THE SHPiEL
VOLU M E 1 ISSUE 5
20 NISSAN 1D'3


T, T]N 18,2006


Look Out for the Israel


Lobby: A Political Editorial



By Kimberly Gouz

T wo international relations scholars sparked international contro-
versy with an essay that has spread debate from halls of ivy to
Internet blog space and the University of Florida campus.
John Mearsheimer, a University of Chicago professor, and
his academic partner, Harvard professor Stephen Walt argue in an
essay, published by the London Review of Books, that the "Israel
Lobby," has duped
Washington into con-
sistently acting against
its own self-interest.
A The authors
offer up the "Israel
,' Lobby," made up of
i Jews and non-Jews,
journalists, think-tank
scholars and neo-con-
V--f i -u I._ servatives, as an expla-
nation for the United
States' "bond" with
l Israel and as a main
catalyst for the Bush
administration's
adventures in the Mid-
dle East.
They state that, "the U.S. has a terrorism problem in good
part because it is so closely allied with Israel."
That's right, folks. Don't let the Bush administration and its
opponents fool you. The war on terrorism is because of Israel not
September 11, geopolitical dominance, false pretenses and oil depen-
dence, as others have argued.
The "Israel Lobby" is apparently diverting the world's only
superpower from achieving its true strength, by sucking up its mili-
tary, economic and diplomatic resources.
The authors argue that this practice "might be understand-
able if Israel were a vital strategic asset or if there were a compelling
moral case for US backing. But neither explanation is convincing."
As Ha'aretz and the Toronto Star suggest, this argument is
ironic since Mearsheimer and Walt have both built reputations as pro-
ponents of the self-styled "Realist" school of power politics, which
maintains that states are power-hungry entities that only care about
military might.
In accordance with Realist thought, the United States could


...' Meet the


Steamer


Sisters


By Drew Harwell



Satchel really, really means it when she says

When she has friends see her sister
s Elissa's picture on her desk at the Floersheimer
SCenter, they're all usually wondering the same
thing.
"Your sister's a professional
skateboarder?" It's not a question many brainy
S lawyers have to answer, but Rachel's used to it.
Rachel, 33, and Elissa, 30, began life-in the same
h way in Ft. Myers, Fla., but a lot has changed since
then. Though they couldn't be more different, the
SSteamer sisters don't let boards or books get in
the way of their close family bond.
aThe Steamers' grandmother speaks Yiddish but
they aren't practicing Jews. Neither Rachel nor
Elissa have had bat mitzvahs or attend Jewish
Sti services regularly. They celebrate Christmas, but
Elissa says it's less a Christian practice and more
an excuse to take a holiday.
The girls during their childhood functioned in what Rachel called "separate worlds": they didn't
share friends or interests or activities. They fought a lot over who was doing what and at what time. In
short, they were sisters.
"When we were little, I was the focus of everything," Rachel said. She was a dancer, a gymnast,
a.model and a beauty pageant contestant when she was little. In high school, she dropped the pageants and
the dance recitals and joined several clubs and the cheerleading squad.
She's always liked to be busy and has always been an overachiever. Her mom preened her a lot.
more than she did Elissa. Rachel confesses to being "pretty uptight" back then.
Elissa remembers being dragged to see Rachel cheer or dance but during the day she "did her
own thing." Elissa was the wild one. She took some dance classes but they were never her thing. She
was the sporty girl, the tomboy. She never really had the patience to get good at guitar. Both the Steamer
sisters think Elissa had ADD.
Elissa's thing became skateboarding when she was around ten. She had seen the sport in
magazines, seen the pros doing demo(nstration)s, been to the local rec center to watch people skate. She
liked the clothes they wore, the crazy hair, the skating lifestyle. "Everyone hated skateboarders," she said.
That rebellion appealed to her.


(continued on page 2)


(continued on page 2)


Eyes on the News
Editorial Cartoon
Speaking for the Trees
Uf Under Water
Dear Rabbi


A-Marketing We Go
From the Foreskin
Crossword
Photographing Rabbi


What's Happening
The Jewish Month
Kosher Ham
Jews: Good & Bad
Sex & Drugs Review


9 L -1--"





Page 2 The Shpiel


I.


SEyes on the News


A Passover seder for dogs was held in Chicago. The second
annual seder was held at Soggie Paws, an upscale pet store in
Chicago. The dogs "sat content and still with tiny yarmulkes on
their heads," according to a news release.

Iran has enriched uranium, its president said. Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad confirmed a comment made April 11 by the
country's former president, Hashemi Rafsanjani. Iran resumed
research at an enrichment facility in February, The Associated
Press reported.

Iran must not gain the know-how to build an atomic bomb,
I President Bush said.

| Shimon Peres said Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, will
suffer the same fate as Saddam Hussein. Peres spoke out Saturday
after Ahmadinejad, in a Tehran conference, repeated calls for the
Jewish state's elimination and questioned the Holocaust. "His
remarks recall those voiced by Saddam Hussein. Ahmadinejad
will end up like Saddam Hussein," Peres said in a statement read
by Israel Radio.

