Citation
The Florida alligator

Material Information

Title:
The Florida alligator
Alternate title:
Summer school news
Alternate title:
University of Florida summer gator
Alternate title:
Summer gator
Alternate Title:
Daily bulletin
Alternate Title:
Orange and blue daily bulletin
Alternate Title:
Orange and blue bulletin
Alternate Title:
Page of record
Place of Publication:
Gainesville Fla
Publisher:
the students of the University of Florida
Publication Date:
Frequency:
Daily except Saturday and Sunday (Sept.-May); semiweekly (June-Aug.)[<1964>-1973]
Weekly[ FORMER 1912-]
Weekly (semiweekly June-Aug.)[ FORMER <1915-1917>]
Biweekly (weekly June-Aug.)[ FORMER <1918>]
Weekly[ FORMER <1919-1924>]
Weekly (daily except Sunday and Monday June-Aug.)[ FORMER <1928>]
Semiweekly[ FORMER <1962>]
Weekly[ FORMER <1963>]
daily
normalized irregular
Language:
English
Physical Description:
v. : ; 32-59 cm.

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
Newspapers -- Gainesville (Fla.) ( lcsh )
Newspapers -- Alachua County (Fla.) ( lcsh )
Genre:
newspaper ( marcgt )
newspaper ( sobekcm )
Spatial Coverage:
United States -- Florida -- Alachua -- Gainesville
Coordinates:
29.665245 x -82.336097

Notes

Dates or Sequential Designation:
Vol. 1, no. 1 (Sept. 24, 1912)-v. 65, no. 74 (Jan. 31, 1973).
General Note:
Summer issues also called: Summer school ed., <1915>-1920 and again in 1923; summer issues also called: Summer ed., <1921>.
General Note:
Has occasional supplements.
Funding:
Funded by Van Dyke Endowment for the Libraries in support of teaching, research, acquisitions, preservation and programs in the Libraries

Record Information

Source Institution:
University of Florida
Holding Location:
University of Florida
Rights Management:
Copyright The Independent Florida Alligator. Permission granted to University of Florida to digitize and display this item for non-profit research and educational purposes. Any reuse of this item in excess of fair use or other copyright exemptions requires permission of the copyright holder.
Resource Identifier:
000972808 ( ALEPH )
01410246 ( OCLC )
AEU8328 ( NOTIS )
sn 96027439 ( LCCN )

Related Items

Preceded by:
Orange and blue
Succeeded by:
Independent Florida alligator

Full Text
The Florida
Agitator

Vol. 55, No. 117 University of Florida, Gainesville Monday, April 1, 1963

Candidates Admit
They're Illegitimate

A well-oiled political campus
gave way to confessions last night
when all candidates running for
student body posts admitted they
were illegitimate.
We feel this has a direct
bearing on the student body
election, both sides said in
unis ion.
But we admitted it first said
the C. Y. B. (C ast Your Ballot)

Its 5 Swimming
Pools Here in 63

Plans for the purchase of five
local swimming pools were
announced yesterday by UF Pres.
J. Wain Gritz.
I feel that a great land grant
institution like the University of
Florida should honor a great
swimming team like we had this
year, Gritz said.
The cost of the pools is esti estimated
mated estimated at nearly one-half million
dollars.
I expect legislators around the
state to complain. But they just
dont understand. This money is
coming out of the concession fund,
Gritz said.
Mallory Bugle, speaker of the
Florida House of Representatives
said the move was typical of the
UF.
He said that perhaps it was the
smartest thing a University presi president
dent president could have done on a
legislative year when he is crying
for more money.
It will make all the legislators
happy to know that the UF is con considering
sidering considering first the health of the
students, Bugle said.
Percy Whiskers, theUFspublic
relations expert said the
legislators would probably take
it very well.
Whiskers went on to explain the
tax payers just couldnt understand
ail the complicated different

Gator Editor Kidnapped
Staff Uncovers Campus Truth

A howling mob of revengeful
campus politicos last night kid kidnapped
napped kidnapped Alley-Gator Editor Davey
Lawrence, big bad 3JM bully, and
roadtrlpped him to Dixie County
while publishing a special edition
of the paper.

' Davey-Boy Exposed

Alligator Editor David
Lawrence, Jr. was exposed yester yesterday
day yesterday by the Board of Faculty-Run
Publications.
William Epperstein, acting
board executive secretary said
that when the board checked
Lawrence's references when he
applied for editor it was found
that David Lawrence the syndicated
columnist was no relation to the
Alligator editor.

party.
They werent man enough to
admit they were bastards, said
Ron LaFarce, party spokesman.
The Non-Student Party denied
this however. We never said
we weren't illegitimate, but we
felt that it did not have a place
in campus politics, said Toni
Lreer.
It was only after we found a

accounts but it didnt take any
tax money.
That makes sense, doesnt it?
he said.
Gritz said iie was proud of the
aquisition. He felt that the UF
was going on to greatness.
I expect to purchase seven
fishing camps, thirteen bowling
alleys and turn the present 18-
hole golf course into a 27-hole
course before the legislature
meets Gritz said.
Director of Informational Ser Services
vices Services Hope Kernals said he and
Dean of University Relations Bing
Crosby, had been waiting for a
tough job like this.

Honor Coed Program
Inaugurated Today

Starting today it will be possible
to pick up an Honor Coed and
leave her before class.
Its part of the long-awaited
Honor Coed program.
Paul B endix, UF Student Bod]
President, said yesterday that the
program will depend on the student
body.

Davey was dragged from behind
his desk in the crumbling basement
' of the Florida Unity Building and
carried, tied hand and foot, to a
waiting car.
Davey's assiliants were
described by other Alley-Gator

Lawrence said be was sorry he
deceived the students but that he
was really the son of a David
Lawrence.
Board Chairman Ralpby
Thompson said it was undecided
what action would be taken but
he assured the students
that Lawrences salary would be
cut at least 40 per cent. *He
should still be able to get- through
school on SSO per week.

slam sheet they (the C.Y.B. party)
gave to the pledges to spread
through the dorms did we wish to
let the campus know. They were
saying we were bastards and not
man enough to admit it.
A look at the past record of
this campaign shows considerable
fury.
1) Jim Phew, candidate for
bookkeeper of the Honor Court,
admitted he was not eligible for
election. Regls tr ar records
Indicated that Phew was not a
student. Phew said when he
registered to run, he felt that he
was a legitimate candidate. The
dean of his college said Phew had
been counseled but that he didnt
remember Phew attending classes.
2) Jim G. Cracker said he was
33 years old and didnt fedl that
was to old to run for president.
Some of our greatest leaders
did their best work when they were
33.
3) Candidate Cracker chal challenged
lenged challenged C. Y. B. candidates
Paule Sweet Boy Bendlxs to a
nose-to-nose-debate through the
dorms. Bendlxs refused saying,
I believe that all the news with
decency is our only limit.
4) Bendlxs, the clean mans
candidate, said he was happy the
Aggitator was going to editorially
back him in his race.

