Front Cover
 Half Title
 Title Page
 Table of Contents
 Chapter I
 Chapter II
 Chapter III
 Chapter IV
 Chapter V
 Chapter VI
 Chapter VII
 Chapter VIII
 Chapter IX
 Chapter X
 Chapter XI
 Chapter XII
 Chapter XIII
 Chapter XIV
 Chapter XV
 Chapter XVI
 Chapter XVII
 Back Cover

Title: Original English as written by our little ones at school
Full Citation
Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00065339/00001
 Material Information
Title: Original English as written by our little ones at school
Alternate Title: Longman's magazine
Physical Description: 161, 11 p. : ; 17 cm.
Language: English
Creator: Barker, Henry J ( Henry James ), 1852-1934
Jarrold and Sons
Publisher: Jarrold and Sons
Place of Publication: London
Publication Date: 1889
Subject: Children -- Conduct of life -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Conduct of life -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Students -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Teachers -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Storytelling -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Country life -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Children with disabilities -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Cats -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Christian life -- Juvenile fiction   ( lcsh )
Publishers' catalogues -- 1889   ( rbgenr )
Bldn -- 1889
Genre: Publishers' catalogues   ( rbgenr )
novel   ( marcgt )
Spatial Coverage: England -- London
England -- Norwich
Statement of Responsibility: by Henry J. Barker ; reprinted from 'Longman's Magazine' with additions not before published.
General Note: Publisher's catalogue printed in red and black; follows text and on endpapers.
Funding: Preservation and Access for American and British Children's Literature, 1870-1889 (NEH PA-50860-00).
 Record Information
Bibliographic ID: UF00065339
Volume ID: VID00001
Source Institution: University of Florida
Holding Location: Baldwin Library of Historical Children's Literature in the Department of Special Collections and Area Studies, George A. Smathers Libraries, University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved, Board of Trustees of the University of Florida.
Resource Identifier: aleph - 002221866
notis - ALG2096
oclc - 70707287

Table of Contents
    Front Cover
        Cover 1
        Cover 2
    Half Title
        Page 1
        Page 2
    Title Page
        Page 3
        Page 4
        Page 5
        Page 6
        Page 7
        Page 8
    Table of Contents
        Page 9
        Page 10
        Page 11
        Page 12
    Chapter I
        Page 13
        Page 14
        Page 15
        Page 16
        Page 17
        Page 18
        Page 19
        Page 20
        Page 21
    Chapter II
        Page 22
        Page 23
        Page 24
        Page 25
        Page 26
        Page 27
        Page 28
    Chapter III
        Page 29
        Page 30
        Page 31
        Page 32
        Page 33
        Page 34
        Page 35
        Page 36
        Page 37
    Chapter IV
        Page 38
        Page 39
        Page 40
        Page 41
        Page 42
        Page 43
        Page 44
        Page 45
        Page 46
        Page 47
    Chapter V
        Page 48
        Page 49
        Page 50
        Page 51
        Page 52
        Page 53
    Chapter VI
        Page 54
        Page 55
        Page 56
        Page 57
        Page 58
        Page 59
        Page 60
        Page 61
    Chapter VII
        Page 62
        Page 63
        Page 64
        Page 65
        Page 66
        Page 67
        Page 68
    Chapter VIII
        Page 69
        Page 70
        Page 71
        Page 72
        Page 73
        Page 74
    Chapter IX
        Page 75
        Page 76
        Page 77
        Page 78
        Page 79
        Page 80
        Page 81
        Page 82
        Page 83
        Page 84
    Chapter X
        Page 85
        Page 86
        Page 87
        Page 88
        Page 89
        Page 90
        Page 91
        Page 92
        Page 93
        Page 94
    Chapter XI
        Page 95
        Page 96
        Page 97
        Page 98
        Page 99
        Page 100
        Page 101
        Page 102
        Page 103
    Chapter XII
        Page 104
        Page 105
        Page 106
        Page 107
        Page 108
        Page 109
        Page 110
        Page 111
        Page 112
    Chapter XIII
        Page 113
        Page 114
        Page 115
        Page 116
        Page 117
        Page 118
        Page 119
        Page 120
    Chapter XIV
        Page 121
        Page 122
        Page 123
        Page 124
        Page 125
        Page 126
        Page 127
        Page 128
        Page 129
        Page 130
        Page 131
        Page 132
    Chapter XV
        Page 133
        Page 134
        Page 135
        Page 136
        Page 137
        Page 138
        Page 139
        Page 140
        Page 141
        Page 142
        Page 143
        Page 144
    Chapter XVI
        Page 145
        Page 146
        Page 147
        Page 148
        Page 149
        Page 150
        Page 151
    Chapter XVII
        Page 152
        Page 153
        Page 154
        Page 155
        Page 156
        Page 157
        Page 158
        Page 159
        Page 160
        Page 161
        Page 162
        Page 163
        Page 164
        Page 165
        Page 166
        Page 167
        Page 168
        Page 169
        Page 170
        Page 171
        Page 172
    Back Cover
        Cover 1
        Cover 2
Full Text

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, :, ; h 'The Baldwin Librarv
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,, i'" ,:; ,.'". ."7 ".,-...,%' i] .,-,Um "s/K










Repi inted from "Longman's Magazine," with Additions not
before published.

[All rights reserved.]





JUST one word before I draw the curtain, reader.
I beg to state that-apart from the fact that a few of the
pieces were sent to "Longman's Magazine"--this work
is absolutely fresh and original.

The portions which appeared in Longman's," under
the title of Studies of Elenientary School Life," at once
caught the attention of editors of the daily and weekly
Press, and were received, I am informed, with an almost
unprecedented greeting wherever that excellent magazine
was read.

I can only hope that, in this complete form, ORIGINAL
ENGLISH will be accepted with equal relish, and that it
will prove brimful of amusement, whilst at the same time
showing how the children regard the pageant of life.

And now, without more ado, away to the Schoolroom

Yours faithfully,


5, Shakespeare Villas,
Coltenham Park, S.VW.







"Too sure "-How the.Schoolmaster laughs-The School-
Samson was the-wonderfullist man you ever seed "-
"Her name it was Deliler "-" Tying them 300 foxes'
tails together "-" Here they are a coming "-That's
how it was-Agonistes ... ... ... .. .. 13

Rural-Tooral English-" Jam puddin"--" In the sweet
fields of Eden "-" Doctors bring babies to good little
boys' houses "-Rather different-Physiology with a
vengeance ... ... .. ... ... ... ... 22

A little mathematician-A woful marriage-" Settle it !"-
Mad-Billiards with a lunatic-" The Turkey"-
"Turkeys lay very dear eggs what you can't afford" ... 29

A skeleton in the cupboard-A honeysuckled cottage-
"Our street"-Tom and Liza Ann-Why did he
wobble?-" A visit to the Zoo"-" Not so yeller as
in the picter book "-" Would I allus love her?" 38

The little cripple-A false charge-" The prophet Elijah"
-" Insects "-It makes the bottom of your foot tickle
-" Baby would never have no luck" ... .. ... 48

A blackboard sketch--Eneas, but classic in a different
sense-Posies-" Honesty "-0, such a problem!- _
A kind of a sort of a nice feeling ... ... ... 54

Aut Casar alt nullus-Boys who get on-"All out of his
own head"-An embryo Macaulay-" The cow is a
noble quadrerped "-" Cream which rich people eats 62

An odd lad-" The Cat "-" Cats have 9 liveses, but which
is seldom required"-Q. E. D.-A civil war, O so civil
-The capital of China ... ... ...... ... 69

Generosity-Power of a mother-" Politeness "-Choked
over a rabbit-" Tell-tale-tit "-" Daniel in the Lion's
Den "-" He told them to go away with their screetin "
-" This is trew, say wot yer like "-" You wood praps
have cryd too" ... ... ......... ... ... 75

A funny Dutchwoman-" The man Jacob was by trade 'a
Patriarch "-Behold, we will have his blood-The
Redbreast-What would you expect to see on rivers ?-
True, in a sense ... ... ... ... ... ... 85


Dunces-Perhaps-Fagged out-Did he feel silly ?-Three
"If's," with three wrenches obligato-"O the country
is so niced"-" I seed her"-"There is only three
things wiser than the dog "-How burglars may learn
a lesson ... ... ... ... ... ... .. 95

Where, 0 where ?-A poor coal vendor-I can't afford it-
Blackmailing schoolmasters and schoolmistresses-She'd
walk him before the "beak "-" A henvelop with black
all round" ... .. ... .. ... .. 104

Girls' exercises-Inspection Day-A girl's reason-" The
Life of Noah "-" The Salvation is knocked about and
prosecuted "- Under the big, blue flag-Bravo, my
child !-" You have gained my highest mark" ... 113

" For fear of the Captin "-Does the ocean jump ?-" It did
Srile me so "-A lad with a temper-Only an eye out-
A sensation-Upset--' Yoors, Mr.Kempson"-Modern
Babylon-Strange bed-fellows-That pistol again ... 121

" Hold your faces without laughing "-Out it comes-True
till death-Where is the cat?-" Bank Holiday"-
Never steal or break winders, for it is written in the
Bible "-Tachinends, Currunts, and Beens-" All
change for Box Hill" ... ... .. ... ... 133

A quiet boy-Taking a "new boy" round-"He might
have given them back thrippence "-George Washing-
ton-Sucking baby's sweets-A croaky sort of noise-
The reason why an organ-grinder moves on-What a
nice' house ours will be ... ... ... ... 45

Showy subjects-A musical prodigy-"My boy, try to be
as good as you are clever "-Seven years' penal servi-
tude-Dividing a boy in two-The stolen pencil-case-
Bitter tears-How to make a horse go-Poets and
spiders ... ... ...... ... ... 152




T HE reader may well surmise that a school-
t master's daily routine is a somewhat
humdrum one. And, in the main, such is the
fact; but still there are flashes of colour that
light up from time to time the school-room's
sombre horizon; and it is this bright side of the
picture that I am now about to display.
That Boys will be boys as regards mischief,
all parents know to be true, quite as well as any
schoolmaster can tell them; but that "Boys will
be boys" when compelled to take part in the
intellectual gymnasium, parents do not know,
perhaps, quite as well as the schoolmaster.


