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The Comic almanack
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Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00078634/00010
 Material Information
Title: The Comic almanack
Physical Description: 2 v. : fronts. (1 fold.) illus., plates (part fold.) ; 20 cm.
Language: English
Creator: Cruikshank, George, 1792-1878 ( illus )
Thackeray, William Makepeace, 1811-1863
Smith, Albert, 1816-1860
Beckett, Gilbert Abbott, 1811-1856
Mayhew, Horace, 1816-1872
Mayhew, Henry, 1812-1887
Hotten, John Camden, 1832-1873
Publisher: J. C. Hotten
Place of Publication: London
Creation Date: 1844
Publication Date: [1870-71]
 Subjects
Subjects / Keywords: Almanacs, English   ( lcsh )
Genre: non-fiction   ( marcgt )
 Record Information
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: aleph - 000632441
notis - ADG2054
lccn - 31004883
System ID: UF00078634:00010

Table of Contents
    Front Cover
        Front Cover
    Front Matter
        Front Matter 1
        Front Matter 2
        Front Matter 3
        Front Matter 4
        Front Matter 5
    Half Title
        Half Title
    Frontispiece
        Image : Probable effects over female emigration
    Title Page
        Title Page
    The comic almanack for 1844
        Page 1
        Simple rules for interpreting acts of parliament
            Page 2
        Wine versus water
            Page 3
            Page 4
        Predictions for January
            Page 4
        January
            Page 5
            Decisions in Hilary term
                Page 5
        Ten thousand a year
            Page 6
            Page 7
        February
            Page 8
            The end of pheasant shooting
                Page 8
            Patents for inventors
                Page 8
        Report on the training of pauper children
            Page 9
            Page 10
        March
            Page 11
            The march of intellect
                Page 11
        Essay on rent by a political economist
            Page 12
            Image : quarter
        Prospectus of the aerial building company
            Page 13
        Provincial theatricals
            Page 14
        April
            Page 15
        Who shall educate the prince of Wales
            Page 16
            Page 17
        Election correspondence
            Page 17
        May
            Page 18
            Image : royal
            Thrown out for the city
                Page 18
        Critical essay on the prize cartoons
            Page 19
            Page 20
        June
            Page 21
            Watering - places of England
                Page 21
        Report of the royal humane society for the prevention of accidents on artificial ice
            Page 22
            Image
            Page 23
        July
            Page 24
            Political pas - de - quatre
                Page 24
        Unexhibited cartoon of Guy Fawkes
            Image
            Page 25
            Page 26
        August
            Page 27
        Feast of the Grottoes
            Page 27
        Ode to father Mathew
            Page 28
            Image
        Popular errors
            Page 29
        Report on public health
            Page 29
        September
            Page 30
            Treating with China
                Page 30
                Image : humbugs
        Politics abroad
            Page 31
        Observations of a naturalist
            Page 32
        October
            Page 33
            Six Richards in the field
                Page 33
        Dogs bill
            Page 34
            Image : dog
        Facts worth remembering
            Page 35
        November
            Page 36
            New version of "all round my hat"
                Page 36
                Page 37
        Royal pantomime
            Page 38
            Image : change
        December
            Page 39
            The polar expedition
                Page 39
        Legal art union
            Page 40
        Post office regulations
            Page 40
        Catechism of politics for the French
            Page 41
        Poetical calendar and chronology of the year 1843
            Page 41
            Page 42
            Page 43
            Page 44
    Back Matter
        Back Matter 1
        Back Matter 2
    Back Cover
        Back Cover
Full Text
















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NOTICE.


The FIRST SERIES of THE COMIC ALMANACK"
from 1835 to 1843, a nine years' gathering of the BEST
HUMOUR, the WITTIEST SAYINGS, the Drollest Quips, and the
Best Things of THACKERAY, HOOD, MAYHEW, ALBERT SMITH,
A'BECKETT, ROBERT BROUGH, with nearly one thousand Wood-
cuts and Steel Engravings by the inimitable CRUIKSHANK, HINE,
LANDELLS-

may now be had of the Publisher, crown 8vo, 600 pp.,
price 7s. 6d.

SThe First Series and the present (or Second Series) comprise
THE COMPLETE WORK, extendingfrom 1835 to 1853.






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THE


COMIC ALMANAC

AN EPHEMERIS IN JEST AND EARNEST, CONTAINING

MERRY TALES, HUMOROUS POETRY,
QUIPS, AND ODDITIES.

BY
THACKERAY, ALBERT SMITH, GILBERT A BECKETT,
T-HE BROTHERS MAYHEW.



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"THE APPROACH OF BLUCHER.-INTREPID ADVANCE OF THE 1ST FOOT."

igity mang unbnkb llastrations
4B Y GEORGE CRUIKSHANK.
AND OTHER ARTISTS.

SECOND SERIES, 1844-1853.

LONDON:
JOHN CAMDAN HOTTEN, 74 & 75, PICCADILLY.
'NEW YOK : SCRIBNER. WELFORD AND CO.
















THE


COMIC ALMANACK

FOR 1844.







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


I 1844.


SIMPLE RULES FOR INTERPRETING ACTS OF
PARLIAMENT.
ALWAYs avoid reading the preamble, which is likely to confuse
rather than to enlighten. It sets forth not what the act is to do, but
what it undoes: and confuses you with what the law was, instead
of telling you what it is to be.
When you come to a very long clause, skip it altogether, for it is
sure to be unintelligible. If you try to attach one meaning to it,
the lawyers are sure to attach another; and, therefore, if you are
desirous of obeying an act of Parliament, it will be safer not to look
at it, but wait until a few contrary decisions have been come to, and
then act upon the latest.
When any clause says either one thing or the other shall be right,
you may make sure that both will be wrong.


HINTS ON ECONOMY.
IT is customary to advise that a shilling should be made to go as
far as it possibly can; but surely this would be to throw a shilling
away, by making it go so far as to prevent any chance of its coming
back again.
A penny saved is said to be twopence earned; so that if you have
twopence and save a penny, you have twopence still; and if the
twopence be saved till the next day, it will be fourpence; so that at
the end of the week it will amount altogether to ten shillings and
eightpence. We recommend all very young beginners to try the
experiment by putting a penny away to-day, when, if the proverb
holds good, it will have become twopence by to-morrow.
A pin a day is a groat a year;" and it will be advisable if any
one doubts the fact, to go and offer three hundred and sixty-five pins
at any respectable savings' bank-when, if the proverb be literally
true, he will be credited to the amount of fourpence.
Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day;" and,
therefore, if you mean to do a creditor, it is better not to put him
off, but to tell him honestly that you have put him. down among
the things to be done immediately.


HINTS TO EMIGRANTS.
A DEALER in pencils should not go to Pencil-vain-here; nor would
a man stand a better chance at Botany Bay because he might have
a knowledge of botany.
To very hot climates, where there is no glass in the windows, it
would be madness in the glazier to take the panes to emigrate.








1844.]


WINE VERSUS WATER.

GREAT ANTI-TEMPERANCE MEETING.

A HIGulY respectable meeting of some of the most influential
Wines, Beers, and Spirits, was held for the purpose of considering
the best means of opposing the Temperance Movement. Among
those on the platform we particularly noticed Port, Sherry, and
Claret; while at the lower end of the room were Cape, Marsala,
and a deputation from the British Wines, who were represented by
the Two-and-Twopenny Sparkling Champagne, more familiarly
known as the Genuine Walker." Most of the principal wines
wore the silver collars of the orders to which they respectively
belonged; and Port having been unanimously voted into the chair,
the business of the meeting was opened by Corkscrew, in a concise
but pointed manner.
CHAMPAGNE was the first to rise, in a state of great effervescence.
He declared that he was frothing over with pure indignation at
the idea of wine being excluded from the social board; and, indeed,
he found it impossible to preserve the coolness which ought to
belong to him. He was not one to keep anything long bottled up
-(" Hear," and a laugh) ;-indeed, when he once let loose, out it
must all come: and he did say that the temperance movement
was playing Old Gooseberry with him in every direction.-(Cries
of Shane !" from the Genuine Walker.)
CLAET said that he did not often get into a state of fermenta-
tion; but on this occasion he did feel his natural smoothness for-
saking him., He begged leave to propose the following resolution:
-"That the substitution of water for wine is likely to dissolve all
social ties, and is calculated to do material injury to the constitu-
tion."
RuM rose, he said, for the purpose of opposing this resolution,
which he thought of too sweeping a character. He (Rum), so far
from wishing to get rid of water altogether, was always happy to
meet with it on equal terms; and he knew that he (Rum), as well
as many of his friends around him, had derived a good deal of
their influence from being mixed up with water, and going, as it
were, half-way; which there could be no objection to.
Gn begged leave to differ from the honourable spirit that had
just sat down, and who was so unaccustomed to be on his legs at
all, that it was not surprising he should have failed to make a
S2







THE COMIC ALMAXACK.


respectable stand on the present occasion.-(Cries of" Order!")-
He (Gin) had no wish to create confusion.-(Ironical cheering from
Marsala.)-He understood the meaning of that cheer; and would
certainly confess that the honourable beverage-for he would not
use the stronger term of wine-(A laugh)-was not likely to create
confusion in any quarter. No; he (the honourable beverage) was
not strong enough for that.-(Renemed laughter.)-He (Gin) had,
perhaps, suffered more from water than all the other wines and
spirits whom he now saw before him put together. His reputa-
tion had been materially hurt by it; and he was strongly of
opinion that the only thing to be done with water is to throw it
overboard.-(Hear, hear.)
A French Wine, whose name we could not learn, let something
drop, but we were unable to catch it.
CAPE now rose, but was immediately coughed down in a very
unceremonious manner.
The thanks of the meeting having been voted to Port for his
able conduct in the decanter, the meeting separated; but not until
a committee had been chosen, consisting of a dozen of wine and a
gallon of beer, with power to add to their number, either by water
or otherwise.


PREDICTIONS FOR JANUARY.
IN examining the horoscope it seems to embrace a wide scope of
horrors. There will be dark days for England, which we must be
prepared for by lighting candles. After New Year's Day there
will be many broils, and Turkey will be torn to pieces by domestic
violence.
THE GARDEN.
If anything is done in the garden at this time of the year,
perhaps the best thing will be to run about in it. Do not attempt
to move any of your trees, but keep your junior branches moving
as much as possible. This is the best time to take your shrub
in-doors; but it should be rum shrub, watered in moderation, and
taken at night over a cheerful fire.


[1844.







THE COMIC ALMAXACK.


respectable stand on the present occasion.-(Cries of" Order!")-
He (Gin) had no wish to create confusion.-(Ironical cheering from
Marsala.)-He understood the meaning of that cheer; and would
certainly confess that the honourable beverage-for he would not
use the stronger term of wine-(A laugh)-was not likely to create
confusion in any quarter. No; he (the honourable beverage) was
not strong enough for that.-(Renemed laughter.)-He (Gin) had,
perhaps, suffered more from water than all the other wines and
spirits whom he now saw before him put together. His reputa-
tion had been materially hurt by it; and he was strongly of
opinion that the only thing to be done with water is to throw it
overboard.-(Hear, hear.)
A French Wine, whose name we could not learn, let something
drop, but we were unable to catch it.
CAPE now rose, but was immediately coughed down in a very
unceremonious manner.
The thanks of the meeting having been voted to Port for his
able conduct in the decanter, the meeting separated; but not until
a committee had been chosen, consisting of a dozen of wine and a
gallon of beer, with power to add to their number, either by water
or otherwise.


PREDICTIONS FOR JANUARY.
IN examining the horoscope it seems to embrace a wide scope of
horrors. There will be dark days for England, which we must be
prepared for by lighting candles. After New Year's Day there
will be many broils, and Turkey will be torn to pieces by domestic
violence.
THE GARDEN.
If anything is done in the garden at this time of the year,
perhaps the best thing will be to run about in it. Do not attempt
to move any of your trees, but keep your junior branches moving
as much as possible. This is the best time to take your shrub
in-doors; but it should be rum shrub, watered in moderation, and
taken at night over a cheerful fire.


[1844.







1844.] JANUARY. 5



DECISIONS IN HILARY TERM.

THE property in a lodger's possession may be seized for rent due
from a tenant, but it does not appear that the lodger's self-posses-
sion can legally be taken away from him.
A flaw in a lease will not always let in the heir, but the air is
frequently let in by a flaw in the building.
When a conveyance has already sufficient parties, it has been
held that the remainder man may be shut out. This was decided in
the cases of Podger versus the driver and conductor of the Atlas
Omnibus.
If a party offers to pledge himself, semble, that a pawnbroker
cannot be compelled to take him in, though it is done frequently.
It is not yet decided whether the new Act for the Protection of
the Queen's Person, which inflicts a penalty for presenting fire-arms
at the Queen's person, does or does not eitend to the sentinels on
duty, who present arms at Her Majesty whenever she leaves the
Palace.
The New Poor Law Act, prohibiting all out-door relief, does not
apply to trees, which may be re-leaved out of doors at the usual
period.
It is a question whether, by the recent law, which says that all
children under five are to be carried gratuitously in any stage-car-
riage, a mother may insist on claiming free passage for four chil-
dren by any public conveyance.
It has been decided that the Act giving the net proceeds of a
slave ship to the captors, does not mean that they are only entitled
to the fish caught in nets on board the vessel.
The Court of Queen's Bench has declared, that a minor under the
age of ten years cannot legally be a miner since the passing of the
Mines and Collieries' Regulation Act.







