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Permanent Link: http://ufdc.ufl.edu/AA00010090/00882
 Material Information
Title: The Jewish Floridian
Physical Description: 63 v. : ;
Language: English
Publisher: Jewish Floridian Pub. Co.
Place of Publication: Miami, Fla
Subjects / Keywords: Jewish newspapers -- Florida   ( lcsh )
Newspapers -- Miami (Fla.)   ( lcsh )
Newspapers -- Miami-Dade County (Fla.)   ( lcsh )
Genre: newspaper   ( marcgt )
newspaper   ( sobekcm )
Spatial Coverage: United States -- Florida -- Dade -- Miami
Dates or Sequential Designation: Began in 1927?
Dates or Sequential Designation: -v. 63, no. 20 (May 18, 1990).
General Note: Editor: Fred K. Shochet, <1959>.
General Note: Description based on: Vol. 5, no. 47 (Nov. 25, 1932).
 Record Information
Source Institution: University of Florida
Rights Management: All rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier: oclc - 35317254
lccn - sn 96027667
System ID: AA00010090:00882
 Related Items
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Related Items: Jewish Floridian of South Broward
Related Items: Jewish Floridian of North Broward
Related Items: Jewish Floridian of greater Ft. Lauderdale
Related Items: Jewish Floridian of Palm Beach County (Palm Beach County, Fla. : 1975)
Related Items: Jewish Floridian (Palm Beach, Fla. : 1982)
Related Items: Jewish Floridian of Palm Beach County (Palm Beach, Fla. : 1985)
Related Items: Jewish Floridian of Pinellas County
Related Items: Jewish Floridian of South County
Related Items: Jewish Floridian of Tampa
Preceded by: Jewish unity
Preceded by: Jewish weekly
Succeeded by: Jewish Floridian/the Floridian newspaper

Full Text
^Jewish FloridIan
Price 5 Cents
Celebrations Fea-
ture Closing of
Succos Holidays
At Beth David Synagogue,
Ihf last days of the Succos
Holidays will he celebrated by
[he usual early Friday night
Services at 6:15 p. m. o'clock
L| Saturday and Sunday
kornings at 9 a. m. Rabbi la-
ne! H- Weisfeld will preach
both theSaturday and Sun-
jlay morning services. Special
frizkor services will be held
L] Saturday morning with
Rabbi Weisfeld preaching an
[ppropriate sermon. Satur-
day night there will be special
lorali services with the usua!
Processional during the even-
Jnjr. Services Saturday night
iill begin at 7 p. m. There
kill be a Kiddush on Friday
Ind Saturday nights, and Sat-
urday morning.
On Sunday afternoon there
rill be a gala Simchas Torah
lelebration for all the chil-
dren at 2:30 p. m. o'clock in
he large Succah of the Con-
Iregation which is being ten-
lered the children by the
Ladies Auxiliary of Beth Da-
fid Talmud Torah. Fruits,
andies, cakes and other good-
fa will be distributed to the
The usual Friday night Ber-
lin's will be held at Temple
Israel with Rabbi Dr. Jacob
\ Kaplan preaching a sermon
n "Sukkoth of the simple
lift ." in honor of the Sukkoth
iolida.\ -. In connection with
he sen ices there will be a
Ipi-cial service because of the
far Mitzva of Mitchell A. Ma
lid. the son of Mr. and Mrs.
Jarry 1. Magid. For this
Iv'-ni there will be special
lusic by the choir. A recep-
J'ln for all will follow in Kap-
h Hall in honor of the Bar
At Sunday school on Sun-
lay morning there will be a
fctebration of the Rejoicing
[the Law in the school rooms
which all the parents are
I In the evening. Sisterhood
I Temple Israel will hold a
pnchas Torah celebration in
W form of a dinner in Kap-
In Hall to which all members
| rdially invited.
