Sed quia mente minus validus, quam corpore toto,
Nil audire velim, nil difcere, quod levet agrum,
Fidis ofendar medicis HOR.
By Mr. WHITEHEAD.
Printed for W. OWEN, at Homer's Head, near 7emple-Bar.
(Price One Shilling.)
-H E Reader will perceive from two or three pafages in
the following Epifile, that part of it was written fome
timefince, nor indeed would the whole of it have now been thought
interefing enough to the Public, to have paffed the Prefs; had
not the physical Perfecution carried on againfj the Gentleman to
whom it is addre4fed, provoked the Publication. When a
Body of Men, too proud to own their Errors, and too prudent
to part with their Fees, fJall (with their Legion of Under-
flrappers) enter into a Confpiracy againfl a Brother-PraCtitioner,
only for honefily endeavouring to moderate the one, and redify
the other; fch a Body, our Author apprehends, becomes a juf-
tifiable Objet of Satire; and only wishes his Pen had, on this
Occaflon, a like Efficacy with theirs.
- = = i n u
W H Y do you afk? I" that in this courtly dance
SOf In and Out it ne'er was yet my chance,
" To bafk beneath a Statefman's foft'ring fmile,
c And fhare the Plunder of the public Spoil."
E'er wants my Table, the health-chearing meal
With Banflead Mutton crown'd, or Efex Veal ?
A 2 Smoke
Smokes not from Lincoln-meads the stately Loin ?
Or rofy Gammon of hantonian Swine?
From Dorkin's roofs, the feathered vicims bleed,
And Thames flill wafts me Ocean's fcaly Breed.
Tho' Gallia's vines, their costly juice deny,
Still Tajo's banks, the jocund glafs fupply,
Still diftant Worlds nedqareous treasures roll,
And either India fparkles in my bowl;
Or Devon's boughs, or Dorfet's bearded fields,
To Britain's Arms,, a britifh beverage yields..
Rich in thefe gifts, why should I wiih for more?
Why barter confidence, .for fuperfluous flore.?
Or haunt the Levee of a puffe-proud- peer,
To rob poor F--d-g of the curule chair.*
It is reported, that during the time Mr. Addifon was Secretary of State, when- his
old Friend and Ally Ambrofe Phillips apply'd to him for fome Preferment: the Great
Man very coolly anfwer'd, that, He thought he had already provided for him, by
making him Juftice for Wt#eminfer." To which the Bard with. fome indignation,
reply'd, Tho' Poetry was a Trade, he could not live by, yet he fcorn'd to owe his
Let the lean Bard, whofe belly void of bread,
Puffs up pierian vapours to his head,
In birth-day Odes, his flimfy fuftian vent,
And torture truth into a compliment;
Wear out the knocker of a Great-Man's door,
Be Pimp, and Poet, furnish Rhime or Whore,
Or fetch and carry,, for fome foolifh Lord,
To fneak a fitting footman at his board.
If fuch the Arts, that captivate the great,
Be your's, ye Bards!- the fun-fhine of a State,
For Place or Penfron proffitute each line,
Make Gods of Kings, and Minifters divine,
Swear St. John's felf,: could neither read nor write,
And out-bravoes Mars in fight;
Subfiftance to another, which, he ought not to live by.-- However Great Men in our
days, may practice the Secretary's Prudence, certain it is, the Perfon here pointed at,
was very far from.making a Precedent of his Brother-Poet's Principles.
It is apprehended, our modern Campaigns cannot fail of furnishing the Reader
with a proper Supply for this paffage.
Call! D t patriot, Willes 11 a legal tool,
Horace -t- a wit, and Dodington a fool.
Such be your venal talk; while bleft with cafe,
'Tis mine, to fcribble when, and what I pleafe.
Hold what you pleafe ? (Sir D**y cries) my Friend,
" Say? muft my Labours never, never end;
" Still doom'd 'gainft wicked wit, my pen to draw,
" Correa each Bard, by critic rules of Law;
" 'Twixt Guilt and Shame, the legal buckler place,
" And guard each courtly culprit from difgrace.
" Hard tafk! should future Jurymen inherit,
" The City-Twelve's felf-judging briti/h spirit." +
|I LORD fHIH ADMIRAL WILLES-aTitle, by which, this excellent Chief Ma-
giftrate is often diffinguifh'd among our Marine, for his spirited Vindication of the
Supremacy of the CIVIL FLAG; and re&ifying the martial miliakes of fome late
t A certain Modern of that name, whofe fole pretehfion to this Chara&er (except
a little arch Buffoonery) confifts, in a truly poetical negligence of his Perfon.
