VO L U M E 2 SS U E 1
August 29, 2006 September 12, 2006 5766 ,19 515R 5766 ,5 5$15
Mel Swigged, Gargled,
and Was Caught Gagging
By Josh Kaller
-[ Thy do Americans feed off one man's drunken
-,V. babble when there's billions of other babble
That's much juicier to jostle? Instead of going off on a
'' well-articulated tangent to explain the skewed priori-
: ,. tization of our culture, I decided to join the club: The
... a "What-The-&!^$-Was-He-Thinking-But-Who-Cares-
.. 4" club.
*' This is true: Americans loves Mel. They love him for his
acting, his Passion, his chin, and yes, even his hatred.
There's nothing greater to the general American public
than a celebrity sweetheart breaking taboos. Countless
IB SI publications expose his dirty bed sheets, millions mis-
spent on addictions, tummy tucks, tit tightening and the
.*. uncounted other dramas. However, the "Down-Under-
Thunder" dropped into this usual muck raking and rack-
eteering at a unique moment in Israeli politics. This allowed his anti-Semitic innuendoes to
hyperdrive public discussion. What usually would have been a typical page 32 article in the
National Inquirer led to countless discussions on CNN and Fox.
What was it that led to so much controversy? For those of you who have finally decided to
leave your cave, let me explain. Malibu Police Department officers stopped Mel Gibson for
driving under the influence while speeding down a California highway. For their efforts, he
burped blatant Jew- hating banter at them. Hey, to be honest, it's gonna take a lot more than this
guy to hurt my feelings. But the major news sources found it a little more insulting. Apparently
the Great Gibson had finally unveiled a world truth: You know all the wars in the world? The
Jews are behind 'em. Which ones, you ask? All of them. That's right. All of them.
Darfur, Damn right! The Iraq war? Who do you think is really benefiting? Trojan War? You
bet your sweet toga a Jew was behind it. Didn't you know it was Helen Hirschberg who
owned the face that launched a thousand ships? World War I and II? You better believe
it was the Jews who plotted their own destruction only to bemuse the world with their
phoenix resurrection. Cold War? Who do you think started communism in the first place.
Thanks Marx (wink). Crusades? You better believe a Jew inspired thousands to massacre.
The Jihad? If my data is correct, Ishmael is the father of Islam and he is a Jew (or was he?).
Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe Mel Gibson has solved the most complex equation of
human tragedy ever. The common denominator is the JEW. He deserves a Nobel Prize for
his discovery, or at least a cookie.
Mel Gibson, I say this to you: NO SHIT!
To my readers I .. say this: Why
do we tackle every word
that comes from these peo-
ple's tongues? What is it
about the voice t mio~ Lat of the celeb-
rity that jostles our beliefs?
The Mel situa- el tion is not an
isolated event, though it is
uniquely Jew- ish-related.
What about"Dr. Cruise." Not
a doctor, but he played one in
real life when U he revealed
profound insights Lethal el. and shocked
with his suspicions of many prescription enthusiasts. His insight? Drugs are fake and serve
only to generate profit for pharmaceutical companies. HELLO!?! Who cares what he be-
lieves about prescription medication? Last time I checked, he was the kid running around in
his underwear in glasses or hanging upside down in black spandex. He is an actor. And last
time I checked so is Mel Gibson. Please, O' please let us not give people who speak without
a humble and knowing heart more time and consideration than they deserve.
Shame on Fox, shame on CNN, shame on The New York Times, and shame on me and the
Shame on US all for listening.
Shame on you for even reading this.
A Peace to Keep?
A United Nations Peace-Keeping Force Heads to South Lebanon
By Kimberly Gouz
t chat began on July 12, when a Hezbollah ground force crossed the border into Israel and
Captured two Israeli soldiers, killing three others, has ended at least, for now -with a
United Nations-brokered ceasefire.
UN Resolution 1701, which mandates the return of south Lebanon to Lebanese-gov-
ernment control, begins by listing seven other failed resolutions with the same aim.
Don't worry, folks, this time the UN means business... right?
Let's take a long, hard look at the situation: The Siniora government in Beiirt, which
proved powerless to stop the fighting during the war, has proven equally weak in the wake of the
ceasefire. After Hezbollah refused to disarm, the Siniora government essentially adopted a don't-
ask-don't-tell policy that allows the terrorist organization to maintain its resources as long as it
does so discretely.
And when I talk resources, I'm not referring to a bunch of men hiding out in caves
with bags of rocks, firecrackers and a pan of baklava.
CONTINUED ON P.4
rrcg'--T lre jlrir-el
e Shpiel Table of Contents
ewish Newspaper at
University of Florida
/olume 2 Issue 1
Rabbi Yonah Schiller Portrait of the Holy Land
firstname.lastname@example.org The Holy Land, in Orlando. Is that a microphone in front of Jesus'
mouth? I guess he could walk on water, but he had trouble speaking
Michal Meyer loudly.
Eyes on the News
litor/ Adina Thompson Burbs and blabs of international info.
email@example.com (Or, how to sound smart with very little effort.)
ir Hilary D'Angelo
Laura Jones Red Sox Fall, but Jews Rise
firstname.lastname@example.org Dennis Leary philosophizes on Mel Gibson.
Jennifer Harnish Read on from page 3.
dent Leo Stein
Allison Schiller To Drink or Not to Drink
Ask the Rabbi, or don't. But aren't you a little curious to know what
Gina Casbarro Rabbi's talk about, anyway?
S ; Ad Page
'Guess who helps to pay the rent? Check out who supports The
,Shpiel and why they are so cool.
