VOLUME 1 ISSUE 4
APRIL 3 17, 2006
0 0 0 0 0 0
5766 10'J 19 5
a Cup o'
By Josh E. Kaller
President Joe Goldberg has learned to
juggle apples, chainsaws, and elephants while working for student government. He didn't always have
this talent. Coming in as a freshman five years ago, Goldberg was your average, ambitious student with
a high-school background in extra-curricula galore. Reflecting on his first steps onto the UF campus, Joe
said with a half smile, "I didn't know what I wanted to do when I got here." It didn't take Joe too long to
figure it out; Goldberg won a senate seat his first semester at UF.
Now, Goldberg is sitting' pretty as the President of the student body, where nearly $12 million
trickles from federal funds to state funds to administrative funds to senate hands for our fun. With the new
president, John Boyles, already en route to that cushy space in the Student Activities Center, Goldberg
proves that a pit bull truly doesn't let go. His schedule looks fuller than Bush's suspected-could-be-
maybe-related-to-at-least-looks-like-a-terrorist list. Goldberg is no sitting duck, and most certainly not a
lame one at that.
A Gator Party nominee for student body president, Goldberg was inaugurated in the spring of
2005. He caters to cries about parking lots, pockets books, and classrooms. By the time this article reaches
your eyes, Goldberg will have been to Tallahassee and back. He wasn't there just to hobnob with the
powerful and the pretentious, he was there to fight for you. Now we can expect only a 3% hike for in-
state tuition this year. That is significantly less than a 5% increase, said Goldberg, showing his political
prowess as he continued to fill out his 2006 Hall of Fame application.
Joe's voice fills the cushy, comer real-estate office as he speaks. Above his window hang
ACCENT celebrity posters, with personalized messages to Joe. Heroes like Spike Lee, The Hulk, and
Ron Jeremy all hang above his head, reminding him that he too can stand with giants. While in the office
he pulls an additional forty hours a week on top of his sports management tracking. Like a conductor for
an orchestra, Joe waves his words and hands around at the mundane and the complex. Have a request? No
problem. Have a question? Joe's got an answer. Have an issue? Joe has an ear.
Sometimes he hears the early song of birds from his window as he leaves his office.. What does
all this hard work accomplish?
When asked about his greatest successes in the game, a moment of consideration falls upon his
forehead crinkling it like worn newspaper. He mentions an anti-Alligator rally. He mentions new, firm
relationships between administration and the student body. He mentions new, moist towellettes.
"Students were being turned away without a towel," Joe says.
Thanks to our student senate, the student body will never have to endure another sweaty retreat
from the South West Recreation Center ever again. That's a $25,000 thank you. The list goes on. Our
drop/add schedule has been extended. Students have one full academic week to shop for courses. Another
accomplishment: more newspapers were added to the New York Times and USA Today readership
program. Also, international students now save $50 big ones.
Joe firmly states, "Sometimes you've got to stand up for what.you believe in."
"I always work hard for the students, and always stand up for them," said Joe with sincerity,
turning to look at his computer screen, chipping away at even more details.
Joe does not believe in private interviews. A mad rush of footsteps, questions, phone calls, and
dilemmas that had risen up in the course of just one hour crowd the interview.
(continued on page 4)
Eyes on the News
What They're Saying
From the Foreskin
Guest Dear Rabbi
Escape from Service
The Jewish Month
Doin' the Macaroon
Jews: Good & Bad
V is for Evey
Page 2 The Shpiel
Eyes on the News
S Twelve Americans on a B'nai B'rith trip were killed in a bus
accident in northern Chile. The victims were returning to their
Celebrity Cruises ship after visiting Lauca National Park on
March 22 when their bus swerved off the highway and plunged
300 feet down a mountainside, U.S. and Chilean officials said. A
spokesman for Celebrity Cruises said the passengers, from the
Ponds Chapter in New Jersey, were part of a B'nai B'rith trip on
a 14-night South American cruise that left from Fort Lauderdale,
S The Bush administration announced it would stop funding
Palestinian infrastructure projects. Israeli officials had asked
the United States to continuing funding several projects, such
as a sewage plant near Hebron, but the United States said it will
provide only humanitarian assistance to the Palestinian Authority
once Hamas takes power in coming days.
* Israel's ambassador to the United States advocated a U.S.-style
presidential system. Speaking Saturday at Manhattan's New
York Synagogue, Daniel Ayalon said that Israel should emulate
the U.S. voting system, Ha'aretz reported.
* The Palestinian Legislative Council overwhelmingly approved
Hamas' Cabinet. Legislators chanted "God is Great" on Tuesday
after the 71-36 vote in Gaza City. The United States. Israel and
Europe have pledged to shun a Hamas-led Palestinian Authority
until the group renounces terrorism and recognizes Israel. but
Western assistance has continued since the Jan. 25 legislative
elections that the terrorist group won.
