Nonsense songs, stories, botany, and alphabets

MISSING IMAGE

Material Information

Title:
Nonsense songs, stories, botany, and alphabets
Physical Description:
1 v. (unpaged) : ill. ; 22 cm.
Language:
English
Creator:
Lear, Edward, 1812-1888
Bush, Robert John ( Publisher )
Lear, Edward, 1812-1888 ( Illustrator )
Watson & Hazell ( Printer )
Publisher:
Robert John Bush
Place of Publication:
London
Manufacturer:
Printed by Watson & Hazell
Publication Date:

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
Wit and Humor, Juvenile   ( lcsh )
English wit and humor   ( lcsh )
Animals -- Juvenile literature   ( lcsh )
Children's stories   ( lcsh )
Nonsense verses, English   ( lcsh )
Children's poetry   ( lcsh )
Children's stories -- 1871   ( lcsh )
Children's poetry -- 1871   ( lcsh )
Nonsense verse -- 1871   ( rbgenr )
Alphabet rhymes -- 1871   ( rbgenr )
Hand-colored illustrations -- 1871   ( local )
Bldn -- 1871
Genre:
Children's stories   ( lcsh )
Children's poetry   ( lcsh )
Nonsense verse.   ( rbgenr )
Alphabet rhymes.   ( rbgenr )
Hand-colored illustrations   ( local )
Spatial Coverage:
England -- London
England -- Aylesbury

Notes

Citation/Reference:
Osborne Coll.,
General Note:
Half-title.
General Note:
Title vignette.
General Note:
Printer's insignia, "He who reads, rules," on t.p. verso.
General Note:
Baldwin Library copy illustrations are hand-colored: probably by young owner.
Funding:
Preservation and Access for American and British Children's Literature, 1870-1889 (NEH PA-50860-00).
Statement of Responsibility:
by Edward Lear.

Record Information

Source Institution:
University of Florida
Holding Location:
Baldwin Library of Historical Children's Literature in the Department of Special Collections and Area Studies, George A. Smathers Libraries, University of Florida
Rights Management:
All rights reserved, Board of Trustees of the University of Florida.
Resource Identifier:
aleph - 002232826
notis - ALH3223
oclc - 03087100
System ID:
UF00026002:00001

Related Items

Related Items:
Alternate version (PALMM)
PALMM Version

Full Text
This page contains no text.


The Baldwin LibraryUniverity^^l^S^^^^^^^^^^^^^ i^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ffj


aintith eaigr,QBnu.a


NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY, ANDALPHABETS.


NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY,AND ALPHABETS.BYEDWARD LEAR.LONDON:ROBERT JOHN BUSH, 32, CHARING CROSS, S.W.1871.


Printed by WATSON & HAZELL, London and Aylesbury.


CONTENTS.NONSENSE SONGS.THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.STHE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.4THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.\THE JUMBLIES.ITHE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.a CALICO PIE.SMR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS." THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.NONSENSE STORIES.THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENTROUND THE WORLD.j THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.NONSENSE COOKERY.NONSENSE BOTANY.SNONSENSE ALPHABETS, No. I."----, No. 2.,, No. 3.3 11


NONSENSE SONGS.


THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.I.HE Owl and the Pussy-cat went to seaIn a beautiful pea-green boat,They took some honey, and plenty of money,Wrapped up in a five-pound note.The Owl looked up to the stars above,And sang to a small guitar," lovely Pussy O Pussy, my love,What a beautiful Pussy you are,You are,You are!What a beautiful Pussy you are "2


THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.II.Pussy said to the Owl, " You elegant fowl!How charmingly sweet you sing !O let us be married too long we have tarried:But what shall we do for a ring ? "They sailed away, for a year and a day,To the land where the Bong-tree grows,And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stoodWith a ring at the end of his nose,His nose,His nose,With a ring at the end of his nose.III."Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shillingYour ring ? " Said the Piggy, " I will."So they took it away, and were married next dayBy the Turkey who lives on the hill.


THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.They dined on mince, and slices of quince,Which they ate with a runcible spoon;And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,They danced by the light of the moon,The moon,The moon,They danced by the light of the moon.'***


THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.AID the Duck to the Kangaroo," Good gracious I how you hop !Over the fields and the water too,As if you never would stop !My life is a bore in this nasty pond,And I long to go out in the world beyond !I wish I could hop like you! "Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.II."Please give me a ride on your back! "Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.


THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO." I would sit quite still, and say nothing but 'Quack,'The whole of the long day through !And we'd go to the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,Over the land, and over the sea;-Please take me a ride! 0 do !"Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.III.Said the Kangaroo to the Duck," This requires some little reflection;Perhaps on the whole it might bring me luck,And there seems but one objection,Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,And would probably give me the roo-Matiz " said the Kangaroo.


THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.IV.Said the Duck, " As I sate on the rocksI have thought over that completely,And I bought four pairs of worsted socksWhich fit my web-feet neatly.And to keep out the cold I've bought a cloak,And every day a cigar I'll smoke,All to follow my own dear trueLove of a Kangaroo! "V.Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready!All in the moonlight pale;But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady!And quite at the end of my tail! "


THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.So away they went with a hop and a bound,And they hopped the whole world three times round;And who so happy,-O who,As the Duck and the Kangaroo?


THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.I.NCE Mr. Daddy Long-legs,SDressed in brown and gray,SWalked about upon the sandsUpon a summer's day;And there among the pebbles,When the wind was rather cold,He met with Mr. Floppy Fly,All dressed in blue and gold.And as it was too soon to dine,They drank some Periwinkle-wine,


THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.And played an hour or two, or more,At battlecock and shuttledore.II.Said Mr. Daddy Long-legsTo Mr. Floppy Fly,"Why do you never come to court?I wish you'd tell me why.All gold and shine, in dress so fine,You'd quite delight the court.Why do you never go at all?I really think you ought!And if you went, you'd see such sights !Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights !And more than all, the King and Queen,One in red, and one in green!"III." O Mr. Daddy Long-legs,"Said Mr. Floppy Fly, -" It's true I never go to court,And I will tell you why.If I had six long legs like yours,At once I'd go to court!But oh I can't, because my legsAre so extremely short.And I'm afraid the King and Queen(One in red, and one in green)3


THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.Would say aloud, You are not fit,You Fly, to come to court a bit!'IV." O Mr. Daddy Long-legs,"Said Mr. Floppy Fly,"I wish you'd sing one little song!One mumbian melody!You used to sing so awful wellIn former days gone by,But now you never sing at all;I wish you'd tell me why:For if you would, the silvery soundWould please the shrimps and cockles round,And all the crabs would gladly comeTo hear you sing, 'Ah, Hum di Hum' !"V.Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs," I can never sing again!And if you wish, I'll tell you why,Although it gives me pain.For years I cannot hum a bit,Or sing the smallest song;And this the dreadful reason is,My legs are grown too long!


THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.My six long legs, all here and there,Oppress my bosom with despair;And if I stand, or lie, or sit,I cannot sing one single bit!"VI.So Mr. Daddy Long-legsAnd Mr. Floppy FlySat down in silence by the sea,And gazed upon the sky.They said, " This is a dreadful thing!The world has all gone wrong,Since one has legs too short by half,The other much too long !One never more can go to court,Because his legs have grown too short;The other cannot sing a song,Because his legs have grown too long!"VII.Then Mr. Daddy Long-legsAnd Mr. Floppy FlyRushed downward to the foamy seaWith one sponge-taneous cry;And there they found a little boat,Whose sails were pink and gray;And off they sailed among the waves,Far, and far away.


THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.They sailed across the silent main,And reached the great Gromboolian plain;And there they play for evermoreAt battlecock and shuttledoor.


THE JUMBLIES.I.HEY went to sea in a Sieve, they did,In a Sieve they went to sea:In spite of all their friends could say,On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,In a Sieve they went to sea!And when the Sieve turned round and round,And every one cried, " You'll all be drowned "They called aloud, " Our Sieve ain't big,But we don't care a button we don't care a fig!In a Sieve we'll go to sea "Far and few, far and few,Are the lands where the Jumblies live;


THE JUMBLIES.Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,And they went to sea in a Sieve.II.They sailed away in a Sieve, they did,In a Sieve they sailed so fast,With only a beautiful pea-green veilTied with a riband by way of a sail,To a small tobacco-pipe mast;And every one said, who saw them go," 0 won't they be soon upset, you know !For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long,And happen what may, it's extremely wrongIn a Sieve to sail so fast "Far and few, far and few,Are the lands where the Jumblies live;Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,And they went to sea in a Sieve.III.The water it soon came in, it did,The water it soon came in;So to keep them dry, they wrapped their feetIn a pinky paper all folded neat,And they fastened it down with a pin.And they passed the night in a crockery-jar,And each of them said, " How wise we are


THE 7UMBLIES.Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,While round in our Sieve we spin !"Far and few, far and few,Are the lands where the Jumblies live;Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,And they went to sea in a Sieve.IV.And all night long they sailed away;And when the sun went down,They whistled and warbled a moony songTo the echoing sound of a coppery gong,In the shade of the mountains brown." Timballoo How happy we are,When we live in a Sieve and a crockery-jar,And all night long in the moonlight pale,We sail away with a pea-green sail,In the shade of the mountains brown !"Far and few, far and few,Are the lands where the Jumblies live;Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,And they went to sea in a Sieve.v.They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,To a land all covered with trees,


THE JUMBLIES.And they bought an Owl, and a useful Cart,And a pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart,And a hive of silvery Bees.And they bought a Pig, and some green Jack-daws,And a lovely Monkey with lollipop paws,And forty bottles of Ring-Bo-Ree,And no end of Stilton Cheese.Far and few, far and few,Are the lands where the Jumblies live;Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,And they went to sea in a Sieve."VI.And in twenty years they all came back,In twenty years or more,And every one said, " How tall they've grown !For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,And the hills of the Chankly Bore;"And they drank their health, and gave them a feastOf dumplings made of beautiful yeast;And every one said, " If we only live,We too will go to sea in a Sieve,-To the hills of the Chankly Bore! "Far and few, far and few,Are the lands where the Jumblies live;Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,And they went to sea in a Sieve.


THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS."I.HE Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table,The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side;And the Nutcrackers said, " Don't you wish we were able" Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride ?" Must we drag on this stupid existence for ever," So idle and weary, so full of remorse,-" While every one else takes his pleasure, and never" Seems happy unless he is riding a horse?II." Don't you think we could ride without being instructed?"Without any saddle, or bridle, or spur ?" Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed,"I'm sure that an accident could not occur.4


THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS." Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table,"And hustle downstairs, and each jump on a horse!" Shall we try? Shall we go ? Do you think we are able ?"The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, " Of course "III.So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute,The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said "crack!"The stable was open, the horses were in it;Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back.The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway,The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay,The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from Norway,Screamed out, " They are taking the horses away "IV.The whole of the household was filled with amazement,The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about,The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement,The Saltcellar stood on his head with a shout,The Spoons with a clatter looked out of the lattice,The Mustard-pot climbed up the Gooseberry Pies,The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of Veal Patties,And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.


THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.v.The Frying-pan said, "It's an awful delusion !"The Tea-kettle hissed and grew black in the face;And they all rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion,To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race.And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter,(Their ponies were cream-coloured, speckled with brown,)The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after,Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town.VI.They rode through the street, and they rode by the station,They galloped away to the beautiful shore;In silence they rode, and " made no observation,"Save this: " We will never go back any more "And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing,The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say " crack "Till far in the distance their forms disappearing,They faded away.-And they never came back!


CALICO PIE.1.ALICO pie,The little Birds flyDown to the calico tree,Their wings were blue,And they sang " Tilly-loo! "Till away they flew,-And they never came back to me !They never came back !They never came back !They never came back to me


CALICO PIE.II.Calico Jam,The little Fish swam,Over the syllabub sea,He took off his hat,To the Sole and the Sprat,And the Willeby-wat,-But he never came back to me !He never came back !He never came back !He never came back to me !III.Calico Ban,The little Mice ran,To be ready in time for tea,Flippity flup,They drank it all up,And danced in the cup,-


CALICO PIE.But they never came back to me !They never came back !They never came back!They never came back to me !IV.Calico Drum,The Grasshoppers come,The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,Over the ground,Around and round,With a hop and a bound,-But they never came back!They never came back!They never came back!They never came back to me!


MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.I.N a little piece of wood,Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood;Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,A-making of an insect pie,For her little children five,In the nest and all alive,Singing with a cheerful smileTo amuse them all the while,Twikky wikky wikky wee,Wikky bikky twikky tee,Spikky bikky bee!II.Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said," Spikky, Darling in my head" Many thoughts of trouble come," Like to flies upon a plum


MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW." All last night, among the trees," I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;"And, thought I, it's come to that" Because he does not wear a hat!" Chippy wippy sikky tee !" Bikky wikky tikky mee!" Spikky chippy wee !III."Not that you are growing old," But the nights are growing cold."No one stays out all night long" Without a hat: I'm sure it's wrong! "Mr. Spikky said, " How kind," Dear you are, to speak your mind !" All your life I wish you luck !"You are you are a lovely duck !" Witchy witchy witchy wee !" Twitchy witchy witchy bee !" Tikky tikky tee!IV." I was also sad, and thinking," When one day I saw you winking," And I heard you sniffle-snuffle," And I saw your feathers ruffle;


MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW." To myself I sadly said," She's neuralgia in her head !" That dear head has nothing on it!" Ought she not to wear a bonnet ?" Witchy kitchy kitchy wee ?" Spikky wikky mikky bee?" Chippy wippy chee?V." Let us both fly up to town !" There I'll buy you such a gown !"Which, completely in the fashion," You shall tie a sky-blue sash on." And a pair of slippers neat," To fit your darling little feet," So that you will look and feel" Quite galloobious and genteel!" Jikky wikky bikky see," Chicky bikky wikky bee," Twicky witchy wee !"VI.So they both to London went,Alighting on the Monument,Whence they flew down swiftly-pop,Into Moses' wholesale shop;5


MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.There they bought a hat and bonnet,And a gown with spots upon it,A satin sash of Cloxam blue,And a pair of slippers too.Zikky wikky mikky bee,Witchy witchy mitchy kee,Sikky tikky wee.VII.Then when so completely drest,Back they flew, and reached their nest.Their children cried, " O Ma and Pa!" How truly beautiful you are "Said they, "We trust that cold or pain"We shall never feel again !" While, perched on tree, or house, or steeple,"We now shall look like other people." Witchy witchy witchy wee," Twikky mikky bikky bee," Zikky sikky tee."


THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER,AND THE TONGS.I.HE Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,They all took a drive in the Park,And they each sang a song, Ding-a-dong, Ding-a-dong,Before they went back in the dark.Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach,Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash,Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch),Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash).Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong !And they all sang a song!II." O Shovely so lovely " the Poker he sang," You have perfectly conquered my heart!


THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER,"Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong! If you're pleased with my song," I will feed you with cold apple tart!"When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,"You enrapture my life with delight!"Your nose is so shiny! your head is so round !"And your shape is so slender and bright!"Ding-a-dong Ding-a-dong!" Ain't you pleased with my song? "III." Alas Mrs. Broom " sighed the Tongs in his song," O is it because I'm so thin,"And my legs are so long-Ding-a-dong Ding-a-dong!" That you don't care about me a pin ?"Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room," Ah why don't you heed my complaint!" Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom," Because you are covered with paint?" Ding-a-dong Ding-a-dong !"You are certainly wrong !IV.Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang," What nonsense you're singing to-day! "Said the Shovel, "I'll certainly hit you a bang "Said the Broom, "And I'll sweep you away !"


AND THE TONGS.So the Coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,Perceiving their anger with pain;But they put on the kettle, and little by little,They all became happy again.Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong IThere's an end of my song !/^ ^^^^^


THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.I.AID the Table to the Chair,"You can hardly be aware," How I suffer from the heat," And from chilblains on my feet!"If we took a little walk," We might have a little talk !" Pray let us take the air "Said the Table to the Chair.II.Said the Chair unto the Table," Now you know we are not able !" How foolishly you talk," When you know we cannot walk "Said the Table, with a sigh," It can do no harm to try,"I've as many legs as you," Why can't we walk on two? "


THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.III.So they both went slowly down,And walked about the townWith a cheerful bumpy sound,As they toddled round and round.And everybody cried,As they hastened to their side,"See the Table and the Chair" Have come out to take the air "IV.But in going down an alley,To a castle in a valley,They completely lost their way,And wandered all the day,Till, to see them safely back,They paid a Ducky-quack,And a Beetle, and a Mouse,Who took them to their house.


THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.V.Then they whispered to each other," 0 delightful little brother !"What a lovely walk we've taken !" Let us dine on Beans and Bacon "So the Ducky, and the leetleBrowny-Mousy and the BeetleDined, and danced upon their headsTill they toddled to their beds.


NONSENSE STORIES.6


This page contains no text.


THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDRENWHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD.NCE upon a time, a long while ago, there were fourlittle people whose names wereVIOLET, SLINGSBY, GUY, and LIONEL;and they all thought they should like to see the world.So they bought a large boat to sail quite round the world bysea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land.The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail wasyellow with red stripes; and when they set off, they only took asmall Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.Quangle-Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make thetea; for which purposes they took a large kettle.-77-For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and foundplenty to eat, as there were lots of fish, and they had only totake them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the Quangle-Wangle instantly cooked them, and the Pussy-cat was fed withthe bones, with which she expressed herself pleased on thewhole, so that all the party were very happy.


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.During the day-time, Violet chiefly occupied herself inputting salt-water into a churn, while her three brotherschurned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter,which it seldom, if ever did; and in the evening they all retiredinto the Tea-kettle, where they all managed to sleep very com-fortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed theboat.After a time they saw some land at a distance; and whenthey came to it, they found it was an island made of water quitesurrounded by earth. Besides that, it was bordered by evane-scent isthmusses with a great Gulf-stream running about allover it, so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only asingle tree, 503 feet high.When they had landed, they walked about, but found totheir great surprise, that the island was quite full of veal-cutletsand chocolate-drops, and nothing else. So they all climbedup the single high tree to discover, if possible, if there were


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.any people; but having remainedon the top of the tree for a week,"and not seeing anybody, they na-turally concluded that there wereno inhabitants, and accordingly/ o when they came down, they loadedthe boat with two thousand veal-cutlets and a million of chocolate drops,and these afforded them sustenance formore than a month, during which timethey pursued their voyage with the utmostdelight and apathy.After this they came to a shore wherethere were no less than sixty-five greatred parrots with blue tails, sitting on a railall of a row, and all fast asleep. And Iam sorry to say that the Pussy-cat and theQuangle-Wangle crept softly and bit offthe tail-feathers of all the sixty-five par-rots, for which Violet reproved them bothseverely.Notwithstanding which, she proceededto insert all the feathers, two hundred andsixty in number in her bonnet, therebycausing it to have a lovely and glitteringappearance, highly prepossessing and effi-cacious.


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.The next thing that happened to them was in a narrowpart of the sea, which was so entirely full of fishes that the boatcould go on no further; so they remained there about sixweeks, till they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were Soles,and all ready-cooked and covered with shrimp sauce, so thatthere was no trouble whatever. And as the few fishes whoremained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of theextreme noise made by the Arctic Bears and the TropicalTurnspits which frequented the neighbourhood in great num-bers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock forseveral of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opiumdrops to them, through which kindness they became quite warmand slept soundly.Then they came to a country which was wholly coveredwith immense Orange-trees of a vast size, and quite full offruit. So they all landed, taking with them the Tea-kettle,intending to gather some of the Oranges and place them in it.But while they were busy about this, a most dreadfully highwind rose, and blew out most of the Parrot-tail feathers fromViolet's bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared withthe calamity of the Oranges falling down on their heads by


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumpedand thumped them all so seriously that they were obliged torun as hard as they could for their lives, besides that the soundof the Oranges rattling on the Tea-kettle was of the mostfearful and amazing nature.' oj. e o oNevertheless they got safely to the boat, although con-siderably vexed and hurt; and the Quangle-Wangle's rightfoot was so knocked about, that he had to sit with his head inhis slipper for at least a week.7


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.This event made them all for a time rather melancholy,and perhaps they might never have become less so, had notLionel with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance,continued to stand on one leg and whistle to them in a loudand lively manner, which diverted the whole party so extremely,that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed thatwhenever they should reach home they would subscribe towardsa testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of Gingerbread andRaspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and gratefulinfection.After sailing on calmly for several more days, they cameto another country, where they were much pleased and sur-S_ 73-v-------/7


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.prised to see a countless multitude of white Mice with red eyes,all sitting in a great circle, slowly eating Custard Puddingwith the most satisfactory and polite demeanour.And as the four Travellers were rather hungry, being tiredof eating nothing but Soles and Oranges for so long a period,they held a council as to the propriety of asking the Mice forsome of their Pudding in a humble and affecting manner, bywhich they could hardly be otherwise than gratified. It wasagreed therefore that Guy should go and ask the Mice, whichhe immediately did; and the result was that they gave a Wal-nut-shell only half full of Custard diluted with water. Now,this displeased Guy, who said, " Out of such a lot of Puddingas you have got, I must say you might have spared a somewhatlarger quantity!" But no sooner had he finished speakingthan all the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him inan appalling and vindictive manner, (and it is impossible toimagine a more scroobious and unpleasant sound than thatcaused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angryMice,) so that Guy rushed back to the boat, having first shiedhis cap into the middle of the Custard Pudding, by which meanshe completely spoiled the Mice's dinner.


