Rube Goldberg plan for the post-war world

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Material Information

Title:
Rube Goldberg plan for the post-war world
Physical Description:
Book
Creator:
Goldberg, Rube, 1883-1970
Publisher:
F. Watts, inc.
Place of Publication:
New York, N.Y.
Publication Date:

Record Information

Source Institution:
University of Florida
Holding Location:
University of Florida
Rights Management:
All rights reserved by the source institution.
Resource Identifier:
oclc - 1474555
System ID:
AA00000168:00001

Full Text
Look at the practically perfect

shape of things to come!


HELP FOR BUFFET-SUPPER
BALANCERS... See page 11


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CONTROL OF SINATRA-
SQUEALERS . See page 25


A 6 1


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NO MORE
DISHWASHING
See page 20
NO MORE
FISHING AROUND
IN HANDBAGS ...
See page 17


A multitude of marvels
from the mind and pen
of the world's great
C science cartoonist!


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THE RUBE GOLDBERG PLAN
FOR THE
POST-WAR WORLD









THE
RUBE GOLDBERG PLAN
FOR THE
POST-WAR WORLD

by


Rjfftf Ww^


FRA N KL


IN WAT T S,


INC.


285 MADISON AVENUE, NEW YORK 17, N. Y.
















Copyright 1944
By R. L. Goldberg


























Manufactured in the U.S.A.
by Robert T. Weaver Associates










F 0 R E W 0 R D



The devices used on these pages are not a series of haphazard
gadgets thrown together for unusual effect. The development of each
mechanical sequence is based on pure logic. A feather just doesn't
tickle a bird; an artificial thumb just doesn't press down on a water-
soaked sponge; a mosquito just doesn't become suddenly thirsty. Oh, no.
These seemingly trivial incidents all originate in a germ of basic thinking
that finally blooms like a California artichoke into a great pattern for
worldwide Utopia.
I have read the plans of other post-war thinkers. I hope they read
mine. They seem to attack the problem in terms of full-grown people,
geographical boundaries and abstract political philosophies. I attack the
problem in terms of midgets, animals and concrete scientific principles.
Midgets can live in abandoned desk drawers and roam around under
dust-covered couches where great quantities of rubbish will be found
to shed light on the world's past mistakes. You can't tell whether a midget
is standing up or sitting down. When he is sitting down, enemy spies,
thinking he is standing up, watch him very closely to see that he does not
leave the room. But when he is standing up, the spies think he is sitting
down and relax their vigilance. Thus the midgets can leave the room
unnoticed and report any overt act to the League of Good-Neighbors-
Who-Never-Pull-Down-Their-Shades.
Animals play an important part in my post-war world. Beavers will
be encouraged to build their dams in the mouths of demagogues and
slogan-shouters. They will be trained to wall up the war lords in one
great arsenal where they will have nothing to do but shoot one another.
Then there is the praying mantis, a slight insect that has been pray-
ing for centuries without portfolio. In the post-war world we will be so













busy enjoying all our planned pleasures we are liable to be too tired at
night to say our prayers. That is where the praying mantis comes in.
Every bed will be equipped with a mantis. As you sink into the slumber
of exhaustion you will hear the insect's voice saying, "Now I lay me down
to sleep," and rest with a clear conscience-by proxy, at least.
And the aard-vark. This animal's potentialities have been sadly
neglected in the pre-war world. He spells funny, sounds funny and looks
funny. In my post-war plan every family will have an aard-vark sitting
around the house just for laughs.
And something must be done about the poor radio news commen-
tators who struggle with the pronunciation of names like Pskov, Pinsk,
Lwow, Panevezys and Przemysl. We can't have radio announcers choking
to death on mere syllables. We will devise instruments to strangle them
in a more efficient and workmanlike manner.
My friends, please do not be too impatient if you find my post-war
plan incomplete. There are many other remedies I would like to include,
such as the abolition of shells in crabmeat au gratin and the banning of
special encomiums for lady movie stars who have babies just like ordinary
women.
If there are any further questions, you can find me in the bathroom
trying to get that long piece of cotton out of the mouth of a bottle of
aspirin. I thank you.