Turn on your brain. Ask a neighbor or friend to check your spelling.
(remember: possum has a 'u' in it) Plus brush up on your Jew Jargon.
i/' Bands and books
S/A local Gainesville band that'll "'rip your pants off.' It's a bird, it's a
^ /plane...a Jewish super-hero? Or anti-hero, for those of you who have
been in a philosophy class.
\ Get out more, it's good for your skin and social status.
pnsMI sp or ts? n Arts and Entertainment
"Wa More sports?! And some Hip-Hop hints for those of you with ears.
FERENCE FOR THE
TjTENGED TYRANT Special thanks to Hillel at the University of Florida
w w w t h e s h p i e 1 o r g
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rage 5 Ine snpiei
Portrait of the Holy
Land (as Theme Pa
In deepest Orlando the Torah is a song and dance some
might not recognize
By Mark Oppenheimer
Iwas not surprised to see that Jesus was, once again, played by someone who looked
like my old college acquaintance Rick Brody. Christians never like to imagine that
esus looked too Jewish; the savior couldn't have had that Jewy-Jew look, like Jackie
Mason or Woody Allen. But Rick Brody, that's the right look: light-haired, blue-eyed, with
the pacific smile of someone who has smoked enough dope to forget which government he
was going to overthrow. So there he was, Rick or else a guy who really, really looked like
him playing the historical Jesus in the musical numbers that spontaneously erupt every
couple of hours on the streets of the Holy Land Experience, a fifteen-acre New Testament
theme park in Orlando, Florida. You might be minding your own business, on your way to the
faux-marble, sixty-foot-tall recreated Second Temple, eating a Centurion Salad purchased at
the Oasis Cafd, and suddenly find yourself surrounded by actors in Birkenstocks and Bjom
"Rabbi Jesus is coming!" says the headbanded rabble. "I hear he raised a man from the
dead!" Then come the apostles. A Holy Land Experience employee, wearing the khakis and
ranger hat of first-century theme park guides, clears two high school boys in starched shirts
and polyester pants off a rock beneath some palm trees. "We need this for the blind man
Bartimaeus," she says. Bartimaeus, gropes his way to the rock, followed by a bearded man
who may or may not be my former college pal and an entourage of cripples and other people
generally spumed by the wider community. "It's Jesus! Praise Jesus!" The actors (and some
of the spectators) herald the arrival. "It's Jesus! Hallelujah!"
His hair is a beauteous mdlange of salon highlights. He stops and holds up his hand,
his palm facing us. "Children, come close," he says, and parents with video cameras shoo
reluctant children to the front:"Go to Jesus. Go sit by Jesus!" Jesus leads Bartimaeus up onto
a stage built into the side of a terra-cotta hill, and stopping near the "Cast Only" sign painted
on the hillside, dramatically tears the rag from Bartimaeus's eyes.
"I can see!" Bartimaeus shouts.
The tops of eighteen-wheelers are barely visible beyond the walls encircling the Holy
Land Experience, but inside, properly enraptured, the audience may almost block out the
sound of airplanes and car alarms and SUVs in fourth gear, that general aural stench of
highway arteries, theme parks, and strip malls.
The Holy Land Experience, this combination of theme park, community center- style
theater, and tent
:; .. .. revival, opened
in Orlando in
2001. It is the
the ministry of
was a United
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luncheonette in the city, mostly Jewish customers. One day, a woman walked into our store,
got something to eat, and talked to us about Jesus. She came back week after week, month
after month, for several years. My mother liked her, and she would talk politely with her."
Rosenthal's mom began to talk to rabbis, too, asking about "this person Jesus." "My mother
came to believe that ... Jesus was the one the prophets of Israel spoken about. Some time
later, I invited Christ into my heart as my savior."
After high school, Rosenthal joined the Marines. He got out of the service at age twenty-
five and took work as a dance teacher. It was then that he decided to study at Philadelphia
Bible College. He was ordained at age thirty-three, and then received a doctorate degree from
the Dallas Theological Seminary. Rosenthal moved to Orlando in 1988, and in his rented
home he launched a magazine, Zion 's Fire, and produced videos and books with biblical
themes. In this period he also began planning his theme park. After raising "$16 million from
Christians throughout North America," says Rosenthal, he opened the Holy Land Experience
to the annoyance of a local rabbi, whose protests against what he saw as a form of untoward
proselytism helped win the park more publicity than Rosenthal could ever have paid for.
Last month, the park received its millionth visitor. "I don't want to sound pious or
superficial, but I'm a person who has committed his life to spreading the word of God," says
Rosenthal. "I believe [God] raised up this ministry at a crucial time in history."
In other words, in time for the Second Coming. Jesus, many evangelical Christians
believe, will return soon to rule the earth and judge the nations. According to some
believers, the signs are all around us: in Iraq, in the ashes of the World Trade Center, even
in the tsunami that killed so many in South Asia. When Jesus returns, they say, we must be
ready to face him and be deemed worthy for a place in his kingdom on earth. And so we must
repent. A visit to the Holy Land Experience, Rosenthal hopes, could be a first step, bringing
about in the visitor the kind of reflection that might lead to a conversion to "the way," to born-
again Christianity, which alone can save our souls.
Pastor Rosenthal's Holy Land Experience is not the first religious amusement park. Jim
Bakker once ran a Christian theme park, although it was more famous for having the world's
largest wave pool than for making converts or spreading doctrine. Silver Dollar City, in
Branson, Missouri, which aims to createae memories worth repeating ... in the manner of
Christian values and ethics" is not overtly evangelical, but nondenominational services are
held every Sunday in the Wilderness Chapel.