At Beth Jacob Synagogue
f Sunday morning immed-
Itely alter the services there
I'll be a Kiddush for all the
[embers to celebrate Sim-
fas Torah. Services will be
pnducted at 6:15 p. m. Fri-
P>' and Saturday evenings,
f d 8 a. m. Saturday and Sun-
fy mornings. Yizkor services
['11 be held Saturday morn-
On Saturday there will be
1 entertainment for all the
'Idivn of the Sunday school
celebrate Simchas Torah
ld arrangements have been
de for a very enjoyable af-
Mens Club Discuss Hebron Yeshiva
Childs Hospital Student Ordained
Last Thursday night the
Mens Club of Miami held a
special meeting to discuss the
matter of final plans for the
childs Hospital being project-
ed by the organization, which
project has been promised the
support of a number of
wealthy philanthropists. In
the absence of the President.
Mr. Abe Aronowitz, and the
first Vice Pres., Mr. fouls
Shochet, the second Vice pres-
ident, Mr. I. Lasky presided.
The Hospital project was re-
ported on by the secretary
Mr. ("has. Tobin. and the fin-
al plans will be submitted to
the entire membership with-
in a very short time.
Plans are now being made
for a big get together for all
the members and their wives.
definite del ails of which will
be announced within a very
short time.
Jerusalem. Oct 10. One
American student of the ill-
fated Hebron Yeshivah, which
was the scene of the most
brutal massacre during the re-
cent outbreak when more than
40 students were killed, inclu-
ding 8 Americans, was ordain-
ed by Chief Rabbi, Dr. A. J.
The student to receive
"S'micha" was Zevi Gottes-
man, who came to the Hebron
institution from the Rabbi
Isaac Blchanan Yeshivah in
New York. He is the son of
Rabbi Abraham Joseph
Gottesman of Brooklyn. Zevi
Gottesman happened to be
away from Hebron on the fa-
tal day of the massacre.
One of the American stu-
dents who was killed. William
Berman, of Philadelphia a
close friend of Rabbi Israel H.
Weisfeld of Beth David, was
to have been a candidate for
ssS*". ,'*
This Feast of the Paw all your gladness display,
To-day all your homages render.
What profit can lead one so pleasant a way.
What jewels can vie with its splendor?
Then exult in the Paw on its festival day.
The Paw is our Light and Defender.
My God I will praise in a jubilant way,
My hope in Him never surrender,
His glory proclaim where His chosen sons pray,
My Pock all my trust shall engender.
Then exult in the Paw on its festival day,
The Paw is our Light and Defender.
My heart of Thy goodness shall carol alway,
Thy (iraise 1 ever will render:
While breath is, my lips all Thy wonders shall say,
Thy truth and Thy kindness so tender.
Then exult in the Paw on its festival day,
The Paw is our Light and Defender.
Miami Beach Con-
gregation Elects
Its New Officers
At a special meeting called
for the purpose of electing of-
ficers, Congregation Beth Ja-
cob, of Miami Beach elected
Jacob Becker, formerly of To-
ronto, Canada, and for the
past several years an active
communal worker of Miami
Beach, president of the Con-
gregation. Mr. M. Abrams, a
long time resident of Miami
Beach was chosen vice presi-
dent, Mr. P. Abrams the out-
going president was elected
Treasurer and Mr. I. P. Mint-
zer one of the most active
workers of the Congregation
was elected Secretary. Mr. B.
M. Herman, C. Kaplan, J. Al-
bert, S. Lipnitz and Mr. Levin
were chosen Trustees for the
ensuing year. Mess. A. Rau-
zin, J. B. Berner and C. Kap-
lan were chosen as the Board
of Education.
The installation of officers
will be held early next week
at which time there will be a
celebration in honor of the
Welfare Bureau
Campaign Is Now
in Progress Here
The membership campaign
begun last Sunday evening on
behalf of the Jewish Welfare
Bureau is progressing splen-
didly according to the various
officials of the Bureau. The
team captains consisting of
Messrs. Eugene Mann. Her-
bert Kleiman, Abe Aronowitz,
A. L. Kantor, Lewis Brown
and J. Richter, and Mesdames
I. Buckstein. I. L. Seligman,
H. I. Homa, Stanley C. Myers,
Meyer Schwartz, J. B. Ber-
ner and Harry Rubin met at
the Talmud Torah Auditorium
and received their instructions
last Sunday night and to-
gether with their team mem-
bers began an active house to
house canvass on Monday
morning. The final reports of
the campaign will be made at
the annual meetting of the
Jewish Welfare Bureau which
will be held at Kaplan Hall,
in Temple Israel, next Wed-
nesday evening, October 30th,
at 8 p. m. o'clock. The election
of officers and Board of Di-
rectors will take place at this
meeting and allmembers anil
friends of the Bureau are ur-
ged to attend.