We have had four fraternity
houses putting the Honor Coeds
into shape, they were a little rusty
and we spent over 1,000 man hours
preparing these Honor Coeds for
campus distribution, Bendlxs aid.
Program chairman Mick E.
Mouse said it would be easier
for a student to get from class

staff members as having that
greasy political look.
The kidnappers bludgeoned
Davey into unconsciousness with
gold chains laden with service
keys.
Lawrence had Just returned to
his office from the Florida Unity
poolroom when the mob burst into
the building. He had won $17.32
in meal tickets from staff members
he had forced into the pool game
by threats of withholding their
salary.
It is rumored that some staff
members may have had a hand
in Daveys disappearance. The
current political campaign has
caused a staff split between the
Unbiased Cast Your Ballot (C.
Y .B.) Party member of the staff,
and the 135 Biased staff members.

- ' i'- s -1 r \-' -r,",v' _ ~V X.'V, y- r V^.''-W.VV "t** v '-^U'" a V-, v ,v "1 : ;

ROCK 'N' ROLLER STEVE ALAIMO
. thrills thousands at annual Spring Frolics.

Steve Alaimo Sta rs
In Frolics Concert

Miami rock-and-roller Steve
Alaimo sent Spring Frolics crowds
into gales of applause and won a
standing ovation for his perfor performance
mance performance in the Gym Friday night.
Alaimo, nattily attired in
charcoal-grey skin, flipped he
black hair at the crowd as, he
crooned through several great
college-loved ballards.
The crowd went wild.

to class. But you must leave
her outside the classroom. Pro Professors
fessors Professors have lent their approval
to the program on this condition/'
he said.
UF Pres. J. Wain Gritz gave
whole-hearted approval. In the
course of development of a great
land grant institution many
programs must be started. I have
not been given the full details on
the program. But if it has any
thing to do with Honor I am for
it."
Dean of Livestock Marine Shady
said the picking coeds for the
program has been a difficult Job.
It took the entire faculty and staff
of the Swine division along with
the Livestock Judging Team to
select the Honor Coeds.
I only wish I were a coed
again/ she added.
One of the Honored Coeds,
Prudence Sellers said she under understood
stood understood her role as a Honor Coed.
I understand everything about
the program and my obligations but
I am {Mizzled where they got the
name."
Another of the select group of
coeds, Careful Ellers, said that
Mortar Broad, women's honorary,
would lend full backing to the new
program.
This is the sort of service
we like to be associated with,"
she continued. Projects on this
_ plane will help our university
expand."

Alaimo proved he was more
than a singer when he added a
bump and grind routine to his
presentation which had a devasta devastating
ting devastating effect on the audience.
As a performer, Alimo make
good use of two microphones in
which he carressed lovingly-send lovingly-sending
ing lovingly-sending campus coeds screaming into
the aisles.
Although It was Allamo who made
the show Anita Bryant, and Vaughn
Meader also appeared.
Meader, the star of First
Family, sent the crowd Into near
sleep with his long performance.
The crowd appeared to enjoy the
mi iv excerpts from his First
Family record which he quoted
many times.
After the show r Allamo thanked
the students for their enthusiastic
cooperation in hand-clapping and
the twisting partners for handling
themselves similar to the dancers
at Miami Beach Senior High School.
Little Sisters
Plan Party
A rush party of the Little
Sisters of the Madras Underwear
will be held tomorrow afternoon
at the UF llfestock pavilion.
All coeds who wish to honor
what's beneath are invited to attend
said President Gladl M. Affiliated.
Theres not much to it that I
can show you, she said.
Currently its pretty niuch under
wraps.
However, advisor to organiza organizations
tions organizations William G. Doublecross told
us we have to prove our validity
before we can become a recognized
UF group, she continued.
Its the feeling of the group that
UF coeds should take more pride
in what they wear. We of Little
Sisters of the Madras Underwear
are proud to have the public know
that some coeds do try to be
appealing to the eye.
O ur functions are fairly limited
right now, she said.
But we hope we will be
expanding.



Page 2

The Florida Alligator Monday, April 1/ 1963

Party Workers Get
Awards in Defeat

By POLITICO GARRETT
Unmanaged Editor
Student Political Party honored
those who served beyond the call
of duty" yesterday.
Awards went to:
Ron Catch-a-Wop for his trips
to the printer.
Rachel High Priest for obtaining

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Gator
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Information which presented new
light on the campaign
C. Farris Norrlt, Jr. for maln maln.
. maln. taining party headquarters.
v Terry Trust worthy for the
loyallty to the party.
Toni Greer for dumping a new.
class of vocabulary' into the
campaign.
Bill Where Did They Go Tri Tricycle
cycle Tricycle for house control.
Susan Shady for general control.
The ATOs for financial
generosity.
Jim Cracker for cutest wrinkles.

nab I ', qlrf

M >
L

WULHIMINA CURRY

. . is a 6-foot, 2-inch
green-eyed blonde who
slumps, is active in cam campus
pus campus politics and a member
of Florida Tarnished Key.
The cute little coed lives
on N.W. 14th Street with
former student body presi president
dent president Robert Park. She says
she is not engaged or go going
ing going steady and when not
at home, she can be found
in tb P. K. Yonge Lib Library
rary Library of Florida History

Ronnie LaFarce Wins
O u ter-F rate mi ty Prize

Laudits were passed out at the
Outer-Fraternity Council meeting
last night.
. Ronnie LaFarce, president of
the organization, was presented a
gavel and cited tor turning the
OFC, which* was a rather in ineffectual
effectual ineffectual tool of the administration,
into an effective tool of the
administration.
William Double Cross, advisor
to the Greeks, pointed to the fine
cooperation he has received and
VOh Buoy, We
Winn A Prizz
Tie Florida Alligator picked up
another award last week when the
Association 6f Daily College News
papers presented the UF
newspappper with theproff reading
award.
In accepting this honor Davdi
Lawrence, Alligattor editor, said
that he did not believe it happened.
We have tryed all year to be
perfect and at least in one era
whe.have suceeded.

thanked the frat boys for trusting
him.
Cross was honored tor being the
unwavering truths

Plans lor the future year were
outlined by newly elected president
Charlie, (another Delt is on his
way) Alloy.
Alloy said he would strive with
his other officers to widen the gap
between the individual fraternities
and the Outer Fraternity Council.
Its not good when the two get
too familiar with one another,
he said.
Top 5 Tunes
Are Varied
The top tune all around the
nation this week, according to
disk Jockey requests and record
sales is Stop the World, I Want
to Get Off,*' from the show of the
same name.
Tune number two is Everybody
Can't be a Winner," sang by Sharon
Testy.
The number throe tune is Let
Me Say This About That,"
composed and sung by the nations
number one rock-and-roller, j.
Fake Kennedy, a member of the
presidential Clan.
Walk Right In," an instrumental
by the Army R.O .T.C. band,
climbed to number four this week,
and You Were My Baby Until
I Didnt Get Tapped For Florida
Blue Key," slid into the number
five spot.
Water Line
Breaks But
All Is Well
A disturbed grbup of students
jammed the City of Gainesville
switchboard late last night with
complaints after a watermain
broke between the UF and N.W.
sth Avenue, flooding a 20-block
area.
Well send out some men and
some mops and see what we can
do about it."
This is the latest in a long
fine of student complaints
concerning off-Campus housing
conditions.
In early January a student called
the Dean of Women to report
her roommate had been carried
off by a large rat, and had not
been seen for almost a week.
Although off-campus Housing
director Karl Flopp investigated
the disappearance and the
conditions of off-campus housing,
the girl was never found and the
rats stayed on.
Other students living off-campus
have complained about noisy
faculty members.
One student reported his
next door neighbor, a
full-professor in the college of
arts and sciences, gave loud
parties almost every night and his
guest sang barroom ballads
continuously.
The professor was placed on
Presidents Probation for the rest
of the trimester and reprimanded
for keeping students awake.