Israeli police prevented the attempted sacrifice of a Passover
lamb at the Western Wall. A group of religious Jews led by far-
right activist Itamar Ben-Gvir, lamb in hand, was blocked from
reaching Judaism's holiest site on the first day of Passover, April
12.

SEhud Olmert said he intends to finalize plans for a further Israeli
withdrawal from the West Bank by late 2007. Israel's prime
minister told the Wall Street Journal on April 12 that he wanted
to have his *"c: ,. ricrnncc pLin" in place within 18 inionthh., and
that he-would travel to Washington next month to seek President
Bush's approval.




Lobbying for Israel

(Continued from page 1)

In accordance with Realist thought, the United States could
only have earned its rank as the world leader if it continuously pursued
self-interested politics.
Excuse me Mr. Mearsheimer and Mr. Walt, but I believe your
argument and your stated ideology don't line up. How could the United
States have achieved its role as the economic and political leader of the
free world had the loosely-defined "Israel Lobby" described in your anti-
Israel assault been controlling it since 1973?
And despite what The London Review of Books' Jewish editor
Ma*y-Kay Wilmers has said to defend her choice to publish the report,
the thoughts and ideas expressed do promote anti-Semitism.
I'm all for free speech, and I'm not saying the report shouldn't have been
published, but how can you argue.,that an essay that places the blame for
the-Bush administration's highly unpopular terrorism crusade onto the
Jews is not going to promote and fuel anti-Semitism?
I guess it's just a coincidence that the report's biggest supporter
is former Ku Klux Klan leader, David Duke. He, of course, thinks the
report is "a modem American Declaration of Independence."
Despite Mr. Duke's overly enthusiastic endorsement, Harvard
and the University of Chicago have decided to remove their respective
logos from the publication, which is posted on the Harvard Kennedy
School Web site._
The universities, while maintaining both professors' right to
free speech, have tried to distance themselves from the controversial
views that Mearsheimer and Walt have put forth.


Still Steamin'

(Continued from page 1)

Her dad always pushed her to keep skating through her teenage years. Her mom never
disliked skateboarding but didn't really understand it. She wanted Elissa to take classes at a
community college or join the army. Then Elissa started getting free-boards and her picture in
magazines. Companies started to pay her to skate for them. Rachel and her parents began to
real ze maybe Elissa could make something out of skating. Now, Elissa says, her family members
are her "number one fans."
Elissa became the pro skater that she had
Watched as a kid, hair and all (extra curly, with
purple and red highlights). Her weekly schedule
no\w adays consists ofwaking up and doing whatever
she r ants, like skating, riding a bike, or traveling
for photo or video shoots. She got another guitar
%% hen she broke her foot in August. She's having an
S easier time practicing.
Rachel graduated in 1994 from the University
of Miami and in 2002 left her Seattle marketing
posit into attend the Cardozo School of Law inNew
York, N.Y. She graduated in three years, worked
I "~ -. r, *as administrative director for the Floersheimer
SCenter at Cardozo and recently left to become afirm
assoc late in Margate, N.J.
SElissa's career accomplishments are a little less
resum-friendly. She's been skateboarding for
almost 20 years. Her first big break was a-picture of
Rachel and Elissa modeling late 70s fashions. her in the February '96 issue ofTransWorld magazine.
Photo courtesy of the Steamer family.
PIn 2005 she won 1st place awards in skateboarding
competitions in Australia, Germany and Los Angeles. She's the only female pro skater to ever be
in the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater video games.
Elissa lives in San Francisco. She enjoys the hills, the atmosphere, the "feel of the city."
It's better for a skateboarding job in California, too. Rachel likes the east coast, though. The west
coast has a slower pace and is more laid back. Rachel says everyone's really nice on the west
coast, but she likes how people tell you what they're thinking in New York. Even strangers.
But despite the differences that still .separate the Steamer sisters, the two have gotten
closer since their childhood bickering days. Rachel has said that, since she moved out of the
house, the sisters' relationship has "blossomed": they talk more and have flown cross-county to
visit each other. "We talk more as people and not as sisters in the same house," said Rachel.
Elissa's friends love Rachel. They want her as their lawyer. And people continue to
tell Rachel "that's so cool!" when they learn of Elissa's skateboarding. Though they. may be on
different sides of the nation and with vastly different personalities, the two girls are proud to call,
the other "sister."


