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GRAMMAR-LAND;OR,C4 AJVIpy IJ' Fujq FOR THE CHILDRENOF SCHOOLPOOM-pHIRE.BYM. L. N.With Frontispicce aid Initials by F. WADDY.LONDON:HOULSTON AND SONS,PATERNOSTER SQUARE.1874.
UNWIN BROTHERS, PRINTERS BY WATER-POWER,
TO ALL LITTLE CHILDRENWHO THINK GRAMMAR HARD AND DRY,BY ONE WHO LOVES TO SEESUNSHINE IN SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE.
CONTENTS.PAGEINTRODUCTION.-JUDGE GRAMMAR AND HIS SUBJECTS ICHAPTER I.MIR. NOUN .. .. ... ... .. .. ... 7CHAPTER II.LITTLE ARTICLE ... ... ... ... .. ... 15CHAPTER III.MR. PRONOUN ... ... ... ... .. ... ... 20CHAPTER IV.SERJEANT PARSING'S VISIT TO SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE ... 28CHAPTER V.MR. ADJECTIVE... ... ... ... ... .. ... 30CHAPTER VI.MR. ADJECTIVE TRIED FOR STEALING ... ... ... 37CHAPTER VII.THE QUARREL BETWEEN MR. PRONOUN AND MR. AD-JECTIVE, AND LITTLE INTERJECTION ... ... ... 45
viii Contents.CHAPTER VIII.DR. VERB ... .. ... ... ... ... ... 54CHAPTER IX.DR. VERB'S THREE TENSES, NUMBER, AND PERSON ... 62CHAPTER X.SERJEANT PARSING IN SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE AGAIN ... 70CHAPTER XI.THE NOMINATIVE CASE ... ... ... ... ... 73CHAPTER XII.ADVERB ... ... ... ... .. ... ... ... 80CHAPTER XIII.PREPOSITION ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 86CHAPTER XIV.PREPOSITIONS GOVERN THE OBJECTIVE CASE ... ... 93CHAPTER XV.CONJUNCTION ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 99CHAPTER XVI.ACTIVE VERBS GOVERN THE OBJECTIVE CASE ... ... jo6CHAPTER XVII.THE POSSESSIVE CASE; AND WHO'S TO HAVE THE PRIZE? 114
GRAMMAR-LAND.INTRODUCTION.JUDQE QFAAVIMAR APD HIS SUBJECT.' --'c 'HAT is Grammar-land ? Whereis Grammar-land? Have youever been to Grammar-land?. Wait a minute and you shallhear. You will not find Gram-mar-land marked on the globe,and I never saw a map of it;S--' -' but then, who ever saw a mapof Fairy-land? and yet youhave all heard of that, andSnow a great deal about it, ofJUDGE GRAMMAR RULES course. Well, Grammar-land- IN EVERY LAND. i is a place every bit as real as2
2 Grammar-land.Fairy-land, and much more important. The Fairy Queenis all very well, and a very great little queen in her way;but Judge Grammar! great, stern, old Judge Grammar, isfar mightier than any Fairy Queen, for he rules over realkings and queens down here in Matter-of-fact-land. Ourkings and queens, and emperors too, have all to obeyJudge Grammar's laws, or else they would talk what iscalled bad grammar; and then, even their own subjectswould laugh at them, and would say: "Poor things Whenthey were children, and lived in Schoolroom-shire, they cannever have been taken to Grammar-land How shocking !"And Judge Grammar himself-well, I cannot say what hewould do, as I suppose such a thing never really happened;for who could imagine a king or queen saying, "I is," or"9you was," or " it wasn't me." No one speaks in that wayexcept people who have never heard of Judge Grammar.Ah I wish you could see him-this great Judge-sittingon his throne in his court, and giving orders about hisprecious words, which are the riches of Grammar-land. ForJudge Grammar says that all the words that you can saybelong really to him, and he can do what he likes withthem; he is, in fact, King as well as Judge over Grammar-land. Now, you know that when William the Conquerorconquered England he divided the land among his nobles,and they had it for their own so long as they obeyed the
Judge Grammar and his Subjects. 3king and helped him in his wars. It was just the samewith Judge Grammar when he took possession of Grammar-land; he gave all the words to his nine followers, to takefor their very own as long as they obeyed him. Thesenine followers he called the nine Parts-of-Speech, and toone or other of them every word in Grammar-land wasgiven.They are funny fellows, these nine Parts-of-Speech. Youwill find out by-and-by which you like best amongst themall. There is rich Mr. Noun, and his useful friend Pro-noun; little ragged Article, and talkative Adjective; busyDr. Verb, and Adverb; perky Preposition, convenient Con-junction, and that tiresome Interjection, the oddest ofthem all.Now, as some of these Parts-of-Speech are richer, that is,have more words than others, and as they all like to haveas many as they can get, it follows, I am sorry to say, thatthey are rather given to quarrelling; and so it fell out thatone day, when my story begins, they made so much noise,wrangling and jangling in the court, that they woke JudgeGrammar up from a long and very comfortable nap."What is all this about ?" he growled out, angrily."Brother Parsing Dr. Syntax here!"In an instant the Judge's two learned counsellors were byhis side.
4 Grammnar-land.Serjeant Parsing (Brother Parsing, the Judge calls him)has a sharp nose, bright eyes, a little round wig with a tailto it, and an eye-glass. He is very quick and cunning infinding out who people are and what they mean, and makingthem tell " the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but thetruth." It is of no use to say " I don't know " to SerjeantParsing. He will question you, and question you, tillsomehow or other he makes you know, and finds out allabout you. When I say he will question you, of course Imean he will question the Parts-of-Speech, for that is hisbusiness, and that is why Judge Grammar summoned him.For whenever there is a fuss in Grammar-land, SerjeantParsing has to find out all about it, and Dr. Syntax has tosay what is right or wrong, according to the law." Brother Parsing," said the Judge, "this racket must bestopped. What are they fighting about ? I divided thewords clearly enough once amongst the nine Parts-of-Speech.Why cannot they keep the peace?"" My lord," answered Serjeant Parsing, " the fact is thatit is a long time since you portioned out the words, and theParts-of-Speech since then have been left to do pretty muchas they like. Some of them are greedy, and have stolentheir neighbours' words. Some of them have got hold ofnew words, which the others say they had no right to make;and some of them are even inclined to think that Dr.
Judge Grammar and his Subjects. 5Syntax is old-fashioned, and need not be obeyed. In fact,unless your lordship takes the matter in hand at once, I amafraid the good old laws of Grammar-land will all go towreck and ruin."" That must never be," said the Judge, solemnly shakinghis wig: "that must never be. We must stop it at once.Go and summon all my court before me.""Certainly, my lord," answered Serjeant Parsing; " butmay I ask if there is any Part-of-Speech you wish for inparticular ?""I wish for them all, sir, every one," replied the Judge."They shall all come before me, and you shall questionthem in turn, and make them say what right they have tothe titles and the words which they claim; and then if thereis any disagreement between them, I will settle the matteronce for all."" Quite so, my lord," said Serjeant Parsing; " and shallI invite our friends in Schoolroom-shire ?"" Our friends in Schoolroom-shire ? By all means letthem come," replied the Judge. " If we wish to have peaceamong the Parts-of-Speech it is most important that thepeople of Matter-of-fact-land should know how to use themwell. And as the people of Matter-of-fact-land generallyspend at least a part of their lives in Schoolroom-shire, wecannot do better than send our invitation there. Go,
6 Grammar-land.Brother Parsing, and request them to come, and to bringtheir slates and pencils with them, that they may keep anaccount of what we do, and let our Parts-of-Speech prepareto come before us at once."Away went Serjeant Parsing, as quick as thought, andsoon the whole court was assembled. There was JudgeGrammar on his throne, with a long flowing wig and gor-geous robes. At the table below him sat his two coun-sellors, Serjeant Parsing and Dr. Syntax. Dr. Syntax isvery tall and thin and dark. He has a long thin neckcovered up with a stiff black tie, which looks as though itnearly choked him. When he speaks he stands up, looksstraight through his spectacles, sticks out his chin, and sayshis say in a gruff and melancholy voice, as if he were re-peating a lesson. He is the terror of all little boys, for henever smiles, and he is so very, very old, that people say henever was young like other folks ; that when he was a babyhe always cried in Greek, and that his first attempt at talk-ing was in Latin. However that may be, there he sat, sideby side with Serjeant Parsing, while the company fromSchoolroom-shire, armed with slates and pencils, preparedto listen to the examination that was to take place, and theParts-of-Speech crowded together at the end of the court,waiting for their names to be called.
CHAPTER I.JAR. JNOUN.L 'ljl' -. j l HE first Part-of-Speech that was-|W <rF,"'1, W called was Mr. Noun. He is a' -stout big fellow, very well dressed,..' '. for he does not mind showing, *,.- i that he is very rich.- As Mr. Noun came forward,Serjeant Parsing rose, put his penbehind his ear, arranged hispapers on the table before him,S4 'I lri and looking at Mr. Noun throughhis eye-glass, asked: " What isyour name ?"" Name," answered Mr. Noun."Yes, your name ?" repeated Serjeant Parsing.
8 Grammar-land." Name," again answered Mr. Noun."Do not trifle, sir," said the Judge, sternly; "what is yourname ? Answer at once, and truly.""I have answered truly," replied Mr. Noun. " Myname is Namle, for noun means name. The name of every-thing belongs to me, so I am called Mr. Name, or Mr.Noun, which means the same thing, and all my words arecalled nouns.""The name of everything belongs to you ?" askedSerjeant Parsing, in surprise."Yes," answered Mr. Noun, " the name of everything.""What? Do you mean to say that the name of every-thing I can see round me now is one of your words, and iscalled a noun ?""I do indeed," said Mr. Noun. "The name of everythingyou can see, or touch, or taste, or smell, or hear, belongsto me.""What," said Serjeant Parsing, "is this desk yours then,and the ink and the pen and the window ?""The words that name them are all mine," said Mr.Noun. "Of course I have nothing to do with the ftiings.No gentleman in Grammar-land has anything to do withthings, only with words; and I assure you, you cannotname anything that you can see, or touch, or taste, orsmell, or hear, without using one of my words. Desk, pen,
Mr. Noun. 9ink, window, water, wine, fire, smoke, liigt, lightning, thunder,a taste, a smell, a noise, all these words belong to me, andare called nouns.""I see," said Serjeant Parsing; " you can iear thunder,and smell smoke, and taste wine. And I suppose dinnerand tea are yours also ?""Certainly, the words breakfast, dinner, and tea, aremine," replied Mr. Noun. " The things are what thepeople live upon in Schoolroom.shire, but they could notname what they eat without using my words. The servantwould have to make signs to let people know that dinnerwas ready; she could not say so unless I allowed her touse my noun dinner.""Well," said Serjeant Parsing, "if you have the name ofeverything we can see, touch, taste, smell, or hear, all I cansay is, I hope you are satisfied, and do not claim any morewords besides."" Indeed," replied Mr. Noun, drawing himself proudlyup, " I have not mentioned nearly all my words. I toldyou at first that I have the name of ezverylhing, and thereare plenty of things that you know about, although youcannot see, or touch, or taste, or smell, or hear them. Forinstance, love, or anger, or happiness. You can feel themin your heart, and know they are there, although youcannot touch them with your fingers, or taste them
Io Grammar-land.with your tongue, or find them out by any of your fivesenses."" Do you mean to say, then," asked Serjeant Parsing," that when a child feels naughty in its heart- ?""Naughtiness is mine," said Mr. Noun; "the wordnaughtiness, for it is the name of the something bad thatthe child feels."" And when it is kind ?"" Kindness is mine, because it is the name of the some-thing kind and nice it feels there. I have a good manymore words that end in ness, and that are the names ofthings you can find out about, and talk about, though youcannot tell what shape or colour or smell or taste theyhave ; like cleverness, silliness, idleness, uli'iness, qulickn'ss.""I see,' said Serjeant Parsing. " You cannot tell whatshape or colour cleverness is, but you can soon find outwhether a boy has any of it by the way in which he doeshis lessons."" Yes," said Mr. Noun; " and the names of his lessonsare mine too, for the lessons are things that you can learnabout ; geography, history, writing, arithmetic, all thesenames belong to me.""Really Mr. Noun," said Serjeant Parsing, "you doclaim a big share of words. You will be making out thatthe names of persons belong to you next."