SE& f~- .J&
,
L >, fj
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-ri. : K :

POLITICAL AFTERTHOUGHTS
. are expressed as one Agitator staffer tells an another,
other, another, "I told you the DU's never should have jumped."

Plea Fot Mote May Graduates

We need people to graduate,
was the frantic plea issued to the
UF student body late last night
by UF administrators.
We are urging everyone to
participate in graduation exer exercizes
cizes exercizes on May 4. Due to the
trimester and no requirement for
senior participation, it appears
that our academic ranks are going
to be empty, said UF President
J. Wane Gritz.
Our public image will be
shattered, he added.
As a compensation, each student
who participates will have one

Lightning Hits Tigerl Friday

A streak of lightning rocked Ti Tigert
gert Tigert Hall yesterday at 8 a.m. caus causing
ing causing no damage or injuries.
University staff members, just
arriving, were perplexed as to its
origin. Several secretaries fainted
and phones were tied up all morn morning.
ing. morning.
A high ranking staff member
immediately commented, I don't
know why this happened.
After a morning-long investi investigation
gation investigation over coffee, high ranking
officials were apparently no closer
to a solution.
We dont know why this hap happened,
pened, happened, they said.
By this time word had been
recieved from all points across
campus the lightning was not
seen by anyone else.
Officials immediately attributed
the Incident to the students.
Its some sort of prank, said
Will Dou. ecross. Theyre al always
ways always up to something.
An observer riding down Univer University
sity University Ave. at the time of the flash
commented hotly, the lightning
came from the sky.
Word was recieved from Talla Tallahassee
hassee Tallahassee at noon, We didn't do it.
After trying all other
alternatives, the administration
called a conference of several
carefully selected professors. The
afternoon discussion produced the
following suggestions as to pos possible
sible possible cause of the unidentified
lightening.
It was a new super-atomic test testing
ing testing weapon, said Poly. Scl. Pro Professor
fessor Professor Heidelheimer. Maybe
we're a target area.
A sign of our decadent
society, said History Prof. Dr.

digit dropped from his student
number. This will enable ease in
filling out forms and progress
tests and bring individuality back
to campus.
Each time a student graduates
another number will be dropped.
If a student should lose his entire
student number before his
education is complete, he is
automatically eligible for
graduation.
But we cannot take responsi responsibility
bility responsibility for problems he encounters
in the real world, said Gritz.

T.K. Weekley.
It must have been dramatic,
said Humanities Prof. Dideot
Raiffe. Maybe it could be used
in a future production.
A suggestion from Religion Prof.
Dr. Felton Rudder brought gales
of laughter from assembled
academicians.
Perhaps, he said, its the
trimester. You are all aware of
final exam scheduling.

ENTER CONTEST NOW!!
Movie Actress Lael Jackson Will Have
Dinner at a Fraternity House
Hollywood starlet Lael Jackson, who will arrive
in Gainesville Sunday evening March 31 to
promote the world premiere of the motion picture
"The Garbage Man" will be guest of honor Tuesday,
April 2, at one of the fraternity houses of the
University of Florida.
MEN, HERE IS ALL IT TAKES TO WIN THIS
CONTEST and have this beautiful movie actress
as your guest. Simply "dress up" a GARBAGE CAN
(any size) in the most unusual way you can think
of. Have the garbage can on display in front of
your fraternity house between 2:00 p.m. and 4:00
p.m. Tuesday, April 2. The most original and
creatively dressed garbage can will win.
Judge of the contest will be motion picture producer
Robert B. Steuer.
Who Will Have Movie Actress
Lael Jackson for Dinner?

Easter Loses Out
In Exam Conflict

By Brenda Starr
Un-Managed Editor
J. Broward Greenpepper,
executive director of the State
Board of Control, suggested today
that Governor Farris Burnout in investigate
vestigate investigate rescheduling Easter to
resolve the Easter-exam conflict.
We .cant change exams,
Greenpepper said, Maybe the
Governor can do something about
rescheduling Easter.
Greenpepper,. in a statement to
the press, admitted that the.
trimester system was instituted in
state universities just to make
the student suffer.
He said the trimester was chosen
over the quarter system so
students would have to study during
Lent.
Its the best time to study
anyhow, Greenpepper said, Be Because
cause Because nobody is supposed to do
anything else.
UF students and faculty had
protested the E aster-exam conflict
to no avail during the trimester.
Governor Burnout is expected
to issue a statement on the Easter
change later today.
Greenpepper also said the tri trimester
mester trimester was chosen because it will
free the faculty sooner in the year
to seek part-time employment to
enable them to maintain their
families at the bare subsistence
level to which they are accustomed.
Professors and students can
get out in the nice Florida sunshine
and work at outdoor jobs for their
health and pocket books, Green Greenpepper
pepper Greenpepper said.
Our professors will benefit
from some time away from chalk
dust spent at useful jobs ro ad
construction for example.
In other action, the Board called
for establishment of a ten million
dollar training school for glass glassbottom
bottom glassbottom boat operators in Ocala,
home town of Governor Farris
Burnout.
There is a definite need for
a school of this caliber,
considering the expansion of the
boat industry in this state,
Greenpepper said.

The Florida Alligator Monday, April 1, 1963

We hope to encourage
government expansion in this fast
growing technological field by
providing a training ground for
the operators right in the state,
he continued.
The U. S. government has
expressed concern over the
growing need for glass-bottom
boats improvements and better
trained operators in recent weeks.
In order to close the boat-gap
with the U.SJS.R., an estimated
30,000 operators and an additional
20,000 boats of ten-ton capacity
must be produced by 1975.
O ur state should do all it can
to aid our country, Greenpepper
said.
Objections to establishment of
the new school were raised by UF
president J; Wain Gritz, who said
the UF was capable of training
personnel needed in the field.
We have three large bodies of
water on the UF campus, Gritz
said. We can remove the reptiles
from the Gator ponds, or we can
leave them there for obstacle
course experience.
He also added that Lake Wauburg
would be an excellent training site.

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Page 3



The Florida Alligator Monday, April 1, 1963

Page 4

Impressed Seminole Staff

Produces Thin-Line Book

By POLITICO GARRETT
Unmanaged Editor
The impressed Seminole staff
has Just completed another year
of impressive publication.
The staff has published two
thin-line' Seminole Magazines,
the smaller but better book,"
according to Editor W. Quinton
Dowling, m.
We hope to reduce the book
ever further in the future,
Dowling said impressively.
Someday students will be able to
carry the Seminole in their
pockets."
The new thin-line Seminole is
full of pictures of campus activi activities.
ties. activities. We didnt use the same
picture more than once on
any page, Dowling said.
Dowling promised students
would find correct picture
Identifications in this years
edition.
We put all the names in a
hat and picked them out one by

TONIGHT ONLY
at 7 p.m. only
The Man Who
ever Was
Clifton Webb
Gloria Grahame
/ Florida Unioa Auditorium
HELD OVER THRU TUESDAY!
Winner of 2 Academy Award Nominations!