1844.] JANUARY. 5



DECISIONS IN HILARY TERM.

THE property in a lodger's possession may be seized for rent due
from a tenant, but it does not appear that the lodger's self-posses-
sion can legally be taken away from him.
A flaw in a lease will not always let in the heir, but the air is
frequently let in by a flaw in the building.
When a conveyance has already sufficient parties, it has been
held that the remainder man may be shut out. This was decided in
the cases of Podger versus the driver and conductor of the Atlas
Omnibus.
If a party offers to pledge himself, semble, that a pawnbroker
cannot be compelled to take him in, though it is done frequently.
It is not yet decided whether the new Act for the Protection of
the Queen's Person, which inflicts a penalty for presenting fire-arms
at the Queen's person, does or does not eitend to the sentinels on
duty, who present arms at Her Majesty whenever she leaves the
Palace.
The New Poor Law Act, prohibiting all out-door relief, does not
apply to trees, which may be re-leaved out of doors at the usual
period.
It is a question whether, by the recent law, which says that all
children under five are to be carried gratuitously in any stage-car-
riage, a mother may insist on claiming free passage for four chil-
dren by any public conveyance.
It has been decided that the Act giving the net proceeds of a
slave ship to the captors, does not mean that they are only entitled
to the fish caught in nets on board the vessel.
The Court of Queen's Bench has declared, that a minor under the
age of ten years cannot legally be a miner since the passing of the
Mines and Collieries' Regulation Act.







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


TEN THOUSAND A YEAR.

THE TAX ON PROPERTY.

THERE'S something agreeable in the idea
Of having for income "Ten Thousand a Year:"

But property, while it possesses its beauties,
Is burdened not only with rights but with duties.
It well may be said that the strongest of backs
Is bent with the weight of the Property Tax.
"Ten Thousand a Year" is expected to sport
A carriage of every conceivable sort;
A britschka, a Clarence, landau, and pilentum,
He must purchase as fast as the makers invent 'em.
Each vehicle fashion compels him to take,
Till Ten Thousand a Year" is reduced to a break.
Of lazy domestics, in liv'ry and out,
A tribe must be kept to be lounging about,
On wages exorbitant, though, it is true,
They've nothing on earth-but their master-to do.
The larder, as well as the pockets, they clear:
'Tis part of the tax on Ten Thousand a Year."

The blessings of wealth would be given in vain
To one who'd not swim all his friends in champagne:
His dinners must needs be the talk of the season,
As feasts of whatever can be thought of-but reason.
As a liveried lacquey, perchance, there may wait
S Some usurer, having a lien on the plate;
Who will not allow it to pass from his sight,
Although to its owner 'tis lent for the night:
The usurer gracefully keeps in the rear,
Not to mar the effect of "Ten Thousand a Year."

Then balls must be given the salons to fill,
And ruin be met in a graceful quadrille:
'Tis sweet e'en on bankruptcy's margin to stand,
While lulled with the music of Collinet's band.
Such luxuries can't be accounted as dear
By one who's possessed of Ten Thousand a Year."


[1844-







TEN THOUSAND A YEAR.


Without a town mansion, a park, and a seat,
The rich man's establishment is not complete;
But still on an annual tour he must roam;
His house must on no account serve for his home:
For servants, its comforts may do very well;
He must wander abroad to some foreign hotel:
When the season is over, in town to appear
Would be tr8s mauvais goft of Ten Thousand a Year."

Extravagant family, daughters and sons,
With distant connections who pester like duns,
On tJhe strength of the fact that their wealthy relation
Can't suffer their wants to reflect on his station-
The family's dignity, honour, and pride;
And many a heavy encumbrance beside,
Of which but a few on the surface appear-
All make up the tax on Ten Thousand a Year."


MONTHLY OBSERVATIONS.
THE depth of rain may be ascertained by placing a common stick
in an ordinary puddle; or, to walk into one will answer the same
purpose. If there should be ice in your water-jug, Moore says,
" Look for its continuance;" but we say, "Look for something to
break it, and put an end to it." If there is much fog, it will be
useless to look for anything.

USEFUL REMARKS.
A CURE for Toothache:-Extraction is out-and-out the best re-
medy for this malady.
Thp Moon-we mean Mr. Sheriff Moon-will be in his second
quarter all the month. For the hours of rising, apply in Threadl-
needle Street.
GENERAL CHARACTER OF THE WEATHER.
THE character of the weather is rather violent at this time of the
year; for it generally knocks down the thermometer, and is guilty
of other very cool proceedings.










THE END OF PHEASANT SHOOTING.
THE SONG OF THE GAME.
UNTO the feathered tribe how pleasant
No more to be in dread of cartridge;
Free is the gay and happy pheasant,
And free as air the simple partridge.
No more the sportsman's gun we hear,
The laws' protection we may claim;
Defying all who venture near,
'Tis now our turn for making game.
We laugh at Lords and Commons too,
For now not one of them is able,
Whate'er with others they may do,
To lay our bills upon the table.
Now occupied in making laws,
They show their legislative powers
In mutilating many a clause;
But they can touch no claws of ours.
The Cockneys now, with sportsman's pride,
In shooting gaiters case their legs;
Their Mantons they may lay aside,
While we aside will lay our Eggs.


PATENTS FOR INVENTIONS.
PATENTS will, it is expected, be granted-
To SIR ROBERT PEEL; for a new and most efficacious manner of
sweeping by machinery, as exemplified in his very sweeping
machinery of the Income Tax.
To LADY SALE; for carrying Britannia metal to a high degree of
perfection.
To DaR. NEWMAN and PUSEY; for an entirely new method of
introducing heat into churches.
To LoRD BROUGHAM; for the application of rotatory motion,
with a view to obtaining power.
To the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER; for an extension of the
use of the screw, so as to augment its pressure. *
To the PooR LAw COMMISSIONERS; for a new method of diminish-
ing pauperism by reducing the number of paupers; and also for
an improved process of grinding.
To DANIEL O'CONNELL; for a most effectual method of draining
Ireland.


[i844.


FEBRUARY.










THE END OF PHEASANT SHOOTING.
THE SONG OF THE GAME.
UNTO the feathered tribe how pleasant
No more to be in dread of cartridge;
Free is the gay and happy pheasant,
And free as air the simple partridge.
No more the sportsman's gun we hear,
The laws' protection we may claim;
Defying all who venture near,
'Tis now our turn for making game.
We laugh at Lords and Commons too,
For now not one of them is able,
Whate'er with others they may do,
To lay our bills upon the table.
Now occupied in making laws,
They show their legislative powers
In mutilating many a clause;
But they can touch no claws of ours.
The Cockneys now, with sportsman's pride,
In shooting gaiters case their legs;
Their Mantons they may lay aside,
While we aside will lay our Eggs.


PATENTS FOR INVENTIONS.
PATENTS will, it is expected, be granted-
To SIR ROBERT PEEL; for a new and most efficacious manner of
sweeping by machinery, as exemplified in his very sweeping
machinery of the Income Tax.
To LADY SALE; for carrying Britannia metal to a high degree of
perfection.
To DaR. NEWMAN and PUSEY; for an entirely new method of
introducing heat into churches.
To LoRD BROUGHAM; for the application of rotatory motion,
with a view to obtaining power.
To the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER; for an extension of the
use of the screw, so as to augment its pressure. *
To the PooR LAw COMMISSIONERS; for a new method of diminish-
ing pauperism by reducing the number of paupers; and also for
an improved process of grinding.
To DANIEL O'CONNELL; for a most effectual method of draining
Ireland.


[i844.


FEBRUARY.










THE END OF PHEASANT SHOOTING.
THE SONG OF THE GAME.
UNTO the feathered tribe how pleasant
No more to be in dread of cartridge;
Free is the gay and happy pheasant,
And free as air the simple partridge.
No more the sportsman's gun we hear,
The laws' protection we may claim;
Defying all who venture near,
'Tis now our turn for making game.
We laugh at Lords and Commons too,
For now not one of them is able,
Whate'er with others they may do,
To lay our bills upon the table.
Now occupied in making laws,
They show their legislative powers
In mutilating many a clause;
But they can touch no claws of ours.
The Cockneys now, with sportsman's pride,
In shooting gaiters case their legs;
Their Mantons they may lay aside,
While we aside will lay our Eggs.


PATENTS FOR INVENTIONS.
PATENTS will, it is expected, be granted-
To SIR ROBERT PEEL; for a new and most efficacious manner of
sweeping by machinery, as exemplified in his very sweeping
machinery of the Income Tax.
To LADY SALE; for carrying Britannia metal to a high degree of
perfection.
To DaR. NEWMAN and PUSEY; for an entirely new method of
introducing heat into churches.
To LoRD BROUGHAM; for the application of rotatory motion,
with a view to obtaining power.
To the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER; for an extension of the
use of the screw, so as to augment its pressure. *
To the PooR LAw COMMISSIONERS; for a new method of diminish-
ing pauperism by reducing the number of paupers; and also for
an improved process of grinding.
To DANIEL O'CONNELL; for a most effectual method of draining
Ireland.


[i844.


FEBRUARY.







I844.J


REPORT ON

THE TRAINING OF PAUPER CHILDREN.

IN turning our attention to the infant mind, we have discovered that
it is a sort of compound of caoutchouc and wax, the caoutchouc being
to the wax about two and a-half to one and three-quarters-; so that
more whacks will be found requisite to give it a proper tone for edu-
cational purposes. There is no doubt that children, like grape-vines,
prizefighters, scarlet-runners, and jockeys, are capable of training.
The mode of training jockeys, which is to keep them on short diet, so
as to diminish their weight, we strongly recommend for the training
of pauper children; because, as they are necessarily a burden to the
parish, it is only fair that they should be as light a burden as
possible.
The introduction of Mr. Hullah's system of Singing for the Million
we do not recommend. It increases the appetite by exercising the
lungs; and it has been ascertained that if thirty children are taken,
of whom fifteen have just sung God Save the Queen, and fifteen have
not, the fifteen who have sung God Save the Queen will eat one-
sixteenth more than the fifteen others. This was tried with a round
of beef and some boys belonging to the Model School at Battersea.
The beef, when divided by those who had not been singing, went
once into fifteen and something over; but the boys who had been
singing went twice into the beef, and left the remainder nothing.
With regard to dancing, we are inclined to believe that it may
safely be made a portion of the training of pauper children. It would
certainly give facility to their future steps in life, and enable them
to turn themselves round after they leave the workhouse. We are
'also disposed to think that the great demand for cherubs, which is
likely to arise by the opening of the large theatres for opera and
ballet, will render the dancing of pauper children" an important
source of parochial revenue. With a view to the introduction of
dancing into pauper schools, we have caused a copy of the following
questions to be addressed to the master of every union workhouse :-
1. Inquire the state of all the pauper children's toes, and how
they are likely to turn out.
3. Inquire the age at which the dancing days are usually said
to be over.
"4. Cause an investigation into the meaning of the familiar term
'leading him a pretty dance;' which is believed to be a sort of pas
de do between a debtor, who is out of the way, and a creditor. -







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


2. Ascertain the number of bow-knees and bandy-legsthroughout
the school, and divide them into tables, distinguishing the ages of
the respective owners."
The Commissioners have little doubt that dancing was originally
taught in our colleges; and they think they need only point to the
College Hornpipe as a proof of their hypothesis. Sir Christopher
Hatton, whose dancing attracted the attention of Queen Elizabeth,
probably imbibed his knowledge of the art from one of our great
seats of learning; and the Commissioners think it very natural
that a good dancer should be capable of filling the first position. It
is not unlikely that he was selected to fill the office of Lord Chan-
cellor from his proficiency in the double-shuffle, or from his knowing
when to change sides, turn round, and go back to places.
It is to the Commissioners a most refreshing fact that one ex-
periment they have made of a charity'ball has been attended with
complete success; for a lesson in mathematics is found to combine
with a lesson in dancing. The pupils were observed to describe very
accurately with their legs a series of the most difficult angles,
which they had often very vainly attempted to achieve by the aid of
the compasses.
In conclusion, the Commissioners strongly recommend that the
masters of workhouses should be instructed to take the proper steps
for introducing the art of dancing, as a portion of the future training
of pauper children.


PREDICTIONS FOR MARCII.
ABOUT the twenty-fifth tenants may look for their landlords; but
landlords will, some of them, look in vain for their tenants.

GARDENING OPERATIONS.
Now is the time to force your cucumbers; but if they will not
come by being forced, try what can be done" by persuasion. All
your efforts will be useless if the cucumbers themselves are not in
the right frame.
OBSERVATIONS.
The prevalence of the wind is so great in the month of March
that the trees generally begin blowing.
The sun will certainly enter Aries on the 19th; which is perhaps
a reason for pulling down the kitchen-blinds; but this is optional.