AMr. 1No0u. II"So they do," replied Mr. Noun; "no matter who thepersons are, their names belong to me. I have the nameof every person in the world, from good Queen Victoria onher throne to the raggedest beggar-boy in the street. Thereis not a child in Schoolroom-shire whose name is not anoun. And I have not the names of people only, but of allpet dogs, cats, birds, horses, or rabbits: Fido, Tabby,Bright-eye, Tiny, .' and any other pet names you canthink of. Indeed, I am very particular about such names.I call them proper nouns, and expect them always to bewritten with a capital letter."" Proper nouns?" repeated Serjeant Parsing. "Thenwhat are the other nouns called ?""They are only common nouns," answered Mr. Noun,carelessly."Then all names are common nouns, except the namesof persons or animals, are they ?" asked Serjeant Parsing." No, no, no," said Mr. Noun, quite crossly: " the nameof an animal is not a proper noun unless it is the ownspecial name of one animal, that marks it from otheranimals of the same kind. Dog is the name given to alldogs, they have the name in common between them; butFido is the name of one particular dog, his own propername by which his master calls him. So dog is a commonnoun, Fido is a proper noun."
12 Graminar-land."Oh, I see," said Serjeant Parsing. " Then the particularname of any person or animal is a proper noun, and allother names are common nouns."" I never said that," exclaimed Mr. Noun. " How verystup- I mean, you do not understand me, my dear sir.I never said that the particular name of a place or thingwas not a proper noun too. Every particular and specialname, whether of a person, an animal, a place, or a thing,is a proper noun. Every place has its own proper name,or should have. Every country and mountain and riverand town in Europe is named with a proper noun. Why,you would not call Engatnd a common noun, I shouldhope? There are plenty of countries in the world, butthere is only one country that is called by the propername of dear old England. Country is a common noun, allcountries have it in common, but when you want to speakof any particular country you use the proper nouns, Eng-land, Scotland, Irczland, France, etc., etc.""Well, I think we can understand that the particularnames of places are proper nouns," said Serjeant Parsing;"but you spoke about things also. Surely things have'no proper names? You do not give names to chairsand tables, and call them Mr. Leanback or SquireMahogany ?""Not exactly," answered Mr. Noun; "we do not name
Mr. Noun. 13chairs and tables with proper names, but what do you sayto houses ? They are things are they not ? And you mayhave heard of such names as _1, House, SpringfieldCottage, fIy Lodge."" Well, no other things besides houses have propernames, have they? " said Serjeant Parsing."Books are things," said Mr. Noun, "and they all haveproper names. So have ships and boats, TWarrior, Sea-foam, Fairy, or something of that sort. I have heard ofa cannon which was called Roarer, and you ought to knowthat King Arthur's sword was named Excalibur. Indeed,you can give a proper name to anything you like that youwant to distinguish from other things of the same sort.""And all such proper names, or proper nouns, as youcall them, must be written with a capital letter, must they ?Whether they are the names of persons, animals, places,or things, little or big?"" Sir," answered Mr. Noun, littlenesss or bigness makesno difference. If you had a pet fly, and called it Silver-wing, Silver-wing must be written with a capital S, becauseit is a proper noun.""Well, Mr. Noun," said Serjeant Parsing, "your ideasof what is proper seem to me rather peculiar, but I supposeDr. Syntax has no objection, so I will say nothing."Dr. Syntax silently bowed his head.
14 Grammar-land.The Judge then spoke. " Mr. Noun, you have claimeda great many words, and it remains to be seen whether allthe other Parts-of-Speech agree to these words being yours.In order to find out whether they do or no, I will ask ourfriends from Schoolroom-shire to write out, each of them,a list of twenty names, the names of anything they can see,hear, touch, taste, smell, or think about, or the proper namesof any persons, animals, places, or things they know; andwhen next we meet I will read out what they have written,and we shall hear whether any one has any good reason togive why they should not be called nouns."The Judge then rose from his seat, and every one left thecourt.
CHAPTER II.LITTLE ARTICLE.HEN Judge Grammar next tookS his seat in court, a number ofSi papers covered with words were/ handed up to him by SerjeantParsing." They are the lists of names,my lord," he said, "which youasked the people of Schoolroom-shire to write for you."-- -i A "Very good," said the Judge." I will read some of the wordsaloud, and if any one thinksthat they are not nouns, lethim come forward and say so. And he began to read:
16 Grammar-land.f/e garden, /the hose, /he sky, a book, a bird, a fly, whensuddenly he was interrupted by a sound of bitter sobbingand crying." What is the matter ? " he asked. " Who dares to inter-rupt the court?"" It is this tiresome little Article, your lordship," saidSerjeant Parsing, pushing forward a ragged little fellow,who was rubbing both fists into his eyes and cryingbitterly. " He says he is being cheated, my lord; thathe has only two words of his own in all Grammar-land,and that they are being used on these lists as if theybelonged to Mr. Noun.""Bring him up before me," said the Judge. " What isyour name, sir?""My name is Article, or Little-joint," replied the littlefellow. " I have only two words in all Grammar-land, a andt/e. I lend them to Mr. Noun whenever he asks for themfairly; but, your lordship, it is very hard," and here hebegan to cry again, "that they should be read as yourlordship was reading them just now, as if they belonged toMr. Noun, when he is so rich, and I am so very, verypoor.""Is it true, Brother Parsing, " asked the Judge, "thatlittle Article is always ready to wait upon Mr. Noun?""Quite true, my lord," answered Serjeant Parsing.
Little Article. 17"Indeed, I have often been able to discover Mr. Nounby catching sight of little Article running before him, forwhenever you see an a or a the, you may be sure that Mr.Noun will have a word of his own in somewhere near. Thechief use of little Article is to point out that a noun iscoming, for you may be sure that if you can put an a or athe before a word, that word is a noun, as a bird, the sky.""And do you use him as much before your pet propernouns, sir ? " asked Judge Grammar of Mr. Noun." No, your lordship," replied Mr. Noun, " that I do not.Indeed, I cannot see that little Article is of much use tome at any time; but he has an old habit of coming withme wherever I go, and when I have no one else I do notmind having him.""Well," said Judge Grammar, "if you do have him,take care that you use him well; and pray, Brother Parsing,tell the Schoolroom-shire children to give him a separatemark for himself, and not to put his words with Mr. Noun's.""Certainly, my lord," said Serjeant Parsing, "but Ihave one question to ask first. This little Article said thathe had only two words in all Grammar-land, a and the. Iwish to ask him what he says to an, as you say an egg, anapple ? Surely an belongs to him also."Article was just beginning to answer when he suddenlystopped, turned pale, trembled, and looked as if he would3
18 Grammar-land.have tumbled to pieces in terror, for he saw Dr. Syntaxrise.Dr. Syntax stood upright, looking very tall and thin andblack: he spoke in very stern voice, but all he said was," An is only used before a vowel or an h mute." Then hesat down again."Ah!" said Serjeant Parsing, drawing a long breath,"thank you. Now, little Article, say what you have to say.""I have only to say," remarked Article, recovering hiscourage, "that a and an are really one and the same word;a is only an with his coat off. I like to use it best as awithout its coat, but before a vowel or an h mute I amobliged," and here Article gave a frightened look at Dr.Syntax, " I am obliged to keep its coat on and call it an.""And do you know what you mean by a vowel or an hmute?" asked Judge Grammar." 0 yes, my lord: there are five vowels, a, e, i, o, u,"answered Article."And what is an h mute?" asked the Judge."An h that is not sounded, as in an hour, an honour,"answered Article, rather impatiently, for he was getting verytired of being questioned."And you are to use an before any word that beginswith a vowel, a, e, i, o, or u, or an h mute, are you ? " askedthe Judge.
Little Article. 19"Yes, my lord," said Article, " I told you so before.""Give us some examples of words beginning with eachof these," said the Judge, " and show us how you use anbefore them."Article held up one hand, with the thumb and fourfingers stretched out, and pointing to each one in turn,beginning with the thumb, he answered: "An apple, aneagle, an idol, an ox, and an ugly, uncomfortable, unkindold Judge, to keep me here so long answering questions."Saying which, little ragged Article turned and scamperedoff as fast as his legs could carry him.Serjeant Parsing then said that as Article had behavedso badly, he hoped the Judge would give him a severepunishment, by allowing the children of Schoolroom-shireto use his words as often as they liked in their new lists." Certainly," said Judge Grammar. "I request that eachof you will write six new nouns, and will use an articlebefore every one of them."The court then rose, after Serjeant Parsing had handedthe Schoolroom-shire children the following verse, beggingthem to find out all the nouns and articles in it:-Once there was a little boy,With curly hair and pleasant eye;A boy who always spoke the truth,And never, never told a lie.3*
CHAPTER III.MI. PRONOUN.' <?o aS HEN the court next assembled,". the Judge read aloud all the"--._ nouns and articles on the lists,_- ;-j2 -; , casting a stern glance at little"i.'- -:- -- Article at each a, an, or the that.- -. he came to, in order to show-that they were put in as a punish-'- '- ment for Article's impudent be-. OU, J haviour the day before. PoorLittle Article said nothing, andno one having objected to any-- f the words, the Judge said:1~R. IPO SPEAKS. "........... Mr. Noun and Article, sinceno one finds fault with the words that you claim, I declare
Mr. Pronoun. 21them to be lawfully yours. Now, stand aside, and let Mr.Pronoun come forward."At these words Mr. Pronoun stood before the Judge.He is something like Mr. Noun, only he is thinner, andlooks as if he worked harder."Mr. Pronoun?" said Serjeant Parsing, standing up tobegin his questioning.Mr. Pronoun bowed."Why are you called Pronoun, sir, and what words doyou possess ?""I am called Pronoun, because I often do the work formy rich neighbour, Mr. Noun. Pro means instead of sopronoun means instead of noun, and my words are calledpronouns because they stand instead of nouns. Mr. Noun,though he is so rich, does not like to have his words usedover and over again-he says it wears them out; so to savetrouble I put in my little words, which do just as well.""And you are not afraid of your words being wornout?" asked the Judge."0 dear no my lord," answered Pronoun. "Ithink my words are like the iron rails on the railway-themore they are used the brighter they look; it is only theidle ones that get rusty and spoilt. And it is not manyof my words that get rusty, I can tell you, my lord.Serjeant Parsing knows how he was one day trying to
22 Grammar-land.make sense of Dr. Faustus without me, and what a muddlehe made of it. If he will kindly repeat it now, I willshow you."So Serjeant Parsing said :-Dr. Faustus was a good man;Dr. Faustus whipped Dr. Faustus's scholars now and thenWhen Dr. Faustus whipped the scholars Dr. Faustus made the scholarsdanceOut of England into France."There! " said Pronoun. " Let any one try to sing that,and he will find how awkward it is. Now, if you will usemy little he or his, instead of saying Dr. Faustus so often,and put them instead of scholars, it will sound much better.Just listen. Please, Mr. Parsing, say it again, and I willcome in when I am wanted."So Serjeant Parsing said: "Dr. Faustus was a goodman.""He whipped his," shouted Pronoun."He whipped his scholars now and then. When--"" He whipped them," shouted Pronoun."When he whipped them," continued Serjeant Parsing."He made them dance," cried Pronoun." When he whipped them he made them dance," repeatedSerjeant Parsing, "out of England into France.""Ah," said the Judge, "yes It is certainly better so.Mr. Noun's words are not used so often, and all parties are
Mr. Pronoun. 23pleased. Then he, his, and them are pronouns, as theystand instead of nouns. Now tell us what other wordsyou have, Mr. Pronoun.""First of all, my lord, I have words which are usedinstead of the names of people when they are talking ofthemselves, such as I or me, we or us. When a person isspeaking of himself he does not name his own name,but says instead, I or me. Except, indeed, very littlechildren, who say, 'Baby wants more,' or, 'Give babymilk.' Reasonable persons say, 'I want more,' Giveme some milk.'"" The Queen says we in speaking of herself," remarkedthe Judge." Yes, my lord," said Pronoun, "the Queen is of courseallowed to use we or us when she means only herself; butother people do not use we or us unless they mean morethan one person.""Then Ior me, we or us, are the pronouns used insteadof the names of people speaking of themselves, are they,Mr. Pronoun?" inquired Serjeant Parsing." Certainly," replied Pronoun: " and the words usedinstead of the names of persons you are speaking toare thou, or thee, and you. When I am speaking to you,Mr. Parsing, I say, I tell you; I do not say, I tell SerjeantParsing."