SThe U.N. Security Council called on Iran to stop enriching
uranium. The March 29 nonbinding letter gave Iran, which is
believed to be working on a nuclear weapons program, 30 days
to halt its activities. After that time, the International Atomic
Energy Agency, the U.N.'s nuclear watchdog, is to verify Iran's
* Jack Abramoff was sentenced to nearly six years in prison in a
fraud case. The former lobbyist at the fulcrum of a Washington
scandal had pleaded guilty in a Florida case in which he is
accused with a partner of faking capital in order to secure loans
to buy a casino ship.
Welcome to Hamas:
A Look at the Hamas Charter
By Ilana Arowitz
The recent victory of Hamas in Palestinian elections this spring has left many wondering
about the future of Palestinian-Israeli relations. Hamas, formed in 1987, is considered a terrorist
group by Australia, Canada, the European Union, Israel and the United States. Following Hamas'
defeat of the ruling Fatah party, the major world powers declared that in order to gain recognition,
Hamas must adhere to "Three Principles:" renunciation of violence, recognition of Israel's right to
exist, and an expression of clear support for the Middle East peace process, as outlined in the Oslo
In response, some Hamas leaders commented that the demands are unfair. A close exami-
nation of the offi-
S cial Hamas Charter
.... .; "* : shows the obstacles
S. ...- political analysts
S. are anticipating
t with the peace pro-
Ho r The Charter's pref-
Israel. ace states that "Is-
rael will exist and
will continue to ex-
i ist until Islam will
T obliterate it, just as
Ir it obliterated oth-
ers before it." This
W i, t .... govermis -followed by 36
fo articles explaining
S.i the objectives and
how woutrtheof JT a Ne : 'r iec characteristics of-
the organization. Article Thirteen .affirms that, "Initiatives, and so-called peaceful solutions and
international conferences, are in contradiction to the principles of the Islamic Resistance Movement
... For the sake of hoisting the banner of Allah over their homeland they fight." This rhetoric worries
many who feel that such a strong statement against negotiations will likely damage any possibilities
of reconciliation between the two sides.
However, there are sections of the Charter that give hope of a more moderate policy towards
Israel. Article Thirty-one emphasizes that, "[The Islamic Resistance Movement] takes care of human
rights and is guided by Islamic tolerance when dealing with the followers of other religions...Under
the wing of Islam; it is possible for the followers of the three religions Islam, Christianity and Juda-
ism to coexist in peace and quiet with each other."
The policies Hamas presented to Palestinians during recent elections were less extreme than the Of-
ficial Charter suggests. According to polling data from the Palestinian Center for Policy and Survey
Research, Hamas' platform-led voters to believe the party would first attempt to negotiate ivith Is-
rael. In addition, polling data suggests that 84% of Palestinians favors a return to negotiations with
Will the new government .
follow its Charter or live up to its :
constituents' hopes? Eric Bassan, .
biochemistry, said that "while
Hamas might temporarily coop- .
erate with international pressure
to work with Israel, this is not the .
ultimate goal of their organiza-
tion, and therefore it cannot lead '
to a resolution of the conflict,"
Israel's new prime min-
ister, Ehud Olmert, has vowed to
strive for a lasting peace with the '. .
Palestinians. According to opinion P- -3- r fo -bor ,
polls, the majority of Palestinians soio,7" l 0 o, orC_ e
hope for a peaceful solution with p bee
Israel before partaking in the ji- rfIE 90to ",_,-o 0
had that Hamas advocates. rorf / to .?: tS9 O'
"But," Dr. Patricia Woods, pro- Oft r eo' ..
fessor of political science, said, o )6io, e3r,..
"Does Hamas intend to negotiate
with. Israel first? That's another "
. t h e s h p i e 1
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The Shpiel Page 3
Of All the Things I Miss,
I Miss my Meat the Most
By Will Pafford
A lot of times in life -- and in country songs -- you don't really
appreciate what you have until it's gone.
This is illustrated by the loss of various combinations of
meats and cheeses during the week I kept kosher.
At Subway, I was asked if I would like my sub toasted.
Automatically, I answered yes but then remembered the recent
restraining order between my dairies and meats.
"Never mind," I said. "What's the point?"
I felt like that Sandwich Artist had killed my first hamster.
The great thing about when foods get divorced is that
you can choose who you love more without making your mom
cry or your dad slap you with his calloused, tequila-scented open
palm. Because meat and dairy have to be separated by at least
six hours, and because I eat roughly every 15 minutes I'm not
asleep, I got caught in the milk cycle and never looked back.
I became a vegetarian. Some may say this is cheating at keeping
kosher, and they're right. This stuff is hard.
Being a vegetarian is like camping. At first it's kind of
fun living without things such as running water, but after a while,
you're just tired, hungry and smelly.