[I844-







MARCH. It


THE MARCH OF INTELLECT.

& EST novelty should receive a check from the cessation
of inventions, it is intended to construct a new rail-
road, to be called the Electro-Intellecto-Mesmeric Rail-
road, the object of which will be to expedite the March of Intellect.
One of the peculiar features of this railroad will be the use of
brass instead of iron for the trains; and, as the projectors possess
an inexhaustible stock of the former article, there will be no diffi-
culty in procuring it.
Another peculiar feature of this railroad will be, that the share-
holders may act as sleepers.
One of the peculiar advantages of the Electro-Intellectd-Mesmeric
Railroad consists in there being no occasion for steam, the power of
raising the wind by the most active and continued puffing being
considered sufficient to carry all matters to the terminus of popu-
larity.
There are already two or three engines in the possession of the
projectors, one of which is the Humbug Locomotive, of very con-
siderable power.
It is intended to celebrate the opening of the line by a grand march
of intellect; Lord Brougham and the projector of the Aerial Ship
have both promised to attend. The latter will refute the assertion
as to the Aerial Ship having been thrown up; for, instead of being
thrown up, it has never been elevated in the smallest degree, nor is'
such an event at all likely to happen.







MARCH. It


THE MARCH OF INTELLECT.

& EST novelty should receive a check from the cessation
of inventions, it is intended to construct a new rail-
road, to be called the Electro-Intellecto-Mesmeric Rail-
road, the object of which will be to expedite the March of Intellect.
One of the peculiar features of this railroad will be the use of
brass instead of iron for the trains; and, as the projectors possess
an inexhaustible stock of the former article, there will be no diffi-
culty in procuring it.
Another peculiar feature of this railroad will be, that the share-
holders may act as sleepers.
One of the peculiar advantages of the Electro-Intellectd-Mesmeric
Railroad consists in there being no occasion for steam, the power of
raising the wind by the most active and continued puffing being
considered sufficient to carry all matters to the terminus of popu-
larity.
There are already two or three engines in the possession of the
projectors, one of which is the Humbug Locomotive, of very con-
siderable power.
It is intended to celebrate the opening of the line by a grand march
of intellect; Lord Brougham and the projector of the Aerial Ship
have both promised to attend. The latter will refute the assertion
as to the Aerial Ship having been thrown up; for, instead of being
thrown up, it has never been elevated in the smallest degree, nor is'
such an event at all likely to happen.







THE COMIC ALMANACK.


AN ESSAY ON RENT.
BY A POLITICAL ECONOMIST.
RENT is the price of land; but there is some rent that is not the
price of land: for instance, it must be said of the Repeal Rent,
that there is no real ground for it.
An English acre will sometimes yield six per cent.; but the Irish
wiseacres have been known to yield much more. It must, how-
ever, be remembered that in the latter case draining has been
carried to the greatest extent possible.
Rents in England go up when the country is settled; but in
Ireland it is quite the reverse: for the Repeal Rent rises when the
people are worked up, and it is then they appear willing to come
down with it.
The profit of a landlord and the profit of a shopkeeper partake
equally of the character of rent. The former lives by tilling his
land, and the latter by putting into a till (which is the same thing
as tilling) his money.
It is an obvious truth in political economy that the more rent a
tenant has to pay, the more a landlord will have to receive, and
the better it will be for him. Thus, if a tenant pays no rent for a
whole year, more rent will be due, and the value of the property
would seem to be increased; at all events, the landlord's claim
would be a larger one than if the rent had been regularly paid
every quarter.
If a farmer pays five pounds a quarter for his farm, and gets
twenty shillings a quarter for his corn, he may consider the diffe-
rence between the maximum of one and the minimum of the other
as the mean product.
The landlord and the tenant equally profit by consumption: for
the more that is consumed, the greater the value of what is left.
Thus, if a fire consumes a haystack, or consumption of a galloping
nature carries off a horse, the owner would, according to political
economists, be all the richer for it.
Capital and labour belong legitimately to the subject of rent.
The greatest labour is sometimes employed in raising capital; as
in the case of the labour bestowed on raising the capital for the
statue of the Nelson column. Labour is often intimately con-
nected with rent, for in some neighborhoods there is a vast deal
of labour in collecting it.
Quarter-day is the day when rent comes due; but, when due, it
does not always come; and a landlord who expects his rent
punctually at the quarter is too sanguine by half.













































_~-~=--- ~


QUARTER DAY


--- ---
-- --,----_-
c~u~xr~


i
;







I144-J


PROSPECTUS OF

THE AERIAL BUILDING COMPANY.

A FEW gentlemen having taken the air for the purposes of build-
ing, have formed themselves into a Company, and are anxious to
let in a limited number of the public. A surveyor, employed to
survey the air, has reported that he sees nothing to obstruct the
views of the Company. It is one of the peculiar advantages of this
Association that there need be no outlay for land; and the great
hope of success in this speculation arises from the fact that there
is no ground for it. The Company will apply to Parliament for an
Air-Enclosure Bill, on the same principle as the proposed measure
for shutting up Hampstead Heath; but, in the meantime, the
treasurer will receive deposits on shares, and take premiums for
air allotments. The intention of the Company is to form an Aerial
City; and an architect has drawn plans, including sites for the
various contemplated buildings, the whole of which buildings may
be seen (on paper) at the Society's office, so that the sites may be
at once secured and paid for.
The Company, not desiring to express any opinion as to the
various contrivances for navigating the air proposed within the last
few years, will leave it to the public to decide which principle it will
be best to adopt, the Company declining to have anything to do
with any principle whatever.
The Company, it must be understood, will convey the air under
hand and seal; but the purchaser will have to convey the building.
It is a desirable point in this speculation that there will be no tax
for paving or lighting, there being no charge made by the Trustees
of the Milky Way, nor is there any star-rate payable.
It is suggested that much may be done by parties willing to
speculate in the air, when they are once comfortably settled there.
Though it is true that the experiment of procuring sunbeams from
cucumbers was never successfully carried out, the Aerial Building
Company would hint the possibility of reversing this project. by
getting cucumbers from sunbeams.
Further particulars may be had at the office in Air Street, where
any questions may be asked; but, to save trouble, no answers will
be given to any but bond fide shareholders.-There are vacancies
for a few clerks, who, on taking shares to the amount of 500, will
receive 30s. a week for their services while the Company lasts, in
addition to the usual dividend.

THE WvEATHER.
HAIL now commences its reign. If the Surrey Zoological Gardens
should open, expect a flow of showers, particularly if the announce-
ments should name a day for a show of flowers







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


FARMING OPERATIONS.
Sow acorns in pots, with a view to future timber; and plant out
young oaks in mignonette boxes. Sell off your pork, if you have
any on hand; and, if you have a live pig, it will be better to go
the whole hog and get rid of it at once, for the sale becomes doubt-
ful as the summer advances.



PROVINCIAL THEATRICALS.
MR. DosBLETHRUST, who had long occupied the honourable posi-
tion of second cut-throat on the national boards, finding that the
managers had taken to cutting each others' throats, and conse-
quently left nothing for him to do, got together a select company
for the purpose of performing Shakspeare in the provinces. Hav-
ing arrived at a small village in the north, he became lessee of a
barn, and advertised to open it on the principle of the national
theatres," the latter having been frequently conducted in a style
worthy of the former, so that there was nothing really new in the
combination. The season was announced to commence with
MACBETH,
from tIe grxt of Sf)aH6sparc:
Followed by
A NAVAL HORNPIPE,
Srom tbe ttxt of .V.P. Cooke:
Preceded by
AN ADDRESS,
Written expressly for the occasion, by the
PRESIDENT OF THE LOCAL INSTITUTION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF
SCIENCE.
The barn was crowded; and the leading family in the village oc-
cupied the threshing machine, which was fitted up as a private box.
The national anthem was played on a bird organ, the whole com-
pany standing; immediately after which Mr. Doublethrust spbke
the Address, from which we give an extract:-

"Shall Shakspeare to the wall unheeded go? '5-
A hundred thousand echoes answer-No!
But shall the local talent be neglected ?
No that at.least shall be by us protected.
We'll cultivate the village poet's fame,
Private box. If Jones, or Smith, or Tomkins be his name." A Star.


[1844.







1844.] APRIL. 15



S-J







ALL HAIL, [MACBETH II
HE cheering here was tremendous, there being in the
village three young men with the names mentioned,
each having high pretensions to literary distinction.
The Jonesites were vehement in their applause; but the Tomkin-
sonians were not to be outdone; and the Smithians being thus
worked up to an enthusiastic pitch of excitement, it was some time
before Mr. Doublethrust could proceed with the address he was
speaking. The following were the concluding lines, which elicited
the most rapturous shrieks ever heard within an English barn,
or indeed beneath a British weathercock:-
We pledge ourselves to do our very best,
And leave to fickle fortune all the rest.
Aided by you we boldly laugh at fate,-
And, by the way, half-price at half-past eight,
'Tis here that human nature may be learned,- AMoing
rawu a Vivat Begina!-Money not returned 1" Address.
The play of Macbeth,"fromr the text of Shakspeare, now proceeded,
and the manager's candour in using the disjunctive from was
speedily visible. The ambitious thane wore a plaid shawl, com-
monly called a horse-cloth, and a pair of stocking-drawers, with a
breast-plate formed of the brass ornaments used to cover the screws
of tent bedsteads. The scene with the witches was thrown into
such confusion by the performers not knowing their parts, that it
was impossible to say which was witch, and, by way of an overflow
at half-price, the rain came on in such torrents at about half-past
eight, that in the fourth act Macbeth came on under an umbrella,
beneath the shelter of which he concluded the performance. The
damp thus thrown on the efforts of the new lessee brought the
season to a precipitate close, and Doublethrust abdicated the
managerial throne after a short rain, but by no means a merry onel







THE COHIC ALMANAC.


WHO SHALL EDUCATE THE PRINCE OF WALES ?

WANTED a Tutor!
His qualities we thus define:-
In mind he must be masculine,
In politics quite neuter.
Of law he must possess a smattering,
Sufficient just to set him chattering
On the prerogatives of kings,
And other less important things.
Of how the English crown
Has come from William down;
How it descended smooth and even,
Till from the Empress Maud
It was unjustly clawed,
By her ambitious younger cousin Stephen.
How subsequently John
Did try it on;
Causing a slight digression
In the succession.
And how, to come to times much nigher,
The title to the crown,
Upon the heirs was settled down,
Of the Princess Sophia.
Wanted a Tutor, for the Prince of Wales!
No one whose patience ever fails,
Whate'er that patience may occur to try,
Need take the trouble to apply.
He must possess the power
Of making learning quite a treat;
Retaining nothing but the sweet,
And throwing out the sour.
To grammar and orthography,
To spelling and geography,
To Latin and geometry,
To Greek and trigonometry,
He must be able to impart
Charms that will win a royal heart.
And this must all be done indeed
At railroad speed.
He must possess the power of teaching faster
Than those who promise in a week
To teach their pupils Spanish, French, or Greek,
Without a master!
He must be competent to give an inkling
Of all the sciences that are,
Teaching the name of every star,
Quite in a twinkling.


[1844.







ELECTION CORRESPONDENCE.


All those who seek the royal Tutor's place
Must be proficients in each modern grace;
No one need to the office make pretence
Who cannot teach the Prince to sing;
Dance, draw, and all that sort of thing,
And use the foils without offence.
Wanted a Tutor, patient, clever, steady,
With knowledge upon every topic,
Within each hemisphere and tropic,
Like joints at ordinaries, always ready."
He must be in possession
Of first-rate knowledge,
That can be gleaned from every college,
As well as each profession.
To matters clerical and lay
He must be quite anfait.
Army and navy he must comprehend,
To everything his knowledge must extend;
But nota bene, by-the-bye,
No lawyer, churchman, soldier, sailor, need apply.


ELECTION CORRESPONDENCE.
From the Chairman of the Local Committee to the Agent in London.
Mr DEAR SIR,
The squibs you sent down have all been circulated, but
money is more wanted. Podger, the butcher, is wavering; being
an influential man there are several who always vote as he does.
I am sorry to see his firmness giving way; but if you send down
fifty pounds by return of post, I think I may be able to strengthen
his principles.
Yours, very truly,
PETER PLIANT.
From the Agent in London to the Local Chairman in the Country.
MY DEAn Sin,
I am sorry that no more money can be sent down; for it is
absolutely necessary to keep the London Committee constantly
sitting, which can only be done by allowing a constant supply of
soup, sandwiches, and sherry. \Instead of sending money to you,
we had hoped that your local patriotism would have supplied addi-
tional funds to us. I forward a loaf, borrowed from one of the
theatres, where it was used in a pantomime. You will of course
understand that you are to fix it on a pole, marked cheap bread,"
and contrast it with the smallest loaf you can get hold off, which
must be labelled ".corn laws."
Yours, sincerely,
J. CRAMWELL.