Again, there is this difference betwixt the
two exhibitions of boyishness:-in the first
instance it is intentional on the lad's part;
whilst, in the second, it is altogether sweetly
Indeed, it .is -in this naive, imperception of
distortion, in conjunction with an utter abandon-
ment to the matter in hand, that the whole
humour of school-boyishness lies. For example,
" What is the feminine of hero ? I ask a second-
class (ages ten to twelve) during an afternoon
grammar lesson.
There are very many hands thrust out at
once, but I cannot refrain from satisfying the
eagerness of one poor little fellow right behind
there, who, in his desire to catch my eye, is.
standing on tip-toe, with hair almost erect,
glistening eyes, and cheeks flushed and dis-
tended with excitement. Well," I say to him,
"you. tell me, Harry Walker." Szero,. Sir !"
shouts, the little fellow, his eyes sparkling with
pleasure and pride, whilst he is as certain in his
own mind of being correct and of gaining my
approving smile as he is assured there is a sun-
above him. Well, I, the. schoolmaster, do smile;


but it is one of those peculiar smiles of mine,
which I have heard my assistants term ventral.
But I must not be led into giving examples of
my school diversions before I have finished my
few remarks. All in good time, and you. shall
have plenty of them.
It is now many years ago since I determined
to collect, preserve, and pigeon-hole such com-
positions as from time to time are produced by
certain original youngsters ; and I now put a
period to my odd engagement, and let the public
have the results of it.
Let me say, then, that the various pieces I
shall place before you are such as come straight
from the minds and hearts of children. I
laughed myself (ventrally, of course,). when the
youngsters so innocently committed themselves
in the fashion these chapters will relate; and I
doubt not that the young prodigies will provoke
many a further titter from my readers, and will
find an echo in thousands of hearts, old and
Let me thank my friends in the profession,
or connected with it-inspectors, masters, and
mistresses-for sending me their choicest diver-


sions. I insert sonie of these ; but, in the main,
I rely on the experiences of myself and my own
But now, friends, let me usher you at once
into the schoolroom. There before you sit the
merry, roguish little fellows (all warranted under
fourteen), covertly poking fun at you directly
you enter, making you feel very nervous and
very old, and just a little bit annoyed and
ruffled. But, never mind; you can "bear away
the bell before the little innocents this time, at
any rate; for have you not come, escorted by
the schoolmaster himself, with the specific
intention of poking fun at them ?

The first specimen I place before you shall be
the composition exercise of a boy whom I
recollect very well as a happy, cheery little
fellow, although he came from a very poor home.
He was one of a class of fifty, who, on this
occasion, were being examined in Scripture
After the oral examination, six questions were
set to be answered on paper, and the lads could
choose any four of them.


::; The second questions of the series was,' dGive
:an outline of the life of.:Samson." -
: The paper'is dated Mar{ch, i880, an'd I give
the .effusion word for word fr6m the lad's own
.writing : -
"The life of Samson which I has to give.
Samson was "the wohderfullest man you. ever
-,sed. He was sd mighty strong that he.'tihought
-no more of Lions and Bears, than boys do of
dcats^ and things. If you think he was a giant,
that's just where .yer wrong, coz he wasn't:a bit
:;bigger than your father is. But mind yer, he
-.had very long hair, 'and that's just where it
.,ias. It went right down his neck, and under
.his -coat, and then all the way. down. That's
how it was.
Samson became very sinfull, for he got a
,courfin:a young woman'who was a relation of
-the wickerd Phillistins. Men should never court
Young women from other countries, except they
are good. Never mind abart them being nicet
-looking, if they are niot good. Why, this young
'woman actshully wurshipped them ugly little
iimiges wot yev seed Misshinaries bring in bags,
:and put in a row on the- table. As Samson was

'386 E.'NGLIS'H 'AS 'wIr't"'

gill a coutrtin one dark night, a. Lion spruin at
him from over'a garding.'. Anidsee yer, Samson
just cpte:it by the chin, and gev' it sich a crack
betwixt its eyes, that it dropped down dead, like
as yev seed cows behind butchers shops; You'll
never know9how, strong-he was.
S"When they got married, behold Samson arskt
a riddle, while the Phillistins was all eating/their
dinnerss round him. He told them that. if they
,could guess it, he would give them without jokin
-30.new suits of close apiece. Didnt they try
-after that; coz they, knowd that if they found it
:out, they'd never haveto buy no more new
.close. But they couldn't riddle it, with all.their
thinllin. ..Then that nasty imige woman went
and told them wot it was. So Samson had to
give all of them 30' new suits. How they wood
larf while they was a carrying them home,
speshully when they was. trying them on. But
SSamson never forgived the imige woman, and he
woodnt be married to her no longer,
"You' woodnt think this strong man Wood
.haye gone and got married agent to another imige
woman. Behold he did; and the, next one wvas
.worser than the first. AIreeal,.badun: this ,one


was. Heir name it was Deliler, ::Never mind
her uther name, coz people nevei used to' have
two in those days:; that's how-it waas. Delilei
only pertended to love .milghty'Sanisont. But
she: just .hated him at the :bottom, coz. of hii
tying them j6o? foxes' tails together within straw,
lightin..them all up, and chivying them ever so
all among the corri, Samson'hadht beeft'inarrid
long, afbre he began of them aging. :He happeried
to pick up in the street an old jobone of an ass,
and he went right ata whole army of them with
it, and killed abart a thousand of them just as if
they was flies. That's how it was.
: "Deliler was allus a worrying Samson .to tell
her wot made him so mighty strong. He -told
her all sbrts of things abart switches and ropes,
.but when she'd tied him with them, and cried
,'Here they are a coming Samson just sprung
up, and killed them right off as usuerl like flies.
At last mighty Samson told her abart his long
hairs. Then this bad imige woman got Samson
mnicetly off to sleep, and clipped all his hair off as
short as yours, with a big pare of sizzers she'd
got lent her.. And then the nasty woman nudged
.him, and cried out a. gigglin,r- Here they are a

p' :- E.ACLTSH AS 1I RIT, ..

-comin,' But podY Samson couldn't dofiothing
-this: time; ap: when they busslpd 'him away.t6
.a bhig dark prison n ith hislia'hds tied behint him;
he said it served, him sight. for tellin wot he
kn:.: d.: Poor Sarnsporinearly cried. Theni they
putt t-'both his eyes,;and forced him to:turfi a
big stone weel-all day long. 0 -that biad infige
woman; that second one,' that was her.
But I'll tell- yer, then old Phillistins was
punishedat last,-just when they thought as'they
was safe. 'Samson's hair :began 'to grow agen
down his back.; and,.,as'it, got longer, he. felt
hisself getting mighty strong. One afternoon
_abart'3,ooo of them was, eatin all sorts of nicet
vittles and getting drunk, in a big round rooni,
and they kIept taking' .turns at, ;wurshipping
imagess. Then- they sent for poo.. blind Samson
-to come to'them and dance and do strong things.
.When Samson got in he arskt the little boy wot
.held him, to lead him to where th- two biggest
pillars was. And:the'little boy did, s; without
Thinking nothing at all abart it.,- Then Saimsbn
:bowed his head down, and played to God:just
;for a minit or two, and :then he snatched fast
4iold of the p:'illcr., and tugged, away tike. maid.

Aird see yer, afore anybo:yl could stop'g l; tie
tugged then two big pillers right'down, and the
top of the place came smashin in. Sich a smash
it was, and it killed them all their, as easy as
flies. Samson was killed too, but he didn't mind


T[ HE answers a schoolmaster gets from his
S pupils during grammar lessons are
often so extremely ludicrous and so utterly
devoid of pertinence, that it is not surprising
that the intelligent public are asking the question
" What is the use of teaching the bare rules of
grammar to sucf a punctilious extent in our
Government schools?" The question is a
practical one; however, as these chapters are
written, in the main, simply to amuse the general
reader, I shall refrain from discussing the
subject, and content myself with letting'my tales
speak for themselves. ...
A schoolmaster of a rural school got a remark-
able masculine gender from one of his disciples.
The village pedagogue was dealing assiduously
with the grammatical distinctions of sex, and
had got correctly from one lad that the masculine

E.A'GLI'Sh AS I 1RIT. 23,

of Mis."' was" \Ir.," and frb'rn Andther, that the:
miasculihe,:ofI '"l ady ''was. "gentleman ;" and,
then 'e 'asked 'a third : little, fellow for the:
masculine of "-Madami.": "Madam, Adain,"
glibly responded. this :village prodigy, little
dreaming of the mental shock he was giving-his:
'I find I have kept a record of a: remarkable:
answer in grammar given by a little lad, Harry-
Sharman. -He was a scholar whom I had the
greatest 'difficulty, in instructing, on account .of
his' nerves being so sensitively. strun-g:. -, Ar
effusion of his on doctors," is now in nmy hand,
and you slall lave it after I have given lis:
";light thistake "in, grammar.
-I will first'siimply state that Harry was a very;'
very poor: lad, and that he died of brain fever,
at the age of 'twelve years six month, the result"
of- a fll;- the' district ddctoir said,; uit i have
always thoughth: that .he was:o' ne :of the little.
victims of educational overpressurqe.
Well, I was.. trying to instil into the boys the
mysteries of the degrees of adjectives (regular
and irregular), and, after giving 'the class
numerous examples of coimparaties and suiper-


lafives, I concluded the less .by a' recapitulatory,
datechism. Amongst: othde .queitibns, I asked:
for; the .superlative of the adjective "nice," and:
seeing Harry Sharman''hanid instantly:elevated,:
I called-upon himt for the answer. And what.do;
y6u think: was Hairy's: superlative of "riice ";
Reader, it was "jam pudden The bump. ofi
association: was. evidently well developed in
Harny, a'nd, as With most children, the concrete;
was more.attractive than the abstract.
JAnd no.wI. give you. the essay written .by,
.Harry only two.weeks before he sank into his:
grave: The' end ca;te very quicklyy; he was 'at
sch:o.l on;the. Thursday, and he died the following.
Thursday morning-at nine o'clock, just as the'
schl.::.l-bell was echoin g thro:)ui.ih the streets, -and
summoriing all the neighboring little people to,
their daily tasks. : The. brazen bell :might ring ;
ring I ting,!; but Harry's ear was dedd-dead-,>
and. Harry's.souLw.as.already beyond the stars.

In those sweet fields of Eden
S 'Where the tree of life is blooming.