-Looking back, I guess I didn't have to go without showering
during my kosher week, but it's hard to focus so much on food
without other things slipping through the cracks.
The only part I really enjoyed about keeping.kosher was
the awkward moment that came when I told people what I was
"Oh, I can't eat that," I'd say.
"Why not?" they asked.
"I'm keeping kosher," I said.
"I didn't know you were Jewish," they replied.
"Oh, I'm not," I said.
Then I'd quickly try to escape before someone made me explain
I feel like after not eating meat for a week, I can finally
understand the thousands of years of suffering the Jewish people
have endured. It was tough, but the thought of McGriddles and
honey-baked hams kept me going as I wandered through my
cupboard for 40 minutes looking for bread to appease the growling
wolverine in my stomach. At least the Jews got manna;
We're neigh s.
Our textbooh store is just around the corner from Hillel,
and our trade store is.just down the street.
GOER INGS BOOK STORE
"Global in scope; local in color."
1717 NW 1st. Ave. 3433 W Univ. Ave.
7Of& ~ 0w r c- -rofWv-OW JOO*A N vWCM NlY
Arizona Gator Helps Arizona Gators
By Drew Harwell
Gary Manton is a Gator a long way from home. Just look for the 300-pound concrete alligator
bench out front of his Chandler, Ariz. home for proof. Or the 100-pound gator statue he found at a flea
He's a fast-moving Gator. Last weekend he trained for the Tour de Phoenix with two 74-mile bike
rides. The next day he played pitcher, first baseman and outfielder in a double header for a local bar named
Dos Gringos. He works 70-80 hours a week, flies 125,000 miles a year, and this year will spend 100 nights in
hotels around the world.
He's also a Jewish UF alumni and president of an alumni club in Arizona called the Desert Gators.
He doesn't let time constraints or the 2,000 miles between him and Gainesville get in the way of his love for
all things Gator.
He didn't know anyone at UF when he first attended in
'83. He spent his freshman year in his Broward dorm, with his
Pi Lam brothers, and at numerous fraternity parties. His frater- ": .
nity's softball team was campus champs for three years in a row.
He guesses that he spent more hours a week on fields and courts
than in classrooms. Even now, at age 40, Gary likes to keep in ... "
touch with his fraternity brothers and old college friends. A L ..f
This desire for connection is what drove Gary to join
the Desert Gators. Member for eight years and Club President ;
for five, Gary and his Desert Gators have sought to create a com-
munity of the 1,400 Florida alumni living in Arizona. You won't
find minutes or an agenda at a Desert Gators meeting, just 25 L
TVs playing the game, rounds of beers and 85 to 100 crazy fans
doing the chomp states away from the field at the Half Moon
Grill in Tempe, Ariz. Oh, and the alligators.
Three leashed alligators and a water monitor named
Rowdy were brought by the club to their usual stomping ground ?
and were met with the cheers, laughs and frightened squeals
of 180 Gator (football) fans there for a Reptile Rescue silent I -
auction. The auction earned $5,000 in donations which went to I [Q
support several hungry gators and other reptiles at the Phoenix
Herpetological Society. They're known to consume around 60 I
'pounds of food every other day. B
Tuesday, a 100-pound alligator, was treated as a dog .. .
by her previous owner. She could be petted and held, was potty-
trained, and usually slept in bed with the owner. Nemo was con-
fiscated from his owner, a dentist who let the alligator walk loose
in front of his baby's crib. And then there's PC, Gary's favorite, who can be held in his hand and has never
caused a problem. The PHS guys have to check Gary's pockets to make sure he doesn't take the gator at the
end of the night. "If I could own an alligator, I would," Gary says. "I'd let 'em swim around in my pool. I bet
my dogs would have fun with that."
The Desert Gators first began supporting PHS when Gary read an article on a group of 32 alligators
confiscated from an illegal cross-country trafficker. He told the leader that his "Gators wanted to help out
[their] gators." The group has since carried out their Habitat for Reptility project, providing the human effort
to build new alligator pools and iguana pens for their favorite reptiles and their friends.
Although Gary might seem like he's never grown up or grown out of his college days (floating al-
ligator heads with light-up eyes fill his back yard swimming pool. Not to mention his six-year-old Rottweiler.
Guess what the dog's name is?), he has matured in his Jewish faith. He confesses that, as a child attending
the high holidays of Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah or Passover, he would usually just go through the motions:
"Here's what the parents are doing so you follow along." But, as he's grown older, he's gotten used to "the
customs and what everything stands for." The traditions have gained meaning to him as something to pass
onto each generation. He's even attended several services with his Jewish buddies in the Desert Gators, who
make up around 10 percent of the club.