IWorld Premiere! Starts Wednesday!
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one until we found one that fit
in the space allotted," Dowling
said.
As far as we can tell, "Dowling
said, this is the first college in
the country to put out a book like
this one."
We think the trend toward
smaller books more often will
spread all over the nation," he
continued. It could even become
a weekly publication.
Linda Baskind, impressed, was
elected managing editor this tri trimester
mester trimester after the resignation of
last trimesters managing editor,
Lee Sharp, unimpressed.
Linda did a real impressive
Job, said Dowlingm, Southern
gentleman. And besides, she was
so Impressed."
Linda, a Junior in the College
of Education, has spent three
impressive years on the Seminole
before her election to the managing
editor's post. She is a pledge
to the Little Sisters of the Madras

Underwear.
I owe my whole election to
the fact I was so impressed,"
Linda said. Thats how I made
it."
Lindas duties this trimester
included supervision of the
Seminole harem and keeping of
the editors datebook.
Betty Jean McNaull, impressed
Southern Belle, served as copy
chief. Her duties included mutil mutillation
lation mutillation of Seminole copy, especially
that written by the Agitators able
staff. She is also pledge to the
Little Sisters of the Madras Under Underwear.
wear. Underwear.
Backed up by these two
impressed Madras pledges, editor
Quinn m has burned the midnight
oil-working on the Seminole.
He works so hard," said Betty
Jean. Hes so popular, hes so
beautiful. Im so impressed."
They work so well," he said.
And are they impressed!"
Ive spent every weekend
working, Quinn m said. I
hope sometime in the future to be
able to relax."
All in all, it has been an exciting
time for the editor.
Ive enjoyed every minute of
it," he said. And it was so easy
to make this year."

(amesnut
f um-m TRSATSE
2400 Hawthorne Road, RL 20
Movie information FR 6-5011
last gigantic
2 nites spectacles
open 6:30 starts 7pm
FIRST RUN SHOWING
19000 Warriors Clash
In Blazing Action! I!
1 id Color at 7 & 11:35
imms
*2 hit in color at 8:45
see the clash of the empires
Centurion
Jack Palance at 10:10
WARRIORS Five

I f \ .:J -I*. *: .* / HI I I H I ,*'', x. ~\ y 1 v ' H
Sr.
1
H w!:j--
B
p
p?
r

FIRST BOOK
... for UF Library is rare edition of "The Carpet Carpetbaggers,"
baggers," Carpetbaggers," examined closely by Director Stanley East
and a library assistant.

Carpetbaggers
Starts Library

By BRENDA STARR
Unmanagable Editor
The UF library received its
first book today, after occupying
an empty building since 1905.
The first book is the original
paperback copy of The Carpet Carpetbaggers,
baggers, Carpetbaggers, by Harold Robbins.
Libraries Director Stanley East,
said, We have chosen this book
Frats Serve
Illegal Drink
Several fraternities were
reprimanded this week for giving
parties where iced tea was served
in the presence of sorority girls.
The fraternities were placed on
unsocial probation and told not to
drink iced tea anymore.
A representative of one of the
sororities involved, Rebecca Quin,
denied involvement and said, O ur
girls just drink lemonade.
Another sorority representative
said, We dont ask the boys
what they are going to serve, we
just come.
We must protect our coeds,
said Dean Marine Shady, These
boys cant make lushes out of
Florida women.

a
{Jr
ACADEMY AWARDS
April 8 ABC TV

because of its high readership on
campus.
The book was donated to the
Library by the Agitator staff.
We all read it and discussed
its literary merit for several
weeks before we decided to donate
our dog-eared copy to the Library
said conceited Agitator Managing
Editor Ben Garrett.
The plot of the Carpetbaggers is
an enthralling history of the motion
picture industry, with all the color
and spice of Hollywood life in its
early days.
Dedication ceremonies were
held in the stacks this afternoon.
Director East and a library worker
read all night while pasting pages
back xiito the book before the
ceremony.
Speaking at the dedication were
Director East, an anonymous
member of the Agitator who wore
a hood to keep his identity secret,
and UF President J. Wain Gritz.
A list of all marked pages in
the book will be posted in each
reading room of the library. The
book will be on 5-minute checkout
to enable as many students as
possible to have access to the
novel.
Lady Chalterlys Lover anu
Tropic of Cancer are the next
books the library hopes to acquire.
We hoped to get all three at
once, East said, but the Board
of Control and Charley Johns are
still reading the only copies of
the other two books available in
the state.
Campus gossip has it that the
aquisition of the first book re received
ceived received so much publicity in the
campus paper because Director
East's son, David East, is a high
honcho on the staff.
Let me say this about that,
said David East, R ain't no big
thing.

Patronize j
Gator
Advertisers
( t
A-



'To Kill a Sex Craved Buzzard
Draws Raves from Reviewer

By BRUCE KOARSE
Movie Reviewer
To Kill A Sex-Craved Stud
Buzzard/ now playing at the Grate
Theater, has been nominated for
at least eight academy awards.
Gregory Bite, nominated as best
actor, is the Judas-like Northern
lawyer chosen to defend a fine
Southern gentlemen accused of
raping a Southern girl.
Since the setting is in the North
about 35 years ago, things look
exceptionally bad for him. But
this is not the whole movie, just
like Frigid Wife wasnt all about
iceboxes.
Os equal or greater importance
are ibs children, Tim, Lookout
and Pickle, who do deserve awards
for their acting. They portray all
the wonder, agony, estacy, amaze amazement,
ment, amazement, sophistication, magnificance
and utter splendor of childhood.
This is the second major portion
of Stud Buzzard.
The third major portion centers
around Peek-a-boo Radley, even
though he has one of the smaller
parts in the movie. He spends
most of his time playing

Aw

Paid Political Announcement Advertisement

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peek-a-boo with Tim, Lookout and
Pickle.
The fourth major portion
centers around the stud buzzard
himslef, who was also dominated
for an academy award. He is
played by The Raven, seen before
in The Tales of Edgar Allen
Poe. Mr. Raven plays his part
impeccably, hut it is not really
varied or difficult enough to make
him look like a winner. The
character is more impressive than
the characterization.

Noise, Parties Send
Three To Deans Office

Miss Susan Rosebud, 4ED, was
recently evicted from her lovely
apartment on fashionable N.W. 4th
Avenue in Gainesville.
Miss Rosebud, and two room roommates,
mates, roommates, C. Ann Bordello, 4JM,
and Bobbie Flash-man, flnancee
of Agitator Editor-in-the-pool Editor-in-the-poolroom
room Editor-in-the-poolroom Davey Lawrence, 3JM, of
Oeneco, were asked to leave their
home after they were reported in
to the Dean of Women for noise
and parties, parties and noise, and
entanglements with the sexes.

