THE SHP EL
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 6
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Human Rights Undressed
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Jewish former prostitute and
por star Annie Sprinkle had noth-
ing in her mouth but an egg salad
sandwich when she picked up the
0 With all the packing and pre-
S paring for 18 upcoming perfor-
mances of the "Love Art Labora-
tory" in New York, the 52-year-old didn't have time make
breakfast in her San Francisco apartment.
Sprinkle's performances of Love Art Lab called "Ex-
posed: Experiments in Love, Sex, Death, and Art," will be
at the Collective Unconscious Theatre from April 26- May
The brain-child of Sprinkle and her partner, multime-
dia artist Elizabeth Stephens, Love Art Lab is a seven-year
series; Sprinkle and Stephens give lectures focused on a
common theme, love.
The lectures incorporate theatrical works, visual art
and an annual wedding for Sprinkle and Stephens, even
though the two legally married in Canada five years ago.
Each year has a different theme and a corresponding
color. This third year, the theme is "Courage and Power"
and ironically the color is yellow- a color usually associ-
ated with sickness and fear.
Although some of the skits and lectures are based
around love and relationships, Sprinkle said this year's
theme talks about courage and power for the individual
One of the main topics of the lecture is Sprinkle's
battle with breast cancer.
PROTEST FOR PEACE Photo by Giselle Mazur
PROTEST FOR PEACE
Students gather on the Reitz Union North Lawn to protest the war in Iraq. Protesters marched to President Bernie
Machen's office in Tigret Hall to hand over a petition for peace. The protest was held on Tuesday, March 20, at 1 p.m.
More pictures on page 11.
New Pro-Israel Lobby
BY JOSH FLEET
The annual policy conference of the American Israel
Public Affairs Committee on March 15 brought some of
America's most powerful political guns to the table.
Vice President Cheney,'Speaker of the House Nancy
Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, Senate Re-
publican Leader Mitch McConnell and House Republican
Leader John Boehner were all there.
Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barak Obama
both held their own sessions at the conference.
All of this is indicative of the competition between
America's two rival parties, as Economist Magazine re-
ports "to be the 'soundest' on Israel."
CONTINUED ON PAGE.2
Sudanese Refugees Sue
BY NERI STEIN
Tourism remains Israel's highest draw of yearly in-
come, despite declines in recent years due to the Second
However, in spite of Israel's customary open door na-
ture, the nation is now being sued for being inhospitable
towards three Sudanese men who escaped from the geno-
cide in Darfur.
The three men crossed the border into Israel in the
summer of 2005. One of the men had escaped to Egypt
in 2001 after being tortured by the Sudanese government
under suspicion of aiding Darfur residents. He crossed into
Israel in June 2005 with one of the other refugees.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 9
! Hey RabbiYonah,
SI Was Wondering...
SIs Israel the New
Moxie Meydl meets
her Boston boy
How to do Passover
Bad news for
Find outThe Secret
(it's actually a book)
** ** ** *
A bare bones
S Find the
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JAIPAC opposes AIPAC
JOSH FLEET CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
With thousands of attend-
Sees and over 100 separate ses-
sions of speakers and seminars,
This year's conference stands as
AIPAC's largest yet. As politi-
cians and community leaders
alike scrambled to prove just how pro-Israel they really
are, AIPAC, one of America's largest lobbying entities,
was proud and eager to provide such a platform.
So everyone's happy, right?
Of course not. International Jewry would never let
itself off so easily. The dissenting opinions are out in full
force, and one camp, under the banner of the Jewish Ana-
lysts Investigating Peace and Conflict, recently united to
scream as loudly and eloquently as possible in the face of
its homophonic cousin.--
JAIPAC published an open letter to AIPAC on March
15, its contributors declaring themselves the new true pro-
moters and purveyors of pro-Israeli sentiment. Boasting
Jewish Ph.D.s and professors from all over the political
and academic world, JAIPAC asserts its proposals as a
realistic, viable, intelligent, optimistic and most impor-
tantly, peaceful option. The letter is a defiant response to
the currently mainstream and hawkish policies promoted
Liberal, pro-Israel opinion has only recently entered
into popular American Jewish thought.
Many predominantly right-wing organizations pro-
moting Israel assume opposition to Israeli military or do-
mestic policy, which amounts to opposition of the state or
the idea of the state of Israel.
And often, liberal policy groups do oppose Israel and
its policies, simultaneously bandying about ridiculous and
inflammatory assertions of apartheid
or genocide or the ever-reliable world
Only recently have progressive
groups such as the Religious Action
Center of Reform Judaism, the Israel
Policy Forum and now JAIPAC come
out proposing liberal solutions to the
crisis currently facing Israel.
Only recently have such groups
and cycles of violence, retaliation against U.S. and British
troops in the regions and eventual fully-involved regional
The letter then goes on to introduce the group's "new
pro-Israel" stance, of which a policy of Mutually Assured
Survival is the foundation.
JAIPAC's argument is simply this: War is an unnec-
essary, short-sighted approach to heated and hostile diplo-
If it comes to it,
Israel has no choice
but to respond.
emerged without an anti-Zionist or anti-Semitic stigma
Specifically, JAIPAC opposes AIPAC's take on the
whole weapon-hungry-rogue-state of Iran thing. The latter
lobby thinks war with Iran is inevitable and probably nec-
essary to stop its supposedly crazed leader Ahmedinejad
and his nuclear ambitions. JAIPAC responds that such an
aggressive foreign policy will only further hurt Israel and
will lead to, among other things, escalation of instability
matic relations. Only through recognition
and a sincere commitment to address the
root causes of such hostility can a confi-
dently peaceful world order be achieved.
Such an approach "aimed at sat-
isfying the Iranian people's needs for
identity, dignity, security, autonomy and
development," reads the letter, "will re-
move the fundamental causes of Iranian
hostility toward Israel and the West and
can initiate a new era of peaceful cooperation."
University of Florida student Scott Tankel attended
AIPAC's policy conference during his spring break.
"The world needs to come together and put down
harsh sanctions [on Iran]," he said. "If it comes to it, Israel
has no choice but to respond."
JAIPAC assumes otherwise, thus suggesting that
Jewish popular opinion may not be as universal as many
U u pUL RL0T40i0 @D)
OPEN 24 HOURS
FL r l K F I ad
J~*~i~~;~il kEill ~
4 "IJay Linkenhelt
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Voice :52-373-3516 Fax 852--3353836
The Only Student-Run Jewish Campus Newspaper in the Country, Right Here at the University of Florida
L Editor-in-Chief Executive Advisor/Mentor Stein
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Kimberly Gouz Rabbi Yonah Schiller Josh Kaller firstname.lastname@example.org
S email@example.com firstname.lastname@example.org pndit@ ed
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HE RBB YNA,
Israel, the New America?