ELECTION CORRESPONDENCE.


All those who seek the royal Tutor's place
Must be proficients in each modern grace;
No one need to the office make pretence
Who cannot teach the Prince to sing;
Dance, draw, and all that sort of thing,
And use the foils without offence.
Wanted a Tutor, patient, clever, steady,
With knowledge upon every topic,
Within each hemisphere and tropic,
Like joints at ordinaries, always ready."
He must be in possession
Of first-rate knowledge,
That can be gleaned from every college,
As well as each profession.
To matters clerical and lay
He must be quite anfait.
Army and navy he must comprehend,
To everything his knowledge must extend;
But nota bene, by-the-bye,
No lawyer, churchman, soldier, sailor, need apply.


ELECTION CORRESPONDENCE.
From the Chairman of the Local Committee to the Agent in London.
Mr DEAR SIR,
The squibs you sent down have all been circulated, but
money is more wanted. Podger, the butcher, is wavering; being
an influential man there are several who always vote as he does.
I am sorry to see his firmness giving way; but if you send down
fifty pounds by return of post, I think I may be able to strengthen
his principles.
Yours, very truly,
PETER PLIANT.
From the Agent in London to the Local Chairman in the Country.
MY DEAn Sin,
I am sorry that no more money can be sent down; for it is
absolutely necessary to keep the London Committee constantly
sitting, which can only be done by allowing a constant supply of
soup, sandwiches, and sherry. \Instead of sending money to you,
we had hoped that your local patriotism would have supplied addi-
tional funds to us. I forward a loaf, borrowed from one of the
theatres, where it was used in a pantomime. You will of course
understand that you are to fix it on a pole, marked cheap bread,"
and contrast it with the smallest loaf you can get hold off, which
must be labelled ".corn laws."
Yours, sincerely,
J. CRAMWELL.








MAY. [1844.


S THROWN OUT FOR THE


CITY.


From the Chairman of the Local Committee to the
Agent in London.
Mr DEAR SIR,
Thanks for the pantomimic loaf, which told very well; but
the money would have answered better. They are making a great
fuss on the other side about slave-grown sugar: one hit they
have made tells against us very powerfully. They have got
four of the Lascar beggars who happened to come into the
town, and have borrowed some fetters from the manager of the
theatre, which they have fixed to the wrists of the Lascars : each has
on his breast a placard, asking,
"Am I not a brother ?" and on his
back is a bill bearing, the inscrip-
Stion, "No slave-grown sugar!"
If you can put us up to any plan
for answering this, let me hear Member for
Cripplegate.
Demanding a Poll. from you immediately.
Yours, in haste, PETER PLIANT.

From the Agent in London to the Local Chairman in the Country.
My DEAR SIR,
I don't know how to answer the placard "Are we not
brothers P" unless by a hit at the Poor Law. You had better get
as many old vagrants together as you can; and, putting them into
workhouse dresses, label their breasts with the words, "Are we not
husbands ?" Their backs may display placards with the words,
" No Poor Law-no separation of man and wife!" This will be a
safe card, if played immediately.
Yours, in haste, J. CRAMWELL.


MAY.


[1844.








wi. cn

6= waa
Ih Wg~e~ C I


.~ r-~


THE ROYAL ACADEMY








MAY. [1844.


S THROWN OUT FOR THE


CITY.


From the Chairman of the Local Committee to the
Agent in London.
Mr DEAR SIR,
Thanks for the pantomimic loaf, which told very well; but
the money would have answered better. They are making a great
fuss on the other side about slave-grown sugar: one hit they
have made tells against us very powerfully. They have got
four of the Lascar beggars who happened to come into the
town, and have borrowed some fetters from the manager of the
theatre, which they have fixed to the wrists of the Lascars : each has
on his breast a placard, asking,
"Am I not a brother ?" and on his
back is a bill bearing, the inscrip-
Stion, "No slave-grown sugar!"
If you can put us up to any plan
for answering this, let me hear Member for
Cripplegate.
Demanding a Poll. from you immediately.
Yours, in haste, PETER PLIANT.

From the Agent in London to the Local Chairman in the Country.
My DEAR SIR,
I don't know how to answer the placard "Are we not
brothers P" unless by a hit at the Poor Law. You had better get
as many old vagrants together as you can; and, putting them into
workhouse dresses, label their breasts with the words, "Are we not
husbands ?" Their backs may display placards with the words,
" No Poor Law-no separation of man and wife!" This will be a
safe card, if played immediately.
Yours, in haste, J. CRAMWELL.


MAY.


[1844.











-t*


CRITICAL ESSAY ON THE PRIZE CARTOONS.

THE late competition for Cartoons must cause some alteration in
the next edition of Johnson's Dictionary; for what is meant by the
word Cartoon will require considerable explanation, after the very
extraordinary collection recently exhibited at Westminster. Ac-
cording to some of the artists, Cartoon signifies anything brought
in a cart; for such is the only claim to be called a Cartoon that
many of the specimens can pretend to. Chalking walls used for-
merly to be a very profitable employment; and we have often
thought what could have become of the wall-chalkers since the
blacking-makers ceased to have their Day-and Martin. These
artists of a menial capacity videe the Latin Dictionary for the
meaning of menial) came out in considerable strength at the late
exhibition of Cartoons, and they have chalked up a pretty long
account against themselves on the walls of Westminster. That the
exhibition was put an end to rather summarily at the beginning of
autumn, we are not surprised; it is only astonishing that they were
not made to walk their chalks" at a much earlier period.
The Commissioners of the fine arts shot at a pigeon, and killed a
crow. They wished to ascertain the state of the art of historical
painting, and got a glorious collection of designs for burlesquing
British history, showing at once the palmy state to which the art
of caricature has risen in this country. Fauns have been satyrized,
and the British lion has been made in the mane a very humorous-







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


looking animal. As to Magna Charta, never did it give rise to
such tremendous liberties as the drawers of the Cartoons have
taken with it. Shakspeare is fortunately immortal, or his fame
could scarcely have escaped the violent hands that have been laid
upon him. Macbeth and the Witches are so beautifully confused
that it is difficult to say which is Macbeth and which the Witches.
There is the murder of Duncan, with his two sons in the distance,
looking on as calmly as if they were indeed very distant relatives.
There is the Ghost of Cwsar appearing to Brutus; but the artist,
not knowing how to treat light and shade, has caricatured the
shade most miserably. Some have selected Shakspeare upon Mercy
for illustration, but without having any mercy upon Shakspeare;
and somebody has favoured us with Drake on the quarter-deck,
Drake being distinguished by a pair of ducks,-a touch of humour
we could uot fail to appreciate. Most of the artists seemed to have
laboured under an awful enlargement of the imagination, which set
them off commencing their drawings upon an enormous scale, oblig-
ing them to moderate their conceptions before the completion of the
picture. The fact that there was many a Cartoon which would
have gone in, but that there was no getting it through the door,
illustrates this malady among the artists. It may be considered as
a species of Elephantiasis, inducing the idea that one's self and
one's subject are much more vast than they are in reality. It would
seem that some of the artists have misread the advertisement of
the Commissioners of Fine Arts, and that for the word decorate"
some of them read desecrate the walls of Parliament.


[1844.







JUNE.


THE WATERING-PLACES OF ENGLAND.

SERENE and fair is Battersea,
As it breasts the river's side;
While past it, gushing fast and free,
There flows the limpid tide!
How smooth the water at its base,
No mirror could be flatter;
Named, from the softness of its face,
The sea, the sea of Batter!
But let us cross the shining main,
Which heaves with gentle swell;
And we the fertile shore shall gain
That skirts the sea of Chel.
Within the water, when 'tis clear,
We can extremely well see
The image of the Iron Pier,'--
Then hail to merry Chelsea! ,
The Iron Peer.
The hardy mariner may boast
Of voyage long and far;
To where, upon the Greenwich coast,
Reclines the worn-out tar.
The perils of the vasty deep,
The shore with shelving ridges,
I will avoid, and always keep
On this side of the bridges.



DOMESTIC HINTS FOR THE FIRST OF APRIL.
IN making bread, care should be taken to set the sponge properly.
The best sponge can be obtained at hairdressers' shops, and it may
be as well to ask the hairdresser the best method of setting it.
Bees are a source of great profit. ,The wax from the ceiling of
the hive is a capital substitute for sealing-wax. As bees deposit
their honey in combs, each hive should have a small-tooth comb
placed inside it.
A hen gives notice of her intention to lay by talking to herself.
When she commences this kind of monopolylogue, provide her with
a private box for the season.
Eggs may be kept any time if they are not eaten: when they
are intended for food, they should be used as fresh as possible.
Ducks' eggs are sometimes placed under hens, but hens' eggs, or in-
deed any eggs at all, are not eligible things for ducks to sit upon.







JUNE.


THE WATERING-PLACES OF ENGLAND.

SERENE and fair is Battersea,
As it breasts the river's side;
While past it, gushing fast and free,
There flows the limpid tide!
How smooth the water at its base,
No mirror could be flatter;
Named, from the softness of its face,
The sea, the sea of Batter!
But let us cross the shining main,
Which heaves with gentle swell;
And we the fertile shore shall gain
That skirts the sea of Chel.
Within the water, when 'tis clear,
We can extremely well see
The image of the Iron Pier,'--
Then hail to merry Chelsea! ,
The Iron Peer.
The hardy mariner may boast
Of voyage long and far;
To where, upon the Greenwich coast,
Reclines the worn-out tar.
The perils of the vasty deep,
The shore with shelving ridges,
I will avoid, and always keep
On this side of the bridges.



DOMESTIC HINTS FOR THE FIRST OF APRIL.
IN making bread, care should be taken to set the sponge properly.
The best sponge can be obtained at hairdressers' shops, and it may
be as well to ask the hairdresser the best method of setting it.
Bees are a source of great profit. ,The wax from the ceiling of
the hive is a capital substitute for sealing-wax. As bees deposit
their honey in combs, each hive should have a small-tooth comb
placed inside it.
A hen gives notice of her intention to lay by talking to herself.
When she commences this kind of monopolylogue, provide her with
a private box for the season.
Eggs may be kept any time if they are not eaten: when they
are intended for food, they should be used as fresh as possible.
Ducks' eggs are sometimes placed under hens, but hens' eggs, or in-
deed any eggs at all, are not eligible things for ducks to sit upon.







22 THE COMIC ALMANAC. [1844.


REPORT OF

THE ROYAL HUMANE SOCIETY
FOR THE PREVENTION OF ACCIDENTS ON ARTIFICIAL ICE.

THIS Society has been established for the Prevention of Accidents
on Artificial Ice, and is happy to refer the public to the following

CASE.
A gentleman was skating in a first floor, and had been several
times warned by artificial ice-man Snooks not to pass over a certain
spot, for it was known there was a large chandelier immediately
beneath, the great heat from which, by thawing the artificial ice,
might render it dangerous. The gentleman, however, persisted;
when, following the usual course, the Humane Society caused ropes
to be thrown across from side to side, which might at all events catch
the skates, if not check the boldness of the skaters. Luckily, the pre-
caution took effect, tripping the gentleman up, and breaking his
fall; when another artificial ice-man, seeing the danger, resorted to
the customary experiment of placing a ladder immediately over the
hole into which the skater had been plunged. This course is always
adopted on natural ice; for, as a person before drowning is supposed
to rise three times, it is desirable to prolong his chance by prevent-
ing him from rising at all-even for the first time-as long as pos-
sible. Unfortunately, there was no boathook at hand-an instrument
found so useful in cases of accident on natural ice, or it is probable
that the individual might have been fished up with the greatest
facility. The gentleman was now immersed in mortar, and, hang-
ing on by a rafter, presented a complete case of suspended animation
for several minutes. Artificial ice-man Snooks immediately plunged
in among the laths, while the plaster cracked and gave way at
every step he took, in the most frightful manner. He had previously
made fast a rope to a hook in the ceiling above, and the unfortunate
individual, who clung to his preserver, was thus extracted from his
perilous position. The usual remedies were promptly resorted to.
He was held up for several minutes by the heels, to allow the dust
and plaster to escape from his mouth, and was then taken to the
receiving-house, where brandy-and-water were administered in such
copious draughts, and with such excellent effect, that he soon lost
all sense of the accident.














































A NEW ART-IF--ICE Doubly Hazardous.


.bJ. -:~c


.~; ~g
i 1







REPORT OF THE ROYAL HUMANE SOCIETY.


