THE DEAN'S SPEECH TO THE FRESHMAN CLASS
(As He Undoubtedly Would Like to Deliver It)
Gentlemen: and I thus address you, appearances
to the contrary notwithstanding: You have recent-
ly emerged from the restraint and discipline of
preparatory school, nursing in your callow cerebral
cavities a so-called idea that, once in college, you
would find these conditions replaced by an atmos-
phere of welcome insouciance, commonly described as
The worst of it is that, in spite of my grimmest
efforts, you will find just that.
I invite you, therefore, to go your infantile ways,
indulge in your childish: activities, and see if I
care. It is no skin off my left frontal brain lobe,
I assure you. But when it comes to expecting sym-
pathy from my office, should academic disaster over-
take you, I have but one observation to make: try
and get it I
As you come to know me and my staff of housedicks
a bit better, you will entertain towards us but one
simple sentiment. You will be scared stiff. Let
me add that, in the cases of many. of you, so was
your old man.
I have now been giving my lifelike impersonation
of the sword of Damocles among these classic shades
for mEre years than you have hairs on your heads
combined with your upper lips; and as yet I have
never given a freshman an even break.
You can't win. Two hundred and seventeen proctors,
four assistant deans and I myself, personally, are
sworn to get you dead or alive. You can carry
that stimulating thought with you as you embark on
your college careers.
As this is my evening
ly out, refraining fr
complexes as you go.
to play progress
I will ask that
om tripping over
ive euchre at
you file rapid-
I thank you.
Arthur lM. Sherwood, Jr.