The music got a
nomination, and with exception of
Ravels Bolero, it sounded too
often like the usual sterotype music
you hear at the typical sterotyped
American movie.
This is one of the most
impressive mellowdramas seen in
a long time, but it is still a
mellowdrama.
The moral of the movie is: why
kill the poor little sex-craved
stud buzzard? He didnt do a
damn thing.

I just dont understand, said
Miss Rosebud, if we were having
sex it wouldnt be nearly so noisy.
Miss Rosebud, who has been
distraught ever since a
consultation with Dean Marine
Shady, has threatened to retal retaliate
iate retaliate against society by attacking
a Florida man.
Miss Bordello and Miss Flash Flashman
man Flashman have made no such threats
yet, but are expected to issue a
statement within the next 24 hours.
Miss Rosebud, who cant go home
again, is now a live-in maid at
the home of Noble Political
Garrett, conceited un-man aged
editor of the Agitator, and his
two roommates, Lawrence, and
Steve Vat, huckster in training.
John Struckland, 'notorious
campus politico, last night
admitted having been party to a
rue us at the home of Miss Rosebud,
which caused her eviction.
Struckland, a long-time trouble troublemaker
maker troublemaker at the UF, claimed the
group in the apartment on the
night of Tuesday, Feb. 26, 1963,
was playing monopoly.
As I recall, he said, Susan
won.
Struckland, accompanied by
student body president Paul
Bendix, Secretary of Academic
Affairs John Old were in Talla Tallahassee
hassee Tallahassee last week to see Gov. Farris
Burnout.
When asked if their visit
concerned Miss Rosebuds
eviction, Struckland refused
comment.
According to a top student
government official, action is now
being taken to restore Miss
Rosebuds domcile to her. No
details were available, but it is
said that a petition to prove her
innocence and good character is
being circulated in the Florida
Union basement.

The Florida Alligator Monday, April I, 1963

GATOR CLASSIFIED
CLASSIFIED ADS ARE A VALUABLE SERVICE TO ALL
HtN YOU CALL ABOUT THE ADS ON THIS PAGE
PL EASF VENT ION YOU SAW IT IN THE GATOR

L-
For Sale

FOR SALE Black leather
Symphonic portable stereo record
player in good condition. Must
sell immediately. Call Cynthia at
FR 2-1675. (A-117-3t-cV

TRAILER RENTALS In town,
$3.50 up per day out of town,
$6.50 up per day. F. & M. Trailer
Rentals. 524 NW Bth Avenue. FR
6-3118. (A-117-st-c),
IDEAL HOME for University and
Medical Center personnel. Lovely
location 5 minutes from
University. Call FR 6-4097. (A (A---115-st-c).
--115-st-c). (A---115-st-c).
FOR SALE 39* x 8* Southwestern
mobile home with two room cabana.
Must sell by May 4. See at Sheffield
Trailer Park. 4700 SW Archer
Road, or call J. H. Seals at FR
6-1162. (A-111-ts-c).
1951 SAFE WAY TRAILER.
30 x 8 with a 10 x 8 cabana.
Fenced in yard. $995. See
at Archer Road Village, 3620 SW
Archer Road, or call Joe Wills,
FR 2-6940. (A-110-ts-c).
FOR SALE 1956, two bedroom
Nashua Trailer. 35 x 8 with 15*
x 9 cabana. Furnished and air
conditioned. Excellent condition.
Call FR 6-1387 after 6:00 p.m.
fA-108-tf-c).
BY OWNER Very attractive new
home five minutes to campus in
S.W. Large wooded lot. Beam
ceilings, Cyprus paneling,
hardwood floors, large center hall,
tiled kitchen and bathrooms.
Designed for Florida living. FR
2-0328. (A-111-16t-c).
MARRIED STUDENTS Throw off
your shackles of conformity and
move into decent housing. 2
bedroom-CB home for sale by
student owner. Low down payment
$66 a month. Added feature no
taxes outside city limits. FR
6-1908 after 5 p.m. All day
weekends. (A-113-ts-c).

Help Wanted

be 21 or over. Call FR 2-9335
between B and 3 p.m. No
experience needed. (E-113-ts-c).

Personal

GIDDYAP To Wauberg Riding
Stables. 441 1/2 mile North of
Lake Wauberg. Horseback riding,
night rides and hay rides. Call
Mlcanopy 2471 for reservations
and pick-up. (J-113-st-p).

Wanted

WANTED TO BUY: Binocvuar
microscope meeting all
requirements of the College of
Medicine. Must be in good to
excellent condition. Forward
complete information to: K. R.
Safko, 4224 Elkcam Blvd. SE, St.
Petersburg, Florida.(C-113-st-c).

Services

WILL CARE FOR infants or small
children by day or in private
home. 1406 NW sth Avenue, Phone
FR 6-8961, (M-65-ts-C).
NESTOR'S TV, RADIO, HI FI
SERVICE Tubes checked free.
Free estimates. Next to Florida
Bookstore Parking Lot. 1627 NW
.Ist Avenue, Phone FR 2-7326.
(M-99-20t-p).

Lost
LOST MAC GREGOR Jacket In
vicinity of Peabody Hall. Light
brown with gloves In pocket. Call
Jim Greever FR 6-2265. (L-116-
3t-c).

I I
Autos

sl STUDEBAKER. Radio, over overdrive,
drive, overdrive, 20 m.p.g., good mechanical
condition. Best offer over $75.
Call FR 2-5283. (G-117-st-c).
FOR SALE 1953 Ford. Radio,
heater, stick shift, original paint.
Best offer over slas. Call Gus
Sanchez, FR 2-919 C fter6p.m.
(G-115-3t-c).
1957 ALL WHITE FORD
CONVERTIBLE. Thunderbird
automatic good condition. Must
sell $450. Wes Patterson, 306
N. E. 6th Street. Calf 4-6 p.m.
(G-104-ts-c).
GOING OVERSEAS THE YEAR?
Buy a new car at European prices
and save. Mercedes-Benz, Volvo,
English Ford or D.K .W. Call
Hubert Barlow, FR 2-4251, Crane
Motor Company. (G-86-40t-c).
WANTED TO BUY 'SO through 54
Fords and Chevrolets. Al Herndon
Service Station, 916 SE 4th Street.
FR 2-1308. (G-94-tf* c).
FOR SALE TR -3 sports car.
1958 with 1960 engine. Excellent
condition. Brand new tires all
around. Phone FR 6-7641. (G (G---114-st-p).
--114-st-p). (G---114-st-p).
GOING TO EUROPE? THE
CONTINENT? Let us arrange
for delivery of your new Triumph
or Fiat anywhere. We take your
old car in trade here and arrange
for delivery of your new car there.
Use it to tour the continent and
return it to the States with you.
Call Ken Bowman FR 2-*4373.
Barkley Motors Inc. Lincoln-
Mercury Meteor Comet
T riumph Flat. (G-114-13t-c).
1962 RED VOLKSWAGO N with sun sunroof,
roof, sunroof, seat belts, and heater. Looks
and drives like new. $1595. Call
FR 2-2975. (G-116-ts-c).