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.verdant mountains, with a serene and sickly suavity only knownto the truly virtuous. The Moon was shining slobaciously fromthe star-bespringled sky, while her light irrigated the smoothand shiny sides and wings and backs of the Blue-Bottle-Flieswith a peculiar and trivial splendour, while all nature cheerfullyresponded to the cerulsean and conspicuous circumstances.In many long-after years, the four little Travellers lookedback to that evening as one of the happiest in all their lives,and it was already past midnight, when-the Sail of the Boathaving been set up by the Quangle-Wangle, the Tea-kettle andChurn placed in their respective positions, and the Pussy-catstationed at the Helm-the Children each took a last andaffectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked downin a body to the water's edge to see the Travellers embark.As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made acurtsey quite down to the ground, and stuck one of her fewremaining Parrot-tail feathers into the back hair of the mostpleasing of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, while Slingsby, Guy, and


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.Lionel offered them three small boxes, containing respectively,Black Pins, Dried Figs, and Epsom Salts: and thus they leftthat happy shore for ever.Overcome by their feelings, the Four little Travellersinstantly jumped into the Tea-kettle, and fell fast asleep. Butall along the shore for many hours there was distinctly heard asound of severely suppressed sobs, and of a vague multitude ofliving creatures using their pocket-handkerchiefs in a subduedsimultaneous snuffle-lingering sadly along the walloppingwaves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from theLand of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.Nothing particular occurred for some days after theseevents, except that as the Travellers were passing a low tractof sand, they perceived an unusual and gratifying spectacle,namely, a large number of Crabs and Crawfish-perhaps six orseven hundred-sitting by the water-side, and endeavouring todisentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which theymoistened at intervals with a fluid composed of Lavender-water and White-wine Negus." Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies? "said the Four Children." Thank you kindly," said the Crabs, consecutively. "Weare trying to make some worsted Mittens, but do not knowhow."On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with theart of mitten-making, said to the Crabs, " Do your clawsunscrew, or are they fixtures ? "


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN."They are all made to unscrew," said the Crabs, andforthwith they deposited a great pile of claws close to the boat,with which Violet uncombed all the pale pink worsted, andthen made the loveliest Mittens with it you can imagine.These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on their claws,placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidlyon their hind-legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and in aminor key.After this the four little people sailed on again till theycame to a vast and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, onwhich nothing whatever could be discovered at first; but as thetravellers walked onward, there appeared in the extreme anddim distance a single object, which on a nearer approach andon an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebodyin a large white wig sitting on an arm-chair made of SpongeCakes and Oyster-shells. " It does not quite look like a humanbeing," said Violet, doubtfully; nor could they make out whatit really was, till the Quangle-Wangle (who had previously beenround the world), exclaimed softly in a loud voice, "It is theCo-operative Cauliflower! "


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.And so in truth it was, and they soon found that what theyhad taken for an immense wig was in reality the top of thecauliflower, and that he had no feet at all, being able to walktolerably well with a fluctuating and graceful movement on asingle cabbage stalk, an accomplishment which naturally savedhim the expense of stockings and shoes.Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazingat him with mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose,and in a somewhat plumdomphious manner hurried off towardsthe setting sun,-his steps supported by two superincumbent7,-confidential cucumbers, and a large number of Waterwagtailsproceeding in advance of him by three-and- three in a row-tillhe finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in acrystal cloud of sudorific sand.So remarkable a sight of course impressed the FourChildren very deeply; and they returned immediately to theirboat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a greatappetite.Shortly after this the Travellers were obliged to sail directlybelow some high overhanging rocks, from the top of one of8E


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.which, a particularly odious little boy, dressed in rose-colouredknickerbockers, and with a pewter plate upon his head, threwan enormous Pumpkin at the boat, by which it was instantlyupset.But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all theparty knew' how to swim very well, and in fact they preferredswimming about till after the moon rose, when the watergrowing chilly, they sponge-taneously entered the boat.Meanwhile the Quangle-Wangle threw back the Pumpkin withimmense force, so that it hit the rocks where the maliciouslittle boy in rose-coloured knickerbockers was sitting, when,being quite full of Lucifer-matches, the Pumpkin explodedsurreptitiously into a thousand bits, whereon the rocks instantlytook fire, and the odious little boy became unpleasantly hotterand hotter and hotter, till his knickerbockers were turned quitegreen, and his nose was burned off.


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.Two or three days after this had happened, they came toanother place, where they found nothing at all except somewide and deep pits full of Mulberry Jam. This is the propertyof the tiny Yellow-nosed Apes who abound in these districts,and who store up the Mulberry Jam for their food in winter,when they mix it with pellucid pale periwinkle soup, and serveit out in Wedgwood China bowls, which grow freely all overthat part of the country. Only one of the Yellow-nosed Apeswas on the spot, and he was fast asleep : yet the Four Travellersand the Quangle -Wangle and Pussy were so terrified by theviolence and sanguinary sound of his snoring, that they merelytook a small cupful of the Jam, and returned to re-embark intheir Boat without delay.What was their horror on seeing the boat (including theChurn and the Tea-kettle), in the mouth of an enormous SeezePyder, an aquatic and ferocious creature truly dreadful tobehold, and happily only met with in those excessive longitudes.In a moment the beautiful boat was bitten into fifty-five-thousand-million-hundred-illion bits; and it instantly becamethousand-million-hundred-billion bits; and it instantly became


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.quite clear that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could nolonger preliminate their voyage by sea.The Four Travellers were therefore obliged to resolve onpursuing their wanderings by land, and very fortunately therehappened to pass by at that moment, an elderly Rhinoceros, onwhich they seized; and all four mounting on his back, theQuangle-Wangle sitting on his horn and holding on by hisears, and the Pussy-cat swinging at the end of his tail, they setoff, having only four small beans and three pounds of mashedpotatoes to last through their whole journey.They were, however, able to catch numbers of the chickensand turkeys, and other birds who incessantly alighted on thehead of the Rhinoceros for the purpose of gathering the seedsof the rhododendron plants which grew there, and these crea-tures they cooked in the most translucent and satisfactorymanner, by means of a fire lighted on the end of the Rhinoceros'


THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN.back. A crowd of Kangaroos and Gigantic Cranes accom-panied them, from feelings of curiosity and complacency, sothat they were never at a loss for company, and went onwardas it were in a sort of profuse and triumphant procession.Thus, in less than eighteen weeks, they all arrived safelyat home, where they were received by their admiring relativeswith joy tempered with contempt; and where they finallyresolved to carry out the rest of their travelling plans at somemore favourable opportunity.As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adherence,they had him killed and stuffed directly, and then set him upoutside the door of their father's house as a DiaphanousDoorscraper."*..


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THELAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE.CHAPTER I.INTRODUCTORY.N former days-that is to say, once upon a time, therelived in the Land of Gramblamble, Seven Families.They lived by the side of the great Lake Pipple-popple (one of the seven families, indeed, lived in the Lake),and on the outskirts of the City of Tosh, which, excepting whenit was quite dark, they could see plainly. The names of allthese places you have probably heard of, and you have onlynot to look in your Geography books to find out all aboutthem.Now the Seven Families who lived on the borders ofthe great Lake Pipple-popple, were as follows in the nextChapter.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.CHAPTER II.THE SEVEN FAMILIES.HERE was a Family of Two old Parrots and Sevenyoung Parrots.There was a Family of Two old Storks and Seven youngStorks.-A'-


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.There was a Family of Two old Geese, and Seven youngGeese.There was a Family of Two old Owls, and Seven young .Owls.There was a family of Two Old Guinea Pigs and Sevenyoung Guinea Pigs.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.There was a Family of Two old Cats and Seven yotngCats,And there was a Family of Two old Fishes and Seven youngFishes.9


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.CHAPTER III.THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.HE Parrots lived upon the Soffsky-Poffsky trees,-which were beautiful to behold, and covered withblue leaves,-and they fed upon fruit, artichokes,and striped beetles.The Storks walked in and out of the Lake Pipple-Popple,and ate frogs for breakfast and buttered toast for tea, but onaccount of the extreme length of their legs, they could not sitdown, and so they walked about continually.The Geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities offlies, which they ate for dinner.The Owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caughtand made into sago puddings.The Guinea Pigs toddled about the gardens, and atelettuces and Cheshire cheese.The Cats sate still in the sunshine, and fed upon spongebiscuits.The Fishes lived in the Lake, and fed chiefly on boiledperiwinkles.And all these Seven Families lived together in the utmostfun and felicity.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.CHAPTER IV.THE CHILDREN OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY.NE day all the Seven Fathers and the Seven MothersS of the Seven Families agreed that they would sendtheir children out to see the world.So they called them all together, and gave them eacheight shillings and some good advice, some chocolate drops,and a small green morocco pocket-book to set down theirexpenses in.They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel, andall the parents sent off their children with a parting injunction."If," said the old Parrots, "you find a Cherry, do notfight about who should have it.""And," said the old Storks, " if you find a Frog, divide itcarefully into seven bits, but on no account quarrel about it."And the old Geese said to the Seven young Geese," Whatever you do, be sure you do not touch a Plum-puddingFlea."And the old Owls said, " If you find a Mouse, tear himup into seven slices, and eat him cheerfully, but withoutquarrelling."And the old Guinea Pigs said, " Have a care that you eatyour Lettuces, should you find any, not greedily but calmly."


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.And the old Cats said, "Be particularly careful not tomeddle with a Clangle-Wangle, if you should see one."And the old Fishes said, "Above all things avoid eating ablue Boss-woss, for they do not agree with Fishes, and givethem a pain in their toes."So all the Children of each Family thanked their parents,and making in all forty-nine polite bows, they went into thewide world.CHAPTER V.THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS.HE Seven young Parrots had not gone far, when theysaw a tree with a single Cherry on it, which the oldestParrot picked instantly, but the other six, being ex-tremely hungry, tried to get it also. On which all the Sevenbegan to fight, and they scuffled,and huffled,and ruffled,and shuffled,and puffled,and muffled,and buffled,and duffled,


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.and fluffled,and guffled,and bruffled, andscreamed, and shrieked, and squealed, and squeaked, andclawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, anddumped, and flumped each other, till they were all torn into littlebits, and at last there was nothing left to record this painfulincident, except the Cherry and seven small green feathers."And that was the vicious and voluble end of the Sevenyoung Parrots.C 7,D


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.CHAPTER VI.THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS.HEN the Seven young Storks set out, they walked orflew for fourteen weeks in a straight line, and for sixweeks more in a crooked one; and after that theyran as hard as they could for one hundred and eight miles: andafter that they stood still and made a himmeltanious chatter-clatter-blattery noise with their bills.About the same time they perceived a large Frog, spottedwith green, and with a sky-blue stripe under each ear.So being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and weregoing to divide him into seven pieces, when they began toquarrel as to which of his legs should be taken off first. Onesaid this, and another said that, and while they were all quar-relling the Frog hopped away. And when they saw that hewas gone, they began to chatter-clatter,blatter-platter,patter-blatter,matter-clatter,flatter-quatter, more violentlythan ever. And after they had fought for a week they pecked


THE'HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.each other all to little pieces, so that at last nothing was left ofany of them except their bills,And that was the end of the Seven young Storks.CHAPTER VII.THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE.HEN the Seven young Geese began to travel, theywent over a large plain, on which there was but onetree, and that was a very bad one.So four of them went up to the top of it, and looked aboutthem, while the other three waddled up and down, and repeatedpoetry, and their last six lessons in Arithmetic, Geography,and Cookery.