So maybe Gary hasn't grown up much since his college days of hanging with buddies, watching the
game and throwing the ball around. Maybe he's still a fraternity guy 15 years and thousands of miles away
from school. He's still got the sloshing, yelling spirit of a rowdy Gator in him. And now he has the reptiles,
and a dog named Gator, to prove it.
Did you know...
Sandy Koufax did not pitch in a World Series baseball game because it was on the Jewish
High Holy Day of Yom Kippur.
Erik Weisz, the son of a Hungarian Rabbi, magically transformed himself into the legendary
magician Harry Houdini.
S t h e s h p .i e 1
W W W
o r g.
Page 4 The Shpiel
B lA. (Note: References to
the movies "Fight Club"
and "Old School" follow. If you haven't seen these movies, find
someone who has.)
The first rule of conversion to Judaism is: you do not talk
about Fight Club.
The second rule of conversion to Judaism is: you do not
talk about Fight Club.
Rabbi Yonah isn't available right now. Since I am, welcome
to Rabbi Siger's ask the rabbi column.
Anyway, Jews don't look for converts. This is largely
because for a long time, the governments that ruled Jews would kill
anyone who tried to convert or anyone who helped someone convert.
That kind of spoils the "welcome to the tribe" party. Nothing says
buzz-kill like a pissed-off Roman garrison.
Even when it was no longer a capital crime, rabbis
traditionally turned seekers away three times, or made them stand
on the porch like in Fight Club. Not really, but I'm trying to go with
Today, you still have to go through some serious education
and soul-searching before we give you the secret handshake and
your Hebrew name.
The process includes appearing before a religious court
and a trip to the ritual bath for some symbolic purification. Guys get
circumcised or if they've already had some work done, we just play
that prank from "Old School" on them.
Mostly, when we talk conversion, it's important to
remember the Jewish teaching: the righteous of all nations have a
share in the world to come. This means you don't have to be Jewish
to go to heaven, you don't have to be Jewish to play professional
football, and you don't have to be Jewish to be a reggae artist. You
should be Jewish, however, if you want to wear the little hat. Or
very highly ranked in the Catholic church. Either way, you'll need
to study some foreign languages.
Jews are called upon to be the best example they can be for
their family and friends and to try to infuse their lives with "holiness".
That holiness is a kind of Zen mindset, where our actions and our
words come from a place of deep intentionality. That intention is to
be a conscious part of the universe and the will that forms it. Deep,
Deeper yet is the realization that there are many paths to
that holiness and we Jews aren't the only ones who can get there.
We just have a very old, tried and true method. It works for me. Can
one convert? Of course. But nobody needs to.
Make mine Manischewitz,
All comments or future Dear Rabbi questions should be sent to
Rabbi Yonah at firstname.lastname@example.org
COME VISIT OUR
Joe Goldberg Interview
(continued from page 1)
After all serious problems are dealt with, some real questions are posed.
-When confronted with a past Alligator editorial that compares Goldberg to an Ewok fighting
the Imperial force, Joe takes a second and a smile. "I concur with that statement," he says.
And what a force Goldberg represents. Goldberg not only stands up for himself, but for 50,000
other students, and their organizations. From BSU and ASU to HSA and JSU, Joe has joined them all.
Goldberg's scope goes beyond Gainesville's boundaries. This Ewok of ours represents a student
body of 250,000. As an elected official for the Florida Students Association, an affiliation program that
UF pays $30,000 a year to be a part of, Goldberg represents all the students of Florida in Tallahassee.
What Goldberg has learned from being our student representative is something simple: "Make relation-
"My desire is to learn about cultures. There are just so many different individuals on this cam-
pus," Joe says as he swings his letter opener in the air like a saber.
"You need to understand. It's important for the elected officer to have an understanding of the
campus as a whole," Joe adds.
What awaits the fearless leader as he departs from UF this spring?
A phrase springs from his lips, summing it all up: "I'm looking forward to being a citizen of
the state and a valued member of society."
In the end, Goldberg turns out to be just your average, run of the mill, okey-dokey man who
did the best he could for his students.
Available from Commercial News Providers"
1 0 -
Did you know...
UF has the largest number of public university Jews in the world outside Israel.
Ever wonder what's the deal with Jews and bagels? Polish Jewish immigrants who came to
America in the 1880s introduced, and yes glorified, the deliciousness of the Einstein.
t h e s h p i e 1
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W W W
The Shpiel Page 5
By Josh Gellers
I remember my Hebrew school days at
Temple Kol Ami fondly. On Thursdays, .
kids piled into an air-conditioned bus to be .
whisked away from the drudgery of grade
school to the fun bucket that was shul. On .
Friday nights, adults cleaned up in their
best evening garb with spiffy offspring
in tow for Shabbat services. On Saturday -"
mornings, my cohorts and I pranced off to -'
extravagant coming-of-age fiestas known
as Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. Sunday we cheerfully arose to continue
our Jewish education. Fine and dandy memories, except for one
thing annoying temple habits.