For Rent

NICE TWO BEDROOM Furnished
Apartments for students beginning
May first. Will accomodate up to
4 students comfortably. Right near
campus. Reduced rales for
summer. Call Mrs. Jones at FR
6-5636. Occupancy may be had at
end of this trimester/B-112-tf-c).
QUIET ROOMS to rent for students.
Also experienced florist designer
wanted. Colonial Flowers, 826
West University Ave. FR 2-5775.
(B-113-st-c).
NEW AIR CONDITIONED
Apartments for summer for boys
or girls. Two room efficiency
close to campus. Utilities paid
except lights. slls per month with
4 in apartment. SIOO per month
with less than four. Also renting
for fall trimester to boys only.
See at 1518 NW 4th Ave. Call
FR 6-4353. (B-113-ts-c).
ATTRACTIVE ROOM in quiet
home. Private entrance, kitchen
privileges. Excellent for student studentwho
who studentwho needs to study. 372-7883.
(B-116-st-c).
AJR CONDITIO NED apartment for
rent. Two bedroom, close to
campus, completely furnished.
Available for summer trimester.
Call FR 2-7575 or FR 6-4819.
(B-117-st-c).
RENTALS Houses and
apartments. Furnished and un unfurnished
furnished unfurnished in all sections of
Gainesville. Contact Wayne Mason
c/o Arnold Realty Co. Two blocks
east of campus, 1119 West
University Avenue. FR 2-3522.
(B-U7-st-c).

Page 5



Page 6

The Florida Alligator Monday, April .1, 1963

agitator
editorials
The Paper's Aim: No Limit
*
honor bike apathy
Some Honor Bike Parts are missing.
In every little nook and corner, I shall look until we find out who
is responsible. I want our student body to have honor bikes to ride.
We paid for them. We want them -and I swear to goodness I will
find those who are responsible.
Citizens hear me out. This has happened to you.
Dont you care that you have paid money to be able to ride an honor
bike?
Dont you care if some students have been irresponsible and lost
* some honor bike parts?
I am being nice to say lost. By golly, I think they have been
stolen. Yes, you read this right. I think they have been stolen--with
malice and fore thought.
Somebody is making mockery of our program.
I demand a straight forward investigating committee to find out
where they have gone.
Students of this great land grant institution dont you care if you
are fnissing honor bikes?
no one cares
Apparently someone' in Tallahassee is trying to run our university.
We know nobody in the state cares about the university of Florida
except us.
By us, we mean the Florida Alligator*
We are the protectors. We are the ones who will save the University
of Florida.
We seek truth, for truth is beauty. Beauty is truth we are both.
Who stood up for God.
Who stood up for Motherhood.
Who stood up for Freedom.
Who took a stand on Freedom.
Just remember us-we are brave.
come back, politicos
Several weeks ago, I asked that you politicians stop asking me to
go drink coffee.
I meant only during election time.
I feel that for the betterment of the campus we should make up
and drink more coffee.
You know the Aggitator backed you in your election Paule, I feel
that now that you have won you have forgotten your real friends.
I am not begging to drink coffee with the politicians I am only asking.
'a fight for reitzf
Academic freedom: its a lovely word and were for it.
If we fight for it, and we most certainly will, then our professors,
the Board of Politically-Run Publications and some of our other
really true leaders on campus will say we have the best interests
of the university at heart. They may even say that we have a great
campus newspaper.
It doesnt really matter, though. We will fight for academic freedom:
first, becuase its a lovely word, and second, because we will print
all the news with decency limited--or something like that.
And theres another reason why were for academic freedom. Its
because we think, nay, know, that the university will be greater if
we have academic freedom. Also, because were for sin and against
motherhood, or maybe its the other way around.
We really dont know very much, as*you maybe can see, but we do
know were for academic freedom.
We think if we say the word often enough, youll be for it, too. And
then well have a great university.
Oh, and by the way, were for States Rights and President Reitz--
and academic rights, too.
The Florida Agitator
Editor-in-Pool Hall Davey (no-kin) Lawrence)
. Un-Managed Editors Brenda S. Awtrey, Political Garrett
Money Changer Jay Sprinkler
Pass-Out Editor Dave (Whitetrash) East
Animal Farm Editor. . . ............... Sandbox Lundy
Impressed With the Editor Thandra Thweitzer
Chief Muckracker. judy Stables
Sophomorlc Editor. . ...,k............ Ron-Baby Spencer
Photo Uncordlnator Mortified Pittwoman
i*
The Florida Alligator is the extremely official paper of the University
of Florida and is published by subterfuge in a back room of the Florida
Union. i
Offices are located in a good hiding place and editors can be
reached In the poolroom or at tne pub. <
Opinions voiced in personal columns on this page do not necessarily
reflect anybodys opinion at all. Editorials will be exchanged for coffee
any old time.
Tne Florida Alligator is entered as second class matter at the
United States Post Office at Gainesville, Florida.

\ F7/ JL liL
-rtfJ '-I (|ii 'll i I U U*M
*M U*M Bairn: S)

LETTERS:

Bund Club Member Protest s

Dear Editor,
I would like to protest the poor
coverage of the minority foreign
elements on campus. As the
pulicity coordinator for the Bund
Club, I have time and time again
submitted important stories to
your paper concerning the great

Halitosis Big Campus Problem

ED ITOH:
A recent survey showed that
halitosis is a major problem at
the UF. According to Prof. Wally
Smells, some 77.213 per cent of
the UF student body suffers the
effects of sweeping halitosis.
Smells in a speech he gave
before the Florida Society for the
Prevention of Smelly Sophomores,
said This University stinks.
I personally feel the Bad Breath
Crisis on campus is the result of
several factors. First, the
trimester system. Students have
been forced to give up brushing
in favor of studying. Also in
conjunction with the trimester,
the tensions generated by said
trimonster system have forced
many students to begin smoking
in order to relieve classroom
tensions. This contributed heavily
to the Halitosis Crisis.
However, there is a solution to
the problem. Now we have found
an area where Student Government
(MM) can really prove its worth.
It can rise to meet the challenge
of bad breath and help wipe out
the growing threat of halitosis.
Student Government can prove
once and for all that it is not
a weak-kneed group of key-krazed
individuals by solving to the
ToLawStudents..
EDITOR:
I am enrolled in the University
of Florida College of Law.
I am a kool guy but I am not
in Phidily Phidily Fee.
I want to be a good lawyer
but I am not in Blue Key.
I want to make good grades
but I cant borrow her notes.
I want to read the Shuffle but
they disappear.
I want to be a campus politician
but my grades are too good.
I am from Mayo but I cant
talk like Bill.
I want tr go to the Bar Convention
in Miami but Farris won't let
me.
I want to go to the Law Student
Association meetings during the
summer but the Legislative
Council wont let me.
(Name and last line withheld)

work our organization is engaged
in.
In addition to this, our fair fairhaired
haired fairhaired blue-eyed brothers are
the only men on campus with enough
esplrit de corps for their organi organisation
sation organisation to wear the offcial club
uniform to meetings, classes and

problem.
The honor toothbrush is the
answer.
Prof. M.M. Pep Sodent
Asst. Dean
School of Sewage

It All Happened Yesterday

In Student Govt Offices

public functions. Those striking
brown shirts and hob-nailed boots
are the symbol of pre-destined
leadership, not only for the
campus, but for the nation.
As long as narrow-minded
institutions such as yours continue
to supress minority groups such
as ours, our country will never
rise above the turmoils of racial
prejudice and superiority.
The time will come when we
shall arise and strike down such
bureaucratic, despotic institutions
as yours. The time will come when
all blond-haired, blue-eyed (KAs
excluded) men of America will
lead the nation.
Otto Dorkenstein.