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of themost interesting and obese appearance, having a perfectlyround body, exactly resembling a boiled plum-pudding, withtwo little wings, and a beak, and three feathers growing out ofhis head, and only one leg.So after a time all the Seven young Geese said to eachother, " Beyond all doubt this beast must be a Plum-puddingFlea! "On which they incautiously began to sing aloud," Plum-pudding Flea," Plum-pudding Flea," Wherever you be," O come to our tree,"And listen, O listen, O listen to me! "And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-puddingFlea began to hop and skip on his one leg with the mostdreadful velocity, and came straight to the tree, where hestopped and looked about him in a vacant and voluminousmanner.On which the Seven young Geese were greatly alarmed,and all of a tremble-bemble so one of them put out his longneck, and just touched him with the tip of his bill,-but nosooner had he done this than the Plum-pudding Flea skippedand hopped about more and more and higher and higher, afterwhich he opened his mouth, and, to the great surprise andindignation of the Seven Geese, began to bark so loudly andfuriously and terribly that they were totally unable to bear the


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.noise, and by degrees every one of them suddenly tumbleddown quite dead.So that was the end of the Seven young Geese.CHAPTER VIII.THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS.HEN the Seven young Owls set out, they sate everynow and then on the branches of old trees, and neverwent far at one time.And one night when it was quite dark, they thought theyheard a Mouse, but as the gas lamps were not lighted, theycould not see him.So they called out, " Is that a Mouse ?"On which a Mouse answered, " Squeaky-peeky-weeky,yes it is."And immediately all the young Owls threw themselvesI0


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.off the tree, meaning to alight on the ground; but they did notperceive that there was a large well below them, into whichthey all fell superficially, and were every one of them drownedin less than half a minute.So that was the end of the Seven young Owls.------ --CHAPTER IX.THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS.HE Seven young Guinea Pigs went into a garden fullof Gooseberry-bushes and Tiggory-trees, under oneof which they fell asleep. When they awoke, theysaw a large Lettuce which had grown out of the ground whilethey had been sleeping, and which had an immense number ofgreen leaves. At which they all exclaimed,


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES." Lettuce 0 Lettuce !" Let us, 0 let us," 0 Lettuce leaves," 0 let us leave this tree and eat" Lettuce, 0 let us, Lettuce leaves !''And instantly the Seven young Guinea Pigs rushed withsuch extreme force against the Lettuce-plant, and hit theirheads so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion broughton directly an incipient transitional inflammation of their noses,which grew worse and worse and worse and worse till it in-cidentally killed them all Seven.And that was the end of the Seven young Guinea Pigs.CHAPTER X.THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.HE Seven young Cats set off on their travels withgreat delight and rapacity. But, on coming to thetop of a high hill, they perceived at a long distance


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more properly written,Clangel-Wangel), and in spite of the warning they had had,they ran straight up to it.(Now the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delusivebeast, and by no means commonly to be met with. They livein the water as well as on land, using their long tail as a sailwhen in the former element. Their speed is extreme, but theirhabits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their generaldemeanour pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings theymay sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-popple,standing on their heads and humming their national melodies:they subsist entirely on vegetables, excepting when they eatveal, or mutton, or pork, or beef, or fish, or saltpetre.)The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the Seven youngCats approach, he ran away; and as he ran straight on forfour months, and the Cats, though they continued to run, couldnever overtake him,-they all gradually died of fatigue andexhaustion, and never afterwards recovered.And this was the end of the Seven young Cats.4tt~h


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.CHAPTER XI.THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.SHE Seven young fishes swam across the Lake Pipple-popple, and into the river, and into the Ocean, wheremost unhappily for them, they saw on the I5th dayof their travels, a bright blue Boss-Woss, and instantlyswam after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a per-pendicular,spicular,orbicular,quadrangular,circular depth of soft mud,where in fact his house was.And the Seven young Fishes, swimming with great anduncomfortable velocity, plunged also into the mud quite againsttheir will, and not being accustomed to it, were all suffocatedin a very short period.And that was the end of the Seven young Fishes.^^^^^' ^-7


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.CHAPTER XII.OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY.FTER it was known that theSeven young Parrots,and the Seven young Storks,and the Seven young Geese,and the Seven young Owls,and the Seven young Guinea Pigs,and the Seven young Cats,and the Seven young Fishes,were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, andthe Mouse, and the Clangel-Wangel, and the Blue Boss-Woss,all met together to rejoice over their good fortune. And they


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.collected the Seven Feathers of the Seven young Parrots, andthe Seven Bills of the Seven young Storks, and the Lettuce,and the Cherry, and having placed the latter on the Lettuce,and the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base,they danced a hornpipe round all these memorials until theywere quite tired; after which they gave a tea-party, and agarden-party, and a ball, and a concert, and then returned totheir respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy, satis-faction, and disgust.CHAPTER XIII.OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.UT when the two old Parrots,and the two old Storks,and the two old Geese,and the two old Owls,and the two old Guinea Pigs,and the two old Cats,and the two old Fishes,became aware by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitousextinction of the whole of their families, they refused all furthersustenance; and sending out to various shops, they pur-chased great quantities of Cayenne Pepper, and Brandy, andVinegar, and blue Sealing-wax, besides Seven immense glass


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.Bottles with air-tight stoppers. And having done this, they atea light supper of brown bread and Jerusalem Artichokes, andtook an affecting and formal leave of the whole of theiracquaintance, which was very numerous and distinguished, andselect, and responsible, and ridiculous.CHAPTER XIV.CONCLUSION.ND after this, they filled the bottles with the ingredi-ents for pickling, and each couple jumped into aseparate bottle, by which effort of course they all diedimmediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes;having previously made their wills, (by the assistance of themost eminent Lawyers of the District,) in which they left strictorders that the Stoppers of the Seven Bottles should be care-fully sealed up with the blue Sealing-wax they had purchased;and that they themselves in the Bottles should be presented tothe principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be labelled withParchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and tobe placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the dailyinspection and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit ofthe pusillanimous public.And if ever you happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, andvisit that museum in the city of Tosh, look for them on the


THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.Ninety-eighth table in the Four hundred and twenty-seventhroom of the right-hand corridor of the left wing of the CentralQuadrangle of that magnificent building; for if you do not, youcertainly will not see them.II


NONSENSE BOTANY.


Baccopipia Gracilis.


Guittara Pensilis.


Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.


Cockatooca Superba.


Fishia Marina.


Phattfacia Stupenda.


Pollybirdia Singularis.


Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis.


-r Aiglmun 0titoa


Manypeeplia Upsidownia.


NONSENSE COOKERY.


Extract from the Nonsense Gazette, for August, 1870." HJUR readers will be interested in the following com-L munications from our valued and learned contri-a butor, Professor Bosh, whose labours in the fieldsof Culinary and Botanical science, are so well known to all theworld. The first three Articles richly merit to be added to theDomestic cookery of every family; those which follow, claimthe attention of all Botanists, and we are happy to be ablethrough Dr. Bosh's kindness to present our readers with illus-trations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are found in thevalley of Verrikwier, near the lake of Oddgrow, and on thesummit of the hill Orfeltugg."THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.AKE 4 pounds (say 41 pounds) of fresh Amblon-gusses, and put them in a small pipkin.Cover them with water and boil them for 8 hoursincessantly, after which add 2 pints of new milk, and proceedto boil for 4 hours more.


NONSENSE COOKER Y.When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses arequite soft, take them out and place them in a wide pan, takingcare to shake them well previously.Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them care-fully with powdered gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficientquantity of Cayenne pepper.Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on thefloor. Bring it back again, and let it simmer for three-quartersof an hour. Shake the pan violently till all the Amblongusseshave become of a pale purple colour.Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully,adding at the same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4cauliflowers, and any number of oysters.Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add apinch of salt from time to time.Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of win-dow as fast as possible.TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.ROCURE some strips of beef, and having cut theminto the smallest possible slices, proceed to cut themstill smaller, eight or perhaps nine times.When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with anew clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously witha salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.


NONSENSE COOKER Y.Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunnyplace,--say the roof of the house if free from sparrows or otherbirds,-and leave it there for about a week.At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil ofalmonds, and a few herring-bones; *and then cover the wholewith 4 gallons of clarified crumbobblious sauce, when it will beready for use.Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in aclean tablecloth or dinner-napkin.TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.AKE a Pig, three or four years of age, and tie him bythe off-hind leg to a post. Place 5 pounds of currants3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast chestnuts, a can-dle, and six bushels of turnips, within his reach; if he eatsthese, constantly provide him with more.Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese,four quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins.Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on asheet of clean brown waterproof linen.When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed tobeat the Pig violently, with the handle of a large broom. Ifhe squeals, beat him again.Visit the paste and beat the Pig alternately for some days,


NONSENSE COOKER Y.and ascertain if at the end of that period the whole is about toturn into Gosky Patties.If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the Pigmay be let loose, and the whole process may be considered asfinished.


NONSENSE ALPHABETS.


A B,_L.-'--'- _NA was an ant B wa a bookWho seldom stood stillWith a binding of blueAnd who made a nice house And pictures and storiesAnd pictures and storiesIn the side of a hill.In e side of a For me and for you.a! b!Nice little Ant Nice little Book.Nice little Book.


L rC was a cat, D was a duckWho ran after a rat With spots on his backBut his courage did fail Who lived in the waterWhen she seized on his tail. And always said, quack !c! d!Crafty old Cat Dear little Duck i


E FE was an elephant, F was a fish,Stately and wise; Who was caught in a net,He had tusks and a trunk, But he got out again,And two queer little eyes. And is quite alive yet.e! f!0 what funny small eyes! Lively young Fish


G HG was a goat was a hat"Who was spotted with brown Which was all on one side,When he did not lie still, Its crown was too highHe walked up and down. And its brim was too wide.g! h!Good little Goat! 0 what a Hat!


Full Text

PAGE 1

o P 0 was an oyster P was a polly Who lived in his shell All red blue and green, If you let him alone The most beautiful polly He felt perfectly well. That ever was seen. o! p! Open mouth'd Oyster! Poor little Polly i



PAGE 1

The Baldwin Library Univerity ^^l^S^^^^^^^^^^^^^ i^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ffj



PAGE 1

THE JUMBLIES. Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a Sieve. II. They sailed away in a Sieve, they did, In a Sieve they sailed so fast, With only a beautiful pea-green veil Tied with a riband by way of a sail, To a small tobacco-pipe mast; And every one said, who saw them go, 0 won't they be soon upset, you know For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long, And happen what may, it's extremely wrong In a Sieve to sail so fast Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a Sieve. III. The water it soon came in, it did, The water it soon came in; So to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet In a pinky paper all folded neat, And they fastened it down with a pin. And they passed the night in a crockery-jar, And each of them said, How wise we are



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of the most interesting and obese appearance, having a perfectly round body, exactly resembling a boiled plum-pudding, with two little wings, and a beak, and three feathers growing out of his head, and only one leg. So after a time all the Seven young Geese said to each other, Beyond all doubt this beast must be a Plum-pudding Flea! On which they incautiously began to sing aloud, Plum-pudding Flea, Plum-pudding Flea, Wherever you be, O come to our tree, "And listen, O listen, O listen to me! And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-pudding Flea began to hop and skip on his one leg with the most dreadful velocity, and came straight to the tree, where he stopped and looked about him in a vacant and voluminous manner. On which the Seven young Geese were greatly alarmed, and all of a tremble-bemble so one of them put out his long neck, and just touched him with the tip of his bill,-but no sooner had he done this than the Plum-pudding Flea skipped and hopped about more and more and higher and higher, after which he opened his mouth, and, to the great surprise and indignation of the Seven Geese, began to bark so loudly and furiously and terribly that they were totally unable to bear the



PAGE 1

THE 7UMBLIES. Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long, Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong, While round in our Sieve we spin !" Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a Sieve. IV. And all night long they sailed away; And when the sun went down, They whistled and warbled a moony song To the echoing sound of a coppery gong, In the shade of the mountains brown. Timballoo How happy we are, When we live in a Sieve and a crockery-jar, And all night long in the moonlight pale, We sail away with a pea-green sail, In the shade of the mountains brown !" Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a Sieve. v. They sailed to the Western Sea, they did, To a land all covered with trees,



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. And the old Cats said, "Be particularly careful not to meddle with a Clangle-Wangle, if you should see one." And the old Fishes said, "Above all things avoid eating a blue Boss-woss, for they do not agree with Fishes, and give them a pain in their toes." So all the Children of each Family thanked their parents, and making in all forty-nine polite bows, they went into the wide world. CHAPTER V. THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS. HE Seven young Parrots had not gone far, when they saw a tree with a single Cherry on it, which the oldest Parrot picked instantly, but the other six, being extremely hungry, tried to get it also. On which all the Seven began to fight, and they scuffled, and huffled, and ruffled, and shuffled, and puffled, and muffled, and buffled, and duffled,



PAGE 1

Ak \\4\\



PAGE 1

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY. They sailed across the silent main, And reached the great Gromboolian plain; And there they play for evermore At battlecock and shuttledoor.