Cont. on p.6
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Page 4The Shpiel
Kofi Annan will visit Israel, Lebanon, Iran and Syria to help strengthen the cease-fire in southern Leba-
non. The United Nations secretary-general's trip, which began on Aug. 25, will focus on implementation
of the U.N. Security Council resolution that calls for a truce between Israel and Hezbollah and a U.N.
force of some 15,000 troops to help enforce it.
A gay Jewish por star will visit Israel to show his solidarity. The SomethingJewish Web site reported 5 .
that New York-based Michael Lucas will perform for the gay community in Israel from Aug. 29-Sept. 4 "
and raise awareness of gay issues.
Ehud Olmert is under pressure to establish a state commission of inquiry to investigate how officials
handled Israel's war with Hezbollah. The Israeli prime minister told the attorney general to see what .7 i
alternatives exist for such an investigation, ranging from inquiries that would be made public to those -
that might remain confidential within the Cabinet. .i m I
France said it would increase the number of soldiers it sends to a peacekeeping force in Lebanon.
French President Jacques Chirac said Thursday that France would contribute a total of 2,000 troops to -'Z 'A
Outfielder Shawn Green said the large number of Jews in New York was a factor in his decision to
accept a trade to the New York Mets. __
Iran wants Italy to help negotiate the release of two Israeli soldiers kidnapped in Lebanon. Italy has "
been told the soldiers are alive but not in "great condition," said Sergio De Gregorio, head of the Italian .
Senate's Defense Committee.
Israeli soldiers captured a Hamas leader in a Gaza Strip raid. Thursday's raid left the man's brother .
dead after an Israeli helicopter fired two missiles at the family home, Israel Radio reported. Israel began
an offensive in Gaza in late June after Cpl. Gilad Shalit, 19, was kidnapped in a cross-border raid by
Hamas and other terrorist factions.
About 18 percent of Israeli Arabs said they backed Hezbollah during the recent war, a new poll finds. A tl
majority of Israeli Jews believe that most Israeli Arabs, supported Hezbollah, the Dahaf poll found. b* tl
A Peace Worth Keeping (CONTINUED FROM P. 1)
As reported by Amir Taheri in the London Times, Hezbollah is a global organization, supported and armed tbl ts
by Syria and Iran, and one that controls roughly 25 percent of the territory in Lebanon It collects its own taxes, ap- poi
points local officials and runs its own hospitals and schools. In addition, Hezbollah runs its own media, including a
satellite T.V. station, radio stations, magazines and newspapers.
Though Israel was able to diminish Hezbollah's missiles and rockets and damage its infrastructure, it cer- F cn*
tainly did not achieve its military objective of eradicating the terrorist organization from the south, before international sut
pressure intervened. Had Israel been given more time, it likely would have shattered Hezbollah in the south but at r ro
There are two sides to weigh here. On one hand, allowing Israel to proceed with the war would have resulted
in significant casualties on both sides and greater damage to Lebanese infrastructure, not to mention a good deal of
criticism on the part of the United States. On the other hand, by pushing for an end to the Israeli offensive, the UN has
essentially granted Hezbollah an opportunity to regroup, reorganize and wait for an opportunity to restart the war.
At the end of the day, it seems while Israel won the war of numbers, causing far more structural and physi-
cal damage to Lebanon and Hezbollah than Hezbollah returned, Hezbollah has gained regional power, psychological
success, and the upper hand of the ceasefire agreement.
Hezbollah may have also won the war of perception, gaining support and sympathy for its cause as it fired
rockets from highly populated border cities, using its civilians as human shields. Indeed, considering the Associated
Press' statistics 1,181 Lebanese dead, one-third of which were civilians, as compared to 118 Israeli dead, 37 of -T
which were civilians many have argued that Israel's response to the Hezbollah raid and rocket firings that sparked., ,. -. '."
the conflict was disproportionate.
My question is, what would have been proportionate? Tell me how Israel should defend itself against multi- -'
state sponsored terror from countries that wish to annihilate it.
Israel is but one small state, with a substantial Arab population, in a sea of 22 Arab nations. Not to mention,
the Palestinian Authority, which governs the Gaza Strip and West Bank, is run by Hamas -a terrorist organization
that is more lethal and fundamentalist than the Arafat-run PLO. Equally troubling, is the question of what will happen -
to Lebanon a once budding democracy championed as, perhaps, the greatest accomplishment of President Bush's
democratization campaign now that Hezbollah-prompted fighting has reduced the pro-Western Siniora government ..,.. --
to a mere front for the terrorist organization.
Indeed, the Israel-Hezbollah conflict has become the latest in a stream of events which have served to dis- '
credit the Bush doctrine. Lebanon's "choice" to allow Hezbollah to operate within its boundaries (read: harbor terror-
ism) proves the country is currently, in the words of our dear president, "with the terrorists" and therefore functioning
as a "hostile regime."
This is why it is so important that Hezbollah be disarmed and dislodged by a robust international force
before it has the opportunity to gather any more weapons and supporters and establish new plans to attack Israel,
prompting further bloodshed on all sides..