LEO STEIN Israel is turning into America.
SLast week, bars all over Israel
Shad huge celebrations for St. Pat-
g rick's Day. You've got to wonder,
what the hell does an Irish saint
have anything to do with Israelis?
Well, aside from the opportunity to
get all fuhshnekit, it has to do with
Regarded as the 51st state by Israelis, they have start-
ed to mimic their patron sugar-daddy in a big way. The
most obvious signs are the American stores that are ev-
We've got McDonald's, Burger King and Office De-
pot on every other street-not Starbucks though, consider-
ing Israel's high taste for gourmet coffee is unmatchable.
In every store and market you see English words writ-
ten in Hebrew. The Publix is called "SuperSale," which
also owns "SuperDeal." The record store is called "Disc
Club" and the cable companies are called "Hot" and
It is more fashionable to name things in English, and
other than the funny pronunciation of saying "een-tear-
net," Israelis also hold a higher respect for things originat-
ing in the states.
Even though it has a fairly short-lived modern speak-
ing language, Israel does have an institute for creating
words to define creations of the times. On the other hand,
it has adapted so much from American culture. The re-
sult is pronouncing words like "shokolad" "televizia" and
"telefon" instead of their formally instituted equivalents.
CONTINUED ON PAGE
was one that brought back to life this
ancient, provocative and revolutionary
tradition while at the same time main-
Staining an uncompromised relationship
with contemporary life and culture.
I'm not sure what being a rabbi
is for the others out there, but I know
that my rabbi-ness is a product of who
I have become in my life so far.
I hope and assume that this is subject to change with
the passing of some more time.
There is something that gets lost when someone is a
rabbi. I think the best rabbis are the ones who don't need
to be The Rabbi, those who prefer to be A Person. That
said, what is a rabbi if not just another person?
First off, a rabbi should be someone who has put in
some serious hours immersed in Jewish scholarship.
Depending on the denomination, the emphasis of
study could be anything from pastoral counseling, Jew-
ish history or primary source texts -- or some combina-
tion of everything in between.
In addition, there are some rabbis who have gone
through some sort of spiritual training. Unfortunately, I
think the majority of rabbis in America have skipped this
seemingly extra-curricular exercise.
As a result, many rabbis out there are top-heavy in
knowledge, but often lack the people skills and even the
basics in spiritual awareness that would enable them to
actually offer ethical/spiritual advice or guidance.
Rabbis have basically become ineffectual and
shoulder a significant amount of responsibility for all the
problems with Judaism in America: apathy, no-thank-
you-Hebrew-school-sucked attitudes, intermarriage,
success of the Jews for Jesus crazies, etc.
So if anyone is going to trash rabbis, it should be a
rabbi. Thank the good Lord, there are exceptions, and
these rabbis tend to make themselves known through re-
lationships and an out-of-the-box perspective.
The big problem is that the general Jewish popula-
tion has no address for a Judaism that is relevant. More
poignantly, Jews are not looking. Over 70 percent of the
Jewish population in America does not belong to a syna-
To quote Peter Tosh, "you can't blame the youth..."
The Jewish world is a giant; it is slumbering, and it needs
to wake up.
Feel free to contact with comments or future ques-
tions at firstname.lastname@example.org
. .f . .
I always had a feel-
ing that being Jewish
was a big thing, and I
also knew that there was
more to the world than
meets the eye.
I went to Brown
University, met a fair share of freaks, Greeks, intellectu-
als, athletes (I played varsity soccer) and artists.
My Jewish background was varied-- from lobster-
bibbed family affairs at Joe's Stonecrabs to traditional
kosher food neurosis of the ConservaDox persuasion.
Judaism was like a rock in my pocket: I couldn't
forget it was there, but I wasn't sure what I would do
with it if I ever took it out.
I do not think there are spiritual people and there are
not-spiritual people. All people have the capacity to have
a spiritual experience. I do think that some individuals
are more susceptible to having such an experience.
In addition to being a rabbi, I am also a professional
artist. In college I spent many hours holed up in a paint-
ing studio. During this time, I had my first "spiritual en-
counter." In hindsight, I think this is the nature of spend-
ing a significant amount of time alone.
It was in the studio that I first started to pose dif-
ficult questions to myself whose answers could only be
answered with patience. Who am I really? What is im-
portant? And what do I want to say?
After a few lucrative shows (being a starving artist
wasn't so interesting to me) in Boston, I decided to take
the rock out of my pocket.
I left for Israel with a thirst to continue the process
I had started in the studio. My trip to Israel became nine
years immersed in Jewish learning, concluding with rab-
One thing that kept me going through this whole
rabbi thing was that somehow my studies kept address-
ing the same questions.
The answers I began to find were not only engag-
ing, they were familiar. The Judaism that I grew to love
Seeking Rapprochement in the Middle East
Reflections on the Israel-Palestinian Conflict
By Jordan Loh
The fasten seatbelts signs on the Boeing 747
were illuminated and the slight inclination of the air-
craft indicated we were approaching our destination.
As our plane emerged from the clouds, the city of
Tel-Aviv, shrouded in twilight, emerged on the coast
of the Mediterranean. The anxious atmosphere in the
cabin gave way to elation and applause as the first
set of wheels touched the tarmac at Ben Gurion In-
ternational Airport. Like so many of the other young
American students on the flight, this was to be my
first visit to Israel. I was eager to see the sights, meet
the people and experience the Holy Land.
As a Catholic, I feel a connection with the land
between the Mediterranean Sea and the Jordan River
- the birthplace of Christianity. Likewise, the Jews
count it as their spiritual and ancestral homeland.
Many Palestinian families have called it 'home' for
generations, and all of Islam reveres Jerusalem as
holy city. So, to whom does the land belong?
On my trip with the Anti-Defamation League on
the Current and Future Leaders Study Mission to Is-
rael, I grappled with this question and others. In my
conversations with Muslims, Jews, Palestinians and
Israelis, in visiting the Western Wall and seeing the
Dome of the Rock, in standing atop the ancient Isra-
elite fortress of Masada and looking into Palestinian
settlements from Jerusalem, one point became clear:
the land cannot be held in such a manner as to sepa-
rate anyone from their history or their livelihood.
Sadly, taking security concerns into account,
this simple demand appears a behemoth, an unattain-
able ideal. In this zero-sum model, freedom is traded
for safety, opportunity for restful sleep. The security
barrier, which we visited in Jerusalem, has damned
up the stream of suicide bombers into Jerusalem and
prevented scores of deaths over the last several years.