PAGE 1

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS. "I. HE Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table, The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side; And the Nutcrackers said, Don't you wish we were able Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride ? Must we drag on this stupid existence for ever, So idle and weary, so full of remorse," While every one else takes his pleasure, and never Seems happy unless he is riding a horse? II. Don't you think we could ride without being instructed? "Without any saddle, or bridle, or spur ? Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed, "I'm sure that an accident could not occur. 4



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. "They are all made to unscrew," said the Crabs, and forthwith they deposited a great pile of claws close to the boat, with which Violet uncombed all the pale pink worsted, and then made the loveliest Mittens with it you can imagine. These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on their claws, placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly on their hind-legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and in a minor key. After this the four little people sailed on again till they came to a vast and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, on which nothing whatever could be discovered at first; but as the travellers walked onward, there appeared in the extreme and dim distance a single object, which on a nearer approach and on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody in a large white wig sitting on an arm-chair made of Sponge Cakes and Oyster-shells. It does not quite look like a human being," said Violet, doubtfully; nor could they make out what it really was, till the Quangle-Wangle (who had previously been round the world), exclaimed softly in a loud voice, "It is the Co-operative Cauliflower!



PAGE 1

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. I would sit quite still, and say nothing but 'Quack,' The whole of the long day through And we'd go to the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee, Over the land, and over the sea;Please take me a ride! 0 do !" Said the Duck to the Kangaroo. III. Said the Kangaroo to the Duck, This requires some little reflection; Perhaps on the whole it might bring me luck, And there seems but one objection, Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold, Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold, And would probably give me the rooMatiz said the Kangaroo.



PAGE 1

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT. I. HE Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea In a beautiful pea-green boat, They took some honey, and plenty of money, Wrapped up in a five-pound note. The Owl looked up to the stars above, And sang to a small guitar, lovely Pussy O Pussy, my love, What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are 2



PAGE 1

Q R Q was a quill was a rattlesnake Made into a pen, Rolled up so tight But I do not know where Those who saw him ran quickly And I cannot say when. For fear he should bite. q! r! Nice little Quill Rattlesnake bite



PAGE 1

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY. My six long legs, all here and there, Oppress my bosom with despair; And if I stand, or lie, or sit, I cannot sing one single bit!" VI. So Mr. Daddy Long-legs And Mr. Floppy Fly Sat down in silence by the sea, And gazed upon the sky. They said, This is a dreadful thing! The world has all gone wrong, Since one has legs too short by half, The other much too long One never more can go to court, Because his legs have grown too short; The other cannot sing a song, Because his legs have grown too long!" VII. Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs And Mr. Floppy Fly Rushed downward to the foamy sea With one sponge-taneous cry; And there they found a little boat, Whose sails were pink and gray; And off they sailed among the waves, Far, and far away.



PAGE 1

MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW. There they bought a hat and bonnet, And a gown with spots upon it, A satin sash of Cloxam blue, And a pair of slippers too. Zikky wikky mikky bee, Witchy witchy mitchy kee, Sikky tikky wee. VII. Then when so completely drest, Back they flew, and reached their nest. Their children cried, O Ma and Pa! How truly beautiful you are Said they, "We trust that cold or pain "We shall never feel again While, perched on tree, or house, or steeple, "We now shall look like other people. Witchy witchy witchy wee, Twikky mikky bikky bee, Zikky sikky tee."



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. Lettuce 0 Lettuce Let us, 0 let us, 0 Lettuce leaves, 0 let us leave this tree and eat Lettuce, 0 let us, Lettuce leaves !'' And instantly the Seven young Guinea Pigs rushed with such extreme force against the Lettuce-plant, and hit their heads so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion brought on directly an incipient transitional inflammation of their noses, which grew worse and worse and worse and worse till it incidentally killed them all Seven. And that was the end of the Seven young Guinea Pigs. CHAPTER X. THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS. HE Seven young Cats set off on their travels with great delight and rapacity. But, on coming to the top of a high hill, they perceived at a long distance



PAGE 1

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS. Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table, "And hustle downstairs, and each jump on a horse! Shall we try? Shall we go ? Do you think we are able ?" The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, Of course III. So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute, The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said "crack!" The stable was open, the horses were in it; Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back. The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway, The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay, The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from Norway, Screamed out, They are taking the horses away IV. The whole of the household was filled with amazement, The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about, The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement, The Saltcellar stood on his head with a shout, The Spoons with a clatter looked out of the lattice, The Mustard-pot climbed up the Gooseberry Pies, The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of Veal Patties, And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumped and thumped them all so seriously that they were obliged to run as hard as they could for their lives, besides that the sound of the Oranges rattling on the Tea-kettle was of the most fearful and amazing nature. ' oj. e -o o Nevertheless they got safely to the boat, although considerably vexed and hurt; and the Quangle-Wangle's right foot was so knocked about, that he had to sit with his head in his slipper for at least a week. 7



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. collected the Seven Feathers of the Seven young Parrots, and the Seven Bills of the Seven young Storks, and the Lettuce, and the Cherry, and having placed the latter on the Lettuce, and the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base, they danced a hornpipe round all these memorials until they were quite tired; after which they gave a tea-party, and a garden-party, and a ball, and a concert, and then returned to their respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy, satisfaction, and disgust. CHAPTER XIII. OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN. UT when the two old Parrots, and the two old Storks, and the two old Geese, and the two old Owls, and the two old Guinea Pigs, and the two old Cats, and the two old Fishes, became aware by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous extinction of the whole of their families, they refused all further sustenance; and sending out to various shops, they purchased great quantities of Cayenne Pepper, and Brandy, and Vinegar, and blue Sealing-wax, besides Seven immense glass



PAGE 1

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. So away they went with a hop and a bound, And they hopped the whole world three times round; And who so happy,-O who, As the Duck and the Kangaroo?



PAGE 1

NONSENSE SONGS.



PAGE 1

M N m n M was once a little mouse, N was once a little needle, Mousey Needly Bousey Tweedly Sousy Threedly Mousy, Needly In the Housy Wisky-wheedly Little Mouse Little Needle!



PAGE 1

AND THE TONGS. So the Coachman drove homeward as fast as he could, Perceiving their anger with pain; But they put on the kettle, and little by little, They all became happy again. Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong I There's an end of my song /^ ^^^^^



PAGE 1

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT. II. Pussy said to the Owl, You elegant fowl! How charmingly sweet you sing O let us be married too long we have tarried: But what shall we do for a ring ? They sailed away, for a year and a day, To the land where the Bong-tree grows, And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood With a ring at the end of his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring at the end of his nose. III. "Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling Your ring ? Said the Piggy, I will." So they took it away, and were married next day By the Turkey who lives on the hill.



PAGE 1

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT. They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, They danced by the light of the moon, The moon, The moon, They danced by the light of the moon. '***



PAGE 1

THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR. I. AID the Table to the Chair, "You can hardly be aware, How I suffer from the heat, And from chilblains on my feet! "If we took a little walk, We might have a little talk Pray let us take the air Said the Table to the Chair. II. Said the Chair unto the Table, Now you know we are not able How foolishly you talk, When you know we cannot walk Said the Table, with a sigh, It can do no harm to try, "I've as many legs as you, Why can't we walk on two?



PAGE 1

THE'HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. each other all to little pieces, so that at last nothing was left of any of them except their bills, And that was the end of the Seven young Storks. CHAPTER VII. THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE. HEN the Seven young Geese began to travel, they went over a large plain, on which there was but one tree, and that was a very bad one. So four of them went up to the top of it, and looked about them, while the other three waddled up and down, and repeated poetry, and their last six lessons in Arithmetic, Geography, and Cookery.



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. any people; but having remained on the top of the tree for a week, "and not seeing anybody, they naturally concluded that there were no inhabitants, and accordingly / o when they came down, they loaded the boat with two thousand vealcutlets and a million of chocolate drops, and these afforded them sustenance for more than a month, during which time they pursued their voyage with the utmost delight and apathy. After this they came to a shore where there were no less than sixty-five great red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail all of a row, and all fast asleep. And I am sorry to say that the Pussy-cat and the Quangle-Wangle crept softly and bit off the tail-feathers of all the sixty-five parrots, for which Violet reproved them both severely. Notwithstanding which, she proceeded to insert all the feathers, two hundred and sixty in number in her bonnet, thereby causing it to have a lovely and glittering appearance, highly prepossessing and efficacious.



PAGE 1

Q P Q was a quail, was a rabbit With a very short tail Who had a bad habit And he fed upon corn Of eating the flowers In the evening and morn. In gardens and bowers. q! r! Quaint little Quail. Naughty fat Rabbit!



PAGE 1

NONSENSE BOTANY.



PAGE 1

NONSENSE COOKER Y. and ascertain if at the end of that period the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties. If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the Pig may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished.



PAGE 1

E F e f E was once ee F as once a little l,fish Eely Fishy Weely Wishy Peely Squishy Eely Fishy Twirly, Tweely In a Dishy Little Eel! Little Fish



PAGE 1

aintith eaigr, QBnu.a



PAGE 1

NONSENSE ALPHABETS.



PAGE 1

L r C was a cat, D was a duck Who ran after a rat With spots on his back But his courage did fail Who lived in the water When she seized on his tail. And always said, quack c! d! Crafty old Cat Dear little Duck i



PAGE 1

Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis.



PAGE 1

* K L K was a kingfisher, L was a lily Quickly he flew So white and so sweet So bright and so pretty, To see it and smell it Green, purple, and blue. Was quite a nice treat k! 1! Kingfisher, blue Beautiful Lily!



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of the extreme noise made by the Arctic Bears and the Tropical Turnspits which frequented the neighbourhood in great numbers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock for several of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opium drops to them, through which kindness they became quite warm and slept soundly. Then they came to a country which was wholly covered with immense Orange-trees of a vast size, and quite full of fruit. So they all landed, taking with them the Tea-kettle, intending to gather some of the Oranges and place them in it. But while they were busy about this, a most dreadfully high wind rose, and blew out most of the Parrot-tail feathers from Violet's bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared with the calamity of the Oranges falling down on their heads by



PAGE 1

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS. v. The Frying-pan said, "It's an awful delusion !" The Tea-kettle hissed and grew black in the face; And they all rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion, To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race. And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter, (Their ponies were cream-coloured, speckled with brown,) The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after, Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town. VI. They rode through the street, and they rode by the station, They galloped away to the beautiful shore; In silence they rode, and made no observation," Save this: We will never go back any more And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing, The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say crack Till far in the distance their forms disappearing, They faded away.-And they never came back!