Talmud Torah
Auxiliary to Hold
Special Meeting
A special meeting of all the
members of the Ladies Aux-
iliary of Beth David Talmud
Torah will be held at the Tal-
mud Torah Auditorium on
next Tuesday evening, Octo-
ber 29th, at 8 p. m. o'clock.
All members are urged to at-
tend as matters of grave im-
portance will be acted upon.
Bnai Brith Holds
Debate at Meeting
As we are going to press a
very interesting meeting of
the Bnai Brith is taking place
at which time an interesting
debate on Palestine will take
place between several of the
prominent young Jewish at-
torneys of Miami. A splendid
program of entertainment has
been prepared and members
and their wives present.
Choir Boys Guests
of Congregation
The choir boys of Beth Da-
vid Synagogue were the guests
of the Congregation at the
Ringling Bros, circus last
Monday night as a token of
appreciation for their services
to the congregation. Present
were: Milton Friedman, Har-
old Tannenbaum, Arthur
Kahn, Frederick K. Shochet,
Martin Wucher, Al Mack,
Herman Mack and Louis Seit-
To My Way of
Rabbi Israel H. Weisfeld I
Woodrow Wilson, the apos-
tle of peace was lying criti-
cally ill in his bed in the
White House. Morosely disap-
pointed he pondered over the
peculiarities of a civilization
that had just emerged from a
bloody bath and yet turned a
deaf ear to his incessant pleas
for a universal guarantee
against a possible recurrence
of that ghastly experience. A
sense of futility swept over
him and he turned deathly
pale. His personal doctor,
standing by, nodded his head
doubtfully and in his case-
hardened eves, tears glisten-
Suddenly the door opened.
In trooped four Senators of
the minority, who had come
to convince themselves and
their fellow skeptics in the
House and Senate that the
President was actually sick.
One of the quartette, a great-
er azus ponim than the rest,
approached the bed and pull-
ed off the coverlet from the
stricken man that he might
the better convince himself of
the actual condition. A crim-
son flush suffused the sunken
cheeks of the invalid. The
physician fumed at this indig-
nity to the great man. Braz-
enly insolent, the senator
shrugged his shoulders con-
temptuously He was convinc-
Shortly after. President
Wilson died. Years passed.
Once more the adage of Ben
Johnson that "we never know
the height of tree until it has
been felled" was proven only
too true. The people who jeer-
ed him and his "puerile, ideal-
istic dreams suddenly turned
into fervent admirers and
staunch propogators of his
The intelligentsia finally
realized that it might have
been considerably more tol-
erant: that the weak points in
his projects might well have
been overlooked because ot
the magnitude and broad
outlook of the project. The
League of Nations idea was
really not so absurd. Supreme
Court Justice Louis Brand-
eis. appointed by Wilson, tho'
a Jew was startling the coun-
tr ywith his clear, incisive lo-
gic, with his scintillatingly
brilliant decisions and his
fresh, liberal attitude. After
supposedly "wrong steps"
taken by the deceased proved
not merely justified but in-
spired. In a word, they who
condemned remained to wor-
ship at his shrine.

Meanwhile fate was kind to
(Continued on Page 2)

Page 2
Friday, October pk


To My Way of Tfaiekiej
By Rabbi Israel H. Weisfeld
f^&Ub<& ^VM^VVVV^VVM*
(Continued from Page l)
the insolent senator. From an
obscure Benatorship repre-
eenting New Mexico, Fall rose
to membership in Harding's
Cabinet. Ho was now Secre-
tary Pall. Soon rumors spread
that the Secretary in a friend-
y chat with a millionaire oil
friend, had leased government
property to him. The latter
to express the high esteem in
which he held his hoy hood
friend who had risen to such
illustrious heights and at-
tained a Cabinet membership,
on leaving left a check for
some hundred thousand dol-
er exclaim, "Because thou
hast drowned others, there-
fore wast thou, too, drowned."