Page 5 ne nhpiel
Red Sob FaM bA )mi Rn. at Leat in Denm L*e y Tdft
Available from Commercial News Providers"
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Manager of the New York Yankees
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For inore information on our Organization and details
about the speakers, check us out on-line at:
Or contact us at:
3307 Taney Road, Baltimore, Maryland 21215
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Page 6 The Shpiel
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Holy Land Portrait (CONTINUED FROM .3)
The Holy Land Experience is, however, the first Christian then Ie
park to make any claim ...
to biblical inerrancy: the fundamentalist's dream of infallible
truth. "It's been two thousand years since the world's seen anr, tl ng
like this." Not until Marvin Rosenthal has anyone attempted ti' build
the Second Temple, Golgotha, and Christ's tomb, all on a swatch ofl
land the size of two city blocks and steps from a petting zoo :Leat iW in
a miniature horse.
Before the half-hour Jesus act is over, Rick Brody has picked up
and cradled a trembling
lamb (eliciting a big "Awwww" from the crowd), produced
from somewhere a real dove (which he releases above his head i.
and healed the woman who was bleeding for twelve years without
You can read about her in the Gospel of Luke, just after the
healing of the demonpossessed man and right before the raising of
Jairus's daughter from the dead. Reading Luke is actually of some .
interest here. If you do, you will find that Marvin Rosenthal, founder. .
of the Holy Land Experience, convert to fundamentalist, pre-
millennialist, dispensationalist Christianity (for the layman, that means IT' MIGHT
he is hard-core), a man who presumably takes the Bible literally, has HEALTHY F
entirely rewritten this bit to suit his dramatic purposes. And it's not the RE LIG OUS
only instance in which this literalism espoused by Rosenthal's brand of KNOW WI
Christianity falls by the wayside for the benefit of a really good show. O
Facticity isn't really what the Holy Land Experience does; it's L LN
not its thing. Depending on which comer of the promotional material I K E N
you read, it's a re-creation of Jerusalem either three thousand or two MUCH CE F
thousand years ago, a place where people spoke Hebrew (the theme park I WANT 6(
staff are continually greeting you with a warm "Shalom!") or Greek, U N I MA I
but apparently not Aramaic, which is what the real Jesus spoke. In
Rosenthal's Holy Land, Arabs nosh on "Arabian chicken wraps," and black performers sing
soul-stirring gospel tunes. The employees must agree to the theme park's articles of faith, but
they don't exactly have to have a theology.
It's an interesting place for Jew to be. A certain kind of evangelical Christian is schooled,
in a rudimentary way, to think of Jews as immature Christians: that Jews expect the
messiah to come, not realizing he already has; that they read the Old Testament but fail to see
how many of its predictions come true in the New Testament. To
Judge from my conversations with them, the actors, park rangers,
and Italian-ice vendors at the Holy Land Experience seem to think
S t of Jews as players in a trans-historical drama, not as people who
walk the earth now as then.
What they do know about historical Judaism is that it had three
ancient rituals: the Feast of Trumpets, the Feast ofAtonement,
and the Feast of Tabernacles. These are the holidays Jews might
know better as Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Sukkot. At
the Holy Land Experience, these holidays are all celebrated in a
musical medley in front of the Second Temple, which staff like to
call "The Temple of the Great King," something King Herod may
have quite liked, but a term I had never heard before. The three-act
extravaganza comprises about twenty hoofers doing their best horas
Sand "Walk Like an Egyptian" Bangles choreography. Glory be to
the high Christian camp, irony-free moment when the Tabernacles
Part of the program concludes with a parade of four men in white
Srobes holding aloft a giant red satin cross, while doves swoop
skyward in perfect V-formation like Blue Angels.
After the show, I spoke with a man from Providence, Rhode
Island, who comes to the park every year with his wife and two
OT BE friends from their Pentecostal church back home. "We like learning
R ON E'S and having fun at the same time," he said. And who was I to rain on his
educational parade by telling him that, for the sake of historical accuracy,
ITH TO it might be best not to refer to Yom Kippur as the Feast of Atonement.
T TH E It's a testament to the human imagination, but it.makes the
OOK ED 'shortcomings of something as literal as the Holy Land Experience all too
1ITH SO clear If you think about it, it might not be healthy for one's religious faith
I NTY. to know what the Holy Land looked like not with so much certainty. I
TO BE want God to be unimaginable.
A BL E. Think of the despondence if we discovered he really did look
grandfatherly; some of us don't like our grandfathers. In the same vein,
the Holy Land Experience may lose a great deal of its target audience -
that is, everyone who is not already a born-again Christian through its esthetic particularity.
The only people who will ever be moved by it, the only unbelievers who will start to believe,
are those already inclined to think the best vacations are spent at theme parks.
It didn't have to be this way. I'm an open-minded guy, and I'm a sucker for good
CONTINUED ON P.9
1ET'S TALK ABUT II
i J ;
Identity and Imagination
A READING AND DISCUSSION SERIES IN AMERICA'S LIBRARIES
A MIND OF HER OWN: Fathers and Daughters in a Changing World
Join us for a reading and discussion series like no other. Led by UF English Professor-Andrew Gordon, Let's Talk About It: Jewish
Literature will feature lively discussion of five books on a common theme in Jewish literature and culture.
All five sessions will take place in the Hillel at UF library in Norman H. Lipoff Hall at 2020 W. University Avenue. Plenty of free parking is
available across University Avenue at the O'Connell Center. Free and open to the public. Participants are encouraged to attend all five
sessions, but are welcome to come to individual sessions of particular interest.
Register for the series or individual sessions any time at http://www.uflib.ufl.edu/notices/letstalk.html.
For additional information contact Chelsea Dinsmore at 273-0369 or email@example.com.
10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m.
Tevye the Dairyman by Sholem Aleichem
Bread Givers by Anzia Yezierska
1185 ParkAvenue by Anne Roiphe
American Pastoral by Philip Roth
Bee Season by Myla Goldberg
Let's Talk About It has been madepossible through a grant from Nextbook and the American Library Association.