I should just, premise that I had permitted
the boys to write. upon any topic they liked, to

B t'-:LITTLE- OR/Ji..4LS. 25:

selct for t-hemselves, and : Iarry' chose thd
extraordinaryy -subject of ".doctors.". :--A 'JI re;.
marked above,' assodiatiori -as very 'strong -with!
Harry, and you will quitee understand, reader,
why the lad's neirous temperamnint should.havev
l'd hini,:td the choice of such. a:grim theme.
- ." Ti'h::Doctor.--Being a do:ct..r is a very good)
trade.' Doct6rs have most always niced black}
wiskers at the side, and are tall men. They are
also very fierce4looking, but they are very useful.:
Do:ct.->rs are men.who never walk, except from a,
carriage to .a house door. Doctors are- skinny'
men, with, black eyes and coats. Doctors bring
babies-to. good little boys' houses. : I 'was: very
good, and he-brought my mother ours. It -is al
little girl;,and it is called: Agnes.. The doctor
has seen me three times for the purpose, cuz I,
have headaches. My mother looks at me, and-
cries when he's gone. I never -tells 'mother I
have headaches, except it hurts me: rery much.:
Llo.ve mymQther,. I wish :my head was same.
as other boyses.. Yesday I arskt Webster' if he,
ever fel tdiziy, and he. said no. All boys I: ask
says no;. What.the doctor gives -me makes me:
feel ;worser.. .But mother likes me "to take. it, -s;

26 ,.,E.'L ISH /. A RTt, :WR ..W

S-don't: thind. I- wish: I- was- a :.-rany but I'd:
rather be. a Woman like another.' Doctops :hav'nt,
niced houses.' There -is bottles al: round and-no:
washing Doctors hav'lt .l6ud- voices like metn
you:lars' in. the street; :but their eyes are
brighter; ,'I am not so fii1iht:iind ofdoctors as'
of perlice;. :-When Ijm.in- bed I can't sometimes
go to'sleSep.:. I can say my money tables best in-
bed. I dreamed one night that the doctor:came-
ypstairs- all in the-dark, and took me out of bed,
and gave me to a perlice to bury. But I-woke up:
just afore: he buried me, and&-myrmother was,
akissin me and cryin. Mother says doctors can.
cure. nearly all things, and that they are kind:
pmen. .Headaches is not dangerous."
I shall now- give. a specinmet of .a 'rather:
different type, namely, the exercise of a boy .in
the scvenlth (o, highest) standard.of the school.
SThe:'subject under :examination' was Animal,
Physiology,,in which the class had received ten
months' instruction, a lesson having been: given
twice in each. week. .
: On, referring to my diary I find, that, the: boy
whose composition '-I transcribe, 'likeivise acaime
frcom na:.,pfoVertye.stricken hoinme: :His mother (the


lad was illegitimate), hlad to walk- every day-a;,
distance of- two. *miles from -F-- to tH--,
where she was employed in a factory: or ware-
house, and her earnings averaged eight shillings.
a week. The boy's school-fee! was threepence,
and the mother never once failed toQ send, --it,'
even when work was slack.
The:question was, ".Describe'fully the Chordae
Tendinee. of the heart,' and the following is the:
lad's literal answer :-"
: "The Chorde Tendinem are the cords, or,
better still, the thin topes of the human -being's.
heart, which are like ordinary sailor's- thick:
ropes, only-the valves of the auricles stand for:
the ships,-and the fleshy columns beneath for
the anchor; while of course on the sea, on a
sandbank most likely, the ship is the real ship
itself, and the anchor the real anchor. However,
some books written by some ancient writers say
too much about these tendons, attaching far too
much importance to them. We after always be
careful that we don't 'fall into such ancient
mistakes, as, a lot of generations, that is, grand-
children 'and great grand-children, grown up
when we have been dead a hundred years from

the'present time,, niay-smnile at us, j-ust as we. doi
at them, and-'ndt-buy out booCks'-we write:.-' .
*Thle Chorde Tehdineae go slanting, not,
shtail it.-aS you might think."
SThe reader will notice that the lad's spelling
is accurate throughout, the aftet- for have .to (a:
very common lapses calami with children), being
the only- error in this direction. He. also
subjoinh. -a -pen-and-inkl, illustrative: sketch,'
embellished with coloured pencil shading, and;
iAtituled.' the'Chords Tendinem in action; "- bt
I ambou:nd to -confess that the illustration might
be very:wVell:taken to represent 'eithei a paftlyi:
sucked orange, or a dismantled sailiarg esse


g'- OOR JAMES --- There is one of his
"-F exercises now lying before me, 'Jimmy
was always an arrant dunce as regards reading
,and-writing ; but-he was one -of the -quickest
little fellows at accounts that I have ever
,had--under my' tuition. .: He 'could: polish- off
with celerity and precision difficult problems,
:involving not only; intricate reasoning, but
Which under ordinary circu mstarices, would
*have required ar acqLuaintance 'with -abstruse
arithmetical methods.
S.His-father tended -a" fact6ry-: engine,.,earned
:good regular wages.j and was what is termed- a
,cute, jdlly fellow. ,He'-c..oul'd scrape the fiddle,
,and sing ,a good :song -at the neighhburing
".Free-arid-easy," besides having the additional
;qualification of :bUeing -able' to tom-tom 'easy
accompanimentss -on "the--piabno. '-' "


Thus the surroundings of little Jim were not
of the most healthy nature, from a moral point
of view.
I forget what became of Jimmy for the first
three or four years after leaving school; but
when he was about twenty y'ars of age, he
occupied the post of billiard-marker at the house
where -the above-mentioned Free-and-easy."
* was held, -And now.comes the saddest part of
m y--story. -. .. .
The young- man got connected: with one of
the& flashy jades of the locality; and the woman
-prevailed upon him to marry her. The youth
.yielded-; and, before he had been married a
fortnight, the woman led him such, a dance with
her midnight orgies, that the husband. realized
too-late-too late-the terrible mistake he had
made. -
Well, one evening Jim had just turned the
gas of the billiard-room down low-after some
:customers had finished their game and. departed
-and, taking advantage of a few moments' quiet,
-he straightwaysignalled down the speaking-tube
for his supper, which meal he always took at
the little table by the 'marking-boardl Onn this


occasion, bnd of fhe barinaids brought hiis bread
.'and:cheese.and pickles up, and atitlie sape time
she took the.opportiunity, of conveying to him
-some most horrible, news of his wife's escapades
.on that evening. The girl finished her coit-
,munication by saying,:"And now,.Jim, I told
-you that you were a simpleton, for .going tb
church with her, and now again: I tell ydu. that
you're a simpleton:if you don't settle both, her
-and yourself this very night,"-- r advice to that
,effect.. .Little did:..the barmaid think' of the
>.actual: impression. her words were having upon
him; for, reader, James weiz mad, lost his
reason, even whilst: she was whispering to him,
-and before the night was over he was lodged Iin
-the nearest asylum,
The poor affrighted barmaid confessed the
whole of.the truth to the young man's parents
the following day, and it was from the father's
.own lips that I subsequently became acquainted
with the painful facts.
Jim is now located in the. county asylum,-a
.palatial edifice, standing upon a proud eminence,
.and surrounded, by nodding ..plantations -aid
shaven lawns. One.might well.:be pardoned

13:2 iENGLISH "A2'S: *t IT .

.for: inisaking its castellated facade, .its- oaring
:turrets,.. and: its 'glinting ranges 'of mullioned
'wifidows, for some baronial seat. .'. .
- About four :months ago I visited the.institu-
"tion, and was courteously escorted by;the doctor
th r-,rhI the wards, and into poor Jim's presence.
There he was -my quondam. clever little mathe-
nmatician--playing a game of billiards with one
:of the attendants. The grey metal-buttoned
:jacket and ,ugly inankeen- trousers, which con-
sfittited: the uniform of the inmates, served to
quite aannihilate his identity, for 'I should' never
-have recognized. him.
-He immediately came up to me and asked me
for, a bit of. tobacco; and when I introduced
myself to him, my words appeared to- convey
nbo apposite meaning, for on my inquiring
:persuasively,' Now don't you knowrie, James'?"
:he -merely said; curtly; That's nothing to. do
With tobacco ; my question, Sir, simply required
'Yes' or 'No.'"
SWell, I emptied mr' pouch of golden-ffake into
,his.bdx, ahd then the doctor said to me, Now,
iifi;you fea'lly want a treat, Sir, just 'play a
hundred up 'at'billiards with him: Excuse.-my


saying he is.sure to beat you, for his all'-r.und:
play is something marvellous. Besides, it will,
do the patient good; I often have a game with--
him myself." So I assented, though I am but
an indifferent cueist.
The lunatic started by giving me a miss; then'
I failed to score off the red. The fellow then
made a splendid break of 61, which included'
such grand all-round, cannons.that I watched
them come off one after another with bewildered
amazement. His estimation of angles and
amount of side was almost as scientifically exact-
as if he were compelling his ball to traverse the.
grooves of occult geometrical figures. When the
lunatic at last let me in, I scored fourteen, and
received the congratulations of the doctor; then,
from a difficult opening, my strange opponent,
went clean out with a quick, unfinished break.
Shortly after our game I bade the poor mono-
maniac good-day. I then requested the doctor
to hasten with me along those dismal corridors,
and galleries towards the nearest exit, for I told
him there was something peculiarly depressing
to my spirits in the very atmosphere of the place.
To see the poor wretches huddling in groups. to.


they right and left, and grinning either vacantly
oir spitefully at us. as we passed,, gave me the
"shivers;" nay,. I confess I began to feel a
nasty, nervous creepy feeling getting the better of
me. I almost fancied that my own mind was;
losing its balance, and I half suspected that the
doctor was' noticing me, and was already con-
siderately planning a trap' for my detention
within the walls. This waking incubus (if I
may be allowed, the expression) was by no
means alleviated when the doctor suddenly led
the way down a cut-throat-looking passage,
which dipped rapidly under ground. How-
ever, he laughingly explained that we were
merely traversing a private subterranean corn-
munication between the main building and
his own residence. This private under-ground
passage had been constructed by order of the,
present committee to enable the doctor to pay
frequent surprise visits to the various wards, and
thus to pounce swiftly upon any act of secret-
brutality or other abuse on the part of the;
attendants. After a subterranean walk of a,
hundred yards, we emerged by a flight of steps
anid a trap-door intothe doctor's private library.


HIowever, I was in haste to depart; and,.before
a few more minutes had passed, I had shaken
hands with him, and was lightly pacing it along
the gravel path that led down the slope and
through' the meadows. I paused for a moment
midway down the hill, turned round, and looked
upon the lofty turrets just visible over the distant
depths of elms, and I know not whether it were
with sensations of pleasure or pain that I com-
muned with myself and realized that I was,
indeed, free and healthy both in mind and body,
whilst poor Jim and his fifteen hundred fellow-
inmates, whom I was leaving behind me on the
hill, were cooped up in a mockery of a palace,
with minds shackled or hopelessly overturned.
Turning back, reader, to Jimmy's life in the
old school days, the exercise now on the top of
the pile before me is the only memento I have.
It is a composition upon "The Turkey," and I
herewith place it before you just as the lad"
wrote it :
"The Turkey is a large blew bird, genelly fat,
vith thick legs; It has no tail worth mentioning
at-the side: of a c.-ck's tail, but it has instead -a


longer piece -of- skin hanging from its head and
under its chin just like red tripe. -This skin is:-
genelly dirty at the bottom because of dragging;
on the ground when the bird is a feeding.
"' 'The Turkey is king of the goose, and- most,
other birds, but the eagle canfight it. It-is like:
a'very big cock if it wasn't for the tail. It is not.
cruel to kill a Turkey, if only you take it into'
the back yard, and use a sharp knife, and the
Turkey is youis.
The Turkey gives us nice Turkey to eat at'
Christmas, if you can afford. My father won a
turkey at the public house where I goes for the
beer. The landlord is a big heavy man, with a
white fat face; and black hair, and he arskt me
if I'd s'wallered all the Turkey. Then the dirty
men larft, and one said as I'd grown fat since
yesterday. The Turkey was a lot niceter than
beef, but I didn't tell them it was. We had
sossige to it, but mother had to buy that with a
sixpence. My mother earns all the.vittles we
eat, except the meat, with washing at gentlemen's
houses, and my father drinks beer, and brings
the meat, and buys coals. 'All boys hate live-.
Turkeys, and Turkeys hate boys.- Boys hit the


skin of the Turkey with a stick when the Turkey
is turned.the other way, and then -the boys.run
away and the Turkey runs after them.
The Turkey makes a queer noise called
goblin, like as if there was bits of balls a rattlin
in its neck. It is a half tame bird, and if you
are kind to it, it will: let you. feed it. Boys
pretend they've got a:bit of bread in their hand
when it is only oringe pill, and when the Turkey
comes up nicetly and picks it out of their hands,
it sneezes it out of its mouth again, and then
chiveys them a long way up the road. Boys
like the Turkey to run after them, because. they
.get home quicker without feeling tired, and the
turkey has to go all the way back, and you
genelly see a Turkey along with some ducks.
But the Turkey is kind to the little ducks, which
is a lesson you learn to be kind to your little
brothers and sisters. Never make your. little
brother cry by hiding behind a wall or tree, and
,pertending to'lose him, for Turkeys never pick
nor worrys neither-ducks nor hens. Turkeys lay
-very dear eggs what you cant afford, but they
do not give butter or milk because they cant do
it not if they tried three times."