Peculiarly enough, the coun-
try couldn't conceive of his
check to have been a pure
friendly gesture. Secretary
Fall was indicted. After a pro-
tracted delay he was brought
to court. Now he was no long*
er his former robust, bluster*
in self. Subdued, frail, his
claim, supported by a coterie
of costly physicians, of severe
illness was rejected by the ob-
durate court. He must be ex-
amined by a court physician
in order to establish whether
he was actuallx sick . And
who was appointed to examine
him? None other than the in-
furiated doctor who had wit-
nessed the vulgar act he had
committed against the occu-
pant of the highest office in
the land.
What strange pranks time
plays on self-inflated person-
ayes. The irony of Kate. Ver-
il\ did Hillel. upon beholding
askull floating upon the wat-
And yet this little ston.
novel, tho' it may seem finds
its counterpart in the Bible.
Saul, the first Jewish king,
(earing the valiant youth Da-
vid as a potential rival for
the crown, pursues him into
the hills. While the kin
slccjls. David glides by the
guard, approaches the sleep-
ing monarch whom he respects
BS the Divine appointee, and
contents himself with cutting
off a piece of the king's robe.
This is to show Saul upon his
awakening that he had been
in the power of his supposed
arch-enemy who had graci-
ously spared his life.
However. David now kinji
over Israel and Judah and
very powerful, suffers in his
declining years for the indig-
nity he had inflicted.
For we read (Kings I, Chap-
ter I) "Now Kinj; David was
old and stricken in years; and
they covered him with clothes
but he gat no heat."
Uncanny how history re-
peats itself, isn't it?
The holidaymaker spent a
successful day fishing, and
presented his landlady with
enough fish to supply tin
whole boarding house.
At the end of the week his
bill included the item, "lard
(for frying fish)$.35."
Oh, Belfish hearts who kneel and prey,
Why seek ye but for self,
Ye know full well the righteous way.
Yet sell your souls for pelf?
Why preach of brotherhood and peace,
And chant about good-will,
^ 11 s>; your talents to increasi
The instruments that kill?
Why prate about humility
And love for all your i""t -.
Yet tgloat of your ability
T< profit by their woes '.
Why grieve about remote distress
And glorify the meek,
\; in the mad rush for success
You trample down the weak?
Why hope salvation to attain
Bj virtue ot* inert- faith,
Or deem that Heaven you can gain
While still you nourish hate?
The selfish never truly live
Nor win reward above,
God gives alone to those who give.
And loves but those who love.
Bernard Gould.
i Mrs. Cohen Gets
J Settled
i in America
j ____
By Bmabelle stein
(Continued from last Week)
Ven dese elivators shoot yoil
Up all of a sudden vitoit giv-
ing you no notice, you tink
in yourself you are going to
heven. and begin to tink of
Cod and to pray He shood
give you a nice reception ease
you didn't come down to de
oirt no more, and you kind of
Minder in yurselt". if you got
stuck on de tventy-sevent
story for instant or higher
yet, vatt vood happen to de
cabbages you left boiling on
de stoff? But de voist of all
is de going down on d*.'^' eli-
vators from so high. You feel
your hart is going up in your
moot and your stummick and
ever-ting in your lower region
is falling down, down in de
basementical vere you vill
have to look for it if you cum
oil alive. Veil, may he you tink
I did not feel tankful ven I
got oit of dat soul-trap vat
.-hakes de insides oit of a pois-
sen? I give fifty sents to de
foist poor hoy I see on de
street for because I excaped
vit my life and de rest of me.
"I shopped in so many
stores I had a big hunger, so
1 vent down in a store base-
mentical vere you get some-
ting to eat. I set down hy a
table a vave vit my hand to
a goil vit a vite paper crown
on her head and a vite apron.
she don't come to me rite a-
\ aj like she shood ;ni(l makes
off she don't see me. so I vave
vit bote my hands to her: den
she comes running kwick to
me 'What's the matter'." like
she did not know for vat I
was dere.
" 'I vant something to eat
and bring it rite avay it' you
don't vant me to faint in
.' and she begin to pay
attention like I was de on-
ly von dere.
'W serve only sandwiches
here,' she tells me.
Sand'." I -;. \ it pU;/.
" Which kind sandwich do
> want'." she ask me.
