school, and why wasn't he sent to school when that
was all he wanted P
I found that my meat began to disappear in a most mysterious
manner. One day the half of a goose went no one knew where.
I suspected "Dan;" my husband was indignant (for he wished to
think the boy had forgotten his bad habits), and said, It was easy
for the servants to make out that Dan had purloined it." This
annoyed me so much that I did not hesitate to tell my husband
that I saw clearly we should have no peace in the house until the
boy was provided with a situation out of it.
At last the long-looked-for situation was found. It was at a large
wholesale stationer's. The proprietor was made acquainted with
the boy's whole history, and he promised to do all he could to effect
his reformation. But upon Dan's going to him, the gentleman was
so taken aback by the boy's expression, that he sent a polite note
stating-" That he should really be afraid, from his looks, to have
such a character in his establishment."

In a few days afterwards he was on his way to America.
The last we heard of him was that he and several reformed
criminals" from the London ragged schools were "working" (as the
thieves call it) the city of New York. In conclusion, it is but right
I should add that, although the boy while with us was frequently
trusted with money to change, he never defrauded us of a sixpence.
N.B. The above has been written as a hint to certain philanthropic
gentlemen, .that the bosom of a quiet family is not exactly the place
in which to foster and reclaim a London pickpocket.


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