. t h e s h p i e 1


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The Shpiel Page 3


For the Trees, the Tractors,

the Tree-Huggers and

Their Detractors
By Asaf Naymark


H ave you ever found it interesting how some people just love this thing
called "nature?" Some of these people, it seems, have the word writ-
ten on their foreheads. Others advocate a "return to nature." These people
proclaim that humans have taken a big dump on Mother Earth,. They tell
us we must return to the old ways, to live in harmony with the birds and
the flowers.
Now, we are all aware that birds use us as poop targets and that
flowering plants can cause horrible allergies. There is no harmony in na-
ture and certainly not one that has been disrupted by "modem" societies.
Here is a little known fact: three thousand years ago, African iron smelt-
ers began heating ore in forges that reached thousands of degrees, creat-
ing massive amounts of poisonous carbon monoxide while burning large
quantities of trees for fuel.
Do not take this the wrong way I'm in favor of "nature." Everyone who
knows me calls me a tree-hugger. However, as I see it, "nature" is also you
and me. It is cities, smelters, garbage mounds, frowns, smiles and sweet
popsicles on hot, sunny days. There is no silly contradiction between hu-
mans and the environment. There is no "nature vs. culture" dilemma.
in Hebrew, teva means both "nature" and "sunken." The nature
of the world we live in is hidden. It is continually becoming something,
yet never quite fully revealing itself. It is most of what we know and take
for granted. It is utterly mundane. It is full of surprises hidden underneath
the surface, yet ordinarily ordinary. These surprises are not quite like the'
25-cent fun boxes you get from coin machines. Rather, they are mysteri-
ous and elusive, sunken under the daily grind. We must learn to tap into
these aspects of nature.
This is not complicated: We all enjoy simple things food, sleep, beer,
etc. Just try to become more aware of what you eat, where it comes from
and what happens to the things you throw away. Be conscious that paper is
from a tree, plastic is from oil and metal is from the earth. All these things
are important for-our survival, and we should take care not to waste them.
Most importantly, do not overindulge. Overindulgences hurt us
all. As we become more aware of what is truly important to us, we use
what we have in moderation and we are more thankful for it. As a result,
we are less weary and able to absorb more. Do sleep well, but wake up
like a lion. Eat well, but leave an appetite for the next meal. Drive to dis-
tant places, but walk or bike to what is near. Recycle your containers and
electronics, and take care not to talk too much. When you take a backseat,
you make space for the new and the mysterious. You make a space for
creation.


5'
w;.


Helping make your life easier.




\wishing you a U






AS)SOVER


Profile.: Iddo Feinberg

By Drew Harwell

H e's.standing there with short sideburns and a face all ;.
Stubble. He's waiting patiently, not a movement to be .v.t
seen in his wrinkly khakis or charcoal sweater. The guy :...: t
across the counter looks confused, asks him another ques-
tion. Iddo raises his hand to his ear and leans his head in.
The man finally makes himself clear. Iddo's waiting in the ..
wrong line. He runs his hand through his short hair and '"
puts his hand to his neck. He's a little embarrassed, but '
he's new to this restaurant. And this country.
SA swimmer in a land always short of water, Iddo .
Feinberg left Israel for UF's swimming pools early in this .. ..
millennium. A focus of his life since the age of 12, Iddo's
swimming routine for the past couple of years has been
nine two-hour practices a week: Mondays, Wednesdays,
and Fridays are double and Sundays (or, in Israel, Satur- a" .
days) are off days. Iddo hates the 6 a.m. practices. But he .
can attribute some of his swimming talent, the talent that
allowed him to come to UF, to those 6 a.m. practices. ''
"Israel's not like what you think," Iddo says in
slow accented English. His family back home spoke Hebrew, although Israeli kids begin to learn
English in the fourth grade. Tel Aviv is like the New York City of Israel, he says: everything's open
late, there's lots of stuff to do at night, lots of clubs, restaurants, nice beaches, everything's really
packed, it's hard to park there. He lived 10 minutes away from Tel Aviv in Kfar Shmaryahu, a small
village in the city of Herzliya. He can't really remember what's changed in Herzliya since his child-
hood. Then, he remembers: The new mayor redecorated the park. It wasn't like that when he was
little.
He's talking about his parents. His dad's a cardiologist at a big hospital in Tel Hashomer.
He laughs abruptly to himself and says how his dad's worked there "forever," clarifies -himself
with "25 years." His mom used to be an African Dance instructor but now she's working on getting
her yoga license. She also volunteers at a hospital for...
He leans in closer, searches his brain, widens his eyes a little bit. "I forget the English word
... crazy people."
Iddo's mother never wanted to teach him any African dances and Iddo never wanted to
learn. He saved his energy for swimming.
When Iddo turned 18, he had to join the Israeli military. Because of his national rank as
a swimmer, he was acknowledged as an elite athlete and given time off for training. He did office
work for the military for six hours a day until he turned 21.
He likes how swimming is more team-oriented in the States. His club team back in Israel
didn't really bond well, but he lives with three other swimmers here and they talk about swim-
ming, everyday life, general stuff. One of his roommates swam in the Maccabiah Games, the Jew-
ish Olympics. Iddo showed him around Israel-when he went. They had a really fun time, and his
roommate wants to go back.
Iddo's been competing in the backstroke and butterfly since he was 16. When he's swim-
ming, he doesn't think about anything else, he just concentrates on the movements. He wants to
qualify for the Olympics, but if he doesn't, it's no big deal. He's going to stop swimming after
graduation. He wants to start his life.
Iddo's ideal plan is to start his own business here and earn enough money to move back