First, the incessant fidgeting, fussing and flailing of unruly
children. Yes, it is important to have a sense of community and
history, but does anyone really gain anything by having to sit through
three hours of hymns and songs accompanied by your neighbor's
screaming six year-old? These children would rather be swimming
through a sea of multi-colored plastic balls in an unsanitary visual
circus like Chuck E. Cheese's than sit in uncomfortable clothing on
cushioned butt-receptacles. By coercing children into maintaining
their composure at temple, parents cause them to moan and wail,
disrupting everyone. The act gets old fast when you are forced to
listen to a blood-curdling scream throughout the entire recitation
of the Mourner's Kaddish.
Second, the petty behaviors of adults allegedly in
attendance for "spiritual growth." I don't buy it. Friday night
services in particular often amount to nothing more than poorly
masked social events where we Jews can reinforce every
stereotype. Outside are Jewish men dropping off the wife and kids
in their Mercedes or BMWs before trying to find a parking spot.
Inside the synagogue you won't hear the two middle-aged Jewish
men discussing how they are really looking forward to hearing
the blessings over the wine and bread. No, you will most likely
overhear their plans to play golf on Sunday. The three women
gabbing it up in the comer? You can bet your bubbalah they aren't
vociferous over the cantor's sweet pipes once again. Odds are safer
they are gossiping about who just got engaged, what size rock the
lucky lady landed or who had which plastic surgery. The emphasis
on clothing, jewelry, vehicles, body modification and finances are
enough to make a person of any denomination roll one's eyes.
Transformed from a place of spiritual guidance,
togetherness and learning to. an acoustically tuned whine-a-
torium for Jewish youngsters and a showboating palace for the
older crowd, synagogue has become synonymous with irritable
baby banshees, materialism and superficiality. I hope we will be
intelligent enough to realize the errors of our recent ways and
work to recapture the essence of Judaism. We need to remember
what temple is really about finding that connection with God and
being among individuals who wish to share our rich culture and
pBVet in hslpieI- T
Don't be shxy, -We'Xe xnot.
Come join our illustrous staff of Shpielers as a contributing
writer or join the Business Staff.
Receive professional experie ce, while having fun at the same
Contributing ters conact: Michal at irichalmeyeer@
For a position: th Business Staff contact: 6lisa at biz@
theshpiel.org t biz
-fT T .
-Temole Shir Shalcm
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Life After The Final Four
I -- -- I I
Page 6 The Shpiel
The Whole Shpiel and Nothing but the Shpiel
I A machine to take you
up, or down
6 A good fright might
11 A metallic element
12 Cold hard water
14 You get one of these
Only if you're an angel
15 Climate phenomena
of which El Nino is a
17 Tb reverse an action
18 A French count
19 A fruit, and, also a
20 The last part of a mot-
21 Cutting into two
24 Produced by tiny ani-
mals living in warm
27 An astrological sign
28 Found on a belt
30 ATllkien tree creature
31 An ancient city in the
32 A styleofl I 111
36 One of a type of reli-
gious paintings common
in the Middle Ages
37 A horse with spirit. Tf-
38 An unavoidable
series of questions at -17
40 A mother or degree 19
41 Looks with open-
S45 A valuable metal, 27
even whenabbreviated -
47 Terrible happening
49 Of low degree .t-
50 An Australian
52 A French I
53 '.\ eal
54Actionin the p.L-1 4
56 Out of the way
59 Initials of an
60 Dull and ordinary
61 Something hidden
62 A. collection of
I A very large mammal
2 in a straight line
3 Natalie Portman's lat-
4Nasty people hired for
5 To dipense with
6 I'll'l 1 1 'll l.' 11 1 L n r
7 Made from beans:
originally a drink, but
took the world by srorm
when the Swiss added
, ik1, i. it
8 A vital shaft found in a
9 Extra or especially so
10 American poet with a
13 Corn often comes this
16 Part of a fortification
18 How witches laugh
22 First name of a
famous cosmetics com-
23 A magical word
25 Best after an exam,
rather than before
26 On- the run, often
from the law
29 Popular crime pro-
34 ['he man who sold his
birthright to his brother
35 A short road
39 A brand of comics or
40 Flat bread with the
consistency of cardboard
42 A medicine for swal-
43 An element named
after the discoverer of
44 A common name or a
kind of missile (Abbr.)
46 Not a friend
48 Fizzy drinks
49 First half of 20 across
51 Full of energy
53 Money given in
exchange of services
55 A short sleep
57 [i. i .- i..n (Abbr.)
58 A medical practitioner
60 An airline from
F ,.nt ,1 (Abbr:)
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RE--NE AD V I OO DOO
The Jewish Net
The Jewish Net
By Leo Stein
W hat's 100% Kosher and "red" all over? Why Jewlicious.
com, of course.