HE next papers in my collection are two,
essays by Tom ---, one on "Our
Street," and the other on "A visit to the Zoo-
logical Gardens."
A certain event took place at school in con-
nection with the lad's mother which forced, the
fact to come to my knowledge that little Tom's
father had died on the scaffold. None but
myself and a divisional Member of the Board
became aware of it, and I need not say that we
never allowed the news to transpire. From that
time I "kept an eye" on the poor child, and did
all I could to render his school days happy.
He was a good lad in the highest sense of the
term ; for, in spite of the vicious surroundings
of the low, poverty-stricken locality in which he
lived, his little heart-thanks to a mother's
training-was as pure as the sunlight, and his
lips would have scorned a lie.


I see that.in.one of his compositions he has
mentioned his own Christian name, and I. think
it judicious to make a substitution. Accordingly,
I give it you as Tom..
A little girl's name, too, which occurs in one
of the essays, I shall likewise disguise. With
these exceptions, I shall transcribe the lad's
exercises word for word as they are before me.
He was always dreadful at spelling, and these
two pieces, I am not surprised to find, fairly
teem with orthographical errors.
Tom is now a journeyman plumber, and rents
a little honeysuckled cottage some miles out of
town.' His mother lives with him, and on each
Saturday afternoon he hands over to her pretty
well every farthing he earns. He was a rigid
abstainer when last I saw him two years ago;
but, as he said, he never forced his opinions upon
his mates. His mother, 'he told me, had
earnestly desired him to live without intoxipa.nts,
and that.was his reason for being a teetotaler.
No other reason he had, and no other he wanted.
Tom is not married; but, if I were writing a
romance, I should doubtless make him engaged
to a certain interesting little personage whom he


speaks of inhone of his exercises as Liza Ann.
B3ut alas, reader, I am bound down to facts;
-and so I can give you no grounds for such an
assumption. Still, it may be so, and thus I will
'leave it.
First I give you Tom's exercise on


Our street is a long lane betwixt two big
streets. Our street is not so clean as the big
streets, coz yer mothers throw the slops and
things in the gutter; and chucks bits of Lloyds
and cabbige leaves in the middle of the road.
That's why there's allus a funny smell down out
street, speshally when it's hot. I like to sit with
some more boys and girls in the dark passage wot
is by the side of our house, and tell tails about
where you've been. We often sit there waiting
while our fathers and mothers cum home from
work. I've seen more far away places than
some of them, and the girls are allus a asking
me to tell them wot I nose. The boys sit on
one side of the passige with their backs to the
walls, and the girls sit on the other side with
their arms round one another's bodies, and they


all listeji. I doi't no why girls are so fond' of
.cuddlin one anuthei, Then when we hear a
man or anybody cumin up the passige, we drawr
:our legs in, and we say, 'Will yer place mind
:our feet, Sir?'. and the men nearly allus says
'All right, littluns ; keep sat still, and we'll walk
through the middle on yer.' But when a man
.is drunk, we allus stan up, coz drunken men
have lost their senses. Liza Ann, the little girl
wot lives up the next passige but comes to our
'passige to join in, she says she likes drunken
men better than drunken women. She says
that, coz drunken men are sometimes very kind
and turn their trousers pockets inside out so as all
their money can fall out amongst the children.
But drunken women allus look savage and want
*to scratch the big poleecemag as pushes them
on, and then they want to fight the women as is
stannin at the doors just alooking'on.
Our home is on the second floor, but it is in
.the front. We have one big room with two
winders, and a little sort of room without a
winder. There's only my mother and me, so
we have plenty of room, but I sometime feel
frightened when the floor gives a crak coz of the
boards a moving.


SMy mother says my father is a soldyer, but
.she doesn't no where he is, and she thinks he
died away in Afrika. I only just remember
him. It seems as if when I used to see him, he
:was allus a wobblin about, and Liza Ann says
.she thinks that praps it's coz he was allus drunk,
but mother says it's all my fancy. There is not
many shops in our street, only greenstuff shops,
and fried fish shops. Some of the boys and
girls in our street don't have boots and stocking,
not even in winter, but my mother allus lets me
have boots and stockins. When hers and mine
want mendin together and she has not got much
moriey, she allus lets me tak mine to be mended
.first. The sun don't seem to shine so nicetly
down our street as in the big streets, and flowers
and grass won't grow neether back nor front.
There is some people wot lives on the same
floor as us, only they are porer than us, and
that's why they have the back of our floor. The
man he goes about selling fish, mostly herrins,
and they are a allus having herrins to their
dinners and suppers, and it makes our room
smell so nasty that mother sneezes and can't
sleep sometimes. They throw the baduns


through the winder into the bin, and the dogs
and cats wot live in our street find out the bins
and cum and eat the bestuns. The reason why
the houses in our street is so black both inside
and out, is coz the smoke from the chimbly
doesn't go right up outside and then into the
clouds same as in niced streets, but it cums down
the chimbly agen and puffs into the room and
gets away out of the winder. This is all I know
for once about our street."
The next essay is dated seven months later,
and the subject is "A visit to the Zoological
No doubt I permitted the boys to choose their
-own subject, and I likewise have no doubt that
I spell the word Zoological for the little essayist,
since I observe that he has got it down quite
correctly. In fact it is a common thing for boys
to ask the teacher to write their title on the
blackboard,-the reason being, I surmise, that,
in the first place, they get a word or two ready
spelt for them, and, in the second, they receive
from it some kind of inspiration to commence
their task.
The following, then, is little Tom's effusion.on
his visit.



Of all the animals in this world, the Zoological
Gardens is the most.. You go in by a gate, and,
when you have got a bit way down, there they
'are all round you. Ameriky can't be' nothing to
it. They can't run about and hurt you, coz
there's a kage dropped over them all. They
'look so vexed coz you can see all they .do and
can have a good stare all round at them; and
they keep looking in the corners to see if they
can't find some bushes and -things to. hide
"The lion, which is the king of all the animals
wot ever lived, was so little that I shouldn't have
noen it was him, only I have seen picters, and
my mother said 'Look, Tom, now you can say
as you've seen a lion.' Why he isn't quarter as
big as a eliphent, and he hasn't got no trunk.
,I think the eliphent could master him if he
liked ;but the big silly won't try, coz he's so
kind, and doesn't want to be king. The lion is,
yeller, but not so yeller as in the picter book
what the Board gev me. He looks at ye:r
through the bars like as wot he.was saying 'you


think'as y6u can fight,, don't yer, little boy; just'
coz you no I can't get out all.coz of this.bloorfiivr
kag,.. If I. could -only skweez through," Fd
swallow you and yer mother too.': I said to!
my mother '-I should like to. hear the' lion'
roaringg' When she 'said 'why that. was!
roaring just now when the keeper .looked in at'
him,' Then I nearly cried, I was so wild; -why,'
it wasn't like thunder and lightning "at.all; It.
just opened its mouth wide, like as :yev: seed:
men sitting at their doors and a.gaping on Sunday-:
afternoons, and it yoped no louder-than a apple"
cart man does. -
When we got to the girraffs, I did like them,-
They are just the same as the picters, only -alive
and walking about. They have little tails, but
the girraffs is so big, that you'd say as they
couldn't wag em. But they can, just as easy.
as a little dog -can., whether yer bleeve it or
don't. They look at. you so nicet, just like
carves. The hippopotamus 'is like a little
mashed eliphent with its trunk sawed off. Its
skin is so thick that it can stay in its pond all-
day without the water soakin through.. It makes
yer shiver, when its eyes look up at yer.' Its


eyes are like bits of hard, bright mud with no'
white, arid bleedin red skin all round.
'*Kangeroos are so niced that you can look a
long time at them without feeling tired. Their
back legs are about four times longer than the
front ones, and they are a lot too big behind.
They sit up just like dogs a begging, and they
have a bag right in front for their babies to ro61
about in. They run so silly, just as if they was
trying to dance at the same time as they are,
running. The fox, wot I thought was as big as
carves, isn't worth a looking at coz of its size.:
It's not a bit of good it bein sly where it is now,
coz there's no farmers nor hunting men allowed
in the kages. It looks as if it wanted to be sly
but can't. When I said to my mother 'how it
smell,' she said Come along to the other animals;
that's its slyness.'
I like the eliphent more than all the uthers,-
and my mother let me have a ride. You feel-as
if you were in a balloon. My mother walked
by the side and kept a' looking up and asking
me how I liked it, but I couldn't tell her till I`
came down, coz I was rather frightened of talking.
fear I.should slip off. The eliphent wot I rode'


on' is called jumbo, and it is' the nicetist
quadrerped as ever was seed. It looks as if it
couldn't all of it die, it is so big. I held a bit of
bread out to it, but it wouldn't take it, coz there
was a lady with a fine dressed little girl who was
a givin it sugar buns. I ker away cryin, coz I
should have liked to have told the boys as I
had fed jumbo. But I didn't, so I can't say it.'
My mother and me then sat down and eat
our bread and meat, and drank some milk she
had brought in a ginger-beer bottle. My
mother seemed to love me a deal that day, coz:
when we sometimes got to a quiet place, she
would stoop down and kiss me a minit, and
once she arskt me if I would allus love her and
be a good boy. Why in course I should, I don't
love nobody else like her. My mother didn't
seem As if she wanted to go back in the bus to
our street, for she kept sayin to me 'Don't you
think dhe grass and trees is nicet, Tommy?' and
then I allus said 'Yes, mother,' and looked at
them coz she wanted me. I sat on her nde- all
the way in the bus, and went to sleep."