F UNIVERSITY of
George A. Smathers
Co-sponsored by Hillel at the
University of Florida and the
University of Florida Center
for Jewish Studies
S t :h e .:s p .'.' i. e 1
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Q. Hey Rabbi, i hat do you think
about partying? If I'm a Jew, does
4 that mean I can't have a good time?
A. The Jle-A ish people h.a\ c hd their sihaie of
L ,ood minld-alterin experLiences,. Nit. Sin.a ,'.. the first
L'ormnT1njl I iisi h oul-Of'-hod. e\C.peile ci tl 'hasli'l
.st-lS really. substance abuse: rather. it \as. fnole like jlln 0 )
on God. So totally overwhelming was the experience that
our rabbis tell us we actually died (and came back to life)...a few times. This early
precedent of experiencing the transcendent is perhaps the basis for what we could call
'holy partying" in Jewish tradition. With the current lull of the prophetic age, we have
attempted to transcend in other ways. Drinking has become a popular choice of the
What is this desire to be drunk? It could in fact be probf of a deep-seeded yearning
for the soul to reconnect to its maker.
What do drugs and alcohol do to us? Actually, alcohol consumption is likened to
symptoms of a mild brain injury, where ethanol asserts itself on the frontal lobe and
causes a loss of judgment and dis-inhibition. In other words, a stiff drink or two allows
us to get a little silly. Here we are in our lives, in a sense trapped, with what we know
and have come to expect. By drinking and doing drugs we take away a certain known
element. In other words,
loose," "relax", "have
"see what happens."
The Talmud teaches
wine enters, the secret
true self. The Jewish
consciousness is for the
good thing or a bad thing.
of your secret. Some
that they really should
Others have secrets that
So CLEARLY WE" we are trying to "get
fun," and ultimately,
SHOULD NOT ALIGN
RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, us that when "the
UNLESS YOU CONSIDER comes out," i.e. your
VOMITING N YOUR context for altering our
VOMITING ON YOUR
purpose of revealing
FRIENDS TO BE A WAY revealing could be a
OF SHARING YOUR Depends on the quality
INTERNAL STRUGGLES. people have secrets
keep to themselves.
should be shared with
everyone. When we get drunk, often we begin to lose our powers of self-editing. Our
"secret" comes out, in all its glory. This can lead to a beautiful, life-altering outcome...
we'll talk more about this come Purimn time
So do I need alcohol to achieve this?...not so much. As we evolve we gain a
deeper sense of confidence and "personal voice," and with focused consciousness we
begin to understand that self-fulfillment is wrapped up with improving the quality
of our "secret." And that revealing is an ongoing process that furthers our personal
goals, improves our relationships and ultimately gives us the strength to pursue an
So.clearly we should not align drunkenness with religious experience, unless you
consider vomiting on your friends to be a way of sharing your internal struggles
Am I promoting getting trashed tonight in the name of Judaism? No, not really. I
would just say that if you are going to go out and get a little "funny," do it seriously
and with consciousness. You may find that a bit of awareness may not be the buzz-kill
you might have expected. Instead, it might be the only thing that makes it worth doing
Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
Cox Communications services available in most areas. Cox Limited Basic Service is required for Cox Digital Cable packages. Cable modem
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Page 9The Shpiel
Holy Land Portrait (CONTINUED FROM .6)
Catch me at the right time (after a fight with my mom, or after a really bad sermon by
a dim rabbi, for example) and I might see the appeal of batting for another team. If, at such
a moment, Pastor Rosenthal could get me to a Holy Land Experience where I'd see some
historical authenticity, some lovingly re-created period masonry basically, something to
appeal to the effete antiquarian in me I bet I'd cock an ear. If the Jesus actor had actually
spoken some Aramaic (or faked it, because I wouldn't have known the difference) and had
looked more like a true-to-life Semite, perhaps with a serious, old-school Jew-fro, well, at
least I wouldn't have come away chuckling.
Which begs the question of whether something like the Holy Land theme park is
good evangelism. Pastor Rosenthal says that half the people who come to his park are
already bornagain Christians. Some of the born-agains, of course, might be struggling
with their faith, and the park may help shore up or deepen their commitment. "If," the
pastor says, "we can, in some small way, help evangelical Christians understand the
biblical context of their faith, or help out a Christian who's been away from the church,
whose Bible has become dusty, if we push a button that says 'read again,' 'pray again,'
then that's wonderful."
But the other half of the park's visitors, according to surveys taken by the staff,
are not born again. "They might be 'religious,' or 'have a God consciousness,"' the
pastor says, "but they have not been born again in their faith in Christ alone." And
these doubters, skeptics, and pagans are evangelism's real quarry. It seems likely that
Rosenthal would rather make new Christians than help the existing ones become more
Pastor Rosenthal says he has received "hundreds of letters from people who said
that as a result of being here, they've trusted Christ as their savior." I believe him. But
as for me, I know what I'd have said if someone had asked me to drop to my knees and
welcome Christ into my heart there in Orlando. Confronted with Jesus, I would tell
him about my people, and about the prayers we chant in a language most of us don't
understand, the impossible-to-sing hazzanut that even good cantors sometime massacre,
prayed in postwar buildings most of us can't stand.
I'd tell him about my grandfather Walter, who never goes to synagogue, preferring
to sit in his falling-apart chair reading the musings of atheist Jews in the Nation and
listening to old Jascha Heifetz violin recordings on his hi-fi. I'd tell him thanks, but I
know who my people are, and they don't look like Rick Brody but then again, I doubt
Jesus did, either.