There are plenty of dispensable findings on the Internet, and then
tiere are sites that do make an impact. The Web site Jewlicious.com pro-
vides a fresh porthole for how this generation of Jews views the world in which
we live. Jewlicious.com is a direct source on what's happening today, with a
stronger focus on the culture of the Jewish people instead of a strictly religious
tone Jewish hipster culture, if you like.
The site opens onto the most up-to-date news.
The issues range anywhere from music to Israel, mainstream society
to4iolidays, and of course, sex. It's all of'this, complete with a Jewish spin.
My Way or the Highway: Oy VeyT
or, What About the People?
By Asaf Naymark
Hear, hear, the region of the world containing Israel and the
surrounding countries is in a situation involving politics, economics,
various histories and ideologies.
Just looking at our campus community, one can find people
divided regarding the issues of violence and injustice. Any one of us
attempting to understand this complex story will at best end up with
a simplistic explanation of the issues at hand from people who are
invested in a particular viewpoint.
Students talk about histories, ideologies and politics, passing
each other by on their own verbal highways without heeding any signs
that would lead them to an intersection of dialogue. This is usually not
constructive. Dealing with people is constructive. After all, isn't it the
concern for human beings that is at the center of all the bickering and
kvetching? Whom are we speaking for or about? Whom are we speaking
to when we enumerate the gross injustices of the past and pretty hopes
for the future? In the case of individual lives existing in the present,
staying in the past even in the recent past is dangerous. Those with a
heart still beating want to see those pretty hopes emerge in a change we
can all help create.
Think of how many different lives are invested in this mess that
is a sea away. Think of how we, as deeply invested students connected
to the region by differing bloodlines and histories, are removed from
the situation. Then think of the logic we use when we stand on our
soapboxes, preaching to people about what Zionism really is, about how
evil it is. Think of the logic we use when we want to protest the one-
sided lecture, giving it more credence than such a monologue deserves.
Why not instead hold an open discussion on the topic, or lend ourselves
to questioning and conversation by being more active in the campus
community, rather than merely retaliating?
Students such as those in Nakba 48 and Gators for Israel can
effect greater change by cooperating not necessarily agreeing, but
working together for peace and justice. If we really value people, we
should not endlessly preach about injustices or retaliate in like manner.
Everyone who cares about the situation has something to talk about
with one another. The first meaningful change will be effected when we
can look at each other and realize that we all want the same thing: the
opportunity to let ourselves, and others, be human.
Did You Know... '
You won't see rabbis preaching in Turlington. Jewish
law is so against proselytizing that rabbis must try to
dissuade a person interested in the religion three times
before conversion. Case in point: Charlotte in Sex and
S '- Jewlicious blogs about "Hottest Jew of the
SMonth," Jewish pornographers, and the most
Popular "Hate Site of Week," which pokes a
l Ssatirical virtual finger at Web sites promoting
bigotry, including one that correlates the rise
in traffic accidents and the increase in number
of female judges to the banning of prayers
S,,.,a..-- : .. '- ', in school. It also categorizes articles that are
"Israelicious" and "Popalicious," meaning Is-
rael-related and popular culture-related, respec-
tively. While the writers skewer the stereotypes
and problems that Jews themselves perpetuate, from dating a Jewish woman to discussing
disgruntled Israeli men of today, they also tackle serious subjects with Passover coining
up, slavery in its modem guises is a focus.
Jewlicious represents a hip new way of Jews seeing the world while not taking them-
selves too seriously, and their slogan, 100% Kosher, oozes this idea. Jewlicious is your daily
dose of knowing who the Jews of today are and what they have to say. So log on and read up!
w w w. t -h e s h p i e 1
The Shpiel Page 7
,..... ...... :. ... ,. ~. .....
The Jewish Newspaper at
The University of Florida
Volume 1 Issue 4
Director of Operations/
Senior Copy Editor
Photo Editor .
Rabbi Yonah Schiller
WillPafford, Shira Kramer
Josh Gellers, Tracy Block
Jennifer Tamayo, Ivette Mendez,
Allison Schiller, Adrienne Browne
Special thanks to Hillel at the University of Florida
r *1 ''i 1
S ~ '' E SPI..AN
--Tai Chi at Hillel 5-6 p.m.
-Meditation on Mondays with Rabbi Siger at the
Hillel library 6:30 p.m.
- Ivy League Shabbaton at Chabad, 7:30 p.m.
-Speaker Michael Chabon at the Phillips Center, 8:00 p.m.
-Adam V'Adama Yoga with Asaf at Hillel, 8:30 p.m.
-Chocolate Seder, e-mail Max Horovitz: email@example.com
- Cafe B'Ivrit: Join Noam and ISO at 6:00 p.m. at Orange
and Brew for some Hebrew and coffee.