ERTAIN recollections-exemplifying one
or other of the many phases of primary
school work-attach .to another of my little.
pupils. lHe was a cripple, and. had, been rendered:
so by a fall from his father's armis. Still, he.
was, on the whole, a bright, cheerful little fellow;.;
and,. in spite of his deformity, he entered with
zest into all those games from which his affliction
did not perforce exclude him. However, I have
often seen the lad limp into a corner of the play-
ground, and have a good cry all by himself, when
the lads with whom he was playing suddenly.
changed their game-as boys do-for one that
was too boisterous for him to take part in.
The lad's father once wrote a letter of com-.
plaint to the Board, charging the teacher with..
tripping the little lad up whilst crossing the
class-room. The charge was an utterly false


onerq-bit the assistant was .kept a nionth in
anxious suspense before he was examined by
the committee and exonerated. This assistant
was a particularly generous fellow, and I know
that he was especially kind to this poor ladi
often giving him a'penny to spend out of sheer
Well, I give you an exercise by this boy
which was written when he was eleven years of
age. The question to be answered was a
Scriptural one, namely, Give a sh6it account of
the prophet Elijah." Now the lad had evidently
forgotten his Elijah, and you will note that he
artfully evades the question, and actually gives
instead a history of Elisha.
Elijah was a very good man, but not quite
so good as Elisha. Elisha came after Elijah.
*They was both real profits, and was very much
respected. Elijah was taken up to Heaven
without dyin in bed, same as you and me will
have to, but he went up in a chariet of fire jest
like fireworks as I once seed at the Crystal
Palace, and got cold with standing all in the rain
a watching them with my uncle. But it was
Lord Bekonsfield, not Elijah, as you seed blowed


up at the Palace. Elijah was blowed up on,
Mount Sinai. Everything got burnt exept his
mantle,. which Elisha catched hold of while
Elijah was arisin. Some people don't know as
what the jews called mantles, all gentiles calls
shawls; but they hadnt no triminins.
"You couldn't tell men jews from women jews,
exept by the men having beards and by their
big red feet. The women's feet was little and
white, and most always. nice and clean. They-
used to wash them with preshus oil, not with
suds like you. The jews' mantles were more
beautiful than you think-some red, and some
blue. They had no top hats and no trousers,
on account of the burning sun.
"Elisha brought a young dead man to life
again by lying on the top of him, and blowin
into his mouth and up his nose. This made the
wind come into the young dead man's body, and
behold he sprang right up on to the bed and
begun to sneeze. Then his mother new he had
come round, and she fell on to his neck, saying,
'Here am I, my son.' And the young man
said, "So am I.' And so they kept a bracing,
and Elisha saw. all these things, and it come


to pass that he wept. This is what .you call
miracles. You cant do it, because you did not
live in those days. The lessons what you learn
is, always to be good, and not to think that
nobody cares for you."
Another effort. by this lad which I have
preserved is a composition upon "Insects." I
think proper to withhold one sentence from it,
for a reason which I need not mention:-
"Insects are very little things that fly or'
scrawl about. You mustnt call things insects
that's as big as a mouse, because you would be
telling a falsehood you would. All insects- are
not to be killed, except the. beetle, the spider,
and the insects in dirty boys' hair. You should
love all other insects.
I once put my hand in my pocket, and some
beetles was in the corner of it, which I thought
was crumbs of bread. But when I felt them all
scriggle about in my hand, I fainted, I did. I
have never liked beetles since they deceived me
so. If you read hard on a beetle and your
boots are thin, it makes the bottom of your foot
tickle when the beetle cracks. Always kill them
quickly, for how would you like scrunching
slowly ?


' "Spiders are the cruellist insects which evei
lived. They let some thread come out of their
bodies, just same as you do when yer flying yer
kites, and then they make a web of it to catch
flies. Then they skwert juice on to it to make
it.sticky, same as catchem alive papers what you
buy,.and then, they hide behind a leaf. When
the fly gets cote, the spider comes from behind
the leaf, skwerts some more juice on to the fly's
wings so as it cant fly away, and then rolls it
over and sucks:its blood.
"I have seed boys catch black beetles and
make them race, and then they kill the one as
loses. This is very cruel sport, most as bad as
rat catching. How Would you like to be killed
because you cant run ?
"The prettiest insect in all this world is the
ladybird. It is red with black dots. When
boys catch ladybirds they never kill them, but
they let them stand on the back of their hand,
and they say-

Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home,
The house is all empty, yer brothers all gone,.
All but one sat under a stone,
Writin a letter as farst as he can.'


Then the boy touches it behind, and it flies
"Crickets are those insects that sing behind
the firegrate. Never kill crickets, for I tell yer
I once killed a cricket while my mother was a
mangling and I was a r.;':l:ing the baby by the
side of the mangle, looking in the fire, and then
my mother began crying, saying baby would
never have no luck. Then I cried, and then the
baby started a crying and wouldn't go to sleep.
I'm sure I shant kill no more crickets, for I
loves our baby more than yer think."


WILL open this chapter by an anecdote in
connection with the little cripple before
mentioned, and the assistant teacher in whose
class he was, and whom, you will remember, the
cripple's father shamelessly charged with
I chanced to go into the assistant's class-room
one dinner.hour, the room being quite empty at
the time, with the exception of two or three
boys who came from a distance, and had brought
their meal with them. When I got in the room
one of the lads-whose dinner consisted of a
thick hunch of bread and the half of a cold
bloater-was engaged in making a chalk sketch
on one of the blackboards. He was so deeply
interested in his work, with the chalk in his
right hand and the bread-and-herring in his left,
that he did not observe my approach, and so I


had'the- opportunity of standing behind him and
seeing him finish;
SThe drawing, roughly represented a tall man
with thin angular legs, carrying on his back a
little egg-shaped boy, whose arms were circling
the man's neck, whilst his diminutive legs were
thrown out horizontally in the air. In addition
to the burden on his back, the man held in his
left hand what looked like two. long, straight,
SOf course the young' artist vas very ini'ch
taken aback when, on completing 'his sketch and
taking a good big bite of his bloater, he suddenly
turned round and found me standing over him.
S"Well, Stevens," I asked, good-hufnburedly,
"what does your drawing -eprep enti'?"
"If yer please, Sir," answered the lad, "It
stands for our teacher carrying the lame boy on
his back last Saturday."'
And then I gathered from the lad, bit by bit,
what amounted to the following details.
The assistant, it would seem, was-in the habit
of taking his class for-a Saturday country
ramble from time-to time, He had done so on
the previous Saturday, and the little cripple, in


spite of his affliction, turned up at the school
gates at the appointed hour to accompany the
party. When they got to H--, a village about
five miles out, the teacher, having made all the
lads sit down on a stretch of turf near a wayside
inn, went straightway inside the hostelry, and
ordered for every youngster twopenny-worth of
bread and cheese, paying for the whole out of
his own pocket.
The food'was brought out in a huge basket, -
and distributed to the children. Meanwhile the
teacher's young wife had tripped to a neigh-
bouring homestead, whence she returned accom-
panied by a yokel, bearing on his yoke two
pails of milk. Then, whilst the teacher 'was
seeing that his lads had plenty of bread and
cheese, his good little wife flitted about with
mugs of sweet milk.
And, reader, you will probably be surprised
to learn that this assistant teacher's salary was
only seventy-five pounds a year, and this in
spite of the fact that he was a Bachelor of
Science, However, he had the misfortune not
to have been educated at a Training College,
and this is a terrible ban to a modern school-


master. A non-collegiate's remuneration under
the London School Board does not average that
of a navvy, and even the trained assistant's
salary is altogether inadequate to the mainten-
ance of anything like a respectable position,
But I have not got to the gist of my narrative.
What was the meaning of the little artist's
drawing of the teacher and the crippled boy?
Well, it was this. It seems that on the return
journey, when the lads had got to C- a
distance of four miles from home, the little
cripple fairly broke down, and could not 'walk a
step further.
Then the teacher hauled the little fellow up
on to his back, tucked his crutches away under
his own arm, and carried the boy thus every
step of the way home. And the sight of the
teacher carrying the lame child had so worked
on our little artist's feelings and had so clung to
his memory, that, as if impelled by some
mesmeric influence, he had walked up to the
blackboard during his dinner hour and had
made an effort to depict the scene.
.And now I noticed, on surveying the drawing
again, that one of the little horizontal legs was


only half the-length of the other; and -this, I
surmised, was the manner in which the artist
had. attempted to pictorially convey the fact
that the rider was, as boys term it, dolly-legged,
I now knew, also, that what had looked to me
like clothes-props, were in fact intended to
represent the cripple's crutches.
I thank thee, my lad, for thy uncouth little
sketch and thy simply-told tale of thy teacher's
kind act; for, reader, there was to my mind, as
much poetry and dignity in that young school-
master stooping for miles beneath the burden of
a poor gutter cripple, as in Virgil's pious hero
bearing his aged father and his household gods
from the ruins of Troy.
Now that I have mentioned the little artist,
Johtiny Stevens, I will give an exercise of his
upon "Honesty." It is written in a hand which
many of my readers would have cause to envy,
for it is simply as elegant as caligraphy well can
be. And-yet Johnny now-six years-later-is
neither artist nor clerk, but an. ordinary plate-
layer on the railway, with grimy face and thick
horny hands. Some months ago he called at
the schools and left a' splendid bunch of roses


for 'me. When the lad was at school, I' re-
member, he often used to bring histeacher'some
little flower or other for a buttoo-hole. This,
however, is no uncommon thing for boys to do;
and I have frequently stuck in my coat some
ragged nasturtium' or some dilapidated double-
daisy which has been handed up to me by one
or other of my little scholars, rather than hurt
the child's feelings by placing it aside. It is a
wondrous satisfaction'to a boy to be able to say
to his school-fellows, "That's my flower that the
master's a wearing! "
And now for Johnny Stevens' essay on.