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TO ALL OTHER PLANNERS FOR THE
POST-WAR WORLD













C O


T E N


T S


FOREWORD . . . . . . . . . .
NO MORE DISCOMFORT AT HELP-YOURSELF BUFFET SUPPERS .


. . 5
. . 11


EVERY WOMAN TO HAVE A PERFECT FIGURE . . . ... .12
SIMPLIFIED INCOME TAX RETURN . . . . . . ... 13
NO MORE LOST EYE GLASSES ................ 14
NO MORE HAT CHECKS .................. 15
J. R. CRUMCAKE SAYS .................... 16
NO MORE FISHING AROUND IN HANDBAGS . . . ... 17
NO MORE CROWDED DANCE FLOORS. . . . . . . 18
NO MORE DIVORCES . . . . . . . .. . 19
NO MORE DISH WASHING ................. 20
NO MORE INFERIORITY COMPLEX FOR SHORT MEN ...... .21
AUTOMATIC WOMAN'S-HAT-REMOVER AT MOVIES . . ... .22
T. DEEPDISH SACHEL, III SAYS . . . . . . ... .23
NO MORE UNLUCKY FISHERMEN . . . . . . ... .24
CONTROL OF SINATRA-SQUEALERS . . . . . . . 25
NO MORE OVERSLEEPING. . . . . . . . ... 26
NO MORE RACE TRACK LOSSES . . . . . . ... .27
NO MORE FREE FRUIT FOR POLICE FORCE . . . . ... .28
FLEETWOOD NOSEDROP McPOOP SAYS . . . . ... .29
NO MORE CLOGGING OF BUS ENTRANCES . . . . . 30
ASPARAGUS de LUMBAGO SAYS . . . . . . ... .31
NO MORE LATE-STAYING GUESTS. . . . . . . . 32
WAR LORDS WILL BE EXTERMINATED AT THE SOURCE. . . ... 33
COMBINATION PRINTING PRESS AND ASH CAN . . . ... .34
SELF-EMPTYING ASH-TRAY OF THE FUTURE . . . . . 35
RUMFORD M. ASHTRAY SAYS . . . . . . . .. 36
NO MORE GASOLINE PROBLEMS . . . .. . .. .37
NO MORE STRIKES . . . . . . . . . . 38
NO MORE HANDYMAN CASUALTIES . . . . . ... .39
NO MORE SUMMER BUGS ................. 40
NO MORE PARKING TROUBLES. . . . . . . ... 41












NO MORE D/SCO'OFORT
AT HELP YOU RS'LF
B UFFE T SUPPER,&S


FLAT TOP
H/A/R CUT FOR
BALA//C/NG
FR//7-


BO lv 7-/E


TRAYS


DROP- SHEL F
PATCH POCKET TJ


IVI/R-r
S-I&/R T
- STUD 3S
SWiTH FOLZ/Y
Co/P6S COR
SALT A /ND
5 PE PPE PL


EAX7TVS/O//
TRA YS
FROM
PA/I7T5
POCKETS U


SSPEC/A L
I OVG -
D/JTAFCE
FOIR


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EVERY WOMAN TO AH,4Vl A PERFECT F/S6t/U -
SAE- -s-/7T D>OWV/V TO EAT // 5C4ALE (-A) -AS WE/G6/--T
/NCREAsFES, MAGNET (8) YOVEJ- TOWARD)S SA-AL /L
5T-7-EEZ 8AR (C), P/CK/NGIT /T 6/P AIVND T-/LT//G GROOVEC(b)-
GOLF LALL CE) DI-O,-S ON/ A/VT--H/LL ('F) -AI/D>GET
LCEG/'/vNER (G') 7TAKts- W5V/NG A- BALL, /4/SSE /T A
/ AA/1TEATER, (r') GOES AFTER A AN /75, 1OV//VG- -TABLE
AVAY FROM HUNGRY YOUMC/ LADY, ALLOW/IG HER? TO
PR2'ESE-'E //~FH BEAiT/IFUL F/GZ/RE.