1. Before the kiss, the princess in the
fairytale must wait for him to grow
7. Ugly marsupial
12. The old name for Tokyo
13. An uncommon herb
15. Many singles
16. Chasing this is the name of a
17. To pole a boat along
18. One of the first things a child
.learns at school
19. A Russian negative
21. To lose your color is to become
23. In the near future
25. An explosive mountain in Italy
26. Name of a Stephen King novel
27.Attaching this to the beginning of
a word reverses meaning, or as an
abbreviation it brings countries
28. A popular fish
29. An organization for gun lovers
30. Away of subdividing land or
31. A Yiddish complainer
33. Like beauty, often in the eye of
34. To be excessively preoccupied
38. An old way of saying you
39. Multi-colored jewel mined main-
ly in Australia
42. A beast of burden
43. Abbreviation for a volume
45. As fundamental to life as 14
46. A Hebrew hello
48. Always meaning double or twice
50. Dark and devious
56. A shocking part of police
57. Direction (Abbr.)
58. A quick run
60. An exam critical for university
61. Popular drink, hot or cold (plu-
64. A Jewish mystical creation given
65. A part of the psyche
66. The opposite of work
67. The shoulders of a mountain
1. A town in New Jersey
2. To concede the truth of someone's
3. Female member of a group
acknowledged most experienced or
4. The first half of a Yiddish lament.
5. From one end to the swimming
pool to the other
7. The kind of parties where you
bring your own food
8. The sound of pain
9. The kind of tale given a teacher
when an assignment is not done in
10. A very large number, but unspe-
11. A type of subatomic particle
14. A molecule central to life
20. A classy pie or an unclassy
22. Tolkien tree creature
24. A compass-is used for this pur-
32. A kind of pencil
35. A little word with many mean-
ings, often used to start a sentence or
as a question
36. Sound of a letter or a person in
37. To expel liquid under pressure,
as from a hose or gun
39. A state in brief
40. Marches, generally with music
and lots of waving
41. What Paul Simon said to call
him in one of his songs
44. A Chinese mystical philosophy
46. The hot season
47. A way of doing something
48. "To sleep, perchance to "
49. In a state of desire
51. Some of a soccer lover's favorite
52. A financial plus or an advantage
53. to brush with a broom is to
55. An element of salt (Abbr.)
59. A university body for students
62. Number of years of an object or
63. An abbreviated help
Kippah: A round piece of cloth or material that is
worn to represent the thing that Jews have a lot of in
their bank accounts O's.
Peyot: The most intriguing of all hairstyles next to the
mullet it exists to symbolize the nature of the Jewish
soul as it spirals upwards at a local beauty parlor near
Talmud: The oral law canon that accounts for most
of the headaches and stereotypes regarding Jewish
opinion in and on the world.
Svelt: The nature of thinness. "My God, Magdollah,
you must have starved yourself without the Challah,
you're looking so svelt now."
Chutzpa: Balls! Big ones. 00
This Just In!
Fox News reports that Islam has been
awarded two new converts. Steve Cen-
tanni and Olaf Wiig, who-were kid-
napped for 13 days by the Holy Jihad
Brigades, saw the light and converted
to Islam in an abandoned garage, Sun-
Centanni celebrates his. conversion:
"I have the highest respect for Is-
lam," he said. "But it was something
we felt we had to do because they had
the guns, and we didn't know what the
hell was going on."
Get Your Shpiel On!
Join our staff and enjoy the endless rewards...
Contact Kimberly Gouz at
w w w i 1n V ul I e I
o r g
Vage U I ne snpiel
The Ins of Ada
By Giselle Mazur i
A n old wooden fence surrounds a hoii.e t i :
the end of a dark dirt road. Muffled drunii-. ,
from the garage pound the air. Inside, tatter ed
couches, road signs, old suitcases spilling ithir
contents, and ripped off beer ads litter the t
room. A milk crate full of UF textbooks is loht
amongst the mess.
Adam's Out is home.
"Nice shirt," says the drum player in greting.
My T-shirt, with "Topanga Home Grown" in ? :'
big red letters unexpectedly echoes the name olf
their 2006 song Topanga.
With the influences of Rx Bandits, The Beatles. .%'
The Police, The Mars Volta, the Cure, and \ en ii. '-
The Beach Boys, the music of the six-years-
young band is familiar, yet with enough originality to catch the ear. Adam's Out is all
about accessibility, says Dylan Samore, the band's drummer. It's progressive rock pop,
or, in the band's words, it's "prograwkpop."
"We write to impress ourselves," says Dan Barnhart, lead singer. For the band, each
song is a work in progress. As Dan sings, Dylan, drummer and back-up singer,
It's a Bird. It's a Plane.
By Jeremy Fields
echoes the chorus in time: "I sing the night, away with careless chemistry." Dylan then
switches to sing on the offbeat. Guitarist Chris Chaires stops the song, and offers a
choice. Pick a version, he says. Both work, but pick one. The rest of the band jumps in,
and within a minute the verdict is in: the original wins, the offbeat dropped.
Adam's Out has been together since high school. Friends from way back, they bring
up fond memories of early shows, such as Churchill's, a seedy Miami pub in a down-
at-heel area. All UF students, the quintet includes Dan Barnhart, senior Telecom major,
Chris Chaires, senior English Major, Dylan Samore, junior English major, Matt Houli-
han, guitarist and junior History major, and Jon Bush, bassist and senior Math major.