W HUGH MCARTHUR
/ Political
Potshots



'Raider Smashes
Grid Opposition

. A clash between a 130-pound
Gator Raider and four football
players has caused trouble in the
ranks of Piglet Hall.
Coach Grave Raves and UF
President J. Wain Gritz meet with
the un-academic council yesterday
to see if it were possible to abolish
the Gator Raiders.
"Those Gator Raiders are a
detriment to the image of the
Florida man, said Grave.
Something should be done.
They dont even major in physi-
A Wonderful
Time Was Had
By All 2,500
Yesterday afternoon 2,500
howling, hesteria-crazed Fresh Freshmen
men Freshmen decended upon the home of
President J. Wayne Gritz. Their
motive as expressed by Shoun
Farrel was to force postponement
of finals until after the Easter
Holiday.
During the riot, campus
policemen donned gas masks and
attempted to quell the angry
students with fire houses squirt squirting
ing squirting dyed water and ammonia. Their
efforts met with little success
, as the students stormed the house
itself and set up a fort from which
they burled Molotov Cocktails at
the nearby police.
As the fracas progressed,
National Guardsmen were called
to the scene captured, over 150
students from whom they took over
60 Honor Bike chains, 75 machet machettes
tes machettes reputed to have used by UF
Cuban students during the abortive
Bay Os Pigs invasion, and some
65 dozen rotten eggs.
Said Mrs. Gritz, They ruined
my Petunia.
President Gritz was not
available for comment and Vice-
President Henry Fullpot couldnt
be coached down from his refuge
in Century Tower long enough for
reporters to question him.
Att. General Robert Kenny,
hearing pf the disturbance, im immediately
mediately immediately dispatched 1,000 para paratroopers
troopers paratroopers to the UF. Said Kenny,
We cant have such goings on at
a school unless they are caused
by integration attempts.
Luckily, for the freshmen
involved, however, the
paratroopers missed the Plaza de
Americas and landed in Beta
Woods, where they were held in
check by 120 Tri-Delts.
Said one soldier, who declined
to be identified on the grounds of
What would my wife say, Man
we should have more campaigns
. like this!

cflaM^wlk
JE
( nl w
'MmI9A|AMA I
SAfct ytfjuA^y

cal education," he claimed.
If we continue to help support
the Gator Raiders, it may cause
us to lose football players.
If fact one of them (Gate*
Raiders) even spoke back to om
of my boys.
My boys Are. very sensitive,
they are .going through a
phyicolgical stage and the student
body should treat them with a sense
of permissivness."
Alumni Pasifiet Bill Flem said
he was in favor of the abolishment
of the Gator Raiders.
I fell, along with UF Pres. J.
Wain Gritz, that the Alumni enjoy
seeing the true Florida men, pre present
sent present themselves on weekends. Who
cares about gurilla warfare.
Flem said.

Gritz said that in the course
of building a fine land grant institu institution,
tion, institution, it was necessary to sift
carefully the different elements.
Col. Mudfish Smith, head of
the MM reserve unit on campus,
voiced strong opposition to the
Gritz plan.
I am an All-America footbaU
player and a supporter of the Gator
Raiders,. I feel there might be
ro.om for both elements on
campus, Mudfish said.
Not so, said Raves. I dont
feel it is safe to allpw my boys
to walk the campus with 130-pound
Gator Raiders on the loose.
At this point Gritz saw no alter alternative
native alternative other than to make a
decision. He felt that one must
go.
The president of the institution
of higher learning was still
deciding how to make a decision
at press time.

Brawl Hurts Horean;
Trusst Now In Jail

A UF student is in city Jail
today facing charges offeloneous
as suit as the result of a midnight
brawl that sent an ex-UF-student
to the hospital with multiple in injuries.
juries. injuries.
Jackie (Lecherous) Horean,
editor of the Newer Old Orange
Strip, is in critical condition at
the J. Hellis Sealth Center with
a skull fracture 'and a six-indh
knife gash across the abdomen.
Charges of Assult with Intent
to kill' have been filed against
Martv (Madman) Trusst, editor
of the Older' New Orange 9trip.
Trusst was apprehended by city
poyce about 5 a.m. today while
studying anatomy with an
unidentified UF coed at the Mlllhop.
The alleged brawl occured last
night about midnight at Gayland,
a local restruant.
Witnesses said Horean was
sitting at the counter thinking dirty
thoughts and drinking a glass of
ice-tea in celebration of the an announcement
nouncement announcement that the Newer Old
Orange Strip had been awarded a
Pughlickser Prise for literary
achievement.
Reports indicate that Trusst,
who had been drinking malted-milk
all evening, suddenly jumped up
from his corner table and called
Horean a dirty lecherous, grave gravedigging
digging gravedigging ghoul.
Onlookers said the two were
standing nose-to-nose exchanging
snotty remarks when Trusst
suddenly smacked Horean across
the head with a malted-milk cup
and slashed him across the
stomach with a steak knife.
One witness said it was the
most vicious, unprevoked and
dirtiest attack Ive ever seen.
Aint so, Trusst cried from

f 1
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SO WELL DRESSED
... is W. Quinton Dowling, 111, last night named UF's Best Dressed by an impartial
panel of impressed people, Dowling's impeccable taste won. him the title over 25 oth other
er other suave contestants who were, unfortungtely, not as impressive.

First Os Many, Many Parts

CheddarCheesemart
Fights for Democracy

By RON "BABY" SPENCER
Sophomoric Editor
It were nothing, really.
Those were the words of Cheddar
Cheesemart, noted Gator Raider
and member of the anti-Castro
counter-revolutionary movement,
when describing the part he played
in the successful overthrow of the
Batista regime in Cuba and the
counter revolution against Fidel
Castro.
E Pluribus Uranium, contin continued
ued continued Cheesemart, lapsing into his
Latin- Spanish dialect for a

city Jail this morning. Horean
started the fight first. He smacked
me across the face with his white
patent-leather gloves.
Trusst also denies charges of
dirty fighting.
I didnt have any choice," the
245-pound Trusst said* i knew
Horean (130-pounds) was a judo
expert and I just wanted to protect
myself. He couldve killed me.