home, to Israel, where his family lives. It's easier to make
it in Aminerica, lie says. There are more opportunities, more
iiioney,"more lobs. Wife and kids? Sure. Someday.
He sticks Ins swininung awards on the wall next to a
poster ot a Hebrew hard-rock band nanied Hiaehiidim. The
wall, and the room it's in iis back in his parents' house, back
in Israel, in mls real home.
Pait s ot tins oliintry are still new to uIIn. He some-
tines feels out of place. He's imniped nto Amerieca and hasn't
yet acclimated to the water.
Get YWoux Shpiel On.!
Dronm't be shy, -we're not.
Come join our illustrrous stafftof Shpielers as a contribut-
ing \Titer or join the Business Staff.
Receive professional experience, while having fun at the
same time.
Contributing \vriers contact: Michal at michal meveer'it
vahoo.com
For a position \\ith the Business Staff contact: Elisa at
bizi''theshpiel.ore


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To Market, To Market
By Adina -houmpson
gy- Photo" By Jenmifer HL


,iSL : a: ,... "-;." --B A "Bad Je\.. bad bad
Jew!" If you have this voice
in your head, it may be worth listening to, but probably not. No one
is harder on the Jews than the Jews.
Jewish guilt has always been a real motivator, an inspiring
and forward-thinking concept that has helped steer us clear of most
misdemeanors. In addition to keeping us out of small claims courts,
with renewed vigor, it spares no mercy when turning its gaze upon our
self-worth and accomplishments.
More importantly, being a good person is a pure Jewish
value, rooted in tradition not guilt: Tikkun Olam, translated as "Fixing
the World." The idea is for all people to essentially be good: good to
each other and good to the world. Whether it means being involved in
social action, local politics, or just helping out a neighbor, this is all
part of "Fixing the World." We want to leave the world in a better state
than it was when we arrived. This is an obligation for all peoples from
all places.
As we look more closely at what it means to be a good
Jew, I will offer two pillars of definition that I believe are of utmost
significance. The first involves creating a relationship with Shabbat
and the Jewish holidays. I say the word "relationship" because that is
exactly what it is. College life isn't, let us say, conducive to religious
life. Yet I am not really talking about religious life. Jewish holidays
and Shabbat are to the Jewish spiritual practice what Mapquest is to a
destination previously unvisited. These are signs on the road, Places
of Interest, a rest stop. Ahad Ha'am is quoted as saying, "More than
Jews have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews."
The second pillar is cultivating the concept of Clal Yisrael,
loving and feeling a part of the greater Jewish community. Wow,
not easy when thinking about all the different Jews out there. From
Facebook groups such as "Jews Who Are Annoyed By Most Jews"
to the Neturei Karta (the fringe Jewish group that sides with Israel's
enemies in ordering the destruction of that fair state), there are certainly
some challenging gaps to fill with a heavy dose of compassion and
understanding. The only glue holding all of this together is the ability
to rally around the idea of family. The Jewish people are family,
whether we like it or not. We all have that one uncle or cousin who
is, well, a bit bizarre. Yet we try not to distance ourselves to a point in
which he or she is no longer family. Same thing, bigger scale. There
is an idea out there that people should associate themselves with the
denomination of Judaism of which they are most ashamed--this being
an expression of unwavering love and commitment to the betterment
of the Jewish people.
The important thing to remember is that these Jewish values
are not something you can purchase or acquire. Rather, we look to
be in a developing dynamic relationship; one that is both personally
customized and communally shared. This whole shpiel gets its integrity
in the same way we received the name "Israel." Jacob's name became
Israel after he struggled with an angel. Our struggle takes the form of
asking questions, of not being satisfied with remaining in the same
place. Our constant movement is bor out of the need to actualize the
unrealized. Now that's a Good Jew!
Peace (and love),
Rabbi Yonah

All comments or future Dear Rabbi questions should be sent to
Rabbi Yonah at ravyonah@ufhillel.org


t h e s h D


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The Shi el Page 5
ssPssas~sseasss


________oo nl n*- n03 ON=


From the


Foreskin:


My First Rabbi |

By Will Pafford

Until I met Rabbi Yonah Schiller, the only personal interactions
I'd had with religious leaders had been youth pastors, who for
some reason always wanted me to go on tubing trips and hay rides.
My experiences with the Rabbi have been much different, and I feel an
obligation to help others out there know the man behind the beard. So
here are a few choice moments.
The first was on Shabbat. I was having a really good time, and
I commented to him, "I love Shabbat." Normally I would expect to hear
"I'm glad" or even a mild "good" in return.
Imagine my surprise when I was met with, "Well don't love it too much
or you won't be able to write for the paper."
"Oh no, I'm not converting," I said, stuttering like a robot.
"Good," he replied quickly.
I've never encountered a religion that didn't want me to join,
but now that I have, I really, really want in. Maybe pastors should start
playing hard to get.
The latest instances were while I was doing research about
keeping kosher. I was waiting outside his office because there was a
sign that warned "Do not enter or knock, there's a baby sleeping."
The rabbi finally popped out, and as I walked inside I couldn't
help but notice the lack of little persons.
"Oh, I didn't want to wake a
bab." I said.
"'What's that'" lie replied.
"The sign on your door ..."
"Oh \eah. sometimes I sleep
like a bab.." he explained matter-of-
factI.
Once agjin. I'm still not
really sure hor% sincere that comment ..
was. because the tone he used for that
sentence and the one he used to explain
biblical la% %were identical.
After few minutes. we finished
talking about kosher rules.
"Alright. \ell thanks." I said.
"No problem." he said and
paused. "He\. which one of these looks
more like Mladonna?" he asked. "
While t ing desperately to
figure out how that question arose. I
noticed tv\o caricatures he had drawn of
the singer.
"So uh. this is \what ou do iup
here?" I asked. rearing m\ confusion
on mn slee\ e.
"I'm thinking this one." he
replied as he pointed.
It \\as at this time that I finally\
gave up gi\ ing predictable responses to
anything he said ... e\er.
"'Yeah." I said in defeat. "That
one looks pretn good."


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PaPe 6 The Shpiel


The Whole Shpiel and Nothing but the Shpiel


Across
1 The Garden of Eden
8 A dress for Scottish
men
12 First name (contrac-
tion) of one of
America's best-known
presidents
13 Moving, but not run-
ning
14 DNA's helpmate
15 Batter or a male
wooly animal
16 An old form ofyou
17 Exactly the same as
17 down
18 Wooden steps to
allow the crossing of
fences
20 Definitely not under
finished
22 Allow
23 To be annoyed by
something or to be lis-
tened to, often ,lcIJll.
26 Greek letter
27 After hard work you
need some of this
(Abbr.)
28 A direction not on a
compass
30 A favorite alien
31 An old way of say-
ing over there
33 Furthest point of a
satellite in its orbit
35 An ancient musical
instrument that 1
sounds dishonest
36 One of a wheeled
vehicle that moves 15
on rails
37 An exclamation of 18
surprise or laughter
38 This action moves 22
a canoe
40 A brand of car
42 Wooly South
American animals
43 Joining self and
he .',tili'r
45 A number not 38
much less than a
hundred 42
46 Very big people -
48 Radio llclplurin
(Abbr.) g
49 Not to leave
50 Employing some- 50
thing for a purpose
51 Scary creature 53
53 The sound of a
letter 58


54 A house where 1
live
56 Very long period
time
58 What plants g
out of
59 A part of a mac
that turns
60 A kind of grain

Down
1 A favorite herb
Passover
2 To lessen
3 To release from p
ishment or from pay
a tax
4 Nerd
5 Artificial intelli-
gence reversed
(Abbr.)
6 Sneaky
7 To barely make a
living
8 What you do to
dough
9 The kind of.
Nobel prize you do
not want to receive
10 A collection of
valuables or treas-
ure
-1 To tell a story
17 To carry out an
action
19 He catches
~nmnrne rff onrd


lens

s of

row

line




of


)un-
'ing


21 Lasts forever
24 A sound of pain
25 Aversion of I across
29 She devises a way
32 Not quite round
33 An ocean
34 A horse drawn car-
riage or a musical event
36 That part of an
organization that does
the i in _i-. (Abbr.)
37 A place to live that's
more than just a house
38 Ten of these visited
there F i;.-.i,
39 Ancient Greek
princess caught in a


shower of gold
40 ( IlIu -.
41 To damage with no
hope of fixing
43 An instrument to
make a noise
44 Go by air
46 A small island
49 Someone who pre-
dicts what may happen
51 The noise of a cow
52 To make a choice
55 A word that offers
alternatives
57 Direction (Abbr.)


ELE VIAITORRH|I H C CUP
L F H I F E A L 0
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HAL VEG AE B CORAL
ARI E S B CKL EEA
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TENDER 1 ETA Li
STEED C E XAM
MA GAPE A A
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T A L MOI V
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AS DE PR I N A L


1.


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s 11 IHIF I IAMA] I ILIA I 0F1


ID I D IcOUJ K t- IO v?


Jerry Seinfeld's Jewish parents are from Syria and Hungary.

The first cell phone and instant messaging program were developed in Israel.