Alluding to the constitutional VerdiA given on the Tryal of WILLIAM OWEN,
-for publiflling The Cafe of the Honourable Alexander Marray,f E/;
( 7 )
While You, my THOMPSON! fpite of Medicine fave,
Mark! how the College peoples every grave,
See! M*d transfer Eftates, from Sire to Son,
And ** bar fucceffion to a Throne ;t-
See! S*w fcarce leave the paffing-bell a Fee,
And N**'s fet the captive husband free;
Tho' widow'd 'ulia giggles in her Weed,
Yet who arraigns the Do6tor for the Deed?
O'er Life and Death, all abfolute his Will,
Right the prescription, whether cure or kill.
t This Line furnifhes a melancholy Memento of the moft fatal Cataftrophe that
perhaps ever befel this Nation, among the various tributary Verfes which flowed on
that Occafion, our Author wrote the following; and which he here takes the liberty
to infert, being willing to feize every opportunity, to perpetuate his Senfe of our
public Lofs, in the Death of that truly PATRIOT-PRINCE.
When JOVE late revolving the State of M1ankind,
'Mong Britons, no traces of virtue couldfind,
O'er the Iland, indignant, He fretch'd forth his rod,
Earth trembled, and Ocean acknowledged the GoD.*
Still provoked by our crimes, Heaven's vengeance toj/ow,
Ammon grasping his Bolts, aim'd at Britain the blow ;
But paufing. ---- more dreadful, his wrath to evince,
Threw the Thunder afide, andfent Fate for the PRINcE.
* Alluding to the proceeding Earthquakes.
Not fo,-whofe Pra6tice is the Mind's difeafe.
His Potion muft not only cure, but pleafe;
Apply the Cauftic, to the callous heart,
Undone's the Docor, if the Patient fmart;
Superior Powers, his mental Bill control.
And Law corre6ts the Phyic of the Soul.-
Shall Galen's Sons, with privilege deftroy,
And I, not one found Alterative employ?
To drive the rank Diftemper, from within,
Or is Man's Life, lefs precious than his Sin ?
With palfied hand, (iould Juflice hold the Scale,
And o'er a Judge, court-complaifance prevail,
Satire's firong dofe, the malady requires,
I write when lo! the Bench indignant fires,
t A like Corrction, with regard to the Phyfic of the lody, might prove no bad
security for the Life and Property of the Patient, as the Faculty are at present account-
able to no other Power but that of Heaven, for the Reditude of their Condu&.- And
,'.hp:, "no civilized Nation can afford fuch an Inftance ofphyfical Anarchy as ours,
where the Surgeon is permitted to ufurp the Province of the Phyfician, and the Apo-
th'c:iv plumes hiifelf in the Perriwig and Plunder of both Profeflions.-- In a
public fpiritcd Endeavour to cure this Anarchy, and rcflore a proper Difcipline in
PraCicc, confifts, a THoMPsoN's Empiricifm. -- linc ills Lacbryma.--
Each hoary head erets its load of hair,
Their Furs all briftle, and their Eye-balls glare
In rage they roar, "< With reverend Ermin port,
" Seize! Seize him, Tipftaff! --..'Tis Contempt of Court.
Led by the Meteor of a Mitre's ray,
If Sion's Sons, thro' paths unhallow'd, fray,
For courtly Rites, negle& each rubric Rule,
Quit all the Saint, and truckle all the Tool;
Their Maker only in the Monarch fee,
Nor e'er omit at BRaitsWxxBds name, the Knee.
To cure this loyal lethargy of Grace,
And rouze to Heaven again, its recreant race,
Say! should the Mufe, with one irreverend line,
Probe but the mortal part of the Divine;
'Tis Blafphemy, by every Prieft decreed,
No Benefit of Clergy, may I plead;
( io )
With every Cannon t pointed at my head,
Alive, I'm cenfur'd, and I'm damn'd, when dead.
Lawyer and Prieft, like Docors, flill agree,
'Tis theirs to give advice, 'tis ours the fee,
To them alone, all earthly rule is giv'n,
Diploma'd from St. James's, and from Heav'n.