On the other hand, it represents the inevitable incur-
sion into innocent peoples' daily lives that results
from the implementation of such a significant secu-
rity instrument. It also serves as a visible symbol of
the divide between the people who inhabit the land.
Can security bring peace? Can peace bring security?
On my way home, as my plane soared over At-
lantic City, N.J., I was awestruck. I looked south to
dark waters off Cape May, west to bright lights of
Philadelphia and north to the dim glow of Newark.
Surveying the entire state of New Jersey, which is
the size of the state of Israel, the immensity of the
challenge before the people of the Middle East and
the world was impressed upon me. Such a small and
largely inhospitable track of earth is home to mil-
lions of people, some of whom view the existence of
the other as an affront and a casus belli.
As New Jersey faded in the background, I found
myself remembering my new Israeli and Palestinian
friends and hoping for a better future for the people
of Israel. I prayed that the desire for peace would
triumph over hatred and that the hope of the future
would vanquish the vendettas of the past. The chal-
lenges of the Middle East will not be easily overcome.
But thinking of the people cheering on the plane as I
landed in Israel, of the Palestinians and others I met
on my travels, and of the billions of people through-
out the world who revere the Holy Land, I know we
must reach out to one another and try.
-: I,; .:
j ."'':!k L:~if
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Schtupping in the Shtetl
Romance to Make You Dance
BY MOXIE MEYDL
As the old adage says, "It's better to
have loved and lost than never to have
loved at all."
But is this a solid truth?
I've struggled with the idea of "to
Love or not to love" over the span my ro-
mantic life, always arriving at the same
iu. conclusion: It's best to keep your wits
But on a Hillel trip to gut houses in New Orleans over
spring break, I became close with someone I just met. One
could call it was a hook-up, but it was more emotionally
charged than that.
Is it better to be passionate about someone knowing you
will soon lose everything, or is it better to remain at an emo-
tional plateau and not start anything, knowing it will only
Now I'm not normally into public displays of affection,
but somehow with him it was okay. It came so naturally to
us- alarmingly so.
He lives in Boston. We knew we were only going to be
together for a week. So what were we doing? Why would he
continue to reach for my hand, especially after I told him that
I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There was no logic to the situation. The boy lives 1,222
miles away, I wasn't going to give it up, it's unlikely that we
will ever be in the same place at the same time in the future,
and I'm probably never going to see him again.
Even if I do, at least one of us will probably be dating
Would wewevefe kRth i:.am
electric look across the room when we were wrapped up in
other conversations, that look that made my cheeks flush?
But for some reason, we continued to play in the light of
New Orleans' street lamps every night until 3 a.m., despite
the midnight curfew.
We spent the last few minutes of our last night together
dancing to a swing band in front of a pastry shop on Bourbon
Street- his arms around my waist, his lips on my cheek. We
were the only ones dancing.
The minute I stepped through the door of my Gainesville
apartment after such an epic week, I realized how alone I
was again. What was the point of the whole romantic experi-
ence now that I'm back to square one?
Was it really better to have loved and lost?
It felt awful. I was sorely in need of closure.
Was he still thinking about me, or was it just a casual
spring fling? What was he doing in Boston at that moment?
I sat on my bed, avoiding the clothes thrown across the
floor screaming to be washed, and thought about that adage.
Now I'm no stranger to short-term romances and flings
that never pan out to anything (meaning a steady relation-
ship) but as I sat, I realized I've never regretted a single one.
I've learned something from all of them.
I have a bad habit of falling for boys who live elsewhere
or who are graduating and moving away in "X" amount of
time, so I've always protected my heart. But this time I ac-
cidentally let my guard down.
And yes, he did call that night.
We had a normal conversation about our adventures travel-
ing home,the weather, the trip, and then I had to go because
my friend was there to pick me up for dinner.
We didn't discuss keeping in touch, but it was the sense of
closure I needed. He still thought about me enough to pick
up the phone.
Even if the Boston boy was just a good actor, a charmer,
and the ordeal was really nothing, I'll still cherish it.
An Americanized Israel
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 3
That's ironic when you realize how many things
they hate about America. For example, there's a common
perception that all American Jews are oblivious to "real"
Judaism and don't practice it in the right way. They also
question whether Americans have any traditions at all for
There's this constant love/hate paradox when it comes
to all things American.
Your president is a moron, but thank God he got rid
of Hussein who tried to kill us in the past. You Americans
represent slutiness, but we like wearing American design-
er clothes with English writing all over our shirts. Cultural
identity is a vital aspect in our music, but we play mostly
outdated American (and European) music in dance clubs.
There are hit television shows in Israel like adapted-
versions of "American Idol" and "Who Wants to be a Mil-
lionaire" (though technically those were English first).
But there are also American things Israelis will never
take an interest in: its beer, cars, coffee, football/baseball,
fraternities/sororities and social etiquette of restraint.
Other than that, don't be surprised if you come here
in a few years and find yourself forgetting you left home.
Oh yeah, and they love ripping-off American tourists who
don't know the value of what their paying for. Hmmm,
American capitalism ring a bell?
How to Celebrate Passover on Campus
BY HILLARY GREY
Looking for the hidden afikomen is Grant Hubsher's
favorite memory, while experimenting with different reci-
pes is Shaina Akrish's.
Jewish students at the University of Florida are begin-
ning to prepare for Passover.
There are options on and off campus to assist students,
faculty and Gainesville residents in celebrating the holiday
UF has the largest Jewish population of any public
university in the United States, numbering over 7,000 stu-
dents. Therefore, great amenities are necessary in order to
provide for this amount of practicing Jews.
"It isn't really that hard to keep Passover on campus,"
said Hubsher, president of the Jewish Student Union.
"However, watching my friends eat non-kosher food
makes it more difficult."
It isn't really that
hard to keep
The UF Hillel of-
fers free food and ser-
vices to anyone who
wants to celebrate
three different types of
of Seder. It offers a traditional seder, an Israeli Sephardic
seder and a family-style seder.
Adriana Ray, director of dining services at Hillel, said
the seders consist mostly of students, though quite a few.
community members and family members are present.
"I would say that 99 percent of the people who come
are Jewish," Ray said.
Seders are free for the first and last two days of Pass-
over, which lasts eight days. For the time in between, stu-
dents can go to Hillel and buy a full kosher-for-Passover
The kitchen is thoroughly cleaned of any hametz, or
leavened bread, in order to be considered ready to cook
"Every year, everything is koshered again. Everything
is torched," said Shimon Buskila, the masgiach, or kosher
supervisor at Hillel. "During the first cleaning, we bring
the oven to look like brand new. We can't start torching
until it is totally clean."