After witnessing the large genocide in Ethiopia during the 1980's, the Israeli
government rescued and flew more than 90,000 Ethiopian Jews into Israel.


U-The Rabbi


Shoots
p. B\ Leo Stein

i.' x ,ears ago. Rabbi Michael .loseph
renei\ ed his hobbN of photograph.N
alier a long hiatus. The rabbi of Temple
Shir Shalom in Gainest ille has de el-
oped a number of beautiful landscape
pictures that carn no\\ be seen and pur-
S4 chased at Book Ll her's Cafe. The art-
work emphasizes the "empts or lonely[
feel" to man\ common settings, ranging
anywhere from a back) ard to a deca -
ing port. The rich color in his %\ork juix-
taposes the low notes of his themes, and
the people captured seem to convey a distant, almost voyeuristic beauty
that appears elegantly natural. I sat down with Rabbi Joseph and asked
him a little bit about his work and his life.

The Shpiel: How do you see Judaism in what you photograph?
Rabbi Joseph: I think there's a spiritual element to it. I like the blessing
that says: "In goodness God renews the work of creation." God is really
in these things. One finds these things everywhere it's not just in the
Grand Canyon.

The Shpiel: What's the best part of being Jewish?
Rabbi Joseph: I think the framework it gives for looking at the world
encourages intellectual curiosity. What you're supposed to do is find out
as much as you can about the world and appreciate it.

The Shpiel: Where would you be ifyou didn't become a Rabbi?
Rabbi Joseph: (laughs) My children ask me that all the time. Back in my
20's, I probably would have drifted into law school.

The Shpiel: Do you have any advice to the students at UF?
Rabbi Joseph: One thing I'm learning everyday is that if you look close-
ly there's beautiful things all around. In the ugliest, most decrepit room
at UF there's something beautiful. Even on Archer Road, oh God, there's
still something beautiful to find.



Why Oh Why Did I Eat That?
By Elisa Negrin

W ell, Passover is just about over (thank G-d,) and my wallet is as empty
as a Sinead O'Connor concert. Thanks to Passover, we are all left with
our wallets a little lighter, our cholesterol a little higher and our colons a little
sorer.
Passover is choc-full of high cholesterol, four hour dinners and those
bouts with constipation thanks to the staple of the holiday: Matzah. Every
time the calendar strikes Passover, we Jews give up bread to remind us of the
exile of the Jews from Egypt. In its traditional- form, this cardboard-esque
bread substitute leaves us parched up to an hour after chewing the very first
bite. What better way to pay tribute to the suffering of our ancestors than to
suffer through a week-long clog-up of our intestinal systems thanks to a vari-
ety of unhealthy Kosher for Passover food?
You're laughing because you know it's true. You're looking down
reading this paper and you can't help but notice the bulge in your stomach
where all of that Matzah, hard-boiled eggs, Manischewitz wine and Gefilte
fish is still sitting. Our ancestors spent 40 years wandering in the desert, and
today we commemorate their suffering by spending 40 minutes daily on the
toilet. They knew exactly what they were doing when they didn't let that
dough rise, just like your Jewish mother, they were going to make sure you
didn't forget about this! So now you are left with an extra 10 pounds you have
to lose, a prescription for Lipitor and $100 of "Kosher for Passover" cereal,
cakes and cookies that you can't even use as dog food replacement. Well, it
can always be saved for next year because stale or not, it always tastes the
same.


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Executive Director


Adviser


News Editor/
Production Manager

Columns Editor/
Letters Editor

Arts &
SEntertainment Editors



Director of Operations/
Public Relations

Senior Copy Editor


Distribution


Finance


Advertising


Fundraising


Copy Editors




Photographer


Art Design/
Photo Editor

Layout and
Production


Rabbi Yonah Schiller
rabbiyonah@theshpiel.org

Michal Meyer
michalr@theshpiel.org


Kimberly Gouz
Kimgouz@theshpiel.org

Adina Thompson
adinamichal@theshpiel.org

Carly Cohen
carly@theshpiel.org
Alison Meyer
alimeyer@theshpiel.org

Elisa Negrin
biz@theshpiel.org

Laura Jones
ljo@theshpiel.org

Paige Butensky
distribution@theshpiel.org

Zalman Lubotsky
zoro@theshpiel.org

Tara Goodin
tgoodin@theshpiel.org

Marc Kantrowitz
mkantrow@theshpiel.org

Will Pafford, Shira Kramer
Josh Gellers, Tracy Block
Jennifer Tamayo, Ivette Mendez,
Allison Schiller, Adrienne Browne

Jennifer Hamish
Chippewa@theshpiel.org

Cara Bowen-Goldberg
cara@theshpiel.org

Michal Meyer
Allison Schiller


Special thanks to Hillel at the University of Florida

DI D YOiJ IUKCO CoA^ ?

