THE DEAN'S SPEECH TO THE FRESHMAN CLASS



(As He Undoubtedly Would Like to Deliver It)


Gentlemen: and I thus address you, appearances

to the contrary notwithstanding: You have recent-

ly emerged from the restraint and discipline of

preparatory school, nursing in your callow cerebral

cavities a so-called idea that, once in college, you

would find these conditions replaced by an atmos-

phere of welcome insouciance, commonly described as

"collegiate ".


The worst of it is that, in spite of my grimmest

efforts, you will find just that.


I invite you, therefore, to go your infantile ways,

indulge in your childish: activities, and see if I

care. It is no skin off my left frontal brain lobe,

I assure you. But when it comes to expecting sym-

pathy from my office, should academic disaster over-

take you, I have but one observation to make: try

and get it I


As you come to know me and my staff of housedicks

a bit better, you will entertain towards us but one

simple sentiment. You will be scared stiff. Let

me add that, in the cases of many. of you, so was

your old man.


I have now been giving my lifelike impersonation

of the sword of Damocles among these classic shades

for mEre years than you have hairs on your heads

combined with your upper lips; and as yet I have



never given a freshman an even break.














You can't win. Two hundred and seventeen proctors,

four assistant deans and I myself, personally, are

sworn to get you dead or alive. You can carry

that stimulating thought with you as you embark on

your college careers.



As this is my evening

Professor Astigmat's,

ly out, refraining fr

complexes as you go.



to play progress

I will ask that

om tripping over



ive euchre at

you file rapid-

your inferiority



,.J



I thank you.



Arthur lM. Sherwood, Jr.



a



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