After this process, which finalizes with the selling or
giving of all the bread products, the kitchen is considered
"I mostly ate at Hillel because they give free dinners
during some of the nights, and I know that it is Kosher
for Passover," said Akrish, executive vice-president of the
Jewish Student Union and student intern at Hillel.
Another option that Hillel offers is a seder grant,
which are available on a first-come, first-serve basis.
According to Ray, the grant includes the seder plate
with everything that traditionally goes on it, grape juice,
the meal for the night, desserts and candles.
Last year, supplies for 800 students were provided.
Hillel has exceeded this number- this year it is providing
What is the Passover seder?
,Each year, Jews around the world celebrate Pass-
over. The holiday is centered on the event commonly
known as the "seder." The seder consists of many dif-
ferent facets that work to uphold this ancient tradition.
The Seder Plate: This plate has six important
items on it: Matzah, Marror, Charoses, Karpas,
Zeroah and Baytzah
Matzah: A form of unleavened bread
Marror: Bitter herbs that symbolize the bitter-
ness of Egyptian slavery
SCharoses: A mixture of apples, nuts and spices
that symbolize the mortar used by the Hebrew
Karpas: Parseley dipped in salt water; symbol-
izes the legions of tears shed by the Hebrews
SZeroah: A shank bone that symbolizes the
lamb that was sacrificed in Biblical times
Baytzah: Egg; symbolizes both the festival
sacrifice and the mourning of Hebrew slaves
The Seder Obligations: During the Seder
there are five things that must be completed
S in order to fulfill the holiday. First, all people
present must eat matzah, the unleavened bread.
Secondly, four cups of wine must be consumed
by each person throughout the course of the
evening. Next, everyone must try some of the
bitter herbs. Then the story of Passover must
S be relayed to the next generation. Lastly, the
Psalms of Praise are to be recited.
For more Information visit: http://www.ou.org/
Availab lerom Commercial News Providers"
- -~ -
Dr. David Cook
Professional Athletic &
Manager of the
Motivational Coach New York Yankees
For more information about our organization
and details about the speakers, check us out at
National- Speakers Exchange
3307 Taney Road, Baltimore, MD, 21215
(443) 904 6025
EMES.fON T..E NEWS...
A '"common agenda" is needed to end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Condo-
leezza Rice said atler meeting with Mahmoud Abbas. The U.S. secretary of state
said in a joint news conference with the Palestinian Authority president Sunday,
March 25 in Ramallah that immediate results could not be expected. Rice was
scheduled to meet afterward with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, whose
Cabinet voted last week to cut off contacts with the newly formed P.A. unity
government until it renounces terrorism and recognizes the Jewish state.
A gaN Jewish student group wrapped up its annual conference March 25. The
three-day conference at Washington University in St. Louis' Hillel is the main
event of The National Union of Jewish LGBTIQQ Students, bringing students
and recent alumni together at a different campus every year. Friday night speaker
Paul Cohen, Hillel regional director in California, discussed issues of integrat-
ing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer arid questioning Jewish
students into the greater Hillel community on college campuses.
Holocaust denier David Irving was shown on Italian television claiming there
\ ere no gas chambers at Auschwitz. During a program that aired March 23,
Irving was shown at the former German Nazi death camp in Poland, which he
apparently visited recently. During the Italian documentary, Irving explains that
engineering techniques at the time weren't sufficient to allow the Nazis to gas
people en masse. Irving was released from jail in Vienna in December after serv-
ing 13 months of a three-year sentence for Holocaust denial.
The U.N. secretary-general visited Israel and Palestinian Authority-controlled
areas, but refused meetings with Hamas officials. Ban Ki-moon arrived in Israel
on Saturday for his first visit since taking office. He spoke positively ofa Saudi
proposal for comprehensive regional peace under which Israel would win recog-
nition from the Arab world in exchange for giving up land captured in the 1967
Six-Day War and accepting a resolution to the Palestinian refugee problem.
h 0 %4A.* 1 ww % P% al 0"A
-,_u UF Composer
Classical music and modem
poetry come together and make beautiful music through
compositions by Paul Richards, University of Florida
associate professor in the School of Music.
The son of a New York cantor, Richards has been
immersed in music since he was a child, drawing inspiration
from Jewish sacred and secular music.
However for his new orchestral piece "Ambitions,"
Richards sought out the help of local poet and former UF
professor, Lola Haskins.
The ongoing project incorporates poems from Haskins'
book, "Forty-Four Ambitions for the Piano," all of which pay
homage to the art of making music.
His new pieces are directly emotional, using an
abstract approach to help an untrained audience relate to the
f definitely felt
like I had done the
right thing as a
-Paul Richard _-
Woody Allen Still Bangin' Away at the Box Office
DOUGLAS SHARF "My love life is terrible.
The last time I was inside a
woman was when I visited
the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen's witty
Sand obscenely sexual jokes
are not hard to recognize.
At 71, the nebbishy
Jewish comedian criticized
for his marriage to adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn,
continues to solidify his career with a newly completed
film, "Cassandra's Dream," and another in pre-production,
"Woody Allen's Spanish Project."
Both are suspected to follow his modem dramatic
style as seen in "Match Point" and "Scoop."
Allen's career sprouted when he began writing
material for comedian Sid Caesar, and it took off from
there. He has written, directed and acted in a film virtually
pieces even if they are not
He has featured
poetry in his compositions
in the past but says that
most modem work does
not have the lyrical and
that older work can
provide. Shakespeare, for
example, used iambic pentameter and meter which make his
poems easy to incorporate, Richards said.
Richard's most recent recital included the first 11
poems from Haskins' book, but by the end of the project, all
44 verses will be part of the composition.
Richards is not the only composer to infuse Haskins'
poetry into his work. Haskins has worked with seven
composers in total, including UF professor Jim Sain, who
also took part in the "Ambitions" project.
"All poetry I think of as music," Haskins said, "whether
it is about the sound or it isn't. Poetry is akin to music."
She explained that the process can be broken down into
three parts. The symphony is the setting, the words are the
support and the combination of the two is the music.
As well as composing music, Richards teaches courses
in composition at UF.
Richards said the most rewarding moment of his
teaching career was taking six of his students to Poland for
a concert that featured their work, which he said was a great
experience for them to work internationally.
"I definitely felt like I had done the right thing
as a teacher," he said.
When asked ifhe would ever consider putt ing
visuals to his music like the movie "Fantaia.-"
Richards explained that he had actually thought
about the idea quite a bit.