Manischewitz wine, the staple Jewish Kosher wine, is so
sweet because the makers used to rush to prepare the wine
fast enough for the Sabbath, resulting in a bitter wine that
would be mitigated only with Mary Poppins' favorite
medicine--sugar.


Famous Jewish Actors:
Jake Gyllenhaal
Joaquin Phoenix


Natalie Portman
Scarlett Johansson
Sarah Michelle Gellar


The Shpiel Page 7



Wh at's Happeningg


The Shpiel

The Jewish Newspaper at
The University of Florida
Volume 1 Issue 4


April 23 of th
-Yom Hashoa: an educational seminar
about the Holocaust with the Israeli soldiers
at Hillel 8:45 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.
-Hillel-a-thon 6:30-9 p.m..

April 24
-Tai Chi at Hillel 5-6 p.m.
-Meditation on Mondays with Rabbi Siger at Hillel
in the Library 6:30 p.m.
- Hillel-a-thon 6:30-9 p.m.
-Israeli Memorial Day Discussion Panel at
Hillel 8-9 p.m.

April 25
-Order of Omega Initiation at Hillel 5:30-8 p.m.
--Hillel-a-thon 6:30-9 p.m.
-Sigma Alpha Mu general meeting at Hillel 9:00 p.m.
-Talmud Class with Rabbi Schiller 9:00 p.m.
at his home

April 26
-2006 Spring Classes End
-Tai Chi at Hillel 5-6 p.m.
-Adam V' Adama Sunset Yoga at Hillel 6:30 p.m.
-Hillel-a-thon 6:30-9 p.m.
-Afternoon Minyan & Class at Hillel 7-8 p.m.

April 27-
-Reading day: No classes
--Hillel-a-thon 6:30-9 p.m.
- ReJewvenate at Hillel in the Library 6:30 p.m.


April 28
-Reading day: No classes
-Hillel BBQ 11:00 a.m.- 2:00 p.m.
-Shabbat Dinner and Services spon- *
scored by the Olemberg Family at
Hillel- services: 6:30 p.m. and dinner:
7:30 p.m.
- Soul Strings presented by Rabbi Berl
at Chabad 6:30-7:30 p.m.
- TGI Shabbat Friday Night Live at
Chabad 7:30 p.m.


April 17
-Tai Chi at Hillel 5-6 p.m.
-Meditation on Mondays with Rabbi Siger
at Hillel in the Library 6:30 p.m.
-Let's Celebrate Passover Style at Chabad
7:30 p.m. $10
-Torah Class: Pirkei Avot with Rabbi Berl at the
AEPi House 8:45-9:45 p.m.

April 18
-Sigma Alpha Mu general meeting at Hillel 9:00 p.m.

April 19
-Tai Chi at Hillel 5-6 p.m.
-Adam V' Adama Sunset Yoga at Hillel 6:30 p.m.
-Afternoon Minyan & Class at Hillel 7-8 p.m.

April 20
- ReJewvenate at Hillel in the Library LU
6:30 p.m.

April 21 This is the week c
-Hillel BBQ Hebrew. Now that
11:00 a.m.- 2:00 p.m. safely left our days c
-Shabbat Dinner and the Omer. What on e
Services sponsored by From Passover until S
the Olemberg family at 49 days, so we count 1
Hillel- services: 6:30 p.m. to it, based on Kabali
and dinner: 7:30 p.m. we will be experience
- Soul Strings presented by or Gevurah. The foil
Rabbi Berl at Chabad the prior 2 weeks, 1
6:30-7:30 p.m. sees you hugging
- TGI Shabbat Friday Night parents with mi
Live at Chabad 7:30 p.m. a bigger tip
canmexop


fLoving-Kindness. or C
)ur Passo% er Seders are
f slaver behind, and we
irth is the Omer. and wh'
havuot. the next big Jew
hem. Each %\eek for 7 w
tic teachings called the
ng life from a place of s
owing rieek i ill be the
he quality of Tiferet. So
your friends more. surpi
re phone calls than usua
t the elello\\ Mushroom
in your beha% ior as a re
e counting of the Omer.


April 30
-An Evening of Treasures:
Chinese Auction Fund-
raiser at Chabad 5-8
p.m.








ish
ee2h

tre

if



sulti:

Ma) 1-5
-2006 Spring Final .
Exams


May 4-7
-Commencement

May 8
-Final grades available

May 12
-Summer A registration begins

May 15
- Summer A classes begin

June 23
-Classes end

June 30
-Summer B registration begins

July 3
-Summer B classes begin

August 11
-Classes end

August 23
-Fall 2006 classes begin


t h e s h p i e 1


The

nar Calendar
By NIazal


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Page 8 The Shpiel
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Good Jew vs. Lame Jew
By Leo Stein

Jon Stewart is proof that God is Jewish! Our very own
Jonathan Stewart Leibowitz has proved to be a sardonic
comedian who went from a B-list actor in pothead movies to
being the best news anchor on television. He writes humor
books, hosted the Oscars in 2006, and still hasn't sold out his
personal sense of humor. I get a warm, tingly feeling know-
ing that the enhancement smoker from Half Baked, played by
Jon, was voted one of People's 50 Most Beautiful People.