The Society would earnestly recommend the following precautions
to all who are in the habit of resorting to the artificial ice:-
Always select, if possible, a ground floor; and, indeed, from the
specimens of skating exhibited every day by the horses, it would
seem that the wooden pavement is better adapted than anything
else to the purpose of glaciarium. When you feel yourself going
into a hole, throw yourself on your back, when the artificial ice-
man will probably dash a ladder on to your face; and if you can
contrive to get your head through the rounds of the ladder, you are
drawn up easily.
Never venture where you see a board with the word Dangerous."
You may be sure that the Society's men are aware of a hole, which,
as they have made it themselves by sticking up the board, they can
have made no mistake about.
The Humane Society, fully aware of the efficacy of brandy in
cases of suspended animation, caused an analysis to be made of the
brandy-balls usually sold upon the ice, when the following result
was obtained:-
Sugar, in solution . . .. .15
Some mysterious mixture, of which no solution
could be found ........ 75
Dust . . . 8
Peppermint ............. 2
Brandy ......... .... 0
100
On the whole, the Society would not feel justified in recommending
it as a stimulant.
The following prizes have already been distributed by the Society:
To artificial ice-man Brown, for plunging into a parlour, where a
gentleman had fallen on to a tea-table, and rescuing him from a
boiling watery grave, the small silver medal, with a portrait of the
Queen on one side, and the words Six PENCE," in raised letters, on
the other. The thanks of the Society, on comic note-paper, were
also given to the tradesman who had supplied (on credit) the whole
of the apparatus.


0--









JULY. [5844.


POLITICAL PAS-DE-QUATRE.
E give the following as the last new dances patronized
by the most distinguished Members of both Houses
of Parliament:-
THE DEBATE.
First gentleman comes forward, and sets to gentleman opposite.
Second gentleman does the same: and third couple pair off right
and left.
THE RESIGNATION.
M First gentleman advances to first lady, and then
retires. Second gentleman takes the place of first
gentleman, and advances to first lady; who executes
a dos a dos with first gentleman. First and second
gentlemen cross to opposite sides, and second gentle-
Union is strength. man turns first gentleman over.
THE LORD BROUGHAM.
Turn right and left, meet half way; then back again. Cross
over, pass behind, go up and down, and continue changing sides,
till arriving at the bottom.

11. Prince of Orange assassinated, 1584.

How cruel this unhappy prince to slaughter !
'Tis strange that Orange should have had no quarter!
State of the Crops.


Middling.


JULY.


[1844-


Abundant.


Scarcity.









JULY. [5844.


POLITICAL PAS-DE-QUATRE.
E give the following as the last new dances patronized
by the most distinguished Members of both Houses
of Parliament:-
THE DEBATE.
First gentleman comes forward, and sets to gentleman opposite.
Second gentleman does the same: and third couple pair off right
and left.
THE RESIGNATION.
M First gentleman advances to first lady, and then
retires. Second gentleman takes the place of first
gentleman, and advances to first lady; who executes
a dos a dos with first gentleman. First and second
gentlemen cross to opposite sides, and second gentle-
Union is strength. man turns first gentleman over.
THE LORD BROUGHAM.
Turn right and left, meet half way; then back again. Cross
over, pass behind, go up and down, and continue changing sides,
till arriving at the bottom.

11. Prince of Orange assassinated, 1584.

How cruel this unhappy prince to slaughter !
'Tis strange that Orange should have had no quarter!
State of the Crops.


Middling.


JULY.


[1844-


Abundant.


Scarcity.








































Cuy Fawkes treated Classically-An Unexhibited Cartoon










THE UNEXHIBITED CARTOON OF GUY FAWKES.
BY GEORGE CRUIKSHANK.

HAVING been advised by my friends to publish a sketch of my
cartoon, intended for exhibition at Westminster Hall, I think the
public, upon seeing it, will require some explanation of it. The
subject has often been treated, and sometimes rather ill-treated, by
preceding artists. Being forcibly struck by the grand classical
style, I have aimed at it, and I trust I have succeeded in hitting it.
At all events, if I have not quite come up to the mark, I have had
a good bold fling at it.
The first thing I thought it necessary to think of (though, by-
the-bye, it is generally the last thing thought of in historical
painting), was to get a faithful portrait of the principal character.
For that purpose I determined to study nature, and strolled about
London and the suburbs on the 5th of November, in search of a
likeness of Fawkes, caring little under what Guys it might be pre-
sented to me. Unfortunately, some had long noses and some had
short; so, putting this and that together, the long and the short
of it is, that I determined on adopting a living prototype, who has
been blowing up both Houses of Parliament for several years, and
if not a Fawkes in other respects, is at least famous for encouraging
forking out on the part of others.
Having got over the preliminary difficulty, I set to work upon
my cartoon: and being resolved to make it a greater work than had
ever before been known, I forgot the prescribed size, for my head
was far above the consideration of mere feet, and I did not reflect,
that where Parliament had given an inch I was taking an ell, at the
very lowest estimate. Having strolled towards Westminster Hall
to survey the scene of my future triumphs, it struck me that I had
carried the grand classical to such a height as to preclude all chance
of my cartoon being got in through the doorway: and I, therefore,
with the promptitude of a Richard the Third, determined to Off
with his head," by taking a slice off the top of the canvass. This
necessary piece of execution rather spoiled the design, but it enabled
me to throw a heaviness into the brows of my principal figure,
which, if it marred the resemblance to Fawkes, gave him an addi-
tional look of the Guy, at all events. It then occurred to me that I
might further diminish the dimensions by taking a couple of feet
off the legs; and this happy idea enabled me to carry out the his-
torical notion that Fawkes was the mere tool of others, in which


'4-s







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


case, to cramp him in the understanding must be considered a nice
blending of the false in art with the true in nature. The Guy's
feet were accordingly foreshortened, till I left him, as he appeared
when trying to defend himself at his trial, with hardly a leg to
stand upon. Besides I knew I could fresco out his calves in fine
style, when I once got permission to turn the fruit of my labours
into wall-fruit, on the inside of the Houses of Parliament.
It will now be naturally asked, why my cartoon was not exhibited
with others, some of each were equally monstrous, in the Hall of
Westminster. The fact is, if the truth must out, the cartoon would
not go in. Though I had cramped my genius already to suit the
views of the Commissioners, and the size of the door, I found I
must have stooped much lower if I had resolved on finding admit-
tance for my work. I wrote at once to the Woods and Forests,
calling upon them to widen the door for genius, by taking down a
portion of the wall: but it will hardly be believed, that though
there were, at the time, plenty of workmen about the building, no
answer was returned to my request. Alas! it is all very well to
sing, as they do in Der Frieschutz, "Through the Woods and
through the Forests," but towards me the Woods and Forests
proved themselves utterly impenetrable.
It will be seen that the arch conspirator-for so I must continue
to call him, though he could not be got into the archway-has
placed his hat upon the ground, a little point in which I have
blended imagination with history, and both with convenience. The
imagination suggests that such a villain ought not to wear his hat;
history does not say that he did, which is as much as to hint that
he didn't; while convenience coming to the aid of both, renders it
necessary for his hat to lie upon the ground, for if I had tried to
place it on his head, there would have been no room for it. There
was one gratifying circumstance connected with this cartoon which,
in spite of my being charged with vanity, I must repeat. As it
was carried through the streets it seemed to be generally under-
stood and appreciated, every one, even children, exclaiming as it
passed, "Oh! there's a Guy!"
GEORGE CRUIKSHANK.




The Hop Season.


[1844.







1844.] AUGUST. 27



THE FEAST OF THE GROTTOES.

SURELY the antiquity of oysters cannot be doubted; but there is
some reason to believe that grottoes are of a more recent origin.
There is a grotto of the Cumean Sybil at Naples; but it does not
seem to have been constructed of oyster-shells-though its position
near the sea would indicate that shells of some kind were probably
used in its construction.
The first oyster ever introduced into this country was probably
brought over by Sir Walter Raleigh; who, as lie imported cigars,
potatoes, and saltpetre, may, probably, have met with oysters in
his celebrated journey round the world, and carried over a barrel
with him on his return to England; which- would surely have been
quite as reasonable a piece of luggage as a barrel of gunpowder.
This theory is further supported by the well-known proverb, that
" he must have been a bold man who first ate an oyster;" and as
the courage of Raleigh was never doubted, we may fix upon him
with some degree of confidence as the first oyster-eater that this
country can boast of. But valour of this kind was never so emi-
nently displayed as in the comparatively recent instance of Dando,
who, to the courage of eating oysters to an unlimited extent, added
the far greater boldness of declhiing to pay for them. Dando was,
however, "native, and to the manner born" for it. To return to
the subject of grottoes: the annual grotto feast is observed by the
children of the humbler classes, who, with infantine simplicity,
insist on declaring that it is "only once a year" for several days in
succession. There is a remnant of feudalism in the mode adopted
by some of the bigger boys to obtain possession of the grottoes
constructed by weaker children. The former descend in rude and
barbarous hordes, beating off the original possessors, and exacting
custom from the surrounding neighbourhood. This is in strict
conformity with the law of primogeniture; for the elder boys
generally "take," as the lawyers say, to the exclusion of the
younger.







1844.] AUGUST. 27



THE FEAST OF THE GROTTOES.

SURELY the antiquity of oysters cannot be doubted; but there is
some reason to believe that grottoes are of a more recent origin.
There is a grotto of the Cumean Sybil at Naples; but it does not
seem to have been constructed of oyster-shells-though its position
near the sea would indicate that shells of some kind were probably
used in its construction.
The first oyster ever introduced into this country was probably
brought over by Sir Walter Raleigh; who, as lie imported cigars,
potatoes, and saltpetre, may, probably, have met with oysters in
his celebrated journey round the world, and carried over a barrel
with him on his return to England; which- would surely have been
quite as reasonable a piece of luggage as a barrel of gunpowder.
This theory is further supported by the well-known proverb, that
" he must have been a bold man who first ate an oyster;" and as
the courage of Raleigh was never doubted, we may fix upon him
with some degree of confidence as the first oyster-eater that this
country can boast of. But valour of this kind was never so emi-
nently displayed as in the comparatively recent instance of Dando,
who, to the courage of eating oysters to an unlimited extent, added
the far greater boldness of declhiing to pay for them. Dando was,
however, "native, and to the manner born" for it. To return to
the subject of grottoes: the annual grotto feast is observed by the
children of the humbler classes, who, with infantine simplicity,
insist on declaring that it is "only once a year" for several days in
succession. There is a remnant of feudalism in the mode adopted
by some of the bigger boys to obtain possession of the grottoes
constructed by weaker children. The former descend in rude and
barbarous hordes, beating off the original possessors, and exacting
custom from the surrounding neighbourhood. This is in strict
conformity with the law of primogeniture; for the elder boys
generally "take," as the lawyers say, to the exclusion of the
younger.







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


ODE TO FATHER MATHEW.

OH, Father Mathew, why dost thou incline
Against all spirits thus to whine ?
To preach against good liquor is a scandal.
Why to such rash conclusions jump-
To airy, dull, unsocial pump,
Why give a handle ?
Water is very well-but then 'tis known,
That well is always better let alone.
Washing is water's only function,
Save when a little drop poured in-
to brandy, whisky, rum, or gin,
Makes glorious, grand junction.
Think, Father Mathew, how you interfere
With Christmas cheer;
How can we offer friends a welcome hearty,
Unto a cold December water party ?
When strangers meet together once or twice,
Wine warms away the chill of cold decorum;
But who could ever hope to break the ice
Cold water would in winter's depth throw o'er 'em?
Who could strike up a joyous song
Upon a cup, however strong,
Of wishy-washy green souchong ?
Believe me, Father Mathew, you are wrong!
It would indeed be useless labour,
With such a pledge as those you boast,
To try and pledge one's neighbour,
In a flat toast-and-water toast.
Who could with spirits light advance,
To join the dance,
When with teetotalism clogged,
His heels are water-logged P
They who conform to your teetotal wishes,
And satisfied can be,
With water breakfast, dinner, supper, tea,
I class among the oddest fishes.
No, Father Mathew, let us have our ale-
Water's quite out of the social pale.


[1844.







-..* A_ ,1.. ~ ~ nr~

-1 I -



/ N


FATH ER MATHEW-An-ice man for a small party ,


I


LI-- --~~~,~I-~_~:~=~_~;,--~3











POPULAR ERRORS.
SANDWICH is not famous for its Sandwiches.
Venetian blinds are not imported from Venice.
The captain of a steamer, when at his post, is not a post-captain.
The sword of justice cannot be made sharp without the application of
blunt.
It is an error to suppose that the stature of man is diminished, for the
lengths men go to in the present day was never surpassed. The tallest men
are to be found in Lankyshire.
Jerusalem artichokes do not come from Jerusalem. They are not called
artichokes because any one who makes a hearty meal on them will run the
chance of being choked.
It is a vulgar error that beer is turned sour by thunder. The fact is, that
beer may be turned sour by lightning which does not know how to conduct
itself.
Home-made articles are not always the best; and, indeed, when made at
home, they are often so mysterious, that there is really no making them
out.


REPORT ON PUBLIC HEALTH.
FBOx the returns founded on inquiries made by Mr. Jones of fourteen
friends, whom he met in London during one afternoon, it was ascertained
that, to the question, "How are you?" six re-
plied Pretty well," two were Quite charm-
ing," four were Very well," one was Tolera-
ble," and the remaining one "Bobbish." It
seems that a state of bobbishness is one of vulgar
health, and that the less genteel neighborhoods,
under the most favourable circumstances, are
greatly conducive to it. A turning Officer.
Water is one of the first essentials to health, and, con-
sequently, a rainy day ought to be a source of great salu-
brity. It is also a principal ingredient in the diet of
paupers, no doubt on account of its sanatory properties.
Water, in conjunction with ventilation, may be regarded
as the safety-valve of disease; so that a walking a pelting
shower, with a hole or two in the hat and boots, ought to
AA ~ be prescribed as a preventive against the chance of
Relieving Officer. illness.