- Ivy League Shabbaton at Chabad, 7:30 p.m.
-ISO BBQ at Chabad, 8:00 p.m.
-The Commandments Study at Chabad, 8-9 p.m.
-Sigma Alpha Mu general meet
-Stop N' Go Jewdate at
Chabad, 9:30-11 p.m.
-Talmud Class with Rabbi
Schiller at his home,
- Speaker: Scott
Jewish Rock 'n Roll
-Law 'N' Lunch with
Kosher lunch location
TBA, 12-1 p.m.
--Tai Chi at Hillel,
-Adam V' Adama
Sunset Yoga at Hillel, 5:30 p.m
-Afternoon Minyan & Class at I
- Gator Girls Circle: 7:30 pm at
NW 20th Street
-Kook with Koach at Hillel, 5:0
-ReJewvenate at Hillel in the Li
-JSU Elections at Hillel, 8:00 p:
-Hillel BBQ 11:00 a.m. 2:00 p
-Speaker and Brunch: Dr. Peter
at Hillel, 11:00 a.m.
-Israel-Style Shabbat at Hillel,
-Soul Strings presented by Rabl
Chabad, 6:30-7:30 p.m.
- TGI Shabbat Friday Night Liv
-Matzo Ball Masquerade by Ke:
email: firstname.lastname@example.org for mo
-Koach Shabbat: services with I
Hillel, 10:30 a.m.
-Havdallah with Halva at Hillel
e-mail Russel Semmel:
email@example.com for more inform
-Benefit Fashion Show at Hillel, 4 p.m.
-A Sweet JAM Goodbye Closing
Ceremonies at Hillel, 6:30 p.m.
-Tai Chi at Hillel, 5-6 p.m.
-Meditation on Mondays with Rabbi
Siger at the Hillel library, 6:30 p.m.
-Adam V'Adama Yoga with Asaf at
Hillel, 8:30 p.m.
Have you begun your spring cleaning? Are you ready
to get rid of what is old and unnecessary in order to
make room for something new? This is the time of year for
Passover cleaning. The physical goal is to rid your home of
chametz, the leavened substance that is nonexistent in matza,
making it 'kosher' for Passover. What is unacceptable as we
head into the holiday that celebrates freedom is too much fluff:
bloated bread, puffed-up pita, inflated heavy foods like pasta
and pizza. The spiritual goal is to cleanse your life, inside and
out, of what is extra, unessential. How else can we escape
slavery, sneaking out in the middle of the night td leave
behind a place that kept us against our will? So thin
out, clean up, slim down to what is most impor-
tant to you this spring as we prepare our
lives to become our own.
330 April 11
Cafe B'Ivrit: Join Noam and ISO at 6:00
p.m. at Orange and Brew for some Hebrew
0 p.m. -Sigma Alpha Mu general meeting at Hillel,
library, 9:00 p.m.
-Talmud Class with Rabbi Schiller at his
:m. home, 9:00 p.m.
m. -Tai Chi at Hillel, 5-6 p.m.
Hayes -Adam V' Adama Sunset Yoga at Hillel, 5:30 p.m.
ayes -Passover Seder at Hillel 7:30 p.m.
:30 p.m. -Passover Seder at Chabad, 7:45 p.m.
bi Berl at
e at Chabad, ReJewvenate at the Hillel library, 6:30 p.m.
-Passover Seder at Hillel 7:30 p.m.
-Passover Seder at Chabad, 8:45 p.m.
sher April 14
re info -Soul Strings presented by Rabbi Berl
FREE lunch at at Chabad, 6:30-7:30 p.m.
-TGI Shabbat Friday Night Live at
sponsored by Chabad, 7:30 p.m.
ation -Jewish Gator Day: Your Jewish Heritage,
Let it shine! More info and exact location TBA
t h e s h p i e l
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Pige 8 The Shpiel
Do You Swoon for Macaroons?
By Carly Cohen
Call it the Feast Without Yeast. Call it an eight-day nightmare of Jewish food angst. Or if you feel
like being inventive, just call it Passover. Whichever way you slice it, the fact remains that yeast is as
illegal for Jews from April 12-April 20 as sex is for nuns from, well, anytime of the year.
Passover is the holiday commemorating the Jews' exodus from slavery in Egypt. Just because the
. vs didn't have time to let their bread rise as they made a hurried escape from Egypt, we can't let our
bread rise for eight days either. No grains,
oats, corn, either the list of forbidden
fruit is endless (even marshmallows are
considered Passover taboo)! I don't know
_-%;K whose bright idea that was, but if I ever find
him I am going to shove a coconut macaroon
S.down this throat.
And speaking of coconut macaroons...