The fruits of six years' staying power include a full length CD, Scenes From Inside the
Belly of the Whale, available at Hot Topic stores all over the state. A CD of live tracks
is in the pipeline. The band has toured all over Florida, with shows from Miami to
Pensacola. Last year Adam's Out opened for Rx Bandits to a maximum-capacity crowd
at the Reitz Union their biggest show to date. The bouncers earned their money that
night, say band members.
Next week, the band swaps its middle of nowhere garage for downtown and Tim and
Terry's as part of Weirdstock, a Gators for Eccentric Music event.
Says Chris, "Come to our show. We'll rip your pants off."
Listen to Adam's Out, along with Bacon Machine, Johan Ess, and others at Weirdstock,
September 1 and 2.
For more information on the band, or to hear their music, visit: http://www.myspace.
com/AdamsOutRocks or http://www.gainesvillebands.com for a complete list ofshows.
For more information on Weirdstock visit http://www.myspace.com/gatorsforeccentric-
W at would a comic book be
without masks, capes and
tights? Without its radioactive
teenagers and aliens?
Anything it wants to be!
Nearly every genre,
from romance to horror finds
a welcoming home in comics.
Graphic novels such as Art Spie-
gelmt's Maus, Frank Millar's
Sin City and Daniel Clowes'
Ghost World are all critically ac-
claimed, yet have only one thing
in commonr... no spandex.
Without further ado, -
here's another great non-super-
hero comic to add to the list, The
Lone and Level Sand. Based on a
story from the best-known book
of all time, the Bible, it's nar-
rated by that long-time bad guy
Pharoah Ramses II. Writer A. Da-
vid Lewis recreates Ramses as a
tragic figure, a man torn between
his duties as a ruler, responsibili-
ties as a father and obligations
as a human being. Rather than
hard-hearted pharaoh, this tension
is the heart of a story and makes
The Lone and Level Sands such a
Why complicate, a
traditional villain and use him
to tell the story? Because, says
Lewis, it's truer to real life. "I find the notion of 'evil-doers' simplistic and,
frankly, wildly fictional," he tells the Shpiel. "I wanted to look at [Ramses']
motivations, his circumstances, and the political scene. I don't mean to say he was a good
guy, nor that slavery is okay I only wanted to explore him further than just his being a
Adapting a story can be tough especially when said story is out of the best
selling book of all.time but Lewis crafts a tale both familiar and foreign by present-
ing Exodus through Ramses. His refreshing take on things keeps the reader smiling
out of ecognition, yet eagerly anticipating the next page. Reading The Lone and Level
Sands made me wonder for the first time how the Egyptians might have reacted to the 10
plagues, as familiar a part of the story as the evil pharaoh himself.
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The good guys still win, the Israelites still freed. Yet the book reminds us of the vital-
ity often left out of Bible adaptations that of the struggle between real people.
For more information on The Lone and Level Sands, visit http://www.loneandlevel-
HV W 3 uF I V I U 1 I g
W W W .
dage -i T i ne ji-npiei-
Be welcomed back
by the Jewish
Student Union, with
events all this week!
Take a break from
your daily labor for
It takes you to
tango at Emerald's
j 6:30 p.m.!
S lessons ev-
S $5 drink
Get into the
spirit with the
Gatorfest Pep Rally
and Concert in the
Center at 7 p.m.
Go bowling with
JSU in the Reitz
Union Game Room
at 7:30 p.m.
Gather around the
knitting circle in the
Hillel living room
from 8 10 p.m.
Wave your blue and
white at the Pro-
Israel Rally at the
Plaza of the Ameri-
cas at noon.
Come meet the
coach, Bruce Capin,
of the fencing and
Tai Chi classes
hosted at the Hillel,
at 8 p.m.
Be ready to laugh
for a Comedy Series
at the Orange and
Brew at 9 p.m.
Time to make deci- M
sions! The deadline The first football game
for fall fee payments of the year! Watch the
(by 3:30 p.m.) and Gators battle Southern
the deadline for fall Mississippi at 6 p.m. at
residency reclas- I the stadium!
sification deadline is
Join Rabbi Yonah
Show your colors for a Torah Jam at 3
at the Velveteen
Pink concert at the
Downtown Plaza at
Shabbat dinner and
services, tonight at
Hillel 7:30 p.m.
I p -- --9 U-- ~-
Stop by Bryan Hall
(Room 232) for the
7 -8 p.m.
Get free food at the
cookout behind the
Murphree Area Com-
mons at noon!
theTao of Judaism
at 6 p.m. with Rabbi
Siger at the Hillel.
There's no day but
today to go see
RENT! at the Tampa
Bay Performing Arts
Center at 7:30 p.m.
Tickets are $40.
Join Stephanie for
scrapbooking at the
7:30 9:00 p.m.
around the world
at a pizza party in
at 2 p.m.
Be the first to see
The Sugarbean Sis-
ters at the Vam York
Theater at 8 p.m.
Chill out at
with Rabbi Siger
forTorah on Tap
at 8 p.m.
Mingle with the Inter-
at 6:30 p.m. in the
Bryan Lounge at Reitz
It's opening night for
The Cornbread Man
at Constans Theater
at 8 p.m.! Tickets sold
at the UF Box Office.
It's Swing Night at
Moondancer for the
Swing Club! Dance
the night away
from 8-10 p.m.-
Shabbat Dinner and
Services, tonight at
ng at 7:
p.m..at the Hillel.
Be entertained by
the short films
created during the
24 Hour Film Rush
- in Reitz Union
at 6 p.m.