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The Florida Alligator Monday, April 1, 1963

moment. Twerent nothin at tall.
He was referring, of course, to
his heroic action in the Havana
Raid. In that particular raid,
c: eesemart, working alope after
the rest of his company had been
wiped out due to Cheesemart's
slow reaction time in tossing a
loaded hand grenade,single grenade,singlehandedly
handedly grenade,singlehandedly destroyed 24 Castro
troopers, blew up a munitions
dump, destroyed a stretch of
railroad track between Matanzas
and Havana, assassinated Raul
Lil Infidel Castro and Cha-Cha
Guevera stole a Russian MIG and

Another witness backed up
Trussts claim that Horean started
the fight.
The Associate Press announced
Orange Strip (or is it the Older
Newer Old Orange Strip) had been
awarded the Pughlickerser Prise
for literary excellence in proito proitography.
graphy. proitography.
Trusst's ball has been set at
$25. Trial date has not been set.

hot-footed it to Gainesville, landing
smack in the middle of De Plasa
de Amerlcanoes. Thus the name
for the counter-revolutionary
movement which Cheesemart now
leads De Plaza de
Amerlcanoes" Movement.
cheesemart, blushing red from
the unaccustomed amount of
publicity he was receiving, ad admitted
mitted admitted modestly to his part in the
famous Alpha 69 Varieties Raid
on Havana. In this raid, Cheese Cheesemart
mart Cheesemart disguised as a Polaris
submarine, swooped down on the
Havana harbor, wreaking untold
damage on Castros splendid Cuban
Salmon Fleet.
In addition to his Cuban es escapades,
capades, escapades, Cheddar, now majoring
In religion at the UF after his
narrow escape from Castro-land,
was a leading figure lfi the training
of anti-Castro (and anti-Kennedy)
guerillas In the Blue Ridge
Mountains of Virginity.

IwEE^p^ni^gSsrTj
SOLES put on in lyntmtutt I
MODERN SHOEI
~ggaL J

Page 7



The Florida Alligator Monday, April 1, 1963

Page 8

Gators Sian Ape

J. Wayne Muggs, brawny 5-foot,
11-inch, 245-pound gorilla has
inked a Florida Gator football

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grant-in-aid scholarship and will
play next fall, The Agitator learned
Saturday night from sometimes
reliable sources deep in Beta
Woods.
Muggs, who will graduate from
Katanga Prep in June, is slated
to play fullback, the Gator sources
revealed after only three beers.
Head Athletic Honcho Grey
Raves said yesterday, Well, we
knew it was bound to come to the
SEC sometime. I like to think we're
being a leader in a new concept
in football. Besides, would you want
to try and stop him in a game?
Muggs could not be reached for
comment.
While at the ape scored
6,461 touchdowns and gained 19
yards during his eight year tenure
as high school star. Raves said
that while Muggs could not read
or write, little trouble was
expected from the Registrar's
Office on entrance requirements.
After all, he should be a student
first, University Sports Publicity
head Corn Narlson said.
When asked if the signing of
animals to athletic scholarships

might spread to other sports at
the UF, Raves said he doubted it.
Basketball coach Slow Worm
said, As a rule we dont sing
apes to cage scholarships because
they're usually too short. Besides,
most of them are so out of shape
they cant last through our 18 hour
practices.
Housing facilities for Muggs had
not been mentioned by the Athletic

More Poles -Whiskers

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"Move that drum, dammit"

J 'Listen My Peer [
UAnd You Will Hear
h r
Animal Farm Editor

Once upon a time there was a big sandbox called A Big Sandbox.
All the university students used to roll around in the sand box until
the dogs came.
They don't roll around there anymore.
One day a student got tired of not being able to roll around in the
sandbox and called the dog catcher. The dog catcher, who was a Lamda
Poo, knew how to box and took the dogs away.
A local sports editor, who knew Judo, beat up the dog catcher and
freed the dogs who once returned to the sandbox. The Lamda Poos
got word their brother, the dog catcher, had been viciously assaulted
by the 34-pound sports editor and they sent another brother, who
knew Jujitsu, to mangle the editor.
That he did, and take our word for, it was horrible.
Urn sports editor, while still suffering from shock in the J. Hellis
Muller Death Center, sent word to his 348-pound sister of the fight.
His sister, a yellow-belt champion, went to the fraternity house and
shopped the Poo out of the Lamdas.
This is how the situation stands to date and I wish all you dumb
bunnies who think you know what happened would come by and tell
us the real truth becuase we were atGatorland at the time and missed
everything!
The University Men's Warden and head cheerleader, Spank T.
Fradams announced late last night he was placing all individuals
envolved on hanky-panky probation, which means they can't go to
any Gator Hops for a year or go near the Millhopper.
Justice reigns again. JVH**//

Board, Raves said, but it was
expected to come under discussion
sometime this week.
We will probably Just give him
his choice of a tree on the Plaza
Os The Americas, Raves said.
University Pres. J. Wain Gritz,
reached last night by tin can tele telephone,
phone, telephone, said, If that monkey can
play football, phooy on rules. I
want to beat Alabama next fall.

I wm
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I[MSB HL

The number of light poles in
Florida Field will be doubled
sometime within the next 80 years
so the UF students who have to
sit behind them will no longer be
a minority group, the Aggitator
learned late last night from
assistant athletic director Mercy
Whiskers;
"We feel this groiq> of students
has been in the minority long
enough, Whiskers,said. We plan
to stretch light poles across the
entire students side so everybody
can gripe.
Plans as revealed last night by
Whiskers show the seating capacity
will be increased to 370,000 by
placing stands on top of the gym,
the engineering building and Bro Broward
ward Broward Hall.
ft' Everyone sitting on Broward
Hill will have to donate $l9B to
the athletic fund, Whiskers said.
M's the only way.

Un Cricket
Hanky Panky
LONDO N, Eng. (Somethingextra
special) The Thursday Morning
Past magazine hit the newsstands
yesterday with a story exposing
alleged illegal practices of several
cricket coaches during last
seasons cricket championships.
Benny Moe director of the
Southern England Conference
(SEC) told newsmen he couldnt
conceive of such a happening in
his beloved SEC but that* a witch
hunt would soon get under way.
"Were conducting thewitch
hunt, said Moe, not because we
think it'll accomplish anything,
but it will sure take the noose
off my neck.
The story revolves around an
alleged phone call between Lord
Wallace Buttsly, head coach of the
Georgetown Bulldogs, and his
mother Pauline Bryenttee,
affectionately known as"Bearsy,
who coaches the rival Suffux
Crimson Tidleys.
"Nonsense, said Lord
Buttsley. "Just because my
mother's team won 1,035-0, thats
no reason to put her away.
Coach Purged
For Playing Ball
(FLASH)It was learned late
last night that Florida Athletic
Director Grey Raves has purged
head Gator basketball coach Slow
Worm from the UF coaching ranks
after two games of the season
incognito as a member, of hie
Gator basketball team.
Worm, when asked of the charge
by an Alley Gator muckraker,
confessed that he had played both
the Georgia Tech game in Atlanta
and the Georgia game in Athens.
The Gators lost both games.
According to a sobbing Worm,
he had "been forced into the
starting lineup due to the lack
of players on the bench. All
but four members of the team had
been suspended at the time.
According to the dejected Worm,
he disguised himself as Tom
Baxley for the game. At the time,
Baxley was home in Gainesville
inking a contract to play winter
ball with the Boston Celtics.
Grave Raves said the SEC would
not press charges. J.WayneGrits
was unavailable for comment.