12








.DOG, RV/NN/NG ON/ T7READ//L L,
CA USES APPARATUS TO JH/A E "
MONEY OUT OF TAX-PAYER'S -
POCfETS- WHATEVER COMES 0 (v
OUT/ /S- H/s TOTAL -TAX, As
THERE IS/'T ANY MORE, A/V'YwAK
'S. DOG Kc EEPS- OA
R,1A'/NN/G P O THTROL//
SHA/EE PATR/OT/JSM.


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.,O fORF LOST
EYESLASSES -
..WHEA You 7TAr'T
L OO/(/'VG FOR GLA SS&ES,
YOc/ ~EzL YO1L/U WA Y
ARO/A'D ROOM AND
YO UR HA NDS (A) 7LT
,A/IOOSE HEA c)4), CLI/J'NG
ANTL ERS ;C) To 7ANoc,(
S0 VER P/N/EAPPL E (0),
L /FT/NG TOP OAF B/RD -
CAG E -}-HUN GRY
CA NA RYCF) JUM P9
FOR 8/RbDSEED IN
coN rA nIM- CG).
RO CA-/G A RM (CY)
E AAb R/A(/5/N
F BELL (I), G/ V/1AG
A zocAT/IO OF 6LS4,r -

J /FAP/nE4PPLRES
ARE NOT /N

RAPLPEFR/T
ILL DO.












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- NO tlORE HAT CHECKS-
TH/I LITTLE DELV/CE
WILL NOT ONLY SA VE YOU
MHUN/IREDS OF DOL L ARS
ON YOUl/ HAT BU'/T /T
W/LL G/ IV/ -7E THEAT-CHE-CK
G/RLS A CHANCE- To STAY
HOIME ANDt RA/AS-E
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J. R. CRUMCAKE says:
The world seems to go through cycles. Look at
the glory of Carthage. Look at the culture of
Greece. Look at the power of Rome. Look at
Ghengis Khan. Look at me. Then throw us all out
of the window and bring in a nice big voluptuous
blonde. She belongs to all cycles.


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NO MORE F/IH/NG AROUND
/N HANDBAGS -
EACH HANDBAG /S
EQI//PPED WI//T CAH
REGISTER AND F/I//VG
CA8/NET 7THEE /S AALO
ROO,, FOR THE DOG ,SO
YO/0 CA/V T7A,- /A//vl
". ALONG 70 T7HE I/OV/ES..


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NO MORE CROWDED DANCE
FLOORS -
WI/-EN FLOOR-HOG S
CRUSH YOU AGA /IVS7-T WALL,
YoUR HEAD SQP EEZES BOLB(A),
EXPEL /NG Z A /AUG/A/6N 64 (B),
SCA L/N-G H/)ENAVA (C) TO V/BRAT
SW/T7H ZAUG -/HER T7-/O) B (CO)
PR/ Ess / O/N POnGE CE) A ND
WA-TER (F') TUCR/VS WATER
WHEEL (G), CA ,/SA/SG CORD(H)
TO PULL /ZOWN shadeDE(/,
EXPOS/IG S/CN RA-EAb )NG'
SMALL PO0X,AND CLEARING
FL OR FOR Yol/R PLEASURE


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NO MORE D/fVORCES'
WHENv W/FE BO&/NCEj
PITCHER (A) OFF /aJ-BAND'J
HEAD /7TLA-4/VD // CATC//ERAS
/TrT C(), CA//J/V'G TEETER-
BOARLD CC,) TO T7-/ROW A//DGE
AELR/AL ART/>ST() D70 FLY //6
7TRAPEZE CE) WE/G/T OA/
TRA PEZT REL EA SE.~ A/t//V-
COAT (F). WH/C/- FALLS ON 4
W/F'5 S/Y/O ULD&ER/?S,
REKI/Nb./ING OLD
LOVE !


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SNO MORE /JSHF WAJSVI//G-
A4 YO/1 RUJL/- oU/ T0 O /^1O VIE/
SsJTRI/IA'(A) CASES FVOT(-) T7-
I I /C VWAf WATER(CC) ONDOG C() DOG
S1W SJ// VERS, CA ,S'A/VGS /G/ HA CE)
Tov JA cc uP S/NK (F) A"!D>
7THROW / 'RTY ZD//HE
OUT 7T//- W/>0WDOw-
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.A 7 AT TrE MO V/ES.