He has been working on a pilot for an
animated children's opera, "The Loathly
Lady," written by feminist author Wendy
Steiner, a professor at Pennsylvania State
The story is based on a modernized
version of Chaucer's "The Wife of Bath's
Tale." The hero is sent on a quest and meets
famous people, including Virginia Woolf.
Richards feels that in today's world
young people connect to music through film
and hopes that "Bath's Tale" will expose more
of today's youth to classical music.
Currently, Richards is working on the
business aspects of his career. Launching his official Web
site, and organizing his CD release on the Meyer Media
record label have taken up a lot of his time.
"I've been tending to that side of the career, which
is like pulling teeth," he said. "I'd much rather be home
Richards has enjoyed a. great deal of success
as j composer. He was recognized in numerous
competitions and received special distinction for
the 20':6 ASCAP Rudolph Nissim Prize. He has
,. received many commissions, including those from
the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra and the Florida
State Music Teachers' Association.
In the future, he hopes to be recognized
by not only people in the music industry, but
by a much wider distribution.
Dissemination of contemporary
music is really difficult, he said. Richards
said he would love a much wider
distribution so that more people could be
exposed to what he does.
Richards' CD is set to be released in
April and will be available in a few local
stores as well as through the Meyer Media.
@ Tonya Blackman
Phone: (800) 258-2861
Fax: (877) 942-4135
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every year since the !at '60s.
His influence e.:.ends to
the stage too. He has written
a handful of plays, several
of which have opened on
His longevity has allowed
young adults, and not just the
Jewish ones, to laugh alongside
Allen's statistics echo his impact on the
entertainment world. He won three Academy Awards
and is directly connected to many more.
"Annie Hall" won four Oscars in '77 including
Best Picture, and was written, directed by and starred
He has been nominated for more than 20 Oscars
in total and 14 awards in the category of Best Original
Screenplay-- more than anyone in history. He also found
success among the UK's version of the Academy.
Allen left no cheap laughs or superficial storylines
in his wake; he laces his work with philosophy. Religion,
especially Judaism, psychoanalysis and his personal
experiences as a small, neurotic individual interweave
his films and writing.
Comedy and significance are infused in his
messages. "Annie Hall" was originally titled
"Anhedonia," a psychology term meaning 'a condition
in which one cannot experience pleasure from normally
pleasurable life events.'
But some of his films are lighter than others. For
a quick, cheap laugh watch "Everything You Always
Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)."
In 2005, Allen was ranked the third best comedy
act of all time in "The Comedian's Comedian" poll,
which surveyed comedians and other people within the
Woody Allen is a pioneer of modem comedy.
Even at his age with two new movies in the works,
he shows no sign of slowing.
" w i rd
Bad News for People who Love "Good News"
BY BOBBY RICHARDSON
Modest Mouse's second major- Modest
label album, "We Were Dead Before the M e
Ship Even Sank," takes great strides but "We W
stumbles on the way. Before
The album, released March 20,
starts out in a sprint with the obvious Even
first single "Dashboard" but soon loses
steam. "Missed The Boat" and "Parting
of the Sensory" disrupt the overall Album r
pace of the album and cause a lack of
cohesiveness. Much of the album also
forsakes the usual nihilistic charm of songs like "Doin'
The Cockroach" off "The Lonesome Crowded West" or
"Bukowski" off "Good News For People Who Love Bad
News," in favor of songs that try too hard to be eccentric,
like "Florida" and "Fly Trapped In A Jar."
While a certain amount of peculiarity has always
been a strong suit of the band, songs
like "Steam Engenius" almost shove it
down your throat.
house But then you hear track 12,
re Dead "Spitting Venom," and it might be one
The Ship of the best songs you will never hear
on the radio. This folk-rock jam is on
Uank" the extraordinary level the entire work
should have been.
in B- The album has great highs,
ng such as "Fire It Up" and "Education,"
despite all the lows. While it is not at
the same level as their previous work it
is still very much a Modest Mouse record.
The leaps the band took on 2004's "Good News For
People Who Love Bad News" made the missteps on this
album almost forgivable-but not entirely.
While it's a good CD, "We Were Dead Before The
Ship Even Sank" leaves you wondering, "Why isn't this
The Secret's Out: Think Good, and it Will be Good
BY DAVID CUMMING
Energy it's all around us.
From the steps we take to class every day to the
phone calls we make, we are constantly giving off and
attracting energy. It's what fills up our cars and what fills
up our stomachs. It's in our blood and in our souls.
We are constantly transmitting energy in and out of
our lives; sending it to others as they repel it right back
to us. But how do we know if we're emitting positive or
Does holding the door for a stranger set off a chain
of events emitting positive energy, or will it be forgotten
in a few seconds? Could something as simple as thinking
about winning the lottery really win the lottery, or are we
The universe is so vast and infinite. Can one person
really be heard?
The most recent manifestation of the law of attraction
is dubbed "The Secret," in a book written by Rhonda
With a little help from some of the most influential
figures in the pop-culture world of today Oprah Winfrey,
as well as Larry King and Ellen Degeneres Byre has
catalyzed what can only be called a recent paradigm shift
in today's global consciousness.
So what does this secret have to do with energy?
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Is there some energy conspiracy that we should know
No, no conspiracy here. "The Secret" has all to
do with our everyday energy expenditures and can be
explained with these three words: like attracts like.
This has to do with the law of attraction, a
controversial theory that is often associated with "new
age" or "new thought" theories of the universe.
The law of attraction was originally published
in a 1906 book titled "Thought Vibration or the Law
of Attraction in the New World," by William Walker
Atkinson. The theory suggests that one should always
think positively, never dwelling on the negative, and one
will get what he or she desires if only thinking enough
In other words, your destiny is determined by your
If this idea seems crazy to you, you're not alone.
The law of attraction has amassed a substantial amount
of criticism due to its lack of scientific investigation and
physical evidence. Byrne's book and video, however,
claim to have obtained such evidence.
According to Bryne, the power of positive thinking
has helped millions with financial and social goals, as well
as physical and spiritual health. This is where one's energy
By keeping a positive mindset, you will attract
positive energy throughout your everyday life. By
FOR THE BEST IN OFFICE
MlKE SANGUINE 352-377-5817
envisioning wealth or good health 10 years from now and
constantly keeping that frame of mind, one is more likely
to achieve those goals than someone with a consistently
Like attracts like, and positive will attract positive.