Yet, Ills there are, nor Bench, nor Pulpit reach,,
In vain may Ryder charge, or Sherlock preach;
For Law too mighty, and too proud for Grace,
Lurk in the Star, or lord it in a Place,
Brood in the facred circle of a Crown,
While Fafhion wafts their poifon thro' the Tdwn;
Hence, o'er each Village, the contagion wings,
And Peafants catch the maladies of Kings.
t A certain Piece of spiritual Ordinance, which was formerly played off with great
execution by our Church-militant; but at prcfcnt no othcrways terrible, than in its
( 1i )
When purpled Vice hall humble Juftice awe,
And Fafhion make it current, fight of Law;
What fovereign Medicine can its course reclaim?
What? but the-Poet's Panaeea -Shame.
Thus, Wit's great Efculapius once prevail'd,
And Satire triumphed, where the Fafces failed.
No Conful's wreath, could lurking folly hide,
No veftal looks, fecure the guilty Bride,
The poignant Verfe, peirc'd thro' each fair difguife,
And made Rome's matrons modeft, ftatefmen wife.
Search all your Statutes, Serjeant! where's the balm?
Can cure the itching of a Courtier's palm;
Where? the chaft Cannon, Say! thou hallow'd Sage,
The Virgin's glowing wifhes can affwage.
Let, but the Star, his longing Lordfhip fee,
What Power can fet the captive confcience free? -
B 2 Hang
( 13 )
Hang but the fparkling pendant at her ears,
What trembling Maid, the generous Lover fears ?
When lawlefs Paffion feiz'd th' imperial Dame,
Brothels were only found, to quench the flame;
No Routs, or Balls,, the kind convenience gave,.
To lofe her Virtue, yet her Honour fave.
In Cupid's Rites, now, fo. improved our killl.
Mode finds the means, when Nature finds the will,
Each reverend Reli&, keeps a private pack,
And flurdy Stallion with atlean back;
Where, britijh Dames to myftic rites repair,
Nor fail, to meet a lurking Clodio there;
In amorous Realths, defraud the public Stews,
And rob the drury Veftal of her Dues.
Who haplefs mourns, her laft, long-mortgag'd Gown,
While Douglafs damns the Drums of Lady B--.
* Intravit calidum veteri centone lupanar.
( I3 )
By Names coeleffial, mortal Females, call,
Angels they are, but Angels in their Fall.
One royal Phenix I\ yet, redeems the Race,
And proves, in Britain, beauty may have grace.
Vain, hall the Muje, the various Symptoms find,
When every Dotor's, of a different mind..
In *'s palm, be foul Corruption found,
Each Court-empiric holds, his Grace is found;
In Sackville's breaft, let public Spirit reign,
Blifters! (they cry) the caude is in his Brain,
So, Talbot's Want of Place, is Want of Senfe,.
And Dajhwood's t, Rubborn Virtue, downright Infolence
When Ills, are thus, juft what the Dotors pleafe,
And the Soul's health, is held, the Mind's difeafe;
H P-- fs of W--- s.
See a Propofal for a Militia, published by Lord Middh/ex.
t Sir Franis Da wood.
( 1 )
Not all thy Art, O Horace! had prevail'd,
Here, all thy roman Recipes had fail'd.
Had Fate to Flaccus, but our days decreed,
What Pollio would admire ? What Cafar read ?
Great Mare" felf had dy'cd a humble Swain,
And Terence fought a Laelius now in vain.
Science no more employs the- Cortier's ctre,
No Mufe's voice, -can chartn N *'s ear.
The folid V--e, aerial Verfe, outweighs,
And wins all courtly favour from the Bays;
Hence, flow alone, the facred'gifts of.* 9,
Staves, Truncheons, Feathers, Mitres, Stars, and Strings.
Hence, Cradles, See! with lifping Statefmen fpawn,
And infant Limbs befwadi'd in'the Lawn;
While honeft Boyle, too impotent for Place,
Sets, in meridian glory of Difgrace.
( Is5 )
Nor all the patriot mufic of Malone,
Can charm a Court, like S**, or like S*;
Bleft Twins of State! whom, Love and Pow'r conjoin,
Like Leda's Offspring,: made:by Yove divine,
Fix'd, in Hibernia's hemisphere to rule,
And fhed your Influence, o'er each Knave and Fool.t
WHILST, the fad Summons of the Mortar's knell,
The rival deeds, of each Diploma tell;
And Death's increasing Mufter-rolls declare,
That Health and THoMPsoW:ae Ifd ongelhere.: -
How fall the Mufe this falutation fend ?