"Honesty is a thing what you can't see, but
only feel. You mustn't think that because you
can't see it, you haven't got to do it. For you
have. You can't see God, but your conshenses
tells you that there is God, you know that quite
well. Honesty is one of the most important
things that ever was. If everybody was honest,
how comfortable should we be. Some boys
steals little things and such, and yet they go
and think they've got honesty. But they hav'nt


got it, that's flat. It says in the First Standard
Reading Books,' It is a sin to steal a pin;' so
there you are.
Some folks think they have got honesty, if
they finds a thing in the street and keeps it.
Keeping things is stealing just the same. When
you finds anything, always give it to your
teachers or your mothers, and then you will have
honesty. I was once running after a man who
a perliceman was a taking to the station for
stealing, and when I kept a running round him
and looking up into his face, what do you think
I seed ? I seed he couldn't look me straight in
the eyes, much less stare me out. He was a
blushing, he was, I tell you. I seed him. Then
he swore at me and the other boys, and he telld
the perliceman to drive us back. And the
perliceman was frightened of him, and drove us
back. Praps that man started with stealing bits
of pencils and penknives.
"Some boys thinks that when they copy
other boys' sums and spellings, they have got
honesty. But copying sums is as worse as
stealing apples. If you can't do them there
sums called problems, scratch your heads and


try. The inspector once gave us a problem to
do about a little boy as had ten sovrins give
him by a gentleman, and if the boy give away
12 half-crowns, and lost 13 shillings, and spent
i threepenny-pieces, and put two pound 15 and
a hod penny into the savings bank, how much
would he have left in his pocket ?
-"Well I couldn't do it at first, speshully as a
lady was a talking and a larfing with another
gentleman all the time I was a thinking. But I
wouldn't copy off of the next boy, though I new
he was a finding it out all right by his writing so
quick. I just shut my eyes and put my left
finger in my ear, and scratched my head and I
thinked like mad, till I found out how to start
at it; and I just finished it as the inspector was
a saying All stop; time's up.' When you have
honesty, you have a kind of a sort of a nice
feeling in your inside what is called happy; and
isn't this a lot better than always being frightened
at people, and crossing over the road when you
see a perliceman? You knows it is;, then
always have honesty, never mind about not
seeing it."


B OYS are always delighted when they are
S set to write an exercise upon domestic
animals. I have a large number of speciniens
written by my pupils from time to time; and
whenever I re-peruse them, I am kept perforce
in a continuous state of merriment.
In every school there is always a moderate
percentage of boys who must be original, or
otherwise they simply collapse ignominiously;
and fail to execute the requisite number of lines
for a complete class exercise. It is aut Calsar
aut nullus with them. I have remarked, too,
that it is these little originals who, when their
brief school-life is over, are the very ones to get
on in the world and to chip their way to com-
parative ease and comfort.
Boys of this calibre "play when they play,


and work when they work." 'In the-playground
they are the merriest of the merry, fairly
perspiring with enthusiasm and energy, romping
"like mad," and making, meanwhile, such havoc
with jacket and trousers as generally to necessitate
an hour's darning and patching after bedtime
by a mother's never-tiring hands. They are
invariably the "leaders of sides," the arbiters
in disputes, and the general referees of the
school-yard's busy round.
But in school hours it is. they, likewise, who
settle down to their tasks quickly and in earnest.
Is it an arithmetic lesson ? Well, they are the
lads whom problems don't frighten-not one
little bit; and who, far from blenching or wincing
when mental arithmetic is announced, fairly revel
in the intellectual gymnastics. Or is it a reading
lesson ? They are the boys who read with
expression and feeling, although, perhaps, they
may not read half so fluently as their fellows.
Indeed, the effort of these little originals to
give appropriate emphasis and modulation to
the words and sentences they are enunciating
sometimes borders on the ludicrous. Still, the
schoolmaster prefers such brave attempts to the


monotony and rapidity of the ordinary class-.
But, nevertheless, it -is in compositioni that
original propensities and characteristics are
rendered most striking. The bare sight of one
of these lads writing down an exercise "all out
of his own head," would be most amusing to
a stranger, could he but watch the embryo
Macaulay without being himself observed. The
lad's position whilst seeking for an idea, and
then whilst mentally clothing it in appropriate
terms, is an attitude of sheer intellectual abandon
-the fingers of the left hand buried in his
tangled hair, and ever and anon relaxing them-
selves for a spasmodic 'scratch; the left eye
turned upward to the ceiling for inspiration, the
right being philosophically closed, as if to shut
out the disturbing influences of the external
world. This is position No. i.
Then, when the lad has got an idea, and has
likewise mentally dressed it up" ready for
writing down, he at once assumes position No. 2
-that of the. earnest scribe. He invariably licks
his pen first, then dips it deep down in the well,
jerks the excess of ink on to his trousers or on


the floor, gets his right hand in pose, rests his
left ear on the back of his left hand, rolls his
eyes, curls out his tongue, and lovingly commits
his idea to-paper.
I have chosen the exercise of Tom -- on
" The Cow," because little Tom was just such a
lad as I have described. His parents were poor,
being cats'-meat vendors in a very small way.
Their customers were spread far and wide about
the-district; and, in the last year of his school
life, the Board accorded Tom the privilege of
half-time, so that he could assist his father in
his rounds. Thus the poor lad had to work
hard with his brains in the mornings, whilst in
the afternoons he had to trudge weary mile after
weary mile with a huge basket of cats' food
swung upon his arm. I forbear giving the lad's
full name, because now he is a junior partner in
a large firm of "horse slaughterers," besides
being the Chairman of a Local Board, and (as
he lately hinted to me) he has higher ainis
The following; then, is a verbatim transcrip-'
tion of Tom's composition exercise on'
"' E .



SThe Cow is a noble quadrerped, though not
so noble as the horse, much less the roaring
Lion. It has four short legs, a big head for its
size, and a thick body. Its back legs are bent,
and there's two big bones sticking out just
above. Its tail is more noble than the donkey's,
but nothing to cum up to that of the race
The cow gives us milk, and niced beef, and
shoolether. How thankful should childern be
to this tame quadrerped.. The reason why beef
is so dear, is that cows cost so much, and the
earth is getting full of people. I always have
beef to my dinner on Sundays; on other days
bread and drippin or bread and lard, sometimes
"Mother says that if I'm hungry on my
rounds I can eat a bit of cat's meat if it doesn't
smell, but I mustnt eat the liver, she says.
How thankful ought we to be to the cow for,
nice hot beef. Pertaters grows; they are not on
the cow.
"The four things what you sees under the


cow's belly are what the milk comes through.
How thankful should we be. The cow makes
milk from grass. God teaches the cow how to
do it. A cow's feet is split in two, like sheeps;
they are called hooves.
"Little cows are called carves. Carves are the
stupidist of all tame quadrerpeds, except pigs
and donkeys. When you drive a carf, never
prick it behind, but push it gently with your flat
hand. Men are crewel to carves coz they cant
draw milk from them. You can genly find
mushrooms in cows fields, but you mustnt go in
if there's a board up. How would your mothers
like you to be called trespass ?
"Bulls are very much like cows, but are fierce
quadrerpeds. You can always tell bulls from
cows, coz bulls are black, and not quite so fat.
Bulls are not tame quadrerpeds, and they look
as if they could run. You can always tell them
that way. When my mother sees a bull she
always stands with her back to the wall till its
gone past, and she holds my hand. If a bull
wanted to hurt my mother, I should pull mother
in a hedge, and then kick out. Cows are painted
different colours; white, and red, and yellow.

0 .\'1.,', AS WRIT.

When they are black and white, they are genly
half bulls, so you must not go near them.
""There is what is called cream, which rich
people eats; it is got from cows which are all
white. How thankful should rich people be for
getting what they call cream from the cow. You
can learn lessons from this poor quadrerped;
not to kick, riot to trespass, and not to persecute

/ t ;


(" OME nine years.ago I had in my school-
a boy in whom-on account of his odd,
old-fashioned ways-I took a special interest. I
may say at once that he is now a clever, prosperous
young surveyor and engineer out in the States,
and it was only the other day that I received a
communication from. him thanking me in the
most hearty terms for the attention he received
from me whilst he was a pupil in my school.
He tells me that if I should take a trip over'to
the States he could have no greater gratification
than in entertaining me, and he gives me to
understand that his fortunes are assured. He
sends me his 'cate-de-visite, but I am bound'to
say that I quite fail to recognize him. Nine or
ten years ago he was a little stout plain-looking
lad, with bristled hair and patched clothes; but,
according to this presentment, he appears now


to be a tall, almost handsome fellow, with a
commanding and philosophic air. Still I seem
to think that I can cull from his face the old
merry twinkle of the eyes, and also a certain
earnestness of expression which even as a child
rendered him quaint and odd.
Here is a composition exercise of his upon
"The Cat." I see I have marked under it in
blue pencilling Fair," but, in addition to this
class-mark, I have further'added Send the'boy
to my desk at twelve;" and I have no doubt
but that, when he came to me, I spent a quarter
of an hour or so in an untutorial chat conducive
to the correction of his erratic ability, and to the
moulding and encouragement of that bent of
genius which I perceived in him.
The exercise is as follows:-


"The house cat is a fourlegged quad-
ruped, the legs as usuerl being at the
corners. It is what is sometimes called a tame
animal, though it feeds on mice and birds of
prey. Its colours are striped, tortusshell, black,


also black and white, and others. When it is
happy it does not bark, but breathes through its
nose, instead of its mouth, but I can't remember
the name they call the noise. It is a little word,
but I can't think of it, and it is wrong to copy.
Cats also mow, which you have all heard. When
you stroke this tame quadruped by drawing yer
hand along its back, it cocks up its tail like a
ruler, so as you can't get no further. Never
stroke the hairs acrost, as it makes all cats scrat
like mad. Its tail is about too foot long, and its
legs about one each. Never stroke a cat under
the belly, as it is very unhealthy.
"Don't teese cats, for, firstly it is wrong so to
do, and 2nd, cats have clawses which is longer
then people think. Cats have 9 liveses, but
which is seldom required in this country coz of
Christianity.' Men cats are allus called Tom,
and girl cats, Puss or Tiss; but, queer as you
may think, all little cats are called kittens,
which is a wrong name which oughter be
changed. This tame quadruped can see in the
dark, so rats stand no chants, much less mice.
Girls fears rats, even mice. Last Tewsday
I drawed our cat on some white tea paper, and

72 -..E'N'GLISH AS 'WR7 T

I s'ld it to a boy who has a father -for-26 pins
an'd some coff drops.' Cats are very useful. I
can't remember .one of the noises they make,
though I've just. been' trying again.' Cats eat
meat. and most ahythink, speshully where you
can't afford. This is all about cats."
Even pupil-teachers, in the earlier years of
their probation, often betray by their exami,
nation papers, that they entertain strangely
confused and erroneous notions. The following
is .a written answer to the question "Define a.
triangle (according to Euclid)." "A triangle may
best be defined as the familiar square, only the
former has three corners .or angles. Therefore
it is not a square. Q. E. D."
Another pupil-teacher (a .young lady aged
sixt,.ii), gave the following original answer to
the English History question "What is a Civil
War ? give a brief account of the causes which
led to hostilities between Charles I. and his
Parliament."--,"A Civil War, if I recollect
rightly, is. one in which the military are un-
necessarily and punctiliously civil or polite, often
raising their helmets to each other before
engaging in deadly combat. I cannot answer


the second part of the question, although I have
read it. I presume I did not make notes upon
But to return to our little friends the scholars.
I was one day giving a class an oral exami-
nation in geography, when I asked the following
question, amongst others, What is the capital
of China ?"
Numbers of eager hands were soon waving in
the air, and as many bright upturned faces
earnestly sought to catch the speaker's eye."
However, I turned my attention to a boy at the
end of his row, who, I noticed, had only elevated
his hand after some deliberation, and even then
with evident diffidence. "Well, William," I
interrogated, "What do you say is the capital of
China?" "Please, sir, nobody knows," res-
ponded the lad, because the Chinese won't let
strangers from other countries go in and see!"
I may remark that. such answers as these it
would be very unwise on the teacher's part to
check or discourage, for are they not the result
of a mental effort of the pupil ? and should not
the chief aim of the teacher be, not the cram-
ming of a crude mass of information into the


heads of these youngsters, but to teach them
how to think for themselves? This is -educa-
tion; the other, but the frivolous conveyance
of facts.