AppeAling against the Hair Hunting
Poqr Rate.











POPULAR ERRORS.
SANDWICH is not famous for its Sandwiches.
Venetian blinds are not imported from Venice.
The captain of a steamer, when at his post, is not a post-captain.
The sword of justice cannot be made sharp without the application of
blunt.
It is an error to suppose that the stature of man is diminished, for the
lengths men go to in the present day was never surpassed. The tallest men
are to be found in Lankyshire.
Jerusalem artichokes do not come from Jerusalem. They are not called
artichokes because any one who makes a hearty meal on them will run the
chance of being choked.
It is a vulgar error that beer is turned sour by thunder. The fact is, that
beer may be turned sour by lightning which does not know how to conduct
itself.
Home-made articles are not always the best; and, indeed, when made at
home, they are often so mysterious, that there is really no making them
out.


REPORT ON PUBLIC HEALTH.
FBOx the returns founded on inquiries made by Mr. Jones of fourteen
friends, whom he met in London during one afternoon, it was ascertained
that, to the question, "How are you?" six re-
plied Pretty well," two were Quite charm-
ing," four were Very well," one was Tolera-
ble," and the remaining one "Bobbish." It
seems that a state of bobbishness is one of vulgar
health, and that the less genteel neighborhoods,
under the most favourable circumstances, are
greatly conducive to it. A turning Officer.
Water is one of the first essentials to health, and, con-
sequently, a rainy day ought to be a source of great salu-
brity. It is also a principal ingredient in the diet of
paupers, no doubt on account of its sanatory properties.
Water, in conjunction with ventilation, may be regarded
as the safety-valve of disease; so that a walking a pelting
shower, with a hole or two in the hat and boots, ought to
AA ~ be prescribed as a preventive against the chance of
Relieving Officer. illness.







AppeAling against the Hair Hunting
Poqr Rate.







SEPTEMBER.


TREATING WITH CHINA.
DESPATCH FROM aIR HENRY POTTISGER.
AKING advantage of my full powers to treat, I asked
the Commissioner what he would like me to treat him to. He at
first suggested beer; but from what I have seen of the Chinese, I
fancied that they stood more in need of spirit than anything else;
and as my instructions were ,to mix as much as possible with the
Imperial authorities, I kept mixing brandy and water till past
midnight, in company with Key-sing, who did ample justice to the
grog that was placed before him. The effect of the liquor was
such as to cause me to receive several friendly assurances in broken
Chinese; and the Commissioner, I am sure, soon began to see
doubly all the advantages I was endeavouring to point out to him.
In a short time such was the spirit of harmony inspired by the
grog, that a song was volunteered by Key-sing; but it is impos-
sible to say what key Key-sing did sing it in. I was then called
upon to favour them with a vocal effort; and as my instructions
were to meet the wishes of the Chinese government as well as I
could, I struck up, Home, sweet home," a selection which, I trust,
will meet the approbation of the Home Office. The treaty had not
yet received the signature of Key-sing; and he seemed to be
wavering,-leaning first on one side, and then on the other; but at
length he f911 with his face flat upon the treaty, which I believe
was intended to show his great respect for it. Such was his emo-
tion, that he was with difficulty raised; and his hand was at length
guided by a mandarin, who had partaken less freely of the grog
than the Chief Commissioner. Key-sing then left for his own
abode, singing and dancing all the way home, and addressing every
one he met, to whom he was, probably, explaining the advantages
that China will derive from the happy union.
I am, &c., your Lordship's, &c.,
HENRY POTTINGER.


[1844.







SEPTEMBER.


TREATING WITH CHINA.
DESPATCH FROM aIR HENRY POTTISGER.
AKING advantage of my full powers to treat, I asked
the Commissioner what he would like me to treat him to. He at
first suggested beer; but from what I have seen of the Chinese, I
fancied that they stood more in need of spirit than anything else;
and as my instructions were ,to mix as much as possible with the
Imperial authorities, I kept mixing brandy and water till past
midnight, in company with Key-sing, who did ample justice to the
grog that was placed before him. The effect of the liquor was
such as to cause me to receive several friendly assurances in broken
Chinese; and the Commissioner, I am sure, soon began to see
doubly all the advantages I was endeavouring to point out to him.
In a short time such was the spirit of harmony inspired by the
grog, that a song was volunteered by Key-sing; but it is impos-
sible to say what key Key-sing did sing it in. I was then called
upon to favour them with a vocal effort; and as my instructions
were to meet the wishes of the Chinese government as well as I
could, I struck up, Home, sweet home," a selection which, I trust,
will meet the approbation of the Home Office. The treaty had not
yet received the signature of Key-sing; and he seemed to be
wavering,-leaning first on one side, and then on the other; but at
length he f911 with his face flat upon the treaty, which I believe
was intended to show his great respect for it. Such was his emo-
tion, that he was with difficulty raised; and his hand was at length
guided by a mandarin, who had partaken less freely of the grog
than the Chief Commissioner. Key-sing then left for his own
abode, singing and dancing all the way home, and addressing every
one he met, to whom he was, probably, explaining the advantages
that China will derive from the happy union.
I am, &c., your Lordship's, &c.,
HENRY POTTINGER.


[1844.




















































In4',s._.,


Humbsof he D




Hu mb'ucs of the Dae/


-Ae YagMcns
Frtien-d,











POLITICS ABROAD.

(By the Foreign Correspondent of the Comic Almanack.")

THE Spanish are, as you know, very nutty on their late revolution.
Several provinces have pronounced; but as they all have a peculiar
patois of their own, it is difficult to catch their pronunciations.
America is in a more settled, though certainly not in a more
settling, state than it was some time ago. It has resorted freely to
the old way of paying new debts, and in return for our specie, has
sent us a species of whitewash, which is all that we can get as an
equivalent. It is a glorious thing to see a whole nation throwing
off its bonds; and the way in which America has released herself
from the bonds she was under to her creditors, is a proof that she
knows how to be free herself, and to make free with others. On the
other side of the Channel, Young France finding it impossible to
beard Old England, has taken to bearding itself; and the war-party
show, by their chins at any rate, that they would be much improved
by a good lathering. New South Wales, as you are by this time
aware, is to have a representative assembly; but it is not yet de-
cided what the legislative body is to consist of. It would perhaps
be the fairest plan, that each of the prisons should send so many
members to the Botany Bay parliament; but others think that each
class of offenders should have its own representatives. Whether
the Honourable Member for Newgate would sound better than the
Gallant Representative of the Housebreaking Interests, is a ques-
tion that may be decided hereafter; and it will be a very nice point,
whether conviction shall be a necessary qualification for a seat in
the legislature of New South Wales, or, whether the fact of having
committed an offence, shall render a person eligible as a candidate.
It will perhaps be difficult to draw the line where the elective fran-
chise shall begin, but it is generally believed, that nothing under a
pickpocket ought to be entitled to vote, though, whether the claim-
ant to the suffrage must have been positively caught in the act, is
a nicety on which I leave it to the lawyers to deliberate.


THE SINGING MOUSE.
'Tis thought a very wondrous thing,
That any mouse is known to sing;
But only keep your cat away,
And all your mice will learn to play.







THE COMIC ALMANACK.


OBSERVATIONS OF A NATURALIST.

THE average quantity of vapour from below is always greater
after a public meeting, at which patriotic speeches have been made.
As we advance towards the Pole, the wind rises; and, by a re-
markable coincidence, it is easy for an elector to raise the wind. as
the day for going to the poll approaches.
In warm weather the dissolving power is greater; and the sum-
mer is generally chosen for dissolving Parliament.
Moisture ascending, forms clouds; and liquor which gets into the
head causes a mist over the eyes; a fact that shows the analogy
existing between all the operations of nature.
Bishop Berkeley has observed, that there are more levels in
England than are generally to be found elsewhere. This notion
accounts for the Bishop having published many things, in which he
treated England as a country of flats.
About the 4th or 5th of February, it has been observed that the
woodlark renews his note. Birds of passage do not always renew
their notes on the 4th, but dishonour their bills very frequently.
It has been remarked, that in September evenings the reduction
of temperature begins to be sensibly felt by those who expose them-
selves to it thinly clad. We cannot concur in the general observa-
tion that it is sensibly felt, for the more sensible thing would be to
wrap oneself well up, and avoid altogether feeling it.
It was generally observed, that the summer of 1843 was one of
the finest that has been known for many years. This may be
easily accounted for by the non-opening of Vauxhall Gardens.
Preparations had been made for the commencement of the season,
and there was a week of incessant rain; but the idea being aban-
doned, the weather became fine, and continued so for the remainder
of the summer.
Saturn is generally allowed to be a very inclement planet; and
it may be seen directly over Clentnt's Inn during a portion of the
year.


L1844.







1844.] OCTOBER. 33











SIX RICHARDS IN THE FIELD.
A NEW ACTING SHAKSPEARE.
IT is quite evident that Shakspeare, in its present state, is not suited
to the capacity of the existing race of tragic actors. On the same
principle that somebody is said to have gone to bed because the bed
would not go to somebody, it seems advisable to bring Shakspeare
down to the actors because the actors can't come up to Shakspeare.
It was once suggested that the play of Hamlet," with the cha-
racter of Hamlet omitted, might probably lose some of its effect
in dramatic representation. If this theory is a good one, it follows,
as a matter of course, that the play of Richard the Third," with
six Richards instead of one, must be six times as good as it is with
only a single embodiment of that extraordinary character. That
this is the opinion of modern tragedians is shown by their all re-
quiring to perform the principal part in all tragedies: an arrange-
ment that could only be earned out by multiplying the chief cha-
racter in a piece by the number of individuals n a theatre who want
to act it. Whether the negative capacities of three or four indi-
vidual performers can make an affirmative capacity, is an experiment
that might be tried, at all events. "Division of labour" is a
very favourite project amongst speculators in the present day; and
if Messrs. A., P., and V., are separately unequal to the effort of
sustaining the weight of the crook-backed tyrant, why should not
the tyrant be cut into three-some actors, by-the-bye, cut him all
to pieces-so that each of the performers hinted at might bear a
portion of the burden P Mr. A. might do the love scene with Lady
Anne; Mr. P. might growl through the opening soliloquy; and Mr.
V. might go to sleep throughout the dream : an achievement which
bhe drowsiness of his style renders him fully equal to.
That the bard of Avon contemplated the possibility of something
of the kind is shown by the expression he puts into the mouth of
Richard himself, who, in making the well-known exclamation,
Methinks I see six Richmonds in the field,"
ay be supposed to have hinted at the possibility of there being
ix competitors for his own position-that of hero of the tragedy.







1844.] OCTOBER. 33











SIX RICHARDS IN THE FIELD.
A NEW ACTING SHAKSPEARE.
IT is quite evident that Shakspeare, in its present state, is not suited
to the capacity of the existing race of tragic actors. On the same
principle that somebody is said to have gone to bed because the bed
would not go to somebody, it seems advisable to bring Shakspeare
down to the actors because the actors can't come up to Shakspeare.
It was once suggested that the play of Hamlet," with the cha-
racter of Hamlet omitted, might probably lose some of its effect
in dramatic representation. If this theory is a good one, it follows,
as a matter of course, that the play of Richard the Third," with
six Richards instead of one, must be six times as good as it is with
only a single embodiment of that extraordinary character. That
this is the opinion of modern tragedians is shown by their all re-
quiring to perform the principal part in all tragedies: an arrange-
ment that could only be earned out by multiplying the chief cha-
racter in a piece by the number of individuals n a theatre who want
to act it. Whether the negative capacities of three or four indi-
vidual performers can make an affirmative capacity, is an experiment
that might be tried, at all events. "Division of labour" is a
very favourite project amongst speculators in the present day; and
if Messrs. A., P., and V., are separately unequal to the effort of
sustaining the weight of the crook-backed tyrant, why should not
the tyrant be cut into three-some actors, by-the-bye, cut him all
to pieces-so that each of the performers hinted at might bear a
portion of the burden P Mr. A. might do the love scene with Lady
Anne; Mr. P. might growl through the opening soliloquy; and Mr.
V. might go to sleep throughout the dream : an achievement which
bhe drowsiness of his style renders him fully equal to.
That the bard of Avon contemplated the possibility of something
of the kind is shown by the expression he puts into the mouth of
Richard himself, who, in making the well-known exclamation,
Methinks I see six Richmonds in the field,"
ay be supposed to have hinted at the possibility of there being
ix competitors for his own position-that of hero of the tragedy.







THE COMIC ALMANAC.


THE DOGS' BILL.
THE goodness of Parliament all things surpasses;
Its kind fellow-feeling no pride ever clogs:
It has stooped to the representation of asses,
And during last Session it went to the dogs.