' 'Vich sand vich": Vat you
:i"t vant no kind
i don't vant noting I
ant: For vy j
I les to eat. You
can't sell me no kind sand if
I -' i '.' and I get up and go
to anoo
a goil vat vaits by
: '.Madam' (]
like her already for
sh< was s,. politik), 'Madam.'
said "we have beef .
"" mine Gott! Pig-meat
8h< jive me, Sonia!
" ': ing vood I eat pig-
meat:' I tell her. 'For vat you
take me? Don't give me' no
l ig-meat. I ain't dat kind of
vooman. It makes me sick to
smell suts an abummination.'
I cood vomited, Sonia. on de
look of de pig-meat. Tfui! De
goil looks on me kind of funny
and I can see she vants to
laff but she don't.
' 'and hot dogs'
'"Hot dogs!' I cry not
knowing vat to tink or if I
vaking or sleeping or dream-
ing, and de hole room and ex-
erting in it begin to svim
around before my eyes and do
goil to Charlestein in it. but
I catch ile corner of de table
kwick and save myself from
falling from de chair. 'You
mean you eat hot dogs in di.s
contry? Vat kind for peoples
are you'." I ask her. She look.-,
on me like she don't see me,
and I look on her like she vas
crazy and don't belong in a
place vere peoples eat. Den
she vants to give me cat Boop
yet vit de hot dogs as if dat
cood help it some. 'Taint enoff
yet she tries to sell me hot
dogs, she vants me to eat cat
soop yet too! I am sa mad I
cood do BOmeting to some-
" 'No, You can eat all de
cats and dogs you vant for
yourself but you ain't going
to make me eat dem!' I says
to her. T don't vant no dogs
from cold dog. You see I am
of a experementin toin of
mind and I like to find oit ev-
er'ting. Yoseph says experings
is de best teecher. Anyhoi it
can't hoit me noting to look on
him. So I go hack to de goil.
"Leave me see your hoi
dogs, only von, and don't
bring him too near me.'
"Vat you tink it was. Son-
ia'.' So big like Voseph's mid-
dle finger and haff curled up
like a huntshack. like it had
koivichure of de spine. A baby
sausage! I never seen sonic-
thing like it. D. boocher in
our town, you know, never
had dat kind. I s'pose he had
not vant to bodder vit hJ
sausages. "%
"I vish you vas here <5 .
You vood die lafffo.8?*
some of de funny tin.! v*
Yoseph makes more rL. *
villsend you a ffiM
over here, only you canW
cokjor vit or vitoit cetiofl
I cood see she vood like u
get d from me. vich J^i
me more mad yet, andT?
away Den I re-betink mvsej
datitv.il not do me no'hSl
to_** Uke vat dat anj
Continued on Page 5
Flagler Dry Cleaners
Cleaning, Prw.ing, Dyeing a4
472 W. FUgler Sttttt
Phon JJ2M
"For the Preiervition of You, Qotku"
Phone Miami

Quality and Cleanliness \
1 bO N. W. FIFTH ST.

And All Kinds of the Finest Dairy Products k
Guaranteed the Best and Finest Quality
Everything \
To Satisfy the Customer S

Friday. October 25, 1929
Page 3
haven't conformed to the fire
laws. The man who is Forever
finding fault is equally dan-
gerous. He saps the ambition
llhe Jewish Floridian Publishing
Phone 8745
A. N. ASHER____________
Destructive and
YOU needn't believe every-
thing you read in the news-
Once we were visiting a
[friend, and a fire happened
ltd break out before our very
byes. Calmly, for there was
|no emergency, we got the
family together, walked down-
stairs into the street, and
[watched a very efficient fire
[department put out the small
[blaze. A reporter hurried to
[the scene. And in a few mo-
Iments he did more damage
than the fire. He got the name
nf the family wrong. Our
friend, who had escorted his
frightened mother to the
jstreet, was transformed into
[the husband of his mother;
[we turned out to be the broth-
lor of his sisters. Sometimes,
las the movies have it, it's a
pockeyed world.
We thought of that fire,
komehow, when we opened up
[a newspaper the other day
[and turned to a syndicated
feature on Psychology. Now,
[there is more rubbish that
Beta into print on that one
[topic than on any ten others.