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. back. A crowd of Kangaroos and Gigantic Cranes accompanied them, from feelings of curiosity and complacency, so that they were never at a loss for company, and went onward as it were in a sort of profuse and triumphant procession. Thus, in less than eighteen weeks, they all arrived safely at home, where they were received by their admiring relatives with joy tempered with contempt; and where they finally resolved to carry out the rest of their travelling plans at some more favourable opportunity. As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adherence, they had him killed and stuffed directly, and then set him up outside the door of their father's house as a Diaphanous Doorscraper. "*..



PAGE 1

N was a man, was a nut Who walked round and round, So smooth and so brown, And he wore a long coat And when it was ripe That came down to the ground. It fell tumble-dum-down. m! n! Funn old Man Nice little Nut! Funny old Man i



PAGE 1

M N M was a mill N was a net, Which stood on a hill Which was thrown in the sea, And turned round and round To catch fish for dinner With a loud hummy sound. For you and for me. m n! Useful old Mill Nice little Net



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. There was a Family of Two old Cats and Seven yotng Cats, And there was a Family of Two old Fishes and Seven young Fishes. 9



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. Quangle-Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make the tea; for which purposes they took a large kettle. -77For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found plenty to eat, as there were lots of fish, and they had only to take them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the QuangleWangle instantly cooked them, and the Pussy-cat was fed with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased on the whole, so that all the party were very happy.



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. Lionel offered them three small boxes, containing respectively, Black Pins, Dried Figs, and Epsom Salts: and thus they left that happy shore for ever. Overcome by their feelings, the Four little Travellers instantly jumped into the Tea-kettle, and fell fast asleep. But all along the shore for many hours there was distinctly heard a sound of severely suppressed sobs, and of a vague multitude of living creatures using their pocket-handkerchiefs in a subdued simultaneous snuffle-lingering sadly along the wallopping waves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from the Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies. Nothing particular occurred for some days after these events, except that as the Travellers were passing a low tract of sand, they perceived an unusual and gratifying spectacle, namely, a large number of Crabs and Crawfish-perhaps six or seven hundred-sitting by the water-side, and endeavouring to disentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which they moistened at intervals with a fluid composed of Lavenderwater and White-wine Negus. Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies? said the Four Children. Thank you kindly," said the Crabs, consecutively. "We are trying to make some worsted Mittens, but do not know how." On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the art of mitten-making, said to the Crabs, Do your claws unscrew, or are they fixtures ?



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. This event made them all for a time rather melancholy, and perhaps they might never have become less so, had not Lionel with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance, continued to stand on one leg and whistle to them in a loud and lively manner, which diverted the whole party so extremely, that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed that whenever they should reach home they would subscribe towards a testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of Gingerbread and Raspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and grateful infection. After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came to another country, where they were much pleased and surS_ --73-v------/7



PAGE 1

U V Swas once a little urn, V was once a little vine, Urny Viny Burny Winy Turny Twiny Urny, Viny Bubblyburny, Twisty.twiny Little Urn. Little Vine!



PAGE 1

w x W was a whale X was King Xerxes, With a very long tail Who more than all Turks is Whose movements were frantic Renown'd for his fashion Across the Atlantic. Of fury and passion. w! x! Monstrous old Whale Angry old Xerxes!



PAGE 1

THE JUMBLIES. And they bought an Owl, and a useful Cart, And a pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart, And a hive of silvery Bees. And they bought a Pig, and some green Jack-daws, And a lovely Monkey with lollipop paws, And forty bottles of Ring-Bo-Ree, And no end of Stilton Cheese. Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a Sieve. "VI. And in twenty years they all came back, In twenty years or more, And every one said, How tall they've grown For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone, And the hills of the Chankly Bore;" And they drank their health, and gave them a feast Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast; And every one said, If we only live, We too will go to sea in a Sieve,To the hills of the Chankly Bore! Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a Sieve.



PAGE 1

MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW. I. N a little piece of wood, Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood; Mrs. Sparrow sate close by, A-making of an insect pie, For her little children five, In the nest and all alive, Singing with a cheerful smile To amuse them all the while, Twikky wikky wikky wee, Wikky bikky twikky tee, Spikky bikky bee! II. Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said, Spikky, Darling in my head Many thoughts of trouble come, Like to flies upon a plum



PAGE 1

NONSENSE STORIES. 6



PAGE 1

Guittara Pensilis.



PAGE 1

THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR. V. Then they whispered to each other, 0 delightful little brother "What a lovely walk we've taken Let us dine on Beans and Bacon So the Ducky, and the leetle Browny-Mousy and the Beetle Dined, and danced upon their heads Till they toddled to their beds.



PAGE 1

THE JUMBLIES. I. HEY went to sea in a Sieve, they did, In a Sieve they went to sea: In spite of all their friends could say, On a winter's morn, on a stormy day, In a Sieve they went to sea! And when the Sieve turned round and round, And every one cried, You'll all be drowned They called aloud, Our Sieve ain't big, But we don't care a button we don't care a fig! In a Sieve we'll go to sea Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live;



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. CHAPTER XII. OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY. FTER it was known that the Seven young Parrots, and the Seven young Storks, and the Seven young Geese, and the Seven young Owls, and the Seven young Guinea Pigs, and the Seven young Cats, and the Seven young Fishes, were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, and the Mouse, and the Clangel-Wangel, and the Blue Boss-Woss, all met together to rejoice over their good fortune. And they



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more properly written, Clangel-Wangel), and in spite of the warning they had had, they ran straight up to it. (Now the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delusive beast, and by no means commonly to be met with. They live in the water as well as on land, using their long tail as a sail when in the former element. Their speed is extreme, but their habits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their general demeanour pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings they may sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-popple, standing on their heads and humming their national melodies: they subsist entirely on vegetables, excepting when they eat veal, or mutton, or pork, or beef, or fish, or saltpetre.) The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the Seven young Cats approach, he ran away; and as he ran straight on for four months, and the Cats, though they continued to run, could never overtake him,-they all gradually died of fatigue and exhaustion, and never afterwards recovered. And this was the end of the Seven young Cats. 4tt~h



PAGE 1

Q R q r Q was once a little quail, R was once a little rose, Quaily Rosy Faily Posy Daily Nosy Quaily Rosy Stumpy-taily Blows-y-grows-y Little Quail! Little Rose!



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. CHAPTER XI. THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES. SHE Seven young fishes swam across the Lake Pipplepopple, and into the river, and into the Ocean, where most unhappily for them, they saw on the I5th day of their travels, a bright blue Boss-Woss, and instantly swam after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a perpendicular, spicular, orbicular, quadrangular, circular depth of soft mud, where in fact his house was. And the Seven young Fishes, swimming with great and uncomfortable velocity, plunged also into the mud quite against their will, and not being accustomed to it, were all suffocated in a very short period. And that was the end of the Seven young Fishes. ^^^^^' ^-7





PAGE 1

S T S was the sugar-tongs was a tortoise Nippity-nee, All yellow and black; To take up the sugar He walked slowly away, To put in our tea. And he never came back. s! t! Nippity nee Torty never came back



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. verdant mountains, with a serene and sickly suavity only known to the truly virtuous. The Moon was shining slobaciously from the star-bespringled sky, while her light irrigated the smooth and shiny sides and wings and backs of the Blue-Bottle-Flies with a peculiar and trivial splendour, while all nature cheerfully responded to the cerulsean and conspicuous circumstances. In many long-after years, the four little Travellers looked back to that evening as one of the happiest in all their lives, and it was already past midnight, when-the Sail of the Boat having been set up by the Quangle-Wangle, the Tea-kettle and Churn placed in their respective positions, and the Pussy-cat stationed at the Helm-the Children each took a last and affectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked down in a body to the water's edge to see the Travellers embark. As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a curtsey quite down to the ground, and stuck one of her few remaining Parrot-tail feathers into the back hair of the most pleasing of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, while Slingsby, Guy, and





PAGE 1

T X 7W was once a whale, X Whaly X was once a great king Xerxes, Scaly Xerxy Shaly Perxy Whaly Turxy Tumbly-taily Xerxy Mighty Whale! Linxy Lurxy Great King Xerxes



PAGE 1

G H G was a gooseberry H was a heron Perfectly red; Who stood in a stream To be made into jam The length of his neck And eaten with bread. And his legs, was extreme! g! h! Gooseberry red I Long-legged Heron



PAGE 1

MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW. To myself I sadly said, She's neuralgia in her head That dear head has nothing on it! Ought she not to wear a bonnet ? Witchy kitchy kitchy wee ? Spikky wikky mikky bee? Chippy wippy chee? V. Let us both fly up to town There I'll buy you such a gown "Which, completely in the fashion, You shall tie a sky-blue sash on. And a pair of slippers neat, To fit your darling little feet, So that you will look and feel Quite galloobious and genteel! Jikky wikky bikky see, Chicky bikky wikky bee, Twicky witchy wee !" VI. So they both to London went, Alighting on the Monument, Whence they flew down swiftly-pop, Into Moses' wholesale shop; 5



PAGE 1

CONTENTS. NONSENSE SONGS. THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT. STHE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. 4THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY. \THE JUMBLIES. ITHE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS. a CALICO PIE. S MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW. THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS. THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR. NONSENSE STORIES. THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD. j THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. NONSENSE COOKERY. NONSENSE BOTANY. SNONSENSE ALPHABETS, No. I. "----, No. 2. ,, No. 3. 3 11



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. Two or three days after this had happened, they came to another place, where they found nothing at all except some wide and deep pits full of Mulberry Jam. This is the property of the tiny Yellow-nosed Apes who abound in these districts, and who store up the Mulberry Jam for their food in winter, when they mix it with pellucid pale periwinkle soup, and serve it out in Wedgwood China bowls, which grow freely all over that part of the country. Only one of the Yellow-nosed Apes was on the spot, and he was fast asleep : yet the Four Travellers and the Quangle -Wangle and Pussy were so terrified by the violence and sanguinary sound of his snoring, that they merely took a small cupful of the Jam, and returned to re-embark in their Boat without delay. What was their horror on seeing the boat (including the Churn and the Tea-kettle), in the mouth of an enormous Seeze Pyder, an aquatic and ferocious creature truly dreadful to behold, and happily only met with in those excessive longitudes. In a moment the beautiful boat was bitten into fifty-fivethousand-million-hundred-illion bits; and it instantly became thousand-million-hundred-billion bits; and it instantly became



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. CHAPTER III. THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. HE Parrots lived upon the Soffsky-Poffsky trees,which were beautiful to behold, and covered with blue leaves,-and they fed upon fruit, artichokes, and striped beetles. The Storks walked in and out of the Lake Pipple-Popple, and ate frogs for breakfast and buttered toast for tea, but on account of the extreme length of their legs, they could not sit down, and so they walked about continually. The Geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities of flies, which they ate for dinner. The Owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caught and made into sago puddings. The Guinea Pigs toddled about the gardens, and ate lettuces and Cheshire cheese. The Cats sate still in the sunshine, and fed upon sponge biscuits. The Fishes lived in the Lake, and fed chiefly on boiled periwinkles. And all these Seven Families lived together in the utmost fun and felicity.