What Place enjoys Thee? or what happier Friend?
Say! if in Eaftbury's + majeftic towers,
Or wrapt, in Ajhley's IJ amarantine bowers,
+ As our Author lamented theoccaion of thefe Lines, fo no one more fincerely re-
joices to find, that the Beamn of PUBLIC SPIRIT is likely to difpel the Clouds, which
had interpofed between Loyalty and Patriotifin. A new political S TAR in our DiysA
arid which fome more eastern McIGI would do well to follow.
( A Seat belonging to the Right Hon. George Dodington.
I| Another belonging to Lord Middlefex.
( i6 )
By friendship favour'd, and unaw'd by late,
You barter Science, with the Wife and Great;
O'er Pelhan's Politics, in judgment fit,
Reform the Laws of Nations, or of Wit;
With attic Zeft enrich the social bowl,
Crack Joke: on Joke, and mingle Soul with Soul;
On Laughter's wanton wing, now frolic fport,
Nor envy Fox the Clofet of a Court.
Loft, in this darling luxury of Eafe,
Alike regardless, both of fame and fees,
Let Shaw (You cry) o'er Phyfic fov'reign reign,
Or W** boat, his Hecatombs of flain.
Be mine, to ftay fome Friend's departing Breath,
And Child's t- may take the drudgery of death."
1 A Coffee-houfe noted for the Refort of our modern Efculapics, where, they ply
for thofe Patients, the Apothecary is pleaded to confign over to them; and where,
another Appendage to Phyfic, (called the Undertakers) never fails to attend the phy-
fical Levee, in order to receive the lucrative News of their Joint-Endeavours.
f '7 )
Yet, TO MPS N ifay (whofe gift it is to fave,
Make Sicknefs file, and refcue from the grave)
Say, to what end, this healing Power was meant,
Nor hide the Talent, which by Heaven is lent.
Tho', Envy all her hiffing Serpents raife,
And'join with harpy Fraud, to blaft thy Bays;
Shall wan Difeafe in vain demand thy kill ?
While Health but waits, the fummons of your quill,
Shall Egypt's-Plague the virgin cheek invade,
And Beauty's Wreck, pot win Thee to its Aid,
O stretch a having hand, aad let the Fair,
Owe all her future triumphs to thy care;
Refume the Pen! and be Thyfelf once more,
What, Ratclif, Friend, and .Syd'nham were before.
Yet, when reviving Patients fet you free,
Let Vaughan yield ona facial hour to me.
t The Small-pox, faid to have firft appeared at Alexandria. See the Doaor's
Treqife on this Diftemper.
j Owen Evan Faughan, Efq; of Bodidris Caffle; a Gentleman, in whofe friend-
fhip, the Do&or and our Author more particularly pride themselves, as he has never
polluted his ancient Britijh Pedigree, with any modern Anti-britih Principlcs.
Come! then my'Friend, if friendship's name ca nwoo :
Come! bring me all I want, that all in You.i '
If rural Scenes have fill the power to pleafe,
Flocks, Vallies, -Hills, Streams, Villas, Cots and Tees.:
Here, all, in one harmonious profpet blend, 1
And Landfkips rife, fcarce Lambert's art can mend.
Thames, made immortal, by her Denham's firains, : '
-Meandring glides thro Twick'nham's flow'ry plains;
While royal Richmond's cloud-afpiring wood,
Pours all its pendant pomp upon the flood;
By Rome's proud dames, let ftoried Tiber flow,
And all Palladio, grace the banks of Po;
Here, Nature's Gharms, in purer luftre rife,
Nor feek, from wanton art, her vain supplies.
Lo! Windfor, reverend in a length of years,
Like Cyele, her tower-crown'd fummit rears.
( 19 )
And Hampton's Turrets, with majestic pride,
Refle6t their glories in the paffing tide;
There, britijh Henries gave to Gallia law,
Here, bloom'd the Laurels of a great Nafau;
0! could thefe fcenes, one Monarch more but pleafe,
No frozen climates, no tempestuous feas,
For Brunfwick's weal, alarming fears should bring,
Nor Britain envy,. meaner courts, her King.
Here, Campbell's $ varied Shades with wonder fee,
Like Heaven's own Eden, flor'd with every tree,
Each Plant with Plant, in verdant glory vies,
High-tow'ring pines, like Titans, fcale the Ikies,
And Lebanon's rich groves, on Hounjlow's defarts rife.