24 Grammar-land."Quite so," answered Serjeant Parsing; "but why doyou not say, I tell thee.""Why, the fact is," replied Mr. Pronoun, "that thou andthee really stand for one person only, and you stands formore than one. But long ago people took it into theirheads to fancy that it would be very polite to talk to oneperson as if he were at least as good as two. It is a veryvulgar thing to be only one person, but to be two peoplerolled into one would be very grand indeed. So when aman was talking to a grand neighbour he called him youinstead of thou, and the grand neighbour was so muchpleased that it came to be the fashion to say you to everyone, and my poor little thou and thee were quite setaside.""And are they never used now?" said Serjeant Parsing." 0 yes, they are used," said Mr. Pronoun; "but aspeople neglected them in former days, I won't have themused in common now. You is quite good enough for every-day talk.""Well," said Serjeant Parsing, "you have shown that Ior me, we or us, thou or thee, and you, are all your words.Have you any others ? ""Plenty more," answered Pronoun. "I have he, she,it, and they, to stand instead of persons or things you aretalking about.
Mr. Pronoun. 25Tom took Maria on the ice;It broke, and she fell in;He got a rope, and in a triceHe pulled her out again.If they had both been drowned, you know,Folks would have said, "I told you so."There it stands for ice, and she for Maria, and he forTom, and they for Tom and Maria together. So you seeclearly that he, she, it, and they are pronouns.""I do not think any one could deny it," said SerjeantParsing. " Have you any other words ?"" O yes, there are plenty more words that stand insteadof nouns. My, thy, his, our, your, their, which are used toshow that something belongs to the person these words standinstead of. Just as instead of saying Dr. Faustus's scholars,we said his scholars; and as in speaking to you, my lord,I should not say Judge Grammar's wig, but your wig.""You need not say anything about my wig," said theJudge, rather testily. "Mind your own words, sir, and tellus what others you have.""I have who and which," replied Pronoun. " Instead ofsaying, 'I met a man, the man had no eyes,' you say, 'Imet a man who had no eyes;" so my little who saves Mr.Noun's man. Instead of saying, 'I will tell you a tale, atale was told to me,' you can say, I will tell you a talewhich was told to me;' so which stands instead of tale."
26 Grammar-land." We understand," said the Judge. " No more of yourtales now, if you please. You have no more words, I sup-pose?""Indeed I have, my lord. This and that, these andthose, are pronouns. For when you say, 'Look at this,' youmean a picture, or a sum, or anything else that this mayhappen to stand for; and when you say, 'Take that,' thatstands for a halfpenny, or a kick, or anything else youmay be giving at the time. And if you sing to a child-ifyour lordship ever does sing-which does not seem verylikely--"" Mind your words, sir," said the Judge, again. " If wesing what ?""If you sing This is the way the lady goes,' then thisstands for the jogging up and down of my knee, theway the lady goes."" Really, Mr. Pronoun," said the Judge, " you are verychildish. The Schoolroom-shire people are quite ashamedof you. We shall ask for no more of your words to-day,for I suppose, after all, they are easy enough to findout.""All words that stand instead of nouns belong to me,"said Pronoun; "but they are not quite so easy to findout as you suppose. Those that stand instead of persons,like I, thou, he, we, you, they, any one can find out. I have
Mr. Pronoun. 27told you about a good many others, and if Serjeant Parsingwishes to discover the rest for himself- -""He does, sir," said the Judge, who was getting verytired and hungry. " You may go. I will only ask you toassist our Schoolroom-shire friends in making the followingverses right. They read very queerly at present; but ifyou can set them right, I think we shall agree that what youhave been saying of your words is true."The Judge then wished them all good-morning, and wentto lunch off a few pages of dictionary.Here are the verses.There was a man, the man had no eyes,And the man went out to view the skies;The man saw a tree with apples on,The man took no apples off and left no apples on.Little Bo-peep has lost Bo-peep's sheep,And does not know where to find the sheep;Leave the sheep alone till the sheep come home,And bring the sheep's tails behind the sheep.Matilda dashed the spectacles awayTo wipe Matilda's tingling eyes;And as in twenty bits the spectacles lay,Matilda's grandmamma Matilda spies.
CHAPTER IV.PERJEANT PARSIpJIq' VIIT.SER ERJEANT PARSING paid avisit to Schoolroom-shire."My young friends," he said,in his most amiable voice, "mayI trouble you with a little pieceof business for Judge Grammarto-day. I have here a story,and the Judge requests that youwill kindly find out how manyof the words in it belong to Mr.Noun, how many to Mr. Pro-noun, and how often little rag--- ged Article comes in. The bestway to do this is to get your slates, and mark off a
Serjeant Parsing's Visit. 29piece for Mr. Noun, another for Mr. Pronoun, and acorner somewhere for little Article. Write their names ineach. Now I will read the story, and whenever I cometo a noun, give Mr. Noun a mark; whenever I read apronoun, give a mark to Mr. Pronoun; and if I read ana, an, or the, put down a mark to little Article. Whenit is finished we will count up and see who has the mostmarks."Serjeant Parsing then read the following story :-"Some sailors belonging to a ship of war had a monkeyon board. The monkey had often watched the men firingoff a cannon, so one day when they were all at dinner hethought he should like to fire it too. So he took a match,as he had seen the men do, struck it, put it to the touch-hole, and looked into the mouth of the cannon, to see theball come out. The ball did come out, and alas alas thepoor little monkey fell down dead."
CHAPTER V.JIR. ADJECTIVE.2 HE next Part-of-Speech calledup before Judge Grammar wasMr. Adjective.-lA "My young friends in School-E room-shire," said Serjeant Parsing,"must know Mr. Adjective well.o He is the greatest chatterbox andthe veriest gossip that ever lived.- You never in all your life, myADJE IVE lord, knew any one who couldqUALIFY llpsay so much about one thing as/NOUNS, Mr. Adjective. Mr. Noun cannotmention a word, but Mr. Adjec-tive is ready to tell all about it, whether it is little or bi,
Mr. Adjective. 31blue or green, good or bad, and mischief enough he does inSchoolroom-shire. For instance, if Noun mentions Willy'spen-' Nasty, spluttering, cross-nibbed thing,' whispers Adjec-tive, and Willy thinks that is why he wrote such a badcopy, and did not dot his i's. If Mr. Noun points outpussy, who is coming into the room, purring and rubbing herhead against the leg of each chair as she passes, Adjectivewhispers that she is a 'dear, sweet, soft, warm, little pet,' soMilly leaves off her sums to pick her up and play with her.Ann, the housemaid, finds dirty boot-marks on her niceclean stairs, and as soon as she sees Tom she tells him heis a tiresome, untidy, disobedient, and naughty boy,' notknowing that Mr. Adjective was whispering all those wordsin her ear. Indeed, Mr. Adjective causes more quarrels inSchoolroom-shire, and other places too, than any one cantell. Only yesterday Jane and Lucy had a quarrel, I hear,because Jane pulled the arm off Lucy's doll. If Adjectivehad not put into Lucy's head to call Jane naughty andunkind, Jane would not have answered that Lucy wascross and disagreeable. She would most likely have said,'I beg your pardon, I did not mean to do it,' and theywould have been friends again directly. See how muchmischief is caused by talkative, gossiping Mr. Adjective."" Really, Mr. Parsing," remarked Adjective, now puttingin his word for the first time, "you have made a long
32 Grammar-land.speech to show how mischievous I am. Pray, have younothing to say about the good that my kind, loving wordsdo ?"" Oh, certainly, my dear sir," said Serjeant Parsing,suddenly changing his tone. " When you like any one youare a very good-natured fellow, and can say all sorts ofsweet things. I heard you in Schoolroom-shire telling Marythat her mamma is her own dearest, kindest, sweetest mother-that baby is a bright, bonny little darling-that Fido is agood, faitfiul old doggie-and that home is the happiestplace in the whole wide world. Oh, yes," continued Ser-jeant Parsing, " you can call people good names as wellas bad.""I do not call people names," said Adjective, indignantly."I qualify them. I could qualify you, Mr. Parsing, and sayyou are an impertinent, rude" -"That will do, Mr. Adjective," interrupted the Judge."We understand what you mean by qualifying. But tellus, are your words always placed before nouns? "" Oh, no, my lord," answered Adjective. "They can,almost all of them, be used before a noun, but they areoften used after it, in this way:-The sky is blue,The sun is bright,My words are true,The snow is white.