PAGE 1

Baccopipia Gracilis.



PAGE 1

NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY, AND ALPHABETS. BY EDWARD LEAR. LONDON: ROBERT JOHN BUSH, 32, CHARING CROSS, S.W. 1871.



PAGE 1

MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW. All last night, among the trees, I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze; "And, thought I, it's come to that Because he does not wear a hat! Chippy wippy sikky tee Bikky wikky tikky mee! Spikky chippy wee III. "Not that you are growing old, But the nights are growing cold. "No one stays out all night long Without a hat: I'm sure it's wrong! Mr. Spikky said, How kind, Dear you are, to speak your mind All your life I wish you luck "You are you are a lovely duck Witchy witchy witchy wee Twitchy witchy witchy bee Tikky tikky tee! IV. I was also sad, and thinking, When one day I saw you winking, And I heard you sniffle-snuffle, And I saw your feathers ruffle;



PAGE 1

Cockatooca Superba.



PAGE 1

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY. I. NCE Mr. Daddy Long-legs, SDressed in brown and gray, SWalked about upon the sands Upon a summer's day; And there among the pebbles, When the wind was rather cold, He met with Mr. Floppy Fly, All dressed in blue and gold. And as it was too soon to dine, They drank some Periwinkle-wine,



PAGE 1

G H G was a goat was a hat "Who was spotted with brown Which was all on one side, When he did not lie still, Its crown was too high He walked up and down. And its brim was too wide. g! h! Good little Goat! 0 what a Hat!



PAGE 1

VL l. was a kite L was a light Which flew out of sight Which burned all the night Above houses so high And lighted the gloom, Quite into the sky. Of a very dark room. k! 1! Fly away, Kite Useful nice light!



PAGE 1

C D C was a camel, was a dove You rode on his hump, Who lived in a wood And if you fell off, With such pretty soft wings, You come down such a bump And so gentle and good. c! d! What a high Camel! Dear little Dove



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. which, a particularly odious little boy, dressed in rose-coloured knickerbockers, and with a pewter plate upon his head, threw an enormous Pumpkin at the boat, by which it was instantly upset. But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the party knew' how to swim very well, and in fact they preferred swimming about till after the moon rose, when the water growing chilly, they sponge-taneously entered the boat. Meanwhile the Quangle-Wangle threw back the Pumpkin with immense force, so that it hit the rocks where the malicious little boy in rose-coloured knickerbockers was sitting, when, being quite full of Lucifer-matches, the Pumpkin exploded surreptitiously into a thousand bits, whereon the rocks instantly took fire, and the odious little boy became unpleasantly hotter and hotter and hotter, till his knickerbockers were turned quite green, and his nose was burned off.



PAGE 1

E F E was an eagle F was a fan Who sate on the rocks Made of beautiful stuff And looked down on the fields And when it was used And the far away flocks. It went-Puffy-puff-puff! e! f! Beautiful Eagle I Nice little fan.



PAGE 1

THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR. III. So they both went slowly down, And walked about the town With a cheerful bumpy sound, As they toddled round and round. And everybody cried, As they hastened to their side, "See the Table and the Chair Have come out to take the air IV. But in going down an alley, To a castle in a valley, They completely lost their way, And wandered all the day, Till, to see them safely back, They paid a Ducky-quack, And a Beetle, and a Mouse, Who took them to their house.



PAGE 1

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY. And played an hour or two, or more, At battlecock and shuttledore. II. Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs To Mr. Floppy Fly, "Why do you never come to court? I wish you'd tell me why. All gold and shine, in dress so fine, You'd quite delight the court. Why do you never go at all? I really think you ought! And if you went, you'd see such sights Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights And more than all, the King and Queen, One in red, and one in green!" III. O Mr. Daddy Long-legs," Said Mr. Floppy Fly, It's true I never go to court, And I will tell you why. If I had six long legs like yours, At once I'd go to court! But oh I can't, because my legs Are so extremely short. And I'm afraid the King and Queen (One in red, and one in green) 3



PAGE 1

THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, "Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong! If you're pleased with my song, I will feed you with cold apple tart! "When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound, "You enrapture my life with delight! "Your nose is so shiny! your head is so round "And your shape is so slender and bright! "Ding-a-dong Ding-a-dong! Ain't you pleased with my song? III. Alas Mrs. Broom sighed the Tongs in his song, O is it because I'm so thin, "And my legs are so long-Ding-a-dong Ding-a-dong! That you don't care about me a pin ? "Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room, Ah why don't you heed my complaint! Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom, Because you are covered with paint? Ding-a-dong Ding-a-dong "You are certainly wrong IV. Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang, What nonsense you're singing to-day! Said the Shovel, "I'll certainly hit you a bang Said the Broom, "And I'll sweep you away !"



PAGE 1

E F E was an elephant, F was a fish, Stately and wise; Who was caught in a net, He had tusks and a trunk, But he got out again, And two queer little eyes. And is quite alive yet. e! f! 0 what funny small eyes! Lively young Fish



PAGE 1

NONSENSE COOKER Y. When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are quite soft, take them out and place them in a wide pan, taking care to shake them well previously. Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them carefully with powdered gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient quantity of Cayenne pepper. Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the floor. Bring it back again, and let it simmer for three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan violently till all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple colour. Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully, adding at the same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number of oysters. Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a pinch of salt from time to time. Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of window as fast as possible. TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS. ROCURE some strips of beef, and having cut them into the smallest possible slices, proceed to cut them still smaller, eight or perhaps nine times. When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a new clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.





PAGE 1

K L lk 1 K was once a little kite, L was once a little lark, Kity Larky! Whity Marky! Flighty Harky! Kity Larky! Out of SightyIn the Parky, Little Kite! Little Lark



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. There was a Family of Two old Geese, and Seven young Geese. There was a Family of Two old Owls, and Seven young .Owls. There was a family of Two Old Guinea Pigs and Seven young Guinea Pigs.



PAGE 1

THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD. NCE upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people whose names were VIOLET, SLINGSBY, GUY, and LIONEL; and they all thought they should like to see the world. So they bought a large boat to sail quite round the world by sea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land. The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was yellow with red stripes; and when they set off, they only took a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly



PAGE 1

Y z Y was a yew, Z was some zinc Which flourished and grew, So shiny and bright, By a quiet abode Which caused you to wink Near the side of a road. In the sun's merry light. y! z! Dark little Yew I Beautiful Zinc



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. CHAPTER II. THE SEVEN FAMILIES. HERE was a Family of Two old Parrots and Seven young Parrots. There was a Family of Two old Storks and Seven young Storks. -A'-



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. During the day-time, Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt-water into a churn, while her three brothers churned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter, which it seldom, if ever did; and in the evening they all retired into the Tea-kettle, where they all managed to sleep very comfortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed the boat. After a time they saw some land at a distance; and when they came to it, they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth. Besides that, it was bordered by evanescent isthmusses with a great Gulf-stream running about all over it, so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, 503 feet high. When they had landed, they walked about, but found to their great surprise, that the island was quite full of veal-cutlets and chocolate-drops, and nothing else. So they all climbed up the single high tree to discover, if possible, if there were



PAGE 1

Fishia Marina.



PAGE 1

1 j was once a bottle of ink, was once a jar of jam, Inky Jammy, Dinky Mammy, Thinky Clammy, Inky, Jammy, Blacky Minky Sweety--Swammy, Bottle of Ink! Jar of Jam!



PAGE 1

A B ,_L.-'--'_N A was an ant B wa a book Who seldom stood still With a binding of blue And who made a nice house And pictures and stories And pictures and stories In the side of a hill. In e side of a For me and for you. a! b! Nice little Ant Nice little Book. Nice little Book.



PAGE 1

Phattfacia Stupenda.



PAGE 1

NONSENSE COOKERY.



PAGE 1

I J I was some ice J was a jack-daw So white and so nice Who hopped up and down But which nobody tasted, In the principal street And so it was wasted. Of a neighbouring town. All that good Ice! All through the town All that good Ice All through the town 1



PAGE 1

o P 0 was an orange P was a pig So yellow and round; Who was not very big "When it fell off the tree, But his tail was too curly, It fell down to the ground And that made him surly. o! p! Down to the ground! Cross little Pig



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. Ninety-eighth table in the Four hundred and twenty-seventh room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing of the Central Quadrangle of that magnificent building; for if you do not, you certainly will not see them. II



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. noise, and by degrees every one of them suddenly tumbled down quite dead. So that was the end of the Seven young Geese. CHAPTER VIII. THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS. HEN the Seven young Owls set out, they sate every now and then on the branches of old trees, and never went far at one time. And one night when it was quite dark, they thought they heard a Mouse, but as the gas lamps were not lighted, they could not see him. So they called out, Is that a Mouse ?" On which a Mouse answered, Squeaky-peeky-weeky, yes it is." And immediately all the young Owls threw themselves I0



PAGE 1

Y z y -z Y was once a little yew, Z was once a piece of zinc Yewdy, Tinky Fewdy Winky Crudy Blinky Yewdy Tinky Growdy, grewdy, Tinkly Minky Little Yew Piece of Zinc



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, which was so entirely full of fishes that the boat could go on no further; so they remained there about six weeks, till they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were Soles, and all ready-cooked and covered with shrimp sauce, so that there was no trouble whatever. And as the few fishes who remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the



PAGE 1

U V I was an urn V was a villa All polished and bright Which stood on a hill And full of hot water By the side of a river At noon and at night. And close to a mill. u! v! Useful old urn Nice little Villa



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. CHAPTER VI. THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS. HEN the Seven young Storks set out, they walked or flew for fourteen weeks in a straight line, and for six weeks more in a crooked one; and after that they ran as hard as they could for one hundred and eight miles: and after that they stood still and made a himmeltanious chatterclatter-blattery noise with their bills. About the same time they perceived a large Frog, spotted with green, and with a sky-blue stripe under each ear. So being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and were going to divide him into seven pieces, when they began to quarrel as to which of his legs should be taken off first. One said this, and another said that, and while they were all quarrelling the Frog hopped away. And when they saw that he was gone, they began to chatter-clatter, blatter-platter, patter-blatter, matter-clatter, flatter-quatter, more violently than ever. And after they had fought for a week they pecked



PAGE 1

A B a b A was once an apple-pie, was once a little bear, Pidy Pidy Beary! Widy Tidy Wary Pidy Hairy! Pidy Beary! Nice insidy ary -Taky ctary Apple-Pie. Little Bear



PAGE 1

Pollybirdia Singularis.