"The Secret" includes interviews with modem-day
teachers, philosophers, scientists and psychologists, all of
whom defend the power of positive thinking to its utmost
Dr. Denis Waitley, featured in "The Secret" and author
of "The Seeds of Greatness System," said, "When you
visualize then you materialize. Here's an interesting thing
about the mind: we took Olympic athletes and had them
run their event only in their mind, and then hooked-them
up to sophisticated biofeedback equipment. Incredibly, the
same muscles fired in the same sequence when they were
running the race in their mind as when they were running
it on the track. How could this be? Because the mind can't
distinguish whether you're really doing it or whether it's
just a practice. If you've been there in the mind, you'll go
there in the body."
It seems that the mind has as much to do with our
destiny as our physical actions do. But what does Judaism
have to say about this "secret"?
The doctrine of bitachon has preceded today's
positivist movement by about 4,000 years, we just haven't
realize it until now.
Bitachon, or "trust in G-d", according to Chassidic
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Lubavitch (1789-1866), is
illustrated in the Yiddish proverb "Tracht gutt, vet zein
gutt," or "Think good, and it will be good."
Mendel said that one's absolute assurance in that G-d
will make all things good, in turn, becomes the vessel and
means that which receive G-d's blessings.
So, positive thinking is not only a way to counter
negative occurrences but actually provides positive
But why has it taken so long for this "secret" to come
out? Is it another government plot to keep the masses from
getting what they truly want: money, face and power?
Probably not. The truth is, the "secret" has been out
for quite a long time we.just didn't realize it.
Unfortunately, only since it made Oprah's Book
Club has it turned heads. What this says about society is
one thing, but better late than never.
. .. -.. ....... .
... .. W .
. I news
The City of
JOSH FLEET The houses in the Gulf are
Very much like their owners wea-
ry, shaken and awaiting repair.
S- Some are ruined from the
!flood waters that decided to play
catch with their kitchens.
Other houses have vanished
entirely but a rare few still stand
proud, holding firm what Naw'Lins once was, and accord-
ing to the residents, shall remain.
I worked with a group of students gutting and unearth-
ing a million moments that accrued in the family's home.
The streets were still lined memories that now rest
on the curb, vomited by Hurricane Katrina. Pictures of
birthdays and boyfriends that have turned into husbands,
church wardrobes that were worn to celebrate the Lord and
water-logged Barry Manilow albums to set the mood.
Over three generations lived in the house we worked
to destroy, and all that remains are its ribs and skin.
This was only one house, one story, one grain. Imag-
ine, entire communities lay in waste.
Walls marked and tagged by city and state officials
with "TFC," which signifies a presence of toxic water.
Houses are also marked with "found" or "dead" signs,
which allow morning commuters to recall the horrors of
the storm every day on their way to work.
This is New Orleans. Like an ICU patient in a hospital
too busy to bother, it waits, even for just a bandaid.
A year and a half has passed since Katrina and still no
help from our government. Trailers are caught up in the oil
pits of our beauracracy, money is slated and stolen, and no
one person has enough power to stop the mess.
The salvation to our neighbor's problems do not lie
with our government but within us. I was told by univer-
sity presidents, directors, programmers, organizers, moth-
ers, daughters and men that it is the individuals who are
Faith based groups and communtiy service volunteers
are the pioneers of pain. They were first, and they will be
the last to remain. We cannot depend on the government
machine to feel.
We have not demanded anything from our senators
and governors. Officials are merely cogs. Until we ask
people to represent us, we cannot expect them to hear us.
My message is simple: Remember. The communities
of New Orleans need everyone to remember.
With the faculty of memory we allow their pain to
carry power to teach. I was taught human error forced our
folly. I was.taught that human selfishness prevented its fix-
ing. I was taught that human sacrifice is the greatest mea-
sure of our will.
We must remember the collective lessons we are be-
When travesties hit, they are there to teach everyone,
not just those who hurt. This is the same reason we must
remember our Exodus. We were slaves to other men's
whips. It seems distant. Let us remember slavery was with
us 150 years ago and social segregation just 40 years be-
fore that. Time is not important, the lessons and events are.
Through memory we fasten ourselves to fates of people
passed, people present and people future.
Let us remember the moments that gave our species
meaning. Let us return to the places, let us fix the places.
And let us leave from those places vowing only to return
repaired even if it means starting with destruction.
The Starfish We Threw
FARYN HART With eyes barely open we
l4 li .' boarded our bus in the Hillel park-
ing lot to take us on our eight hour
4' t journey to New Orleans at 7 a.m.
to begin our mission.
SI had checked and rechecked
my packing list ensuring I had the
proper work shoes, clothes and es-
sentials for a week in a location that we had very little
knowledge or warning about.
I knew my friends were heading toward islands and
beaches, sipping on pina coladas and daiquiris, but my
"pale skin" excuse gave me the perfect reason to sign up
for an experience from which I took so much more than a
destroyed liver and rosy-pink skin.
We reached Operation Blessing in Slidell, La., rested
and eager, and met up with the rest of the two hundred Hil-
lelniks joining us on our Alternative Spring Break.
Our Katrina Relief orientation began with a presenta-
tion by a Jewish family who had survived the horrors of
Previously, the storm for me had merely been a ter-
rible natural disaster. It was during the first hurricane sea-
son through which I had ever lived and I guess I had never
been consciously aware about the personal suffering.
The stories with which we were presented and the
photographs we saw transformed Katrina into an individ-
ual disaster and it made my mission in NOLA so much
After another morning of snore-inducing orientations
we were fitting with our toys for the week: Our Personal
Protection Equipment which caused much grief and stum-
bling but saved my life at least twice during the week.
A helmet, goggles, mask and gloves separated us from
the dangers left behind from the storm and subsequently
neglected homes and enabled us to strip these homes of
their make-up, leaving their core structure.
A few steps from the home that my group was gutting
all week was a magnificent mural decorated with the soul-
ful epitome of New Orleans: the tradition, life and color of
and music. "
It was advertis-
ing a cultural center
just around the cor-
ner which I explored ..
near the end of the
week. There, I picked '? i .
up a local newspaper '
which I had the for- -
tune of reading in an .
extremely serene and.
thriving (botanically "-
and physically) park "
that our unbelievably
awesome bus driver
treated us to. '
In this paper was
a poem, and, being
the daughter of an
English teacher I am ..
an obvious sucker '
for poetry, but I have
never experienced a
poem as I was able to
relish and appreciate
as this one.
I was sitting in the heart of the city in which the pain
and hope of this piece had been felt and realized and the
words were like the tears shed and renewing rains that this
area had lived.
"Tears have no hands with which to hang on. They
leave the water marks, don't-they?" transformed into "I
wait for the ground to turn Green again. Again."
There is no way to cope but with hope, and this truly
enhanced the intention of the Spring Break trip.
During one of the orientations we were presented with
the story heard at many a Jewish Summer Camps.
