The BlJdn Library
9\,jrn F I-r. i
NONSENSE BOTANY, AND
"THE BOOK OF NONSENSE,' ETC. ETC.
LONDON AND NEW YORK:
FREDERICK WARNE & CO.
[All Rights Reserved.]
NONSENSE GAZETTE FOR AUGUST 1870.
(" UR readers will be interested in the
following communications from our
valued and learned contributor, Pro-
fessor BOSH, whose labours in the
fields of Botanical Science are so well
known to all the world. We are
happy to be able, through Dr. Bosh's kindness, to
present our readers with illustrations of his discoveries.
All the new Flowers are found in the Valley of
Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on the
summit of the Hill Orfeltugg."
Washtubbia Circullaris, '
THREE RECEIPTS FOR
TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.
AKE 4 pounds (say 4- pounds) of fresh
Amblongusses, and put them in a small
Cover them with water and boil them
for 8 hours incessantly, after which add
2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil
for 4 hours more.
When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses
are quite soft, take them out and place them in a wide
pan, taking care to shake them well previously.
Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them
NONSENSE COOKER Y.
carefully with powdered gingerbread, curry powder, and
a sufficient quantity of cayenne pepper.
Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on
the floor. Bring it back again, and let it simmer for
three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan violently till
all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple
Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole
carefully, adding at the same time a small pigeon,
2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number of
Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and
add a pinch of salt from time to time.
Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out
of the window as fast as possible.
NONSENSE COOKER Y.
TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.
ROCURE some strips of beef, and having
cut them into the smallest possible
slices, proceed to cut them still smaller,
eight or perhaps nine times.
When the whole is thus minced,
brush it up hastily with a new clothes-
brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a
salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.
Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to
a sunny place, say the roof of the house if free
from sparrows or other birds, and leave it there for
about a week.
At the end of that time add a little lavender,
some oil of almonds, and a few herring bones; and
then cover the whole with 4 gallons of clarified
crumbobblious sauce, when it will be ready for use.
Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve
up in a clean tablecloth or dinner-napkin.
NONSENSE COOKER Y.
TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.
AKE a Pig, three or four years of age,
and tie him by the off hind leg to a
post. Place 5 pounds of currants, 3
of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast
chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of
turnips, within his reach ; if he eates
these, constantly provide him with more.
Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire
cheese, four quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of
black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and spread
it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.
When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before,
proceed to beat the Pig violently, with the handle of
a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.
Visit the paste and beat the Pig alternately for
some days, and ascertain if at the end of that period
the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties.
If it does not then, it never will; and in that
case the Pig may be let loose, and .the [whole process
may be considered as finished.
SIX NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
The Absolutely Abstemious Ass,
who resided in a Barrel, and only lived on
Soda Water and Pickled Cucumbers.
The Bountiful Beetle,
who always carried a'Green Umbrella when it didn't rain,
and left it at home when it did.
The Comfortable Confidential Cow,
who sate in her Red Morocco Arm Chair and
toasted her own Bread at the Parlour Fire.
The Dolomphious Duck,
who caught Spotted Frogs for her dinner
with a Runcible Spoon.
The Enthusiastic Elephant,
who ferried himself across the water with the
Kitchen Poker and a New Pair of Ear-rings.
The Fizzgiggious Fish,
who always walked about upon Stilts,
because he had no Legs.
The Goodnatured Grey Gull,
who carried the Old Owl, and his Crimson Carpet-bag,
across the river, because he could not swim.
The Hasty Higgledipiggledy Hen,
who went to Market in a Blue Bonnet and Shawl,
and bought a Fish for her 'Supper.
The Inventive Indian,
who caught a Remarkable Rabbit in a
Stupendous Silver Spoon.
The Judicious Jubilant Jay,
who did up her Back Hair every morning with a Wreath of Roses,
Three Feathers, and a Gold Pin.
The Kicking Kangaroo,
who wore a Pale Pink Muslin Dress
with Blue Spots.
The Lively Learned. Lobster,
who mended his own Clothes with
a Needle and Thread.
The Melodious Meritorious Mouse,
who played a Merry Minuet on the
The Nutritious Newt,
who purchased a Round Plum-pudding
for his Grand-daughter.
The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich,
who wore Boots to keep his
Feet quite dry.
The Perpendicular Purple Polly,
who read the Newspaper and ate Parsnip Pie
with his Spectacles.
The Queer Querulous Quail,
who smoked a Pipe of Tobacco on the top of
a Tin Tea-kettle.
The Rural Runcible Raven,
who wore a White Wig and flew away
with the Carpet Broom.
The Scroobious Snake,
who always wore a Hat on his Head, for
fear he should bite anybody.