Mr. Adjective. 33" You could also say, blue sky, bright sun, true words, whitesnow, but it does not sound so well, I think. And when apronoun stands instead of a noun, and my words qualifyit--""Oh, you qualify pronouns as well as nouns, do you ?"asked Serjeant Parsing." I am obliged to do so sometimes," said Mr. Adjective,rather sulkily. " I will not have my words used beforea pronoun, as they are before a noun. You can say :-I am riglt,And you are wrong;It is late,And we are strong.But you must not say: right wrong you, late it, or strong"I should think not," said Serjeant Parsing, laughing."Then we are to understand that adjectives are used toqualify nouns and pronouns, and that they may be usedbefore a noun or after it, but not before a pronoun."" Quite right, so far," said Mr. Adjective; "but I can doother things besides qualifying nouns."" What can you do ?"" I can tell how many there are of the thing the nounnames, one, two, three, four, and so on. And whether thething is the first, second, third, or fourth, and so on. And4
34 Grammar-land.whether there are some things, many things, few things,more things, no things.""And all these words are adjectives, are they?""Yes," answered Adjective. "All words that can beput before thing or things are adjectives.""A thing, the thing," remarked little Article, looking upwith a cunning smile at Adjective. "A and the are botharticles.""A and the don't count, of course," said Adjective, im-patiently. "Besides, they were adjectives once, peoplesay, only they got so worn out, that I let my ragged littlecousin Article have them. But except a and the, there isno word that you can put before thing or things that is notan adjective. A beautiful thing, an ,ly thing, bad things,good things, green things, yellow things, large things, littlethings; and so you can say, one thing, two things, some things,any things; and also, this thing, that thing, these things, thosethings.""That seems a very easy way of finding out an adjec-tive," remarked the Judge. "I hope it is a correct way."" Indeed it is, my lord," said Adjective, earnestly. "See,I can give you many more examples."A lovely, graceful, beautiful thing,"A useful, homely, dutiful thing;Foolish, childish, useless things;Handsome, rich, and priceless things."
Mr. Adjective. 35"My lord," said Mr. Noun, coming forward and speak-ing in a solemn voice, " I accuse Mr. Adjective of stealing,and wish him to be sent to prison."" Indeed " said the Judge; "but he must be tried first,and you must prove him guilty before I have him punished.What do you say he has stolen ?"" My lord, he is constantly stealing my words, and onlyjust now he used these without my leave, in open court:love, grace, beauty, use, home, duty.""Enough," said the Judge. "I certainly heard him usesome such words only just now. Critics," he called to thepolicemen, for that is the name they have in Grammar-land,"seize Mr. Adjective, and keep him safe until the courtmeets again, when he shall be tried for stealing." Thenturning to the people of Schoolroom-shire, the Judge con-tinued, "My friends, I shall be much obliged if youwill look over the following story, and strike out ofit all the words belonging to Mr. Adjective. I cannotallow them to remain side by side with other words,until it is proved that Mr. Adjective is not guilty ofstealing them."The Judge then rose, and poor Mr. Adjective was led outof the court, with his hands bound.The following is the story which the Judge sent to thepeople of Schoolroom-shire.4*
36 Grammar-land.THE MAIDEN PRINCE.A long, long time ago, there lived in a grey old castle,a widowed queen, who had one only child, a beautifulbright boy. " My good husband was killed in the terriblewar," said the timid queen, "and if my dear son grows upto be a strong man, I fear that he will go to the cruel wars,too, and be killed. So he shall learn nothing about roughwar, but shall be brought up like a simple maiden." So shetaught him all maidenly duties, to spin, and to weave, andto sew, and she thought he was too simple and quiet to wishto go to war; but one day there came to the great castlegate a noble knight riding a gallant charger. " Come," hecried to the young prince, "come, follow me. I ride to fightwith the wicked and strong who are oppressing the weakand the poor." Up sprang, in a moment, the fair youngboy, flung aside his girlish work, seized his father's batteredsword, and leaped into the saddle behind the noble knight."Farewell, dear mother," he cried, " no more girlish workfor me. I must be a brave man, as my father was, and con-quer or die in the rightful cause." Then the foolish queensaw that it was useless to try to make a daring boy into atimid maiden.
CHAPTER VI.MI. ADJECTIVE TRIED FOf TEALINC.HERE was great excitementin the court the next day;= -- and when every one was as-1, \", -.-.- sembled, except Adjective, theSi -'- Judge called out: "Bring theS''" prisoner in;" and poor Adjec-s i / i tive was led in between twoSCritics, with his hands tiedC " behind him, and placed be-S('l" fore the Judge." ._ Serjeant Parsing rose, andBegan to question him........................... Is your name Adjective ?"he said. "It is," answered Adjective.
38 Grammar-land." And you possess all the adjectives in Grammar-land?"" I do.""What is an adjective ?""A word used to qualify a noun.""What is a noun ?""Please, my lord, need I answer that?" asked Ad-jective."Certainly," replied the Judge."It is not fair," said Adjective; "nouns are not mywords."" But you must know what a noun is, in order that youmay use your adjectives properly.""Of course I know what a noun is-it is a name, thename of anything."" Then do you know the difference between a noun andan adjective ?" asked Serjeant Parsing." Certainly. A noun is the name of a thing. An adjec-tive tells you something about the thing the noun hasnamed; whether it is large or small, or what colour it is,or how much there is of it, or whether there are fewthings or many, or something of that sort.""Quite so; but can you find out at once, without muchthinking, whether a word is a noun or an adjective ? "" If you can put an article before a word, then it is anoun," answered Adjective; " as, a man, the dog."
Mr. Adjective Tried for Stealing. 39"Then when I say, Pity the poor,' of course poor is anoun, is it ?""No," said Adjective, quickly; poorr is my word, I know,for you can say poor child, a poor thing. 'Pity the poor'really means, 'Pity the poor people;' but Mr. Noun is sostingy, that when he thinks the sentence will be understoodwithout his word, he just leaves it out, and then people saythe noun is understood."" Exactly so; but your way of finding out a noun doesnot answer, you see, for the first time I try it, you tell methe word I have found is an adjective."" It always answers unless there happens to be a wordunderstood," replied Adjective, "and then it answers if youuse your reason; for any one would know that you arenot asked to pity a thing called a poor, but to pity poorpeople. But it is not fair, my lord," continued Adjective,turning to the Judge. " Here am I, a poor prisoner, unjustlyaccused of stealing, and Mr. Parsing is trying to puzzle meas much as he can.""Not at all," replied Serjeant Parsing. "I only wantyou to be sure that you know clearly the difference betweena noun and an adjective.""I do," answered Adjective, "quite clearly.""Well, then, answer this question. What is the wordbeauty ?"
40 Grammar-land."Beauty?" repeated Adjective, getting rather red;"beauty is a noun.""Yes," said Serjeant Parsing; "and grace, and home, andduty?""They are all nouns," answered Adjective, looking un-comfortable."Yes; now another question. What is beautiful "" Beautiful?" repeated Adjective, looking very red now;" beautifl is an adjective."" Very well. Now, Mr. Adjective," said Serjeant Pars-ing, "kindly tell me how you got the adjective beautiful/ ?""I made it," answered Adjective, with his eyes on theground."How did you make it?"" I stuck fid on to beauty. When I want to say a thingis full of beauty I call it beautiful.""And how did you get beauty, since it belongs to Mr.Noun?" asked Serjeant Parsing." I took it," replied Adjective, still looking down." Which means to say that you stole it. It is quite clearthat you stole it, and that you did the same to grace, home,duty, and others, to make graceful, homely, dutiful, and therest. My lord, I think I need say nothing more : the pri-soner himself owns that he took these words; it only re-mains for you to give him his punishment."____________________ ____
Mr. Adjective Tried for Stealing. 41The Judge looked very grave, and was beginning tosay, "Mr. Adjective, I am very sorry--" when SerjeantParsing interrupted him, and said:-"Please, my lord, I am going to take the other sidenow. Will you order Mr. Noun to come forward to bequestioned ?""Certainly," said the Judge; and Mr. Noun approached."Mr. Noun ?" said Serjeant Parsing."The same, sir," said Mr. Noun; "all nouns belong tome.""You know a noun when you see it ?""Of course I know my own words.""And you know an adjective ?""Yes; an adjective is a word that tells something aboutone of my nouns.""Very good. Now can you tell me whether /hapy isa noun? ""Certainly not. It is an adjective. You can say ahappy boy, a happy thing."" Exactly so. Now will you tell me what happiness is?"" Happiness," repeated Mr. Noun, getting suddenly veryred, for he saw what was coming; "happiness is a noun,it is mine.""Oh " said Serjeant Parsing; "how did you get it ?""I made it."