But chief with awful itep, O! let us ftray,
Where, Britain's Orpheus tun'd his facred lay,
C 2 Whofle
4 Duke ofArgyle.
( 20 )
Whofe Grove enchanted, from his Numbni grw,
And proves, what once Was fabled, now is true.
Here, oft the Bard with Arb1thnot retired,
Here, flow'd the Verfe, his healing Art infpir'd +.
Alike thy ameit, like thy fame should rife,
Could friendship give, what feeble art denies;
Tho' Pope's immortal verfe, the Gods refufe,
Accept this offering, from an humbler tuafe.
Weak tho' her flight, yet honeft fill her firain,
And what, no Mi~ftier could ever gain
Pleas'd, if the grateful tribute of her forg,
Thy merit, T Ho MPs ON N! fhalt one day prolong.
In marfha~t Slaves, let hungry Princes trade,
And Britain's bullion bribe their venal aid; -f-
1 Pope's Epiftle to Arbuthnot.
t Alluding to a modern kind of military Traffic, which confifts in the Exchange of
Brit#ib Gold or German Valour; and by which means, it is prefumed, our Politicians
intend the native Wants of either Party fhalI be reciprocally supplied.
( 31 )
Let brave Boftawen trophied honours gain,
And Anfin wield the Trident of the Main.
Safe, in the Harbour of my twick'nam bower,
From all the wreaks of fate, or forms of power
No wreaths I court, no fubfidies I claim,
Too rich for want, too indolent for Fame,
Whilft here, with Vice, a bloodless war I wage,
Or lafh the follies of a trifling Age;
Each gay-plum'd Hour, on its downy wings,
The hybla freight of rich contentment brings;
Health, rofy handmaid, at nty table waitsr
And halcyon Peace, broods watchful o'er my gates.
Here, oft, on Contemplation's pinion bore,
To Heaven I itount, and Nature's works explore
Or, led by Reafon's intellectual Clue,
Thro' Error's Maze, Truth's fecret iteps. purfue;
( 22- )
View Ages paft, in Story's mirror fhown,
And make Time's mouldring treafures, all my own,;
Or here, the Mufe, now fteals me from the Throng,
And wraps me, in th'enchantment of her Song.
Thus flow, and thus, for ever flow! my days
Unaw'd by Cenfure, or unbrib'd by Praife;
No Friend to Fa6ion, and no Dupe to Zeal,
Foe to all Party, but, the Public-Weal.
Why then, (from every venal bondage free)
Courts have no glittering thackels left for me,
My reafonS, 7Thompfon! prithee afk no more,
Take them, as Oxford's Flaccus fung before. --
My Eafe and Freedom, if for aught I vend,
Would not you cry? to Bedlam, Bedlam, Friend!
But to fpeak out: hall what could ne'er engage,
My frailer youth, now captivate in age?
f See Conclufion Of Dr. King's Apology.
( 23 )
( What Cares can vex? what Terrors frightful be?
" To him, whofe Shield is hoary Sixty-Three ; II
" When Life itself, fo little worth appears,
cc That Minifters can give no hopes, or fears;
" Altho' grown grey, within my humbler gate,
S I ne'er kifs'd Hands, or trod the rooms of State;
SYet, not unhonour'd have I liv'd, and bleft
" With rich Convenience, carelefs of the reft;
" What Boon more grateful, can the Gods beftow?
'C On thofe, avow'd, their favourite fons below." +
j| Tho' the Tranflat or's Virtue is not yet fecured by this Palladium of his Grand-
Climaferic, yet he flatters himself, he fall at leaft be able to rival our truly Roman
author, in the Pradice of his heroic Indifference, however fhort he may fall of him, in
his elegant Defcription of it,
t Liberafi pretio quantovis otia 'vendam,
Cui non infanus videar ? Sedapertius audi:
Qua juvenem, infirmumque animi capture nequibant,
Illafenem capiant ? aut ques terrere pericla
Pofe putes hominem, cui climaRericus annus
Prdfidio e.f omni majus ? cui vita videtur
Haudequidem tanti effe, ut quid caveatve petatve
A regni fatrapis, ullaque fit anxious hord.
Si mihi non dextram tetigife, aut limina regum
Contigit, & larefub tenui mea canuit stas:
Attamen equo animo, ron ullis rebus egenus,
Non inhonoratur vixi: Neque gratius ufquam
Dii mnnus dederunt, cui fifavie fatentur.