The Tumultuous Tom-tommy Tortoise,
who beat a Drum all day long in the
middle of the wilderness.
The Umbrageous Umbrella-maker,
whose Face nobody ever saw, because it was
always covered by his Umbrella.
The Visibly Vicious Vulture,
who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a
Volume bound in Vellum.
The Worrying Whizzing Wasp,
who stood on a Table, and played sweetly on a
Flute with a Morning Cap.
The Excellent Double-extra XX
imbibing King Xerxes, who lived a
long while ago.
whose ,Head was ever so much bigger than his
Body, and whose Hat was rather small.
The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,
who carried five Monkeys on his back all
the way to Jellibolee.
A was once an Apple-pie, B was once a little Bear,
Nice insidy Taky cary!
Apple-pie. Little Bear!
C was once a little Cake, D was once a little Doll,
Taky Caky, Nursy Dolly
Little Cake Little Doll!
E was once a little Eel, F was once a little Fish,
Twirly, Tweely In a Dishy
Little Eel. Little Fish!
G was once a little Goose, H was once a little Hen,
Waddly woosy Eggsy-any
Little Goose! Little Hen?
Swas once a Bottlea o I w nce a Jar of Jam,
Blacky Minky Sweety-Swammy,
Bottle of Ink! Jar of Jam!
K was once a little Kite, L was once a little Lark,
Out of Sighty- In the Parky,
Little Kite! Little Lark!
M was once a little Mouse, was once a little Needle,
In the Housy Wisky-wheedly
Little Mouse! Little Needle!
Swas once a little Owl, P was once a little Pump,
Browny Fowly Dumpy, Thumpy
Little Owl! Little Pump!
Swas once a little Quail, Rwas once a little Rose,
Little Quail! Little Rose !
S was once a little Shrimp, was once a little Thrush,
Little Shrimp! Little Thrush!
U was once a little Urn, V was once a little Vine,
Little Urn. Little Vine!
V was once a Whale, X was once a great King Xerxes,
Tumbly-taily Linxy Lurxy
Mighty Whale! Great King Xerxes!
Swas once a little Yew, was once a piece of Zinc
Growdy, grewdy, Tinkly Minky
Little Yew! Piece of Zinc!
A was an Ape, B was a Bat,
Who stole some white Tape, Who slept all the Day,
And tied up his Toes And fluttered about,
In four beautiful Bows. When the Sun went away.
Funny old Ape! Brown little Bat!
C was a Came], D was a Dove
You rode on his Hump, Who lived in a Wood,
And if you fell off, With such pretty soft Wings,
You come down such a Bump! And so gentle and good.
What a high Camel! Dear little Dove!
E was an Eagle was a Fan
Who sate on the Rocks, Made of beautiful Stuff,
And looked down on the Fields And when it was used
And the far-away Flocks. It went-Pu-puff-puff-puff
Beautiful Eagle! Nice little Fan.
-- _<1 ~- -^'.' ---- ~-
G was a Gooseberry, H was a Heron
Perfectly Red; Who stood in a Stream,
To be made into Jam The length of his Neck
And eaten with Bread. And his Legs was extreme!
Gooseberry Red Long-legged Heron!
I was an Inkstand Jwas a Jug,
Which stood on a Table So pretty and white,
With a nice Pen to write with, With fresh Water in it
When we are able! At Morning and Night.
Neat little Inkstand! Nice little Jug!
K was a Kingfisher, L was a Lily
Quickly he flew, So white and so sweet,
So bright and so pretty To see it and smell it
Green, Purple, and Blue. Was quite a nice treat!
Kingfisher, Blue! Beautiful Lily!
M was a Man N was a*Nut
Who walked round and round, So smooth and so brown,
And he wore a long Coat And when it was ripe
That came down to the Ground. It fell tumble-dum-down.
Funny old Man! Nice little Nut!
0 was an Oyster P was a Polly
Who lived in his Shell, All red, blue, and green,
If you let him alone The most beautiful Polly
He felt perfectly well. That ever was seen,
Open-mouth'd Oyster! Poor little Polly!
Q was a Quill R was a Rattlesnake
Made into a Pen, Rolled up so tight,
But I do not know where Those who saw him ran quickly
And I cannot say when. For fear he should bite.
Nice little Quill! Rattlesnake bite!,
S was a Screw T was a Thimble
To screw down a box, Of silver so bright,
And then it was fastened When placed on the finger
Without any locks. It fitted so tight!
Valuable Screw! Nice little Thimble!
U was an Upper-coat V was a Veil
Woolly and warm, With a border upon it,
To wear over all And a riband to tie it
In the snow or the storm. All round a pink bonnet.
What a nice Upper-coat! Pretty green Veil!