While we do need our desserts, it's a difficult
1 undertaking to turn yucky into yummy
when working within the limited range of
* p. I.S.' B ingredients that Passover allows. Throwing
together whatever is left in the kitchen after
cleaning out the yeast-infected food is not what I call dessert. I call it an unfit-for-human-consumption
bogus counterfeit cookie; dry as a bone with the consistency of a balloon. It takes forty chews to
get to the middle of my macaroon. It took the Jews forty years to find their way through the desert.
Coincidence? I think not.
But in all fairness, we actually found someone who eats macaroons! When asked why she
liked the oddity, Jessica Strul, 22, replied, "They're a strange tradition, but so is hoisting someone up
on a chair at a bar mitzvah. It's just what we do."
So for those of you who actually enjoy the bland cookie mock-up, we have included a recipe.
And if you're one of the people out there who despises macaroons, bake them anyway and use them as
missiles to throw at the guy who created them.
* 3 large egg whites
* 5 1/3 cups sweetened flake coconut
* 1/2 cup granulated sugar
*- 1/4 tsp. pure vanilla extract
Oven Temp: 300F.,
Line two cookie sheets with parchment paper.
Yield: 30-40 cookies
Beat the egg whites until stiff. Fold all the ingredients together with a large rubber scrape. Drop
spoons full, 1/2 inch in diameter, separated by about 1 inch, on paper lined cookie sheets. Bake for 15
Good Jew vs. Lame Jew
By Leo Stein
W e begin with. --'
Ethan Zohn, the remarkable
Jew who triumphed as the
first-ever "Survivor". He '
could have sat on his Jewish
heiny for the rest of his rich 'p?~
glory days; instead, he created '
"Grassroot Soccer," a non-
profit organization in which
well-known African soccer -" .
players educate children
about AIDS. Zohn also
speaks for organizations like
Kick AIDS, the Colon Cancer I- :
Alliance, and YouthAids.. He
has coached soccer, played
for the Israeli soccer team,
and continues to raise money 'r
Then we have the
dreadful Christopher Jon'
Bjerknes. Can you believe
that Jewish anti-Semites
exist? Yes, he claims Jewish heritage, and he has written of his distaste
for certain Jews. He's most famous for writing Albert Einstein: The
Incorrigible Plagiarist, in which he claims that Einstein stole all of
his revolutionary material from Christian scientists. According to
Wikipedia, the loser also blames the Jews for the Holocaust, saying,
"Jewish racists helped to put Hitler into power in order to herd up the
Jews of Europe and force them into segregation."
But I have a bone to pick here. Why is it that people who
are so lame also have to be lame-looking? I'm talking about Bjerknes
in comparison to Mr. Zohn. It's sort of like comparing Brad Pitt to
Screech Powers. And it's funny that Bjerknes doesn't call himself
an anti-Semite. He claims he can't be an anti-Semite because he's a
Semite himself. But what he's missing is that it doesn't take a different
belief system to still be a loser.
Ideas are Bulletproof
In Vfor Vendetta the same guys who
brought us the Matrix movies have once again
delivered a visually original and thematically
provoking film. The story takes place over the
course of year, from one November 5th to the
next, and traces events in the lives of the two
main characters: Evey Hammond (the lovely
Jewess Natalie Portman) and 'V' (played by a
permanently-masked and verbally-proficient.
Hugo Weaving, of Matrix fame). The film is
ostensibly political, digging into the weedy
topics ofterrorism, media bias, biological attack,
governmental manipulation and homophobia;
ho~gver, behind the mask of current affairs,
the film's hidden goal is revealed as a quest for
liberty, freedom from fear, and a celebration of
art, culture and diversity.
"Artists use lies to tell the truth,
while politicians use lies to cover it up," V tells
Evey after she has found herself in his hidden
den surrounded by master works of art that
A Jew's Review of Vfor Vendetta
the totalitarian British government had confiscated. This is Great
Britain in the year 2020; the United States as we know it has
been basically destroyed by disease, and the fascist dictator
Sutler (played by a sneering John Hurt) has risen to power in a
society ruled by fear and chaos. V, for reasons that are revealed
as the plot progresses, has vowed to bring down the government
all the while wearing the mask of Guy Fawkes, the man who was
caught trying to blow up the houses of Parliament on November
So the race is on, and viewers are likely cheering on the
rebel. Are we going to see parallels between this fictitious regime
and the current US government with its growing acquisition of
power during a time of fear and chaos? Are we then advocating
terror as a means to fight totalitarianism? The film's use of masks,
secret hiding places and allegory serve to distance us from these
comparisons, leaving only ideas. There is challenge, growth and
redemption; for V this happened through fire and for Evey the
vehicle is rain, after V opened a door for her, saying: "You have
no fear anymore...you are completely free." Rebbe Nachman, a
Jewish scholar and teacher (b. 1772) said, "The whole world is a
very narrow bridge, and the main thing is to have no fear at all."
And this idea is bulletproof.
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