42 Grammar-land."How?""I joined happy and ness together.""H'm!" said Serjeant Parsing. "I will not ask youwhere you found such a silly word as ness, but happy yousaid just now belongs to Mr. Adjective, so of course youtook it from him."Mr. Noun did not answer, but looked down, exceedinglyred and uncomfortable.." My lord," said Serjeant Parsing to the Judge, "needI say any more. This Mr. Noun, who would have Adjec-tive put in prison for stealing, has been doing the verysame thing himself. Happiness, prettiness, silliness, clever-ness, and almost all the words that end in ness, are nounsmade from adjectives. If Mr. Noun would give them allup, I have no doubt Mr. Adjective would then give up hisbeautiful, useful, graceful, and other adjectives that are madefrom nouns.""No, no," said the Judge; "I will have no giving up.When a word is once made it is made for good, and in-stead of blaming those who take their neighbour's wordsto make new ones for themselves, I consider that they arevery much to be praised. Critics, untie Mr. Adjective'shands. Mr. Adjective, I am glad to hear you are so cleverin making new words, and I give you full permission tomake as many more as you can, by borrowing either from
Mr. Adjective Tried for Stealing. 43Mr. Noun or from any other Part-of-Speech. Have you anyother ending to put on besides ful "" My lord," said Adjective, whose hands were now untied,and who was standing free and upright before the judge,"my lord, I have a whole string of tails which I keepready to make adjectives with. Here are some of them:ful, like, ly, y, ous, less, en, and ern; and this is the way Istick them on: beautiful, ladylike, manly, dirty, poisonous,careless, golden, western, and with your lordship's kindpermission, I will make such words as often as Ican."" Do so," replied the judge. "And you, Mr. Noun, re-member, that you are to allow Adjective to take your wordswhenever he requires them, for you ought to know thatwords in Grammar-land are not like pennies in Matter-offact-land. There, if some one steals a penny from you, hehas it and you have not; but here, in Grammar-land, whenany one takes your words to make new ones, it makes himricher, but you are none the poorer for it. You have beautystill, although Mr. Adjective has made beautiful; and youhave lady, and man, and gold, although Mr. Adjectivehas made ladylike, and manly, and golden. You ought tohave known this, Mr. Noun, and not to have accused Mr.Adjective of stealing. Therefore, as a punishment, I requireyou to send into Schoolroom-shire a list of nouns that may
44 Grammar-land.be made into adjectives by the addition of some of Mr.Adjective's tails."The Judge then left the court, and this is the list thatMr. Noun sent into Schoolroomshire.Nouns to be made into Adjectives.Truth Lady Child DirtFaith Man Baby WoodHope Love Fool FireCare Gold North PoisonSleep Wood East DangerSense Silk West VirtueAdjective endings that may be added to NoAuns.ful like or ly ish yless en ern ous (meaningfull of)^,7^--^.At)7^
N---CHAPTER VII.THE QUARREL BETWEEN MR. ADJECTIVE AJIDMR. PIROJOUJI APD LITTLE IJTERJECTION.T is sad to tell that nearly thefrst thing Mr. Adjective did_ ... *when he was set free was to; " :I jH have a quarrel with Pronoun.When the Judge came intocourt the next day he foundthem both much excited.S"It is mine, I know it is,",n said Pronoun.S"And I know it is mine,"-i cried Adjective. "I'll ask the- Judge if it is not."o, h i "cI'll ask him, too," saidPronoun. "My lord," he continued, coming forward,
46 Grammar-land." her is mine, and Adjective wants to take it from me. Butwhen I claimed it in court before, he said nothingabout it.""I thought the more," returned Adjective, "but I sup-posed that you would give it up quietly without all this fussin court."" I would willingly give it up if it were yours," said Pro-noun; " but it is not.""It is," cried Adjective, angrily; " I tell you it is.""Silence !" said the Judge, sternly. " Brother Parsing,be kind enough to question both Adjective and Pronoun,that we may know the cause of this quarrel, and hear whateach has to say for himself."" Certainly, my lord," answered Serjeant Parsing. "Ad-jective, what words do you claim ?"" My, thy, his, her, its, our, your, and their," replied Ad-jective." Well, Mr. Pronoun, tell us how you make them out tobe yours."" Nothing is easier," answered Pronoun. "These wordsstand instead of nouns, and therefore they must be pro-nouns. When you say 'my thumb,' my lord, you meanJudge Grammar's thumb, so my stands instead of the nounJudge Grammar. And when you say, 'Little Bo-peep haslost her sheep,' you mean little Bo-pe'es sheep, therefore
The Quarrel between Mr. Adjective and others. 47her stands instead of little Bo-pecp. So my and her areclearly pronouns; and thy, his, its, our, your, their, are usedin just the same way, and therefore must be pronounstoo.""It would seem so," said the Judge. "What has Mr.Adjective to say to that?"" I will soon tell you, my lord," replied Adjective."You will, of course, allow that an adjective is a word thatmay be used before a noun, to tell something about thething that the noun names. It has been said that if youcan put thing or things after a word, that word (not count-ing a or the, of course) is sure to be an adjective; as, agood thing, a bad thing, large things, little things, and soon. Well, I am sure you can say my thing, thy thing, histhing, her thing, its thing, our thing, your thing, and theirthing. Therefore, my, thy, his, her, its, our, your, andtheir, must be adjectives.""H'm It is all very well to say must," remarked theJudge, "but then Pronoun says they must be pronouns.Are there any more of your words, Mr. Pronoun, that Ad-jective claims in the same way?""My lord," answered Pronoun, " he claims all the wordsof mine that may be used before a noun. This, that, these,and those, for instance.""Of course I do," said Adjective; "for when you say
48 Grammar-land.this bird, that horse, these rabbits, th/se people; this, that,these, and those are clearly used with a noun, but do notstand instead of one.""Ah !" said Pronoun, "but when you say 'look at this,''take that,' 'may I have these?' 'burn those;' this, that, these,and those are not used with a noun, but clearly stand insteadof one, and therefore they are pronouns."" It seems to me," said the Judge, half to himself, " thatsometimes they are adjectives, and sometimes they arepronouns.""That is just what I say, my lord," cried Adjective,"and if you will allow it, I think I know of a way that willmake peace between us directly. Let us call them Adjective-Pronouns, and have them between us. When they are used,not with a noun, but instead of one, then Pronoun may havethem all to himself; but when they are used like adjectives,before a noun, then we will have them between us, and callthem Adjective-Pronouns."" That seems very fair," replied the Judge, " and I cer-tainly allow it. Mr. Pronoun, be kind enough to give us alist of your words, and Mr. Adjective will point out any thatmay be used as Adjective-Pronouns."So Mr. Pronoun began : "I, thou, he, she, it, we, you, they,mine, thine, his, hers, its, ours, yours, theirs; my, thy, his, her,its, our, your, their."
The Quarrel between Mr. Adjective and Others. 49" Those last eight are between us," said Adjective, " forthey can all be used before a noun."" Afyself, thyself, himself herself itself, ourselves, yourselves,or yourself, themselves," said Pronoun, with a little toss ofhis head, " those, at least, are all mine, Mr. Adjective."" Continue repeating your words, sir," said the Judge,sternly; " do not stop to talk."" This, that, these, those," continued Pronoun."Adjective-pronouns, all four of them," remarked Mr.Adjective; "we have shown that already.""Each, either, neither, one, other," continued Pronoun."Stop," said the Judge; "we have not had these wordsbefore. You must give us some sentences to show that theyare pronouns."Pronoun replied :-Two sparrows had a fight to-day,Each wished to take a worm away ;One pulled at it, so did the other,Neither would yield it to his brother.Had either given up at least,His brother would have had the feast ;But while they fought a thrush came by,And with the worm away did fly."There, my lord," continued Pronoun, "all the words,each, one, other, neither, either, stand for sparrow in thoselines, and as sparrow is a noun, they must be pronouns.""They are adjective-pronouns sometimes," remarked Mr.5
50 Grammar-land.Adjective, "for you can say, 'each boy,' 'the other day,' 'oneither side .' ""Certainly," said the Jodge. " Have you any more, Mr.Pronoun?"" Tho, which, what," continued Pronoun."You must show that they are pronouns," said the Judge."'Here is the man who shot the tiger,'" said Pronoun."' Here are two apples; which do you choose?' 'I knowwhat I want.' Who stands instead of the man, because youcould say, Here is the man; the man shot the tiger.'I'Phich stands instead of one of the apples, and what standsinstead of the thing that I want, whatever it may be."" Yes," said Serjeant Parsing. " But if who and whatare used to ask questions, as, 'who is there ?' 'what is that?'then what do who and what stand instead of?""If you will answer the questions, and tell me who wasreally there, and what that really was, then I will tell youwhat nouns who and what stand instead of; but if you donot know any answer to your own questions, then of courseI cannot tell you what noun my little pronouns stand for;I can only tell you they stand instead of something, andtherefore are pronouns."" Which and what are used before nouns sometimes,"cried Adjective: " 'which way are you going?' what bellis that?' therefore they are adjective-pronouns too."
The Quarrel between Mr. Adjective and Others. 51"At any rate," said Pronoun, haughtily, "who is alto-gether mine, for you cannot say, 'who way,' 'who book,'' who man,' or anything of that sort.""Hoo! hoo! hoo! ha! ha! ha! he! he! he!" cried avoice among the crowd. " Old Adjective beaten! hurrah!bravo !"Every one in the court looked round to see where suchstrange sounds came from."It is Interjection," said Serjeant Parsing, angrily,making a dive at the crowd behind him, to try and catchhold of some one in it." Critics," cried the Judge, " seize that fellow, and bringhim here."But that was more easily said than done, for little Inter-jection was as quick and active as any'street boy in London.He dodged in and out amongst the other Parts-of-Speech,and was here, there, and everywhere, till at last hetumbled up against Serjeant Parsing, who held him fast tillthe Critics came up. He is such an odd little creature, thatyou could hardly tell what he is like.\One moment heis crying bitterly, and the next he is in fits of laughter;when you look at him again he is perhaps shrieking forfear, and in another minute he is standing on his headfor joy. He is so fond of standing on his head, that peoplesay he had his portrait taken so once (!), and that is why5*
52 Grammar-land.they put a note of exclamation (!) after his words; but thatis all nonsense, of course."Interjection !" said the Judge, sternly, "you are the lastof all the Parts-of-Speech, and have no business to interruptthe court now. Let me not hear you again until your turncomes.""Alas alas !" cried Interjection, wringing his hands."Mr. Parsing says I am only a poor little fellow thrown in(that is what my name interjection means, thrown in), toexpress surprise or fear, joy or sorrow. When folks donot know what to say next, one of my little words popsin, and poor Mr. Parsing is at his wit's end to know whatto do with it, ah ah Off! off!" he cried, changing histone, and suddenly jerking himself out of the policeman'shold. " Away away !" he shouted, springing to the door;and before they could catch him he was indeed away, andthey heard his "ha! ha 1 ha!" die away in the distance.Serjeant Parsing then turned to the Schoolroom-shirefolks, and asked them to mark off on their slates placesfor Mr. Noun, Pronoun, Adjective, and little Article, and acorner somewhere for tiresome Interjection; and while heread to them, to put down a stroke in the right place foreach word that they knew. "And when you come to anadjective-pronoun used with a noun," continued SerjeantParsing, " put a stroke on the line that divides Adjective's
The Quarrel between Mr. Adjective and Others. 53ground from Pronoun's. That will be like a little mansitting astride on the wall, with one leg for Pronoun topull and one for Adjective. Of course if it is used instead ofa noun, and not with one, then Mr. Pronoun must have thestroke all to himself. Whichever Part-of-Speech gets themost strokes gains the game."This is what Serjeant Parsing read."Alas alas! that naughty boy," said Harry's mother,as she waited for him to come back from school, " Hemust have gone to play with the other boys at the big pond,and he will certainly fall in, for the boys are sure to try theice, and it is too thin to bear them yet. Oh! my poor, dearboy! what shall I do? If he falls into the black,_coldwater, he will certainly be drowned. My darling Harry !ah I why does he not come home? If I had any one tosend. Why, there he is, I declare, with his handsfull of oranges. Oh the naughty boy I will give him agreat scolding. To give me a fright, and keep me waitingwhile he was buying oranges Harry, you are a naughty,careless, tiresome What! kissing me, you littlerogue, to stop my mouth. There there do not pulldown my hair, and never give your poor mother such afright again; and now come in and see the lovely Christmas-box I have for you."
CHAPTER VIII.Dl. VERB.S HE next Part-of-Speech calledup before Judge Grammar, togive an account of himself, wasDr. Verb.He came bustling up withan air of great importance."My lord, my name isVerb. I am called Verb be-cause verb means ziord, andA o the verb is the most important" [oword, the word, in fact, in everyrd sentencee""The most important word !"cried Mr. Noun, interrupting him. "My lord, he says
Dr. Verb. 55the verb is the most important word in every sentence!Why, Dr. Verb, you know that you cannot give the name ofa single thing, for all names are nouns, and belong to me.The verb the most important word, indeed, when I have thename of everything !""I know that," answered Dr. Verb, "I know very wellthat when people want to name a thing they must use anoun. But do you suppose that when they have simplynamed a thing they have made a sentence ? Not a bit ofit. To make a sentence you must tell something about thething that you have named; you must say whether it is orhas or does anything, as: 'Ice is cold,' 'Puss has a tail,'' Blackbirds sing.' Is, has, sing, are verbs, and so are allw rds that speak of being, having, or doing, and withoutsome such word you cannot make a sentence.""You think so, Dr. Verb," said the Judge, "but I shouldlike it to be proved. Brother Parsing, just call some of theother Parts-of-Speech forward, and let them try to make asentence without Dr. Verb.""I will, my lord," answered Serjeant Parsing. " Noun,A lijective, and Article, be kind enough to step forward, andeach of you give me a word.""Sun," said Mr. Noun."Brig/ht," said Adjective." 7he," said little Article.