How kind of a conclave of Solons and Daniels,
Whose wisdom and greatness there's no one disputes,
To sympathize nobly with lap-dogs and spaniels,
And adopt as their own all the feelings of brutes!
But the dogs of the country are sore discontented,
The Bills to protect them should out have been thrown;
If the species canine is to be represented,
Why is it by London-bred puppies alone ?
Theatrical managers also will feel it-
No dogs for performance they now can engage;
In town, by the act (if they do not repeal it),
No dog can be suffered to draw on the stage.

Dog Latin, doxology, reason dogmatic,
And physic, which oft to the dogs has been thrown,-
Are all these confined, by a plan systematic,
To the puppies residing in London alone ?
Oh! can it be ever with reason pretended
That civilization's beneficent lights
Have not to the dogs in the country extended,
Which makes them unfit for political rights ?
Oh! is there no ear in the House will be harking
To all the complaints which with justice are made ?
Oh! where are the members of Houndsditch and Barking?
By them are the dogs of the country betrayed.


FACTS WORTH REMEMBERING.
IN JAANUTA .-That on the 8th, fire insurance policies must be
attended to; and that, although honesty is the best policy, it will
not be available in case of fire.
IN FEBRUAv Y.-That, on the 7th, Dr. Maskelyne died; but as we
do not know how to pronounce an opinion on this Maskelyne, it is
better for us to remain neuter.
In MacH.-That the month is a stormy one at sea, causing


[1844,









>11



* 4" da" ed 1otL A

7.-


DOG-DAYS Legislation goingto the Dogs.


., iu ;n~pr-,`~l~'~- `:
~sLL~; m
~r; I~ .... ~ -,
u;s -c.


n~F~~iA


1 II I I


- ---


.-, A







FACTS WORTH REMEMBERING.


leaks in ships; and that, on the 1st, being St. David's day, leeks are
worn in the hat by Welshmen.
IN APRuL.-That the assessed-tax papers are delivered early in
the month; and that not even the vainest of us is then disposed to
overrate himself.
IN MAY.-That, on the 14th, vaccination was first used, in 1796;
and that, while it saved many from being pitted with the small-
pox, the invention itself may be pitted against any other.
JUNE.-That the sun is before the clock on the 7th, which may be
remedied by putting the clock before the sun. Mem.-It will do no
good to place it before the fire.
JULY.-That the days decrease in the course of the month; and
that on the 5th of July, 1830, Algiers lost a Dey altogether.
AuGUST.-That Napoleon was born on the 15th, and Andrew
Marvel on the 16th, but that the former was really a greater marvel
than the latter.
SEPTEMBER.-Your grapes will now begin to want looking after.
If you do not bag them yourself, and your vine happens to be in an
exposed situation, you may expect that some one will come andbag
them for you.
OCTOBER.-That melons can only be raised in hot beds; and, of
course, the hotter the bed the better the melons. Some fruit-
gardeners recommend a layer of cinders; but red-hot ashes, en-
closed in a warming-pan, will heat your bed quicker than anything.
It is usual to cover the bed over with a frame, with panes of glass
in it; a good thick counterpane would perhaps be more effective.
NovEMBER.-That the 5th is Guy Fawkes' day, which is com-
memorative of an attempted blow up; and that the 9th is Lord
Mayor's day, which is devoted to an annual blow out.
DECEMBER.-That the close of the year is the proper time to begin
a system of keeping accounts, for you will have plenty of accounts
sent in to enable you to commence keeping them.


Drawing an Audience.-Rogue-ation Sunday.


I844.]







36 NOVEMBER. [1844.


V


NEW VERSION OF "ALL ROUND MY HAT."
AS SUNG NIGHTLY AT BUCKINGHAMI PALACE.
ALL round my hat I hang a green willow,
All round my hat for a twelvemonth and a day;
And if anybody wants to know the reason that I do so,
It's because my ingenuity has all been thrown away.
'Twas taking my drives in the Park I first conceived it,
O, I thought the guard on duty in his hat looked a Guy;
(SPOKEN.)-Such a hat-like an old muff sewn up at one end of it!
And I never slept a wink, but in my mind I weaved it,
And thought my taste and fancy upon a hat I'd try.
(SPOKEN.)-Here's your fine infantry beavers, as light as gossa-
mars, and as waterproof as the washable !
All round my hat, &c.

Oh, my hat it was tall, and my hat it was round too,
And cruel was the public taste that did my hat condemn;
It's ugliness was sure the foe to confound too,
It frightened the public, and would have frightened them.
(SPOKBN.)-The horses of the cavalry on the other side would
have been sure to shy at it; and they would have got into such
a-rear that' the riders never could have come on to the charge. But
now it's
All round my hat, &c.







36 NOVEMBER. [1844.


V


NEW VERSION OF "ALL ROUND MY HAT."
AS SUNG NIGHTLY AT BUCKINGHAMI PALACE.
ALL round my hat I hang a green willow,
All round my hat for a twelvemonth and a day;
And if anybody wants to know the reason that I do so,
It's because my ingenuity has all been thrown away.
'Twas taking my drives in the Park I first conceived it,
O, I thought the guard on duty in his hat looked a Guy;
(SPOKEN.)-Such a hat-like an old muff sewn up at one end of it!
And I never slept a wink, but in my mind I weaved it,
And thought my taste and fancy upon a hat I'd try.
(SPOKEN.)-Here's your fine infantry beavers, as light as gossa-
mars, and as waterproof as the washable !
All round my hat, &c.

Oh, my hat it was tall, and my hat it was round too,
And cruel was the public taste that did my hat condemn;
It's ugliness was sure the foe to confound too,
It frightened the public, and would have frightened them.
(SPOKBN.)-The horses of the cavalry on the other side would
have been sure to shy at it; and they would have got into such
a-rear that' the riders never could have come on to the charge. But
now it's
All round my hat, &c.








" ALL ROUND MY HAT."


For seven long weeks the Queen and I planned it,
For seven long weeks we turned it every way:
Bad luck to the public, they didn't understand it;
But I'll praise the hat for ever, although it's done away.

(SPOEN.)--Here's your fine British lion grinning at the enemy as
if he would eat 'em up; but, alas! it's
All round my hat, &c.


There is some sort of men so preciously particular,
They wish to see the soldiers in soldier-like array;
But for the regulation, or for taste I'm no stickler,
I only want to see the men in colours bright and gay.

(SPxKEN.)-Do you want any hussar jackets? Wear'em and try
'em before you buy 'em. But it's
All round my hat, &c.


Oh, I gave my son a hat on the day he was born on,
Which I gave him as a plaything all to remember me;
And when he grows up, his head it will be worn on,
For an infantry colonel he very soon will be.

(SPOKEN.)-Here's your fine full blooming annuals-cheap at any
price. Yes, that they are-but it's
All round my hat, &c.


Disturbed State of Wales.








THE COMIC ALMANAC.


ROYAL PANTOMIME.
THE nation is most respectfully informed that arrangements have
been made, on a most extensive scale, for the annual production of
a new Pantomime, to be called
THE ROYAL TOUR;
OR, HAnLEQUIN PRINCE ALBERT, AND THE SAILOR QUEEN
OF THE SEA-GIRT ISLE.
The Scenery entirely new, from Views taken on the spot, in England,
France, and Belgium.
The Tricks by Neptune and assistants.
The Changes-of air, climate, and place, by Messrs. North, South,
East, and West.
The whole under the immediate direction of the Lord
Chamberlain.
Principal 4Claracters:
LANDLORD OF THE GALLIC COCK (afterwards Harlequin), Mons.
Louis PHILIPPE ;
PRINCE FORTUNE (afterwards Lover), Mons. ALBERT:
FOBTUNATUS (his Uncle), Mons. LEOPOLD (Froin the Royal Cobourg);
WHIRLIGIG, an Evil Genius (afterwards Clown), Herr BROUGHAM
(who will introduce Tippitywichit");
THE GOOD GENIUS (afterwards Columbine), Madame VICTOIRE;
Fiends of Mischief, by Mons. TaIERS, and numerous auxiliaries.
In the course of the Pantomime, the celebrated Pas des Folies, by
LA JEUNE FRANCE and YOUNG ENGLAND. The famous Mairche
Diabolique, by Signor O'CONNELL surnamedd the Irish in-
credible); and the grand Pas de Fascination, by Madame
Victoire.
In the course of the Pantomime will be exhibited the following
NEW AND SPLENDID SCENERY:-
PLYMOUTH, WITH THE MAYOR IN THE DISTANCE,
And a bird's-eye View of the Corporation, as seen through a
telescope from the deck of the Royal Yacht.
A GRAND NAUTICAL PANORAMA,
With the arrival of the Royal Squadron at Treport.
CAVE OF REVOLUTIONARY DESPAIR,
And overthrow of the Great Dragon of War, and Grand Finale
in the REGIONS OF BLISSFULNESS,
with the
TRIUMPH OF THE GOOD GENIUS.

















3. V .


Change fop. a Sovereign- an Anticipated Pantomime.







1844.] DECEMBER. 39












An Arctic Circld.

THE POLAR EXPEDITION.
CANDILY speaking, a voyage to the North Pole has many
advantages. In the first place, the Polar bears are the finest in
the world for bear's grease, and it makes the hair stand on end
merely to look at them.
The North Pole is generally supposed to be a sort of sign-post,
embedded in ice, in latitude 0 0', longitude xs x'; and it is popu-
larly believed that Captain Ross not only cut his name on the pole
itself, but nailed the English standard to the top of it. It has
been contemplated by some who take an interest in these matters,
to bring the North Pole to England, and place it in the Museum
as a companion to Cleopatra's needle. Whether the passage to
the North Pole will ever become a favourite with those who travel
for mere pleasure is somewhat questionable, but there is no know-
ing what mercantile enterprise may do, and an expedition to
obtain bear-skin coats-particularly if undertaken by such a house
as Baring Brothers-would, if it only proved barely remunerative,
say a great deal for British enterprise.
There is only one disadvantage attending a voyage to the Pole,
which is the difficulty of getting there, to say nothing of the
extreme improbability of getting safely back again. The forcing a
passage to the Pole is a grand achievement. And as the road is
frozen up before the expedition can return, it is always necessary
to force another passage back again. Nature certainly seems to
have written up No Thoroughfare," and the pole itself appears
to be inscribed with the words "No admittance except on busi-
ness;" but this warning has no effect upon those enthusiasts who
are determined to rush to the Pole at any sacrifice.







1844.] DECEMBER. 39












An Arctic Circld.

THE POLAR EXPEDITION.
CANDILY speaking, a voyage to the North Pole has many
advantages. In the first place, the Polar bears are the finest in
the world for bear's grease, and it makes the hair stand on end
merely to look at them.
The North Pole is generally supposed to be a sort of sign-post,
embedded in ice, in latitude 0 0', longitude xs x'; and it is popu-
larly believed that Captain Ross not only cut his name on the pole
itself, but nailed the English standard to the top of it. It has
been contemplated by some who take an interest in these matters,
to bring the North Pole to England, and place it in the Museum
as a companion to Cleopatra's needle. Whether the passage to
the North Pole will ever become a favourite with those who travel
for mere pleasure is somewhat questionable, but there is no know-
ing what mercantile enterprise may do, and an expedition to
obtain bear-skin coats-particularly if undertaken by such a house
as Baring Brothers-would, if it only proved barely remunerative,
say a great deal for British enterprise.
There is only one disadvantage attending a voyage to the Pole,
which is the difficulty of getting there, to say nothing of the
extreme improbability of getting safely back again. The forcing a
passage to the Pole is a grand achievement. And as the road is
frozen up before the expedition can return, it is always necessary
to force another passage back again. Nature certainly seems to
have written up No Thoroughfare," and the pole itself appears
to be inscribed with the words "No admittance except on busi-
ness;" but this warning has no effect upon those enthusiasts who
are determined to rush to the Pole at any sacrifice.








40 THE COMIC ALMANACK. [1844.


THE LEGAL ART-UNION.
SOME doubt having been entertained as to the legality of Art-
Unions, it has been determined to establish a legal Art-Union, by
which the most expensive of known luxuries-law-can be dealt
out to the subscribers upon most reasonable terms. The Union is
to consist of as many persons as think proper to subscribe, and the
object will be the bringing and defending actions, so that debtors
and creditors will equally profit by it.
Every subscriber, on paying six-and-eightpence, will have a
declaration delivered to him if he be a debtor; or if a creditor, he
will receive a plea; and the prizes will consist of a certain number
of verdicts, to be selected from the public exhibitions of justice,
including the Courts of Request, the Lord Mayor's, and Sheriffs'
Courts. If a plaintiff draws a prize, he will get the whole of the
money; and if a debtor draws a blank, he will have to pay it; but
if the debtor and the creditor both draw blanks, they neither of
them get anything, but their loss is limited to six-and-eightpence.
If a debtor obtains a fortunate number he is exonerated from his
debt without the disgrace or inconvenience of running away; while
a creditor, even if he does not get his money, is prevented from
throwing any of the good after the bad, and thus all parties reap
advantages which they could not obtain in the regular course of
law. It is thought that the causing the verdicts to depend on
chance, and thus introducing the lottery principle into the admi-
nistration of justice, is quite in conformity with what, in nine
cases out of ten, practically happens.
Prospectuses may be had at the chambers of Messrs. Drain,
Swindle, and Company, Solicitors to the Court of Portugal, and
Attorneys Extraordinary (most extraordinary !) to anyone employ-
ing them.