Get your fix for Ga-
tor football at the
UCF game tonight
at 6:00 p.m. at the
Ben Hill Griffin
Sep. 10: Nothing yet...
Sep. 11: OK, I got into UF, now what? Picking
up where Preview left off.. at 6 p.m. in
Bryan Lounge at the Reitz Union
Sep. 12: An Evening with Rev. Al Sharption at the
O'Connell Center. Doors open at 7:15 p.m.
Volunteer Organization Fairfrom 10 a.m.
-3 p.m. in the Reitz Union Colonnade
Career Fair Prep Seminar from 7 8 p.m. in
Bryan Hall, room 232
My Mother's Italian, My Father's Jewish,
and I'm in Therapy at 7:30 p.m. at the Phil-
lips Center for Performing Arts
First Jews in Greek Leters Orgamization
(JIGLO) meeting of the year at the Mellow
Mushroom at 7 p.m.
Sep. 13: Fall 2006 Student Organization Fair
from 10 a.m. 3 p.m. at the Reitz Union
Sep. 14: Fall 2006 Student Organization Fair
from 10 a.m. 3 p.m. at the Reitz Union
Sep. 15: Miami City Ballet performing at the
Phillips Center for Performing Arts at
Sep. 16: International Jam from 7 11 p.m. in
the Weaver Hall Recreation Room
h p i e 1
t h e
W WT W
Page 12 The Shpiel
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Lauren Hill Might Be the Next Bob Dylan
By Leo Stein
As a white boy, friends of mine sometimes find it strange that I love hip-hop
music. What's even stranger is how we've come to categorize a complete
genre so unfairly. I tell them hip-hop has some of the greatest lyrics you'll ever hear.
People like to use music as theme music for their lives (Marvin Gaye for the date,
trance music for car commercials, etc. Since these genres are pigeonholed for one use
(disco is only for dancing), we cut ourselves short. We say hip-hop is incoherent crunk
music, raging about misogyny and rims on cars. When we don't know that much about
something, we don't know how to look at it.
When Talib Kweli says, "Your hero's using your mind as a canvas to paint fear,"
he's talking about egoism. When Lauryn Hill raps, "You'll find what you sought was
based on the deception you bought," she's talking about our obsession with pain and
drina. Pay attention to these artists, you'll be surprised at their depth.
The hip-hop I love is Conscious Hip-Hop. Rappers who grew up hard create poetry for
their music. They don't care about killing anyone or discussing what they wear. You
won't find sipping Courvoisier in music videos.
Conscious Rappers talk about how we change our characters when we're in love.
It explains how a city is alive like a human, being, breathing and exhaling smoke and
lies. These musicians talk about action. Social action. Political fakeness, Cultural
unawareness. The need to grow as individuals. They even talk about their issues with
other hip-hop artists, who find it easier to carp and threaten than change their
But Conscious Hip-Hop isn't as popular as a screaming man with gold teeth
because we have created a culture where status is more important than actions.
Maybe our materialism is just plain hipper than our philosophies. But these
artists, they're telling bur culture all that's nonsense. They are the new Woody
Guthries, Bob Dylans, and Bob Marleys. Their messages, conveyed from their
hearts, leave the cell ring tones and video awards behind them. They are the
poets of the people, white, black and, whatever.
Great Conscious hip-hop artists:
Where My Jewish Bailers At?
By Derek Bernstein
N ame me one great Jewish
athlete. What, you can't do it?
Don't worry because there aren't
many to name. It's hard to believe
that a group of people who used to i i 1,
be so dominant in a sport just don't
From the 1930s to the
1950s, basketball was dominated by
Hebrews. "The reason, I suspect, that
basketball appeals to the Hebrew
with his Oriental background, is
that the game places a premium
on an alert, scheming mind, flashy
trickiness, artful dodging and general
smart aleckness." wrote Paul Gallico,
sports editor of the New York Daily
News in the '30s. This quote assumes
Jews were made to play basketball, p
so what happened?
Look at an NBA roster now and it is almost impossible to find a Stein,
Berg or Stern. This year, Lior Eliyahu was the first Israeli-born player to be
drafted. Now the NBA has certainly changed; players are larger, faster and 80%
African American. So where have all the Jews gone?
Many of them became coaches. Red Auerbach, arguably the greatest
coach of all time, took the Boston Celtics to nine NBA Championships in 10
years. Also Larry Brown is the only coach ever to win a National Championship
in college and also an NBA Championship.
I guess Jews have just hung up their cleats and Air Jordans in exchange
for business suits and ties. Seven of the 30 teams in the NFL are owned by Jews.
Also take into account NBA commissioner David Stern and baseball commis-
sioner, Bud Selig.
And we can't forget about the greatest rivalry in sports, The Yankees
and Red Sox. Yes, both teams' general managers are Bar Mitzvah boys.
Hall of Famer Hank Greenberg once said, "I find myself wanting to
be remembered not only as a great ballplayer, but even more as a great Jewish
ballplayer. I realize now, more than I used to, how important a part I played in the
lives of a generation of Jewish kids who grew up in the 1930s"
Not everyone can be a professional athlete, but the life lessons we learn
from just watching sports can make us better people. Milwaukee Bucks owner
Senator Herb Kohl said, "Being Jewish did not make us better athletes, but the
bonds we formed during the games we played did help make us better Jews.
De La Soul
Eric B. & Rakim
A Tribe Called Quest
Chip Futch gets ready to take Parag Katira's picture Friday at the Reitz Union.
Old Tyme Photo's are available every Friday night free.
s h p i
t h e
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