56 Grammar-land." Very good," said Serjeant Parsing, " now I will put themtogether; sun brightt/le;' thebright sun;' 'the sun bright.'They do not seem to make quite a proper sentence, mylord, any way.""Of course not," said Dr. Verb, interrupting; "for whenyou say 'the bright sun,' which sounds the best of the threeways, you still have not made a sentence, for you have notsaid whether the bright sun is shining, or is not shining,or whether you can see it, or what it does. The sunbrig/th' of course is nonsense; but say the sun is bright, andthen you tell a fact about the sun, and you have made asentence fit to set before the king.""You had better try Mr. Noun again, Brother Parsing,"said Judge Grammar. " Perhaps he can give you a moreconvenient word."Serjeant Parsing turned again to Mr. Noun, and askedfor another word."HWippopotamus," answered Mr. Noun. Mr. Adjectivegave fat."Now, little Article, give me a," said Serjeant Parsing,"and I will put them together. Hipo otamus fat a;' afat hippopotamus;' 'a hi/popotamus fat.' H'm! it soundsodd.""' A fat hippopotamus' does not sound wrong," put inMr. Noun.
Dr. Verb. 57" Not wrong, of course," answered Dr. Verb. " You maymention a fat hippopotamus, if you like, or any otheranimal, but unless you tell something about it you have notmade a sentence. Say that it is, or has, or did something,if you want to make a sentence; like 'a fat hippopotamusis here;' or, 'a hippopotamus has a fat body; or, a hippo-potamus ate me up,' or, swam away,' or something of thatsort. Then you will have some famous sentences, but youwill have had to use verbs to make them, for is, ihas, ate,swam, are all verbs, for they are all words that speak ofbeing, having, or doing.""How can we always find out if a word is a verb?"asked Serjeant Parsing." It is sure to be a verb if you can put a little to beforeit," answered Dr. Verb; "to be, to have, to do, to cat, todrink, to swim, to fly, to speak, to think, to run, to dance, toplay, to sing, to slhyp, to wake, to laugh, to cry, to call, to fall;"and Dr. Verb stopped, quite out of breath." That sounds very easy," said Serjeant Parsing. " Let metry it with the words that you said were verbs ; to is, to has,to ate, to swam.""Stop, stop," cried Dr. Verb; "not like that. Youmust not put to before any part of the verb you like.Is is part of the verb to be, has is part of the verb tohave."
58 Grammar-land."Is, part of the verb to be!' said Serjeant Parsing."What do you mean? why, the two words have not asingle letter alike.""True; but still they mean the same sort of thing.When a countryman says 'he be a brave lad,' he means thesame thing as he is a brave lad ;' or when he says, I betoo tired,' he means, I am too tired.' Is and am oughtto be used according to the laws of Grammar-land insteadof be, but as they both express something about being theyare said to be parts of the verb to be. In the same wayhas is part of the verb to /r:,e, ate is part of the verb to eat,and swam is part of the verb to swim." That is very learned, I daresay," said Serjeant Parsing,"but will you kindly tell us, Dr. Verb, how we are toguess that am, or any other word that has neither a b noran e in it, is part of the verb to be ?""You cannot guess, of course," retorted Dr. Verb,sharply. "I never said you were to guess. You mustuse your reason, to find out whether they have the samesort of meaning. Or if you like it better, learn the songthat Mr. Pronoun and I have made up, to bring in all thedifferent parts of the verb.""A song?" said Judge Grammar, in surprise. "I didnot know that you could sing, Dr. Verb; but let us hearyour song, by all means."
Dr. Verb. 59"If you will not interrupt mr, my lord, I w:ll give youthree verses of it," answered Dr. Verb." No, we will not interrupt," said the Judge.So Dr. Verb began :-THE SONG OF THE VERB " TO BE."Present Tense.I am We areThou art You areHe is They arePast Tense.I was We wereThou wast You wereHe was They wereFuture Tense.I shall be We shall beThou wilt be You will beHe will be They will beWhen he had finished, every one burst out laughing."And you call that singing, do you, Dr. Verb? " saidthe Judge." Dr. Syntax, there, calls it conjugating, I believe," saidDr. Verb; " but I think singing is a prettier and easiername for it."" But it is not a song at all," said the Judge, nearlylaughing again ; "there is no tune in it, and no rhyme.""It is the best that Pronoun and I could make alone,"
60 Grammar-land.said Dr. Verb, angrily. "But it can be easily made torhyme if the other Parts-of-Speech will help. Listen.PRESENT TENSE.I am an Englishman merry and bold,Thou art a foreigner out in the cold,He is a beggar-man hungry and old ;VWe are not happy to see you out there,You are too snug and warm ever to care,They are at home with us now, I declare."That will do," interrupted the Judge; "we do notwant to hear any more to-day. Another day I shall wantto know what you mean by calling the verses Present Tense,Past Tense, and Future Tense-why you have just six ofyour words in each tense,-and whether other verbs canbe colnjugated in the same way.""I can answer at once that they can, my lord," saidDr. Verb. "Indeed, very few verbs change as much asthe verb to be, so that they are all easier to coinjugate; as,I have, thou hast, he has; we have, you have, they have.I live, thou lives, he lives; we live, you live, they live."" Enough for to-day, Dr. Verb," interrupted the Judgeonce more; "we will hear about them next time. Mean-while, as we shall have further examination of this verb tobe, I should like my friends in Schoolroom-shire to makea copy of it, to bring with them. I shall also request themto find out all the verbs in the following verses :-
Dr. Verb. 61"Sit to your task," a father said," Nor play nor trifle, laugh nor talk,And when your lesson well is read,You all shall have a pleasant walk."He left the room, the boys sat still,Each gravely bent upon his task,But soon the youngest, little Will,Of fun and nonsense chose to ask." My ball is lost," the prattler cried," Have either of you seen my ball ? "" Pray mind your book," young Charles replied," Your noisy words disturb us all."The court then rose.
CHAPTER IX.DR. VERB'S THREE TENSES ANDPIUMBEF AND PERSON.S'O^OW, Dr. Verb," said Judge. Grammar, the next day, " weShave well examined this thatIuT- 'rU you call your 'Song of theverb To be.'""Conjugation, my lord, ifyou like," said Dr. Verb, bow-" I do like, certainly," replied/' the Judge. "Conjugation is- _-a much better word than song\ 'sS7.. .- -longer and more respectable,.. .................. and in every way more suited
Dr. Verb's Tenses and Number and Person. 63to Grammar-land. Con-ju-ga-tion-this conjugation of theverb 'to be.' We require you to explain it.""With pleasure, my lord. You see, it is divided intothree verses."" Verses !" exclaimed Serjeant Parsing. " You know itis not to be called a song, Dr. Verb.""Quite so, quite so," said Dr. Verb, bowing again."Well, Tenses, then. It is divided into three tenses, thePresent Tense, the Past Tense, and the Future Tense, whichmean the present time, the past time, and the future time;and your lordship knows that all time must be either pre-sent time, or past time, or future time. Just as when youare reading a book. There is the part you have read, thatis the past; the part you are going to read, that is the future;and the part you are reading now, that is the present.""We understand," said Judge Grammar; " but pray ex-plain why you divide your verbs into these three parts.""To show how my verbs change when they have tomark the present, past, or future time. You see, the verb'to be' takes am for the present, was for the past, andadds on will or shall for the future. I am in the presenttime talking to your lordship. I was in the past timetalking to your lordship. I shall be in the future timetalking to your lordship.""Indeed, I hope not," cried the Judge, putting his
64 Grammar-land.hands to his ears. " Pray do not go on for ever talkingto me. I have heard quite enough of your voice already.Step back, and allow Mr. Pronoun to take your place, andexplain the rest of the conjugation to us.""Allow me to say one thing more," said Dr. Verb."Please, Mr. Parsing, whenever you see a will or shall, orany other little verb put in to show the time, will youremember that it is only a little helping verb, used tomake up the tense of some other verb, and therefore to becounted in with that, and not taken alone.""Just give an example of what you mean," said SerjeantParsing; " I do not quite understand."" I mean to say that when you see he will go,' you musttake will go as part of the verb to go; and when you seeam coming;l, was dancing, has eaten, had fought, you musttake them as parts of the verbs to come, to dance, toeat, to fight. The first words, am, was, has, had, are verygood and respectable words by themselves, of course; butwhen they are used with another verb, they are never offendedif you just take them as part of that other verb.""Thank you. I will remember," said Serjeant Parsing,laughing. " Now please to stand back, and allow Mr. Pro-noun to answer.-Mr. Pronoun, pray why do you use theseparticular six words, I, thou, he, we, you, and they, to makeup Dr. Verb's tenses ?"
Dr. Verb's Tenses and Number and Person. 65"I use I and we," answered Pronoun, " to stand for thefirst person; thou and you to stand for the second person;and he and they to stand for the third person.""What do you mean by the first person?" asked Ser-jeant Parsing."My lord," answered Mr. Pronoun, turning to JudgeGrammar," may I ask you who is the first person in Gram-mar-land ?""7Iam, of course," answered the Judge."That is what I find all my friends answer," said Pro-noun. "When I ask them who is the most important, thefirst person in the world to them, they say I am; so mylittle I stands for the person who is speaking about himself,and I call it thefirst person.""Then who is the second person ? " asked the Judge." You are, my lord," answered Pronouns, bowing politely."You said just now that I was thefirst person," said theJudge." Yes, my lord," replied Mr. Pronoun, putting his handon his breast; " I first, and you second."" But it ought to be I first, and you second," said theJudge, angrily."That is exactly what I said, my lord," repeated Pro-noun. "Ifirst, and you second."The Judge was getting so angry, that Pronoun's friends6
66 Grammar-land.began to tremble for his head, when suddenly Dr. Syntaxrose and said: "The first person is always the personspeaking, and the second is the person spoken to. Letevery one in the court say, 'I am the first,' and we shallall be right, and all satisfied.""I first, we first," they all shouted; "and you, you, you,only the second."The noise was tremendous, and the Judge, findinghimself only one against a number, thought he had betterturn the subject; and clapping his hands loudly, to callfor silence, he called out:" But if we are all firsts and seconds, pray where is thethird person to go ?"" Oh, the third person," said Pronoun, contemptuously,"is only the one we are talking about. He may not behere, so it cannot matter if we call him only the third person.""And what is the use of your having pronouns to standfor all these three persons in Dr. Verb's tenses?" askedSerjeant Parsing."Dr. Verb and I agree together to alter our words ac-cording to the person they represent," said Mr. Pronoun."When my pronoun is in the first person, Dr. Verb has tomake his verb in the first person too. He has to say amwhen I have put I, and are when I have put we. I is, orwe art, would make Dr. Syntax there very angry."