[And this daily gem was no
[exception. For it tried to re-
late destructive criticism to
[some mental trouble of the
[critic; only "constructive"
|criticism was healthy, it said.
There is confusion here.
Blouses used to be built of
pood; then, of stone; then, of
steel. Before we could build
af stone, we had to take down
[the wooden structure. Before
|we could construct, we had
to destroyto clear the way
for something new. Much so-
Icalled destructive criticism is
f precisely this nature. It
clears the way for something
lew; it carts off intellectual
leadwood; it does away with
iebris. Some persons this
newspaper psychologist inclu-
fed, confuse fault-finding
v'th destruction. There is
Plenty of fault to be found,
and we might tell our amateur
psychologist a few things a-
WUt the kind of person who
"as a fear of being told what's
ie trouble with his ideas. In
fact, our friend is in need of
1'ttle destructive critticism,
nd maybe that's why he-
ir she-so dislikes it.
The man who is always
praisingwho is, in a word,
Ways "constructive" ia
ungerous. He's the fellow
vho 0. K.'s rotten bridges,
passes buildings that
. 8
of criticism, destructive and
constructive. Some people are
so made that they can see on-
ly troubles; we can use them
as red-light signals. Others
are so made that they behold
only the rosy side of things;
we need them, too, to spur us
on. As usual, when we try to
make hard and fast distinc-
tions, we should rather tie the
ends. There is no real quar-
rel between destructive and
constructive critism; they are
two brothers who lend each
other mutual aid in the task
of building a finer structure
than the one they replace.
Words shouldn't fool a psy-
chologist ; but, you see, some-
times they do.
Being Neutral
It Is easy to avoid the re-
sponsibility of having an opin-
ion. Simply say that you are
tolerant, and that you see
both sides of the question.
There is an old saying that
to understand all is to forgive
all. It is equally true that
there are two sides to every
dispute. On the other hand,
living means making decis-
ions and acting upon them.
What is more, if everybody
adopted the neutral attitude,
nothing would ever be done
about anything. We learn, not
by theorizing, but by putting
our theories into action and
seeing how they work out. If
they don't work, the best thing
to do is to admit our error
and to try again. If they do
work, then certainly all is
well. But to stand by and do
nothing, and then to expect
credit for such neutrality, is
asking too much of human
The man who never does
anvthing is always in a posi-
tion to proclaim his superior
merits as a philosopher. Since
he does nothing, he cannot
make a mistake. But give us,
rather, the mistakes from
which we learn than the inac-
tivity that breeds only more
"What's a yacht?"
"Well, take any old leaky
scow, add wine, smokes and
song, invite all your friends,
and it's a yacht!"
* *
Teacher: Johnny, what is
a "decanter?"
Johnny: A decanter is
something that horse breaks
* *
According to a woman's
way of thinking, the man who
fails to make love to her is
* *
Sometimes when you see a
bride march up to the altar
and repeat after the minister
"I do," and then look at what
she brought along with her,
the thought obtrudes that
there is a girl who success-
fully passed the blindfold
test. Also deaf and hopelessly
* *
Garbage Man: Hey, mister,
have you got any garbage?
Mr. Henpeck: Come around
later when my wife is here.
One farmer was telling an-
other farmer that he had a
two-legged calf on his farm.
"I know it," replied the other
farmer. "He came over to see
my daughter last night."
"I hate to put it over you
boys like this," said the reck-
less driver, putting his cat-
down the street at the rate
of seventy per.
* *
Funny, but freight sent by
ship is called cargo and freight
sent by car is called shipment.
* *
Herbert told the story of a
man who entered a darkened
theatre, groped his way to a
seat and forthwith proceeded
to sit in a woman's lap. Her-
bert takes it for granted that
every man has had the same
trying experience and he says
that as everybody else's ca-
reer, this particular gentle-
Here's to the kindly hearts of Earth,
That make this good old world
worth while;
Here's to the lips with tender words,
That bring the caressing smile;
And, I ask my soul this question,
When my goodly gifts I see:
Am I a friend to as many friends
As have been good friends to me?