PAGE 1

S At Shrimpy Thrushy S was once a little shrimp T was once a little thrush, Shrimpy Thrushy! Nimpy Hushy! Flimpy Bushy! Shrimpy Thrushy! Jumpy-jimpy Flitty-FlushyLittle Shrimp Little Thrush



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. CHAPTER IV. THE CHILDREN OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY. NE day all the Seven Fathers and the Seven Mothers S of the Seven Families agreed that they would send their children out to see the world. So they called them all together, and gave them each eight shillings and some good advice, some chocolate drops, and a small green morocco pocket-book to set down their expenses in. They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel, and all the parents sent off their children with a parting injunction. "If," said the old Parrots, "you find a Cherry, do not fight about who should have it." "And," said the old Storks, if you find a Frog, divide it carefully into seven bits, but on no account quarrel about it." And the old Geese said to the Seven young Geese, Whatever you do, be sure you do not touch a Plum-pudding Flea." And the old Owls said, If you find a Mouse, tear him up into seven slices, and eat him cheerfully, but without quarrelling." And the old Guinea Pigs said, Have a care that you eat your Lettuces, should you find any, not greedily but calmly."



PAGE 1

w x W was a watch was King Xerxes Where in letters of gold Who wore on his head The hour of the day A mighty large turban, You might always behold. Green, yellow, and red. w! x! Beautiful watch! Look at King Xerxes



PAGE 1

S T S was a screw was a thimble L was a thimble To screw down a box Of silver so bright And then it was fastened When placed on the finger Without any locks. It fitted so tight I s! t! Valuable screw Nice little thimble



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. off the tree, meaning to alight on the ground; but they did not perceive that there was a large well below them, into which they all fell superficially, and were every one of them drowned in less than half a minute. So that was the end of the Seven young Owls. ------CHAPTER IX. THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS. HE Seven young Guinea Pigs went into a garden full of Gooseberry-bushes and Tiggory-trees, under one of which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they saw a large Lettuce which had grown out of the ground while they had been sleeping, and which had an immense number of green leaves. At which they all exclaimed,



PAGE 1

CALICO PIE. But they never came back to me They never came back They never came back! They never came back to me IV. Calico Drum, The Grasshoppers come, The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee, Over the ground, Around and round, With a hop and a bound,But they never came back! They never came back! They never came back! They never came back to me!



PAGE 1

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. AID the Duck to the Kangaroo, Good gracious I how you hop Over the fields and the water too, As if you never would stop My life is a bore in this nasty pond, And I long to go out in the world beyond I wish I could hop like you! Said the Duck to the Kangaroo. II. "Please give me a ride on your back! Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.



PAGE 1

Manypeeplia Upsidownia.



PAGE 1

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY. Would say aloud, You are not fit, You Fly, to come to court a bit!' IV. O Mr. Daddy Long-legs," Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "I wish you'd sing one little song! One mumbian melody! You used to sing so awful well In former days gone by, But now you never sing at all; I wish you'd tell me why: For if you would, the silvery sound Would please the shrimps and cockles round, And all the crabs would gladly come To hear you sing, 'Ah, Hum di Hum' !" V. Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs, I can never sing again! And if you wish, I'll tell you why, Although it gives me pain. For years I cannot hum a bit, Or sing the smallest song; And this the dreadful reason is, My legs are grown too long!



PAGE 1

Extract from the Nonsense Gazette, for August, 1870. HJUR readers will be interested in the following comL munications from our valued and learned contria butor, Professor Bosh, whose labours in the fields of Culinary and Botanical science, are so well known to all the world. The first three Articles richly merit to be added to the Domestic cookery of every family; those which follow, claim the attention of all Botanists, and we are happy to be able through Dr. Bosh's kindness to present our readers with illustrations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are found in the valley of Verrikwier, near the lake of Oddgrow, and on the summit of the hill Orfeltugg." THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY. TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE. AKE 4 pounds (say 41 pounds) of fresh Amblongusses, and put them in a small pipkin. Cover them with water and boil them for 8 hours incessantly, after which add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil for 4 hours more.



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. and fluffled, and guffled, and bruffled, and screamed, and shrieked, and squealed, and squeaked, and clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, and dumped, and flumped each other, till they were all torn into little bits, and at last there was nothing left to record this painful incident, except the Cherry and seven small green feathers. "And that was the vicious and voluble end of the Seven young Parrots. C 7,D





PAGE 1

Y Z Y was a yak Z was a zebra, From the land of Thibet, All striped white and black, Except his white tail And if he were tame He was all black as jet. You might ride on his back. y! z! Look at the Yak Pretty striped Zebra I



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES. Bottles with air-tight stoppers. And having done this, they ate a light supper of brown bread and Jerusalem Artichokes, and took an affecting and formal leave of the whole of their acquaintance, which was very numerous and distinguished, and select, and responsible, and ridiculous. CHAPTER XIV. CONCLUSION. ND after this, they filled the bottles with the ingredients for pickling, and each couple jumped into a separate bottle, by which effort of course they all died immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes; having previously made their wills, (by the assistance of the most eminent Lawyers of the District,) in which they left strict orders that the Stoppers of the Seven Bottles should be carefully sealed up with the blue Sealing-wax they had purchased; and that they themselves in the Bottles should be presented to the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be labelled with Parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to be placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily inspection and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit of the pusillanimous public. And if ever you happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and visit that museum in the city of Tosh, look for them on the



PAGE 1

CALICO PIE. II. Calico Jam, The little Fish swam, Over the syllabub sea, He took off his hat, To the Sole and the Sprat, And the Willeby-wat,But he never came back to me He never came back He never came back He never came back to me III. Calico Ban, The little Mice ran, To be ready in time for tea, Flippity flup, They drank it all up, And danced in the cup,-



PAGE 1

A B A was an ape, B was a bat, Who stole some white tape Who slept all the day, And tied up his toes And fluttered about, In four beautiful bows. When the sun went away. a! b! Funny old Ape 1 Brown little bat!



PAGE 1

Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.



PAGE 1

P H g h G was once a little goose, J was once a little hen, Goosy Henny Moosy Chenny Boosey Tenny Goosey Henny Waddly-woosy Eggsy-any Little Goose! Little Hen?



PAGE 1

C D c d C was once a little cake, was once a little doll Caky, Dolly, Baky Molly, Maky Polly Caky, Nolly, Taky Caky, Nursy Dolly Little Cake! Little Doll!



PAGE 1

J was an upper-coat was a veil Woolly and warm With a border upon it To wear over all And a riband to tie it In the snow or the storm. All round a pink bonnet. u! v! What a nice upper-coat Pretty green Veil!



PAGE 1

Printed by WATSON & HAZELL, London and Aylesbury.



PAGE 1

NONSENSE COOKER Y. Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny place,--say the roof of the house if free from sparrows or other birds,-and leave it there for about a week. At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil of almonds, and a few herring-bones; *and then cover the whole with 4 gallons of clarified crumbobblious sauce, when it will be ready for use. Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in a clean tablecloth or dinner-napkin. TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES. AKE a Pig, three or four years of age, and tie him by the off-hind leg to a post. Place 5 pounds of currants 3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast chestnuts, a candle, and six bushels of turnips, within his reach; if he eats these, constantly provide him with more. Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, four quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen. When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the Pig violently, with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again. Visit the paste and beat the Pig alternately for some days,



PAGE 1

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. IV. Said the Duck, As I sate on the rocks I have thought over that completely, And I bought four pairs of worsted socks Which fit my web-feet neatly. And to keep out the cold I've bought a cloak, And every day a cigar I'll smoke, All to follow my own dear true Love of a Kangaroo! V. Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready! All in the moonlight pale; But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady! And quite at the end of my tail!



PAGE 1

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THE LAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE. CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTORY. N former days-that is to say, once upon a time, there lived in the Land of Gramblamble, Seven Families. They lived by the side of the great Lake Pipplepopple (one of the seven families, indeed, lived in the Lake), and on the outskirts of the City of Tosh, which, excepting when it was quite dark, they could see plainly. The names of all these places you have probably heard of, and you have only not to look in your Geography books to find out all about them. Now the Seven Families who lived on the borders of the great Lake Pipple-popple, were as follows in the next Chapter.



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. prised to see a countless multitude of white Mice with red eyes, all sitting in a great circle, slowly eating Custard Pudding with the most satisfactory and polite demeanour. And as the four Travellers were rather hungry, being tired of eating nothing but Soles and Oranges for so long a period, they held a council as to the propriety of asking the Mice for some of their Pudding in a humble and affecting manner, by which they could hardly be otherwise than gratified. It was agreed therefore that Guy should go and ask the Mice, which he immediately did; and the result was that they gave a Walnut-shell only half full of Custard diluted with water. Now, this displeased Guy, who said, Out of such a lot of Pudding as you have got, I must say you might have spared a somewhat larger quantity!" But no sooner had he finished speaking than all the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in an appalling and vindictive manner, (and it is impossible to imagine a more scroobious and unpleasant sound than that caused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angry Mice,) so that Guy rushed back to the boat, having first shied his cap into the middle of the Custard Pudding, by which means he completely spoiled the Mice's dinner.



PAGE 1

NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY, AND ALPHABETS.



PAGE 1

o P iJ-,~~i~(l~~\-, O was once a little owl, P was once a little pump, Owly, Pumpy Prowly, Slumply Howly Flumpy Owly Pumpy Browny fowly Dumpy, Thumpy Little Owl! Little Pump!



PAGE 1

CALICO PIE. 1. ALICO pie, The little Birds fly Down to the calico tree, Their wings were blue, And they sang Tilly-loo! Till away they flew,And they never came back to me They never came back They never came back They never came back to me



PAGE 1

THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS. I. HE Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs, They all took a drive in the Park, And they each sang a song, Ding-a-dong, Ding-adong, Before they went back in the dark. Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach, Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash, Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch), Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash). Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong And they all sang a song! II. O Shovely so lovely the Poker he sang, You have perfectly conquered my heart!



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. And so in truth it was, and they soon found that what they had taken for an immense wig was in reality the top of the cauliflower, and that he had no feet at all, being able to walk tolerably well with a fluctuating and graceful movement on a single cabbage stalk, an accomplishment which naturally saved him the expense of stockings and shoes. Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose, and in a somewhat plumdomphious manner hurried off towards the setting sun,-his steps supported by two superincumbent 7,confidential cucumbers, and a large number of Waterwagtails proceeding in advance of him by three-andthree in a row-till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a crystal cloud of sudorific sand. So remarkable a sight of course impressed the Four Children very deeply; and they returned immediately to their boat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a great appetite. Shortly after this the Travellers were obliged to sail directly below some high overhanging rocks, from the top of one of 8 E



PAGE 1

.I J Swas an inkstand J was a jug, Which stood on a table So pretty and white With a nice pen to write with, With fresh water in it When we are able! At morning and night. Si i j Neat little inkstand I Nice little jug!



PAGE 1

THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN. quite clear that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could no longer preliminate their voyage by sea. The Four Travellers were therefore obliged to resolve on pursuing their wanderings by land, and very fortunately there happened to pass by at that moment, an elderly Rhinoceros, on which they seized; and all four mounting on his back, the Quangle-Wangle sitting on his horn and holding on by his ears, and the Pussy-cat swinging at the end of his tail, they set off, having only four small beans and three pounds of mashed potatoes to last through their whole journey. They were, however, able to catch numbers of the chickens and turkeys, and other birds who incessantly alighted on the head of the Rhinoceros for the purpose of gathering the seeds of the rhododendron plants which grew there, and these creatures they cooked in the most translucent and satisfactory manner, by means of a fire lighted on the end of the Rhinoceros'



PAGE 1

-r A i glmun 0titoa