Dr. Verb's Tenses and Number and Person. 67"And he would be rightly angry," replied the Judge."You know that very well.""Oh, I am not complaining, my lord," answered Pro-noun; " I was merely stating a fact. Of course I am ratherpleased than otherwise that Dr. Verb should have to alterhis words to make them agree with mine. My pronounsshow the person (that is why, you know, they are calledpersonal pronouns), and then Dr. Verb has to make hiswords agree with them.""Very fine !" remarked Serjeant Parsing. "But tell us,Mr. Pronoun, why, when there are only three differentpersons, you should have six different pronouns in eachtense ?"" Three of them are for the singular number, standing foronly one-I, thou, he," replied Pronoun; " and the otherthree are for the plural number, standing for as many asyou like-we, you, and they.""Singular number only one, I, thou, he; plural numbermore than one, we, you, they;-that is it, is it not, Mr. Pro-noun?" asked Serjeant Parsing."Yes, sir," replied Pronoun, "that is it exactly; I couldnot have explained it better myself. And whatever numberthe pronoun is, that the verb must be also."" You mean that when the pronoun only stands for onething or person, then both it and the verb that comes after6 *_
68 Grammar-land.it are said to be in the singular number: is it not so ?" saidSerjeant Parsing." Quite so, Mr. Parsing," said Pronoun, delighted; " theverb has to agree with the pronoun in number, just as it hasto do in person. If my pronoun stands for only one, then itand the verb are called singular number; but if my pronounstands for more than one thing, then it and the verb are saidto be in the plural number. You quite understand me, Isee, my dear Mr. Parsing, and I am sure you will take careto see that the verb always agrees with me in number andperson.""Whenever it is proper that it should," replied SerjeantParsing, gravely." But it ought always to agree with my words when weare conjugating a verb together," said Pronoun, eagerly;"that is the very reason wly it is useful to conjugate verbs.In every tense you have the first person, second person, andthird person in the singular number; and the first person,second person, and third person in the plural number; andthen you see how the verb alters each time to agree withthe pronoun."" It does not alter every time," put in Dr. Verb; "insome tenses it hardly alters at all. Just listen,-' I had,thou hadst, he had, we had, you had, they had; I lived,thou livedst, he lived, we lived, you lived, they lived; I
Dr. Verb's Tenses and Number and Person. 69sang, thou sangest, he sang, we sang, you sang, they sang;I rang, thou rangest, he rang, we rang, you rang, theyrang.' ""That will do, that will do, Dr. Verb," cried the Judge."We have had your talking in the past tense, we do notwant it in the present tense, and if we should happen torequire it in the future tense, we will let you know anothertime. Instead of talking here, you had much better go toSchoolroom-shire, and help the people there to write out thepresent, past, and future tenses of the verbs you have men-tioned-to have, to live, to sing, to rigg; and show themhow the words alter, not only to mark the different times,but to agree with Mr. Pronoun's words in number andperson."" I shall be most happy, my lord," said Dr. Verb; "butMr. Pronoun must come too, to help me."" With great pleasure, my dear Doctor," said Mr. Pro-noun, gaily: " there is no one in Grammar-land I can workwith so easily as you, because you agree with me sobeautifully."Then, bowing to the Judge, he and Dr. Verb walked outof the court, arm-in-arm, humming the present tense of theverb to be, and the Schoolroom-shire people, with their help,easily wrote out the four verbs mentioned,-to have, to live,to sing, and to ring.
-ICHAPTER X.$ERJEfAT PAPFINq IN SCHOOLROOP-pHIPE'..... EFORE the court met again,*_ : Serjeant Parsing paid anothervisit to Schoolroom-shire.S* "My dear young friends,"H4RN.ICHH he said, "will you kindly getyour slates, and divide themS into four parts, writing at thetop of each part, the nameof Mr. Noun, Mr. Pronoun,Mr. Adjective, and Dr. Verb.S Then cut off two cornerssomewhere, for little raggedArticle and Interjection. Thenlisten to the following story, and when any word that you
Serjeant Parsing in Schoolroom-shire again. 71know is read out, give a mark to the Part-of-Speech towhom it belongs. If you come to an adjective-pronoun,of course you must put a little man astride betweenMr. Pronoun's ground and Mr. Adjective's; and wheneveryou come to a verb, please to say whether it is .in thepresent, past, or future tense. When you have done, wewill count up, and see which Part-of-Speech has gainedthe most marks."This is the story:-"THE TWO NEIGHBOURS."A man lived by his labour; and as he had strong armsand a brave heart, he supported, easily, his wife, his littlechildren, and himself." But a famine came upon the land, and work failed." The man spent all the money which he had saved,until he had not a penny to buy food for his children."Then he went to a rich neighbour, and said : 'My littlechildren are crying for food, and I have no bread togive them. Help me.'"And the rich man said:-"'I am a just man; I always pay my debts; but I oweyou no money. Go! I cannot give you charity.'"Then the poor man went to another neighbour, almostas poor as himself." Give me food for my little children,' he said.
72 Grammar-land." Brother,' said the poorer neighbour, 'we have not muchourselves, but you shall share with us as long as a crust ofbread remains.'"Then they divided between them the little food thatwas left, and that food lasted until the hard times hadpassed."
CHAPTER XI.THE NOJIyJATIVE CASE.:H E next day, Dr. Verb cameS...... .... bustling into the court, look-S~ ing very cross, and calling outloudly for justice."What is the matter?" asked; ^ the Judge; "state your casequietly.""" "It is not my case, it isT%.t I R--R- N I Pronoun's case, that is theTH$' ^AQRRUNSS matter," answered Dr. Verb;......... " though I do not say it is his' w- ^ fault. We should get on verywell if people would only mind their own business."
74 Grammar-land." If you will not tell me the state of the case clearly, Icannot help you," said the Judge."Well, my lord, if you will listen for a minute, I will tryto explain it, so that every one can understand. As youknow very well, I am constantly agreeing with Mr. Pro-noun. I showed you how I alter to suit his number andperson, and it is only fair that he should alter sometimes tosuit me. I only agree with him when he is in the 'Nomi-native Case.'"At the words "Nominative Case" there was a real cryof horror from nearly every one in court. You might havethought they had all turned into interjections, they madesuch a fuss." Nominative Case 1" cried Noun; " shame, shame !"" Shameful awful shocking !" cried Adjective." Fie fie fie !" cried Interjection, and turned threetimes over head and heels." Pray do not use such words, Dr. Verb," said JudgeGrammar, " but tell us what you mean."" Really, my lord," said Dr. Verb, " I did not mean anyharm. Nominative is not such a very long word, that peopleshould make such a fuss about it. I am sure the ladies andgentlemen of the jury will not be angry at my using it.""That depends on how you explain it," said the Judge;"what does it mean ?"
The Nominative Case. 75" It means the person or thing that is or docs whatevermy verb says about him. The cat purrs. It is the catthat does what the verb mentions. You have only to put' who' before the verb in any sentence, and the answerwill give you the Nominative. 'Who purrs?' The answeris the cat, so cat is the nominative to the verb purrs. Thatis the way that I find out whom I am to make my verbagree with.""Is that your way, Brother Parsing?" asked theJudge."Yes, my lord," answered Serjeant Parsing, " that ismy way, and therefore, of course, it is the best way. Myway is always the best way. Now there is a sentenceall ready for you : My way is always the best way. I'11find the nominative before you can dot an i. [/tat isalways the best way?' Answer, my way is always the bestway;-so my way is the Nominative."" But you asked 'what?' not 'who ?' there, BrotherParsing," remarked the Judge." Because way is a thing, not a person, my lord. Whenwe are talking of a thing, then we ask 'what?' instead of'who?' If you said the pudding is boiling in the pot,' Ishould say 'what is boiling?' not who is boiling?' for Ishould hope you would not be boiling a person in a pot,unless you were the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk."
76 Grammar-land."Fi! fo fum !" said Interjection, standing on his head,and clapping his heels together."Silence, sir !" cried the Judge. "Brother Parsing,please not to talk about giants till we have done with theNominative Case. Has any gentleman anything more toexplain about it ?"" Please, my lord," said Pronoun, " Dr. Verb complainsthat he has to agree with me when I am in the NominativeCase. But he has to agree with Mr. Noun just as much.It is no matter what part of speech stands as the Nomi-native in a sentence, Dr. Verb must agree with it; so heneed not grumble at me more than at any one else.""I am not grumbling at you--," Dr. Verb began." Wait a minute, Dr. Verb," interrupted the Judge; "letus first fully understand this case. You say there is a verbin every sentence? ""Certainly, my lord," said Verb."And there is a Nominative in every sentence?"" Exactly so, my lord," answered Serjeant Parsing."And this Nominative may be a noun or a pronoun ?"continued the Judge."It may, my lord," chimed in both Mr. Noun and Mr.Pronoun." And this verb must agree with this Nominative, whetherit likes or not ?" asked the Judge.
The Nominative Case. 77At that question Dr. Syntax suddenly started up like ajack-in-the-box, and standing bolt upright, said, "A verbmust agree with its Nominative case in number and person.A verb must agree with its Nominative case in number andperson;" and then sank down again."Ah!" said the Judge. "Very good. So you see, Dr.Verb, when you have a sentence like 'ducks swim in ponds,'you are first to find your own word swim, then to put whoor what before it-' who swim ? or 'what swim?' The an-swer will be ducks, the Nominative. Then you are to be surethat the verb agrees with it. You must say 'ducks swim,'not 'ducks swims;' and as ducks is the third person andplural number, swim will be third person and plural numbertoo."" Please, my lord," said Pronoun, "when I am Nominativeyou need very seldom take the trouble to ask any questionto find out the Nominative, for most of my words show atonce what they are in. I, thou, he, she, we, and they willnever allow themselves to be used except as Nominatives.They were born Nominatives, they say, and will not degradethemselves by being anything else. They are rather angrywith you for letting people use him in any way they like, buthe is a good-natured little fellow, and does not mind anymore about the case than he does about being called sin-gular when he is really plural. But I, thou, he, she, we, and
78 Gram!nar-lan d.they, are exceedingly particular, and always are and will beNominatives, so you need not ask any question when yousee one of them in a sentence.""You may just as well mike it a rule to ask 'who ?' or'what?' in every sentence, to find the Nominative," saidSerjeant Parsing. "It is such an easy way of finding thecase that a baby in arms could understand it.""Tut! tut! tut! tut!" laughed Interjection again."Oh! be quiet, do!" said Serjeant Parsing; "and, mylord, if the ladies and gentlemen of Schoolroom-shire like tofind out the Nominatives in these verses--""Yes," said the Judge; "hand them up, brother. No,do not begin again, Dr. Verb; no more complaints to-day.And remember, friends, that in these lines every verb musthave a Nominative, unless there is a little to before theverb. Then it has none-it does not agree with anything.And remember, too, that every noun or pronoun that isin the Nominative case is to get an extra mark on yourslates. I wish you good-morning, gentlemen."So saying, the Judge rose. The verses were handed tothe people of Schoolroom-shire, and the court was cleared.SERJEANT PARSING'S VERSES.The hen guards well her little chicks,The useful cow is meek;The beaver builds with mud and sticks,The lapwing loves to squeak.
The Nominative Case. 79In Germany they hunt the boar,The bee brings honey home;The ant lays up a winter store,The bear loves honeycomb.I lost my poor little doll, dears,As I played on the heath one day;And I cried for her more than a week, dears,But I never could find where she lay.The maidens laughed, the children played,The boys cut many capers,While aunt was lecturing the maid,And uncle read the papers.