NO MIORE /NFERIOR7/T CONPLEK
FOR SHORT fEN-- LV/IHEN H/
T/P.- HAT TO //RL HE TU/VRNS
ON STEA1A /I/ POWYER//O/E("A),
CA /J/,/VG CRANE C() TO L/FT
/1//A //NTO 7-ALL TROU.ERS
G/V/NG H/// DES/RED i/E/GH/T
TO BE TAKEN SER/O/JL YAS A
WOLF.


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AUT/MA TIC WOMAN'S-HAT-
REMOF/VE AT IOV/FES

AS YO / BURN WIT/H //V1D//GAT/O0I,
F1/ ES (A) M/ELT JA X (B),
CA I/J,//S SC/SraORS(C) TO
CUT STR/GA/ () W'E/G/T(E)
FALLS A/ND PULL S OUT
ST/CK (F),ALLO WN G
AZ LL/GA7OR (~') TO B / 7
OFF H/AT (Al), CZ EAR/G
V/ //L / ITY.


FP.. /SU.-ER
/MAlED/ATTEL Y
REMOVEs~ APPARATUS
SO M/AN /N BACK/
OF YOU CA/V
SSEE, TOO.


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T. DEEPDISH SACHEL, III, says:
In the post-war world everybody will have every-
thing. Air-conditioning, refrigeration, vitamin-
loaded meals, super-education, automatic neck-
ing, portable sunshine and minimum exertion. This
will make it practically impossible to find a Presi-
dent who worked his way up from a miserable log
cabin with no heat, no light, no books and no food.
But that will be all right because it will force the
campaign orators to change that same speech
they've been making for the last hundred years.



23




































NO MORE gum
UNLUCKY
F/WRAN -I ...

AFTER FA////VA ALL PAY W/T//OUT A B/TE, YOU
SHED TEA 7RS OF C//AGR/N-- /C Er ROWBOAT CAPTA//CA),
TH///N/A/v /T /- RAIN/A/G, /FrTS (/mBR-RLLA (B), vPSjTT/NG
CAN OF SAEEZE- PO WD>ER (C) -PAR ROT (D) JeE ZES,
BLOW/NG POOL BALL (E C) /TO Po C/E',-- (C) -S7R/AN(GC
PULLS TR7l/<~GCE5 OF A '7TA C-//Eb SEL AQUARL/UMA (N
,SA'-f /NG F/S'H (C/) ON TO HlOOK (/)-YO/ CAANCATCH A
N/CE BR'cOA TROUT W/7TH-/Ou TA/-'A/n/ A/ EXPENS/VF 7E T/P
TO TLE MOlOUtTA/,SAND GE7T G7 EATEL//PBY/Sos9U/ITOES .
24








CONTROL OF S/NATRA -SQ/UEALERS-
W/Hn/V BOB3Y- SOC/ SQO/EA L SQO/ADI / C4RR/ED
TO LO UD- SPEAKER CA),
FR/GH-TE/N1VG D1OG (B) DOG
1//PPS, P/LL/N/G STR/NAG (C)
WH//CAH TC/URHS VERTICAL
SHAFT (C), CA/IS/NG LARGE
/C1 O/KEY-- LWR' RC/ ClI (E)
TO CLAMP SQ/UE,4ALt/R? JAW-S-
TO GET AER, A L L W//V G
FRA NK/E -4BOY 7.0 /.AHE-
W/1T7- .TE SWOO S.






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-NO /tORE OVERSLEEP/NG -
WHE/V SUN COMES UP, MAGNIFYINGG
GLASS (A) 8(/RN, HOLE /A PAPER
BAG (B),DROPP/AIG WATER //NTO
LADLE (C) AD L./FTINVG GATEC(D),W//ICH
ALLOWS /EAVY BALL (,E) TO ROLL DOWN
CHUTE (F) ROPE CG) L/FTS BED (/N)
/NTO VERT/ CAL PO.S/ 7f0//V
ANID DROPS YOU /NTO
YOUR S/-/OES C/) -


RZS


4; W/A
TH7E
PLA C
..' -


Y- You CAA'/7
3ACK A ND
4K A FEYW
KS BECA US5
RES" /Vo
S-7TO L /E
o WA/ !