When friends speak a word of praise,
My wavering will to aid,
I ask, if ever their long, long ways,
My words, their pathways have
brighter made;
Then to my heart I speak again,
This eager, earnest plea-
Make me a friend to as many friends
As have been good friends to me.
man simply went through the
usual formality of humbly
begging the lady a thousand
pardons for his awful blun-
der, starting, of course, to get
away as rapidly as possible.
But to his surprise and su-
preme pleasure, she "put her
arms around him and whis-
pered, "Don't gosit down by
me in the next seat.' Thrilled
to death as the flappers say,
he slipped over in the next
section of the same pew and
lost no time in organizing a
24-carat, stem-winding, self-
starting snuggle party for
two. As his eyes became ac-
customed to the darkness and
his vision slowly returned,
holding her dainty hand in
his the while, our friend says
he decided to take a good look
at his fair companion so as to
make certain whose wife she
was, as the weather is too
darned hot to get al messed
up fighting over a woman. He
looked squarely into her eyes,
and had no trouble in recog-
nizing whose wife she was.
She was his, his own 09 per
cent. "Honey," she said, "how
in the world did you find me
in this dark place?"
* *
Alex: It's only a difference
of a pinion.
Zander: What?
Alex: Why, a bird with one
wing and a bird with two.
* *
Lots of people who would
use a battering ram to get in-
to society wouldn't make the
effort to lift the latch to get
into the gates of Heaven.
* *
A little loving now and then
Will raise the Deuce with
married men.
For nothing's secret in this
It always gets around to wife.
A little loving now and then
Might help a lot of married
To lead a bright and happy-
If each would get it from his
* *
"Poor Sarah; the engage-
ment is all off, and she has
lost her voung man."
"That's too bad."
"Yes; he was so sleek he
got away."
"Well, she used to brag that
he was a pretty smooth pro-
Little Miss Muffet
Decided to tough it
On the farm in a quiet way,
But the farmer's son, Niel,
In his automobile
Took her to town night and
* *
A recent issue contain what
is claimed to be the eight
longest words in the English
language of 600,000 words:
Read them over carefully
and then exercise your maxi-
lary muscles in trying to pro-
nounce them.
* *
Talk is cheap, and women
are fond of bargains.
* *
Fine dreams are an abso-
lute waste unless converted
into something tangible.
* *
When a wise man does play
the fool on occasion, he never
has any halfway business
about it.
* *
A woman's idea of an intel-
ligent conversationalist is one
who will let her do all the
* *
Abie & Ikey: Ve vant our
pictures tooken vit glass
pants ?
Photographer: What do
you mean, glass pants?
A. & I.: You know, glass
pants; wit dem togedder.
Photographer: Oh, clasped
hands. Whv didn't you say-
* *
"Why did you break your
engagement with that school
"I didn't show up one
night, and she wanted me to
bring a written excuse signed
by mv mother."
* *
He: I saw something last
night I'll never get over.
She: Oh, dear, tell me what
you saw!
He: The moon.
* *
He: That's a good looking
dress you hav eon.
She: You're pretty well
built vourself.
* *
Teacher: Johnny, if your
father earned forty dollars a
week and gave your mother
half, what would she have?
Johnny: Heart failure.
* *
Scientists who have been
growing haldheadcd and near-
sighted trying to get some
inside information on the real
nature of electricity, can now
give their addled wits a rest.
Some unknown genius has at
last worked out a satisfactory
( ?) definition which runs like
"Electricity is something
that starts the Lord knows
where and ends in the same
place. It is 1-36 of a second
faster on its feet than its
nearest competitorbackyard
gossip and when turned
loose in Europe will get to the
United States five hours be-
fore it starts, daylight sav-
ings time. Nobody knows ex-
actly what it is because it has
never stood still long enough
If you are person of lively-
imagination you may think of
electricity as science gone
goofy with the heat, and you
will be very close to the truth.
If you can understand its
curves you can do anything
with it except open a jar of
peanut butter at a picnic.
Electricity was locked up in
ignorance for centuries until
Ben Franklin let it out with
a pass key. Since then it has
been pulling off more stunts
y than a pet monkey. With it
you can start a conversation
or stop one permanently, cook
dinner, curl your hair, press
your trousers, blow up a bat-
tle ship, run an automobile or
signal Mars, and many more
cute tricks for it to do are be-
ing invented."