The story was about a little boy who, while walking
along a starfish covered beach, sees an old man bending
down, picking up a starfish, throwing it into the ocean, tak-
ing a few steps and returning another.
The little boy asks the man how on earth he thinks
he is going to make a difference to a beach completely
covered with starfish. The old man takes a few more steps,
bends down and throws another starfish back into the sea
and said, "Just made a difference to that one!"
I feel we were able to bring the story to life that week.
New Orleans was physically and emotionally destroyed
by the fury of Katrina and one would wonder what kind
of impact a group of inexperienced college students could
make in a week.
Luckily, we were able to spend the week with the
owners of the house that we knocked drywall from and
pulled nails out of, leaving it completely bare.
We heard from them what they had gone through dur-
ing and after the hurricane and we offered to them our
time and our love. We left them with a bare foundation
from which to build but also with a mending of hopeless
The 14 University of Florida students begrudgingly
boarded the bus once again seven days later, but I know
that each one of us had been walking along that beach
together, and every individual story that we were able to
mend and enhance left unforgettable flashes on our souls.
- .. *
. . ... .. .... .. ; -":
' .;"i ." 2L ": -- :" -: ,
51w.,- .-w s ,.., ,r y
Jewish Ex Porn Star Disrobes For Human Rights
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
She lost her hair after undergoing chemotherapy treat-
ments, so the second year, the orange year of "Sexuality and
Creativity," she decided to go bald. She
shaved her head in a segment of the show
A Dash of Sprinkle
Sprinkle, who has slept with both
men and women throughout her career in
the adult entertainment industry, defines
herself as "metamorphosexual."
However, she's been monogamous
with Stephens for 14 years.
"I wasn't really concerned about
the number of people Annie's been with.
I thought she was just practicing for me,"
Sprinkle, whose real name is Ellen F. Steinberg, has
a Ph.D. in human sexuality from the Institute for the Ad-
vanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco.
She became interested in sex at 17 when she lost her
virginity to Van, a 26-year-old guy with a motorcycle, Be-
fore that, she was very shy about her body.
She said that because she had such a great first experi-
ence with sex, she had 50 lovers by the time she was 18.
"I became very enthusiastic right away," Sprinkle
Although her parents were left-wing and raised her to
be liberal and political, they were freaked out.
"This isn't what anyone expected me to do. People
always thought I'd be an artist," Sprinkle said. "But looking
back on it I was probably doing performance art of sorts."
Three months after she began
working at a massage parlor she heard
ht at the someone drop the word "trick" and re-
h w t alized she was a prostitute.
i asn't "I thought I was just a horny
use I never masseuse," Sprinkle said.
While working at a movie the-
bout sexy ater that was showing the 1972 film
"Deep Throat," she fell in love with
women. the movie's director, Gerard Damiano.
Sprnk The two met in a courtroom after the
Spring theatre was busted for showing the
naughty flick, and Sprinkle became his
mistress for a year and a half.
While with Damiano, Sprinkle began working in por-
nographic films, ditched the name Ellen Steinberg which she
deemed "unsexy," and adopted the moniker Annie Sprinkle
after her affinity for giving golden showers.
"I thought at the time Jewish wasn't sexy because I
never heard aboit sexy Jewish women," Sprinkle said.
In the '70s, at the beginning of her career, Sprinkle
befriended Jewish porn star Ron Jeremy, and they discussed
their experience as Jews in the adult film industry.
"It was a real inside joke that all the guys were Jewish-
- the producers, the directors and all the actors were all Jew-
ish men," Sprinkle said, "but the women were all shiksas."
Although Sprinkle's parents raised her in a Unitarian
church, she defines herself as her father defined the fam-
ily- culinary Jews.
"I have Jewish blood- I tend to want to overfeed
people an awful lot," Sprinkle said.
"Exposed: Experiments in
Love, Sex, Death, and Ar" will run
April 26- May 13 at the Collec-
tive Unconscious Theater in Ne ,
York. Tickets are $30i for the
general public, $100 for VIP
The Shpiel staft'
would like remind read-
ers to please exercti'se-
safe practices during
their own sexual
fore you shtup, .
cover it up.
Don't enter her
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c**k. Don't be
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you f**k. Rawn .""
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State of Israel Sued for Harsh Treatment
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
The men claim they were treated harshly by the IDF
and were also denied access to legal council. The plaintiffs
each say they were open about their identity and their rea-
son for coming to Israel. In addition, the men made it clear
they were not smuggling anything into country and therefore
should not have been dealt with so severely.
Two of the men claim that they were handcuffed and
left for four days. The men's attorney, Hicham Chabaita,
stated that two of the men were not allowed any type of legal
proceedings until four days after being arrested, while the
third waited nineteen days. Under Israeli law, it is required
that all defendants must be given proper legal proceedings
no more than twenty four hours after being arrested.
The plaintiffs were released several months later. Soon
after, the men took action against the state of Israel for what
they claim to be unnecessarily harsh treatment.
These three men are among the first to take legal ac-
tion against Israel, but they are most certainly not the first
Sudanese refugees to flee for the safety of Israel.
Israel has arrested nearly 230 fleeing refugees, leading
many people, both citizens and politicians alike, to que' -
the state's actions.
Some people in Israel argue that of all the nations in
the world, Israel should be the most accepting of refugees
escaping persecution. During the early stages of World War
II; while Israel, known as Palestine, was under the control of
the British, numerous Jewish refugees from Poland, Russia
and elsewhere escaped their own persecution.
The people of Israel believe that Jews everywhere need
to be more mindful of their own history and show mercy to
others being discriminated against and persecuted in much
the same way. They have been lobbying for the release of all
the Sudanese refugees and for people around the world, es-
pecially Jews, to pay closer attention to the situation there.
The situation in Darfur has already been labeled as
genocide for years. The Holocaust was not officially recog-
nized as such until years after its end.
While Israel is showing little compassion for these
refugees, the nation currently has no intention of sending the
men back to the Darfur.
M. M. PARRISH,
SUSAN NEUGROSCHEL, GRI
REALTOR / ASSOCIATE*
(352) 372-5375 BUSINESS
(800) 755-0086 TOLL FREE
(352) 371-1526 FAX
(352) 376-0839 RESIDENCE
(352) 870-1722 CELLULAR
3870 NW 83 Street
Gainesville, FL 32606
Each Office Is Independently Owned And Operaed.
M.M. Parrish Construction
3455 SW 42nd Avenue
Gainesville. Florida 32608
Office: (352) 378-1571
Fax: (352) 377-0669
CON 8 TU C I 0 ) ie
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WWW. c h i ro p racti c. cb' iff:,.