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Centre and is responsible for all the faddish results. Ma-
donna, Britney and Ashton might blow, but Berg is the Moby
Dick of scam marketing and Jewish usury. This "rabbi" has
used a very deep and complicated aspect of Jewish learning
to profit on mystical education to those naYive enough to re-
vere the buffoon. Philip Berg represents all that is not Jewish:
exploitation of religion, profiting on sacred beliefs and tak-
ing Madonna seriously. The yeshiva he claims to have gotten
his rabbinical degree from denies any involvement with him.
He's like the Jewish concept of a reality show: empty drama
that doesn't depict a reality at all, only popular garbage.
^^^,^^
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that doesn't depict a reality at all, only popular garbage.


Kosher Beauty
By Leo Stein
M ari Wilenski is one of the beautiful people. She
M also happens to be one of the loud ones too --
the Jews. The Shpiel sat down with the former Miss
Florida winner for a little tete-a-tete and uncovered
Sthe mettle of what it takes to be a pageant winner.

The Shpiel: How heated does the competition get
among the girls competing?
Mari: I've never run into problems with girls; of
course there's tension, but I've never really seen
any hair-pulling. You're putting more than 50 girls
together, so think about it. There are girls who try to
be. Play mind games and psych you out.

SThe Shpiel: Do the girls still ask for world peace?
SMari: [laughs] You know, that is a huge stereotype. I've
S. never heard anyone say it in any of the pageants I was in.
The answers are deeper than world peace.

The Shpiel: What is it like living with a pig?
Mari: It's great. I had a pig called Traif, which means non-kosher in Hebrew, when I was in kindergarten. Then I
had another pig -- god I sound like I had a baby -- and she's Daisy. She's a pot-bellied pig and a bit of a snob.

The Shpiel: What's the best thing about being Jewish?
Mari: I think it's having the morals and ideals to respect everyone. I think giving back is the most important part of
being Jewish. Giving back and giving back to yourself too. It's helped me be a leader.

The Shpiel: Who's the most beautiful person in the world?
Mari: Queen Noor [of Jordan]. She's given so much to the world, and she's beautiful.

The Shpiel: How many times have you sung "The Star-Spangled Banner?"
Mari: Ahh, jeez. A LOT. I would probably say about 31) times after winning the pageant.

The Shpiel: What's the lamest talent a contestant has had?
Mari: I've heard that there was a girl before I competed who literally had a basketball and bounced it on stage. She
didn't do anything but bounce it for two and a, half minutes.

The Shpiel: Ifyou don't cry when you win, do you still win?
Mari: Yes, yes you do. But I've seen girls who haven't cried. And there were girls who thought they would win so
much that they didn't look shocked when they did.

The Shpiel: Are there advantages to dating Jewish men?
Mari: My father would love for me to marry someone who's Jewish. I still want that tradition, and I want to raise
my children Jewish, but I don't think it should be a focal point of dating someone. I know some Jewish friends who
disagree with me on this, but you shouldn't just quit on someone because they're not the same religion as you.


Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs:
Yummy, Sugary Doses of Pop-Culture Criticism.


By Adina M. Thompson


C huck Klosterman is on his way to securing a place among satire's
elite.
In the 243 pages of his new book, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs:
A Low Culture Manifesto, Klosterman riffs on everything from Baywatch
and Saved by the Bell to the Trix rabbit and The Real World, and attempts
to espouse meaning from them. What he succeeds in doing is making us
reflect on our own stupidity, even find it amusing.
In chapter two, Klosterman uses the video game The Sims as
-a, reflection of his own self-described pitiful life. Using the game, Klos-
terman creates a character that is exactly like him in every way. After sev-
enty-two hours of playing, of watching himself on the monitor, he begins
to question his very purpose.
On page 22, Kolsterman calls the creator of The Sims to have a
dialogue about the meaning of life.
Canned absurdity is the name of the game with this book. As a '


writer for Spin magazine, Klosterman is used to being a cog in
the pop-culture machine that has invaded our collective space.
In this book, his third, he even includes an index at the end, so
the reader can look up a favorite animal, mineral or vegetable
and turn directly to Klosterman's scathing criticism and warp-
ing of it in his attempt to derive meaning.
While its ostensible' topic may be the philosophy of
popular culture, what Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs does is shake
a mocking finger at all that we 'old dear to our hearts: our TV
characters, our junk food, our favorite music and our most trea-
sured pastimes.
So if it. isn't too much trouble, go ahead and turn off
The Price is Right, put down your Pop-Tart, pause your game of
Minesweeper and give this tome a read.
You can watch Zach and the gang on Saved by the Bell
when you're done.
That is, if you still want to.


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