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-NO NOR!E RACE TRACK A OJS Wr -
PLACE TWO DOLZZARS 1/V
BE TT/NG/6 IA CH/NE AND l;
PULZL HANDLE WHE/V" /IOnMEY
PA J.ES T-/RO1GH /IA CH/N-/V YOUR
COAT IS GENT/V7Y LIFTED AND
YOUL/R DOUGH /s DROPPED
INTO YOUR BAC/< POCKET-
AFTER YOUR HlOR SE
LOSES, YOU REACH -
/V" BACK POCKET
,F-O HA'AVD KER CAHEF
TO0 DRY YoUy
TEARS AN,>
DI/sco VER YOl/
ARE S7/1 LL
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NO M0ORE FRE FPV/IT OR POLICE FOCCE --
wV/iEA COP APPRAo, C/ES FRU/ T .S7- Z>, H -7EP~,: ONA
PEbAL (A), CAt./s/n5 FEAT-A=' (B) TO 7-/cI/ U/NDERI CH/V- B/RD ZLAL/GSiS AND DROP / N//CK/L (b) IN
/ UK*/ BOX (E), wAH/CI PLA YS R /Kys/A B A L ET RE COx>b -
zA LLER/NA OL GA TOPPIEO VA (F) W/-//RLS5, CA /U-S// ROAF(G)
TO DROP FALSE TOP C'/),COVER/NGJ' c/P FRU/T-
COP, .=SEE/N sG W // S/GSCL(/BS A/L ULOBBB&ELL.S,
MOVEsR AWAY QtU/C/'LY A5 HE /5 NvOTOR/OL/.SL Y
ALLERG/C TO EXCERC/.SE. 7.


28
































FLEETWOOD NOSEDROP McPOOP says:
I would like to say something about the post-war
world. In fact, there must be many things to say
about the post-war world. I would even go so far
as to say that the post-war world is a subject
fraught with great significance. But, personally,
I can't think of a damn thing to say about it.



29









/VO MORE CLOGGING OF
BUOS ENTIRANACE -
TH/S POL/T-E TITLEE HI/NT W/LL
HELP PEOPLE STE 7TO THE
REAR AND VA/ OTHER PASSEA'N/ERS THIS ALSO
SA VES T-E-- BL(S- R/ YEAR'S
VO/CE FORP S/A1G/AG // 7T-HE
BAT- T r/ I / ,. I


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ASPARAGUS de LUMBAGO says:
Post-war, pre-war, pro and con, vice versa, my
eye! What does it matter? I have a hunch when
the post-war world arrives it will still contain the
guy who always appears at the best places but
never buys a drink!


31








NO M/OR LATE-STAY/N/G' GCESTJ--
WHEn/V YOU YAWN, YOUR HEAD
T/LT-S A ND A10OVE- L LEVER (A) WA//CA
CAUSES P/N/ C8) TO PL/VCTIURE TOY
BALLoon/ (C) W/TH ZLOlD REPORT-
M//D GET ATHLETE C(D) TH/l/V/-S /7 /jS
SO/'VD OF GU/N AA/D START.7
R(/VN/N/V, PCLL//VG LARGE ROb (E)
OUT OF CLOSET AVND HA/VL/NVG
LATE STAYER H/SA /AT AHD
COAT W/TH/- A FR/EN/DLY
GOOD NIGHT.



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* WAR LORDS WILL BE
EXTERM/NATED AT -THE
SOURCE WH-VE l WAR
LORD (A) -STARTJ-S /T-cH//A/G
FOR WAR TWENTY YEAR-S
FROM MO n/o A/-/ZT TL E.7
ABREf('8), PRESS./,S SW/7r/7C)(C
WH///cH CA/UJE-S //AND.5(D) .A4NI
(E) TO -S7RA NGLE H/1/I S7R/N6/f)
-S 0 OOT--s CA/VnON oC( ),Bz OWN/S
H/M -TO BITS CANN/a/O F/RE
/GIN/T'ES TOR/V-UP TREATIES (),
/4ELZ7T/n/ /CE -(c) ANA/ ALLOWING
WE1-7-/T(J/) TO Pt/LL /PLC/G FRO A
F/RE / YDRA/NTC ('.), )DO.WN//NC~
WV/AR LORI /F T/- IRE' S AY-
TH-7//V7 LEFT OF I//AI.