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S.... m c games
concludes today at 4
p.m. Money raised by
the event benefits the
Network and Shands
The SUNY Potsdam
The Sedoctaves and
No Southern Accent
for an a cappella
concert at 5:30 p.m.
at Orange and Brew.
Go participate in a
fundraiser for the
Association at 6 p.m.
at Orange and Brew.
Join HSA & JAM for
hookah and cigars
at Hillel at 8 p.m.
for Jewish Awareness
Take back the night
at 6 p.m. at Plaza of
the Americas for a
march to generate
awareness of sexual
assault. A speak out
will follow the march
at the Reitz Union.
JAM & ACCENT
Lewis Black in the
I I Tao of Judaism, 6 p.m.
Be there for the
concluding event of
Month: a Def Poetry
with BSU at Hillel
from 8 to 11 p.m.
If you applied for a
Seder grant, pick it up
today between 10 a.m.
and 2 p.m.
Dance Alive presents
Madame Butterfly at
7:30 p.m. in the
begins at 8 a.m. in the
O'Dome. Gb over to
support your friends
who will be in their
feet for 32 hours.
AntiGravity at 7:30
p.m. in the Phillips
hosts an event to rela>
with poetry, art, music
and dessert under the
stars at the Seraphim
Center from 8 p.m. tc
11 p.m. Call 352-379-
0617 for more info.
I Free Shabbat lunch,
Shabbat dinner and
services, 7:30 p.m.
Mincha afternoon ser
vices & class, 2 p.m.
a class on that day's
Torah portion, 3 p.m.
m I I I U __ __ __
Passover begins at
Come to Hillel for
one of the following
Gator Seder in the
Room at 6 p.m.
Family Seder in the
Sports Lounge at 6:30
Traditional Seder in
the Dining Room
at 8 p.m.
Hillel will be hosting
the following Passover
Graduate and Young
Professional Seder in
at 6:30 p.m.
Later Seder in the
at 8 p.m.
Registration for the
lottery for Fall 2007
student football tick-
ets begins today
at 6 p.m.
RUB is hosting the
Local Brew Series
from 6 p.m. to mid-
night at the Orange
and Brew. Go out to
see local musicians
efor others e ming or 'e
Millie tries-to civilize and marry off GACA's Act Up! ensemble takes the
her seven brothers-in-law, but they i stage in a dynamic adaptation of this
end up kidnapping seven women to classic Shakespeare comedy of battling
be their wives. I lovers, Kate and Petruchio.
Where: G-ville Community Playhouse I Where: Acrosstown Repatory Theater
When: Now through April 7 I When: Now through March 31
Times: Wed. Sat. at 8 p.m. and Times: Thurs. Saturday at 8 p.m.
Sun. at 2 p.m. Price: $9 for the public,
rice: $5 I $7 for students
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after hougi hts. Pg. cFymos
Not Your Grandpa's Pigskin Anymor
Soon "March Madness" will
be a thing of the past. The NBA
finals will be long gone. Baseball
will be in full swing, but that sea-
about so early on.
I need a game with tons of
scoring, people being chucked
into the boards and an air condi-
tioned arena. If you think I'm talking about hockey, you're
totally wrong-I said there was a ton of scoring.
What I am talking about is football. Not typical de-
fensive battles of 12-8 like in the NFL. I mean the football
you play on Playstation, where the final score is 80-75 and
you'd rather risk peeing all over yourself then getting up
and missing the next touchdown.
I'm talking about arena football, God's answer to the
ESPN and ABC broadcast Arena Football League
games at primetime. I am happy to see a game I enjoyed
for so long finally getting its dues. I was graced with an
arena football feam growing up in my hometown and ap-
preciated the game before it hit mainstream.
Many people are just now getting a taste of what arena
ball has to offer. To all who think it is a league of nobodies
and people of inferior athletic ability, let me tell you one
thing. You are absolutely right.
But, for that same reason, it makes the game a whole
new entity. Let's break down some differences you will
find in an AFL game, so when you watch at home or at a
venue for the first time, you will know what you are look-
You won't find 75-yard touchdown passes in this
league, the field is only 50 yards long and about 28 yards
wide or half the size of a standard field. This means a huge
difference in the ability to score. If you take the average
team scores from a week's games, you're looking at 48
points a piece, or roughly 14 touchdowns from both teams
in just one game.
Another plus of a small field is better seating. Games
are played in arenas, which allow closer action to the field.
Because player's salaries are not nearly as high in this
league, you also enjoy cheap tickets. Upper-bowl tickets
for an AFL game are $10 which, if bought outside the are-
na from scalpers, can be even cheaper. The only thing you
get at an NFL game for $10 is a soda.
Ever been to a Gator game and caught anything in
the stands besides heat stroke? Yeah, I didn't think so. At
an AFL game you can look forward to catching T-shirts,
flyers, any football thrown or kicked into the crowd and
maybe even a player who gets chucked out-of-bounds
over the 4-foot rubber side barriers (you don't get to keep
Ever thought offsides penalties were stupid? Well so
did the AFL, which allows wide receivers a running start
before the snap. A receiver will line up just like in the NFL
but before the snap will back up 10-15 yards and then
sprint toward the line of scrimmage. This allows him an
obvious advantage over the defensive back.
There are only eight men on each side of the ball.
This means no help over the top like in the NFL. If you
are beaten you forfeit another six points. But in the AFL
who cares? You are just 50 yards away from getting those
When I think of a prototypical quarterback I think of
a guy like Peyton Manning, a 6'5, 230 lb. beast-of-a-man
with an AK47 for an arm. In the arena league, a quarter-
back can be as small as 5'11 and 185 Ibs. The difference is
speed. No, not in his legs, but in his mind.
On such a small field, you have to react faster than
the time it would take me to agree to date Carmen Elec-
tra- automatically. Couple that with the wide receiver al-
ready running full speed and players have to be ready at a
second's notice to chuck the ball for a touchdown.
Outisde or inside, in the heat or in air conditioning,
football is football. Whether you're watching it from the
sidelines of the Giants stadium or the Jungle of Amway
Arena in Orlando, all that matters is that you're watching
So when June comes around and all anybody is talk-
ing about is Albert Pujols and Barry (Steroids) Bonds, you
can look them in the face with and laugh because you still
have your beloved sport.
It may be a little different then your father's football,
but who cares? Your dad never really knew what cool was
You don't have to trade in your favorite teams, just
think of it as another reason to invite some friends over,
drink some beers on a Friday night and watch even more
IF NOT NOW WHENJ'- IF rPi( T i! HV C
.]EI/ISH AINARENES~S MO~;NTI- 200.-
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