N essay on "Politeness," by William
S Martin, which now lies before me,
calls up some pleasant memories of the lad's
school days. Martin's father was a working
engineer of superior ability, and his wages were
good and regular. Other than this I know
nothing of the family. I am likewise un-
acquainted with William's career, for directly
after his leaving school the family removed
to a distant locality, and I lost sight of them
When William wrote this exercise on "Polite-
ness," he was in the first class of the school, and
was turned thirteen years of age. I find that
there are certain touches in his piece, which are
very characteristic of the lad's disposition. He
was so unselfish, so noble and generous, that he


commanded affection and admiration on all
sides. It was only cowardly and currish spirits
that feared or envied William Martin ; all others
loved and honoured him. I never saw that
grand text, It is more blessed to give than to
receive," better exemplified than in him; and I
believe this could only have been the result of
the most careful domestic training. Beyond a
doubt; the parents had brought their son up to
believe and to feel that he had.to live, not only
for himself, but for the comfort of .others; -and
such a healthy home influence, seconded by day
or Sunday school teaching; had had its fullest
effect upon this dear lad. H-e was the champion
of the weaklings, and the companion of the
strong. His highest pleasure, I am sure, con-
sisted in rendering others happy. -Of course;
Martin had his faults; but his kind. thoughtful-
ness and his generosity were such as I have
One incident in connection with Martin I
remember as if it had taken place but yesterday.
The chief part of this interesting transaction I
witnessed myself, .and I gathered one or two
details subsequently.


The lad had brought his dinner to school with
him on this particular day, in order to have
extra time, it would seem,. for taking a pre-
arranged stroll with two companions of about
his own age. Now the two lads (who were
brothers) were prevented from coming to school
that morning, so Martin had virtually brought
his' dinner to no purpose. What did he do?
As soon as twelve o'clock came, he sauntered up
to a group of three or four little urchins who
were huddled in a corner of the school munching
dinners of the very humblest description, and he
said, Here, you young shavers, take and share
this amongst you!" and he thereupon gave each
of them a good piece of bread and juicy meat,
and also equal portions of a tempting fruit
pasty. The boy then walked away to have a
hot dinner with his mother at home.
Now, what I would wish to point out is, not
only the circumstance that the nobility of the
lad's disposition led him to give away his dinner
to those necessitous little scholars, but also the
fact that he must have intuitively known that
when he- got home he would not be blamed for
what he had done. :


This little incident struck me forcibly at the
time, and I have often told the anecdote since.
Well might I speak of Will Martin as a "dear"
lad, as I see I have done above, for I know not
of any trait in juvenile character so irresistibly
lovable as indubitable unselfishness.
And now I place before you Martin's exercise
on Politeness," copying it exactly from the
lad's own writing.


"Politeness is a rather difficult thing, especially
when you are making a start. It means having
the sense to sometimes think of others as well
as of yourselves. Many people have not got it.
I don't know why, unless it is the start.
It is not polite to fight little boys, except they
throw stones at you. Then you can run after
them, and when you've caught them, just do a
little bit at them, that's all. Remember that all
little boys are simpletons, or they wouldn't do
it. It is not the thing to make fun of a little
chap because he is poorer than you. Let him
alone if you don't want to play with him, for he
is as good as you, except the clothes. When


you are in school and a boy throws a bit of
bread or anything at you over the desks, it is
not polite to put your tongue out at him, or.to
twiddle your fingers in front of your nose. Just
wait till after school, and then warn him what
you'll do next time; or if you find you are
bound to hit him, be pretty easy with him.
Some boys are very rude over their meals.
Don't keep on eating after you are tightening,
and you will be far happier. Never eat quickly,
or you might get bones in your throat. My
father knows of a boy who got killed over his
Sunday dinner. The greedy boy was picking a
rabbit's head in a hurry, and swallowed one jaw
of it, and my father says he was choked to
death there and then. Be very polite over your
meals, then, especially when it's rabbits. Since
my father told me that, I have always felt rather
queer over a rabbit dinner; I don't talk much,
and don't ask for any more. It is not polite to
leave vituals on your plate, especially anything
,you don't like. If you don't like turnips, it is
better to eat well.into your turnips first, while
you are hungry, and you'll eat the meat and
potatoes easy enough after. This is much better


than 'beingimpni.;lite, and leaving a lot of turnip
on: the edge. It is:not polite to tell tales of
,boys. When' a boy tells a tale, always' call
'Tell tale tit,
Your tongue shall be split,
All the dogs in the town
Shall have a little bit.'

You'll see how red he will turn, and cant look
you and the other boys in the face;'
Boys should always be polite to girls, however
vexing they may be. When anybody is- giving
anything away, always let the'girls have their
turn first. They like it. Girls are not so strong
as boys, their hair is long, and their faces are
prettier; so you should be gentle with them.
If a girl scratches you on the cheek, .or spits in
your face, don't punch her, and don't tell her
mother. That would be thean. Just hold her
tight behind by her arms for a minute or two,
till she feels you could give it her if you had a
mind to. Then say to her kindly, 'Don't you
do it again, for it is wrong;' give her a shake
or two, and let her go. This is far, better
than being unkind to her, and she will thank
you for, your' politeness, if she's anything of
a girl."


The paper which I give next is. a .Scripture
exercise,, and is altogether of a. different type.
The writer is Walter whenm I :reecollect
as a roguish little fellow, always on the alert for
mischief, and constantly getting .into..trouble for
breaches of discipline. He could not keep his
tongue still in class, and my only remedy was to
put him apart by himself. He was one of those
youngsters who can well nigh giggle on one side
of the face, whilst looking- sedate with the other.
I have frequently heard suppressed titterings or
other sounds of hilarity proceed. from that
portion of the room of which Walter -- was
the centre; but, however quickly I might turn
my head towards him, his features would appear
as stolid as stone, or he would simply turn -an
eye upon me of vacant listlessness or innocent
inquiry. Play was all he cared for; and he left
school a dunce-not because he couldn't, but
because he wouldn't, learn. However, when I
have said this, I have said the worst about him;
for, in other respects, he was an agreeable little
fellow. He was always willing to do anything
for his teacher, except brain work; and one
could not long be in a temper with him, in spite
of his irritating little failings. F


I believe he liked the Scripture lesson better
than any other. At any rate, it was during that
part of the school work that he gave the least
Here follows, then, this lad's account of


It all happened, what I'm going to tell you
on this paper about Daniel, in a country
thousands of miles from here; further off than
Jeriko even.
In that wild country they keep lions in dark
sellers under the ground, jest the same as your
fathers and mothers keep cocks and hens. They
catch these lions in the woods rarnd abart, put
them in bags, bring them home on donkys what
they call mules, and drop them out of the bag
darn the hole, and then they put a big stone
over the hole. How thankful shud we be that
there is no lions in this country ; why, your
fathers couldn't have no bean feasts, and the'
teachers woodnt get no childern to go with them
in their vans every year. In our fields and
woods there only foxs and rabbits, so they
don't count.


Now you couldn't guess for ever so long why
Daniel was put darn into the Lion's den, so I'll
tell you. It was for nothing else than just sayin
his prayers, what do you thinker that? He
woodnt never have been found out if he'd only
have kept to sayin his prayers when he got up
and when he went to bed; but he used for to
say them in the middle of the day, just arter his
dinner, and that's when some wickerd men seed
him from behind the blinds. Then they split
on him to the king, and the king was sorry fit
to cry, becose he lovd Daniel like unto his
These wickerd men with their nasty faces all
alarfin, caught hold of Daniel when it was getting
dark, and pulled him along the streets to the
first hole they came to where they new there
was some fearst lions down. Then they trusted
the stone off, and whipped him down just like
winkin. And the poor king sat on the stone
cryin like his hart wood break, and the wickerd
nasty men kept running rarnd the king all alarfin.
"Then the good king went away to bed, and
see you, he couldn't get off to sleep for thinking
wether the lions was a chawin poor Daniel.


Then they played all kinds of mewsik to hitm,
but it only made him wild, and he got up and
told them'to go away with their screetin.
S"'And behold as soon as it was light, he ran to
the lion's den, and called out loud down the'
hole; a saying 'Daniel, Daniel, art thou alive,
poor Daniel ?' and bustin with cryin all the time.
Aid then (if you go and say yev heard anything
like it afore, you just a sayin it becose you no it),
Daniel wgs alive, I tell you, walking in and out
and rarnd abart the beastes, thinking no more
abart it than if they was mice.
God had sent a good Angil to take care of
Daniel becose he wasn't shamed of sayin all his
prayers. This is trew, say what you like.
Daniel scrambled out through the hole, and
if yto could have seed the king and him a lussin
rarnd one another's necks, and a looking at one
another's eyes and a cryin, you wood praps have.
cryd too, there now I tell you. The king made
up his mind straight off as he Wood never pray to
wooden imiges again, and Daniel was a friend of
his till they both died and was buryd."


REMEMBER one of Her Majesty's In-
S spectors of Schools asking a question
in Grammar which evoked a very -amusing
answer. The question was certainly a-some-
what abstruse one, but I don't believe the
representative of "my lords" put it with any
but justifiable intentions,, for he was really a
good-hearted man, and a thorough lover of
children. He was dealing with the genders of
nouns, and, after asking the stereotyped
questions of "What is the feminine of "lion ?,"
and getting "lioness" from the youngsters
glibly and eagerly; then following with
"Marquis," and getting for answer Mar-
chioness" almost equally promptly; he finally
asked "And what, now- is- the feminine of
" Dutchman ?" Duchess;.sir," cried out nearly
the whole class without the slightest hesitation.