CHAPTER XII.ADVERB.W DR. VERB," said Judge Gram-mar, next day, "I am readyto hear what is your greatcomplaint against Pronoun."" Why, my lord, when heis in the Objective Case- "" I object, I object!" ex-claimed the Judge, while ageneral murmur of disapprovalJ ran through the court. "No,IrUCY R S no, we have had enough withVHy 0 OTN the Nominative Case; we willSI............ not have another case broughtin. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, sir, to keep us
Adverb. 81listening to your nonsense about an Objective case, whileyour devoted friend Adverb is waiting to be heard. Sitdown, and let Adverb speak.""Devoted friend !" muttered Dr. Verb, as he obeyed. "Iam sure I often wish he would leave me alone. He stickson to me so tight sometimes, that we look like one insteadof two, and he is a good weight to carry. Besides, he isalways teasing by asking why, and when, and how everythingis done. Friend, indeed !"But Adverb did not hear what Dr. Verb was muttering.He came forward, bowing politely, and rubbing his handstogether, as if he were washing them."Very much obliged, indeed," he said, smoothly; "verykind of my friend Dr. Verb to give way to me! Solike him !""You seem to be fonder of him than he is of you,"remarked the Judge. " Pray, why do you follow him scclosely?""I like to hear what he says, and to point out to othershow exceedingly well he speaks," answered Adverb."He is always exaggerating my words," grumbled Dr.Verb. "If I say I like anything, Adverb puts in very muchindeed, or extremely well, or some such silly words; or, if heis in a bad temper, then he flatly contradicts me, and says,no, or not, or never. If I say will, he adds not, and makes7
82 Grammar-land.it will not; if I say can, he makes it cannot, even stickinghis word on to mine as if it were part of it. Sometimeshe does worse. He actually dares to alter my word after hehas stuck his tail on to it, and so he makes will not intowon't, cannot into can't, shall not into sha'n't, and so on.The wo', and ca', and sha', is all he has left me, and then't is his.""Has he always treated you in this way?" asked the Judge."As long as I can remember, my lord," answered Dr.Verb. "That is why, when we were at school together,the boys called him Adverb, because he was always addinghis words on to mine. And he has kept the name eversince.""Your lordship must remember," remarked Adverb, in amild tone, still rubbing his hands very smoothly together,"that Dr. Verb is rather out of temper this morning, and is,perhaps, not quite just. For indeed it is a fact that I makehis words much more useful than they otherwise would be.Besides, I treat Mr. Adjective in much the same way, andhe does not complain.""It is quite true," remarked Adjective, coming forward,delighted to get a chance of using his tongue; "it is quitetrue that Adverb has his word to say about me, just asmuch as about Dr. Verb. He is always putting very, quite,more, most, and words of that sort, before my adjectives, and
Adverb. 83exaggerating them : as, very beautiful, quite charming, moreobstinate, most provoking, and I do not complain of him forthat. But one thing I do complain of, my lord, and thatis, that Adverb will take my words, right good adjectives,stick a ly on to them, and call them his adverbs. Forinstance, he takes bright, puts ly to it, and makes it brightly;he takes bad, and makes it badly; nice, and makes it nicely;beautiful, and makes it beautifully."Judge Grammar at this held up his forefinger, and so-lemnly shook his head, till he nearly shook his wig off."Mr. Adjective, Mr. Adjective !" he said, " I am sur-prised at you. You complain of Adverb for doing the verything that you do yourself. We all know that you keepyour pockets full of tails ready to stick on to your neigh-bours' words-fil, ous, able, ike, ly, and plenty more, andyou use them as often as you can with other people'swords. But when Adverb uses his one little ly with yourwords, then you are up in arms directly. And yet youknow very well that according to the laws of Grammar-landevery Part-of-Speech may make as many new words out ofold ones as he likes, and is to be praised, not blamed, forit. Adverb may put his ly on to as many of your wordsas he can, and you have no right to find fault. I wonderat both you and Dr. Verb. You ought to agree withAdverb better."7 ;'
84 Grammar-land."We none of us agree with him," remarked Pronoun,"nor he with us."" He certainly has no number, or person, or case," re-plied the Judge; "but he is none the worse for that. Hegives Serjeant Parsing less trouble than some of you. Whatdid you say about asking questions, Adverb ?""I teach the game of how, when, and where," repliedAdverb; "how, when, and where, are all my words, and soare the answers to them.How do you like it ? pray you tell ?Not too much, extremely well.When do you like it, tell me when ?To-day, to-morrow, now, and then.Where do you like it, answer fair?Here and there and everywhere.All these words that answer how, when, and where, aremine," continued Adverb, " and so are the forfeit wordsyes, no, or nay."" Ah but black, white, and grey are mine," said Adjective,interrupting; "and please, your lordship, you were mistakenin saying that Adverb has only one tail, ly, to put on toother people's words. What do you think of upwards,downwards, homeward, forward?""Yes, they are certainly adverbs," said the Judge, "andyou might say that wards and ward are the tails he hasadded on to up, down, home, for; but these words arenot yours, Mr. Adjective, so you have no right to interfere."
Adverb. 85"Well, my lord," replied Adjective, "at any rate Ihave a right to speak about once, twice, thrice, for Adverbhas stolen them from my one, two, three.""Once, twice, thrice," repeated the Judge; "is thatall ?""He has not got a word for four times," answeredAdjective; "once, twice, thrice, and away, is all that he cansay.""Then I think," said the Judge, "that you ought to beashamed to grudge them to him, when you have one, two,three, and as many more as you can count; besides first,second, third, fourth, and all that list. I do not likesuch greedy ways, and as a punishment, I order you tohand up a list of adjectives to be turned into adverbs.Our friends may take them to Schoolroom-shire and puta ly to each of them; then they will be adverbs, andwill answer to one of Adverb's questions, how, when,or where."This is the list Mr. Adjective made out.quick sudden prettybright late daintysoft punctual funnystrong regular freedistinct sly happyclear cunning awfulneat falsesharp true
CHAPTER XIII.PPEPOpITIOJI.. 0, from, of, for, over, under, on,S near, at, by, in, among, before,behind, up, down- Pray,who is the owner of all these* DON little creatures?" said JudgeGrammar, the next day. " Mr.Noun, are they yours?""No, indeed, my lord,"Answered Mr. Noun, "theyare not the names of any oneor anything that I ever heard* PRtPosxIloN *N of.*.*..%.*..%.*4^^^^^ " Dr. Verb, are they yours?""I should not object to having them, my lord,"
Preposition. 87answered Dr. Verb, " if I could do anything with them;but they seem to me neither to be, nor to do, nor to .any--""That will do," interrupted the Judge, afraid that Dr.Verb was beginning one of his long speeches. " Mr. Ad-jective, do you claim them ?"" They do not qualify anything, my lord," answeredAdjective; "indeed, they seem to me poor, useless, silly,little--"" We do not want you to qualify them, thank you," saidthe Judge, "but to tell us if they are yours. Article, weknow, has only a or an and the, so they cannot be his.Mr. Pronoun, do they belong to you ?"" No, my lord," answered Pronoun. "As Mr. Neun hasnothing to say to them, neither have I. They do not standinstead of any name.""Well," said the Judge, "we know they do not belongto that tiresome little Interjection. Are they yours,Adverb ? ""I should be extremely glad to have them, my lord,"answered Adverb, smoothly washing his hands, as usual."I have no doubt I could make them exceedinglyuseful- "" That is not what I asked," said the Judge; "are theyyours ? "
88 Grammar-land."I cannot say they are exactly mine," said Adverb;" but-"" That is all we want to know," interrupted the Judge.Then raising his voice, he continued: "If there is any onein this court to whom these words, 'to, from, of, for,' etc.,do belong, let him come forward."At these words, a sharp, dapper little fellow steppedforward, and looking around the court with a triumphantair, exclaimed, "They belong to me.""And who are you ?"" Preposition, my lord. My position is just before a nounor pronoun. My words point out to them their properposition. I keep them in order.""You keep them in order?" said Judge Grammar, lookingdown at him through his spectacles; "how can a little mitelike you keep Mr. Noun in order ?""Little or big, my lord, that's what I do," said Preposi-tion. "I settle the position of every one and every thing,and show whether they are to be on or under, to orfrom, upor down.""Kindly forgive me for interrupting you," said Adverb,coming forward. "I really must remark that up and downare my words."" How do you make out that ?" asked the Judge." I will show you directly, my lord," answered Adverb.
Preposition. 89"By the help of my questions how, when, and where, which,you know, I alone can answer. If you say, 'sit up,' I ask,'how am I to sit?' The answer is, 'up.' 'Lie down;'' how am I to lie?' The answer is, 'down.' Up and down,therefore, answer to my question how, and are mine."" Stop a minute," said Preposition. " I also can answerto your favourite questions how, when, and where. Listen :-How do you like it? tell me true.Made of sugar, dressed in blue.When do you like it? answer me.At my dinner; after tea.IWhere do you like it? say, if you're able.On my lap or under the table? ""Really," said Adverb, smiling politely, "that is verycleverly done. But allow me to make just one remark.You have not answered one single question without thehelp of some other part of speech. Mr. Noun has helpedyou with 'sugar,' dinner,' tea,' lap,' table ;' Mr. Adjec-has lent you 'blue;' Mr. Pronoun, 'my;' and so on.Now I, without any help, answer the questions quite alone.""You cannot expect a little fellow like me to stand quitealone," said Preposition; "I don't pretend to do it. Itold you at first that my right position is before a nounor pronoun, or some such word. All I mean is that Ihelp to answer the questions, and that neither Mr. Nounnor Mr. Pronoun could answer them without me."
90 Grammar-land." Is that true, Brother Parsing ? " asked the Judge.." Quite true, my lord," answered the learned Serjeant." When I find the questions 'how?' when ?' or' where ?'answered by one word alone, I put that word down toAdverb. But when I find them answered by Mr. Noun orMr. Pronoun, helped by another little word, then I knowthat that other little word belongs to Preposition."" Yes, my lord," continued Preposition; " so if you say'up a ladder' or down a hill,' up and down are mine; theyshow your position on the ladder or the hill; they are thelittle prepositions put before Mr. Noun's words ladder andhill. But, of course, if you were to ask how I am to stepup or down ? then Adverb could call up and down adverbs,because they are added on to the verb step,' and they havenothing to do with a noun or a pronoun.""Precisely," said Adverb ; " my friend Preposition is per-fcctly correct. I immensely admire my young friend, althoughhe does not move in quite so select a circle as myself.""Don't I?" said Preposition, with a knowing little nod." I think Mr. Noun quite as good company as Dr. Verb,any day. Besides, even grand Dr. Verb is glad enough tohave my little to to put before his verbs. When he makesup his songs,' as he calls them, he always puts my little tobefore the name at the top. He is glad enough to haveit to point out his verbs, and does not despise me at all,
Prefosition. 91though I do not stick on to him like a leech, as somepeople do.;" and Preposition nodded his head very fast agreat many times at Adverb." Dr. Verb does not agree with you, though," remarkedPronoun, quietly."No," said Preposition, " I do not alter for him, nor hefor me. But he does not agree with Adverb either. PoorAdverb agrees with nobody, and nobody agrees with him;and he, poor fellow cannot govern anybody, either. NowI govern every noun or pronoun that I come before, for Iput them in the Objective Case."" I object," cried the Judge. " I will not have that wordbrought into court. I said so before, and I say so again.Nominative Case is bad enough, but Objective Case isenough to turn a brown wig grey in a single night. Breakup the court Critics, clear the room !"And Judge Grammar rose hastily from his seat, andstalked angrily out, while all the Parts-of-Speech stoodlooking speechlessly at each other till the policemen came,bundled them all out, and locked the doors behind them.In spite of the hurry, however, Serjeant Parsing managedto hand up to the people of Schoolroom-shire the followingverses, begging the ladies and gentlemen there to find outall the prepositions in them, and to count how many linesthere are in which Preposition has nothing to say.