POST OFFICE REGULATIONS.
THE letter-carriers are all to wear uniforms, in order to carry out
the principle of the uniform postage. All the old Twopennies are
placed on the same footing as Generals.
The mails, since the reduction of the rate, are allowed to travel
slower than formerly. The Hounslow mail being carried in a cab,
and, there being no accommodation for a guard, the Government
will not be responsible for the safe conduct of the bags beyond the
Sloane Street frontier. Letters for Kingston, not intended to go by
Falmouth, should be marked Kingston-upon-Thames, or they will
be despatched to Kingston in Jamaica.
Money intended to benefit the letter-carriers should be en-
closed in an envelope addressed to any friend of the writer. By
registering the letter, the liberal object will be defeated.








40 THE COMIC ALMANACK. [1844.


THE LEGAL ART-UNION.
SOME doubt having been entertained as to the legality of Art-
Unions, it has been determined to establish a legal Art-Union, by
which the most expensive of known luxuries-law-can be dealt
out to the subscribers upon most reasonable terms. The Union is
to consist of as many persons as think proper to subscribe, and the
object will be the bringing and defending actions, so that debtors
and creditors will equally profit by it.
Every subscriber, on paying six-and-eightpence, will have a
declaration delivered to him if he be a debtor; or if a creditor, he
will receive a plea; and the prizes will consist of a certain number
of verdicts, to be selected from the public exhibitions of justice,
including the Courts of Request, the Lord Mayor's, and Sheriffs'
Courts. If a plaintiff draws a prize, he will get the whole of the
money; and if a debtor draws a blank, he will have to pay it; but
if the debtor and the creditor both draw blanks, they neither of
them get anything, but their loss is limited to six-and-eightpence.
If a debtor obtains a fortunate number he is exonerated from his
debt without the disgrace or inconvenience of running away; while
a creditor, even if he does not get his money, is prevented from
throwing any of the good after the bad, and thus all parties reap
advantages which they could not obtain in the regular course of
law. It is thought that the causing the verdicts to depend on
chance, and thus introducing the lottery principle into the admi-
nistration of justice, is quite in conformity with what, in nine
cases out of ten, practically happens.
Prospectuses may be had at the chambers of Messrs. Drain,
Swindle, and Company, Solicitors to the Court of Portugal, and
Attorneys Extraordinary (most extraordinary !) to anyone employ-
ing them.


POST OFFICE REGULATIONS.
THE letter-carriers are all to wear uniforms, in order to carry out
the principle of the uniform postage. All the old Twopennies are
placed on the same footing as Generals.
The mails, since the reduction of the rate, are allowed to travel
slower than formerly. The Hounslow mail being carried in a cab,
and, there being no accommodation for a guard, the Government
will not be responsible for the safe conduct of the bags beyond the
Sloane Street frontier. Letters for Kingston, not intended to go by
Falmouth, should be marked Kingston-upon-Thames, or they will
be despatched to Kingston in Jamaica.
Money intended to benefit the letter-carriers should be en-
closed in an envelope addressed to any friend of the writer. By
registering the letter, the liberal object will be defeated.








1844.]


CATECHISM OF POLITICS FOR THE FRENCH.

Q. How do you define politics ?
A. It is the science of constructing new governments; the first
step to which is the destruction of the existing one.
Q. In what do we make it chiefly to consist ?
A. In abusing our neighbours, and quarrelling amongst our-
selves.
Q. To what do we generally apply ourselves in peace ?
A. In insulting the English.
Q. How are we occupied in war ?
A. In being beaten by the English.
Q. How do we profit by war ?
A. It gives us material for clap-traps on the stage.
Q. How do we profit by defeat ?
A. In calling it a victory.
Q. How do we maintain our boast that we are the most ingenious
nation on the earth P
A. By employing the ingenuity of Englishmen in all our great
public works.



POETICAL CALENDAR,

AND

CHRONOLOGY FOR THE YEAR 1843.

JANUARY.
This month its name distinctly traces
Unto the god that has two faces:
From which we fairly may assume
It should be sacred now to Brough'm.
5TH. Further decline in the revenue; the decline being caused by a want
of consumption.
26th. A million tons of chalk dislodged by gunpowder from the cliffs at
Dover. The price of milk, nevertheless, remained as usual.
FEBRUARY.
From Februa (meaning "pure") this month doth claim
To take its very classic Roman name.
Parliament's meeting in this month, I'm sure,
Is a mistake-What's that to do with "pure P"
15th. Intelligence received from Captain Ross, who had been to join a
very select circle at the Antarctic.
21st. The trustees of a life-boat at North Shields fined ten shillings for
bringing some clothes to shore; it being decided that such boats are not to








1844.]


CATECHISM OF POLITICS FOR THE FRENCH.

Q. How do you define politics ?
A. It is the science of constructing new governments; the first
step to which is the destruction of the existing one.
Q. In what do we make it chiefly to consist ?
A. In abusing our neighbours, and quarrelling amongst our-
selves.
Q. To what do we generally apply ourselves in peace ?
A. In insulting the English.
Q. How are we occupied in war ?
A. In being beaten by the English.
Q. How do we profit by war ?
A. It gives us material for clap-traps on the stage.
Q. How do we profit by defeat ?
A. In calling it a victory.
Q. How do we maintain our boast that we are the most ingenious
nation on the earth P
A. By employing the ingenuity of Englishmen in all our great
public works.



POETICAL CALENDAR,

AND

CHRONOLOGY FOR THE YEAR 1843.

JANUARY.
This month its name distinctly traces
Unto the god that has two faces:
From which we fairly may assume
It should be sacred now to Brough'm.
5TH. Further decline in the revenue; the decline being caused by a want
of consumption.
26th. A million tons of chalk dislodged by gunpowder from the cliffs at
Dover. The price of milk, nevertheless, remained as usual.
FEBRUARY.
From Februa (meaning "pure") this month doth claim
To take its very classic Roman name.
Parliament's meeting in this month, I'm sure,
Is a mistake-What's that to do with "pure P"
15th. Intelligence received from Captain Ross, who had been to join a
very select circle at the Antarctic.
21st. The trustees of a life-boat at North Shields fined ten shillings for
bringing some clothes to shore; it being decided that such boats are not to








THE COMIC ALMANAC.


'be used to bring clothes to any one in possession of life, but only to prevent
any one's life from being brought to a close.
24th. Great curling match at Eglinton Castle, which Lord Eglinton won
by nine shots. The curling was not tried upon hare.

MARCH.
This month, called MAacH, from Mars, is fall of bluster,
For Boreas doth his windy forces muster.
Mars and old Boreas give mutual shocks;
One sending equal blows, the other EQUI-KNOCeS.
1st. Dr. Candlish lectured at London Wall amidst great confusion. The
congregation not being in a candle-ish humour, refused to be enlightened.
7th. Lord Teynham moved in the Lords for the abrogation of the clause in
the Poor Law Bill separating man and wife. The motion was lost, several
of the peers declaring the clause to be very beneficial to both parties.
25th. The Thames Tunnel opened, and the public let in; the privilege
being no longer confined to the shareholders.

APRIL.
Whether this month to Flora or to Ceres
The Romans gave, admits of many queries.
Aperio is to open:" this suggestion
Proves 'twas intended for an open question
1st. Public curiosity excited by the announcement of the invention of an
Aerial Ship. It was predicted that the ship would fall to the ground ; but
it never rose high enough to allow of the prediction being verified.
12th. The Servian question settled by the Russian cabinet stipulating for
a new sovereign. The old sovereign had not sufficient weight, being, pro-
bably, one of the light sovereigns that a proclamation had been previously
directed against.
25th. The prizes of the Art-Union drawn at Drury Lane Theatre; and Her
Majesty presented the nation on the same day with a prize-in the shape of
another princess.
MAT.
MAY formerly was sacred to Apollo:
The ancients little thought of what would follow,-
That MAY-descending to the lowest deeps-
Should e'er by fate become the lRte of sweeps!
1st. A molar tooth extracted from a person during mesmeric sleep. He
retained his unconsciousness in spite of his teeth.
16th. The Greenwich peerage became extinct by the giving way of the
stone structure. The slates on the roof remained firm to the last, and
behaved like bricks.
25th. Sir Valentine Blake moved for leave to bring in a Bill to restore the
Irish Parliament. The motion not being seconded, Tie took leave of his own
accord, and withdrew.
JUNE.
Juno and JonE so nearly are the same,
One from the other must have got its name.
The sign is Cancer, "crab:" and all admit
That Juno's crabbed temper it would fit.
19th. The judges replied to the questions of the House of Lords on mono-


[1844.








CHRONOLOGY FOR THE YEAR 1843.


mania, tothe effect that partial insanity does not affect legal responsibility;
which settled the question whether Lord Brougham could be considered
legally responsible to the Birds, supposing theyhad brought an action against
him.
30th. The Bill for the Mutual Surrender of Criminals" read a second
time in the House of Lords, but no allusion was made to the question, whether
the English dramatists would be liable to be given up-as arrant thieves-to
the French authorities.
JULY.
This month Quintilis, or "the fifth," was reckoned,
Till Julius Ciesar gave a first and second:
From which arrangement it at once appears
That Julius Cesar has prolonged our years.
15th. Father Mathew arrived at Liverpool, and the tide rose unusually
high, the water obtaining an extraordinary state of elevation.
23rd. O'Connell holds a repeal meeting at Tuam, and his exhortations on
the subject of rent prove that he understands the interest of meum as well as
that of tuum.
AUGUST.
Augustus Ctesar, seized by love of fame,
Gave to this seasonable month his name.
To Ceres it was dedicated: ergo,
Its sign zodiacal, of course, was Virgo.
28th. The Queen and Prince Albert embark on a marine excursion, and
the sea puts on the smoothest face possible.
31st. The Agricultural Improvement Society meet at Belfast. Several
members exhibited much ground for improvement.

SEPTEMBER.
From septem, "seven," and from himber, "shower."
Because SEPTEMBER pours with all its power,
The month derives its title, it is plain,
From the small fact that rain began its reign.
2nd. The Queen arrives at Tr6port, and the King of Hanover leaves Eng-
land. These auspicious events are hailed with much rejoicing.
5th. The Antarctic expedition arrives at Deal, having been four years
abroad. Captain Ross had ascertained the fact that there is but one mag-
netic pole in the southern hemisphere-a result that was arrived at by apply-
ing an ordinary darning needle to the pole, which turned out not to be mag-
netic.
21st. Mr. O'Connor, of Inch, proposed that the repealers should pay rent
no longer; but the policy of this not being a-pa-rent, the motion was nega-
tived.
OCTOBER.
OCTOBER has its name from octo, "eight,"
Though 'tis the tenth perhaps 'tis as well to state.
Such sixes and such sevens the months were knocked to,
That ten became translated into octo.
4th. News arrived of the loss of the overland mail, and the persons ex-
pecting their correspondence left in a state of unlettered ignorance.









44 THE COMIC ALMANAC. [I844.

25th. Nomination of candidates for the City. Mr. Baring put up with
Mr. Pattison; but the electors refusing to put up with Mr. Baring, put him
down in Mr. Pattison's favour.
NOVEMBER.
Our Saxon fathers, be it understood,
Used in this month to kill and salt their food.
The modern practice is the other way,
Namely, to eat it all on Lord Mayor's Day.
9th. Alderman Magnay elected Mayor. lagunaa est veritas. Wood if he
could..
DECEMBER.
This month, at last, time's annual circle fills,
But empties pockets with its Christmas bills I
The prickly holly every place adorns,
Showing that Christmas pleasures have their thorns.



THE OMNIBUS CONDUCTORS' LAMENT.
SucH meddling sure was never known,
We wish we could be left alone;
Why could they not contented rest
With placing badges on our breast ?
There's none that could with patience bear
His heart upon his sleeve to wear
But we are taken by the throats,
Made to unbosom on our coats;
And the conductors' badge must be
The badge of shameful slavery.
But now another act they've passed,
More cruel even than the last;
It says we shall not dare to race,
But only go a certain pace.
Oh! have we not been always taught
That racing is a noble sport ?
Unless with energy we drive,
Our horses can't be kept alive.
But Parliament goes on to say
We shall not loiter on the way;
'Twixt one and t'other can we know
The rate at which we ought to go?
'Tis hard to say, twixtt this and that,
What Parliament is driving at.
And then-'tis quite beyond a joke,
We're even not allowed to smoke;
What right has Parliament to say
That fashion's laws we shan't obey ?
They'll tell us next, 'tis like enough,
They will not have us up to snuff;
'Tis most unjust to treat us thus,
And be so busy with each bus!