The innocent youngsters saw directly (from
the great man's rippling features) that they had
been egregiously trapped, and they had all
popped headforemost (metaphorically speaking)
into a terrible pitfall. They peered askance at
me in a crestfallen and wistful manner as if the
little beggars would say to me, "Don't be vexed,
teacher; we feel we've gone and done it; but,
grayshus, who wouldn't er thought that Duchess
would er satisfied him? he must be particular,
he must!"
Well, the next paper I come to in my col-
lection is an answer to the scripture question,
"Describe simply and briefly the family of the
patriarch Jacob."
How well I remember the lad who wrote the
paper which now lies before me. Little Johnny
Whittaker was then, I see," aged I." A bright,
chatty, chubby little chap he was; now, I
suppose, he is a full-fledged British workman,"
honestly toiling, I'll be, bound, for his daily
bread, and perhaps with a wife and a child or
two to care for. Aye, reader, and I-the
schoolmaster-firmly believe that Whittaker
will care for them, for as a lad at school he


would always give a bit of his apple to a play-
mate, and help Sally or Polly with their home
lessons: and is not the child the father of the
The foolscap on which Johnny's exercise is
written is now yellow, and faded, and crinkled;
but, doubtless, when the little fellow handed it
unto me it would be crisp, and white, and clean.
The lad's answer reads thus:-


"The man Jacob was by trade a patriarch.
But he didn't bring up his sons to be patriarchs
coz they didn't take to it, except Joseph. He
had 12 sons, and behold there was a famine in
the land. In them days people lived on corn,
like horses do now; not on vittles and tea.
People were fond of eating wheat, speshully
Jacob's sons. These bad sons liked their corn
best on Sundays, coz they could walk abart,
eatin it, doing nothing. And behold there was
a famine in the land. Never steal corn, for it' is
a sin; but you can go gleanin, and you often
gets a lot that way. Don't quarrel when yer


gleanin, but think of yer mothers and sisters,
praps dying. Be fair.
"Patriarchs had more fields than :farmers'
have, a lot bigger too. Nobody can't imagine.
Benjimun was the littlest son, but the loving
patriarch Jacob allus gave him the biggest mess
of corn, never mind how little he was. They
allus called pudden, and porrij, and anything
like that, they allus called it messes in those
days. Joseph could eat a big mess, too; but
Rewbin and Juder'who was the oldest couldn't
eat as much as yer might think. The patriarch
Jacob never'eat scarcely nothing except when
there was a famine.
"Joseph was very fond of dreaming. The big
brothers would allus vake him up when they
heard him dreaming, coz they knew he was
adreaming all sorts of nasty things abart them.
He once dreamed they were nothing but stars;
they didn't like that mind yer; and he dreamed
that the patriarch.Jacob was the sun and his
wife the moon. Behold he was allus a dreaming.
He dreamed that his brothers were just bits of
corn stuck up round him; and they were very
roth agenst him, speslully as there was a famine


in the land, and not a bit of corn -anywheres
round. The patriarch once gave unto Joseph a
coat all kindser colours, for childern liked
coloured close in those days. But his brothers
were more riled still, what they called roth.
They couldn't never see him with his red and
blue coat on, without saying to one another,
behold we will have his blood. The patriarch
saw all these things, and he told them how his
hair was a turning gray, more with their carryinson
than with the famine: He arsket them to
remember Abraham, Izak, and Jacob, and to
allus love their little brother. And then Rewbin
and Juder and the other men answered unto him
that they couldn't stand his dreams, and that if
he stopped a dreaming, they would be good unto
him, like as they was to Benjimun. This is all
I can say about this large family."
Another essay by this lad will, I think, be
found equally interesting. The subject is


I see a robin redbreast for the first time this
year, and I see the second one in Whitsun, else


Easter. Them's the two I see. Boys and girls
thinks as sparrows is niced birds, but I've told
them nearly twenty times as they don't know
nothing at all abart it. Why, they'can't sing, and
they haven't got a bit of red, not even white,
anywhere abart there bodies. They're just worth
nothing. They only pertend they're worth
something by flying away when you try to catch
them. It's all pertending. Why, they can't
build picter nests, and can only lay nasty
mucky eggs. Even police won't catch them,
coz they know same as yer fathers, that they're
no good.
"When I see that first robin I did tremble.
It was on the top of a close prop in a gentle-
man's back garden nearly in the country. My
father had took me and my sister a long walk to
a niced place they call Hamsted, coz he was out
of work, and my mother give him fourpence as
she had got laundrin. My mother told my
father to buy two cups of tea for himself, and
one each for Clara and me, and she give us some
niced bread and butter and two bread and
drippin in a paper with picters on.
"My father said 'stop, Jack, don't move,


there's a robin.' Then I was all a trembling,
and my throat felt so queer. I said 'where,
father?' and he said, 'on the top of that close
prop, through the palins just by that shert, Jack.'
I see it fair. It was looking straight at me, and
I see every bit of the red. And Clara wispered
'pretty robin,' without movin, and I stood and
didn't wink longer' than when yer play starin
outs. Then a lady with a white cap came out
of the back door, and begun a feeling at the
close, and she scared the robin away. Then she
looked through the palins at us, and said some-
thing as made us walk on. Her face was
redder than yer mothers.
"As we was walking on I told my father
all abart what I learns at school abart the robin
redbreast, how it builds a niced round nest in a
little bush, and singing at peoples doors to
please them. And Clara told all abart the
robins covering up that little boy and girl what is.
called the babes in the wood. Father said as
men liked to sing abart the death of cock robin,
what an old sparrow killed. We arsket him to
.sing it, and he said he would when he had past
the station, coz there was two railway men


looking at us as if we was' going into the station
without payin.
"When we got by the side of some grass,
father sung it for us, and we did like it. There
was one line come most, which was 'all the
birds in the air went a sine and a sobbin, when
-they heard of the death of pore cock robin.'
Clara cryd a little bit, and she arsket father how
birds signed and sobbed, and father said as she
was to arsk her mother 'when she got 'home.
He said he -felt cold and wanted his tea.
"Our tea made us niced and warm, and there
was a big fire in the room, and a orgin man a
playing outside. When he come in,-the woman
give him a cup -of tea as he took out, and my
father said the man didn't pay nothing for it.
My father give her four pennies. There was
someone sitting at our table as had a niced
smellin red herrin, which he eat all up except
scarcely anything at all. I see him all the time,
though he thought as I was looking at the picter
paper,, but I was looking over the top of it a
watching him eatin.
"That other robin as I see was singing. My
father was building a house, and he took me


with hiin on a Saturday to help him carry sum
sticks and things back to- keep good fires. The
robin just flew over a wall quick as you throw
stones; and dropped on a tree as was cut down,
and begun a singing ever so, straight off. Why
twenty sparrows all trying their hardest couldn't
do anything like it. Them sparrows don't stop-
long enough in one place and have a good, try,
like as robins do. Why if you just move yer
arm without meaning tothrow at all, they fly to
the top of the spout, and look at you till you've
gone away from them. Robins- live abart as
long as other birds of the same size. They
don't live as long as growd up people, coz of the
size. Never take robins nestes, for you will
never forget it long as you live. You should
not think, as birds can't feel if you hit them with
a stone. Birds have blood."
1 see, too, that I have pinned to Johnny
Whittaker's paper, a slip containing a quaint
answer, he once made to a question in
The inspector was examining a class, of which
Johnny was a member, in elementary geography.
After dealing with the definitions (Cape,


River, Table-land, &c.), and the size and shape
of the earth, he asked, What would you expect
to see on rivers, boys ?" Of course he wanted
the answer "boats," or "vessels," but he by no
means got that answer from Johnny Whittaker.
A goodly number of eager hands were at once
thrown out, and I have no doubt but that the
great majority of the lads were going to give the
answer he wished for; but, unfortunately, he
pointed in the direction of Johnny Whittaker,
and said "You, boy, what do you say we find
on rivers ?" "Bits o' sticks and straw, Sir!"
cried Johnny. Poor lad, he was doubtless
thinking of some neighboring stream or gutter
in which he had dabbled for the hour together
catching the dirty refuse in its eddying course.



D O you knowI always had a strangely
weak fondness for my Dunces; although
I confess that oul of school, I take pleasure in
recapitulating their freaks of genius.
The quivering lip, the restless eye, the twitch-
ing fingers, and the glances of wonderment to
right and left on hearing an ordinary class-fellow
give an ordinary answer to an ordinary question!
How often have I witnessed these piteous signs
of incapacity. Heigho! A tear in my eye!
You young rascals, you'll never know it, but you
provoke a tear almost as often as you provoke-
you' know-one of my stern ominous glances.
Here boy-it's twelve o'clock I see-take this
and buy yourself something to suck. Don't buy
it coloured now! There, there; you'll be as
sharp as the other boys some day, perhaps.
George Lee was one of these poor little
creatures of weak intellect. His father was a


well-spoken, respectable man,-a hard-working
law writer, who had to catch his train at nine in
the morning, slave through his folios in a copper-
plate hand till dusk, on the tally system; and,
when he got back to the bosom of his family in
the evening, he was often (he has told me) too
fagged out to chat with his Georgie, who liked
to stay up for a parting good-night fondle.
SIrecollect Georgie giving a striking answer in
geography, under circumstances which deserve a
full relation.
:The .class was being questioned in geo-
graphical outlines by one of the "managers"
of the school.
Every Board School has a group of "mana-
gers" attached to it;. and these gentlemen, as a-
rule, are well educated, refined, and sympathetic.
However, there, are exceptions; and these ex-
ceptional individuals have it in their power to
render themselves "flies in the ointment" to the
Education Department, to the Board, to their
brother managers, and to the teachers.
The particular manager above referred to was
the owner of three or four oil-and-colour shops,
had a comfortable villa residence in the suburbs,


but was as ignorant of Queen's English as a
Hottentot. He was tall and bony, badly pitted
with small-pox, and his long black hair was
smoothed and scented with some abominable
kind of oil.
The man made no secret of the fact that he
had received all his juvenile education -at the
Sunday School, and that the newspapers had
done duty for college and travel. There was
always a daily" either in his hand or perking
forth out of his breast pocket.
Well, I remember this man once standing by
me during a geography lesson, and (with a
bland apology to me) cynically interposing the
following question to the boys :-" If I bored a
hole right through the earth till I came out at
the other side, where should I be? I need
not say that he wanted for answer "New
Zealand," or "The Pacific Ocean"; but, on his
pointing to poor shallow-minded Georgie Lee
(who was sitting in the front row right under
the manager's nose) he got the prompt reply,
" Off yer head, Sir! Yer can't do it!"
The manager felt that this little scholar had
made him look foolish ; and, taking the lad's


tiny ears in his.big, coarse fingers, he gru.ifly
remonstrated, "You silly little boy, I said 'If,
If, IF,' "-at the same time giving Georgie's
ears three separate twitches on each of the
"If's." He pretended to perform the action
playfully; but I could see by the la scre\iLd-
uip features and raised haindis that thli' niiaf air's
wrenches were not so innci-cent a-: e tri-id to
make them appear.
Here, before me, reader, lies an e-s. -. of
George's upon


"A Day in the Country is wot I has to giv.
0 the country is so niced. Yer woodnt believe.
I have seed it 5 or 6 times. It was like a grate
big green sea. Yer woodnt believe. I only see
it wunce a yere, when our Supintendunt taks the
Sunday School childern all for nothing, an givs us
a tea an all sorts of niced things. This time it
was to Ashsted. We all worked from our.
Sunday School, which is near the' Ellifunt, to
Voxhole Station, the Supintendunt running up an
darn all the time, making us joyn hans. Then
we all got up into the train at Voxhole. How

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