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SELF-EMPTYING ASH TRAY OF THE FUTURE
Bright Romantic moon brings love birds (A) together
on perch (B), causing string (C) to upset sprinkling can
(D) and wet shirt (E). Shirt shrinks, unveiling portrait (F).
Dog (G), seeing portrait of his master, wags tail, brush-
ing ashes from tray into asbestos bag (H). Smouldering
butts ignite rocket (I) which carries bag of ashes out
the window into the far reaches of the sky.
This should encourage young couples to start families,
because the children can wear the shrunken shirts.


35





























RUMFORD M. ASHTRAY says:
My family has been in this country over three
hundred years. If it took my ancestors that long
to mess up the pre-war world, how do you expect
me to fix up the post-war world in the few meager
years I have on earth? In fact, I don't think it's
necessary because your outlook on life depends
entirely on a good bowel movement. Listen to
the radio and see.



36










NO /1OR" GAJSOI/NE
PRORLEES -
DR/VER OPENS
TRAPD 0ooR (A ) -ONKErYi)
REA CH/ES FOR AHNANA (C)
1/PJET7T/N/t BASKET
OF COTTO/V (V ) -- /CA (/E)
AI/STAK/A'G COTTON (
/,FOR SVO W, 7-/-HVA
Wn//VT7-ER HASA ARR/ VED
A/VD FLY SOUT-H,
Pt/LL/NG CAR /
F/OR WA,, D.


SPS. TH/ SE
ARE V/TA/1//-FEz
5"//PERD/?C7,f .









/ iO 4 )0O MORE STR/KIES
C wV/HEA WORKER A n/ Boss
/-SA 6/RE, T7E//R / ANA64UAGE
SHO C, C S H-FAR-HO-EWL. AMOIf'K Y4)
-MON/IKEY REACHES FOR
AD -, EAR-FFS (8), CA 4/S//?YG
CABLE (C) 7 TO TUR/V SAFT(r)-
S: PLA-TFORM (E) REVOL VES,
SPUTT/ANG WOR/ PLACE AAND 8o0s /A/
WoRI~KER'S PLA CE- -A CH
5EE S /0 -HO 70VG/W 7THE OT7ER
FELLOW'S JOB /5% AND /S
GLAD TO CALL OFF ALL
FU7ZI /VRE 1/OSTIL / T/ES !













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NO MORE oANoDY/AN CAS1/ALT/I'E WVHENA FATHER 7TR/EJS TO
//AING P/C7-t'RE, BREEZE F f ROM //A4/VA /M (A) T7R/?AN P/'VW-/EEL (4
CA US/n5G AND (CO) 7TO N/Vt/DE TRAINED PARROT (0) PARROT
S/-HO(/TS HACIOE ADDRESS /VT-O SPEAXE,;-,-SY 7-Es E)/ W/ / c/
GOES D?/RECT 7-0 C/TY HOJ-P/7AL FATHER T7? -IE/V PROCEe.ED,
To ///T TH7/1//B, CHOKE O/V P/C7T/RE W/RE, FALL OFF LA DDER
ANDI CU/T SELF O/V EXPE/VjS/VE VASE, GV/6VNG DOCTOR (F)
PLENTY OF TIME 7-0 T T/ERE A/V)D SAVE /1- L /F5 .










NO MORE UMWMER BU/GS-

PLOT SPONGE-HEADED DECOY 4)
/N YOUR BED BUG" (8) FL/ES"
INTO NOOE (Cs C), uP.7ZErT-/N
SALZT ~ELLER (4) ANDV
,PR//V/A'Z IN SA L-T ON
,SPO/~E W//fA/ BUG-
GE7rS FULL OF SALTED
Pu'VNGE- A/ BECOMES-
VERY' 7/-/RSTY- H/-I
ZDR/NkS FRO: M
FOut A/7A //v (Ce,
SWELLS UP
ANDt BtR.srs --
EXPL.O 5/ON
SCAREs OFF
7OT ER alUG-S-
A/ND YOU 6-0 Z~AC/k U
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